379: Mike Vecchione | The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler #379 | Full Episode

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler
Episode: #379: Mike Vecchione | The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler #379
Release Date: March 30, 2026
Guest: Mike Vecchione
Theme: Finding humor and insight in life’s “lowlights,” focusing on adversity, growth, and embracing your own story.

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Ryan Sickler welcomes comedian Mike Vecchione back to The HoneyDew. The conversation revolves around the realities of growing up "low income white," evolving class experiences over decades, food and family, processing heartbreak, relationship growth, marriage, and the ongoing journey of self-improvement — all wrapped in the signature mix of vulnerability and humor that defines the show.

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Key Topics & Highlights

1. Guest Introduction & Career Update

• Mike shares his simplified social name, @ComicMikeV, noting how his Italian surname “hurt” his career.
• Discusses his new YouTube special, “Low Income White” (04:06), hosted on the Nateland channel.
  • “It’s on YouTube for free, which is perfect for low income white—the target.” (03:54, Mike)

2. The Waffle House Revelation (04:06–05:41)

• Mike recounts his first time at a Waffle House and its cinematic charm and Americana oddities.
• Uses diner culture as a metaphor for community and comedy.
  • “You walk in and there’s a guy sitting at the counter... there’s a manager with too many keys on his ring talking too loudly.” (04:18, Mike)
• Diner nostalgia ties to the birth of The HoneyDew concept for Ryan:
  • “I came up with the honeydew sitting in a diner and not eating the honeydew at the table and seeing it left everywhere.” (05:13, Ryan)

3. Comedy, Criticism, and the Internet (07:15–09:03)

• Mike jokes about Baltimore’s lack of a pro sports team and makes a tongue-in-cheek reference about crime, sparking an “outraged” online response.
  • “When crime becomes a sport, you guys are gonna be on the short list for a team.” (07:55, Mike)
• They poke fun at how critics now have direct access to comedians via the internet.
  • “Now Bill’s got a voice. Bill can go out there and go right to the guy that said ‘shooty shooty, stabby stabby.’” (09:20, Ryan)

4. Growing Up "Low Income White": Family, Class, & Nostalgia (10:23–21:12)

• Mike and Ryan reflect on shifting class standards:
  • No TV or phone in the bedroom, shopping at Marshalls or JC Penney (not Kmart!), and the annual new-clothes tradition.
  • ”Where do I get my blood up to go, yeah, I want Jordans now. You pay for them. It's like, they don't have any money. I could feel it, you know?” (19:46, Mike)
• Comparison of 80s/90s middle-class childhood to today’s standards, with sympathy for their parents’ sacrifices and the psychological weight of “eat everything on your plate.”
• Italian-American upbringings and emotional connection to food — both comic and deeply sentimental.
  • “No matter where I went for Thanksgiving or Christmas...baked ziti, stuffed shells, lasagna, it’s always there.” (37:35, Ryan)
  • Ryan gets emotional recalling his grandmother’s kitchen and Elio’s pizza:
    • “I just got transported to my grandma’s kitchen. And I was like, I haven’t been loved like that...Food, bro, food.” (39:41, Ryan)

5. Struggles, Breakups & Emotional Growth (26:29–34:57)

• Mike details his move from Ohio to Florida and then Philadelphia, the impact of a major breakup, and his early relationship with comedy.
  • “You never know what’s going on in the other person’s head. But it felt very good for five and a half years and the last six months, like, she just checked out.” (27:30, Mike)
• Discusses how repeated heartbreaks forced him to introspect, seek therapy, meditate, and try healthier routines.
  • “Life just keeps giving you the lessons. If you don’t address it, they’ll just keep giving you the same thing.” (31:00, Mike)
  • Meditation, yoga, cold showers, and breathing work as tools for healing.

6. Alcohol, Food, and Self-Honesty (34:57–40:21)

• The pandemic prompted Mike to reflect on his drinking and recognize it as a crutch for anxiety.
  • “Other people are drinking for their own reasons. I’m drinking so that I can calm my anxiety and I can feel fun and comfortable.” (35:01, Mike)
• Both comedians explore their “unhealthy” relationships with food, using humor and poignant memories.

7. Building a Healthy Romantic Relationship (40:45–54:02)

• Mike discusses meeting his wife (a fellow comedian), moving from friends to partners, and the vulnerabilities involved.
  • “You would have to say something very distinct to move it… There’s no flirting your way into moving it into a romantic phase.” (43:06, Mike)
  • Navigating through “Me Too” climate while being respectful:
    • “I think you should go out with me. But if you’re not interested in me, that’s okay. I can take a loss.” (44:39, Mike)
• Relationship communication lessons: letting go of the ego, de-escalating conflict, prioritizing love over reaction.
  • “When someone is angering you or triggering you, for you not to go right to your old triggers and...just to get that step one, like, hey, maybe I should just try to diffuse this instead of throw gas on it.” (49:44, Ryan)

8. Marriage, Vulnerability & Ongoing Self-Work (54:09–60:14)

• Mike’s pathway to marriage at 52 after substantial self-improvement.
  • “Because of, I’ve had to learn this stuff through experience.” (59:41, Mike)
  • Discusses the risk of heartbreak: “It’s vulnerable to love somebody totally. She could wake up tomorrow and be like, I don’t want to be in this anymore… How do you safeguard against that kind of pain?” (57:37, Mike)
  • His conclusion: bring your best self daily, so no matter what happens, you have no regrets.
  • Mike and his wife are trying to have kids, entering a new phase of life together.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On food as love and memory:
  • “I stood at that freezer… I just started crying. I just got transported to my grandma’s kitchen. I haven’t been loved like that.” (39:41, Ryan)
• On generational class shifts:
  • “My point is, that’s what I tell my daughter now. I’m like, you don’t understand… We went to Kmart. We had McGregor’s. You get the kicked out of you if you wore those.” (18:33, Ryan)
• On relationships and ego:
  • “There has to be a separation between you and your thoughts… You’re almost looking at the situation from another perspective… so you could be like, what’s the solution here, what’s the right way to go?” (50:58, Mike)
• On self-improvement after setbacks:
  • “Each breakup, I got a little bit better… The pandemic was a big thing for me because we didn’t have stand-up, so you just had to sit with yourself and reflect.” (34:33, Mike)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

| Timestamp | Topic/Quote | |-----------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:35 | Guest intro & Mike’s new special | | 04:06 | “Low Income White” and the first Waffle House experience | | 07:55 | Baltimore crime/sports team joke | | 10:23 | Growing up middle class and the shifting definition of class | | 19:46 | Parental sacrifices and gratitude | | 26:52 | Relationship history: moves, breakups, and starting comedy | | 29:56 | The importance and difficulty of seeking help after heartbreak | | 31:00 | Repeating life lessons & starting healthier habits | | 34:33 | Reflection, meditation, and giving up drinking during the pandemic | | 37:35 | Deep dive into Italian-American food culture and food as love | | 40:45 | How Mike met and developed a relationship with his wife | | 49:44 | Relationship communication and managing conflict without ego | | 54:09 | Marriage, vulnerability, and self-work—being “ready” for love and heartbreak | | 57:37 | On being open to heartbreak, doing your best, and embracing risk in relationships | | 59:41 | Final reflections on life lessons, learning “the hard way,” and celebrating late bloomers | | 60:24 | Mike promotes both his YouTube comedy specials |

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Closing Thoughts

This episode excels in blending heart and humor, as Mike Vecchione and Ryan Sickler dig through the rubble of life’s disappointments—family struggles, economic shifts, heartbreak, and late-in-life growth—and find both laughs and wisdom. Whether discussing the trauma of Kmart sneakers, the comfort of leftover pizza, or the courage to love again after heartbreak, their stories are authentic, relatable, and brimming with the spirit of The HoneyDew: embracing the beauty and value within life’s “lowlights.”

