#2380 - Jordan Jensen

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Joe Rogan Experience #2380 – Jordan Jensen

Date: September 17, 2025
Host: Joe Rogan
Guests: Jordan Jensen, Brian Simpson

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Joe Rogan Experience, featuring comedian Jordan Jensen (with regular guest Brian Simpson and producer Jamie), is a freewheeling, humorous, and at times deeply personal conversation. The trio explores a range of topics—from the strange world of comedy collectibles to the societal impact of social media, psychedelic experiences, parental relationships, technology, and the evolution of human behavior. Amidst jokes and irreverence, the conversation also touches on mental health, public controversy, drug safety, AI, and the nature of modern connection.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Comedy Collectibles and Fan Interactions

• Collecting Odd Gifts: Jordan and the crew joke about the endless stream of weird items fans and friends give to comics (e.g., mammoth teeth, tiny animal figurines).
• Memorable Moment [00:34]:

  "I brought a little tiny figurine on stage one time, and now every meet and greet people give me these little animals. I have a giant collection...I don't even like these that much." – Jordan Jensen

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2. Amanda Knox, False Accusations & Solitary Confinement

• Amanda Knox Case [01:41–07:03]: Conversations about wrongful conviction, media narratives, and the U.S./Italian legal differences.
• Impact of Solitary [03:43]:

  "Six months in solitude is so crazy to me. One day in solitude and I'm done." – Jordan Jensen

• They discuss how prolonged isolation is damaging and the importance of human contact for mental health.

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3. Comedians’ Lives on the Road and the Comforts of Pets

• The Disorienting Life of Touring Comics: Waking up in unknown cities, the value of companionship (dogs!), and the grounding effect of pets.
• Vulnerabilities: The discussion highlights the quiet struggles many comedians face with loneliness and anxiety.

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4. Dog Longevity, Cloning & Rapamycin

• Life Extension for Dogs [08:01]:
  • Introduction of dog longevity drugs (e.g., rapamycin) and the ethics of cloning pets—cloning costs, re-living trauma, and the effectiveness of these new biotechnologies.
  • Quote:

    "Apparently there's a drug developed for dogs...could extend their lifespan by up to 20%. Shows promise." – Brian Simpson

• Pet Cloning [12:00]:
  • The economics, ethics, and oddity of being able to clone animals for $30,000, and the weirdness of 'bringing back' old pets as puppies.

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5. The Movie ‘The Substance’ & Societal Obsession with Youth

• Body Image/Aging:
  • Jordan describes fainting in the theater due to gore, their sensitivity to needles/blood, and the cultural fixation on youth.
  • Quote [14:47]:

    "When people are like 'you look good for your age,' you're just hiding it... concealing your death there." – Jordan Jensen

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6. Vasovagal Syncope (Fainting) & Intrusive Thoughts

• Physiology vs. Psychology [16:03]: Exploring inherited fainting responses and involuntary triggers like pain or stress.
• Intrusive Thoughts and Anxiety [18:32–20:41]:
  • Jordan talks about obsessive fears of causing harm (biting people, pulling airplane exits) and the struggle to differentiate irrational thoughts from potential actions.
  • Memorable:

    "I started getting a full panic, which makes you want to faint...One time I was on a chairlift like, what if you jumped off? And I obsessed so long that I just jumped off." – Jordan Jensen [20:36]

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7. Celebrity Interactions & Celebrity ‘Normalcy’

• Awkwardness with Fame [21:44]:
  • Jordan and Brian share surreal run-ins with big celebrities like Laura Dern, Matt Damon, and Peter Dinklage—highlighting how fame warps social interactions.
  • Quote:

    "It's weird to know someone so well and never have spoken." – Jordan Jensen

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8. Social Media, Twitter Controversies, and Mental Health

• Online Outrage and ‘Cancel’ Culture [27:16–30:44]:
  • Jordan discusses getting ‘dragged’ online over misinterpreted comments on Stav’s podcast, and how quickly people pile on without context.
  • Quote [29:58]:

    "Twitter is just a giant cunt farm...just growing cunty thoughts." – Brian Simpson

• Mental Illness Factory:
  • The trio explores how Twitter and digital mobs deepen anxiety and drive people away from good-faith dialogue.

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9. AI, Deepfakes, and the Death of Trust in Media

• AI-Driven Confusion [31:46]:
  • From fake UFO footage to AI-generated images, they discuss the eroding trust in 'what is real' online.
  • Generational divide: Boomers especially are lost amid the rise of AI fakes, illustrated by anecdotes about parents falling for deepfake photos.

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10. Controversial Drawings, Cloning, and Alien Theories

• Epstein/Trump Drawing [33:07]:
  • The group riffs on the bizarre, published birthday sketch from Trump to Epstein, dissecting its message and absurdity.
• Ancient Technology and Aliens [35:33]:
  • Joe discusses ancient Egyptian vases—possibly made by lost civilizations or aliens—speculating about evidence for ancient advanced technologies.

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11. Psychedelic Experiences and Mental Shifts

• Therapeutic Use of Psychedelics [37:46–39:33]:
  • Both Joe and Jordan talk about transformative moments on psychedelics, using vivid hallucinations as metaphors for mental health and self-regulation.
  • Quote:

    "Every time I do it, it feels like it's making fun of me...like, ‘bro, this is all you. You have control.’" – Jordan Jensen [38:35]

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12. Comedy Process, Ego, and Humility

• Post-Special Vulnerability [39:33]:
  • The challenge of returning to the stage with new material after a special, dealing with self-doubt, and the cyclical nature of a comedian’s ego.
  • Quote:

    "You gotta get smacked in the face and start from scratch again." – Brian Simpson [40:18]

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13. Living Uncomfortably, Self-Sabotage, and Family Roots

• Poverty Mindset & ‘Struggle’ as a Motivator [42:14–43:06]:
  • Jordan explores how she keeps herself in cramped living situations out of a misguided belief that struggle is necessary for creativity.
• Family & Small Towns:
  • Contrasts city life and small-town dynamics, with anecdotes about her eccentric family in Ithaca.

