Juston McKinney - McKinneyDew

Summary

The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler

Episode: Justin McKinney - McKinneyDew

Release Date: January 27, 2025
Host/Author: Ryan Sickler
Guest: Justin McKinney

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Introduction

In this heartfelt episode of The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler, host Ryan Sickler welcomes Justin McKinney, a comedian and former deputy sheriff, to share his poignant and inspiring life story. The episode delves deep into Justin's early life, family struggles, career transitions, and his journey into comedy, providing listeners with a candid look at overcoming adversity through humor.

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Justin's Early Life and Family Tragedy

Justin McKinney opens up about the most traumatic event of his childhood—the sudden loss of his mother at the age of six due to a brain aneurysm. Growing up in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, Justin was the third of four brothers.

Justin McKinney [04:05]: "The biggest thing to happen in my life that is the hardest for me to think about almost every day was when I was six years old with my mom. She collapsed during a school fair and passed away from a brain aneurysm."

This tragic event forced Justin and his siblings to rely heavily on each other for support, fostering a close-knit bond that became essential for their resilience.

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Coping with Loss and Family Dynamics

Following his mother's passing, Justin’s father struggled with alcoholism, exacerbating the family's already fragile state. His aunt stepped in to help, bringing her two children into the household, which led to a complicated family dynamic when his father and aunt formed a relationship.

Justin McKinney [15:39]: "My dad and my aunt ended up together, sleeping in the same bed. It was not your dad, just another serious relationship."

Despite these challenges, humor played a crucial role in how Justin and his brothers coped with their dysfunctional upbringing. Justin reflects on how these experiences shaped his outlook on life and his desire to use comedy as a means of healing.

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Career in Law Enforcement

Inspired by his father's struggles and the role of first responders in his own life, Justin pursued a career in law enforcement. He served as a deputy sheriff in York County, Maine, for seven years, where he encountered numerous challenging and intense situations.

Justin McKinney [32:26]: "The scariest stuff was definitely the domestics. My partner and I had to negotiate with someone threatening to shoot."

Justin recounts specific incidents that highlight the dangers and emotional toll of his job, including negotiating with a hostage-taker and dealing with domestic violence cases. His experiences in law enforcement reinforced his belief in the importance of community and human connection.

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Transition to Comedy and Career Struggles

After seven years in law enforcement, Justin transitioned into comedy, finding solace and expression through humor. He began performing stand-up at local venues in Boston before eventually moving to New York City to pursue his comedy career more seriously.

However, Justin faced significant setbacks, particularly during the dot-com boom and subsequent crash. He invested his earnings from development deals with Warner Brothers and CBS into stock and mutual funds, which ultimately resulted in substantial financial loss when the market crashed in 2000.

Justin McKinney [48:16]: "In 2000, the big dot com boom burst, and I lost almost all my money, ending up with about $10,000."

This financial turmoil forced Justin to return to live performances, struggling to regain his footing in the competitive comedy scene.

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Financial Challenges and Personal Lessons

Justin candidly discusses the financial mistakes he made, including poor investment choices and lack of financial literacy, which compounded his challenges. Despite these hardships, he emphasizes the importance of learning from past mistakes and striving for financial stability.

Justin McKinney [56:19]: "Put a little bit away. Just so you can look back at the end of the year and say, I got a little something this year."

Justin now focuses on educating his children about financial responsibility, hoping to shield them from the same pitfalls he encountered.

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Parenting and Educating His Children

As a father of two, Justin is dedicated to providing a stable and nurturing environment for his children, contrasting his own tumultuous upbringing. He strives to balance being a supportive parent while allowing them the freedom to grow independently.

Ryan Sickler [41:04]: "How do you balance not being so hard? How do you do that?"

Justin shares his strategies for parenting, emphasizing the importance of being present and setting a positive example through hard work and resilience.

Justin McKinney [43:00]: "We just try to give them the best life we can. That's all we can do."

He also touches on the delicate balance of teaching his children about his mother's memory without overwhelming them with the pain of the past.

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Advice to Younger Self

Reflecting on his life journey, Justin offers profound advice to his younger self, focusing on the importance of moving forward and not dwelling on past mistakes.

Justin McKinney [59:23]: "Always look in the future and always turn it around. Don't let things bring you down that you have no control over."

This guidance encapsulates his philosophy of resilience and personal growth, encouraging listeners to embrace change and learn from their experiences.

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Conclusion and Guest Promotions

As the episode concludes, Justin promotes his comedy specials and upcoming tour, inviting listeners to engage with his work and upcoming performances.

Justin McKinney [60:02]: "My special on YouTube is called 'On the Bright Side' and 'Parentally Challenged'. I'm also going on tour all over the country, including places like Bitterford, Maine, Foxborough, Massachusetts, Florida, New Jersey, Minneapolis, and Canada."

Ryan Sickler expresses his gratitude for Justin's openness and courage in sharing his story, highlighting the episode's impact on listeners seeking inspiration and laughter amidst life's challenges.

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Notable Quotes

• Justin McKinney [06:29]: "We're all very close. We stayed close, and that helped us get through it."
• Justin McKinney [10:39]: "A good friend had something similar happen, and it just resonates with my story."
• Ryan Sickler [25:24]: "I lost my dad at 16, and we were on our own."
• Ryan Sickler [46:12]: "Have you tried EMDR therapy?"
• Justin McKinney [55:08]: "It's a brain suck to think about what happened and it's so disruptive. It's brutal."

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Final Thoughts

The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler offers an intimate and compelling narrative through Justin McKinney's story, blending humor with heartfelt moments. This episode serves as a testament to the power of storytelling in overcoming life's adversities and finding laughter in the darkest of times.

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Transcript

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[Chris Gethard]

If you want to feel more connected to humanity and a little less alone, listen to Beautiful Anonymous. Each week I take a phone call from one random anonymous human being. There's over 400 episodes in our back catalog. You get to feel connected to all these different people all over the world. Recent episodes include one where a lady survived a murder attempt by her own son. But then the week before that, we just talked about Star Trek. It can be anything. It's unpredictable, it's raw, it's real. Get Beautiful Anonymous wherever you listen to.

[Ryan Sickler]

Podcasts, guys, we have a new tier on our Patreon and it includes exclusive bonus content. Listen up. Right now, for just $5, you get the Honeydew a day early. You get it ad free and you get a full bonus episode of the Honeydew with you all where listeners highlight their lowlights and it's gonna stay that way. Five bucks. And for just three. $3 more. You're also going to get the way back a day early and ad free. But that's not all. You'll get exclusive bonus content with the guests, some fun segments, maybe some games, and we'd love to get you guys involved. And that's all for only $3 more. And there's no censorship on any of the Patreon episodes. Subscribe now. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler welcome back to the Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pan Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler. Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Ryancickler.com starting it off by saying thank you. This episode again, I'm going to thank. You know what everybody says the first responders. And I do want to thank the first responders. What's going on out here in Los Angeles. But you know who else I want to thank? The second responders, the third, fourth. All the responders I want to thank. All right, it's Been insane here. We're fortunate enough that we can still work and. And, you know, get through this thing, but there's a lot of devastation going on. So if you're out there and you can help, do it wherever you can, however you can. All right, I'm not going to sit there and say anything else. All right. You guys know what we do here? We highlight the lowlights. And I always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers. I am very excited to have this guest on today. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Justin McKinney. Welcome to the Honeydew. Justin McKinney.

[Justin McKinney]

Thanks for having me, Ryan.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thanks for being here, buddy. Before we jump into your story, promote everything and anything you'd like, please.

[Justin McKinney]

So I've got. My latest Special is on YouTube called on the Bright side. I'm starting a new tour just on tour, 2025, going all over the place, from Florida to Canada to Michigan to Minneapolis. And I just did a TED Talk called A Comedian's Guide to Surviving a Dysfunctional Childhood that just came out on Tedted.com as well.

[Ryan Sickler]

Great. So I read a little bit about it, and I really do want to hear this story. So it's early for you. It hits, huh?

