382: Pete Holmes on his Marriage at 18, Religion, Divorce, & Becoming a Dad | The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler #382

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler
Episode: #382: Pete Holmes on his Marriage at 18, Religion, Divorce, & Becoming a Dad
Date: April 20, 2026
Host: Ryan Sickler
Guest: Pete Holmes

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Episode Overview

This episode explores the “lowlights” of Pete Holmes’ life—his early marriage, experiences with religion, divorce, creative journey, and current life as a father. Pete discusses formative moments, how he made sense of childhood challenges, the effect of religion on his relationships and identity, and his eventual growth into the well-balanced comedian, husband, and parent he is today. The conversation is honest, funny, and filled with poignant self-awareness, mixing humor and vulnerability.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Pete Holmes’ Creative Projects & New Kids Book

• [05:41] Pete Holmes plugs his latest comedy special:

  • “Silly Silly Fun Boy,” filmed in Portland, available on YouTube.
  • Reflects his 25-year comedy journey: “You don’t meet a lot of people that have done anything for 25 years. This is what 25 years in comedy looks like.” (05:56)

• [06:27] His kids’ book, “Spells to Cast on Your Parents”:

  • Inspired by and created for his daughter, featuring spells for fun bedtime routines that offer kids playful agency.
  • “The world is just legs, you have no power… I just wanted a book that gives kids the feeling...that they’re magical.” (06:35)
  • Art made by Pete himself, using masking tape for a distinct, hand-crafted look: “I'm always drawn to art that embraces mistakes because that’s human.” (13:13)
  • Pitches importance of pre-orders, notes plans for sequels (e.g., “Spells to Cast on Your Children” and “Grandparents”).

2. A Pushback Against Overproduced, Slick Media

• [14:23] Discussion on authenticity and nostalgia:
  • Both Pete and Ryan express love for tactile, imperfect creative projects.
  • Ryan: “Most people are tired of the overproduced beautiful looking things and they're resonating more with just…normalness.” (15:24)

3. Childhood & Family Dynamics

• [16:06] Pete’s upbringing in suburban Boston:

  • Parents together, mother was a stay-at-home mom; older brother was more rebellious.
  • Pete was a self-described “indoor cat”—empathetic, sensitive, intent on not adding stress to his mother.
  • “I remember vividly being like, if you could be locked in a room...for the rest of your life, who would it be? I would have been like, my mom...without hesitation.” (34:12)

• [29:53] Father’s story:

  • Rose from hardship; worked in heating oil, leveraged a “brown paper bag” loan to become a successful real estate investor.
  • Pete admires his dad’s resourcefulness and tenacity, noting similarities in his own creative/career diversification.

• [36:06] Family struggles:

  • Alcohol, stress, and “a little bit of screaming” but no physical abuse.
  • Pete’s approach: Stay close to mom while brother distanced himself.
  • Mother fled WWII as a child; had significant trauma but “they were doing better than the generation before.” (36:14)

4. Religion: Belief, Restrictions, and Effects on Relationships

• [42:42] Christian college experience:

  • Strict code of conduct—signed declarations of faith, no drinking, sex, or drugs, even off-campus.
  • Pete didn’t drink or have sex until he was of legal/“moral” age, “kind of a rule follower.”
  • “I wanted to have sex but I wasn't going to have sex out of marriage. We had sex a little, but it was a Christian thing... as soon as my first wife and I did have oral sex... I was like, we're getting married.” (51:01)

• [46:00] On sexuality and repression:

  • Pete and Ryan joke about religious environments intensifying temptation and sexual excitement.
  • “Christianity... is one of the biggest kinks.” (45:49)
  • “The monster at the end of the book—don’t touch yourself or you'll burn in hell.” (46:00)

5. Marriage, Divorce, and Emotional Growth

• [50:52] Early marriage as an “escape boat”:

  • Married at 22 to his college girlfriend.
  • “I wasn't even close to knowing myself. I was like, why didn’t anyone stop me?” (52:58)

• [56:12] Realizing marriage wasn’t transformative:

  • “The next morning [after the wedding]…it was just me. There wasn’t a shift.” (57:00)

• [59:39] Chicago and the start of stand-up:

  • Moved with wife for improv, shifted to stand-up.
  • Divorce brought painful but necessary growth: “It was very cute...but there’s a point where your sweetness...becomes toxic and fucking manipulative and inauthentic.”

6. Adulthood, Fatherhood, and Self-Actualization

• [62:05] On maturity:
  • Pete credits relationships and failures for growing up: “One day you wake up and you realize, wait, this is the king's robe. And...the king is the one that incorporates all of it.” (63:03)
  • He now feels “qualified” to help others, especially young comics, and has a balanced self:

"I rule my own kingdom slowly and gently...I've become my own ruler." (63:11)

• [67:17] On reconstructing life after pain:

  • “It’s good to have your house burned down...when you reconstruct it, you’re not doing it to please your parents...you’re going, wait, really, who am I? What do I care about?” (67:17)

• [69:04] The hero’s journey & self-exploration:

  • Pete likens his growth to the mythic “hero’s journey”—leaving home, facing trials, returning transformed.
  • “You can’t do anything to become what you already are. But you also have to do something to realize who you are.” (70:25)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Magicians vs. Comedians:
  “David Copperfield doesn’t make the Statue of Liberty disappear in real life. You fucking child.” — Pete Holmes (21:21)

• On growing out of people-pleasing:
  “You’re not being real. You’re playing this character…That was great for both of us. I’m proud of her.” — Pete Holmes (60:36)

• On authentic growth:
  “If you stop and ask yourself, let’s take what everybody thinks out of here...What do I really want out of my life?…You’ll be in the 1%, no doubt.” — Pete Holmes (67:17)

• On childhood, trauma, and being “indoors”:
  “My mom loved cats, and she loved knowing where her kids are...I just want everybody to be okay.” — Pete Holmes (37:27)

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Important Timestamps

• Special/book plug: 05:41–07:40
• Art and “embracing mistakes”: 12:00–13:55
• Media/nostalgia talk: 14:23–15:44
• Family dynamics/past: 16:06–37:27
• Religion, college, and sex: 42:42–52:58
• Marriage & divorce insight: 50:52–63:03
• Growth, fatherhood, the “king” archetype: 62:05–67:17
• Hero’s journey & wrapping up: 69:04–71:13

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Tone & Style

The conversation is candid, funny, and unguarded, with both Ryan and Pete using self-deprecation and irony to diffuse the heaviness of certain subjects. Pete is earnest and deeply self-reflective, often questioning his past choices and the roots of his behaviors, but always with an underlying sense of humor.

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Key Takeaways

• Pete’s upbringing, religious background, and family dynamics shaped his initial approach to relationships, self-worth, and career.
• Creative work and parenthood have become sources of healing and self-expression for him.
• He emphasizes the value of authentic self-inquiry—taking account of external influences, then defining one’s own values and goals.
• Pete’s journey is a testament that “lowlights”—mistakes, heartbreaks, failures—are essential learning steps, not obstacles.

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Pete Holmes’ Projects

• Comedy Special: “Silly, Silly Fun Boy” on YouTube
• Kids Book: “Spells to Cast on Your Parents” (available for pre-order)
• Tour Dates: peteholmes.com

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This episode is rich in both comedic moments and insightful reflections—perfect for listeners interested in the messy, sometimes hilarious process of becoming one’s best self.

Transcript

[Pete Holmes]

Focus features in Blumhouse Obsession When I

[Ryan Sickler]

have a crush on a guy no one knows, Be careful.

[Pete Holmes]

I wish Nikki loved me more than anyone in the entire world. Who you wish for obsession is 96% fresh on rotten Tomatoes.

[Ryan Sickler]

I love you so so so so much.

[Pete Holmes]

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[Ryan Sickler]

Buffalo, NY I'm headed your way. I'll see you guys Friday, April 24th and Saturday, April 25th hey guys, exciting announcement. We are doing a Live Way Back at the Netflix Is a Joke festival. It's Monday, May 5th at 7pm at the Hotel Cafe Main Stage at. It's our first live ever way back. We're going to have a special guest. We're going to have prizes, we're going to have gifts. We're going to do some fun stuff with you guys as well. So get your tickets now for the Netflix Is a Joke Festival Live way back Monday, May 5, 7pm at the Hotel Cafe Boston. I'm fired up to head back your way. I'll be there Friday, May 15th and Saturday, May 16th Albuquerque, New Mexico I'll be there Friday, June 5th and Saturday, June 6th Tulsa, Oklahoma I'll be there Friday, June 19th and Saturday, June 20th. All tickets on my [e-mail] hey guys, we have a new segment on the way back called after the Beep. We got a new landline and an old school answering machine and we want to hear from you. Call 323-452-3732 and leave a message. Hit us with things like Craziest high school moment, Worst job, Dumbest injury, Worst trouble. Maybe something you got away with, or maybe you're looking for some old school advice on relationships, jobs even. Am I the asshole or Keep it quick confessions, weird habits. The worst advice you ever got. We'll play him back and react. Keep it under 60 seconds. Anything longer than that, we ain't listening. All right, full segments are only available on Patreon, so give us a ring 323-452-3732 and leave a message after the beat. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the Honeydew, y'.

