346: Jiaoying Summers - 1 Child Policy

Summary

Podcast Summary: The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler – Episode 346: Jiaoying Summers - 1 Child Policy

Introduction

In Episode 346 of The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler, host Ryan Sickler welcomes comedian Jiaoying Summers for her debut appearance on the show. Jiaoying shares a compelling and humorous narrative shaped by her challenging upbringing under China's one-child policy, her struggles with mental health, migration to America, and her journey into the world of comedy.

Early Life in China: Navigating the One-Child Policy

Jiaoying Summers was born in the early 1990s in a small village in northern China during the enforcement of the one-child policy. This policy, which limited families to a single child, heavily favored male offspring due to traditional patriarchal values.

Jiaoying Summers [04:02]: "I was born in the 1990s in a very small village in China in the north part. And you know, we had the one-child policy, which means all the families can only have one child and they really wanted that child to be a boy."

The preference for sons resulted in a significant gender imbalance, making it difficult for men from lower-income families to find wives. Jiaoying explains how unwanted girls like herself faced societal rejection and were often sent away or given up for adoption.

Jiaoying Summers [05:23]: "You just have a girl or, you know, you. Nobody knows that you have a girl. Why you just send that girl away?"

Family Dynamics: Parental Influence and Struggles

Jiaoying's parents were a central influence in her life. Her father, described as handsome and a math genius, succumbed to alcoholism largely due to the stresses imposed by her mother's entrepreneurial ambitions.

Jiaoying Summers [07:00]: "I have a very handsome father. He's an alcoholic. My mother is very ambitious. She's a beautiful lady. She's very ambitious and hardworking and she's kind of beyond her time."

Her mother ran a lumber business and later expanded into the restaurant industry, which inadvertently contributed to her husband's alcoholism when he was left to manage the burgeoning business amidst peer pressure and alcohol.

Personal Struggles: Mental Health and Self-Worth

Growing up as an unwanted girl in a strict society, Jiaoying faced immense pressure to excel academically. Failure to achieve top grades led to physical punishment from her mother, contributing to her developing bipolar disorder—a condition not widely recognized or understood in her cultural context.

Jiaoying Summers [13:05]: "I think I became a workaholic to fill the hole of being useless."

Her depression deepened as societal standards dictated her self-worth based on appearance and academic success. Jiaoying shares painful memories of being physically punished for not attaining A's and struggling with feelings of worthlessness.

Migration to America: A Leap of Faith

At 18, Jiaoying made the bold decision to migrate to the United States despite her mother's initial reluctance. She negotiated with her mother, agreeing to raise $20,000 to fund her education, showcasing her determination and resilience.

Jiaoying Summers [30:05]: "I have to raise money to convince her I can survive in America. She just didn't think it's safe."

Upon arriving in the U.S., Jiaoying faced numerous challenges, including language barriers and financial hardships. Undeterred, she took on multiple jobs—making pizza, monitoring library computers, and working in a cafeteria—to support herself and learn English.

Marriage and Divorce: Seeking Stability and Facing Abuse

At 27, Jiaoying married a wealthy Chinese man who initially appeared supportive of her career aspirations. However, conflicts arose as she struggled with insecurities about her appearance and the pressures of conforming to beauty standards prevalent in the entertainment industry.

Jiaoying Summers [47:32]: "I'm just this bleached skinny who betrayed my identity."

The marriage deteriorated when her husband began to physically abuse her, culminating in a violent confrontation that led to their eventual divorce. Jiaoying highlights the complexities of cultural expectations and the devastating impact of abusive relationships.

Jiaoying Summers [54:30]: "I slapped him on the face... I hit him on the head and he dropped me."

Building a Comedy Career: Turning Pain into Laughter

Determined to reclaim her identity and empower herself, Jiaoying ventured into comedy. She founded her own comedy club, Love Factory, to provide a platform for open mics and to consistently practice her craft. Despite initial setbacks, including the COVID-19 pandemic, she persevered, viewing each performance as a step toward self-improvement.

Jiaoying Summers [51:04]: "I know I suck. I'm not delusional. I Don't believe in that."

Her dedication paid off as Love Factory became a thriving venue, allowing her to hone her comedic skills and build a supportive community. Jiaoying emphasizes the importance of self-reliance and resilience in overcoming personal and professional obstacles.

Parenting and Current Life: Balancing Motherhood and Career

As a single mother, Jiaoying prioritizes providing a stable and loving environment for her children. She balances her demanding career with raising her kids, ensuring they grow up with a strong sense of self-worth and independence.

Jiaoying Summers [59:33]: "I love you."

Jiaoying discusses her approach to parenting, focusing on empowering her children to make their own choices and fostering their individual strengths.

Reflections and Advice

Looking back, Jiaoying offers heartfelt advice to her younger self, emphasizing self-acceptance and the importance of recognizing her own beauty and worth beyond societal standards.

Jiaoying Summers [63:18]: "You are a beautiful girl inside and out. You just need to know that."

Conclusion

Jiaoying Summers' story is one of triumph over adversity, resilience in the face of cultural and personal challenges, and the transformative power of comedy. Her journey from an unwanted girl in a restrictive society to a successful comedian and single mother in America serves as an inspiring testament to the human spirit's capacity to overcome and thrive.

Notable Quotes

• Jiaoying Summers [05:23]: "You just have a girl or, you know, you. Nobody knows that you have a girl. Why you just send that girl away?"

• Jiaoying Summers [13:05]: "I think I became a workaholic to fill the hole of being useless."

• Jiaoying Summers [30:05]: "I have to raise money to convince her I can survive in America. She just didn't think it's safe."

• Jiaoying Summers [47:32]: "I'm just this bleached skinny who betrayed my identity."

• Jiaoying Summers [54:30]: "I slapped him on the face... I hit him on the head and he dropped me."

• Jiaoying Summers [51:04]: "I know I suck. I'm not delusional. I Don't believe in that."

• Jiaoying Summers [63:18]: "You are a beautiful girl inside and out. You just need to know that."

Final Thoughts

Jiaoying Summers' candid and humorous recounting of her life on The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler not only entertains but also sheds light on serious issues such as gender bias, mental health stigma, and domestic abuse. Her ability to find humor amidst hardship exemplifies the essence of Ryan Sickler's podcast—highlighting and laughing at the lowlights of life while sharing the stories behind the storytellers.

Transcript

[Jiao Ying Summers]

The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler.

[Ryan Sickler]

Welcome back to the Honeydew, y'.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

All.

[Ryan Sickler]

We're over here doing it in the Night Pan Studios. Ryan Sickler here. RyanCickler.com and Ryan Sickler on all your social media, thank you guys for supporting this show. Thank you for supporting anything I do, all right? I love doing this. I love my job. If you're watching this already, put a. Put a. Like, put a comment. Help that algorithm in there, all right? And if you got to have more, you got to have the Patreon. It's called the Honeydew with y'.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

All.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's this show with y'. All. And you all have the craziest stories. If you're even considering it, check out the best of episodes that we give away free here on the YouTube. All right? It's five bucks a month. That's it. It's basically been like that for years. And if you or someone you know has a story that has to be heard, please submit it to honeydew podcast gmail.com. all right, that is the biz. You guys know what we're doing here? We highlight the low lights, and I always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers. I am very excited to have this guest here. First time on the Honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Zhao Ying Summers. Welcome to the Honey.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Hey, thank you for having me, Ryan.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you for being here.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

I am on the Honeydew. I'm gonna be a cocky after this. I verbally abuse my. My maid. I send my lunch back, and I.

