Why Moms Feel Like They’re Never Doing Enough

Summary

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The Jinger & Jeremy Podcast

Episode: Why Moms Feel Like They’re Never Doing Enough
Date: July 1, 2026
Hosts: Jinger Vuolo, Jeremy Vuolo

Episode Overview

This heartfelt and candid episode dives into the pervasive feelings of inadequacy many mothers face, exploring the sources of parental anxiety and how both Jinger and Jeremy navigate the pressures of daily life and parenting. Through personal stories, practical anecdotes, and faith-centered encouragement, they discuss marriage communication, the mental load of motherhood, the role of faith in facing fears, and cultivating humility and trust within the family.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Relentless Mental Load for Moms

• Jinger opens up about constantly evaluating herself as a mom, often feeling she should be “doing so much better” ([00:00], [37:26]).
• The endless nighttime mental lists, dentist appointments, and worries about whether she’s making the best decisions for her kids fuel ongoing anxiety ([00:13], [15:43], [19:14]).
• Social media, especially Instagram, intensifies this pressure by making moms feel inadequate about everyday decisions, from health to playdates ([00:13], [22:03]).

Jinger: “I feel like every time that I look at what we're doing, every day, I'm like, I should be doing so much better than I am.” [00:00]

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Parenting Exhaustion: Night Wakings & Family Bed Scenarios

• Both hosts share humorous but relatable family bed stories:
  • Kids crawl in through the night, leaving Jeremy on slivers of the king-size bed ([06:21]–[08:32]).
  • Jinger admits she doesn't handle interrupted sleep well and will bring kids into bed just to get through the night ([07:07]).
• They reflect on how their own parents managed sleep and “growing pains," highlighting the compassion gained from remembering childhood struggles ([12:32]).

Jeremy: “His head was nestled in between my jaw and shoulder ... I couldn’t move because he was very comfortable. And in my head it’s like 1am — I’m like, this is really sweet. But then also I’m paralyzed.” [06:21]

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The Anxiety and Guilt of Everyday Parental Decisions

• Jinger runs through the countless decisions that fuel anxiety: dental care surprises, health, food choices, school logistics, and play schedules ([15:43]–[19:14]).
• She explains how guilt creeps in even when doing her best, especially when unexpected things (like a child needing surgery for adenoids) derail plans.

Jinger: “As moms, you want to feed your kids the best food possible. But that also is difficult ... How much should I actually spend? ... There’s that side of things — you don’t want your grocery budget to be so exorbitant every single week. So making decisions for your kids that seem so huge...” [16:10]

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Social Media Comparison & Objectivity

• Instagram and internet experts make parents question every minor detail, creating opportunities for guilt (“I’ve failed my children...”) ([00:13], [22:03]).
• Jeremy encourages parents to “pull back a little objectivity” and remember that anxiety about being a good parent is itself a sign of care ([22:44]–[23:51]).

Jeremy: “The fact that so many parents do feel this anxiety is because they’re burdened to be good parents.” [00:07]
Jeremy: “It’s the parents who are worried whether they’re good parents who are good parents.” [23:46]

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Faith & Trust in Parenting

• Both hosts root their approach to stress in faith.
  • Jeremy draws an analogy to Paul’s “pastoral anxiety” from 2 Corinthians—caring responsibly, not anxiously ([24:00]).
  • Jinger finds comfort in doing her best but leaving the results to God, striving for balance over perfection ([25:06], [28:04]).
  • They quote Charles Spurgeon: “The sovereignty of God is the pillow upon which the Christian lays his head.” ([26:51])

Jinger: “Ultimately, a lot of that just comes back to finding your peace in resting in God’s goodness and his sovereignty and doing what you can, doing all the things that you can, but then leaving the results up to God.” [25:06]

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Modelling Humility for Their Children

• They emphasize the importance of apologizing to their kids, modeling humility and repentance, even when the children are very young ([33:25]–[35:51]).
• Jeremy shares the impact of his own parents apologizing for their mistakes, noting the value in asking children directly how parents might have wronged them ([34:34]).

Jeremy: “The value of going to your kids… Even if they’re young, you say, ‘Well, they’re four. They need to know I’m their authority.’ Well, yeah, but they also need to know that their authority is humble, teachable, also a sinner, and willing to repent and seek their forgiveness.” [35:13]

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Marriage Communication: The Logistical Tug-of-War

• The pair discuss tension points around late-night logistical conversations, acknowledging different rhythms and communication styles ([19:14]–[21:18]).
• They encourage couples to find a “middle ground” for discussing the never-ending lists, with empathy for each other’s days and needs ([20:22]).