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14. Addiction, Recovery, and Mushrooms for OCD

• Drug History (Alcohol, Sugar, Benzos) [44:52–48:51]:
  • The conversation covers family addictions, quitting substances, and leveraging psychedelic trips (especially mushrooms and acid) for OCD relief and self-understanding.
  • Quote:

    "I use mushrooms to cure, like, a huge amount of OCD. OCD was dominating my life... I came out of it and [it] was like, you can trust yourself." – Jordan Jensen [47:03]

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15. Contaminated Mindsets and Cutting People Off

• OCD Rituals & Boundaries [50:00]:
  • Jordan talks about contamination fears extending to people ("If someone was whack they'd be contaminated and I couldn't go near them.") and parallels this with the need to sometimes cut out toxic people in comedy.

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16. Social Media Regulation, Youth, and Radicalization

• Regulation of Big Tech [128:11–134:44]:
  • Deep dive on whether social media should be regulated, especially for kids; debates about censorship, whistleblowers, ethics, and control versus open platforms.
  • Quote:

    "I think most people should stay off of it. Most of the people that are doing it are wasting their life." – Brian Simpson [137:12]

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17. Technology, AI, and Human Evolution

• AI Utopias vs. Dystopias [107:56–113:15]:
  • Will AI help or destroy us? Jordan is optimistic—hoping superintelligence will assist humanity, while Joe is skeptical given corporate/ideological meddling.
  • Tangible examples: Neuralink's potential to restore movement to paralyzed people, upcoming telepathy devices, and the rise of self-driving cars.

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18. Body Awareness, Nutrition Fads, and Food Myths

• Sugar Addictions, Diets, and Gut Biome [80:20–84:54]:
  • The trio discusses viral sugar-only diets, Candida cleanses, raw milk, MSG myths, and how the gut biome changes cravings and mood.
  • Quote:

    "We're a literal ecosystem...we want to think of ourselves as a person, but we're really like a life form that houses life forms." – Brian Simpson [83:52]

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19. The Martial Arts & Brain Health

• Boxing, Brain Damage, and Jiu Jitsu [97:53–103:20]:
  • Honest perspectives on the fun and long-term risks of boxing, with Jordan expressing love for hitting pads and Brian advocating the mental benefits but warning about cumulative damage.

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20. Sex, Gender, Human Evolution, and Dating Culture

• Human Sexual Anatomy, BlueChew, and Dating App Addictions [166:32–174:36]:
  • Deep (and comedic) analysis of male anatomy, the loss of the penis bone in humans, pharmaceuticals affecting dating (BlueChew), and challenges of modern romance for comedians.
  • Quote:

    "Bluechew dick is so weird. It feels like a strap on and it's attached to somebody who's anxious." – Jordan Jensen [172:22]

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Notable Quotes & Highlights with Timestamps

• [07:26] On dogs dying:

  "That's the only time I've seen [my mom] really cry is when a dog dies." – Jordan Jensen

• [16:03] On Fainting:

  "It's called vasovagal. Like, sometimes I'll be putting an earring in...I'll just faint." – Jordan Jensen

• [29:58] On Twitter:

  "Twitter is just a giant cunt farm...just growing cunty thoughts." – Brian Simpson

• [38:35] On psychedelics:

  "Every time I do it, it feels like it's making fun of me...like, ‘bro, this is all you. You have control...’" – Jordan Jensen

• [40:18] On comedy:

  "It's a good reality check...every couple of years, you gotta get smacked in the face and start from scratch again." – Brian Simpson

• [83:52] On the body as an ecosystem:

  "We're a literal ecosystem...we want to think of ourselves as a person, but we're really like a life form that houses life forms." – Brian Simpson

• [107:56] On AI:

  "I would like the record to state that this is my theory...I think [AI] is going to help things, not hurt things." – Jordan Jensen

• [128:11] On regulation:

  "Some regulation is good...but you need someone to go and inspect." – Brian Simpson

• [137:12] On social media addiction:

  "I just think most people should say the fuck off of it. Because most of the people that are doing it are wasting their lives." – Brian Simpson

• [140:07] On religion and wokeism:

  "There's a spot in our brains that religion has always been there, and we filled that spot with whatever the fuck it is." – Brian Simpson

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Additional Noteworthy Segments

• [12:01] Brady Feigl Baseball Players:
  The uncanny case of two unrelated baseball players with the same name and appearance, used as a riff on the simulation theory and cloning conspiracies.

• [92:00+] Fear Factor Antics:
  Joe and Jordan recall the extremes of Fear Factor, including never-aired episodes involving “donkey cum” and the logistics behind producing such a wild show.

• [135:07] Raising Kids in the Modern Era:
  Joe and Jordan unpack the dilemma of bringing children into a fraught world and how having kids reshapes one’s connection to society and future planning.

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Conclusion & Tone

The episode maintains Joe Rogan’s signature blend of irreverent humor, curiosity, and skepticism. Jordan Jensen emerges as a witty, honest conversationalist, bouncing from stories of comedy’s harsh realities to candid mental health struggles. Brian Simpson brings both comic relief and thoughtful perspective, particularly on social commentary.

Major themes revolve around the contradictions of modern life—struggling with anxiety amidst public success, the double-edged sword of technology and social media, and the age-old search for meaning, connection, and authenticity in an overstimulated world.

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For Listeners:

If you’re interested in:

• Modern mental health and the realities of touring comics
• Technology’s impact on society and personal identity
• Stories of psychedelics, self-discovery, and social media controversy
• Honest, comedic takes on sex, gender, diet, and more

This episode is an engaging, funny, and sometimes poignant window into the anxieties and oddities of contemporary existence.