[Ryan Sickler]

Want extra avocado before we get into your store. First of all, I've been wanting to have you on here for a while. I love your energy. I'm a fan. Before we get into your story, though, please promote everything you'd like.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yes, I am on tour. I'm on the road every weekend. I don't take any day off, no Christmas, no Thanksgiving, because, you know, I. They don't mean anything to me. I don't see color. I see cash. So come to see me. Summerscomedy.com or joeyancomedy.com if you have yellow fever, you can spell that. It's just Summerscomy.com and I have a podcast, the Tiger Mompod. Would love to have Ryan on it. And I have two books in the work, my autobiography and a children's book. It's bilingual children's book about the 12 zodiac signs that they are just the little kid who are dumb and learning how to survive, which Is important. What else? Uh, I. I have two specials wines releasing this year, but I can't say anything because they made me sign things. But my second special is going to be very exciting because I will be producing it myself. And I want to make sure all the jokes that is too much for people or network cannot be cut. So I'm keeping everything I have. There will be my, my origin story. But other than that, I am so happy to be here. We're gonna have fun time. You're gonna know my dark secrets.

[Ryan Sickler]

I want all.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah, yeah, let's go. Let's do it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Start from the beginning. You're born. Where and when, if you don't mind.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

When. Yeah, it's okay. It's okay. I'm an Asian. Asian woman. Yeah, I don't really age until I age. Age.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know what's so funny about you Asian ladies? Like, I have been tricked before. Where I'm driving and I'll see this lady from behind, jet black hair, and I'm like, that's attractive looking lady. And then I get in front of her, I'm like, that's an 86 year old Asian woman right there. And I'm like, how in the hell you holding it?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

This is Vera 1. That's not Vera wine, it's Vera. Wrong. We're like. And this is. I feel sick to my stomach for trying to, you know, have an erection. Looking at the back, that's, you know, sexy back. Don't come, don't look back. As a woman. We age weird either we're a school girl or Yoda, you know that you don't know. You really don't know what day is.

[C]

Yeah, like your school girl. So you're 70 and then all of a sudden you're just.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah, yeah, it just, it really go. When we go, we really go. But then we don't go for time. We hold on to the look until one day it's like, I don't give a anymore. Yeah, it's interesting.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay, so when were you born?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

I was born in the 1990s and in a very small village in China in the north part. And you know, we had the one child policy, which means all the families can only have one child and they really want that child to be a boy. Because Chinese people are very conservative and traditional. They want to have a son to carry on the family oppression.

[Ryan Sickler]

So even late as the 90s. When did that stop? What year did that stop?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

It stopped in the late 90s and now actually Chinese government would encourage a couple to have More children because of the one child policy. It caused the severe gender imbalance. This is extremely more number of men than women.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is that right?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

And it make it challenging for women for men with lower income to find a wife. Because ugly bitches be like picking like, I got a. What do you have? You want to marry me? You buy my fat brother a house. You got my ugly sister a car and that's how you can get my short ass. You know, like they got so cocky. Cuz, like, you know, I see it's like, it's like it's a numbers game. Yeah, it's an ugly in prison, you know, in a male's prison. She is Holly Berry, you know.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

I just, I mean it's sad, but the, the, you know, people don't want to have kids anymore.

[Ryan Sickler]

So you're only allow one kid. And if you have a girl, then.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

You just have a girl. You have a girl or, you know, you. Nobody knows that you have a girl. Why you just send that girl away? Just sell a girl or give it to people who don't have kids at all.

[Ryan Sickler]

I know I sound naive and stuff, but that's legit. That's black market. Selling babies in the 90s.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

I feel like for a family who has morals that they normally would make arrangement for their daughter for like a wealthier family, not really adoption. They will send their daughter to their relatives to live over there. And this financially supported the kid. And until the baby is like, let's say seven, eight years old, you know, the government like, okay, they never had a daughter. They only have one son. And then you bring the daughter back, be like, I'm adopting someone. Actually your own child. That's for people who have a soul. And then for poor people who is. I'm not saying probably I don't have a soul. You can't afford a cell when you're poor. You know, like when I was poor, when I was poor, I'm. Yeah, whatever it take to get my green card, you know, I got, you know, you do what you got to do. I supported people who have to struggle and then they would get the kid for adoption and people would pay for the fee. Obviously you since you're selling it, but. Or like you don't have time. You throw the baby in the trash. You know, someone is going to pick it. Jeffrey Epstein is there, you know, he's going to grab the cute ones. He didn't take me. I wasn't pretty. I could have a better future. You know, I could have, you know, One can dream, but it's okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

So you're born to. Are your parents married and together at the time and everything?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Married them together. I have a very handsome father. He's an alcoholic. My mother is very ambitious. She's a beautiful lady. She's very ambitious and hard working and she's kind of beyond her time.

[Ryan Sickler]

So what do they do for a living?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

They were like. They start with the. We have a lumber business. I mean they are both farmers. But my mother is just very entrepreneurial. Her brother's done well with construction production. But because she was a girl, they didn't want to include her in the company, which was a mistake because she's the one with the brain.

[Ryan Sickler]

I was gonna say, yeah, what a mistake.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah, it's a huge mistake. They. They were doing very well, but they didn't never want her involved. They don't want me involved. But now they are bankrupt because the next generation of kids, they playing video games. The boys are so spoiled, you know, they don't really learn the respect, earn the respect. And then the way we do everything, nobody respect us. But anyways, so my mother started the lumber business. She would number from the North Manchua, like northeast China.

[Ryan Sickler]

What year?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

That was in the 90s.

[Ryan Sickler]

Damn. Your mom's a boss, huh?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah, she and my father would go before he was drunk. He wasn't drunk until she started a restaurant. So it's her fault. There's a bar.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, he would drink at the restaurant.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah, it's her fault. Like why would you keep your man around the bar? You know, she's a lazy. I don't believe in my father. My mother is. She should take better care of him, you know? Yeah, you got him.

[Ryan Sickler]

Are they together?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah, they are still together for. I don't know. Because in China you don't get divorced.

[C]

I interrupted. You said you.

[Ryan Sickler]

Him a massage.

[C]

What were you about to say?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

You know, you get. Send him, you know, the. The, you know, masseuse lady and give him some happy ending. Give him a book and just, just don't let him work by the bar. It's not his fault. So. I mean, it's her. It's her fault. You know, my. My father was a handsome, beautiful man who is a math genius. And the next thing you know, he's an alcoholic. Because the. The. The lumber business, that's. Well, they both go there. My father would. He's a math genius. He would calculate everything with his eye to measure the. And how much money it cost.

[Ryan Sickler]

He's like that, huh?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah. But until he start to drink because of it's her fault that she saw a hotel that's out of business on the highway and she hustled money, tried to take over and try to make more money, which she did. She used the lumber money and she got that place and she revamped it. And there's a bar, a karaoke bar. My father started to to then she won open another restaurant in the city. My father was left there to watch it and he was surrounded by 17 year old old horse and alcohol. You know, I mean if he didn't drink I would think he's stupid. Just, you know, that's what really ruined him.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is my mother, Is he still drinking? Is he still.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

He has been drinking since I can remember and he's never been sober. Not really sober. And you know, obviously in China like you're dead slap you because you know you're being annoying. Okay, he all hit me. But like I'm not going to be a victim about it is that's how we grow up. We grew up like American men grow up in the 60s, you know, like if others don't hate you, does he care about you? No, he doesn't. Because you have no potential. Like the dumb ones, you know, they live in alone. Like they think you have potential, that's why they hate you. So be grateful. But I think around three years ago he became sober, my father.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is that right?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Okay, yes. Apparently he had this like high school reunion thing and I somehow got famous in China, whatever. And then my people were like, oh my God, do you know this girl? My father's like, oh, that's my daughter. They're like no, you're drunk. There's no way she's your daughter. Like are you kidding me? And he felt that he wasn't there when I was growing up and he just wanted to make sure he doesn't bring shame to me anymore. So he stopped drinking.

