← The Jamie Kern Lima Show
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Teddi Mellencamp: How to Stay Strong, Positive & Courageous During Bad Breaks + Defy the Odds in Your Life! (Pt 1)
01:05:06
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- [00:00]
Teddi Mellencamp
I looked at my dad and all my friends. I'm like, I cannot stay in here another day. I can't live like this anymore. I am so miserable. I feel like everybody would be better without me.
- [00:10]
Jamie Kern Lima
How has your dad shown up for you?
- [00:13]
Teddi Mellencamp
Oh, he has been beyond the things that I wouldn't be capable of doing without my dad. Not only for financial reasons, he has stepped in. He's helped me have a nurse. He calls me every single day. He makes sure that I'm okay.
- [00:29]
Jamie Kern Lima
Was he an involved dad like that growing up?
- [00:34]
Teddi Mellencamp
No. He was always 100% there if I needed him. But I think that was the quote. If I needed him, if I asked him, he was always there. Now he's there whether I ask or I don't ask.
- [00:46]
Jamie Kern Lima
Do you feel closer to him now than ever?
- [00:51]
Unknown
How do you stay positive and hopeful when you're in a season of setbacks and when it feels like one bad break after another? How do you hold on to faith and belief that things will turn out in your favor in the midst of what feels like the rug being pulled out from underneath you or feeling blindsided or receiving horrible news that you never saw coming? How do you reconcile your faith and your spirituality when it makes no sense why God would allow something so awful to be happening? Our incredible guest today, TABLE Patty Mellencamp is a television personality who rose to fame on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
- [01:31]
Jamie Kern Lima
She's also the co host of the.
- [01:32]
Unknown
Wildly popular podcast called two T's in a Pod. Daughter of musician John Mellencamp, a mom to her beloved little ones, Slate, Cruz and Dove. She's also the stepmother to Isabella and I'm so grateful to call her friend. As her impact and following continues to expand explode. She's also going through the unimaginable and the fight of her life in this very moment right now. Teddi was recently diagnosed with stage four melanoma, which she shared has metastasized to her brain and lungs. And today's episode of the podcast is unlike any before. So get your tissues out and get ready to feel overwhelming gratitude and perspective for the blessings in your life. And right now that can be so easy for us to take for granted when we have them. And of course, we have a little fun too, and get the inside scoop on what really happens behind the scenes of your favorite reality TV shows and so much more.
- [02:34]
Teddi Mellencamp
I don't know what you call somebody that you were married to and then you filed for divorce and then you got cancer. So then everything went on hold. I don't hate Edwin. Like, Edwin will always be my friend. I think it shows by he was the person that I called to take me to the hospital if he wanted to. He could still be filing and finishing this divorce off right now. But, like, my dad and family just said, like, I don't think this is the right thing for her to be able to try to navigate right now or figure out. I wish when I did have stage two, I would have talked to Edwin about it more and what I needed, because I think men so often want to be the protector and the provider and the this and the that. We're like, I just wanted somebody to come lay in bed with me and watch a movie, you know? Like, I wanted just someone to collapse with me for a little bit, not fix me. Once you do that, once you take the care out, it's really hard to make it. Mm. It's really hard to make it. And I'm lucky to this day. Like, I mean, we're staying in the house together some weeks. He'll stay at our other house, but, like, this week, I told him I'm really sick, and he's, like, staying downstairs in the bedroom at our house right now.
- [03:54]
Jamie Kern Lima
You can live in the same house.
- [03:56]
Teddi Mellencamp
We can live in the same house. I would be fine with him dating. You know? Like, I. He's being. Yeah, I would be.
- [04:05]
Jamie Kern Lima
Is he fine with you dating?
- [04:07]
Teddi Mellencamp
I don't know. I talked to my therapist about it. I'm like, if I feel the urge, if I get asked on a date or if somebody wants to take me out, she's like, you should go. She's like, anything that you want to do right now and you feel in your heart that you want to do, do it, she's like, it could even be. It could be a date with. If he asked you on a date and you wanted to go, nobody's setting any rules for you. I just want him to be happy, and I want our kids to be happy, and I don't want to do anything to hurt him, but I don't know that I need to. Like, I kind of know how our marriage works.
- [04:48]
Jamie Kern Lima
And do you think it could change?
- [04:52]
Teddi Mellencamp
The doctors checked, and they're like, no. Your melanoma that was on your shoulder metastasized, and you have nine tumors in your brain, and you have two tumors in your lung. It immediately became surgery. And never would have I had guessed that my cancer had metastasized and no doctors had said anything to me about it. I would be lying if I said I didn't also have a little bit of anger. Why did this happen to me? So I have to keep fighting. It's okay to feel sad. A lot of people feel sad. And it doesn't have to mean that you're going to die and this is a struggle and I'm going to have to keep fighting all the time. I can't live my life so afraid that I'm going to die that I don't live at all.
- [05:38]
Jamie Kern Lima
What is the prognosis right now that doctors say?
- [05:42]
Teddi Mellencamp
I would say probably 50, 50. But like I truly believe this when I say this and it's going to make me emotional. I truly believe that I'm going to live. I need to believe it because if not, it's just too sad.
- [05:59]
Unknown
Whether today you're listening for yourself or because someone you love shared this episode with you, I want to welcome you to the Jamie Kern Lima Show Podcast family. Thank you so much for being here. And can you take two seconds and hit the subscribe or follow button on the app you're listening or watching on? It's truly means so much to me. You can also get inspiration into your inbox from me for free. You can join my newsletter community@jamiekernlima.com and this incredible podcast episode today, it's not just for you and me. Please share this with every single person that you know who might need some inspiration today or perhaps a boost in their self belief because what you're about to hear can truly impact more mine, yours and their lives too.
- [06:46]
Teddi Mellencamp
Welcome to the Jamie Kern Lima Show.
- [06:49]
Jamie Kern Lima
Oprah, how have you defied the odds?
- [06:53]
Teddi Mellencamp
Her show is unlike any I've ever done. A revelation when you listen, it feels like a hug. But your brain and your spirit and your heart is like wow.
