#2236 - Protect Our Parks 13

Summary

The Joe Rogan Experience - Episode #2236: Protect Our Parks 13

Release Date: November 28, 2024

Hosts/Guests:

• Joe Rogan - Host
• Mark Normand - Comedian
• Ari Shaffir - Comedian
• Shane Gillis - Comedian

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1. Opening Support and Bodega Cat Debut (00:17 - 01:25)

The episode kicks off with light-hearted banter among the guests, primarily focusing on the introduction of Joe Rogan's new whiskey recipe branded as "Bodega Cat." Mark Normand introduces the concoction, humorously comparing it to Buffalo Trace bourbon.

Notable Quotes:

• Mark Normand (00:35): "Tastes just like Buffalo Trace."
• Joe Rogan (01:19): "Bodega Cat's good. Like, if I got that at a bar, I'd be like, oh, it's nice."

The guests engage in a playful blind taste test, debating the merits and origins of the new whiskey flavor, ultimately agreeing that it's smoother and better than the previous version.

2. TSA Travels and Anecdotes (01:57 - 04:48)

The conversation shifts to experiences with the Transportation Security Administration (TSA). Ari Shaffir shares his tumultuous encounters, including being confiscated over items and dealing with aggressive TSA agents.

Notable Quotes:

• Ari Shaffir (03:09): "They keep beating me."
• Shane Gillis (02:02): "You battled TSA. TSA owns your ass."

They discuss the frustrations of traveling, the invasive nature of TSA screenings, and the psychological toll it takes on travelers. Ari recounts a particularly aggressive interaction where he was subjected to unnecessary physical searches.

3. 9/11 Conspiracies and Media Narratives (04:54 - 06:17)

The group delves into conspiracy theories surrounding the September 11 attacks, debating the official narratives versus alternative explanations. They touch upon the controversial topic of Victor Shokin's removal in Ukraine.

Notable Quotes:

• Joe Rogan (05:59): "911 is the motherload of conspiracy theories."
• Ari Shaffir (06:08): "You gotta do blind taste test."

The discussion highlights the differing viewpoints on whether Shokin was removed for not pursuing corruption or due to external political pressures. They emphasize the skepticism towards mainstream media narratives and express uncertainty about the truth behind these events.

4. Donald Trump, Ukraine, and Hunter Biden (06:03 - 25:57)

A significant portion of the episode centers around allegations involving former Vice President Joe Biden, his son Hunter Biden, and former President Donald Trump. The guests debate the legitimacy of claims that Biden influenced Ukraine to fire prosecutor Victor Shokin to protect his son's interests.

Notable Quotes:

• Joe Rogan (07:07): "But sources ranging from former Obama administration officials to anti-corruption advocates in Ukraine say the official Victor Shokin was ousted for the opposite reason."
• Ari Shaffir (25:57): "It's just government, Hunter."

They argue about the credibility of sources, the potential biases in reporting, and the complexities of political maneuvers in foreign governments. The conversation underscores the polarized perspectives on Trump's impeachment inquiry related to his phone call with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky.

5. State of Comedy and Political Correctness (34:01 - 61:18)

The discussion transitions to the evolving landscape of comedy, addressing how political correctness and societal changes have impacted comedians. They reminisce about past comedic freedoms and lament the current climate where jokes can lead to backlash and censorship.

Notable Quotes:

• Ari Shaffir (34:01): "Coming after us has just raised us up hella."
• Joe Rogan (49:07): "It should be, but. It's very difficult."

The guests critique modern platforms like Netflix and social media for their role in shaping comedic content, often prioritizing safe and non-controversial material over edgy and provocative humor. They discuss the balance between entertaining an audience and navigating the fine line of acceptable discourse in comedy.

6. Personal Stories and Comedian Experiences (61:19 - 216:50)

Throughout the episode, the comedians share personal anecdotes and experiences related to their careers, friendships, and encounters outside the comedy circuit. Topics range from dealing with addiction, handling aggressive behavior, to the challenges of touring and maintaining comedic integrity.

Notable Quotes:

• Ari Shaffir (86:18): "She's like, you sound like a man for me."
• Joe Rogan (124:00): "We helped Trump get elected."

These narratives offer insight into the personal struggles and triumphs of the comedians, highlighting their resilience and dedication to their craft amidst external pressures and personal battles.

7. Wrap-Up and Future Plans (216:51 - End)

As the episode nears its conclusion, the guests discuss future projects, upcoming comedy specials, and potential collaborations. They emphasize the importance of staying true to their comedic roots while adapting to the changing industry dynamics.

Notable Quotes:

• Ari Shaffir (217:53): "I gotta go back. And we might be drunk till 2017."
• Mark Normand (218:47): "Do a bumper sticker like the honor roll."

The conversation ends on a high note with plans to continue supporting each other and creating content that resonates with their audiences.

---

Conclusion

Episode #2236 of The Joe Rogan Experience offers a deep dive into the intersection of comedy, politics, and personal experiences. Through engaging dialogues and humorous exchanges, Joe Rogan and his guests navigate complex topics ranging from geopolitical conspiracies to the state of modern comedy. The episode highlights the challenges comedians face in maintaining their creative freedom while addressing sensitive societal issues, ultimately advocating for authenticity and resilience in the ever-evolving landscape of entertainment.

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Note: This summary captures the essence of the episode based on the provided transcript. Due to the informal and rapid-fire nature of the conversation, some nuances and offhand remarks have been distilled to present a coherent overview.

Transcript

[Joe Rogan]

Joe Rogan podcast.

[Mark Normand]

Check it out.

[Joe Rogan]

The Joe Rogan Experience.

[Donald Trump]

Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night.

[Joe Rogan]

All day. Boys, boys, we're up. Hey, let's go party. Headphones. You know how we do it.

[Mark Normand]

Black guys can be gay now.

[Joe Rogan]

What happened?

[Ari Shaffir]

Black guys can't be gay.

[Shane Gillis]

They were never allowed to be gay. Now they were.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, I think the diddy thing let it all out of the closet. Like, hey, what kind of numbers are we talking about here?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I need something concrete. I'm gonna try this.

[Ari Shaffir]

I wanna try this. I wanna try. He's got a new recipe.

[Mark Normand]

Hey, new recipe. New bottle on bodega.

[Joe Rogan]

What's the new recipe?

[Mark Normand]

Check it out. Tastes just like Buffalo Trace.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, I have Buffalo Trace right here.

[Ari Shaffir]

He just poured out Buffalo Trace into Bodega cast.

[Mark Normand]

It's better for you.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, it's better for you.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Buffalo Trace, racist and homophobic.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's got blood diamonds in it, too.

[Joe Rogan]

Hold on. Okay. Bodega Cat.

[Shane Gillis]

It's pretty good.

[Mark Normand]

Hey, that's pretty good.

[Ari Shaffir]

Endorsement.

[Joe Rogan]

It's different. The old one. Yeah, it's smoother.

[Shane Gillis]

Is that an official endorsement?

[Joe Rogan]

Okay, now, Buffalo Trace, easy. Other win.

[Ari Shaffir]

You got to do blind taste test.

[Mark Normand]

I'll take it.

[Joe Rogan]

You can't. You can't. Pretty good, though.

[Mark Normand]

That's an upgrade from last time I'm around, kind of.

[Joe Rogan]

This is good. This is. The Buffalo J is really good, but that's way better than the first version.

[Mark Normand]

Thank you.

[Joe Rogan]

Bodega Cat's good. Like, if I got that at a bar, I'd be like, oh, it's nice.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, you know, it's fun. We didn't even change it. I lied.

[Shane Gillis]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

Ah, you see?

[Joe Rogan]

Marketing, really, it's smooth, lying work. Did you not change it now?

[Mark Normand]

We changed it.

[Joe Rogan]

I was like, that doesn't make any sense because the first one was like.

[Ari Shaffir]

Like, no, it's marketing.

[Joe Rogan]

The first one kind of had, like, a rush taste to it, you know? Like, if you're doing a gig in Cincinnati and, you know, using whiskey.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You know what I mean? You order a drink at the bar, you're like, what is this?

[Ari Shaffir]

Low level brewery?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Distillery.

[Ari Shaffir]

Sorry.

[Mark Normand]

Thank you. Hey, how about some stogies, huh, boys?

[Joe Rogan]

I got some right here, boys.

[Ari Shaffir]

I brought you guys some from Cuba and then.

[Mark Normand]

Really?

[Ari Shaffir]

They stole them at the airport.

[Shane Gillis]

You battled tsa. TSA owns your ass.

[Ari Shaffir]

This is you. God damn. They keep beating me.

[Shane Gillis]

Got your lighter in front of me.

[Ari Shaffir]

Screamed at so great. I was in full mode. And Shane's like, whoa.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I didn't know you had this.

[Joe Rogan]

Trauma with them, but, yo, imagine being them, though. Imagine dealing with people's stinky feet and bullshit excuses.

[Shane Gillis]

And then some giant dude comes in with a gun lighter trying to get on a plane. And you're like, no.

[Joe Rogan]

He's like, what the fuck? He's got a dildo strapped to his dick.

[Ari Shaffir]

I was losing. I hope your wife gets raped.

[Joe Rogan]

I couldn't believe I was with Ari. Once when Ari farted on a TSA person, I said, I just farted on you.

[Ari Shaffir]

No.

[Joe Rogan]

Yes, he did. 100%. He was. This is like, young Ari. Young Ari was even more crazy.

[Mark Normand]

Young Ari was great.

[Joe Rogan]

Young Ari was even more crazy. And young Ari was like, this is what you choose to do with your life? This is what you choose to do with your life. Violate people's freedom. This is what you choose to do with your life. He would never. He would never ever let them put him through the cancer machine. He only would get touched. So he would like, no, no.

[Ari Shaffir]

I was getting swamped down by an Asian guy goes, isn't this demeaning in your culture, what you're doing?

[Mark Normand]

Young Ari was an anarchist.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh. He was, like, uncomfortable. I was like, jesus Christ, Ari. I don't want to go to jail.

[Mark Normand]

So young Ari, what was that?

[Ari Shaffir]

40 years of calling 91 and waiting.

[Mark Normand]

Don't say 911 at an airport.

[Joe Rogan]

I know Ari. Ari's like one of those dudes. He has a switch, and when he crosses over to the other side, you're gonna have to wrestle him out of that room. He's gonna kill somebody.

[Ari Shaffir]

I spaz. I spaz.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, it's just.

[Shane Gillis]

I like it. I like.

[Joe Rogan]

It's an extreme conviction. Yeah, He. He extremely believes in his convictions. And when someone's doing something he thinks is immoral or unethical, he gets furious.

[Ari Shaffir]

The best one for tsa. You remember that when they started going like, state your name. And we're like, what? Why is that a new one? And it was only some places. I was like, why? And one guy at LAX was like, I'm like, why? Why do I have to say my name? And he goes, because my boss wants to take more power than other people's. And I'm like, okay, all right. Are you Shapir? That's honest.

[Shane Gillis]

Nice.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's all I wanted.

[Joe Rogan]

Your name. State your name. I remember the old days, dude, when I first started traveling. You could give your ticket to somebody.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You could just give your ticket to another person. Like, hey, I got a ticket if you want to. You Just stay here. Do you want to go?

[Shane Gillis]

That's all in you.

[Joe Rogan]

Boom. You can get on a plane.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's great for bitches. You're like, I'll find one of them. I'll lock this price in. I'll lock this price in and I'll find a.

[Mark Normand]

You used to have to go wait with your girlfriend at the gate. Remember that?

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, you had to. Now you don't have to.

[Joe Rogan]

And you can meet them at the gate.

[Shane Gillis]

That is one good thing.

[Joe Rogan]

That's one good thing. Packed with people waiting to meet their friends. Now all those mutts, they have to be down there at the baggage claim.

[Shane Gillis]

People don't talk about the good that came out of 9 11. Yeah, I got recessed that day. That's another one. That was a big day.

[Ari Shaffir]

That whole area downtown has been rejuvenated.

[Mark Normand]

You remember where you were?

[Shane Gillis]

Yes. In eighth grade, bro.

[Joe Rogan]

That area killed Donna Summer. She got lung cancer from like some. I think it's lung cancer. Some horrible lung disease from breathing in the toxic fumes from the burn pits.

[Ari Shaffir]

Toxic fumes.

[Joe Rogan]

A lot of firemen will disagree. A lot of those people that had to like clear out that area, they're all fucked up from chemical burns.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

That fire burned for like weeks down there.

[Mark Normand]

No Jews in the building.

[Ari Shaffir]

Not one little fishy.

[Mark Normand]

That's why TSA is up here.

[Joe Rogan]

A text message, like a chat group that you guys are involved in.

[Ari Shaffir]

One Jew died. He thought he had time to go back and close a deal. He close the deal, though. He close that deal. He closed that deal, bro.

[Joe Rogan]

911 is. That's the mother load of conspiracy theories. You will lose your life if you start like going down the rabbit hole of like Tower 7.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh yeah, the best is Eddie Griffin with 911. He is a conspiracy guy.

[Mark Normand]

He told us there was gold.

[Ari Shaffir]

His gold. The trains never stop, motherfucker.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, he had a whole rail. The gold underneath the trains ran 24 7. Like what? The trains ran?

[Ari Shaffir]

Transporting gold.

[Joe Rogan]

Transport gold on the subway. That seems risky. Have you ever been on the subway, sir?

[Ari Shaffir]

I transported a box of human feces and I was worried I was going to get mugged.

[Joe Rogan]

Why you have that?

[Ari Shaffir]

For Big J's birthday.

[Joe Rogan]

That's an important gift from. In his culture. It's a blessing. I have in this Tupperware for you.

[Shane Gillis]

One of the wise men, Mr. Guys.

[Joe Rogan]

He missed you guys too. Yeah, miss you guys too. We have to save the world.

[Mark Normand]

It's been too long.

[Ari Shaffir]

Too long. Shane's been busy making a way in the World.

[Joe Rogan]

Shane and I were taking a piss and we're like, dude, it feels like we're about to jump out of a helicopter.

[Shane Gillis]

This is like. Before we do this thing, it's just like, let's go, let's go. On the way here, just looking out the window like, I was so happy.

[Mark Normand]

I know it's a beautiful day and we're gonna ruin it in the studio in the dark.

[Joe Rogan]

It's always beautiful here.

[Shane Gillis]

I had to remind myself, it's like, dude, we're day drinking with friends.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. It would be nice though, if you put like a Toronto, like retractable roof in here. It gets.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that'd be cool.

[Joe Rogan]

That'd be a problem. Yeah, that's an engineering issue. It's a safety and security issue here.

[Ari Shaffir]

In a lot of camps.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, people could fucking parachute into the podcast. Remember that guy parachuted into Holy field fight? Yeah. Holyfield versus Riddick Bowe Wow. The guy parachuted and landed in the ring. And the whole fight up. Fuck the fight up. Because it delayed the fight by many minutes. And then the guys cooled off. I think it was like late in the fight too. See round seven. So here it is, round seven. He, Mills Lane, the referee saying, stop.

[Shane Gillis]

His ass beat immediately.

[Joe Rogan]

They are beating the out of this dude.

[Mark Normand]

He did not expect this save the world.

[Joe Rogan]

You Was this pre911?

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Ari Shaffir]

So they think of terrorism?

[Joe Rogan]

No, no, they were just that dude up.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, the hang glider.

[Joe Rogan]

This was the 90s, I believe. I believe it was the early 90s.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Ari Shaffir]

They're all in there touching them for no reason.

[Joe Rogan]

Say what year that is, Jimmy.

[Shane Gillis]

It's.

[Joe Rogan]

It had to be the 90s, cuz. I. I know. I. I was living in New York. I think I was living in New York when this was happening.

[Shane Gillis]

Landing and immediately getting beat up is so.

[Ari Shaffir]

Did you see that wearing the Howard University shirt with the hat on?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that was a bad hat.

[Ari Shaffir]

Where the Is that White House?

[Joe Rogan]

Listen, man, like J.D.

[Mark Normand]

Vance, he's got a represent.

[Shane Gillis]

He was undercover. He was FBI trying to infiltrate. He's like, I'm cool.

[Joe Rogan]

Back then you could wear blackface.

[Mark Normand]

That's true.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

I mean, it wasn't that long ago that, you know, Tropic Thunder was wet. What year was that?

[Mark Normand]

2008.

[Ari Shaffir]

You can still do it if you control your invite list.

[Mark Normand]

You see Jay Leno, he's in full black face. What happened to him? Fell down a hill getting hammered.

[Shane Gillis]

Fall down hills.

[Joe Rogan]

He owed a hill some money.

[Ari Shaffir]

What was that?

[Joe Rogan]

He fell.

[Mark Normand]

That was a Chris Brown.

[Shane Gillis]

He's At a hotel. He saw a TGI Fridays at the.

[Mark Normand]

Bottom of a hill.

[Shane Gillis]

He said, I'm going to get a brief key.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, you got to realize that guy was in a motorcycle accident like, a year and a half or so ago. His knees up, so he's probably very unsteady on his legs. And then before that, he was severely burned. He was severe? Yeah, severely burned.

[Shane Gillis]

Like Final Destination three years ago.

[Joe Rogan]

But a motorcycle. He's a. Have you met him? No, he's not a robust man. Like, he's a guy that if he fell off of a motorcycle, he's getting up, all right? And he got up. So to me, like, him falling and hitting his face on the ground.

[Mark Normand]

Jesus.

[Joe Rogan]

Listen, that could happen to any of us. But if you're this guy, you probably can't stop yourself from falling flat on your face.

[Shane Gillis]

He doesn't give away. He's talking to death dude. Yeah, he goes and gets pictures. He goes, yeah, you.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, this guy rides a motorcycle.

[Shane Gillis]

You're never gonna get me.

[Mark Normand]

He's sober.

[Joe Rogan]

He rides a motorcycle all the time.

[Ari Shaffir]

Looks like a foreman in a mine.

[Mark Normand]

He's got an eye patch.

[Joe Rogan]

That's when he got severely burned.

[Mark Normand]

What did the hill do?

[Shane Gillis]

He really does look like a Bond villain.

[Joe Rogan]

So when you're there, that's the burn. If you get that. So that was two years ago? I guess. So if you get that fucked up by a fire and then you fall on a motorcycle and you break your knees, like, what was his motorcycle injuries? Find out what his motorcycle injuries.

[Mark Normand]

Man, that was Bernie Sanders.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, he just doesn't look like the same guy. He looks. He looks pretty frail now.

[Mark Normand]

He never complained to.

[Joe Rogan]

Broke his collarbone getting closed line his vintage motorcycle clothesline by wireless strung across a parking lot.

[Ari Shaffir]

What? He's driving through a Hasidic Jewish neighborhood.

[Shane Gillis]

He's getting like, Wy the coyote injured.

[Joe Rogan]

And that's two months after the burns. So he was recovering from the burns where a engine blew up in his face.

[Mark Normand]

What the damn.

[Ari Shaffir]

72. I'll be 72 in four years.

[Joe Rogan]

The guy, he keeps preemptive strike, turns good. He's still out there turning wrenches. He's 70 years old working on these cars.

[Mark Normand]

He's tough. Everybody's complaining. Everybody's a victim. Not Jay Leno.

[Shane Gillis]

I saw us leaving Protect our parks.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, you can see a tire in his face.

[Joe Rogan]

That actually looks like a skin graft.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, man.

[Mark Normand]

Yikes.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, that's what that looks like, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm Leno kind of rules for this.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, he does look the Guy's out there.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't want to let him take.

[Ari Shaffir]

Over the Daily Show.

[Shane Gillis]

He's got a hell of a chin.

[Joe Rogan]

I don't have the balls to ride a motorcycle.

[Shane Gillis]

Hell of a chin.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, you got that right. Damn. Tough guy. Clean comics, they're psychos.

[Joe Rogan]

He was really good back in the day.

[Mark Normand]

Really good.

[Joe Rogan]

In the 70s when I started, people.

[Ari Shaffir]

Were saying, obviously with. Everyone was like, prior number one, and then like, who's number two is the only. And then they go. A lot of people said Leno.

[Joe Rogan]

Leno was an edgy motherfucker when he was young, but he wanted that job. Man. We got to realize what that carrot was to guys from that era. If you have a chance to host the Tonight show, that is the end all be all. Fuck selling out Madison Square Garden, doing standup, fucking HBO special. The Tonight show was the spot. You were the king, Made you take.

[Ari Shaffir]

Over Carson, that you were on the level of Frank Sinatra. You guys would be friends now.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And there were like four jobs back then for comics.

[Joe Rogan]

Exactly.

[Ari Shaffir]

You can make other comics, but that was the job.

[Joe Rogan]

If you were a guy coming up in the 70s and then in the 80s, that job was the ultimate top position.

[Mark Normand]

Well, this is the Tonight show now. Wouldn't you say that's ridiculous?

[Joe Rogan]

But I think it is.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, it's not clean and you don't have to wear a suit, but no one's watching the Tonight Show.

[Joe Rogan]

I didn't want this, right?

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, this is a Tonight show now. Oh, I get it. Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

The difference is, like, I. I'm not changing who I am to get this because I needed this. Also notice, I think that's what Jay Leno did.

[Mark Normand]

Of course.

[Joe Rogan]

I think he was an edgy, like. He was like, leather jacket, talking about people.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he was good.

[Joe Rogan]

Dude.

[Mark Normand]

You ever see him on Letterman with eating a hoagie. He's just sitting there eating a hoagie with Letterman.

[Ari Shaffir]

He was good. Also, when he took over, he had a day where he's like, you can host today. He booked Michael Richards. He goes, I want you. He was booking, like, weird, edgy people for his version of that show.

[Joe Rogan]

And word, he's. He was a real comic. But I think that job just, like, demands compliance. You have to fit into that position. And then, you know, remember that Bill Hicks bit about him interviewing Joey Lawrence? So, Joey, you got a girlfriend?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Well, no. She thinks so.

[Joe Rogan]

And then Jay Leno reaches in and grabs an Uzi and sprays his brains out. I used to be a good cop. He unloads the clip and reloads it. And his brains spray out into an NBC peacock because he's a company man to the bitter end, dude. I asked Jay Leno about that bit once. He had a weird response. He was like, yeah, you know, he didn't want to do jokes for everybody.

[Shane Gillis]

I forgot. He talks like he's from the 20s, too. He's getting three stooges injuries and be.

[Ari Shaffir]

Like, oh, Norman, you and Leno should have a combo.

[Joe Rogan]

He was a fun guy on the podcast because he was telling these crazy stories about old school shows that he did. Like this mafia guy yelling at a priest. And Jay Leno was screaming and swearing. It was wild.

[Mark Normand]

Wow. You know, his old move, before there were a bunch of clubs around in the late 60s, he would go to a strip club, put 50 bucks on the bar and go, if I bomb, keep it. And if I do well, just give me the 50 back. Really true stories.

[Joe Rogan]

Leno.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow.

[Joe Rogan]

So he would not even be working. He just became a different guy to get that show. That's really what it is.

[Ari Shaffir]

It happens a lot in la.

[Joe Rogan]

That's the sitcom thing, man. You see it a lot with guys that are really good comics coming up, and then they get on a show and they start being careful. They start pulling back. You have a Netflix show. That's a different animal.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, but also he went in dice style where he's like, I'm gonna be me. And then like, we're signing you for you. Smart. So he can keep being him.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Yeah, you can. It's possible to keep being you, but it's. It's very difficult. Most people, they get trapped by the siren song and the, you know, the banshees lead them into the rocks.

[Shane Gillis]

Stand up is always the most incentive. That's the most incentive. Yeah, you could possibly have.

[Joe Rogan]

It should be, but. But people that are really captivated by the idea of having a show for them, it's like the ultimate. I made it. I have my own show.

[Shane Gillis]

Stand up. So much easier.

[Ari Shaffir]

So much easier.

[Shane Gillis]

So much better.

[Joe Rogan]

I remember when I found out how much money people would make doing stand up, like if they sold out a whole weekend at the Urban Improv, I was like, that's what I get at a comedy club. What they get at a comic. Clothes I get on sitcoms.

[Shane Gillis]

A season.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. No, no, close. No.

[Ari Shaffir]

What you're doing is for sure. A long time ago, no one was doing the Wells Fargo. To the Wells Fargo, bro.

[Shane Gillis]

Relax.

[Joe Rogan]

But you remember when you first started selling out comedy clubs? Like, oh, my God, this is like sitcom money, adding shows.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's teacher money.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Teacher for the year money.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. For a whole year?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

What a teacher gets in a whole year. You get in a weekend being dressed.

[Ari Shaffir]

There's big drunk.

[Shane Gillis]

That's kind of a problem.

[Joe Rogan]

It's not though, because it's hard to get there.

[Mark Normand]

It's you.

[Joe Rogan]

They could do it too. You don't like teaching. Put it. Put together an act.

[Ari Shaffir]

It just takes 14 years and build up.

[Joe Rogan]

That's the thing like that. The reality of comedy is it really takes 10 years to be any good. Yeah, it's like a 10 year process.

[Ari Shaffir]

Funny to see the friends from, like, high school go from like, oh, that's cool. But also, like, I feel sorry for him. We're all trying to get big in the business and Ari's, like, barely able to afford McDonald's. And then like, as you start, oh, he's doing okay. And then like, either like, hell yeah. Or jealousy. Like, why do you get this?

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, yeah, there's a lot of that for two decades. But you know where the real jealousy comes from? People that don't have any growth in their profession, where it's not possible, like, this is the height of. You can maintain this and you budget your lifestyle and you'll be fine. But there's no dream. There's no chase. There's no thing. So when they see a guy like you chasing stuff, putting together specials, getting more popular. Oh, my God, he sold out.

[Ari Shaffir]

What?

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, that's crazy. That. That sort of like, with people because they realize, like, they didn't make a choice. That's exciting.

[Mark Normand]

You gotta grow. You hear that, Jamie?

[Ari Shaffir]

Jamie's looking Mexican as fuck now. Jaime Vernon, is it Carumba?

[Joe Rogan]

I thought it was.

[Ari Shaffir]

I thought he looked more Persian than anything, brother.

[Mark Normand]

Like a rug.

[Ari Shaffir]

That long hair too.

[Shane Gillis]

You look good, dude.

[Mark Normand]

That's not. Go crazy.

[Joe Rogan]

Relax.

[Shane Gillis]

Ponytail, mustache.

[Joe Rogan]

What does that hat say?

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know. Is it my house?

[Joe Rogan]

What is that?

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know. They sent it to me. I think it's Aaron Rodgers.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, okay.

[Shane Gillis]

Camo jmo, pull that up. Is that Aaron Rod? Actually, don't pull it up.

[Ari Shaffir]

Just.

[Shane Gillis]

I think it's Aaron Rogers.

[Mark Normand]

Speaking of jets Bros, 911, we brought it all back.

[Shane Gillis]

That's the weave.

[Joe Rogan]

That's the weave.

[Mark Normand]

I was like, my black X.

[Joe Rogan]

Are you sitting in the Trump seat? How's it feel?

[Ari Shaffir]

God, the jets feels powerful, bro. Yeah, you can feel Cheetos.

[Mark Normand]

He's got a big fat.

[Shane Gillis]

He does have a thicky.

[Joe Rogan]

Makes you want a dump in that McDonald's.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, I gotta have a dick off of Trump.

[Joe Rogan]

Is the RFK junior saying that he was, like, complaining about what he eats. He's like, you get on the plane with him, and it's the heart. It's garbage. It's poison. It's all either KFC.

[Shane Gillis]

Shut up.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. He's like, KFC or McDonald's. Those are your two options.

[Ari Shaffir]

RFK talks about Trump the way I talk about De Rosa. It's like, stop with the shots already. Having a good time?

[Joe Rogan]

Come on.

[Shane Gillis]

It's my birthday week. Do a shot.

[Ari Shaffir]

One shot.

[Joe Rogan]

They're talking about RFK for the HHS role. Health and Human Services. Well, you're on a plane with a guy eating poison, and he's running the whole world.

[Ari Shaffir]

You need Susan Powder to run that.

[Joe Rogan]

It's like, maybe I should eat poison.

[Mark Normand]

He's doing great. I had Fruit Loops today. I just feel RFK mad at me.

[Joe Rogan]

When you eat cereal from Canada, go to Fruit Loops, use a vpn, and get on a Canadian Amazon and have them. Have them shipped across the seas.

[Ari Shaffir]

You ever heard RFK talking about his son taking mushrooms?

[Mark Normand]

What? Pull it up.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, it's wild. He was like, I thought these were all drugs. And then I saw him get better.

[Mark Normand]

He's the voice of a generation.

[Joe Rogan]

His son, the one who served.

[Ari Shaffir]

I don't know, because he fight all the time. You get into arguments and hockey and then, like, took these drugs, and he's like. He's a cooler person. And.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Ari Shaffir]

I had to look into it.

[Joe Rogan]

One of his sons went and fought for Ukraine.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. It's like a machine gun. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I didn't know that.

[Joe Rogan]

You can go do it. They'll. They'll let you go over there.

[Mark Normand]

Nah, they don't want me.

[Joe Rogan]

Just get half fit. Do five. Check it.

[Shane Gillis]

I've been watching.

[Joe Rogan]

Right over there.

[Shane Gillis]

You can watch the war.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

It's crazy. No, you don't want to watch. It's weird. It's like trench warfare. It's like five on five.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let's see it.

[Shane Gillis]

It's weird.

[Ari Shaffir]

Whoa, Iowa basketball.

[Mark Normand]

Would you go?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You're watching it the same way people watch those little. What are those little cameras called? It's like a GoPro footage of a guy doing a BMX trail.

[Ari Shaffir]

Shaky.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it looks like that.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, You're. It's like people. You don't.

[Shane Gillis]

Weird. And the drones are shitty.

[Ari Shaffir]

You're right.

[Shane Gillis]

They're like little shitty drones. You see it like a park.

[Joe Rogan]

They're suicide drones.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. And you just hear Them and they, they shoot down.

[Joe Rogan]

They just land on you and blow you up.

[Mark Normand]

Damn, man, we got it good.

[Joe Rogan]

There's a video of a guy throwing his AK at the drone and the drone explodes in the air and it's what saves him.

[Ari Shaffir]

And he saves them.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, saves them.

[Ari Shaffir]

But for now, different kind.

[Shane Gillis]

If we're talking about it. Let's. What are we doing over there?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah, pull out.

[Joe Rogan]

Meanwhile, what is Biden doing? Allowing Ukraine to launch long range missiles.

[Mark Normand]

Into Russia, Trying to go out with a ban.

[Ari Shaffir]

I love when these presidents do something last minute they know is going to get reversed. They're just like, here, I'll get it. I know. But he's like, yeah, it's like, I'm done. I'll just wait till the next guy comes in, has to change it.

[Mark Normand]

He's messing, he's trying to make it messy. For Trump, it's very.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, it's not just messy. It might be a war, might be.

[Shane Gillis]

The end of the world.

[Joe Rogan]

It could be the end of the world. Could be a hot war where they could suspend this changing of the guard too. Who knows what the fuck could happen.

[Ari Shaffir]

Aren't they just trying to occupy Russia? Just keep them occupied things.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know if you, if you.

[Joe Rogan]

Got a guy that's coming in that wants to find all the corruption and find what happened during 2020 and find out who colluded and check emails and check. There's a lot of incentive to do some wild to keep him from taking that position. I know that's super tinfoil, Hattie.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean, it's not Hunter.

[Joe Rogan]

Why else?

[Shane Gillis]

Why was Hunter.

[Joe Rogan]

Right?

[Mark Normand]

Good question.

[Ari Shaffir]

What does that mean? What are those terms?

[Joe Rogan]

Biden's son was working for Burisma, which is a huge company in Ukraine. He was making millions of dollars for a job. He's completely energy.

[Shane Gillis]

He was on the board an energy company in Ukraine while he was, I think it was like while he was on crack.

[Joe Rogan]

How about that crazy speech where Biden is on stage with a couple of guys and he's talking about how he fired the prosecutor. He got the prosecutor fired or they wouldn't have got the money. Let's see if you can find that. Because this is, it's so crazy. This guy's ego is so nuts that he said this publicly just to flex. He's basically just explaining the power that he had as vice president while his son was working for Burisma. And he's just expressing it publicly.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Joe Rogan]

And it should be a crime. It's like what you're saying, sounds like. Doesn't sound like what I want from the President. Sounds crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But for a crackhead, he got a lot done.

[Shane Gillis]

He was going wild.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Wow.

[Joe Rogan]

That boy was going wild.

[Mark Normand]

A lot of hook.

[Shane Gillis]

I actually, I'm coming around on Biden.

[Mark Normand]

A Biden's nice.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, Hunter rule, Joe. Now Joe's at the end.

[Joe Rogan]

First of all, if you think Joe's idea to launch those missiles, there's no fucking way. Joe. Joe has nothing to do with that. Joe had a giant smile on his face when he's sitting there with Trump. Giant smile.

[Ari Shaffir]

Just he. Gaffigan's joke about. About that is apparently. Yeah, Gaffigan's joke about. He goes, there's only a couple Democrats that don't. That don't like Kamala, and it's Joe Biden's family.

[Joe Rogan]

So, like, play this so we could hear it start from the beginning.

[Mark Normand]

Billion dollars.

[Donald Trump]

No, I said, I'm not going to. We're not going to give you the billion dollars. They said, you have no authority. You're not.

[Joe Rogan]

The president.

[Donald Trump]

The president said. I said, call him. I said, I'm telling you, you're not getting a billion dollars. I said, you're not getting a billion. I'm going to be leaving here, and I think it was, what, six hours?

[Joe Rogan]

I looked.

[Donald Trump]

I said, I'm leaving in six hours. If the prosecutor's not fired, you're not getting the money. Oh, son of a bitch got fired. And they put in place someone who was solid at the time.

[Joe Rogan]

So this is reference prosecutor. Oh, he was very, very sharp when he was younger. He was still full of, but he was sharp.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

What was that in reference to? See if you can.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, they said it was a corrupt prosecutor.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, they wanted to get the thing about Ukraine.

[Shane Gillis]

They keep trying to get their own Ukraine, whatever.

[Joe Rogan]

Ukraine's corrupt as.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Always has been.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, always has been. He owes us a lot of money.

[Shane Gillis]

He owes me.

[Joe Rogan]

That's not a big deal.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, billions.

[Ari Shaffir]

Tucker told me they had a deal, a ceasefire in place in the UK and the US Were like, nope, no ceasefire. Keep it going.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, boy. What about Gaza? Ukraine?

[Ari Shaffir]

Ukraine, I like that. Ukraine. Yeah. You guys, that's a mess. Yeah, just give back those people and just everybody.

[Joe Rogan]

I bet those people are all dead, dude.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, they just got a couple more back.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, really?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, the women they're trying to impregnate all the time, so. Oh, they've got tasks.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, still, you got, you know, can't blow up a bunch of kids.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Give that shit back.

[Shane Gillis]

I know. But also, you know.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, I know. Everybody's shitty there.

[Joe Rogan]

How many you guys are here? Pushed out Ukrainian prosecutor because he didn't pursue corruption cases. So whistleblower complaint centering on President Donald Trump's phone call with Ukrainian president has spurred a number of allegations and counter allegations as Republicans Democrats jockey for position amid an impeachment inquiry at the heart of Congress probe into the president's actions. It is his claim that former Vice President and 2020 Democratic frontrunner Joe Biden strong armed the Ukrainian government to fire its top prosecutor in order to thwart an investigation into a company tied to his son, Hunter Biden. But sources ranging from former Obama administration officials to anti corruption advocate in Ukraine say the official Victor Shokin was ousted for the opposite reason. Trump and his allies claim, of course they say, that it wasn't because Shokin was investigating a natural gas company tied to Biden's son. It was because Shokin wasn't pursuing corruption amongst the country's politicians, according to a Ukrainian official and four former American officials who specialize in Ukrainian Europe. That sounds like a convenient narrative. I don't know what's true, but that sounds a little convenient.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, no, no. He was fired because he wasn't investigating corruption. We. We insist that they investigate corruption in other countries. And if they don't, we won't give you the money. In fact, we are so ethical that if we don't look at your papers and find zero corruption, you don't get the billion dollars. Well, son of a bitch. They fired him. Shut the fuck up. What am I, a child? You think I'm a child?

[Shane Gillis]

It works.

[Mark Normand]

Trump's gonna pardon him.

[Ari Shaffir]

They're all doing it. It's just government, Hunter.

[Joe Rogan]

Is he.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he said that.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's just government. They're all fucking bullshits.

[Joe Rogan]

Imagine that guy being your dad. You'd do crack, too. You'd be out there, get wild, getting foot jobs, filming it, leaving it on a laptop. These guys lost.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

He also, when you're making millions of dollars for a job you really shouldn't have, you go wild.

[Mark Normand]

Of course.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Especially if you're already a cokehead.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Kim Kardashian, you go fucking wild.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Stand up comedy. It's like, let me drink. I'm making so much money. Let me drink before work.

[Mark Normand]

Tony Inchcliffe has four thrones.

[Ari Shaffir]

He has a lot of way more thrones than anyone should have thrones made.

[Joe Rogan]

I'm thinking of getting a new throne.

[Shane Gillis]

It's tough, dude. Don't get Me started on that.

[Joe Rogan]

We need thrones. We should get four thrones that we only use and protect our part.

[Ari Shaffir]

We reel in for this.

[Joe Rogan]

How about that?

[Mark Normand]

That's fun.

[Joe Rogan]

What should they look like?

[Ari Shaffir]

Like a midsommar thing.

[Mark Normand]

Put a toilet in it.

[Ari Shaffir]

You have to get up.

[Joe Rogan]

Ari would shitting it. It'd be just like a bus. Don't on the bus.

[Shane Gillis]

We'd be shitting the whole time.

[Mark Normand]

You got that right.

[Shane Gillis]

Look at each other in the eyes.

[Ari Shaffir]

Cats off beat.

[Mark Normand]

You already in a box. What are you talking about? You on stage. A skank fest.

[Shane Gillis]

No pissing.

