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- [00:00]
A
When I went to therapy, they said to me, how is it that you're dealing with. There's a lot here.
- [00:06]
B
Yeah.
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A
How do you unpack this? And I said, one box at a time. Because when you are trying to deal with every single thing that's wrong in your life, it's so overwhelming. And that's why half this country is on medication. You can't possibly do that. That's impossible. It's overwhelming.
- [00:29]
B
Welcome to Woman of Influen, Julie. I'm Julie Solomon. And this is where high level women come to recalibrate their message, realign their leadership, and rise into the next era of impact. If you're ready to align your visibility with your true authority, if you're called to speak to women at the level you now lead, if you're ready for your business to feel as elevated as the woman running it, this is your space. Because real influence isn't built in the algorithm. It's embodied in your identity. Let's get started. Hello, and welcome back to another episode of the Woman of Influence podcast. As you know, one of my intentions for the rebrand and relaunch of this new direction of the podcast is to bring you inside my world and to let you witness the real conversations with the real people that have impacted my life, my business, my ability to fully be seen and expressed in my world, and hopes that it will give you the inspiration and the permission and just the gratitude in your own expression to live that out. And so today, you're going to be hearing from one of my closest, dearest friends, Derek Warburton. We're going to be talking about his journey through. Through a ton of accolades that I could sit here and share for 20 minutes that he's done. But most importantly, we're going to talk about what it means to truly be in community, to truly create impact and loyalty, to truly stand beside the people that you know and love and to help them live their legacy out. So with that, let's get started. Hello, Mr. Derek. Fabulous. Warburton.
- [02:21]
A
Hello.
- [02:22]
B
It's only been 10 years.
- [02:24]
A
Yes.
- [02:24]
B
And we are finally here.
- [02:26]
A
I can't believe it. I know. I'm honored.
- [02:28]
B
I am honored. I feel like it's been a long time coming, but so much of what I think we're gonna get to dive into today, you and I have been talking about for 10 years behind the scenes when it comes to friendship, loss, love, creativity, boundaries, and really what it takes to be someone who can thrive in today's entrepreneurial space. So with that to say, I want you to Share a little bit about your journey because it is a very unique one. And your journey is really what I think doesn't make who you are today because you have healed so much of that.
- [03:06]
A
Right.
- [03:06]
B
But so much of your origin story has shaped the way that you show up in life and the way that you're able to lead with so much love and compassion and. And perseverance and resilience. And so I would love for you to share a little bit about those moments in your life that really brought you to how you see the world today.
- [03:27]
A
Thank you so much. Obviously, it's an honor to be here with you. And it's just 10 years of love with you. And, you know, the day I met you, I felt something. And the next after, the day after I met you, you showed up in my house with a huge arrangement of flowers. And I thought, that is someone who understands longevity and a person's soul. And I think that way as well. And when you meet people like that, you hold onto them forever. You know, I. Wow. It's funny talking about my life story now because so many people are so much about me not talking about it anymore because they feel that I have come so far.
- [04:19]
B
Right.
- [04:19]
A
That they need me to talk about the future and the light that I am because it reminds them of how difficult things are.
- [04:31]
B
Yeah.
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A
And they don't. They can't have that because they're surrounded by those difficulties.
- [04:36]
B
Right.
- [04:37]
A
And they're living through them. So for me to present light to them makes them feel better. We all have to come from somewhere, though.
- [04:49]
B
Yes.
- [04:49]
A
And so telling my story can give so much inspiration to young people who are living through it as we speak, you know, and that's now more who I speak to because they needed a way forward because it is so much more difficult than ever. And it's more difficult for them, I think, because of multiple reasons. But you can't go online, you can't turn on the television, you can't look at your phone without instant hate or opinions or just so much information, you have nowhere to go. Where. I think in our generation, even though it felt very difficult, it was actually a lot easier for us.
- [05:47]
B
Absolutely.
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A
Much easier.
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C
Yes.
- [05:49]
A
Because we're. We weren't so confused.
- [05:51]
B
Right. Right.
- [05:53]
A
Even when it was confusing, it wasn't like this. And now coming into this age of AI, you don't even know what's real anymore. You. You can't trust anyone less than ever. Even when you know now that it was lies. But at least you could trust that lie before. You can't even trust that now, you know, so, so I worry for, for them. But, you know, my story really started with, you know, it was a very normal childhood, which turned into divorce, which turned into homelessness and abuse and all different types of things. And just I was obviously who I was. And, you know, at that time, I, you know, I'm 51 now. And so it was the 80s, early 90s, and that was just not, you know, being who you were was not accepted, which was okay, you know, and I, but, but at the same time, I just powered through. I don't know where my power came from. I really don't because a lot of my family aren't like I am. With that said, a lot of their power was more quiet than mine.
