← The Human Upgrade: Biohacking for Longevity & Performance
The Human Upgrade: Biohacking for Longevity & Performance
The Science of Erotic Altered States | Biohacking Sex : 1382
00:57:44
Loading summary
Transcript176 lines
- [00:00]
Kimmy Inch
I just think healing is way more fun when orgasms are involved.
- [00:04]
Dave Asprey
And I talk about the work of.
- [00:05]
Podcast Announcer
A specific somatic therapist turned to dominatrix who's led thousands and thousands of people to reconnect with intimacy in a different way.
- [00:14]
Kimmy Inch
Using things like impact play or using things like bondage and restraint. Release chemicals in our brain, serotonin and adrenaline. That chemical cocktail is what creates the altered state of consciousness without needing the outside plans. I had this man, he had a desire to be kidnapped by powerful Amazon. We kidnapped him on the street, threw a bag over his head and threw him into a trunk of a car. I let him know, but this time you have to ask for everything. And he cried the whole time. And at the end of the scene he was sharing like, wow, if I can ask for what I want here, why can't I ask for it anywhere? Honestly, like, I truly believe if we had more freedom here and more liberation here, there'd be a lot less war.
- [00:58]
Podcast Announcer
You're listening to the Human Upgrade with Dave Asprey.
- [01:05]
Sponsor Voice
If your light environment isn't dialed in, your biology isn't either. And if you're not using light as a performance tool, you're leaving results on the table every single day. The right light wavelengths unlock recovery energy and clarity in ways most people never tap into. EMR Tech's Krypton UV line puts that power in your hands with red near infrared, uva and UVB all in one system. They have something for everyone from the compact Krypton Micro and mini to the modular 606 watt and 1612 watt. Each device lets you choose your wavelengths, your timers, and how deep you want to go with your setup. I personally use the Ultron. It's a beast. Full body coverage, built in timers and high output light from premium components. Whether you're syncing your circadian rhythm or designing a pro level light environment, EMR Tech lets you scale it your way with Prec. Go to emr-tek.com Dave and use code Dave for 40% off.
- [02:10]
Podcast Announcer
Living longer than you're supposed to isn't about luck anymore. It's about who gets the right data first. That's why I built InsideTrack. It's my new private weekly newsletter that gives you the science before everyone else. Most of the advice you find online creates confusion, not clarity, because it's just echoing stuff that's been around for a long time. You deserve better. I want everything you do to work for you.
- [02:34]
Dave Asprey
Because we're not all the same.
- [02:35]
Podcast Announcer
In InsideTrack, I cut through the noise and send you exactly what actually nutrition, tech supplements and tools that pass the quote unquote.
- [02:44]
Dave Asprey
Does this actually work?
- [02:45]
Podcast Announcer
Test when you join today, I'll send you the beginner's guide to biohacking, your first steps to taking control of your biology and your state. Right now, the truth is simple. The people who thrive and have resilience don't wait around for mainstream medicine to finally admit what their research has shown a decade ago. We take action while everyone else waits for permission. So if you care about your energy, your brain, your lifespan, don't sit this out. Stay informed and stay ahead and Maybe outlive your doctor. Go to daveasprey.com to join InsideTrack today.
- [03:19]
Dave Asprey
If you read heavily meditated, you might have noticed there's a chapter called Go spank yourself. And I talk about the work of a specific somatic therapist turned to dominatrix who's been on the Oprah Winfrey show and has been on Nightline and has led thousands and thousands of people to reconnect with intimacy in a different way. And she's been on the stage at my biohacking conference. And by the way, biohackingconference.com if you'd like to check that out. It's a lot of fun, but this is her first time coming on the show. I'm talking about none other than Kimmy Inch. Hi, Kimmy. Welcome.
- [03:59]
Kimmy Inch
Thank you. It's really exciting to be here.
- [04:02]
Dave Asprey
I look at different ways to enter altered states, and that's what heavily meditated was really all about. And I talk about breath work and meditation and. But I also, in large part thanks to you, included tantra and conscious kink as ways to enter altered states for healing.
- [04:20]
Kimmy Inch
Right.
- [04:21]
Dave Asprey
That are just as valid as taking a bunch of mushrooms in the forest. Why do people go into such altered states? Not when they're just in, you know, intimacy, but when they're using some of the. The kinkier parts of it.
- [04:35]
Kimmy Inch
Yeah, absolutely. It's so interesting too, because when you're playing with the erotic again, there's a heightened state that's happening. If you take enough mushrooms, you're going to get blasted off into another dimension. Right. But it's not the same with the erotic per se. There's an ascension, a necessity for building a strong foundation with someone. So that would require good communication skills and trust and safety and things where you feel like you can actually let go and lean in. And once you have that established and you're starting to introduce things like breathing through, through, you know, through the genitals. And if you are also like using things like impact play or using things like bondage and restraints, these are things that release chemicals in our brain that are like serotonin and adrenaline and oxytoci and endorphins. And that chemical cocktail is what creates the altered state of consciousness. And that's a way for somebody to actually shift their perspectives on something because they're in this heightened state similar to medicine journeys, but without needing the outside plant. It's all our internal medicine. And when we learn that we have this internal medicine within us, we can start to realize that we are actually, you know, the doms are the, the, the creators of our own experience that we don'. Need anything outside of ourselves in order to achieve those sorts of experiences.
- [06:00]
Dave Asprey
Well, you might need a spicy partner.
- [06:02]
Kimmy Inch
Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes you do. But I've had some incredibly, incredibly expansive experiences through self pleasuring as well that included not just masturbation, but also included different forms of taboo play practices and.
- [06:19]
Dave Asprey
Or just by yourself?
- [06:20]
Kimmy Inch
By myself, absolutely. And still being able to release those types of chemicals in my body and have this heightened state of expansion in that practice. But it definitely is more fun, I think, when you can do it with a partner and, and play with the, with somebody at the same time.
- [06:35]
Dave Asprey
At least if it's the right partner.
- [06:38]
Kimmy Inch
Absolutely.
- [06:38]
Dave Asprey
And it's just like with psychedelics, if you're doing it in an unsafe place with people you don't trust. Yeah, you're probably not going to have a good trip. And if you're going to these, these places with intimacy, if you're doing someone who's not safe, kind of defeats the purpose of healing, right?
- [06:54]
Kimmy Inch
Absolutely. Well, it's interesting, you know, I was working with this client, this woman who was telling me, you know, she's not having the life that she wants. She's not working in the job that she wants to be in and she's not having the relationships that she wants. And I started to notice something really interesting about her that this woman had a really hard time receiving, like receiving help, you know, like, oh no, no, I've got it. You know, like very much independent, if you will, and even receiving a compliment like, o what this old thing? You know, I bought this on sale and I noticed when we started to work together and bring that into the erotic play space, I noticed she had a really hard time receiving pleasure as well. It was almost like her mind needed to feel like she earned it on some level. And she had a hard time just letting that in. And I Think the art of receiving is also being able to let something in. So we were taking the erotic as a way of looking about what's blocking her from what she wants to have in life. Life, which is her. It's usually you at the end of the day. We're usually our own worst enemy when it comes to not being where we want to be. So we looked at that and we actually created scenes together where she would step into her surrender. I would tie her up, I would lead her through experiences where she would have to be in a state of surrender. And she started to learn kind of like through muscle memory and through actually having an embodied experience of something of how to receive. So that when she was out in the real world, she was able to receive more of what life was offering her.