[Joe Rogan]

Dude, I went into a public bathroom yesterday at a football game and this guy so bad that as I walked in I could barely hang on. I was like, oh, no, it's a big bath bathroom, like six, seven stalls.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wait, what? You went to the UT game?

[Joe Rogan]

No, no, it was a high school game.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, wow. What? Yeah, you're not allowed there.

[Joe Rogan]

It's fun.

[Shane Gillis]

All right.

[Ari Shaffir]

High school football is fun.

[Joe Rogan]

It was fun. So anyway, I go, it was fun.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hot cocoa for $2 snapper get replaced halfway through.

[Joe Rogan]

And they play good. They play good football.

[Ari Shaffir]

I used to be Fairfax High rules. You'd see people get like swapped out, like, I'm enjoying football.

[Joe Rogan]

I'm enjoying football.

[Shane Gillis]

You'd be such a good no damn fan.

[Joe Rogan]

I'm enjoying it. The point is, like, this guy.

[Shane Gillis]

Danil, we need your nil. Hold on a second, Joe.

[Joe Rogan]

Public bathroom. The moment I walk in, I was like, oh. I was like, I can hold it. I was like, no, I can hold it. Like, his shit was so bad that in a big bathroom it just overpowered the whole bathroom. Football one.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude, football bathrooms are up there with like, jfk. Airport.

[Mark Normand]

Airport dumps.

[Ari Shaffir]

Airport dumps are bad.

[Shane Gillis]

Some guy from Senegal lands.

[Joe Rogan]

Just a bad camel he ate before he smuggling in water.

[Shane Gillis]

I had a JFK. I had an all time. Like, me and O'Connor were at JFK. We landed and got drunk. We got drunk at the Buffalo Wild Wings. It was on a Sunday, so we were watching football and we got hammered. But we started fighting. We always fight about, he's a liberal dude, he loves Blueski. We were getting up arguing about that. And then in the middle of the argument, I went to go take a piss and it was a wet floor. I just fell on the ground at the JFK airport.

[Joe Rogan]

He G Leno'd oh my God, other people's piss.

[Shane Gillis]

I was laying in the bathroom at JFK and he walked. We had just been fighting. This is an argument. Loser.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

You know I mean, you can't be laying on the floor in a bathroom and be like, actually, I know what I'm talking about. Obviously, I'm the biggest piece of shit that's ever lived.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You lose no matter what.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. If you follow jfk, you're like, what's.

[Ari Shaffir]

Soaked into your kill yourself? Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, you go to public bathrooms.

[Shane Gillis]

Just soaked.

[Mark Normand]

So.

[Joe Rogan]

Walking.

[Mark Normand]

High school. I was the mascot for my high school.

[Ari Shaffir]

No.

[Joe Rogan]

What was it? Which kind of outfit?

[Mark Normand]

I was a cavalier. What's a big head? It's like a pirate.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh.

[Mark Normand]

I got fired the first game.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, no.

[Mark Normand]

Well, I was doing. It was when this was big.

[Shane Gillis]

You didn't suck it.

[Mark Normand]

And they let me go.

[Shane Gillis]

The socket. You're hitting socket as a cavalier.

[Mark Normand]

It was huge.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's very cavalier.

[Shane Gillis]

It's funny when you find out that like. Like, Hinchcliffe was a umpire in high school baseball.

[Ari Shaffir]

What.

[Joe Rogan]

Can wrestle?

[Ari Shaffir]

Ball was so he can wrestle.

[Mark Normand]

He's more wrestle.

[Joe Rogan]

He had a wrestling match with David Lucas on stage at the after hours. That's why you were there. Yeah. He. He. David Lucas up. David Lucas is like £300.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Up a little. I'm being nice. But h can wrestle.

[Shane Gillis]

3.

[Joe Rogan]

He can wrestle. He did a duck under, got behind him, pushed him onto his back. I believe David Lucas was scrambling, trying to get to his feet. Hench. Cliff was controlling him. He was furious.

[Mark Normand]

Who was the top?

[Joe Rogan]

He couldn't believe it. Tony was the top.

[Ari Shaffir]

DAV was out of.

[Joe Rogan]

David was out of breath in four seconds.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Joe Rogan]

There's four seconds of exertion, and he was ready to have a heart attack.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let's go.

[Mark Normand]

He's got the Lizzo, buddy.

[Joe Rogan]

Tell that fella. Gotta clean that up.

[Shane Gillis]

Hinchcliffe.

[Joe Rogan]

He almost lost the whole election.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, he gained him votes.

[Joe Rogan]

They. They were gonna write stories. They had stories already written that if the election went to bide or went to Kamala, they were gonna blame Tony Hinchcliffe.

[Ari Shaffir]

Who's that?

[Joe Rogan]

A bunch of different media outlets.

[Shane Gillis]

It would have been the Democrats.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's so funny how they thought Latinos just hadn't made up their mind yet.

[Joe Rogan]

Right.

[Ari Shaffir]

And this was enough to sway. They're just a bit racist. Well, yeah, Democrats, just not fully, but.

[Mark Normand]

A bit Latino is a big group.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Act like it's.

[Joe Rogan]

It's also. They leaned on it so hard.

[Shane Gillis]

Like, make fun of Puerto Ricans. The rest of them are gonna be like, yeah, nice.

[Ari Shaffir]

If you make fun of Staten island, the Bronx would be like, how dare you?

[Joe Rogan]

Right, Right.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly. We make fun of Russia. We're white. You know, we're not like, don't fuck with whitey.

[Ari Shaffir]

It was embarrassing.

[Joe Rogan]

It was also. It was so lame to be going after that so hard when there's so much wrong with the world.

[Mark Normand]

Well, they're out of stuff.

[Ari Shaffir]

Literally every major city is failing under opioids and homelessness, and you're just going.

[Joe Rogan]

It'S just bad advice from the beginning. Like, the very beginning is bad advice.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hey, I mean, listen, it's like the New York Giants. You're putting some fucking local kid at quarterback. He's going to do the best he can. Some lady came in with two months to go. Like, I don't know. Try your best.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Is it true that she got put in because Biden endorsed her as he was leaving and that that wasn't initially the plan? I've seen that. I've read that several times.

[Shane Gillis]

I thought he, like, refused to endorse her for a while, right? Actually, I think she pushed him out.

[Joe Rogan]

Because she pushed him out. But then once he did, he found out, allegedly, this is what I had read, that they wanted to do a primary, but Biden said publicly, I'll just endorse Kamala. Then he didn't think that Kamala could win. This is the allegation.

[Ari Shaffir]

So he was like, like, you look.

[Joe Rogan]

At his smile on his face.

[Ari Shaffir]

I think it's dei. I think nobody can tell a black woman she can't be the one.

[Joe Rogan]

But the smile's insane. But a primary smile, I heard about it.

[Ari Shaffir]

I haven't seen it.

[Joe Rogan]

If she crumbles in the primary the way she crumbled in the primary for president, then if Gavin Newsom or Josh Shapiro, whoever it is, that gets the words over on her, that person emerges naturally, right? It's just like, she up. She's just not good. It has nothing to do with anything else.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, I talked to a lot of liberals and they were like, this isn't our. This isn't our guy. We wish we could have gotten our guy.

[Shane Gillis]

You know what's real nice? The left is the conspiracy people. Now, they're like, this election was rigged and Trump faked an assassin.

[Mark Normand]

Dude.

[Joe Rogan]

I've heard them talk about how the right. I've heard them talk about how the right has created. I've heard them talk about how the right has created a billion dollar Internet ecosystem of podcasts. All right, but imagine that. But imagine that. Like, as if there's some fucking grand conspiracy where a bunch of people just speak freely. So the right has organ this. And he was comparing it to, like, radicalizing Islamists.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow.

[Joe Rogan]

He was literally comparing it to, like, young, confused people get radicalized. And his take on is that they could be brought towards feminism.

[Mark Normand]

No, we're just trying to sell tickets.

[Ari Shaffir]

I will say woke politics has extremely helped all of us.

[Mark Normand]

Here, here, here.

[Ari Shaffir]

Coming after us has just raised us up hella.

[Joe Rogan]

It also makes you realize you have to say something. Something so insane.

[Shane Gillis]

You did that on purpose, dude. You're a sucker. He says hela and he says it wrong.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, no, I said it right there.

[Mark Normand]

Come on, you boomer.

[Shane Gillis]

But he's.

[Ari Shaffir]

He doesn't know. He's west. He's east coast. I'm west coast.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, whatever. You're taking what, Oakland?

[Joe Rogan]

You live in New York.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, but I have ties.

[Mark Normand]

You're from Maryland?

[Joe Rogan]

No, no, no, no, no, no. You're east coast from birth?

[Ari Shaffir]

No, none of that. No. I lived in LA for a long time. I became a man in la.

[Joe Rogan]

It didn't work.

[Ari Shaffir]

Lost my virginity. Yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Took the hymen. That was your uncle?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

How old were you when I met you, Ari? You were like 24.

[Ari Shaffir]

I was 24. But. But the development of a 16 year old.

[Joe Rogan]

You were an odd fella.

[Ari Shaffir]

24, just out of religion. I didn't know anything.

[Mark Normand]

Well, those old photos of you, you were hideous.

[Joe Rogan]

How old were you the first time I took you on the road?

[Ari Shaffir]

27, 28.

[Mark Normand]

Geez. What was 8?

[Ari Shaffir]

But that 28 was like. Really was like 22.

[Mark Normand]

Wow. I was just undeveloped because the Diaz story.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah, Diaz just wouldn't.

[Mark Normand]

He wouldn't show up. So you had to hire him as a bad guy.

[Ari Shaffir]

So instead of just firing your opener who just wouldn't cut, Joe would be at the airport. Be like, joey, where are you? Goes off. I'm almost there in bed, not even.

[Joe Rogan]

Getting out of bed.

[Ari Shaffir]

And then eventually Joe was like, fucking, I don't have an opener again. Instead of just firing Joey, he goes, I guess I'll take two people now.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

So it's either one or two, depending on Joey showed up.

[Joe Rogan]

Too much fun when Joey showed up. And I knew I had a good friend who was a junkie in New York, my friend Johnny. And he died. Yeah, he was my best friend and he. He died after I was. I was only out here for a couple years and he died. And if. Yeah, I was in LA and I'd met Joey while he was still alive. And I was like, this is the same guy. Like, he's the same kind.

[Ari Shaffir]

Get it while you can.

[Joe Rogan]

I knew the type. I Knew, like. And I missed Johnny so much after he was gone. So it was like, whatever I have to do to keep this guy around.

[Ari Shaffir]

This was Joey. Joey was still used. He's not used anymore. He's way healthier.

[Joe Rogan]

But back then, he was like, the.

[Ari Shaffir]

End was in sight.

[Joe Rogan]

He was using in a crazy way. What was he using? Coke.

[Shane Gillis]

Okay, coke.

[Joe Rogan]

Or a bunch of other stuff.

[Ari Shaffir]

One time he was like, yeah, I did crack for six months. I'm like, why? Because the coke dealer was, like, out of the way home, and the crack dealer was on the way home.

[Joe Rogan]

It was just easier. Joey was off the rails, but rails? If he loved you, he was your best friend. He was, like, one of the best friends you could ever have if he loved you.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

And so I was like, I gotta do whatever I gotta do. So I didn't want to push him. So I would always tell him, you know, if you ever need help, I'll help you. He knows I don't need no fucking help. But when we would go on the road, if he would just not show up, I would say, listen, anytime you want to go on the road with me, you're going to get paid. You're going to. You can work with me anytime you want, but I'm going to bring another opening act if you don't show up. That's my own career.

[Ari Shaffir]

Thank you, Joey, for being such a cokehead.

[Joe Rogan]

It was only like, three times over the course of, like, 10 years.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it's like three times.

[Joe Rogan]

Not that bad.

[Mark Normand]

Not every other weekend, buddy.

[Joe Rogan]

We were like, big weekends, you know, Like. Like I was headlining at Rascals in New Jersey.

[Ari Shaffir]

I was like, this is a big one.

[Joe Rogan]

This is a big one. And then. Then they had to use a local guy. So it's like. And I was thinking I was gonna hang out with Joey, and I'm hanging out with this guy. Which is half of the fun of being on the road is being on the road with your friends.

[Mark Normand]

Of course.

[Joe Rogan]

Literally, half.

[Ari Shaffir]

One time we were going to Pittsburgh and I had booked a commercial. I was like, dude, I gotta miss a Thursday show. And Joe was like, that, no, dude, you can't do that. Like, we had a thing. And I was like, I need this for insurance. And he's like, no, that. I'll just use somebody local. And then Thursday night, he's like, this. The city smells like suicide. Come down.

[Joe Rogan]

The local was terrible.

[Mark Normand]

What was the commercial? Can we watch that? Was it Activia?

[Ari Shaffir]

I think it was. I don't know which one it was. IBM, maybe. Or something.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

I did a lot of them. I used to do a lot of commercials.

[Mark Normand]

Were big. Back in the day. Day.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Everybody wanted a commercial first that was, like, attainable. If you got a commercial, you paid your bills.

[Ari Shaffir]

It was a substitute teaching or dog walking.

[Joe Rogan]

And then if you got on a sitcom, that was the. The Holy Grail.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, that was.

[Mark Normand]

Gaffigan was the Hemi guy. Remember that?

[Ari Shaffir]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Mark Normand]

Sorry.

[Shane Gillis]

Yes.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, but Gaffigan did, like, 80 commercials.

[Mark Normand]

He did a ton of commercials.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's got that new special out. First special on Hulu.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, no.

[Mark Normand]

Is that right?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, I was gonna say. That's not.

[Ari Shaffir]

Comics choose how they're gonna comedy promote.

[Joe Rogan]

How about just Hulu Comedy shut the up. Like, don't do that. Don't do that. Don't get. Go.

[Mark Normand]

All up in your business is Joey Comedy's Hunter Biden.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, he's a completely unique human. He's not anybody's anything. He's a. He's a one of a kind, sweet guy. He's the best. And he's great now. Still amazing on stage.

[Ari Shaffir]

He borrowed 200 bucks to me when I was starting and I didn't have it. And he's like, I brought 200 bucks, but it was like. Like, this is bullying for sure. And then, like, I gave it to him, and I'm like, okay. I had to be like, all right, at least I'll never have to give that to him again. And then, like, four days later, he's like, here you go. Thanks.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, okay. I guess we're not. That's a big friends.

[Joe Rogan]

That's a setup.

[Ari Shaffir]

Can I get a thousand now?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

And then he vanishes. That's when he's going back to Colorado. He gets a thousand out of you. You know, he's giving back to you. Yeah. Joey's the best.

[Mark Normand]

He's doing sets again around town.

[Joe Rogan]

Beautiful.

[Mark Normand]

Oliver Jersey.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. He was supposed to be here for a weekend in December, but I think he canceled.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You don't say.

[Joe Rogan]

I think he was on for a couple days. It's like he wants to. Wendy's here. He's back in the flow of things. He realizes how much he misses it, but it's hard to get the energy to fly to another state.

[Mark Normand]

And he's so fat. Yeah, it's got to be tough.

[Joe Rogan]

That's not.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's been fatter. He's.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, really?

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, bro, he got.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I didn't think he looked as.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, he's fine.

[Joe Rogan]

When I met him, he wasn't fat at all. When I met Joey, he was like a linebacker. He was huge. He was like this big guy, like intimidating guy. He was thin, like big barrel chested dude. And then when he got fat, he got really funny. That's literally what happened. He stopped giving a about being on tv. He's like, this is a pipe dream. It's never gonna happen. Stopped giving a about being in movies and he just started being himself.

[Ari Shaffir]

He would do the Cuban egg roll. He'd get a towel from the back that the handyman used to use and he'd get. He uses a cape dirt and he just walk and he shake his pants down. Big influence on me. Shake his pants down. Just flop out.

[Joe Rogan]

His pants never fit right. Cuz his belly would push his pants down, down. Yeah, yeah. Did you ever see my magazine? My. The. The album that I've recorded in like 1999. I took a bunch of pictures of Joey and they're in the album sleeve and one of them is Joey buck naked with combat boots on. I think he has Timbalands on and he's got a cape, cape. And he's got this cape on, but he's completely naked. It was inside the album cover. He's big belly hog hanging out.

[Mark Normand]

That was fun.

[Joe Rogan]

We used to be allowed to like show a guy's dick inside of a CD cover back then, right?

[Ari Shaffir]

It did. On a man show. It came out.

[Mark Normand]

It came out naked or like ed.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, we did two versions. Comedy Central insisted that we do one where Joey wasn't naked. We did. It was fine. And then we did it with Joey. Came out naked and like, let's get this party started. And it was huge. Everybody died laughing. I'm like, like, yeah, listen to me. I know what I'm doing here. This is, this is.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let's try just a man in clothes coming out.

[Joe Rogan]

You can't have a show like Joey if you were gonna do.

[Ari Shaffir]

What is that then?

[Joe Rogan]

If you were gonna do a Joey show with today, you cannot do it with any sort of a network or corporation. You'd have to do it like Gillian KE style or you're in control of it. Like, imagine the only fans dad. Imagine someone giving you production. Not notes on only fans dad. Production notes are show me only fans dad. Jamie, go to only fans dad.

[Ari Shaffir]

You gotta figure out a way to tell him that.

[Mark Normand]

Oh my God.

[Ari Shaffir]

That'S such a visceral laugh.

[Mark Normand]

Wow, he's like the Rizzler.

[Joe Rogan]

Go to only fans dad.

[Mark Normand]

Was that a fun gig?

[Joe Rogan]

No, it wasn't. It was a Disaster. It was a disaster. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Because it all happened right around the same time that the Janet Jackson nipple thing happened. So everybody panicked and all. A bunch of stuff that we had gotten approved. Like a bunch of ideas. Doug had some ridiculous ideas, but everybody was in a pain. It was just the mindset in Hollywood.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Was like tone down all the outrageousness. You can get in trouble.

[Ari Shaffir]

By the way, not even that great a nip nipple.

[Shane Gillis]

I didn't think her nipple was out. I thought there was a pacing on it.

[Joe Rogan]

It's. No, it was. They show the actual nipple. I. I think I was.

[Shane Gillis]

I would have remembered. Me and my friends stood up and cheered.

[Joe Rogan]

It was a huge scandal. If it was just a Macy. That's crazy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

There was no ring.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let's see it. Don't show it on screen. Let's see it.

[Joe Rogan]

Show it to the ring. That's a real nip.

[Mark Normand]

That's a black nip.

[Joe Rogan]

Let's go.

[Mark Normand]

Ring.

[Joe Rogan]

She's got a crazy sun on that. That's a hypnotic eyes wide shut ring.

[Mark Normand]

I like it.

[Joe Rogan]

Look at that. They made it set up.

[Ari Shaffir]

But why would you have a tear away?

[Joe Rogan]

That was a Super bowl show some titty damn. Let's go. Let's have some fun.

[Mark Normand]

Thought my mascot job was bad.

[Joe Rogan]

So that freaks so many people out that they stopped like anything controversial.

[Ari Shaffir]

It was a quarter second.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, look at Kylie or Kendra or whatever the. Her name is. The Kardashian.

[Ari Shaffir]

Mark's just hard.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

She's the hottest Kardashian, I think.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

I think so.

[Joe Rogan]

You've got choices.

[Mark Normand]

Well, there's so many of those.

[Ari Shaffir]

Kim looks like an alien. Kim looks like a full alien.

[Joe Rogan]

Does she?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, she still looks good.

[Ari Shaffir]

Made from it. Made in a lab.

[Joe Rogan]

Is that TR because you know what she used to look like or is it because.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, I saw a picture of her on a billboard like, what the is that? And someone's like, that's Kim Cordette.

[Mark Normand]

No, she's pretty.

[Ari Shaffir]

Pretty, but like, it's like an AI. No, she's hot.

[Mark Normand]

She still looks like baby right now. He was inside those guts.

[Joe Rogan]

Didn't he, like burn her name on his arm or some crazy shit?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, boy.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, I have no idea.

[Ari Shaffir]

Pete's altogether.

[Joe Rogan]

That sounds like a good move.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. My bad. Two weeks later, you go, fuck.

[Ari Shaffir]

I don't know what I was thinking on that one.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. Don't get any tattoos of ladies. I think Johnny Depp got Winona and then he changes to wino.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, he got one on his Fingers too. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Tony Deaf Fuck Winona Beck. Fuck Winona too.

[Mark Normand]

No way.

[Ari Shaffir]

Buck wrote a whole album about her. Beck was all about her.

[Joe Rogan]

Damn.

[Mark Normand]

Forgot about Beck.

[Shane Gillis]

What do you guys. I don't remember.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, see, Change was all about her. He said he couldn't write it for two years after he broke up with her.

[Joe Rogan]

Jesus.

[Ari Shaffir]

Everyone knows your name or something like that. It's all about like. You fucked everyone in this town. I gotta deal with this.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Ari Shaffir]

It was one of the greatest albums of all time.

[Joe Rogan]

Time.

[Mark Normand]

Come on.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. No, it really was. Never heard of an amazing breakup album.

[Joe Rogan]

Beck's a weird one.

[Ari Shaffir]

Scientologist.

[Joe Rogan]

Is a Scientologist.

[Shane Gillis]

Is he?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Me and Bobby went to see him at a Scientology show.

[Shane Gillis]

What?

[Ari Shaffir]

Hollywood?

[Joe Rogan]

What's that like?

[Ari Shaffir]

I mean, it was just about the music, but only scientologists. And me and a hooker were Scientologists.

[Shane Gillis]

For a good time though, they were great. They're probably nuts.

[Ari Shaffir]

They were great. They were so.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

They know the guy who wrote it. There's video of them.

[Mark Normand]

Elron.

[Joe Rogan]

There's a video of him. He was a completely insane person. He was a completely insane saying. He wrote the most words fiction ever in human history.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Ari Shaffir]

More than Shakespeare.

[Joe Rogan]

More than everyone. He never had a second draft.

[Shane Gillis]

This gibberish.

[Joe Rogan]

No, no, no.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, really?

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, it's horrible. His. His science fiction is hard.

[Mark Normand]

It was like a bestseller. He was huge.

[Joe Rogan]

No, no, no, no. Not really. Dianetics was a bestseller. But he just post just a lot of these, like crazy science fiction stories in like these magazines and books that. They used to be like monthly publications.

[Mark Normand]

In the 50s and had that machine too. What was that machine? That, like Eer Eater.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, it's all nonsense.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's just. It's just two. It's just two cans with the strings.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I did it. He pulled it off.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, I did it. You did it. I was in San Diego.

[Ari Shaffir]

How clear were you?

[Joe Rogan]

I was. I'm clear as, bro.

[Ari Shaffir]

No way. Like, we don't need you. You're good.

[Joe Rogan]

The dude, I could tell, it was really kind of like he was super unmotivated. He was a guy who's a member who they're forcing to go and try to like, recruit people. People. And I was out there filming for a television show in San Diego. And so I went to this. They had like a thing in the park. And I just went, oh. We had downtime. So I'm like, what are you guys doing?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

And he's like, oh, you know, Dianetics this and that. Have you ever had your e Meter tested, whatever.

[Shane Gillis]

Fired up.

[Ari Shaffir]

I got time.

[Joe Rogan]

Fired up. I was asking to do a bunch of questions. I was high, so I was asking to do a ton of questions. Just like, what is this?

[Shane Gillis]

You were high. They're probably getting you.

[Joe Rogan]

Where did you. Where'd you learn all this stuff from? Like, what's. What's the story behind your religion? I start asking, and you could tell the dude just didn't want to do it. He was not interested in recruiting anybody. He was just like.

[Ari Shaffir]

Like, I have to do for the credits.

[Joe Rogan]

You have to do it. Yeah, he's cool. Credits.

[Mark Normand]

But the problem is you got nothing to hide. All those Scientology queefs, they're all hiding something, dude.

[Joe Rogan]

I went, how much of it is the gay?

[Ari Shaffir]

I went with Natasha Legero, went down to the one in Holland, Vermont, be gay. And we went in there. You watch a video, it's all like mid level, 80s actor. And then they say, this book is for ages 8 to 8,008. And I'm like, what does that mean? The guy's like, don't worry about it.

[Shane Gillis]

Fucking nothing.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, well, it's more advanced.

[Joe Rogan]

You're not ready for that. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And then they go, can we get your address so we can send you more stuff? And I was like, oh, I don't know. Like, let me just get your address. I'm like, okay. And Natasha's like, what are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.

[Joe Rogan]

Bobby Lee's address. My name is Bobby Lee. Lee could be a white guy. You give me a Bobby Lee?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Robert E. They were sending me.

[Joe Rogan]

They were sending me for a solid decade.

[Ari Shaffir]

You know who I still get calls from? The Ivermectin people.

[Mark Normand]

Nice.

[Ari Shaffir]

For four years, they want me to buy more drugs. I'm like, I'm not gonna buy. They go, it could come back.

[Joe Rogan]

You know how risky.

[Shane Gillis]

Shut up.

[Joe Rogan]

How much of a risk taker do you have to be to say what else you got? What else you sell?

[Mark Normand]

I'm still getting hit up by Tim Walls. I get text.

[Shane Gillis]

What's Tim up to?

[Mark Normand]

They want more money.

[Joe Rogan]

He needs money.

[Mark Normand]

They lost a lot of money.

[Joe Rogan]

A billion dollars. Tim Walls, the vice presidential candidate.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, the other one.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Device.

[Joe Rogan]

He's the vice.

[Mark Normand]

The fake hunter, fake football coach.

[Joe Rogan]

He's a full online about football. Yeah. Everything's crazy.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's Shane. Stolen valor. That's his most.

[Shane Gillis]

I didn't care about lying about going.

[Joe Rogan]

To war or going to war being In Tiananmen Square.

[Shane Gillis]

That was a while.

[Joe Rogan]

You lied about everything.

[Shane Gillis]

Being a head coach. And you were a dork assistant.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You're carrying water.

[Ari Shaffir]

Remember Hillary Clinton did it too, with. With Benghazi.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Ari Shaffir]

She was like, I was there. We're under fire.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Who's Benghazi?

[Joe Rogan]

Wait a minute.

[Mark Normand]

McDonald's was a lie too, wasn't it?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, that was a lie too. Not only that, but they did photoshopped her face on an existing photograph of a girl from the 1980s that did work at McDonald's, and it was a white girl. So they photoshopped Kamala's face. Just some Internet jackass did it, I'm sure. And said, oh, we have proof. But they were trying to pass it off as it was real.

[Mark Normand]

But why is working McDonald's good?

[Ari Shaffir]

Because it's victim. It's like the lowest level. It's the lowest level job.

[Mark Normand]

But why is that? Who cares?

[Ari Shaffir]

Working class in these days when you're not brag about your.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

What?

[Shane Gillis]

You're from McDonald's, Donald's to the president's pretty sick.

[Joe Rogan]

Also, when you're a person who's, like, trying to con their way into a job where you're gonna make an insane amount of money, it's really cool to say, started from the bottom now.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, yeah, I see.

[Mark Normand]

I see.

[Joe Rogan]

Started from the bottom.

[Ari Shaffir]

I talked to some Puerto Ricans about. About the block.

[Mark Normand]

Oh.

[Ari Shaffir]

And they were like. She was like, I got a ham sandwich with Fanta. If you know, you know. And then they're like, Dresher was like, that's not a thing. What are you talking about? You heard it from someone.

[Joe Rogan]

Fantasy. She's been famous for 80 years. She doesn't even know what means to be normal. Yeah, like, why are you pretending? You know what? You were a fly girl.

[Ari Shaffir]

They all love pretending.

[Joe Rogan]

Everyone. Everyone wants to be real.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, it's hard.

[Joe Rogan]

You feel insecure. If you've made it too far, you should go.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, my dad was an academic, and I grew up in wealth. That's why I'm smarter than everybody.

[Mark Normand]

Well, I knew friends who worked at McDonald's. They would hide it.

[Joe Rogan]

They were like, that's a very re. Take on things, though.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

You're well trained.

[Shane Gillis]

No, it is fun to be like, oh, sorry. My dad worked hard.

[Ari Shaffir]

What are you talking about?

[Shane Gillis]

Your dad was a loser. Left your mom and my dad worked really hard.

[Ari Shaffir]

Really hard. Good luck with your campus job.

[Joe Rogan]

That you'll never understand the struggle, cuz you never had to struggle. That's what it Is.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, she really blew it.

[Ari Shaffir]

My favorite multi million dollar Hollywood saying. It's hard. Terrible.

[Joe Rogan]

Did I miss it?

[Shane Gillis]

You said, get it.

[Joe Rogan]

I should have known. It's over.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's over.

[Shane Gillis]

Get it.

[Joe Rogan]

I was listening to it like it was a statement. I should have known. I should have known better.

[Mark Normand]

She blew it and she lost the election.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, I get it.

[Mark Normand]

All right.

[Shane Gillis]

That was a blow job joke.

[Joe Rogan]

There's a bunch of those out there.

[Shane Gillis]

Willie Brown, really good in her pride.

[Mark Normand]

That's what I was getting at.

[Ari Shaffir]

Who, Kamala? Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

She was hot when she was young.

[Ari Shaffir]

I bet she.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, yeah, there's videos of her with Montel Williams.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, Mountaintop. Is that your daughter? They said and.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, that was with Willie Brown. No, she got real mad. No, this is funny. That was funny.

[Mark Normand]

She's working her way up. That's something to brag about.

[Joe Rogan]

It's a strategy. Why is that any less of a strategy than a pharmaceutical executive strategy?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, it's the same.

[Joe Rogan]

Why is it. Why? Why is it, like, using your good looks to your advantage and making your way into a political system that's completely corrupt? Why is that negative? Matt R. Did it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he did use those looks. Why not?

[Ari Shaffir]

He did.

[Joe Rogan]

Smart move.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he's hot.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's pretty shocking. Adrian Apolucci has a special.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, but that just shows you how funny she is. It shows you how funny she is.

[Mark Normand]

Joey Diaz, buddy.

[Joe Rogan]

She's lost a lot of weight.

[Shane Gillis]

Has she?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, she lost a lot of weight.

[Mark Normand]

Big mistake. Fat is funny.

[Joe Rogan]

She's still.

[Ari Shaffir]

She's still fat. Don't get me wrong. She's still holding it.

[Joe Rogan]

But she's not as.

[Ari Shaffir]

Not as. Should be a categoria.

[Mark Normand]

Not as funny lady.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, she rules.

[Joe Rogan]

Fearless. Goes for it. Just goes for it.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I think she doesn't give a.

[Ari Shaffir]

She doesn't give a. I don't think.

[Shane Gillis]

She understands to give a. Like, she actually doesn't care. She's pretty great.

[Ari Shaffir]

When people walk out angry, she goes, yeah, I guess. I get it.

[Joe Rogan]

She's moving here.

[Mark Normand]

No way.

[Ari Shaffir]

She's been loving it so far.

[Mark Normand]

We talked.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, I talked her into it. Ari helped me. He reached out to me, said, you got to talk Adrian into moving here, and I had her on the clock. Well, she was already convinced.

[Ari Shaffir]

She was like.

[Joe Rogan]

She was already.

[Ari Shaffir]

Did you tell Rogan on me that I might be.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, she's funny, man. We need more. She's funny in a different way. Like, she's got her own vibe. She's not like anybody else. It's fun.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I like her.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's so, like, at both sides. Both of you. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Yep. Everybody.

[Ari Shaffir]

And just serious. Never smiles once on stage.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. From the Bronx.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. The reviews of her special is either I haven't seen it yet or it's great.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, that's awesome.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Her mom was a cop comic.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's right. Tell me that story.

[Shane Gillis]

Really?

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, jeez.

[Mark Normand]

Who.

[Ari Shaffir]

Who booked you that?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, no. Oh, God, that's tough.

[Joe Rogan]

Didn't her mom start doing it again after she had been doing it a while? Didn't her mom try to do it again maybe? Am I remembering that right?

[Shane Gillis]

O, that's tough.

[Mark Normand]

Imagine going to a club, see your mom there.

[Joe Rogan]

Like, God, bro, it's probably better than your dad.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Sucked as a comic.

[Shane Gillis]

My dad thinks he's really funny. And he was.

[Mark Normand]

He was. It's funny.

[Shane Gillis]

My dad's very funny. But he was like, put me. Put me in tires. He was, like, joking. But I could tell my mom, like, my mom was like, just put him in the show. I'm like, I'm not putting my dad in this show.

[Joe Rogan]

Why not?

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know if he could ask.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, you gotta get, like. You gotta give him, like, one line. It doesn't work.

[Ari Shaffir]

One line. Get him out of there.

[Joe Rogan]

Go.

[Ari Shaffir]

Start dead body.

[Shane Gillis]

I would like that. But then he had a heart attack, so he's on the sidelines for a while.

[Mark Normand]

Is he all right?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, he's good.

[Mark Normand]

All right.

[Shane Gillis]

But he's bad. He's not allowed to drink, which is tough to watch the old man.

[Mark Normand]

Poor guy.

[Shane Gillis]

Having. Watching him sit there watching football. You gotta get sober.

[Ari Shaffir]

Weed.

[Shane Gillis]

He's. He's working his way back so he can drink.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's an inception.

[Joe Rogan]

He's just like.

[Shane Gillis]

Literally, he's working. He's working on his heart, so he has to do, like, cardio. Like, he just goes on long walks. He's like.

[Mark Normand]

For Phil Gill.

[Joe Rogan]

So crazy. He's like, I need my poison.

[Ari Shaffir]

I need it.

[Shane Gillis]

I'll do whatever, dude. He was in the hospital. Hospital. My mom didn't tell me how bad it was to, like, not freak us out. And then I got there and he was like. Like. Like he had fluid in his lungs, so they couldn't operate. So he was like, this could be it. And we're sitting there, and they were like, yeah, well, you're gonna have to stop drinking. He was, like, 68 years old at a hell of a run. I was like, yeah, dude.

[Ari Shaffir]

What?

[Shane Gillis]

It was a nice, like. No. Hell of a run. With drinking. It was just very nice to be like, yeah, you did get him on edibles.

[Ari Shaffir]

Get him started. At least give him an option.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know how I'll handle it. It'll be fun.

[Joe Rogan]

This is. You start him with a 5 milligram, just a little jammy. That gives you a little smile on your face.

[Shane Gillis]

He's gonna.

[Joe Rogan]

Makes the colors look a little bright.

[Ari Shaffir]

Give him a couple to get started.

[Shane Gillis]

High and be like, I know he's gonna pass for 5,000 yards.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, maybe he'll have good intuition. Oh, yeah, he might have, like, some.

[Shane Gillis]

He's skinny now. He's walking around. He's. He's in hell, dude. He's in hell. He's stuck in the house with my mom all day. She loves it.

[Joe Rogan]

Is he eating healthy?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, he has to. But we'll catch him. We'll catch him some wings burgers.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's eating them at night.

[Shane Gillis]

By the way. He actually is like, you'll be over there. You'll see him at the fridge, like.

[Mark Normand]

Give me that cheese, daddy. Oh.

[Ari Shaffir]

He goes in there, eats, and then pulls out one water, Rolls the car.

[Joe Rogan]

In neutral out of the driveway, starts it on the street so he can go off to Burger King overnight.

[Mark Normand]

He's eating like, Trump.

[Ari Shaffir]

You push again.

[Joe Rogan]

You push.

[Ari Shaffir]

Starting at the neighbor's house.

[Shane Gillis]

It was what he was eating when I got home. The last time I went home to see him, he was literally standing at the counter eating a cheeseburger. And I was like, bro, damn.

[Joe Rogan]

He's like, what?

[Mark Normand]

He needs a vice.

[Shane Gillis]

He's the. The boy's working his way back to beer.

[Joe Rogan]

He's lost weight. That's good.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You should have him on Phil.

[Ari Shaffir]

Have Phil on Phil on those guys.

[Shane Gillis]

Some good stories.

[Joe Rogan]

I bet he does. But then he's like, look, I've been in the jre. Tires is next.

[Shane Gillis]

Tires.

[Joe Rogan]

Tires is next.

[Ari Shaffir]

Come on.

[Joe Rogan]

It's likely second.

[Mark Normand]

Are you garbage? I bet he's got some stories.

[Shane Gillis]

He was garbage. Yeah, he was.

[Ari Shaffir]

He was.

[Shane Gillis]

He was from, like. He lived in, like, a.

[Ari Shaffir]

He went on our garbage.

[Shane Gillis]

No, no, I'm just saying.

[Mark Normand]

I saw.

[Joe Rogan]

You were serious.

[Mark Normand]

The island of Puerto Rico should go on. Are you garbage?

[Shane Gillis]

You son of a.

[Joe Rogan]

We gotta. That's the last. We gotta remove that from the Internet.

[Mark Normand]

No, I love Puerto Rico. San Juan, baby.

[Joe Rogan]

That's the Tony joke. The up thing is that joke was based on his. His need to, like, he. He gets freaked out about the environment. He gets freaked out about the pollution.

[Shane Gillis]

Path while he's in a throat.

[Joe Rogan]

We Were super high. We were super high in the green room. In the regular world, he's like, how long have there been plastic? There's only been plastic for six years. It's bigger than fucking Texas. It's in the. So he sits getting obsessed by garbage. Then he finds out about Puerto Rico. And so then he comes up with this joke. There's an island of garbage. I think it's called Puerto Rico.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

And it's like. But the joke was actually out of his concern that Puerto Rico smothered by garbage. He actually loves Puerto Rico.

[Shane Gillis]

Protect our parks.

[Joe Rogan]

He's just a.

[Mark Normand]

He's a male.

[Joe Rogan]

People don't know the whole back story you're doing in a Trump round.

[Shane Gillis]

Defended him. You should have come out and just been like, he's.

[Joe Rogan]

I kind of did. I mean, I basically said that, like, this is. This is where it came from. Like the. Tony's just. Yeah, he's a insult comic. He's the best insult comic in the country. If you want to watch that roast, watch that Tom Brady.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, it's so funny watching John Stewart go like, that's terrible.

[Joe Rogan]

Props to Stuart. I talked to Stewart. He's a real comic.