- [07:12]
B
And why do you think that is?
- [07:15]
C
You know how I'm always talking about resonance and marketing? Well, I wanted to go deeper. So I took Daniel Pink's class on sales on Masterclass, and it completely shifted how I view selling. Instead of tactics or pressure, it was all about trust, connection, and making people feel seen, which is my love language. And that's exactly why I teach my clients. So learning from him was like the fuel for my next level when I took this class. With Masterclass, you can learn from the best to become your best. For just 10amonth, billed annually, you can get access to over 200 classes across business, leadership, communication, creativity, and so much more. Even with my pack schedule, I love how the Masterclass lessons are short, potent and powerful and very easy to fit in while I'm making tea or getting ready in the morning or driving. And I use it this way to really compliment a lot of the work that I am doing in my business but also outside of it. And you should, too, especially if you want to build a business and a life that feels like you. Right now. Our listeners get an additional 15% off of any annual membership@masterclass.com influencer. That's 15% off@masterclass.com influencer masterclass.com influencer like.
- [08:30]
B
It did it have to come from somewhere, your power? Or do you think that it was this thing that looking around you and looking at people that either had more of a quiet power or maybe they didn't know how to express their power, or maybe their power had been stunted or, or they hadn't been given the opportunities to express it out? Do you think that that gave you this, this understanding or this wisdom in you, or was it something that you had to kind of shape and go through as you were going through it?
- [08:59]
A
I think I was just born with it. And I was very blessed to have an incredible grandmother who was very nurturing and a grandfather who was very abusive to her. And I witnessed a lot of that. Like I thought he was gonna murder her many times. And I witnessed it. No one knew I did. But I was with them a lot alone. And I was very nurtured by both of them separately, even though it was abusive amongst them. But that was a lot of my life, you know. Cause so many kids I know were beaten horribly or had been through all of this abuse and I had sexual abuse. I was bullied. But the mainstay of my life was very nurtured. Yeah. And so that's where a lot of the love did come from. And I was blinded by that. And so I could just see through it all and let it go. And also I was very protected by women because I've always been in touch with, with the feminine side of me. And I never thought that femininity was bad because that's where the power came from. And I, despite what society always thinks and stills things, I know that femininity is power. And unlike what the world says, you know, because the world is so fixated on masculinity being power. Because men are in power and they, they want you to think that.
- [10:32]
B
Right?
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A
Because that's what they do. And that's okay. You know, I'm a man and I, you know, just because I'm not like other men doesn't mean I'm not, I'm less of a man.
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B
Right.
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A
And I own that. And I say it all the time. And I say it with very powerful men who respect me and that are. You would know their names. And we discuss it all the time. And it's like, just because I show up differently does not mean a thing. Because at the end of the day, everything that's supposed to be a man, like loyalty and kindness and real strength, I am all of those things tenfold.
- [11:10]
B
Yeah.
- [11:11]
A
You know, and so, but I got all those things from women, not from men, because I didn't get. Because I didn't have men in my life that were that.
- [11:19]
B
Right.
- [11:20]
A
Frankly.
- [11:20]
B
And how do you think that that shaped your desire? I mean, cuz, you know, as you said, you're 51, you have done so much in your career. You have lived all over the world. You have worked with some of the top, gosh, fashion houses, celebrities, athletes, singers, Grammy award winners, Oscar, I mean, you name it.
- [11:40]
A
Every, every, all of it.
- [11:41]
B
You have been around the block, every magazine, every Everything.
- [11:45]
A
Thank you for that. I forget. I, I, I know, I know. I was like. Because I don't talk about it, right? And I'll sit in a meeting, and then I'm like, wait. And I'm telling them, and they're like, what? Right? Because, you know, and you don't carry around your resume anymore, you know, and no one does any research when they sit with you, so they don't know. No, I know. And then I'm like, wait, hold on. I started, blah, blah, blah, like all top everyone, you know, top tier people. And I was like, wow, okay, okay. But thank you for acknowledging that, because you forget to, you know, you do.
- [12:17]
B
And I, and that's the thing that I think that as we get older, there's so much of that origin story that we have to shed and that we have to, you know, that no longer serve us, right? And then we take with us what does. But what do you think about that time really gave you? I don't know if it even was permission or maybe that's changed since then. And I'm gonna, I'm gonna share something. I don't even know if you remember telling me this, but I remember one time asking you years ago, I'm like, you know, why do you, why do you have the drive? Or where does that come from? Where does this desire to be seen, to be heard, to be witnessed, expressed, to be fully expressed? And you said to me, you said, I want certain people in my family to walk into a grocery store and to pick up a magazine and to see me on the COVID I want that. Now you have graced many, many, many covers.
