341: Ari Matti and the Estonian Experience

Summary

Podcast Summary: The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler
Episode 341: Ari Matti and the Estonian Experience
Release Date: July 7, 2025

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Introduction

In Episode 341 of The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler, host Ryan Sickler welcomes his first-time guest, Ari Matti, an Estonian comedian whose tumultuous upbringing deeply influences his storytelling and humor. The episode delves into Ari's early life in Estonia, his complex family dynamics, and his journey into the world of comedy.

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Ari's Early Life in Estonia

Ari begins by sharing his background, detailing life in Estonia during its transition from a Soviet state to an independent nation post-1991. Born in 1992, Ari grew up in a newly liberated Estonia, a period marked by significant economic and social changes.

Ari Matti [04:13]: "It's a former Soviet country, and I was born in '92. We got liberated when the Soviet Union collapsed. So it's like a fresh country, culturally still super different from Russia."

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Family Dynamics and Stepdad's Abuse

Ari's family life was fraught with challenges. His mother, Vera, worked as a waitress and struggled to provide stability amidst the transient presence of Ari's stepfather, a volatile and abusive businessman involved in the metal trade across Estonia, Lithuania, and Poland. This stepfather had multiple families and was often absent, prioritizing his ruthless business dealings over familial responsibilities.

Ari Matti [07:34]: "He's a deregarded boss, a workaholic. Christmas was crazy every year with him trying to play Santa while getting berated by his ex-wives."

Ari recounts witnessing his stepfather's abuse, noting instances where violence erupted during family gatherings, leaving lasting trauma.

Ari Matti [31:11]: "There's just no dynamic; it's a traumatic guy, just a volatile ape that's around. Not even my dad."

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Mother's Passing and Funeral

Tragedy struck three years ago when Ari's mother died of a heart attack while enjoying time with her friends at a cottage. Ari was preparing to perform at an open mic during this time, but the news forced him to attend her funeral instead. The funeral was a somber affair in Estonia, adhering to local traditions but attempting to infuse some personal touches to honor his mother's wish to avoid excessive mourning.

Ari Matti [39:12]: "We both agreed to put jazz music on. We don't want none of that... She hated sad."

At the funeral, Ari was introduced to his biological father for the first time through his grandmother, who handed him his father's contact information. However, attempts to reach out were unsuccessful, leaving Ari with unresolved feelings and unanswered questions about his paternal lineage.

Ari Matti [46:16]: "My grandma hands me a note saying, 'You and Laura have different dads. Your dad's still alive.' I tried calling him on stage, but he didn't pick up."

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Discovering His Biological Father

Following the funeral, Ari discovered that his biological father was alive and residing on an Estonian island. Despite his efforts to connect, his father remained distant, never responding to calls or showing interest in establishing a relationship. This revelation added another layer of complexity to Ari's understanding of his family history and personal identity.

Ari Matti [50:34]: "We find out he's alive, but he doesn't want to be involved. My stand-up career is going, and he should have known by now, but he never reached out."

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Journey into Comedy

Ari shared how his experiences and family struggles propelled him into stand-up comedy. Moving internationally, he performed in various countries, including Thailand, Australia, London, Estonia, and Canada, honing his craft and using humor as an outlet for his pain and observations.

Ari Matti [61:11]: "I moved to Thailand for backpacking, fell in love, moved to Australia, and started stand-up in Melbourne. I did Bangkok Comedy Club, lived in London, toured Estonia for five years, and spent a year in Vancouver doing comedy wherever I could get a work visa."

A pivotal moment in his career was performing a set about his dysfunctional family, which paradoxically helped him process his trauma. During one performance, Ari recognized his mother's supportive presence from beyond the grave, finding closure through his art.

Ari Matti [59:39]: "When I did a bit about my stepdad, I saw my mom's smile. She came up to me and said, 'Go as hard as you want.' That was better than any hug I ever got."

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Reflections on Family and Trauma

Throughout the episode, both Ari and Ryan reflect on the impact of dysfunctional families and the importance of confronting trauma. Ari emphasizes the necessity of opening up about personal struggles to prevent the accumulation of internalized pain.

Ari Matti [65:08]: "If you don't talk about it, you're going to just go insane. I might hurt relationships by opening up, but I need to get it out."

Ryan shares his own experiences with an abusive mother, resonating with Ari's story and underscoring the universal challenge of overcoming early life hardships.

Ryan Sickler [18:20]: "A few of those things were thrown at me too. I had a moment where I didn't want to live under her, but I couldn't do anything."

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Conclusion

The episode concludes with Ari promoting his comedy career and reflecting on the cathartic power of humor. Both hosts acknowledge the importance of sharing personal lowlights to foster understanding and resilience.

Ryan Sickler [67:43]: "That's what The HoneyDew is about—highlighting the lower lowlights to find moments to laugh about."

Ari closes by encouraging listeners to embrace their stories, no matter how painful, as a means of healing and connection.

Ari Matti [66:35]: "I deserve to talk about whatever I want to talk about. My perspective is my truth."

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Notable Quotes

• Ari Matti [04:13]: "It's a former Soviet country, and I was born in '92. We got liberated when the Soviet Union collapsed. So it's like a fresh country, culturally still super different from Russia."

• Ari Matti [07:34]: "He's a deregarded boss, a workaholic. Christmas was crazy every year with him trying to play Santa while getting berated by his ex-wives."

• Ari Matti [31:11]: "There's just no dynamic; it's a traumatic guy, just a volatile ape that's around. Not even my dad."

• Ari Matti [46:16]: "My grandma hands me a note saying, 'You and Laura have different dads. Your dad's still alive.' I tried calling him on stage, but he didn't pick up."

• Ari Matti [59:39]: "When I did a bit about my stepdad, I saw my mom's smile. She came up to me and said, 'Go as hard as you want.' That was better than any hug I ever got."

• Ari Matti [65:08]: "If you don't talk about it, you're going to just go insane. I might hurt relationships by opening up, but I need to get it out."

• Ryan Sickler [18:20]: "A few of those things were thrown at me too. I had a moment where I didn't want to live under her, but I couldn't do anything."

• Ryan Sickler [67:43]: "That's what The HoneyDew is about—highlighting the lower lowlights to find moments to laugh about."

• Ari Matti [66:35]: "I deserve to talk about whatever I want to talk about. My perspective is my truth."

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Final Thoughts

Episode 341 offers a profound exploration of Ari Matti's life, blending humor with harrowing personal experiences. The HoneyDew successfully highlights how embracing and sharing one's lows can lead to resilience and connection, all while maintaining its signature storytelling charm.

Transcript

[Ryan Sickler]

The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the Honeydew, y'. All. We're over here doing it in the Night Pants Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler. Ryan Sickler on all your social media, ryancickler.com and I'm gonna start them like I start them all by saying thank you. Thank you for supporting this show. If you're already this far and you haven't subscribed yet, hit subscribe. Subscribe to the YouTube channel. And thank you guys for your support. Listen, I'm going to get right into this. Very excited to have this guest here. You guys know what we do here? We highlight the low lights, and I always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers. I'm very excited to have this guest on. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome. First time on the Honeydew, Ari Maddie. Welcome to the Honeydew, Ari, Maddie. Cop yourself in.

[Ari Maddie]

That's very.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yes.

[Ari Maddie]

Positive start.

[Ryan Sickler]

Very footballer of you. Right?

[Ari Maddie]

Positive start. I love it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Before we get into your story, please, right there.

[Ari Maddie]

That's you.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's us. Promote whatever you. You can do it there if you want. Promote everything you'd like.

[Ari Maddie]

Dude, Ari. Matty, comedy. A R I M A T T I comedy on Instagram, the website. Listen, this is. It's nine years old. The link is on LinkedIn. It's not working, so don't worry about it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is it?

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah, Like, Ari Shafir made a whole compilation where he, like, for 12 minutes roasted my website because every link didn't work and every information was. And yeah, it's still pay to keep it up.

[Ryan Sickler]

Go, daddy.

[Ari Maddie]

I bet I do. I bet I do. I bet I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's an email that I forgot to pass. I mean, it's impossible to even.

[Ryan Sickler]

So where do they find your road dates then? Just Instagram, your social.

[Ari Maddie]

Instagram and Facebook. Yeah, automatic comedy on both. And on. Wait, Twitter too. Yeah, I post all the time there. Yeah, I should get that sort out probably, but.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, it's great to have you here.

[Ari Maddie]

Great to see you, Ryan.

[Ryan Sickler]

I got to work with you in Austin.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah, I opened for you. That was an awesome show.

[Ryan Sickler]

It was a fun show. God, that was a good show. Good energy.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah, it was really like the Vulcan is one of those rooms when it's packed. It's like the good. See him, you know? Yeah, yeah, it was awesome.

[Ryan Sickler]

So I want to know, because when you told me where you were from. Where are you from?

[Ari Maddie]

Estonia.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, I was. I didn't even know where it Was. Yeah, let's talk about it.

