#2291 - Bert Kreischer

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Joe Rogan Experience #2291 - Bert Kreischer

Release Date: March 18, 2025

In episode #2291 of The Joe Rogan Experience, Joe Rogan welcomes comedian Bert Kreischer for an engaging and expansive conversation that traverses their long-standing friendship, career choices, personal experiences, and reflections on various societal topics. The episode is a tapestry of humor, candid anecdotes, and insightful discussions, offering listeners a comprehensive glimpse into the lives and minds of both hosts.

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1. Friendship and Mentorship

Bert Kreischer opens the conversation by expressing deep appreciation for Joe Rogan's mentorship and brotherly advice. He recalls pivotal moments where Joe encouraged him to pursue stand-up comedy over other ventures:

Bert Kreischer [01:30]: "That's who you want to be around. Surround yourself with great white sharks, and people think you're a great white shark."

This mutual respect underscores the foundation of their friendship, highlighting how Joe's honesty and guidance have significantly influenced Bert's career trajectory.

2. Career Paths: Comedy vs. Television

The duo delves into the challenges of balancing careers in stand-up comedy and television. Joe Rogan shares his hesitations about committing fully to stand-up due to family and financial obligations, while Bert emphasizes the necessity of making tough decisions to reach one's full potential:

Bert Kreischer [02:00]: "If you want to reach your full potential, you have to realize, like, this is holding me back."

Their discussion reflects the common dilemma faced by many performers in choosing between lucrative but limiting roles and their true passion.

3. Experiences with TV Shows like Fear Factor

Bert reminisces about his time on Fear Factor, describing it as a significant yet unfulfilling chapter that provided financial stability but detracted from his comedic endeavors:

Bert Kreischer [04:44]: "Fear Factor was a great job. It gave me fuck you money, but it was a thing where I realized this is not what I want to do."

This segment highlights the internal conflict between job security and personal fulfillment.

4. Podcasting and Influence of Radio Personalities

The conversation shifts to the evolution of media consumption, with Bert advocating for the podcasting medium's authenticity over traditional radio. He draws parallels between influential radio figures like Howard Stern and Art Bell, noting how podcasting allows for more genuine self-expression without the constraints of broadcast regulations:

Bert Kreischer [12:32]: "I had bought all these, like, crazy lectures, these Alan Watts lectures that I downloaded... then I started thinking about it, and then I was like, well, there's podcasts."

This reflects their appreciation for platforms that prioritize content creator freedom and authenticity.

5. Personal Projects and Upcoming Specials

Joe Rogan promotes his stand-up special "Lucky," streaming on Netflix, emphasizing the role of luck intertwined with hard work in his life:

Joe Rogan [07:09]: "I was discovered by Rolling Stone magazine as the number one party animal in the country. So I named it Lucky."

He also touches upon his upcoming "Permission to Party" world tour, blending humor with personal milestones.

6. Personal Health and Fitness

A significant portion of the discussion centers around health, fitness routines, and the physical toll of their careers. Bert Kreischer shares his experiences with surgeries, injuries, and the importance of stretching and recovery:

Bert Kreischer [50:00]: "Those little times they get danged in the gym. That's real. That's brain damage."

Meanwhile, Joe discusses his struggles with anxiety and the impact of injuries on his fitness regimen, highlighting the balance between maintaining physical health and pursuing demanding careers.

7. Archery and Hunting Experiences

The hosts explore their interests in archery and hunting, detailing techniques, equipment, and personal anecdotes. Bert provides insights into compound and recurve bows, emphasizing the precision and discipline required:

Bert Kreischer [93:04]: "When I can get a softball at 85 yards, I'm dialed in."

Joe shares his challenges with traditional archery, preferring the mechanical assistance of a compound bow for accuracy.

8. Language Skills and Travel Anecdotes

Bert reveals his ability to communicate in Russian, stemming from his interactions with Russian friends and acquaintances during his travels:

Bert Kreischer [163:26]: "I started talking in Russian back and forth... After being in Russia for a couple of months, I got pretty good."

Joe contrasts this with his own limited language skills, reflecting on cultural exchanges and the benefits of multilingualism.

9. Reflections on Society, Rules, and Entertainment

The duo engages in a critical analysis of societal norms, censorship, and the entertainment industry's evolution. They discuss the impact of internet algorithms on content consumption and express skepticism towards strict regulatory measures in media and public spaces:

Bert Kreischer [38:31]: "Once Will Smith slapped Chris Rock, the Oscars to me were like, what? I'm done."

They also touch upon the transformation of comedy clubs and the preservation of authentic performances amidst changing cultural landscapes.

10. Closing Remarks and Upcoming Events

As the episode concludes, Joe and Bert exchange heartfelt sentiments, reinforcing their camaraderie and mutual support. Joe reiterates his excitement for his upcoming tour and special, while Bert encourages continued hard work and inspiration:

Joe Rogan [187:03]: "Stream streaming right now on Netflix. I hope you guys like it."

Bert Kreischer [187:14]: "I love you to death."

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Notable Quotes:

• Bert Kreischer [01:30]: "Surround yourself with great white sharks, and people think you're a great white shark."

• Bert Kreischer [02:00]: "If you want to reach your full potential, you have to realize, like, this is holding me back."

• Joe Rogan [07:09]: "I was discovered by Rolling Stone magazine as the number one party animal in the country. So I named it Lucky."

• Bert Kreischer [12:32]: "I had bought all these, like, crazy lectures, these Alan Watts lectures that I downloaded... then I started thinking about it, and then I was like, well, there's podcasts."

---

Conclusion

Episode #2291 serves as a testament to the enduring friendship between Joe Rogan and Bert Kreischer, seamlessly blending humor with deep, personal insights. Their candid discussions offer listeners valuable perspectives on career development, personal health, cultural dynamics, and the ever-evolving landscape of entertainment. Whether you're a fan of comedy, UFC, or simply enjoy authentic conversations, this episode provides a rich and engaging listening experience.

Transcript

[A]

Joe Rogan podcast.

[B]

Check it out.

[A]

The Joe Rogan Experience.

[B]

Train my day. Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. Good to see you.

[A]

Thank you, Joe.

[B]

Always good to see you, man.

[A]

It's always good seeing you, man. I. I always say, like, you give the best hugs. The ufc the other night, when I saw you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you came up. You see us. Wrap it up. I love it. I'm a hug guy, too.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think it shows your emotion.

[B]

I. I love a real hug. Yeah. A real hug where someone loves you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know. You know I love you, so I give you a love hug.

[A]

I know. I know you love me. I know you love me.

[B]

We've been friends for a long time, brother.

[A]

I know.

[B]

I really have. It's. It's nice, like, having friends that you've been friends with for just decades.

[A]

You know, I always say. I've said this before, but I would say, you know, like, I never had a brother growing up, and you're. You've always been pretty honest with me, the way a big brother would be, and you've always come from a place of love. I remember the whole reason my whole. I was doing nothing and fucking nothing. I'm sitting in the backstage of the store with you, and you look. You look just. You go, tommy's doing theaters. And I said, okay. And you need to be doing theaters. I was like, okay. And you're like, you need a Netflix special. You need to get one. I was like, all right, Joe. How am I supposed to do that? And you go, be undeniable. And you just walked away. And I fucking was like. That's the kind of mentorship you look for in a friend. That's who you want to be around. Surround yourself with great white sharks, and people think you're a great white shark.

[B]

Well, you were always. Always really fun and really funny, but you were always doing these Travel Channel shows.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And this is what drove me crazy. I remember the day. We've talked about it before, but I remember the day I was in the Comedy Store, and I was calling you from the main room, and you were on a motorcycle in Vietnam, and I think you were drunk.

[A]

I was drunk and hot. Two things. You're not supposed to be on a motorcycle, no helmet, in flip flops, which.

[B]

By the way, it's a fun way to catch somebody. When you call someone and you're gonna go on stage in, like, 20 minutes. I'm just checking in on you, see what's going on. And you're on a motorcycle in Vietnam. I'm laughing. But then I was like, dude, you really need to dedicate yourself to stand up. Like, this is a trap. It's a velvet prison. These TV shows are a velvet prison. And when you're on the Travel Channel, you're not even getting. Well, you're making great money, right? But you're not getting I can retire now money. No, there's no you money. It's I can live well money. You know, it's a great job, but it's one of those jobs where you, at a certain point in time, you gotta go, okay, I have to jump ship. Like, you know, I can't keep doing this. Like, this is. This is gonna fuck up everything else I'm doing.

[A]

It's hard to pull that trigger too, because like. Like, with kids and a family and a house.

[B]

Yep, yep, yep.

[A]

And you go, okay, it's not great money, but it's good money.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the road was not great money. And I remember you saying, you need a Netflix special. I remember you saying that to me on that motorcycle. I'm sitting, I pulled. I had headsets in. I was listening to the doors. Caravan. Spanish caravan. And I was flying. I was high. There were oxen on either side of me. The sun was setting. And you're like, dude, this is who you are. Fuck that Travel Channel bullshit. Get away from it. You need to focus on stand up in your podcast.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was like, yeah. And you're like, you're the fucking machine. If you don't talk about this on stage, then you're not doing yourself. You're doing yourself a disservice.

[B]

Well, there's certain people that like, you know their full potential because when they're with you, they. They're completely relaxed. And, you know, everyone's just having a great time, and you get to see them at their best. And when you're crying, laughing, just hanging out, talking to a guy, you're like, this guy's got it. He's just gotta figure out how to get rid of all the other shit in his life and focus on that. Cause you were always so fucking funny. And I was like, how is this guy doing these shows where he's letting people hurt him and all this. Like, when you were doing hurt Burnt, I was like, what are you doing? Don't get hurt. And then I just. That also, I'd gone through it with Fear Factor. Like, Fear Factor was a great job. Don't get me wrong. Very happy that I got it. It was wonderful. It gave me fuck you money. It gave me the ability to do whatever I want after that. But it was a thing where I was like, this is not what I want to do. What I want to do is what I always do. Just stand up, have fun. You know, I was doing the UFC back then, too, so it was like, do the UFC commentary, things I love doing. That's what I want to be doing. I don't want to be doing just a job. Jobs are great, don't get me wrong. Thankful I got it. But at a certain point in time, if you want to reach your full potential, you have to realize, like, this is holding me back. And sometimes people don't want to tell you that because it's a job and it's a great gift. And I've had people. I've had people tell me, like, don't leave, Fear Factor. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? I have to leave. I'm like, I have to leave. I got to go.

[A]

I remember those times. I remember people saying. Because I knew you were. I knew you as Joe the stand up. And I remember people saying, he does comedy. And I was like, no, that's what he does. Like, he's not an actor. He's not a host. He's a comedian.

[B]

But that's understandable, right? Like, my. My standup, I'd only done, like, by then, I'd only done, like, a couple things that were out that were available, and I was on the hugest show in television. Fear Factor was fucking gigantic.

[A]

It was massive. It was massive. Monday nights.

[B]

Yeah, it was a fun job.

[A]

You know, it's a big show when 20 years later, you remember the night it was on.

[B]

But this is what's important. Even though it was the number one show in the country, I still had that feeling, like, I don't want to really be doing this. I'm happy to do it. I'm very thankful that I got the job. I worked with some amazing people. It was a lot of fun. We had a great crew, really fun time, but I didn't want to do it. I wanted to do this. This is what I. I didn't know I wanted to do this because this wasn't a thing, you know? But once I figured it out, I was like, oh, this is what I want to do. I want to do this in stand up and the ufc, which is like, to me, it's not even a job. It's like a vacation.

[A]

It's crazy watching you operate in the UFC and seeing that mechanism. And to think when you started that, like, how Long. How far that that path with the UFC has been for you?

[B]

Oh, for me, it was 97.

[A]

I know, but walking in through the other day, and I was like, oh, this has been Joe's life for fucking 26 years.

[B]

Well, you know, if you want. If you're a person who's a martial artist and you're a fan of martial arts, if you get a job to do that, like, if you get a job to talk about martial arts and to express your love for and your appreciation for the athletes, appreciation for the fighters and what they have to go through to get to where they're at and the. The magnitude of their accomplishments. And to put words to that, like, to do that, to be able to do that for a living, that's an honor. That's how I feel. Oh, yeah, it's an honor. It's an honor. And I feel like I do a good job at it, and so. And I like doing it, and I'm super passionate about it. And I don't do it because it's a job. I do it because I love it. Like, I don't need to do it. I could have quit a long time ago. It does. Like, I could just watch it. Like, we're doing a fight companion this weekend. It's gonna be fun. We're gonna hang out. What are you doing Saturday?

[A]

I don't know. Oh, I'm in Vegas.

[B]

Are you really?

[A]

I have two shows in Vegas this weekend at Resorts World Theater.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

Oh, I should say my special Lucky is streaming right now on Left.

[B]

Right. Right now?

[A]

Right now. I say Lucky. I say Lucky because I am the luckiest fucking guy in the world. I really am. When you think about, like. You think about, like, finding the friends I did later in life, you know, like, at, like, 37 or 38, when I started meeting all you guys and hanging out with you guys and then, you know, being. And getting into comedy at the time, I did. Like, we got into comedy when no one. It wasn't a job. It was like. It was weird. It was like joining the fucking circus.

[B]

It was.

[A]

And I only got into comedy because I got discovered by Rolling Stone magazine as the number one party animal in the country. I mean, what are the fucking odds of my life tracking out? So I named it Lucky.

[B]

Well, we're all very lucky. That's absolutely sure. No, no dispute. We're all very lucky. If you're listening to this, you're very lucky because you can fucking hear. How about that?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If you're watching it, you're very Lucky. You can see, you're very lucky that you can afford a phone. You're very lucky. Like most of the world lives in utter poverty. And that's the unfortunate reality of all these people. Virtue signaling about the 1%. Like, bitch, you're in the 1%.

[A]

There's so many blood diamonds in Sierra Leone right now. Smoking brown, Brown. And he's 11.

[B]

If you make $34,000 in America, you're in the 1% of the world. How about that?

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yep, that's real.

[A]

My father in law still isn't in that 1%.

[B]

Hey, life's not good for everybody.

[A]

Life's not good for everybody.

[B]

Some people don't get lucky at all. I've been trying to wrap my mind around the idea of quantum computing. It's exciting, but complex and difficult to understand. What I do know is that quantum computers can process exponentially more data than the ones you and I use every day. Quantum computers also put a new strain on the world of digital privacy and cybersecurity. They may one day crack encryption algorithms that we currently consider secure. That's why ExpressVPN upgraded their encryption to use MLKEM, the strongest available protection from post quantum threats. With ExpressVPN, all your online activity is rerouted through secure encrypted servers. Even though all your data is still being handled by your Internet provider or whoever the provider is for the random public WI FI network you're on, none of these third parties will be able to read your data or hijack your connection for malicious intent. And with Post quantum protection, ExpressVPN is essentially future proofing your privacy. Just one of many reasons why ExpressVPN is the absolute best VPN out there. So if you want to get the highest standards of post quantum protection from your VPN service, tap the banner or go to expressvpn.com rogan and now listeners can get four extra months for free. That's expressvpn.com rogan, and if you're watching on YouTube, you can get your four free months by scanning the QR code on screen or by clicking the link in the description.

[A]

I always think luck is a perspective.

[B]

You work hard, dude. You, you're not just lucky. You work hard. You work real hard. You're. You're always touring, you're always doing things, you're always putting together new shit. You're always working, you're always hustling like it's not just luck, it's luck. Plus, you know you love to party, but you also have a great Work ethic. And that's very, very important. Man. It's like, you can't just be lucky. Lucky's huge. You got to get lucky. But also, if you work really hard, you tend to get luckier, especially if you're smart and if you're willing to take risks. Like for you, the Travel Channel thing, that was a risk. Like, you had to. You ought to listen to your friends and you had to go, you know what? They're right. Everybody else is cooking right now. And my stand ups kind of stalled out because I'm doing this TV show. And again, it's coming from someone who was there. I. And, and I'm telling you that if you're making millions and you still feel that way versus if you're making thousands, you still feel that way. You gotta trust me. There's another way to get through this. And the other way we found, we got, you know, we were right. Yeah, look, we fucking saw light at the end of the tunnel. We were like, this is the way to go. And we were right.

[A]

I remember you telling all of us, you guys need a podcast. And I remember saying to Tom, he's out of his mind. Why don't we just do his.

[B]

No, Everybody thought I was out of my mind for even doing mine. Like, people mocked me openly. Like Howard Stern famously mocked all people that were doing podcasts. You're wasting your time. But in his mind, that was correct because he didn't, he didn't have this. He wasn't an Internet kid, you know, I'm not an Internet kid. But, you know, I, I used to build my own computers in the 90s. I used to go to Fry's Electronics and get motherboards and hard drives and. Yeah, my friend Andrew used to help me over the phone. I'd call him. He's a, like a wizard tech guy. And so, like, I had bought all these, like high end gaming computers and upgraded the video cards and I was on all these like, crazy website. We'd send each other, like, you know, Those are the two girls one cup days. Like, so I was pretty plugged in.

[A]

Mr. Smiles or something.

[B]

Oh, Mr.

[A]

Hands, Mr. Hands. Okay, keep going.

[B]

So there was. I was pretty plugged into the idea that the Internet was something that people were finding stuff that just wasn't available anywhere else. I got all these, like crazy lectures, these Alan Watts lectures that I downloaded. I'm like, this is nuts. That's back when you had to download stuff and then you had to upload it to an AirPod. Remember your AirPods with the wheel. Oh, yeah, those were the shit.

[A]

Oh, I remember that.

[B]

Yeah. The little wheel that was spun around. I loved that thing. And so I would download all these Terence McKenna lectures and all these Timothy Leary. All these, like, fascinating conversations that would download on. And then I started thinking about it, and then I was like, well, there's podcasts. So people just, like, start. Let's just start doing one of those. We just started doing it. And I was like, nobody was listening to them. It was like, Adam Carolla had a big one, because Adam had just left terrestrial radio. He was the morning guy that replaced Howard Stern when Howard Stern went to xm. Right. So he's. He's on. Or Sirius, whatever it was. So it's both now, Right.

[A]

They're combined.

[B]

So he's on morning radio all over the country. But morning radio is, like, super stagnant. And they had a LA morning radio station where it was all morning. Excuse me. Talk radio station was all talk radio. So it was Tom Lykis. It was him. It was. There was a few other people. I can't remember. Ricky Rock Rockman had a show.

[A]

Phil Henry, I think, had a show.

[B]

He had a different show.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Phil Henry was an AM guy.

[A]

He was that. That was the greatest. That was the greatest damn shows in the world.

[B]

It's one of the greatest shows of all time. And he's a super nice guy. I met him once in Montreal. So for people who don't know Phil Hendry, he is the caller and he's the answer. He does different voice genius. And he. He gets people, so. Cause the callers would say the dumbest fucking shit, and then you'll have actual people calling in to argue with the caller. It was all Phil Hendry.

[A]

Yeah. I remember sitting next to my dad's bed. My dad's in his underwear, and he's got his alarm clock, and we're listening to it. My dad's just like this. And my dad goes, buddy. He's both of them. I was like, what? He goes, this is all him. And you're just like, whoa. I mean, it was so ahead of its time.

[B]

So ahead of its time. And once you were in on the joke, it was amazing.

[A]

Oh, it was amazing.

[B]

If I was coming home from the store, it was Phil Henry or Art Bill Bell. That's how I listened to God, the old days. So Art Bell was my favorite. Art Bell was Coast to coast with Art Bell from the Kingdom of Nye. He was broadcasting from a bunker in the middle of the Nevada desert. He was in he, like, had, like, this crazy radio tower outside of his house in the Nevada desert. And he would have. He would take calls from time travelers, werewolves, people that are coming from another dimension. Like, it was the nuttiest fucking show for real. Like, one of my greatest career accomplishments that, like, made me the most happy was I got on the Art Bell show. And I got on it, like, way later when he was on the Internet. It wasn't even on radio anywhere. But for me, it was like. I got on the Art Bell show. Yes. It was just like, I just loved that show. It was so fun because I'd be driving on. That's. That looks. That was his house. So look at. If you see, like, what his house looked like, it's like his house is in the middle of nowhere in the fucking desert. I mean, the middle of nowhere. There's nothing around his house. And his house is all fenced in, like, chain link fence and shit. It looks like so. It looks so psychotic. Like, perfect for a guy that is broadcasting. He's got, like, this compound in the fucking desert, dude.

[A]

God.

[B]

Yeah, it was amazing. He would broadcast right from there. Because radio, if you have a tower and you have a station, you could broadcast the whole country. The country can carry it. So the whole country was carrying coast to coast with our Bell. And this wild motherfucker is out in the middle of nowhere in the desert in, like, a compound, talking to aliens.

[A]

They were doing. They were doing what we're doing now way before. Before the.

[B]

Oh, yes. Well, we owe all we have today to Howard Stern and Art Bell for sure. Because, you know, we are kind of like a combination of Howard Stern and Art Bell. And if it wasn't for. It wasn't for. He's the guy that got arrested or didn't get arrested. He got fined heavily by the Bush administration. This is back when the Republicans were the ones that were trying to censor people, which you should always realize.

[A]

Crazy that you got to say that.

[B]

This fucking stupid game that people play back and forth with, you know, who loves war, who hates war, Who. Who love censorship. Who hate censorship. It's a political beach ball that they toss around at a concert to keep people occupied. These switch sides, right? That should tell you enough. Alone, by yourself, but by itself right there. That they switch sides. But he was getting attacked for obscenity. So he put, like, whatever they would do and they would. They were. They find. What was the total amount that Howard Stern was fined? So this has to be. You got a neurotic guy as it Is right. Who's also the. The most pioneering radio guy of all time. Right? He's the guy that changed radio from DJs playing records to just talking and.

[A]

Talking in your authentic voice and not. Hey, welcome back.

[B]

Talking in your authentic voice and having wild shit on the radio.

[A]

2.5 million.

[B]

2.5 million between 1990 and 2004. So they fucked with him for 14 years. 14 years.

[A]

And that's not paid by the station. That's paid by him.

[B]

Find owners of radio station licenses that carried the Howard Stern Show a total of 2.5 million for content and considered to be indecent. Indecent. So all the stuff that we do on podcasts right now, we would 100% have been fined. 100%. I would have been off the air a long time ago. It was real censorship, but it was just done under the guise of, you know, broadcast. Like, the idea is, like, if you're gonna broadcast something on a major network like NBC, cbs, they have rules to language and what you're allowed to show, which is kind of crazy. Like, why do you have those rules? Like, why do those rules exist? To keep obscenity from television. And, like, maybe that was a good idea in 1950 when people didn't know any better, but now that we know better, like, why do you have rules like that?

[A]

I can't believe that radio still has those rules. And the rules are slippery. You can say dickhead, you can't say cunt, but you can't say suck my dick.