- [13:11]
A
I'm gonna cry for that. Thank you. Yeah.
- [13:13]
B
But what does that mean? Because I know for you, it is not a superficial thing.
- [13:18]
A
No, it's not. God, no.
- [13:20]
B
You being seen, you being witnessed, you being fully expressed. And for you, that was media, and that's why you are incredible at media. What did that mean for you then, when you told me that, and what does that mean for you now?
- [13:34]
A
I think at the time, I thrived for that because I wanted people to see that you could be anything you wanted, you know, in, you know, a lot of my story, where even through all of that, you know, I was very overweight at certain times in my life. I yo yoed my entire life. And I learned later on that that was all that had nothing to do with food, in being overweight has nothing to do with food, by the way. It's all mental and emotional. All of it. All of it. Because you are feeding something that's missing in you. And when you find that and you feed that properly, you don't need the food. And also when your parent feeds you to either shut you up for something they're lacking that they can't give you, which is okay, but facts, then that is your hole. And so you have to fill that many times when you have a problem, when you are, you know, like, if there's something good, okay, I'm gonna eat. Or any kind of stress, because that's what your family did. And I wish there was. It's so funny. I always think about this now in high school, if they would give us real cognitive skills, the world would be much different.
- [15:02]
B
Right.
- [15:02]
A
You know what I mean? Like, I want to start my own school on how. How to actually run your life. One boom. You know, like a class that could be a. Like, you know, a vocational on. On how to not emotionally eat, which is killing America, as we know. The single most important day of my adult life, on the outside, which healed the inside, was that I had a friend, actually a colleague, who. I wanted to buy something. It was something really random. And he said to me, you are fat with bad teeth, horrible skin, and something else. You should be more worried about that than buying a Chanel bag. And the sting just about killed me. Wow. But it rang so true. And the next time I saw this colleague, he almost fell on the floor because I was just in on a cover of a magazine or something and.
- [16:08]
B
Did that st. Because we've all had those moments, right?
- [16:10]
A
Of course, yeah.
- [16:11]
B
Where it's just someone shares something, and even the way that they may share it may be rude, crass, horrible, harsh. But if it affects us, and there's something in us that believes that, whether it's true or not, was that a catalyst for you? Do you feel like you were hiding behind a lot?
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A
Oh, it broke the fourth wall.
- [16:31]
B
Right.
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A
So literally broke the fourth wall.
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B
More about that. As hard as that was, how was that a catalyst for you to get out of your own way?
- [16:39]
A
I knew I was in hiding still because. And I will say to everyone that's watching, it's okay to be in hiding because I was still hiding, because I was still healing deeper. And, you know, it's funny, I. I've never really gone to therapy, but the couple times I did when I was younger, because, trust me, I needed it in the very. You know, my. By 18, I had a book in me, and that's why I'm in. You know, that's why I'm in publishing now, because I was like, I become a storyteller because I've got a lot of stories that I could tell.
- [17:13]
B
Yes.
- [17:14]
A
Um, I think that I have always just dealt with things in a very particular way, which has helped tremendously. And when I went to therapy, they said to me, how is it that you're dealing with. There's a lot here. Yeah. How do you unpack this? And I said, one box at a time. Because when you are trying to deal with every single thing that's wrong in your life, it's so overwhelming. And that's why half this country is on medication. You can't possibly do that. That's impossible. It's overwhelming. And first of all, getting up in the morning and looking at your phone is overwhelming. So you can't do that. Number one. Like, the first thing. No, forget it. No, you have to wake up and say, thank you for waking up. Thank you for all the blessings that we have. Number one, we're in America. I don't care what they say. You are blessed just to be American 100%. Look, first of all, look at how many people are trying to get it here. Let's talk about that, first of all.
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B
Yeah.