- [08:27]
Dave Asprey
So it's. It's a shift in her energy that happened because of it.
- [08:30]
Kimmy Inch
Absolutely. And because she was in an altered state of consciousness, her brain started to look at like, oh, the stories I have around receiving. Like, I don't want to be selfish. I don't want to be too needy. I don't want to take up space. She learned this when she was a little girl, and she realized when she was having this erotic experience with me in a safe space, her brain started to say like, oh, maybe these belief systems that I'm holding aren't serving me at after all. Maybe these are outdated. And maybe I am okay to receive and it doesn't make me a bad person. And that if I can receive here in the play space, maybe I can receive out into the world as well.
- [09:06]
Dave Asprey
It's interesting you brought up surrender. And when people are doing psychedelics or breath work, there comes a point where you're going to have to let go. And if you don't, it's really painful.
- [09:18]
Kimmy Inch
Yes. It's not fun.
- [09:19]
Dave Asprey
Right. And this conscious kink practice seems like a way to teach people to learn how to surrender, which is a necessary state for personal evolution.
- [09:30]
Kimmy Inch
Right.
- [09:30]
Dave Asprey
And it's something that seems like it's particularly hard for guys. You know, we're taught not to be vulnerable, not to surrender.
- [09:36]
Kimmy Inch
Right.
- [09:37]
Dave Asprey
And I want you to talk more about what does surrender mean? And what happens in people's lives when they learn that as a skill through erotic play.
- [09:46]
Kimmy Inch
You know, the elements of being able to surrender is really being present. Right. Getting out of agenda. And a lot of men have been taught to be in a performance mode where if the woman that they're with hasn't had several orgasms, then they're failing on some level. I mean, that's true, but the thing is, is that that creates an unspoken pressure to show up a certain way. Instead of just being with a person in their experience and wherever they're at in that moment, then that is usually what opens a woman or a person up more, is just to feel accepted for wherever they are, as opposed to, I need you to be this in order for me to feel better. So we get curious around, like, what's the intention that you're holding? Because if the intention is for validation and to feel like you need someone's response to give you value, that's going to keep you both from the full potential of what's possible. But surrender is about just being really present with what is showing up in the moment. And, yeah, it can be really challenging for men, especially, to let that go and just show up with what's going on.
- [10:51]
Dave Asprey
What makes someone a good domme?
- [10:53]
Kimmy Inch
Ooh. So for me, someone who's a good domme understands that it's actually not about control at all. And quite often people think domination is all about controlling another person. But what's really happening is that someone who's a good domme first and foremost understands that attunement is the most important element when it comes to play. We can talk about communication all day long. And yes, communication is important. It is important to ask for what you want. It is important to name your boundaries. It is important to, you know, talk about what you need, but it's only going to take you so far. Being able to tune into somebody's breathing and noticing what's going on with their body and noticing how connected you feel with them is so much more important. In fact, I was talking to this woman who had attended one of my play parties, and she had mentioned playing with this man who communicated what he wanted really clearly. He talked about what he didn't want, his intentions. But he came on so aggressively and so dominantly in this very forceful sort of way, it actually triggered her into feeling a little more in this freeze kind of mode. So she started to fawn. She was a little triggered. So she was agreeing to play with him in ways that her whole body wasn't actually a heck yes to. And in retrospect, yes, she did actually say she was available for play. But if he was a really skillful lover or play partner, he would have noticed the disconnection. Right? He would have noticed that her body was shut down. She wasn't being respected, responsive. She wasn't really present and connected to him. So that's why I always say, like, staying on the surface with communication will only get you so far. It might start the connection, but the attunement is what keeps the connection safe. And that's something that a lot of people don't really learn a lot about is attunement. And how do I really hold the me and we simultaneously while using discernment to honor both. Like, how do I feel myself? How do I feel you and hold the both of us at the same time. That shows a lot of mastery.
- [12:56]
Dave Asprey
And so if that makes a good dom, what makes a good sub?
- [13:00]
Kimmy Inch
Oh, it's interesting because a lot of the same qualities that I think make a good dom, attunement, presence, surrender, collaboration, creativity, authenticity, accountability, kind of goes both ways. Like it kind of goes both ways for both play partners. Because it is important that someone who's in the follower position knows that this is not a passive role. You know, you can use words like dom, sub, but I like to use leader, follower. Because to me, being an erotic leader is someone who can guide and influence and inspire life force energy. And an erotic follower. It's the embodiment and expression of that life force energy. You could also substitute those names for artist and muse. Like that there's not a passive role being a submissive. And it's important that a good submissive advocates for themselves and that they express what their needs are and that they're attuned to themselves and their body and noticing when things aren't working or if they're shutting down and being able to communicate that clearly to your partner and being collaborative and not just expecting to lay there, you know, like a dead fish and wanting to contribute energetically even to the experience that's happening. I mean, nothing's worse than having a lever that just kind of lays there, right? Like I like expression, like let me know if this is working or not. I can't read minds. So also like a good sub is someone who expresses and embodies that life force energy and that sort of the fan to the flame almost, you know.
- [14:31]
Dave Asprey
Who shouldn't go to a play party?
- [14:34]
Kimmy Inch
Play parties are not for everyone. It actually takes a lot of maturity and to again, to really be able to hold a space that's sensitive, that's vulnerable. It's good for people who know how to listen and are able to attune, like we mentioned earlier. But play parties, people kind of think it's going to be this like all you can eat buffet. And they're like, I can't wait to just gorge myself. And because they think it's that, they show up starving, they're like, okay, finally I'm going to get fed. And when you show up starving, that energy doesn't really add to the atmosphere because it's like, I'm starving for. To feel desired, I'm starving to feel validated, I'm starving to feel wanted, whatever those things are. But when you show up feeling sort of fulfilled and thinking to yourself, like, this might be a more of a papa's situation, there might be a little tasting of this and then maybe a little tasting of that where there might be some exposure to learning something new about myself or learning something new about people in general. If you come in with the idea of, like, I want to show up not just because I want to get something out of it, and, like, what am I going to get? It's like, what do I want to give? Like, what do I want to bring? Maybe it's just presence, maybe it's just kindness, maybe it's just openness. You know, those are the type of people that really thrive in a play party setting.
- [15:57]
Dave Asprey
What happens at a play party?
- [15:59]
Kimmy Inch
Yeah, so a play party is just a space where people can explore erotically and they can explore in a way that's tantric, that's sexual, that's kinky. It's really up to the individual. But usually it's a space that welcomes people's fantasies and desires, and there's a possibility to be able to explore that in a community setting.
