Langston Kerman - KermanDew

Summary

Podcast Summary: The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler – Episode featuring Langston Kerman ("KermanDew")

Release Date: September 30, 2024
Host: Ryan Sickler
Guest: Langston Kerman
Podcast Title: The HoneyDew
Episode Title: KermanDew

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1. Introduction

Ryan Sickler opens the episode with his customary gratitude towards his listeners, expressing appreciation for their support regardless of their engagement level. He introduces Langston Kerman, a guest whose personal stories promise to be both engaging and enlightening.

Notable Quote:
Ryan Sickler [03:31]: "Thank you for supporting whatever it is I do anything. I don't care what it is."

---

2. Langston Kerman's Background

Langston Kerman hails from Oak Park, Illinois, and discusses his position as the eldest of five siblings. The significant age gaps between him and his younger siblings—ranging from 10 to 23 years—have uniquely shaped his family dynamics and personal experiences.

Notable Quote:
Langston Kerman [07:27]: "I'm the oldest of five, but I am 10 years older than the next in line and 23 years older than the youngest."

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3. Family Dynamics and Parental Separation

Langston delves into his family history, revealing that his parents separated when he was just four years old. This early separation led to a 50/50 custody arrangement, allowing him to spend equal time between both parents. He shares that his father remarried twice after the separation, resulting in complex family relationships, including an adopted brother.

Notable Quote:
Langston Kerman [12:09]: "I got the 50. 50 split. Which is cool. It makes for a weird."

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4. Relationship with Stepmother and Siblings

A significant portion of Langston's narrative focuses on his strained relationship with his stepmother. She resentfully viewed him as an unwanted child from a previous marriage, leading to manipulative and hostile interactions. This tension extended to his relationships with his siblings, especially as his younger brothers grew older and became more influenced by their stepmother.

Notable Quote:
Langston Kerman [14:54]: "She always resented the fact that my dad had kids or had a kid before she showed up."

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5. The "Benny the Bull" Incident

One of the most dramatic episodes Langston recounts involves his stepfather, affectionately dubbed "Benny the Bull," a former Chicago mascot who fell from grace after being caught selling weed. This downfall led to his struggle with alcoholism, further complicating family relationships and contributing to his eventual passing.

Notable Quote:
Langston Kerman [25:44]: "And he couldn't stop even when they told him. You don't even have."

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6. Mother's Relocation to Ghana

Following the tumultuous events surrounding his stepfather, Langston's mother chose to relocate to Ghana with his youngest sister. Seeking a fresh start away from the challenges of the American education system and her previous marital conflicts, she embraced a new life, marrying a Ghanaian who produces fruit juice. This move has further added layers to the family's intricate dynamics.

Notable Quote:
Langston Kerman [37:38]: "I think she just became sort of exhausted with that process and was like, I'm just gonna go uplift my life and experience something that is completely outside of this."

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7. Langston's College Experience at University of Michigan

Langston shares his unsettling experiences during his freshman year at the University of Michigan. He describes encountering a mysterious individual in the dormitory showers, leading to allegations of sexual harassment. Despite following protocol and reporting the incident, the university's investigation concluded without taking action, leaving Langston disillusioned and reinforcing his resolve to find humor in adverse situations.

Notable Quote:
Langston Kerman [48:10]: "I was like, I'm gonna do, I'm gonna follow every protocol. I'm gonna bring justice to this injustice. This is gonna be resolved quickly and quickly."

---

8. Amsterdam Trip and Airbnb Break-In

In a vivid account, Langston describes a chaotic trip to Amsterdam with friends. After a night of partying, they return to their Airbnb to find a break-in that resulted in stolen passports, laptops, and personal items. The ensuing interactions with the Dutch police were fraught with tension and misunderstanding, highlighting cultural and procedural differences in handling such incidents.

Notable Quote:
Langston Kerman [53:00]: "But I think for them it's like nobody was hurt. There's no. There's no evidence of what you're suggesting might be the case."

---

9. Advice to Younger Self

Reflecting on his tumultuous journey, Langston offers heartfelt advice to his 16-year-old self: to find humor in difficult situations. He emphasizes that adopting a lighter perspective can transform personal struggles into sources of strength and laughter.

Notable Quote:
Langston Kerman [56:17]: "I think advice that I would give 16 year old Langston is that a bunch of this stuff is funnier than you think it is."

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10. Conspiracy Theories Podcast: "My Mama Told Me"

Langston promotes his podcast, "My Mama Told Me," co-hosted with his friend David Bori. The show delves into black conspiracy theories, where they research and dissect various claims, separating fact from fiction. One notable topic discussed was the sinister possibilities surrounding DNA data from services like 23andMe, raising concerns about genetic privacy and discrimination.

Notable Quote:
Langston Kerman [58:44]: "We can deny you a home, life insurance. We can deny you life insurance all because of the DNA that you're feeding to find out if you're like, you know, British or some shit."

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11. Promotions and Final Remarks

Throughout the episode, Langston promotes his stand-up special "Bad Poetry," available on Netflix, and reiterates the importance of his podcast for listeners interested in conspiracy theories and black cultural narratives. Ryan concludes the episode by expressing gratitude to Langston for sharing his compelling stories and insights.

Notable Quote:
Langston Kerman [57:27]: "And, oh, and my mama told me it's a. A podcast I run with David Bori. Very funny. If you like conspiracy theories and black people, it's a perfect combination to ask."

---

Conclusion

This episode of The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler offers a deep dive into Langston Kerman's intricate family life, personal struggles, and unique experiences. Through candid conversations and poignant storytelling, Langston provides listeners with a multifaceted view of resilience, humor, and the complexities of blended families. His insights into handling adversity with laughter and his advocacy through his podcast underscore the episode's central themes of finding light in life's darker moments.

Transcript

[Ryan Sickler]

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[Langston Kerman]

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[Ryan Sickler]

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[Langston Kerman]

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[Ryan Sickler]

With millions of books on Amazon, there's a reading feeling for everyone. For example, Juan's as he drifts away to nirvana after only the first chapter is different to Maya's when she discovered the narrator was in fact the evil twin, which is also different to Noah's. Aw. Anytime the cute cyberpunk is mentioned, even though in reality he'd be totally out of his league from two to Amazon books, that reading feeling awaits. Let me silence my phone real quick so I can tell you that US.

[Langston Kerman]

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[Ryan Sickler]

Just to say thanks.

[Langston Kerman]

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[Ryan Sickler]

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[Langston Kerman]

This ad was an actor's portrayal, Chicago.

[Ryan Sickler]

Illinois coming to you via Route 66, y'all. I'll see y'all Saturday, October 12th at the Den. Get your tickets now on my [e-mail] the Honeydew with Ryan welcome back to the Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pan Studios. I am Ryan Sickler. Ryan Sickler on all your social media, Ryan sickler.com and I'm going to start this episode like I start them all by saying thank you. Thank you for supporting whatever it is I do anything. I don't care what it is. If you're, if you're new here, if you've been here, thank you for your support. If I'm in your town when you're around. I'm headed back out on the road this fall. Tickets are on my website right now for all [e-mail] and look, you know I gotta promote the Patreon I say it all the time. Been doing this Patreon for years. I've never raised it more than five bucks a month. And it's this show with y'all. And I'm telling you, y'all have the craziest stories that I've ever heard in my life. It's better than any fucking Dateline or any of that shit. I promise you, five bucks, a cup of coffee, you're getting hundreds of episodes of your stories. All right? Which also brings me to any one of you out there that has a story that you think has to be heard, submit it to honeydew podcast gmail.com, and hopefully we'll get to do an episode together. We get a lot of submissions, so if you already sent it, send it again. Bump it up to the top. All right, look, that's the biz. Now, you guys know what we do over here? We highlight the lowlights. I always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers here on the Honey Do. First time. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Langston Kman. Welcome to the Honeydew.