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Where to find Mike Vecchione:

• YouTube: “Low Income White” and “The Attractives” — both on the Nateland channel
• Social: @ComicMikeV

Where to find Ryan Sickler:

• Website & socials: RyanSickler.com | @RyanSickler

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For listeners:
If you appreciate comedy that finds the light in life’s darker corners and value honest stories of struggle, growth, and love, this episode is a must-listen.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Spokane, Washington. I'll see you guys April 3rd and 4th. Buffalo, New York. I'm headed your way. I'll see you guys Friday, April 24th and Saturday, April 25th. Get your tickets now at RyanCickler.com the

[A]

Honeydew with Ryan Sickler.

[B]

Welcome back to the Honeydew, y'. All. Over here doing it in the night Pan Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler. Ryan Sickler.com Ryan Sickler on all your social media. And I'm starting this episode like I start them all by saying thank you, man. Thank you for supporting this show all these years. Now I we start this in 2019. That's wild, man. We're getting old fast right on camera, too. Thank you for supporting anything I do. And if you got to have more, man, you got to have the Patreon. It's the Honeydew with you all. It is this show with you all. And it's the wildest show on Patreon. It's five bucks a month. You're getting audio, you're getting video. It's hundreds of episodes at this point in the back catalog. You get the Honeydew a day early. You get it ad free. And there's another tier there for eight bucks where you're getting the way back a day early ad free and exclusive content there that you're not getting anywhere else. All right, that is the biz. You guys know what we do here? We highlight the low lights. Always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers. I am very excited to have this guest back on the Honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, Mike Vacchion. Welcome back.

[A]

Hey, Ryan. Thanks for having me.

[B]

You're good energy.

[A]

I appreciate it, man.

[B]

Thank you for being here. Before we get into what we're going to talk about today, right there, promote it all

[A]

Omic Mike V. On all social media platforms. Please give me a follow. I have a long Italian last name that's hurt my career, but you can follow me at Comic Mike V. I simplified it to at comic like these. So please give me a follow. And I have a new YouTube special on the Nate Land YouTube page called Low income White. Please go watch it. I'm very proud of it. I worked very hard on it for years, so please go watch it. Nate Bar, my friend, was nice enough to give me a special. Two specials. Now this is the second special on his YouTube page, so please go check it out. It's called Low income White. And give me a follow on all the socials at Comic Mike V. I

[B]

love seeing Nate do that. We've had Dusty in here. Well, Dusty's on Netflix.

[A]

Dusty's on Netflix.

[B]

But we've had Aaron Weber in here. You somebody else, I feel like. Is anybody else?

[A]

Greg Warren.

[B]

Greg. We've had Greg in here too. Of course. Yep, yep. All good for all you guys. Yeah, Go watch all their specials. I know, we see. We chatted about what we were.

[A]

But you could you watch mine first?

[B]

Watch Mike's first.

[A]

Watch and then watch everybody.

[B]

Low income White Mike Veggie.

[A]

Low income white. And it's on YouTube for free, which

[B]

is perfect for low income. The attract and then go watch the other people. Yeah, yeah. We were talking about what we were going to talk about, but Low income white talk to me about that.

[A]

I was at a Waffle House for the first time two years ago in Mississippi. Never been to a Waffle House. Didn't really understand the concept of a Waffle House.

[B]

Because you're from Jersey.

[A]

No, no, I'm from northeast Ohio originally, but then Florida, Philadelphia. Places that are without Waffle houses, basically and are Waffle House free. And even Cracker Barrels, which is an upscale Waffle house. I've never been around that. So the waffle houses blew me away. It just blew me. It's like a scene from a movie. You walk in and there's a guy sitting at the counter and then there's a manager with too many keys on his ring talking too loudly. He's like, hey, they'll let anybody in here, huh? It's like that joke. He makes that exact joke almost on cue. It just. It was hilarious and a charm. Very charming. Like I make fun of it. In my set. Like, I'm kind of dressing it down and roasting it, but it's all out of love. Like, I think it's awesome. And I. When I am in a town and there's a Waffle House close, I make sure I go because I just want to sit in it. I'm also a diner guy. Like, I'm in Philly and lived in.

[B]

That's how I came up with the honeydew. Sitting in a diner and not eating the honeydew at the table and then getting up and walking out mountains. Seeing honeydew on all the tables of the diner, and I'm like, oh, my God, that's a perfectly good fruit intuition. Throw away.

[A]

Well, it's a high sugar. It's a high glyce. I don't want to get into the glycemic index of what your podcast is based on, but it's dangerous. It's dangerous as hell, man.

[B]

There's so much podcast has ever said glycemic on here.

[A]

Hyperglycemic, man. It's a sugar. Just eat a cookie. Just eat a cookie if you're going to do that. No, but I just love diner culture from. From living in Philly and. And in New York, you know, late night diners.

[B]

Baltimore had a great diner called Greek Diners.

[A]

Oh, great. The Greeks are all over it.

[B]

Greek diners in Baltimore were Double T Diner. All these Greek diners were the best. We. And they'd be open late. That's the thing, too. We go. You'd go on a. On a Friday night after school, we would drive 30 minutes to go to this diner, and the city and the county would come together at this one place off of Route 40 called the Double T Diner. And it was. You go in at one in the morning, packed, packed out. People are in there because the food is also. It's not just, you know, sitting under heat lamps all night. They're making this fresh.

[A]

Know how to do it, man. The Greeks bring it. But Baltimore, I was just.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

I was at an arena with Nate.

[B]

Oh, you did? Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, you know what, my friend? What's up, Kathy? She hit me up. I guess Nate threw. What's up? Kathy, she came to see you guys. She went to see. Well, I guess Nate threw out the first pitch like I did.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And then went hustle right over. Yeah, we, you know, we still call it the civic center, but yeah, I.

[A]

This was my joke. It's in Baltimore, which I love the people and the city now. I said that you guys built an arena with no sports team. So that's. I love the confidence of Baltimore. You built an arena with those sports teams.

[B]

You know what's funny about that? Now that you say that, I guess the Baltimore Bullets played there years ago before they moved to D.C. yeah, but I went there as a kid growing up, and even Stavi will tell you it was never a pro team. It was the professional, but it was indoor soccer, the Baltimore Blacks, AHL hockey. It was the Skipjacks, who were the farm team originally.

[A]

For Skipjacks?

[B]

Yeah, for the Penguins. And then the, The. The fucking Capitals concerts. Always concerts in there like you guys showing up. But never since the Bullets left, never a. A pro team. You're 100% right. Never.

[A]

Never a pro team. So I said, I said to them on stage, I said, if you build it, they will come. But they haven't come, have they, Baltimore? They have. And I use a lot of sarcasm and I said, I'm sure when crime becomes a sport, you guys are going to be on the short list for a team. And it's like they. It popped. It was. It was a great thing. And then somebody, the next day, classic 2025 Internet, wrote this long diatribe about how crime has actually gone down in the city. And that if I would have done my research, I would have known that instead of going for the lowest hanging fruit I possibly could, because I said, when.

[B]

I'm sorry.

[A]

I wrote, when you're.