[Ari Maddie]

I remember I said Estonia. You said, what the.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, you know, I'm not that cultured. Then again, I'll throw some out where you're like, how do you know Estonia?

[Ari Maddie]

Also, like, don't worry about it. Like, Americans get a bad rap that Americans will always say that. Like, I'm sorry, I don't know. But I'm like, I don't know about who's a senator in Michigan either. Like, America.

[Ryan Sickler]

Hey, neither do I, bro. What I'm trying to say is. Also, I don't know. I don't. I think about this all the time, especially with. With people who come here from another country, like Chinese or. Or someone who really doesn't speak the language or understand the language. And then they own a business. And then they own a business.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then I think about me and I'm like, could I go do that in China? No, I couldn't.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know what makes them be like, I'm coming here for sure. And then. And not meek and be like, oh, please accept me. Like, they're in there. Like, no, it's my right here.

[Ari Maddie]

This is my right here.

[Ryan Sickler]

You could never go do that.

[Ari Maddie]

This is my right.

[Ryan Sickler]

Right.

[Ari Maddie]

What I love about Chinese people is they set up their own spot, and then they don't want your shit. They're not interested in. They don't fuck all of that. Lady Gaga, Joker 2, a musical. Fuck you. We got our menus have forest. Forest way, fire. No English.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. And we got this little picture of a duck. You could buy those off the investigators.

[Ari Maddie]

With the picture of the duck?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, with the cute duck.

[Ari Maddie]

And then they write, we'll kill this motherfucker. You know how Chinese minions always translate? I love how they go, chicken knee soup. Like, no, no finesse. Like, no. Like, oh, it's a pepper. No, they're like, this is the neck of the pig.

[Ryan Sickler]

So tell me about Estonia. Tell me about being born in Estonia and growing up.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah, it's. I mean, it's a former Soviet country, and I was born in 92. 91. We got liberated, you know, when the Soviet Union collapsed. So it's like a fresh country. So it's like.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is that right?

[Ari Maddie]

Well, yeah. 91.

[Ryan Sickler]

Where? And where what? Part of Russia or Soviet Union?

[Ari Maddie]

What do you mean?

[Ryan Sickler]

Like, where on the northwest.

[Ari Maddie]

You know where Finland is?

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, that's. I feel like that's northwest.

[Ari Maddie]

So let's go up in that corner. Sweden.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, right. Yeah, we're right below. Okay. All right.

[Ari Maddie]

Like, let's say if you're like.

[Ryan Sickler]

And that's a Soviet. That's Soviet property.

[Ari Maddie]

Used to be.

[Ryan Sickler]

Used to be.

[Ari Maddie]

And we were also free from. The Estonians are going to be so angry. I don't know numbers, you know?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

Something in the 30s, 40s, 50s. We're free for a second too. Like for. We had like a six.

[Ryan Sickler]

Don't watch this for history lesson. That's not what this is.

[Ari Maddie]

We had like a five year stretch maybe. But our language has still been unique. Still unique culture and all that. Culturally still super different from Russia.

[Ryan Sickler]

So as you're born, so is Estonia.

[Ari Maddie]

You're saying basically.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Ari Maddie]

Currency, taxation.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wow. Everything.

[Ari Maddie]

We. Dude, we didn't even have time on the anthem. We just took fin. Finland one. No, we have the same. We were like, we don't.

[Ryan Sickler]

Come on guys. Come on, man.

[Ari Maddie]

No one's paying tax.

[Ryan Sickler]

Finland. They said we could have it.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah, yeah, it is.

[Ryan Sickler]

Just take it.

[Ari Maddie]

Damn.

[Ryan Sickler]

Take a. Hurry up.

[Ari Maddie]

By the way. And we didn't ask. I think it's like a notorious thing. We didn't. We just like the t. We're like this tune. This tune's fire dude on the flag. It's fire dude on the flag. We spent no time. The flag is like three colors. Three colors. The flag is. Wait, it's blue, white and black. You know what that is? Yeah. The black is the ground. Blue. Oh no. So blue is the sky.

[Ryan Sickler]

The baby blue sky.

[Ari Maddie]

The white is the forest. That. No, okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

Clouds. Wait, no.

[Ari Maddie]

Skinny. So it's. Sorry, I this up. Blue, black and white. So blue the sky. Black, the forest. And then white is the, you know, the snowy ground.

[Ryan Sickler]

I see.

[Ari Maddie]

So that's how little time they literally looked out the window.

[Ryan Sickler]

And what's yours? You have a little square or a circle. Oh wait, it's just one of those flags. It's just stripes.

[Ari Maddie]

Send emails.

[Ryan Sickler]

It was supposed.

[Ari Maddie]

Also Finland has the same colors. We just fucked it up a little. We just it up a little.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's like Ireland of Mexico doing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just fucked it up a little bit in Italy. Ireland will get mad. I think they're orange versus red. And Mexico red, white and green. Italy's red, white. Okay, so you're brand new country. You're a brand new person in this country.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And are your parents married? Are they together? Who are you born to?

[Ari Maddie]

And so when Estonia was, you know, became Estonia, of course, all these businessmen, you know, that's the. That's the move. If you're like a cold blooded business guy, you Know Gaza Strip right now, there's some deals happening.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, they're over there doing their shit, huh?

[Ari Maddie]

Every time. And imagine a Soviet Union collapsing and fucking. All of a sudden 18 or 20 countries have become sovereign. That's. I mean, you know, communism to democracy is a huge transition. I mean, every. They. There's no public property, and now there's only public property where you can now deals, you know. And when you're a business guy, then. I mean, Sweden, Finland, they were never occupied. So they were super advanced, right? They had taxation, all the system. I mean, a country was running and men were making money. And then like two hours on a ferry from you, this huge opportunity opens up. So all Finnish business guys would come to Estonia, fuck our women and make business. And one of those women was a waitress, Vera, my mom. A little whore.

[Ryan Sickler]

Who was that? The Finnish businessman.

[Ari Maddie]

It's so funny that, like. So my mom's dead now, but at my mom's funeral, you know, her friends would tell me such funny stories about her. And they're like, you know, they're all in their 50s. There's chicks, you know, they're all married, you know, kids, all that shit. But then they used to work as waitresses, you know, that was the big money. All these Finnish business guys would come over. And then one of her best friends goes, yeah, me and my. Me and your mom, she goes, you know, we. Like when the business guys would come over and they would just open up a. Just open up the wallet, you know, there would be like a back room where we would like, sit on their lap. Such a funny way to say. Like right now, they would be like, yeah, we suck these guys off.

[Ryan Sickler]

Lap dance.

[Ari Maddie]

But it's so classy, you know, she's like, well, sit on these gentlemen's lapse, you know, which doesn't mean they will fuck them, I guess, meet them, hook them up, kiss them. I mean, these are rich guys. And yeah, one of them was my dad, which. Which, like, I knew because I grew up without a dad. So I knew I had a stepdad later, so I knew that there's no dad, But I didn't really, you know.

[Ryan Sickler]

Was it a fling or did they have a relationship?

[Ari Maddie]

I have one memory and one toy. I have one memory where I'm in the back of a car. Do you have like. Do you have memories like that as a kid where you literally, if you look down, I'm in the fucking baby chair. It's like a weird fragment. And I know it's not a dream because I have the item.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's called core memory.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah. It's weird, right? I have two memory. One with my same dad. Feeling him pushing on when you're swinging.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

I just feel. It's not a. It's not a dream. I remember exactly. I remember these tiny. My feet this long.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's just like a microcosm for life. He's like, I'm here.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm not. Oh, wait.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah, exactly.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

And then the other one is me in the back of a car, and I'm in the baby chair, you know, and it's just weird. I look up and then he gives me a little train. And I still have that train. That's my own. Yeah. That's my only memory of the guy then.

[Ryan Sickler]

Was he. Did he go. Was he from Finland? Did he go back there? So they have, like, their. They. They do their thing and then he goes back. Or do they continue sort of a relationship?

[Ari Maddie]

So this. I think they did, because I have these memories. I mean, that he must.

[Ryan Sickler]

At least he came around for a minute.

[Ari Maddie]

So. And, you know, Estonian families are like. I guess Americans are like, well, if you don't know who your dad exactly is, you'll storm in your mom's room. Like, mom, we need to talk. Like Estonians. We don't really. We were close with my mom, but there was never, like, a conversation.

[Ryan Sickler]

And who's we? How many kids is your mom?

[Ari Maddie]

Me, my sister and my mom are.

[Ryan Sickler]

They are. Are your. Is your sister from the same dad?

[Ari Maddie]

See, this is where it gets. See, this is where it gets.

[Ryan Sickler]

Let's hear. Okay. And. Well, you're her. And you're. You, the oldest.

[Ari Maddie]

No, she's six years older. So she knows something. There's memoir, you know, there's. She has something, you know.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

But also Estonian family, again, I wouldn't really.

[Ryan Sickler]

Also, she goes back to old Russia.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

For like, four years.