- [16:21]
Dave Asprey
So it's not an orgy.
- [16:23]
Kimmy Inch
It doesn't always have to look like that. No, that's the first question people always ask me. Like, okay, you're having a play party, so does that mean I'm gonna just walk into an orgy? And I'm like, no, no, no. Like, it starts with an opening ceremony. Everyone's fully clothed. We do some icebreaker games. We talk about the agreements, we get people sort of comfortable and build the foundation together. And then, yeah, it's sort of a pick your own adventure. You know, the spaces that I curate. It's a mix of, you know, kink and energetics and tantra and sexuality. But we created it in a way where we have designated areas for designated types of play. That way, if you don't feel like you're really available or open to being in a kinky, kinky setting, you would stay out of a certain room. If you don't feel like you're really available for anything that feels too sexual, you would stay out of a certain part of the venue so people get to really, you know, decide how they want to navigate that space.
- [17:22]
Podcast Announcer
If you're an athlete under 30 or you're over 30 in general, your cartilage is already breaking down faster than your body can rebuild it. That's the reason your joints feel stiff or less mobile after workouts and even just during daily life. If you ignore it, you set yourself up for pain and limitations that only get worse with time. There's a brand new supplement based on a ton of research called called Cardiogenics HP by Calroy that directly changes that. Calroy designed this product to directly target the foundation of joint health, which is your cartilage. And they lead with real science. This one's personal for me because I've had three knee surgeries to repair cartilage in my knee when I was in my early 20s and I don't have knee pain anymore. The cardiogenics HP formula went through three published human trials. Two of them were randomized, placebo controlled. That's the gold standard standard and the results are shockingly good. In just 90 days, participants saw a 67% average drop in pain scores. They walked 50% further on average. Even biomarkers of cartilage regeneration improved in a meaningful way. Kylroy already is one of my go to supplements because of Arterosil HP which I've taken for almost a decade. It's a core part of my longevity program. Now they've done it again with Cardiogenics HP so go to calroy.com-dave. You'll see the research, get the discount and you get their 45 day money back guarantee. So if your joints matter to you, and they should, don't wait until the damage locks you in. Just go to calroy.comdave and feel better. There's a really good chance your non stick cookware contains toxins. A study from the Ecology center in California found 80% of nonstick pans still contain Teflon. And a brand new study from the Science of the Total Environment Journal found that a single scratch on a non stick pan can release about 9,100 plastic particles into your food. That's the food you're giving to yourself and your loved ones. And studies show that those toxins can cause liver damage, thyroid dysfunction, fertility issues and more. So what do you do? Well, use cookware that doesn't have any of those chemicals. Our place makes high performance toxin free cookware and I've been using it for about the last last seven years. In fact, I just bought another pan they don't use any forever chemicals like PFAS or ptfes. So you can cook confidently without wondering what's in your pan besides what you're cooking. The Our Place cookware set will upgrade your kitchen in one fell swoop. You get two multifunctional always pans and two perfect pots in mini and full sizes. And that replaces a bulky, expensive stack of cookware with just four pieces. You can sear, saute, bake, fry, boil, roast, steam everything that you'd want to do in the kitchen. And buying the entire set saves a lot of money. $150 to be exact. This is what I cook on and what I have cooked on every single day for years. Our Place designed this cookware for performance and built it to last. It has over 80,000 5 star reviews and I'm still using the same frying pan I bought seven years ago. And it's so good that Michelin star chefs swear by it. It give it a try. They give you a 100 day risk free trial with free shipping and returns so you can experience this game changing cookware with zero risk. Stop cooking with toxic cookware and upgrade to Our place today. Visit fromourplace.comdave and get 10% off site wide.
- [20:41]
Dave Asprey
So there are dungeons like places set up for couples just to come in and play. Right, right. And then there are like swinger parties where people come in with the intent of having sex, maybe less of the kink sort of thing. And then there are BDSM parties and then there are conscious kink parties. What is the difference between all of those?
- [21:02]
Kimmy Inch
Oh my gosh, it's, it's a good question because there are so many different types of flavors for sure. And getting really clear on what you're available for is going to help direct you on what sort of environment would work best for you. You know, my play parties in particular have a. Everything, a little mix of all of it, but they're completely sober events. There's no alcohol or any types of altering substances at my age. What's that?
- [21:29]
Dave Asprey
Except Cialis.
- [21:30]
Kimmy Inch
Oh yeah, that's right. Sometimes. But you know, for, for people who maybe aren't available for kink, they might be more interested in the swinger parties because those tend to not be kinky and they tend to focus on sexuality and people exploring in that way. But it's really important no matter what you expl, that you do your research because play parties are not the same and you want to make sure that it's a well established experience that has good Referrals that it's been around. Because some places, you know, with all things can be a little on the seedier side or maybe not as well organized or not as conscious. And I know for the events that I like to do, I want to offer people that, like, baby step in, like, you know, just get your pinky toe dipped in the shallow end of the pool as opposed to just diving into the deep end and creating a safe space where people can be first timers or beginners or maybe even have some sexual trauma under their belt, but they want to heal that. My type of events or sober events like that are the best option for people.
- [22:35]
Dave Asprey
And you curate all the people at your events, so they've been through your training.
- [22:39]
Kimmy Inch
That's right. It's not open to the public. It's by invite only, and it's only available for people who have worked with me or trained with me, or they're accompanied by someone who has got it.
- [22:50]
Dave Asprey
So that creates just a level of expectation about behavior.
- [22:53]
Kimmy Inch
It does. And it's not so much about status, but it's about, like, how erotically intelligent are you if you're going to invest in that? We want to be able to curate spaces where people can feel safe, but also be around others who are really at a higher level of experience, so that everyone can just have like, a really amazing time together.
- [23:13]
Dave Asprey
When you're training people, what does that look like?
- [23:16]
Kimmy Inch
Depending on who I work with, I work with men, women, and couples. In some cases, it could be couples who are looking to bring back some of that spiciness into their relationship. They've been together 10, 15, 20 years, and they feel like things have fallen a little flat and they want to find ways of, like, igniting that passion again or that novelty. So they might reach out to me and say, like, oh, we want to experience tantra together, or we want to understand how we could bring power dynamics into the relationship. Like, can you help guide us through that experience? And I'll work with people in that capacity. It's interesting, though. I also work with individuals who have extraordinarily successful businesses and. And all of that. But as successful as their businesses are, they find that their sex lives are mediocre. And there's like a disconnect there. Like, how do I have so much success in these areas of life but feel like my relationships or my sex life is pretty flat and. And that dissonance can actually be an energy sucker in a lot of ways. So we look at like, well, what's keeping you from also Having an extraordinary sex life if you're doing well in business. Because ultimately, once we take a look at that and we can work with those things, you'll find very often that it's going to affect business even more so and there'll be even more success or even more pleasure when it comes to the way that somebody's working in the world. So, yeah, I work with entrepreneurs. I work with people who have done a lot of personal development work. They've done Tony Robbins, they've done Joe Disappoint, Dispenza, but they haven't started working on their sexuality or really looked at that part of their lives yet. And that kind of means that they're not moving from wholeness. And that's what we start to work with.