[Ryan Sickler]

Are you still close at all?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yes, two weeks ago I went I I after, I mean he didn't I I financially supported my father. He, he, because he just never worked when he was young. His parents take care know he was cute and he was smart. And then my mother is a full blown workaholic and whenever he does something wrong, she'll scream at him. And he doesn't do anything. So he's lazy. So now he's too old to work. He's not too old, he's only 55. But because he's such a moron, if he worked for anyone, people just like, hey, you Stupid bitch. I don't want him to hear that. I don't want him to really live. Have to go through the. So I financially support him. It doesn't take much. He's. He's a vegan. He likes. He makes his own food. He. We have a garden. He's not a spender. He didn't gamble. He's like, it's not.

[Ryan Sickler]

Take me at, like, he's low maintenance.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Low maintenance. He's like a rat, you know, Just. He's fine.

[Ryan Sickler]

So talk to me about growing up as a girl who's not really even wanted by your own country or anything. You know, what's that? Like? How do you. Does it make you be the type A you are? Is it? Basically, you have two choices. You either go like you and your mom, or you're just back.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah, I think. I think it definitely made me who I am. Other than a lot of girls were born in the 90s and were discarded or were not wanted and still lived. But they. Not everyone is like me because they kind of have self respect. They resent the bad thing happened to them. But I don't. I feel. I don't. Never felt like a victim. I felt that that's how life is, you know, I. It was my fault. I didn't have a penis, if I had one, you know?

[Ryan Sickler]

You really believe me?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah. They would want me. So I'm a girl, but I just need to make the most out of it. It's just to accept that men are gonna have more opportunities. Once you accept it, you can change it. If you don't accept it, you're always gonna be a little bitch victim. Be like, no, I would choose a man to be my security guy over a woman. If I don't know the woman well, if the woman is like a million times better than the men, I'll hire the woman. I mean, I'm a woman, and I still think that way. Maybe for me to change it is for me to make it so I can talk about it rather than being a little bitch about it.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's what I wanted to say. You said once you accept it, you can change it. Tell me how you did that for.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yourself, I think is basically pushing myself to become the best I can in every way, every way, every shape or form, to become the best I can. In, like, in school, you know, I want to make sure that I can be valuable. Like, I can be the best I can because I. I'm lucky to go to school. I want to be the best. I always loved learning And I think that's the thing. And I knew I wasn't wanted. And they keep telling me, you know, like, when I don't get A plus, my mom would a sort of dictionary on my forehead be like, I.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is that right?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's your punishment for not getting an A?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah, it's hard to cover Oxford dictionary. You know, there's like, you would bleed. Yeah, I'm bleeding. She goes, you're welcome. I open your third ey and she'll be like, you're welcome. Whenever, like she hit me, she'll be.

[C]

Like, you're welcome, you're welcome.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah, she, I mean, I know she loves me. I mean, she wouldn't hit me if she didn't care. You had to care to hit, you know, and then I would feel bad I did not get A plus. And I would get it next time. Rather than be like, I hate you for being an evil, I would just be like, because she tell me her childhood that she's not allowed to eat. There's not enough food, you know, and her brothers are working, which means they have to eat to take a bike to go to the construction site. And she's a girl at home, you know, she can starve because she won't need to go to work. So she's been starving when she was growing up. So I got to go to school. Why would I about not being good enough, you know, I wanted to be as good as I can. And I always want to be a pretty girl. I mean every girl want to be a pretty girl. It's just who we are, what we are. And I realized that in Chinese beauty standard, I wasn't attractive because of we like small lips, light skin color and like a. Don't like a big chicken jaw because that's like a manly looking. So I. They call me Cage fighter when I was growing up.

[Ryan Sickler]

No. Yeah, like that's like elementary school kids.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah, Cage fighter. Like they asked me to go back to Africa. I'm like, I wish I can go there. There's diamonds there. But like, how do I get there? But it's just the people, our kids are very mean to me because I always. Because in China, like ugly girls should know they're ugly and behave accordingly. But I wasn't pretty in China. But I act like a hot girl. I'm like popular, like talk to boys and just like people like, what's wrong with you? You're gross. Because, because in Asian culture we like women. For a woman to be attractive, you have to be humble. You have to be sweet and kind and considerate and quieter. You know, that's attractive. If you are loud and self confident. Being confident is considered cocky. And being arrogant is one of the most disgusting characters of a woman. Is that when a woman is arrogant, it's like it' big turn off. And I somehow have this unhinged confidence about me that was very unattractive.

[Ryan Sickler]

Where does it come from?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

I think I'm born this way. Like. Like I just. Like someone just born to suck dick, you know, like they didn't choose to suck dick. Every kid was sucking a lollipop, you know. But eventually, you know, this boy just only want dick. It's not his fault.

[C]

He found his calling. Yeah, yeah, he's wired though.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

I just. I was born.

[C]

What can I say, man?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah, I just.

[C]

I love the chug of.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

You know, I was born. I just want attention. I wanted attention. I wanted to make people happy. I could. I just. I'm a people pleaser.

[Ryan Sickler]

Pleaser.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

But I wanted to. I also wanted to just make people happy.

[Ryan Sickler]

Are the women in your family aunts, you know, mom, sisters, anything. Are they all type A like you and your mom? Are they like that?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

My mother is a triple A. I'm AA since I'm alcoholic like my father. My. My daughter is definitely AAA personality.

[Ryan Sickler]

She is, huh?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

She's tiny but mighty. And my sister is type A as well because she married her colleges. I mean high school sweetheart who is. I mean if you marriage your high school thing, it's like a cult. You know, his Herman listened to her like he's listen to her. Whatever she does, he listens to her.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wait, you said sister. So how does my younger sister.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Oh, my mother. She is. She didn't give a. The thing about. She doesn't care. She goes, oh, I don't want. It's a funny thing. People like normal people who has self respect and responsibilities who are normal humans. The thing is the punishment is not just you. If you have a daughter and you still want to have a second baby, there is a fine. That's is the fine is as much as the house you own and you and your husband go both got fired. And in some cases they would fire your relatives. Like imagine because you wanted to have two kids. Your sister has to lose her job, her husband had to lose their job. Your parents have to lose their job. You will start to think, you know what? Maybe I should not be in that self selfish. Maybe. Maybe you know, I don't to be. I don't have to be so into little boys. Like Michael Jackson, you know, I need. Girls are okay too, right?

[C]

Thank you for saying it.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

You know, people were just like, okay, I'll be okay. I'll live. I have a daughter. It's fine. You know, maybe she'll be a lesbian. She'll be on top.

[Ryan Sickler]

So she and your dad had another child.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Oh, yeah. They wanted to help me.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

And they pay the fine.

[Ryan Sickler]

How much was the fine? Do you know?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

I. I was in American dollars.

[Ryan Sickler]

Six figures. Is it crazy?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

I mean, in China, because, for example, a house in China, in a village, is probably like 10 grand, right? Like, imagine like your whole house. Like, I don't know. In America, in our lab, like a million, two million.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, right.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

But in the end, your job as.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, in your job, the ability to afford that place.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Exactly. So my mom's like, okay, take the house. This. My daughter's ugly. But because. Because my father dropped me when he was taking me out. He dropped me and I started to cry, and my head hit the concrete floor. She goes, she's a keeper. Like, she. She cried loud. She's like a d. You know, I'm not leaving. So my mom's like, I'm giving her. She's ugly, but she's a fighter. You know, I. There's something about this girl. So she kept me and she paid for me. So, like, she. You know, she. She's like, okay, take the house. Take my job. So she. She got fired. She had a good job. She got fired. And her sister was also gonna get fired. So my mom's like, don't worry, I'm gonna. She. She. She took me to the cornfield. She carried me.

[Ryan Sickler]

What do you mean?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Because, like, once you are hiding a.