Jeremy: “That's one of those tension points in marriage that we've had to continually work out is finding that middle ground of when to communicate…” [20:40]

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Memorable Moments & Quotes

Lighthearted banter about exhaustion:

• Jinger and Jeremy joke about “conking out” early and the struggle to prioritize quality couple time in the midst of fatigue ([01:46], [14:08]).

Jinger: “If I don't have coffee, I'm really, really sad. I'm slightly depressed without it.” [05:39]

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Humorous Parenting Realities:

• Jeremy: “What did I do? Did I work out wrong? Oh no, I was sleeping like in a gymnasium with my kids.” [08:46]
• Jinger on Instagram advice: “It says, this is what we all should be doing with our teeth. This is the kind of dentist you should go to. And you’re like, oh my goodness, I’ve failed my children.” [22:03]

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Key Faith Reflections:

• Jeremy: "If God's in control but he's not good, that just increases our anxiety." [29:17]
• Jinger: “We can't keep it all together. We can't be perfect for our kids, nor should we... That humility also shows them that... there’s forgiveness there.” [33:25]

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Encouragement to Parents:

• Jeremy: “Maybe unplug from some social media, stop the comparison game, sit down with your kids, play some Legos for an hour... Grateful for you guys. ...We’re all in this together.” [38:06]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Time | Topic/Segment | |----------|--------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00 | Opening—Feeling of not doing enough & Instagram comparison | | 06:21 | Nighttime parenting, bed-sharing stories, exhaustion | | 15:43 | The anxiety of daily mom decisions, guilt triggers, dentist example | | 19:14 | Logistical overwhelm, late-night scheduling, communication in marriage | | 22:03 | Social media-fueled anxiety, objectivity, Instagram vs. reality | | 23:46 | “Good parents worry about being good parents”—the positive side of anxiety | | 25:06 | Faith & trust—balancing responsibility with resting in God’s sovereignty | | 33:25 | Modelling humility for kids: apology, forgiveness, and the value of repentance | | 37:26 | Self-reflection, intentional presence with kids, slowing down | | 38:06 | Final encouragement, the importance of unplugging from comparison |

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Conclusion: Episode Takeaways

• Most parents—and especially moms—struggle with feeling like they’re not doing enough.
• Faith, communication, objectivity, and humility are vital tools for battling anxiety and guilt about parenting.
• Perfection is not the goal; being honest, present, and striving for balance are far more important.
• Sharing struggles and cultivating forgiveness within the family sets the healthiest example for kids.
• Social media can distort reality—parents are encouraged to unplug, trust themselves, and savor time with their kids.

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Listeners are left with encouragement, empathy, and practical wisdom—the signature blend of the Jinger & Jeremy Podcast.

Transcript

[A]

I feel like every time that I look at what we're doing, every day, I'm like, I should be doing so much better than I am.

[B]

So many parents do feel this anxiety is because they're burdened to be good parents.

[A]

And then it doesn't help with Instagram. We've talked about this a million times, but like it says, this is what we all should be doing with our teeth. This is the kind of dentist you should go to. And you're like, oh, my goodness, I've failed my children. So I think that there's constantly so much happening in my mind and half the time it's like 10pm and I start running through scheduling things like without fail. And it frustrates. It frustrates us.

[B]

I think that's one of those tension points in marriage that we've had to continually work out. What do you think some of the fears that moms have or some of the anxieties, like as they're in the midst of this, you know, a moment of self reflection.

[A]

Let me just tell you.

[B]

What's going on, guys. Welcome back to another episode of the Ginger and Jeremy podcast. I am Jeremy.

[A]

What's my name?

[B]

Ginger. I was going to give you the opportunity to say it or Mom. Yeah.

[A]

How are you this morning?

[B]

I'm good. It is morning.

[A]

It is pretty early. We're trying to record this podcast before all the kids are awake.

[B]

We've got into this habit of now recording in the mornings, which I don't know if I like that habit.

[A]

I sometimes like it. Well, I don't know if I've had good coffee. I like it better than recording late at night, that's for sure. And that was our only option was to record late last night or early this morning. And I was like, let's do it early this morning.

[B]

I would record late at night. You would record early in the morning. That's the difference between you and me, I guess.

[A]

Yeah. Yesterday I was super tired and you conked out. I was asleep.

[B]

Does anybody say conked out anymore?

[A]

I say it all the time. I don't know if you're asking if I say it, but I was so exhausted last night, I think I fell asleep at probably, like, was it 8:30 or 9? And I just, I thought I'm gonna lay on the couch, take like a two minute nap and then I'll wake up and we'll like watch a show or hang out. But that didn't happen.

[B]

No, you just knocked out and you were gone. We didn't get to watch Outlast. We've been watching Outlast, and that's a good show. It's brutal, though. We watched the latest, like, Netflix or season three or something, but then we went back and watched the first season, and the first season is brutal. People are ruthless on there, actually. Give your opinions, babe.