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So tell us about it. Tell. Where are you from originally?

[Justin McKinney]

So I was born in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. Okay, and.

[Ryan Sickler]

And how many siblings do you have?

[Justin McKinney]

Two older brothers, one younger brother.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay, so there's four boys.

[Justin McKinney]

Yep.

[Ryan Sickler]

And mom and dad are together at the time you're born.

[Justin McKinney]

Yep.

[Ryan Sickler]

Are you the youngest? Oldest. Where do you fall?

[Justin McKinney]

One younger, two older? Yep. I'm third. Third child. Yep. And so the, you know, I guess the, you know, the biggest thing to happen in my life that, you know, my memory that, you know, is the hardest for me to, you know, I think about it almost every day. You know, in the back of my mind was I was six years old with my mom. She was volunteering at the lawn, you know, at the Lawn Fate. It's like a fair school fair, the elementary school. My mom was very hands on, you know, made the lunches, made the bed. She was a perfect mom. You know, she liked being a mom. Liked being a mom. And she all of a sudden at the, at the, at the fair, she just collapsed and started screaming. And I was with her and one of my other brothers as well. And an ambulance came and they brought her on the ambulance and she passed away from a brain aneurysm. No. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So she just dropped. But she was able to yell.

[Justin McKinney]

She was screaming. Yeah. She was like in pain. Holding her head. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, and you're watching that. And your. Your brother's there as well.

[Justin McKinney]

Yep. Just two of you. Two of us, yeah. One of them. What are you doing there? So I just remember one of the parents just holding.

[Ryan Sickler]

Are you just holding me back?

[Justin McKinney]

Just frozen. Didn't know. Yeah. Didn't know, really. First grade, what was going on? First grade? Yeah. Yeah. Six years old. So, you know, where's dad at the time?

[Ryan Sickler]

Does he meet you at the hot. Do you. How much of this do you remember? Like, does he.

[Justin McKinney]

Don't remember a lot, you know, hospital.

[Ryan Sickler]

I know you don't remember a lot.

[Justin McKinney]

I didn't go to the hospital. She was rushed, I guess, to another hospital. It was a main medical center, as I remember it correctly. It was. And I just remember hearing these words because they were on the phone through phone calls and stuff. And we were at my aunt's house and I just remember. Then the phone rang and my aunt answered and then that she bust out crying and that was it.

[Ryan Sickler]

So that's. Who told you?

[Justin McKinney]

That was. That's how we knew, like, it happened. And I remember.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is that your mom's sister?

[Justin McKinney]

Yes.

[Ryan Sickler]

So she called you?

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah. Well, we were all at the house together. So we were all there together. We're all gathered around and she took the call. Took the call. Exactly. And then we. And then we knew. And I. I remember one of my relatives saying, you know, hey, you guys gotta take care of each other now. You know what I mean? It was, you know, I remember that, you know, just being like, you guys all gotta take care of each other. And that was kind of, you know, that's. Yeah, that's where my dysfunctional childhood story starts.

[Ryan Sickler]

Are you brothers, the four of you, or all three of you and you close?

[Justin McKinney]

Very close. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah, we're very close. Yeah, we stayed close. And I think it's, you know, it was that staying close that helped us, you know, helped us get through it.

[Ryan Sickler]

I. I only share this story because a good friend of mine had something similar happen. And it just. I just spent. Actually, we had to evacuate. We went to his place in Temecula. That's where we were. He was around maybe 8 or 9. And his mom wasn't supposed to have children. He's an only child. She had some kind of situation with her heart. Wasn't supposed to have a kid, but she did and she was okay. They didn't even know if she'd make it through the pregnancy. And he's rec league soccer, and it's the last game of the season where the parents play the kids, and his mom's out there running around playing, and she drops on the field, and right away they take him to a friend's house. He goes with his friend and his dad, and, you know, ambulance comes, whole thing, hospital over here, but you're over here. And he said that his friend's dad had to come and tell him. And I said, are you still in touch with the. The friend? And he said, every now and then he reaches out to me and he said that his father is like, it fucked him up to have to tell this little boy, hey, your mom's gone.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And he's like, what? And then they got to take him to his dad and shit. And I was like, yeah, what a way to go.

[Justin McKinney]

I think about it all the time.

[Ryan Sickler]

How could you not?

[Justin McKinney]

When I hear of. I was going to say, when I hear of these stories of any parent that is killed or died, whether it's the news, whether it's. Yeah, you say you just think about.

[Ryan Sickler]

Anyone in the back of your head.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah, anyone. Anytime. There's a. You know. You know, there's a. Unfortunately, I mind the news for comedy, right. So I'm always looking through the news and I see all the horrible stories. It happens every day. There's somebody. And I always think about the kid. I always think. And. And that was part of what made me want to do the TED Talk, was as hard as it was for me to do. And just to explain how hard it was for me to do selfishly.

[Ryan Sickler]

Stop you here for a second. Stand up or TED Talk. What did you find more difficult? To do the TED Talk?

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah, the TED Talk. Because I didn't want to. You don't want to go down that road. You don't want to open up those wounds. And to give you an idea, they reached out to me.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's interesting to hear you say that, because as a comedian, our job is not only to just talk, it's to get people to laug at that shit. And that is its own challenge. Instead of just bearing your soul and maybe enlightening someone else or, you know, being this cathartic voice for someone else.

[Justin McKinney]

Well, that part of it, I love that. That's part of why I did it, too. But to get there, like. So the woman who ran the TEDx reached out to me about doing a TED Talk, and I kind of reluctantly did. It was like, all right, let me. Let me go down this road. But to give you an idea of how hard it was so we're sitting in the room where it was just all the people who got picked to maybe do the talk because you submitted your story kind of on paper, and we're all in a group, and we all each got a chance to say it out loud, like five minutes, just to get who we were and what we're here for. And I started what I just told you about my mom. Like, I couldn't get through with all of them looking at me. So I just stopped and I told her afterwards. I said, I can't do this. I don't think I can do it. So the reason I was just able to tell it to you without getting emotional, breaking down was because I did do the TED Talk. And I have done it, and I'm able to. I'm just. I'm almost like, just saying the words and I'm not thinking about it. That's what I mean. So it's like a shield we put up, right? So. So I. I didn't want to do it, and I couldn't have my dad in the room. My dad lives in the town where I filmed in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, And I didn't want him there because I knew if my dad was there, I couldn't do it. So when I say, oh, it's hard, that's why this was harder for me. But knowing that people, you know, kids. I think of kids, my friends have friends that have lost their mom, and I'm like, you know, if they can see it, you know, so it's really.

[Ryan Sickler]

Powerful because I lost my dad at 16, and we found him dead in his bed in the morning, and my mom had already left the family, so we're on our own. And I still tell people, like, I have friends from. We were in 10th grade. I have friends from high school, middle school still that I'm very close with. And even now, at our age, we reflect back and I'm like, you know, it was interesting because at the time, my friend's parents, right, My friend's parents, my same friends, their parents, their parents were still living. Most of them, they don't even know what to say to a kid. You know what I mean? When I would come over, it would just be this cr. Like, I would feel like a charity case. I'd also feel like an alien because they're looking at me like, I don't even know what to fucking say to you. My parents are still alive. You know what I mean?

[Justin McKinney]

It's just there. It's just. It's in the room. How did how did your dad die?

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, long story short, they originally had made. Had told us it was a heart attack. But over the course of the years, the health issues you had asked me about before we recorded. Thank you. It was very kind to you. Turns out is I have a blood disease that he actually had. Everybody got genetically tested, it's still alive, and he's the only one that had it, so he gave it to me. And they're now telling me that we can't for sure say, but most likely he didn't die of a heart attack. He died of blood clots from this.

[Justin McKinney]

Oh, yeah. And you've got it?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. Oh, and I've clotted twice. And what I have, it's called Factor 5 lighting. And most people don't clot. And if they do, it's once. By the time they're 65, I've clotted twice before 50.