- [25:02]
Dave Asprey
In the biohacking framework that I use, around your body processes fear. It can either be fear or peace. And then food can either be hunger or gluttony or nourishment. And then the next F word, which is what we're talking about. Right. That can be an incredible source of power and energy and nourishment as well.
- [25:23]
Kimmy Inch
Right.
- [25:23]
Dave Asprey
But you have to ask for what you want. And you might need to do as much development there as you did to learn how to eat. Right. Or to learn how to deal with your fear. And it's the area that's least talked about.
- [25:35]
Kimmy Inch
Right.
- [25:35]
Dave Asprey
In terms of energetics, in terms of biohacking. But it's a major important one because the next F word that comes after that, that is friends. That's how we build community.
- [25:46]
Kimmy Inch
Yeah.
- [25:47]
Dave Asprey
And so I. I put that in the book, even though it was a little bit. Probably a little bit risky in terms of hitting the New York Times list or whatever.
- [25:55]
Kimmy Inch
Because it's good for you, Dave. That's great. I love it.
- [25:59]
Dave Asprey
Hit the OSA list, number one bestselling philosophy book in the world, and you're in it. So there you go.
- [26:06]
Kimmy Inch
So honored.
- [26:08]
Dave Asprey
And it's one of those things where it's sometimes hard to put words to it. It. But you said it right when you said life force energy.
- [26:14]
Kimmy Inch
Yeah.
- [26:14]
Dave Asprey
And libido is what makes companies totally. It's what makes things happen in the world. And so if you're flat there, maybe because you just never learned or you don't know how to ask for what you want, or you don't know what you want, it feels like going to a professional might be a smart idea. How do people respond when you tell them what kind of professional you are?
- [26:35]
Kimmy Inch
Oh, well, I get one of two responses. It's either like, oh, I gotta go over here now right and see you later or it's a, a something to tell you. You know, like there, there's almost like an excitement and like a naughtiness to being like, I want to know more because I have stuff going on in my life that I feel like I want to talk to someone about and people will divulge, you know, a lot of, there's very sexy secrets to me all the time and I find that to be really funny. But it also really interesting because you know, people aren't discussing these things otherwise. Like I remember I was having a conversation with my friend who's a yoga instructor and I was like telling her I had this powerful self pleasuring practice that I did and I particularly had an, a beautiful experience where I just felt really alive and lit up and she was listening to me talk and she's like, God, I wish we could talk like this normally to other people. I'm like, can you imagine just being able to share someone? Like, oh, I have this fantasy that, you know, I just, I lived out one of the fantasies that I've always wanted to try with somebody and I had so much fun. Like we don't talk about these things but I think we'd be so much better for it if we could talk about these things and not, you know, you said we're not really talking about, about this, these things because there's so much shame and there's so much fear of rejection and this is part of the way we nourish our bodies. Erotic expression is a very nourishing way to fill ourselves up with that life force energy.
- [28:01]
Dave Asprey
Why do you think people feel like they have to hide the things they actually want?
- [28:05]
Kimmy Inch
Right? It's, I think a lot of different reasons. But culturally speaking, you know, talking about our desires feels either indulgent or shameful in a lot of ways. And that can come from again, culture, from religion, most of the time, time, and in one way like yay. Because that has helped me stay in business because there's a lot of these kinks and desires and fetishes come from that repression and come from that place of scarcity almost. But honestly, like I, I truly believe if we had more freedom here and more liberation here, there'd be a lot less war. I mean if you've ever had a great sex session and had a lot of orgasms and pleasure, I think the last thing you want to do is start a war, right? I mean, you tell me it's, it's true.
- [28:52]
Dave Asprey
I have a, an old book on my shelf called the Women who Sleep With Men to Take the War out of Them.
- [28:58]
Kimmy Inch
Oh, I love it.
- [28:59]
Dave Asprey
Is that a great title?
- [29:00]
Kimmy Inch
Fantastic.
- [29:02]
Dave Asprey
So there is some kind of really deep cathartic healing that I've seen in men and women in this kind of space. Even at your parties.
- [29:10]
Kimmy Inch
Yeah.
- [29:11]
Dave Asprey
Where it's a, like a, a sacred kind of intimate thing that's really. There's no sex happening. It's just like intimate touch and people being really vulnerable.
- [29:22]
Kimmy Inch
Yeah.
- [29:22]
Dave Asprey
And it's, it's powerful. And I feel like most people who either haven't read the book where this is new information, they're thinking it's, it's an orgy. And I see very little sex at your play parties. And clearly, guys, I've been to at least one of Kemi's. And so I've also done her six month training program and actually lectured at it.
- [29:45]
Kimmy Inch
One of my best students, actually.
- [29:49]
Dave Asprey
So. And what I found it to be was very much it. This is about managing your own, your own energy and your own power and like how you show up. And yeah, sure, there's techniques and all that stuff, but it's really about showing up in a certain way. Right. And learning how to choose that. And I think that's a skill that's missing. And one word that comes to mind is authenticity. And what's your take on authenticity? Can you fake it? Can you teach it it?
- [30:17]
Kimmy Inch
Authenticity is really like aligning with what your truth, like your innate truth is like the truth that you were born with that can't be taken from you. It's not debatable. It is part of who you are before the noise and the conditioning and the programming and being able to delayer or wash away the things that keep people from being authentic. Like, authentic is. Yeah. Is part of shadow work. It's part of, you know, healing from trauma. It's part of like seeing through the veil and getting out of the matrix in a lot of ways. Because we are so much more dynamic than we give ourselves credit for. Like, we really get in a kinky sense, we get really addicted and we become slaves to comfort, you know, and authenticity is courage. At the end of the day, can you choose courage over comfort? Because a lot of us stay in that job just a little too long. We just don't know if we can leave that job or that relationship. Like, oh, we stayed in that relationship a few more months than we really, really wanted to stay in it. But we can be so submissive to comfort and security that it takes away our aliveness at the end of the day. So, you know, the idea of authenticity is also tapping into that sense of aliveness and being able to share that uninhibitedly with others. And when you do what the magic that happens is, you give others permission to be authentically themselves as well. And it's kind of a contagious thing that can happen. But it's also something that's really terrifying because. Because again, we're so submissive to comfort and wanting to be liked and wanting to be safe that oftentimes we lean away from being authentic in some senses.
- [32:04]
Dave Asprey
I love that answer. What separates healthy desire from compulsive behavior?
