Transcript

John Goblin (0:01)

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Ryan Sickler (0:19)

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John Goblin (0:20)

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John Goblin (0:37)

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Ryan Sickler (0:44)

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John Goblin (0:48)

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Ryan Sickler (0:50)

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John Goblin (0:52)

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Ryan Sickler (0:55)

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John Goblin (0:57)

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Ryan Sickler (1:00)

Dallas, Texas, I'm headed your way. March 27th and 28th. Spokane, Washington. I'll see you guys April 3rd and 4th. Buffalo, New York, I'm headed your way. I'll see you guys Friday, April 24th and Saturday, April 25th. Get your tickets now at Ryan Sickler.com the Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the Hottie Do y'.

John Goblin (1:36)

All.

Ryan Sickler (1:36)

We're over here doing it in the Night Pants studios. I am Ryan Sickler. Ryan Sickler.com and Ryan Sickler. On all your social media, I can't thank you guys enough for supporting the show, supporting anything I do out there. And if you gotta have more, you have got to check out the Patreon. It's called the Honeydew with y'. All. It is this show with y'. All. And, and if you haven't checked it out yet, look, the, the, the thing to do you can do for free is to go check out the best of episodes. We just did one with Tom Segura. I think we have about three other ones with Josh Wolf. And then you can go over and for five bucks a month, a cup of coffee. You're getting years worth of wild episodes. All right, check it out. It's on Patreon. And we also have exclusive episodes of the Junkyard series I did in Baltimore over there as well. All right, that's the biz. You know what we're doing here? We highlight the low lights. Always say, these are the stories behind the storytellers. And I am very excited to have this guest with us today. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome John Goblin.

Summary

The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler #377

Guest: John Goblikon (John Goblicon)

Release Date: March 16, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode of The HoneyDew features the charismatic and hilariously outlandish John Goblicon, the goblin frontman of Necrogoblikon, as he joins Ryan Sickler to highlight and laugh at the “lowlights” of his unusual life. True to the podcast’s theme, Ryan and John dig into the comedic gold of John’s origins, his transition to Earth, challenges with fitting in, his quest for love, and navigating the world as an outsider aiming for acceptance and comedic success. Through tongue-in-cheek and satirical storytelling, they riff on identity, loneliness, human absurdities, and the pains and joys of being “different.”

Key Discussion Points & Notable Segments

1. Introductions & Setting the Tone

Color Coordination and Setting Welcome
“Thank you so much for, like, color coordinating the set. I mean, I feel so seen right now, dude.”
— John Goblicon [02:41]
Ryan’s Context for the Show
“We highlight the low lights. Always say, these are the stories behind the storytellers…”
— Ryan Sickler [01:36]

2. John Goblicon’s Origin Story

Goblin Birth Name & Identity
“My goblin name is… [guttural sound]... that's just kind of how it would be pronounced in our Goblin language.”
— John Goblicon [04:33]
Adoption by Human Parents
- John’s Earth name was given by his adopted human parents.
- Claims a birthday of "6/6/6," reflecting his roots in metal culture.
  “So I just went with the kind of like six. Six. Six.”
  — John [05:11]
Goblin Age & Aging
“I just turned 30. Oh, okay. So, you know, I think I look great for my age, Ryan.”
— John [05:40]

“30,000 years. Stunning. You are stunning.”
— Ryan [05:51]

3. Goblin Planet: Life Before Earth

Class System and Alien Societal Structure
- Goblins lived in a “nice, gated community” plagued by conflict with trolls.
- Hilarious riffing on goblin-troll rivalries and pop culture parallels.
  “We're like the original Bloods and the Crips… like a Britney and Christina, you know, so to speak.”
  — John [07:49]
Goblin Entertainment & Dance-Offs
- John’s dance skills lead to him being sent to Earth for greater opportunities.
  “We had a dance off and then my parents… when I won the dance competition… they were like: there's more for you.”
  — John [10:15]

4. Arrival & Assimilation on Earth

Landing on Earth
- John is dropped in LA (not NY, thanks to his mother’s “Hollywood” ambitions for him).
- Comedic comparison to E.T. and being left behind.
  “I knew E.T. by the way. Good guy.”
  — John [16:03]
Adopted by Earth Parents
- John’s arrival in a cage on their lawn.
  “Dropped right off on their lawn… They came out, mustache, big smile, and smiled.”
  — John [18:09]
First Impressions & Acceptance
- Adoptive parents were unable to have children and see John as a prayer answered despite his fearsome appearance.
- Satirical riffing on gender and identity:
  “You know what? We don't even include that kind of stuff. It's… that's another, like, human thing.”
  — John [22:37]

5. Growing Up as an Outcast

Childhood Joys & Ordinary Problems
- Memories of summer, roller skating, Mortal Kombat, and pop culture.
- Enrolled into high school despite being a 30,000-year-old goblin.
School Struggles & Alienation
- Only green student, crowned prom king out of pity for diversity.
- Endured cruelty and played along with stereotypes.
  “Kids are cruel, you know, and... spoiler alert: I was the only green guy, you know? Like, it was terrible.”
  — John [28:59]
Pop Culture References: Cross-Species Friendship
- Stories about famous green characters (Yoda, Hulk, Alf) and a group chat called "The Green Party."
  “We just try and keep in touch and support each other because it is hard growing up here, you know?”
  — John [17:27]