[Langston Kerman]

Hey.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you.

[Langston Kerman]

Wow. This is so nice.

[Ryan Sickler]

Listen, first of all, I don't know, you walk up outside, you're fucking sporting green. You look like you're. You know, you look good. I was. Right away, I was like, you look sharp.

[Langston Kerman]

It's my second best shirt. I feel good. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, it's a little hot in here today, so I'm glad you didn't wear something heavy. This might be the first podcast I was telling Kirsten I've ever done in shorts. We got a heat wave going on.

[Langston Kerman]

Are you still, like, formal in that way where you're like, no business? I. I wear pants. I don't. I don't.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, if you want to be formal when you ask me. Pants. Yeah, sweatpants.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

So, yeah, more formal than shorts, but, you know, that's all.

[Langston Kerman]

Not classy.

[Ryan Sickler]

As much as we're here, it's. I'm 51. And from here on out, after everything I've been through, my motto, it isn't my four year presidential campaign. It's the rest of my life. It's comfort and convenience. Hell, yeah, that's all I want.

[Langston Kerman]

I like that.

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't care about palatial mansions.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on.

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't care about any of these. Fuck, I'm nothing. Just give me comfort and convenience and let's ride this out.

[Langston Kerman]

You gotta do an ad for sweatpants.

[Ryan Sickler]

What do you. I sell night pants, bro. We're Night Pants Nation out There they know we got a whole line of.

[Langston Kerman]

It felt like this. It felt like you already had it queued up. It was in your.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you again for being here. Before we get into whatever we're going to talk about, Plug your special. Plug all of it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Okay. It is out now, my special. You can watch it on Netflix. It is called Bad Poetry. I'm very proud of it. It was directed by John Mulaney. It's really cool. We shot it at the Green Mill in Chicago. So go. Go watch that.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, man. I'm jealous because when I'm. I'm looking to shoot, and I always said I was like, God, the Green Mill. I went to Chicago years ago.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I went to a place that wasn't too far. It's gone now. And it was called a high hat.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And the dude that owned it or cooked there also worked at the Green Mill. I didn't know anything about the Green Mill. No. Nothing. He's like, we're gonna do a little After Hours over at the Green Mill. You're gonna come with me. And I was like, let's fucking go. And we walk. And he's like, this is Al Capone's old spot. I'm like, what? And then they told me, because you're from Chicago, which we'll get into, but you obviously know about that. Was it a Sunday afternoon show or. It was a daytime show.

[Langston Kerman]

They would do Saturday show. Paper Machete is sold out, like, forever. It's called. They call it a live magazine, but it is. Yeah. Every week, sold out. Wall to wall, people standing. And I got invited between the two.

[Ryan Sickler]

Stages, and I couldn't change my ticket. And I still wish I could have done.

[Langston Kerman]

Go back, man. It's. It still happens. It's so fun.

[Ryan Sickler]

But I go in and I'm like, you. And then you look at it from so many different. First of all, it's kept up so well. It's a beautiful. Thank God. But you also see how you could easily get out if some shit. If cops came into play. Okay, well, here's where we're leaving here. But it's got that vibe of the old, like, you know, that. That show stage that.

[Langston Kerman]

It's like an old jazz club, cocktail lounge energy.

[Ryan Sickler]

So nice. Wow. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

It just has a very distinct look. And so it made for I.

[Ryan Sickler]

A cool special and what's it called?

[Langston Kerman]

Bad Poetry.

[Ryan Sickler]

Bad Poetry on Netflix now.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, exactly.

[Ryan Sickler]

Langston Kerman. Go watch it.

[Langston Kerman]

Go watch it.

[Ryan Sickler]

What else? Are you on the road or anything?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I host My own podcast, it's called My Mama Told Me. I hosted with my friend David Bori. We, we talk about black conspiracy theories and we're. We're out on the road.

[Ryan Sickler]

Your mom told you about my mom.

[Langston Kerman]

And other people's moms told us. And yeah, it's a toxic good time. We, we dig real deep into conspiracy and we're going to be out on the road touring the podcast for the fall and the winter, so. So come see us on tour.

[Ryan Sickler]

So we talked about it before. You're from Chicago originally.

[Langston Kerman]

That's right. Oak Park, Illinois. Okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oak Park, Illinois.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And tell me about your family. Mom and dad. And how many siblings are you an only child?

[Langston Kerman]

I'm the oldest of five, but I am 10 years older than the next in line and 23 years older than the youngest.

[Ryan Sickler]

All right, so obviously that's a different parent. Is the 10 year a different parent?

[Langston Kerman]

Everybody's different.

[Ryan Sickler]

Everybody's a different parent.

[Langston Kerman]

None of us match.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

It's a impressive.

[Ryan Sickler]

Some share mom, some share dad. Or is everyone share dad? Everyone.

[Langston Kerman]

You know, four of us share the same mom.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

But different. Only two of that, that set have the same dad in there. My. The next in line and the one after her both have the same dad and mom, obviously. And then the. My brother who is after them is adopted by my dad and his third wife. And then my youngest sibling is.

[Ryan Sickler]

Holy. I can't wait to get into it.

[Langston Kerman]

This is exciting.

[Ryan Sickler]

Because listen, this is what I'm thinking right now. How the fuck you could actually say this sentence and it would make sense. Sense. You could say to your sister about another sibling, like, our mom's tripping. Yeah. And it ain't her mom. It ain't her mom. But then she could say something like, hey, don't talk about our dad like that. That's wild.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Because I have. We have a blended family. My daughter's brother is 11 years old.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

And his name is Derek.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And my brother's name is Derek. And it trips me out. I look at my daughter all the time. Like, how the do we have a brother with the same name?

[Langston Kerman]

We got two Derek's.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. In our family. But my kid and I both have a brother named Derek and it's not the same person.

[Langston Kerman]

Right.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like that's. It blows my mind when you start getting into this. So I'm excited to talk about this. All right.

[Langston Kerman]

So my youngest sibling is actually the product of the boyfriend in between my mom's second and third marriage.

[Ryan Sickler]

All right, so let's start off with mom and dad first. Mom and dad and. And you? Only first. Same mom and dad.

[Langston Kerman]

Just me.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay. When do they split?

[Langston Kerman]

They split when I'm four.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

So I have no memory of it. I was, you know, I've been told I took it hard, but I don't fucking know. And so they split and then my dad goes off and marries first.

[Ryan Sickler]

How quickly do you know? I know you're only four, but do you know from the story?

[Langston Kerman]

I think it was like three years. Three or four years. Respectful.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's respectful. It's not like three months later.

[Langston Kerman]

No, no, no. He was heartbroken. He was really piecing it together, I think after. So he got married first to a lady who I've never gotten along with and continue to not get along.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is that right?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Now, why is she. When you say continue, why is she still around if that was his first? Did they have a child together?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's my brother. Yeah, that's their kid. But they also have been married now. I was 6, so almost 30 plus years.

