Des Bishop - HoneyBishop

Summary

Podcast Summary: The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler – Episode Featuring Des Bishop

Title: Des Bishop - HoneyBishop
Release Date: December 16, 2024
Host: Ryan Sickler
Guest: Des Bishop

---

Introduction

In this emotionally charged episode of The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler, comedian Ryan Sickler welcomes Irish comedian and author Des Bishop. The conversation delves deep into Des's personal journey, highlighting the profound lowlights that have shaped his life and career. Drawing from his traumatic upbringing, battles with addiction, and the loss of his father, Des offers a candid exploration of resilience, grief, and the transformative power of storytelling.

---

Des Bishop’s Early Life and Struggles (00:00 – 03:55)

Des Bishop opens up about his tumultuous early years, marked by addiction and a challenging family environment. He recounts his battle with alcoholism from a young age and his diagnosis with testicular cancer at 24. Des emphasizes the influence of his parents, both of whom struggled with their own issues but provided a complex backdrop to his upbringing.

Notable Quote:

Des Bishop [01:10]: "The reading feeling awaits."

---

The Impact of Addiction and Recovery (04:00 – 10:27)

Ryan and Des discuss the harrowing effects of addiction on Des's life. Des shares his journey through recovery, highlighting the pivotal moments that led him to sobriety. He reflects on the support system that aided his transformation, including the role of therapy and the realization of the destructive path he was on.

Notable Quote:

Des Bishop [06:33]: "You gotta eat, bro. Like, I know you feel like shit, you want to puke, but you gotta eat."

---

Fatherhood and the Loss of Des’s Father (10:28 – 24:15)

A significant portion of the episode focuses on Des Bishop's relationship with his father, his father's battle with stage-four small cell lung cancer, and the eventual loss. Des narrates the emotional turmoil of transitioning from being the child to becoming the caretaker, a role reversal that brought its own set of challenges and insights.

Notable Quotes:

Des Bishop [13:33]: "We went outside because there was like a bench, like against the wall."

Des Bishop [16:09]: "He put his head on my chest and I held him there."

---

Des’s Father: A Legacy of Regrets and Resilience (24:16 – 36:22)

Des delves into his father's past as a model and aspiring actor, touching upon his unfulfilled dreams and the resulting regrets that lingered throughout his life. He reveals his father's traumatic childhood, marked by abuse and foster care, which profoundly impacted his father's outlook and future. Despite these hardships, Des highlights his father's resilience and the unspoken sacrifices he made for his family.

Notable Quotes:

Des Bishop [29:05]: "That's a product of his own trauma connection there."

Des Bishop [36:22]: "He really got in the mood to fight when he started to feel a bit better."

---

Creating "My Dad Was Nearly James Bond" (36:23 – 43:53)

Inspired by his father's life story, Des discusses the creation of his show, "My Dad Was Nearly James Bond." The show serves as a tribute to his father's struggles and triumphs, blending humor with raw emotion. Des shares anecdotes from the production, including the touching participation of his father on stage and the reception from audiences who admired his father's courage and presence.

Notable Quotes:

Des Bishop [41:56]: "That's it, bro. Fuck."

Des Bishop [43:34]: "We did the show and then he died at home."

---

Reflections on Grief and Legacy (43:54 – 61:25)

The conversation transitions to grief and the lasting impact of losing both parents. Des reflects on his unique experience of being present for the passing of both his father and mother, sharing humorous yet poignant stories about his father's final moments. He explores the intricate emotions tied to his father's last words and the unresolved aspects of his life, such as undisclosed relationships.

Notable Quotes:

Des Bishop [50:40]: "Will you please stop talking? Please, please, silence for once in my life."

Des Bishop [57:40]: "I think he just must have had some shame about us not knowing for so long."

---

Des’s Future and Personal Growth (61:26 – End)

Towards the episode's conclusion, Des contemplates his desires for the future, including fatherhood. He shares his evolving views on having children, influenced by his experiences and the legacy of his parents. Des emphasizes the importance of living authentically and the lessons he's learned from his past, advocating for open communication and emotional honesty.

Notable Quotes:

Des Bishop [63:11]: "I was too aware of another way of living."

Des Bishop [64:10]: "Your mother was right. You can't keep doing this."

---

Conclusion

This episode of The HoneyDew serves as a powerful testament to Des Bishop's resilience in the face of adversity. Through his heartfelt narrative, listeners gain insight into the complexities of familial relationships, the long-term effects of trauma, and the healing that comes from embracing one’s vulnerabilities. Ryan Sickler masterfully navigates the conversation, creating a space where Des can authentically share his story, turning life's lowlights into sources of strength and inspiration.

Final Thoughts:

Des Bishop [65:43]: "Thanks for having me."

Ryan Sickler [66:10]: "Thank you very much."

---

Note: This summary excludes all advertisement segments and non-content sections to focus solely on the meaningful dialogue between Ryan Sickler and Des Bishop.

Transcript

[Ryan Sickler]

Now.

[Des Bishop]

AT T Mobile get four 5G phones on us and four lines for $25 a line per month when you switch with eligible trade ins, all on America's largest 5G network.

[T-Mobile Representative]

Minimum of 4 lines for $25 per line per month with auto pay discount using debit or bank account, $5 more per line without autopay plus taxes and fees and $10 device connection charge phones via 24 monthly bill credits for well qualified customers. Contact us before canceling entire account to continue bill credits or credit stop and balance on a required finance agreement due bill credits end if you pay off.

[Live Nation Representative]

Devices early ctmobile.com this holiday season, surprise everyone on your list with the best gifts Tickets to see their favorite artists live. Choose from thousands of concerts and comedy shows, including Mariah Carey, Mary J. Blige, Matt Matthews, Metallica, Thomas Rhett, Trans Siberian Orchestra, Sarah Silverman, and so many more. Share a memory together or give a gift they'll never forget. Find the most exciting gift for every [e-mail] gifts. That's livenation.com gifts with millions of books.

[Des Bishop]

On Amazon, there's a reading feeling for everyone. For example, Juan's as he drifts away to nirvana after only the first chapter.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is different to Maya's when she discovered the narrator was in fact the evil twin, which is also different to Noah's. Aw, anytime the cute cyberpunk is mentioned, even though in reality he'd be totally out of his league from two to Amazon books, that reading feeling awaits. Guys, we have a new tier on our Patreon and it includes exclusive bonus content. Listen up. Right now, for just $5, you get the Honeydew a day early. You get it ad free and you get a full bonus episode of the Honeydew with y'all, where listeners highlight their lowlights and it's gonna stay that way. Five bucks. And for just $3 more, you're also gonna get the way back a day early and ad free. But that's not all. You'll get exclusive bonus content with the guests, some fun segments, maybe some games, and we'd love to get you guys involved. And that's all for only $3 more. And there's no censorship on any of the Patreon episodes. Subscribe now. Tempe, AZ I'll see y'all December 20th and 21st at the Tempe Improv. Get your tickets now on my [e-mail] the Honeydew with Ryan Sickler welcome back to the Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the night Pan Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler. Ryan Sickler.com Ryan Sickler on all your social media, starting this episode like I start them all by saying thank you. Thank you for supporting this show. Thank you for supporting anything I do. Coming to see me live the way back, the Patreon, all of it. You guys are the best fans I'm truly love my life and it is because of you. So thank you very much for that. And if you gotta have more, then you gotta have the Patreon. Look, we added a new tier to the Patreon. Now for eight bucks a month, you're getting the way back a day early ad free sensor free. All that stuff plus everything you get for the five dollar tier and bonus content. We've got some episodes up there. There's a lost Leanne Kreischer episode up there and you'll get other bonus content you won't get on the other tier. But if the honey do with you all is just what you got and that's your thing, it's staying five bucks. We're not raising it. All right. That is the biz. You guys know what we do over here? We highlight the lowlights. Always say these are the stories behind the storytellers. I am very excited to have this guest on the Honeydew. First time here. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Des Bishop. Welcome to the Honey dude.

[Des Bishop]

Thank you for having me. It's just great. It's already been fun. We haven't even started.

