← The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler
The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler
Sam Tripoli - HoneyTripoli
01:02:12
My Honeydew this week is comedian Sam Tripoli! Check out Sam’s newest special, "Quiet," on his YouTube, or his podcasts "Broken Simulation" and "Tin Foil Hat." Sam joins me in the studio this week to Highlight the Lowlights of being a dad to twins!...
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Now AT T Mobile get four 5G phones on us and four lines for $25 a line per month when you switch with eligible trade ins, all on America's largest 5G network. Minimum of 4 lines for $25 per line per month with auto pay discount using debit or bank account, $5 more per line without autopay plus taxes and fees and $10 device connection charge phones via 24 monthly bill credits for well qualified customers. Contact us before canceling entire account to continue bill credits or credit stop and balance on a required finance agreement due bill credits end if you pay off devices early ctmobile.com with millions of books on Amazon, there's a reading feeling for everyone. For example, Juan's as he drifts away.
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To nirvana after only the first chapter.
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A
Is different to Maya's when she discovered the narrator was in fact the evil twin, which is also different to Noah's.
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B
Aw. Anytime the cute cyberpunk is mentioned, even though in reality he'd be totally out of his league from to Amazon Books, that reading feeling awaits. Let me silence my phone real quick so I can tell you that US.
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Exclusive offers just for customers. Just to say thanks.
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Right now you'll get $1200 off any.
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Phone plus $400 off any tablet. Amazing, right? But my family is so excited about their new devices they keep texting me during the show. They're all about us days. Deals like $1,200 off any phone plus $400 off any tablet.
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Terms apply.
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Visit us cellular.com for details.
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This ad was an actor's portrayal.
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Detroit, Michigan I'll be there Friday, November at the Magic Bag, Minneapolis, Minnesota. I'll be there Saturday, November 9th at the Parkway Theater, Madison, Wisconsin. I'll be there Friday and Saturday, November 15th and 16th at Comedy on State and Portland, Oregon. I'll be at the Aladdin Theater Saturday, November 23rd. Get your tickets to those shows and all shows on my website@ryansickler.com the Honeydew with Ryan Sickler welcome back to the Honey Do Y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pants Studios. I am ryan sickler, ryan sickler.com and ryan sickler on all your social media. And I'm starting this episode like I start them all by saying thank you. Thank you for whatever you do to support anything that I do. I don't care if it's been an email merch, whatever it is. And hey, look, if you got to have more than I say, it Every week, you got to have the Patreon. The patrons called the Honeydew with y'all is this show with y'all. And nobody's got stories like y'all. Nobody. It is the wildest show on Patreon. It's only five bucks a month. It's been five since we started hundreds of episodes in the back catalog. You get the Honeydew a day early. You get it ad free. You get it at no additional cost. And if you or someone you know has a story that's got to be heard, please submit it to honeydewpodcastmail.com if you already did resend it. Bump it to the top. We get a lot of them, and I would love to do an episode with you. My fall dates, they're up on my website@ryan sickler.com. come out and see me if I am in your town when you're around. All tickets are on my website@ryan sickler.com. go there to get them. And I hope to see you at a show. And that's it. All right. That's the biz. You guys know what we do here. We highlight the lowlights. And I always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers. And I am very excited to have this guest back on the Honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Sam Tripley. Welcome to the Honey, bro.
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A
Let's go back in the saddle with my boy, the hardest working man in comedy.
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B
I love your energy.
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A
The hustler. You work smart, not hard.
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B
That's what I'm trying to do. That was my shift. Smarter, not harder is my shift.
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A
You just. You. You're giving like. You're giving me, like, a college education and how to podcast. This is some de fry right here.
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B
Real speaking of Devry, real quick, before you promote, I just want to say, if you haven't ever listened to Sam Tripley's old Crab Feast episodes, you got to go listen to him. Because he talks about how he would defend himself on traffic tickets. And I just want a quick update. Cause I still get people to be like, yo, tell Tripoli. I went in and I defended myself and I got off my ticket.
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A
There we go.
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B
Dude, what is your traffic ticket right now?
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A
It's not good. I lost two. I've had a couple.
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B
What are you at now? Would you say roughly wins?
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A
I would say I'm about 18 and 5. That's incredible. That's incredible that I get pulled over that 23 times.
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B
There's a lot to be pulled over. But to win 18 of them is nuts.
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A
I got two in the queue right now. They're nailing me for these. These traffic lights where these traffic cams were like, if you get too far up, it flashes on you.
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B
Yeah, I watch them, but I always stop.
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A
I always stop. So I'm going to beat the robots, dog. Yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm. I'm one in one against the robots. And the only one I lost is because I forgot to show up.
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B
Unless you're dead to rights. Clear as day at you. You can say that's a valet driver. That's not me.
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A
No, but they get you, dude. That's why you should always drive with.
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B
Your visor advisor down.
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A
Yeah, that's how it goes. Yeah.
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B
Please promote everything you'd like. You got a brand new special.
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A
Got brand new special just dropped. It's called quiet. The whole title is why is everybody getting qu. I was filmed in Hollywood. It's about an hour. I was gonna break it up in two, but I'm like, I just let it roll. So that's out. And my podcasts are fire. I got a podcast called Broken Simulation where I just tell stories of my week. It started during the pandemic and I just kind of go off on that. Tim Fallhat is well known for conspiracies. And then I have a great debate show with my friend Dylan Wren. It's called the Deep Waters, AKA Deep waters. And we debate politics. So go check all those. Everything's on Sam tripoli.com. everything. All my podcasts, all my dates, all my premium content. Like I'm putting my premium content right on Sam tripoli.com so you can get it all there. I'm doing about three episodes a week on there where I just like doom scroll the Internet and then we do. It's a fun thing. So just go samtriboli.com it's fire.
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B
You mentioned quiet. That's the name of the special.
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A
Yeah.
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B
All right. Now the funny thing is, to me, what I want to talk to you about is the opposite of quiet. You're the dad of twins?
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A
Yes.
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B
Two twin girls.
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A
Four years old, bro.
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B
Four already.
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A
I went to their. One of their. They were pandemic babies. I went to one of their friend's birthday party. She's five now, dude. I went to a five year old's birthday party with my. I can't believe it, dude.
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B
I would love to have be at the party where my daughter's at and you showed up.
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A
Oh, I showed. Yeah. Wearing sweatsuits. All the women are dressed like they're going to the VMAs.
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B
Yeah, yeah.
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A
Like, women always dress up.
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B
Yeah. Always nice for the kids.
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A
Yeah. Guys show up in pajamas to have you had.
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B
I'd say I get a lot of grief for this one because now this is. People misunderstood this. It was Gaffigan and I talking about where I would be at, like a two year old's birthday party and parents will drop their kid off and bounce. And I was like, hold up, man. That's a two year old. You know what I mean? I don't know if your kid knows how to swim. I don't know this that you don't just get to drop your 2 year old off and bounce. This isn't an 8 year old or a 9 year old. You know what I mean? And people were getting on me like, oh, you're soft. I'm like, I would never drop my two year old. Like, what time I need to pick her up? Six. All right, I'll be back. But you. You realize certain parents that do that. I was at a party, I was like, they just dropped their two year old off. Like, yep. And I was like, damn, damn.
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A
You just used me for a birth as a babysitter. That's all it is, dude. And I have an auto autistic daughter. She's on the spectrum. She's the best. And. But, dude, you know, autistic kids are super interesting because they're like X Men. Like, you're like, you just like, what is your superpower? They all have superpowers. Mine is, can I find the most dangerous to do? Instantly.
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B
All right, wait. Let's go back to the beginning. Literally. So you're. Are they fraternal or identical twins?