[B]

You can't say anything you want to say. Like, sometimes cunt's the right word.

[A]

Cunt's one of my favorite words.

[B]

Every now and then, it's the right word when used correctly. But, like, if you can't say it, then you can't fully express yourself. And if you don't like people fully expressing themselves because you don't like certain sounds, I suggest you grow the fuck up. That's a ridiculous way to think. If. If I can say cock, but I can't say cocksucker. If I could say dick, like. Like Dick Cheney, but I can't say suck a dick. Like, what are we doing? It's the same sound. You're making the same sound. I can say pussy cat. Pussy cat's fine. You know, you can't say n word breakfast. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

You gotta look both ways.

[B]

You gotta be black. But you know what I'm saying? Like, if you want to say certain words that are forbidden, wor sometimes they're okay. So it's the sound is sometimes. This episode is brought to you by max. Welcome to your new American dream. Get inside the lives of the original influencers. And now global sports and entertainment superstars Jake and Logan Paul as they launch their newest venture, a new family reality series. Paul American on Max. See behind the curtain of fame into the Paul's high octane lives with an up close and personal look at Logan and Jake, their partners and parents. Love them or hate them, you won't be able to look away. Stream Paul American March 27th exclusively on MAX. This episode is brought to you by Lifelock. Tax season is always stressful. You have to worry about filing on time, making sure you have all the right documents and getting all the deductions you possibly can. It's overwhelming. And by now I know we're all sick of looking at numbers. But here's an important one that you should hear. $16.5 billion. That's how much money in refunds the IRS flagged for possible identity fraud last year. Here's another 20%. That's the overall increase in identity theft related tax fraud in 2024 alone. So luckily it isn't all bad news. Here's the good numbers number 100 million. That's how many data points Lifelock monitors every second. If your identity is stolen, Lifelocks, US based restoration specialists will fix it. That's backed by another good number, the million dollar protection package. In fact, restoration is guaranteed or your money back. Don't face identity theft and financial losses alone. There's strength in numbers with Lifelock identity theft protection for tax season and beyond. Join now and save up to 40% your first year. Call 1-800-LIFELOCK and use the promo code JRE or go to lifelock.com jre for 40% off. Terms apply. Okay.

[A]

It even gets trickier. Like there was a video I was cutting to promote my tour or whatever and it's me on a boat or the special. And it's me on a boat. And there's this, there's this page I'm really obsessed with. It's fat N word season, Joe. It's so addictive and it's just, it's all AI. And I think they're promoting a crypto coin, of course. And I was like. And I didn't like the edit. So I go, hey, put fat Edwards Summer. Play that song. And it's fucking so much funnier Joe with. It's so much funnier with me shirtless on a boat. But these guys are great. But my wife saw It. She was like, that's offensive. I was like, no.

[B]

I was like, he's right.

[A]

Yeah. And then I sent it to Tommy. I go, is this racist? And he was like, sent it to the wrong guy. All Tom sends me videos of. Of fat black chicks on rope swings.

[B]

Are.

[A]

A whole thread is just anytime a chick takes an L off a cliff.

[B]

God, that's. I gotta get on that thread because the ones me and Tommy are on is horrible.

[A]

What's that one?

[B]

It's all murder.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

We send each other murder and. And car accidents. Today was a car accident. It was guys escaping the cops, and the guy flips this van multiple times, gets thrown into traffic, and then run over by cars and it's just splatter fest.

[A]

I can't watch those. I was telling. I was telling someone. My dog. My niece had my phone and she's like three and you. Don't you forget what your algorithm looks like. And it was Fat M where summer song came on, and she's like, uncle Bert. And then the next video was a chick pissing on the plastel shades head. And I was like, oh, maybe you shouldn't use my phone to relax with.

[B]

Yeah, my kids know better.

[A]

My algorithm is. Dude.

[B]

Yeah, my algorithm's not good.

[A]

It is. It is.

[B]

YouTube algorithm's great.

[A]

Oh, my YouTube albums all history.

[B]

A lot of my YouTube algorithm lately has been, like, watching people build things I love. Like cabinet makers, like carpenters. Or there's this one guy who makes these specialized desks that have, like, secret drawers.

[A]

And I follow that guy where you put your hand here and a magnet comes up and a wand comes out.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Those desks are badass.

[B]

Yeah. Wave the wand and the keyboard rolls out like. Yeah, it's pretty dope. There's a bunch of those guys that make these, like, super ingenious, like, homemade artisan desks.

[A]

Yeah, that. Or if you get me a chick with no bra doing survival techniques in the woods.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that's.

[A]

I'm in.

[B]

That's a sell.

[A]

I've watched so many of those just rock hard nipples.

[B]

Hot chicks have found their way into basically all walks of life as influencers. You know, there's like, hot chick hunters. There's hot chick jujitsu jiu jitsu girls. There's hot chick crossfitters.

[A]

There's definitely hot chick golfers. You know that I ran into Paige Spiranack in at the super bowl, and I was like. And I was like, I had to be real because I'm a golfer. I Was like, I follow you for your swing. You have a great swing.

[B]

Right?

[A]

But then, you know what's crazy about Paige? She can't snap her fingers. Or a whistle.

[B]

Oh, how'd you find that out?

[A]

Because we were playing a game, like, Weird Things About Us, and she was like, I can't. I can't snap my fingers. And I watched her, and she went like this. She was like. And I go. And she goes, I can't whistle.

[B]

And starts going, how could you not snap your fingers?

[A]

I have no idea.

[B]

She's the most followed golfer, Joe. Damn. And she's not Tiger woods. Only has 3.5 million followers, and she's got 4. And she's not a professional. Yeah. If you're hot, you could. You could do a lot in this world.

[A]

And you can also not whistle. And snap.

[B]

You don't have to snap.

[A]

No, you don't.

[B]

You care.

[A]

Yes. But she does have a great swing.

[B]

I bet she does. Jesus Christ.

[A]

And if she's not wearing a bra, it's so good. Look at that. Watch. Well, just watch one.

[B]

This seems pornographic, almost.

[A]

Oh, there we go.

[B]

Well, I wonder why she's got so many followers. She's got a cough. Yeah. Yeah. Damn. I don't even know if I saw any movement.

[A]

I think. I swear to God, if I had tits.

[B]

You want to talk about lucky?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's the Willy Wonka golden ticket. Being a super hot woman. All you have to do is be nice. And doors just open up everywhere, like, da, da, da, da. She's here. If you're that hot, anywhere you go, like, red carpets get rolled out. Roses get thrown at your feet.

[A]

She was walking down Radio Row at Super bowl, and with Cam Heyward, and both of us are like, just stop talking.

[B]

But also creepers. Creepers launch themselves at you. You're never invisible. Guys are with you all the time. Overconfident guys are hitting on you all the time. And then getting really mean when you reject them. That's the thing that chicks have to deal with. They have to deal with, like, angry guys that, like, are angry that they get rejected, and they start insulting them and yelling at them. And, like, that's scary, man. That's scary.

[A]

Think about all our friends, all our female comedians that have stalkers. I mean, like, oh, yeah, it's. So you work your ass off as a comic. You happen to be pretty, you start killing it, and then all the fucking psychos come out of the woodwork, and.

[B]

You don't have any money, so, you know, probably live in a place that's easy to get to.

[A]

That's crazy. Yeah, I don't.

[B]

Yeah, it's dangerous. There's a lot of fucking. Well, we need better mental health care in this fucking country. And there's a lot of people out there that are out of their fucking mind. And if no one's paying in, paying attention to them or checking in on them, like, imagine you're your average guy who loses his fucking mind and you're a 40 year old guy who works at a gas station. You've been working out of that gas station for 20 years and no one's paying attention and you're just slowly losing your mind. And you know, you think Jared Leto is Satan and that, you know, you've decided that, like someone's sending you code on television and. And then you lock on some female comedian and like, that's your target. That's who you're.

[A]

It's gotta feel nice, though. What, to be the lunatic?

[B]

No, just have. Something is wrong with you.

[A]

Something to focus on.

[B]

Don't encourage this. Have something to focus on. Play video games, guys.

[A]

Yeah, get it.

[B]

Get involved in Call of Duty, okay? You don't have to talk people. Find something productive. Play online chess, you psycho. You don't have to go stalk people.

[A]

I always had that brain that I'd see something like a new addiction come up, like cutting, and I'd go, I wonder what that does. I was always looking for something like that. I could never do. Eating disorder, that was too tough for me. But hey, how about when we were at dinner with that guy and I said to him, I ran marathons. And he went, you do.

[B]

That was funny.

[A]

And he goes, I wasn't trying to be rude.

[B]

That was funny. He was definitely trying to be rude, but he was being funny. We were talking shit. That's Taylor. Taylor Sheridan.

[A]

He was awesome, dude.

[B]

Yeah, I like how you call him. That guy.

[A]

Why didn't one blow his spot up?

[B]

Yeah, dude, he's.

[A]

Let me tell you something. I'm gonna give props to Taylor Sheridan. I haven't said this to anyone. I try to keep those moments that, you know, you have with those guys private. So I was a little bit of a party snitch for a while, but like, he's a great American storyteller.

[B]

He really is.

[A]

When he says. When he tells you anything about his life or what he's doing or breaking or. He went. He doesn't even call it breaking a horse. He calls it a different term. But I'm sitting there going like, this is. I mean, and this is going to be slanderous a little bit, you know, considering difference of time of where they were. But like, it's like having dinner with Ernest Hemingway. He's created some of the greatest content out there. Yellowstone.

[B]

You can't compare him to Ernest Hemingway because Ernest Hemingway is dead and a legend.

[A]

Yeah, that's the problem.

[B]

Okay, but he's amazing.

[A]

But amazing.

[B]

You ever see that? Hell or High Water? You ever see that film?

[A]

No, what's that?

[B]

Oh, my God. It's one of his films.

[A]

Oh, that's terrible film.

[B]

Yeah, it's fucking great. It pull up. Hell or High Water. This fucking movie, dude. This fucking movie is incredible. Jeff Bridges, isn't it?

[A]

Yeah, I've seen this.

[B]

It's about bank robberies, these criminals in a small town. It's fucking good, dude.

[A]

I think what's his name's in this. Oh, shit. We have a friend in this.

[B]

Who's your friend?

[A]

No, me and you. I think it's our friend. I don't know who it is though. I forget.

[B]

Okay, Jamie, go to the cast. Who's in that?

[A]

Ben Foster. So fucking good.

[B]

That guy's so good. You know what that guy was in that super underrated one of his performances because it's such a wacky movie. 30 days of night. Jefferson. 30 days of night.

[A]

30 days of night.

[B]

30 Days a Night is the second best vampire movie of all time.

[A]

Really?

[B]

First best vampire movie of all time is the most recent, Nosferato. That's the best vampire movie of all.

[A]

The one that just came out.

[B]

One that just for auto.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

The best vampire movie of all time.

[A]

Is it streaming yet? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can't wait.

[B]

It's on Apple. But this was. 30 days of night was a movie where Ben Foster played like a vampire familiar. And these vampires would go to. They went to Alaska in the middle of the winter where it's dark for 30 days. So they could be out for 30 days. And they're terrifying vampires. They're really fun. It's a really good. And Ben Foster plays the vampire familiar, you know, so the familiar is like, that's him in there.

[A]

What's a familiar?

[B]

A familiar is a human that the vampires use to get close to humans. And they promise the human that one day he'll have eternal life and he'll be one of them. So the vampire goes and. And sets up people for the. The vampire familiar sets people up to be killed by the vampires.

[A]

Oh, shut up. Yeah, I gotta watch this. Dude, he was great in. In the. The. What was the movie with where they kidnapped the kid. Justin Timberlake was in it. Raw Dog. Not Raw Dog.

[B]

Ben Foster's a beast, but he's awesome.

[A]

311 till Zuma or whatever.

[B]

See that one?

[A]

Yuma. Oh, my God, he is.

[B]

What is it? Jamie?

[A]

3:10 to Yuma.

[B]

I didn't see that.

[A]

He was great. And the Justin Timberlake movie, it was called, like, Top Dog or something. Alpha Dog. And he was just awesome. And he had a very small role. He played the guy's older brother, and it was just like. He's just. He just owns a screen.

[B]

Yeah, he's a beast. He's. There's certain people that, like, when they act, you just go, God damn.

[A]

I am not one of them.

[B]

So good. So good. So it makes a movie so much better. Makes a. You just get dragged into it.

[A]

I think Jonah Ray is probably the best comic actor out there. What has he been in Jonah Ray? Everything. When he was in War Dogs and he goes to buy drugs from the black guys.

[B]

I didn't see that either. There's too much to see. Bert Kreischer.

[A]

Oh, I. Man, I'm telling you. I'm just starting now to just download stuff and get off Instagram, and if I'm going to bed, just turn on a documentary and start watching it.

[B]

By just starting now to get off Instagram.

[A]

I'm trying Jonah Hill.

[B]

Jonah Hill, you mean.

[A]

Yeah. What did I say?

[B]

Jonah Ray.

[A]

Jesus Christ.

[B]

Okay, that's why you confuse me.

[A]

Sorry. Jonah Ray.

[B]

No, Jonah Hill's awesome.

[A]

Jonah Hill's fucking amazing.

[B]

He's great.

[A]

Jonah Hill is amazing. He was in War Dogs. He goes up and buys black money weed from the black guys. And he's like, how much? He got 120 bucks. And he gives him 120 bucks. And then they just start to keep talking to himself. And he's like. Jonah's like, hey, he's got a voice. What are we doing here? Hi, guys. And they're like, get the fuck out. He's like, oh, okay, okay. And he goes to the back of his trunk and pulls out a machine gun and goes. He goes, okay, let's listening to me now. He's just. Awesome, dude. Awesome, man. I love that guy.

[B]

But, yeah, there's too many movies to be paying attention to these days. When I was a kid, if you said you didn't know, you never saw Apocalypse Now. What the. You know, it's like, once VHS tapes came out, you're supposed to have seen the big ones. You didn't see the Godfather. You didn't see Star Wars. Are you out of your mind? But today, it's like they never stopped making movies. They've never stopped. They make new ones every year. You can't keep up. There's no way.

[A]

And all the ones that were up for Oscars, I saw none of those.

[B]

Well, they all involved chaos, but it's like they all involved the end of civilization. If you want to win an Oscar, you have to be Trans lives matter all the way. What do you. What do you do to win an Oscar today? Like, you have to have something that's got some meaning to it other than just being a good movie, right? Like, there's. There's got to be some social justice aspect to it. Wasn't it, like, something where they were talking about. God damn it. I can't remember what the article was about, but it was about requirements for a film to win an Oscar today. What they believe to be requirements. I don't like awards. Do you know what it is? There was something that they were. It was just representation and inclusion standards. That's it. That's it.

[A]

That's it. That's not. That's not the only way to tell a story.

[B]

That's not. Because if you do that, you don't get shogun, okay? Oh, you don't get shoguns. You get it. You gotta have an all Japanese cast. You want to get shogun. You know, you can't. You can't have a fully diverse, you know, 50. 50 split of whatever, everybody. You can't.

[A]

No.

[B]

You have to tell a specific kind of a movie. You know, if you're gonna make a movie about the Congo, you can't have white people play native Congolese people. You can't have that. So it's like some stories are not diverse. It doesn't make them less valid. It doesn't mean you're racist. It just means that some stories take place in Norway and they involve Vikings, Okay? This is like just a part of human history. You know, Some places. Some stories take place in Egypt and they involve Africans, okay? It's like, there's plenty of room for every kind of story. But if you only want, like, a specific type of story to win an Academy Award, you don't get the Godfather. Daylight savings is coming, so we're about to lose an hour, and that means trying to speed up your morning. But if you drink AG1, maybe you're fine with it. It's that quick and easy to help your body feel great every day. Starting Your day with AG1 can help you shake off the grogginess, get back into your rhythm, and even give you the boost you need to make the most of that extra hour of sunlight. Maybe even turning you into the morning person you've always wanted to be. AG1 rules. I drank it for a long time now, and seriously, it's as easy as I say. Every month, you just take one scoop, put it in some cold water, shake it up, and you're ready to go. Honestly, it tastes pretty good, too. I'm not complaining. It's never too late to create a new, healthy habit for 2025. So try AG1 for yourself. It's easy to stay consistent with. And that's why I've been partnering with AG1 for so long. And AG1 is offering new customers a free gift. When you subscribe, you'll get a welcome kit, a bottle of D3K2, and five free travel packs in your first box. So make sure you check out drinkag1.com Joe Rogan. That's drinkag1.com Joe RogAN. You don't get that movie.

[A]

You don't get Jaws.

[B]

You got to get all Italian Star Wars, Godfather.

[A]

Think about. Think about who were the Oscar winners when we were kids? Were all fucking banger movies that everyone saw? That everyone saw Best Picture. One Best Picture because it was Best Picture, not because it was the best picture about a trans social worker that got abducted in.

[B]

Exactly, exactly. Yeah, they got distorted. They get distorted with what the job is. The job is just to purely entertain people and with a great piece of work. That's all it is. That's the whole job. And that could be Pulp Fiction. Well, you know, there's no message in Pulp Fiction.

[A]

There's none.

[B]

Just look, it's fucking chaos, and it's amazing.

[A]

The message we took away was that white guys can say the N word.

[B]

We were like Quentin Tarantino. As long as you have a gun in your hand, you can do it. But the whole movie is just madness. But it's amazing. It's. You can't deny how great it is. Like, that's supposed to be what the best movie is. It's not supposed to be. I don't even know if that won Best film. Film. Did it win Best film? Did Pulp Fiction win Best Picture? No, but I think he won Best Director and best. Maybe after that, it should have won Best Picture.

[A]

Him and Roger Avery together.

[B]

Who the won best Pictures. Really? Good year. Oh, that's right. We actually talked about that on the podcast, actually Unforgiven that year.

[A]

But I'm gonna make sure Forgiven was a great movie.

[B]

Great movie. God, that was Clint Eastwood going back and cleaning up all his old westerns. That's what that movie was. I was like, let me show you. It was probably really, like. Was really like, not. Not this, you know, fucking you. Everybody's looking at you sideways. No, the. The reality was that character that he played, that old assassin.

[A]

What year do you think movies stopped being great movies and started being like, what year did we switch?

[B]

I think people are still making great.

[A]

Movies, but they're not winning Oscars.

[B]

Well, I think. Who cares? I really do. I think the. Once Will Smith slapped Chris Rock, the Oscars to me were like, what? I'm done. I'm done. Like you guys. And then they all applauded them and gave him a standing ovation afterwards when he won an Oscar. Alert. I'm done.

[A]

Forest Gump.

[B]

Forest Gump was a banger every.

[A]

Hang on. I saw every movie on there.

[B]

Redemption. Oh, my God.

[A]

Every movie on there.

[B]

Quiz Show.

[A]

Quiz show was great.

[B]

I never saw Four Weddings in a Funeral. I heard it was great, though.

[A]

Dude, it made you want to date a fucking British chick. I made you want to have a rich friend live in a castle, get drunk, watch a friend die and fucking.

[B]

Okay. Look at all that. Makes sense that that was best film, but what an amazing year. Shawshank, Pulp Fiction. Quiz. Quiz show was great.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

By the way, that was. That was a real thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. They really rigged a quiz show. That's why there's, like. There's all sorts of rules if you're running a game show. Because I was on a game show. Fear Factor, it was my best way to get people away from me. If they asked me, how do I get on Fear Factor, I go, if you want to get on, you can't even talk to me. Because if you talk to me, then I'll have previously known you. Then it could be seen that I helped you get on the show. So I can't talk to you. That's great.

[A]

It's a great workaround.

[B]

And it was true.

[A]

Yeah. Sorry. Did someone. Did they have someone, like, really judging the house? The, like, horse sperm going like. We got like. Like a. Like a. An official officiating it because it was prize money. Meaning, like, the quiz. Quiz show was all about them breaking the rules.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And you had to have someone, a standards and practice guy on your team, making sure the game was fair for everyone. Correct?

[B]

Yeah, I think there was something like that. I think. I guess the network just did that. I think we kind of ran the idea or they ran the ideas by the network, and the network decided, you know, whether or not this was fair or what, what have you. But everything was always fair. Like that show was, you know, nobody got knowledge of the stunt before they got there. We blindfolded everybody. They were traveling around in vans. There would be blindfolds. Sometimes they cover their ear so they couldn't even hear, and then they would take their blindfolds off, and then right there and then they would find out what they had to do. So right there and then they find out they gotta get covered in snakes or something like that. And we knew that someone had a fear of snakes because you fill out a form and, you know, if you got a fear of snakes, guess what you might wind up on the snake episode. You know, it was a fucking crazy show, but, you know, it was all fair. But that quiz show, they, you know, they figured it out. Like the mob figured out the fucking lottery, you know? Whitey Bulger won the lottery twice.

[A]

Did he really?

[B]

Yeah. You know how bold you have to be to be a gangster in South Boston and not just win the lottery once, but win the lottery twice? Like, see if you can find that.

[A]

How does. Wait, how do you rig the numbers that big? That's crazy.

[B]

Get away with it. You can. You can kind of get away with stuff. Before the Internet. Before the Internet, you could get away with things like that, where you could kind of rig the lottery a couple times, and everybody's like, why do you want.

[A]

Again?

[B]

What the fuck?

[A]

Oh, that's great.

[B]

When I was a kid and I was living in Boston, I used to teach one of his hit mats. I taught one of his hitmen taekwondo.

[A]

Oh, what's it like teaching a hitman?

[B]

It was weird.

[A]

Are they good students? Yeah.

[B]

He was very, very disciplined. Yeah, he was like a known. He was a known guy in the. The South Boston Irish mob, and he wanted to learn how to fight. Lottery winner had been one of Bulger's brilliant schemes to launder his drug extortion, loan sharking money back in the summer. Which makes sense, right? What better way to. Why do I. Why do you have a Cadillac? I won the lottery. Oh, we're clear. So you could have all your so bo Millions. Lottery ticket had been purchased at the South Boston Liquor Mart by Michael Linsky, who was the brother of a Bulger underling named Patrick Linsky. The FBI learned that once Whitey heard about the jackpot, he ordered the real winner to sign the ticket over with Whitey and two associates paying $2.3 million in cash for 50% of the winnings. Bulger himself paid Linsky 700,000. Although Linsky lost money in the deal, he really had no choice. It came down to selling the ticket or risking his life. Kevin Weeks, whose name also appeared in the winning lottery. The winning ticket later claimed that Lynskey purchased a large batch of tickets to hand out as Christmas gifts and promised to split any winnings with Bulger and Weeks. But Weeks story makes little sense. The so called Christmas gifts were purchased during the dog days of summer. So they did it. The scam set up a 20 year legitimate income stream for Whitey where he earned $119,000 each year.