[A]

Yeah. If you are. If you're one of these people who's, like, talking about integrity on the show, they're talking about integrity. And then some people leave because the lack of integrity on the other teams, they're like, you're not being kind. You're being cruel. And they're like, well, we're here to play a game.

[B]

Well, you got to give them a little bit of the context here.

[A]

You do that.

[B]

Okay. So Outlast is this survival show where people are put on teams, they choose their teams, and there's either four or three teams, and they have to survive in wherever they are, the Alaskan wilderness, and they have challenges to do, and the last team remaining wins a million bucks. And this was kind of like a show I think we're coming off of, like, a loan, where people just survive by themselves. And it has this team dynamic, and the producers and the game makers did not put any rules. And so for the first two seasons, I think the third, it's a little different. But the first season, anyway, it's ruthless. I mean, people are, like, ripping shelters off of the other team, stealing things, like, almost physical altercations. Like, it's crazy out there.

[A]

Yeah. And I think that the bummer was, is, like, seeing how a couple players, they were, like, initially, they were stealing everybody's stuff, being super cruel. Everybody hates you say it.

[B]

Jill and Amber. Jill and Amber.

[A]

Everybody hates them. Right? And towards the end, Jill and Amber go on this rant of like, oh, my goodness. They're like, it's so terrible. People are not living. They're not, like, playing with integrity. And you're like, that's actually insane because you're the one who's not.

[B]

I think part of it, too, though, is like, we're watching these edits over a month long, right? And so for them, it's like, yeah, that was three weeks ago when I was stealing from the guy and cussing him out and being a jerk. And then three weeks later, they're feeling all sorts of way and, you know, wanting others to play with integrity. For us, though, it's like, that was 45 minutes ago, Jill. Like, we just watched you do that 45 minutes ago. And we won't give away the ending, but Last night you didn't stay up for us to watch your show. It's okay.

[A]

I didn't. It's okay though. I think that sometimes you just gotta sleep, especially as a mom. I was like, why was I so tired? I don't think I've fallen asleep.

[B]

You woke up feeling good though, this morning.

[A]

I woke up at probably 6:40 this morning and I don't know, I mean, maybe I'm still a little tired.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Talking about being a mom, did you think you'd be this tired as a mom? Did you think this is what momhood would be like?

[A]

I thought I would be pretty tired as a mom because even being around my mom, I mean, there were times where I just remember her being so exhausted. But I only have three kids and when I get up in the morning, I'm like, I need coffee. I need.

[B]

It is the first thing you do. You are the coffee maker.

[A]

If I don't have coffee, I'm really, really sad. I'm slightly depressed without it. And so, yeah, I didn't think I would be this tired. I think with newborns that's where I. That season is super difficult for me. Talked about that before. Once I make it through that, I think I'm now on the other side of having a newborn. So I have, you know, we have a one year old, our youngest is one and. And I'm just starting to feel like myself again. But also he's still awake in the night and so that's tricky. I'm like, I feel like in the day it's a little bit easier. Cause he's a little bit. Okay.

[B]

But he. During the night. So he bothered you for the first 14 months during the night?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Now he's into bothering dad. So he'll come into our bed at certain times. And like last night he was. His comfortable spot was. His head was nestled in between my jaw and shoulder. And this was very comfortable for him last night.

[A]

It's so comfortable.

[B]

So I am laying there. His head is nestled here and his body is sprawled out. And so I'm on the edge of the bed like this.

[A]

We have a king bed. It's massive.

[B]

It's very uncomfortable. You get slivers of it.

[A]

But you were on the edge of the bed legit.

[B]

But I was also like this. And I couldn't move because he was very comfortable. And I was glad he was comfortable. And in my head it's like 1am I'm like, this is really sweet. But then also I'm like Paralyzed.

[A]

Well, the thing is, he always starts out in his crib and he'll sleep in there for like however many hours. And then as soon as he wakes up, if he needs to nurse, I'm one of those people, I do not do good on little sleep. I can't do good on hardly anything. So he ends up coming in the bed with us. I'll just throw him in the bed, nurse him, and then if he falls back asleep, great. That's my goal, get the kid to sleep.

[B]

So this really is like the sweetest. So this morning, five year old Evie just comes snuggles and she brings her big shark. Yep.

[A]

She slept in her bed all night. She usually does not come to our bed in the middle of the night at all.

[B]

No, but it was 6:30 and she brought her $20 shark stuffy from Ikea, by the way. That's like a. That's like a parenting. Those stuffies from Ikea.

[A]

And they last and they look so nice.

[B]

They're great. Brings her shark in and just snuggles up with me. So I've got Finn on one side, Evie snuggled on the other. It's like those are the moments where you're like, this is really.