- [32:11]
Kimmy Inch
Yeah. So desire without discernment is distortion at the end of the day. So there's something that's interesting when it comes to Tantra. Tantra actually has a lot to say around fantasy. And kink is all about fantasy. Sure, fantasy is an invitation to knowing the truth. But oftentimes people get really hooked into the fantasy itself and not the sacred message underneath it. Like, not many people are wondering why they want that threesome or why they want to be spanked and tied up, for example. And. And when we don't examine our desires, then we kind of are missing out on something here. Like we're missing out on an opportunity to really know thyself on a deeper level. So the idea of our desires being a doorway towards understanding ourselves better is beautiful. I think the compulsion aspect is just sort of staying stuck and just kind of getting that like, you know, dopamine hit. In a sense, there's, it's, it's surfacey, it doesn't really take you anywhere. It doesn't really evolve or go places. Someone who's really deep diving into their desires is also integrating what they're learning from it in the process. You know, I work with people who say, like, I would love a session where you humiliate me. And for me, while I have skill in being able to do that, those types of sessions don't interest me unless it's going to lead us towards something that's going to be evolving them in some sense. So I could say to someone, like, I'm willing to experiment with the desire that you have. As is, as long as we have an agreement that we're going to continuously explore in a way that's going to deepen it even more. Like, I had this man, he had a desire to be kidnapped by powerful Amazonian women, taken to their lair and forced to do their bidding.
- [34:04]
Dave Asprey
I guess he watched Too much Wonder Woman.
- [34:06]
Kimmy Inch
I think he did, yes. And he had had this fashion since he was 12. And he was really excited about this fantasy. Meanwhile, he was telling me about his life and his life. He basically just did everything he was told to do. His parents told him what school to go to and what to study and what woman to marry and all of these things. So he was sharing a fantasy with me about being forced to do things he didn't want to do. Meanwhile, he's telling me about a life that he feels like he was doing things for others and for his parents and not really living the life he wanted to live. So I told him, I'm like, I'm gonna create this fantasy for you. I'm gonna do the fantasy as you depict. However, I wanna do it again in about a month, and this time we're gonna do it my way. So I got another female friend to join in on this session. We kidnapped him on the street, threw a bag over his head and threw him into a trunk of a car.
- [35:00]
Dave Asprey
Oh, wow.
- [35:01]
Kimmy Inch
And thank God we didn't get arrested. Drove him to a place, that space, where we were conducting the scene, took him out and, you know, we basically bossed him around and told him what to do, tied him up. Took him through experiences that involved impact play and flogging and spanking, and gave him the experience that he had been thinking about since he was 12 years old. And at the end of that experience, he was completely blown away and was like, oh, my gosh. Like, that was amazing. And I felt, like, free of responsibility and I felt taken care of. And I felt like time stood still and I felt like I was no longer, you know, know, in charge of anything. And it was really a beautiful experience. Anyway, he came back a month later and we did the scene again. But before we started, I let him know we're going to do the scene again. But this time, you have to ask for everything.
- [35:50]
Dave Asprey
Oh, wow.
- [35:50]
Kimmy Inch
If you don't ask, I won't do. I won't move. Like, you have to ask. If it's something that I. I'm not available for, I'll let you know. But you have to ask to be tied up. You have to ask to be spanked. You have to ask to be humiliated. You have to ask for everything. And I want you to what that feels like. So we did the scene like that again, and he cried the whole time.
- [36:13]
Dave Asprey
Wow.
- [36:13]
Kimmy Inch
And at the end of the scene, I was holding him in my arms and he was sharing, like, wow. If I can ask for what I Want here? Why can't I ask for it anywhere? And I'm like, you can. You just proved that you can. And that completely changed the trajectory of his life because he had a visceral bodily experience of something that was different than what he had been living beforehand. And he saw that he was okay and that he was alive and that he got his needs met and that he felt stronger for it. And it was a really impactful experience. And that was a case of like, let's look at your desires as a doorway into understanding yourself better. But let's not stay there forever. Let's continue to evolve more and more and more. So you can have not just your desires and dreams met in the playroom, but you can have it met in life as well.
- [37:04]
Dave Asprey
Well, that's a classical story of healing something that probably would have been stuck forever. Do you think that you could have healed that through pure somatic therapy?
- [37:14]
Kimmy Inch
I mean, there was so many somatic elements within that experience. Absolutely. But he came to me because that was his. That was his North Star. That was his compass. Right. Feeling into his repression around sexuality. And also looking at the ways he was repressing himself in his own life, they were all connected. So that was his pathway. And perhaps he could have done it in a different form of therapy. But it's been my experience that you can be in therapy for 20 years and on a trauma loop over and over and over again. But when you're actually in human contact with someone else and moving through something in an expanded, altered state of consciousness, energy really starts to move and your mind really starts to shift in ways that are so much more impactful and faster as well then, as opposed to just talking about it over and over and over again.
- [38:08]
Dave Asprey
I've come to believe that trauma healing requires an altered state. You just don't get in the state by talking about something.
- [38:15]
Kimmy Inch
Right.
- [38:16]
Dave Asprey
And you can talk about it for a very long time. And you have to go into these places that are felt senses to do it. And it sounds like you've. In that case, that's just a very rapid way to put them in a very altered state state. Kind of like ketamine or something would have done.
- [38:32]
Kimmy Inch
It's like, you know, when the record is skipping and you kind of have to take the needle off of the record and put it down somewhere else. That's kind of what we're doing here, because it's like, let's get you so far out of your element and so out of your comfort zone and so out of your idealized image of yourself and identity and like drop you somewhere completely different and see what you learn from that. Similar to psilocybin. Yes. And ayahuasca and mdma, but doing it. Yeah. Through the erotic is that charge of the taboo. And then there's so much related to relationship in that as well. Which a lot of our trauma is from is relationship and the contact we had with others or the lack of contact that we had with others. It only makes sense that we need positive relational experiences to rewrite those belief systems that formed through trauma and to rewire our brains as well.
- [39:23]
Dave Asprey
Speaking of relationships, is it hard for you to be in relationships?
- [39:28]
Kimmy Inch
So the thing that gets hard with me being in relationship is that I'm so comfortable in my sexuality and so good with where I'm at in my life that I have zero tolerance for people, especially men. I'm bisexual, but especially men who are not as comfortable in that, that, that part of their lives. You know, they might be holding some stuff around being, you know, performance centered or around, you know, being dominant enough or there's like some ego driven stuff that's going on there. And for me, that's really a turn off in, in a lot of ways. And because I teach and I, and I, you know, do healing work with others, I don't really want to do that in my personal relationship relationships.
- [40:15]
Dave Asprey
So you don't want to be the, the dom at home and at work?
- [40:18]
Kimmy Inch
No. Can I send them to you? Can you help me? Can you whip them into shape for me, please?
- [40:25]
Dave Asprey
I can totally respect that. And yeah, I mean, you've, You've definitely explored all of your depths. Right. Which lets you be such a powerful teacher. Yeah. And it's very interesting when you're teaching because I've. I've been through all kinds of spiritual classes and monasteries and things like. Like that. And the stuff you're doing is more in that vibe. Like you're, you're showing people a state, like an energetic state and, and how to do it versus, like, here's the technical skill of doing whatever. So I could see that that would require someone who would. Who's done a lot of work themselves otherwise, like, I don't want to do that for you too, because I'm. I'm done. All right, I get that.