- [07:03]
Unknown
Melinda French Gates When I look into.
- [07:07]
Teddi Mellencamp
Jamie's eyes, I feel like I am on some other cosmic level with her. I could see the light around her. She's infused with light.
- [07:16]
Unknown
Imagine overcoming self doubt, learning to believe in yourself and trust yourself and know you are enough. Welcome to the Jamie Kern Lima Show.
- [07:28]
Teddi Mellencamp
Jamie Kern Lima is her name. Everybody needs Jamie Kern Lima in their life. Jamie Kern Lima Jamie, you're so inspiring.
- [07:38]
Unknown
Jamie Kern Lima Lima, Teddi Mellencamp.
- [07:44]
Jamie Kern Lima
Welcome to the Jamie Kern Lima Show.
- [07:46]
Teddi Mellencamp
Thank you so much for having me. I mean, even your intro made me emotional because I feel like so many of these things have happened and you've been there. Like I've known you throughout. You know, it's been over six years now and so I have When I had baby Dove, I can still remember the flowers that you sent. I can still remember, you know, knowing that when we started reaching out by this pod, that you would understand when I said I got a new phone number and I didn't even give anybody it. I just call the old one, my tumor phone, and I wanted to be rid of it.
- [08:25]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yeah.
- [08:25]
Teddi Mellencamp
And when the right people needed me, they would find me.
- [08:28]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yeah. Well, thank you for being here and thank you for everything you're doing. Oh, my goodness. I mentioned to you when we were walking in that the first time I ever saw you post a picture right behind your shoulder when you had stage one skin cancer, I went and got checked, and I'm just thinking about the number of people you're impacting right now through you sharing parts of your story. Millions of people are going through this journey with you.
- [08:56]
Teddi Mellencamp
Yeah. I mean, I think it's so important. I mean, I always was one of those people that was like, well, if it's not hurting, it's not bothering me, you know? So when it came to the melanomas on my shoulder, I went through that process for about three years, and I had, I think over 17 removed. But the highest stage I ever had on my arm was stage two. And I had massive surgeries. And then I kind of thought once I went in for my three month checkup, I was done. And then nobody suggested anything else, so I just went along my life thinking that I was healed. And then for about. I was doing the podcast, I was actually working the super bowl, and I just started feeling really like I had the worst headaches. I was riding horses. I was doing all the things that I had always been doing, but my headaches had started taking over my life. Like, I was like, gosh, am I having migraines? What are these? I tried migraine medication. All it would do is make me anxious. I couldn't figure out what it was. And I was working the super bowl, and I looked at Tamara, who's one of my co hosts, and I said, I need to do the morning shift because, like, I need to leave. And she's like, what do you mean? I've never. You've never called in sick a day of your life. And I'm like, I can't remember what I'm talking about. And she's like, what? And I'm like. Or if I just get silent, you have to fill in for me because I cannot remember. She's like, like, you can't remember what company we're here for? And I was like, no. So I flew home the Next day, I told my ex husband. I don't know what you call somebody that you were married to. And then you filed for divorce, and then you got cancer. So then everything went on hold. I don't know what it's called, but.
- [10:52]
Unknown
Edwin.
- [10:52]
Teddi Mellencamp
I called Edwin and I said, I'm at the house. I just got back from the super bowl, and I can't see and I can't talk. Please come take me to the hospital. And that's when I went in. And immediately, the second. I mean, as soon as they saw me, they. I thought everybody had kind of thought brain aneurysm. They're like, why would something happen so quickly? But then the doctors checked, and they're like, no. Your melanoma that was on your shoulder metastasized, and you have nine tumors in your brain, and you have two tumors in your lung. It immediately became surgery. And it was so beyond me that I had zero idea that this is what was going on with me. You know, like some different things that happened in my life, and I started feeling a different way. But never would have I guessed that my cancer had metastasized and no doctors had said anything to me about it. Now I do the research, and I'm like, oh, wow. That's actually pretty common that that could happen. I mean, not for it to turn into stage four that quickly, but it. You know, it's one of those things. It's a big learning process. And I've obsessively talked to you about this, guys. Not only should you get checked, everything checked, you also need to get life insurance. Because I waited only till the first spot on my arm came and I was rejected. So you can get life insurance at any time. You can get it as a kid, you can get it as an adult. You can get it at any point in your life that something majors happen. Just think life insurance. Oh, just getting married. Oh, we should get life insurance. Because waiting now I don't have that to fall back on with my family. And that's a scary feeling when I know that had I done something like that, that's so simple. I mean, there's a million companies that do it. Why? I thought I could wait till I was older. This was a reminder. Teddy. Mid-40s. You're old. Go get checked.
- [13:02]
Jamie Kern Lima
So do people I already know, beyond me have gotten checked because of your story? I know a lot of people have been praying for you.
- [13:11]
Teddi Mellencamp
Thank you.
- [13:11]
Jamie Kern Lima
Just for years, through this whole journey. And where are you at now with.
- [13:17]
Teddi Mellencamp
Everything I would say when it comes to like, my relationship with God, I have days, you know, like, I speak to a therapist, and then I also. I go. I don't go publicly to church right now, but I have somebody who is a pastor and speaks to me and takes the time to kind of, you know, talk about the positivity and believing that I no longer have cancer and that God wants me to heal. So, I mean, I have a lot of positivity when it comes to that. But I would be lying if I said I didn't also have a little bit of anger. Why did this happen to me? I was, you know, like, in my mind, I was so healthy. I was taking care of myself. I have, you know, all these amazing kids. I play sports. Once I found out that I had sun, you know, skin cancer from the sun, I stayed out of the sun. Like, why me? What? You know? And so I think it ebbs and flows, and I think that that's how my life goes. And I think when I first came out of this journey, I felt better than I do now because I thought it was gonna go right away.
- [14:33]
Jamie Kern Lima
You thought what?