[A]

Yeah. I woke up this morning, like I said, 6:40 or so. I look over and you had two kids, one on either side. Finn's like, like you said, he's like laying on. You crawled out and just completely taking up the entire bed as a one year old. And then Evie Jo's on the other side and you're just kind of like, you have like this much room there.

[B]

There are some days I think parents can relate to this, where you go through your day and it's like 3 o' clock and you're just like, man, my neck is killing me. Or my back just keep moving it.

[A]

Like I feel so old.

[B]

And you're like, what's wrong? Like what did I do? Did I work out wrong? And then you go, oh no, I was sleeping like in a gymnasium with my kids. Like I was in a weird pattern for four hours. It's hilarious with the kiddos because you don't want to wake them up. That's the big thing.

[A]

Well, you do so good getting up in the middle of the night. I mean, how has your sleep changed? What did you think?

[B]

Well, my sleep has changed. You know, it's really funny, Ginge, I. When Felicity was born on Instagram, I don't know if it's still up. Probably not. But I put up this little thing. It was a Dumb little graphic. And it said something like, I think it's how I announced Felicity was born on my Instagram or something. But I said, like, coffee, dear Coffee. I wrote like, something to coffee. Like, help me now or something like that. And here we are, like eight years later.

[A]

We want to take a break from this episode to tell you about Article.

[B]

Article is our go to now because there's nothing we hate more than fake wood cheap furniture. You pay all this money, you get it delivered, this massive box, and you open it up and you go, oh, what is this garbage? And then you have to return it. It's the worst. We've done that so many times with Amazon furniture, and we end up just giving it away or trying to sell it, like on Marketplace because it's not good quality article. It's real wood. It's high quality, meticulous packaging. It shows up at your door ready to go. We love it.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Article furniture is something that we've used for forever and also our family has too. They would buy it. And if it can last through kids, through all that, where you're able to know that this is something that can actually be passed down, it's incredible. It's worth the purchase. This.

[B]

That's a good point you bring up. If you want to get furniture recommendations from someone, get it from someone who has kids and borderline feral children. Kids who just run everywhere and anywhere if you want. Don't get it from some teeny Bob influencer who's like, got this perfectly manicured apartment and they go, the furniture's great. No, no, no. Get it from a family. Because then you know if the furniture is gonna last.

[A]

I mean, our article chairs we have in our place playroom. They are genuine leather and so nice, solid wood. And those are the best things because in the playroom and the kids have jumped off of one couch onto those multiple times. They'll take the the cushions off, throw them on the ground. And this is robust. It looks perfect. Looks good as new.

[B]

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[A]

Now back to the episode.

[B]

I wake up through the night. Just. That hasn't changed for me since having kids. Where I wake up really easily now.

[A]

You take over a lot of the night responsibilities. Aside from feeding the baby that you can't do. You always bring the baby to me or change a diaper or go help whoever woke up with a leg cramp. Get them leg cramp lotion. By the way, we should link this leg cramp lotion.

[B]

Oh, it's a lifesaver.

[A]

It's amazing.

[B]

You know what it's called?

[A]

It's from earthly. And you can now get it on Amazon. You used to only be able to get it on their website. It's cheap. It's like 14, 15 bucks for a container that lasts you for like over a year. Even if you used it every night, it would last you over a year.

[B]

That's fantastic.

[A]

And this stuff with the kids, with myself when I was pregnant, I could use this. And it was excellent because it takes away the leg cramps like that.

[B]

But do you remember having leg cramps as a kid?

[A]

Oh, I had really bad, really bad joint pains and leg cramps. Yeah.

[B]

I think a key to parenting is remembering what it was like to be a kid.

[A]

It's true. Have a little more compassion. I should. I feel like in the night I don't do as good. So, like, you'll get up if one of the kids is like, I have a leg cramp. But I know why I don't like half asleep.

[B]

I know why you don't do as good.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Because here's something you need to know about Ginger. When Ginger gets tired and crashes, it's like a crash. It's like she. If she's driving her car of energy through the day, all of a sudden she's like, oh, it's bedtime. And she just turns right into a wall. Like, she doesn't slow down, like, find a decent parking spot. She's not like, maybe we'll park here and like ease it. She's just like, oh, it's bedtime, and just crashes into a wall and everything stops. And then. And then I know you're tired. When you tell me repeatedly how tired you are.

[A]

I'd probably tell you 50 times.

[B]

Oh, last night you were asleep on the couch.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you had passed down at like 8:30 or something. So my dad and I were watching news or something. And I know you're tired. You know how I know you're tired? Cause you're asleep.

[A]

I'm tired.

[B]

No, because you're asleep. You're sleeping. Okay. So that gives it away that you're tired. But then you will like half wake up and say, oh, Jerry, I'm so tired. I'll go, yeah, babe, it's okay. Sleep. And you go, oh, I'm just so tired. I'm so tired. No, I know. I get it. Like, you can stay.