[Ryan Sickler]

I've. I've just met you now.

[Des Bishop]

Literally just met.

[Ryan Sickler]

Not to get into your personal biz, but you're married to Hannah Berner who came on was. We had a great time here.

[Des Bishop]

Yes. And she loved it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yes.

[Des Bishop]

And she spoke only highly about the experience.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's very nice.

[Des Bishop]

And it was, you know, made me excited to come.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. So we're stoked to have you here. And before we get into whatever we're.

[Des Bishop]

Going to talk about, plug myself down the lens. Well, I guess the most important one is I'm in Boston the weekend in between Christmas and New Year's, which can be a tricky weekend. So I'm at Laugh Boston that weekend. Great club after Christmas. I'm in like Minneapolis, Charlotte, Greenville and some other places that I forget. But you can go to dezbishop.net and then I have a new I'm not a new special. I put a special up in January last year on YouTube called of all people. So check that out. It's a pretty good special. That's it.

[Ryan Sickler]

All right.

[Des Bishop]

Oh, well, I have Irish shows, but how many you think you have a lot of listeners?

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't know. Why don't you plug them? Let's see.

[Des Bishop]

Somebody says, I'll be out there. The second half of my Irish tour starts at the end of January. I'm in Ireland for two months, so come and check that out. All my Instagram's, ezbishop, Keep in touch, all that.

[Ryan Sickler]

So there's a lot to talk to you about. Actually, we were talking outside about things and.

[Des Bishop]

Yeah, I didn't know I had a choice.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, well, I didn't know you had so many choices.

[Des Bishop]

So many lowlights. Yeah. Looks like a happy guy.

[Ryan Sickler]

Who knew? We've talked about.

[Des Bishop]

We go through the list.

[Ryan Sickler]

We talked about addiction outside. Both your parents have passed.

[Des Bishop]

Yes, and I had testicular cancer when I was 20. I gave you four. Yeah, we spun the wheel of.

[Ryan Sickler]

We spun the wheel of low lights for you, and we landed on your dad. I want to hear about your dad. Look, I'm a. I'm a big dead dad guy, but I'm also a big dad guy. And I'm a dad.

[Des Bishop]

You're a dad. I got love for the dad.

[Ryan Sickler]

I got love for the dad. The dads.

[Des Bishop]

I haven't done that yet. And I remember after my dad died, I remember there was this. This is probably going to make me cry, but we'll talk about it. But since I've brought it up, you know, I did a show about my father, you know, and it was all about the sacrifices of fatherhood. And I really gave him a. A hero edit. But this. There was this dad with his little daughter, and I'd already noticed him, and.

[Ryan Sickler]

I was, like, feeling the show.

[Des Bishop]

No, this was, like, on the street in Dublin. I'd already noticed him and I was already feeling it, because I don't know if you remember, right after your dad died, you probably had little. Little triggers, you know, and then a lot of. Yeah, then this dad came up to me, this dad with his daughter who I'd already noticed. And he was like, hey, man, I just want to say I saw your show about your dad, and, you know, it's fucking tough being a dad. And sometimes, you know, sometimes I feel like, why the fuck did I do this? And I saw your show, and it just made me realize that it's fucking worth it, man.

[Ryan Sickler]

It is.

[Des Bishop]

I was like, jesus Christ, you killing me, dude. But I haven't had that experience yet.

[Ryan Sickler]

And here's the thing.

[Des Bishop]

So I was only seeing it from the grief.

[Ryan Sickler]

No offense to you or me. I had a daughter older. My daughter's only 10. Okay, you're how old?

[Des Bishop]

I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna be that guy.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm saying I'm gonna be older than you. Parenting is a long term game. It's a long game. They don't realize till maybe they even have a child themselves or till they're in their maybe 30s, where they sit back and they go, how'd you do all that?

[Des Bishop]

Yeah. How'd you come to all the practices?

[Ryan Sickler]

How'd you pay for this?

[Des Bishop]

How'd you do that?

[Ryan Sickler]

How'd you do? And then if you're lucky to live long enough, you get that.

[Des Bishop]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

My dad didn't. Your dad didn't. Now here's the other thing. This is making me laugh because I was telling. I was telling Brandy about this the other day. My dad. The anniversary of my father's death was just a few days ago, 35 years ago, which blows my mind.

[Des Bishop]

He died 35 years ago.

[Ryan Sickler]

Blows my mind.

[Des Bishop]

Why? You're a veteran.

[Ryan Sickler]

So 35 years ago. And I had my daughter that day. And I say, you know what? Today's the day I woke up when I was 16 and my dad's gone. I have no parents. And life is like that from the rest of the time until now. I can't tell you how grateful I am that I've got you. He would have adored you. So today, instead of being sad, I'm gonna take you to the mall. We'll go get something nice. We'll go get some ice cream. We'll celebrate. She's like, okay, great. Give her a high five. I'm driving. I'm gonna give me some. She hits me up. She's like, can we put some music on? I go, yeah. She has to put on Bruno bars. And it's that fucking, you know, too hot. I got mad. That's all you. Naked dragon water. And I'm up there thinking about my dad. I've got tears coming down my face.

[Des Bishop]

She ruined Bruno Mars. She's up there with.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's the soundtrack to it. I'm telling you. It gets easier, but it hits you when you don't even realize.

[Des Bishop]

When you don't realize. I say that to people all the time.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's the soundtrack to this, right? I'm up there just wiping tears away, and she's in the back, too high. And, you know, and I'm like, whatever. That's what life is, bro.

[Des Bishop]

That's what life is, man. And it's still. It's weird. It still hits you sometimes.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, it's still hit you a lot. And then you, you know, my dad died right around Thanksgiving. So from now through the holidays sucks. You know what I mean? It's.

[Des Bishop]

Was it sudden?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Des Bishop]

Oh, yeah. See, my dad wasn't sudden. I always have a. I have a sympathy for the sudden deaths because you don't have time.

[Ryan Sickler]

I've got the other way. You don't have time. But also didn't. Whatever we're going to talk about.

[Des Bishop]

Yeah, we'll talk about it.

[Ryan Sickler]

I haven't had. I didn't have to watch my father go whittle away to nothing I did with my grandmom. You know what I mean? So I know what you've seen could have happened. And part of me does think later in life, like, man, I don't know. I don't know what was better because I have cousins who. Their dad was close to me and I watched him die of cancer. And I think, like, I don't know, I think I would have rather.

[Des Bishop]

Well, I wrote a book about. No, I wrote a book about my experience. But the opening line was, the best thing about cancer is time. Because it gives you a timeline to get your house in order. So that's why I always have. I feel for the sudden people because if the house wasn't in order, which you're 16, you know, like you're 16. Like, you know, we had. And you know, my mother died like a little long journey too, but like, we never really got it 100% right. But my dad was ready to get it in order and so we had that sort of year and a half.

[Ryan Sickler]

So let's talk about it. What. How old are you when you get the news?

[Des Bishop]

And what happened was 2009, I just run the Dublin marathon. And I immediately went back to New York for. No, just literally just to go back to New York.

[Ryan Sickler]

So you're just going back because, you know that's where your parents are from?

[Des Bishop]

No, we won't waste too much time.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's where they're live.

[Des Bishop]

I went to Ireland when I was 14, but I went on my own to boarding school.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh.

[Des Bishop]

So most of my life was in Ireland, but my parents were back in the States. So, you know, I came back and forth a lot. So anyway, I ran the Dublin marathon and then I can't even remember why, but I was back in New York just coincidentally. And we took my dad to the hospital Halloween night, 2009. I've never been able to Enjoy Halloween again. Because I was actually dressed as the cat in the hat that day. My brother just had a kid and we took my brother's kid to the Central Park Zoo and I dressed as the cat in the hat because it was Halloween and all that day, the trick or treaters, when I got home, trick or treaters would come and I stayed dressed as the cat in the hat. And my dad kept saying, you know, my stomach's killing me, man. It's so funny when you're. In hindsight. I told my dad, you need to eat yogurt. I thought he was just fucking bloated. He just needed the microbiome or whatever the fuck. And when I took off the cat in the hat, I took a nap. And when I woke up, my cousin was downstairs, she was a nurse and she was like, we gotta get this guy to the hospital. And we went to the hospital that night, but I didn't know, not even an inkling.