[Pete Holmes]

All.

[Ryan Sickler]

We're over here doing it the Night Pants Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler. Thank you guys for supporting this show. Thank you for supporting anything I do. I always tell you, if you gotta have more, you know, you gotta check out the Patreon. It's still since day. We've done over 300 episodes of the Honeydew with you all. This show with you all, and it's still $5 a month. You get 300 and some episodes for a cup of coffee. And you got a premium tier over there where. Or you're getting the way back a day early ad free. No sensors, exclusive bonus content you're not getting anywhere else. Like the Baltimore junkyard series content we're doing. So go check it out. All right. That's the biz. You know what we do here? We highlight low lights. I always say, these are the stories behind the storytellers. I am very excited to have this guest with us here back on the Honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, Pete Ohms. Welcome back to the Honeydew Po.

[Pete Holmes]

This is for. This is for being on the show. I'm not opposed. I'm not opposed to clapping for myself.

[Ryan Sickler]

One of my favorite. Not to step on your introduction. One of my favorite introductions in podcasting was Todd Glass show back when he. Did you ever do the pod where he did it over the auto. He had a office over the auto museum. It was very boogie night.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I did do it.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know what I'm talking about. And you would look at. It was all plush and then.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And he had a band. 3 or 4 person little band right there.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And we podcast for like 10 minutes. And I'm like. He goes, all right, now I'm going to introduce you. I'm like, well, were we rolling on that? He goes, yeah, yeah, but I'm going to introduce you now. I go, you wait for like 10 minutes to do the intro. He goes, and you have an option. Go back over there, the stairs, and we'll play you in. Or I can just say your name right now. And I was like, well, if I'm going to get to be played in, I want to be played in. What else do you get to be played in? So I went over there and he played me in, bro.

[Pete Holmes]

With a custom song, right?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I still remember.

[Ryan Sickler]

Absolutely.

[Pete Holmes]

It was like, pete homes. Pete Home, Pete.

[Ryan Sickler]

Home.

[Pete Holmes]

Pete Holmes is here now. Yeah. What a. What a lover of detail.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yep. Lighting especially.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, well. Yeah. That's so serious.

[Ryan Sickler]

Good to see you again.

[Pete Holmes]

Great to be here. I'm happy to see you. Always happy to see.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you. Before we get into whatever you'd like to talk about. Right there. Plug it all, brother.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, really? Well, I have two things to plug. One is my special, which is on YouTube.com it's a website.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is it www.

[Pete Holmes]

It's HTTP two backslashes. Www.YouTube.com. you can throw that last backslash on there, but you don't have to. If you hit return, it'll do it for you. Then just type in Pete Holmes, I'm pretty sure. And it's called Silly Silly Fun Boy. And I really hope people like it. It's my favorite hour that I've done so far. I filmed it live in Portland. I'm just really proud of it. I've been doing comedy for 25 years. This sounds like something we should talk about. You don't meet a lot of people that have done anything for 25 years. This is what 25 years in comedy looks like. I'm very proud of it. Second thing I want to plug real quick is available for pre order. I did a kid's book. It's called Spells to Cast on youn Parents.

[Ryan Sickler]

All right.

[Pete Holmes]

I made it for my daughter. We loved it so much we went out and sold it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, this is just a personal project that you turned into something.

[Pete Holmes]

I just wanted an excuse to be funny and silly with my daughter and make her laugh, but also give her agency. Remember when you're little and the world is just legs, you have no power.

[Ryan Sickler]

Cigarettes are swinging in your eyes. That was us, right?

[Pete Holmes]

So I just wanted a book that gives kids the feeling and like that. The Sorcerer's Apprentice. But you cast these spells. It's light work for the parent. I don't want anything that's tricky. It's easy bedtime stuff, but it's spells that, like, make you move in slow motion or talk in slow motion or talking gibberish or fall asleep or whatever it is.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you act out with them.

[Pete Holmes]

You do it and it makes her laugh so hard. And it's easy. Like I said, it's light work. So you get to make your kid laugh, which is so funny. Be silly together. And it has, I think, a very positive message about how magic kids are and how powerful and special they are. But really, it's just like a silly fun time. Here's. Here's the real sincere, earnest pitch here. Apparently I've never done a kids book before. They get lost in the shuffle. One of the things that helps is pre order. So if you can pre order it, you'll get a nice surprise in a couple months. It'll show up or buy it for a friend.

[Ryan Sickler]

And where are we pre ordering? Amazon. Wherever you anywhere.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like wherever you get your book.

[Ryan Sickler]

Copy that. Amazon. And what's the book?

[Pete Holmes]

You don't have to go to Amazon, but like preorder. It's called spells to cast on your parents.

[Ryan Sickler]

Awesome.

[Pete Holmes]

And we're going to do a sequel called spells to cast on your children. And then we'll do spells to cast on your grandparents. Look, it's going to be a whole thing.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's fine.

[Pete Holmes]

But get the first print. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's got to start somewhere.

[Pete Holmes]

Do it.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm really proud.

[Pete Holmes]

I did the art myself too.

[Ryan Sickler]

You did?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, and I did it with tape.

[Ryan Sickler]

You wouldn't know it like we masking

[Pete Holmes]

or all kinds of like you. I've always liked you. I've always. From the moment I met you, you

[Ryan Sickler]

want to know what we've had? I know I probably had maybe 2 int that have gone like that. My life where that could have gone.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah. I was obsessed with you. And I. I remain obsessed.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank God.

[Pete Holmes]

I love you so much.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you so much.

[Pete Holmes]

But that's the right question. I think if you looked at it, you might think it was electrical. This is two nerds, right? Because the book is for wizards only. So there's an inciting incident. It's like a classic movie. You're not supposed to read the book. The first page of the book is warning. This is a book of spells. It's for wizards only. If you're not a wizard, return it to the closest school of magic. The book is guarded by black dragon named Jesse. If you are a wizard, you may turn the page. So it's fun. It's like cheeky. You're breaking the rules and I like that. I think maybe we're similar. I like breaking little rules with my daughter. It's like a fun little dad thing to do. And the book starts with this, like, let's see what's going on now we're reading it. Of course Jesse shows up. And the only way you can prove to Jesse that you are a wizard is to cast spells on your grownup. It doesn't have to be your parent. It can be your grownup. So you start doing them so he won't torch your ass. So that's, that's the fun of the book.

[Ryan Sickler]

And how old your daughter and what age range would you say? What age range would you say is this best suited for?

[Pete Holmes]

I don't.

[Ryan Sickler]

I've been too busy writing this book.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know, man. I love her, but once she approved the idea, I just went to a cabin in the woods. She, she. I ran into her when she was six. You all right? I love this.

[Ryan Sickler]

I thought you just said I ran into her when she was.

[Pete Holmes]

I ran into her when she said,

[Ryan Sickler]

oh my God, how much of time

[Pete Holmes]

I had a pack of cigarettes. I was like, oh, I guess I should come back. I think you'd be between 5 and 10.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

I, I don't, I don't really know how.

[Ryan Sickler]

Elementary school.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The fun years.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Before they start, you know. You know?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, I know.

[Pete Holmes]

So those prime years. So anyway, I don't know. We'll see. But. Oh, the reason I mentioned it, so Jesse is a small black dragon. And so all the drawings are of Jesse, basically. And I, I was like, it literally just started from a practical purpose. I actually had cartoons in the New

[Ryan Sickler]

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[Pete Holmes]

And one of the things I learned from Matt Diffie, who helped me make cartoons that got sold to the New Yorker, was he was like, you want a unique style. He's like, don't just do it the way I would do it. Like, do it in a way that only you would do it. So have it look unique, but not so unique that it's distracting. So I was like, okay, I'm going to be doing a lot of pages of Jesse the Black Dragon. I don't want to use India ink. I don't want to paint it in. I don't want to use crepe or oil pastel. But I have a lot of black to fill in on these pages. He's got these yellow eyes. I was just like, it surges out of practicality. I was like, I could do paper like the Hungry Caterpillar. Remember that book? I sure use colorful paper. I didn't really like that. I tried cloth. I didn't really like the way that look because it's got to look good on the page, and that's also got to look good when you scan it. Then I started using just regular old masking tape, like painter's tape. And I love the way talk about AI think is really interesting and fun, but, like, I wanted to do something that looked like a person made it. I wanted it to include texture and mistakes. Mistakes, meaning it's not precision. It's like overlapping. If you could touch one of the drawings of Jesse, it's got a texture to it. Like, it's lifting. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And duct tape versus electrical tape versus masking tape.