[A]

Sleep. I do tell you, I don't know why I have to do that over and over just when I'm exhausted. Because I'm trying to.

[B]

I'm so tired. I go, babe, you don't have to apologize. Just sleep.

[A]

Just.

[B]

You're cool.

[A]

I'm trying to, like, wake up, wake up and have. Enjoy the evening. Now. I finally got the kids to bed, and we're. We're, like, relaxing, and I want to have that time with you to hang out and catch up on the day debrief. And I can't. Can't get it together. I can't get it together. So tired. It's insane.

[B]

I'm so tired. Just sleep.

[A]

Yeah, but I didn't want to go up to bed. That's part of it. I'm like, if I make that choice to go up to bed, the night's over. Like, we can't do anything fun.

[B]

Yeah. It's so funny because it's like, it has nothing to do with our physical comfort, our tiredness. It has everything to do with this concept or idea of we're gonna spend time together. We will not go upstairs. We will stay downstairs. We will spend time together. And yet our bodies are just like, I'm too exhausted. Yeah, you're done.

[A]

Yeah, that was last night for sure. But I think it's just tricky with the kids waking up in the Night star when you have, you know, littles that will happen for the next couple years, I'm sure. And it is sweet, though, those moments when they're not, like, fully unraveled, they're just wanting to be near you.

[B]

It's the best.

[A]

They're so little. It's precious.

[B]

You know, as parents, I think we sometimes have these. I don't know. Well, maybe I'm speaking for myself, but these moments of reflection where you're like, am I doing a good job? You know, what do you think? Some of the fears that moms have or some of the anxieties, like, as they're in the midst of this, you know, a moment of self reflection.

[A]

Let me just tell you the things. I was talking to another one of my mom friends, Kenzie, and she was just. We were. We were talking about all the things. One of the main things that came to mind was, like, dental stuff. Why does that sneak up on you, that's real. Because your kids are doing great. You're brushing their teeth every night. You think they're fine, and then someone gets cavity. And it's not because of. Half the time. It's not because of something you thought about. So with one of ours, they had an adenoid issue, and there was so much blockage in their nasal passages that we had to get those removed. And that was causing mouth breathing, it was causing cavities. And that's something we just, you know, didn't think about. We thought about the breathing side of it because you could hear that something was off. But it took a year and a half to get that surgery done because of the scheduling and the delays and the whole system to get it done. So that's something that I think is stressful. You have, you know, dentist appointments, you have doctor checkups. You have what else? Like, school, like, schooling, what you're gonna have to do for that. You have food. Because as moms, I think you want to feed your kids the best food possible. But that also is difficult because you're like, okay, how much should I actually spend? Do I go to Whole Foods and buy everything there? Do I go to, you know, straight to the source? Do I grow garden? How am I going to feed my kids the best food possible? Also make it affordable, because there's that side of things. You know, you don't want your grocery budget to be so exorbitant every single week. So making decisions for your kids that seem so huge and then also like, oh, should they play a sport? Should I get them? Should I have a play date this week? Well, I actually have to do these 20 other things. How do I make time for everything that I need to make time for? So I think that there's constantly so much happening in my mind, and I think that as any parent, it can be like that. But especially as a mom, the funny thing is the difference about us, too. This is another thing about bedtime. My mind does not shut off at bedtime. No, that's what it is in the day. I am going nonstop, and I. I push through no matter how tired. I am doing one thing and another thing. Like last night, our bed sheets, I was like, I had. I put them in the washer at probably noon, and I actually washed our. Like, we have a mattress topper and it's a little bit thicker. So I decided to wash that, which I, like, threw it in the dryer at probably 1pm and by 8:30, this thing was not dry. I had turned it on, like, five times. Usually, I would let it half air dry, but I knew that by the time since I started late, I should have just put it outside to air dry. It was like 1,000 degrees. That would have been smart, but I didn't. So it's late at night, I'm having to get this thing dried. I'm like, oh, it's not going to make it on our bed tonight. Okay, that's fine. But it's like, wait, I was. I forgot I was going with all of this. I'm on a rabbit trail. But all these little things that you have to get done, right? So I'm. I'm just constantly thinking, what's the next thing I have to do? What's the next thing I have to do? By the time I finally get in bed, I can finally fully relax. And then I'm like, oh, no, I didn't respond to this text message that is due by tomorrow.

[B]

Or all of a sudden, that calendar comes to your mind.