[Ryan Sickler]

Baby, you know, where do they have you then?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

At home.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're. You're number two.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Number one.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're number one first, and then your sister comes after. Okay, but why do they have you? Because you're a girl. That's the. That's what they're hiding. The fact that they're not a boy.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

No, they're hiding at home. They're hiding that I never existed so.

[Ryan Sickler]

They could have another second one.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Ah, so. But people would report you, right?

[Ryan Sickler]

Because people gotta say, but how do you become a person, though, without documentation? How do you become a human?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Later. Later years, you know, after she paid the fine and everything, later years, they were able to have me registered, but my mama don't really know my birthday. She. She lied to me about my birthday. I just found out when I was 25. I. I realized I've been having the wrong birthday for 20 years. I am serious.

[C]

What did you think your birthday was?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

I saw My birthday is December 20th. I mean, January. No, my Lunar New Year is December 26th. My birthday on my ID is January 18th. That's what. What my birthday is.

[Ryan Sickler]

What is it really?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

It's actually January 21st.

[Ryan Sickler]

Three days later.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah. The whole time. That's. That's the day.

[Ryan Sickler]

How'd she figure it out?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Finally, I. I think I was googling, you know, the lunar calendar calculated into the, you know, normal calendar. It says January 21st. That's the first time I saw it. I'm like, well, I know my lunar calendar is the right day. So I asked my mother, why is all my IDs 18? She goes, oh, who cares? I said, wait, do you know that's different. Oh, yeah, actually, I know it's not the right number. January 18th is what I wrote. Your birthday is January 21st. I said, why would you wrote 18? She goes, you know, eight means a lot of money in Chinese. Yeah. Eight means money. And the six means lucky one is going to. So January 18th means you're going to be lucky. And 21st is like, nothing means nothing and you're ugly. I want you to get lucky and have money. That's why I gave you the eight. You're welcome. Like she told me, you're welcome. Yeah. Thank you, Mom. She goes, it's okay. I do everything for you. Everything I do do it for you. You know, she say, everything I do, I do it for you. I said, thank you, Mom. So that's the one I found out.

[Ryan Sickler]

So you're born at home, in the house.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And how. How do they do that there?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

We had a midwife that she paid to brag her, bribe her to. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then you. You mentioned carrying you to the cornfield.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

That was in the summer, in the fall, because they would have, like, unexpected search, like, oh.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, is that right?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah. Do you have a. Do you have a. Why do you have two kids?

[Ryan Sickler]

You know, they would do searches as well for this.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah. And she would carry me right into the cornfield, and she realized that she has to figure something out. She just had to pay the fines and pay more money and grab more people in order to keep me Fine. So she ended up trying to expand her business into the hotels and so she can make more money. And that's what I. I realized that because she was able to leave the village and make more money, she was able to keep me and give me the best education and Send me to America. And I just realized that because I was raised by her, I know by example, a woman can do whatever the she wants as long as you're willing to work hard and that, you know, you just have to be like, okay, I'm a peasant. That's who I am, and I can have anything I want. If you want to be a princess, you have to suck that old dick, you know, you got. You gotta put up with it. You can't complain.

[C]

Oh, dick, right.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Like, you have to eat that beef jerky, you know, you pick and choose, you know?

[C]

Yeah.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Are you a princess or peasants? Yeah, princesses. They, you know, they, they can't work. Their hands are for diamonds. Like, I, I clean dishes. I was. What I mean, when we were. I was like very young and I've been washing dishes in our restaurants and clean the bathroom and I start for your mom restaurant. And it's the most invaluable experiences of my life is be useful, you know, like when you are useful, since life is easy for you. When you are useless, you complain. You're like, why I don't have this? Because you're a lazy. You know why people don't like me? Because you're a fat, lazy. You know, just spend the money on your face. You know, do something. People just like, but why? There's no why. You know, men are superficial. What can I say? You try to know. Know your enemies in order to conquer them. You know, that's Confucius, you know, you have to know your enemies, keep them close. You can. Because that's why I love your comedy, is because you just. You are so real. You're like, this is it, you know, I'm not gonna make it cute and easy for you guys. That's how life is. That's how. That's why. You know, I just feel like we really. I really get your comedy and get.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Your story. It's just that you. Because when it's real, people, People understand it. We are not lecturing anyone. It's just what it is. Rather than be like, I'm lazy, but, you know, I don't want to work, but how do I get a royal treatment? No, you won't. You're not your peasant like me. So you're gonna.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's your life, you know, so you're good in school, you're excelling, whatever. Do you play sports or anything?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yes, I played volleyball, but then they fired me from being short because I didn't grow taller. I didn't become a giraffe. They asked for. It's not my fault. Yeah, sometimes you need a short buses, you know. But anyway, they. They fired me. I was good, but you were. Yeah, but they didn't. They think I wasn't tall enough. But it's fine.

[Ryan Sickler]

So when do you come to America?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

I came to America when I was 18 years old.

[Ryan Sickler]

Now can I ask you this? I heard you say my mom wanted to send me to America. Was that always a goal?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

No, she never want me to go to America. She wanted me to stay in China because she did. Because I was very good in school and I can get in picking university, which is like the Harvard of China for Chinese literature. And she want me to become a professor.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Which I'd always loved literature. I loved writing. My grandpa is well.

[Ryan Sickler]

You have a children's book.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yes, I'm writing. I. But I want to be a performer. The only reason I'm writing is because I was ugly to perform. But you know, I just feel like in America is so diverse. And I watch Halle Berry, I watch like Salma Hayek, all of those ladies with dark skin. They are so beautiful, so stunning. They are. But what's wrong with me? Like, why can't I be dark? You know, maybe it's not my problem. Maybe I just need to see the world on a bigger stage. That's a beauty, that's more diverse. And that's also one mission I have is to help women who don't feel beautiful because they are not the norm to understand that you are your own universe. You know, like if you don't feel you have to be the hottest ever because the world exists because of you. You know, if you don't you feel ugly, it's. There's why. Why, you know, why would we do that? Everyone there's in China we say like from a lover's eye. Like whoever they love is the most beautiful person in the world. Is, is, is. Is about who you are with. You know, surround yourself with people who actually love you. Then you feel beautiful. People who think you are ugly, you are fat, you are stupid, maybe they are not your people, you know, end up trying to change you. You have to change your surroundings. So.

[Ryan Sickler]

And also you just go into porn. There's a category forever.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah, that's perfect.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know, every porn, amputee, whatever, it's all there. And people have their own thing. That's somebody for everybody.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Exactly.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay, so you're really good in school. You're hustling. Then when do you decide you want to go? Why? Just because the. You want to get over there and see the world. You want to see what else is going on.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

It was definitely for Hollywood when I was little. My, my. My mom always, like, she always want to help the woman in the family to be entrepreneurs. To. To just. So I have a cute cousin. She married a really poor guy that her father basically just like, disowned her. Be like, you are so pretty. Why would you marry that poor guy? You know, you had to marry someone rich. But she's falling love with him. He's like a chef. He's a nice guy. And she told my mother, well, I don't have support from my father anymore. And my mom's like, well, start a business. You know, if you love him, you won't marry him. Marrying a poor guy means you gotta be a peasant. That's the price to not marry. You know, if you marry for love, you have to be a peasant. If you don't, you can be a princess. So she said, I love movies. I want to open a movie rental business. My mother, I will. I can finance that for you. But I just got this restaurant in the. In the city, and you can open that close to my restaurant. And when Jiao Ying got off school and I'm sending her to your video shop, she can. She can help you setting things, and you can watch her when she does her homework, like a babysitting arrangement for free. And she said, sure. So after school, I sit there, I watch Casablanca, I watch Vertigo, I watch Citizen King, like all of those classic American movies. The Godfather. And I. I realized that there are so many beautiful women in different skin. And obviously I just fantasizing that being an actress that I never got allowed to be on any school play to play the lead girl, the pretty girl. I always play the weird, weird person. Or like I play a man. They say I play a handsome man because I look handsome. My father was handsome, you know, whatever. So I. I want to go to America and become a movie star. I want to be in movies. I wanted to be an actress.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay, so it was always movies over comedy first.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

I never knew. I'm a comedian. I was funny. But I want to be an actress. I was classically trained as a theater actress before comedy happened to me.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, you were?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yes. So I did that before Johnson Gilton saw me at an audition. He's like, you have to try stand up. You have to do it. So that's one of the first time I heard a stand up. Because we don't have.

