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The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Melinda French Gates Reveals All (Pt 3): Life-Changing Lessons on How to Do Hard Things, Navigate Change & Find Yourself Again
00:24:15
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- [00:00]
Melinda French Gates
You say your inner voice told you clear as day, it's time to separate from Bill. Are you glad you trusted your inner voice? Melinda. Melinda.
- [00:22]
Jamie Kern Lima
French games. How are you? Can I hug you? Coming up in this incredible final Part three episode with Melinda from French Gates, she's truly revealing awe and it's so inspiring. Melinda shares stories and insights she's never shared before, including life changing lessons on.
- [00:46]
Unknown
How to do hard things.
- [00:48]
Melinda French Gates
I feel like it doesn't matter what anyone does, it's just gonna come with vilification or opposition. How have you handled that? When you do something that you're like, I believe in this so much. I know that. And then all of a sudden attacking it.
- [01:04]
Unknown
My dad always told us when we were growing up, consider the source, navigate change.
- [01:10]
Melinda French Gates
Do you ever plan on or would you ever consider running for public office? Curious. If you feel optimistic about the future of our country right now, how do you feel about the future, all of our futures with AI and find yourself again?
- [01:31]
Jamie Kern Lima
I am so excited for this incredible final Part three episode. Melinda French Gates is a philanthropist, businesswoman, and global advocate for women and girls. She's the founder of Pivotal Ventures, focused on accelerating social progress by removing barriers that hold people back. She also co founded the Gates foundation alongside her former husband, Bill Gates. Melinda's brand new book, the Next Day Transitions, Change and Moving Forward is out now. Make sure you pick up your copy right now. It is so good. And whether today you're listening for yourself or because someone that you love shared this episode with you, I want to welcome you to the Jamie carlima Show podcast family. Thank you so much for being here. And can you take two seconds and do me a favor, please hit the subscribe or follow button on the app that you're listening or watching on. Thank you so much. It truly means so much to me and the team that works so hard to bring you this show. Also this episode. It's not just for you and me. Please share this with every single person that you know, because what you're about to hear can truly impact and change your life and theirs.
- [02:53]
Unknown
Jamie Kern Lima is her name. Everybody needs Jamie Kern Lima in their life.
- [02:57]
Melinda French Gates
Jamie Kern Lima.
- [03:02]
Unknown
Jamie, you're so inspiring.
- [03:03]
Melinda French Gates
Jamie Kern Lima, you say that you got this feeling that this isn't right anymore and that you were trying to ignore the whisper, but it got louder and Louder. And in 2020, you went on a trip to Santa Fe and you say in the book, you say your inner voice told you clear as day, it's time to separate from Bill. Are you glad you trusted your inner voice?
- [03:37]
Unknown
Definitely.
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Yeah.
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And it wasn't easy. It takes courage, right? It wasn't what I wanted. I was sad. But, yeah, I feel like I can now be fully true to myself.
- [03:48]
Melinda French Gates
Yeah. You know, I think so many of us are scared of change, and we're scared of uncertainty, and we're scared, well, what if I'm alone or if I leave this friend group that they're kind of mean, but what if I got no other friends? Or what if I leave this job or anyone else hire me and I started crying? In your book, Melinda, when you talked about we're not waves, we're water. And this analogy of how the big wave thinks it's a wave, Right?
- [04:18]
Jamie Kern Lima
And so many of us, whether we.
- [04:20]
Melinda French Gates
Think we're a wave or we think we're so and so's mom or we're this child job title or with this whatever, and we're about to come to the shore and it's gonna go away.
- [04:28]
Jamie Kern Lima
And we resist it, and we resist that change.
- [04:33]
Melinda French Gates
And what you share is this beautiful story in the next day about how.
- [04:38]
Jamie Kern Lima
Oh, no, no, wait.
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Unknown
We're not the wave.
- [04:40]
Melinda French Gates
We're water. We're water, we're water.
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Unknown
We're so much more than we think we are. And we have these constructs of who we think we are. But when we endure the change, and especially if we can work to not, like, resist it, like in the case of the waves, they're coming up to the beach whether they care about them or not. Right. I also use this analogy from Amdasava, the big wave who's worried, and then the small wave. And the small wave has perspective on the big wave. And if we can find somebody that has perspective on our life, it's the small wave that says, don't be scared. And the big wave saying, but I'm terrified we're going to crash in a store. And the small wave says, yeah, but.
- [05:19]
Jamie Kern Lima
We'Re water, we're water.