[Ari Maddie]

Exact. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So it's so easy.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

Her core memory, you know, I got ice cream as soon as I'm born.

[Ryan Sickler]

Right. Right away.

[Ari Maddie]

I got Coca Cola as soon as I'm born.

[Ryan Sickler]

Dude.

[Ari Maddie]

My mom got Coca Cola when she was, like, 27. Yeah, so.

[Ryan Sickler]

So six years older. She's got a little bit of memory of some things, and we are different.

[Ari Maddie]

Like, there's a feeling that you get when you have a sibling. You know, that's like, she's still my sister because we grew up together and we're super close, all that. But there's a feel like. Like she was always a Proper person, job, good at school. She would just get it, you know, I'm a absolute lunatic. I mean, later, of course, you find out that there's creative endeavors that you can get into where maybe my manic style actually pays off a little bit. But as a kid, you just. People look at you like a loser. Yeah, I was similar to my mom. My mom's also a bit of a psycho, so we had that thing going on, you know, So I still felt like in the family and all that. But there was some couple of weird moments I remember. Like, I remember there was a moment where we're watching like CSI with. With me, my sister and my mom, you know, and they talk about how just like an investigation where they met the parents of the supposed murderer. And the parents had same color eyes, but the kid didn't. And then David Caruso's character does, like, a side note, you know, like, if both parents have brown eyes, it's 99, but the kid has blue eyes. And my eyes are a bit different too. And there was this. I remember being a kid and there was this weird moment, like an energy.

[Ryan Sickler]

You felt it, huh?

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah, it's kind of weird.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's just a little like where your mom was even being like, oh, I hope you know.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah, something. Just something, you know, and. But it was never really discussed. We're not Estonian. Families are a bit more. We're like.

[Ryan Sickler]

But in your mind, do you remember thinking just. Or assuming that your sister's dad is your dad?

[Ari Maddie]

I thought that 100, right?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, that's what I thought. That our dad left and he wasn't around either.

[Ari Maddie]

No. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So you're both your dads. This.

[Ari Maddie]

But my sister had to know, right? Because of the age thing and also that, you know, she had to know right then maybe I'm like 16, 17, you know, you start. Yeah, more. More character developments. I start having, like. It's just like something going on, you know? But dude, I went backpacking, I went fucking. I did my own life. I didn't really give a fuck. And also my mom is my mom, you know, and she would tell me that's. She would tell me if it's something that I would want to know. You know what I'm saying? She looked out for me. She's like my mom. So I think there's a reason 100. And I didn't want to bring that up. And listen, we moved on with our life, you know? And also my stepdad had died. My stepdad was in our family for a bit. He died so my mom went through that heart attack on a motorcycle.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, Jesus.

[Ari Maddie]

I got that motorcycle and we renovated it, said the Widowmaker dude. I wrote that around no helmet high as did you.

[Ryan Sickler]

Really?

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah. I love that.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm gonna tell this. I'm gonna butcher it. And if we do, we'll cut it out. But it's an Anthony Jeselnik joke. One of the most savage joke writers ever. And he said his. This goes something like this. And again, if I butcher it, we'll chop it up. But he said, I told my mom that I wanted to. Oh, God. I'm gonna it up here.

[Ari Maddie]

Great stuff.

[Ryan Sickler]

I think when I was 16, I told my mom I wanted a motorcycle, and she said, absolutely not. That when my uncle was 16, he died of a horrific motorcycle accident and I could just have his.

[Ari Maddie]

I know I didn't nail it, but I got pretty goddamn close. Great.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's what you just made me think of that. You took that. God, you really did take. Take it well.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah, because.

[Ryan Sickler]

But also. Wait, can we talk about it? What a way to go.

[Ari Maddie]

Did he.

[Ryan Sickler]

He had a heart attack and, like, crashed off the bike.

[Ari Maddie]

He, like, hit a tree and snapped his neck or something with the heart attack. Like a whole thing.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh.

[Ari Maddie]

Because when he died, he did have the heartache, but you never know was the heart attack because of the accident or not? So you don't know that.

[Ryan Sickler]

Right, right, right.

[Ari Maddie]

But apparently all his friends that he was riding motocross with told like, that he would never do that mistake. He would never go just straight into a tree, you know? But, you know, he also struggled with alcohol and super violent childhood. Different families around Finland, Lithuania and Estonia that he's been a part of and left. He left four families. What do you mean?

[Ryan Sickler]

We were the last one?

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah, yeah, we were the last one. Mom running after the car. Like, I think after the four, he.

[Ryan Sickler]

Ran for four, he could not run that heart attack hard.

[Ari Maddie]

But it's so funny to imagine a guy who's like, oh, for four on.

[Ryan Sickler]

Families, not just marriages.

[Ari Maddie]

Like.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, he was a priest.

[Ari Maddie]

No, he used the same priest on all of the weddings. So imagine when you're giving the bow when. I mean, even by the fourth time when we. We were at the wedding, me and my sister were like. Even the. Even the priest was riffing like, yeah, yeah. Till death threw us apart.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. I'd be like, are you sure you want to do this?

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah. So he was like, you know, four.

[Ryan Sickler]

He must have. He must have had some.

[Ari Maddie]

Lots of trauma. Lots of. He was like a Delinquent, alcoholic. You know, one of those that in the morning, you know, when they gag for 45 minutes just to get the system going because, I mean, it's. It's just hell every day. But then he did get sober towards the end of his life. He got sober, he started riding again. You know, he was fat as fuck for a minute. He lost some weight and then he went out on kind of a. That's the only thing actually me and him share. We both have motorcycles and. And the other ride. Not too much. No, but. And he had re. His actual sons from other marriages too, previously. And those guys were right too. So that was my only kind of relating. He wasn't violent towards me too much. A little.

[Ryan Sickler]

Your mom.

[Ari Maddie]

My mom spanked me a few times.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, no, I meant was he violent towards your mom?

[Ari Maddie]

Very.

[Ryan Sickler]

He was.

[Ari Maddie]

See, I went that.

[Ryan Sickler]

And how old were you at that time? Are you seeing. Are you like, you getting to be a little bit.

[Ari Maddie]

See, that's the issue. Like 9 to 10. Testosterone is introduced to a young boy's body and you start actually becoming a man, you know, creating the straw to the whatever.

[Ryan Sickler]

Can I tell you, I remember. Can I tell you in a minute, huh? I'm playing baseball and sports and. And stuff. And I know I'm good. I know how strong I'm getting and stuff. And my mother was just abusive woman. And she would fucking like she would come home, you would just be sitting there watching tv and if you left a cup in the sink and she would take the cup and I mean, throw it hard as at your face.

[Ari Maddie]

Okay, A few of those things thrown at me too.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I'll never forget, I was tired of it. And I picked that cup and purposely I didn't throw it at her. I threw it at the cabinets next to her and I went, shoot. And that thing went. And guess what? As the last thing. Now I got my ass whooped physically. But as the last thing got thrown at me until I was strong enough to fight back.

[Ari Maddie]

You know, I had a moment where I slammed the door on my mom too.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

At that moment where you're like, you're. Yeah, you're like. Then you never hit. Exactly. I would never hit my mom. But it's a moment where you're like, enough.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know, like, I need to. I need to, you know, do something here. So you know, this. Yeah, it ain't gonna keep.

[Ari Maddie]

I would say with my mom, I deserve every ass bidding. I was a lunatic of a kid that need. And also single, basically. Single mom. The Stepdad didn't do. Just pay for the bills, of course, but still trying to raise these lunatics. And also my mom would be on the booth too, so it was like chaotic environment. And I would say. I. I would say I don't support hitting kids, of course, but I would say in that if I would see me as a kid, be pretty hard to. I was a fucking. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. I. I think maybe more kids should be a little. You know. You didn't have a dad either, so. My dad dies. It's when I'm 16. I have a twin brother. He's 16. I'm 16. My younger brother's 13. My mom's already gone from the family. So when he goes, that's it. That's it. And, yeah, we go from there.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. But she had been for years like that, you know, just aggressive. Wow. And I wasn't a bad kid. I wasn't getting in trouble. My grades were good. You know, look, once my dad was gone, that's when got really. Yeah, that's when we. And we were. We were the party house. We were the kids. If you had them in your high school that had no parents. And Monday to Sunday party, everyone was there.

[Ari Maddie]

Every, like, booze, coke.

[Ryan Sickler]

I. I only drank. Even at the time, I didn't smoke weed.

[Ari Maddie]

I didn't.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, bro, I'm about to tell you. Not all. I'm just saying for me, but everybody else. Oh. When the Grateful Dead would come to town, we go to the parking lot. Just the parking lot. Not even to the show. Was a. It was a scene in the parking lot. I don't know if you've ever been to one. It was amazing.

[Ari Maddie]

Wow.