[Pete Holmes]

It's literally texture.

[Ryan Sickler]

They're all texture.

[Pete Holmes]

It's literally textures. And then, like, the pop of the eyes that. Now the yellow of his eyes is so bright. The black is so black. So we ended up using, like, painter's tape. And then I would just sit at my kitchen table and, like, measuring it out and just ripping it real crude. Like, not surgical. Like, fun alive. I'm not saying I'm Jackson Pollock, but I'm always been drawn to art that, like, embraces mistakes because that's human to make these mistakes. So I was like. I was so proud. If you look in a lot of kids books, at the end, it'll say, like, the illustrations were made with and the things. It was so fun to be like, it was made with markers and masking tape.

[Ryan Sickler]

Or is this our 3M sponsor right here?

[Pete Holmes]

I do have to see if you'll give me a moment. 3M is the maker of a lot of fine chemicals that are used for weapons. Also post it notes and the tape from my book. Also the tape from my book. I didn't go 3M. I didn't go 3M.

[Ryan Sickler]

Scotch. Who do we go?

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know who it was because I was trying to get the right shade of black and I found it and I'm very well.

[Ryan Sickler]

I also love the idea of going back to like more just basic and simple because I'm seeing this pushback and I keep hearing about like most people are tired of the overproduced beautiful looking things and they're resonating more with just.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Ryan Sickler]

Pete's just talking to me. He was. Hair's all over the goddamn place. He's walking around. And I started thinking about the way where we are with sort of media and. And slickness, literacy, all these things. Anything entertainment wise, the slickness. Right. But what used to happen when you looked at old footage in the 50s of from ball games where people would go out in suits.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And their hats and the ladies and dresses and that also how they flew on planes.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Ryan Sickler]

And traveled. And media or entertainment and film. Everything used to be lighting and angle. Well, this person's in a position of power here. So they got to be. And all these things going on. And now it's people and thongs running around with 80 million views and people beating each other up at the ball games and steel ball. Like.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's where we are with entertainment now, where baseball and everything is gone. That is the wild, wild west or end. So I still think people are longing for more, you know, of the normalness, the, you know, things you resonate with.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

This is a nostalgic thing for an adult as well. Like I used to fucking play with this shit.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

[Ryan Sickler]

We didn't have Canva.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, it's. That's right. It was a monster at the end of the book. Did you ever read. So I remember being about 7 years old. I swear I was at like a little preschool.

[Ryan Sickler]

Remember?

[Pete Holmes]

Like so much of our childhood is like being in a situation you don't know anybody. Like I'll always be dropped at some new day camp. And you're like, what the fuck is this?

[Ryan Sickler]

Tell me what's. What's your life growing up? Your parents, why are they dropping? Are they working? Like, are you.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a good question.

[Ryan Sickler]

Household. No, my mom.

[Pete Holmes]

My mom was a full time mom.

[Ryan Sickler]

Were your parents Together. Yes, they were.

[Pete Holmes]

My joke is, unfortunately, that's.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's.

[Pete Holmes]

That's dramatic. It's just a joke. But, yeah, I had an older brother, and my older brother wasn't really helpful. He would say that too. We're close now.

[Ryan Sickler]

How much older?

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know. I don't. I'm not good with numbers, Ryan. I don't know. Imagine. Can you really just try to consider the horror? Also?

[Ryan Sickler]

There are plenty of humans out there

[Pete Holmes]

like that that don't know, but I don't know.

[Ryan Sickler]

How much is 11? Is there a big. Nah, it's like two, three.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's something like that. No, he's two years older. But I remember being in situations, my brother, I love him to death, but socially, I think would also be anxious. I was less anxious than he was. So I swear I had my brother, he's like, freeze. I'm like, fight. I'm like, I'm gonna, like, fight for some attention or get in the mix or whatever. So we didn't really team up. But I remember being at one of those situations and finding. I swear it was like a magical little nook, like a door I went in and there were kids books and, like, a beanbag chair. I found the monster at the end of the book. It's a Grover book. Grover wrote it. The horror that I think Grover's real. It's one of Grover's best. He did Pride and Prejudice. He did a little Pride in Prejudice, a touch of Minecraft. He's like, I didn't read this, but seems like an okay guy. Anyway, I found monster at the end of the book. And spoiler alert, the monster at the end of the book is Grover. So the whole book is don't turn the page. But it's interactive. My book is absolutely running with that. I'm not the first to go, like, wait, let's make every page turn an aggression towards this dragon. The language in the book is burning your buns to a crisp. And that's on the table. Page one, he will burn your buns to a crisp. So every page, we're getting closer and closer to. To this, like, bad thing. Because I remember reading that book and it was like a joke. I swear, I'm not reverse engineering it. I saw the magic of narrative and story and a joke where it was like, the whole time I was nervous. I was alone, no grownups. The kids are over there. I'm just turning the page. Every page we're getting closer to the monster. He's like, don't turn the page. Don't do it, don't. And I'm like, really? My heart is up. And then at the end, the relief, it's like this laugh. That's what a good joke is. We thought it was a monster. We thought it was a monster. We thought it was a monster. It was that. And I get to it and I. It changed my life. That book changed my life. And I was like, I read it to my daughter, she loved it. I also remember reading it later and I knew the trick and it didn't work. So I started to notice, like, oh, like, you can't know the punchline. So you have to hold it back. Like a storyteller. Like, you're a great storyteller. You. I was telling somebody, I mean, not to interrupt.

[Ryan Sickler]

But you're right, you get that once.

[Pete Holmes]

You get it once.

[Ryan Sickler]

But then the beauty is introducing it

[Pete Holmes]

to someone who has no idea and watching them.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you only get that one.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I got to do with my daughter. That's right.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You don't really. I mean, we do reread.

[Ryan Sickler]

She gets to do that. You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

Like, she now knows the joke. Exactly. It infects people and they pass it on. I was just telling somebody that, like, comedians, it's so funny. I love magic, I love magicians. And I think it's funny that our people have always made fun of magicians. And I'm like, we are magicians. Or you could say magicians are comedians or you could say actors are magicians. Houdini said that. He said, a magician is an actor pretending to be a magician. And a comedian is an actor pretending to be a fun, funny guy who just happened to show up at this comedy club at 8 o' clock with

[Ryan Sickler]

this hour of fucking.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, what's going on?

[Ryan Sickler]

Articulated.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a ruse. Polished. And we all look the other way.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's why you can't ever trust anyone who's never met you and then walks up to you after something like that and thinks you're the greatest thing on earth. It's like, well, you just saw. Yeah, 60 minute manicured magic. That's right. You didn't see me. That's why it was like Sunday morning,

[Pete Holmes]

you know when people are like, comedians aren't funny in real life. I'm like, yeah, and David Copperfield doesn't make the Statue of Liberty disappear in real life. You fucking child.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, wake up. Nobody's everything. All the time, all the fucking. We're just obsessed. Our mechanics always fiddling with A. Yeah, eat shit, you idiot. Like, I can't stand it. But comedians, the feelings. So I just did this retreat and they have a talent night at the end. It was fun and they were like, are you going to do comedy at the retreat? And I was like, I. I can't because I know it looks like I'm just getting up and messing around the whole retreat. I'm like a magician looking for pigeons. I'm wrapping them up and putting them up my sleeve. It will ruin the retreat for me because it's. That's. It's. I'm now wearing a suit.

[Ryan Sickler]

I've got three gloves.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what a comedian is. Our birds are invisible, but we're a person with birds taped to the inside of our thigh and you release it at the right moment. Except when we. Our bird is us saying like, jizz. That's what it is. And then go. Good night, everybody. Thank God the jizz bird flew tonight. Last night, Jizzburg.

[Ryan Sickler]

Didn't work. It didn't work.

[Pete Holmes]

You don't know what it's like yelling jizz. And no one laughs. Now you're just a fucking weirdo. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, I don't know how we got there, but the book, the special you'd gone.

[Ryan Sickler]

You alluded to being dropped off at daycares and different places and things like that. Growing up, what was. What was your. You know, most of my kid was.

[Pete Holmes]

My situation was just hanging at home with my mom. Like, that was most of it. Are you that way?

[Ryan Sickler]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

No. You're out there rolling.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's so funny. The old time. I mean, these days I'm. No, I just learned a term called otrovert, which is brand new to me. And I'm like, this is the closest description. It's someone who can be around people like we are with our job, but as soon as I'm done with that, I want to go home.

[Pete Holmes]

I think that's just an introvert.

[Ryan Sickler]

Nope.

[Pete Holmes]

I.

[Ryan Sickler]

An introvert would never be go out and entertain and disagree. Well, I hear you on that, but I mean, in public, I'll talk to people.

[Pete Holmes]

I understand.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'll do all those things in normal.

[Pete Holmes]

But I like this. As long as the person who told you this wasn't selling you a book called the Ultrovert, the new personality type that I'm just a.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, no. This was a. Just a new article I read.

