373: Charlie Berens | The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler #373 | Full Episode

Summary

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The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler | Episode 373: Charlie Berens

Released: February 17, 2026
Guest: Charlie Berens
Main Theme: Laughing at Life’s Lowlights – From a Massive Family to Comedy Hustle

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Overview

On this episode of The HoneyDew, Ryan Sickler sits down with comedian, writer, and podcaster Charlie Berens, known for his sharp Midwest humor and stories from America’s heartland. True to the show's spirit, they swap stories about life's “lowlights”—from growing up as one of 12 children in a devout Catholic family and enduring unusual jobs (including life drawing modeling for senior citizens), to career misadventures in journalism and newscasting. It's a fun, honest, and sometimes absurd conversation about how adversity, weird jobs, and making mistakes all make for good comedy.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Growing Up in a Catholic Family of 12 Kids

• Family Structure:
  • Charlie is the second oldest; his parents are still together.
  • The siblings range from about 22 to 39 years old, with a 17-year gap between oldest and youngest.
  • Weekly Sunday dinners keep the family tight.
• Parenting Style and Faith:
  • The family’s size is attributed to Catholic values—“If it happens, it’s happening” (04:32, Charlie).
  • “Nine years she spent pregnant. Nine years pregnant.” (09:48, Charlie)
• Life in the Suburbs of Milwaukee:
  • Moved into their grandparents’ home mid-childhood for more space.

2. Education, Math Struggles, and Sibling Dynamics

• Education:
  • Charlie admits to never being great at math, recalling a quirky grade school method called “touch math.”
  • He jokes about still using it to calculate restaurant tips, much to everyone’s bewilderment.
• Sibling Camaraderie:
  • Regularly close, especially at big family gatherings, including the burgeoning flock of grandkids.

3. Family Road Trips and Midwest Mishaps

• Legendary Family Vacation:
  • Story of getting the family’s passenger van stuck in a Wisconsin sand pit, with nine kids (and a pregnant mom) forced to trek two miles for help (09:21).

4. Leaving Milwaukee & Early Career Aspirations

• College Years:
  • Attended the University of Wisconsin.
  • Started in journalism, inspired by Jon Stewart and The Daily Show.
• First Arrest as a Journalist:
  • Detailed recall of being arrested during the 2008 Republican National Convention protests while covering the event for MTV’s Choose or Lose campaign.
  • Spent the night in a holding cell eating “a D minus PB&J sandwich” and later remembered for sharing it with a taxi driver—who ultimately returned the favor with a ride to “Dinkytown” and breakfast (20:23).
    • “I gave him half my PB&J sandwich. For what? Afterwards he gave me a ride to Dinkytown.” (20:18, Charlie & Ryan)

5. Transition to Entertainment & Unusual Hustles

• MTV & Early Media Gigs:
  • Covered Wisconsin for MTV News during the election campaign; other gigs included One-Minute News and a Dallas local newscaster stint.
• Working on ‘Cedar Rapids’ – Hollywood PA Days:
  • Landed a Production Assistant job through networking and “pleasant persistence.”
  • Almost became the “Ass Man” (PA for the infamous locker room ass shot) but negotiated for more money—his reputation for knowing the value of his rear stuck.
    • “They asked if they could use my ass. I said, do I get an extra rate for that?” (30:13, Charlie)
• Pretzel Rolling at Auntie Anne’s:
  • Demonstrated for Ryan how to properly roll a pretzel, regaling with tales of frequent hand burns and the challenge of resisting eating snacks on the job.

6. Art Modeling for Senior Citizens

• Craigslist Discovery:
  • Took up body modeling for an art class—primarily occupied by elderly women—while in Greenville, SC.
  • One lady even gifted him a drawing—her number penned on the back.
    • “I was just wearing boxers initially... she put her phone number on the back in case you want me to draw something else.” (35:01, Charlie)
• The Kane from Cain & Abel Commission:
  • Another gig paid $25 for a nude pose as biblical Cain—years later, Charlie’s girlfriend unearthed the painting for sale online at $3,000.
    • “Three G’s. Get the fuck out of here. $3,000 ass. I now know my value.” (40:31, Charlie)
• Memorable Reveal:
  • Ryan views the painting—impressed by the artist’s generous depiction:
    • “She gave you some good muscle in that side ass.” (41:17, Ryan)
    • “She did me a solid on that side ass...I appreciate it.” (41:15, Charlie)

7. Career ‘Lowlights’: Getting Fired, News Anchor Mishaps, and Accents

• Newscasting in Dallas (KDAF – CW):
  • Landed anchor job at age 25 for $50,000/year (felt rich).
  • The network quickly faltered, resulting in pay cuts and layoffs.
• Fired—but Not Officially:
  • Charlie admits he was “never technically fired” but was repeatedly moved aside until there was no role left for him.
  • Struggled with reading teleprompters (“faux pas” became “fox poise” live on air), and regional language differences caused additional confusion (e.g., “bubbler” means water fountain in WI, but a marijuana pipe in TX).
    • “I screwed it up live on air. That is awesome. Live too, not like we can redo that.” (48:56, Ryan)

8. Personal Lowlights: Divorce and the Catharsis of Comedy

• Divorce:
  • Married at 28, divorced after five years—not dramatic, fairly mutual.
  • Objects to the “Catholic guilt” angle and the family was ultimately supportive.
• “Rock Bottom” Moving Day:
  • The day he moved out post-divorce: car broken into, nothing taken, only both windows smashed.
    • “Do you know how depressing that is...they smashed two [windows], they took two looks at my shit.” (44:45, Charlie)
• Family Involvement and Support:
  • The Berens clan contains a comic, teachers, a lawyer, a realtor, nurses, and more; his mom and siblings help with his merch and comedy business.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On being outdone in trauma stories:
  “Trauma’s not a competition…it is your story, is what it is.” (02:44, Ryan)

• On Catholic family planning:
  “If it happens, it’s happening. Pretty much, we’re not stopping it.” (04:32, Charlie)

• On sharing a PB&J in jail:
  “Afterwards he gave me a ride to Dinkytown.” (20:20, Charlie)

• On negotiating his “stunt ass” rate on a film set:
  “They asked if they could use my ass. And you know what I did? I said, do I get an extra little rate for that?” (30:13, Charlie)

• On accidentally referencing marijuana on Dallas news:
  “Make sure you stay ‘in’ side and find yourself a bubbler…” (47:26, Charlie)

• On discovering his nude painting for sale years later:
  “$3,000 ass. I now know my value.” (40:31, Charlie)

• On the importance of self-belief:
  “Believe that you can do the thing that you want to do.” (53:54, Charlie)