[Ryan Sickler]

But he is something. He was complaining about for years or months.

[Des Bishop]

No, this was recent.

[Ryan Sickler]

Nothing.

[Des Bishop]

So this was recent.

[Ryan Sickler]

And how old's he at the time?

[Des Bishop]

He's only 72. He's about to turn 73 in.

[Ryan Sickler]

So you just happen to be there? You didn't go back because of this?

[Des Bishop]

No, I happened to be home.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you guys take him to the er?

[Des Bishop]

We took him to the er and he feels so bad for him, but Halloween night is not a good night to be in the er.

[Ryan Sickler]

I bet.

[Des Bishop]

And he was fucking miserable that first night, you know, and he was like, you people coming in like bleeding, but you don't know if it's fucking real blood or just their costume, you know.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is your head real or what, Ronald?

[Des Bishop]

It was a nightmare. He had a miserable first night in there and then they put him into these ETAP room. Emergency treatment of admitted, early treatment of admitted patients and everything. In hindsight, makes sense. They were worried from the get go because he had, it turns out he had post obstructive pneumonia. But you don't know that at the time. But it's pneumonia that's a direct result of lung cancer. So it's funny, my sister in law, her dad had died of pancreatic cancer. She was worried from the start. I didn't even start worrying about cancer until the Sunday night when we seemed to be getting a little bit of the run around. So we had that weekend in the hospital and it was what it was, we were like waiting for the test. He did some scans, he got a, you know, he went to the pulmonary guy and it was on the Monday then that we. That we found out that it was stage four small cell lung cancer, which was at that time. I still think it's incurable, but I think with immunotherapy you can get a little more time. But 2009, which is not really that long ago, you know, there was a very sort of prescribed timeline, but anyway.

[Ryan Sickler]

And what was that? What window are they giving you on Monday of like two years max? And what's do they give you a minimum on something like that?

[Des Bishop]

I guess they say six months. So the moment the pulmonary guy. So we were waiting in the office, myself and my mother, I had no idea that I was waiting to find out that my dad was going to die. Like, I was clueless. So then the pulmonary guy says, can I talk to you outside? He wanted to find a room. He's like, I don't have anywhere. So we were just in the halls with my mother and he was like, it's small cell lung cancer and there's no cure. And I wasn't ready for that. But my mother definitely wasn't ready for that. And I'll never forget it because she was holding onto my arm and she nearly collapsed. I literally had to hold her up, you know, she just like, wasn't ready. She wasn't ready at all for that information. And I can understand because it didn't enter my head either. So they said. We said that we would tell my father, but first my mother couldn't cope. So first we went outside.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, I was gonna say if she walked in like that, he's gonna be like.

[Des Bishop]

We went outside because there was like a bench, like against the wall. And I sat down my mother, and she was like, what are we going to do? What are we going to do? And it was just like, I couldn't believe that we were now at this, you know, you're just suddenly in this part of your life, you know? But the hardest part, I mean, it was tough dealing with my mother, but I did my best to like, you know, stay on top of it, be there for her cold, my brothers. And then I had to go back in the room and tell my father, but they had actually told him in the meantime.

[Ryan Sickler]

Ah, what the fuck.

[Des Bishop]

That's all right. I was fine because when I walked into this, you know, it was like a semi private kind of vibe. He was. He was sitting on the bed and he says, bad news, man. I was like, I know, and this kills me. It's hard to talk about. But when I sat down next to him. He put his head on my chest and I, you know, I held him there. And I try to separate the fact that I turned this into performance, but in real time. That's when I became aware that I was the parent of my parent. Now I had to look after this guy, return the favor. And that was hard. That, that was hard. But you know, I just, just held him there and then that's just the.

[Ryan Sickler]

Beginning of the, that's literally moment. Early moments of all of it.

[Des Bishop]

Yeah, that's just the beginning. And then you get into the, you know, you get into the, the admin of survival. But he was actually worse than we thought, you know.

[Ryan Sickler]

Was he a smoker? Did he work in a hundred percent?

[Des Bishop]

No, he was a smoker.

[Ryan Sickler]

He was.

[Des Bishop]

Was direct result of smoking.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's a cigarette thing.

[Des Bishop]

Yeah. Small cell lung cancer.

[Ryan Sickler]

How do you say small cell?

[Des Bishop]

There's two types of lung cancer, small cell and non small cell. He was stage four small cell lung cancer. So at that time, death sentence.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did you ever ask him your stage four at this point, dad, when did you were there?

[Des Bishop]

You.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did you start feeling stuff months ago? Did you ever ask him that? Like when his body maybe started feeling different? Because I know that generation of men are that walk it off generation.

[Des Bishop]

Yeah, he wasn't too bad like that because he'd had like, you know, a little bit of heart stuff and you know, I think it's hard to remember that exactly, but I definitely think he was aware then like shit man, this has probably been coming. But like the thing with that small cell lung cancer, like it's very hard to get it early. So there was no sense of like.

[Ryan Sickler]

Shit we could have done something because.

[Des Bishop]

He had a scan not that long before it wasn't showing up, you know, and it wasn't like one of those things of like how did they not notice? We never really. Some people get into that. We never really got into that. We just got into like how are we going to deal with this now?

[Ryan Sickler]

And so how did you. What is next is, does he get to come home or is he.

[Des Bishop]

Well, first you got to. First they had to just stabilize because he was really quite bad. He had like really bad this post obstructive pneumonia. So he had a couple of nights where he was probably dying but he didn't real, you know, he didn't like realize it. But he had, he told me like around that time he had, he had like accepted that he was going to die but that left when he started getting treat. So he immediately, I don't know if he immediately. I think he immediately got like a dose of chemo. But the thing is that they give you this aggressive chemo which works really well. It kills it off because small cell lung cancer is aggressive, so it responds. The chemo kills off because it's fast growing cells. That's what it's designed to do. So he got better quick, but it's known that that won't last. But the initial whack is pretty effective. But when he started to not be dying, it's funny, he immediately changed back to I don't want to die. But he was starting to accept death, which helped me to understand that it's probably innate. There's more like. Because obviously, you know, we've. People fear death. I fear death sometimes. Every now and then I get like a little death panic attack. But I do think that something changes in the mind you get. He seemed to be quite comfortable with the thought of dying, but that left him actually he really got in the mood to fight when he started to feel a bit better and he started to get, you know, a modicum of life back. But, you know, it was still getting chemo, so he still felt like shit from chemo, you know. But anyway, that was. That initial, that initial time, it's actually almost hard for me to remember. It was just like, you know, I had to go back to Ireland, then I had to do some shows and then get back. It was flying back and forth, but it was basically just get him into the chemo place. And then we did the chemo time and you know that I don't have a lot from that. It was just tough.

[Ryan Sickler]

How long did he.

[Des Bishop]

Gotta make him fucking eat peanut butter. You want to. It's tragic story.

[Ryan Sickler]

What do you mean?

[Des Bishop]

Well, so, you know, you don't want to eat.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Des Bishop]

You know, and you can't not eat. You need your strength because the chemo is like killing you basically. You're trying to kill the cancer before it kills you. And so the doctor was like, you know, if he won't eat anything, peanut butter is good, A lot of calories, a lot of protein. So I was forced eating my dad peanut butter now after, afterward, right around the time that my easy thing to eat. But here's the thing. So when I, you know, as I said, a lot of this became part of a show. But at one stage, years before, my dad had a crack at writing his memoir. Because my dad had a horrific childhood, which we'll talk about. But in the context of the peanut butter story, when so my dad's mother was extremely abusive. She paranoid schizophrenic. But of course it was actually in England in the post war era. And it was so bad that she was actually imprisoned for the cruelty to my father.

[Ryan Sickler]

Whoa.