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A
They're fraternal.
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B
All right.
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A
And thank God.
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B
What's the age difference? How. How many minutes apart?
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A
I think they're about, I want to say 20, 25.
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B
Oh, wow. Okay.
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A
Yeah. Well, actually, the. So this, the most interesting thing is like, these two came out of the womb with their personalities. Like, it's so great. The first one, bang. Hits the whole pow, dude. High stepping Roger Craig. Bang, right through the whole. Dude. She just, like, covered it like this. She just comes out. She's smiling.
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B
Reminds me of that old school. You're old enough to remember Marshall Falk, when he played for the Colts, had a badass Nike. I think it was commercial where he was running and everything was coming at him. And one of the last things was like a jet behind him. And he took the ball and he.
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A
Went right 100% Earl. Campbell and she. Right. Earl Campbell blown out his knees for.
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B
2 yards, ripping off. So she comes out his knees for two yards, so.
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A
And then the other one just jackknifed in the back. And that's just kind of how their.
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B
Personalities ask you personal questions. And we can cut anything out if you don't want to, but are they natural twins or was this. Because I'm not. I was. There's no twins in our family. My mom. So we're born in March of 73. So she was pregnant in 72. So she's taken. I don't know what prenatal or pregnancy.
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A
Really?
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B
Yes, because she was having trouble having twins. And I guess we're a side effect of that.
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A
This is natural, but we don't have twins in our family.
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B
Your family or hers?
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A
As far as I know. Maybe I just hit it so hard that just split it and two, boom, they go off. Now there's two of them.
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B
So when you first hear two, when she says there's two heartbeats, what do you do?
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A
I'm. Well, man. I mean, I'm super excited, dude. I'm. I love my kids. I'm very blessed. I love them both. They're so interesting right now. And they're at that age where they're very honest. Like one's nonverbal, but the other one is just like, got soup. Like my one daughter has been running stuff like she was three running in five year olds. Like she's like went out to the yard kid, right? Just went out to found the toughest kids. Yeah, she's running everything, dude. So she's always been like that. So now they're at the age ma'am where like they're super honest.
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B
What was your relationship like with your dad?
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A
My dad is great. I love my dad. I'm the only one in my family still talks to my dad like the way. Yeah, my dad's Kaiser, so dog, he'll shoot the family, burn the village down. That's how he goes, bro. And I go, like, it's a big reason why I got sober.
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B
Was there always a good relationship with your dad when you were a kid? Did you ever.
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A
Yeah, we always got one because I always knew my dad was shady.
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B
What do you mean?
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A
My dad just. My dad never worked well with others ever. I remember, like we have these next door neighbors that are such a big part of our family, like on my neighborhood and their mom was a real estate agent or wanted to do a real estate deal with my dad and my dad wouldn't do it. And I remember, like, I was, like, 10 years old. I go, dad, you gotta work with people. You gotta work. You can't go. You can't go alone. At 10 years old, I'm giving advice to my old man. He just. He's from a different. You know. And then you talk to your dads. You talk to your dad. Later on, you start realizing that, like, the trauma they went through, like, I would talk to my dad, go, dad, why'd you do this? He goes, that's how I was taught. He told me a story a long time ago when he was with his dad at his grandma's, and he asked his dad, can they go home? And his grandma just smacked the shit out of him, right? And I go, that. That would be traumatizing to somebody right now if they saw someone's grandma smacking a kid, right? So you start to understand, like, they. They don't have, like, this thing where, like, we can go to therapy. We could cry. We could do all these things that guys back then could do. My dad had to get married at 22. Right. Like, it's super young. My dad. My dad's me. Doesn't want to get married. Never wanted to get married. Just wants to live his life and.
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B
But he was okay having kids.
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A
Yeah. My dad was always a good dad.
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B
Because there is something. There's a difference between being a dad and a husband.
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A
Yeah.
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B
You know, you say you don't want to get married, that's fine. But you still have kids. You like being a dad.
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A
I love being a dad.
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B
And your dad was married, though, right? He did get.
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A
He was married to my mom for a very long time. She waited to the day my brother graduated high school. Next day, divorced.
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B
Is that right? Yeah. Is that right?
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A
Yeah. My brother's getting diploma, he's getting divorce. You could have 100%, dude. That's exactly what happened. That is why my mom was just waiting.
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B
That's a lot of prep work.
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A
That's a lot of prep seats.
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B
So she kept the house and you stay with her, or are you older?
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A
Well, I. I graduate. I was at unlv. I was in. In Vegas at the time. My brother. My brother. Yeah, my brother stayed, you know, because he hadn't graduated high school yet, and then he went to Arizona, and it just got all crazy between those two, and it sucks. But, you know, so, yeah, my dad was a good dude. You know, I always say this in recovery meetings, is that I really do believe my father was put there to show me where what would happen to me. If I continued down this, like, path I was going, you know, because I was raised by very paranoid people and my dad's super paranoid. And I saw myself so starting to do that. And I realized, like, that's not how it goes in life, you know, so it's like through recovery you kind of learn, like, to play the game of life. I'm trying. That's my biggest thing. I want to teach my daughters. I'm like, I'm gonna teach you how to play the game of life. My daughter's like, teach me the game. That was the cutest thing ever. So that's it. Like, can you take these wild animals that you're raising and teach them how to play the game of life and function in society? That's kind of.
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B
And you have two very different daughters.
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A
Two very different daughters.
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B
So how you handle.
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A
They love each other. Which is crazy because me and my brother growing up, we're very close now, but we definitely had a kind of. We bumped heads.
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B
What's Your age difference?
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A
2 and a half years.
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B
Okay.
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A
And my brother is genetically superior to me, which really sucks. When you're the older brother. He's better looking, he's younger, he's in better shape, he's smarter, he's got bigger dick. Right.
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B
I love your honesty.
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A
Me and my buddy over, when we were really young, we all measured dicks, and I came in third.
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B
Dude, there was only two people in the cops.
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A
It was Jason, my two Jasons, and me. And all the Jason's were more hung than me.
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B
All the Jasons.
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A
That's a good thing about being like a dad is like, whatever your deficiencies are, nobody cares.
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B
What do you mean by that? Explain.
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A
Right. Like. Like if you have a problem physically, like, you're not the most hung guy in the world. And by the way, I've been measuring this thing since I learned about measuring. Okay, six inches. Shut the up. Okay.
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B
Has it gotten any bigger over the years?
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A
Well, dude, as I lose weight, it gets a little. It gets a little better then. And then, dude, I started getting my. I started getting everything trimmed down because I heard this comic got trimmed. I go try to trim down, they trim my junk down. So did I ever tell you that story, the Chinese trans lady?
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B
They first of all, well, I know the team of people down there in a parlor or something.
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A
I'm respecting pronouns, bro.
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B
I didn't pick it up. I really thought there was at least three people handling your, like, wax and leg. I really did.
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A
Then she. She shaves me down, dude. I got like Pristine land that I never even saw. So added an inch on that right there, which is nice. So do you guys remember Eric Myers?
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B
Yeah, I remember Eric, rest his soul.
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A
Yeah, God, should have been a theater comic. Couldn't get out of his own way, God bless him. But man, people would show me pictures he would send. When he was drunk, he would send chicks pictures. But he reverse Hitler did where he just did the patch above it, right? So it looked like it gave him three more inches. It was like an optical illusion.
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B
So it looks like a strip going down longer. Like a build up ramp.
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A
Star, dude. Yeah, dude. I was like, wow, man, that's really smart. You gotta think about that.
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B
That's ridiculous.