[B]

I'm sorry. You know, when you. He goes, I. I told Kathy to

[A]

write, please have her edit this out. When I said the crime thing, I said, I tagged it with shooty, shooty, stabby, stabby. I started saying, shooty, shooty, stabby, stabby. And then this person wrote this big thing, long thing. I said, I'm sorry I baby talked your crime statistics.

[B]

That's great. All right, so people can.

[A]

We know that comedy in this day and age, it's like you're gonna get a criticism no matter what. What you say.

[B]

Well, because there's a voice to it. That person used to just have to go, you know what the, the worst part about it is? That person used to just tell people in their surroundings.

[A]

Yes. That. Yeah.

[B]

You know, this guy last night, everybody's so sick of Kathy or whatever over here. So fucking sick of Bill over here. Like, shut the fuck up. Now Bill's got a voice. Bill can go out there and go right to the guy that said, shooty, shooty stabbings.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

Low white income. Is that white? Excuse me?

[A]

Somebody's gonna mess up the words. Like, is it plural?

[B]

Low income whites.

[A]

It's, it's called low income white.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because I myself am a low income white.

[B]

That's what I'm part of here. You growing up. Talk to me about that.

[A]

I grew up mostly middle class, but you know, middle class. This is my.

[B]

You downgraded as you got into adulthood.

[A]

I went. I actually did. We're supposed to be doing better than our parents. I'm actually doing worse. So I've gone from middle class to low income white. That's what I'm talking about. Isn't that great? That's where we're headed in this country.

[B]

Start going to keep people praying for

[A]

AI to take over. Are you kidding me? I want a robot boss. I just don't, I don't think it'll be an actual robot, like a person. I just think I'll, I'll vape first thing in the morning and I'll know what I have to do for the entire day. It's like itinerary will get downloaded through vaping.

[B]

That's an interesting, that's a good one. I, I just think we're doing AI wrong. I don't want AI to do my creative stuff. I want AI to do the laundry, make beds, do dishes. That's what I want AI doing.

[A]

What about these driverless cars?

[B]

They're everywhere out here.

[A]

Really. It freaks me out to see them still.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm in New York.

[B]

Oh, you're going to see 20 of them on your way to. Yeah, yeah. You're going to fit Simmons next. You're going to see 20 of them on your way.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

They're everywhere. And now they have vans Wild. Their van Wayo vans. They're like these baby blue vans, big enough for like, you know, more than.

[A]

In case you need to move.

[B]

I guess. I, I, man, I haven't been in one. My daughter's been in one. She went in one with her mom and her brother. They all took one.

[A]

One.

[B]

But I don't know. And then I think about it too, like, well, nobody's getting raped in these things. No one's getting assaulted in these things, murdered, robbed. No one.

[A]

But what are we going to do with the workforce now? Is it. Are we going to get universal basic income? Is that what it's called? Universal basic income for everyone?

[B]

I don't know. Is that.

[A]

Well, when the. When the machines take over, all of us are going to be out of work. So I guess everybody will get an allotted income.

[B]

And then you know what's going to happen? The machines are going to tell us. That's what the fuck's going to happen. It doesn't matter what we think. If they take over, it's going to be like, here's what we think. And that's what it's going to be, bro. They're machines. Yeah.

[A]

And they're armed. Their hands are guns.

[B]

This is the you think about.

[A]

I think so, but I just think that we're all out of work. Listen, I have a solution for this. And it starts with, I have some good cemetery ideas. You go to a cemetery to visit a loved one, right? What you do is you have a QR code on the tombstone, and you do it. And then it's a short documentary about each person. So you go to visit your father. Like, he's next to this guy, and you're like, I wonder how he.

[B]

Dude.

[A]

And you QR code it. And we all just do documentaries on each other alive. And, you know, we're all doing it on anybody alive. And any issue that's happening now. So we might as well do documentaries on. On cemeteries. You walk in, it's like a museum. It's an outdoor museum now. It's not just. And then also, I'm stunned. Food trucks. Food trucks at cemeteries. You go visit your loved one. You go get a sausage and peppers.

[B]

Listen, what your father would have wanted, I'm all for. He would have.

[A]

And then.

[B]

My dad's been dead since I was 16. I can't tell you how many times I've been to that cemetery. I would have loved to been there and chilled, just gone over, grabbed a slice or a burger or something.

[A]

And then the last one. This is my last one, which is the least popular.

[B]

No, wait, let's.

[A]

It's the last one. It ties it all together.

[B]

All right. Okay, go ahead.

[A]

Cemeteries with every ethnicity is segregated. So the food truck corresponds. You. Sausage and peppers is in the Italian section, you know, quesadillas is in the Mexican section, you know, the Irish section has beer. And it's. It's all. It's like a festival now. And so segregated cemeteries. Our motto is, you don't have to be next to those people anymore.

[B]

Dude, let's tile it back to the QR codes on every headstone.

[A]

You're learning.

[B]

Or, you know, night deposit box, whatever. Here's the other thing. You get to be whoever the you want in the afterlife.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

If you. God, we used to roll into cemeteries as kids at night in Baltimore City.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, six of us or whatever. We all huddle together. We'd be scared to death, but we loved it because, you know, on the east coast, you're seeing tombstones from, like, 1785, and you're like, oh, my God. And at some point in 2246, they're gonna be like that things from 2025. QR code that. And then boom, or whatever it'll be. Then you might just be a hologram that pops up at that. Right, right.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

You could tell the story however you want to tell that story.

[A]

Yeah. And it's good to have honest. It's like, he was a hard worker, but bit of a temper. This guy had a bad temper. He flapped it, like, make it an honest doc, because it's like we all have. And you do it on. You do it in your podcast. It's like we all have our flaws. It's like the flaws are the things that are interesting. You know what I mean? Have to look at somebody and be

[B]

three families in two different towns. Like, God damn, man.

[A]

That's always living his life.

[B]

You could spend hours in there. And then the food trucks and all that. Yeah.

[A]

It's a festival with these parades. The parades are jamming up the streets in New York. It's like every parade, and I respect all groups and everything, but it's like, let's just do it at a cemetery.

[B]

Celebrating the dead. Like the D.O.D. how you say it? Do de los muertos.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Day of the dead. You know how they go to the. They go celebrate. They're not. You're not just bawling and then you're not just there to see your relative. Like, who the fuck are these? Because I often wonder. I'm that my dad's marker. There's my dad, my grandfather, my grandmother, all buried right there in that plot.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But there's thousands of people right here in eyesight. Who the fuck's buried next to my dad. Oh, my God. Who's this little lady? Linda. Whatever. Who's this guy? Jerry, right? What? Jerry all about, right? Dude, I love it.

[A]

And it's like, how. But you're, like, learning about how to live a better life from the mistakes and the achievements of these other people. Stand on their shoulders.

[B]

That's great.

[A]

Cemetery ideas. No.

[B]

1, bro, you need to get on that now.

[A]

I need to buy a cemetery.

[B]

You need to patent some kind of QR barcode for this. For Headstones documentary.

[A]

I get. I gotta get a cemetery on board.

[B]

Trucks pulling up. I mean, look, I hear you on the segregated. That's fine. I'm probably gonna grab a. I'll probably grab a sausage of peppers, but I'm probably gonna walk over and grab a taco.

[A]

You're allowed in other sections.

[B]

And then I'm gonna go over there and learn. And I'm gonna have my Spanish voice recorder on it so I can learn in that language when I hit over there.

[A]

Learn the language.

[B]

Great idea, bro.

[A]

Great one.

[B]

Did you. Going back to childhood when you were middle class before went downhill for you? Did you deal with a lot of death?