[Ryan Sickler]

So he only married once after.

[Langston Kerman]

After my mom. Yeah, but he had married before my mom.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, he was. Mom was 2.

[Langston Kerman]

My mom was 2.

[Ryan Sickler]

Man. I'm trying. Okay, I got. Me too. But was there a sibling of you have from mom's or dad's number one? No, no.

[Langston Kerman]

No sibling came out of that.

[Ryan Sickler]

His mom is dad. Mom's first one, your dad.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm the first kid.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay. Mom didn't have a kid with anyone before dad.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm the first kid in the.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're the second thing. No, you're the first child for your mom and dad.

[Langston Kerman]

That's right.

[Ryan Sickler]

Second marriage for your dad.

[Langston Kerman]

That's right.

[Ryan Sickler]

First one he marries and he has a kid with that lady?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, they adopt a kid.

[Ryan Sickler]

Adopt.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay. That. That is. He's 12 years younger than I am. And so my mom then remarries.

[Ryan Sickler]

Now, wait real quick. Is that their only sibling?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's my only sibling from. Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So dad only marries once more.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[Ryan Sickler]

Mom goes for number two.

[Langston Kerman]

Mom goes for number two. She has two kids with. With number two.

[Ryan Sickler]

Do you like number two?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is it okay that we're saying them numbers like I don't want to be.

[Langston Kerman]

All right. Okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

All right.

[Langston Kerman]

How else can we rank them?

[Ryan Sickler]

Their names? You can say their names. Joe's argument.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't respect them enough to give them human.

[Ryan Sickler]

So wait, she marries number two? Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

She marries number two, has two kids. Two kids.

[Ryan Sickler]

And how long are they together?

[Langston Kerman]

They are together. I want to say like, 10 years.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay. So that's quite a bit of formidable years.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So when you're. When you. When they split the first time, are you going back and forth? Are you with Mom? Who are you with when you. When your parents first split?

[Langston Kerman]

I got the 50. 50 split.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay. That's what we have.

[Langston Kerman]

Which is cool. It makes for a weird. When you're a kid, it makes for a weird sort of like, number one explanation with your peers, but it also, like, you're putting fucking underwear in your backpack to prepare for going to school the next day because you ain't got enough clothes that the other person sounds. It ain't the easiest, but it is. It's nice to have two parents actively.

[Ryan Sickler]

In your life, loving you, supporting you, and caring about.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm not going to complain about having both parents.

[Ryan Sickler]

Underwear in your back.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Little underwear in your backpack, whatever.

[Langston Kerman]

What's underwear between friends? I got underwear. I got, like, fucking.

[Ryan Sickler]

This is my dog's life. I laugh. She didn't have to put underwear in, but I'm laughing about that. I would tell her that. I'm like, langston had to put underwear in his backpack. You're lucky. You're lucky.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, don't look at here, baby girl. I got other things going on. But, yeah, so I got the 50, 50 split. And because my sisters, the next two in line, most of my adult life, they. Or at least my child life, their parents were together, which meant that, like, I was the only one that was really traveling between houses of. In the beginning. And then eventually their. My mom and their dad split. And then it became a weird thing of them also, like, at first traveling between houses, and then they did the thing where they chose and they chose their dad. And so it became like a weird rift in, like, our whole, like, family dynamic.

[Ryan Sickler]

Now, before we get to that first.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You were always comfortable going back and forth. You never felt like you had to choose or you're never made to choose, you know, because everyone lived also close enough where dad's not moving out of state to Florida or something.

[Langston Kerman]

And now you can't.

[Ryan Sickler]

You gotta pick.

[Langston Kerman]

They were like, two miles between each other.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay. All right. So your dad did, and mom wanted to make sure they were both in your life.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. They stayed cool.

[Ryan Sickler]

Which I think is my next question is when. Now, I know you don't like the stepmom.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Number one. Only your stepmom.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

What. How does step mom. How's your dad feel about stepdad?

[Langston Kerman]

I don't. You know, my dad is, like a Real practical dude, you know what I mean? Where he's just like, is. Are you. Are you hurt? Are you in danger? No. Then he's fine. Like, I don't. I'm not. He's not forming an opinion based off of, like, character and like, oh, we gotta spend time together to get to know each other. It's just like, I shake your hand and you seem like a fine man. I'm moving on with my life, kind of.

[Ryan Sickler]

What was. Let's start with dad. What was. Why. What's the rift between you and stepmom? What was it that you.

[Langston Kerman]

She always resented the fact that my dad had kids or had a kid before she showed up. She couldn't have kids of her own. And so I think it just created this nasty sort of like.

[Ryan Sickler]

So you were sort of not hated? Maybe is the wrong word. Or maybe it was.

[Langston Kerman]

Maybe it was. Yeah. I don't think.

[Ryan Sickler]

Because you were something that your dad came with already.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I was a burden that had already come that she didn't really want. And she sort of made that, you know, there are ways to play that cool. She could have been chill about that and kind of kept it quiet, but she was very vocal about it.

[Ryan Sickler]

But it's interesting for any parent, but especially a mom who wants to be a mom.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

To not like this kid, but give me my own. And I'm gonna love that one. That's wild.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's a weird thing to be like. Wait, so you don't love all kids?

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[Ryan Sickler]

You just love the one you're gonna have. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

The one that's connected to you. Yeah. And it truly is. I was interested. It wasn't like, you know what I mean? I wasn't a 14 year old.

[Ryan Sickler]

What is she doing to you? Is she yelling at you? Disciplining you? Is she putting hands on you?

[Langston Kerman]

No hands. It's a lot of, like, manipulation. It's a lot of discipline via, like, there was a point in which she like, was like locking me out the house type shit, where, like, I'd show up because my mom drop me off from her house to go to my dad's house. And like, I would ring the doorbell and we already have a beef between us. And she'd be like, what's say. Say the magic words type, and she knows you're out.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's not like she's in another Chicago.

[Langston Kerman]

Winter, you know what I mean? Like, I'm outside cold. Like, what's the magic words? I'm like you. And then she's like, well, now you can't come in the house. Well, now you'll just sit outside for hours on end kind of thing.

[Ryan Sickler]

And that would happen.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. That's like the kind of energy that we were, you know, dealing in constantly. So it ain't. I'm not getting hit, I'm not being abused, but I'm being treated like shit, taken advantage of by a old ass lady who should have known and behaved better. You know what I mean?

[Ryan Sickler]

So then when they adopt. How old is your brother when they adopt him?

[Langston Kerman]

Brand new.

[Ryan Sickler]

Brand wet, soaking, smells like the other lady. They're brand new. That's a funny way to describe a person.

[Langston Kerman]

Little string cheese neck. You know what I mean? Just.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. All right. So brand new. Yeah. And where is he from? How old are you when it. When they adopt? So how much?

[Langston Kerman]

I'm 12.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, okay.

[Langston Kerman]

When they adopt. So I'm excited. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're fully able to understand what's going on. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And he's my third sibling in a year. In three years.

[Ryan Sickler]

So like, oh, they're just popping up for you.

[Langston Kerman]

Everybody's feeding me. And I was an only child up to that.

[Ryan Sickler]

But did mom adopt as well, or.

[Langston Kerman]

My mom had just had two.

[Ryan Sickler]

Two sisters.

[Langston Kerman]

Two. Two sisters, right. In a row. They're, you know, like a year. Literally a year apart.