[A]

Or the calendar. It's always the calendar. Because in your workday, I'm thinking, I can text you this question right now, but you're probably in a meeting or you're out and about, which you say, text me anytime. Text me all the things, whatever. But I like to just wait until you're home. But when you get home, we eat dinner, the kids are playing, we're having good family time, and then we sit down on the couch, relax. Sometimes I'll ask you a couple scheduling things, but half the time it's a. It's like 10pm and everything comes to mind, oh, no, have this appointment. It is 11, actually, it's true. 10pm Would be nice, but everything comes to mind. And so I'm like, oh, no, this dentist appointment needs to be scheduled or I need to get. One of the kids needs to go somewhere tomorrow. Who's gonna take them? Do I need a babysitter? So I start running through scheduling things, like, without fail. And it frustrates us because you and you're very kind, but I'm also like, it's one of those things that's one of our things that we have.

[B]

Well, it's a point of communication. It's like we need to understand each other on when to talk. Because I frustrate you by not giving space for those conversations. But then earlier, maybe in the day earlier. And then you bring them up at a time, and I'm like, Babe, it's 10:45. We're, like, falling apart.

[A]

It's too late.

[B]

And so then it's one of those, I think that's one of those tension points in marriage that we've had to continually work out is finding that middle ground of when to communicate, the time

[A]

to communicate for things like that that are just logistics because they're not fun.

[B]

Well, it's funny because you're on a different, like you're, your day often looks very different than mine in terms of adult human interaction because you're with the kiddos for a certain portion. And then I've had maybe three or four meetings and I'm ready just for a kid interaction or like, you know, like.

[A]

And you don't want to do, you don't want to do all of the logistical things.

[B]

So when are we on the same page for that? And so that's one of those points of marriage. But I think for one of the things you're communicating is, I think a lot of people feel is all of these little anxieties piling up and you go, how are we to keep up with all of this? And in a sense, I don't know why we do this. Maybe I'm the only one who does this. But I always think back to the olden day. I wonder if they, a thousand years ago, did they worry about this? And you say, well, no, their teeth just rotted out of their head or they got tooth infection and died. And so they really didn't worry about the anxieties of your six month dentist checkup.

[A]

It brings so much pressure as a parent because then you're thinking, okay, down to like the smallest detail. What kind of toothpaste should I use? What kind of toothbrush?

[B]

We have to transition, by the way, kids toothpaste.

[A]

Well, yeah, because I actually bought some the other day. That's like a remineralizing kind for them to try and see if it helps. But it's, it's so tricky because I'm like, you think through every single detail and then it doesn't help with Instagram. We've talked about this a million times. But like, you see something and it says, this is what we all should be doing with our teeth. This is the kind of dentist you should go to. And you're like, oh my goodness, I've failed my children. But also I'm like, okay, I went to a traditional dentist every six months growing up and I didn't have cavities until I was probably like 12 or something.

[B]

So that's one of the things. What you just did is one of the things I think could really help moms Today is. I think there's a lot of mothers who feel. And dads who feel those same pressures of the constant anxieties and feeling like they're not living up, and they have this fear of, I'm just never doing enough. And then you get one thing done, and it's another thing. You know, you schedule the dentist appointments, and then it's something with school or something with another aspect of health or food or whatever. And what you just did is, like, pulled back a little objectivity and said, look, I went to the dentist this many times and I'm fine. I mean, you've got great teeth. You know, you survived. And you go, okay, let me have a little bit of objectivity here. Because we can get so microscopic in our view of how we're doing that we lose sight of the big picture and can become really, really discouraged. And I'll never forget what my buddy Dave Zimmer told me once about parenting. He said, it's the parents who are worried whether they're good parents who are good parents.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because they're the ones who are putting thought and care into, am I doing this well? Am I caring for my kids like I should? It's the parents who don't think about that, or it's the parents who don't care about that. Where you go, man, they really need to be caring about how they're affecting their kids. But I do think there's truth to that, like the fact that so many parents do feel this anxiety is because they're burdened to be good parents. It makes me think of Paul in 2nd Corinthians 11. He's talking about all his sufferings as an apostle, and he says, I've been beaten, I've been whipped, shipwrecked, all this stuff. And then he mentions, as the last element of his apostolic suffering, he says, and on top of all of this, after naming all the physical and mental and emotional anguish, he says, the constant anxiety I have for all the churches, and that's a good pastoral anxiety. Not a bad anxiety of, like, I don't trust God, but this constant. He's constantly got this weight on him of, am I caring for the churches? Am I doing what I need to do for the churches? Are the churches walking how they should? He's caring for them, and it never leaves him. And I feel that, like, that's the same thing for parents.