[Ryan Sickler]

Because of John Singleton.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah, I Know, I. He died after he saw my open mic first.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is that right?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

I think I killed. Yeah, I think so.

[C]

I killed John Singleton, girl.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yep. Yes. He's a. You know, survive Compton, but not me. Not killed him.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, okay. Okay. So now you get to the States and where do you go first?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

I. My mother basically said that I am not going to help with your school application. You know, you got to figure out how to get it. And also she won't pay for my school. I. I have to raise money to convince her I can survive in America. She just didn't. She just think it's not safe. Also, we have. We have a city of 3 million people, which is a small city in China, but it's half of an la. But no one has ever been to America in the history of my city. It's just something that she's afraid there's. But I. I just said, mom, I can take care of myself. And she's like, I can't help you. Then finally, I've been begging her for years. Finally, like the last year of high school, she said, if you can raise your first year tuition in, I'll pay for everything for your school.

[Ryan Sickler]

And where are you gonna go? What school?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

I don't have a school.

[Ryan Sickler]

You don't have one yet.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Because I was gonna get to the best school in China. Instead, I'm gonna go to a. I.

[Ryan Sickler]

Just wasn't sure if you'd applied or.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Before I even applied, because I don't. She's not paying for my tuition. There's no point for me to apply anything. I had to negotiate a deal with her.

[Ryan Sickler]

Two days.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

To raise how much?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

It's not much, like 20 grand. But it's a lot for someone.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, that's a hell of a lot for anybody.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

I said, okay, I'll do it. So I took my bike and I went to my friend, my best friend in middle school. We end up in a different high schools. I went to the better ones. And she's a very rich girl. Her family is in real estate and she has two older brothers who don't do. And I said, listen, I am going to America and my mother want me to raise 20 grand before I go. And here's the deal. I'm gonna talk to your father. She goes, oh, my God, what are you gonna say? I said, don't worry. I just went to his office. It's like a. Listen, Uncle Sheer, I. I've been thinking. I think it would be very wise for you to make me and your daughter God, sisters, we are best friends and she's weak, you know, and her boyfriend hit her and I, I helped her. I just was thinking about it moving forward. What happens 20 years later? Your sons are in their mid-30s, they're playing video games. You know, you have, you're saying this.

[Ryan Sickler]

As a 17 year old to the dad?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah, my daughter talk like her, like me too. So they good for you? Yeah. I said they are lazy. They're gonna lose all your money. Which is not the point. The point is your, your sister, I mean, your daughter is a little slow. You know, the guy she has, she's probably a Mary and he's poor and he's asking for your money. You know, I mean, if I, I'm going to America, becoming an international talent, I'm gonna be so great and strong and I think that for me to be her sister can really help her moving forward. When you don't know what's gonna happen, he's like, that's very rude. You know, you have no manner. But, but let me call a feng shui master, see if your zodiac sign in my spine.

[C]

Man. You told this dad everything he knew, huh? Yeah, that's what he worried about every day, everything. He's like, man, you for saying that.

[Ryan Sickler]

But let me get my check.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

And the function master said that I'm good for him, I'm good for him. And then he basically like, I'm calling your mother was her bank account number. So she got her bank account. They have the same bank. She go to our restaurant. He goes to our restaurant. He knows I'm not like, like some like a scam artist. Like, I'm just my, my mother own a business. She's a normal person. She's a good person. And see, he, he called her, he's like, listen, your daughter's here. I'm gonna wire you 20 grand. US daughter, which is $140,000 in Chinese money, which is 140. Imagine 140k.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean just hearing that. Numbers.

[C]

Yeah.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

So she said, no, you're not giving her any money because is, is. I, I'm just teasing her. She's not going to America. I just want her to give up the idea. He goes, no, no, the teasing backfired. She's at my house right now and she's. Now we just finished the ceremony. She and my daughter just exchanged their blood in water. They are sisters now.

[C]

Did you really?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah.

[C]

Wait, what's the ceremony?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

We have our blood. Like we dip the blood in one. One cup of Alcohol. And we switch and we drink each other's blood mixed together. Yes. Because we always say, like. Like if your siblings are the most important friends because you share the same blood, but if you are not siblings, you want to become sister brothers. You know, you share each other, the blood. So he's like, I'm not gonna be that person who take it back, because my daughter is gonna probably gonna beat up by her future husband in the future. According to your daughter. She told me the whole thing because I know he hit her one time and I beat him up, but.

[Ryan Sickler]

You beat him up?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah. And if he's. She's gonna marry him, and if I die, I don't know what's gonna happen. Her brother is not busy with video games and gambling, so I think I'm taking. My daughter is my princess. You know, I'm kind of buying your daughter's.

[Ryan Sickler]

I was about to say buy that.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah, yeah. That'll give me a piece of calm. I have all the money. 20 grand.

[Ryan Sickler]

Was this a loan?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

I said it's a loan. I said, it's a loan. And he said that. My mom is like, no, I'm turning the money back to you, and this has never happened. She goes, no, no, no, no. I'm not gonna lie to my goddaughter. She's getting that money. If she's gonna go to America, she can buy a car.

[C]

Already calling you.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

They just finished sipping his daughter's boy. And he's like, all right, let me call your mom.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Oh, my God. So he's like, she can keep the money if she's not going to America. I don't care. She's keeping the money because she's gonna take care of there. She's my goddaughter now. My mom's like, no, no, no, you're not doing this to me. What happens if you give her the money and I won't give her the money? She goes, he's. He goes, that's on you. I mean, it's not my fault. So I went home, and I was like, we are refunding the money. And you made a thing, and you made me look stupid. And I said, mom, what. What is the worst thing you worry about that's gonna happen to me, America? Why? You're gonna get killed. You're gonna be poor. You're gonna end up on the street, be homeless, because you have no friends. What happens? The phone don't work anymore. I can't reach you. We have no relatives in America. I don't speak English, I worry about you. I said, mom, if I can raise 20 grand in two days on my bike, which is technically in one day, I don't think I. I'll die in America. I think I'll live and live well. She was like, maybe you will. And I'm like, mom, you came to the city by yourself. You know, you are a girl from the village. You are a farmer, and if you can do it, why can't I do it? She's like, okay, you can try, but don't expect me to spend money and time to apply for school for you. You take the. The TOEFL exam, you know, the English thing, and you apply for the school, you get that visa, and if you can get this done, I can probably believe that you can survive there. I said, I don't know how to do it. Well, you figure it out. You tell me you can do everything right. Do it now. So I was able to figure it out and everything, and I applied for law schools, and the first offer I got is from University of Kentucky.

[Ryan Sickler]

All right. The Wildcats.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yes. Uk. The Big Blue. So I have other offer coming in later on, but because of my. My mother was not really supportive, and I just want to make sure I got a visa before changing her mind. She'd be like, no, you're not going. So I just wanted to. I took my visa for UK and I got a visa. Took my visa.

[Ryan Sickler]

You went from China to Kentucky.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah.

[C]

What a culture.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Very progressive.

[C]

Yeah.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yes.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay. And where do you go when you get there? Right to the university. Like, do you have a dorm room or. You got in.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

So I got it. I got in school, like, during the winter break. I actually, I. I turned 18 years old on. On the flight. I, I. It wasn't my birthday, and on the.

