← The Jamie Kern Lima Show
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Four Words That Will Change Your Life + Remembering Today To Truly Live! Pt 2 with Nicole Avant!
00:46:21
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- [00:00]
Nicole Avant
Music has actually saved my life many, many times when I've been at my lowest, different points in my life for various reasons. Music gets me out of a strange mood, a sad mood. I get very emotional when I listen to certain types of music, which is good because it lets it all out. My dad's book title is, you're f cking welcome.
- [00:22]
He hears people, this new culture, saying, there's been no progress. There's been no progress in America. And there's. My father is like, you have got to be kidding me.
- [00:31]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yes.
- [00:31]
Nicole Avant
This is offensive to me. Are you kidding me? He said, the last 60 years, what do you think we were doing for all of you to have what you have? People died for you to vote. People died for you to be able to buy a home. People died for you and struggled for you. People dreamed a vision for you that they knew that they wouldn't even be alive to see. You owe them a thank you. And so I always tell people, I try to live my thank you. I. That is, I live my thank you. I want to live my thank you. I want my life to be a thank you. And so the idea that there's no progress, my dad was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. Do not. Do not accept that. He goes, because that is saying that I didn't do anything. That is saying that my generation didn't do anything for you. And that is a lie.
- [01:22]
Jamie Kern Lima
There were parts of your book that I was, like, sitting up straight or reading. I was like, okay, Nicole. Okay, Nicole.
- [01:29]
Nicole Avant
There's a lot of women like, we're all warrior goddesses. We're all warrior goddesses. And I look at. Have these women saying that I go, and none of you will even go into battle. You can't call yourself a warrior goddess. You haven't even been in battle. What are you talking about? That prayer has changed my life.
- [01:47]
All the time, actually. This or something better. Even in the worst of times, best of times and the worst of times, it never fails. Today I asked the divine. I said, please speak through me and behave through me during this podcast, and I surrender unto you. And I ask for divine intelligence, divine grace, and divine love to guide me and direct me and protect me today. But work through us today during our conversation. And I notice that every time I do that and every day, I do want to be covered with divine order, because I might think in my human mind, this is going to be the best thing for me, for my family, for my work or whatever. And I still will put the intention out always. But I always will end with thy will be done this or something even better.
- [02:43]
Jamie Kern Lima
Ambassador Avant is an award winning producer including of the Academy Award nominated film 6888 entrepreneur, philanthropist, former US Ambassador to the Bahamas and author of the best selling book think you'll be happy? A spirit lifting memoir on how to turn pain into purpose, how to live with gratitude and how to face down tragedy and turn it into love. She and her husband, co CEO of Netflix Ted Sarandos, live in Los Angeles and her impact and work has touched people all around the globe. Nicole Avant was raised surrounded by some of the most extraordinary, extraordinary legends of our time and her parents, entertainment mogul the Black Godfather Clarence Avant and legendary philanthropist Jacqueline Avant turned their home into a place of refuge and inspiration for a generation of notable icons and culture shifting artists. In December 2021, an unthinkable tragedy struck her mother, Jacqueline was fatally shot by a home intruder. In her incredible memoir think you'll be happy, Nicole turns the pain of her family's loss into the fuel that pushes her forward. Think you'll be happy. Her mom's last words to Nicole provides a roadmap for anyone working to remain positive and anchored in hope. And whether today you're listening for yourself or because someone that you love shared this episode with you, I want to welcome you to the Jamie Kerr and Lima Show Podcast family and for everyone part of this right now, can you do me a big favor? If you like the show and you like the guests that I bring you, please hit the subscribe or follow button on the app that you're listening or watching on. It truly means the world to me and thank you. And I just want to remind you, this episode, it's not just for you and me. Please share it with every single person that you know because what you're about to hear will change your life and and theirs.
- [04:41]
Nicole Avant
Welcome to the Jamie Kern Lima Show.
- [04:44]
Jamie Kern Lima
Oprah, how have you defied the odds?
- [04:48]
Nicole Avant
Her show is unlike any I've ever done. A revelation. When you listen, it feels like a hug. But your brain and your spirit and your heart is like wow.
- [04:59]
Jamie Kern Lima
Melinda French Gates When I look into.
- [05:02]
Nicole Avant
Jamie's eyes, I feel like I am on some other cosmic level with her.
- [05:08]
Jamie Kern Lima
I could see the light around her.
- [05:09]
Nicole Avant
She's infused with light.