[A]

It is 100%. I think that there is that good side of the responsibility and the care that you want to have for your kids. And so it's not bad. It is a lot to carry and to handle, especially, like, you know, just with the daily things that come up and the challenges that you didn't expect that come around. And it's interesting because there's a new trust in God even in that, like, there's so much fear that you can have that's unhealthy. And what if this happens to my kid? What if I, you know, what if they choke on something? What if, you know, I miss something that I should have known? And ultimately, a lot of that just comes back to finding your peace in resting in God's goodness and his sovereignty and doing what you can, doing all the things that you can, but then leaving the results up to God. Because I think that no matter what it is, if you're super healthy and you get a diagnosis that something's wrong, are you gonna trust God through it? And that's just ultimately where. I mean, I've had to remind myself of that. And I thought, okay, I wanna think through, even with my kids, like, I'm doing all the things I can, the best I can, and also not, like, overreacting to everything. So I'm not able to feed them. Only organic all the time. And we do have seed oils when we go out to eat. And I'm like, that's fine on occasion at home, because I'm like, there's a balance in everything. I can't freak out in fear and overreact. So, yeah, that's something I've tried to cut out of everything. But it's like, I think that's good. It will sneak in.

[B]

The sovereignty of God. Meaning sovereignty, that big theological word, but meaning God is in total control and he's working out all of his purposes. And Charles Spurgeon, the great English preacher, said, the sovereignty of God is the pillow upon which the Christian lays his head. It's. At the end of the day, you know, you really can freak out about every single thing they're playing in the driveway. What if a car careens off the road and hits them? What if one of these trees. What if a branch falls? What if you just drive yourself crazy, right? The amount of little pebbles we've knocked out of Finn's hands. And now he'll grab the pebble and he'll look at us, and he'll put it here and just look at us, which is really cute. And you go, I literally had this thought again. It's like the olden days. I thought man were parents, like, 2,000 years ago in the Middle of the desert in Persia, like knocking rocks out of their kids hands. Probably right. It's like the same, nothing's changed. And yet you just think there is constantly a threat around every corner for everything. You just drive yourself crazy if you don't sit and think God's in control. I'm going to do the best I can.

[A]

And remembering that as believers, this world is not our home. And so we are doing all that we can to be good stewards of what God's given us. And so that's part of the whole like the whole conversation around health, around fitness, exercise, around everything that we're doing to live healthy lives and to avoid certain consequences of not. But then at the end of the day we're like, we realize that regardless of what happens, it is that ultimate trust. And remembering that, yeah, even if we don't have, even if it's just about material possessions that are here. Well, we saw even with our friend Dean, who lost everything in the fire, they never could have expected that to happen. And ultimately they're trusting in God and they're saying, okay, everything was ripped away. All their childhood keepsakes, everything, and you're starting fresh. But God is good. In spite of everything that happens and trusting him through it, we realize this world is not our home. And ultimately, no matter what happens, it's ultimately about where our focus and hope is in heaven.

[B]

Yeah, I was thinking just last night actually a little bit about this with our kids having these conversations and instilling this trust in the Lord with them early on is important because, you know, for the first few years of their existence, it's basically fun and games and laughter and they get upset when little things happen, but there's not, they're not dealing with like the tragedies of life. I think the biggest tragedy of life that Felicity has dealt with was the passing of her great grandmother Maga. She'd call her and well, all the kiddos would call her and Grandma Bolo. And she will still, I mean, Felicity's got this incredible memory, but she'll still some nights start crying a little bit and say, I miss Magha. And so for her little mind, I think Maga passed when Felicity was 4 or 5. That's, you know, probably the greatest tragedy she's experienced in that regard and wanting to instill in them like, hey, this life is everything you just said. This life is fleeting and we're not promised tomorrow, but we trust and we continue to trust not only that God is in control, but that God is good. I think that's the big thing for Christians. Yeah, God. If God's in control, but he's not good, that just increases our anxiety. It just like makes us actually even more anxious because now you think, okay, there's this all powerful divine being that's in perfect control. But I don't know if he has my best interests in mind. So now I'm really in trouble. It's kind of like thinking about living in a dictatorship with an evil dictator. That's not a comforting thought. Oh, don't worry. The dictator's in control. But when you realize that every page of Scripture presents God as good, so all that he does is right. God is working all things together for good. And you realize, oh, he is for our flourishing, even if it's eternal flourishing through the pain of this earth. That's what gives us comfort. It's his goodness as well as his control. And wanting to have those really deep, profound conversations with the little minds, you know, I shouldn't say little minds, the little hearts that we're shepherding, you know, with our kids. But I do think it begins with us battling. It's an everyday thing. I mean, there are. Aside from those sorts of anxieties, there are bigger anxieties. Like, I think about the anxieties I would have as a father as I think about my kids, and I think, are they going to make the right decisions? Are they going to love Christ? Am I modeling? Like, you know, there's nothing to expose you than thinking, like, thinking about your kids, looking up to you as an example. You know, there's one thing to view. I view myself a certain way in my own natural pride or blindness. And I think, hey, I'm doing pretty good, whatever in terms of my walk with Jesus, my holiness, my pursuit of holiness. But then when you think about yourself from another person's perspective, it brings you down the size. It's kind of like, have you ever been. I know you have been filmed when you're not expecting it and then you see it, like with the paparazzi or something, and you go, oh, my goodness, what was I doing? I was picking my nose, you know, and somebody's filming me from across the parking lot or. The other night we were at this little VBS concert and my buddy was zoned out, Corey. And I took a video of him zoned out. And he's just like, looking around. Everybody's dancing and singing. He's with his kids. And it's funny because it's a perspective you're not prepared for. To have someone View, like, to pause and think, okay, I'm upset right now. What are my kids seeing? How are they seeing me respond? Because in my head, I'm justified in my upsetness. Yeah. But they're looking at dad throwing this little fit or being a punk or whatever and going, oh, is that what they want to be like? So to think about how they view you from their lens is humbling.