[A]

Brilliant.

[B]

Yeah, so that's what he did. He found out that somebody won it. He's totally tuned into the neighborhood. Find that guy, fuck him over, take his ticket.

[A]

Look, I won the lottery and you have no choice.

[B]

You have no choice.

[A]

It's like when the guy hit Gotti's grandson with a car, right?

[B]

Yeah. You're dead.

[A]

Yeah. You got to die now.

[B]

Yeah, you're dead. Yeah, yeah. If you lived in that, that time, like in the 1980s, when I used to teach this guy taekwondo, like you would always hear about hits. I knew a guy who got arrested. I don't know if he did it. He was a guy that I was friends with. His name was Richie. I was friends with him before he went to jail. And then I was kind of friends with them when he got out of jail. Before I realized that he was like very dangerous. Now he was a completely different person. So he went away to jail. He was a little older than me. I was 18, so he was probably 20 or 21. And he went to jail on some. Some kind of gun charge or drug charge. So he comes out of jail a few years later and he's an animal. I mean, an animal. He's way bigger. He's. He's put on like 30 pounds of muscle and he's seen way too much. He was telling me stories about fights that he used to get into in the jail where he'd beat some guy half to death with a broom handle. And that you're fighting for your life in there. It's like every day you're fighting for. And he knew how to fight. He was, you know, I trained with him. That's where I knew him. I knew him from taekwondo. And he was just telling me about fights he would get in jail. He's like, you have to fight. There's nothing you could do. It's constant. You're constantly on edge. I'm like, fuck, man. And so I'd known this guy before jail, then I known him after jail, and he was just way more dangerous after jail. He was doing a lot of coke. He would train, and when you would train with him, it was a fight. I mean, it was a fight. It wasn't. You were fighting for your life, you know, I broke his whole face once I hit him with a wheel kick in the head. Because we were fighting, man. I mean, we were fighting. We were. And there was no one there, by the way. It was my gym, so it was just me and him, like, literally fighting. He would just attack you. Like, it wasn't like a technical sparring thing. And back then, I felt like I was a pussy if I didn't spar with anybody who wanted to spar. Like, you want to spar? Okay, let's spar. So you sparred with everybody. And some people you sparred with, some people you would, like, let's just not hurt each other.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then other people you knew you were fighting. You bomb guys get knocked out all the time. I saw dozens of guys get knocked out in the gym all the time. I did a lot of it.

[A]

It.

[B]

It was scary. It was scary. You would be super nervous before class. You'd be super.

[A]

You'd have that. And you're doing class every day. That's happening every day.

[B]

All the time.

[A]

I would be all the time. I have anxiety. I have anxiety getting on planes.

[B]

You're sparring three or four days a week. Yeah. You're sparring three or 4 days a week. If you're smart, you have to. You have to stay sharp.

[A]

So you broke this guy's face.

[B]

Broke his face. And he wanted to keep training. He was still coming after me. I was like, dude, you gotta look in the mirror. Look in the mirror. And his whole face shifted. Shifted. I hit him with a wheel kick in the cheek. He went out, his eyes rolled back in his head. He collapses down to his butt. And then he tried to get back up. Slowly he gets back up, and he's like, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. And then, like, 30 seconds later, he wants to keep sparring. And I'm like, you gotta stop. But he was just a monster. Like a savage. Like a savage person. He was a kid when I knew him, like a normal kid, like, what's up, Richie? And then three or four years later, whatever it was, when he got out, he was a monster.

[A]

Was there any hint of the old Richie where you could go, hey, man, what's going on? No, he was just gone.

[B]

No, he was gone. The old. Well, I didn't know the old Richie that well. Now I'm thinking timeline. So this was pre me doing stand up. So I probably met him first when I was, like, 16, and then I met him again when I was 21. It was somewhere along that. 20, 21, because that's when I stopped fighting. And it was, like, right around the same time where I knew Richie would stop fighting. So he got arrested. There was a guy who was murdered, and they broke every bone in his body with a hammer, and they kept injecting him with cocaine to keep him alive. Yeah.

[A]

Holy.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They. They. They identified the body. I forget how they identified the body, but I'm pretty sure they chopped his hands and his head off. And they found this guy, and he got arrested for that, and he got away. He got off. I don't think they charged him. I don't think he actually did it, but he definitely knew people who did it. He was involved with the same kind of people. And this is, like, one of the guys that I worked out with, but he wasn't the hitman. The hitman was way more stoic.

[A]

Really? Older?

[B]

Yeah, he was older. He was in his 30s. And the hitman was.

[A]

Would he come in with, like, hitman problems? Like, all right, Sam.

[B]

He asked me once, how would I kill a guy?

[A]

Really?

[B]

He said, if you're gonna hit a guy and you were gonna kill him, where would you hit him? I said, probably the neck. And he said, yeah, I think so. And that was the conversation. That was the end of the conversation. I don't even know why I picked the neck, because the neck actually could take a pretty good beating. Neck's pretty tough.

[A]

Not mine.

[B]

Your head is way weaker than your neck. This is really weak. Like, this little spot right here, your temple, this little tiny, thin little layer of bone there that protects your brain. It's not big at all.

[A]

When was the last time you got punched?

[B]

Oh, it's been a long time. I haven't sparred at all since, like, 2007 or 8. Like sparring? Yeah, Kickboxing. Sparring. Yeah, it's too even. Little sparring wears on you. You. You carry that for your whole life. Just thuds, little thuds. Even ones that aren't that hard. Just a jab, just thud. You carry those. Like, those are real. That's brain damage. Those. Those little times they get danged in the gym. That's real. That's brain damage. That's brain damage. And like I told you, like, when I was a kid, we did a lot of brain damage.

[A]

It was a sparring was horrible. I've had, I think, eight concussions. And I'm just. I'm just a kid. I didn't even spar. I'm just talking, like, basketball camp one time.

[B]

Football.

[A]

Playing football for the hurt, Burt. Shit. I got knocked unconscious. Like, I've probably had eight concussions, I'm guessing, you know, I've had a lot.

[B]

My last one was just a couple of years ago, skiing. Last time. Skiing.

[A]

You were. I just talked to you the other day when you were skiing, and I thought you didn't ski because of your knees.

[B]

Well, my knee did get. I did fracture one of the bones in the top of my tibia. Now, which one's the. Yeah, tibia. And then the fibula is the little one. Right.

[A]

Fibula's in the shin.

[B]

Right. I cracked the tibia, which. That healed. But the real problem was the head. My head. I fell on my head. I. My. My skis went up in the air, and I hit the ground head first. Yeah.

[A]

And it was a helmet.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it was a bang. Like, I got rocked, and I was like, oh. Like, that was a big one. And then the rest of the day, I was, like, dizzy. I wasn't. My balance was all bad. It was not good. It was not good. And then I was like, I'm done with the skiing thing because I always worried about my knees, because I still.

[A]

I.

[B]

You know, I still love doing martial arts, and if I'm not doing it, I don't feel good. Like, I like to hit the back. I like to have my joints work perfectly. I like to have my skills still there. I like to do it. It's fun to do. So anything that takes that away from me, like, skiing, just for a thrill, like, oh, oh.

[A]

And once you get hurt, once you break. We did a concrete sled competition in Calgary or in Edmonton.

[B]

Concrete sled?

[A]

Concrete sled. It's an engineering team, and they have to figure out a way to build a concrete sled that makes it down a mountain with all the team members on it and stops within the right area. And, dude, people get fucked up. I mean, fucked up.

[B]

And concrete sled must be so heavy.

[A]

You can find a picture of it. So I type in University Edmonton concrete sled. I think that's what it's called. And right before. Right before, this is how people keep.

[B]

Themselves occupied when they're so fucking bored. Because it's 38 degrees below zero outside.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. And dude, that's the coldest I've ever been. My fingers. See those concrete sleds? There's one that. Where the guys get up so bad.

[B]

I don't want to see it. It's so stupid.

[A]

But the. What the guy. The team went right, right before me, they flipped. Flipped rag dolled yard sale everywhere.

[B]

If these people tried bow hunting, they would quit this. They'd quit all this. They wouldn't be doing any of this. This is ridiculous. You could fucking die.

[A]

Oh, a guy before me broke his femur. And I remember the guy, the kid, little stoner with the walkie that tells us, all right, you guys are next. He goes, huh, what's that? Broken femur. And he looks at me, he goes, broken femur is a game changer. And I was like, I gotta go next. Like, what the. Like, that was terrifying. But, yeah, I think about that sometimes. Just having my elbow surgery, I gained so much weight from just having one arm because I couldn't do it. Couldn't get on the treadmill. I couldn't do anything that I go, any injury is like, I don't want any injury.

[B]

Yeah. And injuries are not good. And this is coming from a person who's had a bunch of surgeries. Out of a bunch, I've had three knee surgeries, had my nose operated on. Oh, let me tell you, my game changer mouth tape. You were talking about this Game changer. Game changer. I know people say this, and I know it's like one of those fucking fitness influencer things where people are selling something. I got no skin in the game, okay? I'm not selling nothing. I don't have anything for sale. I use a company called Hostage Tape. I'm sure there's other ones that are great, but hostage Tape makes me laugh. It's. You take this tape and you put it over your mouth when you sleep. Now I have sleep apnea, so I wear a mouthpiece, and my mouthpiece has a tongue depressor. So the mouthpiece is fitted to my lower. My lower jaw. And the tongue depressor keeps my tongue from falling back on my throat so I don't block my airway because I have a big tongue and I have a fat neck. So it's like the air hole, it gets clogged up by the tongue. So the tongue depressor works. And then I put the tape over my mouth so I'm not Using my mouth at all. Thank God I got my nose fixed in, like, 15 years ago or something like that. Best decision I ever made. My life. Life. Best decision I've ever made. One of the best.

[A]

Is that the one where you had to, like, pull out of your nose?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, they. Yeah, it was. I was on the road with Tommy, and I would show him the boogers, and he would, like, like, almost vomit, because the boogers were insane. So once you get your nose operated on, like, I had probably 12 nose breaks, maybe more by the time I got my nose operated on. So the inside of it was all calcified. Like, all the inside. Just, like, cauliflower ear. That was the inside of my nose. Like, it was all just clogged. I spoke like my nose was stuffed. This was how my voice was.

[A]

Wait, hold on. Is this. Because I hear. I listened to a version of your voice when you were younger, and it sounds totally different.

[B]

It's almost getting older. Your voice definitely deeper. So that's me with the.

[A]

Wait, that's you?

[B]

Yeah, when I got the nose plugs. So that's after the operation, so.

[A]

Oh, my God, look how big your nose is.

[B]

Well, it's all swollen.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Anyway, so you. If you have a deviated septum, I can't recommend it enough. It's such a huge thing to do. It opens up your nose and you get, like, 10 more cardio. My jiu jitsu changed total. Like, my. My gas in jiu jitsu was way better. I was like, this is crazy. Why didn't I do this along?

[A]

You're breathing through your nose and not your mouth?

[B]

No, because you breathe through both. Oh, so you have. More air is coming in.

[A]

This is how you tell if you have a deviated septum. Put a mirror underneath or put. Take your phone and do a video and then breathe through your nose. And if it closes. Like, my mind shuts. Yeah, and that's. They showed that to me.

[B]

Yeah. You have a deviated septum.

[A]

I have a Dude. You know what happens to me when I sleep? My goozle swells up.

[B]

Yeah, you were telling me it's the worst. Yeah, we were trying to decide where the tonsils were, and you were explaining the tonsils are actually on the side. And your wife was calling it a goozle.

[A]

She's a redneck.

[B]

She's this little.

[A]

This goozle guy.

[B]

Little thing. Whatever. The word is, the technical.

[A]

It's a uvula. It's uvulitis.

[B]

So I put the mouthpiece in, and.

[A]

Then I get no uvulitis. If I had mouth tape in.

[B]

Yeah. So this is the thing. I don't snore at all anymore. Zero snoring. Like, I'm silent.

[A]

No, no, no. Sleep mask.

[B]

No, no, no, no. I don't have anything. No. But I woke up the first day I did it. I was like, holy, I feel so much better. Like, instantaneously noticed a difference. Like, I was like 30% more rested, something like that. Like, I felt just like a significant number where I could, like, feel it. I was like, whoa. And I've been doing it that way for, like a week now.

[A]

So if I put. If I put those nose strips on because I can breathe through my nose. If I should get your.

[B]

No.

[A]

No way.

[B]

Yeah, dude, I haven't heard it done. You should get that done, too.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah, you should.

[A]

It's the worst.

[B]

Your guts are going to poke out of your stomach. That's what it is.

[A]

They already do.

[B]

Joe, that's gross. No, man, your guts. Guts not.

[A]

They do.

[B]

Joe, do they poke out right now? Oh, let me see. No, show me. Can you make it poke out?

[A]

No, but if I go, like, kind of see this?

[B]

Where's the hernia?

[A]

It's called. It's like a fin. Oh, it's. Oh, it's bad. If I do a sit up, like, I'll show you for real and you'll. You'll see it.

[B]

Okay. I'm watching Bert do a sit up, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, that's scary, dude. That's so. That's a rip in the center of your stomach.

[A]

I remember when it happened.

[B]

Oh, dude. How long ago?

[A]

Probably 12 years ago.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I was doing a tough mudder and. Oh, God. I had to pull myself up one of those half pipes. And so I ran and I grabbed it and I pulled and I pulled and I felt. Felt a tear. And I was like, whoa, this is just. And I was like, God, man, that hurt. What happened? And I was like, I'm fine. And then like, two. I want to say, like, two weeks later, I'm laying in bed with my wife and I kind of lean up and I see it and I go, oh, what's this? And then. And then a bunch of dads get it. Like, some dudes get it when they just gain a lot of weight. That's another way to get it. But, like, I've never been that fat. That. But Tommy. I think. I think Tommy might have had one.

[B]

Or Eddie Bravo had two.

[A]

Yeah, he's elective.

[B]

Oh, he had to get it. Eddie had to get it. Fixed.

[A]

My problem is I'd get it fixed, but then I'm afraid of the aftermath of the surgery, of 13 weeks of recovery, of me not working out. I'm gonna go haywire.

[B]

You don't have to go haywire. That's nonsense. You should get it fixed. You should get it fixed and get your nose fixed, too. Just get it fixed. Just bite the bullet. Don't live with a compromised body. Like, they'd know how to fix those things. You should get it fixed. Yeah, like the nose things. Giant. Breathe out of your nose, you change your fucking life. I couldn't do yoga class. They would. The instructor, he would get mad at me. He'd like, you have to breathe out of your nose. I'm like, I don't have a nose. It doesn't work. Like, it doesn't work. My nose, I had, like, one quarter of one nostril. That was the only thing that was open for.

[A]

Oh, for real?

[B]

Yeah, my right side.

[A]

So it wasn't just deviated. It was just.

[B]

Well, what happened? Luke Rockhold, former UFC champion, had a post that he did about his nose recently where they were, like, going through his nose with one of those cameras.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so you could see, like, what's in there. It's the same thing. It says, his is completely clogged up. Like, you hear Justin Gaethje talk, his nose is totally clogged up. Like, there's a lot of the. And Justin actually got his nose fixed, and then he fought Max Holloway, and I think that might have put it back again.

[A]

How long. What's a nose surgery? What's the.

[B]

I was doing jiu jitsu six weeks later.

[A]

Okay, you're Joe. I'm Burt.

[B]

Yeah. But, I mean, six weeks later, I was fine. I didn't take any pain pills. No, I wasn't. I mean, I was fine to roll, but I was fine, fine the next day. Yeah, I had to have those stupid fucking things in my nose for a while. I forget how long that lasted. But then when they pulled those out, I was good to go. But the doctor. I remember this. The doctor gave me two pain pill prescriptions. He was insistent on giving me these pain pill prescriptions, and I was like, okay. I go, but it doesn't hurt now, so is it going to hurt more later? And he's like, it might. I go, but it might not. Right? Like, he goes, but you should have these. Like, he wanted to write me these pain pill prescriptions. I was like, this is kind of creeping me out, man.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I had already Known a bunch of people that had pill problems back then, but it was just weird that he wanted to write me two of them. And I told him. I go, listen, I just had knee surgery a couple months ago. And I go on it. I didn't. It wasn't even a couple years ago, rather. And I didn't take any pain medication. I go, I don't like it. I just did it. I just had the surgery and then just dealt with the pain. I'd rather deal with the pain than that feeling. I don't like that feeling. Yeah, I got ACL surgery, like, way back in the day, and they gave me, like, Vicodins or one of those type of things, Percocets or Vicosins. I forgot what it was, but I remember feeling so stupid. I was like, well, this is not for me. Like, whatever this is. I'd rather be in pain than have my brain just filled with, like, cotton. It just felt like it was just, like, clogged up. Like, I couldn't. It wouldn't work right. Like, it was terrible, Tommy.

[A]

And I like that.

[B]

But my doctor, he just wanted me to take these pills.

[A]

I think it's that I. You know, you talk. You were talking to me about statins for a while, and you were saying that. I don't know, you were saying. Or whatever I read. Was that it? These companies are getting. These doctors getting paid out to. To get people on statins. The companies are saying, you know, get people on statins, we'll pay you out. You know, And I just get a variety of rewards.

[B]

I'm finding out they get a variety of rewards dependent upon how many people in their practice get vaccinated. And if they lose a certain percentage, if they, like, have less than a certain percentage, then they don't get payouts. It's. There's some weird shit that's involved in medicine. That's. Financial incentives that don't necessarily align up with, you know, your best health. And I think that doctors profit off of providing people with pain pills, especially when you have a legitimate reason to want to take pain pills, but I really don't think you should take them. At least I don't take. I. I just don't. I think if you have something horrible wrong with you and you're in agony all day, I totally understand. But for a regular thing, like you hurt your back a little bit, you're. So now you're on oxycontin.

[A]

Like, that's what happened to me. I got pretty much addicted to them because I fell off that waterfall get everybody, dude. They get you. It's. It's. I. I can tell you the moment it happened was we had to go to dinner with my wife's friends, and I didn't want to go, and we weren't drinking. And I remember thinking, I wonder if I double up on my pain pills that'll get me through tonight. And I did. And, man, it was an enjoyable fucking night. And I smoked a little weed, and I was fucking perfect. The next morning, I woke up. Leanne found out we were going camping that weekend. And I reached over to get my pills because the first thing I did in bed. Grab a pill, pop a pill, lay there for a while, went over. My pills were gone, and Leanne was at the foot of the bed. She goes, you're done, big boy. And I was like. I go, hold on. This is like negotiating, like, junkie negotiating. I go, hold on, baby. We're going camping. Like, we're gonna be. No, we're gonna be sleeping on the hard ground. She goes, nope. She goes, go. Get as much weed as you want. Drink as much as you want. Get through the pain that way. These things are poison.

[B]

They're scary.

[A]

They're scary because you don't even realize what you look like to other people. We went. We went to Hawaii with a family one time, and. And we went to the luau. I wasn't. I wasn't drinking in Hawaii that trip for whatever reason, and I. But I was bummed at the luau because I was like, everyone's getting, like, you know, these Mai tai's, and I'm drinking water, and I was. And I looked, and this mom was clearly on Oxy's, and you watched her nod out at the table, and there's. Man, when you see something like that and you're not drinking, you're like, thank God I'm not fucking drinking. I remember watching her nod out, and her whole family sees it. And you're. And she's like, what, dude, is.

[B]

What percentage of this country is hooked on Oxy's right now? It's got to be, like, a scary percentage.

[A]

I bet it's. What do you think is more Oxy's or Xanax? Xanax is like. Xanax is totally plausible. Take a Xanax. You're gonna be fine. My cardiologist, Dr. Gadan. Shout out to Dr. Gan. He's a big fan of yours. But he told me. He said. I said something about Xanax, and he goes, hey, man, I'm your doctor. Don't ever take those things. I was like, really goes, this is the leading cause of dementia. Do not take fucking Xanax is the leader. So he told me, he said. He was like, by the way, I apologize, Dr. G'day. I give you a shout out. And he's like, that's not my exact words, Bert. Goddammit.

[B]

Yeah, you might have fucked that up. We might want to delete that.

[A]

No, he said. He said your brain, it turns your brain to mush.

[B]

Well, it's definitely not good for your brain. It's one of the most dangerous drugs to get off.

[A]

Oh, they won't. They won't admit you to rehab if you're on benzos.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like, we took a friend to rehab one time and one question they asked, have you taken a benzo in the last 24 hours? And he was like, yeah. And they're like, nope, can't take it. You. They don't want to deal with it. There's. It is so dangerous to get off benzos.

[B]

Yeah, it's one of the. There's only a few things that people die if they get addicted to and then you cut them off. One of them is alcohol, you know?

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

You have to drink. Like when you wake up.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

You.

[B]

You have to be a complete drunk, and somehow or another your body shifts into surviving drinking alcohol all the time. You're killing yourself. For sure are. But your body relies on it. I forget what the mechanism is, but there's an actual mechanism. Like there's some sort of a shift when your body's got so much alcohol. And then when you get off alcohol entirely, you can die.

[A]

Oh, you have a stroke.

[B]

I don't know what the cause of death is, but I know that benzos is another drug that does that when you get off of it, that you can. You can die. Like, it's one of those things if you just cold turkey benzos.

[A]

If you're.

[B]

If you're popping Xanax all day long and you're like, I'm done. Like, you can die.

[A]

It's crazy. What. How. How clean life is when you're not partying.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Like, you haven't drank in two weeks. It's like, amazing how the sky looks different, the trees look different.

[B]

Well, you have more energy.

[A]

So much. The gym is night and day different.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Like, I work out every day regardless. Ran five miles today, drank last night on the plane. Five miles today. And now I feel clean. But then I go, if I don't drink tonight, I doubt. I probably Will talking about who we lying to, though. But if I. But like, the next day, I feel like a million bucks. You get me in the gym and I want to be on the treadmill, and I'm gonna get excited for those. Those squats. You do? Yeah, I love those. I got the bat, the. The board.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Get a slant board squats.

[A]

Got a 45 weight. Moms.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do 15 of those are great. And you feel it. You're like that last one you want my favorite squat to do is this. What's the one where you. You. You lean back and you squat when you're tilted back.

[B]

Squat. Lean back. It's called bad form. Back injury waiting to happen. Lean back and squat. That sounds crazy.

[A]

Like a landmine squad or something. Where you have the. The pole, you have the.

[B]

Oh, okay. Yeah. Landmine.

[A]

Yeah. And you. And you get deep into that.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Those are great. Those are great for, like, rotation force, too.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

You know, Viking, I'm saying I'm always.

[A]

Impressed when a man can program his own workout. Really? I can't. Yeah, because I can't. Like, if you.