[Ryan Sickler]

Damn.

[Langston Kerman]

So I have three siblings within a three year span, basically.

[Ryan Sickler]

So I'm trying to do the math here. If you're 12 and so about first nine years of your life, it's just you.

[Langston Kerman]

Just me.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then in three years, just talking to walls.

[Langston Kerman]

This is how insane I was going. Tricked my mom into buying me a bunk bed just because I wanted to feel like there was another person there.

[Ryan Sickler]

Under your stuff?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I was just like, can I have bunk beds? Because then. And I was like, yeah, because if somebody comes over, then they could sleep. And I never have. Like, nobody was coming over my mom's house. But like, truly, I was like, I need. I gotta feel.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did your sisters get the bunk beds?

[Langston Kerman]

No, I kept sleeping in the bunk beds. They were too little.

[Ryan Sickler]

So now momentum or. Excuse me, dad and stepmom have a baby.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Brand new baby. Literally brand new. Not three years old right now. And do you. Are you able to. Do you have the type of relationship with your brother where you can talk to him about your mom and the. That went on when you were younger? Or is that. Do you not just avoid it?

[Langston Kerman]

No, I think. And that ultimately becomes sort of like the growing rift between me and my sibling, him specifically. Is that like, because of the bad relationship with me and his mother, she sort of continues to kind of feed that to him. So in the beginning, when he's a kid, like a legit baby and then a toddler, and were very close because I'm spending tons of time with him, and there's not a lot of manipulation that can sort of happen with a kid. They're babies. And then I think as he gets older, it becomes more and more into. To be fair, some of it may also be that I just am actively hating your mom. And so. You know what I mean?

[Ryan Sickler]

Like, actively hating your mom.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm like, fuck this bitch, man.

[Ryan Sickler]

Fuck you, bitch. I love you, brother.

[Langston Kerman]

You're a good guy.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's interesting, isn't it? You're a good guy that you could yell fuck you, bitch to somebody else's mom, not yours, and then hug your own brother and then.

[Langston Kerman]

This ain't got nothing to do with you, you know?

[Ryan Sickler]

I love you, man.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm gonna kill her, but I love you. You my man.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, man, that is confusing, though. It's got to be confusing dynamic growing up. Yeah, that's a lot of feelings going on, and it's a lot. Jesus. That's just one side, too. That's just one side.

[Langston Kerman]

So then when my mom and her second husband split.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wait, can I go back to the second husband? Because he's the father of your two sisters.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So how long are they together? You said 10 years.

[Langston Kerman]

10? At least 10 years. It might be closer to.

[Ryan Sickler]

What was your relationship like with him? How was he with you?

[Langston Kerman]

We were actually pretty close. I think their split got nasty in a way that, like, we weren't going to be able to maintain any version of a positive relationship. But while they were together, we were close. Like, it felt like sort of a true stepdad in the way that you want it to be. We play ball. He, you know, taught me how to drive. Like, we were cool and did well together. And then just the way that they split up.

[Ryan Sickler]

And ugly.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. My mom pepper sprayed his underwear. I swear to God.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did she catch him cheating or she just trying to. You know, in all my life, I've never heard that. I bet you it does work like a motherfucker.

[Langston Kerman]

She took his underwear drawer. Pepper sprayed the whole thing.

[Ryan Sickler]

The whole drawer? Not just one?

[Langston Kerman]

No, every crotch of every underwear. And then closed it up. And I don't know what the results were, but I did it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, that happened. Wow, that's wild.

[Langston Kerman]

And told me about it.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's a good one.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, cool, man.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

That's what's up. I'm gonna go do homework.

[Ryan Sickler]

So are you still close with your sisters though? You just can't see it. You don't see him much.

[Langston Kerman]

I haven't seen him since they've split.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, okay.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, like truly it it.

[Ryan Sickler]

But what about sisters?

[Langston Kerman]

My sisters chose to go with him, that's what. And then had it out with my mom in a way that kind of broke our relationship for a while. I think my. The. The youngest of the two of them, we've started to rebuild and gotten closer in the year since. I think some of it just required a maturing from all of us to be like, you know, it's not as much about picking size as it is like, oh, we were just all in a unhealthy situation, you know what I mean? Like, y'all were kids.

[Ryan Sickler]

I was trying to get in my dad's house.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm watching my mom pepper spray drawers. I don't know what's going on, you know what I mean? And so I think we're starting to rebuild into like, you know, a relationship. But it took a long time before we were really ever able to get close again. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay. So then mom remarries.

[Langston Kerman]

How long after before mom remarries, she has another kid.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay, so the.

[Langston Kerman]

With a boyfriend in between second and third husband. Okay, right. So she has another kid who I'm very close to that fortunately she, you know, 23 years. Your. Your life is so far from what mine is that like we just have maintained a really healthy, happy relationship without any of like the conflict. In part because she's 14, you know what I mean?

[Ryan Sickler]

So say again for me, you're. How. What's the longest distance between 23 years? You're 23 years older than your youngest sibling.

[Langston Kerman]

The youngest sibling.

[Ryan Sickler]

And how much older than the closest?

[Langston Kerman]

10.

[Ryan Sickler]

So you got quite a gap either way. Yeah, quite a gap. You don't even have anybody you could relate to growing up for two, like a three year difference? No, dude, you're not hooping with anybody. Nothing.

[Langston Kerman]

We don't look alike.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're not playing sports or swimming or fighting or nothing?

[Langston Kerman]

No, I'm just an old man walking around these babies the whole time.

[Ryan Sickler]

The whole time?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Were you a babysitter? Did they use you to babysit?

[Langston Kerman]

My mom ran a daycare out of her basement and I was like semi employed.

[Ryan Sickler]

People make fun of me when I say I went to a daycare in a house. Like, you're such white trash. I'm like, look, that's what they did back in the day.

[Langston Kerman]

What, you went to a real facility?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, like a light. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You got a key card in hell? I'm pulling up to. To Barbara's house.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I'm going to a lady's house.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Where'd you go to take it at that lady's house?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. Like, I'm like, you gotta bring your id. I'm like, id? I'm just like, those are my kids. That's how it was.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I was like, helping to watch my sisters and my brother went there too, and went there to. Went to my mom's house. And then. Yeah, we were just all. We were very close, you know.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then after the boyfriend, mom marries again.

[Langston Kerman]

Mom marries again.

[Ryan Sickler]

No kids this time.

[Langston Kerman]

No kids, but this is.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yo, does he have kids?

[Langston Kerman]

He already has kids, but I didn't.

[Ryan Sickler]

Even consider all the dudes with their kids possibly in the mom. Well, the mom didn't have any kids, but he's.

[Langston Kerman]

He's an alcoholic who is kind of detached from his previous children. Like, he, you know, he communicates, but it's not like, active sort of relationship with his kids. So in that way, it's not like we're introducing new members to the family as much as it is like, oh, every once in a while, y'all are gonna go over to his, you know, his ex girl's house and. And hang out with her kid. But, yeah, it's not a new person, if that makes sense.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yes.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, but so it's. Yeah, it's a mess. But that boy, that husband. This is exciting. That husband is. And I'm not joking when I say this is Benny the Bull, the Chicago mascot. No, Benny the Bull.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, still too. This. No, no, no. When you meet him, he's the fucking. No, no, no.

[Langston Kerman]

He's the. He's the most infamous Benny the Bull because he was fired from the job because he got caught. Sell.