[Ryan Sickler]

And people would come back to our place, and here comes acid. Here's fucking coke. Here's shrooms, here's. What was the one they got that blew? Opium. Opium was one they got one night. And I was always scared of it, but I didn't mind if you fucking did it and you had a safe place to do it and smoke it. But I love to be around it, you know? I mean, I love to see what would happen when, like, Ari's gonna smoke opium. Let's watch this.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah. 100.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

We'd sit there drinking beer, watching you smoke opium. Wow. Yeah. So that was like that. And from there on, it's just us taking care of each other. My mom lives with a boyfriend, and once a week, she'll come home to her. Our place to do laundry or whatever. And then, boom, she's gone again. Wow.

[Ari Maddie]

Damn.

[Ryan Sickler]

And sports were so important to us and all. Everyone also so was being able to continue this. So I can't believe to this day, I'm still friends with all these guys. And they're parents now, and I'm like, would you ever let. Your kids are like, no. But their parents knew us and knew what happened. And they said, look, you can go. You can, but if your grades suffer, it's over. You guys show up late to school, it's over. And it was. We couldn't. If we got bad grades or we weren't there. Soccer's gone. Football's gone. Everything's gone. Wrestling's gone. Lacrosse, baseball. And we didn't fuck up. We were the. That crew of people partied the hardiest, hardest, and showed up motherfucking on all of us. All of us. And if you had a project, like, if you're like, I'll still remember this day. I've told this story. But my buddy Chris Sheeler is like, oh, I got to do a stupid. Like a mobile about the. The solar system. Styrofoam balls. And it's a Thursday night. We got Nintendo going. We're partying a little bit, and I'm like, all right. Four of us got to go up to Kmart. We drive to Kmart, we go to their little supply section. We get Styrofoam balls. We come back, Ari, you got Jupiter, Ryan, Pluto. And we're just. Everybody's helping around the house. Everybody pitched in for SATs. Yeah. Yeah. Everybody did it, right? We. I graduated with a 3.0. I didn't have an attendance issue.

[Ari Maddie]

I didn't have to go to school if I didn't feel like it. Like, my mom would really put a blanket, bring tea and snacks and be.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like, I could have.

[Ari Maddie]

And be like, jesus Christ, my boy.

[Ryan Sickler]

Someone said to me, probably in my 40s. Wait, you had no parents and you still went to school every day? And I went, yeah. And she's like, God, you're a idiot. I went to college and got a 3.0. I didn't need a 4.0 with everything, with no parents. I was like, if I can just get bees.

[Ari Maddie]

Exactly.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know, I mean, I don't have parents, so I'm gonna let myself slide on A's if I get B's. Exactly. I'll get bees. And I got bees, bro.

[Ari Maddie]

So funny.

[Ryan Sickler]

I got beat and. But that's when it hit me. Like, I bet I could have at least took every Friday off. I could have took everything.

[Ari Maddie]

I didn't Go to school for three weeks at some point.

[Ryan Sickler]

Come on.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah. My mom was like working in Finland and I was like, yeah, yeah, working in Finland.

[Ryan Sickler]

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[Ari Maddie]

So my stepdad, you know, and when he would like, I, I have this one core memory when I'm like, we moved to a new house in Estonia, nice by the sea. Because we moved around a little bit. Lithuania, Poland. Because of his business. What his business was old metal, you know, and he would find old because when the war ended and the Soviet Union collapsed, you know, you might like when a fucking union collapses, you're just a, if you're a soldier for the Soviet Union when it, when a regime collapses, they don't give you a call like, okay, bring your good point. It's literally a phone.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

Won't pick up because another guy's gone. And now you're a guy on a tin tank. You just have a tank now and you. For who? No, but I mean, it's a tank.

[Ryan Sickler]

So what do you do with it?

[Ari Maddie]

Well, a lot of, there's, there's great.

[Ryan Sickler]

It'S a great point.

[Ari Maddie]

It's great articles written and I remember reading on the New York Times there Was great articles about, written about American businessmen too, who would immediately when the regime collapsed, they would oneway ticket to Kazakhstan, go to a port, see a submarine, go up to the guy, how much for the submarine? No, yeah, that's the helicopter.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then do what with it? Recycle the metal and aluminum and all.

[Ari Maddie]

That to a drug dealer in Mexico.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, it's way better.

[Ari Maddie]

You know. That's what happened, right?

[Ryan Sickler]

Is it?

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah, there's a. There's a Netflix documentary about it.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, I didn't.

[Ari Maddie]

There's an American guy who went. He bought a Soviet Union nuclear working sub. Went up to that guy, two cheeseburgers and a thousand dollars. And then all of a sudden, Mexican drug dealers are in a submarine and the US thinks we're going to war as a submarine is approaching. Yeah, helicopters, old motorcycle, Mercedes Benzes, all this, you know, just left and abandoned. And my stepdad would go through these old. Like in Poland, there was huge World War II, like old bunkers. And he would tear, tear it apart to get all the metal. But then you need to own the land. So you would see some old lady, you know, when the regime collapsed, all these old ladies. Like in Lithuania, there was an old lady in the woods. You know, the government just gives you land to take care of it because we need people to own land, you know, so they would give that. And there would be some old hangar, like a Soviet hanger with a plane in it, you know, no way. And then these businessmen, okay, My father would show up and be like, yeah, this plane is a piece of shit. We'll help you get rid of it. It's actually worth a million dollars. But this old day, you make her sign it, you know. But then other gangsters, like my stepdad, got shot at during these transactions. Romanian businessmen are coming. Wait a minute. This hangar is ours. This piece of land or railroads, that was a huge market, you know, Chase.

[Ryan Sickler]

These road all the iron. Yeah, of course.

[Ari Maddie]

I think he. I remember he told me that the one piece on a railroad is like $2,000 because they build ships from those. It's one of the strongest metals ever. So it's like a crazy business, right? They should do a HBO series on these businessmen just running from getting shot at and trying to close these deals. So we go to Lithuania, Poland, some point we go back to Estonia because my, my mom's friends are there, you know, he tells that we gotta go. So it looks as if things are going fine.

[Ryan Sickler]

And also, is he doing well? Like, are you guys. You have a house or are you apartment very well compared.

[Ari Maddie]

I'm not Americans. This wasn't Home Alone house.

[Ryan Sickler]

I love that. That's your barometer, dude.

[Ari Maddie]

When I watched Home Alone, I was like, my house used to be Brady.

[Ryan Sickler]

Bunch when I was growing up. Yeah, like, look at that.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah, dude, Home Alone. I was like, my house. Where's our inside? Outside, but we still, still end up. And the house in vimc, which is near the seaside, the rich rubber dude, it's near the sea. It's nice. It's our new school, so it looks as if things are going nicely.

[Ryan Sickler]

Got it.

[Ari Maddie]

But then one night I'm like, upstairs. They haven't finished their house isn't quite finished. You know, when you move into a new, newer house, that smell, it's. It's exciting, you know, it's like I've.

[Ryan Sickler]

Only just moved into one in my life.

[Ari Maddie]

Okay. And still there, right?

[Ryan Sickler]

It's still there.

[Ari Maddie]

So. And I'm watching Blade on my laptop that has a built in DVD player. Remember Blade? Blade 1. Holy.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

And. But I hear my mom and my stepdad get into it and it kind of sucked that my sister had moved out, gone to school or something or maybe she did something else, you know, so it was just like I'm the frontier, but I'm like 9 years old or something, you know? And then I hear like the shit go down and then I storm down, you know, I'm crying. And there's something when you're a young boy, when you see your mom getting hurt by another man. Now I'm not saying that it's correct when your dad does it, but there's a certain family dynamic that I think even in our chimp DNA would kind of. I'm not saying it's good, but it feel natural. At least there's a connection, something. It still hurts you. What I'm saying is if it's a stepdad that's just a random guy that just moved in.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay. I'm just gonna help understand the comparison.

[Ari Maddie]

You're saying, yeah, I fucked it up.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, you didn't. If you're saying that this is not your birth father, biological man, not that anybody should ever put hands on anyone. But this to you might as well be a stranger on the street attacking.

[Ari Maddie]

Your mom, not close with at all.

[Ryan Sickler]

Who you don't have even feelings for would be much more complex to see a man who you loved and, and honored as a father putting your hand, his hands on your mom. You'd be way conflicted. Like that's up. But also, I know and love this man. This man's kind to me and loving to me, whereas this guy is not at all.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah. So there. There isn't any dynamic even. It's just a traumatic guy. Just a volatile ape that's around. Not even my dad.

[Ryan Sickler]

Right.

[Ari Maddie]

Maybe I could at least see the dualism of.

[Ryan Sickler]

Also, who's run from four or three families. You were the fourth. My bad. Three. I don't wanna. I don't want to pin one more on them.

[Ari Maddie]

And then, you know, you see. I mean, you know, cops show up, you know, and the cops.

[Ryan Sickler]

So you saw what happened. Did you or did you see the aftermath?