[B]

I think you don't do your own workouts.

[A]

No, I have a guy program for me.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

He comes to my house and trains me every day.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow. So you don't work out on your own at all?

[A]

If I work out on my own, I run.

[B]

Okay. So you must like that, right? We get alone time. Must like.

[A]

I love. I love getting on the treadmill by myself and just fucking going.

[B]

Yeah. Alone times, big. So that's what I like the most about, like, work them out by myself. Like, I can figure out what to do. I know what to do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I just program my own shit.

[A]

Yeah. I think that's impressive. I tell you what.

[B]

So much shit to do.

[A]

The game changer for me and working out. And I think that, you know, I. I never understood, like, guys like Cam or David Goggins and then they push themselves so hard, and we did that bench press competition. I realized most of the time when everyone works, a regular person works out, they just want to get through it and be done with it. They're like, I know I cheated a little bit, but fuck it, that was 12. But when you're training for something and this must be like this with mixed martial artists and with. With all those motherfuckers, you're. You're training your body for an actual event to protect yourself from other men.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was like. And when I had a goal in mind, I was like, oh, this is different. Like I'm doing everything he's telling me to do and I'm doing it the right way and I'm doing it to like failure because I'm trained. If I know that, if I do that, then when I get to the day where I do the bench, I can then complete the mission I'm set out to do.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I've got a goal, I think more goal oriented workout. If they said like, dude, just so you know, a wolf's coming to your house in two weeks, right. You know, we need to work out, get ready for that wolf, right? You'd work out so hard, right, for that fucking wolf. Yeah.

[B]

Be like, fuck yeah, dude. I tell you about my friend in Colorado? They let wolves loose near his land.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah, they just let wolves loose in Colorado. They let a bunch loose in one part of the state and then they let a bunch more loose. He said it was five. I don't know if that's accurate it. But that's what he was told. And for what purpose? Just they've decided to repopulate the state with wolves. And they're getting wolves from like British Columbia. These big ass Canadian wolves are coming in, the elk up. And this is outside of Aspen. So these are like all these really wealthy people. Holy. And they let wolves loose on their property. And by the way, there's livestock there. These people have cattle. They have, they have all sorts of. So far the wolves in his area haven't attacked cattle because there's an abundance of elk up there. It's a very. It's a big elk corridor where the elk migrate. And I took a picture and posted it up on Instagram of an elk leg that he found. Just like within two weeks of them being released, they had already started killing elk on, on his property. So a wolf took out an elk and left the leg, left the leg bone just laying in the snow.

[A]

Wait, how many wolves did they let go?

[B]

Five, he thinks.

[A]

Do they release him as a pack?

[B]

I don't know if they will pack up. I don't know if they knew each other before. I don't know what the fucking neighborhood.

[A]

Did they grow up together?

[B]

Yeah. So that's what we found. So that's an elk leg that's just been stripped down the lower leg. No meat on it, just the hoof and some, some fur and it's laying in a bunch of. Just a bunch of disturbed areas. It was all up, but you tell some went down. So we found that piece there. They, they had dragged that from Somewhere else. But there was a carcass up there too. So they. They basically, you know, can kill. They could probably kill one or two elk a day, and they probably will do that now. And so the elk population will rapidly diminish. The elk have no idea. They've never evolved around wolves. These elks, these elk are in, like, who knows how many generations with no wolves. So the United States had wolves all throughout the west, and then they eradicated them because they kill everything. Because they kill livestock, they kill horses. They pack up, they get big, they get big packs. And then the. They devastate livestock, Sheep herders, cattle. So they all murdered all the wolves. So now these people, these greenies, these little cutie pies, decided to bring back the most intelligent, telepathic apex predator that operates in packs. And you decided to let them loose near a ski town. Like, congratulations.

[A]

Why? The.

[B]

Because they're cute. Because these are people that grew up in cities and they don't understand. It's called ballot box biology. It's a bunch of people who grew up in the city. They don't know what the fuck they're doing, and they don't know what a wolf really is. They just think wildlife's amazing. And then. So you've let loose apex predators in an area where nothing is prepared for them. They don't. These animals don't know to look for wolves. They've never experienced a wolf before. They don't have an unnatural instinct to run away when they see the wolves. They don't know what the fuck is going on.

[A]

And then you can't tell wolves what to kill either.

[B]

Of course not. Well, here's even better. The first ones they got. So they had a mandate to get these. Colorado voted. They voted it to release wolves. And so the governor had to get it done within a certain period of time. And so they got wolves from Oregon that had been killing cattle. So these wolves, they captured them because they had been killing cattle, and then they released them in Colorado, where they wait for it, started killing cows.

[A]

Oh, shit.

[B]

Duh. So wolves are awesome, but they were making their way into Colorado by themselves. They were already coming down from Wyoming. There's wolves in Montana, Wyoming, Idaho. And they were making their way down naturally. But these idiots decided to accelerate the process and introduce this completely new element outside of a ski town that's gonna kill people's dogs for sure. If they get to a healthy population, you're never gonna be able to let your dog go outside. Yeah, that's over. Cats dead. Everybody dead.

[A]

They're like 10 times worse than coyotes. You remember coyotes.

[B]

They're giant coyotes.

[A]

Coyotes jump fences.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And you're like, there's no protecting my chickens from fucking coyotes.

[B]

I saw a coyote jump a fence with one of my chickens in its mouth. Jumped a six foot high wrought iron fence like it was nothing bound. Touch the top of the fence with its feet, with a chicken in its mouth and right over the top. I was like, whoa. I was so delusional. I thought like, oh, this fence is this big. They can't get over that dude. One jump, one jump. Feet, feet to the top. Other feet to the top. Over the top with a chicken in his mouth.

[A]

All my neighbors have red lights on their fences. That's the only thing that stops coyotes.

[B]

I say, oh, they won't jump over a red light.

[A]

I have no fucking idea. But they all have like, it looks like a red bicycle light on every panel of their fence.

[B]

They're little monsters.

[A]

What?

[B]

They're wolves too, by the way.

[A]

They are.

[B]

Coyotes are wolves. Yeah, they're small wolves.

[A]

I remember. You know, it's funny the little things you remember. I remember you talking about the coyotes honey dick in your dog one time.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I always think that's the funniest phrase. Honey dicking.

[B]

Yeah. They try to honey dick your dog. So they. What they do is they one coyote. I've told the story before, but I'll say it quick. I went to this pet store that I used to go to and one of the guys that worked in the pet store, yeah, he was a veterinarian and he brought in someone had brought in this pit bull that was covered in cuts. Like his whole body was like hundreds of stitches. And he's like, what happened? He was like, I don't know. He got out and then, you know, when, when I came home, he was outside the fence and this is what he looked like. So this guy, they stitched the dog up and then he follows a blood trail into the woods outside of his house where he finds nine dead coyotes.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

So they, they honey dicked, you know, a giant pit bull. Like one of them super jacked muscular pit bulls with a fire hydrant head.

[A]

The kind that are on the front of rap albums.

[B]

Terrifying pit bull. And this pit bull just killed everyone. They, they with the John Wick of pit bulls. And he just, he just killed them all. Killed all the coyotes. They were all. He said it looked like Vietnam. He said they were just torn apart because once the dog killed him, him, he's not going to stop, he's going to start shaking him. You know, pick it. Especially a pit bull like that that's in a blood rage that just killed. Fight for its life. Like it was probably so happy. Like so happy to do this. Because pit bulls just want to fight all the time.

[A]

I've been wanting to do this every.

[B]

Day I wake up, it was the guy who's jiu jitsu black belt and a drunk grab and was like, thank you. Thank you. I've been practicing for this my whole life. Life. But you imagine the scene. Imagine the scene. Just walk. It seem just dead coyotes just ripped apart, just throats torn open, guts hanging out, legs broken. Because this dog, if a dog like that bites a coyote's leg, that leg's broken. That's a shattered leg. That leg doesn't work anymore.

[A]

The poundage that pit bulls bite is wild.

[B]

You know what? A wolf is like five times stronger.

[A]

Are you me?

[B]

Yeah. That's how. That's how crazy these are that let loose these apex telepathic super predators into a ski town filled with super rich people. And the super rich people right now, they're finding out about this. They are freaking the out.

[A]

I bet they are.

[B]

Oh, yeah. All my. My buddy who lives out there, all his neighbors, they're all trying to figure out what they can do. You know, they're all collared too. So there's an app and you can get on the app and find out where the monsters are. Yeah, you want to get scared?

[A]

I want to get. Hang on, I got to get that out.

[B]

How about you're walking and then you see the fucking app is showing you they're behind you, all five of them behind you, and you're with your family. But maybe you voted on that because you think wolves are amazing. That's little Red Riding Hood, bro.

[A]

We can track these wolves on an apple. That's kind of cool.

[B]

Kind of cool to know where the monsters are.

[A]

But they, they do that with sharks, great white sharks.

[B]

But these people in the neighborhood are all tracking these wolves. So they're all freaking out because these wolves are like circling their homes, circle in their property. Some of them have gone right through fields with cattle and not done anything about it. Yeah, they don't even understand why they haven't attacked any cattle yet. But these are ones that are outside of Aspen. So the ones that they brought in from Oregon, that's not outside of Aspen. That's a different spot. Those are the ones that were. They were depredation tags. They were. They were already killing Wildlife. Or they were killing cattle.

[A]

What state do you think has the most predators? Like Australia has the most predators in the world? In our country?

[B]

Yeah, I would say Alaska for sure.

[A]

Florida.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that's a good call. Florida. No, Florida for sure. Florida now. Because you brought in reptiles. Yeah, 100%. Florida has more pythons in it in the Everglades than all the rest of the world.

[A]

Yeah. Do you see those kids that go in? You see those kids that dive in and grab them?

[B]

I have my found python cowboy on the show. He brought me up. Don't we have a python head laying around here somewhere? Something.

[A]

Oh, look at that. Look at that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Apex predator, Florida. No one even comes close.

[B]

No one's even close.

[A]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[B]

Maine.

[A]

Maine.

[B]

Why does Maine. What is it?

[A]

Vermont. That's kind of right.

[B]

Okay, so the. The one with the boot.

[A]

Oh, this is not good, guys.

[B]

The boot is Massachusetts, right? Or no, that's New York. Yeah. We're so stupid. You know who could draw the whole map by. By hand? Al Franken. Vermont. Vermont. Okay. Yeah, it's Massachusetts. Vermont with the hook. Okay, so Vermont predators. Yeah. What predators are from Vermont? That must be like, wolverines and shit. Oh, Red and gray foxes, coyotes, black bears, fishers, bobcats, and red and gray foxes. With wolves and lynx also present, although the later are rare. Ladder.

[A]

Good God.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

I remember I. I said the other day on Instagram, I was. I had my hose all wrapped up, and I was like, I don't know if this is from. Because I'm from Florida, but I never put my hand into a hose bucket without kicking it a couple times.

[B]

When you say, I got my hose all wrapped up. I thought you had your ladies making money.

[A]

My hose doesn't make any money wrapped up.

[B]

They're making that money. I got my hose wrapped up.

[A]

Have you ever had rattlesnake on your property out here?

[B]

You have out here? We've had one. One of my neighbors had a couple coral snakes in her garage. Those are scary.

[A]

Coral snakes are the ones that look like.

[B]

Like red and black, but it's beautiful.

[A]

Black and yellow kill a fellow. Red and what is it? Red, white and blue. America. He's cool.

[B]

I don't know what the. But my old house in California, there was a bunch of them.

[A]

Your old house was in the. In the wilderness?

[B]

Yeah, I was. I was in a place where there.

[A]

Was a lot of red touches yellow kill a fellow. Red touches black. Venom lack.

[B]

What does that mean?

[A]

There's no venom. Venom. Oh.

[B]

To help identify venomous coral snakes. Oh, I see. Because I think some coral snakes are not venomous.

[A]

No, it's a.

[B]

It's a. Oh, yeah, that's what it looked like.

[A]

It's. No, it's a king snake. A scarlet king snake is harmless. Coral snakes are deadly. Okay, so we had both in Florida, I think, so you never got near either of them.

[B]

But that. Go back to that image, Jamie, the one on the top. Red touches yellow, kill a fellow. That's it. So that's the one that'll kill it. Red touches black. Scarlet king snake. Harmless. Interesting.

[A]

I'm not gonna roll the dice on that.

[B]

I would not remember this. I would fuck that up.

[A]

I'd be like, wait, that thing looks.

[B]

Like it will fucking for sure kill you.

[A]

Red touches black. Step back. What? Yellow. Yellow.

[B]

Red touches yellow, kill a fellow. That's the one. That's all you have to remember. Red touches yellow, kill a fellow.

[A]

Black and yellow. Black and yellow.

[B]

That's. Red touches yellow. Fuck that creature. So my friend, she had two of them in her. In her garage. Yeah. Not good. But my old house. My. Remember? Do you remember? Did you ever meet Frank? You never met Frank. You're pre. I used to have this pit bull named Frank Sinatra, and Frank would.

[A]

I only knew Johnny.

[B]

Frank killed everything. Everything that got in that yard was dead.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. He was a psycho. And he would kill rattlesnakes all the time. So he'd get bit all the time. So fucking.

[A]

I'm like, wait, how did he not get bit?

[B]

He got bit every time. So I have to keep bringing him to the fucking vet. I brought him to the vet, like, at least three times. And one time I had to bring him twice because he got to the. He had been stung. He'd been bitten by rattlesnake so many times that he had developed some sort of an immunity. So I brought him the first time, and we're all. We're at the vet. He was super friendly. He was the sweetest dog, loved everybody. But, like, vicious with snakes and lizards. Lizards are like his video game. He would, like, jump on the walls to try to get the lizards that were crawling the walls. He would leap the. Leap into the air, try to get these lizards. So I brought him to the vet, and the vet's like, I don't see a puncture mark, and he's not swelling, so I wouldn't worry about it. And I'm like, wow, how the did you kill that snake and not get bit? And then I brought him back to the house, and then his face his face immediately swole back up again. So then I had to bring him back to the vet. And the vet's like, he's been stung. He's been bit so many times that he probably has some sort of immunity.

[A]

Jesus.

[B]

Yeah, It's a coral snake, too. That doesn't go by the. That is so beautiful. Most venomous snakes in the world. God. I would assume that would you up. Kills king cobras. Apparently it kills king cold. Look how Malaysia. Beautiful. It is blue coral somewhere. There's some idiot in Florida in the death metal band that wants this. He's gonna have it in his house until he can't feed it anymore. It's like, little fella gotta let you go. He's gonna let it loose and it's gonna go in the Everglades, and then you're gonna have a half a million of them there.

[A]

The. You know Slash had poisonous snakes in his house?

[B]

Of course he did.

[A]

And then. And then there was an earthquake.

[B]

Oh, great.

[A]

I read that. I think I read that. One of their books, or. I talked to Slash once about it. Got out, and I think they got out. They had to send someone in the house to. I can't remember exactly, but he. There was an earthquake and he had, like, a cobra.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

Yeah, there's. I. I don't understand. I mean, I understand wanting to have a snake, but poisonous snakes, I can't wrap my head around. No, no, you can never touch it. You can never play with it.

[B]

All snakes. How about that? How about all that? How about snakes are the reason why we wear clothes. A snake tricked Eve into eating that apple, and now we're ruined. All right? Now we have to have Jesus come save us.

[A]

You definitely look like you would have gone through a lizard phase, though.

[B]

No, well, I. Listen, I had one idea. That was the dumbest idea. Cops. The snake eye. What is going on? The cop, he's got snakes. Yeah, I was.

[A]

Oh, this is the wrong cop to pull the snake out with. Yeah, yeah, you're right. I'll stand right here.

[B]

Now, wait a minute. You don't understand how many there are. Dude, you see all them snakes right there? Yeah.

[A]

You see them snakes right there?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They're my babies. I care more about them snakes than I do a human life. Life. Just like that, man. Okay. He's already out the door. He's like, huh? Sure thing, buddy.

[B]

So I had this one idea once. I had this house that was like. It had, like, a center courtyard. And I was gonna seal off the center courtyard and get a Crocodile monitor, badass monitor.

[A]

And.

[B]

And feed it rabbits and have, like a wild kingdom in the center of my house.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

So I was gonna set up trees because it had, like, open air. So I was like, I'm gonna set up a canopy, trap it in there, like a greenhouse, make it nice and warm so it's an environment. Put trees up everywhere, and they just let shit loose and watch.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then I was like, that's so up. It's like. And I started thinking, like, what's wrong with you? It's like, if I started thinking about me going, like, I didn't like me. Like, imagine taking someone. One of your friends over your house, and you have a murder sanctuary in the center of. Centerpiece of your home. Oh, the atrium of your home is just like. You watch animals just get slaughtered. They have no chance of escape. Unlike the wild. The wild. The rabbit can get away. Dude.

[A]

We used to be fair in our fraternity. My buddy Mason had a big python and they'd buy rats and they put money on it, and they'd put them in the corners and put the python in the center. And they have the benches from our cafeteria lined up. It'd be in a square, and we bet on which one he'd eat first. And it was crazy. Rats would go right up to the snake's face and touch the snake's face. Snake. Snake wouldn't even fucking touch it. And then all of a sudden, just. You'd see him coil up.

[B]

Yeah, they just make their move.

[A]

I had a savannah monitor. I had a. I had a iguana. Savannah monitor ate mice. And then the monitor. The iguana just. Nothing. They just.

[B]

That's. That those. Those rats that they fed that snake or those mice, they fed that snake. Those things are just red. Bred in captivity. They have no fear. They don't know. They don't know what's going to hurt them and what's not going to hurt them. Nothing's. Nothing's ever hurt them. Everything's. Just fed them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then all of a sudden, serpent.

[A]

My dog caught a squirrel. My dog. I have two bullmastiffs. Mac, the big one has been. I mean, his. He's wanted to catch a squirrel the same way I've wanted to have anal sex with my wife. Like, he wants it every fucking day. And then he caught a squirrel. And I think it'll be the same as if I had anal sex. My wife. It was way messier than he thought. He thought it was going to be a fun game, and he broke it in half and was throwing it and then it wasn't moving and he'd move it and I was like, oh buddy, you should have never got what you wanted. He was like, this isn't fun anymore. I looked at him, he's just like, ah, what the. I guess I'll eat grass now.

[B]

Yeah. Clean his mouth out.

[A]

My two bull mastiffs caught the. What's the possum who was killing our chickens?

[B]

Possums kill chickens.

[A]

Possum killed our chickens. Three chickens. Like I'm almost saying like back to back to back.

[B]

Of course they do. They look like predators. Yeah, I mean they have a predator mouth.

[A]

And my two bullmastiffs caught a possum and they tortured this thing. I'm talking Al Qaeda beheading video. In our. While we were out to dinner and we got home and furniture was moved around and this fucking possum was soaking wet. I mean they have must have thrown this thing around the room and it was just in the corner playing dead.

[B]

It was still alive?

[A]

Yeah, and the dogs were just fucking ragdolling it.

[B]

How is it still alive?

[A]

I don't know. We had to. Well, we had to catch it up.

[B]

The mastiff is fucking huge.

[A]

Yeah, they were just toying with it. I think they were just fucking throwing around. They had them cornered in the back. We had to dead a bucket. And you can't kill possums. In the county of LA it's illegal to kill a possum.

[B]

That's hilarious. I know, that's so funny. You know you can kill coyotes?

[A]

No. In la?

[B]

Oh yeah.

[A]

Are you being serious? Yeah, because we have a den of coyotes that come back through our backyard at times.

[B]

Coyotes are like rats, dude. That's how they look. I don't think they're like rats. Let me just be real clear. I think they're cool. But I wanted to kill one. I wanted to kill them when they killed all my chickens, dude. I killed all my fucking chickens.

[A]

I have a Hoyt bow with a 69 pound tension that would light a fucking coyote. I've been wanting to hunt something.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Don't shoot your neighbors, dude. California laws allows for the killing of fur bearing mammal that is injuring property at any time and in any manner. Any manner. However, animal cruelty laws prohibit maliciously and intentionally maiming, mutilating, torturing, wounding or killing an animal. Animal.

[A]

There I go.

[B]

Wait a minute. Prohibit intentionally killing an animal. So how can you have a law that allows for killing a fur bearing mammal that is injuring property at any time in any Manner. But they also have a law that prohibits intentionally killing an animal. Gotta be doing injury. It says maliciously, so you'd be angry.

[A]

Wait, hold on. Am I saying the word possum wrong?

[B]

Opossums. No, I say it. Opossum, I think, is the right way to say it.

[A]

It's like, did you know? It's. It's wheelbarrow.

[B]

It's not barrel.

[A]

Uh, it's wheelbarrow.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Makes it illegal to intentionally and maliciously kill an animal. But intentionally and maliciously are different things. Like, if you're killing an animal to protect your dog, the key. Oh, here it is. The key difference lies in the intent and manner of killing. Killing in a process that is. Causing damage to property is one thing, but torturing or inflicting unnecessary suffering is a different matter. Okay, okay, that makes sense.

[A]

So I think my dogs broke the law.

[B]

Here is a guy was convicted and sentenced for torturing an opossum to death, including beating, burning, and hanging it from a noose.

[A]

Okay, that's a little bit.

[B]

That's a lot. Another case. Father and son were arrested for allegedly killing an opossum. But the arrests were later deemed unlawful, and the city settled a lawsuit with the family for $400,000. Okay. Consider contacting a professional pest control operator or wildlife removal service. Yeah, I mean, I'm not too worried.

[A]

About possums, but in our old house, we have.

[B]

Coyotes are to be worried about.

[A]

I'd light up a coyote.

[B]

They're to be worried about. I need a small dog.

[A]

I need one. Be exactly 25 yards away from me, though. Yeah, because I don't. Yeah, that's all. I might. I'm only scoped out for from my porch to the fire pit.

[B]

Don't you have a adjustable sight?

[A]

No, I have four sights. I didn't really learn that much about bow hunting with Cam. I just shot a couple times. But I know that, like, one site is for that distance. One sights for that distance.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I don't even need the second site in my backyard. Like, my backyard's not that big.

[B]

Right, Right. You should go somewhere where you could practice.

[A]

They have a good one. They have a good one in. I think it's over in a park. They have a whole archery range.

[B]

Oh, nice.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, you should go there.

[A]

I get weird with that shit. I have, you know, I have weird issues about, like, joining in or doing something new, like getting into a spin class. And I've never met anyone. I just kind of like doing it my backyard.

[B]

Doing in the backyard is Fun. But just for your own ability to get better at it, you really should stretch out your distance.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because what happens is there's little tiny errors in your form that don't show up at 20 yards. That'll show up at 60 yards. And you got to find out what those are like. I don't. I always shoot at 85 yards.