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't even know this story.

[Langston Kerman]

1998-2004, he's Benny the Bull. And then he.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is he in your life at that point?

[Langston Kerman]

Nope.

[Ryan Sickler]

No. Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

My mom marries him after the fame has left him.

[Ryan Sickler]

The fame? Yeah. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

After all the success of being Benny the Bull, he.

[Ryan Sickler]

But he's there for Jordan and everything, though, isn't he?

[Langston Kerman]

He's there for some big years. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

98.

[Langston Kerman]

He's there as Jordan leaving.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, he's in that last phase.

[Langston Kerman]

He's there for Tony Kuko. You know what I mean? He's there for. For the rebuild. That never was.

[Ryan Sickler]

He, though.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Damn.

[Langston Kerman]

And then he gets fired.

[Ryan Sickler]

So how do you get caught selling weed?

[Langston Kerman]

Because it just. You know, he's.

[Ryan Sickler]

He did it like, the arena.

[Langston Kerman]

He's at the. He's at.

[Ryan Sickler]

Behind the building or anything. He's in the. He gets him up. I. They set Benny up.

[Langston Kerman]

My understanding was that he was selling to a player. And I think it became one of those things where, like, all right, we got it.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's Pipping or Benny. I don't know what you want us.

[Langston Kerman]

To do, big dog. We're not taking down Bill Cartwright. You gotta go, my man. You can't imagine what you would do to our organization if we chose you over this middling player.

[Ryan Sickler]

I just. In my head, I see him in costume, selling the weed, too. You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

100%. He's like, you know, if I got the helmet on, they don't know who it is.

[Ryan Sickler]

That wasn't me, man.

[Langston Kerman]

That wasn't me.

[Ryan Sickler]

So I stole that outfit, man. Too much Benny the Bull. He got fired, huh?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, he got. He got fired.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then what's he do? What do you do after that?

[Langston Kerman]

So he. The reason he got that job is because.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm sorry, people are yelling at me for interrupting. But real quick, Was he, like, a popular Chicago figure? Like, do people know who he was out of the suit?

[Langston Kerman]

So that's the thing.

[Ryan Sickler]

Because of this. Is this what brought him notoriety?

[Langston Kerman]

It's not. It's not that people know him out of the suit, but there are these guys in Chicago, these kids who are known. They're called the Jesse White Tumblers. They are a company that basically is recruited by Jesse White, who was the Secretary of State in Chicago, to be, like, tumblers who perform at various events, half times and halftimes, and then like, local, you know, events, car shows, whatever it is, they go and they do flips, all these black.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like a little mini Cirque du Soleil.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. And they're dope and they're awesome. He grew up inside of that organization and then was so good at it that he got tapped to go be the mascot.

[Ryan Sickler]

And so he was sort of a known person. They were like, hey, why don't we have you come be Benny the Bull?

[Langston Kerman]

He was. He was cool in those spaces, right? And so he. He kind of got this great job, and it paid well. And then he fucked it all up. And so he just drinks himself, you know, all the way to.

[Ryan Sickler]

It him up.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it did. Yeah. Yeah. No, this, like, ruined him kind of thing. Why Because I. I don't. What do you do after that? You know what I mean?

[Ryan Sickler]

Let me ask you a question.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Yeah. What?

[Ryan Sickler]

Even if you had a perfect run, as many to board, your knees give out, what do you do after?

[Langston Kerman]

What's the next move? They're not going to let you, you.

[Ryan Sickler]

Know what I mean? Do color commentary, somebody from the Olympics. He'd be like, hey, you know how you spent 13 years of your life throwing a shot, but. And you took third and now you're done. The you doing. What do you do?

[Langston Kerman]

And that's the thing.

[Ryan Sickler]

Hold up. You were a mascot. Go yourself, bro.

[Langston Kerman]

At least those people, like, went to college and, like, have a degree to fall back on. Like, he had. He.

[Ryan Sickler]

He started back into, excuse me, dancing.

[Langston Kerman]

Or teaching or he was teaching tumbling for a while, but that doesn't pay well. And he was like, fixing cars. And he had other skills, but I think his drinking far outweighed those skills.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did he start drinking after that or was he always drinking?

[Langston Kerman]

I think he was drinking before that, but I think it really, like, found itself once. You know, the sort of fall from grace happened.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like, do you go to his house? And I was like, betty the Bull.

[Langston Kerman]

You don't talk about it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Just be here. 99, right here. Right here with Steve Kerr.

[Langston Kerman]

It was bad, man. He. He really. He really lost a lot. Oh, my God.

[Ryan Sickler]

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[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's terrible. That's terrible. I'm sorry.

[Langston Kerman]

But, yeah, no, he. He was. He's passed since. But he's. He. He was a.

[Ryan Sickler]

He passed away. Now I feel extra bad last. What happened?

[Langston Kerman]

He was.

[Ryan Sickler]

He was from the drinking.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Really? How old was he?

[Langston Kerman]

40? Late 40s.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wow.

[Langston Kerman]

Early 50s.

[Ryan Sickler]

He was young.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, he was young. Yeah. When my mom married him, he had a tenth of a pancreas. How do you tell somebody that's. They were. At one point, they literally told him, like, bro, if you keep doing this, that's it.

[Ryan Sickler]

And he couldn't stop.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, there's no filter for death. Literally. Yeah, literally.

[Ryan Sickler]

Man, I don't know how I would tell a woman. Like, if some lady said, I love you, I'd be like, I'll tell you something. You cheating on me? Are you. You ain't gonna believe it.

[Langston Kerman]

Honestly, it's worse.

[Ryan Sickler]

I gotta tell them.

[Langston Kerman]

You should hope I was cheating on my.

[Ryan Sickler]

I might give you two, three years. But he couldn't stop even when they told him. You don't even have.

[Langston Kerman]

At one point. This is 100% true. At one point, we had to have a Breathalyzer on our family car.

[Ryan Sickler]

The family car.

[Langston Kerman]

The family car. Because we only had one car, and he had, like, gotten caught with, like, a DUI or whatever it was. And my mom voluntarily was like, we're putting a Breathalyzer on the car so that this. You can't do this anymore. Like.

[Ryan Sickler]

And would you work around that?

[Langston Kerman]

No. I mean, what's crazy is I was there.

[Ryan Sickler]

Y'all ready for this? I got this guy.

[Langston Kerman]

Don't worry. I'll burn this off, and we'll be.

[Ryan Sickler]

Driving in 15, do a couple mini trail flip dunks, and I'll be sober five minutes. Guys.

[Langston Kerman]

Have you ever. Have you ever had to drive a car with a Breathalyzer on it?

[Ryan Sickler]

No, but it's funny you say that, because a friend of mine did.

[Langston Kerman]

So here's. Here's.

[Ryan Sickler]

He had one beer when he came to visit us, and he had his kid with him. And the kid, he's like, it's one beer, but I can't risk. I can't do it. His kid blew it. It's like, it started the car.

[Langston Kerman]

Here's. What's so crazy is they set it up in a way, because you think, oh, I just need to blow it to start the car. I'm good. They set it up in a way where it goes off periodically throughout the ride. And it can go off every minute, or it can go off every 15 minutes. It truly is up. Random algorithm. Right? So, like, I.

[Ryan Sickler]

Can you do it while you're driving, or do you have to, like, pull over to.