- [05:11]
Jamie Kern Lima
Imagine overcoming self doubt, learning to believe in yourself and trust yourself and know you are enough. Welcome to the Jamie Kern Lima Show.
- [05:23]
Nicole Avant
Jamie Kern Lima is her name. Everybody needs Jamie Kern Lima in their life. Jamie Kern Lima.
- [05:32]
Jamie, you're so inspiring. Jamie Kern Lima.
- [05:38]
Music is What brought us back together? Because music has actually saved my life many, many times. I mean, when I've been. When I've been at my lowest, different points in my life, for various reasons, music gets me out of a strange mood, a sad mood. Music makes me think. It makes me feel a different way.
- [05:58]
I get very emotional when I listen to certain types of music, which is good because it lets it all out. And with my father, having him come live with us, I would start playing his. My healing process for him was putting on his favorite music, knowing the vibration of music. So I'd play a lot of Duke Ellington, a lot of Frank Sinatra. He knew Frank Sinatra personally, Sammy Davis Jr. All his friends who happened to be big, famous musicians. Quincy Jones was his best friend. I put on every Quincy Jones album. Frank Sinatra, Duke Ellington, like I said.
- [06:32]
Louis Armstrong. And then one day he looked at me and goes, oh, God. All you did was want to go to tower records, and all you did was wanna buy albums. And so we would talk about it. And I found a playlist on Spotify. It was like 1976, like top 100. And I started playing that at dinner with my dad next to me. I said, oh, I used to listen to this when I went to camp. And then you and mom sent me to sleepaway camp, and I thought I was gonna have no friends. And then it was Paul mccartney and Wings and then this song. And then he got to know me. He had forgotten all. He didn't know any of this about me when I was a child. My mom knew these things. But my dad was working. He could care less. And all of a sudden he's like, huh? How do you remember all these songs? I go, I could tell you. Just like I said earlier, I go, I could tell you who I had a crush on. I can tell you where I was going to camp. I was tell you. I could tell you I had dolphin shorts and adidas and this and that and members only jacket. And it was healing for him to see the child in me become alive again.
- [07:36]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yes.
- [07:37]
Nicole Avant
And so we really healed through music together. We. Every night, I'm telling you, Jamie, I would see it. His. His vibration, his energy. Some nights would go down. He'd come down the stairs sad or, you know, a little confused, you know. And if I turn on Frank Sinatra's greatest hits, boom. He. He was taken. He was transported to a different time. And his feet would start moving under the table. And. And so I realized, okay, this is a good thing for healing. This is what I'm going To do music works for him. Great old movies started working for us. Movies that my mother loved. And we watched Audrey Hepburn all the time. We watched Katharine Hepburn all the time. We watched Dorothy Dandridge, we. Sidney Poitier. We would just watch the things that reminded him of a life that he loved with my mom. And so it was really healing.
- [08:28]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yeah. Well. And he passed as you were. Were you finishing the book?
- [08:34]
Nicole Avant
I was finishing the book. And he was on me, Jimmy, every single day. When are you gonna finish that book? When are you gonna finish the book? I said, dad, you know, and remember, I've said this many times. I did not wanna. I was writing the book before my mom passed. And then when she passed, I thought, okay, well, what now? What am I going to write about? What am I. How am I doing this? And I always just. It was great because again, I have this wizard. I always called my dad this wizard, this man who lived so long. I said, I'm not writing the book. I'll write it next year. I'm going to take care of you. I'm going to put this aside. I'm going to put the movie aside. I'm doing nothing. And he said, nicole, life doesn't work that way. It doesn't work that way. So you need to not let this person who took your mom's life, you cannot give him so much power that he's going to take your life away and take your energy away and take your life force away. To not want to live. I get that you don't want to live, but you have to make a decision that you're going to live even through the moments that you don't want to. You have to. You have to find the strength, and I'm going to help you. And so his. His version of help was nagging me every day. Write the book. Write about Jackie.
- [09:39]
Jamie Kern Lima
So powerful, what you just said. You can't give this guy that took your mom's life your life.
- [09:45]
Nicole Avant
Nope. He was like that. That. He goes, you never give your life force to anyone. I don't care. He's like, do not give your life force away. When you give your life force away, you die.
- [09:59]
Jamie Kern Lima
So, Nicole, I just think about the person right now who's like, been given their life to that person that broke their heart or given that life to that friend that does not deserve. Right.
- [10:07]
Nicole Avant
That's right.