[A]

You shoot at 85 yards? 85 yards at your house.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I set. 85 yards is a distance I would never shoot an animal at. And if I could be super accurate at 85 yards, when an animal's at 50 yards, it feels to me like a chip shot. Like I can just nail it because I'm always shooting long distances. So at a long distance, any little deviation, Twerk. Like, torque of your hand.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

It can make a big difference in how the. The arrow goes off. And at 70 yards, it might be 4 or 5, 6 inches to the left, to the right, up, down. It's spread out, and you want to tighten it up like this. You want to get that group like a softball. That's what I want. I want a softball at 85 yards. That's when I know I can go hunting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When I can get a softball at 85 yards, I'm dialed. I'm dialed in.

[A]

I've been shooting. I've been shooting from a higher platform, too.

[B]

Is that very good? That's very good. Especially if you ever have to go hunting in a tree stand. Tree stand hunting is very difficult, so I've only done it once. My good friend John Dudley took me to his farm in Iowa. John actually taught me a lot about archery, too. Like, most of what I know about, like, form and technique, I learned from John. And anyway, John has this amazing setup in Iowa, and you go up in these tree stands, and you. You have to, like, buckle yourself in a safety wire or a safety rope. And, you know, you're sitting there, like, all day. You sit all day. All day. It's freezing. It's November. It's in Iowa. It's three degrees. You're sitting there freezing your dick off. And sometimes you have these giant suits that you put over your whole body and zip up like you're a giant burrito of fur, almost like a sleeping bag.

[A]

And you're. And you're sober, and you're not doing anything but just waiting.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You can't be drunk, can't be listening to, like, a podcast.

[B]

You really shouldn't. You want to hear. You want to hear branches snapping. You want to hear the little cracks the little sounds. Little, that's what you're listening for. Guys even wear these things called walker game ears. And walker game ears are. It's almost like a hearing aid. And you put them in and you crank it up and you can hear things like way amplified, way amplified that you like. There's a certain headphones you wear if you go to a. Like a. A gun range that s that they tune out any sound that's over a certain pitch, like a certain volume, but amplify other sounds so you can hear people talking, like from way away.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah, way stronger. Like ability to hear. But then the gun, it cuts out the sound when it gets to a dangerous. So every gun is like. But the sound of other people is still present. So you could talk at a gun range. You don't have to have like full ear. Like the foam ones stuffed in there where you have to pull like a tarantactical. They always use those. Yeah, you pull. You have to pull them out to talk to people. These you can cut. So these guys wear things like that so they can hear everything in the forest.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

They can hear every little sound because when a deer is coming in, they come in slowly. They like, they're all wary and they're stepping on the grass, they're moving around. And you might just hear something, just a rustle. And you're like, where's it? And you see him.

[A]

Oh, there he is.

[B]

There he is. And then you got to get your bow. So you're waiting all day for one moment and you're shooting down. Yeah, because like, the animals, like, they're down like below you or like you're at a like, sharp angle. So you have to have like a range compensating, an angle compensating range fighter. Because the shot might be 40 yards, but it actually might be 20 yards because you're shooting straight down. So you're shooting straight down. Your. Your. The way your arrow is going to drop, it's not going to be as affected by gravity. So like, if you're shooting 40 yards on a flat plane, the arrow is going to arc and it's going to drop. So over the course of the 40 yards, if your arrow is going 290ft per second, which is a good speed, it's going to slowly drop until it gets to 40 yards. So you have. That's why your range, like you set up the pin, you move it to where the arrow is going to be when it finally gets there at 40 yards.

[A]

Can you move your own p. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, I need camera.

[B]

I have a wheel that it's set up that like. I have what's called a spot hog, a fast Eddie. And it's got two pins on it. And one pin will be at 20 yards. The other pin will be at 35 yards. And then I move it down and then the one pin is at 50 yards and the other pin is at like 75 yards.

[A]

Oh, that's not mine.

[B]

Or 65.

[A]

Mine just got four. Four different sites.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So mine is an adjustable one that's on a wheel and that's what you need because like with the rain, like, say if a deer's coming in, you're in a tree stand, you. You look and you're like. That's pretty far away, but it's pretty far like this straight down. So pretty far straight down. Your arrow is not going to drop as much as you were shooting straight.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If you're shooting straight, it's going to go. And then. So you have to have a range finder that figures that out for you. And it says Even though that's 40 yards away, the angle comes. Compensation is actually 26 yards. So you have to dial your to 26 yards and then you'll be perfect.

[A]

Have you ever. Have you ever gone fishing with a bow?

[B]

No, I have not. But it looks amazing.

[A]

It is so difficult.

[B]

So it looks fun too, though.

[A]

It's fun, but it's. It's difficult because of the water reflection.

[B]

You've got to shoot like six inches below it, right?

[A]

Yeah, well, I don't know because I never got one. So. Yeah, I was. And I was a little drunk. I was like. I was like, this will be easy.

[B]

I think you have to shoot sick. It's refract. Reflect refraction, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I think you have to shoot below what you see.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

That's a mind fuck.

[A]

I couldn't. I mean, we sat out there, salmon all over. You see them? It was. Yeah. And I fucking must have taken a hundred shots.

[B]

Oh, man, that must have been so fun.

[A]

It was fun. But you know, was that, that.

[B]

Is that like a recurve bow or is that a bow with a release? Do you ever release?

[A]

I don't remember. I was. I think it was. I think it was. I think it was a compound bow.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I think so.

[B]

Yeah, that's better. The combat bow. You could be more accurate. So with a compound bow, like, I don't know how to aim with a recurve bow at all. I've. I've only shot One, like, three or four times ever. And I went on this trip to Lanai with my family, and one of the things that they had was, like, this little archery lesson. You could take archery classes and shoot at the little targets, and they had recurve bows. I'd never shot a bow without a sight before, so I was, like, trying to, like, line it up. Oh, yeah, line up. Where the fuck. How do you know where the arrow's gonna go?

[A]

That's the only bows I've ever shot.

[B]

It was like a recurve.

[A]

Yeah, recurve. I shot a recurve bow. We did, like, archery lessons in Italy. And so we were at different. You know how, like, those hills are, like, almost like steps. And so they'd have. But it was weird because the recurve bow was such that you had to hold it kind of at an angle.

[B]

Yeah. So that the arrow stays on the side. Yeah.

[A]

And during the pandemic, I got the girls both recurve bows, and we would shoot in the backyard all the time.

[B]

It's fun. It's definitely fun. But it's. It's kind of like throwing a rock or like, throwing a baseball. Like, you've. You've got to, like, have a feel for where that baseball is going to go. At 30 yards, at 40 yards, at 50. You know, if you had to throw a baseball and hit a tree, you would know, okay, I got to throw it a little harder. You get a feel. So that's different than regular archery, like. Or, excuse me, compound archery. Because compound archery, you're basically relying on the sight and the technique. Like, you. You dial it in, you get that pin. It's at 42 yards, and then you're just going through your shot process. You're just staying steady and making sure you go through your shot process perfect so that when the shot breaks, the arrow goes exactly where you want to. But with a recurve, like, you have to practice all the time because you have to have that feel. You have to have a feel and know where that arrow is going to go. Like, you're. You're looking down the shaft of your arrow, but your accuracy is greatly diminished compared to, like, a compound bow.

[A]

I haven't shot my. I only shoot my compound bow now, but I haven't shot my recurve bow with the little wristlet thing Kim gave me. I like to do that because I use always just my fingers.

[B]

Well, that's an interesting thing. So use a release on a recurve. I'm sure people do that. You'd have to put a D loop on it though. You put. Or No, I guess not. You could hold it from the top or the bottom them. That would be better. Yeah, that would definitely be better. So you definitely get a more consistent release. But people want to be primitive, you know, like the real psychos. What happens is, guys. The highest level of bow hunting is guys go after like elk and deer with a recurve bow. My friend Aaron Schneider did that for a couple years. He only shot because he's like a elite hunter. Like an elite bow.

[A]

But what's the ultimate poundage of a recurve bow? What's the highest it can go?

[B]

It's. You're not getting it. Nearly the amount of kinetic energy. So the kinetic energy you'd get from a compound bow. Like, Aaron's a big guy. He's prejacked. And so like his bow is like an 82, 85 pound bow probably. And he's a big guy. So he's probably got a 30 inch draw somewhere around that. So he's getting insane amounts of kinetic energy in these arrows.

[A]

That was.

[B]

That's just blowing through everything.

[A]

That's the craziest part of getting fitted for a bow. Because I was always like, I was always. Come here. I was like, joe, let me shoot your bow. And you're like, it's not that easy because it's set up for a person.

[B]

Yeah, it's set up for your wingspan. Like you're. You're taller than me. So you're. What is your. Your. Do you know where your draw length is?

[A]

No. Cam did all of it. And I was just listening.

[B]

Your draw length's probably 29 and a half, maybe 30 inches. Mine's 28. So. 20. I used to have 28 and a half and then it dropped down to 28. And I adjusted a few things. And I feel like the more tension at the end, like the further back you are. Like, I know guys who want extra energy. And so they're what's called overdrawn. So they maybe should have a 27 inch draw, but they have a 29 inch draw and they have their release way back here. So they're shooting things totally different. You would never tell anybody to do that. Yeah, but some guys get really good doing that and then they just stick with it. Like it's all about repeatability. But. But Cam taught me. Like, Cam is a. He's smaller than. His draw's a little bit smaller than mine. His is 27 and he had a longer draw. He started out with A longer draw as well. But then brought when he. Like, for him, it's all. The ultimate thing is accuracy. And he's like, when your. Your bow is more tense, more taut, and there's more tension on it. If it's a shorter draw length, you're more accurate. You want to get it perfect.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You want to exactly what your frame is. And for me, it seems like 28 inches. Inches is the right. The right number.

[A]

I had. I had one of my most manly moments of my entire life in that bow. In that bow store.

[B]

Yeah, it's a very manly place, dude.

[A]

They were. Cam's, like, they had me set for like, a 40 pound, you know, bow. And I go, okay. And he was like. I go, what do you guys shoot like you and Rogan? He was like, 80 pounds, I think. Was that what he said?

[B]

90.

[A]

Oh, okay, so it's 90. So Cam goes. Cam goes. I goes, that one tough to draw pull back. And he was like, yeah. And I was like, I try. And he was like, okay. So he pulls it and brings it over. You know, all the bow guys are there, so I can. And I pull back. And Kim goes, hold on, hold on, hang on. Takes the bow off and he puts it and he measures it. And he's like, there's no way he did that. And he measured the test. He goes, God damn it. He goes, all right, let's move over, 69.

[B]

You're a strong dude, man. You were talking about how you bench press. What did you. What are you bench pressing now? 320, 15.

[A]

325.

[B]

325? For how much? Any.

[A]

Just one.

[B]

That's impressive. That's a lot of weight. It's dangerous for your shoulders, though. That's why I don't like it.

[A]

It's not. It's not sustainable. And there's no reason to do it because as I did it, I gained weight. Like, I gained weight. I gained 10 pounds. Yeah. Like, this is going to sound so silly, and you know me so well that you're going to laugh when I say this, but, like, my jackets weren't fitting.

[B]

No, I'm sure.

[A]

Like, that thick. My shoulders and my chest and my. My biceps, my triceps, everything in the jacket just wouldn't fit.

[B]

A year ago, when you were at the club, I was calling you Jack Burt, remember?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You want to say, I go, dude, you look different now. It's not as funny when you take your shirt off, because I'm like, he's jacked. You look like a football player. You look like a big. Like a Tank Abbott. That's what you look like. He was a bad.

[A]

I was. I was pretty skinny in the special. Not skinny, but, like, I was in good shape in the special. Tanned. Really tanned. Special outfit it, bro.

[B]

Tank Abbott, he put, like, UFC on the map duty.

[A]

That early generation of guys were so charismatic.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I mean, when you look like Frank. What's his name?

[B]

Shamrock.

[A]

Frank Shamrock.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Hoist Gracie. Tank Abbott.

[B]

Ken Shamrock.

[A]

Ken Shamrock. Dude, that was like.

[B]

Yeah, that was like the Don Fry. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[A]

You know, we were. I was. Where were we just at. The other day, I went UFC with my wife. Life. And she was. And I was saying to her, she was like, so.

[B]

So that was your first. Her first one live?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Have you seen one? You saw one live at the apex?

[A]

I saw. I saw one live at Madison Square Garden.

[B]

Oh, that's right. That's right. That was a good one, too.

[A]

Yeah. But we sat. We. I bought the tickets. So we sat up in the nosebleeds.

[B]

That made me angry. Don't ever buy tickets.

[A]

I know, but I'm never gonna ask you for something.

[B]

We know.

[A]

I get angry when people ask you for. Because you're so generous with everyone.

[B]

Yeah. That doesn't.

[A]

I feel bad. Bad. You called and you said, do you want tickets? And I was like, you. First of all, you're like, are you going to ufc? And I was like, I'm not gonna say. I don't want to say.

[B]

You told me you were going to slap fight. I'm like, okay, you're here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I. I didn't know if you were set up yet.

[A]

No. And. And I wasn't gonna ask Dana for tickets.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

And then you're like, oh, let me get you tickets. And then you go, ufc's got better tickets, dude. That was a fever dream that night. It was me and Theo. I don't think I've laughed harder with an individual in my life. Life.

[B]

No. There's no one better than Theo for. Can we get that lighter for a hang, dude? Just talking, being silly.

[A]

It was me, him and my wife the whole time. They were like. Because we went to slap fight together, then we went to UFC together. Sat next to Taylor, sat next to Max Crosby, sat next to Mel Gibson, Taylor Sheridan. Look at that. Mario Lopez.

[B]

What a crew.

[A]

The guys are like. Like, Max and. And Taylor. Taylor. Lewan's the one who did me. The bench press. Bet with with him and busting with the boys. He was like. He saw me try to get 300. He's like, you can't get 300, bro.

[B]

We went gambling with him and Jamie and Shane and all these. And Dana White in Vegas, and I watched him be down. Dana was betting for him. Dana was telling him what to bet. And they have this system. Okay, whatever. Yeah, he's up. He's up. Like, a considerable amount of money over the course of all the times they've been gambling. But they gamble heavy.

[A]

Very.

[B]

And Jamie and I were getting severe anxiety. They were down $125,000 in the first five minutes. Do you remember that? How scary was that? I tried to. I was like, oh, let me jump in with you guys. He's like, don't, don't, don't.

[A]

I was gonna. I was. I was like, let me get a marker. I'll hop out now. I've never gotten a marker. I got a marker one time with Tommy for.

[B]

What do you have to do? Do you have to give me your credit card?

[A]

Oh, it's. They've got to do a bank transfer. It takes a long time to get a marker.

[B]

A bank transfer.

[A]

Unless you've done it before. Yeah, dude, it. It took me an hour and a half to get a fucking marker.

[B]

How do you get a bank transfer in the middle of the night? You have to call your bank.

[A]

I don't think you can get a marker unless you've already had that established earlier and you had established. No, I hadn't. Me and Tommy were there, and Tommy's like, get a marker. So I was like, okay. So I asked for a marker, and it took forever. They'd go through my financial guy, and then they came in.

[B]

Financial guys around in Vegas, they called him.

[A]

They called him at home, at work. It was like, Tommy and I. Tommy and I were doing it when we did the super bowl, like, two years ago.

[B]

Oh, so it was daytime.

[A]

It was daytime.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And so Tommy had already gotten his marker, and I. It took me forever to get a marker. I got a $50,000 mark marker. And, dude, I got so nervous. I bet a thousand dollars, lost 300. And I was like, I'm done. I'm such a.

[B]

Remember being poor, too. Well, I do.

[A]

It's not. It's not. Gambling's not fun unless it sparkles. Unless there's, like a. Unless there's terror.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's not fun when you're like, you.

[B]

Know, 20 bucks, 50 bucks. Exactly.

[A]

I gotta bet 50,000. All of that money on something to feel it. But I love. I love the feeling, but the feeling's not worth it to lose the money. Yeah, the losing the money. Holy Dana White.

[B]

When we got there, what Was he down? $600,000. Yeah, he was down $600,000 and he stayed all night and he was there to like 5:00 in the morning and he got it back and was up $600,000 when he left.

[A]

He gambles, he plays baccarat hard.

[B]

He is a blackjack.

[A]

Baccarat too. That's his new game. We did. Tommy and I did a podcast with him and more. What's that?

[B]

500,000 $. Oh, what is. I don't even know what that is. What is baccarat? I know the name.

[A]

I think it's like a Chinese blackjack.

[B]

Oh. If I had to, like it was on a quib quiz show. Someone explain baccarat. I'd be like, I should know that.

[A]

Ricky, take a dobby.

[B]

I don't know. I know what craps is. I know how that works. I don't know how it works. No, I do not know, like the rules. Like, what is the come line and all that. I don't know what. I know what.

[A]

It is just a simple game.

[B]

They throw the dice, but all the different. The come and this, the lines and. Yeah, I don't know what's going on.

[A]

Oh, it's. Craps is simple. Really. Honestly, craps is a very.

[B]

It's not simple.

[A]

Yeah, but it's. It's basically roll the dice, whatever that number is you just got rolled again. And then everyone gets a bet on whether you're not going to roll it, whether you are going to roll it. And then they can bet on the other numbers that you might roll before you roll your second number. And then there's two rolls that get you out. And then if you roll those at the beginning, get money. It's a simple game. Technically, not as simple as blackjack, but.

[B]

Back one that you like. You get your wife to kiss the dice, then you throw it. Oh, yeah. Her to throw it for you. And she gets on a hot streak.

[A]

Dude, we got on a hot streak on a boat one time, me and my buddy Cowhead and our buddy Pete and we were, we were rolling hot and people are making a lot of money. I'm more talking. I'm on my 20th roll and I'm hitting them and hitting them and hitting them and I grab them. One time I go to roll and the dealer guy hits my hands with the fucking stick and I go, what? And he goes, miss roll. And I go, whoa. And then I rolled A crapped out of seven. And I was like, that. I go, that. And then the guy goes, all right, I'm out. And he just clocked out and walked away. And I fucked me and my buddy Peter Pete made him apologize to us.

[B]

Why did he say it was a bad role?

[A]

He just. They try to up your flow. They don't wanna. They don't want your flow to.

[B]

Oh, they don't want you to stay hot.

[A]

Yeah, you're hot. Let's it up.

[B]

What is this world record for four and a half hours straight? What? Yeah. I mean, the amount of money and the energy at that table would have been insane. Been bonkers.

[A]

The fun is the you say as.

[B]

You roll the DICE Hours and 18 minutes later, tomorrow had rolled a world record record for craps rolls. She rolled 154 times. The odds of accomplishing this are 1 in 1.56 trillion.

[A]

Do you know how much money she paid? Made the people at that table?

[B]

What does that mean? So she rolled the same number every time?

[A]

No, it means that she didn't roll a seven after her come out roll for that many rolls. She may have rolled a seven, but if you roll a seven on your come out roll, then you get paid.

[B]

See, this is why it's confusing. They try to pretend it's not confusing.

[A]

No, it's not confusing.

[B]

Yeah, you have to do it once.

[A]

You have to do it a couple times. Baccarat's the rough one. Dana said he goes, take out. I think he said $275,000 marker to me and Tommy. He's like, I mean, I was gonna be in Vegas. I go, he was, Bert. Take out a $275,000 marker. Come play baccarat with me. I'll double your money. And I was like. I was like, if you just Nay.

[B]

Nay, sir.

[A]

Tom's like, do it. And Leanne wouldn't let me do it. She's like, no way way. She's gonna. You're gonna lose it. And he's gonna be like, ah, I didn't see that coming.

[B]

Or you're gonna, like, get addicted to doing that, and you're gonna want to do it all the time. That's what she sees coming. She sees it coming like she sees everything else. She's like, no, big guy. Give me those pills.

[A]

I got the ick on all of it.

[B]

Yeah, she's right. She's right. I mean, look, Danny's got a lot of money. He makes a lot of money. He can do that. He likes doing that. It works. Somehow or another, it wouldn't work for me. No, it's not my thing. It's not my thing, but for some people, like, he loves living in Vegas. He loves playing.

[A]

He loves Vegas.

[B]

Loves it. Loves it. He's got the town wired, you know? Why wouldn't he love it? You know, the sports there all the time. We got the ufcpi there. So there's fights there almost. I mean, every month there's a fight at the. The. The apex, at least.

[A]

What's. Can I tell you the craziest experience of that whole thing, other than meeting Mel Gibson, which was a dream. He was the sweetest guy.

[B]

He's a nice guy.

[A]

He was the nice guy. I told you. I met him on the plane and flying here, and then he walked by me. Like, when he left at the plane, he's like, maybe I'll see you this weekend. I was like, hopefully. And then when he walked into, ufc came over, grabbed my leg. He's like, what's up, big guy? And I was like. And the guys next to me are like, you know Dan, you know Mel Gibson. I was like, yeah, but the coolest way back, coolest part was the fucking guy, Ari Emanuel, that watching the character from Entourage be himself, because I sat right behind him, and he was just. He's the guy.

[B]

He's much more reasonable, but he's still a character. Oh, he's definitely a character.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Nice guy.

[A]

He's a nice guy. Him and Peter Berg were right up right in front of me in the end.

[B]

I love that dude.

[A]

Peter Berg.

[B]

Have you been watching American Primeval?

[A]

Of course. Fuck me.

[B]

Fuck. God.

[A]

Peter Berg's a great dude, and he was a great actor. Do you remember Aspen Extreme?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, he. He's. He was great in the. In the show, too. He's great in American Primeval, he's great. He's been in a bunch of movies, but I think, like, he really shines as a filmmaker, you know?

[A]

Wait, what's the movie? What's the TV show Gary Oldman's in right now? Not Black Doves, I don't know. It's an apple, Joe. This is the best damn show out there.

[B]

Apple's making some banging shows.

[A]

Slow Horses. Have you seen it? No, Joe, Slow Horses is. Is Gary Oldman's best work yet, in my opinion. Really? He is so fucking good, and it is such a great show.

[B]

Damn. Slow Horses on Netflix.

[A]

It's. What's. What's great about these shows.

[B]

No, on Apple.

[A]

Like the English or. Or Slow Horses or Black Doves. Is there's six episodes, but it's a six episode arc. So it's not just like episodic. Like we remember like, like old dramas being where the whole thing happened in the hour and then.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And then you never have to watch that cat. Brand new one. The whole thing happens in an hour. There are these episode arcs where it starts off telling a story and you pay out by the last episode. Much like Peaky Blinders. Right? Peaky Blinders, they were great standalone episodes. But that episode, it was so addictive. That's what the streamers have changed the way we're taking in content. Because you start, if you start Slow horses tonight, you'll watch all six and then you'll be like, honey, we're watching all of these tomorrow. Tomorrow.