[Ari Maddie]

I saw. Well, I've seen what happened already, but that time I saw the aftermath. And it's like just a bad situation. They're like in the sauna, both up. Mom says up. He goes. Violent, you know, and then you just to see your mom beat up, it's just. Yeah. You know, when you. I don't know if you've seen, but your mom, like, on all fours and looking at you going, like. Just go like, that's. You know, she's still trying to protect me. So she goes, just go away. But then I stood in between them. But I'm so terrified, you know? And most of the time, that was the first time I snapped. I would say the other four or five times that I was near this. I would, like, hide because I'm so small. And that really you up, you know? Like, I, to this day, still see tendencies that were definitely engraved in my DNA just from. Because you're supposed to be the man, you know? My mom would also be such a loving mom to me that she would always be like, you're the man of the house now, you know? And it's just, you know, it hurts you that a guy hurting your mom, but you're so scared to do anything. Because I don't want to get hurt either, you know?

[Ryan Sickler]

Now, is he around long enough where you're old enough that you ever do finally have to step to him? No.

[Ari Maddie]

They got a divorce maybe a year later.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay. Good.

[Ari Maddie]

Final. This was a bad one, too.

[Ryan Sickler]

That one. Yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

And I mean, you know, cops show up and they already know my name because they've been to this house and this is a new house.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're a kid.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah. And one car plays Grand Theft Auto with me just while my mom's getting.

[Ryan Sickler]

What testimony was it?

[Ari Maddie]

Grand Theft Auto.

[Ryan Sickler]

One was playing with you.

[Ari Maddie]

One copy. Nah. Yeah. Just because he's got to take care.

[Ryan Sickler]

Of me, you know, He's Playing.

[Ari Maddie]

Well, the other one has to talk to a up mother, man.

[Ryan Sickler]

A beat up lady.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah. This guy go to her friend's place, you know, for a couple of days and then you come back home and it's just this up dynamic, you know.

[Ryan Sickler]

So then he's out for good. Yeah, he is.

[Ari Maddie]

I mean, you know, out of the house. Broken people love broken people.

[Ryan Sickler]

I. Yeah. And so I imagine he floats back in and out, but he's not under your roof on an everyday basis anymore.

[Ari Maddie]

He still paid the bills. We still stayed in that house.

[Ryan Sickler]

What's this guy do for a living?

[Ari Maddie]

Oh, well, that's the metal guy.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, him. He is not your biological dad. Stepdad was.

[Ari Maddie]

Still. We still haven't even heard of the biological dad. I mean even.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's how he can afford three, four families.

[Ari Maddie]

Well, he could have a island.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, I'm sitting here doing the math. Like he's got a nice ass house side and then three other.

[Ari Maddie]

That, you know, that's a lot of.

[Ryan Sickler]

Could have an eye, by the way.

[Ari Maddie]

That's a lot of fathers that have four mediocre houses. They. Well, they're gonna be one mansion, but that's most guys.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, you're right.

[Ari Maddie]

They're just trying to support us. And he was a workaholic too, of course. You know, because that's the only thing keeping him away from his pain.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

And then.

[Ryan Sickler]

And his families. And his family. He's still running.

[Ari Maddie]

Christmas would come and he would have to go like Santa from house to house to house.

[Ryan Sickler]

He would eating.

[Ari Maddie]

Imagine the beatings that these women and my mom would meet the other women and they would fucking. Literally put their fucking hands in middle. Fuck him. And then just yell at this guy. There's one Christmas where four. Four drunk ex women are literally pointing at him going, this is why he's a. He's a black guy. That's why that son is missing in the woods. Ari's a. You know, they're like yelling. Yeah, no, literally, I remember that scene. And he's. He's trying to be Santa and he's got the beard. Yeah, he's got the up beard and a beer in his hand and he's sitting on this chair and four women. You. You. Yeah. And then she had. And one time he had a. At one point he snapped. He had a combat. He goes, yeah, I left you. You went fat. And then all four women went like this. No, because he looks like a slob of. And then literally he said that about her 1x. And then my mom goes, look at you. Michelin man Christmas. And all the sons, stepsons, whatever, all that were in the back. And what was great, I was not biologically attached to him. So I tried to all of his like cousins and.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

All the hot cousins with the big tits of. Bring them red wine, get them all up. I'm like 13 years old trying to. A 40 year old woman.

[Ryan Sickler]

Just, just revenge his relatives.

[Ari Maddie]

Dude, I literally sit on this cousin's lap, put my head. That's your mom's move, bro. You son of a.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's your mom.

[Ari Maddie]

Mom. It is. Yeah. Using my mom's. Jesus Christ. But imagine having four successful.

[Ryan Sickler]

Were you ever successful with his relatives?

[Ari Maddie]

No. I mean, I was 12 and they were 44. Too little and they were 44.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, oh, they were. Well, okay.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah. But I would put my head between those cousin tits, babush.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh my God, dude.

[Ari Maddie]

Okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

Those family. Christmas was crazy. Every year.

[Ryan Sickler]

I can't even believe he would go back to them. I thought he just abandoned them like all of you. But he would make an appearance.

[Ari Maddie]

He would try. You know, he gets sober again.

[Ryan Sickler]

The Santa thing. Let me do something.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah, let me do Santa. And then four witches are yelling at you, you piece of deadbeat.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, dude. Okay.

[Ari Maddie]

And then his sons would like punch him sometimes, dude.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, really?

[Ari Maddie]

Cuz they're grown men at this point. I'm like 12.

[Ryan Sickler]

They retire. Everybody's tired.

[Ari Maddie]

They don't give a. This family to the family. They were literally tired of it. Just push this guy around. Piece of.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's too much, dude. That's. This should be an animated scene that Christmas, man.

[Ari Maddie]

Too much with this up beard. It just look just a beer sack.

[Ryan Sickler]

Of literally baggage on her.

[Ari Maddie]

Gifts were. Cuz he had to.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, you got it. You come around once a year.

[Ari Maddie]

One time he gave his real. His real son like his real son, he gave like a PlayStation. The slim version. But then his other real son, mighty got a regular one. Not the slim one. Mayhem. And I caused it too, because I went up to him immediately like, that's the shitty PlayStation. Yes, the shitty one. And then looks at the other guys and he goes up to the. You know, like, you so funny, this guy.

[Ryan Sickler]

I thought you're gonna say he gave him some like section of railroad. You know what I mean? Like, you know, this is worth.

[Ari Maddie]

Oh yeah, he should have.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know, this is worth.

[Ari Maddie]

He should have. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh man. Okay, I. I don't want to gloss over this because you said your mom is, is passed. What happened to your mom?

[Ari Maddie]

Heart attack.

[Ryan Sickler]

Her too.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah. It's crazy. Everyone just dies.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay, well, not even tragic how. What happened?

[Ari Maddie]

She was getting up with her girlfriends, just getting up in the sauna, drinking, having fun.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then she just died in the sauna.

[Ari Maddie]

Like, in the waiting room outside. Like, her friends found her, which was. Thank God that I didn't find her.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wait, a home sauna or, like, at the cottage?

[Ari Maddie]

At a cottage. Like, they had a cottage in the woods.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like. Oh, man. How old were you?

[Ari Maddie]

Three years ago.

[Ryan Sickler]

Damn. I'm sorry.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah, it's a bummer. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

How. How old was she?

[Ari Maddie]

61 or 61, I think.

[Ryan Sickler]

And what happened? She's just. They found her there and it was just a heart attack.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah. And it was over. And then my. Her friends called me, and then I gotta call the sister, you know. That's a rough one.

[Ryan Sickler]

Where were you?

[Ari Maddie]

At an open mic, about to go on stage. In English, but in Estonia, because it's our only English open mic. And you know what? I would have gone on stage. If I could have spoken in my native language, I would have talked about that. I was literally next on stage when I got the call.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, but. And you still went.

[Ari Maddie]

No, I couldn't, because it's in English, and, like, the mic was in English, and I just can't, you know, you're so disassociated. It would just be a stupid thing, you know? But. So then she dies. I go to my mom's funeral, you know, and this is. Yeah. Where I meet all her friends and shit. And also, you're like, dude, when you're in the. When you're like the son of a mom, that's the hot seat of a funeral. That's. That's, you know, first draft sadness. Like, you're the son, you know, this is. I think there's a thing, right? Like dads and daughters, sons and mothers, you know? So then me and my sister started organizing this funeral. We both agree. My mom hated sad. I hate sad. I never. And also Estonia. I don't know how Americans do it, but Estonia, funeral is always morose as it's always black. You'll have an open casket, just this.

[Ryan Sickler]

It depends on what you follow here.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

States Catholic, the way I grew up. Open casket, it's all dark and.

[Ari Maddie]

Oh.

[Ryan Sickler]

And somber. Jesus is crying. Yeah. And everything. Yeah, A lot of that.

[Ari Maddie]

So we both said, we're gonna put jazz music on. We don't want none of that.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know, and sitting. There's things like, in New Orleans where they do that second line and then they bring the casket and they carry it and they'll bring it right down. They dance and stuff with the umbrellas and celebrations instead. Yeah, there's all kinds of different things.

[Ari Maddie]

And I'm like a mental.

[Ryan Sickler]

We heard at Christmas, mental.