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Timestamp Index

• 00:34 - Comedy collectibles
• 01:41 - Amanda Knox & justice
• 03:43 - Solitary confinement
• 07:26 - Grief over pets
• 08:01 - Dog longevity science
• 12:01 - Cloning and simulation
• 14:47 - Fainting and body image
• 16:03 - Vasovagal syncope
• 18:32 - Intrusive thoughts
• 21:44 - Celebrity weirdness
• 27:16 - Twitter controversy
• 29:58 - Social media toxicity
• 31:46 - AI and deepfakes
• 33:07 - Epstein drawing
• 35:33 - Ancient technology/aliens
• 37:46 - Psychedelic revelations
• 39:33 - Comedy vulnerability
• 42:14 - Poverty/self-sabotage
• 44:52 - Addiction and recovery
• 47:03 - Mushrooms and OCD
• 50:00 - Boundaries and toxicity
• 80:20 - Sugar diets/gut biome
• 83:52 - Human ecosystem
• 97:53 - Martial arts & brain health
• 128:11 - Regulating social media
• 131:46 - Censorship/Free speech
• 137:12 - Social media use
• 140:07 - Religion & politics
• 107:56 - AI utopia/dystopias

Transcript

[Jordan Jensen]

Joe Rogan Podcast. Check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience. Train my day. Joe Rogan Podcast by night. All day.

[Brian Simpson]

Jordan.

[Jordan Jensen]

Hello.

[Brian Simpson]

What's up?

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, good. I got my legal pad here.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. In case you need to write notes.

[Jordan Jensen]

I'm gonna take notes on what you're doing right and wrong, and I'll give them to you at the end.

[Brian Simpson]

Tell me, okay, So I can figure out what the wrong stuff is. Stop doing it.

[Jordan Jensen]

I want to fuck with all this stuff.

[Brian Simpson]

I know. There's so much shit. People keep giving me new shit.

[Jordan Jensen]

I know. I brought a little tiny figurine of a little thing on stage one time, and every single meet and greet, people give me these little tiny animals, and I have this giant collection of them, and I'm like, I don't like these that much.

[Brian Simpson]

That's the problem is, like, everybody knows that I keep a bunch of shit on this desk. So people give me shit to put on this desk. And now it's getting kind of crazy where I'm gonna have to have a shelf.

[Jordan Jensen]

I had to get a shelf. I got one of those old typewriter keyboard things.

[Brian Simpson]

Look, I have, like, mammoth teeth. This is a piece of art. Oh, somebody gave me out of a woolly mammoth tooth. Oh, that's a. Don't blow it.

[Jordan Jensen]

I won't. I got one of these. A Mayan blew it whistle.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Brian. Aztec. Aztec death whistle. Brian Callan blew one right before COVID hit. I'm not saying he caused it, but there's a lot of videos saying he caused it.

[Jordan Jensen]

I get it. I get it. That would be a death whistle.

[Brian Simpson]

I think it was Tick. Technically. I think when he blew it, it had already, like, caught on in China.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Unless we're in a simulation.

[Jordan Jensen]

Right. You're the COVID guy. I was listening to your podcast with. What's the woman who got falsely accused.

[Brian Simpson]

Of what?

[Jordan Jensen]

Of murdering her roommate. Oh, I was listening to that one, and I, like, fast forwarded at one moment, and it went from her being like. And then I was in prison for four years, to you being like, well, the bat's been Covid. And I was like, how did we. How did we get here?

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, that was a fascinating podcast. Amanda Knox. She's got a Netflix series out right now where someone plays her, which has got to be super weird.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Like, someone else plays her in, like, a dramatization of her getting wrongly accused at 20 years old of a murder where they had all this evidence that this guy who broke into the house murdered her. His, like, DNA was there, and they ignored it because they didn't want to admit that they were wrong. It's on Hulu. Hulu. Sorry.

[Jordan Jensen]

I don't really get how that happens.

[Brian Simpson]

Because cops are cunts.

[Jordan Jensen]

Right?

[Brian Simpson]

But just like, not all cops did.

[Jordan Jensen]

Not see sperm everywhere. Oh, no. The guy was like, I fucked her.

[Brian Simpson]

No. I don't know what he said. I don't know what happened, but I know that they started. They had a narrative.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, that he was in on it.

[Brian Simpson]

No, no, no. They had a net. What? They had a narrative that she did it. That she caused the murder.

[Jordan Jensen]

Right.

[Brian Simpson]

The guy started with that and he stuck with it. And even when there was evidence that showed that it was. There was a guy in there. And then the guy did it. And then the window was bro. And somebody broke into the house and, like.

[Jordan Jensen]

And then eventually he came forward and was like, this has nothing to do with her. The guy who did do it.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, I don't think he eventually ever did anything. No. Like, she actually had a meeting with him, which is crazy. Like, after the fact. Like, forgave him. But she's a white girl. She got tried twice. Twice.

[Jordan Jensen]

I know the Supreme Court.

[Brian Simpson]

No, no, no.

[Jordan Jensen]

She went.

[Brian Simpson]

She got acquitted. Like, she got released. Right. And then they retried her in absentia. So she was in America while they were trying her in Italy again.

[Jordan Jensen]

And then they said she's fine.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, yeah. Which is crazy. Like, why was she. Give her some money.

[Jordan Jensen]

Also, the guy, Rafaela was in solitary for six months.

[Brian Simpson]

I know.

[Jordan Jensen]

I can't fathom that.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Six months in solitude is so crazy to me. One day in solitude and I'm done.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, I talked to a guy that had been in solitary for years.

[Jordan Jensen]

What does that mean? Like, you get you and piss in there?

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

What?

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. You get no contact? No.

[Jordan Jensen]

It must be scrambly after that.

[Brian Simpson]

Hundred percent.