- [14:34]
Teddi Mellencamp
I thought it was gonna go right away. Like, I thought that after I had my surgeries from my brain tumors, that then I was gonna go in for that first scan, and they were gonna say, the rest of the tumors are gone. You're healed. And then they didn't. And then they said, you'll probably be in immunotherapy for another two years. So in those moments, you know, there are some times that I'm like, I need to be so happy, because I remember when they told me my chances of living, but I just brushed right over those and went right on over to, I'm healing, so how long until I heal? How long time back to me? And nobody knows.
- [15:21]
Jamie Kern Lima
Right now how much of your energy goes to fear and how much of it goes to full belief.
- [15:30]
Teddi Mellencamp
I would say a lot of my energy goes to belief. Goes to belief. Mainly because. And I have to thank a lot of people on social media, mainly because the amount of people that have reached out and said, I got checked or my mom had this, or whatever it may be just those little bit of contacts or even my friends, they've given me that belief that no matter how many maybe not so great things that I've done, this is one of the great ones, you know, like, this is helping somebody get fixed, or this is helping somebody know that it didn't happen only to them. Or it's okay to feel lonely, or it's okay to feel sad. The anger mainly comes. I mean, I kind of know it to a T. It's like the morning I wake up and that's when I'm used to hopping right up, getting my kids ready for school, working out, following my routine. I have no routine anymore. And I think that was a big wake up call. That like, life isn't perfect. You don't have to be perfect. You just have to show up. And if you show up and you do, what's going to make you feel good enough? Most days I end up feeling great, but if I just stay there in that moment, it'll be a terrible day. But I can control that. I may still feel sick or I may have stomach ache or be bummed that I have to miss something that one of my kids is doing. But I'm in control of something. Maybe not healing, but how I show up for myself.
- [17:16]
Jamie Kern Lima
What is the prognosis right now that doctors say?
- [17:20]
Teddi Mellencamp
I would say probably 50, 50. But like, I truly believe this when I say this and it's going to make me emotional. I truly believe that I'm going to live. I think that I'm going to have some rough years. Truthfully, I think I'm gonna have some lonely years. Cause not many people know how to talk to somebody who have stage four cancer. I mean, you see in their eyes, they, you know. But I've been very open with my kids, my loved ones and my friends. And I would say everybody kind of handles it differently. But I've been pretty steady in the fact of like, I want the sadness to go away, but I know I'm going to live. So I have to keep fighting. And I have one woman who reached out to me and said, I had what you had, but I didn't leave my room for six years. And just hearing her say that gave me so much strength. Like, I can leave my room, I can do this. And it's okay to feel sad. A lot of people feel sad. And it doesn't have to mean that you're going to die. And this is a struggle and I'm going to have to keep fighting all the time and showing up for the people that I love. So they know. But it's taught me to be very open. I'm very open with my kids about like, it's just going to be one of those days today. Guys, I love you so much, but if I only swim for 10 minutes and then I seem like I'm tired, please don't take it personally. I just, I don't feel my best, but I want you to know that I love you more than anything in the world.
- [19:01]
Jamie Kern Lima
How has this impacted your kids?
- [19:04]
Teddi Mellencamp
Every one of the kids, it's kind of different slate. The 12 year old, she is kind of my. Probably like my mini me in the way that, like, everything's just so. And here we go. And this is our plan, and we're sticking to the plan. And, you know, so I definitely created some of those things in her. I'm like, gosh, that's going to cause you some trouble later in life. But she's very much, you know, the second that she could tell I'm thirsty, like, she's there with, like, the Pedialyte the doctor, like, told her one time to give me. So now it's like, still to this day, she's like, Pedialyte stocked. And then Cruz, who before was my most timid of children, like, he'd have the most fear or he didn't like sleeping in his own bed. Like, he was kind of the one that had the most worries. He stood up and he is. I mean, like, he went to his first camp this year. He's doing all these things that he would. He did, like a sleepover birthday at, like, a theme park, you know, like, all these things that he would normally say no to, he's saying yes to. And he's like, mom, I just really want to live a good life. Wow. And I want you to know that, like, I'm the man of the house. I know. Is that not the Sweetest? He's only 10. And then Dove will do just about anything to make you laugh. So I don't know if she really knows what's going on, but she says she wants another haircut and she'd like it bald. And I was like, let's go with a bob to start.
- [20:42]
Jamie Kern Lima
What do you think the three of them would say? Or what do you hope they would say about who their mom is?
- [20:50]
Teddi Mellencamp
I think they'd say we need to.
- [20:52]
Unknown
Pause for a super brief break. And while we do, take a moment to share this episode with every single person that you know who this could inspire. Because this conversation can truly be the words and inspiration they need to hear today. To keep going, to remember that they matter, and to feel less alone and more.
- [21:11]
Jamie Kern Lima
Enough.
- [21:12]
Unknown
More connected and more worthy.
- [21:15]
Teddi Mellencamp
I am so excited for this book. You know why? Because it's going to save so many people. It's gonna save. Were the your new beautiful book worthy. Get this book. This book. I'm telling you, it's a book that can change anybody's life. Who picks it up. Anybody who's ever felt that they were.
- [21:37]
Unknown
Not good enough didn't measure up.
- [21:39]
Teddi Mellencamp
Something's missing in your life. I have to tell you. It's powerful. It's happening. It's worthy.
- [21:46]
Unknown
Imagine what would you do if you fully believed in you. I went from struggling waitress facing non stop rejection to founder of IT Cosmetics, a billion dollar company by learning how to overcome self doubt and believe I am worthy of my hopes and dreams. And I'm sharing how you can too in my new book Worthy how to believe you are enough and transform your life. If you're ready to truly trust yourself and break through that barrier of self doubt and know that where you come from or even where you are right now doesn't determine where you're going, then Worthy is for you. It's time to go from doubting you're enough to doubt to knowing you're enough. It's time to step into all of who you are and into the person you were born to be. And it's time to believe that you are worthy of it. Because in life we don't become what we want. We become what we believe we're worthy of. Join the Worthy movement today by grabbing your copy of Worthy Anywhere books are sold. Then head to worthybook.com now for free. Free gifts including my five part course on becoming unstoppable and my 95 page worthy workbook action plan that teaches you how to implement the tools from the book into your real life right now.