[Justin McKinney]

Are you on blood thinners? Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I just met with an oncologist and he's like, your veins are not virgins.

[Justin McKinney]

Oh, geez.

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't have another one in me. I have another one in me.

[Justin McKinney]

Dan, are you saying it's a good thing I got this on the books this week? So what you're saying. Yeah, bro.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay. I'm ticking.

[Justin McKinney]

I guess none of us know, but yeah, that's. I can't imagine having.

[Ryan Sickler]

Unfortunately for your mom. So let me go back there for a second, just knowing everything I know as we get older, everyone wants to know about health. This brain aneurysm, was it something that is a genetic thing or is this.

[Justin McKinney]

Just a don't believe so they believe it was birth control related, you know, if you remember, you know, back. And I think they used to give much higher doses. And you know, my mom at that point had four kids and, you know, she smoked cigarettes. So I think that combination too might add something to that. But that's what they think and. But never, you know, it was never really talked about, never really brought up, never really proven that I know of.

[Ryan Sickler]

There was just brain aneurysm is what they said was. Cause.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So what happens then? I mean, what is. What happens with dad?

[Justin McKinney]

And so then. Well, my dad first reacted not well. Like, he like took off. He like got out of there. I mean, imagine. Well, it was. Yeah, it was, it was, it was. It was hard on him. Obviously. He was a drinker. You know, he was a little bit of a drink. I wouldn't say he was an alcoholic yet, but he drank for sure. And a lot of this, you're asking me, like, what I remember. So some of this is from stories of my brother and my brother telling me. This is how I understand it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Everyone's gonna yell at me for interrupting you. A bunch. Give me the ages real quick. Of everyone. When mom dies, you're six.

[Justin McKinney]

So it's like. So we're all like three to four years apart. So it was in June of 77. So I'm like six. My other brother would be like nine, going on 10. The other one was like 12. 13. Like, right. Right in there. Roughly, like 13. Three.

[Ryan Sickler]

Damn.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So he did, like, 13 to three.

[Justin McKinney]

13 to three. Very young, these kids. And my dad wasn't. I told you how my mom was the do everything. Mom wanted to be the mom. My dad didn't really know how to do that.

[Ryan Sickler]

Ain't cutting sailboat sandwiches, bro.

[Justin McKinney]

Nothing. No, Nope, nope, nope. No, No. I mean, it was. It was the wild west for a little while, for sure. So.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you're all boys, too. There's not even at least a sister in the mix to say, guys. Yeah, let's settle down for a second. Because a girl would do that.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah. And we were almost like, we. We used to say about. We don't know what it would have been like if we had a sister. Like, I remember we would dry our hair in the oven. Like, not in the oven. We would open the oven. Not in the oven.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah.

[Justin McKinney]

We would open the oven. You put the oven on, and you would go like this. And the heat would go up, and we would just. And we would think about. Man, you know, it was. It was crazy.

[Ryan Sickler]

A sister would be there with a hair dryer.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah. We didn't have. We didn't have a hair dryer. We didn't have. You know, it was so. It was one. So when my. When things are starting to fall apart, my aunt. My mom's sister then moved in to help take care of us. She was going through a divorce with her husband. She brought two of her kids. So basically. And they ended up in a relationship. My dad and my aunt ended up together sleeping in the same bed. Exactly. So I was. Aw. That. That was not your dad. Just. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Next lady.

[Justin McKinney]

They.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's next serious woman. He might have been doing whatever he's doing out there, but next serious relationship is mom.

[Justin McKinney]

And then. Oh, yes. Yeah. There was nobody else. Of school. Yeah. And that just. And it was.

[Ryan Sickler]

How fast was that? Like, how. I'm. I'm asking. I know your aunt stepped in right away to take care of you, but.

[Justin McKinney]

How Quickly is probably a couple years. I mean, I was. I wasn't 10 yet. You know, I was like eight or nine probably, if I had to guess. It was pretty fast, you know, it just kind of happened and, you know.

[Ryan Sickler]

So now your cousins. My stepbrothers.

[Justin McKinney]

Cousins are like stepbrothers to me for sure. Yeah. So there was. In this three bedroom, one bath, there was a dad and aunt, two cousins and. And four brothers. I mean, in this one house. My grandfather lived there. I mean, he was there too. He would for a little while. My grandfather moved in. Yeah, it was. The whole family was there. And, you know. And, you know, wait, did anyone ever challenge it?

[Ryan Sickler]

Did no one ever say dad?

[Justin McKinney]

Well, I do a joke.

[Ryan Sickler]

You have older brothers? Yeah, at that point, they're 16, like, mouthy brothers.

[Justin McKinney]

I do a joke where I say. I said to my dad, I go, dad, you and Aunt Glenis are sleeping in the same bed. And he's like, look, if I'm gonna end up with one of your aunts, better your mom's sister than my sister. And I go, that's the last time we ever talked about it. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is that a real conversation?

[Justin McKinney]

I don't know if it happened that way. It's more of my comp coming out of my comedy. But I walked in on them, one of my specials. I close. I walked in the door and they were like, you know, did that really happen? Like, I walked in on them.

[Ryan Sickler]

You saw your dad, your aunt?

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah. I mean, I don't put it that way, but I do. Yeah, that was bad. We know that's a touchy subject, but for sure. But, yeah, but it was crazy. Yeah. Yeah, it was. Yeah. So it was. It was a. It was a little. And they both drank. You know what I mean? So there was drinking. There was, but. Did you ever release your cousins?

[Ryan Sickler]

How old were they? The. The two that came with her?

[Justin McKinney]

Well, put it this way. My one cousin was my little brother's age, so he was like three. And the other one's older was like 12. She was on the older side, maybe 12 or 13. We all.

[Ryan Sickler]

Nobody ever saw really good one night and hung along out in the bedroom. Be like, guys, isn't it weird that our parents are together?

[Justin McKinney]

You never really brought it up. It just was what it was. You didn't really talk about it, but to give you an idea, my. My cousin, my younger cousin, he couldn't watch my TED Talk. Just to let you know how, like, you know, the shit that was underneath it all. You know what I mean? It Was like, he. He started to watch it. I start off with about a minute and a half, two minutes of comedy. You know, I show how Conan O'Brien, he spelled my name wrong, and how my dad named me Justin with an o, because, like, you were born just on time. So I start like that. I'm like, it could have been just in time. It was this dumb joke. So my point is how my dad embarrasses me. Then I immediately get into being with my mom right when I'm 6 years old. So he. I started in and he goes, I don't know if he's even watched it yet. It's been out for two months. So I don't even know if he's watched it. So we didn't really talk about it. We all were there. We were there for each other. We did use humor and try to laugh at stuff. But, I mean, there was, you know, there's stuff I couldn't get into in the TED Talk because it was 19 minutes long. I had to keep it short. But, you know, because of the drinking and, you know, there was jealousy in there that I didn't touch on in the TED Talk where, you know, my dad would then be jealous that my aunt was cheating on him. I mean, wrap your head around that. I mean, my dad is worried that my aunt is just cheap. I'm like, what? You know, so there was a little bit of that going and. And there were nights where my dad would, you know, they'd get in fights and the police would be over, and then he had run. He had run out the head, run out the door. Both would be drinking. You know, I used to say having.

[Ryan Sickler]

Two in front of my sons and.

[Justin McKinney]

My nephews, yeah, that's great. And you know that I would say that having two alcoholics is better than one. It's almost like having two dogs. They almost kept each other company. So we would just kind of just keep each other. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. That's interesting. Yeah. So they just with each other and go off over there yelling, bickering, whatever, while they leave you alone.

[Justin McKinney]

You hope. But we always worried that people from school would find out, like my dad. Well, my dad.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like, I didn't even think about people in your school.

[Justin McKinney]

Well, you didn't. You tried to hide everything. You didn't want anything that was going on in your childhood to seep out. And my dad got mad at the bank. This is a story I tell on the TED Talk. My dad got mad at the bank because they declined a loan. They. They turned down a Loan. So he went down in his underwear in broad daylight and threw a brick through the front window. That's through a brick through the front window. Through the front underwear. Yes. And so. So this is the worst part. Is the worst part.