[Pete Holmes]

I was like, okay, then I sound like this too, also.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, it's brand new. Ish. They're saying. And I'm like, okay, they're fucking formulating new things about a. It's a. It is a combination of. I would call it an outrovert since we already have gone with introvert. They're going with the Spanish, I guess, the Latin introvert. So other vert. But it sounds. It's an otra. Yeah, otra. And it sounds like it's a hybrid of intro and outro is what it sounds like. And I'm.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm that.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, me too.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm that.

[Ryan Sickler]

I. I must be like, I. I would. Absolutely. Guys. I recently used TaskRabbit for two things. I got an invert chair where I hang upside down and stretch my back and it feels amazing. And I got a vanity for my daughter. These things had about 3,000 pieces, and I was like, yeah, man. I. I'm just looking at them on the floor. I'm like, I'm not doing this. So I hit up TaskRabbit. All right. Guy came out, put both of them together. All right. TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area for moving furniture, assembly, home repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a Tasker based on cost, skill set availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing. Because Taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs, handled 1.5 million moves and counting. I promise you, any kind of these chores I have nowadays, I'm hitting up task grabbing. When life happens, your to do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first [e-mail] or on the TaskRabbit app. Using promo code Honeydew, Taskers book up fast, especially for same day tasks. So book trusted home help today. That's $15 off your first task using promo code Honeydew with the TaskRabbit app [e-mail] Love to have dinner by myself all the time, but I want to be around people. I don't want to sit in isolation and have that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah. I don't want to be in a basement with one bowl.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, no, no. I want to be among.

[Pete Holmes]

I was flying back from San Francisco recently and I just sat in the. In the midst and I just, you know, stupid to say. You're people watching and it's weird. I was dropping popcorn, but there are no birds. Just a psycho.

[Ryan Sickler]

There's somebody recording too. Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Guy thinks birds are coming, but I like being around people. But I. The way that I've heard introvert extrovert explained is it's not that introverts don't like people. It's that they're not energized by being with people. I look at being even with you. I'm enjoying this. Really looked forward to it. Excited to be here. That's 100% real. I would tell you if it wasn't. If I was, like, putting this on because we're friends, but I'm not really. This is different. If I'm in a social, a party. That's better now I'm. I'm pushing something up a hill. It's taking energy for me to be like, where are you? Michigan. Oh, you from Michigan? Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Where are Michigan? Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I just would rather taste the sweet barrel of a gun. Here's the thing. That's a dark way. But I'm just, like, looking for a way out. I'm looking for a way out. I can't do it.

[Ryan Sickler]

The fact that I'm good at small talk.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I hate.

[Pete Holmes]

You hate it.

[Ryan Sickler]

I hate myself.

[Pete Holmes]

I hate it, too.

[Ryan Sickler]

I have a rule. If I'm in a relationship or I'm. If you and I are going somewhere.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you see me taking the brunt over here so that you don't have to or whatever. If I give you an eyes, come over and just tap me and rescue me out of there. But I'll do it.

[Pete Holmes]

I'll do you one better.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'll do it.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm never sad to leave anything.

[Ryan Sickler]

Me either.

[Pete Holmes]

We're going to Disneyland for my daughter's spring break.

[Ryan Sickler]

You can't wait to get out.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I like Disneyland. But we could go on Pirates. And then if my daughter was like, daddy, I want to go, I'd be like, great, we're out. Now, that's a privileged thing because Disney's fucking crazy expensive. But, like, it's really more just about like, I'm okay. Like, if I was going to the HBO Emmy party and someone. If my wife was like, do you want to just stay home? I would always say. I would always be like, I don't need to do that. I don't want to do that. That's why it's a really sweet. Middle age is a great place. You've sown all these seeds and now you can cruise.

[Ryan Sickler]

You can choose.

[Pete Holmes]

A lot of people don't. A lot of people don't.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

A lot of people keep giving more of a fuck. But I am not Kevin Hart. People are confused by that. A lot of people stop me and go, kevin, they go now. And that's just a different kind of person. That's fine. I just, like, there's very, very few things that I would be like, no, I really want to do this. Really want to do it. Most things I'd be like, could be my own birthday party. Be like, let's get the out of here. And my wife is like that, too. And it's the best.

[Ryan Sickler]

At what point do you. You say you were always with your mom, spending time. What point do you leave home? When do you move out on your own? And what's a great question, like, for you.

[Pete Holmes]

So don't.

[Ryan Sickler]

Because you're Chicago comedy, right? You're out of that scene.

[Pete Holmes]

Chicago.

[Ryan Sickler]

Where are you from?

[Pete Holmes]

From Boston.

[Ryan Sickler]

Boston.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. I'm from my. So my mom grew up in South Boston. My father grew up in Somerville. So they're like real Boston. I'm suburb.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, you're gonna say racist, but yeah, they're really

[Pete Holmes]

there. I've been to boss Boston.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

No, they. They. They're actually lovely people. And they moved to Lexington, which you might know from the Fighter. Remember the Fighter? Where they go, why'd you take me to hoity toity Lexington?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So Lexington is Hoity toity Lexington.

[Ryan Sickler]

My dad isn't Lexington. Also, Paul Revere's ride and the British are coming. Paul Revere is in Boston.

[Pete Holmes]

That's by. In Boston. Paul Revere's ride is through downtown Boston.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, it's through downtown.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. It's beautiful. It's marked by red bricks. It's a lot of fun.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm gonna do that when I go back there. You actually want to left Boston.

[Pete Holmes]

Old South Church. You can see where they buried Sam Adams.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

He's there. I mean, I don't like Boston because it reverts me. I like Boston. Jesus. Red Sox fan, dog. I like Boston, but it's hard for me to see it for what it is. If you go, I'm like, you'll love it. I go. And I'm like, I just remember being a kid. It kind of freaks me out. Has nothing to do with Boston. But anyway, Lexington is where the American revolution started. That's the shot heard around the world. So the battle started. The first shot started the whole Revolutionary war in Lexington. But it's also. It just is. It's like hoity toity. It's like upper class or what? I don't know if it's. It's not like Bel Air. It's not like upper class.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like, we have here you private school, Public school.

[Pete Holmes]

I did go to private school, but it was, it wasn't, you know, it wasn't what it is now.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, sure.

[Pete Holmes]

It's when I go to Lexington, I'm like, this is like a nice. There's just a little more space between the houses. House are bigger, whatever it might be. So my dad worked. My dad really is like the American dream. His father died when he was young. He took over for my. My grandfather.

[Ryan Sickler]

Was it a business?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, home heating oil delivering. So he's driving an oil truck?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Then like as a child in the sepia toned streets of Boston and he's delivering like he had a sister, a brother and his mom and he became the man of the house. So my dad really is like this hero figure in my life and he fucking picked it up and he figured it out. And he met a man named Mr. Hurley. Mr. Hurley gave him some money like my dad was. Is also like a gregarious, eloquent person. I'm complimenting myself. I'm just saying he's got the gift of Gab. Meets Mr. Hurley. Asked Mr. Hurley for, let's say it was ten grand. I don't know what it was. So he could invest in real estate. The story goes, Mr. Hurley gave him the money in a brown paper bag just like here on the table. Didn't even. No terms. Just like old school. Like we know where you are if you don't.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you don't move fast in that big ass truck.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Ryan Sickler]

That truck's not. We could also blow that motherfucker up.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. Zero to 60 in about four to five minutes. Right. So he gets his bag, he buys smart, buys property. My dad always says the. The thing about real estate is it's real. I think everybody in real estate says that. But. But he's like, it's real. I don't like the stock market. I can't see it. He's like, I can paint this, I can flip it. So he's like flipping things and buying things and had a real knack for it. So. My dad really is an impressive person.

[Ryan Sickler]

And as you were growing up, are you moving often and he's flipping or are you pretty stationary?

[Pete Holmes]

He didn't do it to us.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Meaning just business. We just had our. We had our house, we lived in Melrose and then we moved to Lexington. Lexington. When he found. It's funny, he kind of. I think my dad would agree. He bought in Lexington like maybe, maybe a little before he knew he could do it. And I learned that from. I do that in my life. I'll be like, oh yeah, I'll sell the hour when I have 20 minutes. You know what I mean? It's like, I'll have it when it's time. So that's a good quality, I think. I think he experienced some stress. I know he did, but we moved to Lexington. Now this is the part where I. It's not woe is me, but my dad worked a lot and he's.

[Ryan Sickler]

This whole time he's up stayed the business and all the oil and everything.

