Duologue with Leslie Heaney:

Finding Your Silver Lining: Resilience, Transformation, & Grace with Hollye Jacobs

Released January 7, 2026

Episode Overview

In this inspiring and practical conversation, Leslie Heaney sits down with Hollye Jacobs—a nurse, social worker, resilience life coach, cancer survivor, and bestselling author of The Silver Lining: A Supportive and Insightful Guide to Breast Cancer. The two explore Hollye's personal journey from healthcare provider to patient, her discovery and navigation of breast cancer, and most powerfully, her framework for building resilience and finding hope (the “silver lining”) even in life’s hardest moments. Hollye offers actionable advice for anyone facing a crisis, supporting a loved one through illness, or just moving through a “lifey” season. The episode balances personal storytelling, practical caregiving wisdom, and strategies for reframing adversity, making it resonant well beyond those experiencing cancer.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Hollye’s Unexpected Diagnosis & Role Reversal

• Diagnosis Experience: Hollye shares her shock at receiving a breast cancer diagnosis after a “just in case” mammogram at age 39 despite no family history or symptom beyond intermittent stabbing pain.
  • [02:35] “I had been awakened in the middle of the night with stabbing pains... three more times that week, the exact same thing happened. So I decided to have it checked out just to be sure.” – Hollye
• Moving from Caregiver to Patient: Hollye discusses the emotional dislocation of moving from caregiving professional “at the side of the bed” to patient “in the bed.”
  • [05:46] “I found myself in this unique position... moving from the side of the bed as a healthcare professional into the bed as a patient.” – Hollye
• ‘Virtual Scrubs’ Mindset: She intentionally “put on her virtual scrubs”—calling on her professional lens to guide her through, imagining how she’d help a friend or patient and doing the same for herself.

2. First Steps After Diagnosis—Advocacy and Assembling a Care Team

• Pause and Plan: Despite the instinct to act urgently, Hollye and Leslie stress the importance of not rushing critical decisions.
  • [07:56] “A cancer diagnosis... feels like an emergency. And it’s, 'what do I need to do right now?' Whoa, whoa, whoa, pump the brakes a bit.” – Hollye
• Advocating for Yourself: Hollye’s personal physician advised her to wait for a breast surgeon for the biopsy, emphasizing deliberate decision-making—even amidst pressure from hospital staff.
• Interview Your Doctors:
  • Both advocate for “interviewing” multiple oncologists and team members, just as one would interview for any important partnership.
  • [16:22] “I interviewed three oncologists before I found the right connection... and I proceeded to school [one] on exactly what palliative care is.” – Hollye
• Build Your Own Team: Hollye draws the analogy to building a house—choose your “architects and builders” (doctors and practitioners) with care rather than defaulting to whoever’s on call.
• Privilege and Access: The discussion includes recognition of healthcare privilege, insurance, and the disparities inherent in system navigation.
  • [14:40] “I'm speaking from a place of privilege, a place of access... There are a lot of people who don’t have that.” – Hollye

3. Holistic Support: Beyond Traditional Medical Care

• Who Should Be on Your Cancer Care Team?
  • Medical oncologist, surgeon, palliative care, nutritionist, social worker/therapist/coach, child life specialist (if you have kids), acupuncturist, yoga/meditation guides.
• Child Life & Family Communication:
  • How Hollye involved her (almost 5-year-old) daughter with clear communication, what “magical thinking” means for children, and why including kids reduces their anxiety.
  • [24:01] “Their imagination has the capacity to create things that are far worse than reality.” – Hollye
  • [24:50] Recommends preparing conversations and having another trusted adult present when talking to children about illness.

4. Strategies for Navigating Treatment—Practical Support

• Note-Taking and Appointment Preparation:

  • Be organized: have someone attend appointments who can take notes, write down questions beforehand, treat medical meetings like essential business meetings.
  • [26:33] “You can record meetings... It’s really important to write down a list of questions and be prepared.” – Hollye

• Leaning on Community:

  • Hollye shares her initial resistance to asking for help and the culture that equates independence with strength.
  • [28:22] “I was a no, I’ve got it, I can handle, I can do it... Cancer taught me an altogether different lesson.” – Hollye
  • Accepting help created valuable roles for friends and family—school pickup, meal delivery, dog walks.

• The Ripple Effect: Supporting the Supporters

  • Hollye created her blog to keep loved ones informed, reducing the pressure on her husband to constantly update others about her situation.
  • [33:51] “I also didn’t want him to feel the pressure of having to describe what was happening or what was going on...” – Hollye
  • Writing was also therapeutic, helping her process and give words to both the clinical and emotional journey.

5. Documenting the Journey: Photography and Storytelling

• Visual Documentation:
  • Hollye’s friend Elizabeth photographed her throughout treatment, giving Hollye a new, empowered perspective on her body post-surgery and during chemo.
  • [38:49] “I started to see myself differently through her images, and it was very powerful.” – Hollye
• The Origin of the Book:
  • Blog readers encouraged her to write a book sharing both the clinical and personal sides of breast cancer. The format offers narrative plus “lifelines” (practical, fast tips), and “practical matters” for readers to use before appointments, surgery, or treatments.

