Jim O'Heir - HoneyO'Heir

Summary

Podcast Summary: The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Episode: Jim O'Heir - HoneyO'Heir

Release Date: October 21, 2024
Host: Ryan Sickler
Guest: Jim O'Heir

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1. Introduction to Jim O'Heir

Ryan Sickler warmly welcomes Jim O'Heir to the show, expressing his excitement about having him as a guest. Ryan remarks, “I feel like I’ve known you forever,” setting a friendly and open tone for the conversation (03:44).

2. Jim's Book Tour: "Welcome to Pawnee"

Jim discusses his first-ever book tour for his new book, "Welcome to Pawnee: Stories of Friendship, Waffles, and Parks and Recreation." He describes the book as his "love letter" to the iconic NBC show Parks and Recreation, where he shares untold stories and unseen photos from the seven-season run.

• Notable Quote:
  “It’s really different because these are stories that have never been told, which is fun.” (04:11)

Jim highlights collaborations with show creators Mike Schur and Greg Daniels, and grateful mentions of cast members like Chris Pratt, who was generous with his time. The book features over 60 glossy, color photographs and comes with signed copies, with Jim proudly stating, “They had me sign 3,000.” (05:52)

3. Upcoming Projects: Animated Show and Film

Jim reveals his involvement in an animated show titled "Kevin," featuring talents like Aubrey Plaza, Whoopi Goldberg, Jason Schwartzman, John Waters, and Amy Sedaris. Additionally, he has recently wrapped filming a movie in Barcelona called "El Reboat," expected to release next year.

• Notable Quote:
  “It’s just like this amazing experience.” (06:45)

4. Reflecting on His Father’s Legacy

A significant portion of the conversation delves into Jim's personal life, particularly the impact of his father’s career and untimely death. Jim shares poignant memories of his father, a dedicated Chicago cop who later became an insulator. He narrates the challenges his father faced, including exposure to asbestos and heavy smoking, which ultimately led to his father’s death from lung cancer and mesothelioma at age 57.

• Notable Quote:
  “He was a cop, and he loved it. Chicago cop. Then he was Cook County Sheriff. He loved it.” (14:39)

Jim reflects on his regrets regarding not spending more time with his father during his final months, expressing, “I regret that because you can’t get that time back. That’s just gone.” (23:10)

5. Struggles with Depression and Panic Attacks

Jim opens up about his mental health journey, recounting his battle with clinical depression and panic attacks that began while managing a burgeoning acting career. He shares a transformative experience during a significant audition where he overcame a severe panic attack, which ultimately led to him landing a coveted role.

• Notable Quote:
  “Everything is terrible. I mean, literally, that’s how it was.” (46:01)
  “You are not going to die from this.” (60:00)

Jim discusses the therapeutic techniques that helped him, such as positive self-talk, and credits medication like Zoloft for his recovery. He emphasizes the importance of addressing mental health openly and seeking help when needed.

6. Family Dynamics and Personal Growth

The conversation shifts to Jim’s relationship with his mother, who also succumbed to lung cancer at age 74. Jim describes his mother as a strong, prideful woman who valued independence. Their relationship was marked by mutual support, despite differing views on his career choice.

• Notable Quote:
  “She spoke his name every day, so he was still part of our lives in many ways.” (54:04)

Jim shares touching stories of how his mother supported him, such as flying her to New York for Broadway shows, reinforcing the deep familial bonds that shaped his resilience and character.

7. Advice to His Younger Self

Towards the end of the episode, Jim offers heartfelt advice to his 16-year-old self, encouraging self-acceptance and the importance of surrounding oneself with loved ones. He advises, “Don’t listen to the people that don’t matter. Be a good person. Be good to the people that you love.” (61:41)

8. Closing Remarks and Promotions

Jim wraps up by promoting his book and upcoming projects, expressing gratitude for the opportunity to share his stories. Ryan thanks Jim for his openness and candidness throughout the episode.

• Notable Quote:
  “It was the most beautiful letter to my story.” (55:58)

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Key Insights and Takeaways

• Resilience Through Adversity: Jim’s journey underscores the importance of perseverance through personal and professional challenges. His ability to overcome panic attacks and continue his acting career serves as an inspiring testament to resilience.

• Family Influence: The profound impact of Jim’s parents, especially his father's dedication and his mother's strength, highlights the role of family in shaping one's values and coping mechanisms.

• Mental Health Awareness: Jim's openness about his struggles with depression and panic attacks contributes to destigmatizing mental health issues, emphasizing the value of seeking help and employing coping strategies.

• Legacy and Reflection: Reflecting on his father's legacy and his own life choices, Jim emphasizes the significance of cherishing time with loved ones and making meaningful personal connections.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

1. Jim on His Book:
   “It’s really different because these are stories that have never been told, which is fun.” (04:11)

2. Jim on Overcoming Panic Attacks:
   “You are not going to die from this.” (60:00)

3. Jim Reflecting on His Father:
   “He was a cop, and he loved it. Chicago cop. Then he was Cook County Sheriff. He loved it.” (14:39)

4. Jim’s Advice to Younger Self:
   “Don’t listen to the people that don’t matter. Be a good person. Be good to the people that you love.” (61:41)

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Conclusion

In this heartfelt episode of The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler, Jim O'Heir shares an intimate portrayal of his life, blending humor with profound personal stories. From celebrating his career achievements to confronting deep-seated family struggles and mental health battles, Jim offers listeners a candid glimpse into the man behind the laughs. His journey serves as an inspiring narrative of overcoming adversity, valuing family, and the continuous pursuit of personal growth.

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This summary captures the essence of the conversation between Ryan Sickler and Jim O'Heir, highlighting the pivotal moments and insights from their discussion. For those interested in Jim's works or keen to hear more of his stories, his book "Welcome to Pawnee" and upcoming projects are highly recommended.

Transcript

[A]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

This ad was an actor's portrayal.

[B]

Detroit, Michigan I'll be there Friday, November 8th at the Magic Bag, Minneapolis, Minnesota. I'll be there Saturday, November 9th at the Parkway Theater, Madison, Wisconsin. I'll be there Friday and Saturday, November 15th and 16th at Comedy on State and Portland, Oregon. I'll be at the Aladdin Theater Saturday, November 23rd. Get your tickets to those shows and all shows on my website@ryan sickler.com the.

[A]

Honey do with Ryan Sickler.

[B]

Welcome back to the Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pants Studios. I am Ryan Sickler. Ryan Sickler.com Ryan Sickler on all your social media and I'm going to start this episode like I start them all by saying thank you. Thank you very much. I appreciate anything you do that supports anything I do, merchandise the podcast, whatever it is coming to live shows and make sure you do them out on tour. Right now all tickets for my shows are on my website@ryan sickler.com and look, if you got to have more then you Got to have the Patreon. The show is called the Honeydew with y'all. I talk about it every week. We've got hundreds of episodes. It's five bucks a month. If you sign up for a year, you get over a month of episodes for free. You get the Honeydew a day early. You're getting it ad free. No YouTube censorship on it. And I promise you, I promise you, it is worth a cup of coffee to go listen to the stories you people have shared with me, because it is the best show on Patreon. All right, Crab feast. I'm going to say that to go listen to it if you're a big fan. It's an audio Library of got 7 and a half years with all your favorite podcasters out there with different stories, so make sure you're checking that one out, too. All right, that's it. That's the biz. You guys know what we do here? We highlight the lowlights. And I always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers. I am very excited to have this guest on today for the first time. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Jim O'Hare.