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A
So, you know, that's kind of like I've learned a lot from my dad, you know, and that's, that's, that's the blessings, you know, the old guard, you know, you gotta remember, you know, they weren't perfect. They didn't have all the.
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B
Well, you're the same age as me and, and my dad's gone now, but I talk about this all the time. Like my dad was Vietnam era. His father World War II. We're over here being like, I want to dance, right?
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A
They don't even want to sell jokes.
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B
What do you.
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A
No, but see, here's the crazy shit about me. I flunked first grade.
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B
I think you've said this before.
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A
So like my parents, they didn't care.
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B
Yeah.
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A
They're like, oh, you're gonna do stand up. I thought you were gonna pump gas. That's literally what they thought, I was gonna pump gas. So any. So they always support me, which was very weird because most people you talk to, their parents aren't really supportive of them following a career in dance.
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B
Mom and dad come to see you do stand up separately? Yeah.
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A
Yeah.
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B
Have they ever come together?
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A
Like not together?
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B
No, they show.
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A
They won't. My mom won't.
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B
You gotta give that heads up.
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A
Yeah, she won't do it, but yes. And it's so funny.
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B
Would.
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A
Yeah, my dad was so funny. I remember I took my dad to Beecher's mad house.
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B
Do you remember? Beaches, Madhouse.
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A
Oh, dude in Vegas.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Was insanity, dude. And I remember, I'm like, yeah, because, you know, my dad's great. He again, he, he did want, probably didn't want to get married, but society. If you weren't married by 23, you were gay. Right? That was, that was the only problem, right. If you weren't married by 23, you were. Yeah, you got a little sugar in the tank. That's what they would think, right? Right. So he got married, had kids, loved his kids, but my dad's a rolling stone. So we're doing this show, and if you never know what Beecher's Madhouse is, Beecher's Madhouse is, like, the greatest live variety show you'll ever see in your life. Jeff Beecher is, like, the best, like, ringmaster you'll ever meet. And there was everything. There was, like, African Tribe dancers, and then there were, like, Midgets with Fire and there was like, Go Go dancers everywhere. But it is loud. And I remember bringing my dad there and he, you know, and I'm like, oh, it's probably too loud. So I. And like, girls are dancing everywhere, and I'm like, dad, are you okay? He's like, I'm fine. He's just like, just. Yeah. Mind blowing, right?
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B
Yeah.
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A
Had to go become a teacher, and now he's in the middle of Vegas. And so he's always been a good. I. I always loved him. He loved my stand up. He. He always hits me up. He, like, he loves Russell Peters, which is kind of cool. When you find out, like, your contemporaries that your parents, like, that's how you know you're big. When my dad finds out about you.
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B
Yeah.
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A
When he started talking about. Yeah. So, yeah, he's always been super supportive. One of the first jokes I wrote was about my parents. I remember that. Do you remember your first joke?
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B
I don't remember my very first joke, but I remember some of my first jokes. I can't remember the very first one.
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A
First joke I ever wrote was about how women give hand jobs, like lawnmowers, like starting lawnmowers. Like, that was the very first joke I ever wrote. Yeah, I know. Yeah, that was the first joke I ever did. And then about my mother, power walking. Those were my first jokes ever. But, yeah, I mean, I have jokes about my dad. My dad used to give us. I've talked about this before, but he had this wink in the nod thing that he used to do anytime he wanted me to beat up my brother. So he's very.
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B
The best.
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A
He's very festive. I love my father and he's super proud of me and I love him.
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B
But is he a good grandfather?
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A
He loves his kid. He's come and seen them a couple times. They're trying to get him out here with him and his girlfriend tomorrow.
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B
He's not in California?
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A
No, he's in Prescott, Arizona.
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B
Okay. Okay.
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A
Living with his black.
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B
He's not local.
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A
Oh, yeah, my dad. My dad. Dude, everybody else was listening to Led Zeppelin. Girl growing up. Dad love Motown. Love Motown. Stevie Wonder. Yeah, my dad loves black ass for sure.
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B
All right, so what are some of your biggest fears as a dad with two different kids at the same age? These are things I could never ask my father, you know, I would love to ask, because I'm a twin. So. Yeah, as a father of twins, like we were fraternal also very different personalities. Like, my mom would put us in the same clothes, but that was.
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A
That must have been so weird.
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B
It was two completely different looking children.
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A
Dressing the exact same.
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B
Exact same.
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A
She really wanted you guys to be identical, huh? Yeah. You know, my biggest fear is just like. For me is like breaking the generational trauma of that we. That our parents passed down to us because their parents passed down to them. And like, you know, for me, paranoia. I really want my kids. I'm really trying to teach her. She says I can't a lot. And it drives me nuts.
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B
Yeah, me too.
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A
Because I'm like, we can't say this, you know, I can't, I can't, I can't. And she's, you know, we can't hit them anymore. I mean, back in the day. You're right. Back in the day, we get lit up.
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B
I get one coming out and I didn't even know it was coming.
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A
And they know this.
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B
Used to it, like, what the fuck was that one for? For it.
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A
You know what I mean?
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B
You're not even crying anymore.
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A
Yeah. And they know it. So that. What is our. We're negotiating with terrorists. That's what we're doing with these kids.
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B
Walk around all the time saying, be a problem solver, be a problem solver. This story makes me laugh. I tell this one, but this made me laugh. My daughter was probably like four. I'm not kidding you. Four years old and she's. We're on the way to school and she's hungry and I got a banana. I give her the banana in the backseat. I'm like, just eat the banana. And she's doing the dad, like, open it. I'm like, I'm not opening a banana for you. Open a banana. Turn it around and do it the way the monkeys do it. If this way is too hard for you, no, dad open. I'm like, I'm not open. I can't. I go, I don't want to hear that shit. Like, there is no.
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A
Drives me nuts.
- [23:31]
B
Be a problem solver. We pull, I swear to God, triple. You pull up to a Red light, we're next to a car. There's a tiny ass. Baby must probably be six months, eight months. This had a banana. Peeled it right in front of it. And I go, look at that baby. My daughter started laughing so hard, I go, that baby's peeled a banana, dad. We still talk about.
- [23:52]
A
You must be a great dad.
- [23:53]
B
I was laughing so hard, I was like, that baby said she's dying.
- [23:56]
A
Laughing.
- [23:57]
B
I was like, no more excuses.
- [23:59]
A
That is one of the hardest things about being a parent is knowing that every kid is on their own timeline.
- [24:06]
B
Yep. I'll never forget my friend who had. He has four kids and he said the same thing. They all learn to read at a different age, walk at a different age, cognitive, you know, thinking. A different age. Different age for every single. And just because you have one daughter doesn't mean that next one wants to be swaddled or. You know what I mean? They're all different.
- [24:26]
A
They're all completely different and they're on their own timeline.
- [24:29]
B
How are you dealing with that at the same time?
- [24:32]
A
Well, it's very interesting to me because, like, swimming, right? It's taken three summers to get this girl to swim. Like, I just wanna.
- [24:40]
B
One of your daughters or both?