[Jordan Jensen]

I feel like they. Yeah, it's got to do some sort of weird brain damage thing where they come out.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, this guy Shaka that we had on the podcast, he's great.

[Jordan Jensen]

Was he normal?

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Well, beyond, like, super smart. He wrote in there. Educated himself in there too.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, you can.

[Brian Simpson]

Wrote books.

[Jordan Jensen]

You can read in there?

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, you can read.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's good.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. I mean, they don't just give you nothing to. But you do go crazy. You. You go crazy. Human beings need human contact.

[Jordan Jensen]

Well, it's like when you don't do anything all day and then you get right up on stage. Have you ever done that where you don't talk to anybody and you are feel Insane. Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

The worst first conversation of the day or on stage crazy. Yeah. That's why I always bring friends on the road. You don't want to be like that weirdo in the hotel room by yourself.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. And then you take a nap, and the sun goes down while you're napping. That's the worst feeling, that when I do that, it feels like I'm haunting the audience. Like, I'm like, you guys are in a different reality, and I'm. I' intruding on where you're at.

[Brian Simpson]

The weird one is when you wake up and you don't know what city you're in.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, but that's why I got the dog. I was so sick of that feeling. I was so sick of waking up and being like, I've been abducted. Where am I? This place is nicer than my apartment, so that's good. But where am I? And then I saw my dog, and I was like, oh, we're all right.

[Brian Simpson]

That's not the only reason why you got your dog.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. And she rolls. Yeah. And she's.

[Brian Simpson]

She's really sweet.

[Jordan Jensen]

She's very cool.

[Brian Simpson]

She's so cute. How long have you had her?

[Jordan Jensen]

Two years.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, that's awesome.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Was she full grown when you got her?

[Jordan Jensen]

Tiny. Because I wanted to adopt the mom, but they were like, hey, the mom just had all this. We didn't know she was pregnant. She just had a litter of puppies. Will you take one of these? And I was like, okay. And I had no idea how hard it is to have a puppy.

[Brian Simpson]

I've had dogs where you adopt them full grown, and it was great. I had this dog named Lucy. She was awesome. She was so sweet. And then I had another dog named Squeaky from. That was a real nightmare. Yeah, she was real. Maybe it was because I named her Squeaky from after one of the Manson family members.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, yeah, that'll happen.

[Brian Simpson]

She has a squeaky voice. She, like, she had been barking so much in the pound that when I got her out of the pound, like, her voice was like. And then eventually it got normal again because she didn't have to bark 24 hours a day. She just had worn out. She had worn out vocal cords. She had a totally normal bark, but I was like, oh, my God. Her bark is like.

[Jordan Jensen]

She's a smoker. Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, it was like that.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's awesome.

[Brian Simpson]

Like, she was hoarse.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. You don't know what you're going to get. I mean, when I got a rescue, I was like, I'm going to get A small rescue, so I hope it'll be fine. But it was such a gamble. Everybody was like, do not do this.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. We had a Doberman once that was a rescue that we had to get rid of. He had distemper. And he got really crazy, like, in that, like, growling at us and barking at us out of nowhere. And I was a little kid.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, you.

[Brian Simpson]

I was like, yo, we got rid of him.

[Jordan Jensen]

We had a dog that would. That ate the foot off of my. We had a pit bull that was a rescue. And my mom had this, like, woman move in with us who she was dating and her kids moved into. And my pit bull ate the foot off of the wife's cat.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, my God.

[Jordan Jensen]

The woman's cat.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, my God.

[Jordan Jensen]

The woman was like, hey, you gotta, like, choose between me or this pit bull. My mom was like, yeah, get your cripple cat out of here.

[Brian Simpson]

And we kept our dog.

[Jordan Jensen]

She didn't give a fuck, dude. She was so attached to that dog. That dog, the amount of times would just, like, kill. My friend was in the backyard. The dog kills a cat. And my friend's freaking out. She's like, we have to find the owner. And my mom was like, you will stay quiet. It was crazy. It was nuts. She was obsessed with that dog. That's the only time I've seen her, like, really cry is when a dog dies.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, it's hard. They don't live long enough.

[Jordan Jensen]

I can't.

[Brian Simpson]

They're your best friends.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

I'm terror. I have a dog named Marshall. He's golden retriever. He's the best. And he's nine now. He'll be nine in a couple of months. And it's just like, oh, no. I've had him since he was a baby. Now he's nine. I'm like, he's only got a few years left and he's so active. He's super healthy, eats great. He's fit. He's not the retriever. Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

But the small dogs live for. They get to be like 12, and that's kind of it. 13, maybe 14. And then they're really hurting.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's.

[Brian Simpson]

It's. Apparently there's a drug that they've developed for. For dogs, like a longevity drug. I don't know if they've released it yet, but I know that it shows promise and extend dog's lifetime.

[Jordan Jensen]

Whitney Cummings the other day said that her friend. Her friend's like, soul dog died the other day. And she said, when the dog dies, you, like, learn something. About yourself. That's very important. So I've been holding on to that kind of woo woo thing. Like she's like, you kind of show up for yourself in a way. You need to.

[Brian Simpson]

I don't know if I'd listen to Whitney.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, she does.

[Brian Simpson]

He gets a little woo.

[Jordan Jensen]

I like how Whitney has has something to say about everything, though.

[Brian Simpson]

Rapamycin.

[Jordan Jensen]

Wrap him on ice, take him off.

[Brian Simpson]

I've heard of rapamycin before because rapamycin is something that Peter Attia is a big proponent of for longevity.

[Jordan Jensen]

The. The guy who wants to live forever.

[Brian Simpson]

No, no, that's Brian Johnson. Another study at Texas A M University showed rapamycin could extend the lifespan of older dogs by up to 20%. Generally well tolerated. However, it can cause side effects such as lethargy, lack of appetite. Oh boy.

[Jordan Jensen]

No, you can't.