- [18:15]
A
Number one. Two, thank you for breathing, being healthy. You can walk, you. You can see, you can smell, you can taste like. These are things that we should all be thankful for, frankly. Hopefully your family are alive, everyone's good. Like, pray for the blessings that you can count all your toes, fingers, everything. You have to thank for that, because you can live another day, to live a better day than you had yesterday and to break the cycles and to break all the walls that you have around you in. And yesterday could have been the worst day of your life, and today could be the best day of your life if you decide it is. And it's all in how you move forward. So you have to start there. And then you have to look in the mirror and say how much you love yourself, because nobody else, honey. Is ever going to tell you that. And if you don't believe it, no one will. Nobody. And you will let everyone walk all over you. Your husband, your kids, your wife, whoever you are. No. So you always have to take care of you first. Always, always, always. Then you can move on. But, you know, and that's what I did, and, you know, with the therapist, I was just like, I can only do one box at a time. So I healed a little bit. And I think, you know, when. When that person said that to me, I was probably 25, 26, 27. And I had really been in hiding. And I always believed that I didn't want to fix the outside until I loved the inside. Because this you can just pay for, as we know. But this is my life. This is. This is the treasure, this is everything. Because without this, this doesn't mean anything. Like, everybody's committing suicide. Everyone. No one's living well. Like, they all hate themselves, they're in torture, they become alcoholic, they're drug addicts. It's all this stuff. So you can be as beautiful as you want on the outside and you're a mess, but this, oh, this is priceless. And I needed to love myself because I need. I knew what my job was. I knew my. I knew what I would be so. And I knew I needed to be seen so people would feel the love that I had. Because if you can't, if you're not seen, how would anyone would know? And I didn't care how big the audience was per se, but. But I knew I had to get somewhere. And. And sometimes you just never know where the journey's going to take you, you know, And. And sometimes you push and sometimes you come back because sometimes there's more healing to do because you can't. You're. Because honey, you're never going to get to all those boxes. Like, no.
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B
And then there's another box in the corner that you didn't know about.
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A
Well. And also like other things develop, right? And so you never know. And also life. And you know, now there's new things to deal with. There's new things to deal with, constantly new relationships or new, you know, new corners to turn. But that, that's what makes life exhilarating. But there's always something. But that's what you know, because then it would be boring. So you gotta always have something to deal with. But that's. That's exciting, you know, that means you're living. Amen. And that is the gift.
- [21:35]
B
Yes. And we were talking about that actually on the way here, just about this idea of complacency and how people can get so complacent in their day to day without even realizing how that is taking them out of presence, how that is taking them out of awareness and how that really plays a part in being seen being fully expressed 100%. And there's a quote that you coined that I love. And I tell you all the time that I borrow it. I always give you the credit for it, but I borrow it.
- [22:08]
A
Thank you.
- [22:09]
B
And it's. Oh, yes, don't be the best be the only 100%. So share with me more about what that means to you, how you express that and live that out and how that relates to, or I guess should say is. Is really the antidote for that complacency.
- [22:25]
A
I was never like anyone else. And every time I tried, I just epically failed. Epically failed. I just never fit in. And then I made a discovery. I don't want to. I don't want to be like them. Why? And let me tell you something I learned. So anyone young watching, really, or, or frankly, anyone, any age, they're scared. And that's why they're like that. They fit in because they're afraid to be themselves. And it's low self esteem and that's why they do it. You know, I. Oh my gosh. God, my whole life, Jesus, you know, I always felt shut out. I always felt like they had their little comments and all their little bitchiness and whatnot. And I just kind of did my own thing because of that, you know. And as I grew invisibility in power, then things kept happening and also growth in community. Because as you know, I keep a friend. Honey, loyalty. How do you have 25 best friends? I was like, because I keep a.
- [23:52]
B
Friend and they are quality.
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A
Oh, my hundred percent, you do not.
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B
Have the hanger ons. These are people in your life that you have known for decade.
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A
Plus plus plus plus 100% you knew. I mean, we've been friends 10 years. Only because I only met you 10 years ago. Not because of any other reason. Like I am on board. You know, we just had our beauty awards and I went around that room and everyone was 28 years. This, this, this, this, this, you know, and like, it was incredible. Cynthia Bailey, who I've known 24, five, six, seven, eight years, you know, she gave me my first icon award, for God's sakes, as you know. And then we're giving her an award now all these years later and she was almost in tears and I'm talking around the room saying how, you know, like I met her on the Chico's catalog, for God's sakes. And she's telling me, the doctor to go to like the, you know, the, the, here's the cool door guy so you can get in the club, so you can start hanging out, meet other people. Like, but this is, you're right. Like it's all quality friendships and all these friends in Europe, like Nicole Miller, for goodness sakes. I met her in New Zealand. Who now you've become friends with.
- [25:02]
B
Yes.
- [25:03]
A
And is a huge part of our community. And we met, you know, we were just talking recently, and we were like, that was 18, you know, and we're, like, trying to look it up. And I was like, oh, here, I'll just Google it. That's another fabulous thing about knowing people, you know what. And also being more public, because I'm like, oh, I can just Google it in the press. Fabulous. That's the most glamorous, fun part of it. You know, it's like, oh, I go, oh, this is. She was dying. She's like, only you would look that up.
- [25:31]
B
But I was like, look up the Getty image, honey.