[Langston Kerman]

Or the car will stop as you're driving. Okay, It'll truly, like. And you gotta pull over. Whatever. So I'd be borrowing the car to take a girl out on the date.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, no.

[Langston Kerman]

And, like, have to explain it like, no, baby, I ain't sick. My mama's boyfriend is. So anyway, we going to Beni Island.

[Ryan Sickler]

You remember, Benny.

[Langston Kerman]

You said you went to what college?

[Ryan Sickler]

This thing's true.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, that's a good score.

[Ryan Sickler]

But don't usually do it this much.

[Langston Kerman]

Three times in one ride. That's a record for me. What a thing. Truly.

[Ryan Sickler]

Manny the Bull up your family car. It's too much, man. Life is a trip.

[Langston Kerman]

Life is wild, man.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's too much, man. You make me think of a story. So I'm a big Baltimore Oriole fan. I remember there was a story. This is not funny. But it's. It's one of those.

[Langston Kerman]

I bet it's a little funny.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's a little fun. But the guy was going to an event, and I believe the rumor is that he had the suit on, but not the head, and he was driving, and I guess he crashed. I don't know whose fault it was, but I guess there was an accident. And, bro, he died in the. He died. The bird suit. Oh, no. That's what we used to hear all the time. I don't know if it's true, but I used to hear it all the time. Like, it's. It's true. Like in a van or some.

[Langston Kerman]

Have you ever heard K Alli tell the story of how her parents died?

[Ryan Sickler]

No, but I. I know it's a. I've. Okay, I saw a clip of that, but I've never. I don't remember it.

[Langston Kerman]

So she.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, wait, I do know it. Costume party.

[Langston Kerman]

They're going to a costume party. And well, she finds out through her sister. Who. Her sister goes. They die on Halloween or the day before Halloween. They were going to a costume party. She asked her sister what were they wearing? And she said they were in an odd couple's costume. And eye couple with, like, Jack Lemon and. And what's his name? And she's like, no, he was a Klansman. And she was in black face.

[Ryan Sickler]

Her mom was in black face. Would be terrible. Nobody Want to help you or anything? Or I'm like, is she burnt already?

[Langston Kerman]

Like, what the happened on that side of the car? And what's he got going on?

[Ryan Sickler]

And why are they not. Why is she not tied up? He's like, none of it makes sense.

[Langston Kerman]

It seemed like they worked it out.

[Ryan Sickler]

This is cool. Oh, man. Okay. All right.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So then he passes away. Are you in his.

[Langston Kerman]

He passes away recently.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, recently.

[Langston Kerman]

It's not. Yeah, it wasn't while they were married. This was recent, but that's her third husband. And then my mom moves to Ghana. She's been in Ghana for, like, four years.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's where she is now.

[Langston Kerman]

That's where she is with my youngest sister, and she marries a Ghanaian dude out there who makes juice, and they.

[Ryan Sickler]

What kind of juice?

[Langston Kerman]

Just fruit juice.

[Ryan Sickler]

Have you had it?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it's pretty good.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is it good?

[Langston Kerman]

She sent me some juice.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is it worth moving?

[Langston Kerman]

No, no, no, it ain't. American juice, baby.

[Ryan Sickler]

So what made her. How'd she meet this guy?

[Langston Kerman]

I think my mom has always felt a little over the American experience, Like, the rat race and sort of, like, the challenges of what it means to. My mom's a very educated person and, like, has a doctorate and, like, is a very capable person. But, you know, especially in education, there's a hierarchy and weird challenges of, like, getting tenure or even getting out of the adjunct space when you're talking about teaching colleges. And I think she just became sort of exhausted with that process and was like, I'm just gonna go uplift my life and experience something that is completely outside of this. So she lives in a pretty remote area in Ghana.

[Ryan Sickler]

And, like, have you been to visit?

[Langston Kerman]

I haven't, because she moved right before the pandemic. Oh. And then I had kids, and so.

[Ryan Sickler]

It'S been like she's not even met her grandkids.

[Langston Kerman]

She came back for the first time last year and got to meet my daughter. She hasn't met her grandson yet.

[Ryan Sickler]

I was about to say, how many. How many grandkids does your mom have?

[Langston Kerman]

Just from you. My two kids. Yeah. Because I'm the oldest.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, yeah. It makes sense. So you're the first time she's a grandma.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. The other ones are 26 and 27. So they're not even, you know, necessarily wanting to have kids yet. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And your relationship. Are you still close with dad and everything?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

We get along well living out here. Are you able to. Is he come visit? Like, how often do you see him?

[Langston Kerman]

He came. He came pretty recently. He comes he probably comes out every year now because of my, my kids and we go and go back to Chicago and see him and he's. He likes. He's excited about being a grandfather. And his wife stays out the way.

[Ryan Sickler]

Just about that.

[Langston Kerman]

She knows.

[Ryan Sickler]

I wanted to know if it shifted, you know, she didn't soften at all.

[Langston Kerman]

Don't hug her.

[Ryan Sickler]

Fuck him and his kids. She's just gonna keep on going.

[Langston Kerman]

Listen, I made it very clear with my wife and like, even with my daughter, I don't like, go like, yo, don't you stay away from her. But like, she knows how I feel about her. So, like, don't go buddying up with my baby and my lady. Like, leave them alone.

[Ryan Sickler]

And does your wife, like, try to be professional? That's what I always call it, professional, you know, how you doing?

[Langston Kerman]

She's good at being professional.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, that shit, you know.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. She pays her respects and does the whole thing, which I appreciate. It leaves the tension low for everybody else.

[Ryan Sickler]

Now, we were talking outside. You say your wife from if it's hard to say. She's from Baltimore.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, she's from Baltimore.

[Ryan Sickler]

Does she have a big family or a big extended family or any of that?

[Langston Kerman]

She's pretty small. It's just her and her sister and her mom only had a sister who didn't have kids, so they have no first cousins.

[Ryan Sickler]

So your family's a big ass. It's like going being you at nine and then three years later you got.

[Langston Kerman]

80 people in your family. Yeah, they're tiny. And then suddenly they gotta deal with my chaos. Yeah, 100%.

[Ryan Sickler]

And is she good with it? Does she like it? It? I always wonder what people if, you know, everybody thinks the grass is greener. Like if you're an only child. I always wonder if people really relish it and love it or if they always wanted to have. Because even you said you were an only child up until about nine, right?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you did, you were. You weren't against having siblings?

[Langston Kerman]

No, I always wanted them. It just didn't seem possible.

[Ryan Sickler]

Would you have been if you adopt. If they adopted like an 8 year old? Yeah. You'd have still been cool?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah. No, that would have been cool because.

[Ryan Sickler]

Everybody to you was brand new.

[Langston Kerman]

I honestly would have maybe taken to it even more because if they adopt an 8 year old now I got somebody I can really vibe with in theory, maybe they're, you know, an 8 year old that came with tons of baggage. But like, to me it would have been like, oh, I got like a Homie. Homie. Now this is great. I'm not just childcare for these smaller people. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

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[Langston Kerman]

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[Ryan Sickler]

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[Langston Kerman]

Plus right now you can switch keep your phone and we'll pay it off up to $800.

[Ryan Sickler]

See how you can save on every plan versus Verizon and at and [e-mail].

[Langston Kerman]

KeepAndSwitch up to four lines via virtual prepaid card. Allow 15 days qualifying unlock device credit service ported 90 plus days with device and eligible carrier and timely redemption required. Card has no cash access and expires in six months.