[A]

No. Growing up? No, no, no. Just the normal grandparents or whatever. But I gotta say, about the middle class, it's like the middle class back in the 80s and 90s. Like, I'd have a TV in my room. I had a room with my brother.

[B]

It's like, you did or did not have.

[A]

Did not have a TV in my room.

[B]

What year? How old are you?

[A]

The. I'd say the 80s. The mid-80s.

[B]

How old are you now?

[A]

52.

[B]

Okay, we're the same age, so I know. Exactly.

[A]

So the 80s and the early 90s. I went to college in the early 90s, you know? But my point is that if you look, by today's standards, I was poor by today's standards. Like, I didn't have any video, didn't have a phone, house phone. Shared a bathroom with brother and sister. Shared a room with brother. No TV in the room. New clothes at Marshalls. And maybe JC Pennies, not Kmart. Because everybody was like, oh, you got your clothes from Kmart. You get. You get ripped on if you went to Kmart. But we went just the tier above Kmart, which is pennies. Which was pennies. And Marshalls came in and saved the day there. But it's like.

[B]

My point is, that's what I tell my daughter now. I'm like, you don't understand. Like, we went to Kmart. We had McGregor's. Yeah, you get the kicked Out. If you wore. They had a shoe called Olympia. You get your shoe, you get the kicked out of you if you wore those. My mom made our jams. We didn't get real jams. My mom went to Joanne Fabrics. Like, I'll make you jams. And you know what?

[A]

That's awesome, by the way.

[B]

No, it's not.

[A]

No. By the way, I love your mom's ingenuity.

[B]

You know, we got McDonald's at home. We had jams at home, too. I mean, these things were see through. Like, the. So thin, they ripped in the crotch. Like, it was not all to save a buck, but Tony Hawk. And, like, that's in Target, you know what I mean? Like, today there is no. There's cool across all. There's Nike and Target, Under Armour. And you didn't have that in fucking Kmart. Then you had Wilson. Maybe a Wilson thing you wearing that for?

[A]

Yeah, the brands were rough. Yeah, the brands would get you beat up. But Kmart and then so. So we buy clothes once a year from like a Marshalls or a pennies. And then that was it. That was it, man. And once a year and, you know,

[B]

clothes and your summer clothes.

[A]

I don't know if you felt this way about your parents. Like, we were struggling financially, so it's like, I didn't. I didn't get my balls big enough to be like, I need the latest Jordans. Like, are you kidding me? I've watched my mom not buy clothes for 10 years.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Where do I get my blood up to go, yeah, I want Jordans now. You pay. You pay for them. It's like, they don't have any money. I could feel it, you know? So it's just an only child now. Older brother, younger sister.

[B]

There was three.

[A]

Three of us.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And the meals, too. It's like. And then my father also was very much like, appreciate everything. But of course, we're Italian, so it came from the negative place where it's like, what do you think this is, a hotel? You think this roof over your head, everything is free? You think this is a free lunch? It's not a free lunch. People are sacrificing for you. So you appreciate it. You know, he could have just said it like, hey, let's have some gratitude. He went. He went the way where it's like, hey, appreciate it.

[B]

I'm listening to you saying that, and I'm like, what's the matter with that? It's my whole family, All the way down to who's. Who's getting the vegetables And I'm like, all right, man. God.

[A]

And that's a big thing with weight. With weight gain too. I struggle with weight. I'm doing fasting now. But the whole eat everything on your plate was a thing. I was a thing. And that was a thing they believed in. Where it's like, if it's on your plate, you eat it. There's people starving. You appreciate your food.

[B]

It's like right in your grill.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And then remember they would have the commercials with the flies all over the kids.

[A]

And you're like, man, my parents, they would use India. And then I realized that Indian people I have a joke about. It's like Indian people actually have their own food. It's called Indian food. We missed that. How do we miss that? It's just too hot to eat. So that's a point.

[B]

But that's a good point too. It was always eat everything on your plate. If you don't. Zootopia 2 has come home to Disney Plus. Let's go get ready for a new case. We're the greatest partners of all time. New friends, Gary the snake and your

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last name, the snake. Dream team.

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You can watch the rest of the record breaking phenomenon at home. Zootopia 2, now available on Disney Plus. Rated PG. And right now you can get Disney plus and Hulu for just 4.99amonth for three months with a special limited time offer. Ends March 24th. After three months, Plan Auto renews at 12.99amonth. Terms apply. You can get up. This is what you're eating for breakfast?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is what you're going to finish this meal.

[A]

You're like, yeah, you're not getting up. No, you're not getting up. Unless you. If you took it, you got to eat it. So there was that. That kind of.

[B]

And then now as an adult, you think back is like, oh, well, they were children to people who were in the Great Depression.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And every morsel matter.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, it makes sense as you go now. You're right. Kids are like, I need to. Whatever the latest trend is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But my parents weren't boomers. They were like. I don't know about your parents. They were before they were the, I guess, World War II babies.

[B]

Yeah, they're World War II babies. Yep.

[A]

For sure. So. But my point is like being raised like that versus today, if you were raised like that today, that would be considered poverty.

[B]

Yeah. We had.

[A]

I think even though I Was I. I was in AM middle class.

[B]

So middle school and up to 10th grade before my dad dies. Were single. He's a single dad. Three boys, one house, no central air. I share a room with my twin brother. My younger brother has his own room. My dad's got his room. There's three bedrooms, one bathroom, one toilet. Two kids are the same age, going through puberty and everything. He's you know, working nonstop. Got the. So is always somebody in the bathroom. We've got a little gravel driveway. No phone in our bedroom. No TV in our bedroom. We had a boombox. You know what I mean? Old school boombox like that was the only entertainment we had in the room. Nintendo. We finally got one. That shit's in the living room on the, on the one TV in the whole house, you know.

[A]

Right.

[B]

We did have two phones. We had one in the kitchen on the wall. And then we would have one of those cheap ones. Remember when Time magazine would you buy it and they give you a phone. It was just this plastic piece of. And it, it didn't even have a base. You just set it on a table and a little button would click in.

[A]

I think I do remember. I think I do that. That's a weird, odd, almost non memorable thing. But I think if you would get a construction.

[B]

Yeah. It wasn't. Didn't even have a base. It just had a button, a clip clicked when you said it.

[A]

The Time magazine phone.

[B]

Oh, we're gonna look it up on the way back. But yeah, and you're right, we had it. That was. We would be poor if you came to our house. Then if you walk back in.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You'd be like, oh my God, you guys had it so hard.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And it didn't feel that way.

[A]

No, it didn't feel that way at all. Because in that, in the context of that it's it you just middle class because of the times. But now it's like everybody has all these advanced accessories and, and people can watch TV on their phone and do all this stuff.

[B]

I work off my phone. I do it all the time. I, I use my phone more for work and everything these days than a laptop or anything.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I really have. And I'm not even the guy. I was the guy I was like nobody's ever going to be listening to and watching stuff on their phone now. In my defense, these aren't phones anymore. No, they're computers.

[A]

They're computers.

[B]

The fact that it has a phone in it is fair enough to still call the phone.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That ain't a phone.

[A]

No, it's not.

[B]

No.

[A]

And no one's talking to each other anymore. Everybody's texting, everybody's tweeting, everybody's doing video, you know, and if you are, you're FaceTiming, which is kind of good. Like, I'm on the road. It's like, FaceTiming is great. You know what I mean? But, yeah, the technological advances. I'm like. And then everybody's like, well, where's it gonna go? It's like, I thought virtual reality was going to be a thing, but I don't know. Actually, I'm very bad at predicting. I didn't think this was possible. Computers were too confusing for me, so I didn't even. Until it's like, easy enough to. Where you just hit a button and it goes to wherever. That's the kind of person. I wait for it to get to that and then I do. It's like, you got to download the programs and go to this and do that. It's like, I can't do that. I was never a video game guy. Guys in college, even during my time, would play video games. They would be addicted to video games. I'm like, I'm not about any of that.