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Important Timestamps

• [03:00] – Childhood logistics: birth order, sibling bonding
• [09:20] – Family van road trip disaster and Wisconsin “up north” stories
• [12:00] – Early journalism ambitions, Jon Stewart inspiration
• [17:00–20:30] – Arrest at the RNC, “jail” PB&J, cab driver saga
• [25:36] – Pretzel rolling at Auntie Anne’s
• [28:39] – Production Assistant on ‘Cedar Rapids’; almost “Ass Man”
• [34:39] – Life drawing model saga and the senior citizen with her number
• [36:14–41:06] – Commissioned as Cain; “$3,000 ass” and the art detective girlfriend
• [43:02] – Divorce and moving out; car broken into, nothing stolen
• [47:26–48:10] – Anchor gig mishaps, “bubbler” faux pas
• [53:54] – Parting advice to his 16-year-old self

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Conclusion

This is a classic HoneyDew: hilarious humiliations, Midwest idiosyncrasies, showbiz zigzags, and unexpected life lessons. Charlie Berens’s stories traverse big family madness, odd jobs you’d never expect, and the pursuit of comedy even after his TV news dreams fizzled out. Whether rolling pretzels, modeling for art grandmas, or referencing a “bubbler” on Dallas TV, Berens reminds us that lowlights always make the best stories.

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Charlie’s Plugs:

• New YouTube special: Neighborly
• Tour dates, podcast, and merch: charlieberens.com
• Podcast: Bellied Up, co-hosted with Miles

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Transcript

[A]

Foreign.

[B]

Connecticut. Come see me at Comics Roadhouse March 13th and 14th. Get your tickets now at ryancickler.com.

[A]

The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler.

[B]

Welcome back to the Honeydew, y'.

[A]

All.

[B]

We're over here doing it in the night pants studios. I am Ryan Sickler. Ryan Sickler.com Ryan Sickler, on all your social media, starting this up like I start them all by saying thank you. Thank you legitimately for supporting anything I do. I don't care what it is. Thank you so much. And if you got to have more of this show, then I'm telling you right now, there's a lot going on on the Patreon. You got to have the Patreon. We got a couple things going on over there. You got the honey do with you all, which is this show with you all. And as you've seen, if you watch the best of episodes, you guys have the craziest stories on the Internet. It isn't even close. All right, go check out the Patreon. If you or someone you know has a story that has to be heard, please submit it to honeydewpodcastmail.com we would love to do your episode. It's five bucks a month. It's a cup of coffee for hundreds of wild episodes. All right. That is the biz you guys know. We do here. We highlight the low lights. I always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers. I am very excited to have this guest on with us today here. First time on the Honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, Charlie Barrons. Welcome to the.

[A]

Thank you. Thank you for having me here.

[B]

You got it, bro.

[A]

You had a lot of umph in that Charlie Barron.

[B]

Yeah, we got to bring energy.

[A]

Yeah, that, like, got me going.

[B]

Gotta wake up a little bit. Keep it cool in here so you don't nod off.

[A]

Yeah, no, not. Not anymore. I was, like, shot and a half of espresso. Charlie Barrons is what that was.

[B]

That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. Well, before we get into your story right there, please promote everything and anything you like.

[A]

Yeah. Hello, I am Charlie Barrons. You know that already got a new special out on YouTube. It's called Neighborly Lost and Found Tour. Charliebarrons.com and then got a podcast with my buddy Miles. It's called the Bellied up Podcast. And, yeah, I think that's about. That's good. Yeah. Was that a good promotion?

[B]

Perfect. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. I'm perfect. Worried about, you know, want to make sure it's right, you know, off to a good start. Thanks for having me, by the way.

[B]

Yeah, thank you for being here. This is Daniel Van Kirk, y'.

[A]

All.

[B]

Big dvt. He's our connection right here. He did this.

[A]

Now that man's got some stories.

[B]

He does. Dude, he's the best.

[A]

I can't. Don't. Don't think I can compete with the dv.

[B]

Taylor. Listen, don't even worry about him. I tell everybody that this isn't. This not. Trauma's not a competition. You know what I mean? It's just. It is your story is what it is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. So I always ask people, before they get here, find out that you're one of 12 kids. Yeah, that's right.

[A]

One of 12 kids.

[B]

Where do you fall in that line?

[A]

So I'm second oldest. Second oldest and. Yeah, two of 12 and one of six, if you want to simplify the fraction. But second oldest, which means in the family, 12. You're like one of the older ones, you know?

[B]

Is this all same parents or. Same split family? Okay.

[A]

Whole deal. No twins, no trip.

[B]

Even later in life. There weren't twins.

[A]

No.

[B]

So what's. How. How. Who is your boy or girl, Your sister or brother older than you?

[A]

My brother.

[B]

How much older?

[A]

One year.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. And then what's the gap for the youngest?

[A]

All the way down 17 years. So are you close? Yeah, yeah. I mean, we're. We're all close. My mom does a really nice job. She has, like, a Sunday dinner every week, and she'll. Whoever can come comes.

[B]

And you're all there? Well, if you can be.

[A]

Yeah, if you can be.

[B]

Yeah. But does that include you guys? Married, kids, that sort of thing?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A lot of you.

[A]

There is. Bunch of. There's 10 grandkids. I'm not married myself, but my. My. A lot of my siblings are, and they have kids and all that, so. But, yeah. Yeah, it's a lot of kids going right now.

[B]

12 kids, 10 grandkids.

[A]

Yeah, I think it's 10.

[B]

It's a lot.

[A]

Yeah, it's 10. And I think there might be one on the way. There might not two. I don't know. But usually there's one on the way.

[B]

Catholic.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they just.

[A]

They just.

[B]

If it happens, it's happening pretty much. We're not stopping it.

[A]

They're not. I don't think there was. I mean, if they were.

[B]

I mean, how many more?

[A]

They did a bad job. I did a real bad job.

[B]

Listen, there were 30. We had 12.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where are you from originally?

[A]

The Milwaukee area. Are you familiar with where are you from originally?

[B]

I'm from Maryland. Baltimore.

[A]

So effectively the suburbs of Milwaukee.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Is it? Yeah.

[B]

And as same like family home, all that stuff?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, well, we moved. You mean same family home. Did we move a lot? Yeah, no, pretty much halfway through my childhood we moved into my grandparents house because my mom, she's one of 11, so they kind of had their kids move out as soon as the last one moved out and then a couple years went by or whatever and we moved in.

[B]

And is that because you needed a bigger home at this point?

[A]

I, I think that was the deal, you know, and also I was, I was doing touch math, I think, and my parents were like, we should get this kid some.

[B]

Like this.

[A]

No, it's where you like, you write the number like it doesn't make any sense to me. I'm starting to wonder if I hallucinated it. But let's say you take the number three, right? You count the points on the three?

[B]

Man, I've never in my life heard of this.