[Brian Simpson]

Interesting. Is that it? Because I think there was something else. It was like a gene therapy.

[Jordan Jensen]

Is it what?

[Brian Simpson]

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[Jordan Jensen]

What happened to the cloning thing? What happened to crispr?

[Brian Simpson]

They probably already made clones.

[Jordan Jensen]

But why did we not hear about that? Weren't they cloning sheep and shit?

[Brian Simpson]

Yep.

[Jordan Jensen]

And then we just stopped hearing about it.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, they probably made a bunch of people already.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. What is that?

[Brian Simpson]

The people telling you about clones are probably clones.

[Jordan Jensen]

You ever see a person that looks exactly like another person and then you ask them their name and it's the same name, and you're like, no fucking way.

[Brian Simpson]

You know the story about those two baseball players?

[Jordan Jensen]

No.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, it's the nuttiest shit of all time. These two baseball players look exactly the same, have the exact same name, and never met each other, and they both play baseball.

[Jordan Jensen]

Let me see him.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, it's bananas. These two guys.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Simpson]

What in the fuck?

[Jamie]

Different parents.

[Jordan Jensen]

Why are they wearing the same classes?

[Brian Simpson]

Their name is Brady Feigl. Right. So it's not even like a normal name. Yeah.

[Jamie]

They both got the same injury. That's how they found out they were going to the same doctor.

[Brian Simpson]

Just imagine your name is Brady Feigl and you meet another guy who's also Brady. You're both 6 foot 4.

[Jordan Jensen]

You both have red hair, they're both really tall.

[Brian Simpson]

You both have black glasses. You both have the fucking same crazy name. That name is nuts.

[Jordan Jensen]

Maryland and Missouri is not far enough away.

[Brian Simpson]

That's crazy.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's crazy.

[Jamie]

I think they also, once they found this out, they didn't immediately go meet each other. They waited like two or three years.

[Brian Simpson]

Maybe, I think, oh, if the guy played baseball and I played baseball, I'd be like, bro, we gotta hang out, freak people out. They're different ages.

[Jamie]

I thought they were the same age.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, how old? 32 and 27. Interesting. The first guy must be really pissed. This stealing my shine.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's bizarre. Yeah, but I just remember hearing so much about cloning.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

And then it just stopped.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, they do with dogs. They do with people's pets. Like, if you want to get your pet cloned, you can get your pet cloned. That's a real thing. What do you think it costs? $30,000.

[Jordan Jensen]

But then they're cloned at the same age.

[Brian Simpson]

It's. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. They're a Puppy.

[Jordan Jensen]

Nice.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. See, you get to start from scratch. Yeah. Otherwise you'd have like a 11 year old you keep like bringing back.

[Jordan Jensen]

Be so mean.

[Brian Simpson]

He's got arthritis, diarrhea.

[Jordan Jensen]

He's let me die, for the love of God.

[Brian Simpson]

You waited too long to clone him.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's. Dude, bring it back as a puppy, though. We could do that.

[Brian Simpson]

Did you see that movie with Demi Moore called the Substance?

[Jordan Jensen]

Okay, I fainted in the theater, bro.

[Brian Simpson]

That movie is nuts.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's nuts. I'm actually very pro that movie. Like, I love the narrative.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, it was great.

[Jordan Jensen]

I love the idea of that. When you get all that face shit, you're just keeping an old person alive. I've tried describe that on stage so much where I'm like, doesn't it bother you that when people are like, you look good for your age, you're just like, hide it. Like you're concealing your death there. You know what I mean? And that movie portrayed that perfectly, where it's just a fucking.

[Brian Simpson]

It's kind of ironic that Demi Moore, who looks insanely good at 62, played that lady.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

You know, because, like.

[Jordan Jensen]

But I liked that because it showed. Like, even when you saw her weird old lady butt, you were like, that's Demise Moore's nice butt. But I'm still like in awe of the young girl's butt, which is unacceptable.

[Brian Simpson]

It's unacceptable.

[Jordan Jensen]

You know what I mean? Like, when she was doing the whole dance and you're like, why is this so intense? And you're like, it's a young person.

[Brian Simpson]

Right.

[Jordan Jensen]

I think that. Did that director do? No, that director didn't do Raw, but it was a female director.

[Brian Simpson]

I don't know what else this director did, but that movie was awesome.

[Jordan Jensen]

I hit the deck, though. I tried. I faint so easily.

[Brian Simpson]

Do you really?

[Jordan Jensen]

Dude? I just. Blood and stuff. I faint. And I muscled through the gory part and I was like, I'm fucking good. Like, I can't. I've cured it. And then the music, it's like when. When a movie starts going like. Like that. Like. Yeah, like on both sides.

[Brian Simpson]

That gets you like a goat.

[Jordan Jensen]

Dude. I. I got to the bathroom and I passed out. I'm in New York, just on the ground, fainted. People are walking over my body. They're like a homeless person.

[Brian Simpson]

That's hilarious. That's so funny. I used to date a girl that when if someone got a needle on the screen, she'd faint.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Just like it didn't matter where she was. If someone got injected, it's so bad.

[Jordan Jensen]

Her dad had it. My dad has it. Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Her dad was a dentist, which is crazy. Like, the dentist makes me faint when the. When the kid. One of their. Her brother got like, crazy sunburn, like, really bad, where he got blisters. The dad saw it and just fucking fainted, Dude.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's crazy. My sister called my dad once, and she was working on cadavers, and she was like, I'm so interested in this. We cut into a cadaver today, and she just heard thump on the other line, and she was like, dad, dad. Oh, my God. Done. He was done. Dude, he's fainted so many times. Yeah, From a phone call. From a phone call.

[Brian Simpson]

That's so wild.

[Jordan Jensen]

He couldn't be in our births or anything.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, my God. That's crazy. That's. What is that?

[Jordan Jensen]

It's called vaso vagal.