- [41:05]
Kimmy Inch
Totally. It's just a. Yeah. Tony Robbins meets dominatrix meets lingerie. I mean, what's not to like about that situation?
- [41:13]
Dave Asprey
What a great desc.
- [41:15]
Kimmy Inch
That's me. Tony Robbins in lingerie, basically.
- [41:19]
Dave Asprey
Thank goodness you can get his voice that wouldn't, that wouldn't match the outfit at all.
- [41:22]
Kimmy Inch
That's right.
- [41:25]
Dave Asprey
Talk to me about what happens after a scene with someone.
- [41:30]
Kimmy Inch
So the most important part of any medicine journey or expansive experience is the integration process. And that's where aftercare comes in. And you know, people have probably heard this term aftercare before and it is literally the care you receive after expanded experience. And people think it's cuddles and snacks and yes, it can be all of that. But it's really an opportunity to integrate what has taken place and to really be able to not just create a soft landing for yourself and your partner, but to also, as you're acclimating, to reflect on like what were the things I learned about myself and about life through this process. Because quite often there's so much gold in those experiences to like really notice. Like where did you hold back or where did you freeze up or where did you feel the most powerful or where did you feel the most free and getting really curious about those instances because there's reasons why that shows up in your, in your field. There's a reason why it's showing up. And is there something that needs to be looked at or needs attention in your life? So the aftercare, yes, is about getting your body re acclimated and to take care of your nervous system as it comes back to homeostasis. But it's also an opportunity to reflect and to feel into the places that maybe still need growth or need love or need attention so that you can continue to evolve and continue to have more pleasure and fun.
- [43:07]
Sponsor Voice
Vrbo Last minute deals make chasing fresh mountain powder incredibly easy. With thousands of homes close to the slopes, you can easily get epic pow freshies, first tracks and more. No need for months of planning. In fact, you can't even plan. Pow Pow is on its own schedule. Thankfully. Somewhere in the world it's always snowing. All you have to do is use the last minute filter on the app to vote. Book a last minute deal on a slope side private rental home book now@verbo.com.
- [43:39]
Dave Asprey
I think a lot of people if you read 50 Shades of Gray. Okay, great. I'm going to go try this. You should replay this part of the show because it's what you do after a situation like that that I think makes it much more healing and much more, we'll call it of an altered states experience versus just, you know, we had a really good, good time.
- [44:00]
Kimmy Inch
Absolutely. I mean, I love you. I once saw you do a talk and you talked about the power of Witnessing. Right. And when you're with a play partner, you're having an experience with them, but you're also co. Witnessing each other. Yeah, Right.
- [44:13]
Dave Asprey
In fact, that may be the secret of a play party. You don't have to. You can go with a partner. You have to touch anyone else.
- [44:20]
Kimmy Inch
Yeah.
- [44:21]
Dave Asprey
But having a witness anytime you're doing trauma work, it has this amazing effect of. Of keeping you from deceiving yourself later.
- [44:31]
Kimmy Inch
Right.
- [44:32]
Dave Asprey
Because your ego knows, okay, I can make them forget this thing. And I've been with people who have profound healing from neurofeedback, and then five minutes later, they completely forgot what they just did. But if they talk about it in front of a witness, then it sticks. And when people are at a play party, they're doing something that's probably considered naughty or they wouldn't be at a play party, but they're doing it, and there's other people around, and no one does anything negative. In fact, it's supportive. And. And just having those witnesses, I think, lets you remember the lesson you got from it. And also just feels safe. Right. Because your nervous system is probably saying, like, you know, if somebody sees me, you know, semi naked, oh, no, it's the end of the world. And, you know, it's not the end of the world, but it feels like the end of the world.
- [45:18]
Kimmy Inch
Totally.
- [45:19]
Dave Asprey
So then when you're witnessed that way, and it's not the end of the. The world, it shifts your reality. It makes you feel more embodied and. And safer. And it's. It's a. It's part of healing. It's just the part that's least talked about. But I feel like show's a good place to talk about things like that. Right.
- [45:36]
Kimmy Inch
I agree. You know, John Wyland says, you know, there's always a contraction after the expansion, but sometimes the contraction is almost your ego trying to snap you back into the familiar.
- [45:46]
Dave Asprey
So ego does.
- [45:47]
Kimmy Inch
If you have someone to call you forward and say, I see you, I. I remember your power or your surrender or your softness and your pleasure, I won't let you forget. You're absolutely right. That really kind of sticks with you so much deeper when you know that it was a journey that you had with someone else.
- [46:06]
Dave Asprey
Even if you don't know them.
- [46:07]
Kimmy Inch
Even if you don't know them.
- [46:08]
Dave Asprey
Sometimes when people have suppressed desire, how does it leak into their work, into their relationship, just into their life?
- [46:17]
Kimmy Inch
Yeah, it's so interesting because I talk a lot about congruence, for example, and there's this idea of, like, when we're not congruent with who we truly are. If we're not living in authenticity when we're not really owning our desires and owning what we want, there's a way that we push it down. We push it down, but it never disappears. Right. It just kind of comes out sideways in these leaky ways. And that can be translated to so many things. I mean, one of the examples that comes to mind immediately and what gets people nervous about even attending a play party is that they're nervous about creepers or creeper energy or that they're going to be the creeper. By the way, if you're worried about being a creeper, then you're probably not a creeper. But this idea of not really owning your desire and what you want, it does kind of come out in these, like, insidious ways where people. People can feel it, but it's this unspoken thing, and it's like, where are you being incongruent with what you want and who you are? Because once you're in alignment with that, you're. You have really clean, healthy energy at the end of the day. Otherwise you're going to notice life gets really hard when you're not congruent and things don't really fall into place. And you're always kind of feeling like you're chasing or forcing things to happen as opposed to it just unfolding the way it's supposed to. So, yeah, get curious. I mean, look at yourself in the. In the mirror and ask yourself, like, where am I not really being honest with you, with myself?
- [47:45]
Dave Asprey
Congruence is one of the most important things for leadership.
- [47:48]
Kimmy Inch
You're so right. Yeah.
- [47:49]
Dave Asprey
When your inner state and your outer state don't match.
- [47:53]
Kimmy Inch
Right.
- [47:53]
Dave Asprey
Everybody knows. And it's not because of anything you're doing. It's because we feel each other's energy, even if we aren't consciously aware that we do that. And some people are more conscious than others of that.
- [48:04]
Kimmy Inch
So absolutely.
- [48:05]
Dave Asprey
Being in full congruence might mean, you know, talking to your partner and saying, you know, I want this thing that I've never mentioned before. Do you ever get clients, though, who said that to their partner who then kicked him out of the house, that.
- [48:17]
Kimmy Inch
They expressed a desire that they wanted and once that was met, they kicked him out.
- [48:21]
Dave Asprey
Not just once it was met, but you expressed a desire and, you know, their partner's like, that's it. Like, how dare you?