[Ryan Sickler]

Can I get a loan to fix that?

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't even know. Yeah, it was. It was not good.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, God.

[Justin McKinney]

So the worst part, when he ran out of the house, he just left pissed. He just ran out the front door pissed, gets in the car and takes off. We don't know what's happening. So you just. There was that moment of, dad's gone. Something's gonna happen. Please make it home safe. Don't kill anybody. Don't. Anything bad. My phone rings. My friend Alan lived across the street from the bank.

[Ryan Sickler]

No.

[Justin McKinney]

And he calls me and he just. And he says, justin, is your dad home? And right when he did, I got a pit in my stomach because I knew that he wasn't, because I just saw him run out. So then I'm a literally going, what did he do? What? You know, what? You know. And he goes, I think I just saw him throw a brick through the bank in his underwear. And, you know, so the comedian in me was, you know, I would say. Well, he did say he had some errands to do. You know, what. What could. You know, what could I. I wish I could have come up with that line back then, but. But it was. It was crazy. And. And it was like that. So I was worried every school was gonna find out. No, no, they. Him.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, he's on foot. Oh, no. He drove there.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah. Yes. But they wrote. They. They called ahead to raise the drawbridge. There was a drawbridge that would go from Kitty Main in the Portsmouth. And they raised it so he couldn't get over that bridge. And then he gets. Because they chase him into the house. It was a whole. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Into your house.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Are you there?

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're there when the police are sprinting into your home.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah. He had to come in and.

[Ryan Sickler]

And actually, what's he say when he's running in?

[Justin McKinney]

So this. So. So. So this actual. The bank incident happened on the back of my. This is actually my cousin. And one of the things in the TED Talk, as I say, is we learned rules. We had a. Rule number one was no sleepovers. So this is actually. So what happened was my cousin had had a sleepover the night before the bank incident. So when they come in. So I wasn't here at this one. I've seen him get pepper spray because the cops would come over a lot, but this particular one. This particular one, they chase him in, they mace them. All of his friends get hit with secondhand mace. They all get. So that was the last sleepover he ever had. Children. Yeah, that was the last one. Children. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah. And we were even said. And we even said to him. I go. And I was like, yeah, buddy, that's why we don't have sleepovers. I go, you can't have a sleepover because it was just too unpredictable. Yeah, that was it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, man, that is too much, dude.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay, so as we're moving through school, like, are your dad and aunt together all the way through high school? Like, do they accept. Are they still together?

[Justin McKinney]

Like, no, actually, they. They had split up. She actually remarried after I got out of high school, and she just passed this year. And I give her credit for coming in when she did to kind of keep the lights on, let's say. Right. And keep everything together. She was like the glue to keep it together. Yeah. And my dad has been. I. I feel like I should say this. He's been sober now of 18 years. It's a good, great story about my dad, and he's a great guy, and we have a great relationship.

[Ryan Sickler]

What's the charge for throwing a brick through a bank window? Does he do. How much time does he do?

[Justin McKinney]

I don't think it was time. It was more like restitute. Restitution. They probably suspended it. You know what I mean? It's, you know, criminal mischief or assault with a deadly weapon. I don't know what the actual charge ended up being, but it was. It was probably like, disorderly conduct and criminal mischief and.

[Ryan Sickler]

But, you know, we'll talk to him about it.

[Justin McKinney]

Oh, yeah, we can. We can sit there with my dad and, oh, wow, he'll do it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay. He'll go back.

[Justin McKinney]

We all have. We have such a great.

[Ryan Sickler]

One of his favorites to talk about.

[Justin McKinney]

Well, he's like, you know, we were all. Just. Not too long. We all get together and we'll tell stories about when we had, you know, the. The heat. We had no heat. And, you know, there was a story where he drove through the garage door of the neighbor because they called the. About the dog. And he was bringing my brother and cousin to school at the time. On the way to school, he pulls in, smashes through the garage door, and then drops him off at school. And they're in, like, elementary school. It just drives through and then drops them off. Yeah. So. So I say that good parenting would have been to do that on the way back after you drop the kids off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. So he would just always have these little bickering with the neighbors. The neighbors were horrified of them, you know, But. So we'll talk about the rats. Like, we. We live down by the river, and, like, these big rats would, like, run across the house. And my dad would say something really good thing is if you. If you have rats, that means you got no mice. You know what I mean? Like, he'd always come up with little funny things like that, too. And he. So when we're all telling our stories about growing up, we're all laughing. Then my dad just like. He's like, let me just say this. And we're all, like, waiting for these words of wisdom of what our dad's gonna say now. And he just goes, it wasn't as bad as it was, you know? And I just thought that was such a funny thing to come out of his mouth. Like, it wasn't as bad as it was. I mean, that's his whole perspective on it. And. And he really. It's complicated. I really blame alcohol, like, for. He was a different person, you know, he didn't even remember anything he did when he was drunk. You know, it really was. We never. We thought he was going to die on the streets. We never thought he could get sober.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, he was that bad.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

What did he do for a living?

[Justin McKinney]

He was. He had a telephone answering service that was my grandfather's way back in the day. And that was like a company business. I don't know that it really made. Made any money. I mean, it's funny because we. It looked like we had money, but we didn't. Like, he had company cars. Like, he got cars through the company. So he had two. They were used, but he had two used Mercedes. So it looked like we had these Mercedes, but yet you go in there and like, I played football. I had no medical insurance. I had no cleats. Like, in eighth grade, I played football. I had. I was a running back, and I had flat sneakers. I remember, like, it was yesterday. They would do a sweep. They would do a sweep. They weren't. They weren't vans. They were like the knockoff. They weren't Nikes. For sure they were. But I remember we'd do a sweep to me, and they'd pitch the ball out to me, and I'd go to run and I would just switch, fall. Like, I just wipe out. Like, I had no traction, right? So. So. And he had property but the property, he. He was able to. He did real estate, but he. He had tenants that weren't paying, so he ended up losing everything. Like, he never really. He never really. You know, the alcohol kept. Kept him down, you know, for sure. And I saw that, and that's why I'm like, you know, I mean, I drink socially. I'll have a couple beers a week, but I was definitely aware when I was up into my 20s, like, about how, you know, I don't want, you know, I don't want that to happen to me, you know?

[Ryan Sickler]

And what did your aunt do?

[Justin McKinney]

She worked kind of at the answering service for him for a while. Yep. And then, you know, cell phones and pagers came, and then it was, you know, it was kind of like the end of that. The old switchboard, kind of.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. You're not lying about that. Did. I want to ask you, did. What about your aunt's parents, did they ever have a problem with this situation?

[Justin McKinney]

Well, it's funny you say that. That's.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm thinking about that now.

[Justin McKinney]

That's my mom's. Yeah. Yeah. Nana and grandpa, grandparents. Yeah, they. Nana was the greatest. Like, my nana was. My nana, first of all, would sneak all of us $20 for. For Christmas. And we couldn't tell our grandfather. You know what I mean? It was one of those things. She would sneak all the money. Don't tell your grandfather. Don't tell your grandfather. You know, one of my specials, I did a joke where I said, we got older. She sat us down. You know, I've been giving you all $20 every year for Christmas. Like, I want you to kill your grandfather for me. Because she, like, hate him, you know, she would, like, be on him. She actually. I've never told this story before. She actually. When he died, she was up. She. They had a camp up on a lake. And she's like, justin, she's like, your grandfather. I took his. He wanted this ashes spread over the lake, over the water. So I took a handful of ashes and I said, here's the blow job he always wanted. And, you know, that was my nana, you know, so. But anyway, she. I think my dad. My mom and my dad, the age difference there was. I don't think they were that fond of my dad and my mom's relationship early on, because I think my mom was a lot younger than my dad. He was older. But then everything was fine. When we got, you know, we would go up to their camp and we'd all go up there. But again, it was like the Drinking and the chaos, but they never brought, no one ever talked about the fact they were together. It just was what it was, you know what I mean? It was just nobody really brought it up or thought about it. And it was. Yeah, it was just crazy good times. We laughed a lot. A lot of drinking, a lot of laughing. Occasional cops.