- [10:08]
Jamie Kern Lima
And we're giving. It's like they did the thing and then it's like, what. What are they taking? What do they continue to take?
- [10:14]
Nicole Avant
Yeah. And exhausting. And Draining and using you, by the way. It's abuse. It is abuse. And people have to really recognize when to call things abuse. You know, it's just. And so for me once my dad said that, I was like, oh, you're right. He said, I'm not saying you gotta power through it. We'll take it one day at a time. And he was so cute. He's like, I'm here. I. I don't know how long I'm going to be here with you. He goes, but I'm here so you can lean on me and you could ask me questions. And, you know, but I would read certain things out loud to him and he'd say, oh, well, I like that. And then I'd say, I don't know if I should put this in maybe. He's like, no, put that in. And his point was, you want people to heal. You want people to get knowledge from the book. You want to inspire people, but you also want to empower people. And the only way, the best way in his version, in his mind, was be as honest as possible. Nicole, you always say, what do you have to lose? Just be honest. You don't need to go out there and say, I'm the perfect daughter, or, I did this perfectly. He goes, show your mess. Because if you show your mess and you own it, it's going to teach other people. And you've learned in your life by learning through other people's messes. And we mentioned Oprah earlier. She couldn't have been more transparent to the world about things she had learned, about things that, wow, I learned this. This healed my soul. I would like to share this with you. And I think anybody who does that, it's so important that we remember that it's to. You said it earlier, it's worth sharing stories.
- [11:44]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yeah.
- [11:45]
Nicole Avant
For that reason.
- [11:46]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yes. Your dad's book title.
- [11:49]
Nicole Avant
My dad's book title is, you're fucking welcome.
- [11:54]
Because he hated when.
- [11:59]
You know, can. You can imagine somebody born in. In 1931 and then gets to 2023, and he hears people, this new culture, saying, there's been no progress. There's been no progress in America. And there's. My father is like, you have got to be kidding me.
- [12:14]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yes.
- [12:15]
Nicole Avant
This is offensive to me. Are you kidding me? And he'd look on the news, he's like, she's on the news. Because I'm the one who fought for her to be on that in that news station. What is she talking about? You know, he said, Nicole, the last 60 years, we. What do you think we were doing? What do you think we were doing for all of you to have what you have? People died for you to vote. People died for you to be able to buy a home. People died for you and struggled for you and were uncomfortable for you. And people dreamed a vision for you that they knew that they wouldn't even be alive to see. So he said, and you know what? You owe them a thank you. And so I always tell people, I try to live my thank you. That is, I live my thank you. I want to live my thank you. I want to, you know, I want my life to be a thank you to my parents, to my grandparents, to all of my ancestors, to everybody of every color in the world who said yes to goodness, yes to fairness, yes to righteousness. And so the idea that there's no progress, my dad was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. Do not accept that. He goes, because that is saying that I didn't do anything. That is saying that my generation didn't do anything for you. And that is a lie.
- [13:34]
Jamie Kern Lima
This is. Again, there's so many parts of this book. I could ask you for days about things in this book, but I want to touch on that, because that really hit me, because we're at this moment where I think collectively, a lot of people have sort of like, again, when we talk about, like, stories that we decide to tell or.
- [14:01]
Meanings we assign to things or our imagination, as your mom would use, and kind of like how we see things, there really is sort of this collective worry of, you know, are we in a worse spot now than we used to be? Is our nation in a worse spot now than it used to be? Have we not made any progress? Are we taking huge steps back, backwards? And there's this sort of, you know, collective maybe pessimism with a lot of people and victim mentality of things. And there were parts of your book that I was, like, sitting up straighter reading. I was like, okay, Nicole. Okay, Nicole, will you talk about your thoughts about that? Because this is so powerful.
- [14:47]
Nicole Avant
I mean, okay, well, I think that the idea of, you know, being victorious for me and living a victorious life is always my intention. And a victorious life does not mean a life that's easy. If you have victory, that means that you had to have a lot of battles. You know, there's, you know, how there's a lot of women, like, we're all warrior goddesses. We're all warrior goddesses. And I look at. Have these women saying that. I go, and none of you will even Go into battle. You can't call yourself a warrior goddess. You haven't even been in battle. What are you talking about? You want everything again, straight line. You want everything in Technicolor. You want everything to be pretty. It doesn't work like that. That means, you know, it's like my grandmother always used to say, everybody wants the testimony. They don't want the test, they don't want to take the test. It's, it's. You have a testimony and you're able to say, oh, my gosh, God was so good. Life is so good, the divine so good. The universe is so good. You get there through going through the hard things, and then when you get to the other side of it, you can then have a testimony. And, you know, this idea of.