[A]

Oh, my honey. I can't believe he's here. I can't believe he's here.

[B]

Thank you for being here.

[A]

My pleasure.

[B]

I feel like I've known you forever. I just met you about 15 minutes ago, and you're just one of those people for sure. And we have some. Some, like, friends who always spoke highly of you. So I'm very excited.

[A]

People lie a lot.

[B]

They do, a lot. But I can tell you, Jim, please, before we talk about anything, plug everything and anything you would like.

[A]

Plugging it all, huh? Well, I am on this, I guess we call it a book tour. The first one in my life ever. I wrote a book about my. I call it my Love Letter to Parks and Recreation, which was a show I did for seven seasons on NBC. And it's called welcome to Pawnee Stories of Friendship Waffles and Parks and Recreation. And it is, like I said, it's my love letter. I ended up getting so much support from the creators of the show and the actors, you know, Mike Schur and Greg Daniels, who co created the show, both sat down with me. I learned things I never knew about the show.

[B]

Is that right?

[A]

I mean, things that I'm like, what then?

[B]

You were on it for seven seasons.

[A]

But things that happened to get it going. I didn't know how Aziz got involved. I didn't know how Amy got involved, how Pratt got involved, how Everybody got involved. There's interviews with the casting director, there's interviews with the cast. Pratt was Chris Pratt, I call him Pratt, but Chris Pratt was so generous. He's one of the busiest guys, literally in the world. And he made time for me. And he goes, let's go down memory lane. And we did. So there's great stories from Chris and, oh God, so many of the cast. And so it was just, it's really, it's different because these are stories that have never been told, which is fun. And also there's pictures that have never been seen. So there's over 60 and it's a big glossy book, you know, shiny in color and all that kind of stuff. So I'm excited about that. It comes out November 19th. You can pre order now at Books A million. And at Amazon and at Barnes and Noble they had me sign 3,000. 3,000.

[B]

How long it takes?

[A]

Days. Days. And of course it was a deadline that I didn't think I was going to make because I was on another project. And anyway, so yeah, 3,000. They call them author pages because then they'll put them into the book and people can buy pre signed books. All new stuff I knew nothing about. So, yeah, you can pre order it now. And it's just really fun. So I'm very excited about it. And the other thing is I'm doing an animated show with the brilliant Aubrey Plaza. Cast is incredible. It's Aubrey and me and Whoopi Goldberg and Jason Schwartzman and my goodness, John Waters and Amy Sedaris and so many people. It's just like this amazing experience. So. Yeah, so always something going on. Just wrapped a film in Barcelona called El Reboat that will be coming out, I would imagine next year.

[B]

How long were you there?

[A]

I was there for two weeks and we shot some in LA and then we went to Barcelona and I am 62 years old and I wrote weigh roughly 290 pounds and they had me running through streets of Barcelona. They didn't give a Joe O'Hara. They didn't give you a Tim O'Hara stunt double. We had a stunt double and all they would do with him is cut to his feet. No, my fat ass was the one where I live. Yes. I said to the Director, Dude, I'm 62 and fat. For real. Something's gonna give here. How many more takes? And you know, he goes, well, the camera, blah, blah, blah. I go, no, no. Okay. And believe me, I really. And I'm proud of this. I am very easy to get along with. On set, I'm. The happiest I ever am is when I'm on set. So I'm always happy to be there, but I'm dying. It's like two in the morning and we've just done take number six. I'm flop sweating, of course. And I'm running the camera guys on. What are those things with the wheels?

[B]

The dollies?

[A]

No, no, no. He's. Where. He's zooming around on a little machine segue. Like, not as, but only with the feet part. Whatever that's called.

[B]

That little thing.

[A]

He said he's.

[B]

These guys are in my building. These young Asian kids use them all. And they walk their dogs with them.

[A]

Yeah, they know. Yeah, I know.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

You know, exactly. Hoverboard. Hoverboard. This is what he was. He's on a hoverboard. I'm running through the streets. It was crazy.

[B]

And he's that skilled that he's doing that. So he's next to you on there.

[A]

He's also. He's. He's a high. He's done it all. He's worked with everybody. He's. No, he was. He was incredible. The whole thing was incredible. Other than I thought. This is where I die. This Jim O'Hare dies in Barcelona. Which, by the way, I have been corrected. It's not Barcelona. It's Barcelona. I did not know that.

[B]

Yeah, they love that. They lisp.

[A]

It.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They list it. Barcelona. Yeah. But anyway, it was a great experience, but I didn't think I would survive it, so. Yeah, so there's always. Always stuff. Always stuff going on.

[B]

Well, I want to give you props to Parks and Rec was, for me, was. I just saw recently. It's one of the top 10 sitcoms of all time on one of the rankings, which is fantastic. And I feel like you guys were at a tough end to be a popular sitcom because you're you. If I remember correctly, you said seven seasons.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I feel like you were right on the cusp of losing that old TV box where we all tuned in and going into that digital world. And I think that you guys did it very well. And it's also, I think, weird to see a sitcom that late as an old sort of. You know, I know it was one. The whole Office vibe shot style, but still, to see one come up big like that and then last and cross generations and even into that digital world, it's. It's obviously such a great.

[A]

It's a miracle because you're right. It's all changed. Yeah.

[B]

That was What I'm saying, you guys could call. We were one of the last one just disappeared.

[A]

Like right now on the air. You have. I was just talking to somebody about this. You have Abbott Elementary. You have ghosts, you have. There's. We'll see. There's some new. I think there's a new young Sheldon spin off whatever. So we'll see how all that does. But the point is, I can name on one hand the sitcoms, the traditional 20 to 24 episode A season sitcoms that are out there in my day, every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday night was filled with different shows with different sitcoms and everything.

[B]

So, yes, our Thursday night was Cheers and Nightcore and Cosby and it was appointment tv.

[A]

In my day it was, you know, Taxi. Well, Taxi and Ch and Cheers and Mary Tyler Moore, all in the Family and Bob Newhart, Barney Miller. Oh, my God, Barney Miller, Carol Burnett show, which wasn't a sitcom, but you know what I'm saying, Still a brilliant mama's family. Mama's Family. I've seen it. Listen, Vicki Lawrence, I want you, girl.

[B]

I love Mama's Family.

[A]

I love Mama's Family. Though for me, I'm just going to put it out here. I'm a second generation mama's family. I liked when they went into syndication with Iola.

[B]

Like, was she the wife?

[A]

She was the neighbor.

[B]

Oh, the neighbor.

[A]

Because the first was Vinton came back and they had. With two kids and then that was network show. And then whatever blew up there. They come back in syndication and now Vinton doesn't have kids. But then a nephew comes. However it all works. I just liked it better. And another great show that doesn't get the credit it deserves and it's still out there every day is Golden Girls.

[B]

You're 100% right, dude. Golden Girls is so good.

[A]

Smart, smart, funny.

[B]

And they all were, you know, they say you gotta have the straight guy, the whatever. They were all very similar and seemed to be like almost like a jazz quartet that just.

[A]

That's exactly what it was. I mean, character differences. As far as one's the sexy little. Yes, she's the Southern girl. And then the dummy and all the. But. But yes, they all had the punchlines. It was.

[B]

They were all biting.

[A]

They were all biting. Yeah. And I think. Funny, that show doesn't get the credit it deserves because to this day we.

[B]

Have a Golden Girls metal lunchbox out there.

[A]

I love that I was in Golden Girl masks during COVID with all their faces on it. Yes. Oh, that's good. And somebody said, because I mentioned go.