- [24:41]
A
Yeah, I mean, the ones. Listen, she's. She's. She's autistic. She's super high function and she's very interesting because, like, sometimes she's so smart. She knows she's autistic and she kind of uses it as a way to ignore me. Right. You know, where she'll be like, I'll be like, hey, come on, let's go. And she'll just be like, I'm autistic. I'm just doing out. But the minute you say something she wants, bang, she's right on you. Right? So we're. We're taking our time with teaching her. She's in floaties now, and she just likes to chill in the pool. But the other one, it's, man, you like, when you have kids, you're like, oh, they're gonna be a jiu jitsu champion. They're gonna be there. It's gonna be that. And she just walks around like a gay veloptoraptor. That's what she does. This is. They call her velociraptor at school, like, because she just walks around like this and it's like. And it was so funny because I got back my. She did this thing for Father's Day where she filled out all this stuff and they asked, you know, what does your dad do for work. And my daughter put down work. That's what I go, you know, because I always go, I have to go to work. So I told her, I go, you know what daddy does? And she goes, well, I go, I make people laugh. She goes, that's what I do. I make funny faces and make people laugh. I'm like, okay, now we got connection. You're going to be a stand up comic. So she's on her own thing. But she finally learned to swim. It's like so crazy because like she's like four in floaties and she's like, her and babies. And then these like 2 year olds are just lapping her and you're like, oh, my kids are slow but no help. They, they just do it when they're ready to do it.
- [26:15]
B
That's it.
- [26:16]
A
And like, that's.
- [26:17]
B
So let me ask you this then. I don't mean to sound ignorant when I say this, but I don't know, like, how did you know your daughter was autistic? Are you. Did you. If you didn't have two at the same time, would you have been quicker to recognize it? So you know what I'm saying?
- [26:32]
A
My mother, you know, was a teacher her whole life. And what. You know, so they have this thing called stemming, but. And this is where they get so excited. They this, they do this. And we didn't know the mother knew. The mother of our, my, your daughter's mom. Yeah, she knew way earlier. She did, yeah, she had a feeling. And you know, we, we were FaceTime with our mom because we were like, they're pandemic babies. And like, as much as that whole time period sucked, it was also a blessing because you got to kind of hang out with your kids more because nobody was leaving the house.
- [27:10]
B
Well, not to rub it in, but when our apartment building didn't close the pool and during the pandemic, I told my daughter, you're swimming every day.
- [27:18]
A
Yeah.
- [27:18]
B
And this is where you're. She was already good, but I was like, this is where you're going deep diving down the deep end. All of it. And we did, we were swimming because if you remember, for whatever reason, and thank God, at least here we had had great weather during the pandemic. Oh yeah, we had great weather during the pandemic. It was quiet. We'd just be out there with no responsibilities. We were swimming every day and I was like, swim, swim, swim. Learn a life skill. That's what you're gonna do during this pandemic is learn a life skill.
- [27:46]
A
Yeah, dude, it was great, man.
- [27:48]
B
But my daughter didn't ride a bike. She was even getting on herself because it was that peer pressure. Nothing like peer pressure. Nothing like it. It's great.
- [27:56]
A
Especially I use it as a motivational. I'm like, look at that.
- [27:59]
B
My daughter's a picky eater. And the therapist would say, there's nothing wrong with your daughter, but once they get to high school. And her brother was the same way. Peer pressure. The kids are going to shit on them. Like, you don't. You just eat ham and cheese and a little bit of mayonnaise. You don't put lettuce and tomato. And they start going to other people's houses, seeing different foods. So that's.
- [28:19]
A
Bro, I wish my daughters have a crackhead diet.
- [28:23]
B
What do you mean?
- [28:24]
A
They'll only eat chicken nuggets.
- [28:25]
B
That's my daughter.
- [28:26]
A
Right? That's it.
- [28:27]
B
My daughter's dinner mostly consists of dinosaur nuggets. Nuggets. It's got to be dinosaur nuggets or chick fil A. She'll do chick fil A, Strawberries, and I do banana slices with peanut butter on the top. That's a dinner for her. She is super picky. But I force fruit in and stuff.
- [28:45]
A
How did they get us to eat.
- [28:46]
B
Back in the day, but to make it forced us. They forced us right through that.
- [28:50]
A
Yeah, you. You have to negotiate with domestic terrorists. That's the whole thing. So when we, you know, we give.
- [28:58]
B
I work with you, you work with me. I'm doing that all.
- [29:01]
A
A little bit of this. And then. Then, dude, four year olds have no problems with reneging on agreements, by the way. They have no problem. You give them theirs, they're like, dude, sucker, I ain't doing any of that.
- [29:12]
B
Whatever. My daughter gives me a whatever a lot.
- [29:15]
A
I don't get it, dude. So, you know, during the pandemic, we were. We, you know, we would be with the kids all day, and we were FaceTiming with my mom, and my daughter started doing this, and I just thought that meant she was super excited. But my mother said that's stemming. And she. So they went and got tested. Yeah. And it turns out she's autistic. And, you know, it's. And I have a lot of guilt. I had a lot of guilt about that. I felt really bad. And then you just kind of realize there's a whole community and there's a lot more people. Just in my family, there's three autistic kids.
- [29:46]
B
Is that right?
- [29:46]
A
Yeah.
- [29:47]
B
And you didn't know that before?
- [29:48]
A
I knew that we had one and then I just found out yesterday that that on my dad's side, one of them is super high functioning autistic. They're just little truth machines, these autistic people. Like my daughter. It's so funny, dude. Big reason why I'm getting in shape is because I have my shirt off. My daughters hate when I take off my shirt and have my chi chi's out, right? Dude, they get so big. Like my autistic daughter, as soon as I take my shirt off, she'll run in my room, start grabbing shirts for me to put on. And then when she runs out shirts, she just starts going carrot top and pulling out props. She's like handing me hub caps and traffic codes. Anything to hide the tits, right?
- [30:34]
B
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- [32:00]
A
And then the other daughter is like, you know, I'm like, yeah man, I got really bad knees. She goes, yeah, because you're getting fat. I go, what? She goes, you got fat? I go, well maybe it should work out. Maybe I Should just walk out and leave and never come back again. Right. I mean, they just.
- [32:15]
B
Very honest at this point, I'm trying to rethink. I'm trying to get my daughter to rethink what fat is.
- [32:20]
A
Yeah, 100%.
- [32:22]
B
Yeah. I'm like, listen, and I'm chubby or plump, but I was like, my point out, if I'm. You see that person in that cart over there?
- [32:30]
A
I'm thick, dude. Yeah, I am, dude. Yeah.
- [32:34]
B
So also 51 year old comedians. I'm not a personal trainer. You know what I mean?
- [32:39]
A
Dude, you're looking good.
- [32:40]
B
No, I gotta drop some weight. After the hospital, all that and I couldn't move. I get, you know, you get heavy. But I'm working out now and everything and feeling so much better.
- [32:47]
A
I had one TV show on tv, it was called Wild World of Spike I did with Jason Ellis. And I learned what a hematoma was that day, which is like this giant blood bruise. So I was doing this stunt because I just was desperate to be on television at that time. So they're like, you're doing stunts? I'm like, what? Whatever. Okay, let's do it. And I get a hematoma. And I gained this layer of permafat that literally took me 15 years to get rid of. And it wasn't until I started doing fasting that I lost this £15. So I was at 225 at one point. Now I'm down to 200. My goal is 175.
- [33:25]
B
Yeah.
- [33:26]
A
So I'm doing through fasting and counting calories. Oh, the worst, dude. Putting it in this app and it tells me whether I'm a fat ass or not.
- [33:33]
B
Yeah, you look that, you gotta look.
- [33:35]
A
At it and tell you give me posses. I'm like, that's 600 calories. You want to give me beat up.
- [33:44]
B
Getting red thumbs downs over here on this.
- [33:46]
A
I got this app judging me and yet.
- [33:50]
B
All right, so how do you, how do you balance time? So again, like, you're not going to take both your daughters out to play catch necessarily. So how do you balance your time with two kids who are the same age who are very different and they're very indie, dude. And you also only get half your time with them.
- [34:09]
A
Yes.
- [34:10]
B
How do you do that?