[Mark Normand]

He's a funny guy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. It was wild also that they saw that joke and everyone was angry within one minute. And it's like, no, nothing to like. Let me analyze the arts. Let me just figure out what this is. But instantly, I know what it is. I'm done with it. It's just demeaning to everything.

[Joe Rogan]

It's exactly what we were talking about earlier. That does happen to people where they can become someone else. But Stewart has not done that. Yeah, he's still goes on stage with Chappelle. He still goes on stage with Chappelle. He still. He does podcasts. He's very reasonable when he does them. I think he also got disillusioned by that Apple gig where they canceled his show because he wouldn't do. He was. Want to do a thing on China. And they're like, no way.

[Ari Shaffir]

Really?

[Joe Rogan]

And like, that was it.

[Mark Normand]

China.

[Joe Rogan]

You can't talk about China. You can't even tell the truth. You can't say, if you're on an Apple show and Apple has this insane manufacturing deal with China, all their phones, slave labor, everything.

[Mark Normand]

Think about that.

[Ari Shaffir]

Slave labor.

[Joe Rogan]

It's the craziest thing. What about the weaker signaling? People like Schultz?

[Ari Shaffir]

Anytime the liberals get at you, just go using an iPhone. Fuck off.

[Joe Rogan]

Shut your mouth. Go get a Samsung if you really.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. John Cena, he had to do a Whole thing. Remember that?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, yeah. That was fast.

[Shane Gillis]

He nailed it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Nailed it. Got the language down. That's when I was in the streets before he did it.

[Joe Rogan]

I had a bit about that for a while. Like, that's when I knew that China was going to win because they already got our mascot.

[Shane Gillis]

They got our guy.

[Joe Rogan]

He's the most American looking guy ever. That's true.

[Shane Gillis]

Cena rules, obviously.

[Joe Rogan]

His wrists are so big. It looks like his forearm is fake. It looks fake.

[Shane Gillis]

It's crazy.

[Joe Rogan]

It looks like his arm should be way longer. Longer. But they moved his hand up his forearm. Like he's got no look like that. They're hams, bro.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Shane Gillis]

That's the down syndrome communities, bro.

[Ari Shaffir]

He is the number one down.

[Shane Gillis]

Hitting a salute, running in jean shorts, people up.

[Mark Normand]

He's Mr. Make a Wish.

[Shane Gillis]

He is.

[Joe Rogan]

That's our Batman.

[Mark Normand]

I bet Cena.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. I didn't like with Tony. With all the comics weighing and that really was the most.

[Joe Rogan]

You're always going to have that from weak people that aren't happy with where they are. That's what it is.

[Shane Gillis]

Also people waiting to jump on Tony.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's it. That's it. Like what? Now that he can't fight back, I'll jump in there, Right?

[Joe Rogan]

Exactly.

[Ari Shaffir]

They never shit on some low level guy.

[Joe Rogan]

He's doing great and you cannot like.

[Shane Gillis]

Him if he's doing low level. Guys.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

This racist piece of.

[Joe Rogan]

You're allowed to not like him if he's doing great, but if you're attacking him like you don't know what he was doing. You don't know what he was doing. He was just doing what he always does. He's an insult. Come. Are you saying you don't like insult comedy? So you don't like Rose?

[Ari Shaffir]

So say that two months ago. Why are you saying saying it right now?

[Joe Rogan]

Listen, man. Roasts are one of the things that's going to save comedy because they're so funny that it's undeniable to Netflix. So Netflix gets the highest ratings they've ever had ever on this Tom Brady roast.

[Ari Shaffir]

Can't wait.

[Joe Rogan]

Completely non PC. It's some of the wildest jokes. Tony calls him a confederate fag. Like it's Some of the Wild and it's killing and it's so funny. People love it and they keep sharing it. People keep sending it to their friends and clips are made out of it. It's huge for Netflix. Without that, you don't get the freedom to do whatever the you want on stage.

[Shane Gillis]

I make fun of Tony a Lot. But that was. That was like, a nice moment. I was sitting gangster when he did the roast.

[Joe Rogan]

He killed it.

[Shane Gillis]

And I gave him a joke right before. And this is how, like, in the pocket he was. Because he, like, stood up from the table.

[Joe Rogan]

I was like, hello.

[Shane Gillis]

I was, like, genuinely happy. I was, like, watching him kill.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

And then the joke I gave him, he did. I gave it to him right before.

[Mark Normand]

What was the joke went on?

[Shane Gillis]

I don't want to say.

[Mark Normand]

All right. Puerto Rico.

[Shane Gillis]

It was a insult, personally, at one of the comedians. I was like, tell them. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

So then I pretty much know already then.

[Joe Rogan]

But, yeah, I know, too.

[Mark Normand]

Nikki.

[Shane Gillis]

Trash Nikki. I love. I like Nikki, too, but no, I actually do.

[Joe Rogan]

I do, too, but I love Nikki.

[Shane Gillis]

Right before he tells the joke, he looks. He literally looked over at me. He was like.

[Joe Rogan]

Yes, nice.

[Mark Normand]

And he. To go up in the. From the audience like that. That ain't easy to walk, you know.

[Joe Rogan]

They wanted him to do his set seated, and he was like, this is stupid.

[Ari Shaffir]

See, they didn't respect him. Any store guy, like, no, you're not one of the cool kids. So it's like, dude, off. Just let the guy shine.

[Joe Rogan]

Wow. Resistance to him with the power without a hungry. A lot of resistance to that hinge clip.

[Ari Shaffir]

So much.

[Mark Normand]

But just say you're mad he's at a Trump rally. That. All right. That I get.

[Joe Rogan]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Why are you going to use the joke as a vehicle to get angry?

[Joe Rogan]

Both things. The joke is nothing but the fact that if the joke just released on YouTube and people would get mad, maybe the Kamala Harris camp would use it to show that this guy is a Trump supporter, but it's not connected to Trump. The fact that it's at the Trump rally, which is so crazy that he did it.

[Shane Gillis]

They should have never.

[Ari Shaffir]

But they're also waiting. It's like Alexander Cortas Cortazio sitting there.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

You have been doing that duolingo.

[Ari Shaffir]

She's sitting there waiting, like, what can I be angry about? And she's like, that's why. That's not the target market.

[Joe Rogan]

They're trying to win, man. They're looking at it like they should be reasonable. Why would they be reasonable when they're trying to win? They want to exploit every last possible thing. And Tony gave him a bunch of rope.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

And they hung him.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, they. They were already calling it a Nazi rally.

[Joe Rogan]

Right, right.

[Shane Gillis]

And then you have a comedian go up there that probably a lot of them had no idea who he was.

[Mark Normand]

Sure.

[Joe Rogan]

Right.

[Shane Gillis]

Even like, the people talking about it, and then he's. I mean, the watermelon carving joke, that was the one that should have been.

[Joe Rogan]

That was so stupid. That was an improv.

[Ari Shaffir]

I know.

[Joe Rogan]

You could tell.

[Mark Normand]

I gave him that one.

[Ari Shaffir]

I thought it was funny. I don't know.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, yeah, At a comedy club. Not at a comedy rally. At a roast club.

[Joe Rogan]

He's granted a roast battle.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Once they made it a Nazi rally, then it's like, well, then nothing's going to work here. To you guys. It's a full journey.

[Joe Rogan]

Israeli flags. A Nazi rally. I saw four Israeli flags from the rafters. Yeah, there was Israeli flags that people brought. The whole idea. That was.

[Shane Gillis]

Maybe they're just pro genocide.

[Joe Rogan]

They. No one believes it, man. That's why they're not talking about it. Might have to flag that one.

[Mark Normand]

Pull that one out. But yes, there's a guy named giving it up now. I like.

[Ari Shaffir]

I like when the comics do. Like when they'll try to defend somebody, but they're so scared of the backlash, they go, look, I didn't like that joke. But it's his right to say it's like, bro, comment on the. You don't like jokes.

[Joe Rogan]

How about when Patton took a picture with Chappelle and he had to take a photo of him writing an apology on a piece of paper?

[Shane Gillis]

I was weak. He. I think he felt really bad about that.

[Mark Normand]

He did. That was the height of all pressure.

[Shane Gillis]

He felt bad about that.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wait a week. Let the press pressure go away, then if you have to weigh in.

[Mark Normand]

Well, the Internet coming at you is scary. People panic.

[Joe Rogan]

Don't read it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Tony handled it really well.

[Shane Gillis]

So hard.

[Ari Shaffir]

He goes, take a job off. And then just not another word about it.

[Joe Rogan]

I. I had to read the thing about the View because I just thought it was funny about me. Dragon lover. I was trying to say that I believe in dragons.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wait, what is this? I just heard about it.

[Joe Rogan]

Checked it. I checked it. And then the lady goes, did you double check this? She goes, I checked it. He believes in dragons.

[Shane Gillis]

Should be like people.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wait.

[Joe Rogan]

It was from a wildlife biologist who came on my podcast. Was from Forest Galant. Galante. G. Galant. How do I say his last name?

[Mark Normand]

A great guy.

[Joe Rogan]

I love him. He's awesome. But saying there are.

[Shane Gillis]

There are off.

[Mark Normand]

Jmo, let's do it.

[Ari Shaffir]

You have a call. Anything up?

[Joe Rogan]

Forest's clip where he's explaining dragons.

[Ari Shaffir]

Now that Jamie looks like a Mexican. He's lazy.

[Joe Rogan]

This is where it came from. The View decided from this and from me talking about it. With Adrian Apolucci the other day, explaining what Forest says and saying that I don't think that there was pterodactyls living with people. I said it. No, she said, maybe they did leave it this. I'm like, no, I thought.

[Shane Gillis]

I.

[Joe Rogan]

My position is it's probably crocodiles or some big Kodo dragon or some big lizard that did kill people. And so people fought them with swords and. And they came back with a story and then the artist drew it. And these.

[Shane Gillis]

You saw one of those at night and you had a stick.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Be like, I throw out pterodactyl.

[Ari Shaffir]

I thought a picture of Joe Rogan in a unicorn.

[Joe Rogan]

All throughout these same time periods, there's been giant lizards. All throughout the same time time periods, there have been Komodo dragons, there been crocodiles, been here for hundreds of million years or whatever. The. For probably more. So the idea that. That people didn't encounter giant reptiles is stupid. And then there's the other thing is, like, people were really bad at describing things that they'd never seen before. So if you're a European traveler and you go to the Nile river and you see a crocodile, what is that?

[Shane Gillis]

Take a guy.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. What is that?

[Shane Gillis]

What the fuck?

[Mark Normand]

What is that?

[Joe Rogan]

So let's hold any weight. There's actually dragons.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, we know there were large.

[Joe Rogan]

Flying lizards during the times of dinosaurs.

[Mark Normand]

Right. The only weight that it could possibly hold is that a few of those somehow survived much later than we previously thought. Do I think that there were dragons attacking human beings and civilizations?

[Joe Rogan]

No, I don't.

[Mark Normand]

J.D. vance.

[Joe Rogan]

It's so much cooler if there were the fact that we know that pterodactyls did exist. That's cool, right? Would be way coolers if they existed with people.

[Mark Normand]

Right. 2,000 years ago.

[Joe Rogan]

Why is that? Why is that so much cooler to us?

[Mark Normand]

I don't know.

[Joe Rogan]

It's like I would be. I would. I mean, people would dedicate giant chunks of their life trying to find out if pterodactyls did coexist with human beings.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, yeah, I swear, I thought. I thought you had pterodactyls on your shirt there. And I was like, yeah, this is the most autistic.

[Ari Shaffir]

The problem is you're taking Joey, Joey Behar, whatever her name is, as like a news source.

[Joe Rogan]

Hey, this is the most important part. This is right after she was saying, we are run by ABC News. You should trust us, not Joe Rogan, who believes in dragons. So she. By saying we should trust them because they're Double checked by ABC News and then making the stupidest fucking statement like, you didn't listen to what I said. You didn't listen to what the wildlife ballot. And that's only a part of what he said. I can't believe the other part of what he said was there was something before that where he was explaining encountering with giant reptiles. And there's also.

[Ari Shaffir]

Listen, it doesn't make sense to me that a middle aged woman could be dumb.

[Joe Rogan]

When you're worried about losing your job and you're worried about podcasts taking over and who's the source of news. And we said Donald Trump was Hitler, but half the country disagreed with us. And he won. And this is fucking great. And Joe Rogan believes in dragons. It's just frantic.

[Ari Shaffir]

If you believe that Donald Trump is Hitler and everyone who supports him is a massive racist and if you are in any ethnic or gay, you need to get the out of this country because if you believe all that, it's bad for you.

[Shane Gillis]

Here.

[Mark Normand]

But Sunny Hostin, she makes some good points.

[Ari Shaffir]

Who's that?

[Mark Normand]

She's the other one that's not gonna clip.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, I'm just saying, like, like if.

[Ari Shaffir]

They really believe this, what are you still doing here?

[Joe Rogan]

Jamie, There's a photo that I had on my Instagram.

[Mark Normand]

You gotta stop drinking.

[Joe Rogan]

Jamie. There's a photo I have on my Instagram of a whale that's on a wall in an old Italian church. It was from like 2017 or 2018. I was in Ravello. And there's this. That's. It's so old. The church is a thousand years old, but it's built on top of another church. And they don't even know how old that church is. There's like a glass floor and you look down, you see the old church. They don't, they have no idea how old it is, but they had a painting of like the whale from the, from the Bible. Who is it? Job, who is it?

[Ari Shaffir]

Jonah. Jonah. Jonah.

[Shane Gillis]

Jonah.

[Joe Rogan]

That's right. Jonah. So look at this, folk. This is this ancient, ancient church, but there's a photo of a whale that's in. Is it in that around the same time? I know I put the photo on Instagram.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, Italy.

[Joe Rogan]

That's the church. But in that church there's the whale. Doesn't look nothing like a whale. The whale looks like a monster dragons. So that's what it's like.

[Ari Shaffir]

Here we go.

[Joe Rogan]

Their drawings was like they came back and described those mercenaries couldn't draw. So the guys who came by, the Savages the animals that were hacking off Congo, they don't. They're not drawing.

[Ari Shaffir]

I've been real busy.

[Joe Rogan]

And then the artist draws it. And they could probably barely remember because it's probably so traumatic.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

A 16 foot crocodile comes launching out of the river and takes one of your boys and eats them in front of everybody's. Like, that's it. So that's what they thought a whale looked like.

[Mark Normand]

A whale.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's a. That's a crocodile.

[Joe Rogan]

That's a strange. That is the story from the battle. They had never seen a whale before. So they drew this thing.

[Shane Gillis]

Look how blown up bad they got the guy guy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean they knew what guys looked like and they were struggling.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, they weren't good.

[Ari Shaffir]

It looks like a alien monkey.

[Joe Rogan]

They're doing it in tile in all the mess. It's a very difficult medium to work with.

[Ari Shaffir]

What's that higher prime rate?

[Shane Gillis]

That is this.

[Mark Normand]

Look at that guy.

[Joe Rogan]

Isn't that wild though?

[Shane Gillis]

So that is what bros.

[Joe Rogan]

So their version of things that we know that what looked like were all up already. So that's probably what dragons are. What dragons are probably giant crocodiles.

[Mark Normand]

There you go.

[Joe Rogan]

And there's some people that went to the Congo in the 1800s that said they saw crocodiles bigger than their boats, 40 foot boats. And crocodiles were bigger than their boats. The thing about crocodiles is they don't. They don't die, right. They just stay alive until something kills them. So they keep growing. So if you got a crocodile, it could be 300, 400 years old and that would be like a 60 foot crocodile. And really they might have seen those.

[Ari Shaffir]

They get that old.

[Joe Rogan]

And that's when people had guns, right. So the people with the guns are probably killing all the ones that are really big. So those ones that are really big, they've been eating other crocodiles. They've eaten everything, cannibalize each other, everything that moves. So to get to that point is so hard that when you whack those dudes, the ones that are left are like 30 years old, 50 years old. Like you probably have smaller crocodiles. It kind of makes sense. That's probably what dragons were. Probably where a bunch of people that never experienced crocodiles before and just got up by these 20 foot crocs.

[Mark Normand]

Imagine seeing that and not knowing what it is.

[Ari Shaffir]

Dude, what does Joey Behar say? Whatever.

[Joe Rogan]

Joey Behar when she's.

[Ari Shaffir]

When people tell like, hey, so that's. That's not true.

[Joe Rogan]

I just want to say for the record, I have no hate For Joey Behar, if I saw her, I give her a hug. I don't care. I'd probably say the same thing about me if I was her. It's no big deal. I don't care. But it's a silly thing to say, and it undermines your own personal credibility if you say, we're so good because we're. We're supported by ABC News, and then you say Joe Rug pleasant dragons in.

[Ari Shaffir]

The next sentence, and no chance she comes back, goes, oh, guys, I was wrong.

[Shane Gillis]

If it was a joke, that would be. I know she wasn't joking, but it would be hilarious. Joe Rogan, the guy who believes in dragons.

[Joe Rogan]

I wonder if there were some kind of flying lizards at one point in human history. You know, this is what the Bigfoot myth is about. The Bigfoot myth is about a thing that really existed. It's called Gigantopithecus. But it lived, like, a hundred thousand years ago. So by the time. Time, at least we think it did, we know for sure. No, later. I mean, later than that, for sure. 100,000 years. We don't know earlier. It might have been earlier. It might have lived 50,000 years ago. We just don't have an example of it. But that was a thing that was passed on in stories. It's dead now. It doesn't exist anymore. But people were telling a story about a thing that was real. That's probably what dragons are. It's probably people telling a story about a thing that was real. And if 100, 200,000 years ago, there were some reptiles that could fly. Lie. We know that pterodactyls were real. If they just find one of those things, it would change everything. And you got to realize they've only been finding dinosaurs for 200 years. 200 years ago, they didn't know what.

[Shane Gillis]

When the Jews started burying those bones?

[Joe Rogan]

Well, there was a bunch of dudes who had fake dinosaurs.

[Shane Gillis]

You're trying to trick us.

[Ari Shaffir]

Don't attack us. It's been nice weather today.

[Joe Rogan]

You know, there was a bunch of dudes who put, like, other bones and claimed they were dinosaur bones. There's a bunch of frogs.

[Shane Gillis]

Jewish dudes. I heard there's money in bones.

[Mark Normand]

Jamie.

[Joe Rogan]

When did they. When did they discover dinosaurs?

[Mark Normand]

All right, you look like a pterodactyl.

[Joe Rogan]

Imagine discovering dinosaurs going, oh, is this still around?

[Mark Normand]

I think most of them at the White House. Pelosi, get out.

[Joe Rogan]

She just filed for reelection.

[Mark Normand]

She's, like, 79.

[Joe Rogan]

She's 84. 84?

[Mark Normand]

With those she just fired for. Yeah, Pretty huge.

[Joe Rogan]

Can it is when did the. 1824. Okay, so exactly. Exactly 200 years ago, they found the first dinosaur.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Joe Rogan]

Known about dinosaurs for 200 years.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow. What?

[Joe Rogan]

And there's a giant chunk of the planet that has not been discovered. Like, we had a podcast the other day. They've only like, looked at 5% of Sub Saharan Africa. They find whale bones in the Sahara Desert. Whale bones in the desert. Who knows what the fuck's out there? It's not impossible to imagine that since there used to be flying lizards, that at one point in time there were 1677. Someone discovered it. 1677. Created with discovering the first dinosaur bone. But his best guess as to what belonged to was a giant human. Oh, wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow.

[Shane Gillis]

So funny to find like a giant femur and be like, God, bro, Damn, that guy was huge.

[Joe Rogan]

That's my favorite conspiracy. The giants used to roam the earth and that, you know, they were created by the Anunnaki breeding with people.

[Shane Gillis]

I believe it. I'm down.

[Joe Rogan]

And that the government the Smithsonian has been hiding giant bones.

[Mark Normand]

You know, they made Yao Ming. They got the two tallest people in China to.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, that's a good move.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but that's a good move, Ying.

[Joe Rogan]

I mean, how many Division 1 football players are out there because their parents said, listen, you're a big lady, I'm the big guy. I think we can make some kids, can make us some money. Let's go.

[Ari Shaffir]

Talk about you.

[Joe Rogan]

If you're really into football and you're a big fella and you see this big lady at the bar with some nice hands. Look at those hands.

[Shane Gillis]

I need hands.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

I need a lady with a grip. If you have a lady and she's tall, but she's got some dainty hands, you could have a brittle kid. Yeah, you don't want a brittle boy.

[Shane Gillis]

I believe in giants. I saw a. I went to an NBA game and I met Zack Edie. Yeah, jmo, bring up Zack Edie. Edie, if you saw that guy, if you lived back then, saw a guy like Zack e. Don't with those.

[Mark Normand]

What's that guy? The mountain from Game of Thrones, bro.

[Joe Rogan]

How about Shaq? Just Shaq is a legitimate.

[Shane Gillis]

Jack is.

[Joe Rogan]

He's a seven foot human.

[Ari Shaffir]

He used to come into the store and it was like, he's only 10 inches taller than me. But.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, what is he, Siberian or something?

[Ari Shaffir]

He looks like Mongol.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, okay. He looks.

[Shane Gillis]

No, he's.

[Mark Normand]

What is funky.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, this isn't Yao Ming. Who's this guy?

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, he plays for the Sixers.

[Joe Rogan]

What is his national nationality?

[Ari Shaffir]

He looks a little shy.

[Shane Gillis]

Chinese nationality. I believe he's an American bro.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, but.

[Joe Rogan]

Right, but what is his family's background?

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, never mind. Toronto Wayside.

[Ari Shaffir]

Nice as heck.

[Mark Normand]

7 4.

[Joe Rogan]

Jesus Christ.

[Shane Gillis]

I took a picture.

[Joe Rogan]

What is his nationality?

[Shane Gillis]

I looked like a.

[Joe Rogan]

Other than Canadian fat lesbian. What does his family come from? Chinese immigrants.

[Mark Normand]

Should play for the WNBA if I will.

[Shane Gillis]

Was short.

[Ari Shaffir]

He played ice hockey and baseball.

[Joe Rogan]

That's a good athlete. Especially ice hockey. Ice hockey would be tremendous for any sport. Right? That's a hard ass sport on your legs.

[Mark Normand]

Oh yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Well, the best players only play 20 minutes a game.

[Joe Rogan]

Wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

They play like a third of the game.

[Joe Rogan]

It's that hard.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, yeah, but it's. They play so many games non stop every other day.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, well, yeah, you just can't.

[Shane Gillis]

You can't play a long shift.

[Joe Rogan]

I think the hardest. I think the hardest is soccer. Those. There's no, there's no commercial breaks. They're sprinting the whole time.

[Shane Gillis]

There are some breaks. Every single time a guy gets touched, they all lay down.

[Mark Normand]

But that.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, that is on purpose. Everybody in America is like, oh, get up. It's like, bro, they're so tired.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that's true.

[Shane Gillis]

They're all like, yes, Rugby.

[Ari Shaffir]

Rugby might be it. Rugby might be it.

[Joe Rogan]

They don't stop.

[Ari Shaffir]

They don't stop.

[Joe Rogan]

They don't stop in there. No pads.

[Shane Gillis]

It's American football.

[Ari Shaffir]

Rugby.

[Shane Gillis]

No, American football is the. The reason it's a three second play is because they would die.

[Ari Shaffir]

There's total.

[Joe Rogan]

Such a full sprint. Crazy, crazy amount. Full power.

[Shane Gillis]

Those are giants.

[Mark Normand]

Giants.

[Ari Shaffir]

But the cardio, the non cardio in terms of that they might be soccer or rugby or Aussie football.

[Shane Gillis]

All right then. Cross country is the craziest.

[Joe Rogan]

When we went to Dallas, we were at the. The Cowboys versus the Jets.

[Ari Shaffir]

Went to.

[Joe Rogan]

This is my first NFL game I've ever been to. And we were like not far away from the players and you see how enormous they are. You're looking at 350 pound humans just walking, running, walking with mortals faster than us.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. They're so fast.

[Joe Rogan]

Who's that one guy that was almost 300 pounds and he ra a 4 second. 4 second plus 40.

[Mark Normand]

Aaron Hernandez.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean there's a. Now now you're just swinging at anything.

[Joe Rogan]

You just swing it.

[Shane Gillis]

It's an island of garbage.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. You know, you know what they thought mermaids. Those were manatees.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, that's how, that's how drunk and they were.

[Shane Gillis]

I know. I've heard that Rumor. I. I don't believe it.

[Joe Rogan]

It's a dark. They got chicken vision. They've been poked in the eye since they were two.

[Mark Normand]

They're drinking rum all day.

[Joe Rogan]

Poking them. Guys poke them. Every time they get in an argument, they just poke each other in the eye. Nobody could probably see at all. There's no glasses. You just went blind. You're eating terrible food.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, they were blind.

[Joe Rogan]

By the time they were 20, they thought a manatee was a woman.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't believe it.

[Joe Rogan]

A nice plump woman. Like really rich ladies that eat the grapes. Yeah, the ones that. What do they call those? Rubin?

[Shane Gillis]

Lizzo.

[Ari Shaffir]

Lizzo.

[Joe Rogan]

That was hot back then because nobody could get fat because everybody was starving.

[Mark Normand]

That's true.

[Joe Rogan]

True.

[Mark Normand]

It meant you had money.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. You were hot.

[Mark Normand]

And now fat people are poor.

[Joe Rogan]

Right. So back then, that was a hot fat lady.

[Mark Normand]

We flipped it.

[Joe Rogan]

Fat lady floating around.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, we did flip it.

[Joe Rogan]

We did flip it. It's super easy to get fat now.

[Mark Normand]

Jennifer Aniston's Rail Thin and Gwyneth Paltrow, they're all billionaires.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Cheeseburgers are 39 cents on Wednesdays.

[Mark Normand]

Exact. Amundo.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Even, like, Oprah keeps trying to lose weight.

[Ari Shaffir]

She's always been. Huh?

[Joe Rogan]

Always.

[Ari Shaffir]

She's like. She's like. Comes the best of Sherry shepherd coming out. Do you ever see that one on the View?

[Joe Rogan]

Sherry Shepard came out.

[Ari Shaffir]

She lost. She lost all this weight. Came out in that orange, like, bathing suit, and they're like, we did it. I lost all this weight. They wheeled out a cart of ribs for her to celebrate. She's in a bathing suit, eating ribs. Getting fat again, Jamie.

[Mark Normand]

Sherry Shepherd's.

[Joe Rogan]

Why would they do that to her? That's such a hater.

[Shane Gillis]

It's really funny. You'd be like, hey, I'm done with alcohol. And they go, let's go.

[Mark Normand]

Here you go.

[Joe Rogan]

One year sober. Let's celebrate.

[Mark Normand]

Damn. Yeah, that OIC's taking over.

[Joe Rogan]

But what. That's crazy. They did that to her.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Celebrate, bro.

[Joe Rogan]

You remember the time Oprah had that lady on. It's an inch crazy. Oprah had that lady on who got her face bit off by the chimp.

[Shane Gillis]

Stay there.

[Joe Rogan]

And she showed her face on tv.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, she had. The lady was wearing a veil over her face, like, let's see your face. Come on. She pulls the veil away like a note. Are you doing.

[Mark Normand]

She should go Muslim. Cover it up.

[Ari Shaffir]

May as well go Muslim at that point.

[Shane Gillis]

Trick a man. Oh, can you imagine being a good Muslim man? You go, this lady seems cool as well.

[Joe Rogan]

She doesn't have any eyes.

[Mark Normand]

It's like Jay Leno.

[Joe Rogan]

She doesn't have any eyes. You can see it coming.

[Mark Normand]

Really?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Her whole face is gone.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Ari Shaffir]

She's like, you sound like a man for me.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, this is.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's it.

[Joe Rogan]

That's crazy.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. She looks good.

[Joe Rogan]

Everybody.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wait, that's that Phil, No.

[Joe Rogan]

Wow. Sherry's bathing suit body.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Ari Shaffir]

Now you can eat. No, you can't. Now you keep not eating.

[Mark Normand]

Oprah fluctuates. She's like, elliot, when do they move.

[Joe Rogan]

People off that show? Sher's not on that show anymore, right?

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, she's not. She started going back to clubs 15 years ago. She was one of the real comics.

[Mark Normand]

There you go.

[Joe Rogan]

I knew her as a comic way back in the day.

[Shane Gillis]

I didn't know. Who's Sherry?

[Ari Shaffir]

Sherry shepherd, comic. And then she got on the View for, like, I don't know, three to 20 years.

[Joe Rogan]

Right?

[Mark Normand]

Damn, that's a tough gig. I think the View is gonna get canceled.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, it'll keep going forever.

[Shane Gillis]

Views killing it right now. They're all spazzing out. It's hilarious.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that's true.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, you're dealing with these two matriarchs, right? The older ladies kind of set the tone of the show, if, you know, that's the part of the problem. They're kind of Star Trek, and the other one, they're out of touch.

[Mark Normand]

One of them's pretty hot.

[Joe Rogan]

Whoopi Goldberg's like, did you see what she did? That Staten Island Bakery?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

No, crazy. What bakery? Their boiler went down, and she placed an order of cupcakes for her birthday and.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hold on, hold on. I can't imagine yet how this would go back. Okay, go ahead.

[Joe Rogan]

So she places this order. They say, we can't promise you that we can do this because our boiler is down, so we can't. We can't fulfill this order. And so then the next day, the boiler is back up. She has someone else call the same bank bakery, and they get the order in, because now the boiler's up. She claims the reason why they didn't take her order is because they didn't like her politics. And so she says this on the View. So then the bakery has a press conference where they say, we've been in business for 150 years. This is not what happened at all. We don't discriminate against anybody, regardless of anything. We just had a problem with our boiler, and she's singling out a Family run business. And then there's a line around the block for the bakery.

[Ari Shaffir]

Nice.

[Joe Rogan]

It's bananas.

[Ari Shaffir]

Nice.

[Joe Rogan]

And then she doubles down. She made a video and she didn't even apologize. In fact, she said the same thing.

[Ari Shaffir]

I like how they can't even see a possibility where it's just in. Her best was like.

[Shane Gillis]

Wasn't it like the Holocaust? And she was like, that's white people problems.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

She got kicked off the show for a couple days.

[Mark Normand]

That's right.

[Joe Rogan]

Remember?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. They were like Oprah. Oprah or whatever name I might have. Song Covid.

[Shane Gillis]

I told you you were sad. What's going on?

[Joe Rogan]

These people are just too out of touch to be running that show.

[Mark Normand]

Mitch McConnell.

[Joe Rogan]

Didn't they just put it. Didn't they put Mitch. Mitch McConnell in charge of something?

[Shane Gillis]

He's probably.

[Joe Rogan]

They just did. He's locking up like a Windows 95.

[Mark Normand]

He's got the spinny wheel.

[Joe Rogan]

He just locks up all the time. And they just put this guy. What? They just put Mitch McConnell in charge of.

[Mark Normand]

Jamie, Comedy Central.

[Joe Rogan]

Something about a point back.

[Shane Gillis]

Put it on Futurama.

[Mark Normand]

Defense.

[Joe Rogan]

All things comedy. He's gonna take over Futurama. What is it? Defense spending, which you run anything by that dude. He can't count.

[Mark Normand]

The Senate Appropriation subcommittee on Defense and chairman of the Senate Rules Committee.

[Shane Gillis]

Get him up there. That's what we need.

[Joe Rogan]

Yo, that guy locked up twice on tv.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Fully locked up. Like, didn't know where he was. They had to grab his arm, take him off the st. Yeah, you ever see him lock up?

[Mark Normand]

He's got the turkey neck.

[Joe Rogan]

Jamie, pull up the video of Mitch McConnell. Lock locking up.

[Ari Shaffir]

He was like the face of evil for a while.

[Joe Rogan]

Watch this video. He just stepped down. He's gonna step down.

[Mark Normand]

People thought that he was going to step down, but he did that. This is an old clip. He can't step.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, he was over a billion years ago, bro.

[Joe Rogan]

But it's. The way he locks up is terrifying. It's like. It's almost like the guy's having a stroke. It's very strange.

[Mark Normand]

Maybe the women at the View are geniuses because we're all talking about it.

[Joe Rogan]

Look at this.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, this is great.

[Ari Shaffir]

This week has been good B Parts and cooperation.

[Shane Gillis]

Jesus Christ.

[Ari Shaffir]

His lips aren't moving.

[Joe Rogan]

Hold on.

[Mark Normand]

It's like when a girl eats your ass. You didn't know she was going to.

[Shane Gillis]

You're like, oh, wow, this is going great, bro.

[Joe Rogan]

Bro, look at this guy's. He's waving back and forth like he's ready to go.

[Ari Shaffir]

They're all looking like, what?

[Mark Normand]

What's going. Oh, he's melting.

[Ari Shaffir]

Look at the extras, dude.

[Joe Rogan]

This is a full lockup.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, man. Anything else you want to say? Let's go back to your house.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I'm done.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, my God.

[Joe Rogan]

So that guy just got a new job.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's running.

[Shane Gillis]

Is that Canada's top general? Megan Rapino.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's Emma Willman as the top general in the country, bro.

[Joe Rogan]

How bizarre is that? That. That guy just got a new gig.

[Mark Normand]

That was Lavine.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's so done. Who's running?

[Mark Normand]

Thought you had it. Oh, there it is.

[Shane Gillis]

Who's running?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, who?

[Ari Shaffir]

You're saying shoes, but at least it should be.

[Mark Normand]

Young Jews own it, man. Your people are running.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, we run everything.

[Shane Gillis]

Ancient Jews, Pelosi's in Italians, timeless Jews. You guys are like crocodiles.

[Ari Shaffir]

Our noses go bigger and bigger until we're dead.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I think she Pelosi.

[Ari Shaffir]

That sounds.

[Joe Rogan]

She's got them Italian yams.

[Mark Normand]

She's got a photo with a JFK back in the day.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, she was like a kid.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. She gave him some head.

[Shane Gillis]

Damn it. I have to pee. I was trying so hard.

[Joe Rogan]

Hang in there, buddy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Nice. That'll make me go soon.

[Joe Rogan]

Easy, fellas.

[Mark Normand]

Quit that rough house. Yeah, it's a wacky time to be alive. I can't tell if it's a great time.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, it's a great time.

[Ari Shaffir]

As soon as that happens, it's a great time. If you're at all running a company, which the government is right, you should be like, oh, hey, no, we're replacing you.

[Joe Rogan]

That's something.

[Ari Shaffir]

You can't be in charge of it.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, you're. You're. You're so. It's not like, give your attention now. Did this like Fetterman. Fetterman had a stroke.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, that's like. That's an old guy.

[Ari Shaffir]

You can't. You take away their license if they do stuff like that?

[Joe Rogan]

100%. That guy could be at a red light, just locked up. Or just go right into an intersection and not even know he got his foot off the brakes.

[Ari Shaffir]

You ever. You ever be at a red light high and fall asleep and then when you wake up and somebody honks, you go, yeah, I should pull over.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

This is wrong. Jesus Christ.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, me neither. I just heard about people.

[Joe Rogan]

I've never gone like that.

[Mark Normand]

You ever texting for like 20 minutes, you look up, you're like, damn, that was dangerous.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Holy.

[Joe Rogan]

No, never. Yeah, I use the apple carplay. Thing.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Press the text. You say text mark Norman, what would you like to say?

[Ari Shaffir]

Write it, Margaret.

[Joe Rogan]

And then it says it back to you. Sometimes it it up, which is a real problem. If you have any weird naming street or something like that. That won't work.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's Bert. Every time Bert sends a text, it's like, what is this? He goes, oh, it's speechless text. Like. Or fat fingers.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Or slurring.

[Joe Rogan]

Speech to tasks is really easy if you're busy because you can get away with doing it, like in five seconds. What would take you, like, 20 minutes to type out?

[Ari Shaffir]

You know, the best was Dana White would went to a flip phone so we could feel the buttons so he could have a business meeting. Tell me if I'm wrong.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, you're wrong.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'm wrong. And text under the table.

[Joe Rogan]

He definitely texted under the table, but that's not why. He just started out with a flip phone. And when everybody was going to smartphones, he's like, I can just text with my finger.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

And he was so busy. He's like, I don't have time for apps. Like, what are you doing?

[Mark Normand]

But isn't that T9? That takes a half hour.

[Joe Rogan]

He would feel the buttons, do it without looking.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Joe Rogan]

Him and I were having dinner and he sent me a text without looking. He goes, I'm gonna send you a text right now. I don't have to look at my phone.

[Mark Normand]

Was it accurate?

[Joe Rogan]

It was accurate. I was like, wow. I mean, it wasn't crazy. He used like the letter U for you. That's when that started. That used to drive me crazy. Even back in the T9 days.

[Mark Normand]

Don't you do this. Two of them now. You son of a.

[Joe Rogan]

Even in the T9 days, I. I used Y ou.

[Ari Shaffir]

Why even that?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Not you are either. Y apostrophe. R E. I don't know if I did that. Could you even do an apostrophe back then?

[Ari Shaffir]

You can.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. You could do.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's a four button thing.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. We're talking to Mr. Flip Phone right here.

[Ari Shaffir]

I got to get back there. I got to go back. Like the island.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, Dave attell still on it.

[Mark Normand]

That's true.

[Ari Shaffir]

Dave has like, phones.

[Mark Normand]

I saw him the other night. He had some killer new. He's so timely and relevant. Always 2 minutes on white Lotus. It was gold.

[Joe Rogan]

What's White Lotus?

[Ari Shaffir]

Was TV show on h got a.

[Shane Gillis]

Giant fake in it that really tricked me.

[Mark Normand]

Steve's on got your heart.

[Shane Gillis]

No, the season two.

[Mark Normand]

Oh.

[Shane Gillis]

It's like a real Hot guy and he goes in and changes while girls.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yes.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Did you see Peaky Blinders? How about that scene where that. That lady sucking or that guy sucking that other guy's.

[Mark Normand]

Pull it up.

[Shane Gillis]

Remembered that lady.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, lady.

[Joe Rogan]

He is literally sucking a guy's rubber. What? Yeah, there's like an orgy and this lady is. It's either a lady or a guy. 100.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's true. Bar Mitzvah video.