[Ryan Sickler]

18Th or the 21st, I mean, technically 18th, you were flying.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah, yeah, that's true. Probably whatever it is. It was. I got into Chicago o' Hare Airport, and I don't know how to transfer to Lexington because I don't speak English at all. And I have a note. But then people are busy me in the airport, and so I can't find anyone. Help me. I saw this man and the woman, like a nice couple carrying a baby on their shoulder, a cute baby, smiling. And then I have a panda bear in my purse. I just started using the panda bear to seduce the baby to talk to me. The baby kept giggling. So the parents just had no choice, like, hi. Say hi. I'm like, I'm transferring to Lexington, Kentucky. Please help. It just. They Were like, oh, that's where we're going. Turned out that guy is a. He's a preacher, like, or he's a pr. He's a preacher for church. And then they were the first friend I made and. And I. They actually gave me a ride back to my dorm. And it turns out that my luggage was delayed. I had no luggage. It's in the winter, January in Kentucky. I. In the dorm. I have no blanket. I can. There's no sheets, so I slept in my coat.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like, are you by yourself or is.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

There a roommate in there? No one is there yet.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

So it was pretty sad because I have nothing to wear and I have. Which is the clothes I have, but, like, I have no blanket.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did you cry?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

And now I was so happy. I got to America and I was hungry. I don't know where to get food. And I had, I had a. Probably like $20 in my bank account and $5,000 cash in my pocket, obviously. And so I just find out where the supermarket is to buy some juice and fruit. And trying to find out how do I get my luggage delivered to the dorm. So that's like the task. Then I realized you can work with a student visa on campus. So next day, I went to the Common Market, whatever the food restaurant place in campus. I got three jobs. I got a job as someone who makes pizza so I can eat. I don't want to, you know, I, I, I, I want to learn and study. So I got a job in the library to watch the computers, like, and then I got a job at the cafeteria to make sandwiches and make coffee. So I had breakfast. I had. I definitely. I don't have dinner, but at lunch, you know, how the are you doing.

[Ryan Sickler]

All this without out. I mean, you don't speak English.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

You said, I found a Chinese girl, okay? She, she speaks Chinese. And I said, but, you know, like, what can I do for you? She goes, nothing. You don't. You're useless right now. You. I said, I'll take you out of our really nice lunch in this only nice Chinese restaurant we have in Kentucky in Lexington. I need to find three jobs. Here's why I need to study. I need a computer. I needed to learn English. That's why I need to work. That's the only way to learn English. People just like, you slow, you know, like, I want my. It's tuna, not turkey, you dumb hoe. You remember.

[C]

Hold on, right? You're learning English in Kentucky, too? Yeah.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah. That's great.

[C]

Yeah.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah. Like, I feel like the best Way to learn the language is to work.

[C]

Yeah.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

You know, if you don't understand, they curse at you. You remember next time. And that's how, you know, I learn English is just through working. And I just. I wasn't even complaining. I felt it was. I. I have more to celebrate right now, but those are some of the happiest times I had.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Before things got complicated and I either insecurity and abuse of people coming into my life. But back then I was pretty happy. I was working very hard and learning English, getting to know the culture. Because I want to learn English. I can't. I'm no use go to Hollywood at 18, don't speak English.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, listen, I give you so much, much credit to. I. I know damn well I could not go to China and immerse myself in the culture quickly or efficiently or any of that. And then the people that come here and open a business, I think about that all the time. There's no way I'm going to China and opening a business.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Oh, God, yes.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know what I mean? And then learning their laws and rules and. I know it's so. I mean, I. I had no idea.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

You know, we can't hit kids in America. If I knew that, I would never want that green card. It's not worth it. It's sad actually. Like how, like how can they reach their full potential? Like you just have block your vagina for mediocre baby. Anyways, it confusing me.

[Ryan Sickler]

Tell me you mentioned you were happy before. Yeah, I know things started happening.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

I always knew there's something wrong with me is that I push myself to the limits and I. I'm really happy about my. I like to. To push for things. But once I get it, I just don't really enjoy celebrating it. It's the next thing I don't have. I need to achieve. I knew. I didn't know I was bipolar until high school. Is. I know my grandmother was bipolar. She definitely was. When she had a manic episode, she ran out naked to the village, just running. She run. Yeah, she ran away. And they. You know, my grandpa quit his job to take care of her and she was able to. To get out of the manic episode. But I never knew because in China there's no mental illness, there's no depression. You're lazy, you're ugly. That's what you're sad. That's the only reason to explain it. And I also like my mom. Like, no, you're not crazy. You didn't run out naked. So I said Something is wrong. Remember one time, I was always a happy girl. But then something just snapped. When I was around 15, I. One day I decided to not go to school. I can't get out of bed. I'm just sad. I don't know why I'm sad. I felt. It's like just. Just like I have. I have no future. I. I don't think I'll be ever happy. And I'm. I'm useless and I. I just feel like I'm useless. I don't make my mom problem. And I do. I just. I feel really bad. I can't even get out of bed. And I stopped eating for like weeks. When I stopped eating, because I'm a cow, I like to eat. My mom, like, okay, we have problem. So doctor's like, oh, she's fine. She probably have a crush on a boy, and the boy don't talk to her. And that's true. But there's more deeper things, because I just stopped eating. Like, I'm a happy girl now. You know, I'm like, I lost 20 pounds, and I'm very young to lose that much weight. So my mom's like, don't understand why. And I think one time I'm in bed, my dad came to my room and he just took me out of bed and dragged me out of the house to like, you are lazy. You're going to school. I said, I'm not. And he hit me. So that also made me my depression more because they don't believe me. They don't believe that I am sick and I'm literally very skinny. But they don't know there's a thing called depression or bipolar until I think I went diagnosed when I was 17, that there's this thing called bipolar. But my mom's like, oh, well, you know, it'll be fine. Yeah. Whenever I got on medication and I think what make my bipolar worse is like, when I was in college, I was introduced alcohol for. For. For the different reasons, because I always reason alcohol because of my father. I hate it. But in college and my. I got friends with those pretty girls. They are models. And they helped reinvent myself. They helped me wearing contact lenses and do my hair, my makeup, and they. I. I realized that I can be a pretty girl somehow. You know, like, it's kind of like, oh, I can be cute. I can be pretty. And then next, you know, the party, the drinking. But like, a bipolar can't really. If you have bipolar drinking, you're just gonna make everything worse.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is that right?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah. It's like a depressant by itself, alcohol, but it can really make your mania more paranoid and make depression stunk deeper. I. My depression don't go, don't go long. But it is really severe. It really like the way you feel worthless and useless is so strong that the pain, it just, it costs you so much pain. It's like someone who has no eyes and you are just stepping something still saying you are stabbing their child. They would believe it and they would die from the heartbreak from it. Because I'm so delusional about the reality. Like I'm not a loser, I am not useless. But I really believe that anyways. Alcohol can really trick your brain, your chemistry into the dark places. And I think that worsened my, my, my condition that I became more obsessed with his work. I think I became a workaholic to fill the hole of being useless.

[Ryan Sickler]

And when did you get to your lowest?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

The lowest, I would say, is that why. When I married my, my husband. He's a. He's a very handsome guy, very wealthy from China.

[Ryan Sickler]

How old were you when you were married?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

27. That's when I met him and we fell in love. He looked like the perfect guy for me on. He's very worldly and he's a Chinese man, which is important. I can have a tie with home. My mother would see me and because she's like, I will never see you again. And he's. He's rich. So she can finally understand that I can take care of my family, take care of her, and she didn't have to work anymore. But it turns out that he, he likes the idea of me. I mean, he, I mean, you know, if. If he married a girl who's a gold digger, who's. Who's a gold digger, who is a girl who wants to just not work, never work again and who's obedient, that girl would be very lucky. But I am not okay with not working. Like I want to work. I wanted to create. That is where the difference is. At the beginning, he just like, oh, I support your career. And he did it financially. He investing movies for me and the directors and producers in China thinks my face is too big and too manly looking to be the lead lady for this Chinese show. Because the beauty stand is like the K pop stars. You know, they have very light skin, very skinny. And so I start getting very insecure with my look. If I had like the self love, I don't have bipolar, I'll be like all of you guys. I'm great. But Because I want to be good. And I. I've been growing up with the insecurities, and I. You know, you have that manic energy. And I started to. To inject my face to reduce my. My jawline and my muscles to make me look like I don't eat and bleach my skin so I can be whiter.

