#2333 - Protect Our Parks 15

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Joe Rogan Experience #2333 - Protect Our Parks 15

Release Date: June 5, 2025
Host: Joe Rogan
Guests: Bert Kreischer, Shane Gillis, Ari Shaffir, Jamie Vernon

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1. Physical Fitness and Personal Transformations

The episode kicks off with a light-hearted discussion about physical fitness among the comedians. Joe Rogan and his guests share anecdotes about their workout routines and the impact of consistent gym attendance.

• Shane Gillis discusses his commitment to bodybuilding:
  "[00:28] Bert Kreischer: You look ripped.
  [00:41] Shane Gillis: No, that's what I said to my trainer. He's like, you want to lose weight? I said, no, bigger. Huge."

• Joe Rogan acknowledges the noticeable changes in his friends' physiques:
  "[00:31] Joe Rogan: You don't want to talk about it. But look at those shoulders, dog. Those shoulders are coming in strong. You look noticeably thicker."

2. The Art of Comedy and Joke Development

The conversation shifts to the intricacies of crafting successful jokes in stand-up comedy. The hosts emphasize the unpredictability of audience reactions and the importance of finding genuine humor.

• Joe Rogan reflects on the balance between attacking clichéd topics and maintaining originality:
  "[01:50] Joe Rogan: Sometimes you just gotta attack the elephant in the room just to get it out of the way. But then after that, it. But if you're really good, you don't even need it."

• Shane Gillis shares his goal of creating the "best fart joke of all time":
  "[02:24] Shane Gillis: It's kind of my goal to come up with the best."

3. Oliver Anthony and the Divisive Divorce Song

A significant portion of the episode delves into the story of Oliver Anthony, a struggling musician who released a song centered around his divorce. The hosts discuss the song's unexpected success and the personal turmoil Anthony faces as his newfound fame affects his personal life.

• Joe Rogan recounts advising Anthony against signing lucrative deals:
  "[06:19] Joe Rogan: He puts his song on YouTube. He's a fucking superstar, right? He doesn't know what to do. I freak out. I asked me for advice. I call him on the phone, we have a conversation for like a fucking hour where I go, don't sign anything with anybody."

• Ari Shaffir humorously mocks the transformation Anthony undergoes:
  "[08:44] Ari Shaffir: I blew it the last time. It's Theo's."

4. Coyote Encounters and Pet Safety

The hosts share unsettling yet humorous stories about encounters between coyotes and domestic cats, highlighting concerns about pet safety in urban and suburban areas.

• Shane Gillis narrates a personal experience with his outdoor cat being confronted by coyotes:
  "[45:00] Shane Gillis: I have to have told this story on here before and stop me if I have. I watched Tibble killed a rabbit in the yard and I heard it screaming. So I like, went out to be like. I pulled him off the rabbit and when I lifted, it was funny. He was all muscle. I was holding him under his chest and he was just like, he could feel him breathing. Then I put him back in the house, and as soon as I put him down, he scratched me and walked away."

• Joe Rogan discusses the predatory nature of cats when left outdoors:
  "[46:36] Joe Rogan: You're a little murderer. And you're a little murderer that's contained in the house."

5. Privacy Concerns and the Role of VPNs

Addressing the growing concerns over online privacy, Joe Rogan emphasizes the necessity of using Virtual Private Networks (VPNs) to protect personal data from being tracked and exploited.

• Joe Rogan promotes ExpressVPN as a solution for secure online activity:
  "[20:02] Joe Rogan: But if you're really good, you don't even need it. But if you have a joke that's funny, that's felt like, who fucking cares? That's the weirdest thing is comics, like, policing what should be talked about."

6. Conspiracy Theories, AI, and Historical Anecdotes

The latter part of the podcast veers into a whirlwind of conspiracy theories, AI developments in media, and exaggerated historical events, delivered with the comedic flair typical of Joe Rogan and his guests.

• Joe Rogan humorously speculates about dinosaurs assisting in border patrol:
  "[158:56] Joe Rogan: How about the dude who was a Rockefeller? The dude was a Rockefeller who went to the Papa New guinea tribe, and they ate him."

• Bert Kreischer and Shane Gillis engage in playful banter about AI replicas and historical figures, blending absurdity with satire:
  "[175:30] Joe Rogan: He just takes this guy. You're free because you're not eating for survival."

7. Music, Pop Culture, and Personal Anecdotes

The hosts reminisce about classic movies, music, and personal experiences, interspersed with humorous critiques and nostalgic references.

• Joe Rogan and guests discuss iconic moments from movies like "The Shining" and "Westworld," blending real-life stories with fictional narratives:
  "[156:06] Joe Rogan: They replaced with tutti Frutti. All Rudy. Tutti Frutti already."

• Shane Gillis shares a funny encounter with a waiter who delivered a joke at a restaurant, cementing the memory as a highlight:
  "[163:51] Shane Gillis: And yeah. It was like we can't stop laughing about how good that waiter was."

8. Closing Thoughts and Reflections

As the episode winds down, the hosts reflect on the chaotic nature of life, the unpredictability of personal growth, and the enduring bonds of friendship formed through shared experiences.

• Joe Rogan underscores the importance of genuine connections and the value of shared laughter:
  "[94:49] Joe Rogan: We. We're the luckiest people that have ever lived."

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Notable Quotes:

• "Sometimes you just gotta attack the elephant in the room just to get it out of the way." — Joe Rogan [01:50]

• "If I was in Austin, I come here every day, it's very nice." — Shane Gillis [00:53]

• "They're little wolves that are everywhere in every state." — Joe Rogan [45:44]

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Conclusion:

Episode #2333 of "The Joe Rogan Experience" weaves together a tapestry of humor, personal stories, and offbeat discussions, encapsulating the free-spirited and often unpredictable essence of Joe Rogan's podcast. From tales of personal transformation and the challenges of stand-up comedy to light-hearted yet concerning stories about wildlife interactions and reflections on modern privacy issues, the episode offers listeners a blend of laughter and thought-provoking moments.

Transcript

[Joe Rogan]

Joe Rogan podcast.

[Bert Kreischer]

Check it out.

[Joe Rogan]

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train my day.

[Theo Von]

Joe Rogan podcast By night, all day.

[Bert Kreischer]

All right, we're done.

[Joe Rogan]

We're rolling. Don't do anything.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, come on. Everybody's on the zim.

[Shane Gillis]

I think it's probably bad for you.

[Ari Shaffir]

It might in the end be bad for you.

[Shane Gillis]

There's also that part of me I can't bring myself to actually not work out.

[Bert Kreischer]

You look ripped.

[Shane Gillis]

No, no, no.

[Ari Shaffir]

You're allowed to work out.

[Joe Rogan]

You don't want to talk about it. But look at those shoulders, dog. Those shoulders are coming in strong. You look noticeably thicker. Like.

[Shane Gillis]

No, that's what I. That's what I said to my trainer. He's like, you want to lose weight? I said, no, bigger. Huge.

[Joe Rogan]

Dude. You've been in this gym, like, super consistent.

[Shane Gillis]

If I'm. If I'm in Austin, I come here.

[Joe Rogan]

It's awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

Every day, it's very nice.

[Joe Rogan]

Every time you open that door and see it pop out, I'm like, yeah, he's dead. After it. Get after it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Do you worry about the buff comedy, though?

[Shane Gillis]

You don't have that comic actually get in.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, well, I very rarely wear a T shirt on stage. That's just anything tight. Shirtless is my mood.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

I just want to look like.

[Ari Shaffir]

Take your shirt off, like Hulk Hogan. Start comedy.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, Kreischer. When he started losing weight and he's getting jacked, I'm like, that's. You're taking away from your act there, fella.

[Bert Kreischer]

Exactly.

[Joe Rogan]

You know, you look like a football player now. Like, Bert was getting some big sick ass.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't do the. A lot of fat jokes.

[Joe Rogan]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

If any.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, no, you don't really.

[Joe Rogan]

You might make fun of yourself if it helps something. Yeah, it doesn't matter.

[Bert Kreischer]

But you're not so fat enough. You're just. You're more like squishy.

[Shane Gillis]

Just a fat cat. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

You're like a fat guy.

[Shane Gillis]

So absurdly fat.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

You have to talk about it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Doesn't really do fat jokes either.

[Joe Rogan]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

No, no.

[Bert Kreischer]

Really?

[Ari Shaffir]

No, not really.

[Joe Rogan]

Sometimes you just gotta attack the elephant in the room just to get it out of the way. But then after that, it. But if you're really good, you don't even need it. But if you have a joke that's funny, that's felt like, who fucking cares? That's the weirdest thing is comics, like, policing what should be talked about. If someone comes up with the most amazing fart joke of all time, I'm going to die laughing. You Know, it's like I don't do any. I don't have any. But yeah, on anything and everything, there's a take on anything and everything that's like, yeah, you know, just got to find where.

[Shane Gillis]

It's kind of my goal to come up with the best.

[Joe Rogan]

Want some of these?

[Shane Gillis]

Far joke of all time, dog. No, not yet. Joe, come on.

[Bert Kreischer]

What's that you're bad at today? Dude, what's up with you? Pulled out three drugs. I've been here eight minutes. No drugs.

[Joe Rogan]

No drugs, just nicotine.

[Bert Kreischer]

Just Ozempic.

[Joe Rogan]

Don't get the fence on us, Lucy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Breakers.

[Ari Shaffir]

What's the heckle, Fish?

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, that's from. You ever see that YouTube show, the Y Files?

[Bert Kreischer]

No.

[Joe Rogan]

It's a great show. It's all about like aliens and why you can't go into the Grand Canyon and, you know, secret temples and stuff like that. And A.J. gentile is the host. And then this is a fish that sits in the fish tank next to him and talks to him. I will be a strict but fair.

[Shane Gillis]

Lord of these lands.

[Ari Shaffir]

Will come to them right away.

[Shane Gillis]

Can't say there's no drugs.

[Joe Rogan]

Check this out on his forehead.

[Shane Gillis]

Bite me.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, the thing is like now everybody comes and they give me something for the table. That's like part of the fun. Oh yeah, I got this little Olmec head that's from Luke Caverns. Pretty dope. I also got an Aztec death whistle. Do not blow it.

[Ari Shaffir]

I blew it the last time. It's Theo's.

[Joe Rogan]

We. Last time we had one of these and we blew it. Callan blew it on the podcast and the pandemic started a month later. Not kidding. LA was locked down. Everything had. People were like connecting it to the death whistle conspiracy theory that. Oh, poor Bob.

[Bert Kreischer]

Sorry, you got me. Ah, the dead.

[Joe Rogan]

I think that one drives me nuts.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, pop saga does.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, cuz it's the same thing that happened to Heather McDonald. Blacked out, fell, smashed her head, died. She lived cuz she was on stage. And luckily they got medical help.

[Ari Shaffir]

Rug. Rug on the stage. Also.

[Joe Rogan]

It was fake.

[Ari Shaffir]

No rug.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh no, she was. It was hard.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't think there was a rug.

[Joe Rogan]

Hardwood video a lot. I don't think I've seen that video 30 times. It's hard.

[Ari Shaffir]

I don't know.

[Joe Rogan]

Her head bounces. It's very terrifying. That's how people die in street fights. Yeah, that's the big reason why people die in street fights. They get knocked down, they hit their head. It's not from getting punched to death. Most of the time, Right. Most of the time it's from falling in your head.

[Bert Kreischer]

Remember the knockout game?

[Ari Shaffir]

Knockout game.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, that is so scary.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, so scary.

[Ari Shaffir]

Filming crimes is a very. No, that's a hard stage.

[Shane Gillis]

We're already watching it again.

[Joe Rogan]

That stage is hard.

[Shane Gillis]

She goes, get the Hitler speed.

[Ari Shaffir]

It kind of gets enveloped into the stage.

[Joe Rogan]

Fractured her skull.

[Bert Kreischer]

Crazy.

[Joe Rogan]

Really Fractured his call. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Whoa.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Scary.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Joe Rogan]

You could bleed. You bleed in the brain and you could.

[Ari Shaffir]

Didn't need the whole thing. That's perfect.

[Joe Rogan]

Possibility, you'll never be the same again.

[Bert Kreischer]

Question is, did it kill? Did it get a laugh?

[Joe Rogan]

Is that the biggest laugh?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

All right.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, people found out it was real. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

They thought it was a funny joke.

[Joe Rogan]

Hilarious.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, wow.

[Joe Rogan]

Which is the way you would do it.

[Ari Shaffir]

You ever get an accidental joke where you say something, everyone laughs. You're like, what? Oh, I can see the double meaning on that. Okay, I'll pretend I met that.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, yeah, definitely. Well, that's the difference between, like, writing it and saying it. Right. You write it and you're like, I think I know how to go with this. And then you get on stage and say it, and you're like, oh, that's the funny part.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

This is. This is ridiculous. The fact that this exists is.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. I'm always embarrassed if I wrote something. Then say it. And it's not even close. The was I thinking.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's crazy how much that happens.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'm sorry.

[Joe Rogan]

I always think of it as like a scaffolding. I'm like, I don't know what's good until I get up there.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Well, it's funny how when you're in your apartment, you're killing. You're like, man, this is good stuff. And then when you get up there, you can, like, feel this won't work. You know, Right. When you're on stage.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know why I'm saying this.

[Bert Kreischer]

But when you have people in front of you, you're like, oh, this is not gonna hit.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, my God, it's the best. And then you went into it with so prepared. And then they're just looking at you like, I don't get it.

[Shane Gillis]

Go into it. Like, I wrote a new bit today. This thing's gonna kill. Yeah. In your words, into it you go.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's why comedy is great, because you can never really crack it. You can get better at it, but you can never really go, this is gonna work.

[Joe Rogan]

It's also, like, a truly collaborative thing. You have to have an audience.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

It's like. Like Gary Clark Jr. Could write a amazing album by himself in his, like, private music studio. And nobody has to hear it until you listen to it the first time. You're like, God damn. Like, Oliver Anthony's new album.

[Shane Gillis]

I haven't heard it, bro.

[Bert Kreischer]

Really, bro?

[Joe Rogan]

There's a song. We're gonna play the song. Yeah. You can't play it on the air. So we'll play it.

[Jamie Vernon]

Someone you already sent me.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, yeah, we'll play it and then we'll react to it. Okay, I'll tell you guys, cut all this out. I'll tell you guys what happened. So Oliver Anthony has no money, right? He's poor. He's selling farm equipment. He puts his song on YouTube. He's a fucking superstar, right? He doesn't know what to do. He freaks out. He asked me for advice. I call him on the phone, we have a conversation for like a fucking hour where I go, don't sign anything with anybody. And he's like, they're telling me I have to strike one of the irons. I go, bullshit. They're trying to steal money from you. I go, you're independent. You're already there. You already made it. I know you wrote that song.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

I'm like, if you wrote that song, you could write a dozen of those songs. You don't need anybody. They're just. He's like, they're offering me $7 million. I go, no, no. They're offering to steal money from you for the rest of your life. That's what they're doing. I go, you don't need them. You have talent. So cut to. He starts making millions of dollars doing arenas. The wife divorces him. She wants everything. She wants everything. She wants more than half. She wants all the money that he's going to be making in the future because she was with him when he was broke. So she. It's fucking crazy. He's just tortured.

[Shane Gillis]

What a fucking idiot.

[Joe Rogan]

Wants to die. Wants to die. And he writes this song.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wait, the song you're about to play?

[Joe Rogan]

Yes. He writes this song. You got Jamie. America's beverage companies are investing in America. We're American companies making American products with American workers in America's hometown. We're local bottlers and manufacturers operating in all 50 states, employing more than 275,000Americans.

[Shane Gillis]

In good paying jobs delivering for the.

[Joe Rogan]

Nation because we believe in the promise of America and the people who make it great. Learn [e-mail] paid for by the American Beverage association, bro. By the time this episode comes out, that song will be out. Okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

Really?

[Shane Gillis]

Well, he just wrote the.

[Joe Rogan]

Yo.

[Shane Gillis]

He just ethered his wife.

[Joe Rogan]

What A diss track, bro, that's the craziest diss track of all time.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's coming up tomorrow. The next day.

[Joe Rogan]

It's coming out tomorrow.

[Ari Shaffir]

The song.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. So the day this comes out, that. That album.

[Ari Shaffir]

The math don't seem right.

[Shane Gillis]

It's so funny. Every divorce dude on earth is gonna be just.

[Joe Rogan]

The judge says 50. 50. But the math don't seem right to a scorned woman.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's what he's saying. It's. That doesn't seem right for her.

[Joe Rogan]

For her.

[Ari Shaffir]

That she wants more than that.

[Joe Rogan]

Y.

[Bert Kreischer]

She's lucky he got out with a song because he would have killed her, bro.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. If he didn't have a guitar, something.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, that's a strangling that. That guy doesn't need a record deal. That guy don't need nobody.

[Bert Kreischer]

He don't need a hitman.

[Joe Rogan]

He don't need nobody.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's Lisa Loeb. Remember Lisa Loeb?

[Joe Rogan]

Did she do it?

[Ari Shaffir]

She had a top five hit on a subway.

[Shane Gillis]

Whoa.

[Ari Shaffir]

And then. And it just went. And then every. Every moves. Every like label was like, we want you. And she's like, well, hold on now I think I got the upper hand.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, very clever. Yeah. There's a bunch of people that done that now that just completely bypass the system. Lobotomy. What happened there? Lisa Loeb.

[Bert Kreischer]

How do you get.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's his stor.

[Joe Rogan]

Some of those ladies, they kind of vanish, you know? Like. Lisa Loeb was huge.

[Ari Shaffir]

She was.

[Joe Rogan]

She was the chick with the glasses, right?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yep.

[Joe Rogan]

She.

[Bert Kreischer]

She was cute.

[Joe Rogan]

Cute little hip her on VH1 once. Oh, forget. Yeah, some talk show thing. She was very nice.

[Bert Kreischer]

Nice lady.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Time is this before 3, right?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Why you want coughing?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

At 3pm you cut it off, start to slow down, Mr. Regimented.

[Ari Shaffir]

I won't sleep. Anyway, let's talk more about.

[Joe Rogan]

You have a hard time sleeping.

[Ari Shaffir]

If I have too much of this same.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm on the pills.

[Ari Shaffir]

You're on what pills?

[Bert Kreischer]

Sleeping pills.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, no, you gotta get on boner pills.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm taking an anti schizophrenia thing.

[Joe Rogan]

And what?

[Bert Kreischer]

It's the only seroquel I've taken that give that a good.

[Shane Gillis]

That sucks. Wait, that's the only thing it works for me Stanhope.

[Joe Rogan]

That makes you go to sleep?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, yeah, it makes you sleep ways.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Have you tried deadlifts? Yeah, just work out real hard so you're exhausted.

[Ari Shaffir]

You work out Wait, isn't that what Brody was on Seroquel?

[Bert Kreischer]

No.

[Ari Shaffir]

Is that what he got off?

[Shane Gillis]

Serious?

[Ari Shaffir]

I think I got off.

[Joe Rogan]

I think he got off on his own. And that's when he went off the rails.

[Bert Kreischer]

All right.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, that got real weird when I.

[Shane Gillis]

He a deadlift when I got back from.

[Joe Rogan]

Son of a friend, the math.

[Shane Gillis]

I got back from Stanhopes when I was out there. I had some Seroquel in the wrapper in my pocket and I got back to my parents house. It was during COVID My mom was doing laundry. Oh. It was like, is Seroquel? And I was like, I don't know. Some guy gave it to me and I took it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Did it help you sleep?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. It me up for like three days.

[Bert Kreischer]

Really? I take it every night.

[Joe Rogan]

Maybe I think you're supposed to take somebody else's. Especially not Stanhope.

[Ari Shaffir]

Stanhope dosage is not your dosage for anything.

[Joe Rogan]

For anything.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. I woke up on Wednesday.

[Joe Rogan]

You can go beer to beer with them for sure. But anything else? Yeah, anything else. Stay away as a tolerance if you need it.

[Shane Gillis]

He does.

[Joe Rogan]

He says, just don't go to the. Just don't go to the doctor. You don't want to know.

[Ari Shaffir]

So funny when somebody gives you drugs and you're like, it's. It's strong. Like, to who. Who are we talking about?

[Joe Rogan]

Has various hernias all over his stomach. He just lay back and like pop his stomach.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, no.

[Bert Kreischer]

Really?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. He's a mess. He's the best.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's the best.

[Joe Rogan]

He's riding it to the wheels fall off.

[Shane Gillis]

He is.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hell yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's a mess. He's the best. He's riding to the wheels fall off. Give that to Oliver Anthony and say, run with it.

[Joe Rogan]

Run with it. Yeah. An ode to Stan Hope.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. I check out his Instagram somewhere. He's wearing flea market clothes.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

In some other country. Doing stand up.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, he did. He did.

[Shane Gillis]

Brand new crane.

[Ari Shaffir]

Smoking room at a bar in Ljubljana. I think I'll film a special here.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, exactly. There's 30 people go, he's a maniac.

[Bert Kreischer]

He did my podcast recently and he, you know, it's like 1pm he gets hammered and then he's like, what are we doing? And we're like, we got to do another one. And he was like, what? I thought we were hanging out all day and he was pissed.

[Ari Shaffir]

I get it.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, you got to set the terms for your agreement in advance, I guess.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hey, you do a pod, you'd leave after.

[Joe Rogan]

You can't just Assume we're gonna get hammered and hang out all day unless.

[Shane Gillis]

We talk about it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right.

[Shane Gillis]

I would say, though, if I get day drunk with people like, I assume.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, it's a good plan. Where you going after?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. If we get together and have barbecue at Terry Blacks at one o' clock and, like, let's get blasted.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

It's over. The day's over.

[Shane Gillis]

That's it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You're hanging out all day.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. You're done for three days.

[Joe Rogan]

I rarely get those days. I rarely get that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Those days were fun. Back in the. When you had all the time in the world, you had nothing to do. No pods.

[Joe Rogan]

My family went away for a week.

[Ari Shaffir]

Covert was the best noon. You put derosa. You call Big J like it's 1202. You want to drink.

[Joe Rogan]

Like, that was the good thing about. Right. The people who are risk takers, you get together with them.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

You go outside, too, and just drink out there.

[Joe Rogan]

As long as you guys go without being around anybody, though.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, man. As long as I could.

[Shane Gillis]

People the whole time.

[Joe Rogan]

The whole time.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You never, like, took a week off of. I mean, other than, like, family and, like, real close friends.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I did do that. It was that three, four weeks, bro.

[Joe Rogan]

That's so bad for brain.

[Ari Shaffir]

I went three months.

[Joe Rogan]

How many guys? Just my parents. Back.

[Bert Kreischer]

A lot of people.

[Shane Gillis]

A lot of guys never came back. Some people are starting to come back.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't want to name them, but.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, I know. You're talking about.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, you go.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's funny to see them the first week. And, you know, that's where I was when I got. I was like, hey, too close. Too close. Lewis immediately go. I'm like, hey. I'm still trying to. He just licks your face. But, like, you see people like, hi. I'm like, oh, you just got back.

[Shane Gillis]

Okay, back now, though.

[Joe Rogan]

Elbow touches for a while.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Meat outside and do elbow touches. Like, get the out of here. Everybody. I was hugging everybody. It.

[Bert Kreischer]

Those were dark days. I remember nothing was gonna end.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, I know, man. There's a lot of good came out of it.

[Shane Gillis]

It was my favorite.

[Joe Rogan]

Forced me to move here.

[Ari Shaffir]

It was my favorite, too. What a fun time, really. You had time to think, time to hang out with your friends?

[Shane Gillis]

Also, I had just gotten canceled. She went to a Beach house, actually. $20 on Airbnb. Nobody was traveling.

[Ari Shaffir]

You went to North Carolina, Right?

[Bert Kreischer]

Didn't you have time to, like, just sit in?

[Shane Gillis]

You just think about drinking at the beach.

[Ari Shaffir]

All right, what advice did I give you? When it was North Carolina, it was something normal.

[Bert Kreischer]

Don't say goof.

[Ari Shaffir]

Put. Make a fire on the beach.

[Shane Gillis]

Stop saying it. That's my advice. Don't say it.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Gillis]

No. It was making head and it was make a fire. We made fires every night.

[Ari Shaffir]

I remember you called me like, hey.

[Shane Gillis]

Connor, beach fires rule.

[Ari Shaffir]

Well, I want a trash crew.

[Shane Gillis]

It's the trashes. Yes.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's fun.

[Shane Gillis]

Crew of pigs. Cigar. Let's go.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah, good call.

[Joe Rogan]

You guys want a big one or a little one?

[Ari Shaffir]

I'll take a little league.

[Joe Rogan]

You want a little like this one or like this?

[Ari Shaffir]

I'll do a little short.

[Joe Rogan]

These are all. These are all given to me by Jose Andres.

[Ari Shaffir]

Is that a short story?

[Joe Rogan]

You know, maybe.

[Bert Kreischer]

You know, I know Cigari Shafir.

[Joe Rogan]

A short story. That's what. They're gone. You want a short one?

[Ari Shaffir]

Let me see.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm actually. All right. I don't like any of them, but.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let me see all of them.

[Bert Kreischer]

You don't know what the that is?

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, this is the one. It's open.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

This is a high end version of this brand.

[Joe Rogan]

They're all very. They're super legit. What do you want?

[Ari Shaffir]

The short stories are great, though.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's like a nice light one you won't appreciate.

[Joe Rogan]

That's a.

[Bert Kreischer]

That might be too heavy for me.

[Ari Shaffir]

Do a short story. You'll like it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, give me a little Chode.

[Shane Gillis]

That's not a Joe. That thing's fine.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's true.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, if you only want like a little bit, like Ron White has those little tiny ones.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Cigars.

[Ari Shaffir]

Darius has those all the time, but he inhales those.

[Joe Rogan]

He inhales them like he does a cigarette. I'm like, that is so bad for you. Those are so bad for you. You're going. You're. You're taking straight cigar smoke in your lungs.

[Bert Kreischer]

There you go.

[Ari Shaffir]

You know how to do it.

[Bert Kreischer]

That side teeth, bro.

[Joe Rogan]

How good is that song? That song?

[Bert Kreischer]

Freaking very good.

[Shane Gillis]

Song's good.

[Ari Shaffir]

Soulful song.

[Bert Kreischer]

Feels like a throwback.

[Joe Rogan]

You can't fake that. You can't fake that.

[Shane Gillis]

I've never heard a guy make a song about a divorce.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, he's going through it, dog.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's like. It's like he's going through it. Rocks like you'll. You'll be mad if you make 30 grand if you have to give up half. Half. Half at 10 million is nothing. Half at 30 grand.

[Shane Gillis]

Crazy song.

[Bert Kreischer]

Great tune.

[Ari Shaffir]

Reminds me of Mike Lawrence's joke on Ralphie May during roast battle. He goes, your wife's divorcing you. Which is crazy. To split up now and get half where you just wait six months and.

[Shane Gillis]

Get all of it.

[Bert Kreischer]

That bro killed him.

[Joe Rogan]

That's crazy. That's crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

Hey, Jamie, do we have any beers in here?

[Joe Rogan]

There's a whole cooler of them right there. Oh, could you imagine?

[Shane Gillis]

Hello.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, hello.

[Joe Rogan]

Actually giving her that advice. Imagine, like if you're the lawyer.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hey, just wait a little bit.

[Joe Rogan]

If you're the lawyer, you're like, you know, take them out to eat.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, just wait them out.

[Joe Rogan]

Take them to Denny's.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, sorry, the same thing.

[Joe Rogan]

Two and one, keep them going. Yeah, keep that party rolling.

[Bert Kreischer]

Did you ever work with Panette?

[Joe Rogan]

Yes, I did.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's a funny fat guy.

[Joe Rogan]

I saw Panette when I was like an open micr. He was like a few years ahead of me. I saw him murder one night. He had this bit about going to a Chinese food all you can eat buffet and they're like, no, you get out.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh yeah, I saw it on tv, bro.

[Joe Rogan]

He did that at Nick's Comedy Stop one night. Packed house, brought the house down. And he had that Boston old school, rapid fire punchline style. And he was. And he was, he was huge at one point. But the physical stuff, the. The body being that big, just sabotage.

[Ari Shaffir]

When I moved to la, I wasn't the first times I realized how phony Hollywood is. He came into the improv and all the agents and managers and the suckers like, John, you look amazing. It's like a 480 pound guy. And I'm like, what?

[Bert Kreischer]

We did it to Shane 20 minutes ago.

[Shane Gillis]

No, no, no. And now everyone was very mean. One of the guys outside was like, you look good. Well, better.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's like, I believe he wasn't joking.

[Shane Gillis]

He was totally genuine.

[Joe Rogan]

Being honest with you.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, pretty funny. Well, better. All right.

[Joe Rogan]

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[Shane Gillis]

You're looking.