[Mark Normand]

I got a pizza.

[Joe Rogan]

Some guy was sucking another guy's peaky blindness. Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna peek too.

[Ari Shaffir]

The Irish movie.

[Mark Normand]

You go first.

[Shane Gillis]

It's gonna be me and Ari.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, you guys can do it?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, we can do it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Talk about.

[Mark Normand]

I'm gonna hold it.

[Shane Gillis]

Get in there.

[Mark Normand]

I had some. I had a few at the Delta Lounge.

[Ari Shaffir]

Nice.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, you had some drinks on that?

[Mark Normand]

Well, I'm so hungover, I had to get a beer.

[Shane Gillis]

What did you do last night?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, I did a show in Charleston. Great school, great crowd. But yeah, after it. That's a drink in town.

[Ari Shaffir]

Norman. Norman got me into the lounge once and I was like, oh, let me get a drink. He's like, what are you. There's free drinks.

[Mark Normand]

Why'd you order that?

[Ari Shaffir]

They have a whole list of free drinks. Norman's jewelry.

[Shane Gillis]

That I am definitely.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

I've seen Norman eat wings off a plate. Going to the kitchen at the cell. He's like, whoa, that sounds like.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, we had that steak last night at the stand. Or two nights ago.

[Ari Shaffir]

Whose stand? He's just like, let me just have a piece. A third of it. It's in his mouth.

[Mark Normand]

Never got caught. Yeah, I don't know who's that was. Hey, buy some bodega, cat. But everybody, while Joe's in the.

[Shane Gillis]

It was a funny defense of believing in dragons.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

And I'm going, sasquatch.

[Ari Shaffir]

Sasquatch is real, though. I love when you're like, you could have got me on a real thing.

[Shane Gillis]

You could have got me on Sasquatch. Now the view rules. What's going wrong with you? Oh, you seem up. I know that's the worst thing somebody can say to you. So I do a seem up?

[Ari Shaffir]

I don't know. You just got. When I got here editing my special, I got a special coming out.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, nice.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, a new one.

[Ari Shaffir]

January 14th.

[Mark Normand]

You already covered.

[Ari Shaffir]

Drink up a little.

[Shane Gillis]

Get fired up.

[Ari Shaffir]

Dude, I'm doing whiskey all day. This is my third one.

[Mark Normand]

We started before you got.

[Ari Shaffir]

You had three drinks and we started before we started.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, start before we started. You're drooling a mess.

[Joe Rogan]

And we're back. All right.

[Mark Normand]

Now I got a wee wee.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. We have no leader with Joe Rogan going floating. Things are weird.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. I was just like, what's going on? Are you okay? We had nothing.

[Joe Rogan]

It is. I mean, it is a fun time. It's a fun time. It really is. You can't. It's scary, but it's a fun time these times. Yeah. As long as the war doesn't really break off. A real actual hot war. If. If they can stop these from doing that.

[Shane Gillis]

She keeps telling me to chill because I keep falling. That. What it fucks me. That fucking lady's nuclear war book.

[Ari Shaffir]

Who?

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, yeah. Jacobson. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Terrify one from Broad City.

[Joe Rogan]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

Yes. This lady wrote a book about what would happen during a nuclear war.

[Ari Shaffir]

Well, I would die.

[Shane Gillis]

We all would.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

But. Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

And how it's getting nuked first and.

[Shane Gillis]

How dumb it is and how quickly it, like, both have a policy that's like, all right. Yes. Like, if they think there's a nuke.

[Ari Shaffir]

I was in Cuba, so me and Bobby were like researching, like the Cuban Missile crisis and the Bay of Pigs while we were there. And man, how close it was with that submarine. Three out of four Russians were like, we can't talk to Russia. So, like, there must be a reason for that. I bet they're attacked. We should launch. And one out of the four was one guy. Hold on, though.

[Shane Gillis]

Saved the entire world.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let's wait an hour.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Jesus.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's how close it was. And if he launched. And then America would have to launch.

[Shane Gillis]

But, you know, I know we're supposed to support the bro, but the guys on the fucking nuclear subs that, like, they're only. They're gonna just destroy the world. And then. Then what? You surface?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

And go. All right, well.

[Joe Rogan]

Right. What are you coming back to?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Stay down there as long as you.

[Joe Rogan]

Coming back to a destroyed world.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Don't.

[Joe Rogan]

Not like there's spots you can go to. Like, the whole world's cooked.

[Shane Gillis]

The whole thing's going.

[Ari Shaffir]

Iceland. Not even that.

[Joe Rogan]

Where. That we're so close. The Russians had to warn the United States they were launching that missile at Ukraine.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Because it would end the world.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa. Is that why the first time one.

[Joe Rogan]

Of those missiles has ever been used? It's based on an intercontinental ballistic missile, but they call it a mid range. So it's a mid range ballistic missile. And it easily could have a nuke on it. So when they launched it, they had to let the United States know that they were launching it, but they didn't say if they had a nuke on it or not.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh really?

[Mark Normand]

No shit.

[Joe Rogan]

I don't think they said let's Google that. Because what I read said I thought.

[Shane Gillis]

They had to say. They had to have said there's no.

[Mark Normand]

Way give it a go.

[Joe Rogan]

Do they you think they said this.

[Shane Gillis]

Is just a show. I hope that's true cuz I didn't ended the world.

[Joe Rogan]

The thing that I read said that they didn't. I do not know if that's true though. But there's so. It's so hard to know what's true and what's not. There's so many different stories out there.

[Shane Gillis]

You know what I would like to know is that footage of those.

[Joe Rogan]

Do I believe in dragons? Do I not hard to know.

[Mark Normand]

Bigfoot's real.

[Shane Gillis]

They the video of that missile landing though, was that real?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, cool as that was awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

Looks like lightning.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Like it sucked down.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, just land.

[Joe Rogan]

I mean these are some ex basically experimental things that's landing, you know.

[Ari Shaffir]

I drunk enough for you now?

[Joe Rogan]

The stuff that we've seen is so small in comparison to the stuff that we have. We have stuff that would wipe. Wipe out entire shelves of the continent.

[Mark Normand]

Let's do it.

[Joe Rogan]

You would. You would kill like everyone in the UK instantaneously.

[Mark Normand]

Good. They're all just.

[Joe Rogan]

They wanted to go ham. You know if there was some sort of a real nuclear war and a bunch of them launched and you. You hit Chicago with three big missiles with nukes on it. Those things are a thousand times stronger than the Hiroshima bombs.

[Ari Shaffir]

A thousand twice would be enough.

[Joe Rogan]

Let's see what the top what the total is. How what the. What is the most powerful ballistic missile that carries a UFO bomb? What can it do?

[Shane Gillis]

Look at this.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Ari Shaffir]

What?

[Mark Normand]

Whoa, whoa.

[Shane Gillis]

Are those real?

[Ari Shaffir]

Nothing's.

[Shane Gillis]

It almost looks like the reverse footage of missiles firing.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, it does.

[Joe Rogan]

Jamie, how much more powerful is are today's nuclear bombs than what they use in Hiroshima? It's some.

[Ari Shaffir]

And how much more powerful today's weed than the 70s weed?

[Joe Rogan]

Don't you think there were some people in the 70s that had the real probably right? Yeah, probably.

[Shane Gillis]

This guy's getting cooked.

[Ari Shaffir]

When Jay, when Jay came to used to come to LA and he goes New York weed is as good as LA weed. I'm like challenge accepted. And he. He assumed his weed was good. Do you remember the 70s must have been that a bunch of doors going oh, this weed is good. And the heads were like no, no, no.

[Joe Rogan]

Remember Time we up. We went to Philly and we fucked up because we disregarded their wheat weed. Philly weed. Silly Philly weed. We got obliterated. And we could barely talk on stage.

[Shane Gillis]

Heroin.

[Joe Rogan]

We got a blittery. It was fun.

[Ari Shaffir]

It was fun.

[Joe Rogan]

Show.

[Mark Normand]

That's like anything. Blow. You can get blow out there.

[Joe Rogan]

So how much bigger is it than Hiroshima? Okay, so look how tiny this is.

[Ari Shaffir]

Rogan's club.

[Joe Rogan]

So hiroshima.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Simpson versus kil.

[Ari Shaffir]

Tony.

[Joe Rogan]

15 kilotons for little boy. And the Russian ICBM has 800 kilograms tons.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, my God.

[Mark Normand]

I don't know what that means.

[Joe Rogan]

That's a lot.

[Shane Gillis]

It would just suck.

[Joe Rogan]

It would suck so hard.

[Ari Shaffir]

A hundred.

[Shane Gillis]

Look at those New York maps and see where I live.

[Joe Rogan]

So crazy great.

[Shane Gillis]

We'd just be on fire. Be in the fire zone.

[Ari Shaffir]

I would love to be someone later generation to come to see me. Like playing video games. Frozen. Jacking off. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. Pompeii.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Pompeii Jack off guy.

[Mark Normand]

That's true. A couple of those guys were gay.

[Joe Rogan]

How do you know?

[Mark Normand]

Pull it up.

[Joe Rogan]

No, no. They were trying to say they were gay because they just want.

[Shane Gillis]

They love Abraham Lincoln.

[Joe Rogan]

These guys were dying in the middle of a furnace of ass.

[Ari Shaffir]

We may as well try some.

[Joe Rogan]

Don't you think? They just hug each other. I mean, what. What would you do with your friends? With.

[Ari Shaffir]

I would not hug you. I would not hug any of you during that.

[Joe Rogan]

What the. You would hug to each other.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let's hug.

[Mark Normand]

There's a dog like mid run, bro.

[Joe Rogan]

You would cling to each other. You would cling to each other. You'd be. You'd be all cooking together.

[Mark Normand]

I could use a hook instantaneously. Oh, she's eating her out.

[Joe Rogan]

It could have been some guy just hanging out with his friend too. You what? Leave him.

[Ari Shaffir]

Could have been a mom and a daughter.

[Joe Rogan]

But it wasn't everybody gay back then, though.

[Shane Gillis]

Historians love putting gay on everybody.

[Mark Normand]

I'm gay.

[Ari Shaffir]

Go back up.

[Joe Rogan]

Go back up.

[Ari Shaffir]

Nice. Nice.

[Mark Normand]

That thing.

[Joe Rogan]

To an open atmosphere surrounding sexuality and sex. Multiple depictions of penises and sexual acts in statues and wall paintings. Oh, maybe they were gay.

[Mark Normand]

Thank you.

[Joe Rogan]

How about maybe everybody was gay back then? Maybe it's like Afghanistan.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's like that Spartan guy from Segura's podcast.

[Joe Rogan]

Look at that.

[Mark Normand]

Why not go gay? What do you got to lose? There's no cameras.

[Shane Gillis]

Alexander the Great was not gay.

[Joe Rogan]

What? Come on. I thought he was gay.

[Shane Gillis]

Not gay.

[Joe Rogan]

How do you know?

[Shane Gillis]

There's no.

[Ari Shaffir]

His real name is.

[Shane Gillis]

There's no record of him being gay, but he put up some statues of.

[Mark Normand]

Bros. How about that, Rasputin?

[Joe Rogan]

So what is the rumor for him being gay? What's it come from?

[Shane Gillis]

Came from the movie Alexander.

[Joe Rogan]

No way.

[Shane Gillis]

Really? Just gay? The whole movie?

[Ari Shaffir]

Really? Somebody had. I mean, back then though.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, they were all gay.

[Mark Normand]

They were all gay.

[Ari Shaffir]

If Diddy was. I mean, is it like Diddy gay or is it like a real gay. I think it was power guy.

[Shane Gillis]

I think it was. Did he get. Was having orgies?

[Joe Rogan]

It's unknown if Alexander the Great was gay, but historians believe he likely had relationships with men. So he might not have engaged as he Dudes.

[Shane Gillis]

What?

[Ari Shaffir]

It's just like you're so sick of these Joe Behars that you're like, let me just. Dude.

[Shane Gillis]

So long ago. They're just making up.

[Joe Rogan]

If it was Street Whoopi Goldberg and Alexander the Great, he's getting.

[Ari Shaffir]

At least I can talk to the guys.

[Joe Rogan]

Ancient Greece. Many men engaged in same sex relationships without shame. Yeah, I think everybody was gay back then.

[Mark Normand]

Why not?

[Joe Rogan]

I think there's a lot of.

[Shane Gillis]

They could.

[Joe Rogan]

They're going to say that about us.

[Shane Gillis]

They're going to go, look, man, every billboard was guys kissing.

[Joe Rogan]

No, no, no.

[Ari Shaffir]

Guys just had an excus me.

[Joe Rogan]

This is like climate change. This is a blip that goes up and it's going to come down. Guys. That's what it's like. Yeah. Guys sucking each other all over the place. It's like, hey, never got style.

[Mark Normand]

I don't know. I saw that Jaguar ad.

[Joe Rogan]

There's always going to be a certain. That just killed Jaguar. Like fucking Kid Rock killed Bud Light.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean, what were they doing?

[Ari Shaffir]

What was that?

[Joe Rogan]

What are they doing? You didn't see the Jaguar ad?

[Ari Shaffir]

I get most of my news from being on this podcast.

[Joe Rogan]

The Jaguar good. This is reliable. Unlike ABC News. The Jaguar ad is the fucking craziest speech. The guy gives a speech like it's four years ago. Wait, like he's in the throes of the BLM movement and like the. The wokest of woke times.

[Mark Normand]

Really?

[Joe Rogan]

He should be wearing a mask when he does this speech. See if you can find the speech.

[Shane Gillis]

The.

[Joe Rogan]

The ad is ridiculous. This? Yeah. This is Jaguar.

[Mark Normand]

What is this, the Olympics?

[Joe Rogan]

This is sports cars.

[Mark Normand]

All right, well, it's not so bad.

[Joe Rogan]

It's kind of cool.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

What exactly? Cars.

[Mark Normand]

A lot of colors.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, this is just weird. Which is fine. I like weird.

[Ari Shaffir]

Target.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

But I'm asking for the press conference that Megan Rapinoe. So the. The press conference is where the guys started. Starts talk. The ad is just weird. But in the press conference, the guy talks about how inclusive they want all diverse. And this is. You got wrong ones.

[Shane Gillis]

Jacksonville Jaguars shout out Gabe Davis, gay, gay.

[Joe Rogan]

David just see And a bunch of nonsense. And the way. The way they say it, it's just like, what do you. Are you selling cars or not? Why are you selling this? Political ideology.

[Ari Shaffir]

I thought you made sports cars. Century the self.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Hell yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

They're no longer selling the thing that has Adam Kurt. They're no longer selling the thing that has the value. So like pianos stop going from like, this is a good Steinway piano with good sound to this will bring your family together. And when you see the guy from True Detective going, the freedom I get from driving on the road. It's nothing to do with your motor that they're selling that to everybody on every front.

[Joe Rogan]

It's like Subaru made with love thing you're selling. This thing you're selling is not your audience.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Your audience is.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, dude, the Jaguar.

[Ari Shaffir]

See the commercial?

[Joe Rogan]

Bad ass.

[Shane Gillis]

Pretty cool.

[Joe Rogan]

They are badass. They make. That's the problem for guys like us.

[Ari Shaffir]

The Jaguars always in the shop. That was the. That was the.

[Mark Normand]

That's true.

[Joe Rogan]

The new ones are more relaxed about every. No, no, I think the new ones are owned by Ford. Actually.

[Mark Normand]

They bought them.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, look, the new Jaguars, the V8 Coupe is a beast. It's an amazing car. I don't know. I think this is a different.

[Mark Normand]

They hired a guy.

[Joe Rogan]

Did you find the price? Press conference.

[Mark Normand]

J. Mos scrubbed it. Type it in. It's just people complaining, like making videos. Complaining about.

[Joe Rogan]

I guarantee you can find it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Remember the Trump Joe Rogan episode? You search Joe Rogan, Donald Trump, and it was like, they us. A bunch of reaction videos came up. First they us.

[Joe Rogan]

They made it impossible to find the video. And we had a complaint and they said it was an accident.

[Ari Shaffir]

But like, how did this accident happen?

[Joe Rogan]

They wouldn't say. See, here's the thing. Like, maybe there's a way that you can. This is me completely speculating. Okay, but maybe there's a way. Like, I don't like Ari Shafir and I run some sort of.

[Ari Shaffir]

Very well known.

[Joe Rogan]

I run sort of sort of a super pac or I think Ari Shir has a podcast that's dangerous and it might. I might be able to do something by mass complaining about your podcast. Like mass flagging it, right? Like, if I. If I have a bot system and I can get like a million people to mass flag Your video, maybe it gets put into a category where it's more difficult to find.

[Ari Shaffir]

They do that.

[Joe Rogan]

I'm just imagining if I ran a company and it was potentially like a beheading Taliban video and it got mass flagged, you'd want it really hard to find. So you would hide the actual title of it. You would make it so it's difficult to search. Yeah, I just. I'm just being as charitable as possible.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay. Right.

[Joe Rogan]

That's what I could imagine. So they want people to know that that's possible. Possible. So when you ask them how did it happen, they don't give you a straight explanation. Because if that's the case, and this is again, completely me speculating, but if I'm speculating, you find out that that's a thing. And I bet somebody does know it's a thing. If it is a thing, they definitely don't. Aren't publicly known. Because then all these other foreign countries, anybody who wants to stifle any kind of news story, anything, could just start using this process to hijack.

[Ari Shaffir]

No. Anytime I've come under public fire, it's like the videos that have nothing to do with it go lower because people are just like, let's just flag them. So you have, like you said, a thousand people flagging it. The bot goes, this is probably problematic.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. And they don't. They don't have the time to be searching everything. The amount of that gets posted Every second on YouTube is mind blowing.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yo, can we talk about that every year? Trump speech about going, we're not going to do that anymore.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, that was nice. That's.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's the only one I've tried to explain to people like what I'm trying to in the kindest way possible. And this is where. What I've come up with when I make fun of the dead golden girl. They can't ban me for bullying anymore.

[Mark Normand]

Betty White.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, they'll have to go, that's definitely not bullying. We won't ban your account. You can actually get an answer. But I want to hear what he said because it was so. It hung me up.

[Joe Rogan]

What he said is that you cannot have censorship on social media sites and you can have the government interfering with free speech.

[Mark Normand]

This video anywhere.

[Joe Rogan]

I only watched the video, Jane. I watched.

[Mark Normand]

You didn't. I'm just saying I can't find.

[Joe Rogan]

Okay, we'll keep looking.

[Mark Normand]

You need some regular. You can have faces of death.

[Joe Rogan]

Keep looking because I know you can find.

[Mark Normand]

It doesn't. It only shows that this is the source of it is the Financial Times. It says it was an interview.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, but I watched it on Instagram.

[Mark Normand]

I did too. Typed it all over the place. I'm not seeing it.

[Joe Rogan]

Did you type it on Instagram? Jaguar ad? Yep. Or Jaguar press conference. I typed in the guy's name.

[Mark Normand]

Damn. Do they scrub it?

[Joe Rogan]

Maybe.

[Mark Normand]

That's crazy.

[Joe Rogan]

They might.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow.

[Joe Rogan]

Did you see they scrubbed Jeffrey Epstein's connections to Bill Clinton off of Clinton's Wikipedia?

[Mark Normand]

Boy, Clinton's slippery, huh?

[Ari Shaffir]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

He's good.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Duncan changed my Wikipedia. Ari doesn't have any Jew gold, but he's hidden it among his friends.

[Joe Rogan]

How the do I know? Boy, you can't find it. Jamie. You're right.

[Shane Gillis]

Also, the only people type in Jaguar.

[Mark Normand]

And that guy's name literally says no results.

[Joe Rogan]

This is crazy. They pulled the video. It must have been such a disaster. They must be so terrified of thinking things like this, of people like us talking about it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Shane's about to get into the sponsorship.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

See if you can find his quotes. So get his quotes.

[Shane Gillis]

I've always loved Jaguar.

[Mark Normand]

Bud Light and Jaguar drinking and driving.

[Ari Shaffir]

Look at those freaks.

[Joe Rogan]

Jaguar managing director. How do you say his name? Raw Don Glover. Hold on. The intended message had been lost in a blaze of intolerance on social media and denied that the promotional video was intended as a woke statement.

[Shane Gillis]

You. It wasn't, Joe. If you put his name together, it's raw. Dong lover. Think about that. You ever think about that? Dong lover.

[Mark Normand]

You just blew my mind.

[Joe Rogan]

We need to re establish our brand and completely different price point.

[Shane Gillis]

It was a tweet. I saw that. Oh, okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

A little too smart.

[Joe Rogan]

Look at this. We need to move away from traditional automotive stereotypes. Glover said that while the overall buzz of the new campaign have been very positive. Look, that ad didn't bother me at all. I thought the dad was cool. The things that he was saying. Vile hatred and intolerance in the comments regarding the individuals that appeared in the video. Well, that I don't agree with. But what I do agree with was the things that he was saying were like, crazy. Like, you're supposed to be a car company. Tell me how awesome your car is. What are the quotes, though? That's not his quotes.

[Ari Shaffir]

You got to look at Matthew McConaughey talking about Lincoln. It's got nothing to do with the car. It's the same shit. They all do the same shit.

[Joe Rogan]

Press conference.

[Mark Normand]

There's no car.

[Joe Rogan]

Okay, but this was a guy on stage that was saying all these crazy things. That's what it. Everybody exploded. About that's what you can't find. You can still find that commercial because the commercial is cool. Like I don't give a. If you want people painted up and dancing in a commercial. It's visually interesting.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yep.

[Mark Normand]

It's like Apple.

[Joe Rogan]

But now Jamie Google Jaguar. Top of the line coupe. Whatever it is. The VA V8 coupe.

[Ari Shaffir]

Jamie, type in 8008.

[Joe Rogan]

The top of the line. Whatever their fucking new one is.

[Ari Shaffir]

Is it called coupe?

[Shane Gillis]

Do you actually. Is that how you say it?

[Joe Rogan]

That thing is a beast, dude.

[Ari Shaffir]

Is it not cool?

[Joe Rogan]

Give me some volume. So look here with the sound.

[Shane Gillis]

Hold on a second.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wait, hold on.

[Shane Gillis]

Time out.

[Ari Shaffir]

Is it not?

[Joe Rogan]

They say coupe in England.

[Mark Normand]

It's like Porsche.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, exactly. See if you can find one that has sound. Cuz the thing sounds incredible.

[Mark Normand]

It's a good looking ride.

[Ari Shaffir]

Looks like a D280SX.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Talking about.

[Ari Shaffir]

What do you mean?

[Joe Rogan]

Go to videos.

[Mark Normand]

J. What do you.

[Joe Rogan]

You hear this thing? Now this. This is the type of car that you're. You're not gonna.

[Ari Shaffir]

I love you, buddy.

[Joe Rogan]

Give me some like. Go to where they're driving it. Welcome to Extra Throttle House. Here we go. Right there.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay.

[Joe Rogan]

Go to where they drive it. Oh, he's driving an Aston. Here it is. It's quite interesting.

[Mark Normand]

Getting out of something that's hundreds of thousands.

[Shane Gillis]

These two guys are gonna get caught in a volcano. So at each other like Pompeii.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let's go to the woods where no one can see us.

[Joe Rogan]

Let's test the steering. Throttle House. It's.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'm excited. With electricity and what's an amazing car.

[Mark Normand]

Rear end. Me.

[Joe Rogan]

That's all I have to say.

[Shane Gillis]

I would have bought one.

[Joe Rogan]

I would have bought one before that press conference.

[Mark Normand]

Well, the 69 Jaguar is like the most coveted collectible.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, it's a coveted collectible.

[Ari Shaffir]

I drove one of those. Let me drive one of those for a while.

[Joe Rogan]

Elon used to have one of those.

[Mark Normand]

Really? They're cool.

[Joe Rogan]

It's got the long front.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, exactly.

[Joe Rogan]

They're interesting. There's a company that takes them and makes them resto mods now so they make them drivable. So you could drive one today and don't feel like you're gonna die every time you hit the brakes.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, they're unreliable.

[Joe Rogan]

Try right. If you drive in a 1969 car today, they're garbage.

[Mark Normand]

I got a 73 Beamer and I've never had one problem with it.

[Joe Rogan]

The guy. This is the guy.

[Mark Normand]

This says head of marketing.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh my God.

[Joe Rogan]

Listen to what this guy Says Mateo's.

[Ari Shaffir]

Up there telling us what to do.

[Joe Rogan]

Who this? And at Jaguar, we are passionate about our people and we're committed to fostering a diverse, inclusive and unified culture that is representative not only of the people who use our products.

[Shane Gillis]

Why they hire American Man.

[Joe Rogan]

Cuz he's got a great shirt on. Can bring their authentic selves.

[Shane Gillis]

He's dominating in that shirt.

[Mark Normand]

He's like George Michael.

[Joe Rogan]

Journey of our own. Driven by a belief in diversity, inclusion.

[Mark Normand]

But we're trying to sell a car motors.

[Joe Rogan]

Most importantly, tires action. Over 15 DEI groups such as Pride who are here tonight in the back.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yo, what's up, bro?

[Shane Gillis]

Shout out Pride.

[Joe Rogan]

Thank you guys for coming. Women in engineering and Neurodiversity Matters. We've launched major policy.

[Mark Normand]

This is so kind of Bud Light.

[Joe Rogan]

Transitionary. Transitioning at work.

[Shane Gillis]

Transitioning at work.

[Mark Normand]

Super power training fluid.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, my God. It's so crazy that it has nothing to do with the product.

[Joe Rogan]

That's what I'm saying.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's crazy.

[Joe Rogan]

This is what you're doing. You're pushing an ideology on a bunch of people that just want cool cars.

[Ari Shaffir]

Like, why?

[Joe Rogan]

I don't disagree with any of those things. I want everybody to be happy. But shut the up when you're selling.

[Ari Shaffir]

What am I buying?

[Shane Gillis]

I think personally, like, the annoyance is like that level of like politicizing a brand that's like a big company.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Shane Gillis]

Jaguar on the right. The only. The only time you see like a right wing. It's my pillow.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, right.

[Shane Gillis]

It's literally gold coins in my pillow. Those are. The guys giving speeches are like, this country. We need a. Yeah. And it's like my. I mean, those guys. That's funny. But when it's a major company and they're like, we are gay.

[Ari Shaffir]

You the most. He listed eight things and not one of them was the steering wheel.

[Joe Rogan]

Right, bro? Letting their employees be their authentic self. What does that even mean? Letting them be there. You're putting that.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'm gonna come at you tomorrow when I get that.

[Joe Rogan]

You're putting that above.

[Ari Shaffir]

Think about that for three days and then come back at you.

[Joe Rogan]

You're putting that above making a good car. And that's all anybody gives a about.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You guys are stupid.

[Mark Normand]

Boeing, Boeing cut out the di.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, they're all cutting it out because it's killing their business.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's what kill the dark Democrats.

[Mark Normand]

We could use a little on this show. A couple old honkies talking.

[Joe Rogan]

He puts the glasses on because he doesn't like what he just said.

[Mark Normand]

We gotta get A Brian Simpsons. Kathy Griffin something.

[Joe Rogan]

Let's do the Kathy Griffin.

[Mark Normand]

That poor lady Trump head.

[Ari Shaffir]

Kathy Griffin got the raw deal.

[Joe Rogan]

I hope that was a wild one. That was that trumpet. Especially when she had been on the show. That's even crazier. She was on the Apprentice.

[Mark Normand]

Was she really?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, she's a guest.

[Ari Shaffir]

But it's like, I don't.

[Joe Rogan]

Kathy Griffin on the Apprentice.

[Ari Shaffir]

But who took her out? Which side took her out?

[Shane Gillis]

The right.

[Joe Rogan]

Right, the right. Because the right.

[Ari Shaffir]

The right.

[Joe Rogan]

Either.

[Ari Shaffir]

Such is a lot of them are as gay as the left.

[Joe Rogan]

The woke. Right. They call it the woke.

[Shane Gillis]

Right.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yep.

[Joe Rogan]

Kathy Griffith says Donald Trump smelled really bad on the Apprentice. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay. It's funny.

[Shane Gillis]

I bet Kathy Griffin didn't still smell that great.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, she smelled pretty better.

[Ari Shaffir]

So I could smell you over me.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That was from an award show that they sponsored. It's called the Attitude Awards, where it's.

[Shane Gillis]

A lot of awards.

[Ari Shaffir]

What was that?

[Joe Rogan]

Jaguar.

[Ari Shaffir]

The Jaguar. Oh, so he's just there to speak about that.

[Joe Rogan]

He's talking about Jaguar.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's the problem too. Like, we're hearing it about Jaguars, but he's just there to speak to that audience.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Which is either way.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You're still. You're publicly addressing the, you know, Jaguar. Like you're representing Jaguar.

[Ari Shaffir]

But I mean, if we're talking about like the horror wars and we talk about Tony's Thrones, it's like, what about his comedy? Like, that's not what we're doing here today.

[Joe Rogan]

That's true.

[Shane Gillis]

If I went to the gay arena show, I'd be like, jaguars, gay.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. I'm trying to sell Jaguars.

[Shane Gillis]

Everyone's gay.

[Joe Rogan]

The problem is if it gets online. Right. And then people are talking about it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Always. The problem is when it's shown to an audience that's not your intended audience.

[Joe Rogan]

Right.

[Ari Shaffir]

Same with Tony. I'm just here to perform for these people.

[Joe Rogan]

Exactly.

[Mark Normand]

It's like the Daniel Tosh joke. They took it out and put on the news.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right.

[Joe Rogan]

But with need to be attached to anything like that. We don't want a company. We want a company to just sell cars. I don't want you to get politically active.

[Mark Normand]

No, it's.

[Joe Rogan]

It's frustrating. I don't want it on either side. If Ford was like really heavy in on right wing issues and constantly chirping about right wing politics and Christianity.

[Mark Normand]

Getting.

[Joe Rogan]

All Jesus people drove people to abortions and fors. Shut the up. Yeah, you know, like, shut the up. I don't want to hear it. I want you to sell cars. But I get if that guy's there.

[Ari Shaffir]

To speak to people.

[Joe Rogan]

But the thing is he's speaking as they did.

[Mark Normand]

I can type it in.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, every single one.

[Shane Gillis]

That's actually. That's what I was arguing about.

[Ari Shaffir]

The Budweiser can had a gay can every June.

[Shane Gillis]

Every single one does.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, they sponsored Pride.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, that's what I mean. Give 50 bucks to a party in Chelsea.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

All of them.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Look, we all like gay guys.

[Mark Normand]

Of course they're funny as great.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, I hate discrimination. And imagine being gay and all of a sudden someone's telling you you can't be gay. Like. Well, Ben Shapiro had the craziest take on it. Ben Shapiro.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh my.

[Joe Rogan]

He thinks you should treat it like. You treat. Like not murdering somebody. It's like it's a sin. There's a lot of things you want.

[Ari Shaffir]

To do Jewish thing. It's. You treat it like gluttony, drunkenness or whatever. It's like. It's a. It's a. You just got caught with that desire. You should overcome it. What do you Jews do to relax with you?

[Joe Rogan]

You just. What are the Jews are involved in like gay activities? Do you like keeping on the hush hush?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. They literally did dig underground.

[Joe Rogan]

Do you dig underground? That's for storage.

[Shane Gillis]

That's for storage, dudes.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's for storage. But no, we keep.

[Joe Rogan]

How come you haven't.

[Ari Shaffir]

Listen, there's plenty of yeshiva rabbis who are kids. They report them, they go to jail sometimes. Sometimes they cover it up.

[Joe Rogan]

But wait a minute. Isn't it more Catholics?

[Mark Normand]

It's way more Catholic teachers, more kids than priests now. Yeah, the girl teaches.

[Joe Rogan]

They just busted another lady.

[Ari Shaffir]

See, I'm sure she was hot as she got busted.

[Joe Rogan]

She was big old. The priest is creepy crazy. Look at her eye.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's all about boy sex.

[Shane Gillis]

Bring up some hot ladies.

[Ari Shaffir]

Jamie, search pornhub.com. use a VPN J.

[Shane Gillis]

Bring up some hot child rapist females.

[Joe Rogan]

I think this lady had. She had the kid porn on her computer. Computer too.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, the Asian.

[Joe Rogan]

This is her.

[Ari Shaffir]

Not bad.

[Mark Normand]

Oh no, not Asian.

[Ari Shaffir]

Dude, you would work for that at a bar. These girls are hot.

[Mark Normand]

What are they doing?

[Joe Rogan]

Because they want to the guy that they couldn't in high school.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's Adrian's joke.

[Joe Rogan]

Is that what she says?

[Ari Shaffir]

How bad do men. How bad are men? Women have to turn to a 14 year old boy to fulfill their desires.

[Mark Normand]

This wasn't happening in the 80s.

[Joe Rogan]

I think they see a guy that's gonna be a stud and they say, I want to get him First.

[Mark Normand]

Look at that.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, my God. Bite that lip, glass. Damn you dirty lady.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let her.

[Joe Rogan]

Let her tell me about scripture. Do you have your magic underwear?

[Ari Shaffir]

Set it loose.

[Mark Normand]

And the kids are into it. So that makes it also okay?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, the kids are hard as a rock. They can come 30 times a day.

[Mark Normand]

And they become prom king after this. You're the most popular kid in the city.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, but they got big mouse, these kids.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, well, that's what it is.

[Ari Shaffir]

She made sex tape.

[Joe Rogan]

28 of them. With a 13 year old. What a wild Missouri goes asking other students to keep watch.

[Ari Shaffir]

She was having sex with NFL team is what happened.

[Joe Rogan]

She was asking other kids to watch. Watch why? She banged a kid.

[Mark Normand]

The honor.

[Ari Shaffir]

What? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[Joe Rogan]

I'm sorry to be over, everybody. We're just watching it. She's asking other kids to watch out. Look out.

[Mark Normand]

One of them. One teacher.

[Joe Rogan]

They were on the lookout.

[Shane Gillis]

Who's this lady holding a fish? Dude, if she a kid, I'm gonna be she.

[Joe Rogan]

All the kids. That's her, man. Look at her. Florida middle school. Always Florida.

[Mark Normand]

Always Florida.

[Joe Rogan]

14 year olds. Yes, ma'am. You did it. You did it. Good job with the fish and the legs.

[Ari Shaffir]

Too many GMOs.

[Joe Rogan]

That lady goes to the gym, she a freak. She can't take it, man. She's. She's born to be wild.

[Shane Gillis]

She's not a hot male pedophile.

[Joe Rogan]

Born to be wild. Look at her, bro. She's always got a can of alcohol in her hand.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude, we can't do what we're doing.

[Joe Rogan]

She's ready.

[Ari Shaffir]

She's like that Vegas senator.

[Mark Normand]

Do they go to jail, these gals?

[Joe Rogan]

I hope not. Please let them back.

[Shane Gillis]

J was picking the just bleach their hair. Got that mustache and ponytail. You sex pervert.

[Ari Shaffir]

He bookmarked it.

[Shane Gillis]

You're finding the hottest rapist teachers.

[Joe Rogan]

Jesus Christ.

[Mark Normand]

Well, if it's. If it's consensual, just d. Change your name.

[Joe Rogan]

Move her around like they move around those Catholic priests. That's what I say.

[Mark Normand]

Do a bumper sticker like the honor roll.

[Joe Rogan]

Move her around like they move those Catholic priests. They should have a new division of the Trump administration. Just move freaks around to some kids who don't know how to write.

[Mark Normand]

That'll motivate you.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, get some kids who know how to keep their mouth shut. We found a group of boys.

[Mark Normand]

You give me, give you the d.

[Joe Rogan]

Understand that I keep a secret. These little rats.

[Ari Shaffir]

This is Billy Madison.

[Mark Normand]

Want to touch the hy.

[Shane Gillis]

Can I have a beer too?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes, sir.

[Joe Rogan]

That nice lady sucked your dick, got her locked up in a cage.

[Mark Normand]

Veronica V. So hot.

[Joe Rogan]

There's so many of them and they're hot.

[Mark Normand]

They're all hot.

[Joe Rogan]

That's what's crazy.

[Mark Normand]

Also, these kids can get a boner.

[Joe Rogan]

You can't get.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's the thing.

[Joe Rogan]

They got a lot of boners.

[Ari Shaffir]

They know wrong is right.

[Mark Normand]

I lost my Virginia to like a 50 something year old and I think she was just like a guy who can get hard.

[Ari Shaffir]

Nice, Rogan. Nice. Nice.

[Shane Gillis]

We're back. That's what we do.

[Mark Normand]

It's good to have you back.

[Joe Rogan]

Thank you.

[Shane Gillis]

That's what we do. Jamie, what type of music are we going to listen to while we bong these beers?

[Mark Normand]

Something without a copyright.

[Joe Rogan]

Born to Be Wild. I think we need to hear that. Jamie, give me that.

[Mark Normand]

Find a cover. Get a cover version.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, we're gonna do it on Spotify.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, sick.

[Joe Rogan]

We release these only on Spotify, so we can still go wild.

[Mark Normand]

No.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. That's what we do now. Didn't we disagree?

[Mark Normand]

Yes. Can we do clips on YouTube?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Palestine.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa. Yeah. What a country. What a country.

[Joe Rogan]

What a country. Were you guys happy when Trump won?

[Shane Gillis]

No.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'll tell you why.

[Joe Rogan]

Work for Netflix.

[Shane Gillis]

It was funny because I've done it the last three times with Trump. The first time he won. I've never voted.

[Mark Normand]

I don't vote.

[Shane Gillis]

So I wasn't like, I still have that. But I didn't think I wanted Trump to win until he won the first time. And then when he won, I was like, yes.

[Mark Normand]

My crypto went way up.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'll tell you what, me and Bobby didn't find out who won till Saturday.

[Mark Normand]

Bobby Kennedy, Bobby Kelly. Oh.

[Ari Shaffir]

And I am feeling, in New York liberal area, a calmness.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. They're all chill, dad. They took a day, Daddy. Some. They took. They took like a day to be.