[B]

Really?

[A]

It's so good.

[B]

Oh, Gary Oldman's awesome.

[A]

Gary Oldman.

[B]

He's the third best vampire movie is his Dracula.

[A]

Oh, his Dracula.

[B]

His Dracula was very good. It was very good.

[A]

But are you a Dracula guy?

[B]

Love Dracula.

[A]

Who you like more, Dracula or the werewolf?

[B]

Werewolves, Werewolves, they're the most fun. The most fun. Like just some poor dude. Yeah, he's like, the moon changes, like, and just waking up covered in blood. Like, what happened? Like, the idea of it is just so crazy. I always, just always loved werewolf movies.

[A]

What happened to Benicio Del Toro's?

[B]

That was a good one. It was good. It just petered out. There was some real great moments in it that we played it a bunch of times. But the one when they're in the theater, the medical theater, and he's trying to convince this guy that the guy's insane. He's like, I'm here to show you that he will not turn into a wolf. He thinks he will, you know, and so they have him strapped up. It's like, I'm going to kill you. All this body starts fucking. It's an amazing transformation information scene. But Rick Baker did that film. The same guy that did American Werewolf in London. Yeah, it's the. You know the werewolf that we have in the lobby. That's the greatest werewolf movie of all time. No question, because it's John Landis. It's actually funny. There's funny moments in it. It's really good. It's a good movie. They did a great job of only showing the wolf, like a little bit. So you're really scared when you actually see it. Like get you numb to the thing being there. So this is the theater scene. He starts changing. So this is like they did a combination of CGI and Makeup. So the thing about CGI is, like, right there, that's cgi. Cgi. You kind of know it's cgi. There's the Uncanny Valley effect, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so when he fully transformed arms in the scenes where he's attacking people, he's an actor. He's Benicio del Toro, but with all these prosthetics on. And it looks much more realistic, like, the way it moves, the way it behaves. Like, when he goes after these people, it seems. Well, go back up so you can see it rip the guy's heart out. Oh, he threw the dude through the window. His back up a little bit before that is when he tears the guy apart. Look at this. It seems to be locked.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

See? So when it's a dude in a costume with all the fur on it, the way it moves is just.

[A]

They can't quite fix that in cgi.

[B]

It's not quite there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It still gives you that thing where there's a suspension of disbelief. But when they use. You know, when they use makeup, like. Like they did in American Werewolf in London, and, like. Like the transformation scene. American were from London. Do you remember that one?

[A]

Yo. Yeah.

[B]

The guy's in the bedroom.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or in the living room, and he just starts fucking. His back pops up and he stretches out and starts getting.

[A]

Aren't they playing. Aren't they playing, like, CCR in that?

[B]

Yeah, I think it's Bad Moon Werewolf in London. No, I think it's Bad Moon on the rise. There's a bad moon on the rise.

[A]

God damn. I think I could use a new werewolf. You know what they were doing?

[B]

They're doing it. The guy who did Nosferatu is gonna do a werewolf movie now.

[A]

No shit. They were gonna do a series of all the horror movies. And it started with the Mummy with Tom Cruise. They had one set up for Johnny Depp.

[B]

But the Mummy with Tom Cruise is not the Mummy. The scary Mummy from, like, when we were kids.

[A]

Yeah. But they were all reimagined. Like, I took a meeting with that. Whatever that studio was, and there were. Because they always wanted a comedic actor in it. For the one that. In the Mummy, it was Jake. Jake guy's such a great actor, and I'm fucking flaking on his name. He was in New Girl Jake. Jake Johnson. Jake Johnson is funny as he is a great actor. And he was the comedic relief in the Mummy. And. And they were gonna do that with each of them. And so they had one set up for. For. For Johnny Depp. They had him set up for big stars. Everyone was getting their own.

[B]

Wasn't it? Brandon Fraser, originally, he was in the.

[A]

The original Mummy.

[B]

Original.

[A]

Original. Yeah. And then it was the Rock.

[B]

Oh, that's right. That's right.

[A]

And then it was Tom Cruise.

[B]

I love Brendan Fraser's revival. Amazing. Dude, isn't it great when a guy comes back and not just comes back, but comes back and kills it in a movie and then, like, has this, like, heartfelt speech where he's, like, tearing up and crying and, like, everybody loves him again? That must have felt awful for that guy. He was this giant movie star. He was in all these giant films. And then for whatever reason, he just kind of, like, faded away.

[A]

He got me to.

[B]

Is that what happened?

[A]

He. But by a dude. Dude tried to fucking touch him. And he stood up to the guy, was like, hey, man, you go fuck yourself. The guy's like, I'll ruin your career if I'm. Obviously, my memory is whatever the fuck it is. But yet he came out and he said, you know, I was. I was blackballed because I fucking called a dude out.

[B]

Let's find out if that's true.

[A]

Yeah, find out if that's true.

[B]

We might have to edit that out.

[A]

Allegedly.

[B]

Allegedly. Allegedly is a great word.

[A]

The. But it's. It's crazy. Those. I saw something with Mickey Rourke.

[B]

That's what he said.

[A]

Yeah, okay. Mickey Rourke said he hadn't worked for 13 years, and Mickey Rourke was the man Pope of Greenwich Village.

[B]

Oh, angel heart.

[A]

Angel heart. Shut the fuck up, dude. Didn't he do.

[B]

Was a beast.

[A]

Didn't he do the one with the ice cube on the stomach? The Blue Dream or Blue.

[B]

Right. With Kim Basinger, where he.

[A]

Like. And it was like, ultimate sex movie. And it's like they. What was it called?

[B]

Wild Orchid.

[A]

Wild Orchid. Orchid.

[B]

That would look crazy.

[A]

But he said he. I saw an interview with him, and he said he hadn't worked in 13 years. He was down on his money.

[B]

I saw that.

[A]

His motorcycles and his clothes. He dressed himself up one night and took himself out for a bowl of spaghetti. And it's all the money he had. Fucking Sylvester Stallone walked by and he's like, hey, man, where you been? He's like, just been out. And he was like, you want to work in a movie? He was like, yeah. And he goes, that one movie paid six months of my rent. And it was his comeback. Yeah, Mickey Rourke's always been a badass.

[B]

He was awesome.

[A]

I bought clothes because I saw what he was wearing on a Sunday he had on the coolest fucking outfit. And it's so silly, but he had, like, Adidas track pants. This had to be like 2001 Adidas track pants with white Adidas shoes and a wife beater. And he was putting cases of Heineken and the back of a Cadillac dts. And I was watching him from across the street, and I was like, I'm getting those pants. I'm getting those shoes. Puma shoes, Adidas pants and a fucking wife beater. And I. Dude, I dress like that, hoping someone be like, dude, that's a badass outfit. No one ever said it to me.

[B]

You know what's a great. I would have said it.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

You know what's a great movie that people have slept on, they forgot about with him? Chinatown.

[A]

Wait, is he in Chinatown now?

[B]

What was it called? It wasn't Chinatown was Jack Nicholson. But there was another. There was a Chinatown. God damn it. Year. The Dragon. You're the Dragon?

[A]

What's your. The Dragon.

[B]

That's what it was. That's what.

[A]

Which one's. You're the Dragon.

[B]

You're the Dragon? Is. He's a cop. He's like a dirty cop in this Chinese mob film. It's really good, man. It's really good. What year is this?

[A]

85.

[B]

85. So I was in high school, man. Wow. This is the year I graduated high school. It's a good movie, though, man. Real good movie. It might not hold up. Really hot Chinese lady falls in love with her. Oh, baby.

[A]

It's crazy when you see your heroes get older, you know, like Harrison Ford. To see him now and be like.

[B]

He'S great in that 1923 show, though. Have you been watching that?

[A]

Oh, is this Taylor's show?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, I haven't seen it.

[B]

He's great.

[A]

Oh, this is. I just saw.

[B]

Yeah, we were talking about that episode four last night. He's great. Great in that.

[A]

He's. He. He's the man. You know, they said the rumor is they c. They were going to cast Tom Selleck as Han Solo. Did you hear this?

[B]

Yeah. And he was a carpenter.

[A]

He was. Mark Hamill told me the story.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he was. Yeah, yeah. He said they were having. They were having Harrison read with everyone. So. Because he was like, you know, great actor, but he was also a carpenter. And they're like, you just read sides with people as they audition. So we read with Carrie, read with Mark, with everyone. They were going to cast Tom Selling, and at the last minute, they said, you know, I don't Know, man, something about Tom Selleck isn't dangerous. There's something dangerous about Harrison Ford. And there is really working dude. He's struggling.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And he's. I mean, I just watched all three Raiders of the Lost Ark the other night and he is fucking funny. He's cool.

[B]

Do you know that scene where the guy pulls out the sword, starts swinging around? He just shoots him.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, he improvised that.

[A]

That's fucking amazing.

[B]

Amazing scene. He improvised it.

[A]

I remember watching it in the movie theater and going, yeah, perfect.

[B]

That's what you hope always happens the fuck out of here with that sword. Boom.

[A]

And he was a. He was a hero with a tragic flaw. And that was snakes. That was his weakness. That was his Achilles heel.

[B]

Also he was a professor. That was like secretly dangerous. Secretly real archaeology. He had a whip. Here it is. There's a scene they were supposed to have this whole choreographed thing with a sword and the whip.

[A]

How many franchises is he? The actor that's had the most franchises behind him?

[B]

No, it's got to be Tom Cruise, right?

[A]

Oh, yeah, Tom Cruise.

[B]

Top. Well, he wasn't in the new Top Gun, was he?

[A]

Yeah, he was.

[B]

I didn't watch it.

[A]

You didn't watch it?

[B]

Oh, I did watch a little.

[A]

Oh, it's so good.

[B]

I turned it off. I cried a lot.

[A]

The end.

[B]

I turned it off after a while. What's that?

[A]

Sorry, I jumped a gun.

[B]

But Harrison Ford is correct. Oh, he is the most. So he's got Star Wars.

[A]

He's got Raiders of Lost. Raiders, the Lost Ark, Jack ryan.

[B]

He's got 20 of them. Oh, Jack.

[A]

He's got 20 of them. Wait, wait.

[B]

Says franchise roles. I don't know if it's like, you know, oh, like a small role or if it's 20 different franchises. Oh, okay. Little starring in franchises. You got the two big ones. Raiders of Lost Ark, huge. Star wars, the huge of all time.

[A]

Can you imagine doing. Can you imagine doing Star wars and then doing Raiders of the Lost Ark and be. And you'd be just being like, I guess I don't fuck up. I guess I just hit dingers. Well, I mean, can you imagine?

[B]

He obviously is very fortunate to get cast in those, but also he killed it, right?

[A]

It's like apparently one of the coolest dudes to party with.

[B]

The scene with him and fucking. The love tension between him and Carrie Fisher was amazing.

[A]

Okay, can I ask you something? As a first grade Bert to a fourth grade Joe Rogan, did you know that Darth Vader was his dad in the first episode.

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay. I didn't either. My cousins were like, how did you not know that? I mean.

[B]

Oh, your cousins are douchebags. Yeah, they didn't know either. God, they're bullshitting. They found out and they were like, how did you not know they were those guys, you know, those guys who just read something and then barks it at you. Like, how the fuck do you not know this, man? You don't know the Federal Reserves? You don't know about the ice wall?

[A]

I think they had a game show called. You'd be shocked. What? Bert doesn't know People make a lot of money.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I don't know anything.

[B]

Yeah, I know that doesn't help.

[A]

You know the most interesting at a dinner party to talk about, like, I don't know any of that.

[B]

Well, I definitely can do that. I can talk on the surface level about a lot of stuff.

[A]

Do you like when a person like Taylor, you were kind of between three conversations because you were talking to your wife, you were talking to David, but me and Leanne were dead set talking to Taylor. And I love when a dude holds court.

[B]

Like, that was a great table.

[A]

The way he sat where he's like, let me tell you about. I remember Leanne was like, I had 400 head of cattle as a kid. And he goes, Yeah, I got 14,000. And I was like, leanne, shut your mouth. Let him talk. He did fucking Yellowstone. Let him talk. Don't stop. Don't ever interrupt him.

[B]

He's a storyteller. He's a great storytel. And he's a guy, you know, There's a ranch that I hunt at in California, and he was a cowboy on that ranch. Yeah, at one point in time, an actual cowboy, he actually worked and helped to move cattle around.

[A]

Oh, and you know me, like, you know, if. Sometimes if you tell a story, I get a similar story. I'll tell you my story after. Yeah, buddy.

[B]

There's none of those in that guy.

[A]

You can't. You can't top any of his stories.

[B]

But that's why his stories are so good. It's like lived experience. Very lived experience and a real understanding. That's like. His love for the cowboy culture is like completely legitimate.

[A]

It's why Yellowstone is so good.

[B]

Yes, you can't. You can. I mean, you can fake it. People have faked it before. But when someone does it that really loves it, that's when it gets people excited and they move to Montana, they decide they will. I want to live that life. It's like Avatar depression. I want to be on Pandora. Like, people, you know, you get sucked in by someone who's done an amazing job of telling a film or a story in a show show. And that's what entertainment is really all about for me. I'm not looking for any lessons about equity and inclusion, diversity. I'm already, I already think that way. I already think that all human beings are the same. We're all just one thing, experiencing each other subjectively. As Bill Hick said, I, I believe that. So I don't need that lesson. That lesson just makes me feel like you're preaching to me and that shit's annoying. I don't like, like it. It's Bo. I get. I already know these things. Stop. Well, we're doing it for other people. It doesn't work. It doesn't work. It just makes people more self righteous and they want to talk about it all the time.

[A]

I have a weird question. Do you think because, like, I feel like I'm on Instagram a lot, like I might be switching to a flip float, right? But I'm not watching anything.

[B]

Right after you quit drinking, right?

[A]

No, my wife already bought the flip phone. She was like, dude, I don't. Daughters put parental controls on my Instagram.

[B]

Yeah, it's a little.

[A]

I got it. Don't worry, I can get through them. But would you think that, like, I notice it seems like a lot of people now are almost living for Instagram. Like, like, hey, this is me and my three friends and we're sailing around the world. And then. Do you think people were doing that before Instagram?

[B]

No, No, I think definitely people are doing things so that they can show that they're doing things. But if you're actually doing things, like, it's a balancing thing. Like if you're experiencing more stuff because you're documenting it for your YouTube channel, you're still experiencing more stuff. I mean, you are kind of. You're putting it all out there. But if you're still experiencing more stuff, like, that's probably net positive. The problem is when you find yourself hanging out with your friends, but all you're doing is staring at your phone, you know, and it's a real, it's a real trap that we all get sucked into. Especially if you got a good algorithm, you know, it's filled with stuff that pisses you off or freaks you out, which is mine.

[A]

Oh, I don't watch any. My shit. My shit's all people doing epic shit. And let's go. Yeah, like, like I followed these Two dudes climb Everest. I followed them on Instagram. Climb fucking Everest. And I was like, I gotta. I want to climb Mount Kilimanjaro. No, no, no. Kilimanjaro is achievable. But I go, I want to do epic shit. Like, I got to a place place when I was. I started taking time off in July, and I was like, yo, I need. I want a month. I want to sail to Hawaii. I want to see what it's like to be afraid, you know, in the middle of the ocean.

[B]

Pull up. How many people die in Mount Kilimanjaro?

[A]

Oh, nobody. Mount Kilimanjaro is easy. Yeah, it's a light lift. It's a light lift.

[B]

People have died.

[A]

Mount Kilimanjaro is easy.

[B]

I guarantee you.

[A]

No, it's like a. It's a long haul hike.

[B]

I bet people have died.

[A]

Okay. I Bet it's under 10.

[B]

Many 10 a year? Three to 10 a year.

[A]

Oh, yeah. But watch how many people die going to Everest.

[B]

Yeah, that's not good. Well, if you play rush roulette with five bullets, you get shot more. I only play with one.

[A]

How? Ask him. No, hold on.

[B]

That's the stupid thing to say. You know how many people definitely don't die on Mount Kilimanjaro that don't go to Mount Kilimanjaro? 100% of percent of all. 100% of the people that don't go up that stupid mountain. Just get a fucking Oculus and watch that shit. Just watch it. Watch it in your head. You can get videos of it. 340 people have died attempting to reach or return. What happened? Oh, Mount Everest. Since records began, many bodies remain. Have you ever seen the bodies scattered? Like the map of the bodies where they show where the known dead bodies on Mount Everest are. It's terrifying.

[A]

Do you want to know the craziest one?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

So the first dude dude to ever attempt the summit, I think his name was Mallory, right? Evan. Hillary is the one who got it. So he. They said they found his body, you know, probably like five years after. Ten years after. And they said he had a broken leg, a fractured skull, and his pick. And that's how they could figure out it was him because his initials were in his pick and they said he always carried a picture of his wife because he was going to put the picture of his wife on the top of Mount Everest, and it wasn't in his pocket. Pocket. So they're like, did he. Was he, in fact the first person to get there?

[B]

Oh, Probably.

[A]

And then he left it there and then died on the coming down.

[B]

Probably.

[A]

The other thing that I think is wild is Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay made a deal that they would reach the summit at the same time. Because it was like, you know, who, who gets to the summit first? And it's, it's a. I mean, when you think about it, you know, especially with racism back then, Edmund Hillary was a Kiwi. You know, he must have been like, hey, brown guy, just carry the bags. I'm gonna, I'm gonna get up there and you come up, get a picture of me, and then we'll do it one together and then we'll head down. But they made a deal to go up together because they needed him that much.

[B]

Well, you definitely need those Sherpas can go all the way up there with no oxygen.

[A]

Those Sherpas will get locked on a ledge with a bunch of white people. The white people have to have helicopters come out and get them. A helicopter, I think, can only get to like 2300ft. 23,000ft is like the safe zone. They'll come and get the white people out. And then the shepherds are like, oh, we're gonna walk down. We're good. Yeah, they'll hang out for like seven days up there. And then I just heard a documentary about it or a podcast. But those guys can. Are so good at it also.

[B]

They're so adapted to that climate, they live up there that the, the adaption is a big part of it. Right. Because it takes a long time to be able to adapt to that low of an altitude. Altitude, or high of an altitude, rather. Look what they're carrying that on his back. That is crazy, bro. I walk around with a 45 pound plate and I complain. That's so much. That guy must have legs of steel. How bad is his?

[A]

I bet they all smoke.

[B]

I bet they smoke like a chimney.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do they smoke? Do Sherpa smoke?

[A]

I just saw a documentary on Netflix about the earthquake in.

[B]

Look at him smoking.

[A]

Eric Shipton.

[B]

Look at that guy. That's one of them early explorer type fellas. Click on that dude with the pipe. Yeah. Look at that guy. Back in the day, man, no Internet. These guys had heard about it. They heard about it. You know, we're going to go. Probably saw a photo that one person took, you know, I mean, back then people had photos.

[A]

The, the guy who figured out the height in like what, 30 and turn of the century was a Indian guy or, you know, Nepalese. He figured out the Height. And he was within 30ft of being correct. Just from distance and doing math, he was in 30ft after satellite images came in.

[B]

Look at this. Everest pioneers packed 15,000 cigarettes.

[A]

Holy.

[B]

Despite low oxygen, I bet they thought.

[A]

It was good for their low lungs.

[B]

Well, people used to think that it was like an exercise for your lungs.

[A]

They did that with Teddy Roosevelt. Teddy Roosevelt's dad. Teddy Roosevelt had asthma.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

And his dad would make him smoke cigars with him in his lounge. He's like, it'll strengthen your lungs. Yeah.

[B]

I saw something like that where a doctor. And it was like an old timey movie. God, who was it? Who was it? I think it was Leonardo DiCaprio. Like, who did Leonardo DiCaprio play in a movie? He played some famous wealthy guy.

[A]

Howard Hughes.

[B]

That's right. And I think it was when Howard Hughes was young, he had bad lungs, and the doctor was prescribing cigarettes to him. God, I hope I'm not remembering this wrong. I may be, but I know that they used to. Some doctors would recommend cigarettes to certain people that have certain lung issues.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Which is so crazy.

[A]

I would see.

[B]

They were so bad. Oh, how bad was going to the doctor back then?

[A]

Oh, they were just guessing.

[B]

I mean, not just guessing, but guessing so wrong.

[A]

I asked my dad about the polio vaccine, and I go, did they have to run it by your parents? He goes, parents? They just took us into the gym and stuck everyone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, they just were like, yo, we think this works.

[B]

What was the. There's a controversy yesterday when there was some sort of a hearing on whether or not they should ban sugar and candy from school lunches or whether they should discourage sugar and candy. And it was something like, the American Heart association voted to not restrict the diets of kids. And everybody was like, what? What's going on? Like, let me get this right, because I. I was supposed to save this. And I was on the phone and I didn't see if you could find it, Jamie. But it was a conversation that was happening yesterday. Yesterday. And it was being shared on the Internet where people are freaking out, like.

[A]

And you're talking about school lunches.

[B]

Not like your parents remember correctly, unfortunately.

[A]

So there were restrictions. I don't know if I'm not mistaken, there were restrictions on what we could give our kids to school.

[B]

Really?

[A]

You couldn't just give them everything.

[B]

You couldn't just give them candy.

[A]

Couldn't give them candy.

[B]

Yeah, here it is. Trump officials want to ban junk food from snap, but past efforts show it's not easy. No, that's not it. That's the only thing coming up. It has to do with this, but I don't know what's. I'm trying to figure out. There was a video. God. I want to say it was a Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program. Yeah, that. That's. I think that's the push. But there was resistance to it that I thought was crazy. God damn it. I know. I see. Is that it? It's the same thing. Okay. This is it. American Heart association opposes SNAP sugary food drink regulations. That's what it is. American Heart association opposes a Texas bill that would restrict using SNAP benefits to purchase sugary drinks and processed snacks. Critics question of corporate funding influences the American Health association's policies. The AHA's opposition has sparked criticism over its history of receiving funding from major food companies like PepsiCo and Coca Cola, raising concerns about conflicts of interest. An AHA spokesperson said their position on the Texas legislation was miscommunicated. They say the organization has long favored the USDA using its authority to increase the consumption of healthy foods and decrease consumption of sugary drinks. So they changed their opinion probably based on controversy. Hmm. Okay. I often say, look at this. During the hearing, lawmakers and public health advocates voiced their opinions. State Senators Lois Kolkhorst expressed shock over AHA's opposition during the hearing. I often say that I can never be surprised in this building, but for the American Heart association to be against this bill, that might be the surprise of the session so far. That sounds weird that they would. They would. I mean, it doesn't even make sense. That's obviously not good for you.

[A]

No.

[B]

Like, why would they encourage the that or change it? Like, what will be their. I forget what their argument.