[Brian Simpson]

Okay, but is that a psychological thing? Because it's obviously, like, your reaction to a thing. Like, I wonder if you can temper that somehow.

[Jordan Jensen]

Here's the problem with it is why I don't. I used to think it was psychological. Like, me and my dad pictured things too well, like, we pictured it, the needle going in. But vasovagal, like, sometimes I'll be putting an earring in.

[Brian Simpson]

You just faint.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. Like, everywhere.

[Brian Simpson]

So you don't bounce your head off the fucking linoleum.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's so fucked up. So I think it is neurological.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, I bet. But also triggered by high states of anxiety, right?

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

So that's what you would be able to control. You wouldn't be able to control the fact that you do feel when you have a high level of anxiety. So vasovagal response, sudden overreaction of the body's autonomic nervous system to a trigger such as pain or emotional stress or music that causes a temporary drop in heart rate and blood pressure.

[Jordan Jensen]

There's a whole part of my special where I talk about me and this guy who was also a fainter, having sex.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, my God. And you both fainted a lot. Nice.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

It's hot.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, it was rough. It was rough because when you faint, it comes with sweating and seeing white. Like, it's brutal.

[Brian Simpson]

You probably hope the man doesn't faint. Like, you can keep it together. Yeah, that would be, like, a nice thing.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, totally.

[Brian Simpson]

Right? Like a nice trade.

[Jordan Jensen]

He could faint on command. He could think of something.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, that's hilarious. Yeah, that's hilarious. I wonder what would happen if a guy like that had got drafted in Vietnam.

[Jordan Jensen]

Done. Faint.

[Brian Simpson]

That would have gotten faint shot yeah, about. That's it.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. My dad had a heart attack once and fainted. And I saw him in the hospital. I was like, what happened? The heart attack of your face? And he was like, I fainted on a fence. I was like, that's crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, my God.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, he fainted so much. And he was a contractor, so he would always have cuts and stuff and be like, no, be out. It was crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

That's nuts.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, he jigsawed through his nose one time.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, because he fainted.

[Jordan Jensen]

No, but then he fainted. He, like, pulled the cord, and then it cut through his nose, and then he fades. It's crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I would wear a helmet everywhere if I was that dude. Yeah, I just wear a football helmet. It was just like, I'm a fan.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's what we have to worry about all the time. Like, if I cut myself, it's not about the cut. Like, the stitches are not. It's that I'm about to hit the deck. It's crazy. It's so fucked up.

[Brian Simpson]

Have you ever fainted right before you went on stage? Because I would think that's like, a heightened state of anxiety a little bit. Especially in the early days.

[Jordan Jensen]

I've panicked. Well, another problem is I get when I panic when I have really bad intrusive thoughts. Like, I was around a famous person recently, and I was convinced I was gonna bite. Bite her. I started getting a full panic, which makes you want to faint. But it's a. Is a. It's a different thing. But both lead to fainting.

[Brian Simpson]

I knew a dude who was a warm up guy. You know, he'd just do warm up, and he had a real problem with anxiety. He just would freak out. And he was a comic and just. It never worked out for him because his anxiety would just overwhelm him. And one time he was warming up for the Cosby show, and he got this idea in his head that he was gonna say the N word, of course. And he's like, don't say it.

[Jordan Jensen]

Of course.

[Brian Simpson]

Don't say it.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, the Cosby Show.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. So he's warming up for the Cosby Show. So he's, you know, basically in the crowd warming up. Okay, so here in the next scene, Dr. Huxtable's gonna come in, and all his mind is telling him is, don't say the N word. He's not gonna say it. He was never gonna say it. But for whatever reason, he was overwhelmed by this fear of saying the N word in this, like, very, you Know predominantly black audience. And he completely had a meltdown while.

[Jordan Jensen]

He was doing warmup where he was panicking. Full panic. With my special taping. I thought I was going to hit somebody with a stool. Mine is violence. I think I'm going to bite. I think I'm going to. Yeah, totally. Or on airplanes. I'm worried I'm going to pull the exit thing off all the time. Mine is very violent. Or the person next to me I'm going to bite down on.

[Brian Simpson]

That's probably a better response then, like, shrieking and.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Falling to the ground.

[Jordan Jensen]

I know, but that I was the famous woman. I was like, I don't want to be the biter.

[Brian Simpson]

But you wouldn't bite her.

[Jordan Jensen]

And then. I know, but I thought. But I had so long to obsess about it.

[Brian Simpson]

Can you tell me who it is?

[Jordan Jensen]

It was Laura Dern.

[Brian Simpson]

Really? You thought you're gonna bite Laura Dern? Isn't she an admiral in Star Wars?

[Jordan Jensen]

I love her so much, but she was being so nice to me. And we were sitting next to each other for so long, and I was like, what if I just bit Laura Dern? And my brain was like, you're not. And I was like, but this might be the time that you do the thing. One time I was on a chairlift and I was like, what if you jumped off? And I obsessed so long that I just jumped off.

[Brian Simpson]

Whoa.

[Jordan Jensen]

I was fine. I landed and was fine, but I still was like, I did the thing.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, no.

[Jordan Jensen]

So since then I've been like, how.

[Brian Simpson]

Far was the jump?

[Jordan Jensen]

Not far.

[Brian Simpson]

Okay.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's the only thing I have to remember is I waited for the snow to come up and meet the chairlift. Way closer and then jump. So my. You wanna smart. Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. You're not crazy.

[Jordan Jensen]

You're not crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

Just like a little thrill. Yeah, just a little bitty thrill.

[Jordan Jensen]

Totally, like, waiting. Lord, think about. She was so nibble. So Hollywood, you know? Oh, I could really.

[Brian Simpson]

Her skin was Hollywood.

[Jordan Jensen]

Just so pure. So nice.

[Brian Simpson]

Interesting.

[Jordan Jensen]

I got bug bites all over.