- [23:15]
Teddi Mellencamp
Worthy is groundbreaking. Yo Worthy. You are worthy. This book is going to change lives.
- [23:22]
Jamie Kern Lima
This book literally will teach you how.
- [23:24]
Unknown
To actually feel worthy so that you can.
- [23:26]
Jamie Kern Lima
You can have the strength, you can have the confidence.
- [23:28]
Teddi Mellencamp
The lessons in this book and the strategies will change your life. You will never be the same again after you read this book. Jamie's book Worthy is a must read. It is going to inspire you, empower you, give you the hope that you need and the kick in the rear end that you deserve. Jamie's book Worthy is incredible.
- [23:47]
Unknown
The gifts are going away, but they're all free right now on worthybook.com and now more of this incredible conversation together.
- [23:57]
Jamie Kern Lima
What do you think the three of them would say or what do you hope they would say about who their mom is?
- [24:04]
Teddi Mellencamp
I think they'd say I was a fighter. I think they'd say that when they look back at their mom or when they look at their mom. Their mom's a good mom. She's fun. She has amazing friends, good family. I may not Have a huge circle, but who's in my circle, we all live or die for. And I think that that's very true. Like, I think my kids see that, and I think it gives them so much strength about who they want to be, the kind of people they want to be. You know, it's not about knowing thousands and thousands of people. It's about the 20 that you. That you really love.
- [24:48]
Jamie Kern Lima
With your friends and your circle have friends. Can you talk about what they mean to you, how they've supported you? And also as a friend, because to your point earlier, a lot of people are like, I don't know what to do.
- [25:05]
Teddi Mellencamp
Yeah.
- [25:06]
Jamie Kern Lima
And then they don't know what to do. And so for everyone listening, how do they best support a friend going through something really hard?
- [25:15]
Teddi Mellencamp
Well, I would say the first thing is, and I don't love to say don't at the beginning of a sentence, but try not to ask a million questions of your friend if she's feeling sick. For me, I always respond best to, hey, I'm here for you. I love you. If you need anything, let me know. That's just, like, the basis of, like, just if your first time just reaching out to somebody who's not feeling well.
- [25:40]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yeah.
- [25:41]
Teddi Mellencamp
That relieves the pressure of feeling like I need to respond and how I need to respond or how I need to show up for this person. Because all of a sudden, I've created this thing in my head that this person is expecting of me, which is not the truth, but it's what I've decided. So I would say that that's the first thing. But I had about 3, 15 friends that came into the hospital with me because I had to be. For 19 days, I was in the ICU. And so it had to rotate between family and, you know, because, I mean, asking somebody to be there that many days would have been a lot. So my friends rotated in and out, and I had to. I didn't even have to do it. They just learned to do it. Not take things personally. When you're struggling and you're in the hospital and you don't understand, like, I didn't even know I was there. I didn't know when I could leave. I didn't know what day it was. Every day, somebody would come in and ask me the date, and I wouldn't know it. I wouldn't even know the year. And then I would get so mad that I then started trying to lie about it. I'd write it down as soon as they tell me, and then I'D put it on the side of my bed, and then the next day I'd think I was some kind of genius. And I could read it from there, not thinking I needed to add a day. But they all said, you know, we can't take things personally. You're going through so much that, like, we just need to love you. And I can say that after this process. I mean, there's so many things that I feel like I've done, I could have done differently. But more than anything, I feel like a softer person. I feel like I have more love in my heart. I feel like I have more empathy for my friends and my kids and my family. And I think that's because of them, because they supported me at my worst.
- [27:42]
Jamie Kern Lima
I know. You said also when, like, it's so helpful if someone sends you a text to say, no need to reply.
- [27:48]
Teddi Mellencamp
No need to reply. Because there is this. There's something in this world that we live in now, especially now that it's even on social media. Like, somebody will be like, did you see the post that I did? No, I didn't see. Sorry, I didn't see the post. But even that, I'll be like, yes, I'm just scrolling Instagram constantly looking for people's posts to like. And yes, there are different stages in our life where maybe we are like that. And I'm not shaming anyone, but, like, when we say it like that, it's like, you've let me down by not seeing my post. Like, did you see my daughter's birthday post? No. And then there's the part of me that wants to have the anger and be like, I didn't even know when my daughter's birthday was. So, no. So I have to then be like, take a deep breath. I didn't. Can you text me a picture of it? I would love to see it and then, you know, show that level. But it kind of. If somebody just says, like, I'm here. Love you, if you need me, I'm more inclined to be like, hey, I heard it was, you know, daughter's birthday. I'd love to talk to you. Do you want to meet for coffee? You know, like, all those. I'm more inclined to want to make an effort than when people expect it.
- [29:01]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yeah. And I think it's beautiful what you shared. It's going to actually be helpful for so many people because when you're going.
- [29:07]
Unknown
Through something, oh, my gosh.
- [29:09]
Jamie Kern Lima
I think a lot of people don't realize if they just reach out and.
- [29:11]
Unknown
Say, how are you what's the latest news?
- [29:14]
Jamie Kern Lima
What's it. They've now. Of course they're doing it because they care, but they've now created work for you. They've now created a to do list for you. And I think that's such a powerful takeaway of just sending a text, checking in and saying, no need to reply.
- [29:28]
Teddi Mellencamp
No neutral.
- [29:28]
Jamie Kern Lima
Because it's just like, okay, like, it's. You know what I mean?
- [29:31]
Teddi Mellencamp
And then I may find three months later, like, oh, know who I really want to talk to is this person. And then I'll go back and I'll see that there was a text message.
- [29:40]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yeah.
- [29:40]
Teddi Mellencamp
And then I feel that same feeling that they were hoping I was going to feel three months ago. It doesn't disappear.
- [29:45]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yes. Yes.
- [29:46]
Teddi Mellencamp
It just goes, wow, they were there for me then.