[Pete Holmes]

He. Yes. He's also another way I feel close to my dad is I'm a podcaster, I'm a writer, I'm a producer, I'm an actor and I'm a stand up. Say what? Artists and kids books. Wrote a. Wrote a grown up book too. Like, I like diversifying. I like honoring an idea. When you have an idea, don't say, this is a video game, go, what is it? And just take that moment to go, is it a movie? Is it a TV show? Is it a video game? Is it a board game? Is it a book, Is it a comic book? Is it a song, Is it nothing? But like, ask it what it wants to be. Don't. Sometimes a bit isn't a bit. I mentioned the New Yorker, right? I would have a joke. It wouldn't work on stage. I love my jokes. I go, wait, this is a New Yorker cartoon so everybody can draw. I'd like kind of developed a style, went in, sold it, and then the ones that they didn't buy at the New Yorker we turned into a series called Doctor. So many of my New Yorker cartoons were in doctor's offices. And one of them, I remember it was a doctor and he's just talking to another doctor and he goes, when in doubt, just prescribe the drug on your pen. Just a very New Yorker kind of, you know, it's like, you know, it's not supposed to be laugh out loud, but like they didn't buy that. Then we shot a doctor sketch called Penn. You can still watch it. I'm young, I'm like round faced. You know what I mean? Yeah, Just like a sweetie little boy. And Matt McCarthy shot in my. In our office in Manhattan. So it's just a blank wall and a desk. We put a bed sheet on and he's sitting on it. And I walk in and I'm like, sir, you know, Matt, I think the right drug for you is. Revital. And he's like, you Just got that and we made it a sketch because we were like, wait, it didn't work there, but it did work online. And this is before anyone was doing that. Not the weird flex, but it was, like, novel. So it, like, picked up on. On YouTube. And that was a really cool feeling. So anyway, my dad worked a lot and diversified a lot. So if there is something that was, woe is me. There was just a lot of time with mom. My mom, I love her to death. She was absolutely my favorite person growing up. I remember vividly being like, if you could be locked in a room like this room for the rest of your life, who would it be? I would have been like, my mom. Like, without hesitation, obsessed with my mom. Really close. She's also, like, a very real person. Like, she wants to talk about the real. Like, what do you really feel? Not, like, polite roles, Mom.

[Ryan Sickler]

And as a kid, you never rebelled against that. Like, I don't want to tell you, Mom. Like, you're always.

[Pete Holmes]

And unfortunately, because I postponed it, it kind of happened when I was 28, when I got divorced. So there was, like, this, like, delayed. Now I see, like, when moms and sons are really close. Not to be weird, but there's something in Freudian psychology called the no of the father. So there's obviously an Oedipal thing going on where the son feels like your number one boy. And there's a certain extent that that's natural and okay, but it can cross a certain line. And that's when the f supposed to say to the boy, no. That's the no of the father. This is my wife, but let's team up. Like, I'm with you. I'm your guy, and I'm going to help you find your own partner, but not this one. And it's a very normal. It usually happens without being that explicit. My parents did a great job. I'm just saying that didn't happen. There was, like, a little bit of an overextension into this relationship. Nope. Nobody meant to do that. It just sort of happened.

[Ryan Sickler]

And your brother wasn't the same way?

[Pete Holmes]

My brother's. So what's happened? I mean, what's happening is there's just a lot of fighting. In my household, alcohol was a factor. They didn't. They weren't getting along. Now I look back, I'm like, they were young people trying to figure it out. I look at who they. Where they came from. They were doing better than the generation before.

[Ryan Sickler]

There's also a man who, like, has since been a child, has had to take care of his mother and siblings and just land. Like, imagine right now, you know, you're like, wait, I have to do what job? I don't even know what oil is.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Ryan Sickler]

What the fuck are you talking about?

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, he's driving a double through

[Ryan Sickler]

city streets and shit. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Terrifying. So it stands to reason that he was left to figure it out, that he. He would think, this is just how you grow up.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I'm doing way better than, yes, I have.

[Pete Holmes]

And I moved them to Lexington, and that's me. So it's a little bit boy named Sue. It's like, figure it out. It's okay. I did. You will. And to a certain extent, I guess that's true, but, like, they weren't. They weren't. It wasn't physically abusive or anything like that. It was just a little bit of booze and a little bit of screaming. So what happens is, as a little boy, you want to save your mom? Dad's. Dad's working a lot. We get really, really, really close. My brother's strategy was, I'm. I'm getting out of here. So he went. Had girlfriends, experimented with partying and stuff. Nothing crazy, but, you know, like, what I would consider more normal. In my book, my grown up book, it's called Comedy, Sex God. I wrote about my past, and I was. The chapter is called Indoor Cat. My mom loved cats, and she loved knowing where her kids are. And I'm just trying to put out the fire. I just want everybody.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're right there.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, I'll be home.

[Ryan Sickler]

Your brother's. Wherever she.

[Pete Holmes]

I see the stress that it's causing her.

[Ryan Sickler]

Indoor.

[Pete Holmes]

I see the stress that my dad is causing her because he would come home when he came home old school like that and that, and she's freaking now. My mom literally fled World War II from Lithuania when she was 7.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Shortly after that, her father dies in a mental institution. It's like, trauma, trauma, trauma. We're talking about a family that didn't talk about these things.

[Ryan Sickler]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

Processing feelings she tells. It's a heartbreaking story of how she found out her father died was broken to her. Like, you know, what time is it? It was like nothing. Nothing that we've learned about fostering feelings and protecting people. So my mom, with all respect, had a good amount of trauma, so she's anxious. I am an empathetic person. I'm noticing all of this distress. My best thing that I could do was be heavily involved in the church. My mom loved church and Be home. Turns out, kind of funny twist. That was great for me if I'm an addict person. Like, I. I don't drink, for example. And by the way, I sort of like that about myself. Like, I'm a don't leave me in a room with a cake kind of guy. You could also just call it passion. It's a little too much. Like, if you give me a bottle of. I'll drink the whole bottle of vodka or whatever it is. But that, like, one of the reasons I wouldn't do Ozempic is. Ozempic doesn't just calm down your hunger. It calms down all of your hunger. Yeah, it's just sort of like that. That's one of the things that zest for life. That would be my concern. Yeah, I don't have the data on that. I'm just saying that I zap, you

[Ryan Sickler]

know, into a zombie is what I would worry about. I'm just right here every day.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I would be worried about, too. Even though you can't trust me with a sleeve of Oreos.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. Look at me. Do I look like I get excited for food? Yeah, I do. I do.

[Pete Holmes]

You look great. Come on.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm still here.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't steer me towards how great. But I will devour a sleeve of Oreos. And there was a lot of my life where I was like, what the fuck is wrong with me? And now I've kind of gone, like, yeah, but I obsess about jokes and, like, I'm locked into my kids. I'm obsessed with being a good husband, being a good friend, being a good dad. I make kids books, for fuck's sake. I'm a science class. Baking soda volcano. I just have to be careful what I put in that volcano. Cause if it's booze, if that's what we're doing, if that's what's cool. All right, Pinta vodka. Let's do it. So I don't really see it as the naughtiest thing in the world. I just had to recognize certain things aren't great for me. I'm glad that I didn't.

[Ryan Sickler]

So you did drink a little bit, or.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I didn't drink until I was of age. Okay, maybe.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, you try. You've. You didn't say no. My dad did this. I'm never drinking. You're not?

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, I drank. I drank once, or. I think it really was once in college on New Year's Eve. Me and a bunch of my. So I went to this Christian college called Gordon College. Had a great experience and you're not supposed to drink.

[Ryan Sickler]

I was going to say sure.

[Pete Holmes]

That's forbidden for Boden. No one knows the difference.

[Ryan Sickler]

What is no one knows except for the spelling. I know farther and further.

[Pete Holmes]

I can tell you an introvert.

[Ryan Sickler]

Introvert.

[Pete Holmes]

What the forboden is just if you're holding a cognac. That's when you say verboten. If you own like a show dog, you say forboding. Clip it.

[Ryan Sickler]

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[Pete Holmes]

the do but yeah, you're not supposed to drink and you sign a code. You sign a couple weird things when you go to a Christian college. One is a declaration of faith. That's kind of fucking pretty weird.

[Ryan Sickler]

You like, you have to believe. Like aren't you there for that?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it would be weird if you didn't believe that.

[Ryan Sickler]

Or they worried their teachings may make you think differently after a few years.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't get me question. Christianity splits into a bunch of I

[Ryan Sickler]

know we've had those conversations questions before, but so they want to know where you have to put Pen to paper on that sign.

[Pete Holmes]

I think it's pretty basic. I think it's like Jesus Christ was the son of God. He died for your sins. Basic stuff like that. So you sign that, no problem. And then you sign a code of conduct and it's like. I think it says no. It definitely says no sex.

[Ryan Sickler]

I was going to ask sex.

[Pete Holmes]

No drugs, no alcohol. And even if you're of age on campus, you can't do it. But anyway, 1.

[Ryan Sickler]

Can I ask you a question if you're 21 and you're off campus?

[Pete Holmes]

I think so.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay. So it's just a. The property thing pretty much. Don't bring it here.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, don't bring it here. I think you're not supposed to. I don't know if it says don't get lit, but I wouldn't be. I wouldn't put it past them.