[Brian Simpson]

I accidentally sat next to Daryl Hannah once at Canter's Deli in the 90s.

[Jordan Jensen]

Okay.

[Brian Simpson]

And they were doing some game. They were playing some game. Her and her friends were playing some game with, like, states. Like, figure out, like, what. You know, what's the Keystone State? Like, that kind of shit.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

And I was helping her, but she was totally normal. Like, it was net. We never acknowledged that she's Daryl Hannah at Cantor's Deli playing a game. She is, like, super chill.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's so nice.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Her and her friends are having a sandwich, just laughing and doing some game about states.

[Jordan Jensen]

They're normal as hell. Matt Damon was at the Cellar recently and I couldn't. I was so fucked up at how. I don't know how it was fucking me up so much. I do too many. I microdose too many. But I was like his arms and hand. Know Matt Damon's arms and hands. Like I knew them so well and he was like gesticulating and I was like, I know those freaking arms. It was crazy. From movies. Yeah. Like just moving. It's weird to know somebody so well and never have spoken to them. It's disturbed.

[Brian Simpson]

That is odd. Yeah. Your season, your Shot the NFL season is rolling and every touchdown can bring you closer to a payout with DraftKings sportsbook and official sports betting partner of the NFL. Every game is another chance to cash in. Don't just watch the action, win with it. DraftKings sportsbook delivers the unmatched intensity of the NFL right to your fingertips. From the first touchdown score to any time TD props or the thrill of live in game betting, every snap is loaded with opportunity. New Customers this one is for you. Bet just $5 and get $200 in bonus bets instantly. Plus score over 200 off NFL Sunday Ticket from YouTube and YouTube TV. Your season is heating up. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use the code Rogan. That's Code rogan to get 200 in bonus bets instantly. When you place your first five dollar bet plus over 200 off NFL Sunday ticket from YouTube and YouTube TV in partnership with DraftKings. The crown is yours. Gambling problem. Call 1-800-GAMBLER in New York. Call 877-8-HOPENY or text hopeny467-369 in Connecticut. Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org Please play responsibly on behalf of Boot Hill Casino and Resort in Kansas. Fees may apply in Illinois, 21 and over. Age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Boyd in Ontario, bonus bets expire seven days after issuance. See [e-mail] promos NFL Sunday Ticket offer for new subscribers only in until canceled. Digital games and commercial use excluded restrictions apply additional NFL Sunday ticket [e-mail] go NFL Sunday tickets terms limited time offer I met Matt Damon in Italy at a restaurant where he was sitting underneath a photo of himself.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's weird. Did he choose to sit there?

[Brian Simpson]

No, no, no. The restaurant owner had him There before, it was a nice table and there's photos all over the wall of celebrities that had been there before. And so Matt Damon went and sat down at the table where the photo of this owner, you know, taking a picture with Matt Damon is.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's some meta. That's crazy. He seems really sweet.

[Brian Simpson]

He's a very nice guy. Super normal guy. There's a lot of them that are like, super normal. Always hold this thing. Like, I doubt crazy people. There's always like a thing in your head. You're like, they got to be out of their mind.

[Jordan Jensen]

Totally.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

What's the guy's Peter Dinklage?

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Came into the cellar and threw a chicken wing at my friend's chest. Just like out of nowhere, somebody introduced him, like Gillis or somebody. Maybe it was Schultz was like, oh, this is so and so. He's a good comic. And he threw a chicken wing at him. And I was like, that's the most. Peter Dinklage, like, just basically being a little renaissance man throwing, like his size turkey leg is crazy. It's crazy. A little Renaissance being like, away, Jessica. I was like, that's two on the nose. It's crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

Problem is, I knew him first from Elf.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

You know, so even though he's the Game of Thrones guy, to me, he's always the angry writer from Elf.

[Jordan Jensen]

I know him from the guy Four Weddings and a Funeral. Or wedding. Wedding at a funeral.

[Brian Simpson]

I never saw that. I heard it was really good.

[Jordan Jensen]

Really good.

[Brian Simpson]

I heard it's really good. Never saw it.

[Jordan Jensen]

Crazy funny.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. That guy's great. He's. He was so good in Game of Thrones. It was so good. Complicated role. Yeah, complicated. That fucking show was so good. The new one, I'm trying to get into it, but, like, every season is like five years apart from the last one. You have to figure out who is. Who is this lady Game of Thrones 1.

[Jordan Jensen]

I had to. I was like asking a thousand people. I was like, I don't understand which place is which. I had to like, map it out. I could not figure it out. But it's so good. It opened up with the brother and sister fucking. That was so sick.

[Brian Simpson]

And I was making a cripple out of the other brother.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, it was crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

Nuts.

[Jordan Jensen]

And the Just full on rape.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Daenerys girl.

[Brian Simpson]

They cut the fucking head off the king. You like? No.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. He's crazy. He's the best. He's the best.

[Brian Simpson]

He's the king.

[Jordan Jensen]

They did a great job.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, that show Ruled. It was such a good show. Such. Season one was. I mean. I mean, not season one. The real Game of Thrones. The new ones. Like. Yeah, it's good. But, you know, you're always. You're Jay Leno after Johnny Carson.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, it's like, totally. You get attached.

[Brian Simpson]

There's a thing you just like, oh, I didn't.

[Jordan Jensen]

I don't remember the last season. Oh, the last season was weird. Where Cersei rules.

[Brian Simpson]

I was in Croatia. And there's the place where they. Where King's Landing is. Yeah, like, that's where they filmed it.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, that's awesome.

[Brian Simpson]

And they. They, like, sort of do tours where they show you where they film certain scenes.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

And one of the scenes is when she was. Shame, shame. When she's walking and like, they.

[Jordan Jensen]

The little cobblestone. That's pretty.

[Brian Simpson]

That's right there. Yeah, you could actually see it.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's really cool.

