Podcast Summary: The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler – Episode 346: Jiaoying Summers - 1 Child Policy

Introduction

In Episode 346 of The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler, host Ryan Sickler welcomes comedian Jiaoying Summers for her debut appearance on the show. Jiaoying shares a compelling and humorous narrative shaped by her challenging upbringing under China's one-child policy, her struggles with mental health, migration to America, and her journey into the world of comedy.

Early Life in China: Navigating the One-Child Policy

Jiaoying Summers was born in the early 1990s in a small village in northern China during the enforcement of the one-child policy. This policy, which limited families to a single child, heavily favored male offspring due to traditional patriarchal values.

Jiaoying Summers [04:02]: "I was born in the 1990s in a very small village in China in the north part. And you know, we had the one-child policy, which means all the families can only have one child and they really wanted that child to be a boy."

The preference for sons resulted in a significant gender imbalance, making it difficult for men from lower-income families to find wives. Jiaoying explains how unwanted girls like herself faced societal rejection and were often sent away or given up for adoption.

Jiaoying Summers [05:23]: "You just have a girl or, you know, you. Nobody knows that you have a girl. Why you just send that girl away?"

Family Dynamics: Parental Influence and Struggles

Jiaoying's parents were a central influence in her life. Her father, described as handsome and a math genius, succumbed to alcoholism largely due to the stresses imposed by her mother's entrepreneurial ambitions.

Jiaoying Summers [07:00]: "I have a very handsome father. He's an alcoholic. My mother is very ambitious. She's a beautiful lady. She's very ambitious and hardworking and she's kind of beyond her time."

Her mother ran a lumber business and later expanded into the restaurant industry, which inadvertently contributed to her husband's alcoholism when he was left to manage the burgeoning business amidst peer pressure and alcohol.

Personal Struggles: Mental Health and Self-Worth

Growing up as an unwanted girl in a strict society, Jiaoying faced immense pressure to excel academically. Failure to achieve top grades led to physical punishment from her mother, contributing to her developing bipolar disorder—a condition not widely recognized or understood in her cultural context.

Jiaoying Summers [13:05]: "I think I became a workaholic to fill the hole of being useless."

Her depression deepened as societal standards dictated her self-worth based on appearance and academic success. Jiaoying shares painful memories of being physically punished for not attaining A's and struggling with feelings of worthlessness.

Migration to America: A Leap of Faith

At 18, Jiaoying made the bold decision to migrate to the United States despite her mother's initial reluctance. She negotiated with her mother, agreeing to raise $20,000 to fund her education, showcasing her determination and resilience.

Jiaoying Summers [30:05]: "I have to raise money to convince her I can survive in America. She just didn't think it's safe."

Upon arriving in the U.S., Jiaoying faced numerous challenges, including language barriers and financial hardships. Undeterred, she took on multiple jobs—making pizza, monitoring library computers, and working in a cafeteria—to support herself and learn English.

Marriage and Divorce: Seeking Stability and Facing Abuse

At 27, Jiaoying married a wealthy Chinese man who initially appeared supportive of her career aspirations. However, conflicts arose as she struggled with insecurities about her appearance and the pressures of conforming to beauty standards prevalent in the entertainment industry.

Jiaoying Summers [47:32]: "I'm just this bleached skinny who betrayed my identity."

The marriage deteriorated when her husband began to physically abuse her, culminating in a violent confrontation that led to their eventual divorce. Jiaoying highlights the complexities of cultural expectations and the devastating impact of abusive relationships.

Jiaoying Summers [54:30]: "I slapped him on the face... I hit him on the head and he dropped me."

Building a Comedy Career: Turning Pain into Laughter

Determined to reclaim her identity and empower herself, Jiaoying ventured into comedy. She founded her own comedy club, Love Factory, to provide a platform for open mics and to consistently practice her craft. Despite initial setbacks, including the COVID-19 pandemic, she persevered, viewing each performance as a step toward self-improvement.

Jiaoying Summers [51:04]: "I know I suck. I'm not delusional. I Don't believe in that."

Her dedication paid off as Love Factory became a thriving venue, allowing her to hone her comedic skills and build a supportive community. Jiaoying emphasizes the importance of self-reliance and resilience in overcoming personal and professional obstacles.

Parenting and Current Life: Balancing Motherhood and Career

As a single mother, Jiaoying prioritizes providing a stable and loving environment for her children. She balances her demanding career with raising her kids, ensuring they grow up with a strong sense of self-worth and independence.

Jiaoying Summers [59:33]: "I love you."

Jiaoying discusses her approach to parenting, focusing on empowering her children to make their own choices and fostering their individual strengths.

Reflections and Advice

Looking back, Jiaoying offers heartfelt advice to her younger self, emphasizing self-acceptance and the importance of recognizing her own beauty and worth beyond societal standards.

Jiaoying Summers [63:18]: "You are a beautiful girl inside and out. You just need to know that."

Conclusion

Jiaoying Summers' story is one of triumph over adversity, resilience in the face of cultural and personal challenges, and the transformative power of comedy. Her journey from an unwanted girl in a restrictive society to a successful comedian and single mother in America serves as an inspiring testament to the human spirit's capacity to overcome and thrive.

Notable Quotes

• Jiaoying Summers [05:23]: "You just have a girl or, you know, you. Nobody knows that you have a girl. Why you just send that girl away?"

• Jiaoying Summers [13:05]: "I think I became a workaholic to fill the hole of being useless."

• Jiaoying Summers [30:05]: "I have to raise money to convince her I can survive in America. She just didn't think it's safe."

• Jiaoying Summers [47:32]: "I'm just this bleached skinny who betrayed my identity."

• Jiaoying Summers [54:30]: "I slapped him on the face... I hit him on the head and he dropped me."

• Jiaoying Summers [51:04]: "I know I suck. I'm not delusional. I Don't believe in that."

• Jiaoying Summers [63:18]: "You are a beautiful girl inside and out. You just need to know that."

Final Thoughts

Jiaoying Summers' candid and humorous recounting of her life on The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler not only entertains but also sheds light on serious issues such as gender bias, mental health stigma, and domestic abuse. Her ability to find humor amidst hardship exemplifies the essence of Ryan Sickler's podcast—highlighting and laughing at the lowlights of life while sharing the stories behind the storytellers.