[Ryan Sickler]

You were bleaching your skin?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah, I was. The. The. The. The onset. The producers were sending me IV treatment and bleaching agents for my skin bleaching because I'm too dark to look like the leading lady two guys are gonna fight for. I remember what the breaking point was when I was on set and I said, I don't remember my lines anymore. Like, I can barely stand because I've been eating spinaches for, like, a week. And they're like, oh, honey, don't worry. You look great. You don't have to remember the lines. We have voiceover. You just open your mouth. Then I realized that I'm not acting.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're not even a person.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah. I'm just this bleached skinny who betrayed my identity.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's a puppet.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah. To lie to my young girls who's struggling with how they look. Instead of empowering them, I'm basically doubling down. You have no chance. You lose weight, bleach your face. Like, I'm not empowering anyone. All the things I want to do as a little girl to empower the girls who look different. I'm a liar. I. I'm not. No. I said I can't do it. So I'm. This was kind of the breaking point of my marriage is that he thinks I'm too weak and lazy to. To commit to this project he paid for. They found some money else, and it's a good project. They made money. He didn't lose money on it. But I said, I'm going back to America. I'm gonna just do what John Singleton said, you know, to try comedy. Try stand up. Stand up is for the ugly people. You know, if I don't have to bleach my skin or, like, lose 20 pounds to get on stage. So I'm gonna do that. And he was so embarrassed, ashamed of me because. Which means he's like, what should you do? How. How do you. How do I buy you something to make it happen? I said, I have to. I have to go to open mx. I just have to do it. It. That's the only way. Because you can't do it. You are going to bring shame to me. You're Going to go to the open mic in front of Love Factory with homeless people. My friends may drive by and see you. You know, you're. It's going to be disgusting. I said, that's what I want with my life. That's what I am. I am disgusting. That's who I am. I started open mic and every time I would spend hours driving around trying to get on stage and people laugh at me, make, you know, racist jokes about me and, and it's just very hard. And I would come home and the biggest fight would be what he would pick up to make fun of me about doing this, which is like, you have no Thailand. You don't speak English. You failed in acting. You're never gonna make it in comedy. It's harder. Then I just realized that if after one week, I, I couldn't. The most I can get in is two open mics because you either pay for a drink or you sit around the form for, for, for like a lottery. It didn't work work. So I said, I need to buy my own club. I just had to buy my own club. So I was driving around Melrose, I saw this closing. Store is for lease. I went in, I'm like, oh, yeah, I see why. You're 40s. You got ugly clothes. I'll take over the lease. That's how my club happened. Two weeks later, I opened my club on my son's birthday. That was literally a few weeks after I started open. Started open make. I bought that club so I can host open mics every hour because I know how to wait. I know I suck. I just need to be on stage. Nobody want me on stage. So I put myself on stage. I started my club is me being the 247 host. Like we, we open 10:00am to 11:00pm What? Oh, yeah, it's still open. It's very busy.

[Ryan Sickler]

10:00Am yeah. Wow.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah. Damon Wine was just there, just running new stuff. Like we have great comedians swing by to pop in just because they, they just can go to a little place without people bugging them. And it's still going strong. Today it's five years old. More than five, five and a half years for you. Because I know I suck. Like, I, I hate when like, you know, you always are online. I was, you know, sometimes you have some comedian, you're like, I hate audience. They suck. They didn't laugh. I'm like, you suck. They laughed before and after you. So stop believing them. The, you know, I just, I. I know I suck. I'm not delusional. I Don't believe in that. You are enough. You will be enough one day. But not right now. You're a working process. So I just bought that club, putting my hours and during, During COVID after I brought Covid here, you know, everything shut down.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, you brought it over. Yeah, yeah.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Marriage was falling apart. He was literally calling me ugly and stupid and I'll never make it serious. Oh, yeah, you're ugly and you got so fat, you know, but blah. And I just spend more time in the club. Even though during COVID I just putting those people and working on my jokes and, and you know, nothing, nothing is happening. And I can't afford to keep the club anymore. I started selling my jewelry, my purse. I used to work in finance. Well, I supported my acting career, but my husband's so rich and he want me to quit my job so I can move to China, which I did, which was a big mistake because I lost my financial income. I have some savings, but I, I was just trying to keep that club. And he won't give me money for it because it was stupid. So I keep buying, selling my stuff so I can pay the rent. And it just got really ugly. And it just, I think losing my, losing my confidence, like a feeling ugly feeling. Not great. But I somehow I have this thing in me that hasn't died yet that I know as long as I don't give up, I'm gonna make it. But the divorce took a while until like, I was. I mean, it's not a big deal for us now, but back then was a big deal for me. When I passed a love factory, I mean, as open maker, it was a big deal for me. Yeah, it was a huge deal for me. And I was gonna.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's a huge deal for just an American kid to come over here and anywhere and do that, to come from another country to learn a new language. I, I could never perform in Chinese.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Oh, my God.

[Ryan Sickler]

And learn timing and, you know, the.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Culture, all of it. Geopolitical agendas. Yes.

[Ryan Sickler]

None of it.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

I could never thank you for saying that. Yeah, yeah. I, I, it was so bad that I remember that as I'm so excited I can't do my hair and makeup. He's like, what are you doing? I said, I'm going to perform at the Love Factory the first time as a regular. We were already kind of separated back, back then, but he said, do you remember when you were a little girl, you used to stutter? I said, yes, I told you that. But I don't stutter anymore. He goes, actually, I read an article, you know, if you are gonna do something that's high pressure, you may stutter again. I don't think you should do that show, you know, you're gonna stutter. Then he starts stuttering, like, mocking me.

[C]

Oh.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

And I start stuttering like, I, I should not do that. But I just, I couldn't help. I slapped him on the face.

[Ryan Sickler]

You did?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah. And then he grabbed my neck and start choking me. And then.

[Ryan Sickler]

Whoa.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

But he's, he's, you know, he's like not physical. I, I, I, I took a, a cutting board and hit him on the head. So he dropped my hand. My mother was.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wait, he was choking you? That's how you got him off?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

He was, he grabbed me to the sink to choke me. I don't know why he want me to show me in the sink because he's the ocd. The only vomited wooden floor.

[C]

I don't know, try to keep it clean.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah. He's like, don't you try to, you know, throw up on my wooden floor. And then I just, there's a, like a little cheese board. I just hit him on the head and he, he dropped me and he realized I was too far. And then my mother was watching afar. She threw a vase on him.

[Ryan Sickler]

She saw it?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah, a big vase. She's very aggressive. So she threw a vase on him and he left. And the next day I fell for divorce.

[C]

Good.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

I, I tried. I, I mean, honest, like, he's not an abusive person. He never hit me. Me. But, but I'm not saying that make it okay for him to choke me. No, it's not okay. But it's okay for me to slap him? No, it's not. But it's just like when people are frustrated, you know, this thing happens. But I'm not gonna swing him from demonic violence because it's not that situation. But it's a situation for me to leave. And that's why I really wanted to. I always, like, I hate when girls with abusive guys don't leave. And I actually finally understand. I thought I was a very strong girl, but it took me a while to leave. It just the mental abuse is worse than, not worse. Equally as bad as physical abuse because it trips your, your brain.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, with.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah, like a big time. Yeah. Breaking your wings. You can't fly and you don't think you can live without that person. And the threats, I mean, I never got threatened, but I, I was just like, with the moment it turned violent. I'm done. Like, I Walked out. And I, I know that he's rich and powerful. He's gonna take the children. So I wanted to make sure I. And also, like, I can't get any money from him in China because he knows everyone and I know no one.