[Joe Rogan]

You look good, you look great. They'll tell that to you.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's like. Okay, good first step.

[Joe Rogan]

You've never looked better. You look 20 years younger.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, look how fat.

[Shane Gillis]

Man.

[Bert Kreischer]

Unfortunately, he's already funny. Just looks funny.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, he was so funny. He was so good.

[Ari Shaffir]

If Ozempic was earlier such a good comic.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

But then you have a big head.

[Shane Gillis]

I.

[Joe Rogan]

He'd be alive to think alive with a big head's pretty funny too.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's true.

[Joe Rogan]

Because when you have a big fat guy's body, your head grows, your skull grows physically.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wait, what?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, yeah. If you ever watch a big, giant fat guy when they lose a lot of weight, their head looks way too big for their body.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Because they were £500. They had a head of a £500 man for 20 years. And then all of a sudden, you know, you get a. A belly band.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Now you weigh a buck fifty. You got five hundred pound dude's head.

[Ari Shaffir]

Go from a fighting style of this to also all that.

[Joe Rogan]

Chewing all these muscles is one of the weirdest things. That's what mewing is all about. When people change their jawline, your jaw moves, your jaw can get larger. You can actually change your jawline from exercise.

[Bert Kreischer]

Isn't it crazy? You can't alter your dick. You gain weight, nothing happens.

[Shane Gillis]

You work.

[Bert Kreischer]

You can't work out your dick.

[Joe Rogan]

We work out our dick every day. Nothing to your dick.

[Bert Kreischer]

Nothing.

[Shane Gillis]

Put a man on the moon and we can't.

[Joe Rogan]

You can't fix the dick. Can't fix the dick if you got a micro penis. Oh, by the way, that guilt, that female boxer, that female boxer, that's. That everybody was a woman. That's a man.

[Bert Kreischer]

Come on.

[Joe Rogan]

Fact now proven. Wait, I thought you said a Sex result.

[Ari Shaffir]

It was the Iranian one.

[Joe Rogan]

The Iranian one that won. The Olympic gold medalist is a man.

[Bert Kreischer]

So she's funny.

[Joe Rogan]

They released. They released a medical report.

[Ari Shaffir]

Who's that?

[Joe Rogan]

The iOS. Well, the IOC is the one that allowed her to compete in the Olympics. But one of these amateur boxing organizations apparently did a test.

[Ari Shaffir]

I thought it was one of those. Was like. You guys are wrong about this one. It's not a trans. It's actually just some.

[Joe Rogan]

It's like a male.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

That went through puberty. The whole deal. She's crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

Peeing off on in Paris.

[Joe Rogan]

That's so crazy.

[Ari Shaffir]

We should have that as an Olympic sport. Beating.

[Joe Rogan]

Damn. I think this person has like line them up.

[Shane Gillis]

I'll tell you what I ran with.

[Ari Shaffir]

I ran with crushing that. No, no, you got an uppercut.

[Shane Gillis]

It's like a bunch of.

[Ari Shaffir]

They have all the technique down from you. First you grab the arm, you bend.

[Shane Gillis]

You say shut the up. I told you not to bring that up in front of my friends.

[Bert Kreischer]

Did I see you driving?

[Ari Shaffir]

I told you not to bring that up as such a good. Like. Help me out here. Give me a good pitch.

[Bert Kreischer]

You see her way there right now?

[Joe Rogan]

She's gonna fix it.

[Shane Gillis]

What's this?

[Joe Rogan]

She's gonna fix Gaza.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, she's on a sailboat later.

[Bert Kreischer]

I can't wait for them to meet her.

[Joe Rogan]

Bro, that. That little. How you dare? How dare you, girl? How dare you? You know the climate change girl. You know the little autistic girl. Well, now she's free Palestine. She's singing things off her phone. Now she's at the front of a boat like George Washington making its way to Gaza.

[Bert Kreischer]

Whatever the environment.

[Joe Rogan]

It's like. There she is. Leonardo DiCaprio.

[Ari Shaffir]

She's got a nice boat from the.

[Bert Kreischer]

River to the rising sea level.

[Ari Shaffir]

She's going to fix that, dude.

[Joe Rogan]

She's going to break the Israeli.

[Ari Shaffir]

I should got more, bro.

[Joe Rogan]

Those IDF guys are going to turn her into cat food. They will light her up from the shore before she's even close. They don't play. No.

[Shane Gillis]

Everyone's going to. They don't. Both sides are gonna blow that boat. Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

They don't.

[Shane Gillis]

They see it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Maybe come together on who gets to blow it up. Maybe that can bridge the gap here.

[Shane Gillis]

So for all of us.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, she could be just the best person ever.

[Bert Kreischer]

Nothing green or killing yourself.

[Joe Rogan]

She could be someone that they take advantage of, use at the front of the line for every cause.

[Shane Gillis]

It's one of those.

[Joe Rogan]

She's a young kid, man. It's so crazy to Take a young kid and like, put them alter their lives.

[Ari Shaffir]

This is gonna be your life now forever.

[Joe Rogan]

You're the face of. Of X, Y and Z.

[Shane Gillis]

If it's not up there. And it is obviously not obviously, but it could be out of her hands. She probably has handlers and political. But, oh, for now, at least she's trying. Cares.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, gainfully.

[Ari Shaffir]

But this is when they got the south park kids to fight against Harbucks. What's coming in? It's getting tweaks. Yeah. It's overcoming tweaks. And they're like, make the kids do a story about it. And they're like, ah, all right. Everyone's like, the children are upset. It's the easiest way to go to get your cause done. Let a kid be crying about war, though.

[Shane Gillis]

Like Israel, Palestine and Russia. Ukraine really ended the fucking climate change.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah. Ended everything.

[Shane Gillis]

You know, I mean, it was like, There's World War 3 is coming. It's like, we don't have time.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. None of the climate change. People are like, bombs are increasing the temperature.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

I think Greta Thunberg, unless that was fake.

[Bert Kreischer]

It ended a lot of shit. Like the Palestine. It was like, oh, we forgot about Ukraine. We forgot about blm. We forgot about.

[Ari Shaffir]

It ended up. Everybody's saying dead babies are bad. They go, well, let me see where they were from first. It's crazy. However, it's just not. This is all just terrible.

[Shane Gillis]

It is really terrible.

[Bert Kreischer]

You can't kill them in Texas either.

[Joe Rogan]

It's a weird time. I caught that one.

[Bert Kreischer]

Thanks.

[Shane Gillis]

I got it too. I just stared right through it. Stared at the table. I don't even think that's fine.

[Bert Kreischer]

It is crazy. I can't watch porn here on my phone.

[Shane Gillis]

That's a real.

[Joe Rogan]

You can. You just have to take a photo of your id. What's the problem, Mark?

[Bert Kreischer]

What am I. I want to know.

[Joe Rogan]

How into feet you really are.

[Ari Shaffir]

Why are some of these states doing that? What is that? We just want to track you completely.

[Joe Rogan]

We want to see what your search history is.

[Shane Gillis]

It's a nice treat, though. You go on the road, you go. Oh, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes, exactly.

[Shane Gillis]

New York. You don't know.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's all the taxes too. Florida. Tennessee. Florida. I don't know Tennessee for sure.

[Shane Gillis]

It is a bummer. And the only way you find out is when you're doing.

[Ari Shaffir]

When you get on in Tennessee.

[Joe Rogan]

Don't you guys know about ExpressVPN? Yeah, ExpressVPN. Say you're phoning in from Thailand. You can see everything.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. But then Sometimes it goes like. It's not registering, right? It's not doing.

[Joe Rogan]

Come on, come on. Really?

[Shane Gillis]

VPN's grandpa doesn't know how to use the same VPN.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'll tell you, the result is I go on X Videos now because you could get videos. More regular chicks. Now I'm turned on. And just regular bars. Before, it had to be at this level. Now I'm like, you only got 10 pounds extra. I'm into it.

[Shane Gillis]

X Videos is rough, though.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's rough. Bad lighting.

[Joe Rogan]

Need to know. 10 pounds extra is way better than 10 pounds. Too thin, right? Ozempic 10 pounds. That ozempic 10, where your face gets.

[Ari Shaffir]

Sucked in if you're sitting up.

[Joe Rogan]

I like soft.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, you don't want the hollow.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Like, an extra few pounds is nice. Like when girls start thinking they need to lose weight, that's when they're, like.

[Shane Gillis]

Right there and they start with their face.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh. When they.

[Shane Gillis]

They should get injections.

[Joe Rogan]

Get to the point where they think they should lose a little weight and stay right there. That's. That's where they're perfect.

[Shane Gillis]

Have you. Are you about to call someone's face? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Afterwards.

[Joe Rogan]

Sketchy, man. Because, like, you got to stay on that, bro.

[Shane Gillis]

It's got to be.

[Joe Rogan]

You don't get on it and lose £100 and then, like. All right, now I get it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Big J's doing great on Ozempic. He's slowly.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, no, he's skinny. He was just on the road with me this weekend.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's, like, slowly going down.

[Joe Rogan]

What's his head look like?

[Bert Kreischer]

He's got a normal head.

[Shane Gillis]

It's okay. He's turned into. You can see that he's an old Jew now.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Before that, he was fat enough that you didn't really see all the Jewish features.

[Joe Rogan]

You know who said that? William. William Shackner says he stays fat because he keeps the wrinkles away. Shackner, plump face. Captain Kirk, Shatner, Shatner, whatever. Same dog.

[Bert Kreischer]

My favorite basketball player is Shat.

[Shane Gillis]

But he. It's funny to watch Jay, like, whenever we get in a car now to go somewhere, he's like, I'll get in the back. And it's like, oh, yeah, you know, your spry as a big guy. I relate to that. One day I dreamed to be like, fellas, I'll sit in the way back.

[Bert Kreischer]

So what's he going to do with all those giant jean shorts?

[Joe Rogan]

Sell them.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's got to buy new clothes, make.

[Joe Rogan]

A sale for Greta, sew them all together.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

I hope she live vlogs that shit. I want to see her go.

[Joe Rogan]

Some of the rebels we're arming need tents.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, fire them up.

[Ari Shaffir]

Greta Thunberg going to Palestine is like, those people going to the Unchartable Islands and be like, hi, I'm Christ.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, like North Sentinel Island.

[Ari Shaffir]

Jesus, you forsaken me.

[Bert Kreischer]

Crazy. Or the white social worker who goes into Baltimore ghetto. He's like, hey, everybody, I'm here. And they just beat the. Out of me.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, this isn't. This isn't. What's the.

[Joe Rogan]

How about the dude who was a Rockefeller? The dude was a Rockefeller who went to the Papa New guinea tribe, and they ate him.

[Ari Shaffir]

You know what? He up. Yeah, he up. Because he said, I'm actually very important where I am. They go, oh, that's. That's more nutrients.

[Joe Rogan]

No, no. What happened was he fucked up and was trying to get a sacred item from them and trying to buy it from them, and they didn't want to give it. And he was very insistent, and he. He apparently offended them deeply. And then when he returned, they're like, oh, he's back. And they stabbed him when he was in the boat. They were taking him in the boat over there, and they stuck him with a spear, screaming out. And he cried. And then the guy who told the story, it's. There's a whole depiction of how he died.

[Bert Kreischer]

Bullet up.

[Ari Shaffir]

I read that. It's because also, like, he was an important man in America, in another country. Like, that's. That's better to eat that. That's a good person to eat.

[Joe Rogan]

I think the big thing was get their power. I think it was the offense, because they would have killed them the first time back.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, there's one, and I'm trying to remember who it is. It might have been a Rockefeller.

[Ari Shaffir]

What?

[Shane Gillis]

Somebody. Somebody's like, kid went to Africa and paid to watch them cannibalize a kid.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yikes.

[Joe Rogan]

Whoa.

[Shane Gillis]

I gotta remember. It's a Rockefeller. Like one of those names.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. I wonder if he's telling this at a party. He goes, guys, just so you know, they were gonna kill him and eat him anyway.

[Shane Gillis]

He did. No, that's. I think that's exactly what he did. Came back and was like, they're gonna eat him anyway. I just want to watch it.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Gillis]

Watching that.

[Joe Rogan]

How about that dude, General Butt Naked. You remember that guy?

[Shane Gillis]

Hell, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

He would. They would kidnap a child and cut the child's heart out and eat it raw before they would go into battle. And he would go into battle buck Naked Whiskey Whiskey Air by a slave girl to watch her get cannibalized.

[Ari Shaffir]

What?

[Joe Rogan]

Is that true? Reference to 130 year old.

[Shane Gillis]

What?

[Ari Shaffir]

That's a tough one.

[Joe Rogan]

130 year old scandal and a horrifying anecdote from a colonial expedition.

[Ari Shaffir]

Jamo's been around for 130 years.

[Joe Rogan]

Wow. He bought a slave girl to watch her get cannibalized Mixtures. What's true? Go up to the top. Scroll up. Right there. By his own admission, Jameson witnessed the murder and mutilation of a girl and is now the Democratic Republic of the Congo. In 1888, incident took place after Jameson paid handkerchiefs to a man who said, give me a bill of cloth and see. Oh, boy.

[Ari Shaffir]

What?

[Joe Rogan]

Jamie? So Jameson insisted he did not set out with the intention of causing or witnessing any murder or act of cannibalism and described what he ultimately witnessed as the most horrifyingly sickening sight I am ever likely to see in my life.

[Ari Shaffir]

I mean, somebody's like, that's a fair statement. Give me a handkerchief.

[Joe Rogan]

But if you. Like, what do you guys do? You guys eat people? It's like, give me a handkerchief and you'll see. And that's all you have to give the guy a handkerchief.

[Ari Shaffir]

And we all would have done it. We all would have given a handkerchief not knowing what it's going to be. What do you mean?

[Joe Rogan]

First of all, I'd be terrified to not give him the handkerchief.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Killing and eating people.

[Ari Shaffir]

Know what you're getting?

[Joe Rogan]

Like the guy who got killed and eaten in Papua New Guinea. I bet he had no idea he offended them. No, he thought he was bargaining.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You know, like, if you don't know their culture and you're. You're deeply offending them by wanting some sacred item that they have, like pissing on the tree.

[Ari Shaffir]

And Somar.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

In where?

[Ari Shaffir]

In midsommar. Pissed on the tree. Like, what are you doing? Well, I just wanted to piss.

[Joe Rogan]

I don't know what that is. What is it? That's so much reference to.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, it's a hell of a movie.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's Somar. Ari Aster.

[Joe Rogan]

Do you know it, Jamie? I never said.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's a horror film.

[Ari Shaffir]

Good wreck.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Oh, I've never seen this.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, you would hate it.

[Joe Rogan]

Would I hate it?

[Ari Shaffir]

No, you wouldn't.

[Shane Gillis]

No. You would think it was up. It's too great.

[Ari Shaffir]

But it's cool anyway, the reference. Forget it.

[Joe Rogan]

How many AI movies are going to be made over the next year?

[Bert Kreischer]

They're coming.

[Ari Shaffir]

All of them. Let's get Rid of the actors.

[Bert Kreischer]

They're coming. Well, we don't have to hear from them.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, we don't have to hear from them.

[Joe Rogan]

All the media actors, all the, like, cbs, like, cop show actors who always played like the deputy. We've got the papers, but we don't know if he did it yet. You know, that guy's gone. That guy's gone. All the NPCs are gone.

[Bert Kreischer]

They're looking real good. They can make a protect our parks ai3 hours long.

[Shane Gillis]

Do it so easy to replicate that. We replicate it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Get these guys not at their best. Play Freebird 40 minutes in. Yeah, we'll do some Hitler stuff.

[Joe Rogan]

Hey, everybody.

[Ari Shaffir]

Coming out of the closet.

[Shane Gillis]

He probably will play. Hey, Kanye.

[Joe Rogan]

Kanye won the Hallelujah one. Is that real? Is that legit? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He changed. He made a Hallelujah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Another version of the same song.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, but it's. But it's not. It's like all my brothers Christians. Hallelujah.

[Bert Kreischer]

They still have the N word in it, Nay?

[Joe Rogan]

I do not believe so.

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't know.

[Joe Rogan]

Does it, Jamie? I think it's brothers. He says brothers.

[Bert Kreischer]

Okay.

[Joe Rogan]

That song was the craziest song, Boy.

[Shane Gillis]

The craziest song I've ever.

[Joe Rogan]

We talked about catchy on this. No.

[Ari Shaffir]

Which song?

[Joe Rogan]

Catchy and insane. You said the three things you could never say all together.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, well, that was.

[Shane Gillis]

It was tough. How tricky it was or how catchy it was.

[Bert Kreischer]

I know.

[Shane Gillis]

Listen to it. And I'd be like, oh, yeah, that was crazy. And then the rest of my dad be walking around.

[Joe Rogan]

It was exactly.

[Bert Kreischer]

I was humming it.

[Joe Rogan]

Shows how important Twitter is. They're like. They kept it up.

[Bert Kreischer]

I know it's up there. It was number two in Israel.

[Joe Rogan]

What?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Hit the chart. Pull it up. Give it a goob. Oh, I still got the N word in. All right, good.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, yeah. So you just changed that part.

[Jamie Vernon]

Yeah, it's like that. It's how the melody goes.

[Joe Rogan]

You gotta leave it. Okay. I only heard one part where he's saying, all my brothers Christians.

[Bert Kreischer]

Google if is number two in Israel. I swear I heard that on spot.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wait, they changed the Heil Hitler song to the Hallelujah?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, it's wholesome.

[Shane Gillis]

That's nice.

[Ari Shaffir]

Now, that's like when they changed up. Let's get retarded. Let's get it started. Yeah, so they can do NBA commercials. Yeah, it's not as good anymore.

[Joe Rogan]

Everybody forgets. Yes. Let's get.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's a clear shift of, like, when things change.

[Joe Rogan]

You know, the first One is Tutti Frutti. Tutti Frutti. The original was Tutti Frutti, Good Booty. It wasn't.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, Rudy.

[Joe Rogan]

Little Richard was singing about booties.

[Ari Shaffir]

Tootie Fruity.

[Joe Rogan]

Tutti Frutti, Good Booty. It's all about sex. If you listen to the song, it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Was an IHOP commercial.

[Joe Rogan]

The original version of the song, like, you could see the lyrics online, you could find them. That was the original song he was talking about.

[Ari Shaffir]

Imagine that's how you're.

[Joe Rogan]

He's thinking about Good Booty.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Good for him.

[Joe Rogan]

This episode is brought to you by UFC on ESPN Plus. All right, guys, mark your calendars because UFC 316 is going down. Saturday, June 7th, live from Newark, New Jersey. And this card is stacked in the main event, Marab Dwavish Willi, AKA the Machine, the bantamweight champion of the world making his second title title defense. And he's taking on none other than Sugar Sean o' Malley. You heard that, right. It's a rematch from their wild clash at Noche ufc. Then in the co main, it's Kayla Harrison finally getting her shot at UFC gold. She's facing Juliana Pena, who is defending her title in her second reign. And listen, there is some serious heat between these two, because whoever comes out on top might just end up facing hall of Famer Amanda Nunes. Don't miss this one. Purchase UFC [e-mail] Rogan Saturday, June 7th at 10:00pm Eastern. The lyrics.

[Ari Shaffir]

He used to come into the store. Little Richard stay next door. Really beyond us.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. He also lived there, right?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, I lived at the. It was a Hyatt back then. He lived.

[Bert Kreischer]

Holy weird.

[Joe Rogan]

Sometimes guys get to a certain point where they just want a maid. Clean the room, who cares? An apartment anywhere else. Same thing.

[Ari Shaffir]

We're living a hotel, too, probably. So.

[Joe Rogan]

Wild thing they do so much money.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, I know, right? That Chateau Marmal. A lot of people live there.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. When you're cracked out.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

That's a good place to go to be fully cracked out.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's the beginning of the end over there.

[Joe Rogan]

You go there with a plan, velvet jacket and a plan.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's the right level of coke where I think I have powers.

[Joe Rogan]

You got a cigarette holder with them long stems.

[Shane Gillis]

That must be so nice. I know that high on cocaine that you're like, I am the man. Die in this place.

[Bert Kreischer]

I wouldn't want the maid coming in, though. Living in a hotel. You got secret in there.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. If you're the main, that's the Thrill of it. It's like spies. Like Spy versus Spy.

[Shane Gillis]

And you're so high.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let's keep it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You're absolutely convinced the maid is CIA?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Oh, 100.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's the maid. It's like you're coming in, you're coming all the way in. There's no peek in your head.

[Bert Kreischer]

There's something hot about the maid in the room, isn't it?

[Ari Shaffir]

If it's because you're porn, force it. You can grease it, make it easy.

[Joe Rogan]

They replaced with tutti Frutti. All Rudy. Tutti Frutti already. Tutti Frutti, good booty. If it don't fit, don't force it. You can grease it, make it easy. What is the rest?

[Ari Shaffir]

This is Whop. This is the original Whop.

[Joe Rogan]

Tutti fruity, good booty. If it's tight, it's all right.

[Ari Shaffir]

If it's greasy, it makes it easy.

[Joe Rogan]

It makes it easy. Wow.

[Jamie Vernon]

I think it said he was playing the song live and then when they recorded it, changed it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wait, he was gay?

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

What?

[Bert Kreischer]

Get out of here.

[Joe Rogan]

Verses contain descriptions of anal sex. Oh, my goodness.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

It hits different when you know it's a gay guy.

[Joe Rogan]

My goodness.

[Bert Kreischer]

Gross.

[Joe Rogan]

What does it say about. Hold on. Go back to the bottom. Stop right there. Blackwell contacted local songwriter Dorothy o' lady wrote this. That's three. To revise the lyrics. Oh, there we go. With Little Richard still playing in his characteristic style.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh.

[Joe Rogan]

After lively performance, Blackwell knew the song was going to be a hit, but recognized that the lyrics, with their minstrel modes and sexual humor, needed to be revised for lyrical purity.

[Ari Shaffir]

Little Hibbit's Time. Someone should make that now with your original.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

You could make that hit.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

A little.

[Joe Rogan]

Little NASA should put that out.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

It was 1955. He was talking about greasing up guys, dicks and asses.

[Ari Shaffir]

Fetty Wap could do it.

[Shane Gillis]

Free Fetty Wap.

[Ari Shaffir]

Free Fetty.

[Bert Kreischer]

What did he do?

[Ari Shaffir]

Nothing.

[Bert Kreischer]

What was he accused of?

[Ari Shaffir]

Juicy J?

[Shane Gillis]

I think it was selling drugs.

[Ari Shaffir]

Juicy J could pull that song off.

[Shane Gillis]

Yes.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. He never came off his game.

[Joe Rogan]

There's dudes out there that could pull that off.

[Ari Shaffir]

Can't get a mouth pregnant.

[Bert Kreischer]

Is that right?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's fun.

[Joe Rogan]

They used to have to hide. Gay guys used to have to hide. That's crazy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Just like metaphor.

[Joe Rogan]

Just have to hide.

[Bert Kreischer]

The. The psycho, Anthony Perkus.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, he was gay, too.

[Bert Kreischer]

Big homo.

[Ari Shaffir]

Big.

[Joe Rogan]

You know where they still have to hide, though? Leading man roles.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

I don't know if that's true.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow. He's got to fly off a mountain just to not not blow a guy.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's grandfather anyway.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's gotta do those stunts.

[Joe Rogan]

But you know what I'm saying, Like, if you know a guy's married and he has a husband, you don't want to see him in a leading role making out with a lady for what you like. Ah, he's all there thinking about dicks.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, that's a good point. But it's acting that.

[Joe Rogan]

But it's the one thing where we don't. We're homophobic. Like openly. Right? Like lesbians. It doesn't matter. Like, if you know a lady's a lesbian, like Jody Foster, she's allowed to play a wife of somebody.

[Bert Kreischer]

Nobody cares.

[Joe Rogan]

Nobody blinks. But if you know the name one instance of a guy who's a young, handsome gay guy who gets to play straight big movie. Like, who would you like if you found out that.

[Ari Shaffir]

Who's Christian Bale?

[Joe Rogan]

Like, if you found out Christian Bale was. It would ruin his whole gig.

[Ari Shaffir]

Who are the gay now?

[Shane Gillis]

He's. He'd be. It'd be like. He's like one of those actors like Daniel Day Lewis.

[Ari Shaffir]

Too good.

[Shane Gillis]

Where you're like, he's such a fucking artist that you'd be like, up to a point, something like that.

[Joe Rogan]

No one's pulled that off.

[Shane Gillis]

Tom Hardy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Tom Hardy's by.

[Shane Gillis]

Tom Hardy's had some butts.

[Joe Rogan]

Is that true?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, I can't go all the way.

[Joe Rogan]

Is that confirmed statements?

[Jamie Vernon]

That's for sure.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm hard.

[Joe Rogan]

So weird. Statements are fun. He's explicitly stated that he's. While he's not explicitly state he's gay or bisexual, he's acknowledged exploring his sexuality.

[Bert Kreischer]

All right.

[Ari Shaffir]

In the butt or not.

[Joe Rogan]

He just wears masks. He wears goggles. He's great on Mobland, bro.

[Shane Gillis]

I've heard Mobland.

[Joe Rogan]

He's so good.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's great everything.

[Joe Rogan]

Have you seen it already? Oh, my God. Paramount + Mobland, five stars. I give it all stars. Guy Ritchie show.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, he's great.

[Joe Rogan]

Crazy English mob show. You're like, jesus Christ. Every show gives me anxiety every episode. Like, what the.

[Ari Shaffir]

They need a rating system back on tv because I am too deep into these shows where it's like, oh, this is made for children. And like, you don't know until you watch Paramount plus has stuff on regular TV and stuff like that. And they just blend it all in together and you don't know what you're getting into.

[Shane Gillis]

Cocoa and you're like, oh, that's a seven of blue. This is for kids.

[Bert Kreischer]

All right. Watching Ms. Rachel?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. What is? Don't they tell you, like, violence, nudity, all that stuff at the beginning of the show.

[Ari Shaffir]

So you need that. Otherwise, like, I can't have it. I need one's made half deer. All the kids are half, like, animals and half deer.

[Shane Gillis]

What? I know what that is. Yeah, I saw kids. Yeah. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

You just see a season in.

[Joe Rogan]

You're like, oh, it's a kid show where they're half animals.

[Jamie Vernon]

Sweet tooth.

[Ari Shaffir]

Sweet tooth.

[Bert Kreischer]

I've never heard of this.

[Ari Shaffir]

What is it about a little post apocalyptic sweet tooth?

[Joe Rogan]

A post apocalyptic.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, where like humans and animals started merging.

[Joe Rogan]

What?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, it's a cool idea, but it's a kid show. They don't tell you in the teaser.

[Shane Gillis]

It's not really a kid comics.

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't know what that's like.

[Ari Shaffir]

Not made for adults.

[Joe Rogan]

What are you missing? More violence.

[Ari Shaffir]

More real violence. It's just too sweet. It's made for like 15 years.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's cute.

[Joe Rogan]

Kids with antlers.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's kind of weird fun.

[Joe Rogan]

They gotta sleep in the back.

[Bert Kreischer]

Is this a new I sleep with antlers.

[Joe Rogan]

It's. You think it's cute? Give kid a headgear that he can't move around his house. If he tries to get through the trees and he gets stuck, he's gonna cry.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Human kids with antlers. It's terrible idea.

[Ari Shaffir]

Terrible idea. Let's do it.

[Shane Gillis]

They got it.

[Joe Rogan]

And then your neck hurts because you're carrying on all that extra weight and it falls off and then it pops back up again. And that means you only breed once a year if you have antlers. Joe's taking it one month out of the year.

[Shane Gillis]

Watch out for you, dude.

[Joe Rogan]

Not only that, you're going to stab your friends to death with those antlers.

[Shane Gillis]

You're going to be out of that motherfucker.

[Joe Rogan]

I hunt those kids.

[Ari Shaffir]

This show is recommended for ages 10 and up.

[Joe Rogan]

You're over 10.

[Bert Kreischer]

There you go.

[Ari Shaffir]

Fair? Fair. I'll give her another go. Give it another go.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, the antlers, sometimes they get stuck in a tree.

[Joe Rogan]

100? Yeah, animals die that way sometimes. Damn.

[Shane Gillis]

You ever see these guys, like moose, like when they shake their antlers off? What's that called?

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, yeah, shedding.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, Giant paddles.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, giant paddles.

[Shane Gillis]

It like surprises is them and then.

[Joe Rogan]

They'Re free because all that weight. You know how much those things weigh?

[Bert Kreischer]

Those are bone, but it's basically a weapon, right?

[Joe Rogan]

These two deer are locked. Yeah, you gotta. This guy's gonna shoot the antlers off. He's gonna separate.

[Bert Kreischer]

What the.

[Joe Rogan]

So he's got to do that with a shotgun. He's just got to get a good shot.

