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Welcome to the Imperfect Buddhist, where we discuss mindfulness and incorporating Zen principles into modern life. My name is Matthew Hawk Mahoney and today's episode is titled, Buddhism and Intrusive Thoughts.

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It really doesn't surprise me that I was drawn to Zen Buddhism. And this is an important episode for me because as some of the most listened imperfect Buddhists out there might know, I've struggled with intrusive thoughts or impulsive thoughts for about the last 14 years. And it really was probably the reason I got into meditation at all. The message of Zen Buddhism that we aren't our thoughts.

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that we are the awareness around and experiencing our thoughts was very helpful to me in those early days and still is. To be able to see our minds as passing clouds, we practice what's known in Buddhism or even now some hippie culture, something called mindfulness. Mindfulness is the deliberate turning of our attention to the present moment and whatever we are doing in that moment.

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Mindfulness can be emboldened and strengthened through a practice known as Zazen, which is meditation in Zen Buddhism. We do these practices to help us be mindful in our daily lives. And intrusive thoughts or impulsive thoughts, they happen in our daily life while we're feeding the cat or driving the car. Before we delve deeper into the topic of intrusive thoughts and

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Buddhist philosophy. I want to take a moment to understand a little bit more about what these terms mean and how they impact people's lives. Intrusive thoughts can be described as reoccurring, unwanted, or usually distressing thoughts, images or urges that pop into your mind. They're usually intrusive, hence the name, in nature, and they appear and disrupt

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well-being. Some people would say that impulsive thoughts are more characterized by sudden urges or impulses to act and usually without consideration for the outcome and these impulses can arise seemingly out of nowhere. They compel people to engage in certain behaviors and as the name suggests, they're hasty or impulsive. In my practice, I've dealt more with intrusive thoughts than impulsive thoughts.

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Intrusive thoughts and impulsive thoughts can create intense anxiety, turmoil, and they can create a feeling of being out of control. If we don't have a way to deal with them or work on them and they're left unchecked, of course it's going to affect our relationships, our work, and overall quality of life. Throughout this episode, we're going to explore practical approaches to working with one's intrusive thoughts. And I'm going to share some of my personal experiences of

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the start of these intrusive thoughts along with some of the success that I've had along the way.

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Zen Buddhism is a storehouse of antidote for this type of affliction, namely intrusive thoughts and impulsive thoughts. Shunryo Suzuki said that to follow the path of Zen is to realize that your thoughts come and go of their own accord. You need not serve them tea. And in Buddhism there's this character known as Mara. Mara is the affliction of the world, suffering.

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and essential what he's saying is that Mara may come into your house. As long as you don't serve Mara tea, he won't stick or she won't stick around. Dogen Zenji said, in the landscape of silence, thoughts appear like passing clouds. They come and go, but the sky remains unchanged. How does one develop a state of being where the last little quotes I read

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become something that one experiences. One can begin to experience their own thoughts and emotions through the practice of mindfulness, through the practice of developing present moment awareness. And so hence we have the importance of mindfulness in one's daily life. Zen Buddhism offers various practices for cultivating awareness so that when that image pops into one's mind.

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eventually you can see it as phenomenon. You can see it as static electricity, if you will, the phenomenon of life.

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I personally deal with intrusive thoughts, intrusive images. The first time it had a significant impact on my emotional health and mental well-being was when I was staying with my sister and her husband and a couple roommates up in Portland, Oregon. My nephew was about a year old at that time. I remember we were sitting in the living room and there was imagery of

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me doing something to hurt him, I don't remember specifically what it was, or maybe like this underlying fear that somehow that could be something that I would do, and it set off this chain of events. At that point I was not acquainted with any type of meditative training or Buddhist practice. I had no grounding in mindfulness. I was fully identified with my mind and actually to strengthen the

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The trouble here was I was very into the whole idea of manifestation of the secret, which if you're not familiar with it, it pretty much means thoughts are things and when we think about something or we hope for something, we really can imagine that it's real, it will manifest itself in our life. So on top of having these fears and compulsive images and worries, I'm now thinking, uh oh, I'm creating it. Like this is gonna, this is gonna happen. Oh, I can't think that. This whole.

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back and forth mental struggle. I had no grounding in it. Of course the wheels kept going and I was pushing it away and acting like it wasn't real and then arguing with myself. That was really a hard place to be. The anxiety got worse and worse. The depression sets in because I'm so anxious. People are like, why aren't you talking? I would have this internal dialogue that's going a million miles a minute. I'm ashamed, so I can't tell anybody what's going on. I can't tell my father or my mom or...

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my best friend or my girlfriend. What would they think if they knew that these images were popping into my mind? Would they also think that I was going down this path of becoming a murderer?

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So what arose out of that experience was a deep need for refuge in a place of safety and healing, but I didn't know how or what or when that would happen.

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What does Buddhism have to say about intrusive thoughts? What can it offer when it comes to the affliction of intrusive thinking? In Buddhism, there's an emphasis on non-attachment. Non-attachment goes further than our own thoughts and emotions. It also plays a part in how we interact with the world and ourselves as a whole. But nonetheless, it still pertains to our thoughts. And becoming non-attached means that we don't

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Place any identity in our own thoughts. It means that we don't place any identity in the images that pop into our minds. This means that we don't have a sense of self there. So the image of dropping the heavy bag of cat food onto my cat, there's no sense of self there. We see it as a flash in the pan as a phenomenon. Just like we might see a shooting star across the night sky, we have this sense of non-attachment.

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We can see potentially the causes and conditions that led to the imagery or the thought, and we can let go of any dialogue that goes too far into identifying with these intrusive thoughts.

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Sometimes with intrusive thinking, it can really fuck with our internal dialogue because I'm a good person. I am not supposed to have images or thoughts like this that pop into my head. Non-attachment, non-self allows us to become fluid as beings on this planet, that we are allowed to experience the phenomenon of life, thoughts, emotions, experiences without placing ourself in them.

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That's a little bit of the catch-22 with Zen practice. Not only do we let go of identification with the negative thoughts or so-and-so quote negative thoughts, what we label as such, but we also let go of our positive versions of ourselves. The good teacher, the kind mother, the famous musician, the infamous Karen, the poor grocery store worker, the rich real estate agent.

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The creative younger brother. We let go of all these identities along with the impulsive thoughts, intrusive thoughts. We no longer identify with any of them as who we truly are.

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The best technique for working with intrusive thoughts is having a regular meditation practice. It helps to enter your day with the intention of awareness. Without a regular meditation or zazen practice in the mornings, you can bring mindfulness and the intention of mindfulness. But in my own experience, in many practitioners' experiences, having a practice in the morning set aside specifically for cultivating awareness.

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makes the effort of mindful awareness during your day much easier. Having that mindful awareness will serve you in helping to alleviate the karmic wheel of intrusive thinking in your mind. God, do I know how cheesy that sounds, but the wheel of thought in your mind, if you want to put it that way. A little bit of how we can apply this in practice, in applying Zen principles to this. If we start our day with awareness through a

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meditation or zazen practice, whether that's five, ten, or 20 minutes in the mornings. We start out on the right foot. When we're working and all of a sudden an image or fear of an ...