- [25:33]
A
It's receipts. That's what that is. I love that. That's what I learned from the housewives always have receipts. So, you know, it makes it really fun and. But. But it gives it the longevity of it. And you. And that also gave me a lot of power, because when you had those people around you, you know, when you have your. When you have your community, you have a lot of power because those are people that show up for you. And when you have people to show up for you, you have power. That's buying power. That's also just, like, when you need people to vote for you. All the things to show up for you. How does showing up is everything?
- [26:10]
B
How does one cultivate that? Because I'm sure that there are people watching or listening to this right now that are great people with a great mission, a great purpose, you know, sophisticated at what they do, have authority, but they feel like they're missing that. And maybe it's true or not. Maybe it's an insecurity thing, or maybe they just. It's. It's a piece of the puzzle that they haven't yet cracked. How have you. I. I know it comes. I just know you so well. I know it's. It's an innate part of who you are. I think it's naturally to you. But how does one. If it doesn't, how does one do that when the intentions are pure and the authenticity is there?
- [26:48]
A
So. And I say this all the time, too, because people obviously ask me that constantly, and they're like, how do you choose? You know, number one, I love dynamic people. And so, because everyone comments on how I have so many famous friends, and it's not that they're famous, it's because they're dynamic people. Especially, like, reality people, because they're only reality people because they're so dynamic.
- [27:11]
B
Right?
- [27:12]
A
It comes hand in hand. So. And, you know, I have a lot of non famous friends as well. But I was just at a dinner recently and there was a member of the press there and. And he was saying, oh, it's so difficult to get people at things. And I was like, really? My God, I just had to cut my guest list from 400 damn people. And he's like, whoa, your friend's 365. And I was like, thank you. I'm gonna take that because that's true. You know, I've always been the one. You call me, I'll be at your shitty letter opening.
- [27:48]
B
Yes.
- [27:48]
A
And I show up for people.
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B
Yes.
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A
Always.
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B
Yes, you do.
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A
I'll vote for your ass. I will give you a like and three hearts. Even though, like, oh my God. I remember when you. I remember when you were really trying to get it off the ground.
- [28:04]
B
I was trying, you know what?
- [28:07]
A
But you did. And I was like, if I see a like to know it post out of your ass one more time, I'm gonna kill myself. But I was liked. I liked it every day.
- [28:18]
B
You like to know it every time.
- [28:20]
A
I was like, what do you got? I'm here for it. Whatever you need.
- [28:23]
B
Why is she wearing that? Jeez.
- [28:25]
A
Oh my God. Jesus Christ. I can't look at it again. Jesus Christ. I'm saying that in a good way, not a bad way. No, but, but I just. I've always been that person. Have. And so. So. But what? What I say a lot.
- [28:38]
B
I built my business around what I believe in.
- [28:41]
C
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- [29:25]
A
Now, when people ask me in a more formal way, I always say that it is my job as a CEO to formulate an incredible community for other members of our community to come together who is going to be a fantastic person for other people to know that that person can also blend with them and they can all have synergy together. And that's really my job now.
- [29:56]
B
Yes. And you have to care 100%. You can't teach that. No, you have to care enough for that connection to. Of course it's. In some ways it's about. It's what you're receiving from it. It's not that it's self serving, but it's what you're receiving from it. So you can output more for the greater of the community. But it's also a. These two people align and partner, you know, for, for. For him, for her, for me, for us.
- [30:25]
A
Yes.
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B
Because the more that they prosper, the more that I and the community can prosper.
- [30:29]
A
And I. I think as a takeaway, if you are a person who is trying to develop this community, one, you have to carve out a certain amount of time. Because I think a lot of people are like, I don't have time. So you have to create that as part of your mindset of this is part of my job where I have to do something or things to develop this community with. Whatever, whatever it is you need to develop that community for. Whether you're running for office, need more clients, whatever you need to do, you need to find that time and space within that. You need to suss out energy of people that you want to be with and that work with other people you know already. So you could do introductions. 3. You have to have an offer.
- [31:22]
B
Preach.
- [31:23]
A
You have to have an offer. Let me help you with this. Let me do this for you. Oh, I'm doing this. You should do this. Or oh, let me introduce you because boom, you have them immediately because 99 of the people in this world are asking you for something. I don't go a damn day where I'm not hit up 20 times. That is the most annoying thing that happens in my day. I'm like, what? No. That's why I don't go anywhere anymore. Because everywhere I go, I get hustled. And I hate to be as you know, I hate to be hustled. And so it is so important to walk out there offering. When I moved to Hollywood, and this is a true story and you know it, I got all these big meetings and I went to every meeting and they all said the same thing to me. They were like, you were a huge star everywhere else in New York, Miami, but no one gives a about you in Hollywood because there's real stars here. And I said, thank you. Noted. And the first thing I learned, have an offer. And so, you know, I had that one magazine in the very beginning, and I hustled that magazine everywhere with offers. And here we are now.