[Ari Shaffir]

Only he's gonna shoot the antlers and not them.

[Joe Rogan]

Not them. He's an expert. Oh, he's a really good shot. And he's real close. So all he has to do is like clip one of the antlers and it'll blow them all apart. Boom. He got it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Boom.

[Joe Rogan]

Boom.

[Shane Gillis]

What?

[Joe Rogan]

A guy broke free. Because they get eaten by coyotes that way. And the coyote eats your friend while you're stuck to him.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

They found this one deer. A buddy of mine found one deer that was connected still to this dead deer. Yeah, the coyotes eaten his friend. They tore the. Ate his guts out. Everything was gone. They just ate as much as they wanted. In the morning, he's still stuck. Whoa. Yeah. And he lived. Imagine how horrifying that would be. Your handcuffed. Your buddy. Your buddy gets eaten by zombies. But they're fully. You're still handcuffed to him.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's like when those guys. The Siamese twin and they're like. It's only one.

[Joe Rogan]

Look at this. Here's another one of those. So this is this. So this happens more than you know. So it's coyotes that are moving in on them that have already killed his buddy and he's still attached to him.

[Shane Gillis]

And they look.

[Joe Rogan]

It's just. It's just gory and horrible.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's brutal.

[Joe Rogan]

Crazy. And he's. He was stuck with them the whole time. Look how much they ate out of them.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's like dangerous.

[Joe Rogan]

By the way, coyotes are just little wolves. That's all they are. They're little wolves that are everywhere in every state.

[Shane Gillis]

They're everywhere. Everywhere they came to. They're at my parents house now in Pennsylvania.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. They spread across the whole country.

[Shane Gillis]

Hear them at night. It's. It's pretty intense. It starts screaming. You know, they go. Somebody's pet a triangulate, right?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, they mostly pets.

[Shane Gillis]

My cat was out there and I was watching TV one night and I heard them all screaming. I heard like screaming for a little and I was like the was that. And then I walked outside. My cat was like laying on the ground and there were just three coyotes circling him. And I don't run out there. I was so scared.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Get the out of here.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. They don't listen.

[Shane Gillis]

But I picked my cat up and he was purring. It was very weird.

[Joe Rogan]

It's probably so happy that your daddy.

[Shane Gillis]

It was really sweet.

[Ari Shaffir]

Sweet.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Sweet. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

I love that cat. He's dead now, Rip.

[Joe Rogan]

That's the problem with.

[Shane Gillis]

He got mauled by something. He was an outdoor cat.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Outdoor cats are little murderers, though. He had it coming.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah. They kill all the birds and present it to you.

[Joe Rogan]

Yes, bro.

[Shane Gillis]

Rabbits into the house. Alive.

[Joe Rogan]

Kill this for you.

[Shane Gillis]

He's a demon.

[Joe Rogan]

How fun it must be to be a cat. And all you have to do. You have all your food. So you're covered already. This is funsies.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You're not eating for survival.

[Shane Gillis]

I like letting them out.

[Bert Kreischer]

Out.

[Ari Shaffir]

I feed off.

[Shane Gillis]

I didn't want him to greenhouse kit.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. If a cat's got a yard, it's kind of brutal to not let him out. But it's brutal to let them out.

[Bert Kreischer]

Exactly.

[Ari Shaffir]

I love those missing cat pictures in. On the.

[Joe Rogan]

On the post.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. In la.

[Shane Gillis]

Guess what, buddy?

[Bert Kreischer]

They're gone.

[Shane Gillis]

Coyotes, though. It wasn't no unreasonable. Now it's like before our coyote.

[Joe Rogan]

You found your cat dead on the side of the road.

[Bert Kreischer]

Every now and then, like a month later, that thing will come back. Yeah, like a stepdad.

[Shane Gillis]

That's how they've. Both my cats were outdoor cats and they came back, see. Fucking mauled, really. One of them had its eyeball hanging out, like, crawled back to the house.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's like John Wick come back torn up.

[Joe Rogan]

They go out and fight to the death. Yeah, cats fight. It's horrible watching cats fight.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Especially the outside ones where they really get after it because they're used to killing things.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Regular indoor cat. Their whole life. They just like walk around with a boner, never get the fuck. You know, that's what it's like. You're a little murderer. And you're a little murderer that's contained in the house.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's true. And you show me your.

[Joe Rogan]

And if you let that little murder out, it could be 11 years old. 11 years of the perfect life.

[Shane Gillis]

Let him out.

[Joe Rogan]

Lock on a birth.

[Shane Gillis]

Who do you. Who do you think wins? City cats or outdoor rural cats?

[Joe Rogan]

Just like human. Just like humans.

[Ari Shaffir]

Like humans. Appalachia wins over New York City every day.

[Joe Rogan]

If Dallas had to like, like, fight the ranchers, the ranchers that surround Dallas, like, hat. Blood bath. It be a blood bath.

[Bert Kreischer]

Tim Walls versus Rogan.

[Joe Rogan]

It's not. Yeah, the rurals got it all day long.

[Shane Gillis]

I. It's funny, I. I had pride in that. Like, I would. When in Queens, when I was walking around, I'd see like a outdoor cat and I'd just be Like, Tibble, would you up my guy?

[Bert Kreischer]

Would you up my cat? I got a Maine coon that's awesome. Huge big ears, but I can't let it out.

[Shane Gillis]

No shit.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's staying in my apartment. Yeah, it's like a honey badger.

[Joe Rogan]

That's so crazy. People say a lynx is loose.

[Bert Kreischer]

I mean, that thing's jumping up the stairs.

[Joe Rogan]

It's when I was in high school, we lived across the street from this park area, and I had this black cat. This cat was evil. He killed everything. And one day he killed a squirrel. And he was dragging it across the street. The squirrel's as big as him. He's got his mouth on the squirrel's neck and the squirrel's body's between his legs. And he's walking like this, dragging it because he wants to show me that he killed the squirrel. Yo, I was watching him do it from the window of the kitchen. I was like, what the.

[Shane Gillis]

I have to have told this story on here before and stop me if I have. I watched Tibble killed a rabbit in the yard and I heard it screaming. So I like, went out to be like. I pulled him off the rabbit and when I lifted, it was funny. He was all muscle. I was holding him under his chest and he was just like. He could feel him breathing. Then I put him back in the house, and as soon as I put him down, he scratched me and walked away. It was crazy.

[Joe Rogan]

He ruined his fun piece of this is what I Live for.

[Shane Gillis]

For real. I got called gay by my cat.

[Joe Rogan]

Did I tell you my dog got honey dicked by a coyote and tricked into breaking into the chicken coop?

[Bert Kreischer]

Wait, honey dick? What? Huh?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. This coyote became his friend. He was his big mastiff stiff and the kite. The coyotes knew they couldn't eat him because he was huge. So they became friends with him. So he thought they were dogs. And so the coyote hopped. The fence is like, hey, you know there's a chicken in there. We can get in there. And he's like, I can get in there. So he fucking tears open the chicken coop because he could at any time he wanted to. The coyote grabs it. And the coyote hopped over the fence. I watched the coyote hop over a six foot wrought iron fence like it was nothing.

[Shane Gillis]

That's awesome.

[Joe Rogan]

He leaped up in the air, touched the top of the fence with his feet and then put his back feet on and hopped over with a chicken in his mouth.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's like a Mexican.

[Ari Shaffir]

I was like, I am under taking the chicken.

[Joe Rogan]

No, I just saw the chick. We were playing I was playing a board game with my family in the living room and one of my kids, one of my kids yelled out, it's a coyote. And then you see this coyote run across the backyard with a chicken in his mouth. Just get to that fence and leap. It like flew. Like it was like gravity wasn't real.

[Shane Gillis]

Like, impressed or were you mad?

[Joe Rogan]

Super impressed.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, it's like that. You can't be mad. I was mad. I wanted to kill it. But it's like that's. That's what they do. And that was impressive.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's all you. That chicken's cost is worth you saying that.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, 100. Yeah, 100. But then Johnny realized that there's this whole. That was like one chicken was brooding. And when a chicken's brooding, you have to separate them from the other chickens because they won't lay eggs and they pick all their feathers out. They think they're going to make a baby with this unfertilized egg. So they want to sit on top of the egg. They don't want to go around. It's a weird psychological thing. The way to break them of it, you take them and you put them in a little tiny pen by themselves where they have to stand on a post so then they can't nest. Right. And then they do it for a few days and like, I'm over it. And then they go back to being a regular chicken. They're not the smartest things in the world. So this one was in this little tiny one. But then Johnny Cash realized I could just go through this wall because he was a 140 pound Mastiff. He was huge. So he just tore the chicken wire open himself and killed nine chickens before I got to him.

[Bert Kreischer]

Holy.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, that was a couple days later. But the coyotes had talked to him and convinced him, like, chicken eating is fun.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You're not eating these chickens. Look how big you are. You can eat the chickens. It tricked him into doing it, man. He had never done that before. And then he's hanging out with this coyote and the coyote is like his homie name.

[Bert Kreischer]

Damn.

[Ari Shaffir]

Honey dictum.

[Joe Rogan]

Honey dictum.

[Ari Shaffir]

What's that? What's that term?

[Joe Rogan]

They probably sent a female coyote. And just like the Mormons do. Smells like. Does it?

[Ari Shaffir]

The Mormons, Salt Lake, they send all the cute ones to try to convert you, try to get you in.

[Shane Gillis]

I heard it works. That would work on me in a second if you're 21.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, but the problem is it's a Utah hot. So it's like a five it's like a Utah.

[Shane Gillis]

Utah.

[Joe Rogan]

Utah's pretty hot.

[Bert Kreischer]

The ones out.

[Ari Shaffir]

The ones still in chubby and not tattooed.

[Bert Kreischer]

You see Japan.

[Joe Rogan]

Tattooed for. I like them. That's hilarious.

[Ari Shaffir]

Anyone in Utah that's out of the Mormons that are just like.

[Joe Rogan]

Once they get out. Once they get out.

[Shane Gillis]

They go hard.

[Joe Rogan]

They go hard.

[Bert Kreischer]

Fake tits. They go in.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, seeing as they feel like they have to make up for lost time.

[Shane Gillis]

Right.

[Joe Rogan]

Been wearing magic underwear since you're 24.

[Bert Kreischer]

They can't even drink coffee.

[Joe Rogan]

That's so crazy. But you can drink energy drinks. Did you know that?

[Ari Shaffir]

Really?

[Joe Rogan]

My friend was a Mormon. He was down in these giant monsters. I was like, bro, that is way more caffeine.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Than. Than a cup of coffee. He's like, yeah, but it says coffee. It doesn't say energy drinks. Okay. Yeah, but a guy wrote it. We know the guy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Tough.

[Shane Gillis]

Town of Mormon, they believe a guy wrote it.

[Joe Rogan]

What are you talking about? A 14 year old wrote that down.

[Ari Shaffir]

Just some dude.

[Shane Gillis]

He had gold tablet and he was the only one that could read it.

[Joe Rogan]

He would deprive energy drinks of you too.

[Ari Shaffir]

He would now.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

He just didn't know about it.

[Bert Kreischer]

No loopholes, no porn, no caffeine, no booze.

[Joe Rogan]

Magic underwear.

[Bert Kreischer]

And they got a soak they can't thrust find.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't mind a little soak, dude. I love the soak.

[Ari Shaffir]

Is actually pretty good.

[Bert Kreischer]

I couldn't do it.

[Ari Shaffir]

When a girl gets off on a soak, just leave it in. No movement. She's like, that's what I like. Whoa.

[Shane Gillis]

Where the do you find her? That'd be Mormon country New York.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You gotta get an Amish.

[Bert Kreischer]

She's asleep.

[Ari Shaffir]

Come on down. Right now.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. No, when I found out about. About soaking, I was like, that's my.

[Joe Rogan]

So crazy that they allow them to do that.

[Ari Shaffir]

So you know you're gonna blow if you're soaking. When I was that age, I blow just being next to a girl.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Meat glove in there.

[Joe Rogan]

It's designed for that. It's designed to trick you into making people. Yeah, it's designed to trick you into it.

[Bert Kreischer]

You see, Japan's birth rate is so low, they're flying people in. You get a birthright.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. It is crazy. Yeah. They make it real economical, real safe to live there too. Lot of appeal. But you got to learn Japanese.

[Bert Kreischer]

I think they would learn of their.

[Ari Shaffir]

Easy language to learn.

[Joe Rogan]

Is it?

[Ari Shaffir]

No, it's all symbols and upside down bushes and stuff.

[Joe Rogan]

It's so nuts that people develop these fucking languages that are Just so different than anywhere else. When you look at like Russian writing, you're like, what are you doing with the letters?

[Shane Gillis]

I was in New York yesterday and there was a. There's a white family speaking. I'm usually pretty good at picking out white. What the language is. Yeah. No idea. Might have been probably Estonian. Icelandic or some. It was something like crazy.

[Joe Rogan]

Viking.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, Viking dog. They looked like Vikings. Boom. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

I just played Reykjavik. That is a great town. Is it unreal? It's like otherworldly. It's glaciers, it's volcanoes, it's saunas and hot springs.

[Joe Rogan]

And they all speak English.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

In town.

[Joe Rogan]

Wow.

[Bert Kreischer]

For sure, it was great. No, Miami, out of town.

[Ari Shaffir]

They do deep songs in the. Whatever. They don't, but like. Yeah, Reykjavik rules. That's a cool drink in town.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Interesting. The chicks are like, smart.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

That's where all the strong men come from too.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah? Yeah. Big dudes.

[Joe Rogan]

Magnus von Magnuson type dudes, blonde men, big Viking leftovers.

[Shane Gillis]

I was hoping I had some Viking, you know. No, just strictly Irish.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, Big.

[Shane Gillis]

I was hoping I was one of those Irish people that got raped by Vikings.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm probably a bike. No, just a. A mud person.

[Joe Rogan]

How far back can they tell, like. Like what happened to you?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. What percentage?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. How do they.

[Ari Shaffir]

They're all the same.

[Joe Rogan]

They're always updating it too. Like 23andMe. Thank God they get. Didn't get bought by the Chinese. Some other company bought 23andMe. Now a date is safe again, boys.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know what they're going to do with my.

[Bert Kreischer]

I know they're going to use it.

[Joe Rogan]

Make a disease that only kills you.

[Bert Kreischer]

They got your DNA now.

[Shane Gillis]

I got that. I got that already. It's gone looking. Yeah. Me and my whole island that I.

[Bert Kreischer]

Came from, I did Belfast. It's wild. You can't bring up the whole. You know. Yeah. The troubles, which is a cute name these days.

[Shane Gillis]

Back.

[Bert Kreischer]

Let's go kneecaps. Back. I put the wrong flag on Instagram and I got like 20 messages. Like, take that down, we'll kill you.

[Shane Gillis]

You can't put up any flag.

[Joe Rogan]

Don't put up flag.

[Shane Gillis]

If you put up a flag, you're going to get messed up messages from somebody.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's true.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Spain has like three flags.

[Bert Kreischer]

The pride flag got me in trouble too.

[Joe Rogan]

It's the whole month, boys.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, that's right.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. It's time. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Let's talk about it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. It's not everywhere anymore.

[Bert Kreischer]

Every corporation.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's funny, the Corporation's like, oh, we don't have to anymore. Turns out we were always. Didn't give a. Yeah, we never once actually gave a.

[Joe Rogan]

They gave a. For one month. Is this still Pride Month or did.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Say no Pride Month month.

[Ari Shaffir]

They're still going to do Pride Monthly.

[Joe Rogan]

No Pride Month.

[Shane Gillis]

I hope he doesn't say no Pride Month.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, you can.

[Shane Gillis]

They're gonna. Really.

[Joe Rogan]

But the thing is, you can't. Like, if we decide to protect our Parks Month. Who the is.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's not an official thing.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, who's. Who are the officials at this point?

[Bert Kreischer]

Good point. The Gay Prime Month.

[Joe Rogan]

No more. Trump administration says title 9 month.

[Ari Shaffir]

What is that?

[Joe Rogan]

That is the. The thing that allows women to compete with only women in sports.

[Ari Shaffir]

Is it Title nine where they have that good women's sports money?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, yeah. Equal representation for women' sports.

[Ari Shaffir]

And now timeline protected women. It's anti trans. It was. Well woman.

[Joe Rogan]

It's pro women. And then there's trans women who think they're women and they want to compete with women. And Title nine should be there protecting. Yeah. Some dude with a problem with his mom. Yeah. Some guy who hates women. If you just were allowed to, like, beat up women. If you, like, made a league where men are allowed to fight women. How this is in a sitcom.

[Shane Gillis]

Every morning I wake up, I go, oh, you're lucky that my league hasn't taken off yet. You and me, heavyweight title.

[Ari Shaffir]

Matt has a joke about it. I think he did it in Special Oscar. Yeah. Where it's like he went to, like, Iran or something with his chick. And she was like, we're supposed to come here. I was like, you talk to her. You let her talk to you.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

She's like, oh, you're about to.

[Shane Gillis]

He's like, I'm gonna take my baby on a nice vacation. Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Some guy in the neighborhood might smack her in the head for you. Yeah. Some guy might walk by and just smack her if she's yell you. Hey, you know, Iran is the place that has the. One of the places that has the most gender transition surgeries.

[Bert Kreischer]

No way.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. You know why? Because you can't be gay.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

So.

[Joe Rogan]

So they gotta go all the way. Become trans.

[Shane Gillis]

A lot of religious loopholes.

[Ari Shaffir]

Interesting.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. See if that's true.

[Ari Shaffir]

I love that moment you say something out loud. You're like, pretty sure it's true.

[Joe Rogan]

I'm pretty sure we've actually looked it up before.

[Ari Shaffir]

And so you're not gay, you're trans. So it's okay.

[Bert Kreischer]

But they don't allow trans.

[Joe Rogan]

They do.

[Ari Shaffir]

They do.

[Joe Rogan]

They do.

[Bert Kreischer]

You wait.

[Joe Rogan]

Gotta wrap it up.

[Shane Gillis]

Ah.

[Bert Kreischer]

You gotta be convinced.

[Joe Rogan]

Wrap it up. Cover the face.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah. It's so easy to be trans there.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. You could be a furry. That's what furries are all about. You get a hatch. Here's to hatch.

[Shane Gillis]

True.

[Joe Rogan]

You pop the hatch. You're a squirrel. That's what's going on. You're just a happy chipmunk banging squirrel.

[Shane Gillis]

Don't get me started on these. Good ideas.

[Joe Rogan]

Great ideas. Everybody just looks like a cute cartoon character. Never go eye to eye with anybody because they're so old. List. There's no either. There is. Sex reassignment surgery is not only legal in Iran, but Tehran is considered to be an international hub for obtaining it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Guys.

[Joe Rogan]

The procedure has been allowed since Ayatollah. Boy. Say his name. Khomeini. But the first. The. The minimal part was Ruhola.

[Ari Shaffir]

I've never heard that.

[Joe Rogan]

Khomeini learned of the hardships of trans women and issued a religious decree to legalize it in the mid-1980s.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow. During the.

[Joe Rogan]

So it's illegal to be gay, but you can switch. Switch genders because that's what's really going on. You're just. You're not really a gay man. That's impossible.

[Shane Gillis]

Every time I read these, like, Muslim Sharia things. God damn. They're the bros. It's just bro law. They're like, dude, come on, man.

[Joe Rogan]

You can be a chick.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, you can be a chick. Okay. Are you sure? All right, let's go. Surgery. Our guys are good at it. We've been doing it since the 80s. What?

[Shane Gillis]

Wow.

[Joe Rogan]

The 80s?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

We use a Kirby sword. We slice your penis.

[Joe Rogan]

By the way, every October 7th, everybody's cat's trans.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wait, what?

[Joe Rogan]

You have a male cat. You castrate them? Everybody does. Because you leave them in the house. If your cat goes in the house, they'll pee all over your house.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's true.

[Joe Rogan]

They will mark every spot in your house. You have to cut their balls off.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm just trying to get normal.

[Bert Kreischer]

R. Kelly.

[Joe Rogan]

It's fun. It's amazing how many cats there are out there. Because every male cat gets his balls chopped off.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's true. But cat. The straight cats do all the.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

They do a lot of Pick up the slack.

[Joe Rogan]

They do a lot of. Wow.

[Bert Kreischer]

I think cat dicks have barbs. Cat dicks have little spikes where they go in. They can't come out.

[Joe Rogan]

Did you ever see that video where the crow talks. These two cats fighting each other.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's pushing at him.

[Joe Rogan]

He with them. He with one cat. Then he flies over to the other room, the roof. And with the other cat, that guy's. He gets him fully worked up, Fully worked up. And then they start duking it out. And the crow flies down. He loved it, instigated it, got it to happen, and was a willing participant.

[Bert Kreischer]

We should be using crows. They're so smart.

[Joe Rogan]

They're crazy smart. Yeah, crazy smart.

[Bert Kreischer]

We gotta harness that, befriending them.

[Joe Rogan]

I mean, Edgar Allan Poe figured that out. Out way back in the day. Ravens and crows, they're so intelligent.

[Ari Shaffir]

He had it.

[Shane Gillis]

Edgar Allen, the pro crowing machine.

[Joe Rogan]

Edgar Allen, bro, With this one cat, just get real close to him, just kind of pecking at him. The is wrong with you? Oh, just with him just completely riling up, pecking out.

[Bert Kreischer]

Look at this.

[Joe Rogan]

And just jumping just out of the way. He knows how fast he is. He knows how fast the cat is. Like, not quick enough.

[Ari Shaffir]

Go get that one.

[Joe Rogan]

And so he gets over.

[Shane Gillis]

Fight, fight.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow.

[Joe Rogan]

Before that, though, he went over to the other side and was. With that. Look at. They fall off the roof, and then he goes down at it. Still getting after it. They don't stop when they fall 30ft. Yeah, they're still duking it out, man. Just duking it out. And then they go down those stairs. Look at that little hole. Look, they're going to fall down the hole.

[Shane Gillis]

Boom.

[Joe Rogan]

Still duking it out. Look at this. They're going after it. Son, that's a fight to the death.

[Shane Gillis]

They do love Jiu Jitsu, too. They're good. Lay on their back and kill the.

[Joe Rogan]

Out of each other. My outdoor cat would come home with just deep scratches all over his ears. His ears were all tattered.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yikes.

[Shane Gillis]

It's a funny idea.

[Joe Rogan]

And if they get locked when they're having sex, they get stuck.

[Bert Kreischer]

Exactly.

[Joe Rogan]

Barbed dick.

[Ari Shaffir]

I've seen dogs do that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wait, dogs? What?

[Shane Gillis]

Dogs have the same dicks?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, they're just stuck with a hard dick.

[Ari Shaffir]

Sounds like every one night stand.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's mostly.

[Ari Shaffir]

I want to get out of here.

[Joe Rogan]

We're the only mammals, I think, that don't have a bone for the dick, because otherwise we just use it constantly.

[Bert Kreischer]

Speak for yourself.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

That'S it.

[Shane Gillis]

All right, We've reached. Yeah, this is exactly where this podcast goes.

[Joe Rogan]

I don't even know how you get them unstuck. You throw cold water on them. What do you do?

[Bert Kreischer]

It's like antlers.

[Ari Shaffir]

How do they get unstuck they got to go back to the right position.

[Jamie Vernon]

Now you got to wait weight.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh my God. Wait till the dick goes soft.

[Shane Gillis]

God damn Jiz.

[Joe Rogan]

But it's just a bone. That's what's crazy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Is that right?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

But you see dogs on the side of the road. It looks pleasant. Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

No one's ever said that before.

[Bert Kreischer]

We've all seen like a good.

[Joe Rogan]

No one's ever said that's pleasant.

[Shane Gillis]

That's like dogs actually.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, I've seen.

[Ari Shaffir]

I see a dog park all the time and it's so funny cuz the owners get like, I'm so sorry. Yeah, leave us alone.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right.

[Ari Shaffir]

We don't care.

[Bert Kreischer]

But you never like, I'm so sorry.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'm so sorry.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Kind of calm.

[Ari Shaffir]

They just do it real quick and get out of there.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Like a Mormon.

[Ari Shaffir]

The girl dogs aren't upset.

[Shane Gillis]

So a video this. These bulldogs, it made me actually kind of said, jamie, find a sad bulldogs.

[Joe Rogan]

What was sad about it?

[Shane Gillis]

Just think you'll see it's a. It's a tale fucking twisted. Just makes you feel a type of way.

[Joe Rogan]

Really.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know what to give you.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, he's. There's a twist on this video.

[Joe Rogan]

What happens?

[Shane Gillis]

No, nothing that bad. It's just, you know.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh. Oh, baby.

[Joe Rogan]

What went wrong with this bulldog?

[Shane Gillis]

Nothing. It's just a guy. It's a guy dog trying to talk to a girl. And then another guy comes in. He's like, hey, what's up? And they run off.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh.

[Shane Gillis]

And then the camera pans over and they're again. And then goes back to the bulldog.

[Joe Rogan]

They sit there.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's like, oh, I've been there, God damn it.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, we've all been there.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's the worst.

[Shane Gillis]

So. But JMO was quicker. Bulldog's sad.

[Bert Kreischer]

JMO's losing.

[Shane Gillis]

He's gonna nail that.

[Ari Shaffir]

James losing.

[Joe Rogan]

He's always a different algorithm than you.

[Jamie Vernon]

Started describing a different thing.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh.

[Jamie Vernon]

We were talking about dogs stuck together. So I'm looking for stuck together. And they said it was a third.

[Bert Kreischer]

Dog that gets one velvet suit three way.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Talking back.

[Shane Gillis]

You ever see a lady, a dog on the Internet?

[Joe Rogan]

I did. I saw one VHS tape when I was 18.

[Bert Kreischer]

Me too.

[Shane Gillis]

Really? Does something.

[Bert Kreischer]

Best day of my life.

[Joe Rogan]

It was a German shepherd. This lady. Lady was a German chick. Always.

[Ari Shaffir]

I saw two guys get in a fight. Jim Painter and Carboni. And they were watching a dog. We were all watching a dog, a chick. And Jim was like, she has nice tits. And. And Pete Carboni was like, what the she's getting by a dog. And he's like, that has nothing to do with the tits. The tits are nice.

[Joe Rogan]

What does that have to do with it?

[Shane Gillis]

I'm an argument.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's everybody's argument about whether tits were nice or not. She's being fucked up by a dog.

[Joe Rogan]

He needs to leave the room.

[Shane Gillis]

No. I had that fight in my head when I saw it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Really? Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Two sides of me were going, what the are you watching? This is disgusting. That lady should be put down. Then the other side of me is going, it's nice.

[Bert Kreischer]

Same with chick with dick. You're like, good chick. The balls are a problem.

[Joe Rogan]

But some guys get to a point where that's the only thing that turns them on. Big tits and a hard on. Let's go.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Best of both Worlds get crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

It's a tough thing to be.

[Joe Rogan]

Plus, you want someone who never says no. You want someone who wants it all the time.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. You want.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, you want to. Okay.

[Shane Gillis]

The idea was into it, apparently. Yeah, I have a religious decree. Dude, trans is sick.

[Joe Rogan]

Let me be the first to try them.

[Bert Kreischer]

Buy it, Dola.

[Joe Rogan]

Not bad, not bad.

[Shane Gillis]

All right. The bulldog video is not good enough for us to take this time.

[Joe Rogan]

I guess so it's falling out of favor.

[Ari Shaffir]

I think Jamie's not looking up cuz he's still worried about that money you owe him. Oh.

[Joe Rogan]

Good.

[Ari Shaffir]

I thought you guys better than.

[Shane Gillis]

He owes me more money. He owes me money for what I saved you.

[Joe Rogan]

He's back.

[Bert Kreischer]

Leave it to the Jew to bring up the debt.

[Ari Shaffir]

Debt is a oat.

[Bert Kreischer]

That debt is over.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, I definitely paid him the debt back. I flew him back from the game. He brought confetti onto the flight.

[Joe Rogan]

I was telling someone the other day about how when you were a struggling comic, you would make a living going to those poker tournaments.

[Ari Shaffir]

It definitely wasn't comedy. Wasn't paying.

[Shane Gillis]

He was.

[Joe Rogan]

He was making a living playing poker.

[Bert Kreischer]

What was this, a year ago?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, the drunk Mexicans on Fridays test. Just steal money off them. They would just go all in with the jack, dude.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, you didn't have to get so descriptive.

[Ari Shaffir]

You got to know. Oh, it was great.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, Yeah, I remember you. Like, that was how you were making a living. It was crazy. I was like, I don't think I've ever met anybody who like, reasonably approach gambling. Like, this is how I'm gonna like, use this as a job. You're the first guy that I ever met that like, used poker as like, you played it professionally. Like you were.

[Shane Gillis]

Were.