- [34:11]
A
You know, when we go out, you know, her name is Ghost. There's Ghosts and Ninja. Ninja is the autistic one. You know, Ghost is easy, you know, she can take care of herself. You know, you're not like letting her wander off, but you know. You know she's gonna be good, dude. Ninja. I just have to chase her everywhere she goes. You set her down, bang.
- [34:33]
B
So she's not right by your side. She wants to go.
- [34:36]
A
Yeah, she wants to go. She wants to explore. Yeah, yeah. Throws out smoke bombs, gone. I'm like, we did that the other day. Like, where is she? Where is she? She's hiding in the bushes looking at us. Yeah. So with. With the. With ghosts, it's. She's pretty easy. And it's weird because, like, everyone's like, you gotta keep your kids off the iPads. I go, but they work all day. Like, they go to school all day, then they play. When they get home, they just want to sit on the iPad. Because my dad told me, like, stop playing video games. You'll never make money off TV. And now everybody.
- [35:09]
B
Our iPad was the TV. We all had the TV.
- [35:11]
A
So crazy.
- [35:13]
B
And if you didn't, your brother had it on. You know what I mean? It was in. It was background my whole childhood.
- [35:19]
A
And my daughter says stuff. I go, where'd you find that? And I know it's off of YouTube now. One day, I was like. When we put them to bed, and they were like, we give them a couple minutes with their pad, right? And I heard like, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. And I realized somebody in there is listening to Superman. That Hope by Soldier Boy. I'm like, no, we're not listening to. We're not Supermanning any holes. You're four years old. Give me that. Pad's done, dude. Bad's up. Because they can work that path better than I can.
- [35:56]
B
It's made for them, dude. It's. Does. I think they have kids test them before they send them out to the market.
- [36:02]
A
Yeah.
- [36:02]
B
My daughter shows me how to do stuff on. I'm like, how the you do that? She's like, oh, you just. You take three fingers, you tap it twice. I'm like, what?
- [36:08]
A
Yeah, dude. And because that's the future, it's gonna get more and more computers. It's not gonna get less and less computer.
- [36:14]
B
That's the other thing the argument is for. Okay? We don't want our kids to have all this tablet time or screen time. But that's where the world is.
- [36:23]
A
Yeah.
- [36:24]
B
So if we don't, then are we, you know, hurting them by not letting them be part of that world that they're in?
- [36:31]
A
We're not like Indian kids, dog. They're coming for our jobs. We gotta get these kids. We gotta get these kids on the Pad hustling. But it's so funny, dude. So, you know, during COVID it was kind of crazy. I got to hang out with my kids, and, you know, Covid. Covid was really nuts because, like, I didn't care. Like, that's my brand. Like, my fans didn't care. I was, like, flying around, like, America doing, like, what they called, like, suicide runs. Literally, my agent was calling, like, these are suicide runs. Because I would go to comedy clubs. I didn't care, you know? And it was so funny because I go to, like, St. Louis. They had me out the St. Louis helium, and I show up, and I'm like, what's going on? They're like, yeah, we don't serve alcohol, booze, or food. I go, then why am I here? Like, I'm just hawking liquor at this point. That's what comedians are there for. They can't have all that. I did a show for four people. No four people. I'm like, why are you guys here? I get. I appreciate it, but what. What are we doing right now? You can't drink. They couldn't even have water on table. Why are you here? So I do this show. This is a hilarious kind of. Well, it's. I don't know if it's hilarious, but it's crazy. But. So I do a show in Missouri. No. Where was it? I do the Wisconsin. What's that?
- [37:53]
B
Comedy club in Wisconsin state.
- [37:55]
A
No snow. The other one, man. What is it? It's a great club. So I do the show in Wisconsin. I get home. My brother's like, hey, I want to come see my nieces. I'm gonna drive in. So my brother drives in from Phoenix, Arizona. Well, as he's driving, he's almost. He's like, I'm almost there. I get a. I get a call from my manager. She's like, someone tested positive for Covid at your show. I'm like, how do you know? Because they emailed us. I go, oh, now there's a paper trail, right? So now I'm like, okay. I never want to go get tested. I'm like, I guess I have to at this point, because they could say I wasn't taking care of people if I didn't know. So I go get tested. They take this long thing. They jam it down your nose. I'm like, that can't be healthy, right? Pull that thing out.
- [38:41]
B
That first one they gave me was wildly aggressive. Wildly aggressively aggressive. That very first one in the back.
- [38:48]
A
You'Re like, you just punctured something.
- [38:50]
B
No, Doubt they went hard on that first one. When I, when I ended up just getting the second time, like that's it. Like it was so different. I was like, wait, that's all we, we made advances? That's all? Yeah, we made. Advanced is my ass. That's all we ever needed to do.
- [39:04]
A
So. So I do it and my brother's like 10 minutes away now. My brother, like I said, my brother, him and I love each other, but we're very different. We're very different. Like he's. He at that time was a lot more liberal. Like I'm old school liberal, you know, but now it's like, I'd say I'm like aligned with like libertarianism and stuff like that. But my, my brother's like liberal and he was very like weirded. My brother was so weirded out by Covid that he decided to be like a guinea pig for the vaccine.
- [39:42]
B
What do you mean?
- [39:42]
A
And he took like the experimental thing to see how it would work. That's how nuts he was.
- [39:48]
B
He did.
- [39:49]
A
He, he was like a guinea pig.
- [39:50]
B
For like took one before, like everyone.
- [39:53]
A
Else finalized to see if like some would grow off his head. Yeah, dude.
- [39:57]
B
Did he have any weird side effects?
- [39:59]
A
I can't believe it, dude. He thinks he got placebo so far.
- [40:03]
B
I mean, that shit could be a ten year thing. You don't know.
- [40:05]
A
Not good, right? So anyways, bro, he walks in as he's about to come in and my phone rings and it's the test, the test. And this guy's like so dramatic on the phone. He's like, I have such bad news for you. He's like almost going to cry. You're positive? I'm like, what is going on here? First of all, I just left you. How do you already know all this? And why are you making so dramatic? I'm the one who's sick. You act like you're on a deathbed. I'm so sorry. Call us in. Call us. It hangs up on me. So now I have to tell my brother.
- [40:49]
B
Yeah, yeah.
- [40:50]
A
Who's freaking out about it. My brother comes in, he's hugging everybody. I'm like, ah, I got something to tell you. He goes, why? I go, go. I'm positive for Covid and do this white face on him. Just. He gets white and handicod. He just walks right out, jumps in his car and drives to New York. Yeah, he just drove to New York, dude.
- [41:12]
B
He didn't say goodbye.
- [41:17]
A
Drove. New York tested their negative. How crazy is that?
- [41:24]
B
I'm out, man.
- [41:26]
A
It was crazy. Dude. Those were crazy ass times. Dude. I love the pandemic. Pandemic traffic. That was awesome.
- [41:34]
B
It was awesome. Pandemic traffic was awesome.
- [41:36]
A
Was the best. We need a black plague in LA just like once a year. Just have everybody move to Austin. Go move to Austin. Get football about 50 of us by 2030. Yeah.
- [41:53]
B
What worries you the most about being a dad?
- [41:55]
A
Oh, I don't know that my daughter's already walking around the living room naked. I'm like, hey. Because we had family over and she wanted to go in the pool, so she took off all of her stuff. I'm like, hey, get off the main stage and get to the. Get, get in the bedroom and have Dana put your bathing suit on.
- [42:16]
B
What do you think?
- [42:18]
A
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- [42:59]
B
The perfect gift this season is Here.
- [43:02]
A
One Moment, the number one New York Times bestseller from Leon Moriarty, author of Big Little Lies. Readers are raving about this book, calling it impossible to put down. Here One Moment is a brilliantly constructed.