- [29:50]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yeah.
- [29:50]
Teddi Mellencamp
And I didn't even know it.
- [29:51]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yeah. I love this conversation because it's a. It's a hard conversation in the sense of that so many people just don't know what to do. And then a lot of times, you know, when someone's going through something hard, they also, you said earlier, I can see in someone's eyes when they don't know how to respond to that. They're maybe talking to someone with stage four cancer and they don't know what to do or what to say or how to. And then a lot of people, when they feel that way, they just. They kind of turtle or they don't.
- [30:21]
Teddi Mellencamp
They turtle or they may. They look at you with sadness. And then all of a sudden I'm like, well, no, like, we're beating this, you know, like. But there's been so many incredible stories of just strangers that I have met who shared information. I mean, there was one gentleman. I was sitting with my daughter. She rides horses. I don't know him at all. And when I met him, I had my riding helmet on. So you wear, like, fake hair. And so, like, I had my hair on. I'm sitting with my daughter. And he said something along the lines of like, oh, my daughter's really putting me through it these days. And I'm like, oh, I'm so sorry. Why? And he's like, I'm like, what do you think it is, Teenage years, You know, something? And he's like, her mom passed. And I was like, I'm so sorry. And then time passed throughout the day. I went and changed. I came back, I was bald. And he said, I didn't know earlier when I told you that this could have affected you. And what I said, and I Said it affected me in a good way that you felt comfortable enough to say it, that it wasn't so shameful. And I said, do you mind me asking how? And he said, through cancer. And he goes, the fact that you can even talk about it is going to do a lot for you because it's so much. There's so much that we hide when we're not perfect. Even when it comes to health, there's so much. But if you can just let it out or you can let somebody else know, even if you don't know them, what's the story? I can't live my life so afraid that I'm gonna die, that I don't live at all.
- [32:10]
Jamie Kern Lima
You talked earlier, too, about, you know, I guess, perfection and control and, you know, one of the things that I've always known, or I should say admired or celebrated as, you know, I love a strong woman. And I remember when we first met many years ago, and, you know, you were building all in. And I used to admire your ability to have accountability. Cause I'm trying to get on a treadmill twice a week, and I'm trying.
- [32:43]
Unknown
To do my morning walk, and I.
- [32:44]
Jamie Kern Lima
Have to really tell myself I get to. I don't have to. I get to go walk. And I know you've talked about accountability and control and your morning routine and your schedule and discipline and perfection and your body and all of those things. So how has who you are.
- [33:09]
Teddi Mellencamp
And.
- [33:10]
Jamie Kern Lima
Your nature and your personality and the things you prioritize, how have those. If they have shifted through this?
- [33:18]
Teddi Mellencamp
I would say that sometimes I've picked up swimming. I've learned other things that I love to do that I can do. I swim almost every day. Not like competitive swimming, but I love being in the water. I can move my body, I can get my heart rate up a little bit, but just really finding things that I love. But I would say that's one of the positives, is figuring out what I love. But I would say at the beginning, I mean, it was extremely hard. Like I was one of those. And I still am. I believe in all in, and I believe in our company. And it's holding yourself accountable to things in your life that you want to change. And I think for so many years, I needed that accountability maybe to even get me to where I am today. Maybe it's not the same things. Maybe it's not. I don't need to be held accountable to walk on the treadmill, but I do need to be held accountable to show up for myself to do these things to know that I'm worth it. And maybe it's not on the time schedule that I wanted, but I remember when I first got out of the hospital, they checked me into a different facility for a week where it helps you immerse yourself back into real life because they're scared you're gonna just, like. It's just gonna be too overwhelming.
- [34:33]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yeah.
- [34:34]
Teddi Mellencamp
And it was the first time I'd, like, really seen myself in a mirror, and I was so, like, emaciated and skinny, and, like, I didn't have a muscle on me, and I was like, what is happening? Like, what is happening? And then not a week later, I'm not kidding. I had gained 25 pounds because they put me on all the steroids. So all of a sudden, now I'm mad because I'm on the steroids, because I'm, like, super amped up all the time. Now I'm gaining weight. Now I can't work out. So I went from two emotions, like, where did all my muscles go? I've worked so hard to be fit, and now I look sickly to okay, now I'm jacked up, uncomfortable, still can't work out. And so I just had to finally say, you're gonna have to let this all go. Mm. You're gonna have to let this physical part go. And that has been a lifelong struggle, because at the end of the day, if my mental isn't there, I can't do any of it. So, yeah, maybe some days it's going on a little walk, maybe it's 10 minutes, and I start just trusting people's opinions, you know, like something small. Like, somebody goes to me, do you like the color red? And I go, actually, no. It's my least favorite color. She goes, once a week, will you wear red on your walk? I have a feeling. I'm like, sure. And, I mean, I've been doing it. Who knows if it's doing anything, but it gives me that little feeling whenever I put on my red workout outfit. I got this 15 minutes. Remember when that lady told me about the red? You know, like, just the little things.
- [36:16]
Jamie Kern Lima
How has your dad shown up for you?
- [36:20]
Teddi Mellencamp
Oh, he has been beyond. I mean, it's really. And I don't know a better way to say this, but the things that I wouldn't be capable of doing without my dad, not only for financial reasons, when it comes. I used to take such pride in saying, I've done all of this on my own when it came to my life, like, my work, buying a home, all that stuff. Now it's like, no. With all of these medical treatments and everything he has stepped in, he's helped me have a nurse. He calls me every single day. He makes sure that I'm okay. Because I think when we first stepped into it, we thought, oh, she'll just have the surgery and she'll come out and she'll be able to manage things. I can't, and I most certainly can't. Probably, Like, I mean, there's even things like my medications. There's stuff that, like, some days, I don't know, that I could organize it. So now we have somebody that comes over, you know, once a week, sets me up, puts me. And, like, these are things I wouldn't have known even existed. And there's so many people that don't have that luxury. And I feel so grateful that I do. But it's. So while you guys are listening and, yeah, even if you don't have that luxury, you may be somebody's grandfather or sister or brother and go, what's one thing that I could do for my sister who's struggling with cancer? Help her organize her meds. These are things that seem so easy to us when we're feeling good, but when we're not, they feel impossible.