[Ari Shaffir]

Like not feeling it. I'm feeling a sense of kind of relief.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'm not. I'm just like an observed observer.

[Joe Rogan]

Got to know they're out of control.

[Mark Normand]

Well, people were more mad at Tony than the whole Trump winning.

[Shane Gillis]

It felt like that's got the comic.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's just cowards and traitor.

[Joe Rogan]

You say if you go cowards and tr.

[Shane Gillis]

Tell anyone, you go Tony Hench. Do you remember that? I don't know.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Shane Gillis]

That's just our world.

[Joe Rogan]

He's easy to hate.

[Mark Normand]

That's true.

[Joe Rogan]

Especially if you don't know him.

[Shane Gillis]

He's trying.

[Joe Rogan]

He's trying to get hated. He likes being hated. He's a villain. In a pro wrestling.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's a heel. And the. The heels went wide and it became a different, different vibe.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, when.

[Ari Shaffir]

When it was Stone Cold, I think goes in Kansas City and goes, kansas City. Your women are all ugly and your barbecue tastes like ketchup and cardboard. Stone Cold. I think so. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

You better not have.

[Ari Shaffir]

And it was just like, he's just healing.

[Joe Rogan]

It's fun.

[Shane Gillis]

Clearly just a Down syndrome guy at wrestling.

[Joe Rogan]

Healing is fun and that's what Tony likes to do. But it's like if you're one of those people that's not doing well and you see this guy selling out Madison Square Garden in 40 minutes, be a reason people get mad, angry.

[Ari Shaffir]

David Taylor said this. He's worded so well. He goes, all the comics got mad. I'm not gonna say any names. You know them, the ones that got mad at Tony because they spent eight straight years trying to be politically relevant and none of them could really do it. And they were earnest while they were doing it. And then Tony, with some jokes, became the national talking point of politics and it tore them apart.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, that's. That's.

[Mark Normand]

Damn. Tony should flip it. He goes, if you hate me, you're homophobic.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, but he's not.

[Mark Normand]

Thank you. He's not.

[Joe Rogan]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

He's somehow, against all odds.

[Joe Rogan]

These are cold. These are cold.

[Shane Gillis]

You don't need to.

[Ari Shaffir]

Jamie, you got a song to go with this?

[Joe Rogan]

I want to hear Born to Be Wild.

[Shane Gillis]

Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, Jamie.

[Mark Normand]

Jamo.

[Shane Gillis]

Jamie, put on Born to be Wild.

[Mark Normand]

Let's go. Jamie looks like the My pillow guy.

[Shane Gillis]

Now Jamie does look like Mike Lindell.

[Mark Normand]

That's the name.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wait, wait on it. Wait for the hook. Head on the highway.

[Shane Gillis]

Yes.

[Joe Rogan]

Looking for advantage.

[Mark Normand]

I let him start now.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, he's going.

[Shane Gillis]

I can't believe I was worried about this. Day. Day drinking rules. Let's get two more.

[Joe Rogan]

Exploded to space. So cool. Keep it going, Jamie.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'm gonna air a couple of these out. I'm gonna warm a couple of these out.

[Joe Rogan]

You gotta do it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You haven't finished it.

[Mark Normand]

So cold.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, Mark takes 10 minutes with this.

[Mark Normand]

I'm a liquor guy.

[Joe Rogan]

This is your cold plunge.

[Shane Gillis]

Come on.

[Joe Rogan]

Fire all your guns it once and explode into space like a true nature child we were born born it be wild we can find.

[Mark Normand]

Sorry I let you know.

[Shane Gillis]

Can you imagine not being American, how gay you are?

[Ari Shaffir]

You're Jaguar gay. You're Jaguar gay.

[Joe Rogan]

I take back all I said about the Jaguar guy.

[Shane Gillis]

I kind of see the Jaguar.

[Joe Rogan]

I see the point now that I Realized it was a big old pride meeting.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, yeah. He was speaking correctly for that environment. He was doing what Tony did. It's just a pride and it was given to the wrong audience.

[Shane Gillis]

Let go of Tony.

[Ari Shaffir]

I mean, I love him. I don't know.

[Joe Rogan]

I love him too.

[Shane Gillis]

We all love Tony.

[Joe Rogan]

He's fine. He gets on stage now, it's like Richard Prior just arrived. They go nuts.

[Shane Gillis]

Which is good. That's what he needed.

[Joe Rogan]

I need I. When I was. I introduced him a couple. A couple of times. Like right after it was happening. The pop was insane.

[Ari Shaffir]

I got legitimately distressed over comedians coming after comedians. It really bothered me.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's a bomb.

[Joe Rogan]

I'm like Santa Claus. I'm making a list, checking it twice, of course.

[Shane Gillis]

But also. How are you surprised by this? Comedians across the board are dildos.

[Joe Rogan]

I don't feel like they used to be.

[Shane Gillis]

We keep talking about a time that I. I've never been around when.

[Joe Rogan]

That's the LA times. The LA times in the peak. It wasn't like that.

[Ari Shaffir]

It wasn't like that. They would on us being dirty but not public.

[Shane Gillis]

I was never around.

[Joe Rogan]

It was fun. The LA times before everybody went woke like 2014 to 2018. It was fun.

[Ari Shaffir]

The LA times.

[Joe Rogan]

The LA times. When we were in LA with the Comedy Store, when you filmed your special. You filmed your special in 2014. I came back to the store. It was popping. It was popping. And it was super positive for a long time.

[Ari Shaffir]

The only thing that would get you on is you're too lowbrow.

[Joe Rogan]

All right, that's fair.

[Ari Shaffir]

But it wouldn't be a public admonishment of your material.

[Mark Normand]

Social media that up.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, also, like, people don't feel like they're getting enough attention for what they're doing.

[Shane Gillis]

And who also, like. I don't know. Again. I'll say it again. I was never around when comedians were positive.

[Joe Rogan]

You were in the wrong spot if you were with us in la, it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Was all versus Main Street. I wasn't even doing alt versus Maine.

[Mark Normand]

New York was pretty positive.

[Joe Rogan]

But in New York, we hung out with the alt people.

[Ari Shaffir]

We hung out with them.

[Joe Rogan]

People like patents.

[Ari Shaffir]

They were mad at us for being better than them and we're. And we were mad at them for being witty.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, the thing was, we were free. We were free. We could do the stuff still that they did when they used to do. If you go back to like Patton's earlier albums, he get canceled for a lot of those bits.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, the.

[Joe Rogan]

He's got a.

[Ari Shaffir]

But also all we saw Was funny. All we saw with Pat was so tag heavy.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, well, he's a great comic. He's a great comic. And especially back then when he was.

[Ari Shaffir]

Free, his KFC bullshit was great. It was like, God damn this. That's set up. Tag, tag, tag, tag, tag, tag.

[Joe Rogan]

You know what I said once? It is totally true. He's like the best I've ever seen at making a premise work where I would have never imagined he'd take a premise. Where's he going with this? I can't believe this is working.

[Ari Shaffir]

Calling his TiVo when his daughter called.

[Joe Rogan]

Someone at Starbucks a monkey. Yeah, remember that? They're great bits.

[Shane Gillis]

He's great.

[Joe Rogan]

They're killer bits.

[Mark Normand]

He's funny, but you get captured, man.

[Joe Rogan]

If you're on a bunch of other cowards and everyone's, like, backstabbing everybody and there's this, like, weird compliance thing where you have to completely adhere to an ideology, 100% hook, line and sinker. Or you're cast out as a Nazi.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, but he doesn't because his. His true self is.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, cool.

[Ari Shaffir]

Chappelle wants me there. I'll do.

[Mark Normand]

But isn't that why we got into this? We got into this to be free.

[Ari Shaffir]

We got into this to hang out with other people.

[Joe Rogan]

You gotta have a bunch of people like us. You have a bunch of. Where we're all friends and we all are free. And if you don't have that, you don't know what the fuck to do.

[Ari Shaffir]

Bro, I barfed in Shane's toilet and blamed on O'Connor.

[Shane Gillis]

I knew it was you. I knew it was you, you scum.

[Ari Shaffir]

O Connor's like, you barf. Like, bro, that. You were so drunk. Must have been.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I knew that was you.

[Ari Shaffir]

And then Kyle was like. Was like, were you here? I'm like, did you get my present? I knew it was you. Obviously.

[Shane Gillis]

That was when we did the 999. That was a mistake.

[Ari Shaffir]

Bro.

[Joe Rogan]

When you did Skank Fest and in that Tupperware and they opened it up. I gagged watching the video he show Legion of Skanks. Legion of Skanks. What did I say?

[Ari Shaffir]

Skank Fest. I just. On stage. I'm done now. That was.

[Joe Rogan]

How did you.

[Mark Normand]

How did you get the note in the turd?

[Ari Shaffir]

Shoved it up my butt.

[Joe Rogan]

No. Jesus, son.

[Ari Shaffir]

Shoved it up my butt.

[Shane Gillis]

Wrote in, you know, GG Allen sucked.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, musically, yeah. Me too. Comedically, I've got nothing, but I'm number one.

[Mark Normand]

You're a prop comic now you're on stage.

[Joe Rogan]

He's the Only comic. If somebody tries to on stage now, they're like, oh, you're stealing from arm. You can't tell. You take your shirt off anymore. You're. There was a bunch of guys who used to take their shirts off, right?

[Mark Normand]

There has to be your turd Chrysler.

[Joe Rogan]

I can't believe that Bert was the only guy in the history. Stand up, take his shirt off on stage.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's the only one who did it two times. Times in a row, right? And then 1,000 times in a row.

[Joe Rogan]

Right? Like, did Joey ever take a shirt off on stage? He took his whole clothes off.

[Mark Normand]

Nope.

[Ari Shaffir]

Just bottoms. Just bottoms. Kept his top on. Always.

[Shane Gillis]

Okay, well, that's.

[Joe Rogan]

So there's gotta be a person. There's got to be a person other than Bird. Is it possible that Bird invented taking your shirt off when you do your set?

[Shane Gillis]

Probably.

[Mark Normand]

Janet Jackson.

[Ari Shaffir]

There's no this not happening. The thing is, his last recorded set with his shirt on.

[Mark Normand]

Really?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Pull it up.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, every time he used to do the or, he used to leave a shirt up because he felt like the or. It was like he felt bad. He took his shirt off.

[Shane Gillis]

Minnesota, Penn State. Pull up the score.

[Ari Shaffir]

Pull the score.

[Joe Rogan]

Now he takes his shirt off. Every time he gets on stage, you're trapped.

[Ari Shaffir]

He gives away his shirts. He throws them to the crowd.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't think he's even trapped doing it. I think he's.

[Joe Rogan]

If he wanted to, but it's also.

[Shane Gillis]

Like the crowd legs that he likes it.

[Joe Rogan]

Who cares?

[Ari Shaffir]

Feels free.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

What happens if he gets ripped?

[Mark Normand]

That'll never happen.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah. What happens if Chrysler gets ripped?

[Joe Rogan]

If he. If he finds his true self, he's on the tee.

[Ari Shaffir]

If he gets under £300, it's a massive coupe.

[Joe Rogan]

Coupe.

[Shane Gillis]

Jamie. I was. I was expecting the Golden Gophers. Penn State score. Oh, I like that.

[Joe Rogan]

Whoa.

[Shane Gillis]

I never forgot what they did.

[Joe Rogan]

Penn State never forget what happened.

[Ari Shaffir]

They raped a bunch.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, that's right. How crazy is that? They covered a bunch. How crazy is. They covered that up forever?

[Ari Shaffir]

The best was Sandusk going, well, I can't just live next to a children's school. Like, yeah, that's it.

[Shane Gillis]

If you look. If you look into that one, though, that's one. That's like. That's a conspiracy one.

[Ari Shaffir]

What do you mean?

[Joe Rogan]

Well, that's the problem.

[Shane Gillis]

That's not one guy. He. He was running. It was called Second Mile Foundation. It was bunch of kids. It was for like. It was like Boys Town in the. What's the thing from Nat. Nebraska? Well, yeah, Whatever.

[Joe Rogan]

So he was running like a child.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, yeah, he was. He was running like Second Mile was for like kids without parents.

[Ari Shaffir]

Who would tell.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, those are the best.

[Shane Gillis]

And it was. And he. It was.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

He dead.

[Shane Gillis]

Sandusky? No, he's still kicking.

[Mark Normand]

Really is. He really is in prison.

[Shane Gillis]

He's in prison.

[Mark Normand]

I'm surprised they didn't get him because they hate child.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's too old, though.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, what are you talking about? They would kill him.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. I'll kill anybody.

[Joe Rogan]

If he got a general population, I mean, he might be protected.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, he's probably protected.

[Mark Normand]

Maybe they're playing football.

[Shane Gillis]

Protect our pervs.

[Ari Shaffir]

I heard, I heard somebody, somebody. What's the name? Lee Was. Was Harvey Oswald dating somebody who worked in prisons? She was talking about. And she goes. And she goes, Petley. And she goes. Anyone who's at all a celebrity at all screech level gets watched a thousand minutes a day. And for Epstein to be unwatched is undoable.

[Shane Gillis]

Also that was under. That was under the Trump administration. Yeah, well, when Epstein got killed.

[Joe Rogan]

Listen, it didn't matter what administration does that is some very powerful people. Nothing to do with who's the president.

[Shane Gillis]

No, I know, but he, you know.

[Ari Shaffir]

Why has that come out?

[Joe Rogan]

Not a word, not a list, not a thing. Nothing.

[Mark Normand]

Well, jizz is still there.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. What's going on with that?

[Joe Rogan]

And I would imagine, Imagine it's not going to either.

[Ari Shaffir]

No.

[Joe Rogan]

Trump gets in office, the Epstein. Yeah, yeah, right.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's gonna tell himself.

[Shane Gillis]

It was fun. You were on an island.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, we would have all gotten on that plane. Let's be honest.

[Joe Rogan]

And the reality is they were running that for a long time. And there's probably a whole network of connected, powerful people that told you it was cool. Nothing's gonna come of it. We're gonna have a good time. We're gonna go to the island, meet Steven. No one probably told you these girls are 16. All you knew is there girls there.

[Shane Gillis]

Designed to be the parties, right?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, same kind of situation. You get there, you get loose. First of all, celebrities do not feel comfortable unless they're around people that are like them.

[Ari Shaffir]

Celebrities.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, if you're Jamie Foxx, like Jamie Foxx is cool when he's around Kevin Hart because Kevin Hart is famous too.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Taking a photo.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh. So you know these people that are like super powerful world leaders. What's their peer group? Other super powerful world leaders. Then they mix in a bunch of scientists and a bunch of like very influential intellectual people that are interesting to hang out with.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

And then you get a free trip to an island. You're partying and then they're telling you it's cool. We do this all the time. And you're like, okay.

[Shane Gillis]

All of a sudden you see.

[Joe Rogan]

And then you go to.

[Ari Shaffir]

I bet there was a bunch of like, house.

[Joe Rogan]

He's got the Clinton picture up.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's like.

[Joe Rogan]

Imagine if you're Clinton. You go to. Hey, man, what's the picture? What the is that all about?

[Ari Shaffir]

I think there was some above age sex too. Where like, like and like. Wait, what's going on that room. Like you're not cool 100.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, I'm sure there's a bunch of ladies. The whole thing is they're all married guys. You're all in trouble. You're all busted. Also, if you're a bunch of girls and you're supposed to be some guy who talks about physics. No, I don't want to listen to you about physics. I got video of your dick. Get out of here, you creep. You like pleasure? You like dick pleasure. Unlike me, I don't. I don't.

[Ari Shaffir]

I don't want my.

[Joe Rogan]

So there's all these people that are a bunch of hypocrites that are judging a bunch of people that went to this island that you would have went to too, especially if you didn't know what the was going on. And you're some dork who teaches complex mathematics, Princeton.

[Shane Gillis]

And you're looking for some money. You're looking for a funding for this. They're like, hey, there's gonna be some rich guys there. Oh, there's kids here.

[Joe Rogan]

And Epstein would fund science. He funded a bunch of different science projects.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Shane Gillis]

You have well designed trap that would trap literally any human on earth.

[Joe Rogan]

Israelis know what they're doing, right, Ari?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, they do know what they're doing. That. Dude, that pager thing was.

[Mark Normand]

That was diabolical. Slick.

[Ari Shaffir]

Great. It was.

[Joe Rogan]

You gotta appreciate that.

[Mark Normand]

That was James Bond.

[Ari Shaffir]

I mean, you had to go from like, they're gonna buy from this site.

[Joe Rogan]

It was the packages.

[Mark Normand]

Who buys a pager?

[Joe Rogan]

Because everything was compromised. Because in today's day with Pegasus. The Israelis have Pegasus. They listen to any phone they want. They listen to your phone, my phone, anybody's phone they want to. Even when your phone is. Is off, they can listen to it.

[Mark Normand]

Yikes.

[Ari Shaffir]

These murderers would take their phone with them to bury a body, dumbass. Leave it at home.

[Joe Rogan]

Leave that phone at home. They can't help but check.

[Ari Shaffir]

Tick tock.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, but you don't want to watch Tick tock.

[Joe Rogan]

They're addicted to the reels.

[Mark Normand]

But the P. Diddy. Why can't we get anything concrete? All we really have is the hotel hallway beat ass.

[Joe Rogan]

That one. That one is in the process.

[Mark Normand]

At least I don't know it's going to be.

[Joe Rogan]

But hold on. He's in jail. There's a lot going on. There's a lot of lawsuits. That one is like we're going find out. Jamie Foxx just recently said that P. Diddy poisoned him and that's why he got that stroke.

[Ari Shaffir]

I've heard that he talked about it on stage. He said it.

[Shane Gillis]

He said it got poison.

[Joe Rogan]

He said it.

[Ari Shaffir]

He goes, I didn't have a heart attack because of the vaccine. It was Diddy shutting me up.

[Joe Rogan]

See if we can find that. Cuz he said it on stage.

[Ari Shaffir]

Did.

[Joe Rogan]

He was poisoning people, bro. I think there was some crazy going.

[Mark Normand]

On like Cosby like drugging did.

[Ari Shaffir]

He wasn't even that big.

[Joe Rogan]

It was, there's, there's alleged murders, a bunch of people that got pneumonia, a bunch of convenient that died of pneumonia. Jamie Foxx addresses whether Diddy was responsible for 2023 hospitalization while filming Netflix special. Holy Jamie Fox special.

[Ari Shaffir]

They not care about at all. Stand up.

[Shane Gillis]

Jamie Foxx is hilarious.

[Joe Rogan]

Audience members, oh, I see him at.

[Ari Shaffir]

Clubs all the time working out his bits.

[Joe Rogan]

What does that share respect. The audience members had varying accounts of the comedian's words. Two of them claimed that Fox said Diddy was responsible for what happened to him. That he's the one who called the FBI on Diddy, who's currently in prison awaiting trial and sex trafficking charges. A source close to Diddy insisted to Daily Mail that there is no truth to Sean Combs putting Jamie Foxx in the hospital.

[Mark Normand]

There's no chance it was a joke.

[Ari Shaffir]

I mean, yeah, it was a joke. But jokes based on truth or not truth?

[Joe Rogan]

It is possible. That's Daily Mail. That's totally possible. But it's also possible he was explaining why he wind up going to hospital and he hasn't talked about it since. He never talked about it. Look at this big homie. Cc, a celebrity security guard claimed in an interview with Cam Capone News last week that Fox was poisoned by Diddy. I know Combs poisoned Jamie Foxx and Jamie Foxx reported him to the FBI because of it. Jamie Foxx reported this man because to the FBI because of this. He claimed. So I've seen that video where that guy's talking about how Jamie.

[Mark Normand]

Jamie Foxx report is poisoned three times. I think in it.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, he Said it as well.

[Mark Normand]

He says, like, why do I have cyanide in my system?

[Ari Shaffir]

Jesus Christ. Why do I have. That's a good. That's a legit question. Why do I have.

[Joe Rogan]

Jamie Foxx wipes away tears as he gives his artistic explanation of mystery illness.

[Ari Shaffir]

I love tears in a comedy special.

[Joe Rogan]

What is that? Artistic explanation of mystery illness.

[Mark Normand]

I know we're on a weird site and that's how. Want to clickbait. Oh, boy.

[Joe Rogan]

So I don't know if it's true. We won't know until we see the actual Jamie Foxx Netflix special, which Ari has bookmarked. He's ready to go.

[Ari Shaffir]

Did you see the Rosie O'Donnell like, like a bunch of, like, stuff. If we're talking about it.

[Shane Gillis]

She looks like Steve Bannon.

[Ari Shaffir]

Her just making jokes over the years about Diddy and him going to jail and what he's doing wrong.

[Mark Normand]

Really?

[Ari Shaffir]

It was like. It was like Cosby was like.

[Joe Rogan]

Was joking about.

[Ari Shaffir]

It was like we all. They all knew about it, but you can't quite talk about it.

[Joe Rogan]

Meanwhile, all these people. Europe.

[Mark Normand]

That's right.

[Joe Rogan]

How wild is that? Like Ellen just moved to England. Like, see it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Well, better healthcare.

[Joe Rogan]

Is he talking about it?

[Mark Normand]

Here, pull it up.

[Joe Rogan]

This is December 10th.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's why I couldn't get a December date.

[Mark Normand]

He's a tell.

[Joe Rogan]

What happened was. Wow. It's called what happened was.

[Mark Normand]

Ooh, that's going to be a big one.

[Joe Rogan]

It might be like a one man show. Rather than stand up.

[Shane Gillis]

If they make a trip trailer like that. That's like, what happened. He's like, I got drugged by Puff Patty.

[Joe Rogan]

Right.

[Shane Gillis]

So funny. Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

So I wake up and I'm sucking LeBron's dick. I don't know how I got here.

[Mark Normand]

Another guy scared of China.

[Ari Shaffir]

LeBron.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Although I we. I was talking with my friends earlier. I don't think LeBron. LeBron's one of the only famous guys that never got hit with a pedophile accusation.

[Ari Shaffir]

He might have. Never child.

[Shane Gillis]

LeBron might. Crazy is that LeBron might. Might be the main.

[Ari Shaffir]

Do you ever say fake reading Malcolm X's book does these interviews where he.

[Joe Rogan]

Shows up with a book. He's in the locker room, can't put this book down.

[Shane Gillis]

I defend him on that. We've all.

[Ari Shaffir]

We've all done that.

[Shane Gillis]

I've read the first. We've all done that book on Earth.

[Ari Shaffir]

Have stuff on our bookshelf.

[Joe Rogan]

I went over Callan's house once and he had something like Catcher in the Rye. Sitting on his coffee table. I go, you're not reading that. I go, you have that out there when girls come over. He goes, you're right. He goes, how did you know? I go, you scumbag. I go, that's, like, so awkward. Who would have thought?

[Mark Normand]

It's also a serial killer book.

[Joe Rogan]

Karen was so nutty. When I first. When I first visited him, when I first started hanging out with him, he didn't have a lock on his door, and someone broke his doorknob off, and he left it off. And so, like, he didn't have anything. He had, like, clothes and a couple of books that he pretended to read. And a lady. A homeless lady walked into his apartment while he was sleeping and was cooking breakfast. And he goes downstairs. He smells something cooking. He goes downstairs as a homeless. Homeless lady in his kitchen cooking. She's like, you got it going on, honey. Look at all the stuff you got here. And. And he's like, you have to. You have to leave. Like, what? Like, Callum was wild.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Joe Rogan]

He didn't have a doorknob. His doorknob was broken up. There was a hole in the doorknob area where you could just push open the door. So he would just shut that door and go to sleep in Venice.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Joe Rogan]

You'Re gonna die.

[Mark Normand]

He's got to be careful because squatters, they're hard to get rid of.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, back then, there was no squatters. There was none of that back then. I don't know when all that started happening, when people decided they could move into people's houses, but it wasn't a common thing back then.

[Mark Normand]

They have laws. You can't get rid of those people.

[Joe Rogan]

I know. It's crazy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Especially he had, like, homeless people on his. On his, like, porch. He's like, whatever.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, well, the homeless city.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. And he goes, got. Whatever. Just don't be weird. But it's fine. And then he comes home, the chicken stabbed the dude. He goes, you guys gotta go. They go, no, no, we're cool. He goes, it's too much, you guys. You gotta go.

[Joe Rogan]

She had too much. He videotaped her blood on her hand, and she's stand staring in her hand. She goes, I'm a c. I'm a. I'm a c. I'm a. She was sounding like crazy.

[Ari Shaffir]

She was like, no, you're just a c.

[Joe Rogan]

She was completely schizophrenic. These people were, like, camped out. Oh, Stan open had a house in Venice that had the American flag painted on the side of the house. The whole house Was the American flag.

[Mark Normand]

That's fun.

[Joe Rogan]

It was hilarious. And we parted at his house multiple times.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

And he was just such a silly boy. And he let these people just sleep in his. I'm you letting these people just sleep there. Do you know him? He goes, yeah, they're good friends.

[Mark Normand]

Venice is. Venice is creepy. There's something weird about that area.

[Joe Rogan]

He loved it. It's perfect for Santa.

[Ari Shaffir]

It is perfect for him.

[Joe Rogan]

He fit in like, OJ's glove. It was perfect.

[Mark Normand]

Is he still in Bisbee?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, he's the king of Bisbee. Why would he leave?

[Mark Normand]

Didn't his house catch on fire or something?

[Joe Rogan]

Another one.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You can live in a teepee out there. Never gets hot. Never gets cold.

[Ari Shaffir]

Gets hot.

[Joe Rogan]

It doesn't get too cold.

[Mark Normand]

All right, boys. Do it for America. Yeah. America versus Israel. Oh, that's the end of that. Israel's done. Not bad. Not bad.

[Joe Rogan]

Did you see Tony play drums on.

[Ari Shaffir]

Stage with Jelly Roll?

[Joe Rogan]

Jelly Roll, that rules. He played simple, man. He played drums.

[Ari Shaffir]

He killed, ruled.

[Joe Rogan]

He killed it. Jelly Roll's the man.

[Mark Normand]

Good guy.

[Joe Rogan]

He's the man. He was out here the other day, hangs out at the club.

[Ari Shaffir]

I so cool. I DM'd him like, hey, buddy, we've never, like, really hung out. We should, like, everybody I know likes you. Like, like, let's hang out. If you're in New York, come hang out. And he was like, yeah, dude, that's great. Here's my number. Text me. And he gave me a fake number.

[Mark Normand]

No, you got jellied.

[Joe Rogan]

No, I was like, what complaint? That was an accident.

[Ari Shaffir]

Rules.

[Joe Rogan]

He probably gave you an old number and he forgot because he was high.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Joe Rogan]

I doubt he did that.

[Ari Shaffir]

I thought it was cool.

[Joe Rogan]

As I doubt, like, hey, man, it's all right.

[Ari Shaffir]

Nothing. I'm like, well, nice.

[Joe Rogan]

Severely doubt.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, he wouldn't do that. But yeah. That is very.

[Ari Shaffir]

That is very funny. Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

I told do it to you.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

The Kid Rock watch story last time, right?

[Ari Shaffir]

That was great.

[Shane Gillis]

That was good. He gave us a fake watch and left. And he's like, I want you to have this fake diamond. Me and my friends fought about it for 20 minutes. I was like, oh, this is from Amazon. This is a five dollar watch. He wore it all night to trick us.

[Mark Normand]

How crazy was the the Garden with all those guys?

[Joe Rogan]

It was crazy.

[Mark Normand]

Kid Rock. Yeah. White.

[Joe Rogan]

It was nice.

[Mark Normand]

Jon Jones bowing to Trump. It was like the gladiator bowing.

[Joe Rogan]

The pop. When Trump walked in the building was like. You had to be there to understand. It was like it always is a huge pop when he shows up every time. But this was like triple that. It was a five minute standing ovation.

[Mark Normand]

Five minutes.

[Joe Rogan]

Five minutes.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow. It is crazy. We've lost sight of, like, a president elect is coming in. This is awesome. We've just lost sight of, like, what that means President.

[Joe Rogan]

Definitely judge someone by how I experience them. And I like the guy. It's fun, but it's funny.

[Mark Normand]

He on you and then you. He comes on. I like that.

[Joe Rogan]

You can still.

[Shane Gillis]

Basically, he barely.

[Joe Rogan]

Something kind of crazy, though. It's like, I wonder how loud I'm gonna get booed at the ufc. Like, out of all the places.

[Mark Normand]

Maybe at the Mothership, but also.

[Ari Shaffir]

Also Shane at Kiltoni msg, which is sitting on as Trump on Rogan. And then Rogue coming out. It was so funny watching from the sideline of they All Knew. And then you come up, the applause, and Shane's like, okay, that means he's here. I don't have to turn and just going, what a great guy.

[Shane Gillis]

Slowly, Trump would do.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. That was great.

[Ari Shaffir]

Great guy. I always loved him.

[Joe Rogan]

There's nothing weirder than being a part of a presidential election.

[Shane Gillis]

It's real weird.

[Mark Normand]

Nothing weird.

[Joe Rogan]

Nothing weirder. Especially like, Ari, you were here. The. You were in, like, episode three or some, you know, of this podcast. Imagine, like, this thing somehow or another affects that we used to do in my spare bedroom.

[Ari Shaffir]

I was just talking to somebody at, like, an airport or something. Like, does he do that from his house? I'm like, no, he used to. And then he had enough porn stars on that go, you shouldn't be around my family.

[Joe Rogan]

I didn't want Andy Dick at my house. And then there was a few other people. I was like, we have to have a location. And then we did it at red bands for a little while, but that was too.

[Ari Shaffir]

First one to get a studio.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa. Fleshlight was in there.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

I was like, I gotta get out of my house. I have young kids and I have too many weirdos coming over the house.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Like, I gotta.

[Ari Shaffir]

Me alone. Shouldn't be a.

[Joe Rogan]

You were over there before the podcast, but it was like one of those things where I was like, okay, I think it's growing, so I probably like, let's accept it and move on. The next move is the ranch boys.

[Ari Shaffir]

I can't wait.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, I've been looking. I've been looking. We're gonna do something crazy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Can't wait. That.

[Joe Rogan]

We're gonna have a helicopter pad.

[Mark Normand]

We're gonna have some guns and.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, we're gonna have that. I'm gonna make a tactical range. We're like blown out cars and let's.

[Ari Shaffir]

Blow up a cab.

[Joe Rogan]

I'm looking at locations.

[Shane Gillis]

They're trying to fight Russia. Let's hurry up.

[Joe Rogan]

I don't, I don't really think Putin's that stupid. I think he's gonna realize what's going on. And I think they're probably working this out. Alex Jones said that Trump is having secret meetings at Mar A Lago. At Mar A Lago. I hope it's true.

[Mark Normand]

I hope it's true.

[Joe Rogan]

Trying to come up with some sort of a Mark. Zelensky tried to. Come on.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, they tried to get Zelensky on. I was like, what are you talking about?

[Ari Shaffir]

When you get an offer for somebody, they must come at your bookers or whatever. Do you like, stop and like, hold on, let me think about this. Whether I want to be part of the story or not, whether it'll be interesting.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, I wanted to stay out of the presidential election ship.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, Gross.

[Joe Rogan]

Because I feel like I had to. I feel like this is so nuts. This is so nut. When that Tim Waltz guy, that guy's. It's so nuts. That guy was going to be the vice president. You're telling me, you tell, you tell me this whole thing's fake, then you're telling me you don't care if someone's a liar. You don't care if they lied about their military rank, where they served. You don't care if they lie about being an assistant. You don't care if they lie about T. Tiananmen Square. There's too many things. This is so crazy. You, you would get fired if you were an assistant manager at a oil changing company. You would get. You Jiffy Lube would fire.

[Ari Shaffir]

So let me ask you a question, though. In two years from now, there's no more comma, there's no more Democrats for a while. We're deep into the next thing. Can all these people now make fun of the current president?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, they should be able to.

[Ari Shaffir]

They should be able to.

[Joe Rogan]

They should be able to. You, you should always be able to make fun of people.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

And if Trump does something stupid, we're going to be right here making fun of him.

[Ari Shaffir]

Great.

[Joe Rogan]

It doesn't.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, he's the best chance to avoid World War Three.

[Joe Rogan]

Also, J.D. vance, Tulsi Gabbard, all these people. RFK Jr. All these people.

[Ari Shaffir]

The anti war lady, Tulsi Gabbard going to Trump and the pro war guy, Dick Cheney going To the other way. That should kind of tell you what you need to know about international wars.

[Joe Rogan]

How about the fact that the left was, like, openly embracing the fact that Dick Cheney avoided. Comma. They weren't.

[Ari Shaffir]

Get out of here.

[Joe Rogan]

Endorse Kamala. Rather. They weren't going, like, what?

[Ari Shaffir]

That's like. No, endorsing you.

[Joe Rogan]

No one was standing back and said, this guy's responsible for, like, how many fucking people.

[Shane Gillis]

You ever see Vice, the movie about.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Kind of made me a fan.

[Ari Shaffir]

About who?

[Shane Gillis]

It was supposed to make you not like him, really. Probably. I. Jamie, have I talked about this before? No, he was in the movie. There's a part where he's, like, a drunk piece of shit. Like, who?

[Ari Shaffir]

Who?

[Shane Gillis]

Dick Cheney.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh.

[Shane Gillis]

He's doing, like, power. He's working on power lines and Wyoming or some. And he's. He's just getting in drunk bar fights. And then his wife lynch is like, are you going to be a loser your whole life?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And he's like the Howard Stern movie.

[Shane Gillis]

No, I won't. And then he conquers the world.

[Mark Normand]

Right. And kills a million.

[Joe Rogan]

But is that.

[Ari Shaffir]

Remember when he shot his friend, by the way, Dick Chain. No.

[Shane Gillis]

No offense.

[Ari Shaffir]

I love you. You think you're great. Remember he shot his friend?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he shot him in the face.

[Joe Rogan]

Friend apologized.

[Ari Shaffir]

Baller.

[Shane Gillis]

Beast.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Pretty crazy beast.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's right.

[Joe Rogan]

That's a. Of pop. Sorry, I. I was in the wrong place the wrong time. That's on me.

[Shane Gillis]

You shot me in the face. That's on me.

[Joe Rogan]

I should be aware that you're telling. You were drunk. You got a shotgun.

[Mark Normand]

Jesus.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's. That's Randy Marsh saying, I'm not against big toilet paper.

[Shane Gillis]

No, we love Dick Cheney.

[Mark Normand]

Republicans buy sneakers, too.

[Shane Gillis]

What?

[Joe Rogan]

What?

[Shane Gillis]

Sneakers.

[Ari Shaffir]

Sneakers. Real close.

[Joe Rogan]

That was close.

[Ari Shaffir]

That was real close. Satellite got Snickers sneakers.

[Joe Rogan]

We need something else.

[Mark Normand]

Sneaker, please.

[Joe Rogan]

Mix it up. What's another good patriotic song?

[Ari Shaffir]

Hold on, hold on.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, the Hulk Hogan America song.

[Shane Gillis]

That's actually great.

[Joe Rogan]

That's a good one.

[Shane Gillis]

Let's go with that one.

[Mark Normand]

Is that. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, it's not a. Yeah, but it's great. It's. It's probably the number one song.

[Joe Rogan]

How crazy is it? They had Hulk Hogan rip his shirt off at a political rally?

[Ari Shaffir]

And how could you not be behind it?

[Mark Normand]

It's Wacky Ties.

[Shane Gillis]

Damn. This does hit.

[Mark Normand]

My childhood.

[Ari Shaffir]

Simone's getting hard.

[Mark Normand]

Damn, he's brown.

[Joe Rogan]

He's getting his. Look how brown he was. Is that brown face.

[Mark Normand]

That was me as a mascot.

[Joe Rogan]

Who sang this? Who sang this him? No, this Hulk?

[Ari Shaffir]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

It's crazy.

[Mark Normand]

Photo. 21 million views.

[Joe Rogan]

21 million views.

[Mark Normand]

That's insane. We can make it 20.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's a guy.

[Shane Gillis]

Hey, catch her on the ride.

[Joe Rogan]

Okay, let's go. Let's go, Mark. Three, two, one, go.

[Ari Shaffir]

You better do it all, Mark.

[Shane Gillis]

Do it, Mark.

[Ari Shaffir]

Do it, Mark.

[Shane Gillis]

Come on, Mark.

[Ari Shaffir]

You better finish that.

[Mark Normand]

Just keep pouring.

[Shane Gillis]

Think about America.

[Joe Rogan]

Think about America. Do it to stop the war in Ukraine.

[Shane Gillis]

That's good.

[Ari Shaffir]

Not bad, Mark. Not bad. Best one yet. Best one yet. Best one yet.

[Joe Rogan]

Now take what's left in mine and you drink it.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, the jizz bucket.

[Joe Rogan]

Like a dirty person.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's a real one. That's a real American.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, that might have been the best one.

[Joe Rogan]

You drink the backwash.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, me?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, the opener.

[Joe Rogan]

Don't be a coward. Drink the backwash. Don't be a coward.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, no, no.

[Joe Rogan]

Don't do it.

[Mark Normand]

Don't do it.

[Donald Trump]

Do it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Do it for a second. Shane, stop me.

[Joe Rogan]

Wow. It's not. He doesn't even reach his mouth.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'll do it. I don't give a.

[Joe Rogan]

Let's go.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, you're sick.

[Shane Gillis]

You hate.

[Ari Shaffir]

I have one of these in my.

[Joe Rogan]

Studio, almost like jizz, for my podcast.

[Ari Shaffir]

And I go, this is close.

[Joe Rogan]

It's almost like a drink.

[Shane Gillis]

Talk him into doing.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay, you guys got to shut up.

[Joe Rogan]

For a second, cuz you're all looking.

[Ari Shaffir]

Really hot right now.

[Joe Rogan]

I like how you're diverse.

[Shane Gillis]

If there's a volcano, I'm sucking one of you.

[Joe Rogan]

I'm about to erupt, bro. Living near Yellowstone. Just knowing one day that baby's gonna go.

[Shane Gillis]

As soon as it does, I'm hitting the.