[A]

Oh, dude. On one, it's just a one, it doesn't make sense.

[B]

Two, it's the tight zero.

[A]

And well, not really. You go 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. You take the sides of it. Yeah. So I was explaining this to my parents and they're like, okay, this school's not cutting it anymore. So I think I might have been the reason. But that's okay, that's okay. I actually still do it when I'm adding up a tip.

[B]

Does it work?

[A]

I think it works. Everyone else gives the reaction you just gave. Which is what? You know, I have found some people out there, I've talked about it before.

[B]

And touch math, it's called I never in my fucking life. My daughter's learning all different kinds of math now too. Her brother's 11 years older, so he learned, what's it, Common Core, I think it was, or something like that. I'm like, what? And yesterday, last night, she's like, do you know how to do decimals, dad? I'm like, a little bit. She's like, you know, tens and hundreds. So I'm like, that's about as far as I go. So she's showing me and I'm like, yeah, I'm getting them wrong. Two out of four?

[A]

Yeah. Oh, so she's better than you at it?

[B]

Way better. I was never, I was always in the gifted and talented classes begging to just not be in the math one. And they were like, it's all or none. I'm Like, But I'm good at all the other. I'm not good at this. And they're like, that's what the one you got to take. So, you know, I'm. Basic math tips, adding like that. Once you start doing fractions and common denominators and there's A's and X's and all, I'm toast. That was a Y one time to the second power, Michael. Well, how are we getting? Why up?

[A]

Yeah, that's bringing back a little PTSD for me too, right there.

[B]

Don't know any of that.

[A]

Yeah, I've started to get a little bit more into it because I, I. When I was a kid, I was doing, like, woodworking stuff, and I've started doing more of that in the past few years. I'm realizing I'm not as bad as I all as I always thought I was at math. Or maybe just societally. People have gotten worse and worse at math.

[B]

That's very probably accurate as well.

[A]

And so now my terrible math is.

[B]

What math do you need to be an influencer?

[A]

No, no. You just need to get engineers and like that.

[B]

You know what I mean? Those people do math.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. No.

[B]

All right, so one of 12 living in Milwaukee. And then your parents still together the whole time? They are. And still now as well.

[A]

Still now? Yeah, they're. They're rocking and rolling. They're enjoying. My dad's still working because, you know, of course he is. 12 kids. You're gonna.

[B]

12 keep doing that. Word.

[A]

No.

[B]

And what's the youngest right now?

[A]

She's 20.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

No, no, no. She's out. She's out of the house. I'm sure he could stop working if you wanted to. I don't know. But she's 22, 23, something like that. 22. I think I'm a good brother and. But you can't.

[B]

You can't keep a lot of numbers. Yeah.

[A]

And we. We had as kids, like, a big. Kind of one of those Presbyterian people movers, like one of those secondhand ones. It was a Dodge with a big ass, you know, a big ass hanging off that Dodge. And I remember my dad, we were up north in, like. Up north is in Wisconsin. It's just what we call everything just north of Green Bayish. But really, it's a state of mind. It could be anywhere. We're up north. We're going to this cabin that we rented. My dad takes a wrong turn, and he. He's like, ah. Instead of going back the way he came, he takes a shortcut and that's not a good thing when you're northern Wisconsin because he came across a sand pit.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

So he gets his van stuck in the sand pit. And now like the boxcar children, we're.

[B]

All of you in there.

[A]

Yeah, we're. And we all have to walk two miles.

[B]

We're not all out there pushing, trying.

[A]

To push it out. Well, we tried, we tried. We didn't have enough, you know, giddy up on, on us. Even though there, there were at that point there were probably nine of us.

[B]

That's a lot of.

[A]

My mom's pregnant and it seemed like.

[B]

Mom was always pregnant.

[A]

Nine years she spent pregnant.

[B]

Straight nine years pregnant.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. So you know, she can't lift things much less push Dodge 370, whatever van out of the deal. And me and my brother, we tried our best but you know, you're just huffing it. So yeah, then we were all walking back. Go get some boards, go back, put them under, give it a heave. You get some boards. You get that in a good way. So we got that going.

[B]

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[A]

Why do I head out? Why Do I leave Milwaukee? I leave Milwaukee. I mean, I go on tour, you.

[B]

Know, and so you started comedy in Milwaukee.

[A]

Oh, what gets me out way back then.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. No, no.

[A]

I went to college at Wisconsin University of Wisconsin, and then I got into journalism. So I spent 10 years as a journalist or as a journalist, various forms of it. Like doing a YouTube infotainment kind of channel, doing like, like a local news channel called Nightcap in Dallas. And it was like Nightcap, a different kind of news. And they were going to blend entertainment and news in there.

[B]

And.

[A]

And then like after two weeks of it or two months maybe, they're like, ah, let's just go back to how we were doing before. So. And then I kind of became like a standard, traditional journalist for a little bit, or I was more like. A better way to describe it is I was playing the character of a. Of a traditional journalist.

[B]

Did you want to be a journalist?

[A]

No, it was always kind of a shadow career, I think. You know, like, I wanted to write. I always liked writing, but I wanted to be a musician. You know, kind of leading up. But this was a way for me to kind of like, Jon Stewart was popping off then, or he. I loved the Daily show, the Colbert reporter, that kind of thing.

[B]

I mean, you young guys don't remember John Stewart on mtv?

[A]

No, but I watched the old videos of that. How was he on mtv?

[B]

He was great. That's why he went on to Daily show and like, it's not an accident. Like, that guy was good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then, you know, and he was also ahead of his time. He was a shot of New York. I can't remember. I think it got Late Night Access.

[A]

Okay, so he had his own tv.

[B]

I think was on mtv. It was theirs. He had his own, like, little show. Yeah, he was fucking great. A buddy of mine drove up to see it and stuff. Like, yeah, I love Jon Stewart.

[A]

He's great, man. And then, yeah, you see him. I remember in class once we were watching him on Crossfire when he went on Crossfire with Tucker Carlson, whoever the other host was, and was just telling them to their face how bad their show was.

[B]

Yeah, and he's intelligent. He can hold his own. I. I could go to a cookout and talk shit about politics. Yeah, he can sit with the fucking politicians and talk intelligently about politics and why you guys are fucking liars. And.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Also the 911 thing for him, like, every time he sits back down at that table, there's at least one less person with him. And you got to every Time. He's the only person out there doing anything about it.

[A]

And it's a great. Like, how do you argue against it? And yet it's one of those. It's one of those weird issues in the country that's got bipartisan agreement outside of D.C. and in D.C. it's almost bipartisan agreement for how do we not pay this, you know?