[Des Bishop]

Yeah. Which I didn't learn about until later in life, but I knew about that at this stage. And we can get more into detail about that in a minute. But just for the sake of this story. As a result, my father ended up in foster care. And when I got his memoir that he had attempted, because I wanted to include it, you know, there's a story about when his first foster home, these people, you know, he didn't feel that welcome there. And at one stage, he ate peanut butter from the jar. And they don't. I don't think they knew that he was home. And they. He overheard them saying, like, oh, you know, he. He ate all the peanut butter from the jar. They were complaining about the fact that this kid that they'd taken in was eating the peanut butter and he fucking hated peanut butter for the rest of his life. Here he is dying. And I'm like, take this peanut. You know, because I was the. Like, we all. We all took on the role of caretaker. But, like, it was one of those things where it's like, you gotta eat, bro. Like, I know you feel like shit, you want to puke, but you gotta eat and that. So my mother was like, you gotta make Kimmy. My mother's a very anxious person. So my poor dad was getting. But I didn't know that at the time. I wouldn't have force fed him peanut butter had I known that it was a PTSD trigger from his very traumatic childhood. Very traumatic. Right. So. So that was that time. That was the initial time, you know.

[Ryan Sickler]

So what, does he come home at all?

[Des Bishop]

Oh, yeah. So he came home then like, after that. This was. This was at the peanut butter story is after that. So whatever. We had four or five chemo and.

[Ryan Sickler]

Things in the hospital.

[Des Bishop]

Well, I think just one. One session. Then you get put into like an outpatient place.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Des Bishop]

But they. I feel like it's. The chemo started straight away, but then he gets home and then you have to take him to the chemo place. And it's all American healthcare. Like, it's very dark. Like, sometimes they're like, oh, it hasn't been approved yet by the insurance. You're like, are you kidding me? You know, because I'm living in Ireland, I'm like, what? Like, how can this be? But they were fine. That place, they were. They were fine Russian Jews, I always remember. And the whole place and it was. It was fine there, you know, and I. When I was around, I would go with him. The. The winter had kicked in and like, I remember, like, just so desperately wanting him not to fall. And, you know, so that was just like the caretaking. That was the caretaking time, the initial batch. So, yeah, he was home in bed. The peanut butter was in his own bedroom.

[Ryan Sickler]

What are the first conversations you guys are having? What are they about?

[Des Bishop]

Well, the good thing about my dad and I is that, you know, because I stopped drinking when I was 19. My dad was sober my whole life, so.

[Ryan Sickler]

Was he still smoking at that time? Was he still smoking right up.

[Des Bishop]

But it was too late, unfortunately. But we. We'd had a lot of, like, we had a good relationship, a lot of tough conversations, you know, like, I did the steps and all that stuff. So, like I. I did all the amends and, you know, like, we had a pretty good relationship. But it's hard to remember the types of conversations we were having. It was really just like survival stuff.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, is he talking to you about taking care of your mom or you said getting a house in order. Does he have a will? Does he have any?

[Des Bishop]

Oh, yeah, my mother was on top of all that.

[Ryan Sickler]

She was.

[Des Bishop]

Yeah, we. I didn't have to worry too much about him. That was more with my mother dying. You know, my mother was a serious control freak. So there was no issues around that. It was really just about being around with him. But as I said, no, this seems kind of like weird, right? But. So for years I had had this idea about doing a show about my father called My dad was nearly James Bond because in the George Lee in the Honor Majesty Secret Service, my dad was an actor and a model. That was his life before. In fact, I recently had to get my. I was born in London, just so my parents were living in London when I was born. So I actually got my birth certificate recently because I'm doing some admin. And his occupation on my birth certificate is actor, which I didn't realize, but he was more of a model. But he wanted to be.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's where you get the good looks from your.

[Des Bishop]

Anyway, the good genetics. My parents were both very vain. So anyway, my dad didn't do that much acting, to be honest with you. If you ever want to see him, he has one line in Zulu. Oh, yeah, he has one line in Zulu. And he's got a few lines in Day of the Triffids, which Not everybody knows that. Those that know really care. It's a B movie classic, bad sci fi from the 60s. And he did a couple of commercials in that. But he was a very successful model. That's how my parents met in New York, because the Ford Modeling Agency actually brought him over.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, he was a Ford?

[Des Bishop]

Yeah, they brought him over from London, lived in New York, met my mom. But then they went back to. To England. They lived in Germany. They lived in London. I was born in London. So anyway, it was always the family legend that my dad had an audition for James Bond, which honestly I only. I could never verify while he was alive the truth of the story. But apparently there had been an article written in some paper about Irishman who was nearly James Bond. And my dad was in the same modeling agency as George Lazenby. So on Her Majesty's Secret Service was the end of Sean Connery's reign and they were looking for a new guy and they were looking at models. And apparently my dad, the tiniest consideration. You will not find my dad's name in the history of potential Bonds. But I found out, I verified afterwards that it was actually true. Anyway, he had a lot of regrets about giving up acting and modeling.

[Ryan Sickler]

This is what I wanted to ask you. If you talked about regrets, it's all regret.

[Des Bishop]

My dad was riddled with regret. Like bad. He spent most of his life feeling like so. So in 1976, the economy crashed and my father gave it. He got a job in Barney's as a retail guy just to survive. Because I was born. I fucked up everything. I fucking. I ruined the dream. I killed his dream. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't know. He shot the load.

[Des Bishop]

He had to make money. He had to make money. And they were living with my grandmother in Queens, Flushing, Queens, that's where we're from. And my dad was like a London model hanging out with Richard Harris and live in the London, you know, the 60s in Chelsea and the early 70s. And now he's living in Flushing, Queens.

[Ryan Sickler]

And is he telling you these stories throughout life?

[Des Bishop]

Later. Later.

[Ryan Sickler]

This is pretty bad ass.

[Des Bishop]

But. But this isn't when he's sick. I knew this already. This was like sober life and getting to know my father. And don't forget, I got into comedy. So now I've sort of followed in his footsteps and he's delighted with that. You know, people always say, like, how did your parents feel about you getting into comedy? It's like, literally, like, couldn't have been a better job to get into. As far as my dad was Concerned. Well, and my mom. So anyway, he gave all that up for me and for us, right? So, and. But he expressed, you know, sometimes people come on the TV and he'd be like, I knew that guy, he was an asshole, you know, like, you know, the way it is too, right? Because he get jealous and we're entertainers. Like, my dad is just having normal entertainment envy. But don't forget he's getting on the fucking subway and he's going into. He ended up working for Burberry. Burberry's as it was back then. And he just like fucking getting by for us. Stable life for us. But he never. He never let go of the regret. And here's how I can prove it to you. Because he started writing a musical when he, you know, like, I guess in the 90s, maybe late 80s, all throughout the 90s, he's writing a musical called in the Footsteps of Annie Moore, about Irish immigrant and sort of an Irish immigrant epic musical. The musical is not important. But he never let go of wanting to be creative and be a performer. So long before my dad got sick, because, you know, like in European comedy, you do these one man shows. I wanted to do a show about my dad because we couldn't watch James Bond, by the way.

[Ryan Sickler]

Why? He was too. He was too sensitive for him.

[Des Bishop]

Hated James Bond. So the joke in the show, but it's 100% true, is people say, well, George Lazenby ended up being the worst James Bond. So you were lucky. You could have been the worst James Bond. But in my dad's mind, he said I was worse than the worst James Bond. That's the way he felt. Worse than the worst. So anyway.