[B]

So when do you realize you're going from middle class to lower income, white?

[A]

I moved to New York. You get a wake up call, you're like, oh, you don't have any money. You're gonna live with roommates for years and years. Philadelphia.

[B]

Okay, so Philly's where your family was.

[A]

No, Philadelphia. It's kind of a convoluted story, but we have time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was born in Youngstown, Ohio, and. And then we moved to Boca Raton, Florida. Both great places in their own right. I graduated from high school in Boca Raton, Florida. I go to Penn State University. I wrestle for one year, which is the hardest thing. I mean, it was incredibly difficult. But I'm glad I did it. Glad I got that experience.

[B]

I think we talked about that last time. Yes.

[A]

Wrestling at a place that big. And I meet a girl, we date for the rest of college. And then she's from Philadelphia, so I moved to Philadelphia. She' a year ahead of me, and she goes to law school at Temple. And I moved to Philadelphia to be with her. So I start my career, my life in Philadelphia area, working with adjudicated kids because I have a criminal justice degree. And then we break up after four years there, and I'm distraught and destroyed.

[B]

Can I ask you why?

[A]

She didn't want to be with me anymore, which is hard to accept because it felt like very. You never know what's going on in the other person's head. But it felt very good for five and a half years in the last six months. Like, she just checked out it from my long relationship. It's a long one.

[B]

And you're living together.

[A]

Living together, yeah. Engaged.

[B]

Oh, you're engaged? Yeah.

[A]

So she's like, checked out, didn't want to be with me anymore. And then I was like, you know, obviously very hurt by that. So. But in.

[B]

I'm sorry, people are going to yell at me for interrupting. Are you doing comedy also at this point in Philly?

[A]

No, but I'm flirting with it because that's like, something is like, I'd like to try that. I think I took a standup comedy class and I did a performance with your. With your class. I did that while we were together stuff.

[B]

And how old are you at this point now?

[A]

26, 27. And then. And then the big breakup happens. And in my, you know, I. I feel like we're. When two people break up, you're responsible for what you do in that relationship, how you treat the other person. You're responsible for that up to that point. Once it's over, that's no longer that person's fault. It's your responsibility to figure out how to get yourself right or a better. Become a better person from it. And, you know, agreed. We all have it, you know, from perspective from now, this kind of perspective, looking back, you're going to get it in life. One way or another. Someone's going to break your heart. A best friend is going to betray you. You're going to lose in business. You might go bankruptly.

[B]

You'll betray family. It's going to.

[A]

It's life, dude. It's life. It's going to happen. So I just didn't have that perspective back then. I felt singled out and I felt like, why is this happening to me? Bitter and angry. And instead of, like, going and getting help, which is what I should have done, I bit down and just like, I'll just wrestling practice this and deal with it myself and gut it out and get through it. It's like, that's necessary for some things in life, but not something like that. You have to admit, like, hey, I'm. I'm hurt and I need to get help. And in retrospect, that's what I should have done. It would have helped my healing process. It would help me to become a better person faster. I eventually got. I Eventually got there, but it took a lot longer going the hard way than if I would have just opened myself up to, like, going to therapy and stop drinking and, like, confront it dead on every day.

[B]

Did you even know? You know, I'm saying a lot of times people are just ignorant to the fact that, hey, maybe therapy is good for me and maybe it was never something that, you know, you were introduced to in your family or whatever, or were you just like the old school machismo, like that I'm not going to therapy. Like, did you know? You see what I'm saying? Like, did you ever think.

[A]

It's a good point. It's a good point. Because compassion to myself, my former self, compassion of my former self. It wasn't in the zeitgeist the way that it is now. It was the late 90s, so it wasn't. It wasn't talked about with the reverence and that it is now.

[B]

Keep your head down and you move forward.

[A]

Yeah, you keep your head down. You suck it up, you bite down. This happens all the time. It's like. But it felt very specific to me again, because I didn't have the perspective and then made it a lot harder to overcome that. But it was. It's. That's not. That's not on her.

[B]

Right?

[A]

That's on me.

[B]

You know what I mean? Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So what?

[A]

I take responsibility.

[B]

What happened where you finally let yourself say, man, I'm going to go talk to somebody? Like, what made you shift in that?

[A]

Well, it didn't happen all at once. I went through a series of relationships that were long term that ended in breakups because I didn't fix. I didn't. It's weird that life just keeps giving you the lessons. If you don't address it, if you don't. If you don't fix it, they'll just keep giving you the same thing. So I went through a series of breakups because I wasn't in the right mental space to make an actual functional relationship work. So. And after. And I loved each person that I was with, genuinely loved them. So it was whether I broke up with them or they broke up with me. I was devastated every single time and then had to pick my life back up. You know, it's all in perspective. I had to pick my life back up each time and, like, figure out. It's like, okay.

[B]

This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Listening to this podcast.

[A]

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[A]

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[A]

eligibility vary by state. This. Something went wrong here, and it's very. It's an easy out for anybody to be like, it's all their fault. They have too much baggage. They do this too much. They're not right for me. They're not the right person for me. It's like, I stopped thinking that way after a couple of those. To be like, okay, dude, like, you might be at fault for a lot of this, so how can you be a better person and not. And. And then when you. When you're a better person, then you expect them to be a better person. But don't just load up and put it all on them. You've got some work to do on your. We all walk around thinking that, oh, I'm a. I'm a great. It's like, we all want to think we're great people, but if you really break it down, it's like, all right, like, what are the things that you could have done better? And there's a lot of them. So it's like once you sit and confront that a little bit and. And then you start. And you go through enough of those catastrophic heartbreaks, you. You get better at, like, putting yourself back together and you get. I got a little better from each one. As. As labor intensive as that sounds, it's like, I got a little bit better from each one. One girl broke up with. I started meditating because it's just out of pain. I want to be out of this pain. How can I do. It's like, well, start meditating. And then after another. I started like, hot yoga. After though, I started like a breathing practice, cold water showers and like, like. And all of these things. People make fun of me sometimes in comedy for them. But all these things are to, like, so that you wake up feeling the best that you can feel. And you could have a good. In your mindset is.

[B]

And also happening and getting on a city bus and killing a bunch of people. I'm like, let veggie on go breathe over there. Whatever works for that. Let him go over there, meditate and breathe. God damn it. He needs five minutes. No.

[A]

People make fun of me. It's like, what are you trying to. It's like, no, no, I'm just trying to feel good every single Day. So that could be the best version of my. As corny as that sounds, but it's like, you want to be the best version of yourself every day, so. And when I get tired, like, I could feel it. I could feel. I'm like, okay, I gotta catch myself. And my wife is good for that too. She's like, last night a long flight, got up at 5 in the morning, it was late, and now we're talking. And she's like, you're just in a bat. You're just tired. You're just tired. Get some sleep. Your perspective will be better tomorrow. And she's right. And that's the way it goes. But each breakup, I got a little bit better, a little bit better, a little bit better. And the pandemic was a big thing for me because it's like we didn't have stand up, so it's like you just had to sit with yourself and reflect a little bit. And then it became a thing where it's like, do I need to really be drinking alcohol? Like, some people can drink and they're using it as a social thing. That's not the way I was doing it. I was binge. It wasn't an alcoholic, but I was binge drinking.