[B]

Well, I also like him because he doesn't kowtow to either fucking side. Like, he loves Joe Rogan. He's been out there defending Joe Rogan. Like, no, you're wrong about Joe Rogan. Joe's just a fucking comedian who got huge. And he has his own. My own views about these things. He's a good dude. He's out there saying, like, you people over here that don't like him. I'm telling you, he's fine. Now you people over here that love Trump and stuff, I'm telling you, he's a fucking idiot, too. Like, he goes off on every single person. He doesn't fucking care. And he's honest about. Eat that Wuhan China fucking thing with.

[A]

Him on Colbert, that was hilarious.

[B]

But if Trump have said that, he's a fucking piece of shit. Jon Stewart's like, nah, it's in. I just watched it again the other day. It's like eight minutes of him going, it's in the name. And completely blames them for. Of course it's them, right? Colbert trying to tell. Oh, yeah, yeah, we're fucking sure it's in the fucking name.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He goes off like, why are we allergic to just common sense? And why is saying something that's common sense all of a sudden triggering for people?

[A]

That's the annoying thing. And Jon Stewart, he's almost like. I mean, I don't. Kind of like a referee or an umpire, you know, calling. Calling it as he sees it. I guess maybe that's a terrible analogy. But, like, he's true to that.

[B]

He's true to the. That's right.

[A]

And true to, like, he. He's. I've rarely seen him. You know, he's always defending comedians, really. And whatever. The thing is. Because comedy is, you know, it is whatever you want it to be. I mean, in a lot of ways. But now if you're a journalist or something or you're in the media, and that's sort of. His lane is like looking at how the media is retelling what's happening. He's very good at it.

[B]

Professional clown like us. Yeah. To be able to dance our dance, then go over there and intelligent. I've never seen him get swallowed up. I've never seen him get embarrassed. I've never seen him look ignorant or foolish. I've never seen an aha moment they got him or any of that. Like he really knows what he's talking about.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Anyway, we'll shut up. So you get into journalism and. And you're a full journalist now. University of Wisconsin.

[A]

Yeah, University of Wisconsin. And I started there. I started working like for mtv, actually.

[B]

You did?

[A]

Yeah. Mtv. Choose or lose is what they called it back then. It was MTV News. They had a representation, a representative in each state. And so I was covering Wisconsin. And interesting thing that happened there. Kind of one thing that.

[B]

That was a voting campaign, wasn't it?

[A]

It was, it was. And that kind of put me on this. More on this news trajectory because Twitter had just come out or whatever, and you were kind of getting that new media into it. And I was covering the Republican National Convention in Minneapolis, and that was. I was covering the protests. And I look back and there's just this wall of police, you know, and they got the gas and this. Those flashbang grenades. They've been throwing up for a while. They did a dispersal thing. And then I see this wall of police coming at us. I'm with this other reporter from Boston.

[B]

Oh, they're walking. They're not holding steady anymore. They're.

[A]

They're walking. I'm like, so what do we do now? He's like, now we get arrested. I was like, chad, really?

[B]

And did you. Yeah. Did they. You up too, while they arrested you or.

[A]

They just, they didn't fudge me up. I did see some people, like, I think one guy may have had this on tape by the horse, like trampled this guy. Just his leg was a flesh wound. You got to throw that in there. But, but yeah, got arrested. And then so I, you know, that was my first time getting arrested, which was fun only.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I mean, I've, I, yeah, I'd gotten detained temporarily, but that was for an underage drinking ticket. But, yeah, no, this was the only time I was full on arrested. And it was, you know, it wasn't. It was like we were in one of those big chicken coops kind of a thing and they gave us peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

[B]

What kind of jelly?

[A]

It wasn't the best.

[B]

Was it grape or was it strawberry?

[A]

Strawberry is my knee jerk reaction. I see.

[B]

I like, I like grape.

[A]

Yeah. They weren't really in the minority making requests. I'm just curious.

[B]

I'm just curious.

[A]

Yeah. Strawberry, from what I recall.

[B]

And was it crunchy or creamy?

[A]

It was creamy peanut butter.

[B]

This was.

[A]

This was a D minus PB and J sandwich. It's the, it's the, the intern over.

[B]

There who's making the prison peanut but. And jellies, bro. This old prison pbj, dude. That guy's like these. That's exactly why it's half of this rye and half white.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, it's all white.

[A]

It was all white. But I. I was eating that and I ended up trading half my sandwich. There was a taxi driver there. Who was it? Just in his cab. He was just in his cab trying to get across this bridge that these protesters were block and he couldn't so he just parked there. Well, those police pulled him out of the taxi cab and arrested his ass too. And so he was pissed and I. He was hungry because he's a bigger taxi guy. I gave him half my PB&J sandwich.

[B]

For what?

[A]

Afterwards he gave me a ride to Dinkytown.

[B]

I don't know where Dinkytown is.

[A]

It's just a neighborhood in Minneapolis. But it sounds way worse.

[B]

It does sound shady. But I'll tell you what. That's okay. A. That's a move, right?

[A]

Yeah. He took me to Dinky Town and we got breakfast after.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Pay for that.

[A]

Can't say I remember. I bet you I did in touch with this guy.

[B]

No.

[A]

Shout out to that taxi driving Dinky Cabbage.

[B]

Just a few hours together, huh?

[A]

Few hours. A few more. We were there midnight to 6:00am oh, okay.

[B]

And then he, and he got out. He's like, I'll take it. Where's the cab? It's not impounded?

[A]

No, they, they, they did. They grabbed the cab. That's a great question too. I don't know.

[B]

Go get that cab.

[A]

No, the cab was there.

[B]

Oh really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Which is maybe, maybe the company.

[A]

Company probably did that. Yeah.

[B]

That's hilarious. It was out there. You guys got right in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's pretty nice. Yeah, it was.

[A]

It was fun, man. Lifelock. How can I help? The IRS said I filed my return, but I haven't.

[B]

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[A]

Visit lifelock.com podcast terms apply. And actually, to tie this all back together, my. My boss there felt so bad that I got arrested also, I think, like, they were. I was supposed to be on the floor of the convention that night. They were kind of texting me, like, why aren't you here?

[B]

Also being. Where are you?

[A]

They're kind of pissed. And then I think, where is your phone?

[B]

Just with the.

[A]

Locked up in a bag somewhere. But it's a flip phone. But this is the first time Twitter. How you would use it then is you would text on like 8008, you would text boob. And I don't know if that was the number, but I just remember the. That just popped into my brain. Text him boop. But you would text a number, whatever your tweet was. And your tweet's, like, so not much. But the last tweet I sent was like, on this bridge, police moving in. So then they put two and two together when I just wasn't replying. And she, as sort of a way of saying thank you or sorry or whatever, took me to see Jon Stewart, who is performing there. It was awesome. It was super cool.

[B]

And they don't talk about his MTV connection. You're working at mtv?

[A]

It might have got.