- [38:03]
Jamie Kern Lima
Did he know to find someone to do that?
- [38:07]
Teddi Mellencamp
He knew. So he was the one that suggested having, like, a place to go for a week. There was something that, when I was in the hospital that I said that concerned everybody on one of my last days because they kept telling me I was going to be able to leave. And, like, they were like, we think tomorrow's going to be the day you leave. We're just going to do the test. And they kept saying that. And then I got my test work back, and it was something like, my salt would never get high enough. I don't really remember why. A lot of details, just. So if I say anything wrong, I'm not a medical professional. I'm just trying my best. But my salt wouldn't get high enough. And they said I had to stay another day. And, like, I looked at my dad and all my friends, I'm like, I cannot stay in here another day. I can't live like this anymore. I am so miserable. I feel like everybody would be better without me. And at that moment, like, everyone just. It kind of like they were like, what? Nobody would be better without you. What do you mean? And I was so scared to go home and not be the me that I was when I left home. It was frightening. And so that's when he was like, let's get you a nurse. Let's get you set up so that when you get home, you know, you got to remember. I was so weak. I couldn't give myself a bath. I couldn't take a shower. I had ginormous holes in my head. Like, all these things. And it doesn't matter what level of cancer you have, like, or what kind. When you have kids or even if you don't have kids, you are just like, how am I going to be me? And so that he was the one that helped me get the nurse that came and, and taught me all these things and then also taught me it's okay to have an emotional day. Like today. I'm day five post immunotherapy. I have it once every three weeks, and it's my most emotional day. And I almost called my publicist and said, cancel the podcast because I know I'm going to get upset. And then like midway through it and I go, actually, keep it, because people need to know it's okay to be upset.
- [40:31]
Jamie Kern Lima
Upset in what way?
- [40:35]
Teddi Mellencamp
There's a sense of that I never felt before I got sick, but there's a sense of sadness that comes along with not feeling your best. And when you have the dips, the highs and lows, there's a sense of that, that just like that's the hardest part for me still to this day is, you know, that unknown. I know that I go in in two weeks from now and I get my next scan and like, I fully believe, as I'm telling you right now, they're going to tell me I'm cleared. If I'm not, there'll be a come down from that. But it's what I need to do to get me through these next two and a half weeks. I need to believe it because if not, it's just too sad.
- [41:43]
Jamie Kern Lima
Thank you for sharing that.
- [41:44]
Teddi Mellencamp
You're welcome.
- [41:46]
Jamie Kern Lima
With everyone that you have around you at work, you're working a lot, doing five or six podcasts a week. That's a lot. That's a lot of work. It's a lot of prep. With your circle of friends, your close circle of friends, with your family, have you sort of intentionally made sure that the people you keep around you also believe?
- [42:12]
Teddi Mellencamp
You know, I've learned that I can't control the way others think. I can see when their fear is coming out and kind of the way I handle it. And I'm not saying this is the right way to handle it, but I make a joke, I make a Joke. I'll be like, get it together. You don't want me to get all upset and dying on you, do you? You know, like. And I'm not saying that that's. And my sister will get sick. So mad at me for talking like that. But it's able to bring that moment of, like. Cause it's tight. It's heavy.
- [42:51]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yes. Yes.
- [42:52]
Teddi Mellencamp
And even if that may bring her a moment of tears, then she'll go, you're right. You are. You're gonna be fine. And we all know it. Cause we were just on a vacation together. That's why I was thinking of my sister. Because when I'm not feeling good, you know, it through the day, it's Riding a roller coaster, is my mood.
- [43:14]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yeah.
- [43:15]
Teddi Mellencamp
And she was like, you're not feeling so good today, are you? And then she kind of started to do the pity thing a little bit. And I said, I got mad. And you know, when I say I got mad, I'm not like. I don't have that much energy to even really get mad. But I'm like, you know, enough. When you're sick, you don't want to feel like everyone's looking around. Are you waiting for you to die? I'm like, I came here cause I wanted a fun vacation with you. Let's have one. And she was like, sobbing, and she's like, let's have one. She was like, so you do still want to go on the boat tomorrow? And I'm like, yes. And quit asking me. I'll tell you. I'll tell you if I don't want to do something or if I'm not. Believe me, I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for all of us. And me. I need it. I need you. I need you to be my person. And my person can't be looking sad when they're looking at me. My person needs to be my person that's gonna laugh with me, make stupid mistakes, gonna. You know, the good, the bad, and the ugly. We need to stay that way. The way we've always been. Mm.
- [44:23]
Jamie Kern Lima
When you talk about the way we've always been with. I'm just thinking about this, and I'm curious because it's, you know, so beautiful when people show up for us.
- [44:33]
Teddi Mellencamp
Yeah.
- [44:34]
Jamie Kern Lima
It's so beautiful when people show up for us. And I'm just thinking about your dad. Did he. Is there anything that surprised you about this? Is he showing up different now than he did growing up, or is he a person that you fully expected?
- [44:49]
Unknown
Oh, yeah.
- [44:49]
Jamie Kern Lima
He's gonna show up in full colors if something like this ever happened.