- [15:55]
Choosing up and starting your day off thinking that, you know, I always tell people, have a perspective on the world first of all, and really think about the things that you have right now. The idea that you want to live in utopia. Well, good. Like, it doesn't even. Again, there's, It's a mindset. Everybody wants equality. I understand that. Freedom, all these things. I think, again, going back to your first question about world history and why I loved the history of the world, is when you look at just right now in the world, there are women that are not allowed to be educated. There are women who are not allowed to drive. There are women who are not allowed to own a home. There are women who are literally have laws saying absolutely no.
- [16:43]
For me, I could either. You know, of course you do what you can. You work with organizations that are trying to change these things. But I wake up every day as an American and I say, I am so grateful for everybody who came before me to make sure that I have what I need to have to live, but also to move forward to live life, to. I don't take my freedom lightly at all. I don't take my freedom for granted. I don't take the idea that I have the right to be educated, the right to work hard and be successful, or the right not to do anything, by the way, that's another thing. You could sit in this country and do nothing. You know what I mean? And people don't even realize that's a part of it. I mean, I wouldn't choose that. But the idea that you even have that.
- [17:33]
Jamie Kern Lima
And then we need to pause for a second, super brief break. And while we do, take a moment and share this episode with every single person that you know who this could inspire, because this information can truly change your life and theirs. In life you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self worth. When you build your self worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book Worthy how to believe you are enough and transform your life for you. If you have some self doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, Worthy is for you. In Worthy you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life changing results like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back, build unshakable self love, unlearn the lies that lead to self doubt and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness, overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome, achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more. Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self doubt and unshakable self worth. Get your copy of Worthy plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you@worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you do. If you fully believed in you, it's time to find out. With Worthy, who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self belief. And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration. Which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you delivered straight to your inbox each and every Tuesday morning from me. If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week, just go to jamiekernlima.com to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your one on one with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you. If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy and love hitting your inbox. I'm your girl. Subscribe@jamiekernlima.com or in the link in the show Notes do you struggle with negative self talk? Living with a constant mental narrative that you're not good enough is exhausting. I know because I spent most of my life in that habit. The words you say to yourself about yourself are so powerful and when you learn to take control over your self talk, it's life changing and I wanted to give you a free resource that I created for you if this is something that could benefit your Life. It's called 5 Ways to Overcome Negative self talk and build self love and it's a free how to guide to overcome that negative self talk to build confidence and develop unshakable self love so that you can dream big and keep going in the pursuit of your goals. Don't let self sabotaging thoughts hinder your progress any longer. It's time to rewrite the script of your life. One filled with self love, resilience and unwavering belief. If you're ready to take charge of your narrative, build unwavering confidence and empower yourself to persevere on the path to your dreams, you can grab your free guide to stop overthinking and learn to Trust yourself at jamiekernlima.com resources or click the link in the show notes below. And now more of this incredible conversation together.
- [21:45]
Nicole Avant
You could sit in this country and do nothing, you know what I mean? And people don't even realize that's a part of it. I wouldn't choose that. But the idea that you even have that of. And then. So for me, I just think it's a, it's a, it's a. The way to honor people of the past and people who came before me, especially my ancestors, is to live a very full, thankful life and to make the best out of what I have and what they didn't have. Because they didn't have a lot. And yet they still chose to live. They still chose to give me life, they still chose to show up. And this whole idea of this collective.
- [22:31]
Victimization and you know, I mean, now we're in a state where, you know, I've seen it and I'm sure you've seen it, but I, you know, it could be standing in line at a restaurant or something and somebody doesn't get their order right. You think that the whole world's going to fall apart. I mean, it's, it's tragic to see, but again, it's being disconnected from the truth. Being disconnected, I think from other people's sacrifices. And when you're disconnected and unaware of other people's sacrifices, this is what happens.
- [23:04]
And we have to stop that because it's not going to help our nation. And is our nation perfect now? I would like to know which one is. I, I haven't seen one. And if someone can show me one, great, but I haven't seen one. But we're pretty good and I know we have things to change and I know things, you know, no one gets it all right? And all. I understand that. However, the idea I'm never Going to fall into the position or thought pattern of.