[B]

It kind of started it all over there. I know I do loader and all these guys and all that with their MTV News. But John Stewart was on a. Yeah.

[A]

I can't tell you that. I Like if you put that on like a multiple choice. Where did he work before? I might have been able to say that, but I can't say I've seen that. I know we had a show before. I just didn't realize it was mtv. But yeah, it didn't come up. But yeah, we went to Jon Stewart and then afterwards went out to dinner with Sway.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I remember Sway was there.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

That was pretty cool because not, you know, we weren't all really hanging out with Sway in that way. Excuse the rhyme, but I got a salmon and I felt bad about getting it because it was like $25, you know? And I do think I finished some of the steak on my producer's plate.

[B]

We fucking hungry, bro. You had half a PB&J.

[A]

Have a PB&J. No sleep. Half a PB&J.

[B]

It's a long day.

[A]

I'm gonna eat some of your steak, you know. But yeah, then it. That experience kind of taught me, like, how easily it is to kind of like, maybe Suppress a message or something, because I had a bunch of footage on my camera. I didn't get that back for two weeks, you know, really? So they're not sending back property. Like, there was no reason.

[B]

You only got the camera back, you're saying, did you get your footage?

[A]

I don't necessarily. I think all the footage was there. I also think not all of it was there, but I can't really say that for certain, because what I remember shooting, I also had a habit of thinking I was recording when I wasn't. But that horse thing was not on there, which was interesting. But the fact that it took two weeks to send back the camera with all the footage, I mean, that's not. That's not the way that should happen, you know, Especially since I'm leaving.

[B]

I should have my cell phones, you know, it's.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Everybody's got it now, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right. So after college, where do you head after college?

[A]

I start working as well. Summer after, didn't have job in the industry because of, like, the recession, so I was working as a bike mechanic and a pretzel roller at Annie Ann's.

[B]

You roll pretzels in any ends?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Too good at it.

[A]

Yeah. You want to see it?

[B]

Yeah. Let me see.

[A]

That's it, dude, right there. You see that?

[B]

You roll it long?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. You cut it about six inches. You get it going about this right here.

[B]

Boom.

[A]

Little.

[B]

Let me see the twist again. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Hang on. See that?

[B]

Do you dream about that ever still? I. I would do pretzels. Do you think you rolled a million? Oh, man, thousands.

[A]

You think so many pretzels. And I had a bad habit with memory, and so I would forget which pans were hot and not. And I probably do do some of the recreational activities I was doing as a bike mechanic. And, yeah, I burnt my hand. Surprised I have fingerprints, but I would have been £500.

[B]

I'd have been eating the.

[A]

Out of those pants.

[B]

Pretzels.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I was always taking them.

[B]

That's not one I feel like I would get sick of after a while, you know?

[A]

Takes a while even now I pass in the airport and I'm like, give that a go. Every Annie ends I pass, though, give them tips.

[B]

Like, twisting it wrong, man. You get me. Let them know, you know, there.

[A]

There's some of that. And there's also, like, seeing how much they got stocked up in there and looking at kind of what their dough is looking like if it's at the right rise or if they're rushing It. I was rushing it all the time. I was rolling hard dough, and that made for not a great pretzel. You want to get just fluffy enough to just spill a little outside.

[B]

I love a soft pretzel guy.

[A]

They're great. It's an art form. Yeah, it's an art form. And not every place does it super good, but.

[B]

All right, so you're getting little odd jobs and then what?

[A]

Little odd jobs. And then I start. I go and I work on the film Cedar Rapids.

[B]

Oh, I remember Cedar Rapids.

[A]

Great film.

[B]

What are you doing on that?

[A]

I'm a pa. Oh, okay. I'm the walkie pa. How do you get that job? Well, I got that job through a fellow named Ted Nowak, who is. I used to play basketball with him and my dad, and he was buddies with a guy out here named Jim Burke, who is great producer, nice guy. He worked with Alexander Payne on a bunch of stuff. He worked Focus Features, I believe he was, but he. He was a good dude. So I. I booked a ticket to come out to Los Angeles because I got an interview with Sony to be a PA out there. Well, like, through my connection at mtv through. And then literally on the flight, they canceled it.

[B]

What, the interview?

[A]

Yeah. So I was, like, setting up all these other things, and I got a meeting with Jim, and he's a great dude. He taught me a real good lesson. And that means, like, be pleasantly persistent, you know? So I was pleasantly persistent and annoyed the hell out of him for the next few months. And then he got me a gig as a PA on Cedar Rapids. And.

[B]

And what kind of shit are you doing on Cedar Rapids?

[A]

Well, I'm getting coffees. Sitting there, like, echoing the rolling cut. You know, that's what PAs do a lot. There was this one time, it was a late night shoot. Everyone was tired. It was John C. Reilly's first night on set. And my. My ad was like, all right, guys, John doesn't have a lot of time. We got to get all this. We're tight on time. Let's just make sure we're paying attention, doing a good job, and I am really not. So they say, rolling. I say, rolling. And then they say, cue John. John goes around the house, and then they say, cut. And I go cut. And each set set up takes, like, so long to set up that, like, we don't want to be doing more takes. And it's the. It's like the martini shot, the last one of the night, and everyone's ready to go home. And they say, rolling. I go Rolling. And they go, cue John and I go, cut. Oh, and I ruined the whole scene. And, and yeah, that's, that's one of those moments where they light you up. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[B]

I got the actor just go off the ad. Ad.

[A]

The ad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I, I deserved, I was not paying attention, you know, but I was tired, I was delirious. But I was doing that, doing that gig. And they asked me to be the ass in the, the, the, the bear ass in the locker room scene.

[B]

Your stunt ass.

[A]

They, well, they asked, they asked, they asked if they could use my ass. And you know what I did? I said, do I get an extra little rate for that? Do I get a little extra deal?

[B]

You have a SAG card at that point?

[A]

I mean, no, I mean, you're about.

[B]

To do nudity, you should get one.

[A]

That's what I thought. That's what I thought. But they, they, they then I, I don't know, I don't know if that was in the budget or they didn't figure it out. But I didn't end up doing the ass thing. I'm not sure the reason. But then I got, I, I'm now the Ass man, which it's, you know, that's what, that was my nickname after that was the Ass man. Because he's a man who knows the value of his ass. So.

[B]

And yeah, they appreciated that. You just whore your ass out for anything.

[A]

I got some respect. All right. You know Monster Energy. Everybody knows White Monster, Zero Ultra, that's.

[B]

The og it kicked off this whole.

[A]

Zero Sugar energy drink thing.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

And every single one is Zero Sugar.

[B]

Tap the banner to learn more. But yeah, you also send stuff in. Said you were a newscaster in Dallas.

[A]

Yeah, so I was a newscaster.

[B]

How do you get to that? And, well, what does that mean? You're actually an on camera anchor.