[Ryan Sickler]

Most Americans think they spend about $62 a month on subscriptions, but the real number is actually closer to $300. And that is a big difference. Even if just a couple subscriptions fall off your radar, those recurring payments you don't even know about can really add up. Thanks to Rocket Money, I'm no longer losing money because of subscriptions. I forgot about. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. See all of your subscriptions in, and know exactly where your money is going. For any you don't want anymore, Rocket Money can help you cancel them. With a few taps. Rocket Money's dashboard gives you a clear view of your expenses across all of your accounts, and will even try to negotiate lower bills for you, sometimes by up to 20% they automatically scan your bills to find opportunities to save. Then you can ask them to negotiate for you and they'll deal with customer service. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled Subscri subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all the app's features. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to Rocket Money.com Honeydew that's Rocket Money.com Honeydew Rocket Money.com Honeydew this show is sponsored by Liquid IV. Whether you forget to take a sip of water during the office holiday party or you start feeling a little parched after a long day of traveling, keep Liquid IV on hand to stay hydrated through the holidays. With convenient packets of their hydration multiplier, you get eight vitamins and nutrients, three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink, and no artificial sweeteners. The holiday season is here and Liquid Ivy is a perfect gift or stocking stuffer for any loved one. The wide variety of flavors offered gives you the chance to show how well you know their taste. Find all of your hydration multiplier flavors on their website, from acai berry and lemon lime to pina colada. They even have great tasting sugar free options like raspberry melon, white peach and green grape tear pour live more one stick plus 16 ounces of water hydrates better than water alone. Powered by Liquid IV Hydroscience, an optimized ratio of electrolytes, essential vitamins and clinically tested nutrients to turn ordinary water into extraordinary hydration. Stay hydrated through the holidays with Liquid IV. Get 20% off your first order of Liquid IV when you go to liquidiv.com and use code Honeydew at checkout. That's 20% off your first order when you shop. Better hydration today using promo code [e-mail] now let's get back to the dude.

[Des Bishop]

So, so anyway, that was, that was like a presence, you know, that was a present. And then sometimes, like guys would stay with us. A great actor called Dudley Sutton. He was in a British sitcom called Lovejoy. People won't know him, but he was like my dad's close friend and he'd be over in our, like, suburban life and, you know, you could just tell that my dad was like, how the fuck did this happen? You know, Even though it was the only life we ever knew and we were happy with it. So I wanted to do this show about the Fact that my dad had regret about not being a successful actor and was nearly James Bond. But actually, as it turns out, he survived this horrific abuse as a child, which I found out in adulthood that my grandmother, who had been like, I was in Ireland at this stage, I'd be going to my cousins in Middleton, County Cork, and they would talk. They wax lyrical about Annie, my dad's mom, she was a great singer. And my dad's dad, he was English, actually, Stan Lee, and just like, talked about them in glowing terms. But actually it was horrific, like, beyond horrific. The descriptions of my dad's childhood. Right. Plus he was abused by a priest independently of that. But of course they go together, right? Because you go for the vulnerable guys. And there's this guy that. Anyway, really horrific. My dad's story to tell, but he wrote it down, so I wanted to tell the story.

[Ryan Sickler]

Also, a really interesting to me to think of a man who has been abused in all these different ways, has this great set of looks, and then has to try to be confident enough to get out there in public and live off of looks. Well, you know, inside dying and knowing and probably feeling like the ugliest thing out there. It's a pretty interesting.

[Des Bishop]

Well, what's interesting is how he got into modeling was. He was a. He was a physical fitness guy. He was like a gymnast and he was making his living from physical fitness. And he broke his back on a trampoline and had three spinal fusions. And one of the times he was in the hospital, his buddy was like, hey, the modeling thing is taking off in London. You should do that. Because obviously he wasn't going to be physical fitness anymore.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, that's a rat.

[Des Bishop]

My dad actually tells a great story, which is interesting in light of the way we view the world today, which is. This is a slight digression, but in his memoir, he talks about, you know, he. He was a bad alcoholic, but he was also. He was heavily burdened by this horrific childhood that he had. You know, how do you. How do you fucking liberate yourself from that? You know, he watched his mother being driven away in a black Mariah, as they called him, the prison vans, you know, like, as a court case. You know, I'm not. I'm not telling people to buy my book, but if you ever see it, I found that. I went back and I found the news articles you did about my grandmother's imprisonment. You know, this is not nothing.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Des Bishop]

You know what I mean? So he dealt with all that and the foster care and then his mother by the way, she had a lobotomy. They gave her a lobotomy. Jesus. And.

[Ryan Sickler]

Sounds like One Flew over the Cuckoos.

[Des Bishop]

But it was, dude, it was. They did that then. And she was never the same. She. Sometimes she would be calm, other times it would come back. My mother even told me that, like. Because she was still alive when. Well, she was still around when they met, and my mother said, yeah, she was nice sometimes. And then every now and then, you would see it, like the fucking red mist, so. And my grandfather was deemed to be unfit to be a parent. That's how my dad ended up being in foster care. So, anyway, my dad tells a story in his memoir about. He was, like, on a building site or doing something to make money, and he was miserable and depressed, and some guy on the building site said, you know, you can't wallow in this, you know, because it's going to destroy you. You got to fucking. You got to let it go. And you have to find a way to live your life. And it was, like, really, like, cold, you know, Like. What's the word? Tough love. But it worked for my dad. Now, I know it doesn't work for everybody, but he. That's like a. Like a pivotal moment for him. He's like, you know what? I gotta f. I gotta fucking show up.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's all that dude had to be in his whole life. Too funny. I had a girl one time I met just a friend. And then I never talked to her again after that. And she said to me, some people come into your life just to introduce you to a song. And she did. That was it. She introduced me to Jeff Buckley. And she was gone after that.

[Des Bishop]

Like, my summer school teacher in 1990 in St. Francis Prep, I failed loads of subjects, but I had this great English teacher, and we were studying Romeo and Juliet, so he played us Romeo and Juliet by Lou Reed. And he introduced me to Lou Reed.

[Ryan Sickler]

There you go.

[Des Bishop]

But anyway, so.

[Ryan Sickler]

So this guy on a work site's like, hey, man, you gotta just suck that shit up. And.

[Des Bishop]

Yeah, and he was a survivor, my dad. And really. So basically what I wanted to do was write a show to show that my dad was actually a hero. James Bond is a fake character played by an actor, you know, Whereas my dad survived real, like, real trauma. I mean, trauma these days, it almost sounds like. Like a trigger word. But, like, this is real fucking Trump, you know, like, horrific abuse and abandonment. And he survived it, and he gave us a very normal life. And he never hit us. That was my dad's Thing, he will never hit us. And he was a great dad. I mean, our childhood wasn't perfect by any stretch. My mother was tough, but there are probably elements of my mother's personality that my dad was attracted to due to the trauma. Maybe a little bit of a trauma connection there. But anyway, he gave us this great life. And so in my. In my mind, I wanted to write this show, but I had no idea. You know, how do you. You know, the darkness of my dad's childhood versus the funniness of the Day of the Triffids and all the fun stuff when we were kids, like, somebody would find the footage and we'd watch me. Like, fuck, that's dad. You know, like, it was fun. The fact that my dad had a past and acting was fun for us, so. But I could never figure out what the story was. But after my dad got sick and I had this transition of our relationship into looking after him and just. You get a deeper appreciation for him, you know, your relationship deepens. That's when I was like, I'm gonna fucking give this guy a last act. So good for you. I originally, because I was going to Melbourne to the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Anyway, I didn't intend to do a show about my dad, but my dad got sick. So I immediately changed the show and I said, I'm going to fucking do this show. But I had no idea. And the poor crowd in Melbourne, they were a little bit of a petri dish, guinea pig, but a comedian called Jason Byrne, great Irish comic, he said to me, you gotta get your dad to come out. You gotta get your dad on stage. So I asked my dad, I said, dad, because I was gonna do the Edinburgh French Festival. It's 2010. I said, dad, if you're up for it physically, how would you feel about, we do Edinburgh together, you know, and of course he was. He couldn't wait. I'll bet he couldn't wait. So that was. That's what's weird about this horrible time of waiting. You know, my dad dying was actually one of the.

[Ryan Sickler]

In the crazy, fun best times.