- [44:52]
Teddi Mellencamp
I didn't expect this at all. I didn't expect. You know, it's gone to the point where, like, he has given me such good advice, and it's not. You know, I feel like with a parent before, like, sometimes advice is, like, the advice that they think is going to be best, because ultimately, this is how it's going to behoove all of you. Now all of a sudden, it's like, no, he's giving me advice that, like, I need to hear sometimes, for me. And he's also just. I mean, even the fact that he calls me every single night, and it's just. It's not relenting. Like, I may not call him back a couple nights, but he'll still call every night at the same time. And finally I'll be like, hey, dad. And he'll be like, why didn't. Nobody loves their dads anymore? Why are you not answering the phone? And I said, cause I'm not feeling good. And he's like, so still answer the phone. And then just hang up on me or something. But I want to talk to you, even if it's for a second. And, I mean, he's right. And then I think, why don't I have that second? And the reason I don't have that second is sometimes I don't want the people I love to see me struggle. But he wouldn't care. He didn't care. I was just with him in South Carolina, and there was one day, and he goes, if you get up one more time to run around the house and do some little thing, he's like. He's teasing me. He's like, I'm gonna give you. I'm putting you over my knee and give you a spanking. And I was like, dad, I just wanted to get a water. And then I wanted this, and then I wanted that. And he was like, you're running around too much. Just let yourself. And that's something that you realize when you're not feeling, like, 100%, you gotta remind yourself to be at peace.
- [46:42]
Jamie Kern Lima
Was he an involved dad like that growing up?
- [46:46]
Teddi Mellencamp
No, he was always my best. Like, if I had work advice or if I had, you know, athletic advice or if I had anything that I needed to talk to him about. He was always. He was always 100% there if I needed him. But I think that was the quote. If I needed him, if I asked him, he was always there. Now he's there whether I ask Or. I don't ask.
- [47:14]
Jamie Kern Lima
Do you feel closer to him now than ever?
- [47:18]
Teddi Mellencamp
I do. I think there's also a part of me when it comes to my siblings, my dad, my kids. I appreciate different things in all of them now. You know, like, my little brother, when I was home with my family, he said so casually and so nonchalant, he's like, can I paint a picture of you and Justice? Justice is my sister. He's like, I'd really just love to paint one. But he said it like it was no big deal. So I was like, yeah, sure, bud. Whenever, you know, Then I didn't really even follow up on it. And then two days later, he's like, can I start that picture because you're leaving in three days. And I'm like, oh, this is, like, a real thing. And he's like, yeah. And then, like, he painted this beautiful portrait of my sister and I that, like, we'll have for the rest of our lives. And, like, it's, like, makes me cry just even looking at it, but it's like he had just such a warming, effortless energy. I didn't put any pressure to it, and it was just like, it's something I'll never forget. And even those moments of my sister and I sitting in our little, like, chairs, like, doing our pose for our photo and, like, laughing at, like, I want the cuter nose, or, like, those are moments I'll never forget.
- [48:41]
Jamie Kern Lima
That's beautiful. Yeah, With. With, you know, family and decisions and all of it. You mentioned when we opened. So you and Edward were married 13 years.
- [49:00]
Teddi Mellencamp
We were married 13 years. Together 16 years. And then probably a couple of months before I was diagnosed with the cancer in my brain and in my lungs, we had separated, and it was. We not even separated. We went right to filing. We filed for divorce, and, like, we were. I didn't really realize how much I never, you know, gotten a. I'd never gone through something like that before where it was like, oh, my gosh, everything's. My entire life's being turned upside down. I didn't even know this was gonna come into play a conversation or anything like that, or. What do you mean, like, we're going to talk about custody or what? Like, all of those things you don't necessarily think about. Especially, like, there was never a part of me still to this day, like, I don't hate Edwin.
- [49:58]
Unknown
We need to pause for a super brief break, and while we do, take a moment and share this episode with every single person that, you know, who this could inspire because this conversation can truly be the words and inspiration that they need to hear today to keep going, to remember that they matter, and to feel less alone and more enough, more connected and more worthy. Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self belief. And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration. Which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you delivered straight to your inbox each and every Tuesday morning from me. If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week, just go to jamiekernlima.com to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your one on one with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you if you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy and love hitting your inbox. I'm your girl. Subscribe@jamiekernlima.com or in the link in the show Notes do you struggle with negative self talk? Living with a constant mental narrative that you're not good enough is exhausting. I know because I spent most of my life in that habit. The words you say to yourself about yourself are so powerful and when you learn to take control over your self talk, it's life changing and I wanted to give you a free resource that I created for you if this is something that could benefit your Life. It's called 5 Ways to Overcome Negative Self Talk and Build self Love and it's a free how to guide to overcome that negative self talk to build confidence and develop unshakable self love so that you can can dream big and keep going in the pursuit of your goals. Don't let self sabotaging thoughts hinder your progress any longer. It's time to rewrite the script of your life, one filled with self love, resilience and unwavering belief. If you're ready to take charge of your narrative, build unwavering confidence and empower yourself to persevere on the path to your dreams, you can grab your free guide to stop overthinking and learn to Trust yourself at jamiekernlima.com resources or click the link in the show notes below. And now more of this incredible conversation together.
- [52:47]
Teddi Mellencamp
There was never a part of me still to this day like I don't hate Edwin. Like Edwin will always be my friend. And so I kind of knew. I mean I think it shows by he was the Person that I called to take me to the hospital, I always knew he'd do the right thing by me. And I think that same goes for. I mean, he could still. If he wanted to, he could still be filing and finishing this divorce off right now. But like, my dad and family just said, like, I don't think this is the right thing for her to be able try to navigate right now or figure out. And it wasn't even a second. It was like, yeah, of course. No, we'll wait. We'll wait till she's better, and then we'll figure it out.
- [53:39]
Jamie Kern Lima
And you were married 13 years at that point. You had stage two that you knew about, and then you guys decided to file, and then when you got the news of stage four, then you paused.
- [53:51]
Teddi Mellencamp
Yeah, so when I had stage two, but then I had gotten this massive surgery and they had removed it, and I had already had two checkups on my skin because those were the stage two was on my skin back. I thought I was cancer free, but I just kept not feeling well. And we were having, you know, some issues in our marriage that I wish when I did have stage two, I would have talked to Edwin about it more and what I needed, because I think men so often want to be the protector and the provider and the this and the that, where, like, I just wanted somebody to come lay in bed with me and watch a movie, you know, Like, I wanted just someone to collapse with me for a little bit, not fix me. And I was even looking at our text messages that he sent over today because I was like, can you remind me of the dates? And blah, blah. And I just looked at the way he responded to the text and the way I responded to the text, and, like, we wouldn't text each other like that now, really.