[A]

On camera anchor? Yeah.

[B]

For what? What in Dallas?

[A]

Is it kdaf?

[B]

Is that a major station down there?

[A]

Yeah, it's the CW station.

[B]

Fair enough. Still big ass station.

[A]

It's a big station. It's the smallest of the market. But yeah, I am. You know, I'm coming in there and I'm like, okay, this is, this is my big break.

[B]

Did you audition for this?

[A]

Yeah, I did, I did. This was, I was doing the I was doing a thing called One Minute News in Greenville, South Carolina, which was a former MTV executive decided to start up this news station or news deal where he would just bring a bunch of journalists or aspiring from around the country and a bunch of 20 somethings living together in Greenville, South Carolina. So that was pretty much a party for three months until they ran out of money. And then I lingered there for about another year and then went over to Dallas, kdaf, where they won Nightcap. A different kind of news.

[B]

But doing what? Did you audition and get it right away or did you just go there, start working there, and then work your way up?

[A]

No, no, no. We were doing something in Dallas, covering something for the other job, and I met with them there because I. I forget how I got that interview or how I got connected. I was looking at other jobs because I wasn't making much money at this one after they.

[B]

Yeah. Can I ask you. So you get this anchor job. What's it pay?

[A]

Starting 50.

[B]

And how old are you at the time?

[A]

25.

[B]

I mean, that sounds like a lot of money at 25.

[A]

Was for me. Yeah, it was for me. And before that I was making 35. Pretty sure. And. But Nishi. 75. And then after three months of that, they're like 35.

[B]

Wait, what?

[A]

Yeah, I got. Because it was 75.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

After three months, the company ran out of money, so they fired because you.

[B]

Were doing a bad job or they're like, hey, we're rethinking this over here.

[A]

No, I mean, there was just a recalibration of what you needed to do this. So they laid pretty much 75% of the company off. Everyone else got pretty substantial pay cuts.

[B]

I see.

[A]

And then down there, I forgot about this. But I started doing. I started doing some modeling for some. For a senior citizen. What group? I was body model.

[B]

No, you weren't.

[A]

I was.

[B]

Wait, is it like an art. They're in class or you. What do you mean? Are you trying clothes on?

[A]

No, no, no, no. I'm taking my clothes off.

[B]

You're naked.

[A]

Not fully naked.

[B]

How naked are we talking naked And.

[A]

Well, no, I was. I was just wearing boxers initially. So I actually have one of these drawings of myself that one of the nice senior citizen gals gave me after she put her phone number on the back. Did she pencil. Thank you, Claire. And.

[B]

Claire wanted some brother.

[A]

And she was like, I thought you'd enjoy this. And she, she said, I put mine. I think she said, put my number on the back in case. In case you Want me to draw something else?

[B]

So anyway, she's making house calls probably. So what are you, like, a senior home when you're doing this?

[A]

It was a public library, I think.

[B]

Where the fuck are you sitting in.

[A]

Your Greenville, South Carolina? It was like some basement or something. Some back.

[B]

I'm so.

[A]

I can't really remember exactly where it was.

[B]

Basement of a public library. And only senior citizens were allowed, or are they just the people that came?

[A]

I think they were the people that were there. I wasn't asking too many questions here.

[B]

How are you even getting this gig?

[A]

Craigslist, dude.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, it was somebody like, you know what? I got a gig for you. So.

[A]

Yeah, I was looking for remodeling jobs, and this modeling popped up, so.

[B]

Said remodeling?

[A]

Yeah. Work on something some. I mean, I was looking for anything, you know, I was using whatever skills I barely had and trying to monetize them. And this was $75. 75 bucks.

[B]

How long you sitting there?

[A]

I was sitting there three hours. Yeah. Three. 25 bucks.

[B]

And what are you sitting on a stool?

[A]

Whatever the pose demanded.

[B]

And so. And you have to hold that pose for three hours?

[A]

Well, they do five minute pose. 10 minute, 20 minute. You got to pick that 20 minute carefully. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

What are you doing with your 20?

[A]

I'm lounging back, leg up. This is the drawing I have of myself.

[B]

It's just this.

[A]

Just package. Did she.

[B]

I was gonna say, did she put the boxers on you or she'd go naked for you?

[A]

She was generous for me, Let me just tell you that. She's very generous. And I. I appreciate. I mean, it was cold in that room, but I appreciate it. Then afterwards. Afterwards, the gal who's running the thing says, how old she? I don't know. I mean, I'm having a hard time visualizing. No, she's younger than them, but older than me.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

I'm guessing at that point, maybe 40. Okay. Something like that. And she. She said, hey, I'm doing this. I'm doing this thing do. I'm doing a painting, but I need a body model for that. And I want to do Kane from Kana, Abel. Because after he killed his brother, he's in distress and he's distraught and he's grabbing the ground. I was like, okay. Kind of ignoring the information, like, let's get to the money. And she's like, I need someone to model for that. And I was like, yep, I know. I'm ready to go. She's like, bowie, new nude. And I Was like how much you know. And she said 25 bucks. I was like, sold. You did it. Absolutely for 25. 25 bucks.

[B]

How much were they going to give you for your ass on Cedar Wrap?

[A]

They didn't give me nothing.

[B]

All right, you got 25, you got stand.

[A]

I. I see again. I'm standing my ground. I. I made money. Yeah. Now I could have upped it more, but it's only think about the time. And only she's getting this picture. Cedar Rapids. It's more about the eyes that see the ass. 25 bucks per. $12.50 per eye that sees the ass.

[B]

You know. Where are you going for this? Her home or.

[A]

Oh, we did it after the class.

[B]

Same place.

[A]

Same place.

[B]

So you're now you're naked Library. And how long you sitting there for that one?

[A]

Oh, I wasn't sitting. I was bent over.

[B]

What do you mean.

[A]

Like this naked ass up baby.

[B]

Doing it for $25.

[A]

$25.

[B]

Oh, like Charlie, when you leave we gotta talk to you about some. Some expired books. You got some checkout late checkout here. Your out at the library. How long are you standing in that position at the library?

[A]

That wasn't too long. That was just a few snaps.

[B]

Is there anybody?

[A]

So what?

[B]

She'll take a picture and then she'll draw it. Okay. All right. So you're just trying to hold that one for 20 minutes?

[A]

No, no, no. Thankfully. Was she cute? I don't. I. I think she was. She was cute.

[B]

Do you think she was hitting on you or was this.

[A]

No, no, I think she was a legit artist.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I didn't get creepy vibes. And then years later telling this story of my girlfriend, she's like, she's a detective. She's like, I'm gonna find that. Nah, she found it.

[B]

Wait, hold up. Your girlfriend's a real life detective?

[A]

No, she's just a girl.