[Joe Rogan]

That might be the spot to be, though. You might want to be like, right there instead of starved to death in Maine.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that'd be a funny episode of the show.

[Ari Shaffir]

You're about the second Yosemite.

[Joe Rogan]

Are we doing the show in Mar a Lago?

[Ari Shaffir]

Well, we were gonna, but you said, I don't want to influence an election.

[Joe Rogan]

I changed my mind after they shot at him.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that changed everything.

[Ari Shaffir]

Who do you think shot at him? CIA. One guy?

[Shane Gillis]

No, and I think they. What's the saying? They fucking. They got rid of the goalie.

[Joe Rogan]

What's that saying?

[Ari Shaffir]

Pull the goal.

[Shane Gillis]

They pull the goalie on that one. Defense wise. Like the. I think they let a boy go.

[Ari Shaffir]

People's a weird one.

[Joe Rogan]

He was in a BlackRock commercial. And there's a cell phone data record. See if you can find this. I don't fuck this up. There's cell phone data record of a phone that came from an area that's near the FBI headquarters, back and forth to this kid's home. This kid's home was professionally scrubbed. No silverware, no nothing. Hold on. Yeah, they cremated him 10 days after the assassination attempt. There's no toxic reports. If you find. If there's no press conference, if someone tries to shoot a guy who eventually winds up being the President elect, you should at least find out if this guy was drugged, was he on crack? Like, what was he doing? You would do that. You would do that and you release it publicly. He was under the influence of psychotic drugs. You would do something. You would want to know. At least there should be an account of how this happened. The only thing for sure, definitely the only thing that went wrong, or the only thing that did happen rather, was the head of Secret Service, that lady, the Secret. So the. Whatever it is, Secret Service, I'm a little drunk Secret Service lady, that lady got fired, but she didn't want to get fired. She tried to keep her job. She actually like tried to explain. And the dumbest explanation, there was a sloped roof. So she didn't have.

[Shane Gillis]

Which there wasn't.

[Joe Rogan]

But also there was a sloped roof where the other snipers were on. More sloped slope roof.

[Ari Shaffir]

So what?

[Joe Rogan]

So it was too dangerous to have snipers up there.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh.

[Joe Rogan]

Someone who regularly visited Crook's home and work also visited a building in D.C. located in Gallery Place. This is the same vicinity as an FBI office on June 26, 2023. Whose device is that?

[Ari Shaffir]

Hold on, Devil's advocate. I've lived in dc. I've lived in the area. There's FBI stuff everywhere. You're. You're. How. How close is.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, wow, that close.

[Joe Rogan]

That's the same block, I think. I think the accusation was that they'd done it more than one time.

[Mark Normand]

Wait, D.C. oh, there it is.

[Joe Rogan]

There it is. There it is. There there. We found a device linked to Crooks work that Traveled to Butler, Pennsylvania on July 4th and July 8th.

[Mark Normand]

Sorry.

[Joe Rogan]

Device stopped all activity on July 12th. On August 30th, 2023, one device link linked. Crooks visited Al Guinea Arms. So this is the place where he got guns. So they tracked all of his phones and the people that visited him. So someone.

[Ari Shaffir]

There it is.

[Joe Rogan]

Stupid fucking watch. So someone visited. Does that mean that it was the FBI that did something? No, it doesn't necessarily. It could be anything. It could be just a person that randomly happened to be there, that went to that area. But it's kind of weird that they're not showing you the toxicology. It's kind of weird. There's no press conference. The guy tried to shoot a guy was the president for four years. And everyone's making like it's no big deal. And then when they asked him, they asked Kamala Harris about Secret Service protection. She's like, a lot of people don't feel safe. You know, trans people don't feel safe. It's like there's like this crazy take on it. That was so nuts. Like, what are you talking about? That could be you. The crazy people are out there. You have to protect all of us high profile people that are running for president. Do you believe in democracy? You have to protect them. You can't say everyone feels in danger. No one feels safe. I don't feel safe. Immigrants don't feel safe. He got shot in the head and that was the guy behind him that got killed.

[Mark Normand]

Miracle hit his ear. Yeah, he turned weirdly and it works.

[Joe Rogan]

Makes me feel like we're in a movie.

[Shane Gillis]

Wasn't JFK yesterday?

[Mark Normand]

Is that right?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, 11-3-22.

[Joe Rogan]

Is that what it is?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I think that was yesterday.

[Joe Rogan]

Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

Does RFK have security yet?

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, he's got a shot of security.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, there you go.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, he's got a shitload of security.

[Ari Shaffir]

Tony has security. Of course RFK has it.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, Tony had security before he needed.

[Ari Shaffir]

Tony was like, isn't it Kool security? They each have a throne.

[Joe Rogan]

They each have a throne.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm on too much swords for the thrones. Tony rules.

[Joe Rogan]

I love Tony. I know.

[Shane Gillis]

I. I'm just. I think I've been nothing but negative so far.

[Joe Rogan]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

Somebody brings up Tony, I'm like, shut up.

[Mark Normand]

We're goofing.

[Joe Rogan]

Kind of crazy, though, that someone tried to kill him. And it's kind of like an afterthought. No one cares about it anymore.

[Mark Normand]

It's strange.

[Joe Rogan]

It would have been the next Lee Harvey Oswald if that guy shot Trump and killed him and then they killed that guy. That would have been it. We would have never known. It would have been.

[Ari Shaffir]

Never known.

[Joe Rogan]

It would have been just like the JFK assassination. Ten years from now, Giannis Papas would be on some late night talk show with a video of the assassination no one saw before. Just like Dick Gregory did. Somebody would, you know, Dick Gregory was a comic when he.

[Ari Shaffir]

I've been researching him a little bit.

[Joe Rogan]

Ruled.

[Ari Shaffir]

Gave up his whole comedy career for activism. Said, I can't be a accepted black.

[Shane Gillis]

While nobody else is playing cool ass music. Oh, is this.

[Joe Rogan]

What is it?

[Mark Normand]

Are you ringing?

[Shane Gillis]

Watching you weirdo.

[Joe Rogan]

That's your photo. Jamie was setting us up for something. I'm like, what the is going on?

[Ari Shaffir]

Talking about J.

[Joe Rogan]

What is this? That's hilarious. That's your ringer.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, no, no. It was an ad on a precocious bastard.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, you're watching something while pissing.

[Ari Shaffir]

I was looking at sports course.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Dick Gregory is one of those guys and I'm mad that I didn't go to one of his shows. I saw a show in New York and I was thinking of traveling and going to see it and I didn't go.

[Ari Shaffir]

I saw him at the DC Improv. Oh, not dc. John X ran a room and I saw him there and it was three and a half hours long.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, and it was.

[Ari Shaffir]

He gave up his whole career. Cuz I can't be an accept black man while none of my cohorts are accepted. This.

[Mark Normand]

What do you mean?

[Ari Shaffir]

He goes, I can't be accepted by whites where nobody else is in the 60s. This is a long time ago. And he goes, I know, but a different. I know. He goes, I'm not going to be that.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And they wrote a book called. Called the N Word.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And. But actual. And then now people are getting banned for suggesting it because of the title. But that guy.

[Joe Rogan]

Underrated.

[Ari Shaffir]

How crazy and influential, Intelligent.

[Joe Rogan]

He was funny 100%. That's the whole thing about him getting that video. So he got that film from Time magazine. Time magazine had that film for 12 years.

[Ari Shaffir]

What film?

[Joe Rogan]

The film of the Zapruder. The. The Z version of the assassination. So Adrian Zapruder was filming with a Super 8 camera and he catches Kennedy's head exploding and his head going back into the right. And that threw this giant monkey wrench into the whole narrative of that. He was shot from the School Book Depository because his head goes back into the left from a bullet that's supposed to come from behind him. It doesn't make any sense. And then on top of that, there's a moment where he grabs his neck, which is the entry hole. He got shot in the neck. So someone shot him from the front. But in the Bethesda, Maryland autopsy report, that's a trachea. But hold on. In the Dallas version of it, when the. When they got his body in Dallas, they said it was an entry hole. So there's a lot of contradictory evidence. This is all in. David Lifton wrote a book called Best Evidence that turned me into a loon.

[Ari Shaffir]

And so. And so I love how you push back on Trump with that. That was Baller. I read enough. He goes, how much? I Plenty. How much, though? More than half or less than half?

[Joe Rogan]

Well, he wanted to win, and I didn't want to push too hard. I'm like, I'm trying to have a conversation with this guy where I'm going to ask. One of the big things was, you did ramp up the budget deficit, you did ranch up, you ramped up what we owe. But what he explained, that kind of makes sense is that what he was doing with getting rid of regulations, more American oil, it was going to stimulate the economy, and we were on our way, way to overcoming it. Then we got hit by Covid. Okay, that's reasonable, because he did. The deficit did increase significantly during his term because of tariffs, because of a bunch. So I was trying to figure out, like, I don't understand that stuff. I just know what I read about it. I did my best to try to like what's like, a very important aspect of what he's talking about. Well, we're going to bring the economy back. Okay, but during your time, the deficit did rise. So what was that about? So he had a reasonable explanation. His, his explanation was it takes time. We were on our way to coming back in a huge way. And then we got hit with COVID Everything got shut down. That's all real. And then there's like a bunch of collusion as to why did we get shut down when he wanted everything to open back up. Did they want the economy to tank right before the election? Fucking of course they did. Of course they did.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's why they would lower gas prices right before an election. But of what I've known about you for, you know, 80 years I've known you is JFK, assassination and aliens.

[Mark Normand]

What about the moon?

[Ari Shaffir]

And it's like, if I could tell, if I could see in any future of Joe Rogan talking to a former or current president, he would ask those two questions.

[Shane Gillis]

I was a little disappointed with the. That was. That was one of those moments. You ever hear someone say something dumb as fuck, and you're like, oh, shit, this guy's dumb. Yeah, that was like the. I don't think Trump's dumb.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

At all. But there was when he was talking to you about aliens and you asked him a question, he was like, yeah, Mars, who knows? It's like, no, it's obviously not Mars.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's far, far.

[Shane Gillis]

The one moment where I was like, oh, you brought up aliens, Anyone to those pilots.

[Joe Rogan]

We talked about aliens. He'd have to ask crazy.

[Ari Shaffir]

You'd have to ask the area 51. And what happened?

[Shane Gillis]

It was the Mars. The Mars comment. That's one of those. Like, one time I was smoking weed with my friend, we were looking at the stars and they're shooting stars went by, and he was like, is that like a. That's a star flying through the air?

[Ari Shaffir]

No, no.

[Shane Gillis]

You have no concept at all.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, it's not at all.

[Shane Gillis]

That was the same thing, like with Trump with the UFOs things. He was like, yeah, Mars is right there.

[Joe Rogan]

Also, there's a thing. No, but, but hold on. There's a thing about Mars that's fascinating. And one of the things about Mars that's fascinating is at one point in time, whoever, whatever billion years ago, it had an atmosphere.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

It was probably. It was probably closer to the sun and it probably had life. It probably had something, I think that was billions of years ago.

[Ari Shaffir]

What do you mean by life?

[Joe Rogan]

Some sort of biological life.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right. I mean, I amoebas.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, something. Now, whether or not there was actually human beings, dragons, possibly. But what is it the Dogon Tribe? Is it the Dogon Tribe? Dragons, maybe? I believe in both aliens and dragons. How about that?

[Mark Normand]

There you go.

[Joe Rogan]

And I also believe in Joy Behar is a comedian. Joy Behar is a comedian. But even was. I'll give it to you if you were like, we're in the same tribe. True. Like, I don't hate that lady. I know she's lost, but they're all lost on that show. Imagine being on that show. You got an audience in front of you. You have seven minute segments, you got a bunch of producers, you're on ABC News, like, shut the up. That show sucks. You're. You're not gonna make it any better, you know, but yeah, she's just a lady. She's a lady trapped in her own biology. She's trapped in her own age, trapped in the time she lives in. She's on a show where her and Whoopi Goldberg are the matriarchs. Like, it's chaos.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

The whole thing's nuts.

[Mark Normand]

It is nutty.

[Joe Rogan]

It's nuts. They, they need Barbara Walters to come back from the grave, start running that thing correctly. And if you watch when Trump went on. This is the crazy thing. We can play this now.

[Ari Shaffir]

Trump went on the View.

[Mark Normand]

I sent this to the.

[Joe Rogan]

We could play this now. Let's play this.

[Ari Shaffir]

Trump went on the View during this.

[Joe Rogan]

I would not.

[Mark Normand]

Years ago.

[Joe Rogan]

And they blew him. No, they blew him when, When Trump was here. I wanted to open up the show. This is my thought when I had him on and I talked about it, but I didn't have that clip because I didn't want him to copyright America.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, no, I didn't want him to.

[Joe Rogan]

Copyright Flag it because it's so crazy. I'm like this, this conversation I'm having with him is so important. I'm. I just like, let's just reference it. Let's just reference it. So the video is from like 2012. It's like before even. Even runs for president. He goes on the View and they go, our friend Donald Trump. And the whole audience cheers. Watch this. You've never seen this?

[Ari Shaffir]

No.

[Joe Rogan]

Watch this. What I said because he was a big.

[Ari Shaffir]

Well, Mark, I ignore a lot of your stuff.

[Mark Normand]

I understand.

[Joe Rogan]

I get it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Where's the lighter's right here.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, Barbara Wawa, welcome my friend Donald Trump.

[Ari Shaffir]

They don't want to show that he was their friend.

[Mark Normand]

2011. It looks the same.

[Joe Rogan]

Look at the cheers. Look at the cheers.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Standing ovation.

[Ari Shaffir]

He had a board game.

[Joe Rogan]

Standing ovation. Look at this.

[Ari Shaffir]

Sherri Shepherd.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, she is.

[Joe Rogan]

Look at this. Hugs Joy Behar. Big hug and a kiss.

[Ari Shaffir]

She says, my friend.

[Joe Rogan]

Look at that. Barbara Walters. Big hug and a kiss. They just hugged Hitler.

[Ari Shaffir]

Who's the one hot chick.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Elizabeth has Hasselbeck from Survivor.

[Ari Shaffir]

She's a Republican, married to a quarterback.

[Mark Normand]

And a Hasselback.

[Joe Rogan]

Look at this. I mean, this is amazing. They loved him. They sat down with him. They talked to him about how he's progressive and liberal when it comes to social issues, but economically conservative and you might be a great president. Are you going to run? And he was talking about it.

[Shane Gillis]

Look, he seems to not be having it from the jump though.

[Joe Rogan]

Who cares?

[Shane Gillis]

She's still being.

[Joe Rogan]

She's barely alive. Look at, look at Joy Behar. Look at Joy Behar right next to her, all huggy, kissy, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

Trump holds it down.

[Joe Rogan]

Look at that. They're all hanging on his every word. They're all hanging out with them. They're happy to be there with him.

[Mark Normand]

You ever seen him on Oprah?

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, yeah. It's amazing.

[Mark Normand]

Killed it.

[Joe Rogan]

Oprah was also asking him to run for president. The whole thing is nuts. Way back in the day. Okay, find out when Oprah Go to Oprah asking Trump if going to run for president. What we saw is the greatest media psyop in history.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow.

[Joe Rogan]

Did he say grab him by the pussy? Of course he did. Guess who else did? A lot of those people, especially back in those days. Back in the days before the Internet, people said, why.

[Shane Gillis]

Listen to the whole thing. Yeah, it was a normal. He was like, I'm rich, so girls let me do stuff.

[Joe Rogan]

I'm famous.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't understand the.

[Ari Shaffir]

Even Chappelle had a joke about that goes. You left out the second part. And you intentionally have. The second part goes. And they let me. Which implies consent.

[Shane Gillis]

That's exactly it.

[Ari Shaffir]

So you're. You're leaving out where they gave me consent to make it seem like he's being funny. Right.

[Joe Rogan]

That's really just grabbing people by the. It's a funny thing.

[Ari Shaffir]

Who does that?

[Joe Rogan]

It's a ridiculous thing to say.

[Mark Normand]

Grab. It's like negative space.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's negative space. You really gotta get two fingers on, like a bowl.

[Shane Gillis]

Remember the first time you try to grab it? You can grab it when you were. When you were a young man.

[Mark Normand]

Nothing there.

[Shane Gillis]

Wait, I thought that. To girls where my dick was at bars.

[Ari Shaffir]

Way lower. Way lower. Trying to a belly button.

[Joe Rogan]

We talk about children.

[Mark Normand]

They've never seen their own.

[Joe Rogan]

But tell it to guys at bar. Girls at bars get grabbed all the time. There's a lot of scumbags out. Yes, 100%. I've talked to girls who've had their grabbed by some douchebag who's drunk in a bar. Oh, wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, Definitely.

[Joe Rogan]

Grab a hold of it. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Face the Hooters. You go. All right. Pay per view is over.

[Joe Rogan]

Come here.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm getting kicked out, and I'm getting kicked out.

[Joe Rogan]

The point is.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh.

[Ari Shaffir]

Because I like the Raiders.

[Joe Rogan]

See, why?

[Mark Normand]

Watch this.

[Joe Rogan]

This is.

[Mark Normand]

Look at him. He's cool and calm and collected. This is from 1988.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, that's it. Play it.

[Donald Trump]

They come over here, they sell their cars, their VCRs. They knock the hell out of our companies. And hey, I have tremendous respect for the Japanese people.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, you can respect somebody that's.

[Donald Trump]

Beating the hell out of you, but they are beating the hell out of this country. Kuwait. They live like kings. The poorest person in Kuwait. They live like kings. And yet they're not. We make it possible for them to sell their oil. Why aren't they paying us 25?

[Joe Rogan]

This is before we end invaded.

[Donald Trump]

It's a joke.

[Joe Rogan]

This sounds like political presidential talk to me.

[Shane Gillis]

And I know people have talked to.

[Joe Rogan]

You about whether or not you want to run.

[Shane Gillis]

Would you ever?

[Donald Trump]

Probably not. But I do get tired of seeing the country ripped away.

[Joe Rogan]

Why would you not?

[Donald Trump]

I just don't think I really have the inclination to do it. I love what I'm doing. I really like it also.

[Joe Rogan]

It doesn't pay as well. No, it doesn't.

[Donald Trump]

But, you know, I just probably wouldn't do it, Oprah. I probably would probably. But I do get tired of seeing what's happening with this country. And if it got so bad, I would never want to rule it out totally. Because I really am tired of seeing what's happening with this country. How we're. How we're really making other people live like kings, and we're not.

[Joe Rogan]

What do you think of this year's presidential race? Good enough.

[Mark Normand]

Who was Ada Dukakis?

[Shane Gillis]

Bush.

[Ari Shaffir]

Bush. Dukakis.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. So what you're seeing with Trump, regardless of his flaws, what you're seeing with Trump regardless of flaws, is a massive, concentrated psyop. They've. They've distorted who he is to the point where most people think that way. Most people think that way. They've. They've had narratives.

[Mark Normand]

What is the psy op?

[Joe Rogan]

I keep hearing that psychological operation where they've decided to distort people's perceptions of things.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. When you tell like a, like an older liberal that like, the Obama deportations were higher than the trumpet deportations, they go, no. What? No. And you go, no. Just let me just Google deportations, Obama, Trump. And you go, it's lower. They go, wait, what? Here's 19 straight articles saying that I'm right.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And they go, that doesn't make sense. And you go, right. Focus on what's giving you the reality of the world.

[Joe Rogan]

Check this out. Jamie, go to that Hillary Clinton thing that I texted you today.

[Mark Normand]

Jamo.

[Joe Rogan]

This one is wild. This is Hillary Clinton, like 2008, and Hillary Clinton saying some wild MAGA type about.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, she used to say wildest, wildest about illegal immigrants.

[Joe Rogan]

Back from the beginning. Do it from the beginning. It's okay. Do it from the beginning. But want to hear. We gotta have tough conditions. Tell people to come out of the shadows. If they've committed a crime, deport them, no questions asked, they're gone. And if they.

[Ari Shaffir]

She's a Republican.

[Donald Trump]

If they've been working and are law abiding, we should say, here are the.

[Joe Rogan]

Conditions for you staying. You have to pay a stiff fine because you came here illegally. You have to pay back taxes, and you have to try to learn English.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Joe Rogan]

You have to wait in line. You have to wait in line. And everybody's cheering. 2008, Hillary Clinton was more MAGA than Trump. She's always been a Republican, but how about that?

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow.

[Joe Rogan]

More MAGA than Trump.

[Ari Shaffir]

And you couldn't Believe that if you.

[Joe Rogan]

Watched illusion, it's all a illusion. All of them, when convenient, have said the exact same things.

[Mark Normand]

Dragons are real.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Crazy. It's crazy. They give you a false sense of reality and you just got to shut them both off.

[Joe Rogan]

Because they had control of the media up until now. This election was the first time they didn't really have control of the media anymore.

[Ari Shaffir]

Because what?

[Joe Rogan]

Because of us?

[Ari Shaffir]

Non mainstream media.

[Joe Rogan]

Because of podcast.

[Mark Normand]

Podcasts selling tickets.

[Joe Rogan]

Because of social media.

[Ari Shaffir]

Because you're humanizing Trump. Like Willie's a human.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

So why. Why can't I. The other lady on.

[Joe Rogan]

They've. They've been caught up in all this that they've shoved down everybody's throat, especially all the Russia.

[Ari Shaffir]

Do you think the campaign people for Kamala Harris was going, we should have let her go on Rogan?

[Shane Gillis]

Definitely.

[Joe Rogan]

Some people, maybe it would have been a win. I would have been nice to her.

[Ari Shaffir]

You would have been nice.

[Joe Rogan]

I told her I would talk about anything. They didn't want to talk about marijuana, want a legalization. And they didn't want to talk about Internet censorship. But then they changed their mind about the Internet censorship. And then they contacted and said they want to talk about Internet censorship. We had like, no bullshit. At least I didn't have any of them. But there was at least three calls. There was like multiple emails back and forth and there was dates proposed this idea that they passed on it because the progressive people. Look, I'm sure the progressive people didn't want her to do it. I'm sure they. People that didn't want to do it, but they were trying to schedule it. This is not a thing that was like they had resistance to it. They contacted me. They contacted me. When they found out when Trump's camp leaked that he was coming on, they contacted me and they wanted to come on. They had contacted me before and were inquiring about coming on. Once Trump said he was coming on, then they wanted to come on. But they wanted me to do an hour and they wanted me to travel to them.

[Ari Shaffir]

Well, that's crazy. But like.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, well, it's like he said those last two hours where you really find out what's going on. Like you can people for 40 minutes, get them comfortable. If I'm talking to you for three hours, we're going to talk about some real.

[Mark Normand]

That's when that funnel comes up.

[Shane Gillis]

Let's protect our parks.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let's protect our parks. I hate people from North Dakota. It's obvious. Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Know anybody?

[Mark Normand]

The caller, Daddy. They build the set they replicate it and it costs, like, you know, couple hundred grand.

[Joe Rogan]

They said six figures.

[Mark Normand]

Kanye still didn't hit a million views.

[Ari Shaffir]

You know what does hit a million views? Neil Diamond's coming to America.

[Joe Rogan]

I'm good for now.

[Ari Shaffir]

You're not. You just did one Europe.

[Joe Rogan]

You can't.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, we just did it.

[Joe Rogan]

No, Mark and I just did them. That's wrong.

[Mark Normand]

I got whiskey.

[Joe Rogan]

It's 100% true.

[Shane Gillis]

That's a history.

[Joe Rogan]

Just did them. Didn't we just do them before we did them? No, no, no, no, no.

[Mark Normand]

We stup.

[Shane Gillis]

We went first on every.

[Joe Rogan]

Them last, Jamie. Is that correct? Did we do them last, Jamie?

[Ari Shaffir]

That's a. S not.

[Mark Normand]

I think they did.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't think you did them before us.

[Joe Rogan]

What song did you guys just play? We played Hulk Hogan.

[Shane Gillis]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

That's what he told me. Had bad breath.

[Joe Rogan]

Here's the craziest thing about Trump.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

The people that love him. There's a spectrum of the people that love him where you're terrified you're going to run into them people. You're terrified you're going to get cornered by those people. I was in Aspen and this fucking lady came up to me and it was like her and her daughter. The lady was like 59ish, 65ish. You know, that kind of age. And she. She comes up to me, she goes, she goes, you know, Trump's the real President of the United States. And I go, but he's not. I go, joe Biden's the president. Like, they already called the election. She goes, oh, you're one of them. I go, I gave. He won the election. I don't know if they're election was good. You know, maybe it wasn't good, but he's not the president. This is the. If you look online, if you Google it, I go, it says, President Biden.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, he is the president.

[Joe Rogan]

There's those people that if you get caught with them, like, they, you know, they're all in.

[Ari Shaffir]

They're 911 truthers.

[Joe Rogan]

They're all in.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

You did push back harder. And, like, why was it rigged? I like that.

[Mark Normand]

It does feel like he is running.

[Ari Shaffir]

Tell me why it's rigged. What do you mean?

[Joe Rogan]

I wanted to. I would hope that he would have had a good answer. I would have hoped he have data that he could spit out. If you told me if I really ran for president, I knew they rigged it and they gave me evidence enough that I would say publicly they rigged it, I'd be able to spit that out.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Instead of just saying it.

[Mark Normand]

We should be part of the cabinet. We're protecting parks.

[Joe Rogan]

We should be the official podcast.

[Ari Shaffir]

Official podcast of the tr. I will tell you, that video. We haven't watched it yet. That video of him saying, we're done with Internet censorship.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Was like, this actually affects me. And I. I like that what he's saying.

[Mark Normand]

Huge.

[Ari Shaffir]

I liked it. Got me fired up.

[Joe Rogan]

These companies are scary because they dictate the narrative of the whole world. It's not just as simple as, oh, you're removing hate speech. No. You're changing the way people talk about things. And you're dorks. You're not people that I want changing these things.

[Ari Shaffir]

It was when I was in college. They were talking about verbal consent. That was a big thing. And every cool person was like, those are virgins telling us how to do sex.

[Mark Normand]

It's like the gays on America's Got Talent telling us who's hot.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, I'll allow it.

[Mark Normand]

I'll allow it.

[Joe Rogan]

Which ones are you talking about?

[Ari Shaffir]

I don't know what that means.

[Joe Rogan]

Lionel Richie. Who the are you talking about?

[Mark Normand]

Well, you know, those. The America's Turn. That's what I meant when he. I'm like, no, no, no, you're not. You're gay.

[Ari Shaffir]

When he said, without free speech, We're Speech.

[Joe Rogan]

We're.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Without free speech.

[Ari Shaffir]

Why do we play that?

[Joe Rogan]

You get no. Yeah, let's play that. You get no. Protect our parks without free speech.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Imagine if Comedy Central gave us notes on protect our parks.

[Ari Shaffir]

Well, do you remember when.

[Mark Normand]

11 minutes.

[Ari Shaffir]

Do you remember when you hosted a standup show right after the Iraq invasion?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And what did they tell you?

[Joe Rogan]

I don't remember.

[Ari Shaffir]

They said, no talking about Bush. No talking about the war.

[Mark Normand]

Where was that?

[Ari Shaffir]

On NBC late Friday.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, yeah, right.

[Ari Shaffir]

Am I wrong or.

[Joe Rogan]

No, you're right. Yeah. I think that was a narrative for the. Every comic that went up there.

[Ari Shaffir]

Just can't talk about this.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Can't talk about Bush. Can't talk about the war.

[Ari Shaffir]

And you're like, no, don't talk. Say anything.

[Joe Rogan]

Remember Mitzi wouldn't let Holtzman go on stage for two weeks after 9 11.

[Ari Shaffir]

Duncan had to call him.

[Joe Rogan]

That makes sense, but it's amazing.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, but actually, it's. It tracks because. Because she was like, tell Holtzman. Like, hey, we love you, but you can't go on. Happened on Tuesday. Closed Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, open on Friday. Saturday, you can't get spots. Sunday was open mic night. You can go up. Me and Stan Hope were watching Holtzman Go up.

[Mark Normand]

Thank you.

[Ari Shaffir]

And he was talking about how he would have jumped out and tried to hit a cop. And Stanhope was like, I disagree with 90% of this. But he's saying it so well. And it had to be an open mic night to get him on. Duncan called him. He goes, did you know anybody in 9 11? He goes, I know they're Americans. I don't know what else you got to know.

[Joe Rogan]

He's got a home here now. You know, he's headlining.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's excelling.

[Joe Rogan]

Instead of like, damn, if he was.

[Shane Gillis]

In la, he'd be crucified.

[Joe Rogan]

But they weren't giving him good spots at the store. He was getting these spots at 2 o'clock in the morning, there was no one left. He was getting these spots where we would be in the back laughing. But it's like, you know, 10 people.

[Ari Shaffir]

In the crowd throwing up, laughing, like so hard.

[Joe Rogan]

I'm almost such an animal.

[Shane Gillis]

You can't believe he's so crazy.

[Joe Rogan]

But now he's doing it to pack crowds and they're coming from all over the world to come see Holtzman.

[Ari Shaffir]

And they know.

[Joe Rogan]

Yes. His show sell.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, good.

[Joe Rogan]

He's doing sets all the time at the Mothership. He's here all the time. I just saw him the other day. He was murdering.

[Shane Gillis]

Probably not.

[Joe Rogan]

He's out of his mind. He's out of his mind.

[Shane Gillis]

When we did kill Tony Garden, he got up there and he was like, billy Joel.

[Ari Shaffir]

Billy Joel. You know, people here, I'm SG has committed suicide because they got working on Billy Joe Show. The guy's got a batter up next to the Rangers.

[Joe Rogan]

He's like, Billy Joe. He's screaming. The audience is dying.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, you guys are upset.

[Joe Rogan]

By the way. You gotta realize this is only like probably a second or third time ever he's performed in an arena. He did one of those kill Tony's in an arena. That didn't go that good.

[Shane Gillis]

I was there for that one.

[Mark Normand]

That was not that good.

[Joe Rogan]

That was not that good. But the Massacre Garden, when he killed bro, that was so Madison Square Garden was so fun. It was not just fun, it was like. It was like a moment in comedy history where you felt like. Like, this is going to be something that people talk about in the future, you know, like this. This broke through, this show that I watched in the Belly Room that had like 10 people in the audience. I was in one of the third or fourth episodes ever. And now you have it here in Madison Square Garden. It sold out in 40 minutes.

[Ari Shaffir]

Aaron Rodgers throwing out Footballs to the crowd.

[Joe Rogan]

Jelly Roll performs Dice Clay.

[Ari Shaffir]

Performed Dice Clay at msg.

[Joe Rogan]

It was amazing. Joey Diaz. When I brought Joey Diaz out, it was.

[Ari Shaffir]

Listen, I've never. I will not endorse a candidate I've never endorsed, but I will endorse one today. No one knows who's coming out. My endorsement for president.

[Joe Rogan]

Humans has ever lived.

[Ari Shaffir]

Joey Diaz. And, like.

[Joe Rogan]

And when he was walking out there, everybody knows him. He's like a legend now. He's like a snufflefagus. He's like. He's like a mysterious.

[Shane Gillis]

He actually did walk out like a.

[Joe Rogan]

Snuffle because slow like that, he's like a mythical being. And when he goes out there, people just had this giant smile on their face. I was watching these people because I was beside him. So I'm watching, you know, the audience as they're watching him. Oh, my God, it was amazing.

[Ari Shaffir]

Everyone is having. I was sitting next to Norton watching Dice and it was like we were back in high school.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

This is his stage where we first saw him. All of it.

[Shane Gillis]

All of it.

[Ari Shaffir]

I was with the. Are you garbage guy. We're just like, Brennan, ZC and Simone came up. It was just, like, so fun.

[Joe Rogan]

It was a celebration of comedy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yep.

[Joe Rogan]

You know, Gomez was there, Big J was there. It was a real celebration of comedy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Gomez, crush. Big J. Crush. Deros. Yeah, Everybody.

[Joe Rogan]

It was a celebration of, like, this kind of comedy, the kind that we like the wild, where someone's saying something crazy, like.

[Ari Shaffir]

And Tony just said, everybody, I know you hate him, but, like, he just set everybody up so. Well, did you see those.

[Mark Normand]

Tony, you see Dice with Seinfeld? Oh, no.

[Ari Shaffir]

You saw him at the park.

[Mark Normand]

Don't. Don't give it away.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay, okay, okay. Is this a recent one song or no?

[Mark Normand]

Hold on. We got Dice videos. Hit him a song before we America.

[Ari Shaffir]

Neil Diamond.

[Joe Rogan]

Give me Free Bird middle of the ramp. Free Bird. Middle. Middle of the all.

[Mark Normand]

JMO's got a lot of ones and twos going on here.

[Joe Rogan]

Middle of the guitar solo. Here we go.

[Shane Gillis]

J, are you going to bomb?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Jmo, we got an extra beer.

[Mark Normand]

Get that mustache wet.

[Joe Rogan]

Jamie will get in there. J's been three and a. We're at three and a half hours in. Here we go.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's it.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, hell yeah. Oakland Coliseum. Hey, good million views on it.

[Joe Rogan]

That's the most American riff of all time.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, how is Josh Brolin? Cool guy.

[Joe Rogan]

What's that?

[Mark Normand]

How is Josh Brolin?

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, he's awesome. Look at this.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow. Look at Bert.

[Mark Normand]

That's wearing like a cult outfit.

[Joe Rogan]

Magic times.

[Ari Shaffir]

Just chill. Chill.

[Joe Rogan]

Shredding.

[Ari Shaffir]

Just chilling and shredding.

[Mark Normand]

No fun.

[Shane Gillis]

Good. JMO1.

[Joe Rogan]

All right. Let's get that to JMO and let's see that Seinfeld. Let's find Seinfeld. Getting chased down by dice.

[Ari Shaffir]

He interrupted me on stage the other like three days ago. I'm on stage. Just comes up with his camera out.

[Mark Normand]

You handle it well.

[Ari Shaffir]

Thanks.

[Mark Normand]

He's amazing.

[Joe Rogan]

He's coming here soon.

[Ari Shaffir]

National treasure.

[Joe Rogan]

I think he's back here in December. Headline. Yeah. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

On the website says coming soon.

[Shane Gillis]

Like alerting people.

[Mark Normand]

I think it's on his Instagram. Jmo. He's walking through Central Park.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's there.

[Joe Rogan]

How good is this guitar solo?

[Shane Gillis]

Never gets old.

[Joe Rogan]

Never.

[Ari Shaffir]

I mean it's one of the greatest of all time.

[Joe Rogan]

If I ever want to feel good and I'm driving down the street. I'll crank that.

[Mark Normand]

Which one is right there? That's it.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's it. Let's hear it.

[Mark Normand]

Kill the music.

[Shane Gillis]

Big shot.

[Ari Shaffir]

Comedian.

[Joe Rogan]

Big shot.

[Ari Shaffir]

Big shot over here. Jerry is where merch for his movie.

[Mark Normand]

They're walking away like who's this psychic?

[Ari Shaffir]

He's tensed up. I've been there.

[Shane Gillis]

Comedian.

[Mark Normand]

The guy's like let's get out of here.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let's get it. Just keep walking. Let's keep some lunatic Sasquatch. He's wearing a free jacket. What do I mean from that?

[Shane Gillis]

Somebody gave it to him unfrosted from the swag. Swag. That's his normal Jewish as.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh.

[Mark Normand]

Out. I did some get excited.

[Joe Rogan]

J. Jamie, let's go. J.

[Shane Gillis]

Sad guy.

[Mark Normand]

I O.

[Shane Gillis]

Hey, you Indiana Hoosiers.

[Mark Normand]

Nice ponytail.

[Shane Gillis]

Ohio State's dick. Oh.

[Mark Normand]

Damn. That was insane.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Jamie doesn't around.

[Mark Normand]

That was so quick. Holy. The new record.

[Shane Gillis]

That's the throat goat.

[Joe Rogan]

That's pretty damn good.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

Jamie rules.

[Mark Normand]

RFK's out. New throat goat.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Yeah. Me for a second.

[Mark Normand]

Easy. That's offensive.

[Ari Shaffir]

What's Kelsey gonna do for the new thing?

[Joe Rogan]

She's something about national intelligence. Right? What is she?

[Ari Shaffir]

She should be secretary of state.

[Mark Normand]

Hawaiian.

[Joe Rogan]

She has some serious top level clear parents. And I want to find out about ufo.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. That's. That's. That's you.

[Joe Rogan]

Tulsi's my friend.

[Shane Gillis]

JMO set the record. But at what cost?

[Ari Shaffir]

I was crazy. He ran right out.

[Joe Rogan]

That wasn't a P run. That was a Jimmy John. Coming up.

[Mark Normand]

Full miscarriage.

[Joe Rogan]

That was one bomb.

[Ari Shaffir]

Was brought to you by Jimmy Jones.

[Joe Rogan]

That's an Italian sub. Ready to make birth free smells. Boom. Boom, boom.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I did that. Did some benefit. I got to wear the suit.

[Ari Shaffir]

Thanks again for those, David. What? David August rules. We hung out, got martinis all night. One night I wore it for kill. Tony, that suit rules.

[Joe Rogan]

When you get a suit that's designed actually for your. Your actual body.

[Mark Normand]

Never had. I've been a warehouse men's warehouse cunt for my whole life.

[Ari Shaffir]

I told that guy, I was like, hey, I just like a weird cup, but also stylish. And then it's like, he's like, I'm like, you know what? You're an artist. I think you get it.

[Mark Normand]

Go.

[Joe Rogan]

He got you a dope boy.

[Ari Shaffir]

He got it.

[Mark Normand]

That was a beauty.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, he did good. But he with me.

[Ari Shaffir]

Why?

[Shane Gillis]

How so? The guy that he was taking pictures.

[Mark Normand]

When we were here last, David August.

[Shane Gillis]

And he, he was like, well, your left shoulder slouches more than your right.

[Mark Normand]

You lean left.

[Shane Gillis]

I've thought about it every single day.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's a Brian Regan bit.