[B]

Give me an example what that was for you.

[A]

I look forward to, like, I'm gonna go do shows this weekend. I'm just gonna get hammered after the shows. Okay, yeah, yeah, I'll get hammered after the shows. Or I'm go do spots tonight and afterwards I'm gonna hang out and meet up with friends. And it's fun, fun to drink. So I would just tell myself, it's like, everybody does it, man. You're just having. You're just having a good time. But it's like, that's not really what was happening. You know, you're not. You could be dishonest with yourself. It's pretty easy to be dishonest with yourself. You know what I mean? And it's like, I started really looking at it, like, is that really what's happening? And the pandemic gave you the time to reflect and be like, is that what it's like? It's not true. It's not true. I'm. Other people are drinking for their own reasons. I'm drinking so that I calm my anxiety and I can feel fun and comfortable. That's why I'm drinking. It's like, oh, so is it possible to feel that way without drinking? Why can't I feel that way? Normally you start, like, getting curious about your Flaws. And it's like, maybe I can. It's not serving me in any way. I'm getting older. I have to go to the bathroom all the time.

[B]

Hangovers aren't. I recover, like, oh, man, do anything the next day.

[A]

Can't do anything the next day. So it's. It's like, well, maybe eliminate that. Just eliminate it and see how it goes. Like, my life immediately got better. The clarity of the way I was saying things, and I'm like, I'm saying this, like, I know people who drink and they don't drink the way that I was drinking. So they're doing it for different reasons and they have a different. I'm not saying quit drinking. It's just like, I needed to do it. And then, like, clarity as far as, like, eating, like, I realized that I'm a. I. I will eat just to feel better about myself, you know, being

[B]

Italian, I have the most unhealthy relationship with food. If I'm bored, I want to eat. If I'm excited, let's celebrate. Let's eat. Oh, man. Raven's lost today. Let's. Let's order a pizza. You know what I mean? It's always food related. I'm the same way. Italian. I grew up Italian. And I said before, excuse me. I didn't realize, like, my mom's whole side's Italian. My dad's whole side's a tie. The only person that's sickler is my father's father. He's like European mutt or whatever. But my grandmom is the memo on my dad's side. And then we've got DeVito and all these other. Everybody's kumbadi. Everybody's in there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so no matter where I went for Thanksgiving or Christmas or whatever, there's the standard turkey, ham, whatever. But there's tons of Italian food.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Baked ziti. There's stuffed shells, lasagna. It's always there. And now we're going to this side of the family. Right? Right. There it is.

[A]

You go to the side.

[B]

Now we're going to see my grandmother's sister. They're it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

So I start dating a girl in high school, and when I go to their house, I'm like, where's the, like, lasagna and stuff? She's like, what are you talking about? And that was the day it dawned on me, like, oh, our whole family's Italian. Yeah. This doesn't happen.

[A]

No, no, it doesn't happen. And people don't have that relationship with food, which Is good for them and bad. It seems great for us, but it's not.

[B]

You know, it. It's the whole table's cover.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You don't get a plate, right. Someone didn't fix you a plate. It is go. And it's. Then it's in the fridge all night where you're walking up in the middle of the night and just. Oh, man. Yeah, I recently. I don't know, I just had this epiphany. I was in the grocery store, you know, Elio's Pizza. Some people say Elios. I don't know, whatever it is. But my grandmother used to have that. My grandmother had an old freezer. She called it a Frigidaire. It was like a ge. And it had the hand on the door here that opened. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's white. And she would keep. And she had the old ice cube was the metal ones, you know, or you get to crack it and shit. Like, not the plastic, these metal ones, like they had a thing in it. I love it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And she would have Elio's pizza and she'd have this toaster oven. And I would go down at midnight when she was sleeping. I'd be like 10 or 11. I just put them in there. And I mean, I'd house the whole box. I'd house the whole box. And nothing was better. Yeah, I'm at my grandmom's. This lady loves me. This is the. I go visit a friend. I go to the grocery store, and they got the Helios pizza in there. Mike. Becky, I'm getting teared up now. I stood at that freezer. I was a grown ass man. I just started crying. She's like, what's the matter with you? I was like, I don't know. I just got transported to my grandma's kitchen. And I was like, I haven't been loved like that. Oh, look.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Food, bro, Food.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Not talking about the hugs or anything. I'm just talking about the feeling in that house of love. And just the middle of the night, it's quiet. Nobody else is around, and I'm just eating pizza at my grandma's. Oh, bro. Super unhealthy relationship. Let's go eat after this. That's the best.

[A]

That's the best, man. But that's what it is. It's like. And it's like the food laid out on the table, it's like it's just not going anywhere. And it's like, it's always there. So it's like, you'll digest a little bit, and you're like, I should really stop eating. But you'll go back for months.

[B]

Gonna go get one of those turkey rolls, and I'm gonna put stuffing and turkey and everything in the little biscuit and make it a sandwich out of.

[A]

So great.

[B]

Bro, man, bro. All right. So. All right, let me transition into this question then here. So you. You go do all this work on yourself. You mentioned wife.

[A]

You're still doing it. You still. Ongoing process. 100.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I. I get caught up, too. Like, last night. Last night I was tired, and I was just negative, and my. And my. That's. My wife was like, hey, you're just tired. So sometimes fall into a hole, too.

[B]

Yeah. You know, it's nice to have somebody to understand. You go, hey, hey, this isn't who you are. You're just tired, bro. So tell me, how do you meet her? How do you become healthy enough to have that relationship? And also, how do you trust enough after you've been hurt coming out of an engagement and everything? Like, when do you say, man, this lady, I think I'm good. Yeah, this is good. Yeah, we can grow together. Right? Right. You know, because ultimately, you know, when you really do love somebody, you don't want anybody else. You just want the best versions of them and yourself to get, you know, as you grow older.

[A]

It's a strange story because we met at a comedy club years ago. She is from Indiana, so she graduated from college and came right here from Indiana. I was 28 when I moved, and so I met her at a comedy club. And then I kind of knew her in the scene for years, and I always thought that she was really attractive. I was like. I remember the first time I saw her, I was like, I tell her this all the time, but I'm like, she struck me with how beautiful she was. I'm like, she's really beautiful. It struck me. But we were just like friends, but more like acquaintances. And we would see each other in different circles, but not that often. So her friend one night was. I was talking to her friend was her roommate, and she said she happened to mention that she had just gotten out of a relationship and she was single, and I was single at the time. So I said, can you please put a word in for me with her and see if she's maybe receptive to going out with me? And she said, I will. And she came back the next day and she said she's going to try to work it out with her boyfriend. I'm like, ah, all right. Well, thank you. You know, So I just went on.

[B]

It wasn't a no.