[Ari Maddie]

So my sister has to do everything. Everything in our life my sister has had to do. The death certificates, the inheritance, everything. I can't log in, I can't open a website. I'm not good. Only thing I had to do is get whoever is. What's it in? English? The guy who's doing the funeral, he does an opening speech, whatever.

[Ryan Sickler]

Orator.

[Ari Maddie]

I guess so, right? There's a few.

[Ryan Sickler]

Funeral director, we call a guy like that here.

[Ari Maddie]

You know, he gives a nice speech, whatever. So I had to find this guy. So I find some guy who by Instagram, seems like he's riffing more. Yeah, like he ain't the morose, you know? He's got a cross, but it's cool.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yes.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah, he's got a cool cross. He's got some rings. He's got a white Mercedes Benz. On the one picture, I go, this guy seems like. This guy seems like he will fuck my mom. Yeah, yeah, like a good guy. He got. He got the gold chain. So I contact. This is my only job in the funeral. My only thing my sister says is, please, let's not make it morose. That's the only job I had, you know? So this guy, he's about 25 minutes late to the funeral. He rocks up with this white Mercedes Benz, kicking up a dust, you know, Comes cigarette in car with the windows up. That's a special type of cigarette, that is. He comes out, he goes, gives me a handshake, he goes, oh, yeah, you're Aria. Sorry about that. The last one went long, you know, he did like another funeral. This was post Covid, so money was popping, you know.

[Ryan Sickler]

And where is this?

[Ari Maddie]

In Estonia.

[Ryan Sickler]

In Estonia?

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah. Beautiful day, beautiful church. And he gets up there and he has a little note where it's my name, my sister's name. Like he's got a little set list, you know. He goes, oh, yeah, that's the city. He goes like this. And then, dude, when he goes on. Well, as soon as he grabbed the altar, dude, he grabbed it like that. He. He went up there, he grabbed it like this. Then he looks at the crowd, he goes, death is an end to a story. My sister is front row.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm in the back.

[Ari Maddie]

I'm in the back. My sister. My sister looks at me like this. My sister looks at me like this.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're like, that's all.

[Ari Maddie]

And then he does 20 minutes of the thought. He talks about his friends that are dead and he'll never see them again. And no callbacks. No, like, well, now we can cherish the memories. No. Cherish all that. He's like, it's over. It will be over. You'll never see her again. The mom is dead. The sun is sad. The dog is a. He's doing all. He's like, saying that.

[Ryan Sickler]

I think their dog just died, actually.

[Ari Maddie]

He's literally like, the sadness will never end. Oh, yeah. So that was like the only. And then in the funeral. Such an Estonian funeral, you know, so many tensions, you know, A. And that's like, if. If Darmo shows up, I'm.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm leaving.

[Ari Maddie]

You know, A lot of families are always like that. Dude, dude, she's dead. Everyone's dead. Everyone's dead. Can we just. Everyone just show up? You know, who gives a. About the dude? I even had a family member ask me for money that my mom owed him.

[Ryan Sickler]

Nuh, bro. For real.

[Ari Maddie]

For real.

[Ryan Sickler]

How much?

[Ari Maddie]

It's like two grand.

[Ryan Sickler]

You gotta just let that go, bro.

[Ari Maddie]

Bro, I said she's not.

[Ryan Sickler]

20 grand.

[Ari Maddie]

I said she's dead.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So took that two grand with you, bro. Yeah, she took it to grand.

[Ari Maddie]

Exactly. And then in the after party, you know, you have the. What's. Is there a word for that? We have bay.

[Ryan Sickler]

Awake.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah. Awake. Yeah. People get a loose old. Old family starts coming up. You know, you see the drinking a little. You see the uncle, the tie is loose, and he's looking around, you know, he's. He's about to pop off on some people, you know, and then you hear, like, you're here. You didn't even love her. You hear that? Yeah, Just over there. That's my favorite. It was literally my uncle, who was a sister alcoholic, dude. Oh.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did anybody from stepfather's family show?

[Ari Maddie]

No. They send their condolences or whatever. No. And then, of course, I'm getting lit too. I'm reading vodka, you know, talking to another girl with big tits. I mean, I'm. It's my mom's funeral, but I'm.

[Ryan Sickler]

Her mom wanted to drink 100.

[Ari Maddie]

100.

[Ryan Sickler]

Listen, no offense. Your mom would have.

[Ari Maddie]

Exactly. So then I'm talking to her, and then my grandma walks up to me with a note. Goes. Goes, goes. You and Laura have a different dad. Your dad's still alive. Here you go. Here's the number. And then get the.

[Ryan Sickler]

Out of here. Yeah, that's mom's mom. Your mom's mom?

[Ari Maddie]

Grandma's mom. Yeah. And my mom's mom and mom didn't talk for 20 years.

[Ryan Sickler]

So this is the first time you're. How long did you know her?

[Ari Maddie]

Well, I've known her my entire life.

[Ryan Sickler]

So she would see you. She just would not talk?

[Ari Maddie]

Not talk? Not even mention? Like, if you went to see my grandma, you brought up my mom?

[Ryan Sickler]

No.

[Ari Maddie]

Not even.

[Ryan Sickler]

She wouldn't even ask you how?

[Ari Maddie]

Never.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wow. What happened?

[Ari Maddie]

My mom had cancer at one point. My grandma, not even a peep.

[Ryan Sickler]

Damn.

[Ari Maddie]

Doesn't even.

[Ryan Sickler]

What the. Did they do?

[Ari Maddie]

Just.

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't think there was.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah, just nonsense. Literally. And When I was 16, 17, I remember my mom kind of insinuating that my dad's dead. You know, kind of like when I asked it, I asked a question or something, you know. So then we find out dad's alive with the note. I go to an open mic, I call him on stage.

[Ryan Sickler]

No.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah, yeah. Sadly, he didn't pick up. That would have been a great. From the funeral. I go straight to an open mic and when my comedian friends see me, you know, you come with the. With the suit, with the funeral suit. And the last person is on and they go, okay, Ari wants to go on. And you know, all your friends are like, is this gonna be one of those? One of those. And it wasn't. I was just talking about what happened at the funeral and then I pull out the number, everybody goes ape. Of course, you know, didn't pick up. But then.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did you leave a message?

[Ari Maddie]

No, there's no way. Message. He just doesn't pick up. He ain't a message guy. But then I send, like through mutual acquaintances, you know, I send like, if he's interested, I know, to be honest, his side of the story, if you think about it, it's just like he banged some waitress in Estonia, had a kid, tried it, didn't work out. Now he. If he doesn't want to be involved. And also, by the way, my stand up career has been going, he definitely knows I'm out, so he would have reached out and that's fine. I'm not bitter. Listen, I've forgiven my stepdad. Everyone's a hundred percent forgiven. You know, I don't judge a life that I didn't live, so I'm not going to be there. Like, wow, how could you, you know, like.

[Ryan Sickler]

But do you know if he's even alive?

[Ari Maddie]

They had that. Oh, yeah. Kicking. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

How do you know that?

[Ari Maddie]

Well, I reached out to A mutual acquaintance, like if he's interested. And then she comes by, she goes, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Damn.

[Ari Maddie]

Makes sense.

[Ryan Sickler]

Maybe it makes sense. I don't. I don't know if it makes sense.

[Ari Maddie]

Maybe.

[Ryan Sickler]

Maybe it does for him.

[Ari Maddie]

Maybe. Scared that I'll be one of these at a cafe, freak out, you know.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, I guess maybe I'm gonna put myself in his shoes. Maybe he's. You're not his only kid 100.

[Ari Maddie]

I don't think so.

[Ryan Sickler]

And he's terrified you're gonna put him on blast and in your material and into your podcasts and imagine wherever it becomes. Whatever.

[Ari Maddie]

Watching your son that you're trying to bury in your past, doing bigger and bigger rooms, like in Finland. I've done like 60 0, 200, 400, 2000. I'm gonna be.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is that where he lives? Do you know that you. So you know that.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah. Yeah. And I'm gonna.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know, if he's ever slipped in the sea, that'd be awesome.

[Ari Maddie]

See, that's all I want. Even I don't give a about like everyone's forgiven. I don't go, everyone's dead and everyone's forgiven. I've always been like that.

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't give a flying.

[Ari Maddie]

I'm not judging anybody, dude. That would be awesome though, huh? But then, yeah, it's just. But it really shows how much families have dynamics that people need to die for me to find out the truth. Huh? Jesus Christ.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's a great point. Do you think anyone ever tells you if your mom doesn't die, does your grandmom tell you that if mom doesn't die, that's some. Was it time or was it, hey, she's dead. You deserve know this if something you want to know.

[Ari Maddie]

I think it was probably my mom putting like telling everybody. If you even tell anybody about this, you know, I think it's like that.

[Ryan Sickler]

You don't think your grandma just found out? That has been something that's been known 100.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

And I think maybe their relationship brought it from that because my grandma was a traditional person too. You know, she will be like, oh, you left your husband or whatever, whatever, you know, like you had a kid with a.