[Des Bishop]

We had a happy, happy time. And I, you know, of course, I'm a. I'm a performer. I'm a ham. Of course, I had to turn it into a performance, but he was fine with that, you know. So we then committed to. My dad was going to come to Edinburgh, and luckily it worked out because there was a couple of times where we weren't. Oh, he had, like, pain in his bones, so he was spreading his bones, so he had to get radiation, you know, like palliative stuff, like pain management. So there were times where I was like, am I like, is this too much? But luckily, around the time of Edinburgh, he was in decent shape. And so he came, you know, and he would come out, surprisingly so. I would do this whole show, by the way. I took out the mom stuff. The show was about me and him. So the show is basically about becoming the parent of your parents and acknowledging the sacrifices of fatherhood and how his regrets, which were real, were so unimportant. When in the end, all that matters is the, you know, the people around you. And, you know, I wanted to give the appreciation for that sacrifice because the sacrifice was real. I mean, I know there were times where he was like, how the fuck did I end up here? I know that. And he admitted that to me. But the fun that we had of. So he would walk out every night and, like, the audience would be, like, gobsmacked. So it's funny because he was shit at lines. I don't know how he thought he could ever be an actor, because we did film all this. We did film it. So there's a very funny scene where I'm like, losing my fucking patience with my father. I gave him a simple line. I said, you know, it's great to be on stage with my son Des here at the end of the show. And if I think of my life as a stand up comedy show, then this is one hell of a fucking closer. That was his line. That's all he had to say. Fucking days. He couldn't get that fucking line right. I ended up, like, losing my patience with him. But, you know, when he came to the night, he got it right.

[Ryan Sickler]

He did get it right.

[Des Bishop]

That was all he had to say. Yeah, and it was great. He would get a standing ovation, and it was fucking awesome. And I found all the footage. You know, the show was fun.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, who gets that on their last round? Not a lot.

[Des Bishop]

Not a lot. But, you know, good for you. My dad was so impressive, like, towards the end, like, because, you know, we haven't. We're filming him the whole time, which is kind of crazy, but thank God now, you know, like, I'm so happy now. So much footage of my dad at the end. And he would have these private moments with my man Pat. Pat Comer, the guy that filmed it. Him and Pat just talking about life, you know, and he was backstage that opening night, you know, so the emotions were high. And he said. He said, you know, this is exactly what he said, I'll quote him. He says, when your children come into the world, I realize it's no longer my life, it's their life. You have to remember that.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's if you're a good parent.

[Des Bishop]

That's the truth. Because if you don't, they'll never forget. Never forget. Children and elephants, they'll never forget. And he did do that. He did give it all up for us, you know, so. So that was the. That was the. That was the show of it all. But he cared, man. He was a ham. He loved all that, you know?

[Ryan Sickler]

So let me ask you some ugly stuff here. When it gets to the point where he's not up and around anymore, where is he? Is he home at least with you guys, or is he in care?

[Des Bishop]

No, he's at home. He died at home.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Des Bishop]

So, you know, we did the show and then. But he had to go back to do his next round of chemo, which.

[Ryan Sickler]

And how long did he end up?

[Des Bishop]

A year and a half.

[Ryan Sickler]

A year and a half?

[Des Bishop]

God, two years max. They say six months to two years, but.

[Ryan Sickler]

And the chemo definitely helped extend that, like.

[Des Bishop]

Oh, that's a fact. It would.

[Ryan Sickler]

If he hadn't done it, it would have been.

[Des Bishop]

No. And this was like. This was like, not contra. You know, this is like tried and tested small cell lung cancer. We can buy you two years.

[Ryan Sickler]

Gotcha.

[Des Bishop]

And the first batch is going to work really well. And when it comes back, the second batch is not going to work as well, but it's going to give you a little bit more, but you're not going to feel as good, which is literally exactly what happened. And I can remember exactly where I was, too. I was in the Monart Spa with my girlfriend at the time in Wexford in Ireland, a beautiful spa resort. I was in a robe. My dad called me to say, I'm fucking. I'm done, man. I'm giving up on the chemo, man. You know, And I really thought. And, you know, I actually, I had a new TV show that I was about to start and I called him, I said, listen, I can't do it. Like, my dad's giving up chemo. You know, I don't know how much time we have left. So, like, I, you know, I'm going to step away from this. But at the time, I remember thinking, like, oh, this is good, because he'll stop chemo and he'll feel a bit better and then the end will kick in. But it was just way faster than I expected. The aggressiveness of it. I think he had a week. Next thing he was in agonizing pain and he had to start taking the palliative painkiller stuff. So my brother Aiden was back at that time, but I was back and forth in it. But I was in the middle of a tour, touring this show about my father while he was dying. And in the end, I was in Cork, which is just, that's a full circle because, you know, my dad considered Cork his like, you know, that's where he grew up in Middleton, County Cork. And I was in Cork. And I could call saying it's getting close. So I just, I just got, I got that weekend done and then I canceled the rest of the tour for the time being. And I just got back, I got, I flew back on the Sunday and he died on the Tuesday, but, and the flight was canceled. I pan, I was panicking. You know what's funny? I always remember, you know, the Metallica song Nothing Else Matters, it's not like an important song for me, except that when I got to the airport and they canceled the flight, they said, but the flight is going to Philadelphia. And I remember running between terminals trying to buy a fucking A flight to Philadelphia. And I remember I kept singing Nothing else matters because I was like, I just gotta get home. You know, my girlfriend was with me, she was Irish, so I was only getting a one way flight to Philadelphia. So they were like, oh, she needs a return flight. Because, you know. Anyway, like, there was just chaos. But we got on that flight and I rented a car and I, I drove from Philadelphia because, like, I wanted to be there that day.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Des Bishop]

And so the documentary that we made came out on the Thursday before the Tuesday, and there was an article in the Irish paper that said, you know, something like, Cork man has a final act.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like, they gave, they, he got to see that.

[Des Bishop]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, that's nice.

[Des Bishop]

And it was like, you know, he was getting like real praise. And when I walked into the room, he said to me he was, he was dying. He said to me, we did it, man. Yeah, we did it, man. You know, that's, it made me, I, I, I mean, I felt good that I did that for him, but I also felt good because I had a little bit of guilt sometimes that I was like, turning my dad's death into entertainment.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know, he loved it. He loved it, he loved it.

[Des Bishop]

And my mother, you know, my mother loved it, like, my brothers loved it.

[Ryan Sickler]

So something that you got together.

[Des Bishop]

We all did it together, the whole family.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, who gets that now at.

[Des Bishop]

T Mobile get four 5G phones on us and four lines for 25 a line per month when you switch with eligible trade ins. All on America's largest 5G network.

[T-Mobile Representative]

Minimum of 4 lines for 25 per line per month with auto pay discount using debit or bank account, $5 more per line without auto pay plus taxes and fees and 10 device connection charge phones via 24 monthly bill credits for well qualified customers. Contact us before canceling entire account to continue bill credits or credit stop and balance on a required finance agreement due bill credits end if you pay off devices early.

[Ryan Sickler]

CT mobile.com 0foxtrot isn't just a brand, it's a way of life. Founded and operated by veterans, Zero Foxtrot's unique apparel and gear echoes the grit of the warrior culture. Zero Foxtrot dedicates itself to producing content, honoring the sacrifices of forgotten heroes of the past and connecting history to the present. Embark on a journey with Zero Foxtrot today at Zero Foxtrot.com it's not merely our products, it's about the ethos that we embody. Rugged, resilient and timeless.

[Live Nation Representative]

Wake up at Holiday Inn Express to a can't miss breakfast that's free with every stay. Count on all the hot fresh coffee you need and an incredible breakfast buffet that has something for everyone like eggs, cinnamon rolls and even hot fresh pancakes with all the toppings you crave. Next time, do yourself a favor and stay at a Holiday Inn Express with a can't miss breakfast that's free with every stay. So when you wake up at Holiday Inn Express, you'll wake up happy. A part of IHG Hotels & Resorts.

[Ryan Sickler]

The flavor, the tradition and the spirit.

[Des Bishop]

Of Carne Asada lives on at Del Taco.

[Ryan Sickler]

Join the Asada today with Del Taco's.

[Des Bishop]

New limited time half pound Chipotle Carne.

[Ryan Sickler]

Asada steak burrito packed with sweet, spicy and smoky flavor, wrapped up and grilled to perfection, the whole Carne Asada steak menu delivers the bold flavors you crave with epic burritos, loaded fries and street tacos starting at just 2.99. Only at Del Taco.