[A]

It wasn't a no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was just kind of like, yeah, she's going to work it out with her boyfriend. So. And we didn't get into like, well, is she attracted to me? Once she said that, it was kind of a wrap. So I just figured at that point it'll just be a friendship or whatever. And then it comes back around again and we're both single. But I stopped thinking about it in terms of that because I figured, oh, she's just with somebody. So she asked me to do her show. She has a show that she's producing. She asked me to do her show. I go do it and. And she was like, well, hang out afterwards. I said, yeah, okay. But I had another spot or I had to meet up with Soder or something, Dan Soder, and who was my roommate at the time. So I just blew it off. I didn't think anything of it. And she messaged me over social media. She was like, you didn't hang out? I was like, no, no, no, I had another spot or something, but I'll catch you next time. Just thinking of it as a friendship. And so months pass. We both end up at Montreal, a comedy festival, her for New Faces. And I'm just doing some shows there. And a friend of hers tells me, like, she is interested in you. So it blew. It kind of took me off guard because I was like, I just thought of it as a friendship now, you know? So I approach her and I'm talking to her, but she's very like. How do I say it? She's very like. It's very hard to cross from the friend zone into a romantic piece because she's just very like. What's the word I'm looking for? It's not. It's. She's not cold, she's warm, but it's like, it's. You would have to say something very distinct to move it. You would have to be. There's no flirting your way into moving it into a romantic phase. It's. You would have to say something in order to see if it's open to move to a romantic phase. So we're there, we're drinking, and I'm. I'm trying to. Finally, I just say, look, I'm interested in you more than friends. And it was all a me too. Stuff was going on then. I mean, still going on, but it's like the beginning of it. So I Said, so it's so good. It's a good movement, but, but at the beginning of it, it was like, you know, it was like, it hit, it hit very hard. So I was like, I'm interested in you, like, more than friends, and I'm drunk at this point. I said, if you're not, if you're interested in me, cool. I think you should go out with me. But if you're not interested in me, that's okay. I'm putting it out there because I think you're very pretty. I want to go out, like, I want to go out with you and blah, blah. But if you don't want that, then I could take a loss also. And she said, why don't you just. I was, and it was coming out stomach because I was drinking and stuff. So she, she just, like, just take my number. So I took her number and then I, I saw her the next day and Because I was, I was drunk when I was telling her this, and I saw her the next day and, and I was just very like, hey, how are you? And, and I, I just, it was, I just want to let her know because a lot of guys will do this thing where they'll hit on a woman, and the woman goes, yeah, it's not for me. And then they go, well, you're a, it's like, you can't do that, dude. It's like you can put it out there and you can, you know, be charming and whatever and try to get her to like it, but if she says no, then you got, then you gotta go. It's like, it's okay. I, I, it's okay. So I wanted her to feel comfortable, like, and not even because of the me too movement, just because of. That's who I am. Or I wanted to feel comfortable.

[B]

So your co workers, in a sense, right? I'm seeing each other. Why are you gonna make.

[A]

I don't want to make it comfortable

[B]

for each other, either of. Right, yeah, fuck that.

[A]

So I wanted to make it known to her. It's like, look, if you're not feeling it, just tell me. No. And I, I'm, and I, but I would do the thing where it's like, I think you're making a mistake. You know, I think you would like me if we hung out and, and, but I want you to feel comfortable if, like, if you're not into it, just tell me now. And then we could just be friends. And that put her, I think, a little bit at ease. And then we went on a date and Then things organically just happened from there. But like, the pan. We were together during the pandemic and all this stuff and like, it. It wasn't the way that I thought it was gonna be. It's like I thought I would be a fully formed healthy person and she would be a fully formed healthy person, and we come together and it would just be, like, not smooth sailing, but it would be like we'd have a path and everything. It's like, that's not the way it happened. It was like I was still kind of a broken, messed up guy. And then she had her issues on her end, and it's like. And we got together and it's like get to know each other and have like. Like arguments and not understanding each other and like. And have this disconnect and then figuring it out and talking about it and like, okay, what can we do to make it better so that the next time this happens, you can feel like you're heard and listened to. And then I can feel like I'm getting my point across so I can feel valid. And it was a big thing for me. Like, one of my major issues where it's like, when I'm with a partner and the partner, like, comes at me. I had a thing where it's like, you only have two choices. You either have to. And this is probably from my childhood, where it's like, you have to just eat it and take it and let the person roll over you, or you have to fight for your life and scream at them because they're trying to take you down. It's like, well, neither is true. Maybe this person is triggered by something in their past, and that's why they're responding that way. So if you just ball up and you do nothing and let the person roll over you, then you're being a punk. And if you come at them real hard, it's like you've overreacted to the situation because that's not what's actually happening, is only your perception of what's happening and you've been triggered. So there's a way to do it where it's like, if they're not at their best and they come at you and they hurt you, they said something that's hurt or offended you. There's a way to be in the moment and. And to take it over proactively, but in a loving way. It's. There's a way to do it where it's like, she'll say something that hurts me, and I'll be like, Babe, babe, come on. What do we. Let's not fight. Come on, let's love each other. Let's love each other. Let's be loving. What's the problem? What can I do? What can I. And it's like, that's a very proactive. You're not. You're not going backwards. You're not in a ball just getting abused. You're proactively doing it, but you're not yelling. And you're doing it with a lot of love and affection. And I find that, like you're asking

[B]

for a result, a positive outcome.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're not saying, all right, you want to go. You're asking for a. Hey, I'm. I'm telling you, right. I'm putting my sword down here. What can I do, Right. To love you, to be positive here and not go at it.

[A]

Right. But that. Just. The fact that it's a proactive move makes me feel better. And then it's to take it over to that thought. Yeah.

[B]

Forget the movement. First getting to that thought in the middle of a battle when someone is angering you or triggering you, for you not to go right to your old triggers and to. Just to get that step one, like, hey, maybe while this person's yelling at me, I should just try to diffuse this instead of throw gas in order.

[A]

It's an interesting thing you said. In order to do that, you have to take your ego out of it because you're hurt.

[B]

Because when you get hurt, your instinct

[A]

is to respond back.

[B]

It's all ego. People don't understand when you say ego to some people, they think ego. You know, the egotistical. No, your ego is the one that's telling you to do this. If you don't know what your ego is, when you're driving by yourself in a car and. And someone cut you off in traffic, that's your ego right there talking to that right there. You would never say that to their face if you were out in the street. Right.

[A]

But I. I think that.

[B]

But you really do have to pull your ego out. I'm like, okay, this person's hurt.

[A]

Right.

[B]

They want me to hear what they're saying, even if they're not communicating it properly. This person is wounded. Right. Wants me to understand what they're saying. How can I best do that?

[A]

But in order for that to happen. There. You alluded to it. It's. There has to be a separation between you and your thoughts. In order for that to happen, you have to not totally identify with what she said. If you Totally identify with what she's saying. You're going to be hurt, and you're just going to fire back. There has to be a thing where it's like you're separating yourself. You're almost looking at the situation from another perspective, and you've separated yourself from what she's saying and from your own thoughts so that you could be like, what's. What's the. What's the solution here? What's the right way to go? This. She doesn't mean this. So how can I overcome this? And proactively. Proactive is a. Is a. It's a huge thing where it's like you're taking it over, but in a loving way. And. And then. And then it makes her feel better. And the times that I've done that and I'm not able to do that all the time.

[B]

No. Nobody bats a thousand.

[A]

I mean, I talked to. I'm in therapy, and I'm like, if I could do that all the time. It's such a great.

[B]

You do it all the time. Your therapist be out of a job, bro.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. But it's such a great feeling when that. And. And she does the same thing to me. Like, I'll come at her in a certain way, and she'd be like, she did it last night. Like, she did it last. I was tired. She's like, babe, you're tired. Come on, babe, come on. And then she'll like. And I'm like, you're right. You know what? You're right. But just the fact that she's coming at it in such a loving way, it drops my defenses. And I started actually listening. I'm like, yeah, you're right. It's like the same way I'll do with her when. When she's uptight. And like I said, the times that I've been able to do that as a man in a relationship, it's always made me feel so much better afterwards. And then she feels better afterwards. But that's like. My point is that doesn't come at the beginning. That comes as a process.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

That's. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's a work.

[B]

And it shows up like that.