[A]

It is humbling. And I think also the thing that we're trying to do, hopefully, is just even when they see that mom and dad are human, it's good. And when we fail and we have a short response or something, then that asking them to forgive us and trying to humble ourselves is tricky, especially with your kids, especially if they also were having a bad attitude or something. And then it, you know, we lost it. Then circling back and saying, yeah, that was wrong. I shouldn't have said that. And that humility, I think, also shows them that when they have, you know, when they've sinned or they've said something they shouldn't or reacted a certain way, that there's forgiveness there. And I think that that's the side of things that is also healthy. And so we can't keep it all together. We can't be perfect for our kids, and nor should we. I mean, we should try to be the best parents we can. But also, that's not reality. We're gonna have those moments where we do sin and fail. And I think that our kids seeing that as healthy as well.

[B]

I think that's a really helpful reminder, not only to me, but maybe to parents listening to take a beat and go. If you haven't recently, go to your kids and ask their forgiveness for ways that you've sinned, or ask them like, hey, are there ways that mom or dad have sinned against you that we haven't acknowledged? And see what they say. My parents did that for me. I was probably 18, my siblings, my brother 20, my sister 22. And we'd been through stuff with the church, and it had been a really tough season in life, and my parents, I think, just saw some imbalances. We grew up in that Christian setting that was really kind of culturally legalistic in some ways harsh, just really, really strict. Different brand theologically and everything than your upbringing. But my parents just came and said, hey, we're so sorry for this and this, and identified some things, and that was really impactful because it was humble. Now we were adults, and they had been, you know, humble and confessional throughout their lives. But the value of Going to your kids. Like Felicity the other day had a bit of a bad attitude for a bit and just whatever was having a tough time. And it was probably two hours later she came and just said, dad, I'm so sorry for my attitude. Will you please forgive me? I said, of course. And she gives me this big hug. And then I kind of get down on her level and just say in Felicity, daddy got frustrated and that wasn't right. Will you please forgive me for being frustrated with you and expressing that? And she said, yeah, I forgive you. Then another big hug. And those moments instead of going like, yeah, okay, finally the kid has come around and seen they were being a punk. You know, it's like, no, but I was too. And I think that's healthy as parents. And I do not do that perfectly. I wish I would do that more often. Have those moments of self reflection and conviction. But it might be a good practice for parents to go to their kids. I say it might be. I think it is. And have a. Even if they're young, you say, well, they're four. You know, they need to know I'm their authority. Well, yeah, but they also need to know that their authority is humble, teachable, also a sinner, and willing to repent and seek their forgiveness. I think that goes a long way in cultivating this atmosphere of trust and respect and love and care for each other. So I think the anxieties of momhood, the anxieties of being a parent, they can overwhelm us. But we need to trust that God is good and in control. But then we need to take responsibility and seek to cultivate an atmosphere of. Of love and humility and forgiveness in our homes. I think you're doing a great job.

[A]

Well, I feel like every time that I look at what we're doing every day, I'm like, I should be doing so much better than I am. That's just part of that self reflection. All the things that the priorities that we focus on. And I think for me it could often be like wanting a clean house. And sometimes it's harder for me to slow down because I'm a goer doer, whatever. It's harder for me to sit down and play Legos for an hour than it is to do a project. And so I do that. But it's like really tricky. Like I just have to slow down, be intentional about those little moments.

[B]

Well, I think you're the best mom ever. And I know there's a lot of parents out there who are feeling the same way. And we're praying for you guys and we're all in this together. And maybe unplug from some social media, stop the comparison game, sit down with your kids, play some legos for an hour. Unless like Finn, he'll just eat all the legos. That's not good. Keep the Legos away from the one year old. Grateful for you guys. Thanks for hanging out with us for another week. We are going to get our day started because this is the morning for us. Don't know what time it is for you, but we will hopefully see you next week. Have a great week.