- [23:32]
Everything'S a tragedy. Nothing has gotten better. There's absolutely been no progress. That's not true. And it's just so, again, hurtful. It hurts my spirit even saying those words right now out loud. It really just bothered me because I just thought of my grandmother right now. I could feel her right here. And she did so much and went through so much for me, for example, for the right to vote. I don't care, Jamie, if I don't like anybody on the ballot, I go and I vote, even if it's one person. I'm like, I'll check this box. Even if it's one. But I do it in honor of my grandmother. I do it in honor of my aunties who fought for me to have the right to vote to the point where, you know, there was a brick thrown at my auntie for marching for me to be able to have the right to vote. And I'll never forget, she said, my face was so swollen, things were thrown at me. And she goes, I felt it was a rock. She goes, it was a brick. And it hit the side of her face. And she said, and here we are. And she goes, and we're in this neighborhood, and there's only black people marching the street, and everyone else is white. She said, but then this wonderful woman, she said she had blonde hair and blue eyes, ran out of her house. And she said, and she had seen what happened to me. And she said, and she brought a frozen piece of meat out of her freezer. And she said, sweetheart, sweetheart, just put this on the side of your face and tilt it this way. But she looked at my auntie, she said.
- [24:54]
Well, now I know what I'm getting up to do tomorrow. And basically, she's like, I needed to almost see this to really realize this is real and this is unjust and this is not right. You know, what are we doing? So that moment became a light bulb moment for somebody else.
- [25:11]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yes.
- [25:12]
Nicole Avant
You know, and so when I. I'm so grateful that my family shared stories with me. I'm so grateful that my mother, you know, she had. I talk about in the book where she had the Great Wall in her house.
- [25:25]
It was paying homage to so many people who came before me. And also knowing you are not a victim, these people, all these people on this wall, they had no freedoms, no nothing. And they're the best scientists, they're the best doctors, they're the best lawyers, they're the best entrepreneurs. You have Harriet Tubman, who not Only did the underground railroad, but she also was a spy and helped us win the war. And she would go into all these people and name everybody and say, you need to go out of our house knowing the shoulders that you stand on and be grateful and show up in the world as that person. I'm not waiting for the school to tell you anything. I'm going to tell you where you're from, and I'm going to have encyclopedias and books and letters and photos or what have you. But I think that is what's happening, is when you do not honor the sacrifices of other people and think that everything is just owed to you, and you just wake up every day. Remember our grandparents? Nobody had the fact that we have running water and you can turn on your water and it turns hot. My dad. My dad didn't even understand the coffee machine. When he came to live with us, he was looking at the coffee machine and he was pushing the button. And I go, dad, you push the button. He goes, wait, what? You put the pot in and it goes in here, and you close it and you push the button. He said, unbelievable. It's modern technology. But for him, he's like, nicole, we didn't. We couldn't even have. I didn't have indoor plumbing. He goes, I didn't have heat. I didn't have anything. He goes, yes, of course, I grew up with it later. But for him, he was like, you have to know where everybody needs to remember where they come from. And that we all did this for you.
- [27:04]
Jamie Kern Lima
And the idea that it wasn't that long ago you and your husband couldn't have been married.
- [27:08]
Nicole Avant
Could not have been married. And again, that is in our lifetime, 60 years ago. I mean, you know, so it's. It's a. Again, I think people just need to reconnect, and I think that's why history is so important.
- [27:22]
Jamie Kern Lima
You know, when I was reading this part of your book and what you just shared, I think is one of the most profound things I've ever heard. Like, literally one of the most profound things I've ever heard. Because it's so easy for all of us, whether we're in our 60s or 20s or 30s or 40s, to be like, oh, the country is this. No matter how you feel politically, and I feel like it doesn't even matter. There's this collective like, oh, this. Or we haven't made progress, or, this is. Oh, our country sucks. Oh, da, da, da, da. Like, there's just such a. And there's almost an addiction to problems that a lot of people have or their significance from problems. What you just said is one of the most profound things I've ever heard. Because it, for me, it's also just a way to be like, oh, get back into that place of truth and gratitude which you said. A disconnect from other people's sacrifice.
- [28:21]
That is one of the most profound things I have ever heard. And I feel like, okay, next time I am watching the news and feeling like, you know, all hell's breaking loose. Whatever I'm feeling, I feel like just reminding myself of that because I know that is true in my body, my soul, my spirit, in my mind, that is true. When we reconnect with others, people sacrifice to have what we have. For our country to look the way it does, for our rights, for our freedoms, for our everything.