[Shane Gillis]

Really?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. He goes, I went to get my eyes tested. The doctor was like, hey, just your eyes are slightly off center. Nothing to worry about. I just thought you wanted to focus on it for the rest of your life.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, that rings true. I've thought about it non stop every second.

[Joe Rogan]

That's Lucas. He was. He's good man. He knows how to measure you.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You get a suit and it's like, it feels like it's designed for your.

[Ari Shaffir]

Body so much better draped on it's skin.

[Mark Normand]

It's got your name in the.

[Ari Shaffir]

He puts a tie with it.

[Mark Normand]

I know.

[Shane Gillis]

It was pretty cool.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, very nice. Yeah, that was cool.

[Shane Gillis]

That was really, really nice. Thank you very much.

[Ari Shaffir]

Joe's like, hey, come an hour early. Like, why? Like, get a suit. What? Okay. And he goes, what do you want, four? I'm like, throat.

[Joe Rogan]

Let's get some suits. Let's get some suits.

[Mark Normand]

So everything's like the hotel, the car, it's all very nice. You're a. You're a mensch.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, I like to treat people the way I like to be treated.

[Mark Normand]

Ah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Joe fought for a gush for a second for equal pay for comedians in Los Angeles when all those like book shows were like, oh, give you your 50 bucks. And Joe's like, no, you're making money off us now.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, the mother.

[Ari Shaffir]

And you don't need the $600. It's not that. It's, it's, it's, it's a, it's. Who was the guy who went in front of Congress and spoke about from From Colorado, Rocky Mountain high.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, David Lucas.

[Ari Shaffir]

No singing about rap.

[Joe Rogan]

John Denver.

[Ari Shaffir]

John Denver. That's you fighting for 600 bucks. It's like, I don't need this. It's bullshit. You're not giving everybody their equal pay.

[Shane Gillis]

No, it was David Lucas.

[Ari Shaffir]

It was David Lucas.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, the store was like a great. A great place for us to work out, but it was also like, wait a minute. Why is the guy who's running the show making $6,000 and no one's making anything other than a couple of people? This is crazy. Like, this whole thing's nuts. But it's like, you know, if you let person people do that, they're going to do it. They're going to rip people off. You let them rip people off, they're gonna rip people off.

[Mark Normand]

You got that right.

[Ari Shaffir]

Jesus Christ.

[Joe Rogan]

It's just one of those things if you. If they don't get checked. I mean, that's what happened. If unions didn't exist. Yeah, I mean, if unions didn't exist. You imagine if you just pay people whatever you want to pay them, and then all these illegals are spilling in child labor.

[Ari Shaffir]

Fine.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, fine. No child laws. No child labor laws. We'd be.

[Mark Normand]

Are you saying comedians need a union?

[Joe Rogan]

Nah, that'll never work. There's too many cunts.

[Ari Shaffir]

Don't turn against each other.

[Joe Rogan]

Italians having a union you really need is clubs run by commerce. If all clubs were run by.

[Ari Shaffir]

Are there any?

[Mark Normand]

That's a horrible idea.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, I think there's a couple other ones. That one in Key West. That guy is a common arts club.

[Mark Normand]

That Joe List documentary is killer.

[Ari Shaffir]

The funniest documentary I've ever seen in my life.

[Mark Normand]

We saw it in the theater.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, we saw it because it's about a comedian.

[Mark Normand]

Portrait of a comedian.

[Shane Gillis]

Where can you get it?

[Ari Shaffir]

He just got a deal to be.

[Mark Normand]

In theater, so it's going to come out eventually.

[Ari Shaffir]

But it was just a comic being a comic, and that's the documentary. He's not playing it up.

[Joe Rogan]

I think best case scenario is every comic who gets a pile of money, you should invest in a club. That's best. I feel like it should be a Chappelle did it. He did it.

[Mark Normand]

But you were on acid that one time when you were talking to me. You're like, don't ever open a room.

[Joe Rogan]

It sucks.

[Shane Gillis]

You like this. I was it.

[Joe Rogan]

I'm like, it's a lot of work. But that we've. We ironed out a lot of. It's work, man. It's work. It's Work. But it's worth it.

[Mark Normand]

All right.

[Joe Rogan]

It really is worth it.

[Shane Gillis]

I was at. Hold on. No.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You're misquoting me. I definitely never said. Never open up a room. I said, it's a lot of work, and you have to have a lot of money. You have to. You have to be willing to not make money.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Most things that people do where they invest a lot of money, they want to make money.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

My thought was, like, if anybody has the ability to do it the right way, it's me. Like, I have to do it. Like, I have to. What I would. If I was a kid and I was looking at, like, comics that had a lot of money, if I had that guy's money, you know what I would do?

[Ari Shaffir]

We all just dreamed about that, right?

[Joe Rogan]

I'm like, well, I'll just do it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. And it's a. It's a hit.

[Ari Shaffir]

And then you can just go. You have a billion dollars. Like, why do I fly? To make money. Why do I. Why fly? To make 100 grand. I can just go here. That means nothing to you.

[Joe Rogan]

It's also so much easier on your life. You have to fly all the time, Drive in tired.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You get worn out all the time. Flying just kills your immune system. You're always exhausted.

[Ari Shaffir]

Agreed.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Jet lag is the one.

[Ari Shaffir]

I gotta go a day early now so I don't get sick.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. And you have to drink a lot of water and hit the gym and your body has to reset. Like, what the.

[Ari Shaffir]

What were you saying?

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, I was gonna say I was at. I went out to Ohio for Chappelle's birthday this year and did his show and all that. And then we. After we did the outside show, we went to his club, and he was hammered.

[Ari Shaffir]

It was his birthday.

[Mark Normand]

Get out of here.

[Shane Gillis]

It was his birthday, and he was just up on stage holding everyone hostage, hammered. But he. He said the funniest. He was just up there and he's like, I worked my whole life to build this club to bomb in front of you motherfuckers. It was so good. There's just all these people standing there, like. But he knew. He knew it wasn't going well.

[Joe Rogan]

He just kept going.

[Shane Gillis]

It was so funny.

[Joe Rogan]

He'll keep going to try to find the nuggets.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. And he will. He's a craziest thing.

[Joe Rogan]

He's a minor, even.

[Mark Normand]

He's blacked out.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

He'll find it.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. And then once he finds it, that piece, they'll save. They'll edit it. They'll Put it aside. And then I'll go, okay, now I got a chunk I like.

[Ari Shaffir]

Also, when he. When it doesn't go well, he's like, give me that. That. That's. Give me that tape.

[Shane Gillis]

I can't do that again.

[Ari Shaffir]

He still feels it.

[Mark Normand]

He's a minority. That's why Jeff Ross likes him.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, you got that.

[Shane Gillis]

We're back. We love Jeff Ross.

[Mark Normand]

Funny guy.

[Joe Rogan]

You've got to be able to like, make the. You know, we used to do that a lot. Damon Wayans used to go up. You remember those days?

[Mark Normand]

So funny.

[Ari Shaffir]

He would do 15 of intentionally bad.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, so you.

[Ari Shaffir]

So you, like, you've lost trust in me and now I can try my jokes.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

He calls it a jazz set.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, he would around. Damon has recorded like every show he's ever done since the 90s.

[Mark Normand]

Damn, that's day.

[Joe Rogan]

To this day, he sets up. I saw him in the improv a few years back before COVID and he set up a camera in the back room. I go, you do this every set? He goes, every set. And I watch him on my computer. He records all of them. He has them all archived. And he riffs. That's how he comes up with. He just gets up and then starts talking about something, anything that's in the news. He starts riffing on it. And then he'll find something. Yeah, that's how he writes.

[Mark Normand]

I feel that's too self indulgent. I feel too guilty.

[Ari Shaffir]

It depends what level it is.

[Mark Normand]

Famous.

[Ari Shaffir]

You can't do it in the Garden, but, like, you could. You could do it at New York Comedy Club.

[Shane Gillis]

You got to be willing to bomb.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, you got to be willing to.

[Shane Gillis]

Bomb, which is the hardest.

[Joe Rogan]

But that's his creative process. You know, Chris Rock used to do the same thing. He used to go on and just ramble about stuff and you tell the audience, relax, relax. This ain't going to be funny.

[Ari Shaffir]

Lower your expectations.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, but eventually it would be an HBO special or a Netflix special. It would kill, but it's a process.

[Mark Normand]

Well, I gotta say, I've been watching Louie of over the past couple months. He's back doing. And he was struggling to put it lightly. And then I saw him two nights ago and all that same is killing.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, because he's willing to do.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's crazy. Same material just tweaked slightly. I saw Martin at the store come back after five years off, and then he was like, not good. Six months later, same material. Crushing. Yeah, same material. Not just like, I'm abandoning this.

[Joe Rogan]

They said that about probably prior than the week, he did live at the Sunset Strip, that he was doing the same material at the store and bombing. And then bombing on Monday. Tuesday was better. Wednesday was better. Thursday was killing. Friday was killing. Saturday he's filming.

[Shane Gillis]

I thought he bombed. Was. It wasn't the story. He bombed the first.

[Mark Normand]

The Long Beach.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, the Long Beach.

[Shane Gillis]

And then the second. Second show. He murdered.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That's best set ever, dude.

[Ari Shaffir]

Adrian. One of her sets. We decided to do a sabotage.

[Shane Gillis]

As much as I hate Tony. You love Adrian.

[Ari Shaffir]

I do love Adrian. Lou said we should do a sabotage, that we should just, like, not announce her. Just like, let's see what the crowd is. They hated her so much. She was upstairs getting changed. I was outside. There was these British, like, Indian people. They go, she deserves to get canceled. And it was just start to finish. Suck. She went through it like a warrior.

[Shane Gillis]

She doesn't give a.

[Ari Shaffir]

She does not. She was like, I don't know.

[Joe Rogan]

She talked about on the podcast Real.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's it.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. The next night, it was amazing. She was, like, so worried.

[Shane Gillis]

I would have been outside talking to the British Indian late. He's like, I'm so sorry. She's up there just going, I don't give a fuck. I know.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, they were. I heard them talking. I was like, adrian, hang up. Hang out upstairs for a second.

[Mark Normand]

You know what it's like? It's like a fighter who can take punches because a good fighter can take a lot of punches and still win.

[Joe Rogan]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

A bad fighter is like, I'm getting punched. I'm out of here.

[Joe Rogan]

Right, right, right, right. Real similar. It was a fun fucking time for comedy.

[Ari Shaffir]

It is a great time for comedy.

[Mark Normand]

Bad time for.

[Joe Rogan]

I always quote you. Ari couldn't have been because he said comedy's dangerous.

[Ari Shaffir]

It is. Tony proves that. All of it proves it.

[Shane Gillis]

Tony proves it.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's dangerous. You do a joke, you're like, what are you mad at? How did you try to entertain everybody? This disingenuous thing of like, well, they're trying to make people mad. No one's trying to make anyone mad. Trying to entertain, but it gets people mad.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. We don't want to offend anybody. We want to get laughs.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. It's just people love to distort things in this weird time where everything's politicized.

[Mark Normand]

I know.

[Joe Rogan]

Even comedy's politicized. It should be like, oh, is he a communication comedian? Okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

But in the room, it's great. I mean, I remember doing a show with Shane shortly after the hubbub yeah, the hullabaloo. That was really fun, that dude. What? I have like seven or eight.

[Shane Gillis]

It was like the night I got concepts. Yeah, that was great.

[Ari Shaffir]

You got to come up. My agent said I can't. Shane, come up.

[Shane Gillis]

I never said my agent said I can't.

[Ari Shaffir]

Somebody told you you weren't allowed, Becky, I don't know.

[Joe Rogan]

Where are you hearing this from?

[Shane Gillis]

There's no way I would have ever said I'm not allowed.

[Ari Shaffir]

You said they told me I should, like, just get him up here.

[Shane Gillis]

I drove to the club.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, you did hang out.

[Joe Rogan]

What are you talking about?

[Shane Gillis]

We came up stand up and we.

[Ari Shaffir]

We had fun. We talked about it. And then we had an Asian guy rank the Asians. And we were saying, like, the blogger in the room, which. There was one.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Would have said someone in the audience, an Asian guy, but they would have said someone in the audience ranked the Asian people A.

[Mark Normand]

They didn't say he was Asian.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, they did, because we said it. We, like, cut their legs out, but it's just like, it's a bit dangerous and it makes it more fun.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. You know, the funny thing was during the campaign when Obama was on, it was so surreal to watch. Obama was doing one of those campaign speeches and he said there was a guy at the Trump rally who said Puerto Ricans on an island filled with garbage.

[Ari Shaffir]

Timeout. Decent impression.

[Joe Rogan]

Those are human beings. Yeah, those are human beings. Like, what I. What speaker?

[Mark Normand]

He's joking.

[Joe Rogan]

It was a speaker. It wasn't a comedian, Wasn't a guy telling jokes.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, John Leguizamo went off. He did a whole face to camera.

[Joe Rogan]

So there was a lot of attention.

[Ari Shaffir]

There was a visual artist who did a thing about. Who was that guy who got hung?

[Joe Rogan]

He always gets my respect.

[Ari Shaffir]

John Wick was great.

[Joe Rogan]

He gets a pass. He gets a pass. These people that are in, like, certain communities, they feel like they need to.

[Mark Normand]

Stand up and say something.

[Joe Rogan]

They don't. They feel pressure. Everyone's scared, man. There's a bunch of cowards out there. There's so many people that are scared and their. Their takes on things are so gross.

[Ari Shaffir]

But it's just quick. It's not just fearful.

[Joe Rogan]

Just fearful, you know, it's weird.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that weird. That group thing really kicks up and you're like, I gotta say something. I gotta be a part. It's like, no, you don't.

[Joe Rogan]

Bill Maher putting the smackdown on Neil DeGrasse Tyson.

[Ari Shaffir]

What he said.

[Shane Gillis]

What happened?

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, my goodness.

[Mark Normand]

Take that, nerd.

[Joe Rogan]

It was wonderful because it was making fun of Neil DeGrasse Tyson's perspective on women competing with biological males in sports. Like, all this woke shit you're doing. Like, you're not a scientist. Like, this is not. This is not science that you're doing here.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

This is ridiculous.

[Mark Normand]

Well, people have been going at it. Dave Smith and Sam Harris are going at it.

[Joe Rogan]

Are they really online right now, today?

[Mark Normand]

Well, Sam Harris did a podcast shitting on Dave. Dave did a rebuttal, and Sam did a rebuttal. I mean, it's, like, crazy.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. So many people got captured during that time of chaos. Chaos and anxiety. So many people got so captured. We lost. That's my joke. We lost a lot of people during COVID and most of them are still alive.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's so funny. I quote that so many times. I quote that so many. It's one of those lines that are, like, funny, but, like, the point is real.

[Joe Rogan]

There's a lot of people I really can't talk to anymore. I just can't.

[Mark Normand]

People don't realize we're just a blip. It's all gonna go away. We're all gonna go blue marble, and we're so burning calories on this.

[Joe Rogan]

Cowards are exposed. And people that act in cowardice, and they're. They're not compassionate. They're not. You're not looking at things in a balanced, objective perspective.

[Ari Shaffir]

You know, Joey Diaz says, one of. One of my. One of my many hubbubs, Somebody was like, what? Ari shouldn't have said this thing. Not even the one you're thinking of. And then he goes, yeah, but he's our friend. In a story. Yeah, in a story, that's our friend.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Yeah. It's like the. The. It's also. It's comedy. Comedy is messy, man. And anybody who doesn't think it's messy sucks at it. That's a fact. If you think that all jokes hit. You're doing whack jokes. There's no chance. If you're not offending anybody. Well, you're not trying.

[Ari Shaffir]

You want. You got to get to the line. Yeah, you. You offend 2% of people. Perfect. 98% are inside. You just. You're right on the line. Perfect.

[Mark Normand]

And also, this is your lot in life. Like, you're the guy yelling at Elvis. Hey, this is inappropriate. You're shaking your hips like this is the person you want to be. At the end of the day, it's like we're all just joking around.

[Ari Shaffir]

Everyone's laughing. Some people are not laughing, and you're Mad.

[Joe Rogan]

It's so much just ego. It's so much ego. It's so much. People don't like other people getting attention. So much like people want other people to, like, support whatever narrative they support. Such a. But it's a time of exposure and cool people rise.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, that's the thing. It's. It's a great time for us.

[Joe Rogan]

So it's like a challenging time. All challenging times are great times. As long as World War III doesn't pop off and it doesn't become, like, the end. It's like we're basically at the Cuban Missile Crisis, but, like, accelerated.

[Mark Normand]

With Twitter.

[Joe Rogan]

With Twitter and with Elon Musk gonna.

[Shane Gillis]

Bong one or be cow and blue sky.

[Joe Rogan]

What are you talking about?

[Shane Gillis]

You guys gonna be blue sky?

[Joe Rogan]

My Lucy out?

[Mark Normand]

Is that what it is?

[Shane Gillis]

No. Blue sky. I'm so dumb.

[Joe Rogan]

If you go on there and you say there's only two gen, they ban you immediately.

[Mark Normand]

I don't want to puke at the Mothership again.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't think we're going to the mother.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, we're not. I thought we were doing sets.

[Ari Shaffir]

We are.

[Shane Gillis]

Are we?

[Mark Normand]

You have been on stage since 88, Mark and I.

[Joe Rogan]

What are you. What are you playing there, Mark?

[Mark Normand]

Wait, are we going to the mothership or not?

[Ari Shaffir]

We are 100. We are.

[Joe Rogan]

We could do whatever we want. We're Americans.

[Shane Gillis]

I think.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'll do it for you. If you don't want to do it, you do it.

[Joe Rogan]

No, no.

[Shane Gillis]

Get Mark.

[Joe Rogan]

I ate a big meal before I came here.

[Mark Normand]

I didn't just want to. I had a string cheese and a bag of almonds. Oh, damn, that was quick.

[Shane Gillis]

That was good.

[Joe Rogan]

I ate two pounds of elk. Two pounds. I did. I had two 16 oak steaks.

[Ari Shaffir]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

No veggie.

[Joe Rogan]

I don't need veggies anymore. Easy, George. If I want a salad, I'll eat it. You know, I'm not opposed to salads. If I feel like eating a salad, I eat it. But I don't think I need it for nutrition. I think it's nonsense.

[Mark Normand]

Good fiber for.

[Joe Rogan]

I don't think you need it.

[Ari Shaffir]

I love when people go, I don't trust Joe Rogan in anything. I'm like, literally, he's my number one doctor source. That has been for 20 years.

[Joe Rogan]

I'm a hundred years old and I'm strong as. Trust me, I know what I'm doing. Let's go.

[Ari Shaffir]

Does this other man need him?

[Joe Rogan]

Simple man. Don't need him around any house.

[Ari Shaffir]

Doesn't need him.

[Joe Rogan]

I have a special Ah, dude. A special affection to this song. After Neil Young went after me, dude.

[Ari Shaffir]

That I was so baller. Where you're like, glad to see you have morals, Neil.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. When he went back on Spotify.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, cuz the money's there. Oh, cuz the money's there, you'll do it.

[Joe Rogan]

So I told him. And it's true. I was a giant Neil Young fan. And I literally, the last day I worked at Great Woods Performing Arts Center, I was at a Neil Young concert and a ride broke out and I threw a hoodie on over my security outfit. I'm like, I'm out of here. I never got my last paycheck. Oh, a fight broke out at a Neil Young concert.

[Ari Shaffir]

You're like this.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, it was crazy. My friend Larry punched some dude in the chest. And Larry is like. My friend Larry was like the Larry Jones, Jones. Shout out to Larry Jones, one of the nicest guys ever. And this guy was with him and he just dropped this guy. And I was like, oh, my God, we're fighting. I'm out of here. And they left and there was bonfires going on on the lawn. It was chaos. They shut the show down.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Joe Rogan]

This is Neil Young Show, 1989. This is 1989.

[Ari Shaffir]

Where white people decide to go nuts. They go, well, you know what it was? It was cold.

[Joe Rogan]

It was cold at night. And it was. The lawn. There was a whole lawn area. And the lawn area was like, there was like an amphitheater and then that was covered. And then above the outside, the covered area was a lawn area. And the lawn area, a bunch of dudes started lighting, like, cardboard boxes on fire. It got crazy. They were. They had bonfires going on and they were got. They got real rowdy.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

And then people were like, starting with the security guys. And then when my friend Larry dropped this guy, like, fights broke out. I'm like, see ya. I'm like, I'm leaving. As long as my friends weren't actively in fights, I'm like, let's get out of here. And everybody got out of there. I was like, I quit. I'm out of here. I just was ready to quit already. There's too many times where it was like, almost fights. Some guy tried to run over me with his car.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wait, wait, wait.

[Mark Normand]

What?

[Joe Rogan]

What?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, what happened?

[Joe Rogan]

I was telling the guy that he had to stop because we were like moving traffic around. The guy, like, got right up to my leg with his car and revved the engine.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Joe Rogan]

And then I got up to his door and I go, hey, man, you. And he tried to open up his door. And I knead the out of his door and put a giant dent in his door so he couldn't. Couldn't open it. And we were, like, ready to fight. I was like, dude, I'll kill you. And he was, like, ready to get out of the car, and I, like, need his car door. And then a bunch of other security guards came up, and he pulled. I'm like, what am I doing? I get like 20 to $5 an hour or something like that, right? I'm gonna get in fights. The first day on the job, they beat the out of a guy who stole a golf cart. There's a dude named Alley Cat. He was the head guy that ran security. He was like this grizzled old security dude. He probably been doing it forever. And they found this kid who was drunk who stole one of our golf carts, a security cart. And he was driving around. They tackled him, and they were beating him with a walkie talkie, like, beating him bloody. His face was bleeding. And this was like my first day on the job. I was like, oh, my God, like, we're doing this.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Joe Rogan]

I was like, this is crazy.

[Mark Normand]

But didn't you. You were jiu jitsu guy.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, I was taekwondo guy back. I never got in fights. I never. I was the first guy like, bye. I was like, I'm not interested in anything.

[Mark Normand]

You didn't want to apply your knowledge.

[Joe Rogan]

I applied it in the ring.

[Ari Shaffir]

It doesn't go on his record if he fights a rando.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, it wasn't even that. It was just, like, I knew how dangerous it was. It's like once you've actually knocked people unconscious and it's scary, the whole thing. Scary, like fighting people in a giant group. Like, fuck this. I don't want to have nothing to do with that. But back then, the security team was all black belts. This guy, one of the guys that we worked out with, he got a job there. And then he came to us and said, hey, you guys want a job? It's like 25 bucks an hour. You get to see concerts. I was like, yeah, I don't remember what the. I'm making $25 up. I don't know what it was. And so there was like, 16 of us, all these, like, assassins that, like, worked at this security place, but it was too crazy. You get to see how drunk people. And then it was also, when I understand cops, you know, a very minor way, because it became us against them. It was us. The security guard again. The security guards against the people who were the. The drunks that were. And that was like a mentality there was dismembered. But it was also like a thought like, we are the good guys. They're the cunts. And it's okay to beat the out of them with walkie talkies. And this is no Internet, man. We're talking about 1989. This guy beat the out of this guy with a walkie talkie in the face. Just.

[Ari Shaffir]

Blood was splattering.

[Joe Rogan]

He was getting fucked up. They rolled him over and tied him up. It was crazy.

[Mark Normand]

It was crazy.

[Joe Rogan]

And the tackle. I remember this guy getting tackled off of the golf cart. The whole thing was nuts. I was like, oh, Jesus, this is like, not worth whatever I'm getting paid.

[Mark Normand]

And fighting is like. You know, I've been beat up a few times in my day, but one time I jump kicked a guy in the stomach and he lost is. He was like. And I felt horrible. I was like, ah, geez. I don't want to be this guy.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Even in fights you feel horrible.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Like pummeled. But it's like in the street, it's so. Or in the world. It's so dangerous outside of a competition because no one's gonna stop that guy from stomping your head when you're unconscious. There's no rules. There's no rules. No one's gonna stop some guy from biting your nose off. Guy you don't know who you're fighting with is a crazy person gouging your eyes out. It's dangerous. Like anybody who just wantonly engages in random violence with strangers. You're just asking to get maimed.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Especially if you up and run into some guy who actually knows how to fight. And I'm sure you've all seen those videos online. They're horrific.

[Mark Normand]

Horrific.

[Joe Rogan]

Some guy doesn't know what he's doing and he just gets destroyed for the rest of his life. His life is going to be his legs. He's going to be limping forever because some guy decided to snap his femur in half.

[Ari Shaffir]

O. Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

It was, like, scary, man.

[Mark Normand]

I went to LSU that there was this place called Tigerland. It was where all the bars were. And these guys would fight these big white guys in polo shirts, and they would be on the cement, like, kicking each other in the face. It was brutal. Gym boys, boat shoes on.

[Joe Rogan]

Jesus Christ. Go to a gym boys. They're so dange. Kevin James was working as a bouncer at a bar. And the guy, he's Working with. Killed somebody, went to jail. He knocked the guy out. He got in a fight with some drunk guy, knocked him out. The guy fell down, hit his head, died.

[Mark Normand]

Oof.

[Joe Rogan]

All the time.

[Ari Shaffir]

Don't fight back.

[Joe Rogan]

When you KO a guy and they fall, they get hit with the earth. Bang.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

That's your fucking head. Your whole body, all your fucking la. All that torque.

[Mark Normand]

Bang on cement. Yeah, true.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Black. Blacked out and hit his head.

[Mark Normand]

That's right. Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

I mean, it's a horrible way to go, man. Hitting your head on that one. What was that girl's name? Which was a good way around the McDonald when she was joking around about the vaccine. Then blacked out on stage and bangs her head.

[Ari Shaffir]

It was so. It was so great because that was solid joke. It was the universe. I don't give a. And then I was like, that is.

[Shane Gillis]

A good joke right now.

[Joe Rogan]

Universe. The universe was telling us everything was up. What she was saying was up. It was almost like God was like, you're not getting away with this.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, we're gonna.

[Joe Rogan]

We're gonna make a video bang.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that was the pandemic time was like the Will Smith slap, that whole thing. Bob Saget, those are wacky. Couple years.

[Ari Shaffir]

Slap was wild.

[Joe Rogan]

It was all so crazy. Like, everybody lost their minds. But we got Chris Rock back. Yeah, we got Chris Rock back from that. Yeah, right. Chris Rock became Chris Rock again. He went hard again. He was doing, like, Oscar friendly stuff. You know, he was trying to, like, be in with these. He wanted to be Kevin Hart. Want to be the movie star. Wanted to do all those things.

[Ari Shaffir]

Chris Rock between two Oscars. Ish or whatever. Golden Globes was like, hard when he took some abuse for it. And then like, all right, let me just go light. And now back to real Chris Rock.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. You don't want that dude mad at you. And then a whole year to stew and write a bit about you.

[Mark Normand]

A live special. That was a big one. Oh, yeah. Chappelle too. He got that whole thing.

[Joe Rogan]

I think everybody should do a live one once. You should all do a live one. It's fun. It's weird.

[Ari Shaffir]

How'd you feel about it?

[Joe Rogan]

Fun. Ready? I just prepared, like, way more than I ever would have.

[Ari Shaffir]

I mean, you're a club comic, so I was, like, ideally suited for it.

[Joe Rogan]

What do you mean?

[Ari Shaffir]

Club comics, they're used to dealing with all sorts of, like, right stuff. It's all set up well.

[Joe Rogan]

Right, right, right, right, right. For chaos. But there was very little chaos. There was only one guy yelled something Out. But it was fun. It was. I was ready. I just made sure I was ready, so. And also, it's nice because you don't have to edit.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, less work.

[Joe Rogan]

Editing can suck my dick.

[Mark Normand]

You gotta watch yourself.

[Joe Rogan]

I watched myself from Friday night too. That helped because I hated it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Even though I killed. I had a filmed Friday night first, so I got to see that. And I watched. I was like, it's awful. I've seen it too many times. It's like you don't. You don't. You lose everything. What's funny, what's not. But I was. But Friday night killed. So I was like, look, we already got it in the can. When Saturday night rolls around, I'm fine.

[Mark Normand]

Get loose.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, I was loose as I smoked a joint, had a drink. Let's go. Smoking a joint felt normal. I felt like a normal show.

[Ari Shaffir]

That is what comedy is, where it's like, hey, I got place. Yeah, here.

[Joe Rogan]

It was fun and the audience was awesome. So it was easy. It was fun.

[Mark Normand]

San Antonio is a great comedy town.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, they were so happy. It was. It's a fun place. Texas is just fun, period.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, Texas rules.

[Joe Rogan]

I always used to think that about Houston. I always used to love going to Florida, Colorado, Denver. Denver's awesome.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's just like, smartest people are cool.

[Mark Normand]

Philly's fun. Philly, there's some good ones.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. There's places where people like to party. They're fun. They're fun people.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Comedy's better than it's ever been before, man. And be starting to think about how many guys are killing it out there right now. How many? I mean, there's more top level comics than ever. More guys doing arenas than ever. Bargazzi, Segura, Bert, you guys. Shane. I mean, I would say Shane.

[Ari Shaffir]

At the fucking. Where the fucking 76ers play. Yeah, we went. Me, you and O'Connor went into the. And made Baby J, I think.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Went into the back. Jero didn't care about sports, but like. Like, you could smell the hockey jersey. Yeah. We haven't watched this yet. And it's like, what? But even the theater, even the. The club comics are like, more than ever.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

The Jeff Osmuses or above.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Ari Shaffir]

Like, well, there's a ton.

[Mark Normand]

You have the Internet now.

[Ari Shaffir]

You can find some of the quality exposure.

[Joe Rogan]

Like, I was talking to Tyler Fisher about this the other day. Someone offered him a deal to do some kind of a special on something. And I was like, listen, man, just put it on YouTube. Just put on. You Want to get people to see you. Whatever money they're paying you, you would pay 10 more that for the exposure to be on YouTube. It's more 100 times more valuable. Just put it on the YouTube.

[Mark Normand]

YouTube can get a little queefy.

[Ari Shaffir]

YouTube starting to get queasy.

[Joe Rogan]

But people will share it. They'll share specials.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, they got. They got fahim. They got Joe List.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, Joe, listen.

[Ari Shaffir]

They got fahim.

[Joe Rogan]

What they do with fahim, they once.

[Ari Shaffir]

They decide wrong, they go stop sharing it. And then the growth just stops because computers are watching.

[Mark Normand]

It's like AI shit.

[Joe Rogan]

They're asking people flagging it.

[Ari Shaffir]

I think it's people flagging fahim list.

[Joe Rogan]

Assholes, dude. Assholes. People don't like Louis CK. They know Louis CK's friends with Joel, dude, trust me. Assholes flag it. You say cunt, they're gonna flag it.

[Ari Shaffir]

You say so it used to be you say a word, whatever, and they go, hey, that's a flag. And they go. And they go, hey, no, that's a stand up. So it's okay. Go suck each other's dicks in your fucking bathroom.

[Mark Normand]

I'm listening. Put it down, baby.

[Ari Shaffir]

Before I go plugs.

[Mark Normand]

Oh yeah, Mark plug.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's always shoot.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, do it boys. Check out page the stage on punch up dot com. Mark Noman comedy Mark Norman slash punch up or punch up? SL mark the stage. AR's on there too. Joe L Sam, all the guys. Michelle Wolf, all punch up. I said your name.

[Ari Shaffir]

Thank you.

[Mark Normand]

And yeah, check out AR's. You got a new special coming out. You got Adrian special.

[Ari Shaffir]

You got January 14th will be my new special America sweetheart on Netflix. Also they are picking up Jew. The first YouTube to Netflix special of all time will be in May. Ish.

[Mark Normand]

Hell yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Not official date yet. Also Pittsburgh with Adrian. Atlanta, Tahoe, Vancouver, Calgary, Edmonton, Portland, bunch of San Antonio, San Jose, a bunch of other stuff. Ar.com for tickets all new hour. Then I'm done till 2017.

[Mark Normand]

Get some bodega cat. I am in New Orleans for Thanksgiving. Tickets are horrific. Please come to the Orpheum. And we might be drunk. You be tripping.

[Ari Shaffir]

We tripping in my new Norman's the only guest has been on there twice.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's an honor and a pleasure.

[Ari Shaffir]

I gotta go. I gotta go back. And we might be drunk for the special.

[Mark Normand]

Oh yeah, come back. You just did the Adrian.

[Ari Shaffir]

I did the Adrian, but I should do one of my own.

[Mark Normand]

Every comment is her again.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, because she's here.

[Mark Normand]

Legion skank. She's on that that was a good one, though. That was fun. That was fun.

[Ari Shaffir]

We did skanks, me and Adrian, and at some point we just sat back and watch Jay be funny.

[Mark Normand]

Jay.

[Ari Shaffir]

We're just like, let's just enjoy this.

[Mark Normand]

He can really talk.

[Ari Shaffir]

God damn.

[Mark Normand]

He can run natural.

[Joe Rogan]

He's a natural, ladies and gentlemen.

[Ari Shaffir]

And you want to join in, but you're like, actually take the stage.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah, I'll ruin it.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, right? It's like finding a way, like, you got to know when to step in and when to lay back.

[Mark Normand]

It's pretty cool. We know some of the funniest people out there.

[Ari Shaffir]

And Lewis will give you a joint.

[Joe Rogan]

Like, we talk about, dang this. Like, you know, it's the most important thing and in life is the hang in the green room.

[Mark Normand]

Hell yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

It's the most fun.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's what everyone wonders. What's the green room like? And you're like, yeah, exactly. What you think.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's a barrel of laughs.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, it's kind of like kill you, bro. It's kind of like a podcast.

[Ari Shaffir]

We're all friends, but darker.

[Joe Rogan]

It's a podcast every night. Yeah, but way more.

[Mark Normand]

You can go far, way further.

[Shane Gillis]

You just dose because you can keep up. I still won and you dosed me.

[Mark Normand]

Diddy. You son of a deep diddy.

[Ari Shaffir]

I put like 10% of mine into yours. I had 90%. You had 110%.

[Mark Normand]

Should we get some food at some point or is that crazy? Maybe a little din. Din.

[Shane Gillis]

I. I don't know. Every time we go out after this, I'm always. I don't love it.

[Ari Shaffir]

What do you think we do?

[Shane Gillis]

We go out to dinner after this? I feel like a alien.

[Ari Shaffir]

What do you mean alien?

[Joe Rogan]

Cuz we're walking to a n rest.

[Ari Shaffir]

I've got a suggestion.

[Mark Normand]

That's a good point.

[Shane Gillis]

Every time we go out to eat.

[Joe Rogan]

I go, what the.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let's stop by the supermarket, get some steaks, go to Shane's house and grill them.

[Mark Normand]

That's a lot of work.

[Shane Gillis]

That actually would be awesome.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Let's live like regular people.

[Joe Rogan]

Let's go to restaurant dressed up like the Jaguar. People.

[Shane Gillis]

Actually agree with that front row.

[Mark Normand]

At a Brooklyn audience.

[Ari Shaffir]

We're supposed to have program stuff for this. What happened to our customs?

[Joe Rogan]

I want to get a yellow not nylon, zoot suit.

[Shane Gillis]

Yes.

[Ari Shaffir]

Are we doing Mar a Lago?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, we have to.

[Ari Shaffir]

We have to, we have to.

[Joe Rogan]

We helped Trump get elected.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yo, I got a special jute January 14th. Are we doing?

[Mark Normand]

Let's do blow it down here.

[Ari Shaffir]

When do you finish shooting?

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, well, maybe we. Maybe we do that at Mar a Lago.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, no, we have to wait until he walk on.

[Joe Rogan]

We have to wait till he gets.

[Shane Gillis]

Trump's obviously gonna walk on. Dude, there's a camera.

[Joe Rogan]

The bro 100. He's gonna walk on if we.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let's do it and play it day after the play the day after or right then.

[Joe Rogan]

We talked about it on the podcast and Don Jr. Reached out to me, said, I can make that happen.

[Ari Shaffir]

I post, I posted a support of Tony HINCHLIFF and Don Jr. Was like, I love it. We can make it happen.

[Joe Rogan]

Don Jr isn't it interesting that like, like Jon Jones, we just need defends the heavyweight title and Jon Jones defends the heavyweight title and then does the Trump dance.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

And then gives his belt to Trump. Like the world's changed. Like everything's flipped.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, completely.

[Joe Rogan]

It's completely flipped.

[Ari Shaffir]

And what's lost is Jon Jones is the greatest fighter of all time.

[Mark Normand]

He's a gladiator.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, he's the best.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, the NFL guys are doing it.

[Joe Rogan]

It's hard to say he's not the best. And I know he didn't beat Tom Aspinall. He hasn't fought Tom Aspinall yet.

[Mark Normand]

Tom's great.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's always one guy, but it's like he's beating that guy over and over and over again. Again. Drop in somebody.

[Joe Rogan]

He's never fought a guy like Tom. Tom's different.

[Shane Gillis]

Tom's going to be a problem, and.

[Joe Rogan]

He'S a giant dude. He's a legitimate heavyweight. He might fight whoever he wants to fight. Jon Jones could do whatever the he wants to do right now. If I imagined what's actually happening, though, I'd imagine he's saying he's not going to fight Tom Aspinall, although he's probably training for Tom Aspinall. He wants to ramp up the amount of money that he can get, which is a smart thing to do because it might be the last time he fights.

[Ari Shaffir]

Also underrated. What nobody says about Jon Jones is he has, of all the UFC fighters that ever met, the highest weed tolerance of anybody, and no one's talking about it. He does four times a weed. Joe does four, five times a weed. I do really hand is like a champion on airplanes.

[Shane Gillis]

I bet allegedly Nate Diaz can get after allegedly. Bring it, Nate versus John Weed.

[Joe Rogan]

I bet John's still more coherent.

[Ari Shaffir]

Dana.

[Mark Normand]

Bring it, John Weed.

[Ari Shaffir]

We all want to see it.

[Mark Normand]

Let's do that.

[Joe Rogan]

Did you guys ever see. What was that? A jiu jitsu competition. What was it called? Where they would. High rollers so they would get super baked and then they would have jujitsu competitions. They'd smoke together.