[Ryan Sickler]

So when do you Occasional cops. When do you get out of there? Do you go to college? You graduate? When do you finally get out of that house for yourself and start getting into the world?

[Justin McKinney]

So I, so I wasn't sure what I was going to do in, in high school. And I thought I wanted to be a private investigator and I asked the guidance counselor and I, I briefly hit on this in the TED talk too, I think to set up a ride along with a, or job shadow with a private investigator. Like I couldn't find a private investigator, but I got you this ride along with the local PD local police department. I'm like, I don't know that I want to do this, but she set it up. Why not do it? So that, that moment I got out of there was like, changed my life because was like this great cop. He did it for all the right reasons. He was talking about how he took pride in knowing if there's an emergency, he's, he's gonna show up. You know, he's, he's, he's there to save people. That's in the, having that, that feeling. Because when I was going through what I was going through, I looked at the cops like if something was to happen, like they're going to come and keep one of them if God forbid, anything happened, keep him from, you know, killing himself, killing each other. Who knows what would happen. Because growing up like my, you know, they would get in those fights where my, my dad was like, he was nervous. My dad would be not very nice to her, like when he was drinking, right? And he'd be like, you know, accusing her of stuff. And then she would start it on him and go, you know, why don't you go jump off the bridge? And now I lived under a bridge where people would jump off and commit suicide. Like to this day. It happened a couple times a year. Now it's, it's, it's this high, high rise bridge. We lived under it. We lived under that bridge. It was like the last house on a dead end.

[Ryan Sickler]

We literally a dead end.

[Justin McKinney]

We live. Grew up on a dead end. Exactly. Which I say, my kids have no idea. They live on a cul de sac. There's a, you know, What I mean, it's a lot easier to turn yourself around in a cul de sac, right?

[Ryan Sickler]

You don't have to fucking worry about bodies falling either.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah. So. But she. I remember, I could remember this like it was. She'd like, you know, why don't you go jump off the bridge? And she'd go, you don't have the balls. And I remember he was like egging them on. And I'm thinking, oh my God, don't say that. Don't challenge his manhood. You know. Now I'm thinking, and my brothers and I will joke with this. I go, could you imagine if. If he did it? And be like, you know what? Say what you want about dad, but you can't say he didn't have balls. You know what I mean? It was like. But, but. So that's how I looked at cops. Like as far as. If they would. They would save. You know, we might need them at some point. And that's why I looked at them. So that got me into law enforcement. So I spent seven years in law enforcement. Where that was my first job. York County, Maine, it was a sheriff's department. So it was right.

[Ryan Sickler]

Moved up to Maine.

[Justin McKinney]

It was right on the line. Support New Hampshire and Maine border each other. So right over the line. I moved in sixth grade from Portsmouth over to Kittery, Maine, which is two miles away from my old house to my new house. But they're right next to your. So it's same area, but for some reason I moved over in sixth grade. I never saw anybody again from. You'd think we moved to another country. I think there was a wall that built there. I never even saw any. Any of my old friends again. And. And that wasn't my doing. It was like, we're in another. We're over that bridge. But. So where was I going with that? Was this with the.

[Ryan Sickler]

I asked. You were going to law enforcement, so. And you went to. I asked you what town.

[Justin McKinney]

So. Yeah, so. So the thing is. So I would have maybe worked in the town that I was in, but because I know it, I'd be dealing with my dad all the time. That's what I said. So I worked in that county.

[Ryan Sickler]

But it was conflict.

[Justin McKinney]

But that county had. There's 14 towns that don't have their police department. They're smaller towns. So there's the sheriff's patrol. That kind of like, you know, out here.

[Ryan Sickler]

So you became a sheriff?

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah, deputy sheriff for seven years. Yeah, seven years. I did that.

[Ryan Sickler]

That for what? Maine again?

[Justin McKinney]

York County, York County, Maine. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You see any wild stuff up there? Is it pretty tame up there or is that what we think? But it's buck wild.

[Justin McKinney]

Well, I mean, it's like domestics and stuff. I mean, you'd get those. You know, it's like there was definitely scary incidents. You know, I'd. Someone want me to, you know, shoot them, you know what I mean? It's like I wanted you to shoot that. Had a knife, assaulted the mom. And it's like, you're gonna shoot me? And I'm like, I'm not shooting. He's like, I'm gonna make you shoot. Shoot me. And I'm like, did you ever use.

[Ryan Sickler]

Your weapon drawn at that point or.

[Justin McKinney]

No, not at this point. There was actually a. The backup was in the back with a shotgun, which There was only two of us for 14 towns, 500 square miles. It was one of the poorest police departments at the time in the state.

[Ryan Sickler]

Two people.

[Justin McKinney]

You're saying we would defunded before it was a thing? Okay. Before anybody talked about it.

[Ryan Sickler]

How many people are you in that whole area, would you say?

[Justin McKinney]

Well, it's 500 square miles. It's 14 towns. If I had to guess on the population, I don't even know. 10, 25, 50,000 maybe.

[Ryan Sickler]

And there's two police officers.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, two police officers. It was crazy. Backup was. It was a day and a half away. I mean, it was. It was crazy. So. So I got this guy.

[Ryan Sickler]

Everything's a hostage.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah, well, I said I had. Guy took himself hostage. I just left, you know what I mean? I heard he let himself go. So this guy's behind me. My backup is. Is in the back in the woods while I'm negotiating with this guy, getting him to surrender peacefully. And he's got like the shotgun. And I literally told him, I go, look, buddy, I'm not gonna shoot. I'm not gonna. I'm not shooting you. I go, you're gonna have to kill me. I'm not shooting you. I go, and. And this guy back here, I go, I don't even know what he's. He's probably got buckshot in that thing. If he shoots, he's going to hit me. If he has to shoot you, he's going to end up hitting me. And I just talked him down. And the reason I think I talked this guy out of it was he knew me from the jail because I had worked in the jail and in the jail and look, the way I dealing with my dad and I said this in the oral Boards. When they hired me, I said, you know, I would treat people like they were my dad. They didn't like cops. I almost tried to change their mind, like, through, you know, I was like one person at a time. I was trying to change the impression of law enforcement or. So when I got into the jail, I treated everybody like they were friends, you know, I treated everybody like they were just people. I didn't talk down to them. I didn't have it. So this guy. And I can remember being in the jail, I learned this in the jail. Really a new person would come in the jail and want to give me shit. And everyone in the cell is like, no, no, no, not him. Like. And I could. You could see that. It's like, almost like they protected me. Like, you know what I mean? How weird, how cool is that? In a weird way. So he knew me from there. So he even said when I was done, he goes, if there was any other cop, I'd be dead right now. He gave me a hug, you know, and everything. Like, that's how that ended. But that, but. So that was one of those moments that I've always remembered, you know, doing that. And then, you know, I had carjacking where a guy, you know, carjacked. You know, I had to pull over.

[Ryan Sickler]

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[Justin McKinney]

A car that, you know, that carjacked. Somebody threw the gun out the window though. And then there was. And one, one of the hair. One of the scariest things I had was, oh my God, you're gonna kick out of this. So there was a guy who barricaded in his house. I sign on duty, go. You know, they're like, County 18. We get a call of a subject, it's barricaded himself in the house. He says he's going to shoot the first cop that shows up. Well, that's me. So I'm literally like, I just signed on. I'm like, I just signed on duty, right? It was so hot that day. I'll never forget. It was like a 95. So my bulletproof vest is on the passenger seat. I didn't even put it on because I'm like, it's just so hot. So I got to put that over me because. And then I'm literally thinking on my head, I don't even want to show up. I want to say, yeah, can you see if sixteen can handle that? You know what I mean? I'm officer, the first cop, that's me. So we meet and we devise a plan on going past the house that he's in to the next house to tell them to get down in the basement. It's whatever. So in case the shots are fired, you know, we're trying to keep everybody safe. So my partner who got hired before me goes, he goes, I'll get in the back seat. And I go, I go, I go, how come I'm driving? You know what I mean? Like, I'm So if someone's going to shoot at the car, they're going to shoot at the driver. I'll lay down in your backseat. I go, you'll lay down in the back seat. You know what I Mean, I'm not.