- [48:26]
Kimmy Inch
How dare you? Yeah, absolutely. It's. It's interesting because again, when it comes to sexuality in the erotic, I Mean, there is no space or place that is as vulnerable or as sensitive. And people have a lot of fear, a lot of fear around sexuality. So if a partner or someone that you trust or maybe you've put them in a box to be a certain way for you or show up for you in a certain light comes to you and totally throws you off guard with this desire or our need that they have erotically, it can actually shut another person down pretty significantly. I mean, that's kind of why I break out my, you know, my kink checklist that I like to go through with people before I even have sex with them. Like, I'm like, so, so tell me, what do you think about spanking? What do you think about this? What do you think about that? But for the people who are already in established relationships, it's always a good idea to say, like, hey, you know, I want to have a conversation with you about desires and fantasies. Like, I want to actually give you the opportunity to be mentally prepared and emotionally prepared for a conversation around sexuality. And let's see if we can kind of move ourselves towards a better understanding of what we're needing or what we're curious about and see if we can collaborate with each each other on that. Is there a way where. If I'm voicing a desire that I have, but it feels like a 10 to you, is there a way that we can explore it in a. In a sense, that would be on a scale of two or three. You know, like, can we be creative in how we talk about it? Sometimes I say, like, if you have a certain fantasy in mind before asking your partner to play it out with you, maybe you can both lay together holding each other, and verbally talk about it out loud using some descriptive language, and notice how it's feeling in each of your bodies. Like, giving yourself an opportunity to talk about it, feel into it before you start. Like, breaking out the toys and stuff like that. Like, really feeling into those baby steps because people easily become overwhelmed. Maybe it's trauma, you know, fear. There's ego. There's so many reasons. But, yeah, sexuality is. Is something that's so sensitive for others. I have a lot of compassion for that, for sure. But I do think the most romantic thing you can do for someone is help them make their fantasies come true. I think it's way better than getting flowers.
- [50:47]
Dave Asprey
You have a big point there.
- [50:48]
Kimmy Inch
Yeah, I mean, really like to say, like, I'm scared to tell you this, but this is what I want to experience. And if someone's like, Tell me more. Like, how can we make this happen in a way that feels safe and supported to you? Like. Like, oh, like I could cry just telling you, like, you know, like, how beautiful that is to not just be seen and accepted, but to be celebrated and to hear someone say, like, yeah, I want to. I want to do this with you. It is so powerful. So very powerful indeed.
- [51:18]
Dave Asprey
Yeah. That can be incredibly nourishing for people. For someone who's been starving for something their whole life, they're afraid to ask for it. They finally ask for it, then they get it versus get rejected for it. Time.
- [51:27]
Kimmy Inch
Totally. Yeah.
- [51:29]
Dave Asprey
Wow. Well, I think that's why people are. Are always calling and. Kimmy, help me learn how to do this.
- [51:35]
Kimmy Inch
Absolutely.
- [51:36]
Dave Asprey
Okay. Is it true that people show up in the bedroom the same way they show up in the rest of their life?
- [51:42]
Kimmy Inch
I believe in a lot of ways, how we do one thing is how we do everything and that they're all sort of connected. I don't think that we can really compartmentalize ourselves when it comes to sexuality. A quote that I love is. Is by Oscar Wilde, and he says, everything is sex except sex. Sex is about power. So that's a cool quote. Yeah, it's great. He's. And he's. I think he's dead on because. Yeah, you know, we're surrounded by sex. We all come from sex. We're all having sex. And there's a lot of charge when it comes to sex, you know, Recently I was asked by a pastor to come talk to the his church about sex, about sexuality. And at first I was like, what, you want me to talk about tantra and kink at your church? Um, and it, like, kind of shocked me a little bit.
- [52:31]
Podcast Disclaimer Narrator
And.
- [52:31]
Kimmy Inch
But when I felt into it, I was like, actually, I mean, I. I talk about sexuality being such an important a part of our lives that it's as. As important as our spirituality. And hopefully that you can connect your spirituality to your sexuality as well. And. And it was actually a. It made a lot of sense because again, we're talking about life force energy or talking about the creative energy, creation itself. And it makes sense that we should be able to. To bring this element into spirituality as well.
- [53:00]
Dave Asprey
To me, well, 20% of people report meeting God during orgasm at least once in their life.
- [53:06]
Kimmy Inch
That's amazing.
- [53:07]
Dave Asprey
So there might be a connection between life force energy and our connection to the divine.
- [53:12]
Kimmy Inch
This is one of the most miraculous parts of life when you think about it, like, being able to have that sort of pleasure where for moments, it's like time stands still and, you know, nothing else matters. And it's just, you know, the sense of feeling one love and, and feeling that much pleasure that it's mind bog, mind boggling to me that people don't utilize this as an access point to the divine as well. You know, like being able to have that level of pleasure. If you believe in God, then you need to remember that, that your body was built and, and to have pleasure at the end of the day and, and people think pleasure is a, an indulgence, but it's our birthright in my opinion.
- [53:57]
Dave Asprey
If you look at Taoism and Tantra and traditional Tantra practices are not really about sex, they're about energy.
- [54:05]
Kimmy Inch
Totally.
- [54:05]
Dave Asprey
And they are spiritual practices. They just incorporate some of this stuff. So yeah, I feel like the schism between, between like a deep intimate connection that includes sex and the spiritual practices. It's an artificial break and that there's so much overlap and people talk about, you know, reaching a state of ecstasy during prayer and things like that.
- [54:28]
Kimmy Inch
Right.
- [54:29]
Dave Asprey
So there's, there's room in society for a little bit more flexibility. Because I'm pretty sure that even highly religious people have some sex. I mean, they have kids, so we know it happened. And maybe it was with shame and whatever else. But I, I think it's beautiful that pastor invited you in to talk about that because healthy relationships, they matter. And if you try to have a healthy relationship and you ever talk about sex, it's probably not going to work.
- [54:59]
Kimmy Inch
It's so true. It's so true. And I think that's what I get more and more excited about as I see and with biohackers and with um, and then even with this younger generation, like people just aren't settling anymore for mediocrity. And they, and that includes their sex life as well. They're not willing to have passionless relationships and to have, yeah. Subpar sexual encounters. Like, people want more, they want depth, they want intimacy, they want ecstasy, they want all the pleasure. And I love seeing that the more information is getting out on how you can achieve that and instead of keeping it in the shadows and, and giving people an opportunity to blossom into their fullest potential in all regards.
- [55:43]
Dave Asprey
Wow. I, I love that. I've worked with several couples over the last couple years who just said, look where our relationship is really flat and we just don't know where to go. And I've said, you should call Kimmy. Oh, like seriously, bring someone in who's a professional who tell you, do this, do that. You need to take a deep breath. You need to look at them. And yeah, it's. It's not that hard. And it's not like they're having sex with you. You're like the orchestrator and that's right.
- [56:11]
Kimmy Inch
Yeah.