[B]

For a Golden Girls Halloween. Now I was thinking about being the Australian breakdancer for my daughter.

[A]

Oh, dear.

[B]

Rolling with her. And then I feel like unless someone makes that outfit, it's going to be hard to piece it together. But if I can't find that, it's going to be one of the Golden Girls.

[A]

The Golden Girls, I think is one of the greatest shows ever. It's smart. And they were talking about in their day, AIDS and gay marriage and like, just things that you were certainly taboo then. Now we think nothing of it, but it's just, I don't know. Quality show. Great quality show.

[B]

Let's talk about you. So.

[A]

Oh, my goodness.

[B]

First of all, I want to talk about your low lights. Let's talk about. You're from Chicago originally.

[A]

I was raised in the south suburbs, a little town called Lansing, Illinois on the border of Indiana. But then I lived in Wrigleyville when I became an adult.

[B]

Tell me about mom and dad and how many siblings do you have?

[A]

Mom and dad raised in a very. It's so weird. I don't know what the. I don't know where we would fall. Like some people say, was it lower middle class? Was it middle class? I don't know what that line is. But we're comfortable. I don't ever remember wanting. I mean, you always want, oh, I want this, I want that. But I mean, there was no, there was no lack of food in the house. There was no lack of being able to go to school and get what you need, that kind of thing. So great, great.

[B]

Were your parents together?

[A]

They were together and they were. They were pretty amazing.

[B]

Now you're 62. So your parents. What year are we talking here when you're born?

[A]

I was born in 62. No, I was born in 62. Oh, my God. I never. Is that a thing?

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I'm 62. Born in 62. There's probably a term for that.

[B]

There's definitely.

[A]

It's my something year. Yeah, yeah, I didn't thought about that. But yeah. So three other siblings.

[B]

And even if your parents are only 20s, at the time, they were in.

[A]

Their 20s, going back to the 40s. My parents died young. My dad died at 57. He had just turned 57. And then my mother. Now some people, especially if a younger person is listening, she died at 74. And they're like, well, that's not super young in this day and age. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you.

[B]

I'm 51.

[A]

I don't want to go at 74, please. No, I mean, it's just not. It's just. It's not. It's not old. But anyway, so they won. But they were that couple that you'd walk in and they would be dancing in the kitchen. They really were.

[B]

They liked each other.

[A]

They liked it. Well, my sister always joked that my dad just. He only tolerated us. Cause he knew she wouldn't have. My mother wouldn't have it any other way. She was the reason he was still there. They just fell hard and stayed there the whole time.

[B]

And then what did dad do for a living?

[A]

He was. And this is the other thing. The word hero is probably too much, but certainly he did something that I think is pretty amazing. He was a cop, and he loved it. Chicago cop. Then he was Cook County Sheriff. He loved it. One of the coolest stories when we were kids that we heard was they put him in the jail cell because they were trying to get information out of somebody. So he went in undercover.

[B]

Oh, undercover.

[A]

And he's there. He's been there a couple of days, and then all of a sudden there's this rush of cops coming in, and they're just grabbing him and getting him out. The word had gotten out that he was a cop, so things were going to go bad real fast. But they got him out. Yeah.

[B]

I got to ask you a question. Cook County Sheriff. Was he.

[A]

Did he.

[B]

Was he ever there when, like, B.B. king would come in and do the concerts like that?

[A]

I don't know, because here's what happened. So here he is. Here he's doing the job he loved. He started after he got out of the service, because in those days. And he lied about his age to go into the service, which was a big thing then, too, you know, didn't, you know, Korea, Korean War. So didn't see action per se, but was in, got out and became a cop. Loved it. His dad had been a cop, my grandfather. So then he marries my mother, and they start having babies. And it's just. The money is just. It's not there.

[B]

We're talking even back then.

[A]

Even back then and even worse back then. And so.

[B]

And did mom work as well?

[A]

She did at the beginning. But then all of a sudden, there's one kid, then there's two kids, then there's three kids, and then there's four kids. Four of you, four of us. Yeah. So my dad was a cop. Loved it, loved it, loved it. He loved being a cop. And then it just wasn't paying the bills enough. And he didn't Want my mom to have to go to work every day, because then you got to get someone to watch the kids. And we did have a grandmother. My mother's mother was the greatest grandmother in the world, but she also had her life. It was a lot. So he gave it all up and he became an insulator. And I think that was pretty amazing, because I do what I love. I love what I do. No one's happier than me when I'm working. And if someone said, well, it has to stop tomorrow, and you now need to do whatever else it is I have to do to make money, I don't know. I don't know.

[B]

And this is what I wanted to ask you. You don't know, but if you have a family, you will do like your father. But here's what I want to ask you. Did he change? Was he still as happy as he was when he was a cop? Or did you notice a change like this?

[A]

Man, I was young, so I can't really speak to that. My memories of my dad are always. He was a pretty happy dude.

[B]

You never remember hearing him talk about, like, missing being a cop or any of that stuff.

[A]

He would tell a lot of stories about it. So in that way, I think you could. From that aspect, you could go, yeah, I think he does miss that. But my dad was also the O'Hares. My mother's maiden name was O'Keefe. The O'Hares and the O'Keefes are just instinctually funny people. Like, we just. There was a lot of laughter. Just so much laughter. And, of course, also family bullshit and yelling and screaming at other times, but in general. So my dad had a great sense of humor. So I never saw. And I saw Krabby, of course, And I saw Pissed at Us. And when the kids goofed up, we'd get yelled at. And in those days, spanked, which now, I guess you're not allowed. We got the belt. I mean, we got. You know. But so did all my friends. This is what was going on. And we never got the belt across the face or anything. And mostly it was across your legs, and you would always be putting covers over you or something. I don't ever remember it being terribly painful, but that's what happened in those days.

[B]

And your dad died at what age?

[A]

57.

[B]

Of what happened?

[A]

Lung cancer. But a combination lung cancer and mesothelioma. But he was an insulator, which meant asbestos. But I will say this. And it was before people knew what they know now.

[B]

I don't mean interrupt yeah, interrupt. But I had a friend whose father died of mesothelioma, and it was because his dad dealt with insulation. And what they didn't realize is he would come home and just the microscopic fibers would get on the couch and stuff, and his kids are breathing it in and. And it ended up killing his son later.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

You said it was a combination. Was he a smoker also?

[A]

Big time smoker. But let me tell you, we had a good family friend, Ryan, whose daughter did the laundry at home, and she died of mesothelioma. And her dad didn't get it, and he had to watch his daughter die of something he brought home. Oh, he brought it home. She was doing the laundry. That was her chore to do the laundry.

[B]

So his clothes.

[A]

Covered with the shit. Covered with the shit. And she was just doing laundry. She's a kid, you know, probably pissy about it, whatever. That was her chores. That was on her chores. And she died of it. So that is. Yeah, we were at that wake. That was. That was one of the tougher ones because he felt totally responsible, but he didn't. I mean, you know, but I get where he's coming from, but he certainly wasn't responsible. But. Yeah. And so. But I will tell you, here's a quick story. My dad got my brother and I jobs in the. In the mill when we were 15, 16 years old.

[B]

A paper mill.