- [28:52]
Nicole Avant
Right.
- [28:52]
Jamie Kern Lima
For the ability to do nothing.
- [28:56]
Oh, my gosh. Disconnected from other people's sacrifice. Which is why your dad's book title, you're fucking welcome.
- [29:05]
Nicole Avant
You're fucking welcome.
- [29:05]
Jamie Kern Lima
You're fucking welcome basically sums that up.
- [29:09]
Nicole Avant
I'm trying to write the book. I actually am just going to write the book. I have all his clients.
- [29:13]
Jamie Kern Lima
I think there's a movie that goes with that. But like, that sums it up because it's like, oh, yeah, you're right. Yeah, you're right.
- [29:20]
Nicole Avant
We can't be. And you don't want to wake up that way. I literally just said to Ted the other day, because he was starting to get in the wakes up first thing, he's looking at his phone and I said to him, you're waking up and you're. As soon as you open your email or anything before you say thank you for the day, before you take a shower, you're literally letting 8 billion people and their energy and their nonsense sense into your brain. And then that changes your energy and your vibration for the day. I don't even look at my phone now. I'm like, whatever. I'm grateful to be alive. Thank you that I have a roof over my head. Thank you that I have a family, thank you that I have friends. I have a car. There's so many things that I focus on. What I have and what I can do versus not. And of course I want things to be. It's like the movie, the six triple eight that I made. There was nothing. The reason we love telling the story. There was nothing fair, right? Or just for these women at that time, nothing. Country didn't love them. No one cared. They didn't stop Jamie for one second and say, I'm not going to be excellent. I'm not going to be great because, you know, no one's appreciating me anyway. No, they were the opposite. And they knew their greatness and they appreciated their life force. And I love that they decided to be patriotic, fight for their country, love their country, help win the war. And with knowing that we're probably not going to get any accolades and we're not going to get a thank you, but they lived and they did the right thing and they did a significant thing, and that's why we gave them their flowers. That's why we are going to make this movie. And again, it's living my thank you. That's what I. That's why I do what I do. It's why I make the movies that I make. Because I just, I want to say thank you to so many people for showing up for me to be able to live the life that I have. I do not take one second for granted. Not one.
- [31:23]
Jamie Kern Lima
Your book is, in so many ways a thank you also to everyone who reads it. Like, you just. I feel like it's one of those books where your life shifts in so many ways and then you see things where you're like, oh, wow, I have the power to shift my life, or I have the power to shift my perspective, or I have the power to do that. I want to. Is the last question that I want to ask you today. That's not true. There's a hundred more. And I literally, I don't think I've looked at. I think I'm like, all right, so we've got to. One of the questions on my. You say every day that you pray things are in divine order, that you ask for divine intelligence and divine grace. Can you share that prayer with us? Because I think a lot of people are going to hear those three things and start and they're going to write them down. And that. That will now become their prayer every day. What that means for you.
- [32:15]
Nicole Avant
I mean, for me, every. Well, it's so funny. Today it was interesting you asked that because today I asked the divine. I said, please speak through me and behave through me during this podcast and I surrender unto you. And I asked for divine intelligence, divine grace and divine love to guide me and direct me and protect me today. But work through us today during our conversation. And I notice that every time I do that and every day I do want to be covered with divine order, because I might think in my human mind this is going to be the best thing for me, for my family for my work or whatever. And I still will put the intention out always. But I always will end with thy will be done this or something even better because sometimes we miss things, you know, if we only want it our way and it's so rigid and it's just in our little box and it has to happen this way. And the whole universe is thinking you just. We see everything. We're the gps. You don't even know what's around the corner. And you're saying it has to be on lane A, but on lane C the gift is there but you think it's highway A, but it's on C. But, but it's okay if you, if you're preparing for lane A or highway A, but if you give it up and say this or something even better, it opens up for you to end up on C. That's what I've noticed. So that's why I bring that prayer into my life every day of I want divine love to rule my heart. I want divine wisdom to rule my mind. I want divine love to rule my body. To rule, to rule my energy. I always call it in though. And I notice when I don't and I, I oh, I mean it might be because I'm too rushed in the morning. Oh, I have a zoom call at 6:00am Oh, I have this. It does. It takes two seconds of just calling in the divine. Just. I'm grateful for today. Thank you for today. Let's do this together today. And it makes such a huge difference. Even if I have to have a hard conversation with somebody, I always ask the divine to prepare the other person's heart for what I need to express. And I pray that there's divine understanding doesn't mean that there's divine agreement doesn't mean. But there's an understanding and a respect. And I've just noticed that it's such an easy prayer and an important prayer because then I do believe we are co creators. So I do believe we co create with the universe. And that is why our words and our thoughts and our actions and our behaviors all of a sudden it does become your life because most of the time the universe is like okay, so if you believe you're great, great you are. And if you don't, okay does not bias. It doesn't. It's. It's. You have to. That's why your book, I mean just the believing your worth if it doesn't matter if everybody believes something about you. If you don't believe doesn't matter. So we get to choose my. My parents taught me the greatest lesson was own your individuality. Own your. There's only one Nicole. There's only one. Jamie is like. There's no one else. That's why your fingerprints work. That's what my mom used to say. Why do you think your fingerprints work? Because no one else has your fingerprint. No one else has the DNA. So own it.