[Ryan Sickler]

With millions of books on Amazon, there's.

[Langston Kerman]

A reading feeling for everyone. For example, Olivia's after learning she has.

[Ryan Sickler]

Quite a lot in common with a.

[Langston Kerman]

9Th century Viking is different to Luna's after the old man narrowly escaped being bitten by zombies. Which is also different to Jerome's his eureka moment on finding the perfect new quote for his dating profile. From to to Amazon books, that reading feeling awaits.

[Ryan Sickler]

Hey listeners, have a gamer on your holiday gift list, but you're still not sure what to get them. Head to Lenovo to shop. Unexpectedly great deals on tech this season. Gift your number one player with a brand new PC. Help them go beyond performance in game without compromise with Intel Core i9 processors. Gaming happens with Intel Shop now [e-mail] dude, you got a wild life, man. I want to stop there now because I feel like I've also dissected your life like it's a math problem. So I could understand it because I definitely want to hear about this college story.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So you went to University of Michigan?

[Langston Kerman]

Went to university.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're a Wolverine freshman year.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

What years were you there?

[Langston Kerman]

I was there 20 2005-2009.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did you guys win anything during those?

[Langston Kerman]

No, we sucked.

[Ryan Sickler]

And even in basketball too.

[Langston Kerman]

We right at the tail end of my time at Michigan started to like make it back in the tournament and, and show. You know what I mean? But we were still, we were still in the. The probation for most of the time that I was there because of the, you know, the. The Fab Five.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

So we just stunk and like Michigan football was on a real bad downturn. The. The year that they lost to what, Whatchamacallit? That fuck. I can't even remember the name of the college is how shitty they were. But like, it was that crazy upset that happened.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, I know what you're talking. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

It all happened while I was there. I'm responsible for it, I think.

[Ryan Sickler]

So your freshman year, what happens to.

[Langston Kerman]

You the freshman year? The day that we're moving out of the dorms, I'm taking a shower in the communal shower. And for months, genuinely for months I'd been noticing that this dude had been like. Who lived on the fifth floor? I live on the third floor.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is it an all male dorm?

[Langston Kerman]

They split it by sides.

[Ryan Sickler]

Gotcha.

[Langston Kerman]

So like the. There's a man's side and a girl side and it's just halls, basically. So the. In the male hall of the third floor, we. There's a dude who keeps coming down from the fifth floor to shower down there. Right. Every. Every day he showers on the third floor. Now there are arguments that it was a better shower, whatever the. But either way, this dude just keeps hanging around. And periodically I would see Weir where it's like, oh, his hands are on the top of the, you know, the shower wall.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like when you're to your.

[Langston Kerman]

You look up and there's just hands there or some. And in your mind you don't want to. You're naked. You don't want to fight. You know what I mean? You're like. He probably just like.

[Ryan Sickler]

Are they like. Is he like.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, maybe he's just stretching out so he can scrub or.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

Like, I can. I'm creating explanations periodically to justify.

[Ryan Sickler]

And are these shower stalls the kind where you could see his feet at the bottom or they go all the way to the floor?

[Langston Kerman]

They. It's. You can see feet.

[Ryan Sickler]

So there's space under and you can reach over. Like a bathroom stall.

[Langston Kerman]

Exactly. It's. It's feet and hand in air above. So you can kind of see enough, but it's pretty high. So you would have to do some.

[Ryan Sickler]

Work to be able to like, reach up like that.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, to see something. See something. But I'm seeing this weird. And I'm experiencing this weird energy around this one individual. And then literally the last day that I'm packing up, my dad is on his way to pick me up from my freshman Year of college. I am showering and I hear him come in. I'm going to shower and I hear him come in. I'm like, bro, I got a bad feeling. I don't know what this is about to be, but something weird. It's just he and I in here. This don't feel right. I'm gonna chill for a sec. I'm gonna turn the shower on. I'm gonna wait to see what in the stall.

[Ryan Sickler]

Are you hiding in the stall?

[Langston Kerman]

You know how they have like that curtain? Curtain. And then you have the changing area and then there's like the actual like shower. I'm chilling in there, but I turn the water on to give the illusion that I'm in there showering. And then I see a shadow come underneath the curtain where I am of some. And I can hear breathing. I'm like literally feeling a person on the other side of this curtain. And then I rip it back and I go, what the fuck? And he's standing there and he goes, oh, oh, were you in there? And then he walks away.

[Ryan Sickler]

Were you in there? Was he naked?

[Langston Kerman]

No, but he was fully dressed.

[Ryan Sickler]

Shower at all?

[Langston Kerman]

He's not there to shower at all. He's there.

[Ryan Sickler]

Were you in there? And he walks away.

[Langston Kerman]

He walks away. And so he.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you're coming out fully dressed.

[Langston Kerman]

Coming out fully dressed. Cuz I've been waiting on this.

[Ryan Sickler]

You chase him out?

[Langston Kerman]

No, I go, I, you. And you know, I walk out and I'm like, like scared and furious and not sure what to do. And I, I truly, I was like, you know what? You gotta do the right thing. You gotta tell somebody. Everybody stay safe.

[Ryan Sickler]

You see something, say something.

[Langston Kerman]

I, I was like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do, I'm gonna follow every protocol. I'm gonna bring justice to this injustice. This is gonna be resolved quickly and quickly.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is my favorite of all the things you said.

[Langston Kerman]

And effectively swiftly. There's no way that this will stand. And I go to my, to my R.A. and I tell him. And he's. In retrospect, he's a child. So he goes, oh, that's crazy, bro. I don't know that you gotta fill this sheet out. And then I'm filling paperwork out and shit. And then I have to, over a course of months, have to like engage with now, like the staff, like there's like, you know, essentially a HR department of a university that I'm engaging with who are dealing, summer crew who are dealing with this claim that I, you know, am dealing with what potentially could have been a sexual harassment. I would qualify it as such. Right? Then they call me in during the summer for a hearing. Hearing. They say, like, yo, we've done. We've done our due diligence. We've allowed our team to do investigations. So they contacted this guy, they contact this guy. They. They call me in for a hearing. I. I wear my best shirt. I put on my good slacks. I show up to the. The university to have this hearing, and I show up and this has.

[Ryan Sickler]

He's there. There.

[Langston Kerman]

He's there. Not only does he claim that he was never there to interact with me at all, that, like, I'm making this story completely up. He's. He shows up with his quote unquote girlfriend, who he says they were having sex at the time of when I claimed that they. That he looked in on me. He says he's having sex. It's not possible that this happened. He also has character references from people I knew in the dorm who are, like, vouching for his character. They never asked me did I need, like, character references for my. But he truly has, like, a full case that he's built of why this is not possible. And I sit there and explain the story to adults, some of whom are just staff. They're not like lawyers or professionals. They're like janitors and shit. And I'm like, explaining it. And then at the end of it, they go, yeah, we don't. We're not going to do anything about this. That's good luck. And then I just gotta keep going to school with the dude.

[Ryan Sickler]

Do you run into him all the time? No. Does he say anything to you?

[Langston Kerman]

No, no, never. Once again. But he, like, moved out of that dorm, but by his own volition. It wasn't even like they were like, oh, you gotta move. They were just like, nah, we don't. We're not buying it. This ain't real.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wow.

[Langston Kerman]

I was like, oh, well, I'm never gonna tell anybody anything ever again.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell me about Amsterdam.