[Ryan Sickler]

Even looking at what's going.

[Justin McKinney]

He goes, I got seniority. I go, seniority.

[Ryan Sickler]

I can't be a witness or anything.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah. So I got seniority. So. But by, like, six months. He just got hired, like, six months before me. So we drive down like this. We're driving down. He. The guy comes out of the house. He comes walking at us. So at that point, I got to make a call.

[Ryan Sickler]

A gun with him.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah, he's got a gun. So at that call. So then I have to turn. I turn the car into him so that I can then get out of the car because I don't want him shooting at me. He didn't raise it, but I don't want him shooting at me. So I. I rolled out so I could use the engine block. That's what they teach you as I get out of the thing. And then I drew my gun. And then all of a sudden, I hear a knock. My partner's locked in the back seat of the car, like. Yeah, so he's. I was locked in. Yeah. So. And this was back. And by the way, this was back when it was like a hundred people would apply for one job. This is what you get. Imagine what they do with what's happening now when you're getting, you know, you get 10 openings, you get five applicants. You know what I mean? So I don't know.

[Ryan Sickler]

What's that you get now?

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah, but anyway, man. Yeah, so there was some stuff like that, and then there was, you know, the, you know, just the. You know, the crazy animal stuff and shoot a deer. You know, that kind of stuff. But the scariest stuff was definitely the domestics. I wore eyeglass. I have contacts now. Wore eyeglasses, like, you know, zero degrees in the middle of winter. You got to go into domestic. Your glasses completely fog up. You know, stuff like that. That. I mean, you know, some of the. Some of the hairiest stuff.

[Ryan Sickler]

That would be ridiculous. You're in there, Your glasses are off. They're just like, what the.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah, like, nobody move. You know, I'm just.

[Ryan Sickler]

So what. What got you. Why not make a career out of it? What made you step away? You said seven years.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah. Stand up was just something I always wanted to try. So I. You know, even when I. I mean, I used to use comedy to de. Escalate situations, too, I found it as a very valuable tool. You make someone laugh. And I just went down to the open mic down in Boston, this place called Stitches, and then I, you know, you sign up, did three minutes and you wait six months, go back to three minutes. Six months, go back three minutes. I did that for about a year and a half, then slowly, you know, found a gig here or there. And then in 97, I moved down to New York City.

[Ryan Sickler]

All right, so now you're a father, you have how many kids?

[Justin McKinney]

Two kids now? Yeah, my, my oldest was born in 07, so I have two kids, 17 year old, and one will be almost 15 next month.

[Ryan Sickler]

And so how are, you know, educating them about your upbringing and how do you teach them? You and I were talking a little bit out there before. How do you balance not being so hard? Because it's not their fault. You didn't grow up with no mom on, just trying to keep their life as normal as possible. How do you do that? Because I struggle with it. I find myself being like, hey, you know, and then I'm like, all right, you have two parents who love you.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah. You don't realize how lucky. You want to say, you don't realize how lucky you have it. And you get to that point. I mean, all the decisions I've made in my career, I mean, really, the reason why I'm back in New Hampshire and I have been since my kids have been born, and I kind of took myself out of New York and LA at my prime of my career, if I'm being honest, was because I wanted to give them that life that I. That I didn't have that stability. You know, I didn't want to be gone all the time. I mean, and there's no doubt in my mind that if I didn't grow up like that, I, I would have stayed in New York. I. I'm almost positive I would have. Because even to this day, I still even have these regrets. Like, I took myself, you know, when I left, people were like, you're leaving. Like, you know, you got stuff going on. I just done a couple of Jay Leno's and, you know, New York Times, did a write up on the New York City comedy scene and was like, gave me all these glowing reviews and I started to get the agents and managers development deals. I was, I was in the mix.

[Ryan Sickler]

Of the development deal.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah, I was in the mix. So. So that's been my goal is just to look back as long as these kids don't try to kill me someday. You know, I mean, and they don't because, you know, I don't want to put all that pressure on them. But, you know, I'm like, try not to be losers, guys, you know, you know, Jokingly, but. But yeah. So it's. It's. It's just, you know, it's just that balance of. Of being. Being there for all those moments, the most moments I can, because you won't get those back. But in 2025, I'm like, I'm going to start going out. Out more. Like, as they're older now, they don't even want me around as much. So they've gotten older now. You know, I sit next to my oldest on the couch, and he's like, can you get away from me? You know what I mean? It's one of those now. And I'm like, what? Remember when we used to snuggle? Yeah. I'm almost 17. We still used to snuggle. You know, it's like that. So those. Enjoy those times, you know, when they're young, because it just flies by. Everyone says it does.

[Ryan Sickler]

Can I ask you this, And I don't mean to get you emotional again here, but how do you keep your mom's memory alive with your kids? Are there photos around your home? Are you telling them a lot of stories? What. And what do you do?

[Justin McKinney]

I don't. We don't talk about it much. I mean, there's a picture on my nightstand.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Justin McKinney]

Of my mom. Yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

They don't ever ask. Just naturally growing up is like, grandma. Tell me about Grandma.

[Justin McKinney]

No. And, you know, when I look back at me, I wish I would have asked my. My grandparents more about that stuff. And I don't think, as kids, you're thinking about that. That, you know, I don't know. I don't. I don't think they really think about it. My oldest did see my TED Talk, and he. And he really liked it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is that the first time he's heard all of that?

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah, yeah. Some of this. Yeah. Some of this stuff he did.

[Ryan Sickler]

Bits and pieces.

[Justin McKinney]

No, you know, I wanted to wait till he was old enough. I don't know that my youngest has seen it yet, but, you know, we want him. He was in high school. Hey, you know, we've got this. Alcoholism runs in the family, and, you know, this can happen, and choices and decisions and, you know, life gives you these challenges. I worry because they don't have any, you know, and you've. You had it, too. You had a tough. Where you've got to learn to adapt and overcome obstacles, and my kids really don't have many obstacles. If you would have saw my kid have a meltdown because the butter was cold and it wasn't melted enough to spread on the toast one day because it dipped down to like 69 degrees in the house. He like literally threw the knife and ran in the other room. And I'm like, are you having a tough day? I mean, you know what I mean? The butter isn't spreading properly.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's what I mean when I'm asking. I got a hard time with shit.

[Justin McKinney]

Like, yes, I could remember in the winter, it would be so cold, the toilet bowl would be frozen. The ice would. It'd be ice and the top of the friggin toilet. And you're worried that you can't spread your butter. I mean, you know, so stuff like that, you know, jelly. My kid got a donut the other day had no jelly in it. You think it's like, can you go get me another donut? I go, I'm not getting another donut, there's no jelly in it. I go, then have a scoop of jelly out of the fridge. I'm not going to get like, they want everything like this, this, this, the shipping stuff now, now with all the packages, you know, he's looking at a thing and he's like, dad, you've got a new pair of jeans. And he's like, they went to this place, now they're back over here. Now they're over here. And now over here, like, what? Like. And I'm like, buddy, it's not the end of the world. Like, you know what I mean? It's like it's a pair of jeans, you know, so it's just like these, these things I worry, are they going to be strong enough to deal with what life throws at you? Because it's, it's hard. I mean, I've been. My whole life has been a struggle. You're always grinding and struggling and, you know, it's the ups and the downs. So I hope that they see how hard I work and hard mom works and all that. And they learn from us because we do work hard and we're, you know, we just try to give them the best life we can. That's all we can do.

[Ryan Sickler]

Do they have. Well, they have your dad. Do they have grandparents on their mom's side?

[Justin McKinney]

Grandma?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, Grandma, Yeah.