6. Resilience & The Power of Silver Linings

• Finding Silver Linings Amidst Hardship:

  • Hollye makes clear that looking for silver linings is not Pollyannaish positivity or denial of suffering, but a crucial perspective shift that can buoy us through difficulty.
  • [43:33] “Silver linings... don’t get rid of [the pain]... However, they just provide a buoy to help give me a different perspective.” – Hollye
  • Examples include small comforts (a hummingbird outside, a cup of ginger tea), the support of loved ones, or even the voice in her head reminding her to use GPS on a foggy “chemo brain” day.
  • [46:46] “Looking for silver linings is not something that just should be applied or could be applied to managing cancer... Whether it’s divorce or a loss... having that be part of your practice can really help move you forward.” – Leslie

• Resilience as a Skill, Not a Trait:

  • Resilience isn’t “bouncing back” or an innate quality you either possess or not—it’s a dynamic practice of adaptation, recovery, and transformation.
  • [47:14] “Resilience is a daily practice... It’s a dynamic skill that you can cultivate and build.” – Hollye
  • Hollye’s definition: “The ability to adapt, recover, and transform from adversity.”
  • [49:01] Famous line: “Life is lifey.” – Hollye

7. Simple Tools to Strengthen Resilience

• The Power of “Yet”:
  • Adding the word “yet” to negative self-talk creates possibility and growth mindset.
  • [51:52] “I’m not good at technology. I can’t do it... Well, let’s try it a little bit differently... I don’t know how to do it—yet.” – Hollye
  • Applies to learning new skills, managing imposter syndrome, or facing comparison traps.
• “Get to” vs. “Have to”:
  • Shifting from “I have to” into “I get to” reframes obligations into opportunities.
  • [55:33] “I have to travel this week” → “I get to travel.” – Hollye
• Caution Against Platitudes:
  • Hollye is clear she’s not advocating toxic positivity: “When the shit hits the fan... things are scary and sad, it’s not about ‘just be grateful’... What’s one little thing I can do right now?”
• Use of the Cancer Buddy App:
  • Hollye recommends Cancer Buddy for peer support, connecting patients and caregivers who share diagnoses or roles.
  • [57:31] “It is an extraordinary app... connects people with the same cancers in the same age, connects caregivers with caregivers.” – Hollye

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On patient advocacy:

  • “Just because someone’s wearing a white coat, just because someone has a different area of education or expertise than you doesn’t mean that they know more about you, that they know more about what’s best for you, because they don’t.” – Hollye [18:07]

• On the importance of including children:

  • “When children are not included, their imaginations create things that are far worse than the reality.” – Hollye [24:01]

• On helping friends during illness:

  • “Asking for help is truly a sign of strength, not weakness... Cancer doesn’t happen in isolation.” – Hollye [28:22]

• On resilience:

  • “Life is lifey. That’s when resilience comes in. All the daily practices, all the things you do… are ways to adapt, recover and transform from adversity.” – Hollye [49:01]
  • “You get to reframe it.” – Hollye [56:05]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:35] Hollye’s diagnosis story
• [05:46] Moving from caregiver to patient mindset
• [07:56] The importance of pausing before action
• [16:22] Interviewing medical team; palliative care misunderstanding
• [24:01] The psychology of children and disclosure
• [28:22] Asking for and accepting help
• [33:51] Writing the blog for support network (husband/friends)
• [38:49] How photography changed Hollye’s self-image during cancer
• [41:28] Book structure: combining personal and practical advice
• [43:33] Silver linings—meaning and practice
• [46:46] Resilience extends beyond cancer
• [49:01] “Life is lifey”—the definition of resilience
• [51:52] The transformative power of “yet”
• [55:33] “Get to” vs. “have to”
• [57:31] Recommendation of Cancer Buddy app

Tone & Speaker Style

• Leslie Heaney: Warm, approachable, curious, and empathetic interviewer—frequently offering summaries and relatable analogies.
• Hollye Jacobs: Sincere, practical, insightful, blending clinical expertise with vulnerable, first-person storytelling; direct but never clinical in a distant way, “real talk” about the difficulty of illness without minimizing or sugarcoating.

Final Takeaways

• Resilience is not an innate characteristic or lucky streak—it’s a practice, a skill, and a decision you get to make again and again, especially when life gets “lifey.”
• Small “silver linings” are not solutions to pain, but they do offer buoyancy through hardship.
• Advocacy, preparation, and assembling a team (medical and personal) are crucial when facing major illness—but this wisdom echoes for anyone in adversity.
• You are your own best advocate. Asking for help reveals courage, not weakness.
• The right words (“yet,” “get to,” clear honest communication) can reframe even daunting challenges—and it’s never simply about false positivity.
• Support resources like Cancer Buddy now exist to help patients and caregivers connect during lonely, tough chapters.

Recommended for:
Anyone seeking inspiration, practical advice for navigating illness, caregiving, or adversity—or anyone working to grow their own resilience and grace in “lifey” seasons.