- [05:21]
Unknown
We need to have people in our lives who have perspective that we're going to be okay when we get to the other side of that change. We're going to be okay when we go through the clearing, even if it's tough, even if it has stickers and brambles in it. And as we're moving through it, it feels painful. We're going to be okay on the other side. And the truth is, when you have something that changes, you end one thing. You're actually creating an opening for something new, and you just don't know what it Is. And you don't. And the point is to not be. Try not to be anxious. Right. Like, we rush. I used to, too, rush across the clearing because I'm anxious. I need to know exactly what's coming next.
- [06:02]
Yeah.
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You know, but actually, we don't.
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Melinda French Gates
Yeah.
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Unknown
Right. Like, you probably didn't know you were going to start a makeup company.
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Melinda French Gates
Nope.
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Unknown
You probably didn't know you were going to be able to sell it to L'Oreal for a gazillion dollars. You probably didn't. You hoped. You probably didn't know you were going to host a podcast. But all those things have come. Right. But if you hadn't ended some other things, there wouldn't have been room for these things to happen.
- [06:28]
Melinda French Gates
Wouldn't have been room. And I was so scared to leave my journalism job. I was like, that's my dream job.
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Jamie Kern Lima
I'm here to share other people's stories with the world.
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Melinda French Gates
But I'm not that wave. I'm water.
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Jamie Kern Lima
And I just. I love this so much. And this is.
- [06:39]
Melinda French Gates
Okay. This is one of the million reasons why everyone needs to pick up the next day, because I feel like every single person can relate to this, where we're hanging onto the thing, or we're scared to write the book, or we're scared to put ourselves out there. We're scared to let go of the one thing. And I just think that that is so. I think it's so beautiful. And I think that, you know, we all go through transitions in different ways, but sometimes we resist them way too long. Hoda Kotb was just on my podcast, and she talked about this analogy because, you know, of course, she left the Today showing something a whole new.
- [07:16]
Jamie Kern Lima
And everyone's like, what are you doing? How could you do that?
- [07:20]
Melinda French Gates
And she talks about that so many.
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Jamie Kern Lima
People hang onto the wave too long, and they just ride the wave way.
- [07:25]
Melinda French Gates
Way, way too long.
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Jamie Kern Lima
Cause we're scared to get off the wave.
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Melinda French Gates
Or we think we'll never get another wave. But I love when I read your book, when I was in tears reading this part, I kept imagining a wave hitting the shore and dissipating. But then your water, and you go right back to your now a different wave. And what does that wave look like? And how.
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Jamie Kern Lima
And you never find out what that wave can be if you're still trying to resist hitting the shore when you know it's coming.
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Melinda French Gates
And I just. It's so beautiful. Okay, so you've written on articles on the importance of getting more women in public office. So Ms. Melinda French Gates, do you ever plan on or would you ever consider running for her public office? No, never.
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Unknown
No. I like the position I'm in right now and feel like I can hopefully create a lot of change with the partners I work with for women and others from this role.
- [08:22]
Melinda French Gates
With everything going on, I think every day we're always in transition. And with the transition, I think everyone in our country feels that they're in right now. Whether they agree or don't agree, whatever, they feel like we're all in transition. And so how I'm sure that you're exposed to so much, so many incredible conversations and information that maybe not everyone is. And so I'm curious if you feel optimistic about the future of our country right now.
- [08:53]
Jamie Kern Lima
We need to pause for a super brief break and while we do, take a moment and share this episode with every single person that you know, maybe they're going through a transition in their life in some way way who this episode could inspire. Because this conversation can truly not just impact our lives, but theirs too.
- [09:11]
Unknown
In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self worth. When you build your self worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy how to believe you are enough and transform your life for you. If you have some self doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, Worthy is for you. In Worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life changing results like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back, build unshakable self love, unlearn the lies that lead to self doubt and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness, overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome, achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more. Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self doubt and unshakable self worth. Get your copy of Worthy plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you@worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you. It's time to find out with Worthy. Imagine what would you do if you fully believed in you? My weekly free inspirational newsletter is packed with tips and tools to help you find out. It's called One on One with Jamie and it's delivered right to your inbox each Tuesday morning. It's a love letter from me to you, from my soul to yours. And I hope it brings you the words and messages you need at just the right moment. Plus, when you're a part of my free inspirational newsletter Community, you'll be the first to get behind the scenes content, inspirational messages, and be the first to learn about upcoming events and more. It's the place to be and I sure hope you'll join me there. So if you're not on the list yet, you can sign up for free at jamiekernlima.com or click the link in the show notes below. And here's to becoming unstoppable together.