[Joe Rogan]

You were intelligent about it.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's the mathematicians. My math wasn't great. Like, these other guys are crazy. They know the exact note. But mine compared. Just a regular. I was. I was pretty good also.

[Shane Gillis]

And you took all the money from the poor drunk Mexican 100. You really are Jew.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

That wasn't even funny enough for that.

[Joe Rogan]

But that was gonna get you in trouble.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, it's an equalizer. You play with the owner of the Lakers, didn't know what was going to become. And then like, Jose Canseco was there. But you're all equal. Tournament, you're all buying for the same. And then I just started smoking weed, like at the time we really have. So I could like, see through people when I was high.

[Bert Kreischer]

Really?

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You see something, right?

[Ari Shaffir]

You're just like, got it.

[Shane Gillis]

That's nice.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, it was nice.

[Bert Kreischer]

What happens if you'd never won? You got to pay the rent.

[Ari Shaffir]

Well, I play with the bank.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, geez.

[Ari Shaffir]

So like, whatever. I had already won a little bit. It's like you're just playing out of there, there. And so when you, when you, like, win big, you see all these, like, guys kind of looking at you as you're going to cash in, and you're just like, can you keep this money here for me for next time? You're like, yeah. I'm like, okay, I need to walk to my car. They trail you, pull you over six blocks out. $100,000 on a second place victory at.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hustler Casino or Hollywood park, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

Commerce.

[Shane Gillis]

That's a really. That's a better idea than being good at poker. Yeah, right. Get a gun. Just follow something you want to go. All right.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right.

[Shane Gillis]

That's easy.

[Bert Kreischer]

So glad I don't have a gamble.

[Ari Shaffir]

Shady times.

[Joe Rogan]

It's a scary addiction.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't have it. And it's.

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't either.

[Shane Gillis]

It's fun to gamble on sports a little.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

But I don't have the. I don't chase it ever.

[Joe Rogan]

Some people, it's like a thrill. And there's nothing else in their life that gives them a thrill.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

They got a job. The job sucks. They got a family they don't like, and they. They go out and they risk it all.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Risk it all. They're shaking and they can't wait to do it again.

[Shane Gillis]

We play.

[Ari Shaffir]

We'd go after spots and then we go like midnight one, go down there and then if you played for like five hours, you're all right. Leave. If you. If it's seven, like, hey, it's Rush hour. That means you got to play for 10. You got to miss rush hour to get back. You just be there forever.

[Bert Kreischer]

Damn.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. And it's a 24 hour day deal.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah. There's no windows.

[Joe Rogan]

No windows there.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's just like. It's like this different world of people, too.

[Bert Kreischer]

Real degenerates sitting around with sunglasses, drinking.

[Ari Shaffir]

Same as the pool hall people. Probably. Those are worse. Probably.

[Joe Rogan]

Same humans. Yeah, same human. At least the pool hall people have some skill.

[Ari Shaffir]

You get to know each other.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Like, oh, you're regulars. You talk all the time. It's just like we're all trying to steal money from each other.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

So we're like enemies, but, like, we're being friendly.

[Joe Rogan]

And then that was pool hall banter. It was all guys who were, like, trying to rob other guys. Like, I can't play you even. I need the eight ball. They'd be sitting around talking forever. Everyone's got a gambling addiction. It's like, who could hold out the longest?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You know, it's like two guys with a boner. Like, ah, we can't yet. Come on, let's. No, no, no, not yet. And, like, hold off to try to get a better deal.

[Shane Gillis]

And you were in there. You're. That was, that was funny. When we were in the car and we were talking about you playing pool all the time, and you. He was just like, I'm a psycho.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. We'd go out to shows, like, let's go play pool. It's like something to do, you know, after a show. Yeah, something. Okay, cool. An hour or two. Seven. Some point. You're like, joe, can we please get out of here?

[Joe Rogan]

I have a problem.

[Shane Gillis]

Problem.

[Bert Kreischer]

Really?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

But it's a good problem.

[Joe Rogan]

It's good problems.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

It's not a problem. Like, I smoke crack.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

I, I, My problem is when I lock on something, like, time goes away.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. You can catch heroin. You can catch fishing.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, that's.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's a better one.

[Joe Rogan]

Pool's a good one because you can only do it physically for so long, whereas video games. You can play video games 12 hours in a row. That's no problem. Oh, you're doing sitting.

[Ari Shaffir]

Keeps you up.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Drink Mountain Dew. It keeps you totally dialed in.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You got explosions going off in your ear, gunning folks. You're running down hallways.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

All right, one more level. One more level.

[Joe Rogan]

Why am I going to bed?

[Bert Kreischer]

Got the headset on. I call that guy Mumbai A. Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You need a job in the morning that you have to get up for.

[Shane Gillis]

Otherwise, you're calling problem. Or a girlfriend. Or a girlfriend.

[Joe Rogan]

Are you serious? It's four in the morning.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Come to bed.

[Ari Shaffir]

I had a Call of Duty problem when I started. I'd oversleep spots. You go to sleep at, like, 4pm you know, just like, up, up, up. And then you're like, oh, I missed my spot because I was sleeping. Sleeping, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

A lot of lives, dude.

[Joe Rogan]

They're gonna put a helmet on you one day. And are you prepared to engage?

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, that's coming.

[Joe Rogan]

Yes. You're gonna be in the world. Like, fully in the world. Bombs going off. You're running down a dirty street hoping that this is not real life, that if you die, you're gonna respawn.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Jesus.

[Ari Shaffir]

Westworld.

[Joe Rogan]

Bullets are flying by, breaking the bricks behind your head. All that shit's. Yeah, Westworld. But Westworld, you could die.

[Ari Shaffir]

You could die. But people didn't know that they were robots. They thought they were in the game, right? But they were like, whoa, who am I?

[Joe Rogan]

That's gonna happen, man.

[Ari Shaffir]

We're all ones and zeros. We've been. We've been in the AI for a long time, you know? Hear that?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. We're in the simulation.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Come on.

[Joe Rogan]

I'm kind of willing.

[Ari Shaffir]

Humanity ended hundreds of years ago, but they mined us for our info.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, this is just what reality is. I think we have a version of reality that's not real real. The real reality is we're in a. We're in a gigantic computer simulation.

[Bert Kreischer]

Damn. I couldn't have gotten a bigger dick.

[Joe Rogan]

Nope. That's what you get if you want that sense of humor. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

What happens.

[Joe Rogan]

Want that sense of humor?

[Ari Shaffir]

I make the average 8.

[Joe Rogan]

It is kind of crazy that they've come up with so many medications, not one to grow a dick.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, that's true.

[Joe Rogan]

There's probably a bunch of guys that don't want it, but you can't give them big dicks, because if you give them big dicks, if it's, like, only, like, a couple hundred bucks.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Society will shut down.

[Ari Shaffir]

Society's gonna eventually get pussy. Still. Big drop down to freedom.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Flying squirrel people. Remember that bit? That's.

[Shane Gillis]

Whatever the name of that.

[Joe Rogan]

That's old school, right? That was old school. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's a weird shopping cart if you have.

[Joe Rogan]

That's what a lot of people thought, like, the war on steroids was like. You're trying to stop people from getting just massive.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's why, like, why China's so angry. Little dicks are pissing them Off.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, dude, they're using crisper now. I bet they've got giant dicks. We just haven't seen it.

[Bert Kreischer]

What's crisp?

[Ari Shaffir]

What's crisp? Whisper.

[Joe Rogan]

Genetic engineering. They're editing people's genes.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's the number. That's the number one thing. You go like, give my son a big dick. Let's see what.

[Joe Rogan]

Give a big dick. Super brain. They. They supposedly inoculated these kids from hiv. They kept them from getting hiv, but in the process made them more intelligent. Like, dude, I know what you're doing. You're making them more intelligent. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oopsie. We also made them way more intelligent.

[Joe Rogan]

They're like, you're not supposed to do that. So they put the guy in jail for a couple years. Now he's back kicking ass again. He was like their top dude. Their top genetic guy. Like, yeah, you're gonna be in jail. And then he's like, but jail? Millions of dollars in hookers. You get your dick sucked every day and you're eating roast beef. Jail just. You're a bad boy. You did a good job. Good job.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hear me out here. Maybe this is the. The shrooms talking, but I think the dick size you have makes you who you are, because you got to overcome.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, tell it to that lady who was beating up on chicks in the Olympics.

[Bert Kreischer]

All right.

[Ari Shaffir]

How big was the tiny dick?

[Joe Rogan]

I don't know.

[Shane Gillis]

That was a tiny dick. That's a tiny dick move. Is to become great.

[Bert Kreischer]

Exactly.

[Joe Rogan]

To beat up women.

[Bert Kreischer]

Kevin Hart syndrome.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, how dare you.

[Ari Shaffir]

I can't beat up man, because. Damn it. Good point. And they leave. Find a woman to beat up.

[Joe Rogan]

Boy.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm telling you, you got to work with what you got.

[Shane Gillis]

You gotta. If. If you have the choice through crispr, how big your son's dick's gonna be, you got to give him a medium.

[Bert Kreischer]

Medium.

[Joe Rogan]

Crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

You can't go crazy. He'll dominate your house.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. 12 inch.

[Shane Gillis]

What you say to me?

[Joe Rogan]

15 year old, 12 inch piece of. I paid for that dick, son.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I gave you that dick. You.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. You created a monster.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, having a son is probably a lot like having a wild dog where you have to, like, train them, get them exercising every day. Like, wear them out, get them calm.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Realize, like, hey, fella, I know you're ready to go all the time. That's what we gotta do. We gotta burn that out of you every day so you'd be a good citizen.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right?

[Joe Rogan]

Okay. But if you're just not paying attention, then you got a wild teenager.

[Ari Shaffir]

It must Be crazy. Yeah. If you have a son, you just have to get him to not shoot up or. Or rape until they understand why both.

[Bert Kreischer]

Of them are wrong.

[Shane Gillis]

Has there been a jacked school shooter?

[Bert Kreischer]

Never. Of course not.

[Joe Rogan]

Not one.

[Bert Kreischer]

They don't need it.

[Joe Rogan]

Has there ever been one that's not on medication? Not one.

[Ari Shaffir]

Although every school shooter looks like Michael Moore.

[Bert Kreischer]

Thomas Matthew Crooks had a huge hog.

[Joe Rogan]

Who's that?

[Ari Shaffir]

Who's that?

[Bert Kreischer]

The guy who shot Trump.

[Joe Rogan]

Did he?

[Bert Kreischer]

Huge hog.

[Shane Gillis]

Every one of those.

[Joe Rogan]

20 year old kid.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

How do you know he had a huge honk.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, it's all over the Fort Chan, the roof.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's why he couldn't get away.

[Joe Rogan]

Hey, wait, hold on. He didn't miss my mouth. I will say he didn't miss my mouth.

[Ari Shaffir]

Like, those two handlers locked on the.

[Shane Gillis]

School shooters do have giant dick builds though.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, skinny.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean, they're all tall, skinny wiring, alien bodies, bro.

[Joe Rogan]

There's a guy who is a. He was a professor of mathematics at MIT and I did taekwondo with him. I don't want to say his name, but if I tell you his name, it's even more hilarious. This guy had a donkey dick. Everybody, everybody would like change in the locker room and we would change. We were like, what the. He's like this really kind of uncoordinated, like crazy hair. He had the Jew fro, the whole deal. He had a dick that was like a solid limp. Nine inches.

[Ari Shaffir]

What?

[Joe Rogan]

It was a giant dick with giant balls. And everybody would see it and be like, what the. And his wife never left his side. She just like, she was protecting that diamond. She had that diamond dick everywhere she went. It was really like a dog with a bone. She was always there at every training session. She would travel with him to tournaments. She wasn't going nowhere.

[Bert Kreischer]

Did the dick ever hit you on the mat?

[Joe Rogan]

You're like, jesus, you got to wear a cup. You're wearing a cup. It's all tucked away.

[Bert Kreischer]

Did you call it out at the locker room? Could you go, Jesus, Harry.

[Joe Rogan]

No, it's the one thing you didn't talk about.

[Ari Shaffir]

You were cups of Jiu jitsu.

[Joe Rogan]

Yes, I do. Some guys don't, Some guys don't. But you get. I got need in the balls too. Many times, right?

[Shane Gillis]

It is funny. It's very funny. When you see one of your buddies has a huge dick.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's weird. Changes the dynamic.

[Shane Gillis]

And people with huge dicks don't like talking about it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

You ever make fun of a guy for having a big dick?

[Joe Rogan]

Big dick Embarrassment.

[Bert Kreischer]

They're weird.

[Ari Shaffir]

Crazy.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's like you with your shoulders.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

The huge dong is a game changer. It's like when you see your friend playing the piano, you're like, holy.

[Joe Rogan]

You know, Weird skill to have.

[Shane Gillis]

Piano.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. When someone sits down, all a sudden they can play. And you're like, you never told me.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's funny to see any friend who has a skill.

[Joe Rogan]

Hinchcliffe can play piano.

[Bert Kreischer]

Come on.

[Shane Gillis]

And drum checks out.

[Joe Rogan]

And drums. Just sits down. But he sits down and just start playing piano. You're like, where'd this come from?

[Bert Kreischer]

Plays a skin flute.

[Shane Gillis]

Getting there.

[Joe Rogan]

I said trombone. The old rusty trombone.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. The extracurricular skills off standup is interesting. Bobby Lee can dance. Well. And skate.

[Bert Kreischer]

No. Wow.

[Joe Rogan]

I bet he plays the. Out of some video games.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, but I mean, yeah, certain guys. Andy Haynes can shred on. On skis, right?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, there's.

[Ari Shaffir]

Certain guys are just like. What's this other thing?

[Joe Rogan]

Thing, Right.

[Shane Gillis]

O. Conor was D1 lacrosse.

[Joe Rogan]

Wow.

[Shane Gillis]

Really?

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow, man. Penn State.

[Shane Gillis]

Drexel.

[Bert Kreischer]

Nice.

[Shane Gillis]

You were thinking Duke. That's so important.

[Joe Rogan]

I got my Michael Costa, professional tennis player.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow.

[Joe Rogan]

He was like, a really good tennis player.

[Ari Shaffir]

Twelve hundredth of the world. Which doesn't sound good.

[Shane Gillis]

How about Rich? It's pretty good being like a. The karate guy. You see those pictures? What?

[Ari Shaffir]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

He has, like, a. It was like, right when he started doing crack.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, Jeff Ross.

[Shane Gillis]

No, Voss.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, Jeff Ross is a black belt in taekwondo.

[Ari Shaffir]

Really?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

You with pool. It's like, there's people that could, like, do something. Like what?

[Shane Gillis]

A photo of him throwing a kick with. He's got a Jerry curl. Oh, that's right. He just got addicted to crack.

[Joe Rogan]

He was doing kick.

[Ari Shaffir]

That guy.

[Shane Gillis]

No, it's. It's good.

[Joe Rogan]

Let me see his form.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't have.

[Joe Rogan]

See, you can find the phone about kicking that guy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Some guy, some young comic was trying to, like, get in with him and, like, be cool, and he was making fun of his kid. Just too familiar.

[Bert Kreischer]

Jason Caner. Oh, sorry.

[Ari Shaffir]

That doesn't matter.

[Bert Kreischer]

He doesn't care.

[Ari Shaffir]

He just kicked him. Kicked him?

[Bert Kreischer]

Broke his ribs.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. False rules.

[Joe Rogan]

Broke his ribs.

[Ari Shaffir]

He was like, actually, nah. Jason nah. Just broke a rib.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Bert Kreischer]

His drugs horse kicked him like that.

[Joe Rogan]

Really?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, at the Caroline's Christmas party.

[Joe Rogan]

What the.

[Ari Shaffir]

I think I heard Jason was like, no, I was out of line.

[Bert Kreischer]

He was.

[Joe Rogan]

What year was this? What year was this?

[Bert Kreischer]

2009.

[Joe Rogan]

Wow. That's a risky time. Risky time to be fried. Kicking people. The Internet existed.

[Shane Gillis]

True.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You can front kick people in the 80s.

[Bert Kreischer]

You have no recourse.

[Joe Rogan]

No one's going to believe you. You got any DNA? You got nothing.

[Ari Shaffir]

I heard through a window.

[Joe Rogan]

It was wild. What? Nobody knew anything. What's that?

[Ari Shaffir]

Barkley threw a guy through a window at a bar.

[Joe Rogan]

What?

[Bert Kreischer]

Charles?

[Ari Shaffir]

But there's no video. He could just do it.

[Joe Rogan]

Through a guy through a window is dangerous, bro. That's how people die. I love your neck glass. Oh.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean the way you die is talking to Charles Barkley.

[Joe Rogan]

Giant, super.

[Ari Shaffir]

I might be 6 5, but I rebound like 6 time.

[Bert Kreischer]

So yeah, he's a funny guy.

[Joe Rogan]

That guy punches you. Oh my God. You get punched by an NBA player. If you're gonna bother me, I'm gonna whip your ass. Like Charles Pocky threw a man through a glass window.

[Shane Gillis]

Wow.

[Joe Rogan]

Wow.

[Shane Gillis]

That.

[Joe Rogan]

Imagine like you're just some dummy who just thinks you could just talk to a guy forever. And then this 300 pound giant man just.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You'Re a cushion on a couch. He just Chucks you.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's like the guy on the flight who tried to with Tyson.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, that's wonderful. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

There's dudes out there.

[Ari Shaffir]

Justice.

[Shane Gillis]

Sitting back and watching Chuck or Charles Barkley become like the coolest guy of all time.

[Bert Kreischer]

So funny.

[Shane Gillis]

That guy. That guy's sitting there like I bothered him once at a bar and he threw me through a window I hated my whole life. And then you watch him on tv, you're like, he's the coolest guy.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's so cool.

[Shane Gillis]

Literally the coolest guy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

I love when he, he was going to do the play by play or color, whatever. For easy Liv. For golf.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

The colored comment for live golf. And they were like, well, that's evil. He goes, where do you get your money from? Don't you all do like iPhone ads? That's easy on the judgment.

[Shane Gillis]

That's an interesting Charles Barkley. Interesting.

[Joe Rogan]

Carl Malone wasn't the best impression.

[Shane Gillis]

Kimmel has the best.

[Bert Kreischer]

This is. Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Pretty crazy story. He said, the guy says, you're not gonna do. You're nothing but a big ass. The taunt set Barkley off. William reached for his radio to call for backup. Oh, the cops.

[Jamie Vernon]

The cop.

[Joe Rogan]

According to the police report. Oh my God. As he released his grip, he felt Lugo escape. Except the 20 year old hadn't gotten away. I fell victim for being being pulled. I felt the victim being pulled from my grasp. Williams wrote in the economy incident. I looked up and I saw Barkley holding the victim up in the air by his arms.

[Shane Gillis]

Wow.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, God.

[Ari Shaffir]

What did he say to proceed?

[Joe Rogan]

That he says, do you know who the fuck I am? Do you know who the fuck I am? In a matter of seconds, Charles chucked Lugo through the plate glass window. Oh my God.

[Bert Kreischer]

Even if you don't know who he is.

[Joe Rogan]

Flung him like he was a boy. Flung him like he was a toy.

[Jamie Vernon]

Right before this too, he had the cops told him not to go up to me. Like, I'm just gonna talk to him. I don't wanna. I won't hurt him.

[Ari Shaffir]

I just.

[Joe Rogan]

I won't hurt him. Charles assured the officer, I just want talk to him. Oh my God.

[Ari Shaffir]

I just want to say. And the char the office, like, okay, you can just talk to him within arm's reach.

[Joe Rogan]

The guy says, you're not gonna do. You're nothing but a big ass.

[Bert Kreischer]

Bro.

[Joe Rogan]

There's people like that out there in the world, you know.

[Ari Shaffir]

So funny. You're like, you're rich. Like, I wasn't raised rich, so that's who I am.

[Joe Rogan]

You guys seen the video of Joe Shilling knocking that guy out in the bar?

[Bert Kreischer]

No.

[Joe Rogan]

You never saw that. Oh my God. So there's this at a bar. He's being rude and apparently he was being rude all night. And Joe Schilling, who's a multiple time world champion kickboxer, walks by this guy and the guy like tries to like make him flinch. And Joe just goes, watch this. So there's this guy, you know, drinking, having a good time, being an asshole, talking about beating somebody in arm wrestling or whatever. And Joe just is behind him and he just touches him, you know, nothing. Then he says something to him. He turns around.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, that was quick.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, well, he's a world champion kickboxer. You can, you can't flinch on a.

[Ari Shaffir]

That guy, he was out of his. He was walking. He delayed himself four seconds.

[Joe Rogan]

I don't think it was four. I don't think it's four. I mean, he knew the guy was out.

[Shane Gillis]

Like, look, okay, here.

[Ari Shaffir]

1.

[Joe Rogan]

He just, he just passes by and he calls him back. Oh, that step forward, the step forward with the chin up in the air was like, you can't do that to a guy like that.

[Ari Shaffir]

He comes at him with like, you want them? Okay, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Like what?

[Shane Gillis]

That's scary because that could happen to anybody.

[Joe Rogan]

That and he won because it was Florida. It's like, stand your ground.

[Ari Shaffir]

It does rule.

[Joe Rogan]

They have some good rules.

[Bert Kreischer]

I love Florida.

[Ari Shaffir]

What was that medicine they give you during COVID I forgot the name of It.

[Joe Rogan]

I make.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, no, no, no, no. The treatment.

[Joe Rogan]

Antibodies.

[Ari Shaffir]

That. Yeah, that's what I was trying to remember.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, they. They banned that. A lot of places. They stopped people from getting that. I had a whole podcast about it. Yeah, you got it? I got it to a lot of.

[Ari Shaffir]

People when I was down there. You were like, oh, thank God you're in Florida. Okay, cool.

[Shane Gillis]

Do this there.

[Joe Rogan]

Places they wouldn't give it to, they restricted it. Florida was pretty good during the pandemic. They were a good place to go.

[Bert Kreischer]

Did a lot of comedy there.

[Joe Rogan]

That's where I caught Covid.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's where I got it too.

[Joe Rogan]

Thank God you got rid of that. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

A lot of your people down there.

[Ari Shaffir]

Jews, olds. Oh, yeah. They don't come to shows.

[Joe Rogan]

They like to relax. Go to Miami and relax.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's true.

[Joe Rogan]

Place built on cocaine. Imagine cocaine.

[Bert Kreischer]

Jews, trannies, and Hulk Hogan, Carol Baskin.

[Joe Rogan]

A lot of Scientology rented Lamborghinis.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

A lot of rented Lamborghinis.

[Ari Shaffir]

A lot of people got to the store. Somebody pulled up in a limousine. It was a door guy. And I was like, oh, who's this? And the manager's already been jaded. He goes, somebody with $50.

[Joe Rogan]

Already jaded. They jaded. When I got there, Harris Pete was the most jaded guy of all time.

[Ari Shaffir]

Maybe of all time.

[Joe Rogan]

Of all time. He had been through all the eras, and he was like, you had to impress the. Out of. Harris Pete.

[Ari Shaffir]

Made a deal with. The rumor was Leno and Letterman, said, hey, all three of us, whoever makes it will take care of the other ones.

[Shane Gillis]

Really?

[Joe Rogan]

Does that sound like a deal you would make?

[Ari Shaffir]

Sounds like a deal you make one night while you're drinking. Not a real deal.

[Joe Rogan]

We're all going to. We're all in this together.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, exactly.

[Shane Gillis]

The guy who kind of sucks.

[Joe Rogan]

The guy who kind of sucks.

[Shane Gillis]

One of us is going to make it, right.

[Joe Rogan]

You. You bring us with you.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's Shane Gillis, Dave Chappelle.

[Joe Rogan]

Boys. We said we were in this together. Like, hey, hey, hey.

[Shane Gillis]

You promised you pro.

[Ari Shaffir]

I said, get away. I said, get me a beer.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, you found it. Relax, Relax.

[Bert Kreischer]

We did the. Did the Boston Comedy Fest, and we were all in the finals, and we were like, all right, whoever wins. Because the. The pot was ten grand in, which was enormous at that level.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And we were like, whoever wins, we'll split it up this way. That way you can do it. One guy was off in the. In the shadows. We're like, he's not gonna make it. This guy sucks. He's no good.

[Shane Gillis]

Guy's definitely gonna win.

[Bert Kreischer]

He won. Gave the whole thing to Boston Strong. We all hated him.

[Joe Rogan]

What's Boston Strong?

[Bert Kreischer]

The marathon. It was that year.

[Joe Rogan]

Did he ever make it as a comic?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, he's hilarious. Hilarious. He's a really funny guy. But at the time, we're like, this guy's going nowhere. And then he won.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Anytime I've done a comedy competition, the guy who's sitting by himself and quiet, you go, he's not here. Having fun.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, exactly. We're all hungover and drinking. This little Indian kid.

[Joe Rogan]

They used to have this thing called the Boston Comedy Riot. It was like the biggest comedy competition. Yeah. The WBCN radio would host it. It's the Boston Comedy Riot. It was like, in the 1980s. 80s.

[Bert Kreischer]

WBS. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

The Boston and the Seattle. The competitions. I never did either one of them, but it was like. It was like, weeks long. So you had to either keep going up there or be there.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. That's. Seattle was like. That was hell.

[Joe Rogan]

You're supposed to be a guy with no life.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Or Seattle resident.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Or Seattle resident. Willing to hang in there for the long haul.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

For the golden prize of being the winner of the Seattle, you can do any competition.

[Ari Shaffir]

I think I lost one to Sam.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. I did a bunch at the beginning. Beginning.

[Shane Gillis]

Which Sam?

[Ari Shaffir]

Atlanta. Morel. I think he ended up winning. I think we're both in the final.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, the laughing skull. Yeah, he did win that.

[Ari Shaffir]

Did they just kick them out?

[Bert Kreischer]

Huh?

[Ari Shaffir]

The laughing skull. Did the vortex just kick out the laughing skull?

[Joe Rogan]

What happened?

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't know.

[Ari Shaffir]

I think the vortex said, like, you guys gotta go. The owner's gotta go.

[Bert Kreischer]

Pull it up.

[Joe Rogan]

What happened?

[Ari Shaffir]

I don't know.

[Joe Rogan]

You gotta pee? What is that about? You know why? That was a great little room.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's just a headline.

[Joe Rogan]

85 seats, great little rule room, fun room.

[Ari Shaffir]

Someone's got to film the special. There's no space for cameras, but someone still had to.

[Joe Rogan]

I think someone filmed something there. I think I've seen stuff from there.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. It's a great comedy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. What happened? What happened? There was this headline. I kind of passed by for a second. You ever do those and then go. And you're like, oh, I actually read that one.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. The headlines. You think you're just getting overwhelmed by headlines. That's the problem.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's true.

[Joe Rogan]

Like, there's so much. Oh, that's important, but maybe not as important as the next one. I'm gonna scroll down a little.

[Ari Shaffir]

But it all Goes into your brain, and, you know, the headlines are all lies. They're all lies made by some other, not the writer. So, yeah, like, oh, okay, I guess it's that. And you're like, isn't that weird? Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

If you write a really good article, someone could like it up with, like, some misleading in the headline. Laughing Skull lounge founder will leave the vortex after 16 years.

[Bert Kreischer]

Sad. Wow, that was a great room.

[Joe Rogan]

After two decades, they're splitting up.

[Ari Shaffir]

There'd be no. There'll be no Laughing Skull or just the guys out.

[Joe Rogan]

I think.

[Ari Shaffir]

Still be open in the vortex, but not as we know it.

[Joe Rogan]

Today, the founder and team will be exploring other comedy avenues in the city. So they'll do another Laughing Skull somewhere else?

[Ari Shaffir]

No, no, no. Nobody cares about the name.

[Joe Rogan]

Wow.

[Bert Kreischer]

That room.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, they know how to do it, though. They'll probably find one that's like, it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Nah, the rooms are important. Size of rooms. You can't just reproduce it somewhere, but.

[Joe Rogan]

You might be able to find a similar size. Right. Room.

[Ari Shaffir]

I mean. Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

I mean, Atlanta's got a lot, but it's not starting a new room. They have a giant email list. Why are you so pessimistic?

[Ari Shaffir]

No, because, like, the actual. The actual room, the old stand versus the new stand, they're different, right? The La Jolla comedy service, the regular cover, the Comedy Store versus the main room. Those are different rooms. Elliot Page, you know? Yeah, Elliot. Yeah, it's like. So it's like you can't reproduce that.

[Joe Rogan]

Right? But you can make. Look, look.

[Ari Shaffir]

We ran it. Well, that part will be reproduced.

[Joe Rogan]

The little boy in the mothership.

[Ari Shaffir]

Those are different.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, but we made that. That's a new room, and it's a tiny little room just like that. It's the same kind of thing. It's like, you can. You can. You just know how to do it, right? You can.

[Ari Shaffir]

The location is big. Like, what kind of people are in that area already versus, like.