[A]

No, no, no, Gary. Like the big stinky. They're building vats, things for vats and stuff, all this stuff. But I remember it. So now asbestos has been found illegal. And we were grunts, so we would do whatever the guys needed us to do. Move this here, move this there, carry this, carry that. And one day a truck pulls up and we have to unload it, and it is full of bags of asbestos. That is what it is. And my dad comes walking by and I said, dad, I don't think you know this, but that truck is filled with asbestos. Like, I'm like, I'm about to just break over the whole. Break open the whole thing. You ain't gonna believe it. And he goes like this. Keep your mouth shut and unload the truck. So it was still happening. Yeah, because that's all they had been using for years. And they probably have stockpiles of this shit. And the company's like, we got to get rid of this shit. Keep doing. So anyway, they knew what was going on. But, yes, he was a hardcore smoker. So the combination, like, I remember, you know, you have sounds in your home. I Could hear. My dad would get up in the morning and I could hear it like it was happening right now because you hear the bed rocking around. He would get. He would get to the side of the bed, put his feet on the ground. You could hear him grab the pack of cigarettes, the fresh pack, first thing, first thing. And then you hear the. Because you're tightening, I guess it tightens the packing tobacco. You're pounding the pack of cigarettes. Then you hear the cellophane because he's ripping the thing off. And they were Lucky Strikes Camels for a while. And then he had the big zippo and then you could hear it and you like, dad's day has begun. And he needed that to begin. People have what some people, it's coffee and it's whatever. That was how he began. So his diagnosis to death was four months. It was fast. It was fast.

[B]

And how old were you at the time?

[A]

So that was 91. I would have been 29.

[B]

And did you get to spend time with him at all?

[A]

Yes. Not as. You know, when you look at regrets, I tell me we all knew. Like we get the phone. I'm at work one day because they.

[B]

Tell you, they give you the timeline.

[A]

No, no, no. We didn't know the timeline, but we knew initially when it happened. You get that phone call. But it. My mother's hysterical. Dad's been diagnosed with lung cancer because we had all been on them. Go to the doctor. You're coughing, you're coughing, you're coughing. But, you know, we were naive. We never thought that. I don't know. But anyway, so it was lung cancer and it was advanced and so but I was. Things were really starting to click. Acting wise for me in Chicago. So I'm doing this theater and that theater and I have my comedy group that I'm working with and it's busy and I'm working a full time job during the day. So if I have a regret in life, it's that I didn't go home and I went home, I saw him. We all sat and did all the stuff. But it should have been more. It just should have been like there were times I was like, it's going to be so sad when I go there. So maybe I'll stay out another hour. Maybe I'll hang at the bar with these guys another couple of hours. So I regret that because you can't get that time back. That's just gone.

[B]

Do you remember your last time with them?

[A]

I remember all of our. Yeah, because I was losing my shit. Because what happened was the cancer went to the brain, and so then he couldn't speak. And then we get a call, so it was like, set him up in hospice. This is where it's heading. But then they call my mother and they say, Rush Presbyterian in Chicago, it's a teaching hospital. And they said, we think if we radiate this certain section, he'll at least get his voice back. Would you want that? And my mother said to my dad, do you want this? Because it was all about what he wanted.

[B]

So he was still there cognitively. He just couldn't.

[A]

Whatever cancer, whatever it started messing with, he couldn't.

[B]

So he could. But, I mean, he could make the decision for himself.

[A]

He could make the decision. And he shook his head, yes. Off we go. Ambulance comes. We all had to Rush Presbyterian. It didn't work. Which leads me to kind of a funny story, as this is all as he's. His last few days. So we're at Rush, we get the word that it didn't work because he couldn't speak. And then my mother is just distraught. I mean, she's losing the love of her life. Like, this is her person, as the kids say now. It was her person. And she never dated after nothing. She always said, I had the best.

[B]

She never remarried, never had a friend.

[A]

Never had a date, never what saved her life, I always say, because when he died, it really was, what is going to happen to her? Because she was still young. She was 54. Like, what is going to happen to her grandchildren? Came into the picture and it changed everything. Gave her a purpose. It gave her. Like. I remember when, after my dad died, he had had. One of his insurance policies was for like $250,000. And I'm at work and my mom calls me. She's hysterical. I go, what's going on? Because everything's been so sad, you know, I'm like, oh, what now? And she said, I just got the check in the mail and I'm just going to tear it up. I don't want this money. I don't want money because your father is dead, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, the reason you have the money is he wanted to know you would be taken care of. That's why he paid for your insurance policies. This is why he did this. So that if, God forbid, this situation happened, you wouldn't be without. You would. Anyway, so we're in the hospital, and again, we're all sad because now we're just going to plan to get him back home, and we're going to do hospice at the house. And some new doctor walks in because it's a teaching hospital. So it's constantly the same questions. And he says to my mother, oh, you know, he's asking. He goes, now, has Mr. O'Hare O'Hare had other surgeries? And we've heard all these answers before, but my mother just all of a sudden, she goes, well, here goes the family secret. Oh, you should. The four of us. If there was a camera on the four of us, it was like, wow. No idea. We don't know what is about. What do you mean? The family? What's. Was she a woman? Was my dad a woman? Like, what is going on? And she goes. I mean, really, the four of us are. What are you about to say? And she goes, well, in 19, I'm going to. I'm messing up with the year. But around 1967 or something, he got a vasectomy. First of all, that's not at all what the doctor meant when he said surgeries. He doesn't mean that.

[B]

But it's not even a surgery.

[A]

It's not even a surgery. It's a procedure. And we're like, what, the family secretary? First of all, Irish Catholic. We were raised, you know, we went to church every week. Now, what do you mean? And then she goes. There's this long pause and she goes, well, every time you looked at me, I got pregnant. And we're like, that ain't how it works, baby. That is not how it works. So, yes, my dad, she kept the secret till she died. As far as she said, he went in with a friend and they both had it done. And we were like, who else? Who else? And she goes, that's his story to tell his family. Which is true. I mean, it really wasn't our business, but yeah. So he had had a vasectomy. We had no idea. So what happened was so that they. We get him back to the house, I think, the very next day. So by the time the bed is set up in the. In the family room, you know, the hospital bed hospice, which is, I think, one of the greatest things in the whole world. I don't know if you ever dealt with them, but they're there for you. They're not just there for the patient, they're there for the family. And one of my sisters is a nurse. And so we get him there, and the doctor has said it'll be three to six weeks. That was what? It's a guesstimate. They never know. But probably he'll pass within three to six weeks. So let's say it's 2:00, we get him back in the house and whatever. And it's all very sad and people are. You know, some families come to visit and everything. But around 10 o'clock that night, his breathing did get kind of weird and everyone started kind of losing their shit. And I lost my shit the other direction. I got pissed, you guys, we have three to six weeks. We cannot. Every time there's a weird breath, we cannot go crazy because it would just be too much. We have three to six weeks of this. He died 20 minutes later. No, they heard what I didn't hear.

[B]

That was the death rattle.

[A]

That was the death rattle. And I think, what happened? And again, I'll never know unless I die and there's heaven and I get to see him. Yeah. He died at 10:19 in your home.

[B]

Was he in the home?

[A]

We were all there. Everybody was there, but I. Here they all are. We're all around him. And I'm getting. I'm so pissed at everyone, like, because I'm just thinking we were not gonna. We're gonna blow up our heads. Can't take this for three to six weeks if every time something is weird, we lose our shit. But in my opinion, here's what happened. So earlier in the day, the hospice people. So when someone's in that condition for a man, you know, they have to do a catheter. But with hospice, you don't really do catheters because there's really no. There's no medical stuff there other than pain meds trying to keep you comfortable. You're just trying to keep the person. So they do something called the Texas catheter. It's a condom that is attached to a tube. Yes. And you put it on, you know, for a man, you put it on the penis. And then that's how they urinate.