- [32:40]
B
And I think that is it's a such a strong reminder too, of not having. Yes. People around you all the time.
- [32:48]
A
Oh, please.
- [32:49]
B
And that is something that I think you are so great at in your friendships of. You will offer the shirt on your back to someone. Unfortunately, sometimes to someone that you love and care about.
- [33:00]
A
Yes.
- [33:01]
B
But you will also be the first person to say, I hate that lipstick. Yes. Why are you liking to know it all over the place? Why are you wearing that? And it's because you see something in people that most of the times they don't see in themselves. I know that was the case when I was trying in my little garage with all the lights that I was buying, just liking to know it, blogging, trying to make something. And you were like, julie, why are you doing all this? You've got so much more to offer. You've got so much more to give. You know, why are you playing small? And I think that it's also a gift to remember to not just constantly surround yourself with people that are going to tell you what you want to hear, that are only going to say what makes you feel good. Because sometimes you need those hard truths. Sometimes you need that reflection that may feel stingy or ouchy, like you were saying earlier. Yeah, but it's the catalyst. It's. It's showing you something that you refuse to accept that is there in your life. And that can a lot of times be the catalyst to get you to the other side.
- [34:04]
A
And I can't express that for young people watching. You need to find people in your life that may be vicious, that may really tell you the truth, that kills you. And then the people that have made it per se or just very established, be open to young people to give advice, help. Because first of all, those young people, you may need them someday. You know, I hire a lot of the young people. And then also though, years ago, you know, I had a business at 24, we had so much staff, we had so many people around us. And then a lot of those people became producers that hired me later. And you never know who's going to be what, especially in this business.
- [34:49]
B
Yes.
- [34:49]
A
Because anybody could be, please. These 20 year olds now have huge businesses because they're on AI and smarter than everybody else and they hit and you never know you do. So I think that's very important too. And to surround yourself with all different types of people and that, that is a real talent of mine as we know. Like, I'm surrounded by every type of person. You can discriminate.
- [35:14]
B
Nope.
- [35:14]
A
Because I see heart and soul first, always. I always have. You know, I see real raw talent. I see people with. I see a lot of abused people because I was there. And I always go towards that, as you know, and. Which is broken my heart so many times because sometimes it works out, sometimes it does not. Sadly, I've led with my heart. I always have. You know, and then I use my brain to figure out ways to kind of help or how to lift together. And, you know, I've done that so much. But some of the biggest hits of my career had been by doing that. Another thing that I think is really important for people is to stop worrying about what everyone else says and thinks and to start taking themselves out of themselves and looking at themselves. Because people get so in it that they forget that they need to look at themselves from the outside.
- [36:13]
B
How do you do that?
- [36:15]
A
That's not easy.
- [36:16]
B
Right.
- [36:16]
A
And I've done that my whole life. Like, what do you look like to other people? And that's. That's a very difficult, difficult thing. And it's just. It takes practice. It takes closing your eyes, sitting on the couch and just being like, what does your life really look like? Like, it's like coming out of your body. And I know that sounds weird. I'm not hokey pokey like that. But you really have to be like you.
- [36:40]
B
Doesn't match what I say that I want.
- [36:42]
A
Like, what does this life look like and what do I want? And I will say, you know, I really. I've really thought about this recently and because I'm still developing, because I knew that I would not hit who I was going to be until much later in life. I knew that always in. I. I'm not a psychic person, but every psychic I ever went to, like, like when I was young, because, you know, everyone will drag us, like through our, you know, come on, we're surrounded by creative, cool people and they're all like, we're going the sidekick. Or like, oh, sit down. And. And every one of them were like, your 50s are your time. That's when you're really going to go. And so I've known that my whole life. But I knew that my whole life too, you know, because I knew it would all be like, here, you know, and recently I've really kind of come to this place where one. I knew it would be my brain that really took me and not the fabulousness or whatever BS that they all bought.
- [37:44]
B
Yeah.
- [37:44]
A
Because they bought that part of it which was, okay, fine, you know, it's just like a little tiny part, you Know, but I think that when I start looking, the middle never works for me because I'm not the middle. And I want. I want people at home to realize, and whoever's listening, that if you're in a place where, you know, like, you know, you're this. Well, of course none of this is working because you're this.
- [38:14]
B
So good.
- [38:15]
A
So if you're down here and you can't get out of the cellar, well, honey, you better start digging the other way, because you're never going to be there. So you got to figure that out. But of course, none of that's going to work because that isn't who you are. And so you better break down those fears. You better break it all down, like. Because who would ever tell me that I would be in vogue for a beauty campaign at 48 years old when I was fat with bad teeth and horrible skin? Hi. At 25, when you would think that I would be doing that?