[Joe Rogan]

Sure. Yep. Yep.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's funny how a room has a feel like. Like, the. Or in the store has such a weird feel.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Smoke is built into the walls. Evil's built into the walls. Walls.

[Joe Rogan]

It's also like, there's something good about the. I used to think it was bad, but there's something good about the commotion in the hallway in the back. The good about it is it's chaos.

[Ari Shaffir]

Chaos.

[Joe Rogan]

The show's chaos. That room is a chaos room. Diaz used to have the most chaos in that room. Like, Diaz would crush in the main room. But there's something about Diaz when he would go on stage in the or, like, late @ night, when no one cared.

[Ari Shaffir]

Just doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter. And then he would go and crush it.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Yeah, he would go crush it. He would go crush it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Really? I'd love to see him in that little of a room.

[Ari Shaffir]

A few people know what that means.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, yes.

[Ari Shaffir]

And then he's going shake his pants.

[Joe Rogan]

Came out sick when I did it.

[Bert Kreischer]

You sick?

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, he came back with the bong.

[Ari Shaffir]

Just plastic. It's just plastic. Made in America. Hold on, I got a piss. Don't start it before I get.

[Shane Gillis]

I won't.

[Joe Rogan]

Thank God. You're leaving to piss bottles over here. Yeah, we're trying to keep them from you.

[Bert Kreischer]

We got.

[Joe Rogan]

We had a triple wash this pitcher because Norman pissed at it once.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, I forgot about that. We've had some really rough ones. We've had some rippers, like, to the point where. When it's like Protect Our Parks Day, I'm like, oh, yeah, it's like a marathon.

[Joe Rogan]

But America needs it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

The boys need it. They do. They tell me all the time. I see them out in the streets.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

So when. When. When's Protect Our Parks? They say it all the time.

[Bert Kreischer]

All the time.

[Joe Rogan]

That's the first when. I do those Q and A's after show sometimes.

[Bert Kreischer]

Me too.

[Joe Rogan]

Like, number one question. Question. When's the next one's the next Protect Our Part.

[Bert Kreischer]

But they take a year off your life, so you gotta spread them out a little bit. You know, it's like, bar, what's that? What's that? The Tough Mudder.

[Joe Rogan]

Right, right. You can't do them every weekend.

[Shane Gillis]

That one photo from the one where I had, like 25 or 26 beers, everyone's want to see the photo. And I'm like, oh, my God, Yeah, what a nightmare.

[Joe Rogan]

But that is what people genuinely need. They need bros, like, having a good time as bros. Like, with.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Joe Rogan]

No restrictions.

[Bert Kreischer]

Because they're doing.

[Joe Rogan]

And they want to. If they can't, they wish they could. Yeah, they want to. Everybody wants to.

[Bert Kreischer]

I grew up doing this.

[Joe Rogan]

Every man wants to have fun.

[Shane Gillis]

I was really together and not stop doing this. At some point. Since my first party in the woods in high school, I was just like, well, I'm gonna do this for the.

[Joe Rogan]

Rest of my life.

[Bert Kreischer]

At least now you're monetizing it. Kind of.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like you're making. You made it a living.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Listen, this is the best life. This is the best life for girl guys.

[Bert Kreischer]

100%.

[Joe Rogan]

We. We're the luckiest people that have ever lived.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like you had Jimmy Carr on and he was talking like, he's like, I'm doing this today. Then I'm going to Chappelle's thing. Then I'm doing Kill Tony that I'm doing the mothership that I'm doing an arena in Scandinavia.

[Joe Rogan]

Best life.

[Bert Kreischer]

What a life.

[Joe Rogan]

The best life. Jimmy Carr was hilarious.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

He came out of the club with this new he's working on. He just had a bunch of notes. Oh my God, he was so good.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's a beast.

[Joe Rogan]

He was so. It was so fun to watch. It's like when you watch a guy who's like, like it just. Just dialed in, just dial.

[Ari Shaffir]

So I'm telling a story about what's his name with him too. About me. Oh, yeah, it's so funny because I remember Greg Geraldo. It's so funny.

[Joe Rogan]

Greg Geraldo told him that Ari had cancer. And then, and then Greg Geraldo goes and dies and Jimmy Carr's living with this. And then he sees Ari. He's like, you look. You look good. You look good. He's like, what the is going on?

[Shane Gillis]

Half your face shaved?

[Ari Shaffir]

No, no, this was like 10 was.

[Shane Gillis]

Only on one side. Okay. Crazy type of cancer.

[Ari Shaffir]

Like, thanks, man. Appreciate it. And then a year later, like, so you're right. I'm like, what the is going on?

[Bert Kreischer]

But you're just weird looking enough where you're like, yeah, he does look.

[Ari Shaffir]

He also said like, when he told me that they said you had cancer, I'm like, what? He goes, yeah, they said you're cancer. That's why you're like that, because you don't care anymore.

[Bert Kreischer]

Kobe, he had cancer.

[Ari Shaffir]

The guy, this is 15 years ago. It was so crazy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Let him spike your drink.

[Joe Rogan]

That's so funny.

[Shane Gillis]

That's a nice backup to have. I wish people thought that.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Be like, yeah, he took a on stage, you go, oh, he's got cancer.

[Joe Rogan]

It's funny that.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's why he's bloody. Right?

[Joe Rogan]

Geraldo said that to him and never told him any different.

[Ari Shaffir]

He must just be passing through the room, saw him watching any stand up and goes, oh, that guy's got cancer. And then gotten a beer.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's amazing.

[Joe Rogan]

I just love a comic.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like I went to Harvard Law.

[Ari Shaffir]

Love a comic.

[Joe Rogan]

Like a long burn of a joke joke. Just waiting one day, years later, this joke will pay off.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's amazing.

[Joe Rogan]

And I won't even be there. Genius. Gerald and I, we. We shared a parking lot in when we were both On TV together at the very first times. We were both on TV when I was on news radio and he was on his own show. He had his own show that was on the same lot. I'd hang out with him at the lot all day. He had a show about him being a lord. A lawyer.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Ari Shaffir]

Like a sitcom because he was a lawyer. So he could build this off your life.

[Joe Rogan]

That's what they always do.

[Ari Shaffir]

What was your job right before this? Let's make a show.

[Joe Rogan]

Yep.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Knew him from New York. So we'd hang out. That's why you got tires. That's why it works though, right?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh by the way, when's the new season?

[Ari Shaffir]

Right now, today.

[Joe Rogan]

Go check it out on Netflix if you're listening to this, it's available right now.

[Ari Shaffir]

Check it out on netflix.com to drop ship you a CD. Watch it, mail it.

[Shane Gillis]

Check your mailbox.

[Ari Shaffir]

Check your mailbox right now.

[Shane Gillis]

DVD with tires.

[Ari Shaffir]

I didn't said your first season it's.

[Joe Rogan]

Going to skip a little. And while you're there you can watch Ar Shaffir special.

[Ari Shaffir]

Well we all got yeah. On there.

[Joe Rogan]

That's right.

[Ari Shaffir]

But yeah, tires.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

You've managed to rain in trash Kyla. In a way it's unravel.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, everybody in the show plays literally themselves. Kylo was. Kyler was pretty easy.

[Ari Shaffir]

What was the. Hold on, what was the line? Hold on. I mean, I mean she was my.

[Joe Rogan]

Employee for a long time this season. Right.

[Shane Gillis]

Ron White is. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, fun.

[Ari Shaffir]

What was the line you had before? It was, it was how to talk trash was like I spilled a coffee colada on my scratchers.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Ron kills it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, he brought his own outfit in.

[Shane Gillis]

You're not going to believe it. Ron plays himself.

[Joe Rogan]

That's all you'd want him to believe.

[Ari Shaffir]

Play.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Why play around?

[Shane Gillis]

He plays a washed up NASCAR driver. He's there for like a sign, like a meet and greet that no one shows up to.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, that's great.

[Shane Gillis]

It's pretty great.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. The. We had a Woody Harrelson at the club last night.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, was he there last night? He's there a lot, man. He's been there a lot.

[Shane Gillis]

I've missed him every.

[Bert Kreischer]

He was a sweet dude to hang out with.

[Joe Rogan]

He's the man doesn't have a phone though and doesn't do email. So if like you want to get a hold of him, you got to go through his wife.

[Ari Shaffir]

You got to run into him.

[Joe Rogan]

Like he's smart. He's protecting himself from the in the world. It's Like, I don't want to be a part of this.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

I don't want to have a phone. I got no social media. I got no nothing. I'm just a human. Like, I always was. I was a human before this. I'm staying a human.

[Shane Gillis]

It's really nice when you don't have a phone.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's ear to ear.

[Joe Rogan]

Like, he's the best.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's on Walking on Thin Air. Is that it?

[Joe Rogan]

You don't want all that input, man. You know, it's not good for you.

[Shane Gillis]

Also, nothing ever happens.

[Ari Shaffir]

Happens. Nothing ever. It's just like every day. It's like.

[Joe Rogan]

For us, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

Anyway, we got the. The changes.

[Ari Shaffir]

Why don't I gotta be aware of this? Yeah, I do. I mean, I guess all of us remember before it, Right? You're the youngest.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

But still, it's like, those were good times.

[Bert Kreischer]

Great time.

[Ari Shaffir]

So it's like, I get we have better stuff now, but, like, parts of before were okay.

[Bert Kreischer]

And not only were they great times.

[Ari Shaffir]

Pull those in.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm so glad they weren't filming. Filmed. Can you imagine if he had all that on film from taking a dump.

[Ari Shaffir]

In your gas, throwing up the street, and you got to worry about somebody's filming you. Yes.

[Joe Rogan]

The. Just the pure. That'll happen to us tonight, today. But yeah, people are living with, like, pure anxiety. Like in a level of just anxiety on your phone all day long, just giving you anxiety and you can't look away.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's terrible. Suicide.

[Shane Gillis]

You wake up to 20 texts.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Shane Gillis]

They're like, what's up? From all these different people. You got a.

[Bert Kreischer]

You got a microphone.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right. Even that part. But it's like.

[Shane Gillis]

And it's like I just woke up. So I look at my phone right away.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm sending the dumbest replies. Yeah. You know how, like, when you wake up.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know how to explain what I'm trying to say.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, I get it. I get it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. It's 80 people coming at you to do. It's fun. A show or something like that. And it's like, it's too much. Now I'm supposed to run into you and say, yes, I can do that.

[Shane Gillis]

You. Yeah, Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

I need an answer now. It's just constant.

[Shane Gillis]

I got. All my. All my buddies are in town. All the Philly. All the Philly trash is here. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Tonight's gonna get nuts.

[Shane Gillis]

Tonight is gonna get nuts. And I was really hoping to avoid that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

What is the plan?

[Joe Rogan]

Some fun, dog.

[Bert Kreischer]

Do the show.

[Ari Shaffir]

I guess we won't tell. No, I mean this tonight. When this airs tonight. But we'll tell.

[Bert Kreischer]

Well, at least we'll be safe in that green light room, you know, Be safe.

[Shane Gillis]

We're not going to be safe. Be at the bar.

[Joe Rogan]

It's going to be locked in.

[Shane Gillis]

It's going to be a disaster.

[Ari Shaffir]

We were talking about yesterday where it's like, what's the plan? Usually I'm like, okay, so we get way too up, then we go shove meat in our mouth and then immediately wipe. You're on in five. Like, okay, run to the store. Get up. Or the mothership. And then get up. And then be like, all you got.

[Bert Kreischer]

To do is drunk puke in the hallway. It'll get it all out. You'll be good to go.

[Joe Rogan]

It's funny because I call it the store all the time.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, by. All right.

[Joe Rogan]

I even called the main room.

[Ari Shaffir]

That means you did it, right?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, I don't even.

[Ari Shaffir]

The main room in the. And the. Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

And the. Or the.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's kind of like the or belly.

[Joe Rogan]

It's kind of a hybrid between the.

[Ari Shaffir]

Or because the main room is also the O. The or is the main room, but the.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, the main room at the club at the mothership is like if the main room and the OR had a baby.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

And then the other one is like, if the or in the belly room has had a baby.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. I'm always like, you going to the store tonight?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

I mean, you built it with that in mind.

[Bert Kreischer]

And Adam E. Gets there.

[Joe Rogan]

Literally named the bar after Mitzy Shore.

[Shane Gillis]

Gay.

[Joe Rogan]

He's the best. He's the best.

[Ari Shaffir]

He might be my favorite homosexual of all time.

[Joe Rogan]

He's not gay anymore.

[Ari Shaffir]

Holocaust den.

[Joe Rogan]

He's not gay no more after that video. That guy suck a dick.

[Shane Gillis]

Did he wait a week that night?

[Bert Kreischer]

10 minutes that day?

[Ari Shaffir]

Why are you the first dick he saw?

[Joe Rogan]

He's like, I'm not gay no more. Good. This ain't even a dick. Oh, it's not?

[Ari Shaffir]

No, no, no, no.

[Shane Gillis]

You say, so the devil's tricking you.

[Joe Rogan]

Into believing my delicious penises.

[Ari Shaffir]

But for a moment, he believed it the way we're all like, I'm not going to do this one evil thing.

[Joe Rogan]

Anymore since the whole world didn't want. That's the most brutal thing about homophobic. Whatever.

[Ari Shaffir]

You want some of them, like, fine.

[Shane Gillis]

I'll do a little.

[Joe Rogan]

That's the most.

[Ari Shaffir]

How many times you quit drinking for a week or quit weed for a week and then not made it that night?

[Shane Gillis]

All right, so last week yeah, last week. Last week I was like, all right, I got to take a week off. Giant storm comes through Texas. My power is out for three days.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow. Wow.

[Shane Gillis]

Day three, I'm sitting in a hot house going, the only beer right now is a bar. Actually, I went, right. Yeah. They gave me this shirt. They gave me this on Thursday.

[Bert Kreischer]

There you go.

[Shane Gillis]

Hammered. I got hammered.

[Joe Rogan]

Where's Kelly's? Where is that?

[Shane Gillis]

I have no idea.

[Joe Rogan]

Kelly's Irish Pub here. It's in Austin.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Rules.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, no, I've heard of that place.

[Shane Gillis]

The place was actually really great.

[Joe Rogan]

That's nice.

[Shane Gillis]

The owners, they're all Irish. Everyone.

[Ari Shaffir]

Irish people have exported the bar, the proper bar, the best way. The Irish bar is the same in every country in the world.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it's the best.

[Joe Rogan]

They figure out, is there an Irish pub in town?

[Ari Shaffir]

People always ask, that is the same.

[Bert Kreischer]

Well, they're not blaring techno and all this, right?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. It's dark and you drink.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Ari Shaffir]

Like a couple old Guinness signs.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's like Ireland.

[Joe Rogan]

Do they play music at the Irish pub?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I think they actually have Irish music, like a live band.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh.

[Shane Gillis]

I think it's actually pretty sick. The owner was. The owner was the man. He gave me a bunch of. Yeah, whatever.

[Joe Rogan]

That's one of the good things about.

[Shane Gillis]

No, not drugs. Not drugs. He gave me some, like, IRA stuff.

[Ari Shaffir]

Stuff.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't know if he gets in trouble for that.

[Ari Shaffir]

Somebody gave me some Nazi money. I have a wall for my. You be tripping podcast. And I put, like, money up there from different countries. Somebody's like, some Nazi money. I'm like, yeah, I want it for sure.

[Shane Gillis]

I was thinking about buying a Adolf Hitler autograph.

[Bert Kreischer]

It might as well.

[Shane Gillis]

And I don't know what.

[Joe Rogan]

Get it from Kanye. He'll say, you want.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, but you can buy.

[Ari Shaffir]

You can buy them.

[Shane Gillis]

They're really expensive, but you can buy an. An Adolf Hitler autograph.

[Bert Kreischer]

A signature. I mean, it's got to be worth a ton of money.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. No. And then I figured, maybe when I'm. If I have grandkids, this is going to be worth a billion dollars.

[Joe Rogan]

Maybe someday it'll be like Genghis Khan's autograph. Won't be. Won't be forbidden anymore. Of course, after like, a thousand years.

[Ari Shaffir]

You'Re not revering him. You're just like he was.

[Shane Gillis]

I know.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's the most famous guy ever.

[Ari Shaffir]

There's somebody who was like, I was reading mine comp. Just to read it but she was reading on the bus. She had to go.

[Shane Gillis]

So people didn't.

[Ari Shaffir]

She was agreeing.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, but you can get in trouble just having that.

[Bert Kreischer]

You got to get a book cover on that thing.

[Joe Rogan]

Few outstanding, very original document letters signed, autographed by Adolf.

[Ari Shaffir]

$7,800. 7700.

[Shane Gillis]

That's not so bad for a.

[Ari Shaffir]

Not just on a piece of paper. This is like.

[Joe Rogan]

Is. Is a Nazi military officer charged by Hitler. It's not Adolf Hitler.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, Eichmann was. That's right. It's not. It off.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh.

[Joe Rogan]

I can't believe you can just buy Nazi stuff.

[Shane Gillis]

You can.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh yeah, dude. It's in thrift stores too. It's not. I've seen them.

[Joe Rogan]

Look at that. Original. Look at that. The arm sleeve. Officer's sleeve. Eagle.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hell yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

From a guy's uniform.

[Bert Kreischer]

Damn.

[Shane Gillis]

See what I mean?

[Bert Kreischer]

That guy killed your grandpa bucks.

[Shane Gillis]

You see how you start going?

[Joe Rogan]

I could spend fucking 500 bucks.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's his.

[Joe Rogan]

It's only 480 bucks. That's crazy.

[Ari Shaffir]

I have a new version of that.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh no.

[Ari Shaffir]

The Chinese. The Chinese made new money to give it up for the workers during COVID And it's all these scientists on their. On their bills. They made a whole new bill.

[Bert Kreischer]

Really Interesting.

[Joe Rogan]

Interesting.

[Shane Gillis]

I swear to God.

[Joe Rogan]

These are the people that caused the pandemic.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't see every time I brought this up. Yeah, people get upset.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's a. He's a polarizing figure.

[Shane Gillis]

But I don't. Of course he's polarizing. It's not like.

[Ari Shaffir]

But I'm not like polarizing.

[Shane Gillis]

I know, but I'm not. Not like. Hitler's the man.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, you're really gas because someone just edited that part.

[Shane Gillis]

Hitler's the man. No, but it's like he's the worst. He's the.

[Joe Rogan]

Of course.

[Shane Gillis]

Edit this part. He's the biggest that's ever lived.

[Bert Kreischer]

Sure. Actually Ma is worse.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wait, wait. That's so funny. I mean it's a. It's a whatever bit, but like calling Hitler a will get you in trouble for the wrong reason.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's true.

[Shane Gillis]

But he's like top five all time.

[Bert Kreischer]

Top five.

[Ari Shaffir]

Five.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Biggest turds on earth.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's the Michael Jordan of cranked out.

[Joe Rogan]

Of his mind the entire time.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Like a. A poster boy for don't do drugs.

[Ari Shaffir]

It was actually Eichman was. Drove it more cuz Hitler was like whatever you need to go. Eichman was the one. That's where I think I remember is him going, let's find. We need an other. He was a smarter one about it. He goes, we need some other. And he goes, let's do the Jews. They stay to themselves. But he was like, well, anyone will do, really. He was the. He was the. The, like the. The writer of all of it. And. And Adolf was like, yeah, that'll help.

[Joe Rogan]

Us get like Dick Cheney to George W. Behind the scenes.

[Shane Gillis]

Tell me who.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, we. We found out Dick Cheney's still alive the other day.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, really interesting.

[Joe Rogan]

I thought he was. I thought it's like a baron bears, Mandela effect thing. I thought he was dead.

[Shane Gillis]

No, he endorsed Kamala Harris and they bragged about it.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, that's.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's right.

[Ari Shaffir]

Pointed out. Yeah, yeah. Somebody with visual.

[Joe Rogan]

Washington.

[Jamie Vernon]

It might be real.

[Joe Rogan]

It says, Bro. 240 grand. You got this, Shane.

[Ari Shaffir]

What is that? His flash.

[Joe Rogan]

George Washington's powder flask.

[Bert Kreischer]

Powder Pawn stars.

[Ari Shaffir]

Jen Washington.

[Joe Rogan]

That might be real.

[Shane Gillis]

See what I mean? You could have that at your house.

[Joe Rogan]

That's pretty dope.

[Ari Shaffir]

But.

[Joe Rogan]

But that's the founding father.

[Ari Shaffir]

Same same, but different.

[Bert Kreischer]

Well, you should be slaves drinking beers.

[Joe Rogan]

But don't tell anybody. Don't tell anybody. They won't Google it.

[Shane Gillis]

Slaves.

[Joe Rogan]

He did.

[Shane Gillis]

You could enter his. The Napoleon hat. Was that you who sent me that, Jamie?

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't think so.

[Ari Shaffir]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

Napoleon's hat is up for auction, yo.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hell yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

How do you know if it's really his hat, though?

[Ari Shaffir]

Like, who's gonna.

[Joe Rogan]

Baseball. I literally have a thousand baseball hats.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, but you would know if it's his or just recreated like that.

[Joe Rogan]

I wouldn't even know if you sold one of my hats.

[Ari Shaffir]

I remember an old, old pod. We were doing one at your place, at your house. That's how old it was. And it was like, we're talking about art from like the whatever era. And you're like, well, this one's hella old. Like, how do you know? And it was like, oh, yeah, I guess. Yeah. You have no idea.

[Joe Rogan]

Don't really know.

[Ari Shaffir]

Just painting.

[Joe Rogan]

Somebody told me it's all right. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of lies out there. Just looks a lot of fake paints, a lot of. A lot of dudes.

[Ari Shaffir]

I mean, it looks good.

[Bert Kreischer]

That looks badass.

[Shane Gillis]

I think it's pretty expensive.

[Joe Rogan]

How much it sold one auction.

[Jamie Vernon]

One auction went for what? 2 million.

[Joe Rogan]

2.1.

[Jamie Vernon]

I think it said.

[Ari Shaffir]

What? How much is judges? 63rd, 62nd.

[Joe Rogan]

Christ, who wants that?

[Jamie Vernon]

20 of them.

[Joe Rogan]

Imagine you got so much money spent 2 million on a hat.

[Shane Gillis]

You don't want to jack off wearing a Napoleon hat.

[Joe Rogan]

I do want I didn't until you brought it up.

[Bert Kreischer]

You got to wear that one.

[Joe Rogan]

Full length mirror flexing.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Did we talk about what Hitler did to Napoleon? Did we talk about this already? When Napoleon's tomb. Everyone had to bow their head. Built a series of mirrors so he wouldn't have to bow, so he could look at it without bowing down.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's wild.

[Ari Shaffir]

It was before I go in.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Change all the merits. So he could just go. He didn't get me Napoleon, but he loved him.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, interesting.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, Interesting.

[Shane Gillis]

Every once in a while you hear a Hitler story where you go, God damn.

[Ari Shaffir]

That was pretty sick on my chest. To get hard.

[Shane Gillis]

Love it.

[Ari Shaffir]

I don't know. They told me us, and I could see them. That's big propaganda for Jews. He was pretty stupid.

[Joe Rogan]

That's very methy on my chest.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

It might have been an accidental. On meth.

[Bert Kreischer]

He did some math.

[Joe Rogan]

As soon as you hear about a.

[Ari Shaffir]

Guy doing meth, you're like, oh, everything goes from that.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. He's doing the book.

[Shane Gillis]

I read about him. He was. By the end, he was just sitting by his fire, and you just had to listen to him tell stories. And he would be on meth and he'd be screaming for hours.

[Bert Kreischer]

I've had that with Stanley advancement.

[Shane Gillis]

And what he was screaming about was like, I'm the greatest architect that's ever lived. I shouldn't even be doing this war.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Gillis]

I didn't even want to do it, but Churchill made the greatest arch. I'm the best architect that's ever. He thought he was the. Everybody thinks he thought he was a great artist. He thought he was the greatest architect.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, my God.

[Ari Shaffir]

This is Elvis with karate.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Yeah. Look how big.

[Ari Shaffir]

No one could tell him, oh, my God.

[Joe Rogan]

Shout out to Ruth a fight. Yeah, Elvis. Get pilled up. And they'd pretend that he was good at karate. And dudes are just like, I can't believe you're doing this to me. They would try to move him and, like, put his neck out there and stop them from moving.

[Shane Gillis]

That's kind of nice.

[Joe Rogan]

His liver was redlining all day long.

[Shane Gillis]

Just be like, on the gr. I'm the best fighter ever done.

[Ari Shaffir]

We went to Graceland.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's right.

[Ari Shaffir]

We were there at the same time. We went to the Graceland tour, the racquetball court. He had multiple TVs so we could watch every channel panel in existence all at once. We had four TVs.

[Joe Rogan]

Come on, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

That was big back then.

[Joe Rogan]

That's crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

I thought it Was on a turtle.

[Ari Shaffir]

He threw it outside his racquetball court.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, that's playing racquetball.

[Shane Gillis]

He said, I fellas, I'm gonna take a.

[Ari Shaffir]

He had a separate house for racquetball.

[Joe Rogan]

He's like kids that got the vaccine. You just immediately have a heart attack.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's Heather McDonald. Yeah, he. He was playing. He couldn't sleep, so he started playing racquetball. And he called a guy like at 3am like, gotta come play with me.

[Ari Shaffir]

Get down here.

[Joe Rogan]

Come on, man.

[Shane Gillis]

Beat your ass and rap right now.

[Bert Kreischer]

And he was like, I gotta take a dump. And there it was.

[Joe Rogan]

He was the first super famous guy.

[Bert Kreischer]

You think? What about Hitler?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, different kind of. Yeah, he loved Star.

[Ari Shaffir]

60S, 50s. When was he?

[Joe Rogan]

Well, started in the 60s.

[Bert Kreischer]

50S started.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, started in the 50s, went into the 70s.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. There was nobody.

[Joe Rogan]

He died in like 1976. I want to say 78, maybe.

[Ari Shaffir]

He was already past the huge then. Yeah, but like he was still huge, though.

[Joe Rogan]

He could.

[Ari Shaffir]

Still got big and he got real.

[Joe Rogan]

Fat and crazy and just. Was just drugged out of his mind. You ever see the video of him singing from Vegas?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Unchained. Still unchained. Melody.

[Joe Rogan]

Amazing. Still amazing, but bloated. Dying. Still his entry.

[Ari Shaffir]

I got something good. He got his sweaty. His entrance in some place where it's like. Just like walks with just. He just. Just walks here. The mic's there. Walks this. He's like this. You know, he's just going back and forth like. And you take it and then immediately goes and starts saying it.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, my God.

[Ari Shaffir]

Entrance.

[Joe Rogan]

What a entrance.

[Shane Gillis]

My whole life I hated Elvis. I thought he sucked. And then I watched him.

[Joe Rogan]

What's the hate?

[Ari Shaffir]

Young Elvis is so in.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know. I guess whoever liked Elvis, I thought. And then.

[Joe Rogan]

It's too obvious. Watched it, but it's too obvious. But it's really good. It's like AC dc. See, listen. The long way to the top. Listen to that song. It's a long way. You don't like that song. You don't like America. You don't like freedom. You don't like hard work. Shut the up. It's just. It's too easy. Elvis was too easy.

[Shane Gillis]

But that unchained melody, bro.

[Joe Rogan]

He was so good. He was so good. Look at him. Look how big he was. Come on, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

Damn Panette.

[Joe Rogan]

And he wasn't that old.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. What is he there, 40?

[Shane Gillis]

He looks better than me.

[Joe Rogan]

Look at this.

[Bert Kreischer]

Well, compared to how hot he was. He was like a hot guy.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, he was so Hot. When he was young, he was like the.

[Bert Kreischer]

The first black white guy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Is that the General?

[Shane Gillis]

Yes.

[Bert Kreischer]

You know, he was like the first wigger.

[Ari Shaffir]

Is that the General right there?

[Joe Rogan]

Show me the right keys.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, no, it's a different guy. Different handler.

[Joe Rogan]

No, I think that's one of his musicians.

[Ari Shaffir]

So I heard Dolly talking about. About him.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, he's cranked out of his mind.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, this is nice.

[Joe Rogan]

I just recorded, and it. I don't know. I don't know.

[Bert Kreischer]

Is it out about two weeks.

[Joe Rogan]

Two weeks to be out.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's. I mean, no, different. The wine house late. Wow.

[Joe Rogan]

You thinking, how's this guy going to do this? You're thinking, he's out of his mind. Okay. He's in another dimension right now.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's on uppers or down.

[Shane Gillis]

You can hear how quiet the room is. They're going to. God damn.

[Ari Shaffir]

This is like Okana before he goes on drunk.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it's like.

[Ari Shaffir]

He'll be fine. He'll figure it out.

[Shane Gillis]

It's funny. This is the. I'll tell you a second. I was. I was nervous about that.