- [35:48]
Jamie Kern Lima
This or something better.
- [35:50]
Nicole Avant
This or something better.
- [35:51]
Jamie Kern Lima
That is such a powerful addition to every prayer or to every manifestation.
- [35:58]
Nicole Avant
This or something.
- [35:59]
Jamie Kern Lima
This or something better.
- [36:00]
Nicole Avant
This or something even better. I remember before I met Ted, that.
- [36:03]
Jamie Kern Lima
Opens a space for the divine to give us.
- [36:06]
Nicole Avant
It opens up everything. I remember I said about Teddy right before he came into my life. I remember I shifted the prayer and I said. Because I was. I was saying, oh, I'd love a relationship. This is this. And then I finally said, okay, I know I definitely want my equal or even higher, but I am not going down. I am no longer going down to this. I'm not trying to fix this type of thing. I'm not trying to get to this energy anymore. I have learned the lessons. I am done. But I'd love my equal or someone higher. This or something better. And I wrote every single thing out, every characteristic, everything. And I placed it in my Bible, and It's still there 15 years later. And the paper is all worn, but I have it. And it's beautiful. And Ted is. It's everything. I was very specific.
- [36:54]
Jamie Kern Lima
How did you two meet?
- [36:56]
Nicole Avant
Oh, Lord. We met at. We met through a mutual friend, and I was working at. We met when president. Well, he was Senator Obama, and he just got the nomination to be president. And Ted showed up at an event and he was late, and everyone kept saying, we're waiting for Ted Sarandos. I said, who? Ted Sarandos? I go, who is Ted Sarandos? I don't know who he is. And everyone said, oh, he's from Netflix. I go, I don't care. I'm a Blockbuster girl. I remember saying that. I go, I don't care. I like to go to Blockbuster. Forget Ted. He doesn't get the photo because he was so late. And then he walked in, Jamie. And he was so kind and so humbly said, hi, I'm Ted. I go, oh, Sarandez. I was like, do you want your photo? Hold on. And I remember running up to the senator and I said, can you please just Ted Sarandez take a picture? And I looked at him. I go, you're late and you're ruining my event. And he was just, who is this? And we went out the next week, and we were married less than a year later. Wow. Wow. It was just. But, you know, I had really prayed for him, and I. And I had done the work on myself, so I knew what I was. I knew my worth, and I knew what was good for my energy. And it didn't matter if somebody made sense on paper.
- [38:12]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yeah.
- [38:13]
Nicole Avant
Energetically. It had to make sense. And I tested my feelings. I tested my soul. Every time after Ted would leave my space of, yeah. Didn't take me down. Didn't take me down. It was either, he was right here or we're going here, but he was.
- [38:32]
Jamie Kern Lima
Did you guys know right away? Did you feel like you knew right away? Like, that day?
- [38:35]
Nicole Avant
I knew. I knew that he was going to be a very important person in my life. I was hoping that there would be something. I was like, oh, I think this is. I think this is gonna be a very serious relationship. This is my guy. And I knew even if it wasn't. And I knew I really loved him because I said a prayer for him, saying, if it's not me, please send him someone really great because he's a really great man.
- [38:58]
Jamie Kern Lima
Wow.
- [39:00]
Nicole Avant
Yeah.
- [39:00]
Jamie Kern Lima
Did he know right away?
- [39:02]
Nicole Avant
Yes. Yes, he did.