[Ryan Sickler]

What about your sister's father?

[Ari Maddie]

See, now we find out he's alive too and he's somewhere.

[Ryan Sickler]

How'd you find that out?

[Ari Maddie]

Well, we just started talking with my sister, you know, and my sister.

[Ryan Sickler]

No one's 23 and me in or any of that stuff.

[Ari Maddie]

We don't have that website dude records.

[Ryan Sickler]

You think it's like oh, yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

It's like being Mexican.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. You're being Mexican.

[Ari Maddie]

Do a 23 and me. You're a. You're a Juan Alvarez. Have fun. Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Good boy.

[Ari Maddie]

Have fun. Yeah, we don't have any of that.

[Ryan Sickler]

So talking through some people, you find out that her biological father.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah. And he lives somewhere else, like I think in Estonia on an island or something.

[Ryan Sickler]

And he's also Finnish. So was it the same sort of deal with him? He was, I think some also piece.

[Ari Maddie]

Of something like that. At least by my mom's opinion. You know, I guess my mom had a type.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, but your mom also was really bad at timing out when her period would be. And you know what I'm saying, that that zone, that green light zone. Yeah, yeah. Your mom did not know how to do that for sure. All right. You're the only two kids of hers. Of hers, yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

Only two kids. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And are you close with your sister?

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You are?

[Ari Maddie]

Okay. We're super different, but super close.

[Ryan Sickler]

What does she do, like a real job? What's a real job?

[Ari Maddie]

There's papers involved and like meetings. Yeah, papers and meetings.

[Ryan Sickler]

Does she have kids?

[Ari Maddie]

No, no, no, not yet. I hope. I hope she will soon. She should. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Do you want kids?

[Ari Maddie]

100.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, yeah. Good.

[Ari Maddie]

100. Yeah. With guys it's easy, you know, I'm 33. I still have.

[Ryan Sickler]

You got 60 years. You got 50 years if you're McJagger. You know what I mean?

[Ari Maddie]

Just put me sideways like an old SAP tree and try to let it drain. Just let that come out. That's how they got out. Pacinos come. They put them sideways for two weeks.

[Ryan Sickler]

Right. They had to.

[Ari Maddie]

And this is America. Blast off in a 26 year old girl. No one judges me.

[Ryan Sickler]

Do you feel like. Do you feel like you really got to know your mom and the time you spent with her?

[Ari Maddie]

It's always like that, that the closer you get to the age that they pass, the more you would like to know what they were. See, it is a bummer. That's also a family dynamic that we kind of had that there were a lot of closed doors. You know, we weren't. And I wouldn't say like I needed to know. I didn't feel that as a kid. I was also a private kid.

[Ryan Sickler]

To my same. I resonate with this hard because everyone that died early in my family too would always say, tell you when you're older. Well, they all died with the. That would have been beneficial.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

To know and would have been helpful.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

To know. And instead of finding out at a funeral, like, your dad's actually alive and like, what?

[Ari Maddie]

And one of the best gift. One of her close friends, that one that was telling me about sitting on the lap and working with her. They worked together, they went to school. They are one of her best lifetime friends. You know, she gave me such a great gift when she died. She gave me an album of pictures of all the times throughout their life when her and mom were absolutely fucked up.

[Ryan Sickler]

Some of these pictures. Is that right?

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah. Some of these pictures of my mom on like a chair, like during the summer, covered in mosquitoes. Because she's fucked up, passed out and she's sunburned and she's just covered in mosquitoes. And then she's like, every time you want to hear a story about her, just point at the picture. I'll tell you the story. So I pointed out a few pictures. Oh, that time we were. We were working at this place, but we were quitting, so we stole all the money from the owner and then we went fucking to Turkey for two weeks. You know, something like that.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah, that's great.

[Ari Maddie]

But it is a bummer that a person has to die for you to get to know that side, you know? Yeah, because I saw that side of my mom. She was very always fun. But there was a certain limit between us, which is good. You don't want a friend, you want a parent at the end of the day.

[Ryan Sickler]

Damn right, bro. That cool parent is all nothing but problems for everybody in the end.

[Ari Maddie]

Dude, I remember when my. I had a friend, classmate Darmo. His parents would let him smoke cigarettes inside.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's insane.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah, inside.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you're. You're a much younger man than me too. That this we're talking about. What, the 90s he's doing early 2000s. That's great. So that's some you do in the 70s and 80s and.

[Ari Maddie]

And show up to school with a full pack of marble reds. And what'd you get? That's like dad. My dad gave it, you know, booze. And then I'm like, I look at my cunt of a mom. I'm like, hey, mom, relax. What's with the curfews, dude? Literally 10pm Curfew. It ain't even dark outside. 10pm Ain't fingering time. I'm trying to finger girls. Nobody fingers during sunlight. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I need you. Sleep deprived. I need to tired. And two. Two ciders in. So the sun is out.

[Ryan Sickler]

What time is it?

[Ari Maddie]

Going down pizza and fingering ain't a daytime activity. And my count of a mom is like 10pm or you, you ain't going out tomorrow, so. Jesus Christ. And then I snap at my mom one time, I'm in the car like, you know Tharmo's parents, they fucking have all fun. Why couldn't you be like that? And then she looks at me, she goes, tarmo lives in a trailer. And I didn't know that because I didn't visit right next week. I go to Tarmo's place to check it out. Dude, it's a trailer next to a burnt.

[Ryan Sickler]

He probably threw a cigarette over.

[Ari Maddie]

It's a half burn house where the laundry room is still working, you know, like it's a half bird. It's literally diagonally.

[Ryan Sickler]

Hey, man, you tell. These are good.

[Ari Maddie]

And the ashes were still smelling even though it burned down like three years ago. Exactly, that's what happened. And then in the trailer, the dad is still smoking. And then there's one point I remember the dad literally, he's smoking inside the trailer. And Tarma was giving him like, see what happened when you smoke inside? Points at the house. And he goes, this one's made of metal.

[Ryan Sickler]

They really did do it.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah, yeah. He fell asleep with the secret. And the house fucking burnt down, dude.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh my God.

[Ari Maddie]

So that's like, do you want a parent or a friend?

[Ryan Sickler]

That's right, exactly.

[Ari Maddie]

You need a.

[Ryan Sickler]

You want a friend. Yeah, but you need a motherfucker parents. Some guy in this world. Listen, that's the other thing you need to know about parenting. And not you in general, but just people. Like, it's. It's a long game. The reward in parenting doesn't come until you hit your 20s or your. Probably not even your 30s when you can start being like, man, thank God you didn't let me do this. Or how the. Did you make it to all my practices or. Yeah, how'd you do this? How'd you do that? It's a. It's an investment that doesn't pay dividends. Well, till down the line you get your daily things, you know, the hugs, the love, the whatever. But I mean, that moment, that's. That's decades sometimes before you hit that where you're like, fuck yeah. And you look at other people's parents like that.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah, like.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like my mom would listen, we had no parents. And we were better than Dharmo's parents 100%.

[Ari Maddie]

Well, that's the other thing. When people go, oh, you grew up without a dad. That's so sad, dude. A lot of the stories I've heard about these guys, huh?

[Ryan Sickler]

Two parents.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

These had two parents.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah. Jesus Christ. Lunatics around, huh? Me and my sister and my mom were watching Grey's Anatomy, having a great time.

[Ryan Sickler]

So I want to ask you, did your mom ever get to see you do comedy? Yes, she did.

[Ari Maddie]

See, I was so. Because we didn't get along like that. And I would talk about my mom and my act a lot, call her all kinds of names. I don't give a.

[Ryan Sickler]

In your set, you would.

[Ari Maddie]

And then that friend Kaiti, the person who gave me the album, that. Her close friend. Yeah, she's been with her daughter. They were like, super close. They. They had more of. They also had their own up families, you know, own things. They all partied together. It was a whole up dynamic. But they were. I would say they were a bit closer than me and my mom were the daughter and the mom, you know, so then they would come to their shows. I would see them all the time. And then one time I'm doing like, maybe this is my first big theater tour. It's maybe like show six in a 900 theater. So it's like a big thing that I'm doing in my career, in my life. It's official now that I'm successful at this, you know. And then I'm doing. I'm like. And I had a bit about my mom being like, hearing my mom men, you know, And I would have a bit about how I love that my mom got. Because you don't want, you know, mom who doesn't get. That's a bad mom. It's hard to ask gifts when they don't get right, you know? And then sometimes, yeah, in the bit I do an actor where I meet my stepdad, I'm like, I haven't heard a peep.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, what's going on?

[Ari Maddie]

I'm flunking eighth grade. We don't need this tension. The. Out of my mom. For the love of God. I gotta tell her. I'm being let back, you know. Seems like a bit like that. I've already done that bit. But about 40 minutes in, I remember I'm starting to do my closer and a specific laugh in the. Like a balcony. And I know it's my mom's laugh.

[Ryan Sickler]

You do.