[A]

Is it like a classist argument? I don't know, because that seems like a classist thing. When you go to Whole Foods, it's different than going to Ralph's or Vons.

[B]

This is what it says. Puente testified the AHA was concerned about the bill's potential impact on SNAP participation. He also emphasized the importance of educating the public about healthy eating instead of restricting purchases. See, but that seems weird. Like, what better way to encourage healthy eating than say. Say you're not going to starve. You can get food. Yeah, but you can't buy. You can go buy.

[A]

But where does hamburgers line draw the line? I'm just thinking, like, the other day I was in. I was in traffic and I thought, I can't believe they. They still let people ride motorcycles because people die all the time and they drive and they cut.

[B]

They die in cars too though.

[A]

Yeah, but. But in motorcycles. Like I'm getting one and my wife's.

[B]

Like that's how you get.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[B]

Why are you doing that?

[A]

Because Harley Reeves stout.

[B]

Oh don't.

[A]

And they were like come on buddy.

[B]

California dude.

[A]

Just for late night drive out here. Late night.

[B]

Late nights when the crackheads are.

[A]

I'll tell you what. I'll leave it here if I can leave your studio. Yeah. And then this will be my Austin bike.

[B]

I'm coming up another bike. I'm coming Austin bike and a. This yeah. You park.

[A]

I'm coming out to Austin for like two. Two weeks in June.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

Get ready for my tour.

[B]

Your kids have left the nest. My dude to bail. My brother buddy.

[A]

I'm living with one person every day, all day day Wild. I know we do everything together.

[B]

Come here. You don't need to be in that state the. There's no need for that anymore.

[A]

The mothership is just such a great.

[B]

Sell your house.

[A]

Such a great place to do stand up. It's such a great vibe right there.

[B]

Great place to hang.

[A]

No dude.

[B]

Fun.

[A]

I went over there after our party on by Southwest south by and just got lit. Tony Shane.

[B]

It's a fun place, man.

[A]

Called it. Called it early. But I told Leanna said I'm gonna do like a week in Oxnard do. I was gonna do a little run on my tour bus. I said I think I'm gonna take my tour bus to Austin. Just stay here for like a week. Two weeks.

[B]

It's a good place to around do new stuff too. Especially in the little room. That little room is just.

[A]

I can't tell you how valuable it is to have phones in yonder pouches.

[B]

Comedy Store is doing that now. Yeah, Peter Shore told me.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. I was so excited. That is amazing. Really?

[A]

I don't know. I don't think so.

[B]

He was. It was too weeks ago.

[A]

Maybe it was longer. I don't know. Last time I was there I said some wild.

[B]

Oh no. When you get out.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

You can't practice.

[A]

You can't.

[B]

You gotta be able to practice. And it's part of practicing.

[A]

The snitches that want you to say it's almost like it's the cunts that you.

[B]

They can't help it because you can get so many likes. Yeah.

[A]

And I'm like, you want this comedy, right?

[B]

But if. If you put something. If you say something wild on stage and it's funny and they Laugh, laugh. You could take that and put it on your Instagram and you'll get 2 million views, and that's just too tempting for people. We bust people with those meta glasses. Yeah. They try to come in with their Ray Bans on and film things. Those meta glasses are amazing. My friend Jimmy, who works for the ufc, had him on the other day upon arrival at the venue, all phones secured in yonder bags.

[A]

Is this the store?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Comedy Store, December 10th.

[B]

Yep. 2024. Oh, wow, nice. So you just forgot, or maybe it was a comic who had his phone out. Some comic threw you down the river. That happens. There's a lot of cunty comics.

[A]

Especially there's a lot of country comics. I'm starting to think that's all they got. No, buddy, do you ever. You ever. Hey, Joe. Did you ever. You ever. This is what makes me crazy.

[B]

What makes you crazy? Bert Kreisler.

[A]

Do you ever be friends with someone and then all of a sudden real realize you've been competing the whole time, but you didn't know you were in a competition?

[B]

Yeah. That's unfortunate. That's unfortunate. Inspired by is a better way to look at life. Competing is just not.

[A]

I've never once competed with another comic. I've been inspired by so many fucking comics.

[B]

That's good. You have a healthy mindset. But I think our whole group has a healthy mindset.

[A]

I think so.

[B]

Yeah. We don't have any cunts. We don't have any jealous, bitter cunts in the group of people that we're hanging with.

[A]

I mean, that's so important. I hung with Chappelle one night, and he's called. I was in Dayton. He was like, yeah, why don't you come out? We'll party. And I was like, cool. And then we went out and party night. You know, I kind of forget what a fan I am of his, of, like, how just how great he is. I mean, his kicker in the pussy joke might be one of my favorite jokes ever that's ever been written. It's so dope.

[B]

He's a great comic, but he's a great human.

[A]

He's a great human.

[B]

He's a fun hang. Like, he's a genuine sweetheart of a guy.

[A]

I was with him right before I shot the special, and I said to him, and we're lit, right? And I go, yo, Dave, I don't want to. I go, I don't want to talk shop. I just want to hang. But I got to say, you're the greatest to ever do it. I'M getting ready to shoot my special. I just would love a little bit of your insight of what you think, like, how you prepare for one. Chappelle lights a cigarette and he's like, all right, how many shows? I said six. He goes, perfect. He goes. And then he breaks down. I'm not going to do it because it's Dave's secret. It's Dave's thing. He shared on. I don't want to. But he broke down how he does a special to me. Me and him sitting in a fucking. In a barn in the middle of a field in three in the morning with IVs in our arms. And I was like. I was like, dude, I gave him a hug. I was like, he's just saying he's the fucking greatest. Him and Cat Williams, two of the baddest and the sweetest guys. But I was like, that. That energy, like, I have no, I want. I want Chappelle's Special to be fucking amazing when it comes to. Out. Like, everyone's telling me how great Schultz's special is. I can't wait to watch it.

[B]

Yeah, you have a good attitude. That's a good attitude. That's how you're supposed to think.

[A]

That's how I. That's. That's how I think. But it's not. It's.

[B]

The other way is not good for you. Let me see that thing about it is, the other way is. But you want another one. I want a new one.

[A]

Yeah, I'll take a new one.

[B]

The other way is bad for you as a human.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's not healthy to think that way. It doesn't do you any good. It only serves you to get up. It's. It only serves your. Your ego and your. You get the clippers in the back. There you go.

[A]

Ego, man.

[B]

It's just not good for you. It doesn't help you. It only hurts you. It doesn't hurt the person that you're jealous of and it hurts you. It's just. It's not necessary. You could. You could just be inspired and you could say, oh, this mutt can make it. You can say that. I can do it too. But don't be jealous. If you don't like someone and they're becoming very successful, well, maybe think why you react so strongly, because a lot of times it's unfortunately jealousy. Like, there's comics that I don't think they're very good. They don't make me laugh, but I don't care. I don't get mad at them, you know, What I'm saying. Yeah, I don't get upset at them. They. I mean, I'll be friends with them. I'll be. I'll like them. I'll. You know, there's comics that I. And I had to learn how to do that because it used to be, like, if guys weren't funny, I just couldn't deal. Deal with them, couldn't hang out with them. I'm friends with a few people that suck, but they're nice people, you know, you could separate that. But I'm also friends with some people that are mind blowing, you know, and there's such a value in that, you know, when you're around people that are, like, really good at what they do when you're around Dave. And Schultz is my favorite for going to a place and then talking about the place in such a brilliant way.

[A]

I think Schultz is brilliant.

[B]

He's so good, dude.

[A]

The whole. With Kendrick Lamar, I. I was getting in the shower, reading it, texting him. I'm sitting outside the shower, texting him my favorite lines. The only thing he has to do is decide if it's consensual.

[B]

That was crazy.

[A]

I. But I. But I get inspired by, like, that.

[B]

He's a funny dude, man. And the thing he did. Do you ever see the thing he did about Hawaii?

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh, my God. It's so funny. He's in Hawaii. He goes. He starts to set up. He goes, I've never seen chickens more confident. He has this whole bit about chickens in Hawaii, like, just wandered. It's just. It's such a funny bit. It's so. If you've been to Hawaii, you know, there's chickens all over the place. It's kind of crazy.

[A]

Do you know who else does that? Tommy.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Tommy shits on a place so aggressively, and they love it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, he did Dublin one year, like, same way we both did it. And he goes, is it fun? I said, I had the best time of my life. He goes up and it's the day the king gets coronated. And he goes out. First words. He's like, fuck your king. And the place starts going, ole, ole, ole, ole. Tommy didn't know if they're gonna stop singing. We did a show in Hawaii, and he goes at Pearl harbor, and they're like, all right. Tommy opens the show, he goes. They're like, first rule, don't make fun of the lions. Second rule, do not bring up Pearl Harbor. First and second joke. First joke, man. They say, island life slow. I didn't know they Were talking about your metabolism, man. You guys are fat as. I was taking a walk. I don't want to be as fat as you guys. I got lost on the base. Lucky. There are a couple Japanese guys that are pretty familiar with how this base operates. Me and Russell Peters are crying, laughing, the admiral's losing his mind. God damn it. What did I tell him?

[B]

That's hilarious. And they think they could tell you.

[A]

What not to talk about. I have an offer to do. Dubai.

[B]

Don't. You're gonna up. You're gonna say something stupid.

[A]

That's what.

[B]

And they're gonna put you in jail.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Yeah, they arrest people over there. I know you can't play games. Dubai. Did you see that one lady who went crazy at the airport?

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah, she got a little. Little rowdy at the airport, started yelling at people, and they're like, that's a wrap. You're going to jail, dude. They don't around over there, man. I have a friend who moves. Moved there, my friend Will, and he's a documentary filmmaker. And he said, like, it's so safe over here. He goes, that's what I love about it. He goes, when I was in America, I was like, you go out at night, you're at a club, you're always worried someone's gonna pull a gun out, something's gonna happen. He goes, there, there's nothing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No crime.

[A]

But there's our. It's like Singapore. There's crazy rules, right? But if you don't know all the.

[B]

Rules, it's a real good question. Would you rather have a little bit of danger and very little rules, or would you rather have no danger and a lot of rules?

[A]

Rules. I want a little danger, a little rule.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't want to live in a place where they restrict what you could say and what you do.

[A]

It's not even that. They said to me in the contract we signed up to do, I do a tour start in October. Permission to Party. Permission to Party is the name of the tour. Permission to Party. And they go, what about Dubai? I go, I don't think they're gonna give me permission. I think they're gonna die. The first thing was you have to wear a shirt on stage. And I was like, yeah, that's a wrap. I go, hey, man, that's crazy. It's kind of my thing. Like, yeah, I'm comfortable. Comfortable shirtless. That's how I. That's how I perform.

[B]

That's so crazy. I can't wear no shirt. Okay, You Guys have crazy rules. Those rules don't make sense.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, what about Cirque du Soleil? They have to have. They wear shirts. They do.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

They do. I'm making that up. Like, what about mma? How come they have MMA over there?

[A]

How can they have mma?

[B]

That's what I'm saying. Are they performing with no shirts on?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're gonna make guys wear wetsuits or what are you gonna. What are you.

[A]

What are they gonna wear now, by the way, that's the same argument I said as. I got kicked out of a Buffalo Wild Wings with my shirt off. And they're like, put your shirt on. I go, the guys on MMA aren't wearing shirts.

[B]

Yeah, that's different.

[A]

A little different.

[B]

That's different. They're doing it a sport. But the point is, like, if you're performing, that's part of your performance. It's like, you know how there's rules in la? Like, if you performed on stage, you're allowed to smoke cigarettes. It's a part of your performance. So, like, Chappelle was always light up, even after the rules, and everybody's like, hey, how come he can smoke? Because it was like in the 90s that they passed the laws where you're not allowed to smoke in comedy clubs anymore. Do you remember that?

[A]

Yeah, it was. If it was part of your act, you smoke. That's how Ron White smoked cigars on stage. Right.

[B]

But it was a. There was a law before that you were allowed to smoke in bars.

[A]

I remember doing Stand up when you could smoke at the Boston Comedy Club. And. Buddy, do you remember. Do you remember the last stop in Houston?

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[A]

That place. There were so many cigarettes. You would come out with a cough. Yeah.

[B]

It was the. The air was filled with smoke.

[A]

Your jeans would smell.

[B]

Oh, yeah. You always smelled. I always, always come home from a club back in the. The 90s, and I'd smell my clothes. They all always smell like cigarettes. But you got used to, like, the smoky room. It was like. Part of the thing about a comedy club is, like, when people smoke cigarettes, they're doing something really stupid.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean? And, like, doing something really stupid. Say it. There's so much it in a cigarette and there's it in a drink, and there's in this guy talking on stage. Ah. He sucked his own dick. It, like, led to the atmosphere. It's like, I loved it in pool halls, too. I love. I love being around the smokers, even if I didn't Want to have anything to do with it.

[A]

Do you remember the comics that would smoke on stage and then they go and do the Tonight show and they didn't know what to do with their right hand.

[B]

Oh, yeah, there was that. Right. Well, back in the Tonight show, the early days, I was watching the other day, I was watching Jackie Gleason on the Tonight show and it was the only time I think he was ever on the Tonight show. Which is kind of crazy, but they were just. He sat there, immediately lights a cigarette. By the way, he was dead two years later. Yeah, he died of cancer in 87. Google that.

[A]

Johnny Carson had a little cigarette box.

[B]

Yeah. So this is.

[A]

Those are his cigarettes right there. Cigarette box.

[B]

Immediately when he sits down.

[A]

Well, Carson, how great does that feel? Feel?

[B]

Carson also died of cancer.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Look at that, just sitting there. How sweet it is.

[A]

Sweet it is.

[B]

That's what he said right there.

[A]

He did.

[B]

Makes him say it.

[A]

He did Smokey and the Bandit and they offered him points on the movie and he said, I'll take cash. Whoops. I know.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

I saw the sexiest thing in Palm Springs the other day. White cat.

[B]

Is that lady playing golf?

[A]

No, white, white Cadillac. 75 year old woman, hair done, little coif, windows up. White big Cadillac. She puts a 100 cigarette windows up and lights it in her car. Just windows up. And I went old school. Wow. I don't you moments. Last time you saw someone smoke a cigarette in the car.

[B]

I bet that lady's never been vaccinated. She's never gonna get cancer.

[A]

She's never dying. She's never died.

[B]

She's got them old school pioneer jeans.

[A]

Do you ever hear the story about Johnny Carson almost got killed by the guy in the mob?

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah. What was that about?

[A]

He. It was a.

[B]

It was like a mob joke or something.

[A]

No, he. Frank Sinatra had to negotiate. Yeah. His safety.

[B]

What was it about?

[A]

Johnny Carson was at a bar, drunk, and the mobster's girl was there. And the mobster was in the back and Johnny Carson hit on the mobster's girl and like smacked her ass or lifted her skirt up. Oh, no. And they were like, we're gonna kill him. And they went out and he hit. And then he went out and they're like, no, we have a hit on him. He's gonna die. And Frank Sinatra had to negotiate it. Whoa. Someone just told. You know who told it to me? God damn it. Oh, Shannon. Bitch, not Fletcher. Comedy store comic. White hair, did the Tonight Show 120 times. You know him? Argus Argus, I think it was Argus told me that story.

[B]

That makes sense. Yeah, Argus old school.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Argus is a funny dude. Dude, man.

[A]

August is great, man.

[B]

Like, very underrated. Unidentified Wise guy and his goons picked Carson up off his bar stool and threw him down a flight of stairs before famed saloon saloon owner Jilly Rizzo, whose regulars included Sinatra, Dean Martin and Judy Garland, interceded and prevented a more serious beatdown. But the mob BIG wasn't satisfied and put out a contract to have Carson whacked. Terrified, Carson wisely holed up in his UN plot, Plaza palace for three days, mixed, missing three shows. According to the book, the vengeful mobsters only backed off after one of Carson's contacts at the William Morris Agency cut a crime. Cut a deal with crime boss Joseph Colombo. Holy. What?

[A]

Oh, the American Civil Rights League. Oh, yeah.

[B]

The mob boss had recently formed the Italian American Civil Rights League to persuade America that a group, the people of Italian descent were being unfairly stereotyped as Mafiosi. That's hilarious. The group is planning for a big rally and Colombo is deeply, deeply disappointed. Disappointed that so far all the networks have refused to cover the rally. Soon an ACCommodation was reached. NBC News covered the rally, and Johnny could leave the apartment. Wow. As for Colombo, he was gunned down in 1971 at the second annual Italian Unity Day rally in Columbus Circle. He was left almost totally paralyzed and died in 1978. Holy. That was the last of the rally rallies. So they, they, so he developed. I know there's a way around this. No one's paying attention to Italian American Civil Liberties rally.

[A]

They're making us look like thugs. Like we're gonna shoot each other in a rally, bro. God damn.

[B]

Those are scary days, man. Those are scary. Scary day. But that was always a story about the store because the store used to be Ciro's nightclub. So Bugsy Siegel owned Ciro. Did you know that?

[A]

I knew that. I didn't know that Bugsy Siegel owned it.

[B]

Yes, it was. Bugsy Siegel owns Ciro's nightclub. And that place was scary. Apparently, that's why all those people see ghosts in that spot.

[A]

Bad happened there.

[B]

100. 100. You got a mob owned nightclub. People are getting shot. I mean, people got shot at the Comedy Store. When we were there, we. A guy got murdered on the front.

[A]

Patio during like mo better Mondays or something.

[B]

Rose was there when it happened. Rose saw the guy die.

[A]

Oh, that's, that's.

[B]

That place has always attracted crazy people. That place is always. I, I think there's an Energy to that place. Probably because of the gang history that just made it, like, extra wild and dangerous. Just always felt like anything can happen in that place. Place. I think there's, like baked in memories. Like, there's photos of, like, Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis on stage there. That place was like, that was the spot. Like, that was the spot in la. And the mob would all be there and they'd do deals and whack people and take people down the basement and kill them.

[A]

That's out of all the scariness in movies. The scariest part of any movie is one of those mob movies where they say to the guy, hey, Johnny wants to talk to you tonight. And the guy's like, tell Johnny I'll call him tomorrow. He's like, no, he said to get in the car now. And the guy goes, well, I'll take my car. He goes, no, no, you're going to get in the car with us. And you know that guy's going to die.

[B]

And he's going to die.

[A]

Looks at his friend, takes off his ring.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Gives it to him. And I, I don't know, I'm such a. That if in those moments, I'd be like, no, I don't want to go and just start running. Or like when you see in the war movies, like, when you, when you see, like in, what was the one night, 1917, when they tell those two kids they gotta run and go tell the front line what to do. Oh, yeah, is that 1917?

[B]

I don't know if it's not. It's all part of the Western Front.

[A]

Like, my grandfather stormed the beaches of Normandy. Really? Yeah. And did you ever talk to him about it? No. He died way before I was born. He, he was one of those ptsd, Levittown guys, moved to Levittown. And my dad said he just would sit in the garage, drink beers and listen to Met G games and just wash his car. My dad said he never heard his dad ever mention the war. And if the boar was brought up, his dad would walk out of the room.

[B]

Oh, jeez.

[A]

But he's stormed the beaches in Normandy. And I, I, I don't know. I don't know if I have the thing in me to get off the boat. I think I'm a, I think I'd be like, I'd lock down. I'd be like, I'm not getting off. Like, when you look at, like, guys like Jon and how to get off.

[B]

That boat, boat buddy, I don't think you got a choice. And I think when Your friends are running off that boat. You run off that boat, too. And guys are getting gunned down. You just hope it's not you. And you're probably just in your pants.

[A]

My pants. And.

[B]

And that. That one day, like, how many thousands of people died? Thousands and thousands of people died. Just bullets and guns going off everywhere. Like, that's that movie, the Semi Private Ryan. Yeah. Spielberg nailed that movie.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That opening scene was so horrific that you'd never seen a scene like that in a war movie that accurately depicts people getting torn apart right in front of you.

[A]

Oh, my dad found his dad's diary from the war.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And he photocopied it and sent me the photocopy. My dad has the diary. Oh. And it's funny because. Because, you know, my memory is, like, jaded to how I find things interesting. So sometimes it's not 100% accurate, but if in there, there was a memory of, like, they took one of these, like, Q boats, I think, or K boats across the fucking Atlantic over to England. Barely got. Had time to get off the boat. Stayed in England for a second. I think they. I want to say they stayed on the boat the whole time and then took that same boat over to. They probably took different boats, but took a boat over to Normandy. And my dad. Dad's. My grandfather's entry is something to the effect of, we're going to this. We're storming this beach today. Like, they didn't. I don't think he knew the, like, what the. The levity or the seriousness of what was happening. I think they were like. Like, he just very casually mentioned it.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

And the only other thing I remember out of reading that diary was that he would. He would get water in his helmet to. So cold. He'd get water in his helmet to shave. And by the time he went to shave, he had to break the. It would freeze over with ice, and he had to break it with his razor. But to think that the. I mean, just the amount of trauma that those guys went through and no one really cared about it. They were like, just have a. Have a fucking shot of scotch.

[B]

And that was the second time the world had gone to war. The world had gone to war just a couple of decades earlier.

[A]

Dude, can I tell you what fucking makes me, like, makes me stop for a second? Second. When we were in Serbia, they have statues of Gabriel Prip everywhere. He's the guy that shot France. Franz Ferdinand, the Archduke. Oh, yeah. They have statues of him everywhere. He's a national hero in Serbia. Because he technically created Yugoslavia. I mean, people have. They wear shirts of Gabrielle Pritzp. Wow. They have wallets. So this guy, movie producer, World War I. He started. He changed the world. World forever. That one man is responsible for millions of deaths and. And. And so much suffering. That one man.

[B]

Crazy. And they have statues of this dude.

[A]

Statues everywhere. Dude. Like some guy. I got obsessed with it because I was like, I can't believe you guys. Like, we call it. We consider that a terrorist in our country.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And this one guy gave me a.

[B]

That's so crazy.

[A]

They gave me a.

[B]

Look at that writing. How cool is their writing? Go back to that. Look at the writing in the bottom. Look how cool that is.

[A]

Principle.

[B]

Can you read that?

[A]

Yeah, it's really. I think it's. It's Russian. It's acrylic or whatever it is. Cyrillic.

[B]

You can read that?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

For real? You can read Russian?

[A]

Yeah. I never told you the time I went to Russia.

[B]

You did, But I didn't know you could. I didn't know you learned how to read it. I thought it was really hard.

[A]

I just met this dj, very big dj, DJ Zed. He's. If I played you any of his songs, you've heard every one of them, right?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And we met him at. I was with Santino. We were a tennis tournament. And I said, wait, where's your accent from? And he goes, oh, I'm Russian. I said. And he goes. I was like. And we started talking in Russian back and forth.