[Ryan Sickler]

I guess. So.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Coming back faced. Even though you don't. Yeah, fair enough.

[Pete Holmes]

I also want to say, I don't know, it's been however long since we've been in college. 2001, I graduated, so it's been 25 years. I can't vouch. Maybe it's gotten worse. I don't know. So please don't think I'm advocating or putting down the school. I just don't know. But when I was there, these were the rules. And I was in student government. I don't remember how it was a boondoggle, but me and some friends at my house, my. My brother bought us a case of beer and we had, I don't know, five beers each over hours. Yeah. You know that you're drunk, I guess, four or five beers and went out and did New Year's. And then like someone's roommate, I actually know who it was, narcked on us because there were pictures. And they. This is Christian language. They felt convicted. That just means you're a rat.

[Ryan Sickler]

I felt convicted because you're hiding behind.

[Pete Holmes]

You mean like Judas was convicted to tell the Romans, thank you. I'm sorry, you're gonna. So you read the New Testament and Judas was the one that you realized that Jesus was with. With tax collectors, which were like the Mafia. Doesn't mean they worked at H and R Block. These were tax collectors. These mean, violent, murderous people who collected money or took your life. Bad people, obviously. Sex workers. All these different outcast people. He's not dropping a dime or dropping a nothing. He's not giving the Caesar what is. You know what I mean? He's just being cool. But you saw Judas. And we're like, I'm gonna start narcing. And God, God love her, who gives a shit? But she told on us.

[Ryan Sickler]

There it is.

[Pete Holmes]

There it is.

[Ryan Sickler]

There it. I didn't know. I was thinking it was a dude the whole time.

[Pete Holmes]

That was a girl. Although at a Christian college you couldn't know. There's no.

[Ryan Sickler]

It was co Ed too.

[Pete Holmes]

That's.

[Ryan Sickler]

I was assuming this was all boys.

[Pete Holmes]

So that's why boys on one side, girls on the other. Something called open dorm.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, come on, how much temptation can you throw at the horniest people on planet earth?

[Pete Holmes]

Christianity, especially Christianity, is one of the biggest kinks.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's. Of course it is. I know religion for sure.

[Pete Holmes]

It's so hot. It's so hot. Cuz there were people that were.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's the monster at the end of the book. Don't touch yourself, you'll burn in hell.

[Pete Holmes]

No, it's. Madam, it's a romantic.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm going to touch my.

[Pete Holmes]

Can you imagine having sex and thinking you're going to hell for it? Like, is there any. Yeah, I grew up Catholic, but it. But it's hot.

[Ryan Sickler]

It was hot. So to disobey that rule and knowing what's more.

[Pete Holmes]

Romeo and Juliet. Those are Montagues. You can't do it. So all my girlfriends, all my friends were girls in college. I'm just like a girl boy. And I don't know why I called it a girl boy, but you know what I mean. I would sneak in. There's a three hour window. Sometimes we'd watch a movie that was long. They'd hide me under blankets. It was so fun. There was no hanky panky. It's kind of crazy that there wasn't, but it was still really fun. They would wrap me in bed sheets and lead me out of their room covered. So you couldn't prove that that was a boy. Obviously it was. I had a huge boner also.

[Ryan Sickler]

What are you, six? Three with a boner? Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. There was a six foot six girl with an erection. Walked out of the dorm. Looked like it was 3 o'. Clock. I saw a clock for 3pm Walk out of the girls dorm.

[Ryan Sickler]

3 Pete bro. 3 Pete. 3 peaches rolled out here. That is hilarious.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm trying to.

[Ryan Sickler]

And if she's a girl, why does she have to leave this building? It's weird, guys.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Why ye.

[Ryan Sickler]

Why are we hustling?

[Pete Holmes]

It's obviously a boy. It's a boy. But it was so fun.

[Ryan Sickler]

Precom on that sheet down there too.

[Pete Holmes]

I think all I Did was pre come, bro.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's all you could do if you're not good.

[Pete Holmes]

But the pre comes in the Minority Report porno. Remember the Pre cogs and Minority Report?

[Ryan Sickler]

It's been a while since I've seen Minority Report. It's Tom, Tommy, Cruz, Cruise, Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Next time you open for Segura, you'll be like, is Cruz here?

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm gonna ask.

[Pete Holmes]

Ask them.

[Ryan Sickler]

Probably will be.

[Pete Holmes]

I forget where we are, but.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, we're talking about the. You finally leaving home. It was an overcorrection. And you're finally getting out. You're going to college. We're not drinking.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Oh. And I was saying it was actually really good for me.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

To stay away from. Oh, addict. So I didn't drink. I drank on New Year's. We got rid up, wrote up.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, you got me and my girlfriend. Yeah, that's right.

[Pete Holmes]

We were on the student government, so we were put on probation.

[Ryan Sickler]

Deal.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Because. Because of photos. And I remember my friend Cody, who was on the lacrosse team, and he was kind of like more of a bad boy. He was like, just deny it. I was like, I can't. Like, I. I took it real serious. I was like, I'm not gonna lie. They caught me. I'm just gonna admit it. They just put me on probation. It was the same year that I got a scholarship for leadership, which was so funny. It was just. I've always been both tastes. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like a leader who got, like, the most coveted scholarship for leadership. And also I got busted. Busted for one time. I drank, but it was really good for me. Like, I didn't smoke weed until I was 28. I didn't really start drinking heavy until I was about 28. But when I turned 21, I did drink. But it didn't really get its. Well, I didn't see the opportunity. It took a while to go, like, to own it and just be like, I love fucking drinking. And just go. And then you meet comedians and you're like. Like, oh, we can just do this. And now. Going nuts.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. When I still get to the clubs, I always go in a few hours early. I like to check in, say hello to everybody. I like to walk up on the stage, get a lay of the land. Also part of that for me, too, is the first time I've ever been in your building. If it is, I want to know where your emergency exits are. If pops off in here, I want to know what's going on. I come in, I shake hands, I check out who's Selling merch.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, all that stuff.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then when I go to leave, they go, would you just want to sit here and drink? And I go, who the fuck's coming in here and drinking at 4 o'? Clock? And they're like, so many people. And I was like, oh, yeah, yeah. I'll see you about a half hour before the show.

[Pete Holmes]

My opener. Matt McCarthy and I go to clubs and I'm like. We're like. It was. We were never here. We don't want. And I mean, it's not like we're antisocial. We don't want anything. Do you want to.

[Ryan Sickler]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you need a. Guess what. I'm still gonna tip.

[Ryan Sickler]

Diet Coke and some water. Yeah, yeah, you're getting.

[Pete Holmes]

I need water. I got a box of cornflakes. And that box of cornflakes has come in so many times because the flight's delayed and you need a great one. That's a great one.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. You can eat those dry if you need to.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, done. It doesn't matter. Eat some cereal, go on stage. But we really pride ourselves in being like, you will never have lower maintenance Canadians than we. We are we. Then we. It's for Bowdoin.

[Ryan Sickler]

For Bowdoin.

[Pete Holmes]

But. Yeah. Again, I forget what. What you were wanting to know about, but, like, when I.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, when you first left home and you said it was.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

It didn't really hit you till later when you got your divorce of, like, what, the case? Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Well, so you. I got married when I was 22. And that was an escape boat. That was a. That was a life.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did you meet at that school?

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Ryan Sickler]

You did?

[Pete Holmes]

Did. And I wanted to have sex, but I wasn't going to have sex out of marriage. We actually did have sex a little bit. This is such a Christian thing. We did some sex with some sex. I just mean we had sex for a time.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay, so you just had.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, we had.

[Ryan Sickler]

Not like oral or whatever.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, we were having sex. I. I was not, like, really adamant. I'm not going to be an everything but person. Meaning, like, I'll dry hump or moist hump. It's like naked dry humping. It's like, I'm not going to do that.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wait, moist hump. I was gonna say. I've never in my life.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a moist hump. It's not full wet. It's like a bayou. It's not full penetration, but you know.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Your ankle.

[Ryan Sickler]

Shimmer. Your ankle.

[Pete Holmes]

There's a shimmer. There's a sheen to your dick. If you, if your dick looks slick, something happens. I never. You do a dry hump, no one knows. You just have a rug bird.

[Ryan Sickler]

Dry humps are the worst. You have a rug cutting your duck. God.

[Pete Holmes]

Nobody to wants wins with a dry hump. So I was like, I'm not doing that. As soon as my, my first wife and I did have oral sex, which was the first thing we did, I was like, I swear I wrote this in my book, but it's true. I was like, we're getting married. I as soon. I didn't even, like, I wasn't even like, wow, my first blowjob. It wasn't like that. I was like, well, maybe in the summer. Like I was thinking about, when will we make this right? Because my whole life I see not my parents, by the way, it was the church that really put got that in me and I took it very seriously. I am kind of a rule follower. So I'm like, they said it. That's real. I'm not going to hell if she does that. We're getting married. And that's. That's the least sexy thing I've ever said. Like, that's why we're getting married. So we did and, and how quickly. I mean, within a year we dated. A year and a half, I think. And then we got married. That's a lot.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you lived together during that time or. Wow. So you're really getting 22 years old.