[Ari Shaffir]

By the way, that's Eddie's class. That's Eddie's class every day.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, it is. It is a little bit. That's Matt. My friend Matt put it together and so he set this thing up. I think it was California where it was legal. So they all get super duper high and then they would fight.

[Shane Gillis]

I love it.

[Joe Rogan]

I love it matches. It was awesome.

[Ari Shaffir]

They should do that coke version.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, that would be as good. Did you guys see that study that they funded? I posted it on my Instagram where they gave her. Was it gerbils or hamsters? They gave hamsters cocaine and steroids and had them fight and like, studied it. The hamsters. Our government. Our government.

[Shane Gillis]

Fifth grader.

[Joe Rogan]

Our government. Bunch of nerds with an UN Limited budget.

[Mark Normand]

Hell yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Northeastern University of Boston for decades. I think they spent $3 million on this, by the way.

[Ari Shaffir]

Supposedly serious scientists.

[Joe Rogan]

Look at my quote here. The government spent $3 million funding a study where they injected hamsters with steroids and cocaine and had them fight. A completely ridiculous and unethical study. But I would like to see the data. I want to see the data.

[Mark Normand]

This is why the terrorists hate us, bro.

[Joe Rogan]

They hopped them up on cocaine and roids and they had go to war. They were probably trying to figure out what's the best way to make a soldier.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, right. Yep, yep.

[Joe Rogan]

I would do that. Like, you know, I've had conversations with like, yeah, exactly. Well, also I've had conversations like Special Forces guys. And you're like, you don't want to like, ask is everybody doing steroids? But one of them said the whatever that soldier needs to do to make him the best soldier, I am all in on.

[Shane Gillis]

Fuck me up. One of the guys in the seals, I was asking him about that and I was like, you guys should all do steroids.

[Joe Rogan]

What the.

[Shane Gillis]

Who gives a. And he was like, yeah, but then you're out and you get stuck out there and you run out and you run out and now you have a guy falling apart. And I was like, oh, I didn't think about that.

[Joe Rogan]

That's a very good point. Because she should character.

[Shane Gillis]

I was like, yeah, you guys, everywhere.

[Joe Rogan]

You go, they should all be on steroids. Just keep steroids with you. Just have like a box that can't be like a bulletproof box with testosterone in it and a bag of needles. This Is test your hips. Let's go, let's go.

[Shane Gillis]

Because though. Yeah, I was like, make them the most roided out freak of all time, bro.

[Joe Rogan]

When you see these people that are talking about like non binary folks in the military and then you see China and they're doing bear crawls up hills. Have you seen that video of the Chinese military doing bear crawls up a giant hill?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You ever do that workout? You ever do a bear crawl? It sucks, bro. That's not fun. It looks way easier than it is.

[Shane Gillis]

It's so hard.

[Joe Rogan]

It's not hard. I mean, it's not easy to do at all, but it looks easy. Like I can walk on my hands and knees.

[Mark Normand]

Easy.

[Joe Rogan]

Shut the fuck up. Yeah, then you do like five steps. You're like, oh, my God, my shoulders are shaking.

[Mark Normand]

Is that feet and hands?

[Joe Rogan]

You're walking.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, but your weights all on your.

[Joe Rogan]

You this. Your weights on your feet and your hands.

[Shane Gillis]

It's really hard, you know, it really blows. Duck walks you.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

It's like a real O line. Fuck. Where'd you piss?

[Joe Rogan]

Well, you know, we do our comedy workouts. I always make sure that everybody does those, those deep squats except Brian Simpson.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's like, he does them. Getting tired.

[Joe Rogan]

Brian Simpson does them.

[Shane Gillis]

Simpson does. Well, the only thing he out on is the sauna.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, I've never seen anyone. We get that song.

[Shane Gillis]

No, that sauna blows.

[Joe Rogan]

I get that song up 196.

[Ari Shaffir]

I know. I watched all you guys come and go while I'm sitting in there.

[Joe Rogan]

Let's go.

[Shane Gillis]

Come on, man.

[Ari Shaffir]

Can I. I was at a muska show. We met some seals and they go, hey, I was in. I was in.

[Shane Gillis]

What did they say?

[Mark Normand]

Beach balls.

[Joe Rogan]

Mark Norwood, you're such an important part of the show.

[Ari Shaffir]

Because I was in Yemen and I was undercover, whatever, embedded, and then I went to have to do these dudes.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's.

[Joe Rogan]

This is it. This is it right here.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, they're going up and down. That's the hardest thing. This is like a meme in China. I don't know about the military doing it.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, no. I saw some military guys do.

[Mark Normand]

I know, I googled it.

[Joe Rogan]

I'm not seeing 40 are killing it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Anyway, pretty cool looking.

[Joe Rogan]

It's hard to do, man. Whoever those guys are, we can't find enough Americans to do that.

[Mark Normand]

Make Kool aid show the elephant walk.

[Shane Gillis]

That American.

[Joe Rogan]

Do we have enough American? Yeah, the elephant walk into McDonald's. Following Donald Trump's lead.

[Mark Normand]

Well, I guess it's 80 people that do It. They were a bunch of nerds, bro.

[Joe Rogan]

That is so hard to do.

[Ari Shaffir]

Damn.

[Joe Rogan]

The Average age is 50.

[Ari Shaffir]

Whoa. They're going to win somebody.

[Shane Gillis]

16 years old, these Asians.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. You know what's crazy, though?

[Mark Normand]

Asian don't raisin.

[Joe Rogan]

Our ads are doing these. These silly inclusive things about the military. Their ads are trying to make Chinese men more masculine. Like everything is more.

[Shane Gillis]

That's a uphill climb.

[Mark Normand]

I think we're gonna flip, though. I think that those days are over.

[Joe Rogan]

I think they're over, too. I think people realize how dangerous it is to project this insanity to the whole world.

[Ari Shaffir]

We never played that Trump thing on the Internet.

[Shane Gillis]

That's all right.

[Joe Rogan]

Which is not that great.

[Shane Gillis]

It's him. It was a cool.

[Ari Shaffir]

I got me riled up.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, yeah, yeah, it's fine. I posted it on my Instagram.

[Ari Shaffir]

Did. Okay, cool.

[Joe Rogan]

Go to my Instagram, Jamie and you find it because it's also with the words. So it's tran. The transcript is on the screen.

[Ari Shaffir]

If you don't want it, we don't have.

[Joe Rogan]

No, we're gonna do.

[Shane Gillis]

We want it. We want.

[Joe Rogan]

No, it's. You're right.

[Shane Gillis]

You want it. You want it.

[Joe Rogan]

It's super important. We have all the time in the world, man. We're Americans. We're Americans and Trump's the president. Start from the beginning and give me a little volume. Sorry.

[Mark Normand]

Every time.

[Joe Rogan]

I know. I understand. Okay, go ahead, Go ahead. It's okay.

[Mark Normand]

Brolin's handsome.

[Joe Rogan]

He's a beautiful man.

[Donald Trump]

Then we just don't have a free country. It's as simple as that. If this most fundamental right is allowed to perish, then the rest of our rights and liberties will topple.

[Joe Rogan]

Just.

[Donald Trump]

Just like Domino's. One by one, they'll go down.

[Joe Rogan]

Domino's pizza.

[Shane Gillis]

Great pizza.

[Donald Trump]

Shatter the left wing censorship regime and to retain the right to free.

[Shane Gillis]

Jamie, comment right now, live.

[Joe Rogan]

No, no, no. Hold on. Let him.

[Donald Trump]

Very important word in this case, because they've taken it away. In recent weeks, bombshell reports have confirmed that a sinister group of deep state bureaucrats, Silicon Valley tyrants, left wing activists and depraved corporate news media have been conspiring to manipulate and silence the American people. They have collaborated to suppress vital information on everything from elections to public health. The censorship cartel must be dismantled and destroyed. And it must happen immediately. And here is my plan. First, within hours of my inauguration, I will sign an executive order banning any federal department or agency from colluding with any organization, business or person to censor, limit, categorize, or impede the lawful speech of American citizens. I will then ban federal money from being used to label domestic speech as Ms. Or disinformation. And I will begin the process of identifying and firing every federal.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow.

[Donald Trump]

Who has in domestic censorship, directly or indirectly, whether they are the Department of Homeland Security, should the Department of Health Human Services, the FBI, the doj, no matter who they are. Second, I will order. The Department of Justice is to investigate all parties involved in the new online censorship regime which is absolutely destructive and terrible, and to aggressively prosecute any and all crimes identified. These include possible violations of federal civil rights law, campaign finance laws, federal election law, securities law and antitrust laws, the Hatch act, and a host of other potential criminal, civil, regulatory and constitutional offenses. To assist in these efforts, I am urging House Republicans to immediately send preservation letters and we have to do this right now to the Biden administration, the Biden campaign and every Silicon Valley tech giant ordering them not to destroy evidence, evidence of censorship. Third, upon my inauguration as President, I will ask Congress to send a bill million likes revising Section 230 to get big online platform 230 out of censorship.

[Shane Gillis]

What time does an Asian go?

[Donald Trump]

If they meet high standards of neutrality, transparency, fairness and non discrimination, we should require these platforms to increase their efforts.

[Mark Normand]

To take a JAMA with all the tabs such as Leonard Skyward exploitation and.

[Donald Trump]

Promoting terrorism while dramatically curtailing their power to arbitrarily restrict lawful speech. Fourth, we need to up the.

[Mark Normand]

All right, you good?

[Shane Gillis]

Jamie, we good?

[Mark Normand]

You got it?

[Joe Rogan]

We got it.

[Ari Shaffir]

I don't care if you don't like this guy. You can't be against this.

[Joe Rogan]

That's a progressive idea.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's progressive, that is. You have to be able to go, I'm against 95% of them. This part is okay.

[Joe Rogan]

If you're not with that, you're not with free speech. So you're not with free discourse. You want to be right. None of it makes any sense. There's no logical explanation that you could possibly provide that would say that censoring speech by a bunch of people that have been known to be liars and criminals, letting those people censor speech is crazy. You're letting people influence people with billions of dollars. You're letting people that are engaged in really bizarre like the insider trading. The insider trading is fucking bananas. We let those people. These are the people that you're letting dictate what can and cannot be said online. And you're trying to pretend that they don't have some sort of a financial interest one way or the Other. You got to let people talk.

[Ari Shaffir]

Anyone in the arts be in favor of that?

[Joe Rogan]

Everyone.

[Ari Shaffir]

Do whatever you want to do. Express. Whatever. Express.

[Joe Rogan]

If you want to make rap music, whatever you want to make, you need that everything for us, for all of us.

[Mark Normand]

That's a great thing about rappers. They don't really attack each other for being inappropriate.

[Joe Rogan]

They're terrified that if they go after rappers, they'll lose the entire segment of the population that likes rap music.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, interesting.

[Joe Rogan]

Because everybody's sort of accepted that they like. If you listen to like old school coogee rap or something like that, gangster music, you're accepting the fact this is entertainment, just like a Al Capone movie, and it's fun to listen to. If you start going after those people and you demand that kind of censorship, you're going to lose not just the people in the black community, you're going to lose the people in the white community that like rap, the Asian community, the Chinese, Japanese, like, name it. Everybody likes rap.

[Mark Normand]

Everybody likes rap.

[Joe Rogan]

Leave us the fuck alone.

[Ari Shaffir]

Asian rappers.

[Joe Rogan]

Leave it. Leave us the fuck alone. And if you don't leave us the fuck alone, then you're going to lose all the votes. So I don't think they can go after rap music. I think they have to leave rap music alone.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And it should be. That's why they say what you want to say.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Especially in the arts. And that's okay. That's just your stance.

[Joe Rogan]

It's okay. You. You should be allowed to have all kinds of shit. Do you remember when Sister Soulja had that rant?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yes.

[Joe Rogan]

And Bill Clinton had this rebuttal to it on TV that probably won him the election.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

What was it after?

[Mark Normand]

Whitey.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, she. She was talking about, like, here, we'll play it. We'll play it. Because then I want to paraphrase it because we played it really recently. It's important. It's like. Shows you how good Clinton was when he was in his prime.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. Well, the Dems lost.

[Ari Shaffir]

When he wasn't raping, he was fucking on fire.

[Joe Rogan]

I think. I think it's like him and Obama are the goats. Yeah, it's like the Jon Jones and the fucking George St. Pierre of politics.

[Donald Trump]

Let's stand up for what's always been best about the Rainbow Coalition, which is people coming together across racial lines.

[Mark Normand]

The Rainbow Coalition was Jesse Jackson, L.A.

[Donald Trump]

That you had here last night, a great role model. We don't have a lot of time to do this. We don't have a lot of time.

[Mark Normand]

Great hairline.

[Donald Trump]

You had a rap singer here last night who named Sister Soulja. I defend her right to express herself through music. But her comments before and after, after Los Angeles were filled with the kind of hatred that you do not honor today and tonight. Just listen to this. What she said.

[Shane Gillis]

Wet ass, pussy.

[Donald Trump]

She told the Washington Post about a month ago, and I quote, if black people kill black people every day, why not have a week and kill white people? So you're a gang member and you'd normally kill somebody. Why not kill a white person? Last year she said, you can't call me or any black person anywhere in the world a racist. We don't have the power to do to white people what white people have done to us. And even if we did, we don't have that low down dirty nature. If there are any good white people, I haven't met them. Where are they? Right here in this room.

[Shane Gillis]

That's where they are. Right here in this room. Shut up, you.

[Joe Rogan]

I know she is a young person.

[Donald Trump]

But she has a big influence on a lot of people. And when people say that, if you took the words white and black and you reversed them, you might think David Duke was giving that speech.

[Mark Normand]

Ooh, that's a good point.

[Donald Trump]

Let me tell you, we all make mistakes. And sometimes we're not as sensitive as we ought to be. And we have an obligation, all of us, to call attention to prejudice wherever we see it. A few months ago, I made a mistake.

[Ari Shaffir]

Some chick said no and club that.

[Donald Trump]

Didn'T have any African American members. I was criticized for doing it. You know what? I was rightly criticized for doing it. I made a mistake.

[Ari Shaffir]

Good for him.

[Donald Trump]

I said I wouldn't ever do that again. And I think all of us have got to be sensitive to that. We can't get anybody in this country pointing the finger at one another across racial lines.

[Mark Normand]

If we do that.

[Shane Gillis]

Big deal.

[Donald Trump]

In Reverend Jackson's new math of this election, it's hard to get to a 34% solution or a 40% solution if the American people can be divided by race.

[Ari Shaffir]

Look at Jesse.

[Joe Rogan]

Amazing. He was so good.

[Ari Shaffir]

Ben, to admit you're wrong. No one ever does it anymore.

[Joe Rogan]

So smooth. The way he did it was so smooth. Jamie, we bladder holla.

[Mark Normand]

Oh.

[Joe Rogan]

One. One bong yet was enough for young Jamie.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let's get some steaks and go to Shane's house and grill them.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm actually totally all right with that. What about your roommate, J. Lair?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, Lamar's cool. He'll grill for us. Put on the bow tie.

[Mark Normand]

Put him out.

[Joe Rogan]

He's going to it up. I'm going to have to be the griller. Yes.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. You'll grill it.

[Shane Gillis]

Actually, let's go do that.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let's do that. I may.

[Shane Gillis]

I got a pool. I turned the hot tub on before I left.

[Ari Shaffir]

Dude.

[Joe Rogan]

Okay. Anything else? Should we cover anything else before we wrap this up?

[Mark Normand]

Should we wait for J?

[Joe Rogan]

We have to wait for jmo.

[Ari Shaffir]

We have to wait for J.

[Joe Rogan]

Otherwise it won't show. Shut off.

[Mark Normand]

We got Ellen leaving.

[Joe Rogan]

Say something ridiculous. I'm like, oh, no.

[Mark Normand]

We talked. We talked to Jake Paul fight. That was so bad. That was a real waste of time.

[Joe Rogan]

That seemed like a sparring match.

[Mark Normand]

The Jussie Smollett fight was better.

[Joe Rogan]

I would like to see video of that.

[Mark Normand]

He got off, by the way.

[Joe Rogan]

I know. Just.

[Shane Gillis]

I knew he was innocent the whole time.

[Joe Rogan]

What was the. Find out how that got off.

[Ari Shaffir]

What would you want? The truck. The four years now. What would you want One thing to be done over four years.

[Joe Rogan]

Release the JFK files.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's one. That's one.

[Joe Rogan]

Stop the war. Stop the wars first.

[Ari Shaffir]

Stop the wars. Ukraine, Gaza. Stop wars first. Mark.

[Mark Normand]

Well, I like the censorship thing. I like the silly.

[Joe Rogan]

I don't have to have one.

[Ari Shaffir]

I don't know. You're sure you're right.

[Mark Normand]

You're right.

[Shane Gillis]

Wars is number one.

[Joe Rogan]

Always going to be number one.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'd like to end the Cuba embargo.

[Joe Rogan]

Doesn't Jesse doing anything the Instead? Absolutely. Instead. The conviction was overturned because the Illinois Supreme Court ruled 5 to 0 that a special prosecutor should not have been allowed to intervene after the Cook county county state's attorneys initially dropped the charges against Smollett in exchange for forfeiting his $10,000 bond and conducting community service. So they shouldn't. That was. Should have been punishment enough. And so they decided to make it public. Make a big deal out of it. All right. That's reasonable. Cuz otherwise. Was he going to jail? Did he have to go to jail?

[Ari Shaffir]

Ms. Pat. Ms. Pat was the best. Before anyone said it was fake. Before anyone.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, yeah. She called it.

[Ari Shaffir]

She goes.

[Shane Gillis]

It was day one.

[Ari Shaffir]

She goes. She goes. Who's gonna wear. Who's gonna use name brand bleach to attack somebody?

[Joe Rogan]

Here it is. A maximum of 15 years in prison. Oh, my God.

[Ari Shaffir]

He and made everyone think there's racism when there's none.

[Joe Rogan]

He's an actor. It's like a baby that like bit an electric cord.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Bridget said the best. Bridget fantasy said the best. You can't let the actors write the Script.

[Mark Normand]

Well, actors write everything now.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, that's like the Johnny Depp trial, too. It's like there's. There's certain times where the actors get involved in their own script writing and get pretty nutty.

[Ari Shaffir]

Johnny Depp, during that interview, was so funny, because when they're like, what's this box for? Or is it coke? He goes, yeah, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

I mean, do you think's in there?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Isn't it crazy? She put on makeup and said he beat her. Like, she just completely lied.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, some people do that, and the.

[Ari Shaffir]

People are like, wow.

[Joe Rogan]

He was originally sentenced to 150 days in jail, 30 months of probation, in order to pay a fine of $130,000. He only spent about one week in prison before being released. God damn. They put him in jail for a week, though.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, they did.

[Joe Rogan]

The whole thing's stupid as. But it's just an attention grab. No one's a victim of it other than everybody's sensibility. Like, there's no real victim of it. Like, if he victimized someone, I would see, I think the public humiliation of people finding out that it's like, it's enough. We don't have to cage people, but for something stupid. It's a stupid thing. And it's also a stupid thing from an actor that's involved in this bizarre industry that props people up for no reason, then shoots them down. It's a chaotic, bizarre way to live your life, and you're probably insane if you're involved in it.

[Mark Normand]

But it's a good sign for our country that, like, hey, this thing actually didn't happen. He had to make this up.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, it's great.

[Mark Normand]

Doesn't happen in the streets, but it's also.

[Joe Rogan]

It's just like an actor, right? This is MAGA country. You're in Chicago.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

What country are you talking about?

[Mark Normand]

Pouring bleach off.

[Ari Shaffir]

God, they wanted it so bad to be this thing.

[Joe Rogan]

Here's my favorite part. My favorite part was when he walked in with the noose still around his neck. You have to leave the noose. You don't take the noose off because anyone. No one's gonna believe you.

[Mark Normand]

Right? Jesus Christ.

[Ari Shaffir]

This is like when I wear a festival armband six months later.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, my God. South by Southwest. You're amazing. Did you see the new Robert Rodriguez movie? You're amazing.

[Mark Normand]

You still got your October 7th.

[Joe Rogan]

That was a festival, bro. If Trump can just stop both of those things from popping off, that would be great. It's worth everything else about.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, that's the Whole point.

[Ari Shaffir]

Get in there. Stop this. Just cool. Everyone just chill out.

[Mark Normand]

Let's have a good time. We had a good time.

[Joe Rogan]

I think his, like, feistiness kind of makes him his own worst enemy in a certain way. Like, in, like, why people hate him when he tweets, like, I hate Taylor Swift. It's like his feistiness, his. But that's also what kept him in this thing. So if I think about it psychologically, like, I think about certain competitors in sports or fighting, there's people that are just like complete maniacs, like Michael Jordan, and that's why they're the best. Yeah, they're complete maniacs. And the complete maniacs are oftentimes like, not so good at controlling their initial thought.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, Michael Jordan would bribe, like, baggage handlers to get his bag out first. Because you bet with Scottie Pippen, whose bag would come out first.

[Joe Rogan]

I think Trump. Amazing. Yeah, that was amazing.

[Shane Gillis]

Trump's ego is, like, actually maybe a good thing because if. Because he'll do to me what every. Everybody says he is like. So we're sitting here being like, he's going to be the one to end the wars. And I think he'll be like, yeah, I have to. Now I am the one that's going to end the war.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

And I think he. I mean, that's how I kind of look at it. I think his ego is actually. I mean, it is a good thing, because I think he will.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. He's got to be like, guys, you both done wrong, but can we stop?

[Shane Gillis]

This did not drain the swamp.

[Ari Shaffir]

It did not train the swampy.

[Joe Rogan]

But that's a good question that I had for him. Like, what was it like making, like, 10,000 appointments? And he's like, we made a lot of mistakes. He's like, we. I. I've never governed before. Like, it's essentially. And every time he's talked about this, he said, like, you. You enter into this new thing.

[Shane Gillis]

The Gates man. The Gates man was Matt Gates. Get the out of here.

[Mark Normand]

He's gone.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, he had a. He had a back down, seems like.

[Shane Gillis]

I know, but. But it's like, bro, if I see. First off, you're a dude with insane plastic surgery on your face.

[Joe Rogan]

He's got the Botox. Get him out.

[Ari Shaffir]

I heard he was.

[Shane Gillis]

Obviously, don't kill Matt Gates.

[Mark Normand]

No, but he looks like.

[Shane Gillis]

You know what I mean?

[Ari Shaffir]

I heard he was like, matt Gates, you got to resign so I can appoint you to this thing. And then he resigned. He's like, off loser.

[Joe Rogan]

Is that what He. Did you just make that up?

[Ari Shaffir]

No. Somebody told me I didn't just make it up. He told Matt Gates, you got to resign so I can appoint you and Matt Gates. Like, why do I have to resign? He goes, trust me. Trust me. You resign, I appoint you to this thing.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh.

[Ari Shaffir]

And he goes, okay, I resign. He goes, not appointing you.

[Shane Gillis]

No, I think. I think it was Matt Gates.

[Joe Rogan]

Where'd you hear this yesterday? Where?

[Ari Shaffir]

Somewhere at the Comedy Mothership. At the tunnels?

[Mark Normand]

At the temple.

[Ari Shaffir]

Somebody told me that. I don't even know who that guy is.

[Joe Rogan]

You are spreading misinformation. This is why they want to censor Internet.

[Shane Gillis]

No, I think it was. I think it was.

[Joe Rogan]

You're up.

[Ari Shaffir]

So is he not a congressman anymore?

[Joe Rogan]

RFK junior. That's what a guy's supposed to look like when he's his age.

[Mark Normand]

That's what.

[Joe Rogan]

Healthy guy. Healthy guy. Ripped, strong.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

70 years old. Yay. That's it. No Botox.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Botulism shot your face. What is that stuff? Is it botulism?

[Mark Normand]

Him and isn't that what it is? Still, you can tell who and who. Him and Cheryl.

[Shane Gillis]

He definitely is.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. You can tell there. She's.

[Joe Rogan]

Have some respect. I'm about.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'm. I'm about to slap her.

[Mark Normand]

Sounds like a car that can't start. That's an old Dana.

[Joe Rogan]

It's gonna be interesting to see what happens if that guy gets into a position of influence and power.

[Shane Gillis]

If he takes my Froot Loops, I'm gonna storm the capital.

[Mark Normand]

I know a lot of people are skeptical about rfk, but we are obese. We are addicted to opioids.

[Joe Rogan]

We are. That's true. But I have to tell you, I was looking at the images. The difference between the Canadian Fruit Loops and the American Froot Loops online.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

And I'm willing to take the risk of the red dye.

[Mark Normand]

What do you mean?

[Joe Rogan]

They look so much trash. Look how much cooler they look.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'll tell you.

[Joe Rogan]

Show me the difference.

[Mark Normand]

Jamie, I ate a bowl today.

[Joe Rogan]

If you just eat a little bit every now and then, how bad is that?

[Ari Shaffir]

Right?

[Joe Rogan]

Give us some colorful.

[Mark Normand]

I am with some a few years ago.

[Joe Rogan]

I'm fine. I've eaten a thousand bowls of Fruit Loops. Let's take a look at what the Froot Loops look like in Canada versus, like. Look at that. I want.

[Ari Shaffir]

Those are gross.

[Joe Rogan]

Don't want to eat it every day. But I want the one on the left.

[Mark Normand]

There's a push a few years ago to take them out, and they did, but no one bought it.

[Ari Shaffir]

So they put it back in.

[Joe Rogan]

The one on the right looks like that generic stuff that you buy when you're poor. The bag, you know, when it's like cereal, that's like generic cereal.

[Mark Normand]

It looks like it's got aids.

[Joe Rogan]

That's why Canadians are sad. They have bad fruit. Just don't eat it every day, you fucking idiots. Don't eat it all the time. Don't feed it to your kids. That's not nutrition. That's nonsense. You'd eat occasionally. Occasional nonsense is good for you.

[Shane Gillis]

It's crazy. They tried to nail him on the Froot Loops and he's exactly right.

[Joe Rogan]

Like Fruit Loops. Fact checked.

[Shane Gillis]

It's one of you dumbasses eating Froot Loops and get. You know what I mean?

[Ari Shaffir]

They should do better with these, right?

[Shane Gillis]

Don't eat Froot Loops.

[Mark Normand]

Right?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

We have a health director that's like, yeah, crush.

[Mark Normand]

But we've been pushing balanced breakfast for 30 years with the cereal.

[Ari Shaffir]

So yeah, it's crazy. It's part of this balance breakfast.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Lol.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Fruit Loops eggs. What are you doing?

[Mark Normand]

Autism's up, depression's up. All that shit's up.

[Joe Rogan]

This is. There's too much money. There's too much money that's being funneled to people. That's really all it is. The, the pharmaceutical drug companies make so much money. They have so much power.

[Mark Normand]

But I thought we cared about people.

[Joe Rogan]

But you're supposed to. They're supposed to too. It's not supposed to be you shouldn't make any money. It's like you shouldn't make as much money as you possibly can while lying.

[Ari Shaffir]

Shouldn't do it. At the risk of everyone liberal thought.

[Joe Rogan]

It is, everybody still needs pharmaceutical drugs. Like they've come up with some amazing drugs that have kept people alive, but you can't let them just make as much money as they possibly can while lying. That's the problem. It's like you have to know, like, how much of this stuff is safe and how much this stuff is untested and what are the tests and are you being honest or are you just like making these tests work for you? Are you bullshitting? So if you're bullshitting, then you're trying to make more money than you should. You should still be able to make a fuckload of money because there's a ton of pharmaceutical drugs that are awesome that people need, but you can't make as much money as possible while lying. And that's the thing. It's not like it's an anti pharmaceutical drug. It's an anti human perspective to not look at it this way. It's to say you're gonna allow these people that are only motivated by money to just wreck half havoc on people's health for profit. And either you, you're cool with that or you're not cool with that. And if you're cool with that and you call yourself a progressive, that's kind of crazy. It's kind of crazy that you want an unregulated corporation that has a literal obligation to their shareholders to make the most profit possible. And then you get these fucking corporate assassins to run these things. And then you have insane amounts of money that you're spending on the media. There's no way anybody gets a fair shake at what the fuck is actually going on.

[Ari Shaffir]

Advil's okay, Purdue's not.

[Joe Rogan]

There's even. You know, a lot of those things are not good for you, man that people take on a regular basis. And you don't know it because it's being hidden from you.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, follow your nose.

[Joe Rogan]

You know, I read this story about this lady who had Covid and she was really hurting, so she took too much Tylenol. She died from liver failure.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Joe Rogan]

Because if you take too much Tylenol, it'll kill you.

[Mark Normand]

Really?

[Joe Rogan]

Yes. The last headache you ever had. If you just go ham and think, the more time Tylenol, the better. You start chewing on them, you will have a real problem.

[Mark Normand]

I took like five today.

[Joe Rogan]

Yes, everyone should know that.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, you should know that.

[Joe Rogan]

It's not that you shouldn't be able to get Tylenol. Of course you should have Tylenol. Everybody likes Tylenol. You get a headache, take time, all you feel better. But it's like you, you, everyone should know. Like what is like really dangerous for you. Remember what studies have you done and how honest are you being? And are you just trying make more money?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. In the 90s they took all the Tylenol off the shelf. Remember that?

[Joe Rogan]

What is this?

[Mark Normand]

Liver and Covid and was coming.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, no, this was about Tylenol. She died of Tylenol failure.

[Mark Normand]

It says Covid's hard on your liver, so.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh yeah, I'm sure Covid's hard on. But, but, but the thing is like people have died from Tylenol without Covid. Does suck Tylenol. Acetaminophen. Google how many deaths of acetaminophen every year because that's an interesting test Statistics.

[Ari Shaffir]

Interesting.

[Joe Rogan]

Google that every year.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Good for you. That's gonna be a tough spell.

[Joe Rogan]

Deaths.

[Ari Shaffir]

Got it. That's an auto fill. That's an auto fill for sure. Speed.

[Joe Rogan]

Look at that.458. It's not that much.458 deaths every year due to acute liver failure. But that's 458 people that didn't have to die.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. Gaza.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Like, if you die from. That's hospital visits. Look at all the people that like, had to be hospitalized. Go back to that, please. Look at this. 2600 hospitalizations. 56, 000 emergency room visits. So it's not just the 458 people that died. It's 56, 000 people that probably got on death's door. It's the point where they had to go to the emergency room.

[Ari Shaffir]

2600 control centers.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, it's. It's real.

[Mark Normand]

A lot of people like going emergency room too.

[Joe Rogan]

That's true.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's true.

[Joe Rogan]

That is true.

[Ari Shaffir]

Look up how many, how many weed emergency rooms there are where people go, I ate all the popcorn.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh my God. I had a friend of mine and I think it was like his sister's husband was a complete hypochondriac. Like a full on. Like, he would go to. He'd go to the hospital, like, emergency room, like all the time. All the time. And she was going crazy. Like she didn't know what to do about it. He was like completely nuts. Like, he would just get checked into the hospital and there was nothing wrong with him. And then he would just decide that it was something wrong with him. He had to go right now. And he'd go, and there was nothing wrong with him. And it was like a regular thing.

[Shane Gillis]

Jesus Christ.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, but that's a stat. That's in the stats.

[Joe Rogan]

He was like her husband and they had children together. And you got this guy who's also doctor who just can't stop going to the doctor. Like, he was like, really kooky. It became like a real phobia, like a, like a real mental, you know, pathology.

[Shane Gillis]

The doctor sucks, bro.

[Joe Rogan]

This guy was constantly thinking something was going wrong. So he was just like in this constant state of anxiety about his health.

[Mark Normand]

Yikes.

[Joe Rogan]

It's a real thing that happens.

[Ari Shaffir]

Got high with popcorn, weed, like edibles, and then ate the rest of the bag and then went to sleep and woke up and was like, what the. Something's wrong with me. Went to the hospital and doctor tested him. He goes, smoke weed. And don's like, fuck.

[Joe Rogan]

He realized that's what was wrong with him. He went too hard.

[Ari Shaffir]

He thought he was having a panic. Attack.

[Joe Rogan]

You went too hard.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I never go to the hospital. I gotta be blood or I gotta literally be dying.

[Joe Rogan]

I told this story a bunch of times about Ari. Me and Ari were playing pool once, and Ari was limping. I go, why are you limping? And he goes, oh, spider bit me. I go, let me see it. He pulls up his knee. I go, oh, my God, dude, you have a staph infection. I go, we gotta go to the hospital.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right? Right? He was like, we gotta go right now.

[Joe Rogan]

I unscrewed my cube right now. I go, we gotta go to the hospital right now. You gotta get to emergency room.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Joe Rogan]

Hit a rant. A raging staff infection.

[Shane Gillis]

My dad. My dad went to the hospital for his heart attack. He was like, I'm tired. I'm going upstairs. He was laying in bed. He started Googling. He was like, hey, Siri, what are heart attack symptoms?

[Joe Rogan]

The things about Jiu Jitsu gyms is they don't tell you the dangers of staff infections.

[Ari Shaffir]

They should have pictures of what staff looks like 100%.

[Mark Normand]

What is a stab?

[Joe Rogan]

A staff infection is if you don't wash yourself. And Ari's a dirty. We all know it. Listen, I can't argue with stats.

[Ari Shaffir]

Won't show it.

[Joe Rogan]

Getting scratched. You're. You're scraping your knee on the ground, nails. Dude's fingernails scratch you. You get it? If you don't wash your. Like, I'm diligent. If I do Jiu Jitsu, I want. I use defense soap.

[Ari Shaffir]

I would wash my hands and go do spots.

[Joe Rogan]

I wash my whole body, lather up my whole body. I let it sit on me for, like, a couple of minutes, and then I rinse it off.

[Mark Normand]

Jamie?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah?

[Joe Rogan]

If I have any kind of scratches, I have wipes, and I wipe the scratches.

[Ari Shaffir]

Really?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. I've got staff twice.

[Ari Shaffir]

They should do a better job of that in jits.

[Joe Rogan]

Tate Fletcher told me I had staff the first time. That's one of the reasons why I was happy. I could tell you, because I was sitting. Me and him were at the airport. We were chilling. I was wearing shorts, and I had my. My. My foot up on my knee like that. And he goes, what's going on in your calf? And I go, what is that? He goes, what is that? And I go, I don't know. It's like a couple of red dots, like it's nothing. He goes, dude, that might be staph infection.

[Ari Shaffir]

Like, seriously, that's how guys are.

[Joe Rogan]

Looks like that.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's how guys are.

[Joe Rogan]

So I immediately went to the doctor he's like, that staff.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Joe Rogan]

They tested it. They gave me antibiotics. And I was like, whoa. Yeah, I was like.

[Ari Shaffir]

I said, I'll go to the doctor tomorrow. And Joe's like, dude, I'm telling you, I understand. You got to go now. It's about to become systemic.

[Joe Rogan]

Yes. Yeah, you got to catch it quick. One of Brian Callan's friends wives died from staff because she tried to treat it. She tried to be like, holistic and take vitamins and like, you got to go to the doctor. See, this is the thing we're talking.

[Ari Shaffir]

About that's my favorite. Anti vaxxers is where the crystal people and the super rednecks come together.

[Joe Rogan]

This is why we need balance, right? Because with pharmaceutical drugs, like, antibiotics are super important. They're super important. And saved your life for sure. Your knee was.

[Ari Shaffir]

Dude, it was like, if you're limping from a microscope, it's a problem.

[Joe Rogan]

It was like. You ever look at it? If you looked at a zit under a microscope? That's what it was like. I was like, this is huge.

[Ari Shaffir]

Why are you limping?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, he was limping from a zit.

[Mark Normand]

You didn't know?

[Ari Shaffir]

Guys, just assume like, I think I'm okay. This should go away.

[Joe Rogan]

It was Hollywood.

[Ari Shaffir]

Guys go to doctors.

[Joe Rogan]

He was hobbling around the table. I was like, what is going on, man?

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Joe Rogan]

If I didn't look at your knee, dude, and you just left that go, you would be a dead man.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. You're like, joe, like, pull your so close. Pull your pant leg.

[Shane Gillis]

Being such a good podcast. We were just one.

[Joe Rogan]

I'll never forget that thing. My heart stopped. My heart stopped when I saw it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hello, doggy.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Joe Rogan]

The moment I saw that giant Z, my literally, my breath stopped. I'm like, oh, my God, we gotta get to hospital right now.

[Ari Shaffir]

That was the same pool sessions I've got. Joe goes to the bathroom. This is before any of the podcast even. And he goes about. This guy clocks him and he comes back and he goes to Joe there he goes, what do you think of that big fight? And Joe's like, oh, which one? He goes, I don't know.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, it was just. I gotta pee again. Let's wrap this. Wrap. Gentlemen, we saved the world.

[Ari Shaffir]

James saved the world.

[Joe Rogan]

Notre Dame football one more time.

[Ari Shaffir]

What's the score?

[Mark Normand]

Comedy.

[Shane Gillis]

$14.

[Joe Rogan]

Mark Norman.com.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. Mark Norman comedy.

[Joe Rogan]

Make sure you watch Tire Season 2 filmed right now.

[Ari Shaffir]

When is it coming out?

[Shane Gillis]

Spring or summer?

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay, let's go.

[Joe Rogan]

Let's go.

[Ari Shaffir]

Arch Fear new special coming out January 14th the week. Six days before inauguration.

[Joe Rogan]

Let's go.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I'm at the Ryman and in Nashville. Beautiful.

[Joe Rogan]

Ari, let's get you on the books, like right before the special. Okay.

[Shane Gillis]

Maybe Marago.

[Joe Rogan]

We'll see that after he gets in. That's January 20th. We do protect our parks. I'm going to get him on the books and then we'll do a protect our in Mar? A Lago.

[Mark Normand]

We needed this one. I missed you guys.

[Joe Rogan]

America needed it. Let's go.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let's all play golf.

[Joe Rogan]

Let's go. Let's go.

[Mark Normand]

Sex with kids.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let's go to Shane's.

[Joe Rogan]

Hey, you just it all up. Sorry, I cut that part.

[Ari Shaffir]

Dude, I love you guys so much. This is funny.