- [56:11]
Dave Asprey
Teaching skills. And I feel like a lot of people in Married for a while would greatly benefit from saying, you know, it's not. Let's spice things up in the bedroom. Let's acquire skills so our relationship will be stronger because our connection is stronger. And I think we just don't talk about that much much. But totally when that. When that kind of thing happens, both partners, like, wow, I have a smile on my face all the time and my relationship is stronger. Right, Totally. It's different than having a threesome. But earlier you said there must be a reason why people want a threesome or they want a spanking. What's the reason?
- [56:48]
Kimmy Inch
It's different for everyone, you know, but getting curious around where someone's desires come from, I always look at, like, when it comes to our desires, our fantasies, it's just strategies to meet our needs on some level. So what's the need underneath the desire for some wanting to step into dominance? Is there's a need to feel a value or to feel powerful or to feel autonomous? It could. To feel creative. For those who seek to be in the submissive role, it could be this, you know, need to let go, need to be free of responsibility, need to be taken care of. You know, coming to this idea of threesomes, for example, it depends on whether it's a man wanting to be with two women. And you take these things for granted. But there might be a real need for more feminine energy, that the feminine represents a nurturing energy and a freedom and a wildness and an excitement, which is the polar opposite of what the masculine energy is supposed to hold. So, same thing with a woman wanting to be with two men. She might want to really feel overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by that animal masculine energy and to feel like she can release and let go and. And be handled and taken care of as well. So the. It's interesting. So when I interview people and we talk about their desires, I get curious around, like, well, what do you feel like that does for you? Like, what is it about that act or that activity or that role that really, like, is intriguing to you? And a lot of people don't think about it. They don't really get cured. Curious. But sometimes we can even, you know, rewind time and look back at some of our initial impressions around sexuality. And relationships and love and find that a lot of the times, what our impressions were as children are our desires as adults. And we've eroticized sometimes the needs that we had as children that were not met as children. And we found ways to eroticize them as adults as well.
- [58:44]
Dave Asprey
So if you eroticize them and then you get them met, it provides a little window for healing.
- [58:50]
Kimmy Inch
Some of that it can be, you know, I work with a lot of men who are very powerful and successful, you know, CEOs, who want to be dominated. And a lot of the time, that's their creative wisdom of their body saying, like, we need to create more balance in our lives. We're always calling the shots. We're always in charge. We're always so responsible. We're always holding. Holding all the spinning plates in the air. What would happen if we let all of those fall? Like, what would happen if we can just receive and just be as. As opposed to always doing? And it's interesting because when I've worked with these powerful men and they come to this realization of. Because a lot of them hold a lot of shame that they want to be dominated, but then they realize, like, oh, actually, this is a really clever, wise way that my. My psyche is really helping me create more balance in my life so that I'm not always in this one extreme all the time, that I'm also playing in the other spectrums of life. Because, you know, we hold a wide spectrum of what we can hold, like our capacity for exploration and in our sense of adventure. If we're just constantly living in one bracket all the time, you're going to start to feel like something's missing. You're going to maybe start seeking things out, even sometimes subconsciously. We do it in the relationships we choose. We do it in the work that we choose. And the same thing happens in our. In our sex life. You know, we can look at our desire similar to dreams. So, you know, there's symbolism in dreams. There's symbolism in our desires as well. So when we get a chance to look at that, we can start to say, like, am I moving from choice or am I moving from default? Because at the end of the day, I just want people to move from choice, not from default.
- [60:30]
Dave Asprey
It's pretty well known that a lot of CEOs want to be subs. I mean, it's in the movies, it's in TV shows. I mean, it's. It's almost a trope at this point.
- [60:38]
Kimmy Inch
I mean, being a sub is awesome. I mean, think about it. You Just like get to receive the pleasure and taken on a journey and like, you know, be given to. And you get to just exist and be accepted for who you are. Like, what's not amazing about that? That sounds so fun. I mean, in my personal life, if I like to be a submissive and you asked me earlier what makes a good dom, I believe a good dom is also someone who can follow, that can also submit, that can also surrender.
- [61:08]
Dave Asprey
I would agree. You need to own all aspects of your energy in order to be able to show up fully in either side of it. Yeah, it's interesting. A lot of female CEOs I know are in exactly the same situation. They're saying, I'm tired of spending all the money place. Like, they want to be dominated as well. So it seems like everyone, like everyone in leadership has some, like, how do I get balance? And maybe someone can tie me up? And you're like, what? Yes, but you explained the logic there, so I'm not going to argue with it.
- [61:37]
Kimmy Inch
It's true. It's so true. And a good top and a good DOM is hard to find. There's actually a lot of subs out there in the world. You know, they might be closeted subs, but a lot of people want to experience, experience surrender and to, you know, drop into this concept of subspace, which is that altered state of consciousness. You're getting high off of your own supply. It feels so good. And it's such a beautiful experience to like really release your 9 to 5 identity and to actually like, play with your other sub personalities in a sense. You know, Carl Jung talks about these archetypes and these sub personalities that we have. We were within us as an orchestra, but we're sometimes just stuck playing that damn violin over and over and over. Like, let the, let the drums play. Like, let these other aspects of yourself come out and play. Because you learn a lot about yourself when you're able to expand beyond who you are in the boardroom. Like, who are you outside of the boardroom?
- [62:39]
Dave Asprey
This all makes sense. And, you know, having been through, you know, a couple of your classes now, there's something here that is much bigger than, oh, I want to do some kinky. It's an altered states experience that can be recreational and it can also be really deeply and profoundly life changing. Healing work.
- [62:58]
Kimmy Inch
Yeah.
- [62:59]
Dave Asprey
And so I just wanted to thank you for being willing to say, yeah, I've done somatic therapy, but this is how I do it now. Because, you know, that's a. It's not always a popular path, but I think it's a worthy path. So thanks for sharing your work with the world. Your you're your classes are very powerful and I appreciate you.
- [63:18]
Kimmy Inch
I appreciate you. Thank you so much. I love talking about this stuff. So anytime you've got it.
- [63:24]
Dave Asprey
Kenny. And Your website is andmorepresents.com that's right. Beautiful. So guys, if you really wanted a spanking or maybe to give a spanking, you know what to do. Go tell someone that that's what you want and see what happens.
- [63:39]
Podcast Announcer
See you next time on the Human Upgrade Podcast.
- [63:48]
Podcast Disclaimer Narrator
The Human Upgrade, formerly Bulletproof Radio, was created and is hosted by Dave Asprey. The information contained in this podcast is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended for the purposes of diagnosing, treating, curing, or preventing any disease. Before using any products referenced on the podcast, consult with your healthcare provider carefully, read all labels, and heed all directions and cautions that accompany the products. Information found or received through the podcast should not be used in place of a consultation or advice from a healthcare provider. If you suspect you have a medical problem or should you have any healthcare questions, please promptly call or see your healthcare provider. This podcast, including Dave Asprey and the producers, disclaim responsibility for any possible adverse effects from the use of information contained herein. Opinions of guests are their own and this podcast does not endorse or accept responsibility for statements made by guests. This podcast is does not make any representations or warranties about guest qualifications or credibility. This podcast may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products or services. Individuals on this podcast may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to herein. This podcast is owned by Bulletproof Media.