[B]

So wait, they roll a condom on your penis and you pee into the condom and then there's a tube attached to the end of the condom so it doesn't have to go in your urethra.

[A]

Nothing goes in your urethra. Yeah. It's called a pexis catheter. That's been around. These have been around for I. Please. I'd like to go to bed with one every night. Are you kidding me? I get up twice a night now. I love to just lay there. Exactly.

[B]

Give me a Texas cath.

[A]

Go to the bar for a couple hours. Give me that coffee.

[B]

You've been drinking for eight hours.

[A]

How the hell have you not got up? Exactly. And you go. You hold up your bag. Oh, I've been going, yeah, please. It's the greatest. Never heard of that. Okay, great. But I remember the hospice person talking because they were like, who's going to be able to do this? And it was, oh, my dad was. My dad was not the guy. I know I've heard families say, oh, my dad would walk around naked or whatever. That was not our family. We just weren't. He'd see him in his underwear here and there, but we weren't running from his bedroom to the bathroom. But there was no. We weren't. We had modesty. There was no doors open when people went to the bathroom. And I'm not knocking it, because that's. Every family has their own stuff. We weren't those people. Doors were shut. Privacy was respected. And I think because he heard everything that was going on, and I think when he realized his daughter, the nurse was going to be doing that, you know, putting out, he was like, I'm not. This is. I'm not doing this. I'm not. I really. And again, I don't know. But things went downhill pretty quick after that. Things went downhill pretty quick. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. And he was gone after the breathing started. 19 minutes later, he's dead. He heard his daughter was gonna have to put that.

[B]

He's like.

[A]

Hell, no. Yeah. And again, I have no proof of this. I had. But when you're told three to six weeks, they were off by three to six weeks. Like, they had just seen him at the hospital. Like, no.

[B]

No doubt he's gonna make it for through tonight.

[A]

Oh, my God. That night, certainly the next week, have people fly in and say exactly goodbyes. Gone.

[B]

He was like, same day.

[A]

Gone, same day. Wow. Yeah.

[B]

Hey, guys, we have a new sponsor here called Cuddly. Now, Cuddly is a fundraising platform that supports animal welfare organizations all over the world. We have a rescue cat in our family named Crystal. Crystal was a little cat that my stepson rescued a while ago at a shelter here in la. And then the cat gave him a high five and went viral. Got on Ellen, you know what I'm saying? Rescuing is a big deal. Over 4,000 shelters and rescues trust Cuddly to raise funds and receive donations of supplies for the animals in their care. Cuddly thoroughly vets and verifies every rescue organization they work with. So unlike with other fundraising platforms, you could be certain that your donation is actually going to an animal in need in order to join the Cuddly platform. An organization must be a 5 501c3 non profit in good standing. All donations made through Cuddly are tax deductible and it is incredibly easy to access your donation receipt to file with your taxes. Your donation history is clearly visible in your donor account and Cuddly even puts them all into a single document for you when you make a one time donation. Cuddly distributes the contributions to the animals and organizations with the greatest needs each month. Now your dollar goes even further. For every $20 donated through a one time donation, cuddly will gift a soft and snuggly blanket to a rescue animal in need. Head to cuddly.com honeydew today to make a donation and help make a difference. That's cuddly.comHoneydew now let's get back to the do.

[A]

And of course that was all awful and all the terrible things that go with that, you know, but yeah, so. But I think he was in the world of. Of a Midwest family man. He was a brilliant guy who. His family was the most important thing in the world.

[B]

Do you think back then too, like just when you got a career, that's your career.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You're usually a cop forever. Forever to change careers back then. These days you're doing it nonstop. But back then, to change careers from something to. He didn't go to be a PI or something. I feel like would be in security work. Nothing or even anything that used to be dealt with as a military background. He went to something brand new.

[A]

He got it, they called it. He worked the tools, they call it. He went to the union, he became an apprentice and then he got into the. Into the.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he had to start from the bottom and he was already working with tools. He was on the skyscrapers, putting in insulation.

[B]

Damn. In Chicago.

[A]

In Chicago, in all that. January, February, March. That's why, you know, for actors and believe me, I, we. People say, oh, actors don't even really work. Believe me, we do work. It is work. Yes. Our hours are crazy. I just did this pilot recently. Every day was 12 hours. So that part's crazy. That being said, my brother was a welder and he's on a skyscraper in February in Chicago. Yeah, that's work.

[B]

That's work.

[A]

That is work. Me, even though I'm on set, a lot of followers. We're sitting here 11. I also think I'll run to my trailer, watch a little television between scenes, take a nap. What did they got crafty today? Ooh, that looks like a lovely Cake, you know what I'm saying? And not that there isn't also work because they're studying and there, there's. It is work, but it's different work. And so. Yeah, and so my dad did hard work. He did hard work and then he became a boss at the company, you know, and all that kind of stuff, but still always going to the mills every day.

[B]

And so he was a hustler. He wasn't just content being the guy at the bottom, he rose all the way.

[A]

Yeah, he did really well as far as that goes. Yeah. And then my mom started selling real estate and we had a really like the, the. We lived in a house.

[B]

Can I ask you one question?

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Who was. Were all the kids adults at this point when dad passed away?

[A]

Even the youngest, if I was 29, my youngest sister would have been 25.

[B]

So, yeah, I was out of the house.

[A]

But it's so weird because in my memory of when he died, I feel like I was so much younger. But the facts are the facts. I was born in 61. You're also 90. I was born in 62. He died in 91. 62.

[B]

62 year, yeah. Did you have any sort of epiphany? I'm sorry again. He died at 52. 57.

[A]

57.

[B]

Just turned when you became his age.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Did it hit you and what were you scared? Did things hit you?

[A]

All of my siblings, we've talked about this over the years. It is weird. There's something about that. Like when I was approaching it, I'm like, well, dad died at 57. Now he had factors that I didn't have. He was a smoker and he worked around asbestos. Asbestos. That being said, I was also in the mills lugging those jaws when he's bringing. Also in a house with asbestos and in a home with three smokers. Because my grandmother lived with us. Oh, shit. And in those days, and we were talking about this earlier, like when you're in the car and the windows are rolled up and there's three people smoking, I don't know how you even saw off the windows. So we had a house filled with secondhand smoke. So all that goes in your head when you're like, well, I mean, it could happen. And my sister ended up getting lung cancer. Non smoking lung cancer. Thankfully, she's doing great. Great. But that was like six or seven years ago now. So she's technically passed the. I think five year mark is when it's scary. If you get to the five, you're okay. But anyway, so, yeah, it is a weird thing. And every time one of us turn that, we're like, wow, I live longer than dad. And now that my youngest sister is going to be 58. She is. We've all outlived my dad. Yeah. So now it's next. My mom is Next. She was 74. And my oldest sister, if I'm 62, brother 63, she's 64. So another 10 years. So it is all weird, though. It is weird because I had a buddy, I did a play in Kansas City, November, December, January of this past year, an actor, some people out there will know him, named Jerry Kearnian. Great actor, 59 years old, blah, blah, blah. We had this great run in Kansas City. It was amazing. And three weeks ago, he died from a stroke and there's a brain bleed. That one thing led to another, like, so you don't know. You don't fucking know day to day.

[B]

What'S going to be literally your next step could be your last. If some people could get three to six weeks or 10 minutes, or some people get a light switch, you're just walking and blink, it's over.

[A]

That's kind of what happened to him. Except he lingered, which was a shame. But here he is, an actor, sitting in his apartment in New York having lunch, and his brain explodes.

[B]

That's just how it was.