[Ryan Sickler]

So you have two kids together. And how does it work in China? Is there child support? Like, does not really. That doesn't have. Basically whoever breadwinner doesn't have to pay.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

The rich person decide what happens.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's how it goes. Money is power.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah, obviously they'll pay some, some child support, but they definitely don't. They will, they will live with the children like you. You. It would be hard for me to see the children. It rather. For me to. I would rather diverse in California. So I basically made a deal with him. He. He's not American. So I said, I, I. All I want is the children. Like, I need the children. He's like, you, how do you raise them? You have no money. I said, I'll figure it out, but I want the children like you. Taking them to China is, is a no. Like, it's not going to work. I need them. I'll have my mom come over, stay here forever to keep the children to help me. Me. He goes, if you want the children, I won't give you any child support or you guys some child support. You know, you see, some half the time they'll be living in China with me. You can come to see them. I said, no, I don't want child support. I don't want any money. I want divorce to be finalized right now, right here. I want the children, and that's what I got.

[Ryan Sickler]

He said okay to that.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

He said okay because he never wanted divorce. And he saw that I would to end up penniless and come back and beg him. He's just like, very spoiled by very, very traditional, obedient Asian women who would fight for him, would kill for him. Woman with, like, who don't want to work ever. I mean, he can take care of a whole village if he want to spend his money on it. But he wanted to mentally abuse me to make sure, like, I am pendant. I come and beg. If I go back and beg him, I'll never leave again. Because, like, if, you know, no, you think you can do it and you can you come back and beg him. That's like, for him to really, like, have me mentally control me, be like, you can't do it. You tried. You try to run away, and now you're back. You know, you better, you know, show Me that you are not gonna try to be stupid again. So I said no, I just want it to be finalized. And I want the children. You can see them, whatever you want.

[Ryan Sickler]

I want them to come see him.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Libism. Not really. And he didn't.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is he back in China now?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

He's very worldly. He's in Tokyo in whatever. But he's retired. He retired early. He got lucky. He got. He got a good deal, business, whatever it is. But he's not close to children. He's done once a month and gradually. Once, two months, once, three months. But I never say anything bad about him to the children because it's stupid. I have the bigger I'm account, but I have a bigger wisdom. You know, the bigger wisdom them.

[C]

Yeah.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Is that they are smart. They are going to grow up and find out who is a good one, who is a bad one, who was there for them, who wasn't there for them is their choice is that my father's an or my father just troubled. Whatever they want decide is what they are going to decide. And I don't want to make my son feel like his half, you know, like.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, that's the thing, man. I'm with you on that. Your kids look at it like, well, I'm half that person. And if mom says that guy's a horrible person, I'm half horrible.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And it with them for sure. So good for you. I'm the same way. Like parenting. I say it all the time. It's a long game, you know what I mean? You don't get that return unless you live long enough for them to get old enough for them to go, how the did you do all that? Yeah, you were there. Dad wasn't here. Or you were in every game or you it. And that's when you get the reward of the long term. Like, yeah, and. And also, I mean, I know you said you were born in the 90s. I'm born in the 70s, so Internet's not a thing back then. Now they can also look up and see exactly what's going on with that person too.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah, they can read our divorce degree. You know the divorce. Like, I still allow him to see the children. I'm like, my Lord is like you. You know, you can use the children. If he didn't give you money, he didn't get to see them. I'm like, no, I can work. He's. The children are not going to be the weapon I use. I'm not going to do that. He can see them. He's nice to them. He loves them in his own way. He, that's his children. He loves them in his own selfish, narcissist way. But I'm not going to not let him see them. I would never use them as a weapon though, you know that. And, and they, they are, the kids are fine. I mean, at the beginning I really struggled. You know, we have to sell my house. And in, in the divorce, even the house we bought together, he won half it. So I, I put out a line of credit and paid him almost million dollars in cash, which I can't afford. And the house, I mean, my. Oh my God, like it's so high. The line of credit. Like I'm paying ten grand per month just for interest, not mortgage. So I was literally dying. That was a hard time that I had to figure out. I have to pay the bills with comedy, which means I have to be great at it. I have to be so good that people would overlook I'm a woman with an accent. I'm a Chinese lady. I'm an immigrant. I've been only doing it for. For less than five years. I mean, around five years. Like so far. Like, I have to be so good. I have to make people money. How to be funny. Which means you invest, you keep writing and you keep performing until you throw up. Up. And that's what I did to just be as every day, just spend every week a woman to become better at what I do. That's the only chance I got. And that's what I did because I banked on myself. I. That's a gamble.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Gambled on myself. I'm. If, Because I, if I was single, I can marry a rich guy. He'll just push me around. It's fine.

[Ryan Sickler]

You'd be miserable.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Yeah, I'll just get the money and figure it out later. But I have kids. Kids. So for my children to live in under people's roof and for someone to push me around, they will be very insecure. It just is not solution. I can't. I'm. I'm a single mother. I have to rely on myself. And dating. You should be off the topic. I can't even think about dating a guy because I don't have money to pay for my children. I don't have energy to date because either I find a man who gave me money, which won't be a solution, then I don't need a woman until I am, you know, mentally at a place financially stable, a good place as a mother for me to actually. Yeah, it took me A long time to find my man. I mean it took a long time, but I need. I. I have somehow I find a way to make it all work.

[Ryan Sickler]

I love you.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

I love you.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're so impressive. I love your hustle. I love your story. I mean, I'm blown away by you. Good for you. It's really impressive. Impressive. Thank you for doing this.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Of course. It's my pleasure.

[Ryan Sickler]

Can I ask you before we wrap up, advice you'd give to your 16 year old self? Yeah, I'm interested to hear what you would say because that's pretty close to you splitting, huh?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

I think I would tell her you are crazy. You are chaotic. But that made you special. You know, you're not sick. You know, being your mind, you know, your mind being difficult is. You're not say. It's insane. You just need to harvest the good aside time and when you're sad, just, just take a break and be kind to to your friends and family and just always know that how much they love you and kind of blessings and know how beautiful you are. You're always being very beautiful. You are a beautiful girl inside and out. You just need to know that, that and I think that's all I want to say to myself. It's not even about a career. I want to become successful. That's all I wanted back then. I had. I feel like those are not important anymore.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's great. Thank you again.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Thank you so much.

[Ryan Sickler]

Please promote one more time.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Thank you. Ryan, I am so happy to be on on the Honeydew podcast and make sure you come to see me on the road. I'm coming all over America and internationally. Yes. The tickets are@jiao yingcomedy.com or summerscomedy.com thank you.

[Ryan Sickler]

Can I ask you a quick question? Do you do stand up in China?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

I did a toured Asia, Australia and Asia on April. We we sold out to 28 shows.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wow. Stand up in Chinese.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

I did it Taiwan and Hong Kong that I had mixed languages have Chinese, Mandarin actually.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is it harder to turn your comedy like to I guess different words. I know like not every language has the same word. Is it hard?

[Jiao Ying Summers]

It's a different humor but in my Chinese it's very sophisticated that it's easier when it comes to how much I can come on the language. But it's harder to understand the humor in Chinese culture because I've been far away from it for a long time. But I'm working on my one hour Mandarin Chinese SPE special. You are to release it internationally. So I can tour for the Mandarin Chinese speaking people that they I think is interesting. I'm working on that. I'm doing Mandarin Mike in my club too, so I can work on it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

No, no worries.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you very much.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Thank you, Ryan.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you for having me. As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. We'll talk to you all next week.

[Jiao Ying Summers]

Sam.