[B]

I was gonna say this is every woman out there. I know detective, but so not only is she not a detective, she did find that. This is why it's out there. That's why I don't cheat. Bro, this is a hundred percent why don't cheat. It's all out there.

[A]

If you do guess how much it is. Well, hold on.

[B]

She found which one. The boxers or your your best over you got paid 25. How much is it being sold?

[A]

I want you to guess. So price is right, Charlie's ass edition.

[B]

And it's a religious under the religious guys too of the Cane and Abel. So praying on that. But that's I'm gonna go with a buck 50.

[A]

150.

[B]

Yeah. More five. More than 500. A thousand, bro.

[A]

Three G's. Get the out of here. $3,000 ads. I now know my value.

[B]

That girl gave you 25. Now, did she sell it for that, or is this like those ebay?

[A]

You can still buy it for 10,000. You can still buy it today.

[B]

Have any prints sold at $3,000?

[A]

I think it's the original.

[B]

And in fact, it says 1 of 1.

[A]

Is that a bad Christmas gift if I get that for my girlfriend? Is that a good one?

[B]

It's hilarious that she found that if you're like, here you go, you better have a backup.

[A]

Do you want to see it?

[B]

Yeah, I want to see it.

[A]

All right, Hang on.

[B]

That's actually a good.

[A]

Pretty good, right?

[B]

It's a good pain.

[A]

Yeah. Cool. And she did me. She did me a solid on that side ass. I was not doing that much squats back back then.

[B]

She gave us some good muscle in that side ass. Yeah.

[A]

Isn't that cool?

[B]

It's a great painting act.

[A]

You thought you were gonna see my pecker dance?

[B]

I thought we were gonna see. Not only did I see, think we'd see your dick, I thought it would be nowhere near as good as that. She's actually is a good.

[A]

She's a very talented.

[B]

She is a talented artist.

[A]

So I think I'm gonna buy that. I think I'm gonna see if I can get the price down a little.

[B]

Pretty sure you can get it down. When did you do that? That?

[A]

I did that when I was 20.

[B]

How old are you now?

[A]

2. 23. 23. 22.

[B]

How old are you now?

[A]

38, bro.

[B]

It's been on sale for 15 years. You could definitely talk, right?

[A]

But it's been taking up shelf space, so now she's got to make more money.

[B]

She's gonna hit you with the Pawn Stars pitch. Like, I gotta. I gotta sell it. I gotta package it up. Do you want it framed?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, that's true. That's true.

[B]

That's a great gift, though. You don't say anything and just fucking sneak. Sneak out of bed in the middle of the night or whatever and hang it and then fucking get up. Just let her see it.

[A]

I'm gonna do that right after this.

[B]

Just let her see it.

[A]

Yeah, I'm gonna do that right after this.

[B]

So good.

[A]

I'm gonna reach out.

[B]

How the fuck did she find that?

[A]

That's why I will forever be faithful.

[B]

Yeah, you better be.

[A]

Also. I love her.

[B]

Yeah. Well, I mean, I would never think that goes without saying. That's the thing. Of course.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Let's say I did not the only reason. I don't cheat. Of course. But I'm saying, like, there's no point to it.

[A]

No, there's no point. No, it's like, I mean, I grew up Catholic. The guilt on your soul, forget about it. And also with a PI man, you know, we all are. So.

[B]

All right, so this I want to get to as well, because you sent some things and you grew up Catholic, but divorces on your. Oh, yeah, your list.

[A]

Yeah, I've been divorced.

[B]

How long? How long were you married?

[A]

Five years.

[B]

And can we talk about divorce with, like, were your parents supportive? Were they Catholic to the bone? Like, you shouldn't do this. Are you the only one divorced in the family?

[A]

Like, I'm the only one divorced, yeah. Only divorced one. You know, it's just one of them things we kind of. It wasn't. There wasn't the drama or whatever it was. We both kind of knew to do it young.

[B]

Did you get married young?

[A]

Not that young. 28. You know, brain had been fully developed, allegedly for two years. So, you know, but I think, you know, for me, I think it was a big part of it was just me being a workaholic, you know, a bit. And I. And not only the time kind of a way, but also just like, you don't. You're not processing things. You're not realizing, like, if you're. If you're there or whatever. And it just. At the end of the day, it just didn't work out. But we're. We're friends. It's not a big deal. There's nothing there. But the thing about it is, like, I'm moving out, right? And I got all my most important life possessions in my car, and I'm park it to move my stuff into this. Like, where.

[B]

Where are we?

[A]

Milwaukee.

[B]

Milwaukee.

[A]

Milwaukee. Downtown Milwaukee. And I'm moving into this like, condo type thing or like an Airbnb for a month, basically. So I go in, I bring like, one thing, like my backpack, and I come back. Car is broken into.

[B]

No.

[A]

And they store nothing. Do you know how depressing that is.

[B]

Dude, you got all your valuables and your prize?

[A]

Possessed my most value. I'm divorced. I just got divorced. It's fresh. And then I get. I'm moving out of my place. This is a day I'm moving out of the home. All my stuff in there. They break they two windows. They smashed two. So they took Two looks at my.

[B]

Yeah, it wasn't. They were like this poor of a bit.

[A]

They. Yeah. And they been through enough. Yeah. They didn't even take the. The naked drawing that that one woman gave.

[B]

Thank God.

[A]

Come on, man. Thank God.

[B]

I know they might have wrote her number down in the back, but who does that? They left your. So now everything but two broken windows now.

[A]

Yeah, they Damn. Two broken windows.

[B]

I never heard anybody break it and not take nothing.

[A]

Nothing.

[B]

Not nothing. You know what I mean? At least something, a radio, something.

[A]

Yeah. And usually, usually in Milwaukee, if you're gonna get your thing broken into, they're looking for a gun. And I had some guns in there, so.

[B]

And they didn't get that either.

[A]

I think they just looked at and they're like, this dude's broke and it's not gonna work. But they should have seen that there was blaze orange snow pants there and they should have known to dig deeper. There's a rifle in there somewhere, but it's usually looking for a handgun. Not a long gun, you know, tough to conceal that. So anyways, still depressing, still super. I don't care if, like someone spooked him away and they ran. They still attempt to break two windows on two different sides of the car. So anyways, I want to jump.

[B]

Why'd you get fired from your new cast newscaster gig?

[A]

Well, I was never technically fired. Technically, I was just removed from jobs until I was finally at a job where I.

[B]

Were you escorted out of the building or. How do they tell you you're not welcome here?

[A]

It's a lot easier on tv.

[B]

You're on tv, I'm on tv.

[A]

So, okay, here's a good example.