- [43:14]
B
Tale of an ordinary, short domestic flight where something extraordinary happens.
- [43:18]
A
People learn how and when they are going to die. It's the perfect book for book clubs.
- [43:22]
B
And will stay with you long after.
- [43:24]
A
Finishing the last page. Hear One Moment by Leon Moriarty. Available now wherever books and audiobooks are sold. Look around.
- [43:31]
B
You can find cars like these on autotrader.
- [43:34]
A
Like that car riding your tail.
- [43:36]
B
Or if you're tailgating right now, all those cars doubling as kitchen and living rooms are on autotrader too. Are you working out and listening to.
- [43:43]
A
This ad at the same time?
- [43:44]
B
Well, multitasking pro cars like the ones.
- [43:47]
A
In the gym parking lot are for sale on autotrader. New cars, used cars, electric cars, maybe even flying cars.
- [43:54]
B
Okay, no flying cars. But as soon as they get invented, they'll be on autotrader.
- [43:58]
A
Just you wait.
- [44:00]
B
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- [44:28]
A
Oh yeah, that's my biggest. You know I just want to give them the best advice when they go into the world and it just gets scary.
- [44:38]
B
I mean I think our job as parents is to like like it's obviously to do the best we can given what we have but also to outdo what our parents did not. You know what I mean? Just to go look, here's what I improved on this.
- [44:51]
A
Yes.
- [44:51]
B
Your turn to take the ball, hit the hole. Keep continuing forward, improving.
- [44:57]
A
Ultimately your job is to go what are my defects and how can I not pass that on? Yeah.
- [45:06]
B
I want you to be aware of them. I want you not to be like this. I want to be. Yes.
- [45:11]
A
One of the best thing I ever learned in recovery is that nobody's thinking about me. I think that's really important to tell people like this notion that like people are conspiring against you. It's just like everybody is white knuckling their lives right.
- [45:24]
B
It's world a goddamn rocket out of space right now to control.
- [45:28]
A
They're just trying to survive. Dude. It's like really is nothing personal. It's so hard not to get there. The most black belt thing you could ever think. Dude. Dude. The most black belt thing is like to under the best black belt level mental state is to go people's opinions of me is none of my business.
- [45:51]
B
Agreed.
- [45:52]
A
Like if you can get to that, that's the most freeing in the world. And sometimes the people you love aren't necessarily going to love you back and that's okay too. Your job is just spread love and help others. That's my whole thing. It's like how can I surrender and acceptance and surrender. That's what I think you should do. And how can I be of service to others?
- [46:13]
B
That's great. So give me, give me an off stage weekend with Sam Tripley and his daughters. Give me a day. Give me a Saturday for you. Well, you know a home. You're in town, you're home.
- [46:26]
A
We gotta do your whole thing. It's like Maz would talk all the time about Jim. Just get them busy, just get well, you know it's like most of the weeks what would happen is like I would get, you know, I get up early like at 8 in the morning. For a comic that's pretty early. Like I used to cocaine Sam. Three in the morning, go to bed. Yeah, right. So when I had kids we'd have to. We change the time. So my body clock just flipped and now I'm getting. Now I'm going to bed early and I'm getting up at like six in the morning with the kids. Seven in the morning. But now it's like eight o'clock. But on the weekends I'll sleep in a little bit and then Dana will, will take care of the kids because they'll just get up and just start wrecking. I mean dude, these the. The greatest feeling in the world is when you get four year olds to go to bed. I've done everything a thousand times. Twice. Had the most amazing life. Rock star, hooked up with women way out of my league. All that amazing stuff. Nothing compares to putting four year olds to bed.
- [47:30]
B
Yeah. When they go to sleep, two of them.
- [47:32]
A
Oh yeah.
- [47:32]
B
Are they sharing a room right now?
- [47:34]
A
They are.
- [47:35]
B
Yeah. So that means like my brother and I, we used to keep each other up.
- [47:38]
A
Yeah. 100. Well the. Luckily ghost falls asleep very easy ninja. Because autistic kids have no. What's it called that helps you go to sleep? Serotonin.
- [47:52]
B
Melatonin.
- [47:52]
A
Melatonin. There we go. Yeah, melatonin. They don't have that. So they're up forever. And like sometimes you think they're asleep and then you go lay down and you're like okay, they're bed. And then you just hear somebody. Keith mooning it.
- [48:11]
B
Driving a car to the pool with you out there.
- [48:15]
A
The whole living room's a mess. It's like you have cocaine energy right now.
- [48:20]
B
Yeah, yeah.
- [48:21]
A
They have coke. They don't wanna go to bed. They're right or dry.
- [48:23]
B
Let me tell you something. I wonder this myself. My daughter's definitely a night owl and I am. We're comics. We're nighttime people. I wonder if that isn't a genetic thing you pass on. Cause my daughter fights sleep like a fucking superhero.
- [48:37]
A
Yeah. For sure.
- [48:38]
B
Does not wanna go down.
- [48:40]
A
Yeah. What time she usually get to bed?
- [48:42]
B
I mean man, when it's school I'm trying to get her to bed. I'd love to be in bed by 8:30. That shit ain't ever happening.
- [48:48]
A
I do I People like. Well we train them like this. We train them like that. Dude. Yeah. What are you talking? I mean.
- [48:53]
B
Well, go cattle prod her to get in bed. No, you honest to God, she's in bed. Usually 9ish. I make her read even if it is late. And then I would say she's asleep. 9, 39, 45ish.
- [49:07]
A
Oh, you're blessed, dude. We try to. I try when they're at my house, I try to get them the bed at 9 mm. And then good luck from there.
- [49:18]
B
Is it midnight? Is it 11? Sometimes, man, summer, it's like that. It's been like that with her in summer. I hear in there just doing whatever. I'm like, hey. And then I go, you'll see in the morning. And she's just like, me, five more minutes. I mean, because I remember when my.
- [49:31]
A
Mom would do that to me. Like, I forget, what, eight? I probably like eight or something. She's like, go to bed. I'm like, the lights are on, sun still out. Why am I in my bed? And I would just sit there, like, what am I doing? Yeah, right. So I like. I kind of keep that in mind. And then, dude, you put them to sleep, you walk out, and then you just hear them wrecking shop in the. And it's like kind of this weird thing where it's like. Because, you know, we have. Dana has relatives, and their kids are trained, like, assassins. They're like. Like, it's almost like in the Sound of Music where they all just. Goodbye so long and they just go up and go to sleep. I go, how do you do that? My kids, wild ones. But again, here's my theory on parenting. Like, everyone's like, my opinion is, you know what you need to do. You know what you need to do. It's inside you, and it's like they're on their journey. Like, the thing that will mess them up is trauma. Okay? If you surround them with love and you let them do their thing, they're going to find their way. They're on their path. As long as you shield them from trauma, that doesn't knock them off the rails. And then who knows where they end up? It's like, just let them be and they'll be fine.
- [50:47]
B
I also try not to get too mad about. Because I'm not gonna lie, I'm not good. Like, I'll lay in bed, my daughter, when she reads, and then we'll start laughing at something. And I can't stop. I can't stop. You know what I mean? I'm in there laughing. My. We were laughing so hard the other night at some. I was dying.
- [51:03]
A
Oh, you're a great dad.
- [51:04]
B
And then I'm like, all right, quiet. Go to bed. And then I start laughing. You know what I mean? And I'm like, stop. And then she's Laughing. And she's doing that. You know, the. There's nothing that makes me laugh harder. When someone's not supposed to laugh. And you catch that out of the corner of your eye, that them holding it in, you know, trying to fight, trying to give it to you.
- [51:22]
A
Is she funny?