[Justin McKinney]

Yep.

[Ryan Sickler]

All right. So they have a little bit of extended family to draw from.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah, they do. No, and it's great. And they're, they're, they're good kids, you know, knocking wood, you know, they're good kids. And yeah, it's, you know, I'm blessed, you know, blessed to have that, you know, the family that I've got. And I'm, you know, trying to be more grateful for all that, you know, all that stuff.

[Ryan Sickler]

But what would you say you struggle with still the most? I mean, obviously it's difficult for you to talk about without being emotional, but I mean, what is, what's still. What do you. What's hard for you when it comes to that stuff?

[Justin McKinney]

When it comes to what are you talking in particular, like growing up?

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, obviously talking about your mom is very different. Difficult.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Have you tried EMDR therapy?

[Justin McKinney]

No.

[Ryan Sickler]

We'll talk about it after.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah. No. And I did go into. I. The first time I went and talked to a therapist was in 2010 because I'd had a tough moment there where I'd lost. I mean, it was, it was just a culmination of, of things that were just building up and building up and, and, you know, lost my mom and, you know, we didn't get in this. But when I had my development deals, you know, I had a couple big ones. Cbs, Warner Brothers. There was a few years there where.

[Ryan Sickler]

It'S, you know, can you do explaining, telling people what your development deal was? You don't have to talk about numbers or anything. But what was it? Give me a year. What. What was it?

[Justin McKinney]

I don't even, I don't even mind talking numbers because it has a horrible ending.

[Ryan Sickler]

Let people let what this is like.

[Justin McKinney]

But, but yeah, so like in 98, 99, two years in a row. So you go out and you pitch. You know, they see your stand up, they see a tape of your act and they want to develop a show around your standup and you're like, that's how everyone. All the sitcoms were being made back then. Right. The standups are getting shows based on their mater. First one I get is with Warner Brothers based on my life as a cop. Small town cop up there. And it was $370,000 in 1998. I had no money at all. Zero money. Okay. So it was, what's the deal?

[Ryan Sickler]

One year.

[Justin McKinney]

One year they hold you. Yep. And then hopefully it gets picked up. So what I heard happened was so we, Warner Brothers and CBS were both bidding. We ended up going with Warner Brothers because it's the studio and then it can go to any network. And c guess we thought was going to be the network, but apparently the head of Warner Brothers at the time and just left. And this new person came in that Les Moonves didn't like. So I was told the last thing he wants to do is make one of this guy's shows Right. When he comes in. Right. So it's.

[Ryan Sickler]

So it's just, you know, never once they want to put their footprint on it and they imprint. They don't.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah. So. So that, that then went away. So the next year I paired up with this guy, you know, John Diresta. You know, I do know who John.

[Ryan Sickler]

So he was a cop.

[Justin McKinney]

He was a transit cop up back in the day.

[Ryan Sickler]

He would do stand up with us all around. I remember him.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah. So our a. We had the same agent. So they paired us up and we pitched another idea. And this was more about a fish out of water thing. I come down to New York City, I'm the, you know, love my job, want a community policing, love people making a difference one person at a time. And he's like the bidder just wants to get done, get. He wants to get injured, get 3/4 pay. Doesn't want to go eat with the public, doesn't want to mingle with, you know, he's just this bitter New Yorker. It's almost like this good cop, bad cop kind of thing. Right, right. So we get that. So that was like 250 plus. This was 270 with the, with the writing fee. So I got all this money at 98, 99 and didn't do anything with, didn't buy anything with it. And there was a waiter at Dangerfield's comedy club who is a stockbroker, and he was like, hey, you know, have you thought about putting anything in the market? So I slowly gave him. I gave him like $10,000. He doubled it. I gave him like 50. He doubled that. I gave him more. He doubled that. He kept doubling my. And I'm looking at it going, geez, I might not even. This comedy thing doesn't work out. I might not even need it to work out. So. And what I didn't realize was I thought I'd kept like 100 grand in cash, which was like my emergency, you know, whatever's trying to be smart. 100 grand was in a mutual fund, but I didn't realize it was a dot com mutual fund. So this was. So in 2000, the big dot com boom, right, that burst. I didn't realize when he's selling stocks that I owed the IRS capital gains on all those stocks. So I owed them over like a hundred grand. I had to take all that money out. So long story short, on paper, I had like $750,000 in the bank. Didn't buy anything. I ended up with about 10 grand by the time I took My last thing out walking around in 2000, 2001, 2002 when I moved to LA. Depressed as can be. Yeah, couldn't even look at it. Wasn't even really now if I was smart when it was going down, down, down, I should have pulled it at some point, bought a piece of property. But I was so depressed I couldn't even look at it. Just thinking, maybe it'll come back. And I remember the broker said to me, oh, if Rocket Noah Rockefeller had kept his stuff, 75% of it would have all come back. Well, it was a different time as this.com stuff, they weren't making money. So anyway, didn't know what I was doing. Lost all that money down to ten grand. And then it, my whole career changed. Like that's why I had to. Then I couldn't be auditioning for stuff in la. I had to go on the road. I started doing the improvs and the funny bones and working all those to make a living and to hopefully buy property someday. 2006, it was so expensive in LA. 500 grand for a two bedroom back in 06. So we ended up, we ended up going back to New Hampshire. That's why. So my whole career, everything I worked to do got blown from my stupidity. And I remember, I, my dad heard what happened to me and my dad's like, he's like, why didn't you ask me what to do? I would have told you not to put it in the stock market. I'm like, you were living under a bridge. You know, my dad was homeless. Yeah, sorry, I didn't think to ask you what to do with my, my newfound wealth, you know, but, but I tell you, I don't. We. Look when you tell someone you lost that kind of money and they'll be like, well, it must have been nice to have that kind of money. But really, no, it would have been nice to never have that kind of money because then you lose it, you know, it's, it was, it was, it was brutal. So then here I am back in OH6.

[Ryan Sickler]

How do you rebound from that? Finance?

[Justin McKinney]

I haven't, I still haven't. I mean, I'm right here. Look at me. I look at this while I came out here to do this. I wasn't going to cancel this. This is my biggest break, Ryan. This is what I got going on right now. I can't even, I can't turn this down. If you told me 30 years ago that I'd be in my 50s, flying into when LA is burning with my CPAP machine and my inhaler, like during the wildfires to do Ryan Sickler's Honeydew podcast. I would have said, you know, you're crazy. I, I don't see that happening. I mean, I would have done it for you, but we could have zoomed. We could have zoomed. We rescheduled. But what if you didn't want me back? You know, I mean, you know you.

[Ryan Sickler]

Didn'T want me back. Oh, dude. Okay. See, it's funny you say this. Not, you know, because I wasn't an. I mean, I was in. No, not that I'm in any financial position to do anything, but I certainly wasn't during the dot com. But when crypto hit, I had a ton of those people coming at me, me. And I just kept saying no. Now I know there's people out there. If you'd have bought a dollar bitcoin. And they're right, if I'd have done it, whatever. If I, well, if I was, would have bought Apple back in the day when they were bringing them in school. Sure. Amazon, sure.

[Justin McKinney]

We all feel like idiots.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm not, I wasn't an adult in that generation when I could have bought that.

[Justin McKinney]

Right? Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

But the crypto thing, I know it worked out for some, but most it did not. A lot of these came through and were. And I feel like, like I could have got wrapped up in that. And I just, I'm so glad I didn't because I hear like this, I.

[Justin McKinney]

Hear like it's brutal. And you know what? There was only two people who, who warned me at the time because everyone was saying stock market, stock market is. Everyone was making money. Everyone was making money. So two people. Eddie ift. Oh, he's been on.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, yeah, we're friends.

[Justin McKinney]

So. So Eddie was. And I don't know if he remembers telling me this, but he's like, I wouldn't mess with it. And he just gave me some warning about it. And that was the only one who even say anything about stocks. And the only other one was the owner of Dangerfield said, buy property. They can't make more of it by. No, Rodney wasn't the owner. Tony was his name. Tony. Do you know, do you know this guy?