[Ari Shaffir]

All right.

[Joe Rogan]

Cranked out of his mind. Listen how good this is. Wow.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow. I can't get a mic stand.

[Joe Rogan]

Time goes by so slowly and time can do so much for you still not. God damn.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, so good.

[Shane Gillis]

It was, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

You were before my special.

[Joe Rogan]

Damn, that's good.

[Shane Gillis]

Made that exact joke about o' Connor. Like, he was like, the only way you can this special up is if you, like, black out before the show. And then even then it'd be like fat Elvis on Jane Mellow.

[Joe Rogan]

I'm like, get on stage. Cr. It.

[Bert Kreischer]

God damn.

[Joe Rogan]

God damn. That was good. I mean, you. If you heard that guy talking before that, you. If you were in the audience, like, oh, no, we came to the wrong night.

[Shane Gillis]

Sit there going, is this song out yet? They go two weeks game.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's just pure talent that'll overcome the. The.

[Joe Rogan]

Look how sweaty he is. Dud, Give me some more of this. Jamie.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's launching this song right now. Like, he's showing it to. He's like, I know. You're about to hear it all.

[Joe Rogan]

Haven't even heard it yet.

[Bert Kreischer]

Whoa.

[Joe Rogan]

God damn. Time.

[Bert Kreischer]

Still hits.

[Shane Gillis]

God, you guys. You guys are allegedly on mushrooms. That must have been nice.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, my God, it's so good.

[Bert Kreischer]

That is one fat.

[Joe Rogan]

That's what we live for. We live for those. Like, if you could belt out one of them moments in your life, you did it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

One of those moments. I mean, this guy had a ton of Them but one of those moments. And nobody had ever gotten that famous before. Before, nobody had ever like, nobody gets that famous site ever and doesn't go crazy. But nobody had ever gotten that famous before Elvis, he was the first. Yeah, it's also.

[Bert Kreischer]

You go to his house. It's not that big.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, right.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like your house is probably the same size as Elvis.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, it's pretty nice. House is bigger.

[Joe Rogan]

Come on.

[Bert Kreischer]

My who?

[Shane Gillis]

Come on.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, really?

[Joe Rogan]

I live a big ass house, man.

[Shane Gillis]

Okay, come over, watch me do a little jiu.

[Joe Rogan]

First of all, which house?

[Bert Kreischer]

I'll just say, you see like little Bow Wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

I know. He's got a suburban urban house.

[Bert Kreischer]

7.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's just a house in the burbs.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, you don't need a big house. If I was by myself, I'd have a regular house.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, you would.

[Joe Rogan]

I don't. You don't need. It's all nonsense. It's just where you live. That's the first thing I figured out when I came to Hollywood. I was 27 years old. That was the first time I ever had a nice apartment in my life. I had a loft, I had a pool table. I was like, this is sick. And then I got. And then I'm like, oh, this is just where I live. I felt like, oh, I'm like, that's another trick. You got to be a war aware of, like this idea of always getting a bigger, better. You never appreciate it. It's always just where you live. This is all you need a place that's safe, that has a tv.

[Ari Shaffir]

You have a kitchen, playground next to you to wake you up.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You don't want anything crazy loud.

[Shane Gillis]

You don't think about a train station buying a house. And I'm like, I'm literally just gonna hang out in two rooms, right. I'm gonna walk from my bed to the couch.

[Joe Rogan]

The only time it changes. If you have a family, you have a family, then you want a yard, then you want a pool, then you want. Own a lot of things. You own a lot of things.

[Ari Shaffir]

You want to have it.

[Joe Rogan]

What if you want a dog?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. You want to have a room to be like, I don't know where to put this. I'll just shove it.

[Joe Rogan]

I've always had dogs, so I always have a big yard. I'm like, that's the thing. Can't have a dog. That's why the only reason why I never bought Crest Hill, the. The house above the store. The. The house. Yes. I went to look at it because it was like, Sam Kennedys used to live there. I'm like, this would be crazy to own this house, but I had a crazy dog, and that yard was too little. I was like, he'll find a way out.

[Ari Shaffir]

Tim Kinison pissed on Mark Marin's bed up there.

[Joe Rogan]

Nice. Whoa. Nice.

[Bert Kreischer]

What the.

[Joe Rogan]

Imagine if that was on YouTube.

[Ari Shaffir]

100 million views all over his bed just standing up.

[Joe Rogan]

Wow.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's a credit that's marking his territory.

[Joe Rogan]

That's what your cat does. That's why you gotta give him spade. Easy spay. New to your pets? I'm Bomb Parker.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow. What a weird thing he had. That was his big thing.

[Joe Rogan]

Every episode. Turn your dog trans. Everyone. Turn your dogs trans. It's important to have a trans dog. How about just don't let your dog. Random dogs.

[Shane Gillis]

Especially in. Your name's Bob Barker.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, I never.

[Shane Gillis]

What a freak.

[Joe Rogan]

What a freak. What a freak. What was his real name?

[Shane Gillis]

That's not a good joke.

[Joe Rogan]

That's a good joke. Come on. That made me laugh in this room. That's a solid joke right now.

[Shane Gillis]

It's good.

[Joe Rogan]

Three people laughing. That's a solid. You have an audience of three. Jamie, were you laughing at that?

[Shane Gillis]

No, Jamie's.

[Ari Shaffir]

About that.

[Joe Rogan]

See that?

[Jamie Vernon]

Stanhope had uploaded a pilot they found found of the Mitch Hedberg project they made back in 2001.

[Joe Rogan]

No way.

[Jamie Vernon]

YouTube channel. They put up like, yesterday.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, this looks like it's about to be some Sam Hyde stuff.

[Jamie Vernon]

Oh, it's like a TV show they made.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, cool. Sam Hyde stuff.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

I mean, it's like where he sits down just with the. The chair and is, like, breaking down things that are going on in the world.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, no. I don't know.

[Joe Rogan]

You ever seen that video Moms? It went. It went viral. You've seen it, right?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I'm friends with him. I was. He's doing his video. He's doing his premiere for Million Dollar Extreme two two in Austin on Sunday.

[Joe Rogan]

What does that mean?

[Shane Gillis]

They had a sketch show called Million Dollar Extremes, and it got canceled off Adult Swim.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, that's right.

[Shane Gillis]

And now they. They made it again. And I. I was.

[Joe Rogan]

He's a little too wild.

[Shane Gillis]

He's a wild.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's a wild boy.

[Joe Rogan]

He's a little wild.

[Ari Shaffir]

But that. You see moms or mothers?

[Joe Rogan]

What is this?

[Ari Shaffir]

That's a brilliant one.

[Shane Gillis]

It's.

[Joe Rogan]

What is it?

[Ari Shaffir]

He writes a script, realize he can get some local. I'll try to be an actress to read the lines. So they're like, oh, well, let's write crazy lines. And they're Reading these lines, not knowing what it. It is. And he goes, it's something like, yes, I am the curly haired one. I think we should try to. The curly haired one.

[Shane Gillis]

It's crazy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Just like.

[Shane Gillis]

And they're just, like, trying not to laugh. But him and Nick. Nick Rochefor. It's one of the funniest dudes I've ever met. Charl, those guys, they're doing some wild.

[Ari Shaffir]

Locking a bunch of homeless people in a. In a.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, I don't agree with that room.

[Ari Shaffir]

And just. Let's watch them.

[Shane Gillis]

Hold on. I don't agree with all this.

[Ari Shaffir]

I think this one's wild.

[Joe Rogan]

I love bum fights. You mean.

[Shane Gillis]

No, no, you're talking Fish tank. Bum live.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's just like. It's. It's real World.

[Shane Gillis]

You're saying fish tank.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, it's real world. You get the craziest people.

[Joe Rogan]

Real world's okay because they're only mildly mentally ill.

[Ari Shaffir]

But they always got a racist and a black on Real World. And like, let's put them in producers.

[Joe Rogan]

They know how to make drama.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's what he's doing. Yeah, Fish tank.

[Joe Rogan]

I mean, if you're gonna make a show, you can't just have a bunch of people hanging out, having a good time.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

You need a bunch of cat fights.

[Shane Gillis]

Friends.

[Joe Rogan]

Even the Kardashians went after each other. Remember that?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Slapping each other. They're in the hallway. One of them threw a leg kick.

[Shane Gillis]

Joe was watching, commentating. I was watching.

[Joe Rogan]

People know how to throw leg kicks now. That's like a new thing with street fights. People throw leg kicks.

[Ari Shaffir]

I saw it after. Who was with me? It was. It was Patriots versus Broncos.

[Joe Rogan]

Goes.

[Ari Shaffir]

So there's some drunk Boston fans who were leaving, and somebody, some old man talked some to him. All right, B. Luck. Next time, he's like, shut your mouth. He goes, easy, bro. And then just leg kick to the face knocked him out.

[Shane Gillis]

Got talking. Leg kick to the.

[Joe Rogan]

Not to the face. Oh, to the leg. A leg kick using the leg.

[Shane Gillis]

Punch.

[Joe Rogan]

He opened up with a head kick.

[Ari Shaffir]

He just spun and kicked him. It was like. This guy was like a. Just a nice Denver president. Oh, nobody's getting into.

[Bert Kreischer]

You never know who knows that jiu jitsu.

[Joe Rogan]

Now he's hit him with a wheel kick, or he spun around, spun around, heel kick in front of his wife.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, they were like. He was like, 60.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, no. Yeah, you can't do that.

[Bert Kreischer]

60.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, it was.

[Joe Rogan]

That's how people die. And then you go to jail for the rest of your life for looking Cool.

[Ari Shaffir]

I think it was me and Simone.

[Joe Rogan]

Use my karate skills.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

So dangerous.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. I mean. Mean, I. The karate guys and MMA guys should not be allowed to drink.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, true.

[Joe Rogan]

Getting drunk with Trump while he doesn't do anything. He's sober.

[Shane Gillis]

Sean Strickland, If I could. If I could do a cool kick.

[Ari Shaffir]

You're doing it.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm kicking everybody. The second I start drinking, I go. What you say, Jamie, about Ohio State? You that ass. Oh, Jamie, could you bring up Michigan walking into Ohio State. State stadium.

[Jamie Vernon]

Nice. Change of subject.

[Joe Rogan]

The thing is, though, I don't think you would do it if you could do it.

[Shane Gillis]

True. Yeah. I guess it humbles you a little.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

You don't care.

[Joe Rogan]

I could do it. I don't do it to anybody.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's what I noticed about going to UFC's. The backstage stuff is they're so quiet. Just very chill, meek people.

[Joe Rogan]

Very nice.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know. I've hung out with Nate a lot.

[Joe Rogan]

But that's also why he's such a superstar. Everybody loves him because he's. He's the same guy.

[Shane Gillis]

It's also why he's great.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Fighting Absolutely. Genuinely doesn't give a. Leon Edwards is my favorite fight.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. When he. When he cracked him in the left hand, then pointed out my favorite moment.

[Shane Gillis]

For four straight rounds. Leon's doing moves like trying.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Spinning elbow to the forehead. And he just goes, oh, we're doing.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Gay ass spin. Gay. Come here.

[Joe Rogan]

He's trying to come back to the ufc.

[Shane Gillis]

I hope so.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. I was reading articles. I don't know if it's substantiated, but.

[Ari Shaffir]

He'S there looking for it.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. That guy.

[Ari Shaffir]

One of those.

[Joe Rogan]

Superstar.

[Shane Gillis]

He'll fight anyone, bro.

[Joe Rogan]

I was always said that he was the most under appreciated superstar during the Conor McGregor times.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh.

[Joe Rogan]

I was like, you guys are missing out. Like, you got Conor McGregor. But Nate Diaz just beat him and said, I'm not surprised.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Not just like, I can't believe it. It wasn't storm the field, guys.

[Joe Rogan]

I'm not surprised.

[Shane Gillis]

That was what got me. That's what got me into the sport.

[Ari Shaffir]

What about this? I was at that one with Epstein. Oh, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, my God. Amazing. Yeah, it was amazing.

[Bert Kreischer]

What Epstein.

[Ari Shaffir]

This is this jujitsu guy.

[Joe Rogan]

He caught. He caught a dude in a triangle. Caught a dude in a triangle and then did a double flex.

[Shane Gillis]

He's talking to the cameras. Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

While he had him in the triangle, like fully locked up.

[Ari Shaffir]

Einstein. Einstein.

[Bert Kreischer]

Damn.

[Joe Rogan]

Amazing.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, his name was Einstein.

[Shane Gillis]

Nice going, Einstein.

[Bert Kreischer]

What does he do in off season. How does he make money?

[Joe Rogan]

Well, he. Yeah, he got. Something happened. He had a boxing match with Jorge Masvidal. He won and he won, but they didn't give him the money. I think he's got a big. Yeah, I think. See if that got resolved. There's a. There was a crazy thing. You know, you have these fly by night promotions, and sometimes they're not funded correctly.

[Ari Shaffir]

Like any black room. Like, we'll send you the check. I'm like, give it to me now. Give it to me now. Show.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know what you're talking about. Delete all the stuff I said about Hillary.

[Joe Rogan]

I had that with a mob club I used to work for in Connecticut. You get paid if you're lucky.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, if you're lucky. I saw you almost beat a guy in Vancouver Island.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's like, I'll send it to you later. I've never seen it before because I always. The checks were always from him.

[Shane Gillis]

They're coming.

[Ari Shaffir]

Give my money. He goes, no, we got to send. He goes, bro. He, like, went into the back.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

It's like, no, no, no, no, no.

[Ari Shaffir]

Write the check now. Pay me now.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, that guy was. Well, we're doing. This guy was super scared, sketchy. Talking about his balance and his. What are you talking about? These have to clear Sue's reported $9 million. So they robbed him out of 9 million bucks. Pre fight, deal in place, promoter, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. So he beat him, but he's owed $9 million. I hope he gets his money.

[Ari Shaffir]

Me too.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Also, he's doing.

[Joe Rogan]

It's hard to get money on a person who doesn't have any money, though. That's the problem. You get an old Ferrari.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

He could have his stuff, but Nate does.

[Shane Gillis]

They do, like, Jiu Jitsu. They'll do, like, seminars.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, yeah, it does a lot. Makes plenty of money doing seminars then. Nate's a legit Jiu Jitsu black belt.

[Ari Shaffir]

Purple. They always say purple, right? He'd always, like, as he was doing this, he'd be like, I'm just a purple belt, right?

[Shane Gillis]

Like, shut up, dude.

[Joe Rogan]

He was. They were. And his brother was one of the best of all time.

[Shane Gillis]

That was always cool he him, because anytime I've hung out with Nate, I've never hung out with Nick, but they always. He talks about Nick with this reverence. There was a time I've never seen anything like it.

[Joe Rogan]

People missed it because most of it happened in the Strike Force days. And, you know, it was a small yeah, Nick's prime. Nick's prime. He was a bad dude. He was a terrifying guy because he had the most insane cardio that's ever existed. He's this guy swam from Alcatraz to the shore. He said swam five times. What, five? I said twice. And he corrected me online. Said five times. Since then, he's probably swam a bunch more. So it's probably like 10 times. Yeah. Swim from Alcatraz in the ocean with the sharks. The thing that was supposed to keep people from ever escaping that island, people voluntarily do it. And he's done it a ton of times.

[Shane Gillis]

Train bad.

[Joe Rogan]

His cardio was off the charts, and you just couldn't keep his pack pace. He'd put a pace on you and hit you with like 50 punches. Yeah, 50 punches. But constantly having your face wise talking. What you going to do? What you going to do? Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. And then every now and then, rip one to the body. Rip one of the body. Pop, pop, pop. And you're exhausted and you can't breathe because when someone's punching you, you can't take a breath. So even if he's only punching you like this, you're. You're all tense. He's relaxed.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow.

[Joe Rogan]

He's a better boxer than you. He's better at Jiu jitsu. What are you gonna do? Gonna take him down. Down. Like, what are you gonna do?

[Ari Shaffir]

How did he ever lose? When he lost, it got to a.

[Joe Rogan]

Point where later in his career, early though, everybody slows down. But in Strike Force, he was in his prime. Like Frank Shamrock. Nick Diaz versus Frank Shamrock in. In Strike Force, a great example.

[Bert Kreischer]

Whoa. That's a fight.

[Ari Shaffir]

He beat Shamrock.

[Joe Rogan]

He beat his ass.

[Ari Shaffir]

Well when he lost in his prime. Why? How did he lose?

[Joe Rogan]

Well, he didn't really lose in his prime. Well, he. He might have lost a couple of decisions in his prime in like, three rounders. I'd have to, like, go back and look at it. But, like, he submitted goi, which is like this huge thing in pride with a gogo plata like, off of his back while he was high. He tested. He tested positive. So there was. He was tested so positive after the fight that, like, he had to be fighting high.

[Bert Kreischer]

Damn.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

And he'd be like, yeah, yeah. Fight high. Let's go.

[Bert Kreischer]

That new rock movie looks fun.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, the Smashing Machine. I haven't seen.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, but yeah, the trailer is amazing.

[Shane Gillis]

Jamie, bring up Michigan walking on the field versus Ohio State.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, he won't do it. He has the laughter.

[Jamie Vernon]

We won. We're living high right now.

[Bert Kreischer]

We don't need to.

[Shane Gillis]

Would you go back to. You beat Michigan?

[Joe Rogan]

No.

[Jamie Vernon]

We won the national championship.

[Joe Rogan]

What's this we?

[Shane Gillis]

There's a lot of we.

[Joe Rogan]

A lot of we going on.

[Shane Gillis]

We did it.

[Joe Rogan]

We did it. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Me and Nate almost beat Leon, man, when I slapped him. It was crazy.

[Bert Kreischer]

We got the belt.

[Joe Rogan]

The bitch laps. That was the other thing. He would hit you with slaps.

[Shane Gillis]

It's crazy. I didn't. I never thought about the. Because his punches were like. I didn't know they were 50% like that.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Like you just can't breathe.

[Ari Shaffir]

Because he'd tire himself out.

[Joe Rogan]

Exactly.

[Shane Gillis]

For sure.

[Joe Rogan]

So he's putting a pace on you that you can't keep up with, and he's not hitting you at full blast. Like, Nick would throw kicks, like, for fun. They were silly kicks. Like, they didn't. They were never going to hit you. He would throw like. He would pretend to throw, like a wheel kick or throw a high kick. He wasn't even trying to hit you. He's just trying to put something in your face. Face. Put some in your face and then let it. You know that he's so relaxed in there with you. He'll throw silly kicks at you.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

And just beat you up.

[Bert Kreischer]

I might go to that New Orleans fight. I think Poirier's fighting again.

[Joe Rogan]

Yes, Poirier is going to fight Max Holloway.

[Shane Gillis]

Right.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, that's a hot one.

[Joe Rogan]

That's the last fight of his career. Right? That's in New Orleans.

[Bert Kreischer]

Maybe. Exactly.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, Poirier's gonna. He wanted one more and he wanted a lesson. Legend, so they got him.

[Ari Shaffir]

I think Max Holloway might be the number one guy for fights in the stands.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, really? Really.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's Hawaiian. Yeah. They go.

[Shane Gillis]

They love fighting.

[Joe Rogan]

The jeans.

[Shane Gillis]

They're a couple Coronas up there. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Here's some model airplane bottles. And then, like. What are you talking about, Holloway?

[Shane Gillis]

Talk about Hawaii. No, dude, Hawaiians are terrified public.

[Joe Rogan]

The ancestors of people that had the balls to get out in the ocean, get out in a homemade. Could make it across the ocean.

[Shane Gillis]

That's why I was hoping I had Viking. Dude, I don't.

[Joe Rogan]

Just a farmer. Just a farmer.

[Shane Gillis]

Billion years coming in.

[Bert Kreischer]

Farmers only.

[Joe Rogan]

What a crazy dating apple that is. Farmers only.

[Bert Kreischer]

I know. It basically means whites.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. They should have just called.

[Joe Rogan]

That's all that is.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's a. How do you say it without saying it?

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm a black farmer talking weed.

[Joe Rogan]

I got good news and bad news. Daddy, I found a farmer. His name's Tyrone. He grows weed.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's only watermelon. I don't know what the hell.

[Joe Rogan]

Isn't it crazy? The delicious food is racist.

[Bert Kreischer]

Chicken, watermelon. They're both great. I love them both.

[Joe Rogan]

It doesn't work with any other race. You can you make fun of Italians for pizza and no one. Irish potatoes. No one cares. That was super sensitive.

[Shane Gillis]

Fish.

[Joe Rogan]

And it. But the thing is, it's also foods that everybody loves.

[Bert Kreischer]

I know.

[Joe Rogan]

Both delicious. Like, how. How did that happen? Well, yeah, like, if you bring up fried chicken and black people, you're a piece of. But, like, doesn't everybody love fried chicken?

[Bert Kreischer]

Chappelle has a bit about it.

[Shane Gillis]

It's the best.

[Bert Kreischer]

He does. It's a great bit.

[Shane Gillis]

No, I was talking about fried chicken.

[Joe Rogan]

You ever go to Gus's in town? Gus's Fried Chicken. Oh, it's so good.

[Shane Gillis]

I try to genuinely actually avoid fried chicken.

[Bert Kreischer]

It'll kill you. I grew up on Popeyes and it'll weigh you.

[Joe Rogan]

We used to get Roscoe's when I was in la. Roscoe's Chicken and waffles. Oh, my God.

[Shane Gillis]

Perfect.

[Joe Rogan]

So good.

[Shane Gillis]

Good.

[Joe Rogan]

What? Butter and the syrup and then you got the hot sauce with the chicken.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, doy. Oh, that's good stuff.

[Joe Rogan]

So good.

[Bert Kreischer]

Diabetes.

[Joe Rogan]

It's coming. But not today.

[Shane Gillis]

Not today.

[Joe Rogan]

Today it's mouth pleasure.

[Shane Gillis]

I was. Bro, I thought that diabetes was coming.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, but you're not.

[Shane Gillis]

I got that way too. Well, I was like, I got to at least be pre diabetic.

[Joe Rogan]

No, you got those Irish jeans, son. You got the full roll.

[Shane Gillis]

Will do. Diabetes will do nothing.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm in your wife's dms. You know what they'll get us is the gout. The gout's coming for us.

[Shane Gillis]

When I heard the fatties, isn't it?

[Bert Kreischer]

No, no. Kyle can as the goutty for a while.

[Joe Rogan]

No, I think it's a boozing beer.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's it.

[Joe Rogan]

It's a boozing thing. It causes gout meat.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's the king's disease.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes, meat.

[Joe Rogan]

But what is the real red meat? This sounds like. No, it's like literally all I eat.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh.

[Joe Rogan]

I eat 90% red meat.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wait, wait, wait. Are you sober?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Dog for three months sober from alcohol. Yeah. Be clear.

[Joe Rogan]

And according to the law, everything else.

[Shane Gillis]

And nothing else today.

[Joe Rogan]

Gout known as disease of kings. A type of arthritis characterized by painful swelling and inflammation. The joints often the big toe out.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow.

[Joe Rogan]

Caused by a buildup of uric acid in the body, leading the formation of urate crystals in the Joints linked to lavish diets and alcohol consumption of wealthy individuals, including royalty. I guarantee you it's the.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's the alcohol and not moving.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, it's not. Has nothing to do with meat.

[Shane Gillis]

Tell you what, I don't have it. First time I saw that description, I.

[Joe Rogan]

Went, oh, the one that's going. Right. It's coming. Crystallize my joints.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wait, are you going to church too, or is that bull?

[Joe Rogan]

I have been to church.

[Shane Gillis]

Why?

[Joe Rogan]

Have you ever been to church before?

[Bert Kreischer]

I've been.

[Joe Rogan]

It's actually very nice. They're all just trying to be better people. It's a good vibe.

[Shane Gillis]

Why don't you go to a cafe?

[Joe Rogan]

I tried that. I did that.

[Shane Gillis]

I went to St. Pat's in New York. Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

That's a beautiful place.

[Shane Gillis]

So nice guy gave me a rosary. I keep it.

[Bert Kreischer]

If it's not Catholic, what is? Which one is it?

[Joe Rogan]

It's just a Christian church.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. All this Joel Osteen.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, I'm just giving all my money.

[Shane Gillis]

To Osteen of your religion.

[Joe Rogan]

Animal proteins such as pork, red meat, shellfish, and oily fitch are high in purines, making individual susceptible to gas.

[Bert Kreischer]

There you go.

[Joe Rogan]

Huh?

[Bert Kreischer]

No shellfish.

[Joe Rogan]

Additionally, alcohol reduces the metabolism of uric acid, enhances disease condition.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, right.

[Joe Rogan]

I guarantee it's the alcohol.

[Bert Kreischer]

And we're getting a steak tonight.

[Joe Rogan]

The alcohol lobby probably said, yeah, it's the meat.

[Shane Gillis]

The meat broke.

[Joe Rogan]

It's just like they did with sugar. You know, the sugar lobby is like. Actually, actually, it's not us. It's saturated fat that's causing all these heart attacks to happen often.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

It's a long Covid. It has nothing to do with us. It has nothing to do with. I just have vaccine injury. It's long Covid. You're getting cancer because of COVID It's all the COVID Gotcha.

[Bert Kreischer]

Now's a new strain. You see that?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Of what?

[Bert Kreischer]

Covid.

[Ari Shaffir]

Come on.

[Shane Gillis]

You're lying.

[Joe Rogan]

It's a new strain.

[Ari Shaffir]

In China, there's always a new strain.

[Joe Rogan]

It's a new release mix mixtape. Yeah, it's Beastie Boys lost mixtape.

[Shane Gillis]

The COVID hasn't been good since 2019. Dude, they fell off.

[Joe Rogan]

They got a new producer.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, really?

[Joe Rogan]

They got a new producer. Better beats. Yeah, this one gets the kids.

[Ari Shaffir]

This one only gets kids.

[Joe Rogan]

Catchy with the kids. They call it the Fauci.

[Ari Shaffir]

Kids is a big one. They always threw kids at you to make you like, oh, I guess we have to.

[Joe Rogan]

And old people. Yeah, I gotta take care of the old People. What about grandma? What about grandma? I saw someone on Twitter saying you literally killed my mother to people who are out there doing shows.

[Bert Kreischer]

No less than 20. We're back.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude.

[Joe Rogan]

20 cases of the new variant. That's how it happened in Seattle. Remember you heard about the guys or Portland. Where was it the first case in.

[Ari Shaffir]

The United States of what?

[Joe Rogan]

Somewhere in the northwest. Someone had come over from China. They gave the Wuhan. They. They gave it over there and that's the first cases.

[Bert Kreischer]

And.

[Joe Rogan]

And those people don't got no sign sunlight so they got zero vitamin D. They're susceptible.

[Shane Gillis]

I hope that monkeypox joke worked in your storytelling show.

[Joe Rogan]

Look at this. Look how they described this.

[Ari Shaffir]

It was actually really funny. We were all like talk about it afterwards. It's so silly.

[Joe Rogan]

Describe as a slightly upgraded version about.

[Ari Shaffir]

It that was really funny.

[Joe Rogan]

A slightly upgraded version of the variant that's prominent right now. Oh God.

[Bert Kreischer]

Sub Hash Verma Somebody at the mothership.

[Ari Shaffir]

Person who's bred to be a scientist.

[Joe Rogan]

Ron got the COVID right. Recently he got the COVID for like a week.

[Bert Kreischer]

Really a week.

[Shane Gillis]

Smokes 20 cigars a day.

[Ari Shaffir]

Cigars.

[Joe Rogan]

He got the vax too. He got the jab.

[Ari Shaffir]

Thank God. It would have been way worse for.

[Joe Rogan]

Isn't that a funny thing?

[Ari Shaffir]

It could have been worse. Is so my sister flipped her car once when she was in high school and she was totally fine and total. The car. Car. The cigarette lighter was the only thing salvageable. She was fine, wasn't wearing a seat belt. So she was on the roof of the car. And we're all like thank God you weren't wearing a seatbelt or it could have been worse. They always say, well we ever see.

[Joe Rogan]

Guys get flown out of the car and they live. And the car flips 30 times and they live because they got.

[Ari Shaffir]

Because they got the wreckage.

[Bert Kreischer]

Never heard of that.

[Shane Gillis]

Isn't that a saying too like a urban myth at least that if you. If you're like. You get an accident you're like relaxed.

[Bert Kreischer]

So I've heard that.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, I've heard that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. It's the same thing as people falling.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh there was somebody on my. On this not happening. This I ah. Irish Chicago guy. I forgot his name. Sullivan something. But he was listening to Hugh Lewis and it was walked off a building.

[Joe Rogan]

And the nurse was like.

[Ari Shaffir]

The nurse was like it's only thing saved you is did you not know you were falling the entire time?

[Joe Rogan]

I was just walking, dude. Oh my God.