[Ari Maddie]

That's when it hits me. Kind of hold back a little bit, then close even harder. Because in my head I go, oh, I did the worst part already. We don't even. We take a picture later. We don't even talk about it. But later I go home, I see her, you know, and she just comes up to me. It's so astounding. She literally comes up to him. She goes, yeah, when. Whenever you're on stage, you just gives me a shoulder bump. She goes, just go as hard as you want. And just. That's like how. That's a hawk for an American. That's probably.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is that right?

[Ari Maddie]

I would say yes, for sure. In our relationship. For sure. You know, I don't need to cry with her together. Yeah, I didn't need that.

[Ryan Sickler]

But I feel like go as hard as you want is better than a hug.

[Ari Maddie]

100%. She literally said, go as hard as you, bro.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you very much.

[Ari Maddie]

Exactly.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'll high five you, dude.

[Ari Maddie]

You know, I mean, about your holes.

[Ryan Sickler]

You have no idea what you just suddenly. Thank you enough for that right there. That's better than any hug I ever got.

[Ari Maddie]

Money in my pocket.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, man. So at what age do you leave Estonia then?

[Ari Maddie]

19.

[Ryan Sickler]

19.

[Ari Maddie]

19.

[Ryan Sickler]

And my mom straight to the States. Are you going?

[Ari Maddie]

I go to Thailand for backpacking. I meet a girl there that's from San Diego. I fall in love with her. We moved to Australia together. I start stand up comedy in Melbourne. I moved back to Bangkok after my visa expires. I did a stretch in London. I did a.

[Ryan Sickler]

You ever do comedy over in Bangkok?

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah, no, I lived there. I did Bangkok comedy club. That was my, like, home club.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, are there English speaking comedians as well?

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah, expats.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, there are expats.

[Ari Maddie]

I met Arisha Fear there. I met our Sheffield in Cambodia. He was also, like a backpacker. I backpack all through Southeast Asia, did all those gigs. Then I lived in London for a little bit, did some gigs there. I, of course, toured in Estonia for five years. And then I also lived a year in Vancouver, Canada, too.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Ari Maddie]

Doing comedy. I was doing comedy wherever I could get a work visa.

[Ryan Sickler]

All right.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Good for you, dude. Thank you for doing this, man. It's a great episode.

[Ari Maddie]

No, this is fun.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. I really loved getting to know that shit about you.

[Ari Maddie]

How. But let me ask you this. See, I didn't know that. This is like. It's a great. By the way, great idea.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you.

[Ari Maddie]

That it does a structure well.

[Ryan Sickler]

I got tired of seeing everyone's Instagrams and highlight reels, and we all know that's not what's really going on in your life, really fuels you and motivates you. So I was like, why don't we highlight the lower low lights and Again, like I say all the time, if. If you're going to come on here and talk about abuse or cancer, we're not going to laugh at that, but we're going to find moments within that to laugh about.

[Ari Maddie]

100.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I just also. It's given me. We're coming up on. We started this in January 2019. It's given me such a new appreciation and love for comedians that I didn't. Who I already. I just loved comedians anyway already. You know what I mean? Like, we're such rejects. I mean, I say all the time, the. The theater kids kicked us out. You know what I'm saying? That's how bad we are, the theater kids. Like, you're the weird one. You're the weird one. You are the weird ones. No, you're the one. You're like, oh. And it wasn't until I got in life, I mean, I didn't know everyone I knew had parents, and even if they didn't want them, still we didn't have our mom. You know, you would think if your parent dies, you're like, oh, God, guys, I got you. I love. No. So I didn't even know that my. My friend's parents, their parents were still alive. No one could relate to me. I didn't feel like, wait, let me ask you this.

[Ari Maddie]

Did you have a weird moment when you went to your friend's parents and saw healthy parents for the first time?

[Ryan Sickler]

We talk about this a lot. Yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

Isn't that a mindful. I remember when you.

[Ryan Sickler]

When we would leave and we'd spend the night at our friend's houses, and we would be like, you guys get hugs over here. You know, literally, guys, someone's making you breakfast.

[Ari Maddie]

I remember going to my friend Marcus's.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's when you start realizing how up your.

[Ari Maddie]

And I go there and everything's clean and quiet and tranquility is. I'm around the house, I'm like, what the is this. Why isn't. Why isn't about to pop off, dude.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

I live in world star hip hop back home. Everyone's angry.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then when you're like, oh, you're about to get up and then it doesn't happen.

[Ari Maddie]

Exactly.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wait, what?

[Ari Maddie]

And there was a moment where, like, they see me, they're like, oh, we didn't know you're coming. So we're gonna get some extra milk for whatever food she's making. Well, she's gonna go to the store. I'm not gonna start just to get milk for me. Okay, sure. We are Parents. Okay. Creepy. And then from the window, I see Marcus's parents walk into a local store holding hands. And I've never seen their parents. I didn't know parents even hold hands. I look at my friend Marks, I'm like, fuck, I didn't know your parents were. Who holds hands.

[Ryan Sickler]

We had Gary Owen on recently, and he goes. He said he had a joke where he went to a sleepover one night, and he's like, what's your dad doing here? Then he goes, he lives here. And he said he went home and goes, hey, Mom, Mark's dad lives with them. It's so weird. You know what I mean? You're like, why? That's crazy. Your dad lives there. Yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's interesting. So.

[Ari Maddie]

But it is fun. What I like about this podcast is I've always. What do you think about this? Like, do you open up to people about your trauma a lot or.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, if they ask? Well, I mean, I have to say yes. It's been put out there for years. Yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

Ever since I was young. Even before a lot of shit happened. I remember it's kind of. It's kind of like that funeral with my parents. And I remember meeting a lot of people that would be very. Hold things down a lot and just deal with their own insanity by themselves. Sometimes me open it. Well, a lot of the times me opening up ends up hurting me, you know, in relationships. Or. Or sometimes. Sometimes family members will get upset because I talked about something that's a bit inappropriate. But fuck you, I want to get it out because otherwise I'm going to just go insane.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, I'm not you either. Why do I got to carry that bullshit? You wish you could fucking have an outlet. Like, we have to say something. Also, this is a lesson. If there's another life, don't be such a fucking asshole.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah. Also, everyone's dead.

[Ryan Sickler]

You never know. Everyone's fucking dead. You know who this. This is the lesson in life. Who thinks that they're gonna reject the child and then one day that kid's gonna get behind a microphone and have fans and an audience and a voice and an outlet to tell a bunch of people about the. That you did 20 or 30 years ago.

[Ari Maddie]

Exactly.

[Ryan Sickler]

Just be a good person. You don't have to worry about that.

[Ari Maddie]

You don't have to worry about that. And even listen, even if you aren't a good person and you talk about it. And I should also talk about it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

You know, I deserve to talk about whatever I want to talk about.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Ari Maddie]

You know, and I. And I know whenever you open up, there'll be people who'd be like, no, it didn't go down like that. That's just your perspective. Yes, it is. That's the point of opening up.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's right.

[Ari Maddie]

I tell my perspective. Then you go, nah, actually, what happened? And now we talk. Or we could just live our little manic lies by ourselves. I have a war with you. And we've never even opened up. You know, and that's how I see a lot of. At least my own family members. Sometimes I'm like, they walk around with this. Like, he's a piece of. Like, I'm gives a. Dude. I talk about everything. Always.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. The focus of this. So the honeydew. I was having dinner at a diner one night. I'm eating my food and I eat the fruit cup. And I. I eat all the fruit except for the honeydew. Even the red grapes. I don't even like red grapes. I like green grapes. But I ate everything but the honeydew. And I don't. I say all the time, I don't have a passion against it. I just don't fuck with it. And as I got up and I left, I saw honeydew scattered on the tabletops. And just thinking to myself, like, that's a perfectly good fruit that most people discard.

[Ari Maddie]

Exactly.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then it hits me. Oh, that's what I am in life.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Perfectly good person that, like yourself, has been discarded and thrown away. And I decided, enough of everybody with their link. Look at my bum popping bottles. I'm on a yacht. I'm like, I'm not. Yeah, I'm not. I'm still trying to figure out how you all have two parents.

[Ari Maddie]

There should be an in. Like a Honeydew version of an Instagram app where you can only post miserable.

[Ryan Sickler]

There's a tick tock trend. I think that was doing that for a while. And. And we do a Patreon show called the Honeydew with y', all, where I do it with fans. And I'm telling you, bro, there' stories are a million times wilder. Anything you could ever even imagine.

[Ari Maddie]

A hundred percent.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's such a good show. $5 a month. Sign up. Patreon. Yeah, brother. Thank you for doing this for real. Promote everything one more time. Your socials, all that.

[Ari Maddie]

Don't worry about the automatic comedy Estonian comedian. You can just find me. Follow me on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram.

[Ryan Sickler]

Go see them on tour.

[Ari Maddie]

Yeah. Doing a lot of gigs everywhere. Legends.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you for doing this as always, Ryan sickler on all your social media. We'll talk to you all next week.