- [51:22]
B
Oh, yeah, she's so funny, dude. She called me the other night, laughing because she's at her mom's and she was telling her mom she want French tip nails. And her mom's like, I don't like French tip. And she looks at her mom's nails and they're a wreck. She goes, yeah, you like French chicken chipped? She told her and she called me. She's like, hey, dad, she showed me her mom's nails. Goes, I said this to her. I said, that's good. That's good.
- [51:46]
A
She's already roasting.
- [51:47]
B
She's already roasting. She's smart as. She gets it. My daughter gets it, which is cool. But also, I don't. I've never treated her like a little kid, you know, I've always had to leverage with her, like, look, man, you got two parents who love you in two different homes that. That. That welcome you and support you in all things you do. This is just the way it is. There was a time where she said to me once, I wish we were real family, like the family next.
- [52:12]
A
Yeah.
- [52:12]
B
My dog that lived together. And I said, hold on a second. I said, hold on. I don't ever want to hear it again. We are a real family. And I said, just because these people live under the same roof, I said, I'm going to be straight up with you. Sometimes people under that roof are punching each other, they're yelling at each other, they're burning each other, they're tearing the place down. It doesn't mean anything to be under a roof. It's not about what family or love is.
- [52:37]
A
It's hard. My daughter says that too, all the.
- [52:39]
B
Time, and I love it. Does she? Yeah. I mean, my daughter's over it now. She's nine now. And she gets it. You know, she used to. She used to be like, you should hug mom. Like when she's like two or three, you know?
- [52:50]
A
Yeah.
- [52:50]
B
I'm like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Here you go.
- [52:52]
A
Yeah.
- [52:54]
B
But the other night, a friend of mine was over, and she watches my dog for me, and my daughter's got her roller skates on. On. That's why I'm saying I love being a parent. My daughter's just roller skating around the apartment, just up and down all over the place. And my friend finally goes, that doesn't drive you nuts? I go, what? And she goes, the skating. It would drive me inside. Yeah, inside. And I was like, no. I tune it out. I go, let me tell you something. Here's the thing. As a parent, that'll drive you nuts when you don't hear anything.
- [53:24]
A
Yeah.
- [53:24]
B
That's when you're like, what the going on?
- [53:27]
A
What are you getting.
- [53:28]
B
You can skate around here all my. I see you. I hear you. You're not getting in any trouble. Skate. I don't. I don't own this place.
- [53:35]
A
Yeah, that's my daughter, dude. Like, whenever she hides, we know she's trying to shit her pants. That's what she's trying to do. I'm like, go in the bathroom and do it. You don't have to do it in the closet.
- [53:45]
B
Hide in there. Yeah, don't die there.
- [53:47]
A
Go drop a Dude. Dad loves dropping deuces. It's fun, it's free. It's a fun game you play.
- [53:52]
B
Yeah, I like the shit in the closet too. You know what I mean?
- [53:56]
A
I closet. I just don't have anyone coming to clean it. I love being a dad. It's my favorite thing she sent me. She drew a face of me and I'm gonna get tatted.
- [54:10]
B
Are you.
- [54:10]
A
It's the cutest, funniest, weirdest thing you've ever seen in your life. I'm. I'm gonna get tatted. I just gotta figure out where I. Because I got two tats I want to get. I want to get Godzilla. And then I want to get my daughter's picture of me. It's like so funny. I want to see. Oh, I'll show it to you. I love it.
- [54:27]
B
Send it to us.
- [54:28]
A
Yeah, I love it.
- [54:29]
B
What are your favorite parts of being a dad? What's the hardest parts? Give me the hardest parts first.
- [54:34]
A
The hardest part is trying to get them to understand what I'm telling them is good for them. I have to go. You got to trust your dad. You got to trust me. I'm never going to lead you wrong. Trust me on this. Trust me on that. Because they're very strong, Will. They're very strong willed. Now, with my daughter, who's autistic, nonverbal, you've had. You have to learn to pick up cues for her. And it's hard because, you know, it's.
- [55:00]
B
Like when you say nonverbal, does she not speak at all? She says, or a limited vocabulary, like, very limited. Like, she'll say, dada, okay.
- [55:08]
A
And stuff like that. And the mom, she says a lot of stuff around her mom, but she's. It's gonna come. I know it's coming. So that, for me, it's just, like, the ability to communicate with them, to get them to do things they don't necessarily want.
- [55:25]
B
You're communicating with two different human beings two different ways.
- [55:29]
A
Yeah.
- [55:29]
B
Instead of telling two kids at the same time, both do this. That's two different computers you're working. You're working with an iPhone and a Samsung.
- [55:38]
A
She's very. They love each other, but they do their own thing. Thing. Yeah, they're very indie for two twins.
- [55:45]
B
Do they ever play together?
- [55:46]
A
Yeah, once in a while, and it's such a joy. But usually they're just off exploring their own thing. But, you know, Ghost knows that Ninja is special, and she's very protective of her.
- [55:57]
B
Okay, good.
- [55:58]
A
And they don't like to be separated. They just want to do their own thing. Like, they want me to independently.
- [56:02]
B
Codependent.
- [56:03]
A
Yeah, they're codependent. Independent.
- [56:05]
B
Yeah.
- [56:05]
A
That's how it is. And it's just fun to watch somebody grow up into a person and have their personalities the best and then just negotiate again, negotiating with them. And, you know, they. You know, they. They're very emotional. The worst is like, you know, so.
- [56:21]
B
It'S like, I'm learning how to deal with that, too. Because brothers. Brothers, emotional is different. They're going to punch you, wrestle you. Like, my daughter cries. And I have to understand that that's a different way to express these same emotions that my brothers used to give me a wedgie for. You know what I mean? No.
- [56:38]
A
100%.
- [56:39]
B
Yeah. Yeah.
- [56:40]
A
And they just know, because I remember we were at Dana's family, and they have this really nice place down, like, towards San Diego. And my daughter was in the pool, and she didn't want to do something, and we're, like, telling her to do it, she doesn't want to do it, and then she starts crying, and then I give in. And then Dana's sister's like, oh, she's got Sam wrapped around her finger. Huh? And it's just like this weird kind of place between, like, how long can I let you cry before I feel like an awful human being? Right. That, like, that's that fine thing. And then sometimes in public, when you're trying to teach them something, people judging you around, they're like, oh, dude. Well, you're. She's crying. I'm like, hey, man, you know what I'm doing here? Like, I was at Chuck E. Cheese one day and everyone's staring. So we get this. So we go to. I have my kids go to a private school, right? Because I just don't want them to be trans. Your kids can be trans. I don't need my kids to be trans. But we go to.
- [57:35]
B
We got enough going on right now.
- [57:38]
A
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Live your best life. Okay, but we're going to a private school. Well, we're not going to public school. Okay, so. So they're at the fundraiser at Chuck E. Cheese.
- [57:50]
B
Okay.
- [57:51]
A
And we show up at Chuck E. Cheese dog. It's like, do you see the show fall out? Yeah. It's basically like amusement park pandemic.
- [57:59]
B
I thought they all closed. I saw them selling their pizza in the free section at Ralph's, bro. Did you know that loaded their pizzas.
- [58:07]
A
Do you know the conspiracy about Chuck E. Cheese? What is it that they reuse their pizza?
- [58:11]
B
What do you mean? No, like if there's three pieces.
- [58:14]
A
Laughing yes.
- [58:15]
B
No.
- [58:15]
A
Now, dude, I'm tell. I can show you a picture of my pizza. The crust don't even know each other. Dude, there's one up here. There's one way down here. Hand to God and the guy.
- [58:29]
B
What if we should get a frozen Chuck E. Cheese and open it and see if it's all over the place?