[A]

Just how it was.

[B]

Good God.

[A]

The girlfriend he called, he was able to his body, the only thing working was his right side. He couldn't speak. He was able to somehow dial her, and she knew something was wrong because he wouldn't speak, but she heard him breathing. So she runs home. And of course, everything blew up. So. Yeah, you don't know. You don't know.

[B]

So my father died at 42.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

[B]

He's a baby.

[A]

And of what, can I ask?

[B]

Well, back then, they ruled it a heart attack.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because he had had a heart attack and he'd just gotten out of the hospital. They sent him home, but they told him, you do have blood clots. So what ends up happening years later? I was telling you a little bit about this out there, but. So that's what they said. He dies then at 42, I, the same age, I collapse on my bed. I'm getting. And they're telling me, you're fine, there's nothing going on with you. They're sending me in and out of the hospital, telling me I'm.

[A]

And you know there's something wrong.

[B]

I can't even function. And every day I've got Clots. And what I found out now is that, thank God, I passed those clots on my own. No medications, no nothing. I should not have done that. And then it comes to this hospital thing, and I'm like, look, I've got this disease, and you got to be careful with me. And then they're not. At 42, when I find out what's going on, It's a genetic. So they tell me, look, back in 1989, when your father died, if anyone died in their 40s, we just said heart attack. But they're realizing now that probably most of those people died of some sort of clotting issue and not a heart attack. A young.

[A]

Did he drop dead or was it a prolonged.

[B]

No, he went. He had a heart attack. He was in the hospital for like a week, and then they released him to come home. And he was at our home. We did Thanksgiving at our. My great aunt, but my Aunt Marguerite's place in Baltimore City. And then we went. We did a Thursday, Friday there, and then we went back to our place for the weekend. And then that Sunday night, he went to bed, and my younger brother found him dead in his bed and woke us up. So it was. And I'm guessing just like myself, his chest was probably killing him because he went to lay down and he had a little bit of blood, they said, or we saw on his toe. And that doesn't happen from heart attack. So now, wait, what do you mean?

[A]

I don't know what that means.

[B]

So they said that he possibly could have had a blood clot that he spit or he could have bit his tongue or lip or something.

[A]

Right, right, right.

[B]

But with a heart attack, you're not getting blood. It just your heart's attacking you. So we. I find out that through deductive reasoning, my mom has to get a blood test. My brothers, none of them have this thing that I have, and it's genetic, so. So, yeah, he had it.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And that's actually what killed him. Not a heart attack. This blood clotting disorder.

[A]

And what about his siblings? Did his siblings have any issues?

[B]

I have no idea. Our uncle was one of those uncles that when everybody died, he just robbed the family and took off. So we have. He's still alive, so probably.

[A]

He probably doesn't have it. Yeah, probably not. But, you know, I always wonder when. When they find people just dead in bed the next day, because I. It happens. I always hope that that person never even knew what happened. I just hope that they went to sleep and things stopped or was there panic? Like, I always hate the thought of people panicking. Like, things that.

[B]

Think about it. I was asleep that night. I wondered, did the man yell? Did he call for us?

[A]

Right. But if you're sleeping, who knows? Or did he just go to sleep?

[B]

Or did he just sleep?

[A]

That is a gift to go to sleep and die. But not at 42. No, that is not the way to do. My mother's father died at 61 in his chair. After dinner, my grandmother went to say she asked him a question. She was doing dishes and he didn't respond. And she thought, well, Emmett. And she was getting pissy. And she went in and he was dead in the chair. So he just died. So it's all. But things we'll never know. We don't know. We will never. Things we will never know.

[B]

I want to talk to you as well, because I ask every guest to write in with some things. And one of your things was depression and panic attacks. When did that start for you? What. What sort of happened?

[A]

I. I never dealt with any of that.

[B]

Wait, let me ask you one more question. I'm so sorry.

[A]

About eight and a half hard. Oh, wait, was that what you were going to ask? Or. I'm sorry, did I jump the gun on that? Is that on me? I'm sorry, I should not be jumping. Assume that's where we were. You asked him a question, let him answer.

[B]

I just want to know, even though you are older than your father ever was.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you feel older than him? No.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That's. I've outlived my dad by a decade. Damn near still feel like his son.

[A]

Yes. 100%, though. I see him in the mirror every day.

[B]

Yeah. The face look like.

[A]

Oh, my God. We all do. We always say, you could take these four O'Hare kids and put us in with a million other people and you're going to go o'hare, o'hare, o'hare and o'hare. My mother did not have children with anyone other than John O'Hare. I can guarantee that. Because we have the. We have the little chin thing. We have the. Yeah, we are the same people. But. Yeah, yeah, but I see him. But you're right.

[B]

Mentally, I don't care if I live to 103. I'll never feel older than that man.

[A]

And I hope that's. Is that good. I guess it's.

[B]

I don't really. I think it is.

[A]

I think it's good, too.

[B]

I think it's also like a respect thing and a peer thing. And like, this man came before Me. And yes, you know, I don't look like it. I. I wonder, like, man, I still feel like my body doesn't, but I still feel 20 couple years old.

[A]

But even when my body doesn't feel, and believe me, every day something's hurting, I still, in my head I'm like, oh, I can do this, I can do that. Oh, what do Jimmy have to go? Like, my manager, yesterday on the phone, she was just like, not berating. That's not the right word. She's so concerned. My schedule is crazy. And she goes, you have to take time for yourself. This is crazy. But I'm also the guy who's keeps me busy. I'm a happy guy when I'm busy. I just am.

[B]

So, like, I went on a hike at Temescal Canyon recently and as I'm in the middle of the hike, I'm thinking, and my dad's not even alive at this point and I'm doing all these things, like I'm 51, like, I'm healthy, like, man, yeah, that's fucked up.

[A]

It is weird.

[B]

Okay, I'm sorry, the question again. Yes.

[A]

Oh, the panic attack. Yes. I never dealt with any of that. And then I moved to LA in 1994.

[B]

How old are you at that point?

[A]

30, 32.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Came out here to do a play. We had done it in Chicago, as I've said many times. It's what gave me my career, this play, because it became kind of a cult thing in Chicago. And we thought, boy, maybe la, could it happen there? And, you know, the dream was always LA pilot season when you're an actor in Chicago. So we brought it out to la and it did well. But I was sitting, sitting in my little apartment in Hollywood. I had a big meeting that day, this specific day with cbs because I had auditioned for a remake of Harvey, which was the old Jimmy Stewart film about the invisible rabbit. And anyway, and it was starring Swoozie Kurtz and Leslie Nielsen and Harry Anderson and Jonathan Banks and anyway, amazing. And I can't even believe I'm in the running. But I'm not only in the running, I'm the choice. Except CBS doesn't know who I am. And they're like, we don't know. No, we don't think so. But the producer and the directors are like, he's our guy, he's our guy. Please meet. Okay, so I had this big meeting in the afternoon, but at about 10 o'clock on this morning, whatever day of the week it was, I'm just sitting on the Couch, watching television. And I always say it was a wave of awfulness. Just a wave of, oh, I mean, like, feeling fine.

[B]

Boom.