6. Early Work, Love & Dating Woes

Entry into the Workforce
- First job in corporate America, selling life insurance over the phone.
  “30,000 years old. Selling life… I was so good at it because I realized very quickly that I was talking to these people and they didn't have any preconceived notions… that was the first time I actually began to like humans.” — John [32:49], [33:54]
Dating Difficulties & Being Fetishized
- Struggles to find genuine love; people are more interested in a one-night stand with a goblin than real connection.
  "They come out and they’re like, oh, I’ve always wanted to sleep with a goblin, you know, And I'm like, let's do it. But afterwards, I don't feel great."
  — John [23:19]
Desire for Real Connection
“I'm looking for a connection.”
— John [23:44]

7. Surreal Romance & Deadpan Corporate Melodrama

Workplace Romance & Tragedy
- A “music video/documentary” recounts John’s crush at the insurance office, a disastrous party, and “allegedly” tearing off a boss’s face to defend his crush.
  “She was like scared and… the cops came and… it was a whole kind of situation…”
  — John [38:10]

8. Turning to Comedy & Performing Arts

Challenges in Comedy
- Audience often thinks he's performing drama, not comedy, leading to surreal experiences of “standing ovations” where people stand and leave.
  “Early in my set, everyone stands up, up, and then they head out the door. So they're giving me a standing ovation.”
  — John [53:33]
Insights from Ryan
- Ryan encourages John to connect with producers and bookers, embrace failure as material, and lean into his humanity (ironically).
  “...when your audience knows you're human like them and they relate… for you to have a human moment and being a goblin would hit me harder…”
  — Ryan [58:06]
Community Among Comedians
- John finds acceptance and support among comedians, comparing it to a “mental hospital” of lovable outcasts.
  “Once I landed in comedy, I was like, oh, these fuck ups are familiar to me. These people, these weird, wild, fucking crazy stories…”
  — Ryan [55:04]

9. On Love and What It Means

John’s Definition of Love
- “For me, I think love is when you're sitting across from somebody and you could be 100% your full self, and you're not concerned about doing something where that person would look at you and take away that love. There's nothing you could do…”
  — John [49:59]

10. Advice to His Younger Self

Time Capsule Wisdom
- “If I could talk to 16 year old John, I'd look him in the eye. I'd say... there’s gonna be so much thrown at you… there’s something called Uber that you’re going to want to invest in very early on...”
  — John [61:24]

Memorable Quotes & Moments

On Outgrowing Stereotypes:
"We’re like the original Bloods and the Crips... like a Britney and Christina."
— John [07:49]
On Life Insurance and Mortality:
"Get it together, guys. Like, you can't figure out how to live past 100 yet?"
— John [33:09]
On the Pain of Being Different:
"Kids are cruel... spoiler alert: I was the only green guy, you know?... terrible."
— John [28:59]
On Love and True Acceptance:
"I'm looking for a connection... That's what I love about performing... I didn't go through all this just so I could, like... be a deviant and sex, drugs, and rock and roll."
— John [23:44], [23:58]
On Audience Misunderstanding:
"Early in my set, everyone stands up, up, and then they head out the door. So they're giving me a standing ovation."
— John [53:33]
On Comedy Community:
"Once I landed in comedy, I was like, oh, these fuck ups are familiar to me."
— Ryan [55:04]

Timestamps of Key Segments

[02:41] – John admires the set and jokes about “Goblin Green.”
[05:40] – John’s true age and unique aging process.
[06:45–10:44] – Life on goblin planet, goblin-troll conflicts, and being sent to Earth.
[14:24] – Choosing LA over NY, pop-culture infiltration by goblins.
[17:13] – Famous “green” characters group chat and intergalactic fame.
[19:22] – John’s adopted family welcomes him despite his appearance.
[25:11] – Early Earth memories: Mortal Kombat, school, adapting.
[28:59] – Uniqueness leads to isolation in high school and prom “victory.”
[33:54] – Life insurance job and discovery of human kindness over the phone.
[38:10] – The infamous “face-off” incident at a work party.
[40:00] – John’s attempts at stand-up, misunderstood by audiences as “drama.”
[49:59] – John’s definition and heartfelt take on love.
[53:33] – “Standing ovation” as code for walkouts at his shows.
[55:04] – Ryan’s analogy of comedians as self-aware misfits in a “mental hospital.”
[61:24] – John’s advice to his 16-year-old self.

Themes & Tone

Satirical and Absurd Storytelling:
Heavy use of parody, playful alien analogies for real-world topics, and meta-commentary on identity, acceptance, and the weirdness of everyday life.
Empathy and Outsider’s Perspective:
Consistent thread of loneliness, finding community, and the universal pain of being different—made funny, warm, and poignant by both host and guest.

Final Thoughts

This episode blends signature HoneyDew warmth, comedic improvisation, and sharp cultural references to elevate John Goblicon’s story from sci-fi parody to a surprisingly relatable (and often touching) reflection on what it means to be seen, to belong and to chase dreams despite being a total outsider. John’s wild anecdotes and Ryan’s empathetic, irreverent style make for a hilarious, unique, and oddly profound exploration of life’s lowlights, with a goblin’s twist.

Notable final advice:
“…There’s gonna be so much thrown at you… Get in on the very, very early stages [of podcasting]… You’re gonna be just fine, Johnny boy.”
— John [61:24]

Listen if you like: Comedy, outsider stories, meta-humor about identity, and the collision of pop culture with personal narrative.

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377: John Goblikon | The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler #377 | Full Episode