[Des Bishop]

We did it man. And then not. There wasn't that much after that. Somebody called from his childhood, you know, and he perked up for a minute on the phone, but there wasn't much. People always talk about last words. Funny thing about last words.

[Ryan Sickler]

Were you there when he actually took his last breath?

[Des Bishop]

Yeah, I was there for both of them, which is luck.

[Ryan Sickler]

What do you mean both your parents?

[Des Bishop]

Both my parents. I'll Tell you a funny story about that in a sec. But first I'll tell you my dad last words. Then I'll tell you about a funny moment that happened actually when he died. So my dad's last words were, will you please stop talking? Were they really? Yeah, because you know, the last thing that goes is hearing. Oh, you hear this. My dad was like close to the end on a lot of drugs, but obviously we were just like in the room around. And his last words are, will you please stop talking? I love you. No, just shut the. Please, please, silence for once in my life.

[Ryan Sickler]

You about to get it permanently.

[Des Bishop]

Yeah, will you please stop talking? Oh, that is hilarious. So you get all this hospice paraphernalia stuff about the end of life and it's really helpful and the stages of death and all that. And so they talk about the fish out of water breath. My brother was obsessed with. He's like, that's the fish out of water, the death rattle and all that. We were very lucky, man. Like you couldn't have written it really how, if you were going to have a death, a family death. So we were all home, you know. And so that night, Monday night into Tuesday morning, like 2:00 in the morning, my mother wakes us up and she's like, I don't know, he sounds. There's something. He was death rattling. So we all came into the room, but he was rattling for quite a while actually. So we all ended up. I fell asleep. We're all sleeping in my. We all slept in the room at the end. My dad was rattling all night, but he didn't die. We woke up, he was still. He was still rattling like one of those apps, you know, like a white noise app. We all slept to my dad's consistent, you know, Fleming, phlegmy, breathing. And then my. My brother Michael, unfortunately he had. He had a kid already and another one on the way, so he had to go get his. His wife and. Kidding. So he left and my mother went down to make coffee. And so the joke was that my brother Aiden for like two days was like, that's a fish out of water, bro. That's a fish out of water. He was obsessed with the fish out of water breath. If people don't know what that is, it's the last gas. There's no air. So you do like that fish out of water. Yeah. But anyway, it came, the fish, only me and Aiden were there and the fish out of water came and then he stopped, you know, and we were like, you know, because, you know, you're doing all the. We love you. You can go. It's okay. We got it. We got, we got. We'll look after mom, you know. And we were like, wow. That's it, bro. Fuck. You know, Aiden and I were just like, wow. Because it's sad, but it's weirdly profound. I've never been able to articulate what it feels like, but. But it's like, it's something I was overwhelmed with so much feeling about just watching life disappear. So Aiden and I were like, you did it, man. You did it. Like rubbing his head. Next thing, this motherfucking has one more breath. He goes like. Dramatic.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Des Bishop]

We were like fucking. I'm not even kidding. It sounds like a joke, but I'm not even. We were shocked and then, then he was really dead. It was a distinct difference. Like really. It was immediate. Mouth dropped and then it was like nothing. And then I was really like, wow, man. Like human.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like, what a beautiful send off. Like you got to give him everything he wanted in the end.

[Des Bishop]

No, no, it was great.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, let me ask you this though. You talk to your dad about regrets and all that. Do you have any? Is there anything you would have wished you could have obviously more time, but within that amount of time, is there anything you wish you could have done?

[Des Bishop]

With him?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, with him.

[Des Bishop]

Not really. Honestly. Great advice. Irish promoter called Bren Berry when he heard that my dad was sick, he called me and he said the best advice I ever got was leave nothing unsaid. Which was just great advice.

[Ryan Sickler]

So was there anything that you hadn't said that you wanted to?

[Des Bishop]

You know what? I can't even. All I know. All I know is that we talked a lot, you know, but he had regret. So here's the funny thing about. I remember close to the end, I was in Ireland, we were on the phone and he was telling me that there's just some regrets, some things I did in my life. And I just. And I can't remember what I thought he was talking about. I felt. I thought he was talking about his childhood and just like the shame that he had about what had happened to him. But I can't remember what I said, but I remember giving him some rousing chat about how great he was and how he needs to just wipe this slate clean and he doesn't owe anything to anybody. But it turns out that actually what he was talking about because I was wrong. After he died, my mother told us that he had been married before.

[Ryan Sickler]

He never told you guys?

[Des Bishop]

No, I was aware. I Had been aware that he had this girlfriend called Valerie who I had heard about. And in Cork, my cousins would tell me about Valerie. I was acutely aware of Valerie, but I just thought it was like a very serious girlfriend he had when he was living in London. But he had been married before. Obviously my mother knew, but my mother told me that towards the end, he said to her, do you think I should tell him? And then he was like, no, I'm not going to tell him. Don't tell him. So he decided not to tell us, but it was eating him up. The strangest thing I was.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm sitting here thinking, too, like, who gives a right? Why would I. Even if my mother told me. Did he have children with her or anything? No, no, just married and Just didn't want. He just wanted you to think your mom was the only one.

[Des Bishop]

I. I can't even tell you what he was thinking because he was gone by the time I found out.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Des Bishop]

But I was like, oh, that's what he was talking about. God, I wish, in a way, I kind of wish my mother sort of let the cat out of the bag so I could just be like, don't fuck. Who gives a fuck? But anyway, his wish was to. Not for us not to know. And so actually, one of my last chats with. One of my rousing chats was based on bullshit, actually, you know, I wish I had more said, like, just what could there be? I wish I pushed him to, like.

[Ryan Sickler]

Also, why is it. I wonder why it matters so much to him. Did you ever meet this lady?

[Des Bishop]

No. She was so. My. My brother Mike remembers either when it happened or. Anyway, she died long before she died, like, of alcoholism.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, okay.

[Des Bishop]

And her dad apparently loved my father. And my dad, his. Her father wanted to talk to my father when she died. And I think that my dad went back for the funeral. My brother said, but all that stuff is, like, you know, I just didn't know, you know, So I believe my. I think he went back for the funeral. The father's request was that he would be there because the dad, Irish man from Sligo, just, like, loved my dad, you know? So that's just a part of his life that we never knew. And after he died, we found out. And I just thought it was hilarious that all the things to hold on to.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Des Bishop]

So fucking stupid. Hold.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's honest, too. It's not like it was a secret behind your mom's.

[Des Bishop]

I think he just must have had some shame about not us not knowing for so long. And maybe it had gone too far. But of course, he left my mom with the secret, but she let the cat out of the bag. We thought it was hilarious, you know, that he held on to that. Kind of felt bad that he did.

[Ryan Sickler]

But now. Do you want kids?

[Des Bishop]

Yeah. So after my dad died, I was very broody. I was dying to have kids, and, I mean, I wasn't in a situation to have them then. Like. Well, I was with this girl, but we broke up the May following. But she was great. You know, I never talked to her about it, but I have to give her credit. She was really there for me at that time. She has a kid now. But afterwards, I was very broody because it was all about us at the end. You know, it's like, in the end, that's all that mattered was us. And I was very aware of that. And I was just. I was very aware of the importance of having kids. But that did fade, though. That did fade. And then I ended up at a stage where I just accepted I wasn't going to have them. But now I'm going to have them because, well, Hannah wants to have kids. She's a little younger than me, so we're in a situation where we can. But the only problem about getting older. I mean, you said your daughter's 10. The only problem about getting older is you're just aware of how fucking tired you are all the time. So.

[Ryan Sickler]

And the time that you may or may not have left, you know, every. Every day is great to have.

[Des Bishop]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

But if you even get, you know, 20, 30 more years, that's it. You're not seeing grandkids unless you're like, I never would have thought I'd ever want my daughter to have kids young. And these days, I'm kind of like. I don't know if I'd mind.

[Des Bishop]

That was a bad joke I used to tell, like, you know, I'm so late now. I'm never gonna have grandkids if I want to have grandkids now. Have to raise my daughter in the Bronx, which is a bad job.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. But, yeah, you're not opposed to it at all, knowing that you're going to.