[B]

How long did it take you to learn that?

[A]

As long as I was there. I got pretty good towards the end.

[B]

How long were you there for?

[A]

Like, a month and a half, three months.

[B]

That's it?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's incredible.

[A]

Two months, man.

[B]

Do you have a hidden skill, a hidden ability to, like, learn languages?

[A]

No. I know I can speak Spanish. I just told you the same. The same Uber driver drivers picked me up six times in this town. He doesn't speak English.

[B]

How'd you learn how to speak Spanish?

[A]

I just. Growing up in Florida.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You might have, like, a secret language ability.

[A]

No. Anyone that just heard me talk in Russian just knows that I barely can. I don't even sound good.

[B]

Yeah, but you could say I took Italian in college. I can't speak Italian. I took Spanish in high school. I can't speak Spanish.

[A]

No, I. Yeah, I can understand Russian a lot better than I can speak it.

[B]

Yeah, you might have, like, a hidden ability to learn languages, and I can.

[A]

Understand Spanish a lot better than I can speak it. But like I was just in Spain. I was just in Spain a week ago and apparently my Spanish. It sounds like me need ice. Me ice.

[B]

At least you could say something. Yeah, you can communicate. Something's popping off in Serbia right now. Like one of the largest protests ever is happening in Serbia right now.

[A]

For real.

[B]

300 plus thousand people in the streets.

[A]

So it's a complicated country and I love Serbia. I love.

[B]

I don't know what's going on. I have no idea what, what this protest is about. I just saw it in the newsfeed. Post popped up, record size protest in Serbia. So we're 15 people dying in a rainway. Excuse me. Railway station collapse. So what do they. What are they? It's hundreds of thousands of people descended on Serbia's capital to protest over the deaths. Well, I'm not sure. Huh. So was it like some corruption or something? Like someone shitty construction? Like what happened? We quote, we just want a country that works. Law students says, wow, so hundreds of thousands of people in the, in the streets cuz a rail station collapsed. That's what it says on BBC. I'm looking to see if it make interesting more insight. They don't take any over there, dude. Figure it out.

[A]

They get in the street. It's fascinating. They, I mean, listen, I understand if you're ser. And you're listening, you may disagree with what I'm about to say. I'm just going to say it. They hate Albanians.

[B]

Oh no.

[A]

They make Albanian jokes like crazy, right? Really? So one day we're on the set and I said, one of the guys, I go, hey man, like I'm not like a woke dude. It's a funny joke, but like, what if there's an Albanian here that like heard that wouldn't and hurt their feelings? And he goes, oh, he'd know to be smart enough to keep his mouth shut. And I went, all right, never mind. The only Albanian they like is Dua Lipa. They love Dua Lipa. I know, I'm generalizing and I know there's Serbians that are like, we don't hate them all, but they all know how to play basketball. They're all tough as fucking shit. Every dude's a fucking man. You don't meet one dude that you don't think is a cage fighter, bro.

[B]

These war torn countries are not playing games, bro. They breed different humans. That's one. When those guys come over to the ufc, they're different humans.

[A]

They had, they had a. And mind you, I gotta guess, the Serbians that I was hanging out with, and one of them is my driver. But, like, they had a chant for their presence. President for the. Like, when the president. They would chant out the other guy, and it was like, he's beenici. He's a faggot. He's voice such a. I just. I don't know, man. There's something. There's something really interesting about that freedom that they had there, that they just talked openly and, like, they take a cigarette break and, like, the girls would sit down and cuddle up next to a dude that they weren't dating. They just touchy like that. Like, they don't have. Like. There's no, like, intimacy counselor on set. They were just. I remember watching one of the girls sit and have a cigarette with one of the dudes, and they were like, just cuddling against the wall. And I was like, are they dating? And they're like, no, they're just friends. Look at that. That's Serbian basketball, baby.

[B]

Bro. Bro, that's war. That's how long before these guys take over basketball?

[A]

Oh, buddy. Give them another year.

[B]

They kind of have. Yeah. They're taking over mma. They're taking over boxing.

[A]

Dude, everyone plays basketball. The. The girls play basketball there. Jesus Christ. No one jogs. I was the only one jogging every morning. Every morning I talked by myself.

[B]

They're farmers carrying weights around.

[A]

They're. They're. Those men are beasts. You. I'd go to the mall. It was like, the nicest place to go. Bro.

[B]

That is the most terrifying basketball game I've ever seen in my life. If I was. Imagine, like, showing an American basketball crowd what they do in Serbia. You'd be like, oh, no, they're coming. Wouldn't it be.

[A]

Wouldn't it be great to watch a Serbian team play, like, one of those inner city teams where.

[B]

Look at this. Give me some volume.

[A]

Look at that. Look at that.

[B]

Holy. That kind of. That's like fight night intensity.

[A]

That's. That's. That's Texas high school football.

[B]

Right, right, right.

[A]

We used to play. We used to play a black team growing up, like Booker T. Washington and you. They would come in, we'd play basketball, and the visiting stands would be packed. I can't remember the exact name of the team, but they'd be packed. And their thing was, boom, we thump. Boom, boom, we thump. And the whole fucking crowd. And we were like, just a bunch of white kids. We had no chance. We had no chance. I've got spirit, Yes, I do. I've got spirit. How about you? And they'd be like, suck our dicks. But that energy, that high school, black inner city energy with some HBCU cheerleader leaders. You ever seen the HBCU cheerleaders? Yes, they're my favorite. Versus a Serbian. Just no deodorant. Just. God, man, I miss Serbia.

[B]

When those folks start entering into other sports, when people from like hard environments start entering sport like this. The scariest guy in the ufc, or one of the scariest is from Chechnya.

[A]

Chechnya. Yeah, that's, that's, that's, that's war torn, dude.

[B]

This, this guy is a Hamzat Chamayev. He is a animal. Have you ever seen that guy fight? Hamza. Pull up. Hamza Chamayev versus Kevin Holland. So Hamza, Hamzat Chamayev is the number one contender in the UFC's middleweight division. He's a monster. And he's so aggressive, like relentlessly aggressive. He's not to get in fights like backstage and just an animal. And like in post fight interviews, like, I kill them all. I kill them all.

[A]

Wait, did I just watch him drop weight today?

[B]

Oh, you might have shaved his head.

[A]

They shaved his head to drop weight?

[B]

No, I don't think so. Maybe I don't think so. But he just run go from the right from the beginning. Because the very this is the beginning of the fight. Watch how he storms at him. The amount of grappling power you have to have to rag doll Kevin Holland. Like, this is insane. Kevin Holland is a Brazilian jiu jitsu black belt under Travis Luder. I mean, he's a legit grappler. That's why he's surviving. And he scrambles is cuz he's a legit black belt.

[A]

What's he saying to him?

[B]

They're talking. Kevin likes to talk.

[A]

Where's a lip reader when you need one?

[B]

I think Kevin's probably like, come on, man, I thought we were going to stand up. Why don't we fight? Why don't we find the feet? He's probably trying to goad him into doing something stupid. Yeah, Kevin talks shit while you're hitting him. I mean, this is crazy grappling ability, the way he rotates with him. And here it is, here's the Darce. So he sinks up the choke and slides through. Watch his right hand. His right hand is going to reach forward and grab a hold of his body bicep. Watch how this is when he sent to see. See, it slides down.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When you, when the right hand right now it's still open. But when the. Right. Now it clamps. Now it's on the bicep.

[A]

Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

That's the choke. The choke's fully locked in now. And Kevin's.

[A]

God damn.

[B]

He's totally. And he's going to have to tap. And he eventually taps. But, I mean, to tap a guy like Kevin Holland and not just tap him, but just have. He has no chance at any moment in the fight. It's just total grappling dominance.

[A]

Look at that.

[B]

He's a monster. Just a monster. And, like, the most aggressive guy in the sport, like, right away, charges, and this is it. This is the end. Once he taps it.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

He get. Once he gets that leg over the top of the body. So he isolates the body and constricts deeper into the choke. He's. He's done.

[A]

Dude, I got. I got choked out by my daughter, Isla.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

Yeah, we're on vacation.

[B]

We trying not to get choked out.

[A]

No, she's a girl, so I. I thought. She's talking shit. Eddie Bravo's. Eddie Bravo's got her private Jiu Jitsu lessons, so she's been taking Jiu Jitsu in her gym, and she's, you know, she's dyslexic, so she every. She can never tell you the right move she's about to do. And we're on vacation. And she goes. She goes, it'd be easy. You have to slow down there, big guy. I'll choke you out. And I was like, oh, you're gonna choke me out? She goes. She goes, it's easier to choke out big guys. And I went, really? She goes, I find it easier. And I was like, okay. I was like, try to choke me out, Joe. This little needle arm went around my neck, and I swear to God, Was she, like 15 at the time? I just went. I tapped. She was like, yeah, that's what I thought. I was like, my daughter.

[B]

That's what I thought she said. I was like, dude, disrespect.

[A]

She did.

[B]

She.

[A]

She met Eddie Bravo. She met Eddie Bravo at our house one night. And you know Eddie, me, Sam, Triple E. Eddie and I lit, right? And we're in the kitchen, we just done, like, a podcast, and Isla comes in. She's like, who's this guy? And I go, this is Eddie Bravo. She goes, okay. And I was like, he teaches Jiu Jitsu. She goes, I want to learn Jiu Jitsu. And Eddie goes, really? And she goes, yeah, a little bit of that. Hi.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And Eddie goes, that's not Jiu Jitsu. She goes, whatever it is, I want to learn it. So he goes, all right, I'll set you up. And he got her this. This lady that came over to the house, like, three times a week.

[B]

Oh, wow. That's amazing.

[A]

In the back. And Isla loved it. I loved it. Except she'd turn the. The nest cam around so we couldn't watch her Jiu Jitsu lessons.

[B]

Oh, that's funny.

[A]

She's like, I don't want to watch you. I don't want you to watch what I do.

[B]

I just want to.

[A]

I want to learn it.

[B]

That's cool.

[A]

Yeah, it was really cool.

[B]

It's a very good thing for women to learn because Jiu Jitsu allows you to defend yourself in a way that very few martial arts really do, because you don't have to rely on the size of your hands. Hitting people and, you know, and kicking people. It's too hard. It's too hard to knock out a man. Like, if you have small hands, if you're a woman, it's just like, you can't. Just can't generate enough force for the most part, unless you're, like, a unusually strong woman. Some women, like, you know. You know, like, there's a few, you know, like Holly Holm. Like, you don't want Holly Holm punching you in the face. Amanda Nunes will knock you out cold. 100. Even if you're a dude. But most women, they just don't have the power in their hands. Hands. But everyone has the power to carry your body around, Right. So your legs are really strong. If a woman gets her legs locked around your neck and gets a triangle on you, you're. If she knows how to do Jiu Jitsu. Like, your legs are carrying. If you weigh 130 pounds, you're a woman. Your legs are carrying 130 pounds all day long. And they don't get tired, and they're strong.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So all you have to do is, like, whoop, lock that in behind the knee, crack, and pull on the head, and you're going to sleep.

[A]

She could have put me sleep.

[B]

I bet you could have.

[A]

I've been humiliating.

[B]

There was a. A show that they used to have on Showtime with this dude who was. He was a porn star, and he had a show on Showtime, and he had, like, a reality show, and in one of the episodes, he was gonna do Jiu jitsu with a woman. And so my friend Felicia. Felicia. Oh. Who's a black belt under Jean Jacques Machado. She's a legit Being beast. And you know, she weighs 130 pounds, maybe, maybe 135 maybe. And she choked the out of this dude like, multiple times. I don't even think she was a black belt at the time. She was probably a brown belt.

[A]

Maybe she was a black belt already.

[B]

She was a black belt before me, but I used to train with her all the time. She's really, really good. And a dude who didn't know what he's doing, he's going night night.

[A]

It's amazing how many dudes don't know what they're doing.

[B]

Most people don't.

[A]

Most people.

[B]

It's too hard to learn. And you got to get humiliated. When you do learn, you know, you get, you get humiliated. It's, it's, it's a brutal wake up call when you get strangled. Like, and how easy it is for people to do it to you.

[A]

You're so vulnerable when you're unconscious.

[B]

Oh, well, you're just so vulnerable when you do jiu jitsu against someone who's good at it. I remember the first time I realized I was a white belt and I rolled with this kid who was a purple belt and he was my size and he just mauled me. And I remember thinking, this is crazy. Like, I can't believe I'm totally helpless. Like, I thought I had this delusional idea. Like, I know how to fight. I'll figure this out. This ain't that big a deal. It's not that much different from taekwondo or kickboxing. Like, delusional. I got strangled over and over again by everybody. But this one guy in particular, he just was murdering me. And I remember thinking, I gotta learn this. Like, this is like, really important to know. Like, I didn't know. How was that vulnerable?

[A]

Have you gotten choked unconscious?

[B]

No, never unconscious. I, I always tap.

[A]

Oh, it's terrifying. It's terrifying. It's terrifying because you, you got that moment where you're like.

[B]

I definitely sparked out a couple of times where I could see, I could see like the, the door was closing. You have to tap. You have like a second left before you go out before you tap. And when someone's got like a really good rear naked choke, once it's locked in and they start to clamp down the pad. Like, you gotta tap. You gotta tap. Especially in training. Like, it's stupid to not tap because you could really get hurt. Especially if you get caught in an arm bar or worse, is like a heel hook or a knee bar. Like, you gotta tap immediately. You can't take a chance with ripping your joint apart. It's not worth it. That, and I had a lot of injuries from not tapping in time. I had a bad kimura injury on my elbow. My friend Brent caught me in a kimura, and I. I couldn't believe that he got it. I was like. Because I usually get him. I was like, I am gonna to get him. And then he got me. I'm like, oh, my God. He got me. This got me. And I didn't want to tap, and I was trying to work my way out of it and work my way out, and eventually I had a tap, and I was like, oh, I. My elbow up. And I couldn't do chin ups for, like, three months.

[A]

Really?

[B]

It was brutal. It was horrible. Every time I do a chin up, I was agony in my left elbow.

[A]

Do you still roll?

[B]

No.

[A]

Is that because you.

[B]

I want. I want to again. But just like my. I've had a few aggravating injuries. I had some sciatica a while back. Like, real stiffness, the back. But you know what's really changed that a lot is stretching. I've spent, like an hour and a half every night just stretching.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. It's loosened everything up. And I realized, like, sometimes I go too hard and I don't give myself enough recovery. You know, I just. I push a little too far, and then I ignore. Like, I had this back thing that was bothering me from archery, and I just ignore. Ignored it. And I. It was just a muscle thing, so I wasn't worried about it.

[A]

Where is it? Like, right in the center of your back.

[B]

Over the right? No, my right on the side. It's on the side by the hips. So lower.

[A]

Lower.

[B]

Right. So I know it's not. It's not worrying me like, a spine thing. Spine things worry me. But this was inflamed, and I just kept shooting the bow. I just was like, shut up. And I just. I pushed it to the point where it got kind of chronic, and it bothered me for a while. It's much, much better now. Now. But I'm being real careful to get it to 100% before I think about doing anything. Like, right now, I can kick the bag again. I can do pretty much everything again. But it's one of those things where I'm still getting better.

[A]

When you say stretching, because, like, I. After we did the. I did so much working out, I had a masseuse come in and, like, kind of test my flexibility. So I had some problems in my forearm and my. My shoulder can't go like, I can't get it past this, this. And like, this one goes way.

[B]

Do you have an injury?

[A]

I don't know. I have no idea. I think I've. I think it's no recovery and no stretching. I do no stretching.

[B]

Benching's rough on the elbows or the shoulders, rather. Benching can get rough, especially if you bench heavy.

[A]

Especially when you watch. Have you ever seen the dudes snap.

[B]

A. Oh, yeah, I have seen that. Yeah.

[A]

That's all I was thinking about.

[B]

Pops off and then you're, you know Cody Rhodes.

[A]

No, Cody Rhodes is the WWE Champion Champion. He's a Dusty Rhodes, son. Okay, yeah, yeah. I tell him I'm doing the bench press competition and he goes, oh, I. I tore my peck at 3:15. And I was like, that's the bet. And he was like, oh, you don't even see it coming. Look at his peck.

[B]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[A]

He goes. It felt like Velcro. You just heard.

[B]

And he wrestled. Even though his peck was torn.

[A]

He wrestled.

[B]

What a animal.

[A]

He is a beast.

[B]

Jesus Christ. That's crazy.

[A]

Yeah, he did. We did go big show together. His dad was the best sell with a torn peck.

[B]

These guys are animals.

[A]

Well, you know, it's. When you're young.

[B]

Well, it's also like wrestling. It's like the culture, the pro wrestling culture. The culture is like, you're gonna get battered. Like we're battering each other.

[A]

It's just more so in the past. Those guys really got up.

[B]

Oh, dude. You know, I've had a bunch of those guys in here. They tell me the stories, you know, Hulk Hogan and fucking Jake the Snake. Like, all these guys are animals. Undertaker.

[A]

And they all drank six packs after the show. Everyone was snorting coke.

[B]

They were going from town to town beating the out of each other.

[A]

How much better do you think anabolic steroids are than testosterone for as far.

[B]

As like putting weight on and like.

[A]

I mean, is it so much more noticeable?

[B]

Yeah, it's. It's completely changed.

[A]

Have you ever done an anabolic steroid?

[B]

Nothing serious. I've never done anything serious. I tried Anavar once and I've done like some minor stuff. There was some stuff that I got that you used to be able to buy at the store. Used to be able to buy it from gnc, like a vitamin store, and they eventually pulled it off the market. I forget what it was called. I forget what it's called, but it was pills and. Holy shit, did this work. It was like legit steroids that you could Buy at gnc.

[A]

When I was in college, you could buy GHB at gnc.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

Yeah, because you would take a little cap full before you went to sleep, and it would burn fat while you slept.

[B]

Well, apparently I was reading about this. This conspiracy about GHB and about how safe GHB is in small doses and how good it is for you with sleep and recovery. But the problem is people would dump it in people's drinks, and then it was like a date rape drug because you just get. If you have a lot of it, you're out of it. You don't know what the fuck is going on. And so then it became the date rape drug, and then it just got pulled from the market or at. Very difficult to get. But yeah, I remember during the. Those days when it was out, like, bodybuilders would always talk about it. They were all taking GHB before they go to sleep, and they, like, has some pro. What is like, Google what the conspiracy is about ghb. But it has some profound effects on recovery. Like, puts you in deep sleep, and apparently at the right doses, it's very safe.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. This. This doctor is explaining, like, what had led to it being demonized and like. But what the. The actual benefits of ghbr.

[A]

Yeah, I. I remember taking it in college.

[B]

You took it.

[A]

Oh, to party. First time I ever took it was on a rock in Greece in the middle of the ocean. A rock in the middle of the ocean.

[B]

You're the problem.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

People like you, buddy.

[A]

It's funny for you guys. Like, it's like, I might want a little liquid echo. And I was like, sure.

[B]

Liquid ecstasy.

[A]

That's what he called it. And I found out later it was ghb. But he had, like, a little dropper capful. We all took a sip, and all sudden you start blowing up a little bit. Used to do that and there were like these other. These store pills that you'd get. You took enough of those, you'd fucking feel it.

[B]

Do you remember they used to sell salvia? They used to sell salvia in, like a head shop or they would sell bongs. Yeah, salvia was like a super potent psychedelic.

[A]

Oh, I still have nightmares of Ari's salvia trip.

[B]

Oh, my God. We played it on the podcast for him and he explained it to us that he had a whole life under the sea. He had a whole relationship under the. I think he went to another dimension. That's what I think he said. He was there for months, had a whole life GHBs. Mechanism of action has not been elucidated. It crosses the blood brain barrier where it interferes with dopamine levels in a complex dose dependent way. GHBs relief of the symptoms of narcolepsy epilepsy is believed to be mediated via these dopa, Dopamine menergic dopaminergic effects. GHB facilitates deep slow wave sleep during which growth hormone release naturally increases. This may explain why higher levels of growth hormone have been detected after GHB administration. Yeah, that's why the bodybuilders would take it. There's a lot. Well this, you know, this is Derek from More Plates, More Dates was on the podcast and he was explaining how making steroids illegal when they did that, they've stopped all the research and development that could have made those things very safe. So because they stopped doing any studies on them and they made them a banned substance, then everyone's just reliant upon the ones that are already in existence and no new ones have been developed. So all the steroids that people are taking are all steroids that have been developed a long long time time ago. And he said it stifled the innovation and the ability to make better, safer ones that you know the problem is the idea of cheating in athletics. Right. And it is a real problem. You know if someone is taking steroids they have an advantage over people who don't take steroids. But if they could figure out a way to make them safe but then completely fuck up your endocrine system there should be an argument where if it makes you perform better but doesn't have a detrimental effect on you, then athlete should take it. Yes, but people don't like that idea because they don't want someone to have some massive advantage in any sort of a sport.

[A]

But it also goes into like society the, the ever the demonizing of anyone on a semi glue tide. Yeah, I mean people go. I mean people get on like, like I joke that Tom's on Ozempic all the time. I think he is but whatever you.

[B]

Do think he is.

[A]

Oh yeah, really? When did Tom, when, when have we ever known Tom to put in the hard work to lose the weight but.

[B]

He'S been really disciplined.

[A]

Or is he going I'm joking around. I'm around a little bit, A little bit.

[B]

But not really, not really. I think he would do it not tell you.

[A]

I don't know really. His wife was interesting.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

She got sick on it. She.

[B]

Brian Simpson. Brian Simpson got real sick.

[A]

So did Bobby Lee. You See, Bobby Lee threw up on a video. It's hysterical.

[B]

Yeah, folks, just carnivore diet.

[A]

Just eat carnivore diet.

[B]

Eat meat and eggs and you'll lose weight. I guarantee you. You will feel great, too.

[A]

But it is crazy how people. He was. This is when he was on Ozempic and they were trying to shoot a promo, and he kept going, santino, I don't feel good. And he's like, shut up, Bobby. Let's just get it.

[B]

So does he actually puke? Oh, boy.

[A]

Oh, my God. Now I'm gagging.

[B]

All right, Burke Crush, let's wrap this up. Joe, I love you to death.

[A]

You the best, man.

[B]

Hey, looking forward to hanging out with you while you're here.

[A]

Permission Party world tour starts October 18th. I'm in Vegas this weekend. More importantly, my special Lucky Lucky.

[B]

Available right now.

[A]

Stream streaming right now on Netflix. I hope you guys like it. Shirt.

[B]

Matching pants of you.

[A]

Shirt and matching pants.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

Yeah, I really. I really stepped it up a bit.

[B]

Joe, I like it. I like the look. All right, brother.

[A]

Love you, Death.

[B]

I love you to death.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Bye. Bye, everybody.