[A]

No, I mean, maybe some people do. Maybe.

[B]

Maybe in their 80s when you. Those old senior citizen couples, Like, I think I got it together now. I think I got 10 more solid years.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

That might be.

[A]

That's right. You learn. You always learn it, like, too.

[B]

Hey, man. 75. But I got 10 good years for you.

[A]

But it's it's fantastic that I learned stuff like that. And as a, as a result of those things, we've gotten closer and closer and closer. And then I was like, you know, she would bring up marriage, she's always wanted to get married and everything. And I was kind of like, I always kind of had the attitude, I don't need, I don't really, unless I'm having kids, I don't need to really get married. But.

[B]

Well, you don't have kids, I don't have kids.

[A]

But as we started getting closer and closer, I said, I want to marry this person. I do want to marry this person. We built something here and we could continue building on this. So we really changed my mind completely. So.

[B]

And do you think that if you don't haven't done that work prior to this that you miss this person? You know what I mean? There goes.

[A]

And that's a crazy thing to say too. If you don't work on yourself and this person shows up, I'm not in any position to do anything.

[B]

Just drop the ball.

[A]

It's crazy to think of that like

[B]

here is the opportunity you really been waiting for and could set you off the rest of the way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And if you're not, at least you're not ready to take it. Yeah, well good for you for figuring it out too because you could have been, you could have been thick headed and, and our old selves and like no, you ain't gonna tell me. Yeah, you can't because I also come from the Italian. Everything's also ball buster. Everything's. Hey, you know what I mean? It's just non stop wanting to give back. I, I also just, I know we sound like old men, but it is a softer generation. When we grew up, we had a guy that played soccer with us and the dude had the biggest buck teeth and all we did was on his teeth. And he didn't cry, you know, he did he right back like, oh yeah, how about you have no parents? I'm like, that's pretty solid right there. That's pretty, you know, he didn't make fun of my buck teeth. He just took those buck teeth and spit right back. We had one kid in our neighborhood, he just had like all over his teeth all the time. We just called him Tartar. We called the kid Tartar. We were like, hey, go get tartar, see if you want to play baseball, you know what I mean? He'd be like, I don't got that shit no more, man. We're like, listen, you might have brushed your teeth, but forever. You're tartar, bro. You're harder, dude.

[A]

That's so funny. That's so funny.

[B]

Just calling somebody tartar. Like what the fuck do you keep calling me that for? But it's, it is a different.

[A]

So funny to do it too when you're like you. Because you love the. They're your friend.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, like what's going on with Tarter?

[B]

He's not himself, you know, like. I know man. Bucktooth gurry over there as like, yeah, it was non stop that stuff.

[A]

Yeah, that's great.

[B]

And so now you've been married for how long?

[A]

We've been married for March, April, May, June, five months.

[B]

Oh, you're newly married. Oh, bro.

[A]

But we've been together for. We've been together for a long time, but newly married.

[B]

Well, what made you finally say, all right, I'll. I'll do the. Because have you. I don't want to get too much in your biz. Is your wife young enough to have kids? Are you trying? Are you or are we not trying?

[A]

No, we're going to. We're trying.

[B]

We're going to try. Now you ready to be a dad at 52?

[A]

52, baby.

[B]

How old your wife?

[A]

39.

[B]

I mean it could take a couple of years too, you know. We're trying already trying.

[A]

We're trying. But you know, I don't want to jinx it. It's one of those things where it's like, I think if it's meant to be, it'll be meant to be. But. But the point is, I mean, it's been a long journey to get here.

[B]

So what made you say yes to, to marriage?

[A]

Because I realized through the process of everything that the way, the ways that we were growing together, I was like, I love this person. I started to see her for who she actually. You know, you just see a version of the person when you're dating for a while and you know, but once you get to know the person, you're like, oh, this person is. I love this person. I want to be with this person.

[B]

And, and then even if kids don't end up being in, in in the plants, you're still comfortable being married because you've met. You mentioned. I only thought marriage if I was gonna have kids or.

[A]

Yeah, I changed the way I thought it did. I mean, I changed my mind completely. She changed my mind completely with who she. Once I realized who she was on the kind of person she was and, and how attracted to her that I am. I'm like, oh, this, I love this person.

[B]

I mean, what's it feel like to see the person that you're with also do putting the work in and where you're not. I love that you're not the problem. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Like, I love the way that she approaches the business. She's all, she's like a hard worker, comes at it straight on. Like, doesn't try to manipulate, doesn't try to, like, what, Whatever. Like, takes her wins and losses on the chin. Like, I love that too about her. And I, I love the way that she approaches the business. And, and it's like, also just from the breakups, it's like, well, you know, because I was dumped, dumped several times, but I had a hurtful breakup. How do I guard against that? You know, it's vulnerable to love somebody totally. It's like she could wake up tomorrow morning and be like, I don't want to be in this anymore. And then you're going to be just shredded the way that you were before. It's like, oh, so what's how I thought about this too. It's like, how do you safeguard against that kind of pain? Because I already went through it one time and then a bunch of other times. So how do you safeguard against it? And the conclusion that I've come to, it's like, which is why I do all the breathing and cold showers and workout and eating right and stuff is like, you make yourself the best version of yourself so that it, when, and you, and you bring it, you bring the best version every day that you can when you're with that person because then they'll see it and it rubs off on them and, and that, and, and then, and then if that person decides to leave, you left everything on the, it's like you're playing the game. It's like you left everything on the field, dude. So if you made yourself the best version of yourself and that person squeezes

[B]

that helmet down the ground, ain't nothing you could do about that, bro. You know, that's life. You did everything. Your coverage was perfect. Everything was right, man. But hey, sometimes that is if you

[A]

bring it like that and then the person like, you can, you can put your head on the pillow at night and go, ah, dude, I, I, I did everything I could. You know what I mean? That maybe, maybe they have a different direction that they're going in their life. Maybe it's not meant to be, but I did everything I could, so I can, I can live with that.

[B]

Good for you, dude. Congratulations.

[A]

Well, but it took me forever to figure that part out. Like, all this stuff to figure it out. Like, people probably already know this stuff and they live their life this way. Not me. I. I had to, like, I figured it out gradually through falling over myself, and it took me a long time to figure a lot of this stuff out, which is why I'm 52 and it's my first marriage. 5. I'm not judging it is the way that it is, but it's like, because of. I've had to learn this stuff through experience.

[B]

Two engagements, one marriage.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Way to go, bro. Trying to be like you. I'm trying to be like you. I got one engagement. No marriages. I'm looking for that second one. The marriage. Yeah, bro.

[A]

Get on the horse.

[B]

Thank you, man. Thank you for doing this and good congratulations to you. Good luck on the marriage and the special right there. Promote it again. One more time.

[A]

Thank you, guys. It's. Thank you, guys for watching. It's low income white. It's on YouTube and please watch it. I work very hard on it. And it's. It's. I describe my style. I don't know if you do this, but people know you. But it's understated, it's sarcastic and joke heavy. So if you like those things in your comedy, you'll like my special. I believe you'll like my special. It's low income white. The Nateland YouTube page at Comic Mike V on all social media platforms.

[B]

And your other one, your first one, promote that one too.

[A]

My first one's called the Attractives. It's on the Naatland YouTube page. Give that a look also. So thank you.

[B]

Thank you, brother. Appreciate it for doing this as always.

[A]

Thanks, man.

[B]

Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Ryan sickler.com. we'll talk to y' all next week.

[A]

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[B]

Man, that was easy. That looked good.

[A]

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[B]

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