- [11:41]
Jamie Kern Lima
And now more of this incredible conversation together.
- [11:46]
Melinda French Gates
I'm sure that you're exposed to so much, so many incredible conversations and information that maybe not everyone is. And so I'm curious if you feel optimistic about the future of our country right now.
- [11:57]
Unknown
I do. Despite the fact that change is hitting us very quickly and swiftly and it feels like there's a lot, right? But what keeps me optimistic is when you're out in communities, people are so much more alike than they are different. And they're finding places where there's the center where one might believe one religion, another might believe a different one, or one might be on one side of the political aisle, another on the other. But there's still working, let's say to benefit the community, to benefit those who are homeless and on the street, or they're still working on improving that school because it will be good for everyone's kids. So I see a lot more at the community level where people are knitting together and it's almost as if they feel they need to because things are so chaotic on the broader national scale. But they're like, if I focus on what's close at home, to me, this is the piece I can do. And what I've always said to people is every little drop in the bucket adds up, right? And it's the knitting of all these communities together that will get us the change that we want. So I still remain optimistic when I see the beauty and the connections between small organizations or large organizations or people, right. Trying to make the world, improve the world while they're here.
- [13:20]
Melinda French Gates
You know, I think with technology, with social media, for so many people, they're experiencing for the first time that when they go to help or they do something or they use their voice or they speak out or they do really, in 2025, anything at all, it comes with opposition or someone's a critic or, you know, whether they're an Uber driver, they get a bad review or they're a doctor or lawyer, and they never, ever wanted a public profile. And now they have them everywhere and they're getting feedback. And I think a lot of people or the people from high school 30 years ago are on a Facebook group.
- [13:53]
Jamie Kern Lima
And somebody said something and it's just this new thing.
- [13:56]
Melinda French Gates
And I'm curious because you do such impactful work on such a global scale, how, you know, and again, I feel like it doesn't matter what anyone does, it's just gonna come with vilification or opposition. How in all the work that you've done over the decades and now, how have you handled that when you do something that you're like, I believe in this so much. I know that. And then all of a sudden people are attacking it.
- [14:27]
Unknown
My dad always told us when we were growing up, consider the source. So I often try and consider the source. And I think what's so difficult online is you don't know who the sources, they put their little moniker out there. I remember saying to my oldest daughter in high school, when she eventually did have social media late in high school, and somebody said something rude about her online, and I said to her, well, we don't even know who that person is. That could be a 11 year old boy sitting in his basement. You know, that could be, you know, like, I just gave her like five different archetypes of what it might be. And I was like, so how do you know whether you should take that judgment in? And she was like, yeah, right. So the honest critics, like, we need to listen to honest critics, people who are giving us feedback, who are honest enough to say, you know, you tried to do this, but it had a different impact in this community. But I want to know the source because that helps me know where, okay, they really are being an honest critic or no, they just want to point their finger at everybody and say, you did it wrong.
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Melinda French Gates
Right.
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Unknown
There's phenomenal book I read years ago by Brene Brown called Daring Greatly.
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Melinda French Gates
Yes.
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Unknown
And she talks about the leader who's in the arena versus the people sitting in the seats.
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Melinda French Gates
In the seats.
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Unknown
And boy, did that help me. Because I thought, wow, I'm in the arena, I'm doing the hard work. It's so easy to sit in the cheap seats and be the critic. Right. And even I have to look at that about myself. If I'm criticizing somebody else, I have to say, well, but are they doing the work? Are they in the arena? Yeah, well, maybe I need to look deeper at that. Maybe I do agree with them. Maybe I don't but, you know, I'm up here in these seats, just looking down.
- [16:16]
Melinda French Gates
How do you feel about the future, all of our futures with AI I.
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Unknown
Think we do not know the impact it's going to have on society yet. We can get glimpses. We can see some of the good it will do for sure. In health. I see some of the amazing things we're all able to learn. Even I was just in a different country I'd never been into, and all the things I could learn as I just asked question after question after question that led to another one. But, you know, does it get. Is it regulated in the right way? Does it get in the wrong hands? We can't answer those questions right now, so it remains to be seen.
- [16:56]
Melinda French Gates
I try to do my homework. I'm going to ask you a question that is going to be on everyone's mind when they read it and listen to it. Okay? In the very, very end of your book, in the acknowledgment section, you say your thank yous and you thank someone.