[Langston Kerman]

My wife and I, along with, like 10 of our friends, go to Amsterdam. This must have been 20, 2017, 2018. We all take this massive trip to Amsterdam thinking, like, it's like a bunch of black people hanging out in Amsterdam. We gonna get high, drunk up, whatever. We. We show up. We got this really nice Airbnb. We're staying at the Airbnb.

[Ryan Sickler]

Everybody all in one place.

[Langston Kerman]

Everybody all in one place. Two of us. Two of the people show up later than everybody else. They get a separate car because their plane gets in later than everybody else, but everybody's in the same place. It's just one of those houses that can fit everybody, right? We go out, we're drinking, we're partying, we're smoking, we're doing the whole. We come back that night and. And we immediately walk in and one of the girls is like, somebody broke in here. Like, what are you talking about? No, you drunk. What are you talking about? Ain't no. Nobody's been in here. This is a nice place. This is Amsterdam. And she's like, no, somebody's been going through my stuff. And we look and the glass in the back of the house has been broken into. There's like all this glass and broken shit everywhere. They've ruffled through everybody's things. St. Passports, stolen.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh no.

[Langston Kerman]

Stolen birth control, stolen laptops, cameras. Like all this control. Really wild choices.

[Ryan Sickler]

Up when the dude is up by it is like, passport's enough, man. You got infinity, man.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, you don't need my medicines.

[Ryan Sickler]

My breath control's gone. That's too much. Somebody had to say that.

[Langston Kerman]

Somebody stole my lipid tour.

[Ryan Sickler]

This is crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

But they still all this. And we. The house that we're staying in is attached to the. The Airbnb house. Like the owner's house that like, it's one of those houses that like just is. Is sort of kitty cornered with the other house that isn't touched at all. So we naturally are going, hey, what the fuck? Why did they break in our. And not breaking your. And then it. It's all these Dutch people who are going like, we don't know. And we're like, we think y'all did it. We think y'all were in on this. And then they go, well, we think you should leave. And then we go, we were going to leave. This is our got stolen. You know what I mean? Like, we're not hanging out here anymore. And so it becomes this weird all night thing of like arguing with the Dutch police who truly are like, we don't. That's not even. What we do over here is like investigate.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is that right?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. They don't care.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's so few and far between. Or it's just happened so much. Like now we go after real.

[Langston Kerman]

I think it's because it's. It's so rare.

[Ryan Sickler]

Stolen passports is a pretty big one though.

[Langston Kerman]

But I think for them it's like nobody was hurt.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, I see.

[Langston Kerman]

There's no. There's no evidence of what you're suggesting might be the case. And so it becomes this weird Thing of the police being like, well, well, maybe you guys did this. Maybe, maybe you're the reason that you guys.

[Ryan Sickler]

It sound like the fucking college board over here.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, exactly. I've been gaslit my whole life. First Benny. But no, it truly becomes like this chaotic trip of like then, because this is first night and we're supposed to be in Amsterdam for like 10 days.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. Now your time is going to be spent trying to get your passports and shit back.

[Langston Kerman]

We're going the embassy to try to get new, new temporary passports. We're throwing up in the lines and because we've been drinking that heavily up until we thought we were, you know, we were having a good time.

[Ryan Sickler]

Were you able to get all that back? Like, what happens? Yeah, mostly what happens.

[Langston Kerman]

You go to the embassy and they give you temporary passports so that you can get back to the States. And then once you get back to the States you can, you know, replace all your.

[Ryan Sickler]

They don't do they kill that. The active ones, so to speak, so that that person's not out there running around as you I. Or taking the picture and modifying it now they're you I.

[Langston Kerman]

My guess is they, they can only do so much. Like part of what you're doing when you're taking these documents is just being able to like copy the key art, you know what I mean? To be able to make your own shit. More than just being like cut and paste his face over my face, now I'm him kind of thing. But yeah, I. It just turned into like this chaotic thing of like having to explain to people we just got robbed and you know, I mean, or burglarized and now we got nothing. You know what I mean?

[Ryan Sickler]

This is a really fun episode, man. Thank you for doing this.

[Langston Kerman]

Thank you for having me.

[Ryan Sickler]

Before we go and I am interested to hear what you have to say now after hearing your story. Advice you'd give to 16 year old Langston.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, man. Man, that's a great. I, I think advice that I would give 16 year old Langston is that a bunch of this stuff is funnier than you think it is.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's great.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I mean?

[Ryan Sickler]

Hell yeah, I do.

[Langston Kerman]

I think when I was 16, I was like, this sucks. My life is crazy. This is hard. And it's like, nah, this is funny, man. And if you could really just write a few of these things down and, and maybe in a sillier way than you're planning to write them down down, you might have some fun with this down the line.

[Ryan Sickler]

I think that's Great advice. I. I still have friends that I'm. I'm close with from elementary school, from middle school. And we all went through some ugly.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

We were all together, and we look back at it now, we're like, you imagine that those were the. Those were the. The days were like, this sucks. And we're. Now we're like, those were the good days. Yeah, those were the good ones.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. You were having fun. Yeah. Beast.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Everything else was hard, but you were having a good time.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, thank you again for doing this. Promote your special, all that stuff again, please, on Netflix.

[Langston Kerman]

It's called Bad Poetry, directed by John Mulaney. It's a beautiful special, and I hope you watch it. It's cool.

[Ryan Sickler]

Great.

[Langston Kerman]

And, oh, and my mama told me it's a. A podcast I run with David Bori. Very funny. If you like conspiracy theories and black people, it's a perfect combination to ask.

[Ryan Sickler]

What'S the closest you yourself have come to a conspiracy theory that somebody's mama told them that you're like, that one might be real. Oh, is there any that have surprised you where you're like, wait, man, that one actually might be a real thing?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I. So part of what I do on the podcast is I do all the research.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're breaking them all down.

[Langston Kerman]

I break them all down. And. And one of my favorites that's come up is a person named Chandra Russell, who's a very funny comedian, very talented actress on. And she was talking about 23andMe and how like, 23andMe is just the government sort of like taking your. Your identity, your DNA and sort of using it against you. And naturally, that's come up a million times in every conspiracy podcast. But what we discovered is kind of more sinister than even just them being like, we got your blood. Now they literally can deny you home loans because of your genetic history. Right. That, like your family history, let's say.

[Ryan Sickler]

So if cancer runs in your family and they think you're not going to be, you're not making to 55 say no, because they can see that it runs in your family.

[Langston Kerman]

30 years. We're not betting on you making it 30 more years. So, no, we can deny you a home, life insurance. We can deny you life insurance all because of the DNA that you're feeding to find out if you're like, you know, British or some shit.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. What percent Italian? I am.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. It's like, I don't think this is worth it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, man. I don't want to hear any words. As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Come see me on tour tickets to all shows. They're up on my website right now@ryan sickler.com we'll talk to you all next week.

[Langston Kerman]

After investing billions to light up our.

[Ryan Sickler]

Network, T Mobile is America's largest 5G network.

[Langston Kerman]

Plus right now you can switch keep your phone and we'll pay it off up to $800.

[Ryan Sickler]

See how you can save on every plan vs Verizon and at&t@t mobile.com Keep.

[Langston Kerman]

And switch up to four lines via virtual prepaid card. Allow 15 days qualifying unlock device credit service ported 90 plus days with device and eligible carrier and timely redemption required Card has no cash access and expires in six months.