[Pete Holmes]

I got married.

[Ryan Sickler]

You don't even know yourself.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I wasn't even close to knowing myself. I was like, why didn't anyone stop me? My brother was like, he said, don't you want to sow your oats? But that was not the right angle. If I could talk to myself. No, I wouldn't stop it is the thing. I wouldn't have stopped it. Yeah, I would have been like, this is the best thing that could happen to you. You're going to learn so much, you're going to grow so much it's going to break your heart. But I'm not just saying like it all worked out. I'm saying like that was the way it had to be.

[Ryan Sickler]

So marriage was what would have corrected the sin?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Not just moving in together, being engaged. It had to be the commitment of this bond. And that would erase the sin.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I think about this a lot to Pete Holmes. I think, what if when we do die, it really is just the ten Commandments and they're like, all right, the classic line up. If you cheated on your. You know, then the lines are long over. You're like, oh, you start seeing what everybody did. Like he coveted his neighbor's wife. This line.

[Pete Holmes]

Line.

[Ryan Sickler]

Look at this line. Yeah, you like murderers. You're seeing a lot, you know, and it's just like, well, it's don't kill

[Pete Holmes]

and we're all killing. You killed an owl with this table. This. This was an owl's house probably. So there's, there's a lot of killing going on.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're not wrong. I used to be someone who didn't put much thought into my outfit ahead of time. But lately I've caught myself trying to be more intentional in the way I dress. I used to think looking professional meant uncomfortable stuff. Stiff clothes that you can't get out of quick enough by the end of the day. But thanks to the pieces I've gotten from Quince, I know that's not the only way. If your wardrobe needs it, Quince has it. Everything from blazers and cashmere sweaters to lightweight linens. They even have pants that hit the same balance of relaxed and comfortable, but put together enough to keep me looking polished. Another huge hit for me has been the Bamboo Lounge Tees. It's almost impossible to describe how soft off the materials while still staying lightweight and breathable. Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen. So you're getting premium materials without the markup. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Head to quince.comhoneydew for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q, U, I N C E. Honeydew for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com Honeydew yeah, I think about it.

[Pete Holmes]

Steve Martin has the great joke about

[Ryan Sickler]

it was his, I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

He goes, imagine if you die and it just is the pearly gates. And he goes, oh, no. In college they told us this was all.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm just waiting for them to be like, yeah, all right. You, you out of the ten, you, you up six of them here.

[Pete Holmes]

That's not good.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know, hey, only three is not bad. You know, that kind of thing. Well, that's your real test.

[Pete Holmes]

Steve Martin's bit. He goes, I took the Lord's name in vain how many times? He goes, a million six.

[Ryan Sickler]

Six.

[Pete Holmes]

The funniest number. A million six. And he goes, jesus. That's why Steve Martin, let's get small. Comedy's not pretty and wild and crazy guy. Three of the best comedy albums of all time.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay, so now we're married quickly to erase the sin. And do you feel like it has.

[Pete Holmes]

No. The craziest thing was the next morning after. After we got married and had very, like, obligatory, kind of like, tired, emotionally wrecked. Even when I got remarried. Remarried. When I got for real married to my real wife. It's weird to say wedding night sex is never. You're so exhausted.

[Ryan Sickler]

I can I. I always feel sorry for the couple. Like, even at their wedding. I'm watching the obligation. Whatever you're doing. Yes. The hellos and the dances and the. This is into that. It's like, event after. It's like, these people don't even get to have a bite to eat. They're politicking the whole time. It's exhaust miserable.

[Pete Holmes]

You're on the campaign trail.

[Ryan Sickler]

You should just be sitting still and everyone comes to you.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. That's really what I feel like they might do that. Like, in other parts of the world.

[Ryan Sickler]

It seems like it. Yeah. Older parts of the world that have learned how to do things better.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

They're being lifted.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. What are we doing?

[Pete Holmes]

We're doing it wrong at both times. I got married.

[Ryan Sickler]

Why are we roller skating on our entrance right now? Like, what do you do it, bro? Sit down. Come see us.

[Pete Holmes]

It's real. So we got married, and then the next morning. This was really profound. I woke up and I was like, oh, it's just me. Like, there wasn't a shift. It was just Monday, and we're in a car and we're same people. Like, it was like I was young enough, 22, that I really thought, like, the world would have a different sheen to it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like your penis on the moistomping.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah. If there's a shimmer, you were putting it somewhere or putting it on somewhere.

[Ryan Sickler]

It was definitely touching.

[Pete Holmes]

It got somewhere.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's got somewhere.

[Pete Holmes]

Rugburn. You're okay. Charlie Sheen.

[Ryan Sickler]

Charlie Sheen is coming.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, Hot shots part, dude.

[Ryan Sickler]

Precom doesn't sheen. We know that.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Ryan Sickler]

We know that.

[Pete Holmes]

I realized I wouldn't say I felt in that moment. I didn't feel like I had made a mistake, but I was like, oh, my God. It's just us at the wedding. Everyone's there. Everyone that you were trying to impress, everyone that you were trying to posture for. Then in the morning, it's just two idiots in a car. And we drove to Chicago. That was our honeymoon. Because I had improv class that started on Tuesday. Shut up, bro. It was Monday, and we had five or six Days to get to Chicago because my improv class started on Tuesday and I was more excited about the improv class starting than being married.

[Ryan Sickler]

And are you moving to Chicago for that? Okay, so you're moving that.

[Pete Holmes]

I saw that Farley got SNL from Second City. I was like, I'm going to Chicago. I'm going to be on Second City. I'm going to get snl. That's the plan. I get to Chicago. Every improv class, every audition, anything I did, it was me and six guys that looked exactly like me. It was hilarious. And they all had the same idea. It was crazy. We all read the same book. We all had the same idea. We all did it at the same time. I was like, I'm in an ocean of Pete's. So I started doing standup. I was like, oh, I see. This is like, standup has the filter of being terrifying. Improv is like, it can be a

[Ryan Sickler]

beer drinking group, safety in numbers. Stand up's a solo sport.

[Pete Holmes]

Improv can be amazing. I'm just saying, a lot of times it can be kind of an incubator from how terrifying other things can be. So I, I didn't bail on that right away. I did the classes, I got on some teams and stuff. But I started doing standup again. And like, when my wife eventually left me, it was. She, she was right. Like, I loved her and she loved me in this very sweet, juvenile, childish way. It was very cute. We never fought. I was like, you know when, when you're a man, because you're one of the first men I met. That's why I called you the King.

[Ryan Sickler]

I appreciate it. And you get an update on the King.

[Pete Holmes]

I have the. This leads to the update on the King. I just didn't know. I thought being nice was. And being nice is nice, but there's a point where your, your sweetness, your cutesy, whoopee, boopy, boopy becomes toxic and like fucking manipulative and inauthentic is really the best thing I can say. You're not being real. You're playing this character. So my first wife, all respect, all love, she figured out what was going on and she hit the bricks. And that was great for both of us. And I'm proud of her. It's that Bob Dylan song. Do you think you've always respected her? I'm worried that I might.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. I'm wondering myself as you.

[Pete Holmes]

So she did something really, really.

[Ryan Sickler]

Even though it sucked at the time.

[Pete Holmes]

Irish. It's like we, we tend to stay forever. We just go like well, this is what it is, right? So, yeah, I am very grateful that she did what she did. And. And then when I met you. This is the update on the King. So I met you when I was just in LA. It's like 2010. Is that it?

[Ryan Sickler]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

I think I just moved to LA in 2010 and I had been divorced and then I had a string of one in a month or two month, like, you know, 14 month relationships. I think that there were two. I had two long term kind of rebound y kind of relationships. One of them was a rebound, one of them was more of a real relationship. But then I was in LA and I didn't know what I was doing. And when I met you, remember the advice you gave me? I was talking. I had a date or something.

[Ryan Sickler]

You were listening to some clowns that we won't name. And I, I was listening to them too and I was like, these guys are. Pete genuinely seems like he's really looking for an answer.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And my. You just weren't sure how to treat. Should I walk a lady to her door if I don't want to sleep with her? Send the wrong message. And my point was, regardless of how you feel about this lady, there's no excuse not to be a jealous gentlemen. But what you would hold a door open for an old lady you're not thinking about. I won't if I'm not gonna. Fuck this, you know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

Said like, just because you've been hurt in the past doesn't mean you should disrespect somebody. But here's the update. The reason is I needed, like, I feel like a man now. Like, I've lived enough. I, I don't mean to gender. I feel like a grown up. And when I met you, I was just so hungry for just a little bit of maturity and a little bit of wisdom and a little bit of practical sense. And now I. The guy that I was when you were like, you need to do this and this and this. And I'm like, wow, I can't believe, like, not only am I past that, I'm a father. And I feel like. And I'm a husband. I feel qualified, I like to talk to young comics. I feel qualified to like, one day you wake up and you realize, wait, this is the king's robe. And the king and the archetype, you know, there's the lover, the magician, the, the hunter, all these different things. The king is the one that incorporates all of it.