- [17:14]
Jamie Kern Lima
Who'S helped you heal and see beauty again.
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Melinda French Gates
And you say you know who you are. So I'm just gonna ask. Are you dating anyone?
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Unknown
I am. And that person knows who they are.
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Melinda French Gates
So beautiful. Your eyes are sparkling.
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Unknown
Thank you.
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Melinda French Gates
Right now, what is your best piece of advice for a woman who wants to learn to trust herself?
- [17:42]
Unknown
Surround yourself with people who will be truth tellers to you. Surround yourself with really deep good friends. Cherish and nurture those friendships, but make sure they will tell you the truth and that you will tell them the truth at hard times in their life.
- [18:01]
Melinda French Gates
That's so good. And it's rare, right?
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Unknown
It is rare.
- [18:04]
Melinda French Gates
It's so rare. That's so beautiful. Yeah. I'm so grateful that we are able to have this conversation. Thank you for your beautiful book. Thank you. That I have read cover to cover and will be gifting to every girl and woman and person I know. Because we all go through transitions, and I think that when we share our real stories and you've just, like, opened up your heart and soul in this book in a way that every single person's gonna connect to, and I think it's gonna help people feel less alone and more Enough. So thank you.
- [18:37]
Unknown
Thank you so much, Jamie. So good.
- [18:42]
Jamie Kern Lima
Remember, this episode's not just for you and me. Please share this with every single person that you know, because it can impact and change their life, too. And if you love today's episode, please click on the follow or subscribe button for the show on the app and give it a five star rating or review. And again, please share it with everyone that you believe in. Share it with another person in your life who could benefit from it. Maybe someone you know is making a change in their career or marriage or health. Please post the episode and share it with others online or in your community who just might need the words and tools and lessons in this episode today. You never know whose life you're meant to change today by sharing this episode. And thank you so much for joining me today. Before you go, I want to share some words with you that couldn't be more true. You right now, exactly as you are.
- [19:36]
Melinda French Gates
Are enough and fully worthy.
- [19:39]
Jamie Kern Lima
You're worthy of your greatest hopes, your wildest dreams and all the unconditional love in the world. And it is an honor to welcome you to each and every episode of the Jamie Carnlima show here. I hope you'll come as you are, heal where you need, blossom what you choose, journey toward your calling and stay as long as you'd like. Because you belong here. You are worthy. You are loved.
- [20:07]
Unknown
You are love.
- [20:08]
Jamie Kern Lima
I love you and I cannot wait to join you on the next episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show.
- [20:15]
Unknown
Do you struggle with negative self talk? Living with a constant mental narrative that you're not good enough is exhausting. I know because I spent most of my life in that habit.
- [20:29]
Jamie Kern Lima
The words you say to yourself about.
- [20:32]
Unknown
Yourself are so powerful and when you learn to take control over your self talk, it's life changing and I wanted to give you a free resource that I created for you. If this is something that could benefit your Life. It's called 5 Ways to Overcome Negative Self Talk and Build Self Love and it's a free how to guide to overcome that negative self talk to build confidence and develop unshakable self love so that you can dream big and keep going in the pursuit of your goals. Don't let self sabotaging thoughts hinder your progress any longer. It's time to rewrite the script of your life, one filled with self love, resilience and unwavering belief. If you're ready to take charge of your narrative, build unwavering confidence and empower yourself to persevere on the path to your dreams. You can grab your free guide to stop overthinking and learn to Trust yourself at jamiekernlima.com resources or click the link in the show notes below. Who you spend time around is so important. Important as energy is contagious and so is self belief. And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration.
- [21:54]
Jamie Kern Lima
Which is exactly why I've created my.
- [21:56]
Unknown
Free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you delivered straight to your inbox from me. If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week, just go to jamiekernlima.com to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your one on one with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you. If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy and love hitting your inbox. I'm your girl. Subscribe@jamiekernlima.com or in the link in the show notes. In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self worth. When you build your self worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy how to believe you are enough and transform your life for you. If you have some self doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, Worthy is for you. In Worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life changing results like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back, build unshakable self love, unlearn the lies that lead to self doubt and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness, overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome, achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more. Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self doubt and unshakable self worth. Get your copy of Worthy plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you@worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you. It's time to find out with Worthy.
- [23:58]
Jamie Kern Lima
It's such an honor to share this podcast together with you.
- [24:02]
Unknown
And please note, I'm not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of.
- [24:09]
Jamie Kern Lima
A physician, professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified professional.