- [58:34]
A
If they're meeting for the first time, it's like a little mixer, a little.
- [58:37]
B
Bit different Cheese colors.
- [58:39]
A
Dude, it's crazy.
- [58:40]
B
I've never heard that rumor.
- [58:42]
A
Yes.
- [58:42]
B
Chuck E. Cheese and I took a.
- [58:43]
A
Picture of it and showed it on. On my podcast. And like, dude, like one slanted down, one's away.
- [58:50]
B
Did other people write in and be like, hey, we think we have one too?
- [58:53]
A
I. Nobody sent it to me, but I've heard that I've seen on red it.
- [58:56]
B
Dude, Chuck E. Cheese might reuse their pizza.
- [59:01]
A
I hear you.
- [59:01]
B
Allegedly, right?
- [59:02]
A
So.
- [59:03]
B
So if there's two pieces left on this table and two over there, you're telling me they're going in the back and they're whipping up. Oh, no, dude, I never heard that.
- [59:17]
A
So. So there's this whole thing in conspiracies about how every. How everything things going digital, like your money so they can control you. Like if you act up, they'll just shut your digital off. Like that's what it is. Well, Chuck E. Cheese has gone fully digital. You don't get any of the coins anymore. There's no hard coins. It's just a card. Yeah, they're gone. Totally. We World economic Yeah, yeah. So it's a fundraiser. I pay $30 for this pizza that's just meeting itself.
- [59:45]
B
Yeah, yeah. Old ass used pizza's crazy.
- [59:51]
A
It looks like Frankenstein's dirt knot. You know, they use a. Use a Jimmy Schubert frame. I got a dirt knot, right. So I paid 30 for that American dollars for this pizza that looks like it's 711 pizza, right?
- [60:09]
B
Yeah.
- [60:09]
A
So I get that, and then I buy a card for game games. So then, you know, so I. Of course, my daughter's just like, tell me to buy everybody's games. And I'm like, oh, you're just running through this car, dude. You don't even understand value this money, dude. I'm raising like a gold digger or something like that. She's just gonna spend money and not even care, right? So. So one day she. So one time she's like, can I have the card? I go, no, you can't have the card. It's. This is Chuck E. Cheese coins. You can't take out dad paid for. Please, can I have the carton? She's so cute. I love. She's like, can I please have a card? I want to play this game. I'm like, okay, I'll give you the card. So I give her the card. I'm just sitting around. Five minutes later, she goes, hey, can I have the card? I want to go play this game. I go, I gave you the card. She goes, I don't have the card. I go, where's the fucking card? That's $30 of Chuck E. Cheese coins. Do you know how many conspiracy theorists your dad has to interview? How many times I have to hear about flat earth and deep states to get $30 in Chuck E. Cheese coins? I'm like, God, my knees. I'm interviewing face. Where's the card? I'm not Chuck E. Cheese coins. I look up, all the moms are judging me. Day drinking at a Chuck E. Cheese.
- [61:19]
B
They drinking, no doubt.
- [61:20]
A
Yeah. Dude, I don't know what Rock Bomb looks like, but it's a Bud Light and a Chuck E. Cheese at new. Yeah, right?
- [61:27]
B
Yeah.
- [61:28]
A
They just judge you. They always judge you.
- [61:31]
B
Yeah.
- [61:32]
A
And it's like, hey, dude, you wanna. You want to yell your kid.
- [61:35]
B
It's the way I feel as a dad, too. Like, it can't happen on my watch. You know what I mean? Like, the ship's just gotta run smooth over here. I taught my daughter that all the time. Like, just. We gotta just run. Shit's gotta run smooth.
- [61:48]
A
Yeah.
- [61:48]
B
Over here we gotta look good.
- [61:50]
A
100.
- [61:51]
B
We gotta come out. We're a team.
- [61:52]
A
We're not there.
- [61:53]
B
We gotta look good. That's the other thing. I talk. She said something the other night and I said. And I cursed too. I was like, no, knock that off now. I'm not one of your punk friends at school doing some tick tock trend or whatever. I'm your dad, and you're not bringing that my way. Enough's enough. And she'll be like, all right, she gets it.
- [62:10]
A
So sad. When I brought her to school for the first time, we put them in school when they were about three, and it was just like, we're already losing them, right? You just got them and now you're just sending them out to the world. But it's great because it socializes them.
- [62:24]
B
And that's what needs to happen. That's the bittersweet part, you know, like, my daughter already didn't want to hold my hand as we get closer to the front of the school. So I, you know, I'm with that. I'm like, you don't want to hold. You know, can I hold my hand? Not gonna hold my dad.
- [62:38]
A
Dad.
- [62:38]
B
I do this all the time. Yell at people and travel. Like, we get in over there. My daughter. My daughter thinks I'll say that to my daughter like that. That guy has a nice shirt. I'm like, my daughter likes your shirts like that. I'm like, what? People like compliments 100%. That guy's gonna say, thank you so much.
- [62:54]
A
That means a lot to people.
- [62:55]
B
We were at the. I tried a little challenge.
- [62:57]
A
Three people a day. That's what I say.
- [62:59]
B
Okay. I try little challenges. Whether. So yesterday we're at the. The coolant was low on this, on the car, and I just was like, I'll just pull in Jiffy Lube real quick. And I'm telling. They're like, we do. I'm like, look, I just need to call it refill. And they're like, all right, you can sit in the car while we do it. So you got the hood popped. And through the crack of the hood, I can see that they're eating pizza. And I said, stella, when they come up to the window, I'll give you $20 if you go, hey, can I get a bite of that piece? And she's like, no way. And I was like, what are they going to do? I said, they're going to be like, this little girl just asked if she could have a bite of this pizza. They're going to love it. Or they're just going to look at you like you're a weirdo, but you're rolling with $20. And she wouldn't do it. She wouldn't do it. She's like, you do it. I go, if I do it, I'm going to say my daughter wants to know, dad, no. I'm like, all right, all right, dude.
- [63:42]
A
That'S the best press. Get comfortable with the uncomfortable.
- [63:47]
B
That's it, dude. Thank you. Thank you for doing this. Best of luck to you. Continued in comedy. But as a dad out there, I love you, buddy. I love you.
- [63:56]
A
I love you, dude. I love your rise. I love your pace. I love everything about it.
- [64:00]
B
I still nothing tickles me more than crushing and you coming out and as I pass you going, hey, you'll get them next time, bro.
- [64:07]
A
Dude, you crush at the comedy chaos all the time, dude.
- [64:10]
B
I love it. It's one of the best shows. It really is. Congrats.
- [64:14]
A
I love that show.
- [64:15]
B
How many sold out considerations?
- [64:16]
A
We're at 84 now. We got 16 more to 100 then we'll decide tie for still gonna go.
- [64:22]
B
That's insane, dude.
- [64:23]
A
Dude, that's a hard thing to do, bro.
- [64:25]
B
It's insane. Please promote everything one more time.
- [64:28]
A
You're special tripoli.com My new special quiet available like rumble. Then it will be on Sam triple e dot com. I would love to put it on YouTube but it's a giant waste of time. They dude right out the gate I'm in trouble. And then listen to my podcast broken sim. It's just I, me and my buddy, we just talk about a week and it's so super interesting. It's a great conversation. Then tinfoil hat which is I'm known for. And then deep waters with Sam, Tripoli and Dylan Ren. It's a really great, it's a really great debate show. So check it out.
- [65:02]
B
All right, brother. As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Ryan sickler.com come see me on tour if I am in your city when you're around. Tickets are on my website now. Ryansickler.com we'll talk to y'all next week.
- [65:41]
A
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