- [38:50]
B
Right. Because that's that. Right. Right.
- [38:53]
A
So you know. And you have to know.
- [38:57]
B
Yes.
- [38:57]
A
Where you're going, because there is no roadmap except your soul.
- [39:04]
B
I want to.
- [39:06]
A
I hope there's a lot of mics, because we just dropped. The floor is covered in mics.
- [39:11]
B
You were our dear friends, and we're dear friends with Anne Hesch, who was such a light and a beautiful soul. And I want to know what her legacy and what that loss taught you so much about living and not being taken down by the darkness.
- [39:42]
A
You know, it's funny, because I think there's so many misconceptions about her.
- [39:50]
B
Which is why you loved her.
- [39:51]
A
Yeah, of course. Because I've been. You know, there were so many misconceptions about me my whole life.
- [39:57]
C
Yep.
- [39:59]
A
I think we had a very similar childhood in different ways, but all the elements were there. It was just a different soup, you know, a different stir. And she just didn't know where to go later on, you know, I think that she did her best. Her heart was just on her sleeve. Another level. I think that she didn't truly heal, and she helped me to heal in. Her legacy to me was that I was able to truly heal because she would always yell at me about diminishing my own light, and she would just yell at me about it. Stop. Because they all did that to her. And she was like, they're always going to do it. You can't do it to yourself because they will always treat you like that. And people like us just have to shine. And that was so telling, because we are taught our whole life that we have to be humble, which is. They want us to be humble so they don't feel bad about themselves because we're so great. Facts. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, that's just a fact. And there's a way to. There's a way to live where you're not obnoxious.
- [41:46]
B
Right.
- [41:46]
A
But why am I denying my greatness? But that's why, you know, because they're embarrassed that I'll get up and drive trucks of diapers for, you know, for fire victims, and they run off to Mexico and hang out when. When the whole city burns down.
- [42:07]
B
Because that's what happens.
- [42:08]
A
Facts.
- [42:08]
B
Right.
- [42:09]
A
Yeah. And so I just feel like with her, what she did for the LGBTQ+ community, when Ellen didn't even want to come out of the closet and she forced the whole thing when she wasn't even really gay, it was the first relationship she had ever had and the last. True story, because no one knew. She had never slept with a woman after that, ever, ever. Admitted from her she was the best mother she could be. She was truthful. She lived her own story. She was a shining soul. She was very misunderstood. She had a lot to give, you know, and she just touched me in a way that I'd never felt before, you know, because I could relate to, but I could also feel all that pain and that I'm always attracted to that type of person, you know, and I very famously am friends with a lot of those types of people and. But I can't help it because I have been through it. But he. And you know, when you heal from something, you see other people in it, you're like, oh, let me try. Sometimes it doesn't work. They're too. Too far. It's too far, you know, and then you're like, oh, I can't get pulled back into this. Like, it's. It's too much. You know, we do our best. We do our best in life, period. You know, but she, you know, was just horribly misunderstood. And it. It's still. I cry almost every day still about it, you know, just because I miss her and also her guidance. And she was. She was just a great guide for me. And her legacy, thankfully, was turned because I, my gosh, I lost my business, truly. I mean, I was really doing very well, and I just. I was fighting the media because of some situations, and there was no one really there to do it. And. But even that, I learned a lot, you know, because it changed my entire relationship with the media, respect wise. And you Know, it was like I was her champion at that moment, you know, and I don't want to take credit for things that, you know, but I just, I wanted to do anything I could in my own power to help. Because what it did do, I will say what really came out of that for me was, was I felt at that moment that our camp, our community with her, felt voiceless because it was the overpowering community of the overall media that had really taken this road. And. But it wasn't even a real road, it was just a narrative, you know, it was this. I was like, I kept saying it was this. It's a slow news week and you know, we're on this cycle now and TMZ and Fox News and blah, blah, blah, you know, and, you know, and at the end of that, Fox News called and they said to me, you know, from the newsroom, and they said, we just want you to know that we think you're an icon. And I said, well, at least that's the first time you got a fact correct out of this entire news cycle. And we laughed. And I was like, listen, I get the, I get, I know the gig. I understand this gig. It's. I get it. What you did was wrong. It's fine. You just apologize. So whatever. It's not going to do anything. But then we were able to help her youngest son, Atlas, who is just a wonderful young man and thankfully thriving with his great dad, James Tupper, the actor. We approached them about writing a tribute to his mom and he hadn't spoken yet. And I was launching the Los Angeles Inquisitor and the book was coming out and I really wanted to, to push book sales for it was their legacy and their finding, you know, it's like nothing to do with yet. And her best friend and business partner, Heather Duffy was working on the book and then they were doing the big book signing at the Barnes and Noble here in Hollywood and it was the night before and he hadn't written the tribute and I was like, no pressure, but I gotta get this out or whatever. We got the tribute at nine o' clock and we were able to put it out at 3 o' clock in the morning. And all of our friends of our tight knit group put out tributes with his as the lead. And it was him and his mom in Mexico. It was just really beautiful and really real and authentic and no editing. Like it was just what his heart, you know, it was his first statement about her and it was just so beautiful and, and I was like, we are going to town with this. And because we knew it was like, this was the moment. It was. The book was out. It was her last words to the world, you know, with his words. It was amazing. And it was viral by 9 in the morning. We put out at 3 o' clock in the morning, and everyone. Everyone covered it. It was worldwide. It was beautiful. And the Daily Mail called later that day, and they were like, in a day her narratives changed and her whole legacy. And I was like, we launched this magazine today because no one knew that I had launched it that day. It was the launch of the whole thing. So Gurus Magazine, which.