- [39:04]
Jamie Kern Lima
And then you're married under a year.
- [39:06]
Nicole Avant
Yeah. And then I went to the Bahamas, and then I moved. But, I mean, it became all of a sudden, we got together, our souls got together, and things took off for both of us. Just completely took off in our careers. And again, we had to declare at that time, I said, well, I'm moving to the Bahamas to be the U.S. ambassador. And he said, okay, I can come every week or every two weeks. And I said, I don't know what we're doing, but let's say yes to it. And then we said, no matter what, we're gonna stay together, and we're gonna figure this out as we go. And we did. Yeah.
- [39:40]
Jamie Kern Lima
Again, you said it then.
- [39:41]
Nicole Avant
Yeah. We just. Declarations are a big thing. Yes. For me, it's. It helps me heal myself. It helps me when I need to ask for forgiveness from somebody else or be aware I need to declare what's happened. I need. I just said it to Ted. The night I go, teddy, we were at this dinner party, and I have manners, and I feel horrible. He said, what are you talking about? I said, I didn't speak to the person on my left. I said maybe two things, and I feel. But I know better. And I just was. So I was in this conversation with somebody across But I. I didn't stop to look at the person. But I noticed I had to say it. I had to make it real by saying it and acknowledging and not beating myself up. But I had to be aware of.
- [40:24]
That was so rude and disrespectful. And I was. It was never my intention to be rude and disrespectful, but I was totally unaware. And I noticed when I declare things, yes. It helps me become.
- [40:37]
Centered and aware. And when you declare it, it's true. You know, it's turned. It's true. It's. You have to speak it.
- [40:44]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yeah.
- [40:45]
Nicole Avant
Even if it's about yourself, you have to tell yourself the truth about what you've done or what you've thought or what you've said. That needs correction. And I think a lot of us have gotten away from that too. Of. Don't always say sorry. Don't over apologize. Say sorry for the things that you were wrong about. You don't have to say sorry about everything. You don't have to use the word sorry. But if you're wrong.
- [41:07]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yeah.
- [41:07]
Nicole Avant
Yes, you need to say sorry. You need to apologize.
- [41:11]
Jamie Kern Lima
There's so many incredible takeaways from this conversation. And declaring, declaring we're staying together no matter what is a big one. Declaring this or something better.
- [41:24]
Nicole Avant
This or something better. It has changed. Honestly, that prayer has changed my life.
- [41:32]
All the time, actually. This or something better because it's either I get what I want or I go through something and I think it's worse. And then a flower shows up and it's better, someone will leave my life. And then I think, wait, why did this person leave? Wait, what's going on? I just said this or better. Wait a minute. But something had to leave or someone. And then the other door can open. But divine order and divine love.
- [42:00]
Are. I just invite divine order into everything I do. And even in the worst of times, even in the worst of times, best of times, and the worst of times, it never fails.
- [42:14]
Jamie Kern Lima
Remember, this episode's not just for you and me. Please share this with every single person that you know, because it can change their life too. And if you love today's episode, please click the Follow or subscribe button for the show on the app and give it a five star review or rating. And again, just share it with everyone that you believe in. Share it with another person whose life it could benefit. Post it and share it with others online or in your community who just might need the words and tools and lessons in this episode today. You never know whose life you're meant to change today by sharing this episode. And thank you so much for joining me today. Before you go, I want to share some words with you that couldn't be more true. You right now, exactly as you are, are enough and fully worthy. You're worthy of your greatest hopes, your wildest dreams and all the unconditional love in the world. And it is an honor to welcome you to each and every episode of the Jamie Kern Lima show here. I hope you'll come as you are, heal where you need, blossom what you choose, journey toward your calling and stay as long as you'd like because you belong here. You are worthy, you are loved, you are love and I love you and I cannot wait to join you on the next episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show. In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self worth. When you build your self worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy how to believe you are enough and transform your life for you. If you have some self doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, Worthy is for you. In Worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life changing results like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back, build unshakable self love, unlearn the lies that lead to self doubt and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness, overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome, achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more. Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self doubt and unshakable self worth. Get your copy of Worthy plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you@worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you. It's time to find out. With Worthy, who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self belief. And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration. Which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you delivered straight to your inbox from me. If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week, just go to jamiekernlima.com to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your one on one with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you. If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy and love hitting your inbox, I'm your girl. Subscribe@jamiekernlima.com or in the link in the show notes. And please note, I'm not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.