[B]

So visually, hey, that one guy does the news all the time. Is not here today.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, they, they, they had a few different anchors, so it was nice that no one had too much barg. But I was, in short, not great at my job and expanded. I had a bit of an accent and there are certain places, like I worked for a place in D.C. for a little bit and I was doing voiceover stuff there and they were like, yeah, you have too much of an accent. You're not doing voiceovers. So. Okay, well, some of that stuff followed me to my job in Dallas and I had some slip ups, you know, I said, like, it's gonna be hot out there. Make sure you stay ins side and find yourself a bubbler, you know? Well, bubbler in Wisconsin is a device used drink water in Dallas. It's a device you use to smoke marijuana. So I had a little talking to about that.

[B]

And it does matter where you are.

[A]

It does matter where you are. Context matters. Geographical location matters.

[B]

100 it matters. On where you're standing right now.

[A]

It is important. And then on top of that, I was reading the teleprompter and I learned how bad I was at reading the teleprompter there because I was nervous and then I screwed it up and I'm in my head and you know, it's like when you're starting off in comedy, you're thinking about everything other than your set. And you really got to be in the moment with teleprompter and you got to know how to read it. And I'm talking about hard words too. Like if you see the word F A U X that's not pronounced fox, but fox. Poise, I think is something I said live on air because I didn't know. I've never seen faux pas written in print.

[B]

Oh, wait, I was wondering what the poise was and I was like, what is your fake one?

[A]

I don't remember how this. I don't even know. Yeah, I don't know how you spell faux pas to this day, but I know that I screwed it up live on air.

[B]

Oh, that is awesome. Live too. Not like that. No, no, no, no. You can redo that. It's live.

[A]

And my dad is watching the live stream on that day of all days and he text back, you should go work at fo News Fox News. And I was like, thanks, dad. Appreciate that. So, yeah, I, I had some screw ups, man. I just w. You know, in retrospect, I blame, I, I blamed it a lot on my accent, you know, in sort of my comedy stuff because that, I heighten that as the reason my creative license. But really I just wasn't a great performer. And that's what an anchor needs. You got to be like a performer.

[B]

More than I go do like morning news and stuff like that. It blows me away how those people are.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[B]

Also 5am it's brutal. They're up, they're up. They look their best for camera. They're energetic. And I'm like, how the do you people people every day you're doing this.

[A]

Oh man, it's brutal. Especially the morning shows.

[B]

I did a few talking about, I.

[A]

Did a few morning shows and that just you, you really have to recalibrate why you want to do this thing because you are miserable all the time. Just our body's not really meant to do that, you know. Just be up at 2:00am and in bed by 8:00pm at best.

[B]

Starting your day at 2:00am is wild.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, to get eight hours of sleep.

[A]

You got to be sleeping by 6:00'. Clock.

[B]

Yeah, that's right.

[A]

Body. And I did it for months and I could never get on that system.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I worked graveyard shift too, and I worked at ups. Shout out to UPS Baltimore, Hobart, Orange Avenue. And anytime I go in, I'm working, I'm up all day. I'm going to college, I'm doing. So when I get to work, and now it's after midnight, I'd be talking to the dudes. I'm like, what'd you do today? And they're like, you mean yesterday? And it was like in their heads, it doesn't matter, bro. Midnight, the clock change and it's a whole new day. I don't care if you've been up since 8am this morning, it is now 1am tomorrow. And you ask them what you did today. Because I'm still awake. And they're like, what do you mean? I've been to work for an hour. I'm like, I can't take you. But that was their life, you know, that was their schedule. And they're like, what do you mean?

[A]

Yeah, no, time. Time does a weird thing on you. And then you get to the weekend and that's.

[B]

Forget that.

[A]

You're just trying to get back to normal. And by the time you are, you're going back to work.

[B]

So has your family, all of them come to see you live? Have they all seen you do comedy?

[A]

I think they've all come.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, they've.

[A]

I'm pretty sure they've all been there.

[B]

Any other entertainers in the family? Any other. Or artists?

[A]

My brother is a comic. He runs a lot of shows in Milwaukee.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

He does a good job. People like doing his shows because, you know, he pays good and. And he's just real comic friendly guy, you know. I don't know how much he can make off that because he's just so not good to the comics. But his shows are great. They're always fun comics really like going on them. But he does a great job there and then. Yeah, I got, you know, a lot of the rest of them are teachers. My brother's a lawyer, realtor, nurses, you know, anesthesiologists.

[B]

Damn, you got it all. Different ones?

[A]

Well, yeah, there's 12. I mean, yeah. No one does the same.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. Not like five of them do the family business or any of that, huh?

[A]

No, no. I mean my, my sister does some work for me, my brother does some work for me, my mom does some. My mom does all our merch.

[B]

Is that right?

[A]

Kind of fun. Yeah, she's real good at it too. Just like, you know, and responsive to people and. Yeah, so it's fun. It's fun. But yeah, no one else is doing it like touring or whatever yet, so we'll see. You never know too. The who's gonna drop their current career and just find something else, you know, I was just doing the journalism thing for 10 years, so. Yeah.

[B]

And your age ranges. Spanish been so long.

[A]

20.

[B]

You said your sister's 20?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And your brother? 35. Brother.

[A]

He's about to turn 40. Damn. So. Yeah, so my sister must be 22 now.

[B]

Years.

[A]

Yeah. 39 to 22 right now.

[B]

Thank you for doing this, dude.

[A]

Hey, thank you. This was fun.

[B]

Before I let you go, I'm gonna ask advice you give to your 16 year old self and then you can promote one more time.

[A]

16 year old.

[B]

What would you say to 16 year old Charlie?

[A]

I would, I would just say to like, believe that you can do the thing that you want to do because. And at the same time it's kind of like maybe not believing it got there anyway. But sometimes I wonder what? If I believed it, you know?

[B]

No. Did you not believe it so much at first?

[A]

No, not at all. That's why I did the journalism thing because I was like, well, in the Midwest. Okay, you're straight, practical.

[B]

That's a little different then. So you weren't like, I know this is going to be it, so I'm just making money to do this. You were not sure it was going to be it.

[A]

Pretty sure it wasn't going to be.

[B]

Pretty sure, but sure you knew you needed to go do it.

[A]

Yeah, that, that I just, it was stay somewhat in the realm and then you'll find your opening. But if I think believed in myself a little bit more. Yeah, just. Just kind of go for it. But I don't ever, you know.

[B]

Thank you, dude. Thank you, thank you. You got it.

[A]

Super fun.

[B]

Before we go right there, one more time, promote everything you like.

[A]

All right. YouTube got a new special out neighborly and charliebarons.com I'm going on tour around the country and yeah. And then bellied up podcast. So just look. Bellied up, like bellied up to the bar. So there you got it.

[B]

Perfect, dude.

[A]

Thank you, man.

[B]

Watch this special. And as always, thank you guys for your support. We'll talk to you all next week.