[Des Bishop]

Be older and everything, going to be an older dad.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Des Bishop]

There's no way around you may.

[Ryan Sickler]

Who knows how much quality time you get with your kids, too.

[Des Bishop]

And all my friends were jealous of me for all the years of all my freedom, but now I'm going to be jealous of them. Their kids are going to be raised. They're going to be sitting there.

[Ryan Sickler]

You. You Know, I have friends who are grandparents now because they had kids in, you know, college and stuff and now their daughter has a baby.

[Des Bishop]

Yeah, well, I used to make fun of the, you know, because I'm in recovery, you know, so I used to be in recovery with some of these like guys that had really fucking shitty lives from tough neighborhoods in Ireland. And they would have like fucking kid when they were 17, you know, and then they'd be still kid back in mid life and I'd be like, you fucking idiot, you'd be here for condom and you know, this type of. But now all the. He's hanging out with his fucking son. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Now they're both having a great time.

[Des Bishop]

Having a great time. Loads of years together.

[Ryan Sickler]

Man, I could have done it when my back and knees were way better.

[Des Bishop]

Exactly. Yeah. So, yeah, no, I mean I've actually very much come around to like looking forward to having kids now. But I, but I have the normal trepidation of like, you know, like, am I ready for this? I don't mean it in relation to my age, I just mean in relation to like how much it. Because the one thing about being older is you see all your friends having kids. There's no illusion. I think human humans were meant to have kids in their early 20s before they realize how difficult it is. Because once you've seen it, and not just the early stage of like sleepless nights, but you've seen the soccer practice with a 12 year old and getting one to the pool, one to the field, and you've seen all that, it's a lot. It's a lot. And when I think about my own childhood and I think, how the did they put up with. That's what I'm saying, my ungrateful game.

[Ryan Sickler]

Hopefully you stay long and healthy and live old to get to hear your kids. Kids say that to you.

[Des Bishop]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

How the do you do that, dad?

[Des Bishop]

Yeah, well, that's a joke I have now. I say, people say you gotta have a kid, you don't want to die alone. I say, you know, you're only dying for a very short period of time. I'm good, I'll save the money and I'll talk to a Jamaican or a Filipino, I'll be fine. Which is a dumb joke because especially it's a dumb joke. Now in lieu of the conversation that we've just had, you go like that's bullshit. Because obviously it really matters, you know.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Des Bishop]

And it mattered to my dad and you.

[Ryan Sickler]

And look what you ended up doing for the man in the End. What a send off.

[Des Bishop]

Yeah. The only thing that was bad.

[Ryan Sickler]

What a send off, dude.

[Des Bishop]

Great send off.

[Ryan Sickler]

And he says we did it. What a. What an ending.

[Des Bishop]

Yeah. And a lot of, a lot of people said that to me. He gave him a great send off. You know, I mean, I still get a little bit of guilt sometimes that, you know, it's hard to separate the, the art and the performance from life, you know, that there's. You're giving away a little bit of yourself. But I think that's just me, you know, he certainly didn't have that. And the other thing I will say about that was that I was doing the show and then I would show footage of him coming out at the end of the show. And I felt like that delayed the grief a little bit. It was a little bit of a. Felt like we were still doing it together. So the grief actually kind of came a little, came a little later, you know, and it wasn't, it wasn't. The grief with my dad was just sad. It wasn't that hard. The grief with my mother was a lot harder. She was like. She was the more important figure. And that was like. That was harder. Yeah, emotionally, but with my dad it was fine. But I would say definitely I could have done with just maybe like sitting with it a little bit more instead of immediately going back and doing the show and talking about it at the time, I'm saying, doing press about it, you know, I feel like you, you give away a little bit. It separates you a little bit from the feeling.

[Ryan Sickler]

It does.

[Des Bishop]

I think it does, you know, so.

[Ryan Sickler]

Dude, this is a great episode. Thank you. I'm gonna ask you this question before we wrap up here. Advice you'd give to 16 year old Dez Bishop.

[Des Bishop]

Well, 16 year old Des Bishop was very up. I was in the thralls of active addiction and I was very.

[Ryan Sickler]

Coming off a testicular cancer.

[Des Bishop]

No, that was 20. I was 24.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay, 24. I don't know why I thought.

[Des Bishop]

Yeah, no, I was, I was in recovery when that happened. This isn't just talking about my, you know, we're joking about my mom. She was like very anxious. I'd say like just severe anxiety disorder, which we didn't talk about in those days. But when I called my mother to say that I had testicular cancer because it was like 9 o'clock in Ireland, so it was only 4 o'clock in the morning in New York. And my mother answered the phone, she goes, oh my God, Desmond, what's wrong? I said, ma, I have Testicle kids. Because I knew it, Ma. I knew it in my life. In my life. I say, hey, Ma, you've been worried the whole time. You've been right one fucking time. Don't even try to act like, what about all the other fucking times when you were freaking out? You were wrong.

[Ryan Sickler]

I knew it.

[Des Bishop]

Yeah. She's like, I'm coming over. I was like, no, cancer's bad enough. Stay where you are. Anyway, so. So anyway, 16 year old Dej.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. What are you telling Des?

[Des Bishop]

Oh, I mean, Jesus, it was a lot then I'd probably just tell him, everything's gonna be all right. You know that. You know, I was just so. I was. That was such a bad time in my life when I was 16, you know, because I used to get blackout drunk and get in fights. You know, honestly, I would probably tell them. You know what I tell him? Your mother was right. Because she told me When I was 14, I was an alcoholic.

[Ryan Sickler]

Your mom did?

[Des Bishop]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wow.

[Des Bishop]

She was right. She said, alcohol is going to cause you a lot of pain. You don't know it yet, but it's going to. But she was a product of her own.

[Ryan Sickler]

I remember that.

[Des Bishop]

Oh, yeah. I remember exactly what I can see her face telling me. I was out in West Hampton. I was 14, 1990. Second time I got caught drinking. She said, you don't know it yet, but you're an alcoholic and alcohol is going to cause you a lot of pain. But she was right. So I probably would have at that time, 16, I would have just like, your mom's right. You got. You can't keep doing this, you know? But I was lucky. The paranoia from both my parents, they were. They were both sober. The paranoia that they gave me helped me to stop early because God knows I had plenty more I could have been, could have done. It wasn't like I was like, totally desperate.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Des Bishop]

But I just was too aware of, like, another way of living. So I'd probably just say your mother was right.

[Ryan Sickler]

Des Bishop, thank you for doing this.

[Des Bishop]

Thanks. Thanks for having me.

[Ryan Sickler]

Will you promote whatever you'd like again one more time?

[Des Bishop]

Oh, yeah. So laugh. Boston. The weekend in between Christmas and New Year's. I should know the date, but that's a pretty obvious weekend. Then I'm in Minnesota, Charlotte, Greenville, Irish tour, Loads of other American dates on desbishop.net because I lost it.com and my special is Des Bishop, of all people on YouTube. Check it out.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you very much.

[Des Bishop]

Thank you.

[Ryan Sickler]

You got it, buddy. As always, Ryan Sickler on All your social media. Check out that new tier on Patreon and we'll talk to you all next week.

[Des Bishop]

After investing billions to light up our network, T Mobile is America's largest 5G network. Plus right now you can switch keep your phone and we'll pay it off up to $800. See how you can save on every plan vs Verizon and at&t@t mobile.com KeepAndSwitch.

[T-Mobile Representative]

Up to 4 lines via virtual prepaid card. Allow 15 days qualifying unlocked device, credit service ported 90 plus days with device ineligible carrier and timely redemption required. Card has no cash access and expires in six months.

[Live Nation Representative]

This holiday season, surprise everyone on your list with the best gifts Tickets to see their favorite artists live. Choose from thousands of concerts and comedy shows, including Mariah Carey, Mary J. Blige, Matt Matthews, Metallica, Thomas Rhett, Trans Siberian Orchestra, Sarah Silverman, and so many more. Share a memory together or give a gift they'll never forget. Find the most exciting gift for every [e-mail] gifts that's livenation.com gifts.