[A]

Everything is terrible. I mean, literally, that's how it was. Oh, my God. I'd never experienced this before. So my sister's a nurse. I call her, and here's what just happened. It sounds like you're having a blood sugar issue. Go. Do you have any orange juice? No, I don't have anything. There's a little market nearby. Said, let me go. So I walk there and I get the orange juice. I come back and I'm talking to her, and she goes, sip it, sip, sip. Blah, blah, blah. All this stuff. Nothing's helping. Nothing's helping. And now I don't know what to do because I'm thinking, I can't get to this meeting. I don't know what's happened, but I don't want to walk out this. I can't walk out this door. I don't think I can. So I've always said the greatest acting job I've ever done in my life was that day. Because I did get out the door. I did go to that meeting, and they gave me the job. Yeah. So I did get through it. But that.

[B]

But that was day one, learning what this thing is. And did they start coming back regularly.

[A]

Or big hardcore daily. No, these weren't panic attacks at this point. This was just, as I learned later, hardcore clinical depression. And it just hit out of nowhere. After investing billions to light up our network, T mobile is America's largest 5G network. Plus right now you can switch, keep your phone and we'll pay it off up to $800. See how you can save on every plan versus Verizon at@t mobile.com. keep and switch up to four lines via virtual prepaid card. Allow 15 days qualifying unlock device, credit service ported. 90 plus days with device ineligible carrier and timely redemption required. Card has no cash access and expires in six months. Look around. You can find cars like these on autotrader, like that car riding your tail. Or if you're tailgating right now, all those cars doubling as kitchens and living rooms are on autotrader too. Are you working out and listening to this ad at the same time? Well, multitasking pro cars like the ones in the gym parking lot are for sale on autotrader. New cars, used cars, electric cars, maybe even flying cars. Okay, no flying cars.

[B]

But as soon as they get invented.

[A]

They'Ll be on autotrader. Just you wait. Autotrader. The perfect gift this season is Here One Moment, the number one New York Times bestseller from Leon Moriarty, author of Big Little Lies. Readers are raving about this book, calling it impossible to put down. Here One Moment is a brilliantly constructed tale of an ordinary, short domestic flight where something extraordinary happens. People learn how and when they are going to die. It's the perfect book for book clubs and will stay with you long after.

[B]

Finishing the last page.

[A]

Hear One Moment by Leon Moriarty. Available now wherever books and audiobooks are sold. With millions of books on Amazon, there's a reading feeling for everyone. For example, Olivia's after learning she has quite a lot in common with a 9th century Viking is different to Luna's after the old man narrowly escaped being bitten by zombies, which is also different to Jerome's his eureka moment on finding the perfect new quote for his dating.

[B]

Profile from to to Amazon Books.

[A]

That reading feeling of weights. Because after. So my sister, you know, after this all happened, I said, I'm not better. I'm not better. She goes, go to the doctor. You got to get a physical. Blah, blah, blah. So I go to the doctor. We do all of it. Chest X rays, whatever. Jim, you're fine. Blood work's good, Everything's good. He goes, I think it's. You might need to see a therapist. I go, what are you talking about? There's something wrong. He goes, I agree. I'm not saying there isn't, but it's not here. We think it's up here. But now I have to head to Vancouver for six weeks to do this movie, which of course, I'm excited about, but here I am heading to Vancouver, and I just want to lay in my bed and be in the fetal position. But again, I got through it. And that's when the panic attack started. I was on set one day talking to another actor, and as he's talking to me, I can feel, oh, God, something's going on, something's going on, something's going on. And then I'm literally physically shaking, sweating. And he goes, are you okay? I don't even know what he's saying to me because my head is. I don't know. This is a panic attack at this point. I just think something terrible is now happening. Heart attack or whatever it is. So. But then all of a sudden, it went away as quick as it had come on. Okay, so I got through that. So that was a rough shoot. It was so exciting in so many ways. It was my first big, big, big exciting thing. Here I am in Vancouver for six weeks With Leslie Nielsen and Swoozie Kurtz and all these amazing people. But it was a battle to get through it. So I do, and then I come back and then I start therapy because something's got to give. And so then he put me on meds and he said, you were clinically depressed and these are panic attacks.

[B]

And can I ask you what?

[A]

Yeah, why?

[B]

What made him think it was clinical depression?

[A]

I don't know how they label it, but here's what his thoughts were. You know, why this was all happening. He said, you've never grieved the loss of your father. And I said, well, I have to tell you, I disagree with that because I have cried my ass off. I have been in the shower crying. Like to this day, if I'm in the shower and you know your brain's like, oh, I gotta do this. And something will come up and I'll think of my parents and something Will one thing lead to another. I could be crying in the shower.

[B]

I'm doing at the grocery store, I hear a damn song. Come on. I say all the time into frozen food.

[A]

Frozen peas. Out of nowhere. Exactly. Yeah. So even all the years, years later.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I felt, I did like, my God, did you see me at that funeral? I was a mess. And that's. But then you go deeper and you go deeper. And he did exercises where you talk to your. This person and all that kind of stuff. So I did all that. And I think ultimately it came down to which we talked about the top of the show. I had regrets about where I was for him at the end. And even though it was only a four month period and I was there, but I could have been there more. And my dad was not a I love you type of person. He showed it with acts of love and service, touching you and patting you on the head and that kind of thing.

[B]

Switching careers.

[A]

Exactly. And supporting me because he never understood what I did.

[B]

Because he can talk about that for a second too. Because I laugh about this all the time. He. Our even youth. For me, you're 10 years older, but I mean, you're our dads. Our grandfathers were, you know, my grandfather was World War II, Air Force, my dad's Vietnam. And I never had the conversation with them, but I talked to a lot of these guys and then they're like, I want to go tell jokes, I want to act. They're like, you want to do what?

[A]

What? How about get a job, you lazy son of a bitch? It doesn't make any sense to men from that Generation. Nor should it. Nor should it made no sense. He worked Monday through Friday. He brought home a paycheck. His family thrived. This is what you do. And so he literally said to me, he goes, so you work downtown Chicago during the day, then you do theater at night, and they don't pay you? Yeah. I say, well, I kind of lose money because you help build sets. And so you go run and get paint, or you run and get wood. So it never, ever made sense to him. That being said, he was at every opening night, I'd go. When the reviews would come out, his buddies would go, oh, your dad showed me that review. Good for you. Or, you know what I mean?

[B]

So he was very proud.

[A]

He was proud, but he didn't get it right. It never made sense. And that's one of the things I feel really bad. It can't be a regret because I had no control over it. But one of the things I feel bad about. He never got to see the success. My mother did. My mother.

[B]

Your mom walked me on parks and walked red carpet.

[A]

She saw me on Parks and Rec and she saw me, me. I flew her to New York. Like, I.

[B]

You ever talk. You ever have that conversation with her mom? Was your mom, like, dad would have loved this.

[A]

Oh, God. She would say. Because, yeah, he was never gone. He was good. He was never gone. And she. The grandkids who never met him, know all about him. He was never.

[B]

See. You need people like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My buddy Shannon, I gotta give him credit. I. I happened to be in town doing a show in Baltimore, and then Tom Segor was at the Lyric, which is like, that's the Buffalo Bucket List Theater. If you want to perform in Baltimore.

[A]

Oh, it's okay.

[B]

It's the one. And he's doing it, and he's like, reschedule your flight out for another day. Like, just come do the show with me tonight. And I was like, yep. And he's giving me 20 minutes at the Lyric in Baltimore. And my buddy Shannon comes, and when we're done, we're in the lobby, and people are coming up, like, great set. Great set. And he's like, man, your grandmom and your dad would have fucking love this. And do you know, I hadn't even thought. Thought of that. Yeah, I'm just.

[A]

Yeah, I'm right.

[B]

You know, I'm. It's my job.

[A]

I gotta keep.