- [48:20]
B
Yeah, I've been on the COVID of.
- [48:22]
A
Yes, you have. Along with so many of you. You're. Along with your husband as an amazing ally to the community and so many incredible other people that are gurus. Along with gurus, we have the Los Angeles Inquisitor, and that was the launch of it. But Ann was on the first cover of the.
- [48:44]
B
The Gurus, and it was so beautiful.
- [48:48]
A
Sorry, I'm like, I'm crying a lot today. I was like, wow, I didn't expect to cry a lot.
- [48:52]
B
I. I wanted that to be heard and seen because I. I saw it. I witnessed it. All of that was going on behind the scenes. But I just want to thank you for being here, for being who you are, for letting so many of us that are grateful to know you just be fully seen and heard and expressed by you. You are such a champion. You are such a supporter. You've always been that for me.
- [49:18]
A
My gosh, I'm crying. Sorry. I was like, wow, you see things.
- [49:22]
B
In me when I can't see it. You were the first to. When I got my book deal, you were like, all right, we're doing it. We're gonna go get the clothes. We're doing the photo shoot. We're doing the book cover.
- [49:31]
A
Oh, gosh. Remember that? I was, like, so tired of that suit.
- [49:34]
B
We're like, enough with the suit.
- [49:36]
A
I love that silver suit, but I'm done with it. Enough already. My gosh.
- [49:40]
B
But. And you. You put me on a cover and, you know, and I. And I suit my sister.
- [49:46]
A
But also. But also, you are a guru. I mean, look what you've done in your own career. And we need everybody listening. You need champions. Yes, we all need champions, which is why I build communities the way I do.
- [50:05]
C
Yes.
- [50:06]
A
Because if you don't have a community, you're never gonna have a champion, nor do you even have the opportunity to have the honor of being a champion. Because once you Are you want that for everyone?
- [50:21]
B
Yeah.
- [50:22]
A
And so, because I've had that honor, I want that for other people. And so it is my life's work to be able to give that to people because it's free. And so many of the blessings of my life are that opportunity. What else can you ask for in life, you know? And because not all of us are blessed enough to have children or partner or tons of cash or whatever it is. So we have to take the real blessings in life, because at the end of the day, anyone, anyone I know with a ton of cash don't care about it because they know what it brings. Problems, problems. You just need friends with tons of cash, which is why you need the big community day, you know, still. But you get. You get the point.
- [51:16]
B
Yes.
- [51:16]
A
Because I don't know anyone that has been made happy by that alone. It is about being a fully rounded human being with love and light and real community, but also self worth and not selling your soul for anything. Because at the end of the day, when the lights are out and all there, all there is, is your heart. And that is all. And that's all we have. And you got to be able to sleep at night. And that's it.
- [51:51]
B
And that's why it's just an honor. It's an honor to know you. It's an honor to be a sister, be a friend. And this is why I want to have these conversations. I mean, a big part of me wanting to rebrand a lot of what is my business and is. Is my podcast is to allow myself to be more fully expressed and to let people really see and hear, you know, the conversations and the depth of the incredible people that I am so blessed to have in my life. And you are one of those.
- [52:24]
A
Thank you.
- [52:25]
B
And I just want to thank you so much for being here and sharing your light and your wisdom and your gifts. It's just. It's an honor, and I'm so grateful.
- [52:34]
A
Thank you.
- [52:34]
B
I love you so much.
- [52:35]
A
Love you. Thank you.
- [52:37]
B
Beautiful.