[Bert Kreischer]

Damn.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh my God. All right, all right. Let's bong a.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let's bong.

[Bert Kreischer]

There you go. It's about time.

[Ari Shaffir]

Feeling these envies though. I would the yawns.

[Joe Rogan]

The only reason stop the booze. The only reason I stopped the booze is cuz I wanted to see what it be like to have no booze for a long period of time. Yeah, it's a lot better.

[Ari Shaffir]

I mean, you feel a lot better.

[Bert Kreischer]

Don't you get bored though?

[Joe Rogan]

No, I thought I would. That's the thing. Like I have fun doing standup. I have fun hanging out in the green room.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, but you're also not like act well when it comes to stuff.

[Joe Rogan]

No booze.

[Ari Shaffir]

At the end.

[Shane Gillis]

Probably goes, Jamie, dude.

[Ari Shaffir]

He goes, I stopped smoking weed. Never booed. He goes, oh. I mean I'm still doing vapes and stuff.

[Joe Rogan]

All right.

[Ari Shaffir]

I just hurt my throat.

[Bert Kreischer]

What Flip. What was the, the final switch you.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, I wanted to try fall down.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, I'm just got tired of feeling like when I would work out the.

[Ari Shaffir]

Next day, the hangovers are real later.

[Joe Rogan]

It's real. It's also, it just. You're just tired all the time. It's like it beats you down. And if I was doing three nights in a week at the club and.

[Shane Gillis]

Then let me bong this beer.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, exactly. Cat.

[Ari Shaffir]

Got his 29 year old metabolism.

[Shane Gillis]

So cold.

[Bert Kreischer]

You'll be back. You'll be back.

[Joe Rogan]

You think so?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

That's a supportive friend.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean I'm not a fucking problem.

[Ari Shaffir]

We don't judge you for your current situation. Thank you. We would love to have you back.

[Joe Rogan]

It's just one of those things where you stop doing it. You're like, oh, I feel so much better. Why was I doing that?

[Ari Shaffir]

It's also like at this point like who gives? So don't drink.

[Shane Gillis]

See, I have the. I have a different thing. I go, I go. I'll go like four or five days.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Typically I try to get four or five days off by day five.

[Joe Rogan]

Five.

[Shane Gillis]

By day five, I'm going, let's go. I know, I'm getting wrecked.

[Bert Kreischer]

Same thing.

[Shane Gillis]

It's, it's not even like.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, you can't just have. I'll have a beer.

[Bert Kreischer]

You regret it the next day, but.

[Shane Gillis]

You'Re like the next day you go, it. I already threw away those five days.

[Bert Kreischer]

Let's keep going until the wheels fall off.

[Joe Rogan]

Like I had a good time drinking. Don't get me wrong, I like it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, it's.

[Joe Rogan]

It's just I don't like what it does to your body.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. I mean it's always done.

[Joe Rogan]

What did someone say? Someone had a great statement that it's like, you're paying for tomorrow.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

At a. You know, a high interest rate today.

[Shane Gillis]

I was listening to your podcast.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

I gladly play you today. What? Tomorrow for one hamburger today.

[Joe Rogan]

That guy. Yeah, the Popeye guy. The guy was addicted to hamburgers.

[Ari Shaffir]

He had no money.

[Joe Rogan]

Wimpy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wimpy?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Is this Wimpy's Burgers?

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, Wimpy's Big.

[Shane Gillis]

It's just a guy addicted to burgers.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah. He was a comic. He died.

[Joe Rogan]

Burgers.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Five guys killed him.

[Joe Rogan]

I know, bro. Those old cartoons were crazy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, don't give me start on the racist ones.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, they're all racist. I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today. I just wanted burgers.

[Ari Shaffir]

You ever see the stories of Blow on the set of Popeye?

[Joe Rogan]

Huh?

[Ari Shaffir]

The blow on the set of Popeye, like, movie Popeye. They were shooting in Malta so they could be away from the store studios and they would send film cams back and they'd send the empty film cans back full of cocaine for the set because they wouldn't check through the film cans.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, my God, that's so crazy. When Popeye came to Malta, the film was full of cocaine.

[Ari Shaffir]

They had to be like, we're gonna do something wild.

[Bert Kreischer]

Of course, he's not even in character.

[Joe Rogan]

He's cooked up. He's got one eye closed.

[Shane Gillis]

That's funny. I've made that face every single time I've ever done cocaine.

[Joe Rogan]

I go, he couldn't escape it. They were actually shipping film cans at the time. Film cans be sent back to LA for daily processing. This was shot in Malta and we found out the film cans were actually being used to ship cocaine back and forth to this set. Everyone was stoned. I don't know what they're saying.

[Ari Shaffir]

What a lame way to talk about.

[Joe Rogan]

Blown out and what a bunch of dorks.

[Ari Shaffir]

Dorks.

[Bert Kreischer]

It makes sense.

[Joe Rogan]

Shelley Duvall, she went. She went through that and the Shining. How'd that lady survive?

[Bert Kreischer]

Well, have you seen her now? Now?

[Ari Shaffir]

She died.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, she did?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, but she died.

[Shane Gillis]

Wait, she died and then, Mark, you were saying. What were you saying? She was ugly before she died.

[Bert Kreischer]

Son of a. I love how many.

[Joe Rogan]

Memes are the Jack Nicholson with the axe coming through the wall? Oh, you know, Johnny, like inclusivity and then trans women on dating apps.

[Bert Kreischer]

I think I sent this. That one that was on the thread.

[Joe Rogan]

There's so many of them. Those like that one scene with Shelley Duvall in The bathroom. And the ax is coming through. Here's Johnny Rocks. That movie was crazy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Slow build. If you re watch it, it's really nice. It's great.

[Shane Gillis]

It's a really good movie to watch.

[Joe Rogan]

You know what's crazy?

[Shane Gillis]

Aesthetically pleasing.

[Joe Rogan]

Stephen King didn't like it. Cubric King didn't like that.

[Shane Gillis]

Stephen King doesn't like anything cool.

[Ari Shaffir]

He likes. He likes Salem's Lot.

[Bert Kreischer]

Tough follow on Twitter.

[Shane Gillis]

He hates the coolest dude.

[Joe Rogan]

It's funny, fun.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's zigging everybody.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, you got a guy got hit by a bus.

[Bert Kreischer]

Did he?

[Joe Rogan]

He got hit by a. A guy driving a truck, not paying attention, and he was walking on the side of the road and he got clipped and broke, like every bone in his body.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm not laughing at that. It's just a funny way.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, he was hospitalized for a long time. He got clipped. He got really broken apart. Older man, you know, not like as a young guy, maybe kind of recovery cover.

[Ari Shaffir]

How hot is it in here?

[Joe Rogan]

Not hot at all.

[Shane Gillis]

So hot. It's Jamie. It's Jamie's fault.

[Joe Rogan]

It's America.

[Ari Shaffir]

Is it. Is it not hot? 72, let's go.

[Shane Gillis]

72 is a little hot. 72 is a little crazy.

[Bert Kreischer]

You all right, Ari?

[Shane Gillis]

69. 69.

[Joe Rogan]

The devil.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, you had it set at 72, Jamie. That's unforgivable.

[Ari Shaffir]

What are you, a girl, Jamie?

[Joe Rogan]

Girls like warm. They like it warm?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

They love it warm.

[Joe Rogan]

Interesting.

[Shane Gillis]

If it's up to a girl, she'll go 75 easy.

[Joe Rogan]

Hey, legitimately hot. Burt Crush is going to sue you.

[Shane Gillis]

I wish you weren't doing that.

[Bert Kreischer]

That is a bad look. A Schwitz 20. 25.

[Joe Rogan]

He did that for the. The thing.

[Shane Gillis]

It was a good survivors.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'm legitimately. I was spitzing in here.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's gonna be sp in too, dude.

[Joe Rogan]

Feel better now.

[Bert Kreischer]

That'll be shirtless doing that.

[Ari Shaffir]

But I am hot. Well, Jamie, I mean, obviously the stuff.

[Shane Gillis]

Jamie, can you bring up Michigan taking the field against Ohio State? I think Joe's actually going to like it, and I think he's going to respect football when he sees it.

[Joe Rogan]

Let's go.

[Ari Shaffir]

Joe does not respect football.

[Joe Rogan]

Let's go. I do respect football.

[Shane Gillis]

He actually has recently come.

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't approve of the cte.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, it's not good.

[Bert Kreischer]

Horrible.

[Joe Rogan]

Listen.

[Ari Shaffir]

It'S like. Yeah, it's like.

[Shane Gillis]

It's like us.

[Joe Rogan]

You're both all, I got a touch of CT myself. For sure. It's. You don't escape it. They. They tested high School kids, they have cte.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I'm a little worried.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, you should have. You should be worried. But you got the touch. A touch is good. Little touch makes you a little reckless, little funny, little crazy.

[Bert Kreischer]

I got touched.

[Joe Rogan]

I got touched.

[Shane Gillis]

Jma. I know what you're going to do, cuz I know you're a nasty little. I know what you're going to do.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, you knew Smith. He's got it.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, I got tackle.

[Ari Shaffir]

Damn it.

[Bert Kreischer]

He got you there.

[Shane Gillis]

I knew he was going to do it. Dude.

[Joe Rogan]

Does that hurt you.

[Jamie Vernon]

You already threw that.

[Shane Gillis]

That actually did hurt.

[Joe Rogan]

That what a catch, though. Look at that catch there.

[Shane Gillis]

Right, right there.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's beautiful because that was a third.

[Joe Rogan]

Down little on an airplane. He was ready. He had that geared up.

[Shane Gillis]

It looks like a movie. It looks like a movie.

[Joe Rogan]

What I sent Jamie yesterday. You. You want to get mad? Yeah, let's get mad. The LA Fire Fund, you know, they had this big, big FundRaiser. They raised $100 million. Wait till you find out where the money went. It is. It's. James Lee did a thing about it on Instagram. Yeah. And there's been articles written about it where people like, where's the money?

[Bert Kreischer]

This.

[Joe Rogan]

The way they distribute the money is so crazy. You're gonna. You're gonna read this and you're never gonna want to donate to charity again because you find out what charities are really with. A lot of these, like non, Non profits are really about. The lady running the charity that got the money makes almost a million dollars a year.

[Ari Shaffir]

Blm. Me too.

[Joe Rogan]

Yep. This same lady.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let me get a taste.

[Joe Rogan]

Listen, listen to this.

[Jamie Vernon]

I looked into it a little bit. We'll watch.

[Joe Rogan]

But I.

[Jamie Vernon]

What they say though is that within the first month they distributed half of that money.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hold on. Before you press play, that guy with a fishing hat is not a reliable.

[Joe Rogan]

My number one source of news getting.

[Jamie Vernon]

And then he's trying to.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's.

[Jamie Vernon]

He's trying to blame the Annenberg foundation. That is one of the richest fucking families in California. They have. There was so much fucking money.

[Joe Rogan]

What have they got? Money?

[Shane Gillis]

I mean, it doesn't matter if liberal ass. Jamie State paying liberal the video.

[Joe Rogan]

How about play the video and let everybody figure it out for themselves?

[Ari Shaffir]

Let's platform this guy.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, play it liberal.

[Joe Rogan]

Jesus.

[Theo Von]

Might be one of the biggest scams in disaster fundraising history. And as usual, I'm bringing the receipts. First off, according to reports, the fire Aid benefit concerts raised over a hundred million dollars supposedly for LA fire victims. But since then, residents have been asking, where did all the money go a.

[Joe Rogan]

Hundred million dollars, right. Raised for residents, community things and funds that are supposed to help with houses.

[Shane Gillis]

And there's no truck accounting.

[Joe Rogan]

He played football.

[Theo Von]

Let's figure this out. So according to the fire aid website, it says that all direct donations will be distributed under the advisement of the Annenberg Foundation. According to the IRS 990 form the Annenberg Foundation 501C3 based in Konshakin, Pennsylvania.

[Shane Gillis]

I live there.

[Theo Von]

Office Building 1. Massive red flag.

[Shane Gillis]

I know that building.

[Theo Von]

33% of their annual expenses goes towards actual charity programs. The rest goes to administrative costs like executive compensation. Look at the numbers. They treat you pretty good over there. Starting with top dog Cynthia Kennard who's making three quarters of a million dollars plus another six figures in bonuses.

[Ari Shaffir]

She started the fire.

[Theo Von]

Basically almost six, seven figures just for one person there. Here is Cynthia, AKA Cine, hanging out with Gavin Newsom or strategizing about.

[Ari Shaffir]

Six years. Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Anyway, just to give you a point of comparison with another non profit, Doctors Without Borders. They spend almost 90% of their money on actual programs versus less than 1% on administrative cost. Local journalists have also been asking where's the money they found? Quote, the fire aid Website names only three Palisades organizations that receive grants among almost 120 organizations listed as receiving a couple true ones.

[Shane Gillis]

You see who got the money?

[Ari Shaffir]

Hold on, let me read it.

[Joe Rogan]

Why'd you stop?

[Jamie Vernon]

Because he focused on the Palisades.

[Joe Rogan]

Just display, just play. We'll talk later.

[Bert Kreischer]

Specific to Palisades went to Israel, those three.

[Theo Von]

Or Kahelet, Israel. Clabad of Pacific Palisades and Palisades Charter High School. Listen, Scorpion sting directly reach out to the Annenberg Foundation. They were kind of given the run around various extension numbers. Somebody saying they would call them back. No one called back. Also referring to some mysterious man named Philip. No last name. He was never found. This is just crazy. So essentially what they're doing is taking the hundred million dollars then paying themselves roughly 70% of it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow.

[Theo Von]

The rest of the money they're just dishing out to various other non profits with their own administrative expenses. And that's how a hundred million dollars just ends up disappearing.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh yeah. Yay.

[Joe Rogan]

Wow. Okay, so maybe he's telling the truth, maybe he's exaggerating. But the very least.

[Ari Shaffir]

Cancer research stuff.

[Joe Rogan]

70 goes to administration, 30 goes to the actual cost.

[Ari Shaffir]

These non profits, that's crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

They're for their own profit.

[Bert Kreischer]

Well, it's just a loophole.

[Joe Rogan]

It's a loophole, but they're A loophole to make a great living by being virtuous.

[Ari Shaffir]

And then they see a fire. They're, like, sick. We're all getting raises.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, all we're saying, Jamie, is that this guy is saying that 70% traditionally goes to administrative costs, 30% goes to the actual problem. That's for all charities, right? That is for all charities. For a lot of charities, but not Doctors Without Borders, which is one of the things that he brought up.

[Jamie Vernon]

He just picked one, though. He pairing you with this stuff to. He's like, I'll pick a charity. And he picked probably one of the worst ones. You know, we've gone over the charity stuff many times. There's good and bad charities.

[Joe Rogan]

There's good and bad charities. But the point is that this $100 million, you're saying was distributed to a bunch of different places, not just specific Palisades.

[Jamie Vernon]

Looking into it to 100 million was a number that got used in advertising to make everything look big and look good.

[Bert Kreischer]

Probably.

[Jamie Vernon]

I was. My part. I was trying to say, too, assuming that it is 100 million, there's a bunch of companies and a bunch of, like, artists have said, oh, I'm going to pledge a million. I'm going to pledge a million.

[Ari Shaffir]

They never.

[Jamie Vernon]

And you have to go collect it all. You don't know if they all will send it in.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, you know how many times I pledge stuff?

[Shane Gillis]

I pledged a million dollars to no names. I haven't done one single.

[Joe Rogan]

Did you do it by yourself? Were you in your apartment?

[Shane Gillis]

No, I was at the championship game watching Ohio State win, and I was going, notre Dame needs a D tackle. I'm going to give him a million bucks.

[Joe Rogan]

For real?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. And then they were like, hey, you want to give us that million bucks? I was like, no, I pledge.

[Ari Shaffir]

Is that legally binding?

[Shane Gillis]

It was a pledge, jmo.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, that's. Isn't that the weirdest thing about colleges? Like, how much money colleges get in donations from people that are, like, really wealthy that used to go. Go there.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. I didn't even go there. Didn't go there.

[Joe Rogan]

Like, a big thing with college to.

[Shane Gillis]

Win before my dad dies.

[Joe Rogan]

That's why these college kids are getting money now.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's kind of crazy. I talked to one at Barstool in Chicago. He's played Indiana center, and it's like, how much per year he goes 300 grand to transfer to Indiana.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, that's for a year. Notre Dame's Pat Coogan.

[Ari Shaffir]

What?

[Shane Gillis]

Transferred to Indiana. He was from Notre Dame.

[Ari Shaffir]

And it's just like, That's a good living. I don't have to go into this for my life. I'm gonna take my degree and like.

[Joe Rogan]

They should have started doing that the. For Those kids forever 100. They're making money off of them forever. They're sold out.

[Ari Shaffir]

The only negative is you can't have a player for four straight years.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. There just needs to be regulational because this is now that now they're letting them pay players. So now it's just the wild west.

[Ari Shaffir]

They gotta. They gotta make.

[Joe Rogan]

They need to do that for the Olympics.

[Ari Shaffir]

They gotta make them make four year pledge. Even then it's the big schools are all gonna get all the best players.

[Joe Rogan]

Olympics. They don't get nothing.

[Shane Gillis]

The Olympics they get really zero.

[Joe Rogan]

Everybody else gets. Gets rich.

[Bert Kreischer]

You beat up by a man.

[Joe Rogan]

That can happen. Enrolled in that woman's boxing.

[Shane Gillis]

Some broad getting teed off.

[Ari Shaffir]

You went. You said that they were all the way about that. And now new info came out.

[Joe Rogan]

What's that You.

[Ari Shaffir]

I thought you were like. No, that's actually not a trans. That's a different.

[Joe Rogan]

They were thinking. There was a lot of people that were saying that it wasn't really a man and that it was just some woman with an issue.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right.

[Joe Rogan]

Like some sort of medical issue. The medical issue is testicles and an XY chromosome. XY chromosome and text testicles. Apparently internal. Internal testes that don't drop. It's like a condition that some males have.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

So micro penis. Internal.

[Ari Shaffir]

Whatever bro. Call it the clip.

[Shane Gillis]

It's fine. Come up with the pills.

[Joe Rogan]

You scientists fix it. Dang fixing. Except in China they're crispr in the out of those dicks making a big juicy dick.

[Shane Gillis]

It's a good math guy with a big dick.

[Joe Rogan]

Bro. They're all gonna be an issue. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Long dividing and then. And banging your lady. Yeah. Was that guy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

With CCP hat on.

[Bert Kreischer]

Show your work. Yeah man. I gotta look into this crispr. I never heard of it.

[Ari Shaffir]

I gotta do it. Is it too late for us?

[Joe Rogan]

I think it's too late for now. But in the future.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. We're.

[Joe Rogan]

Damn. But not in the future. In the future they're gonna be able to gene edit people that are alive right now. They're doing it to like fetuses.

[Ari Shaffir]

We gotta go back in time and then shoot my. Shoot my dad up with this stuff to get me the real.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Viking jeans.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Come back.

[Shane Gillis]

I wish I had.

[Joe Rogan]

We do a protect our parks four months from now. Or is 150 pounds heavier.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hi guys.

[Joe Rogan]

He's just gigantic. A giant hog.

[Bert Kreischer]

He pulled the balls out last night. That was pretty.

[Joe Rogan]

They don't look like you have.

[Shane Gillis]

Great.

[Joe Rogan]

From a human.

[Ari Shaffir]

Thank you.

[Bert Kreischer]

Huge ball.

[Joe Rogan]

They got a big horn sheep. You ever see a bighorn sheep's balls?

[Ari Shaffir]

No.

[Joe Rogan]

They're ridiculous. The first time I saw a big horn sheep, my friend Steve Renell is like, look at his balls. You need to look at their balls. It's like they're. It's extraordinary. Like church bells. Giant balls.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh my God.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, elephantitis.

[Joe Rogan]

Giant sacks.

[Shane Gillis]

Wow.

[Joe Rogan]

They all have giant balls.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

Can't be running with that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Looks like a big puss.

[Joe Rogan]

Look at him up there with his. Oh, no. It's got a problem.

[Bert Kreischer]

Of course, the black one.

[Joe Rogan]

You can't tell what's AI anymore, man.

[Ari Shaffir]

You really can.

[Joe Rogan]

It's all. It's over. There's no way to tell.

[Ari Shaffir]

You gotta go straight to the comments and hopefully people point it. It out.

[Shane Gillis]

I got tricked by. I got tricked by one. I was.

[Joe Rogan]

By a sheep.

[Shane Gillis]

I was embarrassed.

[Joe Rogan]

What happened? You it. And he's like, I'm a guy.

[Shane Gillis]

Some hot ass sheep came to the bar.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

No, it was a. It was a video of Trump giving a speech. But they AI.

[Joe Rogan]

What? He was.

[Shane Gillis]

And I watched it and I was like, no way. God damn it. It was not. It was actually really funny. It was like something about gay people. I forget.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, no, no.

[Shane Gillis]

But it was like really fun funny. And it. It seemed like something he might say.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

And then you're watching it.

[Ari Shaffir]

You're like, nice. Welcome.

[Shane Gillis]

It was close, but it took me like three minutes to be like.

[Bert Kreischer]

Three minutes is long.

[Shane Gillis]

You wouldn't say that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, you can finish coming.

[Joe Rogan]

But it's. It's over now.

[Ari Shaffir]

Like, there is no truth. There's no video.

[Joe Rogan]

Let me hear this.

[Jamie Vernon]

I saw this yesterday.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, I'm going to be embarrassed, but yeah, tricked you too. Good.

[Joe Rogan]

Careful note of the work of Colossa Labs. The biotech company started over because it was the absolute worst group of people we've got in our country. And it's not even close. I think we'd all be better off with them gone. But as I was saying, my administration and I have been taking careful note of the work of Colossal Labs, the biotech company that resurrected the dire wolf. If they can bring back wolves, they can bring back dinosaurs. Terrible lizard. That's what dinosaur means if you break it down. But picture this, folks. Velociraptor mounted border patrol agents. They'll rip your head clear off. Pterodactyls patrolling the skies. Velociraptors on the ground. To prevent the immigration apocalypse, we may have to counter with a dino apocalypse, folks. It's true.

[Shane Gillis]

It looks real, but I mean, you watch something like that while you're watching.

[Joe Rogan]

You go, he might have said no.

[Ari Shaffir]

Also, truck's so wild. You just never know.

[Bert Kreischer]

You never know.

[Joe Rogan]

Didn't he post something the other day that Biden was assassinated? They used a clone.

[Bert Kreischer]

Whoa.

[Joe Rogan]

God, I hope he did. Isn't that like, truth, so social. Truth social. Didn't he post something like that? Some. Some. Some wild thing that somebody posted? Biden. This isn't even Biden. Because he had a bunch of plastic surgery. He had his face pulled back like a lizard.

[Ari Shaffir]

Do you know what they're actually doing with the forest department? Every email they sent that mentions biodiversity gets bounced back.

[Bert Kreischer]

What does that mean?

[Ari Shaffir]

They are so against the word diversity that biodiversity. Those emails are not allowed to be sent from company emails.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow. Yeah. Did you see his N word saying.

[Joe Rogan]

Look at this.

[Shane Gillis]

You might actually look at this.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's crazy.

[Joe Rogan]

Trump shares unfounded conspiracy theory, claiming Biden was executed in 2020.

[Bert Kreischer]

Holy hell.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, who is he debating then?

[Bert Kreischer]

Who did it? Stairs.

[Joe Rogan]

That is so ridiculous.

[Ari Shaffir]

But who was he debating? He thinks he was. What do you mean he debated him in 2020?

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, he debated a different. A different guy. Yeah, not really Biden anymore.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, the one he kind of lost. I bet he was like, clone showed up.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, there was that time that the tall Biden was at the.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

That was crazy. That was crazy. There was a Biden that was like 6 inches taller than Biden. And they have makeup. They can do things to people. They can make you look like Biden. They can make you. Maybe not you, but like. Like some people would not, not so long a face.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, Baron, was he six, eight?

[Joe Rogan]

They put Baron, but Baron would stand out. He'd be too tall face. Don't be. Don't be depressed.

[Ari Shaffir]

Don't be sour.

[Joe Rogan]

I know we're pulling you out. I'll never forget, but you were a great president.

[Shane Gillis]

You're like, lincoln, this is way off topic. And you guys aren't going to think it's as funny as I do, but one time my. My family and I, we were out to dinner at Hoss in Mechanicsburg, and the waiter came over and goes, I got a joke for you. We're like, what? What is it? He's a horse. Walks into the bar, and the bartender goes, why the long face? And my family and I erupted, laughing for 20 minutes. No. But it became like we can't stop laughing about how good that waiter was.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

And yeah. It stuck with me my whole life. And I. I knew when I started telling that story.

[Ari Shaffir]

Story.

[Shane Gillis]

It wasn't going to be good.

[Joe Rogan]

Joke that I said to him.

[Shane Gillis]

I know, I know. That's what it reminded me of.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

But just. That's just that whole like, you know when you can't stop laughing.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Pull up the video. That's all Biden. Jamie.

[Bert Kreischer]

Been there. What is Horses.

[Shane Gillis]

It's a tough one for me. Restaurant like horses.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's like a lower level Sizzler. Some reference I can't remember.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, the wheels are off.

[Ari Shaffir]

The wheels are off, bro.

[Joe Rogan]

Chili's.

[Ari Shaffir]

The wheels are off.

[Bert Kreischer]

I love a Chili barrel.

[Ari Shaffir]

Whatever.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'll go to a Chili's any day.

[Shane Gillis]

There's a salad bar at Horses. Oh, hell, Generations. No one touches it. But they do have nachos and melted cheese. You go up there. You go. I'm gonna go to the salad bar.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's essential.

[Bert Kreischer]

Pa's got that diced ham. You know those little cubes.

[Shane Gillis]

Yes. Talking my language.

[Ari Shaffir]

The Pittsburgh salad. You know what the Pittsburgh salad is?

[Bert Kreischer]

Is that what you On a guy's chest?

[Ari Shaffir]

Just fries with some lettuce on top.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, wow, that's fun. Pittsburgh people are fat. That's a great city. Underrated city.

[Shane Gillis]

Every fat city is the best city.

[Joe Rogan]

They know how to party.

[Shane Gillis]

I love them.

[Bert Kreischer]

What's another fest? Cleveland.

[Shane Gillis]

Buffalo. Cleveland. Other Great Lakes.

[Joe Rogan]

Look at this. Look at tall Biden. Look at the size of them. Whoa, bro. Look at the size of him. He doesn't look anything like Biden.

[Ari Shaffir]

Shane, we were there.

[Joe Rogan]

Look how tall he is.

[Ari Shaffir]

We were right there inside windows, towering.

[Joe Rogan]

Over his wife like, what is that?

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow. Biden dirty.

[Joe Rogan]

Like, what is that? Damn, that's weird.

[Ari Shaffir]

Shane and I went to the.

[Joe Rogan]

I think there was times when we had. He had some complications. And they just brought in another guy. Yeah, I think so.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

I think they've probably done that before with people.

[Bert Kreischer]

Roosevelt, apparently. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Should kind of.

[Joe Rogan]

Who's telling the story? Was it here that they were telling the story of? Obama was sitting there talking to one of the people that he worked with and then they removed the mask and he realized that the person who he was talking to was not the person he was works with. And they were showing him how good the CIA masks are. Oh, it was green room conversation. Someone was explaining the green room that they have the CIA.

[Shane Gillis]

It might have been Metzger. You don't know.

[Joe Rogan]

You don't know.

[Bert Kreischer]

You don't know about that guy's.

[Ari Shaffir]

I know you're a reference of a name you've never heard of. Like, why do you think he went to Seattle in 2016? I'm like, who is any of?

[Joe Rogan]

And then he'll hit you with five more in a row before he recovered from the first one.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, the picture you took of me over you.

[Joe Rogan]

He's a big bro getting trapped because.

[Ari Shaffir]

I love Messer for two decades. And then she's like, I'm in it.

[Bert Kreischer]

You need a break after all.

[Joe Rogan]

He cornered me at Terry Black's the other day. I was in the corner.

[Shane Gillis]

I heard he was at Terry Black.

[Joe Rogan]

He was, like, looming over at me. And everybody else was having their own conversation, like, hey, hey, help me. Hey.

[Bert Kreischer]

Molested with headlines. The massage.

[Joe Rogan]

Safe word.

[Bert Kreischer]

Epstein.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah, bro.

[Joe Rogan]

He just hits you with, like, five, six conspiracies in a row that you don't know about. You don't know about that. Cleveland 36. What happened? What happened?

[Ari Shaffir]

You know, downstairs was just an experiment gone wrong.

[Joe Rogan]

What? I think it was a part of that program.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, it was the South Africans.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Programs, all about programs. That's what happens when you grow up in a cult and you think everything's a cult when you get out. Like, everything's a cult. And then he starts working for Jimmy Dore. So he, like, finds out about real conspiracies.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Matt's got his first birthday, like, four years years ago. It's not an easy life.