[Ryan Sickler]

It is so empath, all of it. It's interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

The comedian is the magician.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wouldn't be.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I know. Yeah, but like.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, the comedian.

[Pete Holmes]

You look at Joe Rogan, right? I'm not making fun. He's like a hunter. That's an archetype. And guess what? There's a time for precision and aggression. I don't mean violence. I just mean, like, decisiveness. Big swaths of testosterone and masculinity. And it's not a fully informed position to sit and be like, what a. You know, the people that make fun, that drag Joe. Oh, he's the guy that said the fireball comes up in the sky and explains it to the. Eat shit, right? Each of these energies has a place, and the king archetype is the one that goes. It's not just the magician. The comedian's the magician. Even if we all have every kind. Even if you don't. Yes, but the. I'm a magician. I. I turn your shitty night into fun. That's magic. Then there's the lover. Then whatever it is. But one day you just wake up, and now I'm like, I don't even recognize that guy anymore. Because I'm happy to say I've become my own. I don't mean ruler. I'm just like. I feel like a king. I feel balanced. And I'm only talking about my own inner kingdom. I rule it slowly and gently. I have all the same things coming up. I get triggered by something, and they're all running around. Alarms are going off. I'm at the head of the table going all like, it's all right. We've not even here.

[Ryan Sickler]

We've been.

[Pete Holmes]

We've been here before.

[Ryan Sickler]

We've learned from our past, other people's past, measured.

[Pete Holmes]

But everything's on the table now. When I see somebody that's, like, toxic, sweet with somebody, I'm like, you need. That's okay to be sweet. I'm very sweet with my wife. But there's also. I know where. Where the. Where the edge is. Where I'm like. Like, my first marriage, she wanted to live upstate. I was a young comedian. I'm bouncing around, doing spots. That's my life. She's like, I want to live upstate. I didn't know how to say, I can't do that. I just was. I'm like, I'm never going to disappoint you. Let's move upstate. Well, that fucking was crazy. Like, you have to say, I can't do that. And you need to know why not? Just like, I can't do that. Let me tell you about my experience. That's the even voice of the king. Maybe there is aggression, maybe there is drive, or all these different things, but you incorporate all of it. And that's what I saw when we met. And I'm happy to say that you're no longer needed. I'm dismissed. Thank you.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm sorry.

[Pete Holmes]

You're looking after enough man children that. That turns you going like, Ryan, what should I do? You know who's another one like you? Al Madrigal.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Al Madrigal is also a king. You call Al when you're like, how do you buy a house? Or what do you do when your roof is. Al is like, don't worry about it, man. Like, what do you do? What do you. I've never fired an agent, but if I did, you call Al, you call Ryan. These are. These are. These are good.

[Ryan Sickler]

I can definitely tell you.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I mean.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's appropriate use. Like, it's not always sweet. To be sweet, you need to be authentic.

[Ryan Sickler]

There's healthy boundaries. And I'll also let you know, I'm not the same man either. I have grown, so. I didn't have a child then, either. Obviously. I've grown so much since. So. Yeah, man, it's great to hear.

[Pete Holmes]

I. Sixteen years ago. Sixteen.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's a fucking. We got a. We got a teenager driving right now.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait a minute. This is when we realize on camera, like, oh, holy. It's like that Ben Affleck.

[Ryan Sickler]

But, I mean, God, Pete, that's. It was in Sherman Oaks. I remember the room. That's crazy.

[Pete Holmes]

I remember it, too.

[Ryan Sickler]

I remember that. And that's 16 years.

[Pete Holmes]

But it's such a gift to be like, wait, I don't feel that way. No, no, I know how I. I felt.

[Ryan Sickler]

But, like, that feeling. Yes, that's it.

[Pete Holmes]

You.

[Ryan Sickler]

Sometimes you have to make the mistakes and have the feelings to learn.

[Pete Holmes]

Wouldn't stop.

[Ryan Sickler]

If you don't evolve, though, then you just become that shitty old person who's like, not me, it's them. And they're never taking accountability. Never going, like, what do I. Where do I. Up in this situation here?

[Pete Holmes]

You build it better the second time. So it's good to have your house burned down. Maybe I shouldn't use that metaphor, given all the fires we've had. I'm just saying, like, it's good to have something deconstructed, because when you reconstruct it, you're not doing it to please your parents or some voice in your mind. You're going like, wait, really? Who am I really? What do I care about? It's like I was saying about ideas. What does an idea really want to be? I don't mean to be all Tony Robbins here, but I feel passionate. It's like if you stop and ask yourself, let's take what everybody thinks out of here. Let's eviscerate that from my consciousness. What do I really want out of my life? What do I want to create? How do I want to. To feel? Who do I want to be with? Where do I want to be? What do I want to. All that stuff. If you just take that time and ask those questions, you'll be in the 1%, no doubt. You know what I mean?

[Ryan Sickler]

Absolutely.

[Pete Holmes]

And I look at the people that don't do that as victims. I don't mean I look down on them. I mean, they were sold a bill of goods. Just keep following this track. Keep following this track. And then you wake up and you're like, wait, I'm in a trap. By the way, if you're listening to this and you're like, oh, shit, I think I'm in a job. Great first step of a prison.

[Ryan Sickler]

Damn right.

[Pete Holmes]

Is going, I'm in a realizing.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm stuck.

[Pete Holmes]

We need a good diagnosis. Yeah, but like, that also to your

[Ryan Sickler]

point, like, at this age, too, you've taken enough viewpoints. In, like, when we're children, all we know is our dad and our mom or religion or school, Whatever they're telling us is Bible. Yeah, that's what it is. And then you start getting out in the world. You're like, well, these people are Jewish. I didn't even heard of that yet. Wait, what about God? Oh, you don't believe what we believe. And then this and foods and, you know, and then you gather it all up and you go, who the fuck am I with all that's right?

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's the hero's journey. You have to leave the village. And I can't speak for women. I feel I'll just speak for myself. I feel I had to be tested. I had to stand up to the world. I had to have it battened down on me, get hit by some waves. And that was the gold. That's why I wouldn't stop myself from getting married or getting my heart broke. That's why I wouldn't stop, like, whatever the adversity that I face. And I know we really do sound like old guys, but you're like the hero. The hero's journey is like, Luke Skywalker, right? Your parents die. So the inciting thing is. Or it's your aunt and uncle, but you know what I mean. Your caregivers die. You're kicked out of the nest. You go out, you get your hand cut off. You meet Han Solo. I'm going out of order. You, you kill. You kill Boba Fett, you kiss your sister. He did kiss his sister a couple times. And then you come back. I don't know if he actually goes back to his home planet, but you come back. The whole thing, spiritually, emotionally, whether wherever

[Ryan Sickler]

he goes, he's a Jedi Master.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. Point.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's the point. You can go wherever you want to

[Pete Holmes]

go at that point, because it wasn't about going anywhere. At the end, we'll realize we were

[Ryan Sickler]

at the journey in here.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. And the destination is where the journey started. And that is a very powerful lesson. The things that I've learned spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, all these things, you recognize it was always there the whole time. But the way you find that out is by leaving. So it's a paradox, but it's true. You can't do anything to become what you already are. But you also have to do something to realize who you are and better.

[Ryan Sickler]

It.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You can always be better.

[Pete Holmes]

No, Pete Holmes, not me.

[Ryan Sickler]

Touch it up. This is fantastic. I'm the best before me.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm the best. Keep saying it's the worst.

[Ryan Sickler]

Keep saying it while I'm talking.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, I'm the best guy. I'm the best.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm the best version of myself.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, keep going.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you for having me. Please promote right there again, one more time. Everything and everything and anything, okay?

[Pete Holmes]

The easiest thing you can do, and I really hope you enjoy it, go on YouTube.com it's a website. And watch Silly, silly Fun boy, my special two. If you're nasty, go on a bookselling website and buy spells to cast on your parents. Please pre order it. It'll be a nice little surprise when it shows up in a couple months, but it means a lot to me. Those are the two things. And peteholmes.com for my tour dates.

[Ryan Sickler]

Boom. Thank you, buddy. Thank you so much as always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. We'll talk to y' all week next. Next week, There's a new way to sweet green meat wraps handheld, hearty and made for life on the move. With bold, chef crafted flavors, fresh ingredients, and over 40 grams of protein, they're built to satisfy without slowing you down. Try wraps today in the app [e-mail] available at all participating locations.