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't know.

[Justin McKinney]

I can't even think of his last Tony. I, I, I, I'll butcher his last name, but Tony. But now you know what the lesson is to be learned.

[Ryan Sickler]

What'd he say?

[Justin McKinney]

No, I should have listened to the owner of Danger, not the waiter. Of course that's the problem. Right. That, that's my biggest problem. That if I could give myself any advice.

[Ryan Sickler]

What did he say? Just not do it. He didn't give you an al.

[Justin McKinney]

Buy property, buy real estate. So I was, my place in Astoria, Queens was a two and a half family place. The, the landlord was in my kitchen. She's like, you do you want wanting to sell it to me? She was going to sell it to me, not go through a broker at all. Let's just do a sell. I had the cash, I could have bought it. Cash. It was 370. 370. So I could have bought the whole thing. And, and you know, my wife, I mean, you know, she doesn't know either and she's like, well then we might be stuck here. You know, do we really want to, you know, we're going to be talking about going to la. So you just don't know. I was just a financial moron. I mean, how would I know? You know what I mean? It was like I had no, no background at all. But. But yeah, so, so, yeah, so, so, but, but Anyway, so when 2010 comes rolling around, by that time it was just trying to keep my career afloat and you know, what did I do? The woulda, coulda, shoulda stuff is just runs in my head all the time and I don't know how common that is, but just I, you know, and you got to really just move on. So that's why when you talk about therapy, that was kind of the idea was just try to, you know, just move on and put stuff behind you. You can't do anything about the past. It's such a, it's such a brain suck to think about what happened and it's so disruptive and it just, it's brutal.

[Ryan Sickler]

But also just from doing this show and things, you know, it's. I also have a hard time reminding myself that 51 year old me today isn't 16 year old me then anymore. I don't need to necessarily feel that way anymore. There's still that like, look, I'm financially illiterate. I didn't know. All I have done since I've been 16 year old is get up and figure out how the I'm gonna get through this day.

[Justin McKinney]

I know.

[Ryan Sickler]

How am I gonna get something to eat? Where am I gonna work?

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

How am I gonna make a little money? How am I gonna get a roof over my head? That's it. I've never been like, let me take some money. I haven't had this money to kick out over here.

[Justin McKinney]

And they should be teaching that because people don't know. And then before you know it, you're 35, 40 years old.

[Ryan Sickler]

Right. Checks. We don't even use checks anymore.

[Justin McKinney]

Checks. At least that's still just money in the bank account like this. You know these things with. I tell young people now, it's like Roth IRAs. Get an IRA put a little bit away. Yeah, you always got to put away. You never think it's going to. It's going to come. Just put a little bit away.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Justin McKinney]

And it's like, well, I don't have any money to come away. How many times did you go to chipotle this week? Four, you know, go three, take that $15 times four weeks. Put that money every month into something. Something.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Justin McKinney]

Just so you can look back at the end of the year and go, I got a little something this year. A little something. And you can't tell me you can't cut out coffees and, and crap that you blow money on.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know, I, I really wish I would have gone and at least taken some sort of business class back then. I just tried to round myself a little more than getting this late in the life and being like, wait, what? Like, I don't know what. Like I talked to friends talking about t bonds and I'm like, I don't even know what the you're talking about, bro.

[Justin McKinney]

No. And I still don't know. Yeah, I've gotten smarter now, literally in the last few years. I literally said, because I just stayed away from it. It was just putting money into a retirement thing. I did start doing that. I mean, I've been doing that for a while, putting retirement. But as far as like individual stocks, I mean, you're really gambling. The stock market's kind of gambling, so. For sure.

[Ryan Sickler]

And if it's too good to be true.

[Justin McKinney]

It is. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's the thing with.

[Justin McKinney]

Well, even you mentioned the bitcoin. I remember a guy, I remember was like, I remember when it was a buck, buck a piece or whatever, there was a little sticker on this place downtown, it said, we accept bitcoin. I'm like, what's that? And I remember the guy, oh, it's, it's going to be this new currency. You should buy a hundred of them. You know what I mean? I mean, it's like everyone's got those stories. So. But, but yeah. So I'm going to try to teach my kids how to be smart in that sense. Because, look, when you get to mid, mid age, it is important. It is where are you financially? And no one talks about it. Everyone's afraid to talk about it, too. Like, even families like, you don't want to, you know, one of those, like, if there's like one relative that's like, killing it in the market or he's doing this, he's doing something smart. It's like you don't even, like, no one wants to talk money ever. Like, you don't educate. Why don't you let this person in on what you're doing? Not if it's a freaking scam. Because I got burned on crypto, too. And it's like, you know, I've done a little bit, but only a little bit. But you don't, you don't invest anything. You can't lose. Like, you know, I'm talking like a few grand. You know, I mean, something like that. Like, I played my brother had this tip, and it's like we give him every day about it because it's gone to nothing. It was 13 bucks. It's like 30 cents now. And always, we always joke about we're going to give you all of our. It's this thing called Theta. Yeah, yeah, it's, it's, yeah, look at a Theta. So, so the guy that told him, it's 13 bucks. So he got out, he sold it at 13 bucks. The guy that told him, we, oh, he got out of it. Oh, yeah, we got in at 13. He got out at 13. What a coincidence. But anyway, I don't know. It's all. But look, you know, you've got health stuff. You know, we've got, I've got. Everyone's got stuff you're dealing with. And when it comes down to it, it's just money. If you really have your health and I mean, there's so much crap going on that it's, it's perspective. That's what I, I, that's what I wished I could be better at. And I'm not great at perspective. Just being grateful for what you have instead of worrying about what you don't have. You know what I mean? That's a hard lesson to, I think, wrap your head around.

[Ryan Sickler]

This has been a great episode. I appreciate you coming on and, and sharing all this with us.

[Justin McKinney]

I appreciate you having me, man. I've been trying to get in here, man. I, I, I've heard your name so many times. People talking about. Yeah. How great you are. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Best fans. And they're gonna like this story a lot. I mentioned to you before we wrap up that I would ask you advice you'd give to your 16 year old self. So I'm just curious, what are you telling 16 year old Justin McKinney?

[Justin McKinney]

Geez, I mean, I think it's almost like what we were just kind of talking about, you know, just stop looking. Don't look in the past when things happen. Always look in the future and always turn it around. I mean, even, even when I had lost that money in 2000, if I had just gotten smart and said let me learn how can I fix this problem. Instead I just dug my, put my head in the sand and just didn't think about it, you know, and I just let it. You know what I mean? I didn't want to move forward. I just stayed in the past. So I think it's about probably just moving forward always and not not letting things, you know, bring you down that you have no control over, you know.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's great.

[Justin McKinney]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Please, one more time promote everything you like.

[Justin McKinney]

So My special on YouTube is called on the Bright side. There's another one on there called Parentally Challenged. So there's two specials there. They're also on Amazon. Get them on Amazon. And TED Talk is called A Comedian's Comedian's Guide to Surviving a Dysfunctional Childhood. And I'm going on tour all over the country. More dates will be added. And I think I'm in Bitterford, Maine. Coming up, Foxborough, Massachusetts. I go to Florida, New Jersey, Minneapolis, Canada. I'm going all over.

[Ryan Sickler]

Great, man. Thank you again. It's a great episode.

[Justin McKinney]

Thank you, Ryan. I really appreciate you having me in.

[Ryan Sickler]

You got it, bud.

[Justin McKinney]

Thank you.

[Ryan Sickler]

As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. We'll talk to y'all next. Next week.

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[Chris Gethard]

Devices early, beautiful Anonymous changes each week. It defies genres and expectations. For example, example, our most recent episode, I talked to a woman who survived a murder attempt by her own son. But just the week before that we just talked the whole time about Star Trek. We've had other recent episodes about sexting in languages that are not your first language or what it's like to get weight loss surgery. It's unpredictable, it's real, it's honest, it's raw. Get Beautiful Anonymous Wherever you listen to podcasts.