[B]

Now, I'm also not expecting to do this show in front of 2500 people in my hometown. I gotta get. Boom, boom, boom, boom. You don't have time to think about it. And I just always love that he said that to me after. And I started crying right there. I was like, you son of a.

[A]

Well, my dad's friends who are still alive will say he'd be so proud. He'd be so proud to be so proud. And my mother, like I said, she. She spoke his name every day, so he was still part of our lives in many ways. So. But yeah, I hate pictures of them.

[B]

Up around the house.

[A]

Oh my gosh, all this stuff, all this. And then when my mom died, she knew she also had lung cancer and she knew it was coming and she basically planned it. She put notes together. She had me. She's totally screwed me over because I was a mama's boy big time. And when she passed, I said to my family, my siblings, I go, I know you guys are thinking, I'm going to be the guy who's going to talk at the funeral and everything. I said, I can't. And they go, we know. Because I just knew how I would be a mess. So she had said to me, when I'm gone, go to my bedroom, go into the thing and you'll see this steel box and inside is my insurance papers and da, da, da. Everything was laid out. On top of everything was a letter. Dear Jimmy, please read at my funeral.

[B]

No.

[A]

Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch. Well, I can't. Not like my mother just literally said this in a letter. And it was the mother most beautiful letter to. She wanted everyone to know. She goes, I don't want other people telling my story. I want to tell my story. And it was. It was only three pages, but it was. She goes, I was born into a family of love. And then I was raised, blah, blah. And I never thought I could be happier. And then I met John O'Hare. And he is the greatest man that I've ever met. And then he gives me Beth and John and Jimmy and Ann. And then my grand. Girls, my grandkids come along and they save my life and they. And then she has me saying to them, I'm here for you. Talk to me. I'm still around. Like, oh my God. It was lunacy. I was sobbing like a. Just crazy. So she got me at the very end, but she was. She got to see a lot of the fun stuff and I. I love that. I. But she's also one of these people very prideful, very, very prideful because my mother was fine financially. You know, my dad had left her insurance policies and Social Security all the stuff. But she wasn't wealthy or whatever. And so, you know, when things were kind of rolling pretty good for me, I said, listen, I'm gonna start every month. I'm just gonna send you X amount of dollars.

[B]

That's nice.

[A]

You're gonna what? Well, I'm just gonna, like, you know. But I don't need your money. I mean, she was.

[B]

Well, she wanted to rip off the 2 5th favor.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. You cheap fucker. That's all you're sending me? No, just the opposite, dude. She wanted. I buy my own.

[B]

I go, I took offense.

[A]

She took offense.

[B]

She didn't want to be a charity case.

[A]

She goes, I do. I go, mom. I go, you could take the money, spend it on the grandkids. I said, you've been nothing but supportive. The money. You helped me through the years. When I first moved to la, me and the guy who I did the play with, we moved here together. We rented this place. It was mayhem. We didn't have money. I go to pay the rent one month, and the guy goes, it's already been paid. I go, I didn't pay this. She goes, I got a call from some Eileen O'Hare. She paid. So I'm saying this. I just wanted to, like, say, hey, things are good. Let me. No, no, no. And if you send me a check, I will rip up that. I mean, she was pissed. So then the only way I could kind of repay was with things as far as mom taken to New York. We're going to go see some Broadway shows. She'd never been to New York. Mom, we're going to go to here. Mom, we're going to do this. Mom. You know, so that was the only way I could do it because she wasn't going to let me. Me. It wasn't going to be cash. It was not going to be cash. But. Yeah, but I was lucky. I had incredibly supportive people, even though they didn't get it.

[B]

Tell me, because we got to get you out of here. But tell me how, eventually, how you've gotten a hold on these panic attacks and the depression. What did you do?

[A]

I think medication number one, that put me on Zoloft. And for me, it helped big time. And what helped with the panic attack. And I don't give the doctor credit for this because he's not the one who told me this. I'm driving home one night, I'm on the 405 in California and listening to whatever radio show this is in the 90s when we didn't have all the Podcasts and everything else. I'm listening. Whatever. Maybe KFI or whatever the radio station is. And there was a doctor on there talking about panic attacks. But it would always make me nervous to listen because when I used to talk to friends about panic attacks, it could cause one. It like created the atmosphere. Oh, wait, oh God, is it happening now? Like, because you dreaded them so bad, you just, they were debilitating. This person said on this radio show, here's what you do. You talk to yourself. And she said, you know what? This is can't hurt you. Ultimately, it can't hurt you. You know exactly what you're doing.

[B]

You're not going to die from this.

[A]

You are not going to die from this.

[B]

You've been here before.

[A]

You've been here many times.

[B]

That's interesting.

[A]

And I'm telling. It was, for me the game changer.

[B]

What are you saying? Like, these things right here, like, you're fine, you're fine.

[A]

You know what this is? I'd feel it come on. Because it was daily at that point, I'd feel them come on. Oh, you know what that is, okay. And I got better at it. So it didn't like immediately turn it off. I wasn't immediately like, oh, screw you, panic attack. I banish you. You can't come here. No, they would still come, but they would get less and less intense the more I was like, okay, you got a hole. You know what this is? This is nothing. You know exactly what this is. And I would say within about six months of that, I did not have a panic attack again until I was on a plane heading to Atlanta to do a film with Steven Soderbergh. And I had somehow convinced myself that he made a mistake and he cast the wrong person. Like, I 100% for sure. I'm like, oh, he thinks I'm somebody else. This is wrong. And I'm sitting in that first class seat and everything is good. And then I go, oh, no, no, no, I think there's been a mistake. And then in that case, I say, I forced myself into a panic attack. It was self imposed. Like the others just happened. They just fucking happened. This one was self imposed to where the flight attendant, sir, are you okay? She's looking at a fat man sweater pudding. She's probably thinking, we're going to have to divert this plane. I said, no, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. And it was just a good old fashioned panic attack. And so that was the last one I had. And that was years ago. And I hadn't had one in years. So thankfully they are not part of my daily existence. They are not. Thank God.

[B]

That's great. Thank you for coming and doing this.

[A]

No, my pleasure. This was so much fun.

[B]

Last question for you. We're going to get you out here. Advice you would give to 16 year old Jim O'Hare.

[A]

Oh, boy. You know, as the fat kid. But so there's always like, who cares what people say? You know, when you look back, you know, I'm that guy now. You see, people go, so and so said this about me on the Internet or this. Who cares? I don't give a shit if I don't know you and you mean nothing to me. What do I care what you think of me? I don't care. I don't care. So I wish I could convince myself at that age, it doesn't matter. Be a good person. Be good to the people that you love because they're going to be good to you. I'm somebody who I like to give, but if someone shits on me, I'm tough to rebound from that because I'm always like, I've been nothing but good here. And then you could do that to me and then I can kind of be like, okay, I don't need that anymore. And I should probably do less of that. I should be less stringent about that. But I think I would tell myself, just don't listen to the. To people that don't matter.

[B]

Great advice. Promote one more time.

[A]

Oh, promote the book. Welcome. What's the name of the book? It's about Parks and Recreation. It's my love letter to the show. It's called welcome to Pawnee, Stories of Friendship, Waffles and Parks and Recreation. I have an animated show called Kevin with Aubrey Plaza that will be coming out next year. A film called El Reboat that we just shot that I don't know when just wrapped. So I don't know. I don't know anything more about that. But at some point it'll be out there.

[B]

All right, congrats and thank you very much. My pleasure as always. Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Come see me on tour, catch a live show. Tickets are on my website@ryan sickler.com. we'll talk to you all next week.

[A]

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