- [54:57]
Jamie Kern Lima
And what do you mean?
- [54:58]
Teddi Mellencamp
Like, it's like, I'm like, oh, yeah, I just got back from the doctor with Kyle's. They think I have melanoma. And he's like. Like cancer, you know, like, it's just so flippant. It's like we're asking what we're ordering from the supermarket later. And I wish, you know, if you're. If you're in a marriage and you're. You're trying to figure out if you can make it work is give each other as much care as you can. Give each other as much care as you can. I think that Edwin and I did a lot of work in our marriage. You know, we had gone to marital retreats. We had gone to church every week. There were parts that we were working on, and I think it ultimately depends on if you're 100%. And I'm not blaming him or me. I'm just saying in General, if you're 100% authentic or to what is really getting at you. And also, when you ask for something, when you're direct with somebody, I need you. I need this softness right now, getting it. Because people are only going to ask for things a couple times, and then they're going to. At some point, they're going to shut off. And I would say that's ultimately what happened with me. I just wanted certain things that I don't know. If he didn't know how to give and, you know, then I. It all turned into. I was no longer in a place where I would go above and beyond to make sure that this person was happy. I had kind of gone into do whatever makes you happy. Because I've asked. I've asked for enough years, and now I'm done.
- [57:01]
Jamie Kern Lima
What were you asking for that you needed?
- [57:04]
Teddi Mellencamp
Just. I needed presence, not gifts, like, his presence. And he's very good at multitasking, and he's so good at business. But I needed a little bit. Like, I was one of those people that, yeah, it'd be a Saturday, and I'd want to plan out the day. Like, I'd be like, do you want to have people over and we can swim in the pool and then we can do pickleball? And he. Back then, he didn't like it. Now I see him doing the same thing because, like, once you've got the kids, you do want to have a slight general idea of, like, what organizing you're going to do so that you guys can all have a fun, productive day. But he kind of just was just slow to the punch. And, you know, I think we also had years and years of past stuff that we didn't fully work through. And I think he wanted me to just naturally work through it. And I think my natural response was just to push back. And I think once you do that, once you take the care out, it's really hard to make it. It's really hard to make it. And I'm lucky to this day. Like, I mean, we're staying in the house together. Like, some weeks he'll stay at our other house, but, like, this week I told him I'm really sick, and he's, like, staying downstairs in the bedroom at our house right now.
- [58:34]
Jamie Kern Lima
You can live in the same house.
- [58:35]
Teddi Mellencamp
We can live in the same house. We don't argue. We. I would be fine with him dating. You know, Like, I. He's being. He's. Yeah, I would be.
- [58:47]
Jamie Kern Lima
Is he fine with you dating?
- [58:48]
Teddi Mellencamp
I don't know. We've talked about it. I think there's different. I. I think everyone in my life is worried about me in general. So for a little while, I was dating somebody. That went all over the press, and everybody's talking about it, and I'm like, one. This is long enough ago that by the time you found out who the person was, I wasn't dating the person. So you can only believe so much that you read. But also, I talked to my therapist about it. I'm like, if I feel the urge, if I get asked on a date or if somebody wants to take me out, she's like, you should go. She's like, anything that you want to do right now and you feel in your heart that you want to do, do it. She's like, it could even be. It could be a date with. If he asked you on a date and you wanted to go, nobody's setting any rules for you. But, like, right now, I'm not in that place. I'm not wanting that from him. I just want him to be happy, and I want our kids to be happy, and I want us to be able to have a good friendship and relationship, and I don't want to do anything to hurt him, but I don't know that I need to. Like, I kind of know how our marriage works.
- [60:13]
Jamie Kern Lima
And do you think it could change?
- [60:17]
Unknown
This conversation with Teddi Mellencamp is so impactful. We made it into more than one part. Coming up, how do you stay positive and hopeful when you're in the season of setback and what feels like one bad break after another? How do you hold on to faith and belief that things will turn out in your favor in the midst of what feels like the rug is being pulled out from underneath you or you're feeling blindsided or you just keep receiving or horrible news? Teddi is sharing so many more powerful and beautiful insights that she's never shared before. And that's coming up in this incredible Part 2 conversation in the next episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show. Remember, this episode's not just for you and me. Please share this with every single person that you know, because it can be the impact and change that they need in their life, too. And if you love today's episode, click on the follow or subscribe button for the show on the app that you're listening to it on or watching it on and if it added value to your life. If you could please give it a rating or review, I'd be so grateful. And again, share it with everyone that you believe in. Share it with another person in your life who could benefit from it. Maybe someone you know is going through a struggle or a hard time too and they're just trying to keep the faith. Please share it with others online or in your community who just might need the words and tools and lessons in this episode today. You never know whose life you are meant to change today by sharing this episode. And and thank you so much for joining me today. Before you go, I want to share some words with you that couldn't be more true. You right now, exactly as you are, are enough and fully worthy. You're worthy of your greatest hopes, your wildest dreams and all the unconditional love in the world. And it's an honor to welcome you to each and every episode of the Jamie Kern Lima show here. I hope you'll come as you are, heal where you need, blossom what you choose, journey toward your calling and stay as long as you'd like. Because you belong here. You are worthy, you are loved, you are love and I love you and I cannot wait to join you on the next episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show. In life you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self worth. When you build your self worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book how to believe you are enough and transform your life for you. If you have some self doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, worthy is for you. In Worthy you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life changing results like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back, build unshakable self love, unlearn the lies that lead to self doubt and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness, overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome. Achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more. Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self doubt and unshakable self worth. Get your copy of Worthy plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you@worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you. It's time to find out. With Worthy, who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self belief. And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration. Which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you delivered straight to your inbox from me. If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week, just go to jamiekernlima.com to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your one on one with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you if you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration. Some tips, tools, joy and love hitting your inbox. I'm your girl. Subscribe@jamiekernlima.com or in the link in the show notes. And please note, I'm not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a single substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified professional.