[Bert Kreischer]

Eyeballs, enough's enough.

[Joe Rogan]

When he looms over you with the conspiracies, it's like he's not even a real person. He's like a cartoon.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

He's like a guy in a movie.

[Bert Kreischer]

I've never.

[Joe Rogan]

There's no guy really like that that just traps you and hits you with 50 conspiracy. Kurt Metzger. He'll get you when I have him on a podcast. It's hilarious. It's just like, wind him up and then. Hold on, hold on. The first thing you said. The first thing.

[Bert Kreischer]

Let's go back.

[Joe Rogan]

Let's go back to that. Like, what are you talking about? Like, what did they do in the Pacific then? What? Who did it? They sunk a ship. What happened? Jesus Christ, dude.

[Ari Shaffir]

You don't know?

[Joe Rogan]

You don't know.

[Ari Shaffir]

I don't know.

[Joe Rogan]

How can you know? How do you know all these things?

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, yeah, that's it.

[Bert Kreischer]

When they put up the Epstein files. He's the guy who reads the 60,000 pages.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Instantaneously jerking off. He's doing other things on the side. He's playing chess. Jerking off.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right.

[Joe Rogan]

Reading the stuff.

[Ari Shaffir]

So weird too. He started in black rooms.

[Shane Gillis]

Him and Big J. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Black rooms will have you. You're like a shitty young comic. We don't care. Come on.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, they love having a white guy.

[Joe Rogan]

There's. There's dudes that are just joke machines. Metzger is a joke machine. Like, if you got him in a writer's room, he's a machine. That's.

[Ari Shaffir]

Dude. Ms. Pack got me a spot in Atlanta once. I was down there for something and she was like, all right, go and. Show started at 8. I got there 7. 30. 30 doors are locked till 8. 45. Then I go in. I'm like, hey, Ms. Pat. Samuel, we got you. Gotcha. The MC does almost an hour.

[Joe Rogan]

The MC did an hour? Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And then he goes, oh, y' all Billy from Iowa.

[Joe Rogan]

Billy from Iowa. You're Billy from Iowa.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, is that me? What a pure death.

[Joe Rogan]

It sounds like it. Ari Shafir, Billy from Iowa. Same thing. Close. Close enough. After an hour.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Eight dicks in front of my manager at the time. Oh, my God.

[Bert Kreischer]

You invited your manager to the black room.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, yes. Fired up, dude. This makes me laugh.

[Joe Rogan]

What is it? Camera. What were they talking about?

[Shane Gillis]

I. I posted this on my story. It's the. It. I was a little hungover, laying in bed, and this was killing me. How funny this is. Start. Can you start from the beginning? Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Diddy trials. Name the Punisher. Came in here yesterday.

[Shane Gillis]

Because I was watching the Diddy Trials. Some guy came to name the Punisher.

[Ari Shaffir]

Boy, back in the days. Murder. Name the Punisher.

[Joe Rogan]

Who was the Punisher?

[Ari Shaffir]

Was there security?

[Joe Rogan]

Did you ever see that? Meek Mill talking about how Suge Knight used to put handlebars on guys.

[Ari Shaffir]

No. No.

[Shane Gillis]

That's horrific.

[Joe Rogan]

Mel said some crazy about Suge Knight. Shook Knight put handlebars on dudes.

[Bert Kreischer]

That'd be funny if you put a helmet on too. It's the guy.

[Ari Shaffir]

So why are they.

[Joe Rogan]

Why are they all. Each other?

[Shane Gillis]

What's going on?

[Bert Kreischer]

They're homosexuals.

[Ari Shaffir]

Power move.

[Shane Gillis]

I'll tell you what, I never thought of it like that.

[Joe Rogan]

I think Ari's got it. Ray J. Oh, it's Ray J. Oh, huge. Okay, why'd I think it was? Meek Mill Accuses Suge Knight of Sexually Assaulting Bars. I mean, maybe it wasn't Meek Mill. Maybe it wasn't.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's a different video. I've seen that.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. No, no, it is. It's really. Ray J.

[Bert Kreischer]

25 sticks of butter.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, Jesus. Not margarine. Margarine's bad for you, not greasy. That's so crazy, butthole.

[Shane Gillis]

Cameron and Mace are.

[Joe Rogan]

They get together, have fun.

[Ari Shaffir]

They have fun and they forget that they're on mic. And times have changed.

[Shane Gillis]

They don't give a.

[Bert Kreischer]

They might get off.

[Joe Rogan]

But times didn't really change. It's just like people have to hide it. And that's why people like protect our parks.

[Shane Gillis]

Times definitely the same and times definitely don't change. If you're black dudes from Harlem, right? Or rappers Cameron and Mace.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, yeah. They're like.

[Shane Gillis]

They can say whatever they want.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, whatever they want.

[Bert Kreischer]

But are we gonna get the dirt out of all the diddy people?

[Joe Rogan]

Are you doing with your chin?

[Bert Kreischer]

I want something concrete, bro.

[Shane Gillis]

It's. Listen to any story, dude.

[Bert Kreischer]

But like JLo DiCaprio, are they gonna tell Truck?

[Shane Gillis]

Kid Cudi said.

[Bert Kreischer]

Bieber.

[Shane Gillis]

Kid Cudi said Puff Daddy burned his car, broke into his house before Christmas and opened all the gifts for his kids.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, really?

[Joe Rogan]

That's like the Grinch when he was in his house.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hey, buddy, I'm in your house. Just wanted to let you know.

[Shane Gillis]

Presents under the tree.

[Bert Kreischer]

Holy. That's insane.

[Shane Gillis]

That's the funniest thing I've ever heard.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's hilarious.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. That's like Ari. Ari might be white.

[Bert Kreischer]

Didn't that's dart the Ari trick. You hate Christmas. Yah.

[Shane Gillis]

Damn, dude. I can't believe you guys killed him. Oh, jeez.

[Joe Rogan]

Santa.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, Santa too. You would if you could.

[Shane Gillis]

You would if. If the Jews got their. You're going to burn your be Jamie. Delete the anti semitist.

[Ari Shaffir]

55 minutes out of this episode and everyone in the past.

[Shane Gillis]

JB I'm not trying to add work, I swear, brother.

[Bert Kreischer]

Sorry, J O.

[Joe Rogan]

That's very sensitive on these shows. He needs to be respected.

[Bert Kreischer]

I guess so.

[Shane Gillis]

I respect him. Jmo. Bonga beer, brother.

[Bert Kreischer]

We'd love to have you. Are you sober too? Like gay rogue.

[Shane Gillis]

You have been losing weight. You look good. You look fit. Velvet Jamie.

[Ari Shaffir]

Bong one. One beer Bong one.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. He's actually secretly. He's the best guy at Bong and Beers.

[Bert Kreischer]

I know, right?

[Shane Gillis]

He does it quietly and then he comes up here and does it and he's like, yeah, that was nothing.

[Joe Rogan]

Luke Combs.

[Shane Gillis]

Luke Combs. Shotgun.

[Joe Rogan]

No one can with.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[Joe Rogan]

He does it so quick. It's like it. It doesn't even make sense. How are you doing that?

[Ari Shaffir]

Is that a magic trick thing?

[Joe Rogan]

He just punches the bottom of him Straight from the can. In two seconds, it's gone. You're like, oh, how skill. You can't help yourself.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's a problem. There's so many country guys. I can't keep up now.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, it's a big popular genre.

[Bert Kreischer]

Brian Zach really did blow up country.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, it used to be a thing that you would have to hide.

[Ari Shaffir]

People like, what kind of music? Like anything except country.

[Shane Gillis]

Anything but country.

[Ari Shaffir]

That was, like, the standard thing. They wouldn't mention poker, Right?

[Shane Gillis]

Have you listened to poker? No. I guess I got it rocks. Go out to Western PA.

[Joe Rogan]

I remember I was dating this girl in the 90s, and I turn around to Dwight Yok. I'm like, you don't stop. All this country.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's radio country.

[Joe Rogan]

Thousand miles from nowhere. You tell me that's not a good song. You're crazy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Old country's the best.

[Ari Shaffir]

Old country?

[Joe Rogan]

Old country's great, but Dwight Yoke almost.

[Shane Gillis]

That's why a lot of the new guys are good.

[Bert Kreischer]

Exactly.

[Shane Gillis]

There's a lot of guys doing old country.

[Ari Shaffir]

Old country.

[Joe Rogan]

Guitars, cattle. Relax. Hillbilly music. That song, Beer, I mean, what is.

[Shane Gillis]

It's great.

[Joe Rogan]

What did Oliver Anthony do? That's that.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

I mean, what is that?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Who?

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, my God. I mean, that is like some. That's gonna. That's gonna stand the test of time, that song.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

That song's gonna be around a long time.

[Ari Shaffir]

Beyonce's doing country. That's how popular, right?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah. Texas hold them. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

My mind here.

[Joe Rogan]

She's winning awards.

[Bert Kreischer]

She's kind of turning white.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, I think what happens is once.

[Ari Shaffir]

Jay Z stopped her, she's like.

[Bert Kreischer]

She's watching her kids.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, Jesus. I think what happens is the country just swings one way. They want simpler times.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Terrified of nuclear war. Terrified of what's going on. What are we doing with Russia?

[Bert Kreischer]

You know, it's a big one. The military enrollment went up.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh. During Trump.

[Shane Gillis]

I think that happens in a white commercial.

[Bert Kreischer]

A who?

[Shane Gillis]

They put out a white guy commercial. They're trying to get the whites.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, well, the whites are out.

[Shane Gillis]

The army's back. They're going, hey, come on, Whites.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Left. Try to get the men.

[Shane Gillis]

You got to fight Iran.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, they also stop the whole, why.

[Shane Gillis]

Are we fighting Iran?

[Joe Rogan]

Trans thing. In the military. They stopped all that.

[Bert Kreischer]

What? Let them fight. They're so scary.

[Ari Shaffir]

I love Dave Smith's point on that. It's like the. The left is like. The left is going, no. Trans people should also kill innocent people in Yemen.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

You guys are taking the Wrong stance.

[Joe Rogan]

Is that Dave Smith? Yeah, yeah, it should be.

[Ari Shaffir]

Don't kill random people at a wedding party.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, bro, how about when Trump tweeted out that hoot these things, they got those guys in a circle and they blow them all up and Trump's like there will never bomb our ships to are going again.

[Shane Gillis]

Like, okay, I don't have much advice for the Houthis other than stop hanging out together.

[Joe Rogan]

Stop.

[Shane Gillis]

They literally in a circle, they all walk to a truck.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, right.

[Joe Rogan]

Stop.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

One at a time.

[Shane Gillis]

They keep doing it. Every time I see a drone strike, it's 20 dudes walking together.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, the, what the anti war people are saying is that that's a tribal ceremony that they do these, they get together in these groups. Has nothing to do with the war.

[Ari Shaffir]

Also possible. Yeah, like I didn't know this guy.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, you can't ask questions when you're in a drone.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's a terrorist group.

[Joe Rogan]

Do I get a green light or no green light? Green light, green light.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. And that's been Bush, Obama, Biden, Trump. They just kill anybody. Label them later.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, the amount of people that get killed by drones that are innocence is off the charts.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Any other, any other type of warfare, like it's, it's like 90.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, we gotta go back to swords.

[Bert Kreischer]

It'd be nice.

[Shane Gillis]

It'd be tough.

[Joe Rogan]

You're looking at the guy like that's the bad guy.

[Shane Gillis]

Catch a bystander with a sword. Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Ah, well, back then everybody was a bystander. You know, when they, the sword times, they didn't spare anybody.

[Bert Kreischer]

You see, they sent drones into Russia, Ukraine. They hit them on that, that roof.

[Shane Gillis]

I've heard about this. Everything I've heard from Russia, Ukraine, I've, I've never believed any of it. Who knows so much on any side.

[Joe Rogan]

But the one thing that the Ukraine attack is legit. Where they bombed all the bombers with the drone. Yeah, they, they caused $7 billion in damage in one day. They blew up all these bombers and they sent in suicide drones to blow up all these bombers that were like on these airfields.

[Ari Shaffir]

Suicide drones is such a great term. It's just a bomb.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, it's a remote control, but it, it doesn't shoot things. It flies into things. It detonates. That's why they call them suicide drones. Yeah, yeah, they, they fly the drone. The drone is the weapon itself and it's, you know, it's intelligently controlled and they just fly them into these jets and blow.

[Shane Gillis]

Japan was all over that.

[Joe Rogan]

Japan was. Oh yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Drones.

[Joe Rogan]

That's why they got those guys to do it.

[Shane Gillis]

Method.

[Bert Kreischer]

Really?

[Shane Gillis]

What?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, it was all meth. Yeah, the. The Kamakazes, that was all meth.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, really?

[Joe Rogan]

Get those guys methed up and fly them right into the. You're, you know, you're methed out of your mind. Same thing with the. The Nazis at the. In the tanks. The tank guys were the guys had the most meth.

[Ari Shaffir]

And the ones who dance at clubs, it's the methyus. Molly gets you going.

[Joe Rogan]

Remember the Techno Viking? Remember that guy?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, they got World to Rocks.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, they got. There was some guy who's being shitty to some girl, and he grabs by the arm. You get out of here. Gives him a bottle of water and drinks a little of the water and then starts. Viking dance ruled.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, Viking dance rules. I saw that on Ebomb's World.

[Joe Rogan]

Can we see that guy's name?

[Shane Gillis]

I was like, here we go.

[Joe Rogan]

So he takes this guy. Hey, get out of here.

[Shane Gillis]

Get out of here with that guy. I'm going.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, you're going home. Let's see this dude. That dude has come cardio for hours. And then he has to point at him one more time. Go.

[Bert Kreischer]

You don't want to. With that guy.

[Joe Rogan]

That guy's. That's the bad that hangs in a group.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let it go, bro.

[Joe Rogan]

Look at this dork.

[Ari Shaffir]

Breathe it out.

[Joe Rogan]

The beta comes over, offers the water.

[Bert Kreischer]

The beta upside down.

[Joe Rogan]

Trying to, like, you know, really important.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, but if that's your boy. Yeah, if one of your boys is the Viking guy.

[Joe Rogan]

And then the dance, it starts. Give me some music. Jamie.

[Bert Kreischer]

Is that a gun on the. On the left of him?

[Joe Rogan]

Techno Viking in the house.

[Bert Kreischer]

Holy moly. He can move. Black socks all the way up.

[Joe Rogan]

That guy. All the dirty hippies that night.

[Ari Shaffir]

No one else is dancing.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I haven't seen it since I was a boy. Now that I'm looking back on it, this guy's kind of gay as no.

[Ari Shaffir]

One else is dancing.

[Shane Gillis]

I remember being a kid thinking he was the man.

[Joe Rogan]

He's trying to.

[Shane Gillis]

This guy blows.

[Ari Shaffir]

People are walking through. No one else is dancing like him.

[Bert Kreischer]

You don't want to hang out with this guy.

[Joe Rogan]

Now they're dancing.

[Shane Gillis]

No, I don't want to hang out with them. Although. Oh, there's. Cut to the dude who got sent away.

[Joe Rogan]

Poor dude.

[Bert Kreischer]

Where are we? Okay, that makes sense.

[Shane Gillis]

That could be the new name and protect our. It really is a parade. 2000 parade Berlin.

[Bert Kreischer]

Basically what pride is.

[Joe Rogan]

Boy, I hope they don't all gang.

[Bert Kreischer]

Up together and fight Russia got a crazy weird abs.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh my God.

[Bert Kreischer]

Uneven.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Mismatched.

[Joe Rogan]

A lot of abs are like that.

[Jamie Vernon]

This almost says that could have been. This whole thing could have been staged. They're not sure because really made by an artist, the whole video, it's totally staged.

[Joe Rogan]

That totally makes sense because the way he pointed was so performatory.

[Jamie Vernon]

Back to the guy too. Why would they have followed up on the guy?

[Bert Kreischer]

That twisted sister.

[Joe Rogan]

Jamie always get into the bottom with things.

[Shane Gillis]

Jamie, you're great. We all love you.

[Joe Rogan]

We do love you, Jamie.

[Shane Gillis]

You know. We all love you. I know you got fired up earlier. Sorry about.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, you. You start bringing up Ohio, you get his Michigan, you get his hackles up, man ass.

[Shane Gillis]

He brought up no day.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, but you got to let him slide. It's like when you have a.

[Shane Gillis]

By the way, this is classic Ohio State. They won the title and they're still babies.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh boy.

[Shane Gillis]

They're still babies. You can get like winning. You can go. You know, you guys lost to Michigan. They all go.

[Jamie Vernon]

You guys won't even play them anymore.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh boy.

[Shane Gillis]

They won't play us. Dude, be careful. Look into that history.

[Jamie Vernon]

You know what? Texas though. Texas plays Ohio State. First game of the season. And they won't play them on Sunday night.

[Shane Gillis]

I did see that. That pissed me off.

[Bert Kreischer]

Why not?

[Shane Gillis]

They don't. They don't. They don't want it to be a night game. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Why?

[Shane Gillis]

Cuz fans, it's. It's a much more rowdy environment. They want a noon. They want a noon kickoff.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's Sunday. It's the Lord's day.

[Shane Gillis]

It's cowards work.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, they want. They want hungover people.

[Joe Rogan]

That's funny when you have to schedule your games based on how up people will be like, let's be careful. Let's not let them 10pm game.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh my God, Joe, you would love watching Michigan walk into Ohio State.

[Joe Rogan]

Can I see it? Jamie's got the controls.

[Ari Shaffir]

Not today.

[Jamie Vernon]

Only because you asked. I'll show it.

[Shane Gillis]

So Michelle, Michigan, Michigan, who I hate more than Ohio State, did suck this year. They're playing at Ohio State. Michigan has owned them for no fucking.

[Ari Shaffir]

Three straight years going into this.

[Shane Gillis]

No. Yeah. Three straight. Yeah. And it's just nice to watch a team walk into an entire environment that hates you. We see it and they're just together, just walking. I mean, it's. And I hate Michigan and Michigan's not even good here, but it's nice to watch.

[Ari Shaffir]

But they haven't lost to Ohio State, so it's like a jiu Jitsu. It's like a great mma. Okay, here we go.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wait. They're not wanted.

[Jamie Vernon]

It's only gonna play 20 seconds, though.

[Shane Gillis]

That's all right. When it shows the stadium.

[Bert Kreischer]

Damn. That's quite a stadium. Wow.

[Joe Rogan]

Imagine being one of those guys. Imagine being one of those guys about to play this game. Cte, let's go.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, cte, let's go. What, do I want to be smart when I'm 70? Who gives?

[Bert Kreischer]

Is this it?

[Joe Rogan]

Is this it?

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, this is Ohio State.

[Jamie Vernon]

You're gonna watch that.

[Shane Gillis]

What's this?

[Joe Rogan]

Watch this. Let's play this, too.

[Ari Shaffir]

Michigan win the Big Ten.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, for two. Oh, for two.

[Joe Rogan]

I want to hear this. I want to hear this. When they get out of the field.

[Shane Gillis]

Championship, they need four wins to restrict a crushing end of the season. This is step one tonight.

[Jamie Vernon]

Oh, this is not the Michigan game.

[Shane Gillis]

It's Tennessee. Yeah. December game in. This place has been fired up.

[Ari Shaffir]

First ever December game.

[Shane Gillis]

That's when Ohio State turn it around.

[Ari Shaffir]

What is first ever December gaming?

[Shane Gillis]

They just added the playoffs this year, so there's never been games this late.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's exciting.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, we're doing this.

[Joe Rogan]

This is amazing.

[Shane Gillis]

Enter. Same man. Virginia Tech, Miami.

[Bert Kreischer]

Already.

[Shane Gillis]

We got some good entrances. Hold on.

[Joe Rogan]

Sandman's the greatest. The greatest beginning of a game song of all time.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm trying to think of some good entrances. Metallica just played. Metallica just played Blacksburg. They played Virginia Tech Stadium.

[Joe Rogan]

But how about when they played Berlin after the fall?

[Bert Kreischer]

Is that right?

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, my God. Moscow. That's right. They played Moscow the best.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, we watched that.

[Shane Gillis]

We've watched that.

[Joe Rogan]

It's the most insane concert you ever seen in your life. Well, you need to see it, right? Ari needs to see it right now.

[Shane Gillis]

Ari's definitely seen it in seat, but.

[Joe Rogan]

He needs to see it right now.

[Ari Shaffir]

Because right now, after that, you got to show Billy Joel and ussr.

[Bert Kreischer]

We've done that too.

[Joe Rogan]

Saw that as well.

[Ari Shaffir]

It was the punk.

[Joe Rogan]

Have we ever played Led Zeppelin?

[Shane Gillis]

Jump Around Wisconsin. That's a good one.

[Jamie Vernon]

The sound isn't as to be.

[Bert Kreischer]

What about there's an Ariana Grande concert in London.

[Shane Gillis]

Manchester.

[Joe Rogan]

You imagine being in that audience? Look at that crowd. Damn.

[Bert Kreischer]

Is this Berlin?

[Shane Gillis]

It's Blackburg, Virginia. They're about to watch some medium mediocre football.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yoke, Hokies. Hey, white band members.

[Shane Gillis]

I'd love to tell you I didn't watch this earlier today. Oh, man.

[Ari Shaffir]

This is the Coliseum.

[Jamie Vernon]

Oh, you gotta run there.

[Joe Rogan]

Damn, what a song.

[Shane Gillis]

America rules. What are we talking about?

[Joe Rogan]

Of course People walk here from Guatemala, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

If I saw Wisconsin going this crazy and I lived in Guatemala, I would.

[Joe Rogan]

Go, bro, I got going walk. I'm going across this extra bottles of water and I'm making it across that desert.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

That video.

[Jamie Vernon]

That video we just showed has 65, 000 people in the crowd. The first one we watched the highest stadium in this place here is double.

[Ari Shaffir]

Whoa.

[Joe Rogan]

Holy.

[Ari Shaffir]

This is the big house.

[Joe Rogan]

70, 000 there. Holy.

[Shane Gillis]

You know, I was supposed to perform. Perform there this year.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Really?

[Shane Gillis]

Me and Zach Ryan were going back on Michigan Stadium.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

And they said no to me.

[Ari Shaffir]

But then they cut you back when.

[Shane Gillis]

Notre Dame got me.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, that's.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

What the. What did you do?

[Shane Gillis]

Some stuff. Said a couple things. Come on, man. You guys are joking around.

[Joe Rogan]

Back in the day. I didn't mean it. Let's play. Let's leave with Russia. Do understand, man. In Russia.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, don't.

[Joe Rogan]

That's the.

[Shane Gillis]

Don't do it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Do we want to promote Russia?

[Joe Rogan]

The crowd?

[Shane Gillis]

N. No. This is America giving it to Russia. This is America going americ, bro. You want to see what's good?

[Bert Kreischer]

Okay.

[Joe Rogan]

Look at the size of the crowd. This is Moscow, 1991. Look at that crowd.

[Bert Kreischer]

Holy.

[Joe Rogan]

How many people is that helicopter right over it, bro. It has to be millions.

[Jamie Vernon]

It's over a million.

[Ari Shaffir]

Why is a helicopter right there?

[Shane Gillis]

It's the end of your empire.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

For real.

[Joe Rogan]

You go, look at this.

[Shane Gillis]

We. We're all poor.

[Ari Shaffir]

This is. Putin saw this and goes, I'll be back.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, he came back kind of sick, right?

[Joe Rogan]

He's in the KGB at the time.

[Bert Kreischer]

Going, nah, Moscow fuel.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, look at that crowd. Jesus Christ. You imagine being on that stage with that energy? Feels like no.

[Jamie Vernon]

1.6 million.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, my God.

[Bert Kreischer]

In the crowd, man, it's like Sunset Club.

[Jamie Vernon]

Some suggest up to 2 million.

[Ari Shaffir]

1.6 million in the crowd.

[Joe Rogan]

That's so crazy. You do one show, you retire.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, they didn't. How was the paycheck, I wonder?

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, it must have been in rubles.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it must have been nothing.

[Joe Rogan]

You get five potatoes and your life, you get to live.

[Shane Gillis]

We are not going to kill you.

[Bert Kreischer]

So congratulations, long haired gaze.

[Shane Gillis]

All right, wait, I know. We're trying to play it out.

[Ari Shaffir]

This is crazy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Keep it coming.

[Ari Shaffir]

I don't want to go crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

No. J. Woodstock 99 corn.

[Bert Kreischer]

All right. We. We really hit up the bottom here.

[Joe Rogan]

Hold on. Woodstock corn.

[Shane Gillis]

Trust me, daddy. Trust me, Daddy.

[Bert Kreischer]

I hate corn. They need this. Protect our parks.

[Ari Shaffir]

Damn.

[Joe Rogan]

I mean, this guards. There's supposed to Be no experience on Earth like being Hatfield on that stage. There's no experience in honor.

[Shane Gillis]

There's no coming back.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

What do you mean?

[Shane Gillis]

Have you seen that? You go, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

What's the Asian guy who does the the biggest song in the world when he comes up from the stage?

[Shane Gillis]

Trust me. On Woodstock night. Corn. I know. Look, you're allowed to not like corn. I didn't really like until I saw this video.

[Ari Shaffir]

Summer intros.

[Joe Rogan]

I trust you. You would never throw us a bad one.

[Shane Gillis]

I wouldn't do this. Other than that bulldog video that never got brought up. Trust me.

[Bert Kreischer]

Up with the Ohio video. Never got brought up.

[Shane Gillis]

Here it is just.

[Bert Kreischer]

All right. I saw some tips you're allowed to.

[Shane Gillis]

Not, like, look at all those skank fans.

[Bert Kreischer]

Look at the jugs on J Jig.

[Shane Gillis]

Leak.

[Ari Shaffir]

Fan flags from Pandora.

[Shane Gillis]

Not Israel.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's pre 9 11.

[Jamie Vernon]

This was on pay per view.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, that guy's full hood. I remember this song my youth.

[Jamie Vernon]

I think the idea here, keep an eye on the crowd, right?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. And also, you know what got me was Break Herself the lead singer's face. When he walks out and sees the crowd, he gets it. Like, you just watch a guy, like, take that energy in.

[Bert Kreischer]

This is a weird time in music like rock, rap.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Jamie Vernon]

DMX played earlier in the day.

[Bert Kreischer]

Okay. Kid Rock, Limp Bizkit. Oh, geez.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Look at that crowd, bro. That crowd's alive.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

That's crazy.

[Joe Rogan]

That's a living organism. Imagine being an alien, and you come down, you watch this. Are they doing the pinnacle of their existence? Seems to be giving yourself CTE in front of a million people.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Head banging.

[Shane Gillis]

Anyway, that one got me going.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's fun. That was the 90s, baby.

[Joe Rogan]

What was? The last one that we wanted to do was side jump out for the win. Did he have any other big hits other than that?

[Bert Kreischer]

No, he faded away.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, he had one other big one. Right. Right off that one.

[Bert Kreischer]

Really?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I kind of remember it.

[Joe Rogan]

Norman ready to shut him down.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow.

[Joe Rogan]

I thought he got giving the man his flowers, as the kids like to say. Oh, my bad.

[Shane Gillis]

Here we go.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, it's this, isn't it?

[Joe Rogan]

That's not it. No, the one when he pops out.

[Shane Gillis]

Of the floor, that was like the Asian market.

[Joe Rogan]

He comes flying out of the floor. This is it.

[Bert Kreischer]

The Magalena.

[Joe Rogan]

Watch this.

[Bert Kreischer]

I mean.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, my God.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, my God. Have rules.

[Bert Kreischer]

And he goes right into it.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, look at the size of that place.

[Bert Kreischer]

God, they're going to all kill us eventually.

[Joe Rogan]

Holy shit.

[Bert Kreischer]

Chanting it's squid game.

[Joe Rogan]

Look at the size of that crowd.

[Shane Gillis]

It's literally drone footage. Dude, we're going to rock them.

[Bert Kreischer]

Holy. Holy.

[Joe Rogan]

Holy.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's inside. Wow.

[Joe Rogan]

Wow.

[Bert Kreischer]

How many people was that? I wonder?

[Joe Rogan]

Holy.

[Bert Kreischer]

It shook the whole place. Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

No, that's millions of people.

[Shane Gillis]

Can you imagine being his wife? Be like, hey, could you clean up a little?

[Joe Rogan]

Hook.

[Shane Gillis]

See what I did?

[Joe Rogan]

I just flew out of the floor. Shut the up and cook me a sandwich. All right, we're done.

[Bert Kreischer]

Should we eat?

[Joe Rogan]

God bless America. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Hell, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let's go get some gout.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Out of order.

[Joe Rogan]

Goodbye, everybody.