[Brian Simpson]

It's pretty cool. Yeah, they filmed a lot of those.

[Jordan Jensen]

Shame things on Twitter. We do the shame, shame. I just went through a horrible Twitter thing last night. Oh, no, dude, I got dragged.

[Brian Simpson]

You can't read that.

[Jordan Jensen]

I did. I. Dude, it was a fan hit me up and goes, don't go on Twitter. And I went on Twitter and it was so this crazy, out of context thing where I was, like, talking. I was on Stav's podcast and I was talking about how I was talking about this guy who used the word. I'm not gonna say it. T, R, A. I don't know how to spell it. Nny.

[Brian Simpson]

Okay.

[Jordan Jensen]

He used that word. And I was being like. That word is so fucking antiquated that at this point, to me, it sounds like somebody's just calling, like, a drag queen. That. And everybody took it as me saying that trans people are in drag.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, God.

[Jordan Jensen]

And it like. Dude, it was just, like, went at me and like, I. The crazy thing is I thought I was being woke on that podcast. I had, like, friends of mine being like, fuck, door. Like, it was crazy. I mean, friendly people, like, people I work with.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, those people can go eat shit. Those pylon people, they can all go eat shit.

[Jordan Jensen]

But that was my, like, first big one. I've had one before. But that was like those.

[Brian Simpson]

That kind of shit pushes people away from all the things you're trying to promote. Like, it does. It doesn't mean that people hate trans people if they say something like that. That's not what you're saying.

[Jordan Jensen]

I was saying the opposite. I was being like, this guy was such an asshole. For using that word. Also, that word is so corny.

[Brian Simpson]

Right.

[Jordan Jensen]

That I feel like, at this point, it's not even referenced to. To transgender people. That it's, like what we say for drag.

[Brian Simpson]

Some people still use it.

[Jordan Jensen]

Totally.

[Brian Simpson]

But it's. That's not the point. The point is, it's like, what are you trying to do? You're not trying to hurt anybody's feelings, so shut the up. Everybody's just looking for a reason to be offended. It's just trying to find anything that they can, like, green light go, and no reason, no nuance. Yeah, of course.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's so crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

Of course.

[Jordan Jensen]

It was so. And I'm just, like, reading all of them, and I was like, this is so many people that are just like, this dumb bitch. One of them said, this is a fat retard talking to a skinny retard about me and me and stuff. And I was like, oh, well, that's actually really sweet. That's really nice.

[Brian Simpson]

So sweet.

[Jordan Jensen]

You're scared. I love being seeing a. Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, this is just what's going on online. And most of the people that are on the Internet.

[Jordan Jensen]

I know. I don't have Twitter.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, good.

[Jordan Jensen]

I don't have Twitter. I deleted it because I kept looking at my ex's tweets, and then I was like, I'm deleting this for sobriety. You know? And then I went on it the other day, and I was like, this is a nightmare, dude. It was crazy. And I hit up those people who tweeted, and I was like, hey, why wouldn't you just text me, man? Like, I care about you. You care about me. This was totally out of context. If you just asked me about it, I would have showed you the whole clip, you know? And they were like, you're right. That was crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

It's a mental illness factory. Yeah, it's. Twitter is just a giant cunt farm. Yeah, that's what it is. It just. Everybody just is growing cunty thoughts.

[Jordan Jensen]

I just didn't know. I just am not even in there.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, it's not good. I know. I stay off it as much as humanly possible. I try to get on it in the morning, just see what everybody's upset about, see what's in the news. What the. Like, a UFO got shot with a hellfire missile. And they have footage today, and Rep. Luna. Yeah, they were talking about it in hearings today. There's a video of hearings? Yes, There's a video of a UFO getting hit by a hellfire missile. And the hellfire missile Just blows apart and the UFO just keeps moving.

[Jordan Jensen]

What it. What was the ufo? What did it look like?

[Brian Simpson]

A dot on a screen. They always look. They look like shit.

[Jordan Jensen]

I saw something weird coming down from the moon the other day. Do not know what it was.

[Brian Simpson]

Look at this. So watch this. So the. Here's the ufo, there's the missile. Watch. This happens. Does it? It just knocks it around and the thing just gets right back on track, which is bananas. Like, anything that gets hit by a hellfire missile usually gets a fucking obliterated. Especially something that's literally the size of the missile.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's cruising.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, it's flying. I mean, not fast enough that it's. It could duck a missile, so. Which is kind of weird that it let itself get hit.

[Jamie]

It's hard to see what happens.

[Brian Simpson]

It's right.

[Jamie]

Like, what is that little.

[Brian Simpson]

Right? It's animation. It's Pong. We're looking at Pong, you know? Yeah, it's like an old video game. Really shitty video game. This is. This is why I have the hardest time getting excited about any of this stuff. Because, like, I don't know what I just saw. You're telling me I saw a hellfire missile hit a ufo? It's like, you know, you're reading Morse code to me. I don't know.

[Jordan Jensen]

Well, AI has done that too. Where now it's like I can't even go on Instagram. It's not even fun anymore because I don't know what's real or not.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, yeah, we get caught all the time.

[Jordan Jensen]

Really?

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's always something. There's always something that you think is really. Tim Walsh with the Fuck Trump shirt on, dancing in the elevator. Jamie's like, it's fake. I'm like, no, no, no, it's real.

[Jordan Jensen]

Always. I'm like, I'm just past the age bracket where I can't detect it. It's crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, no one can detect it anymore because especially what looks like cell phone footage because cell phone foot shitty already. So they just make it kind of shitty. And you don't know. You don't know what the you're looking at.

[Jordan Jensen]

My mom liked the photo on Facebook. That a fake AI photo of me on the beach, different tattoos with. With a man. And she liked it. I'm like, mom, what are you doing? Who do you think that guy is? You know that I'm single. She's like, you look beautiful in it. I'm like, it's not real. That's not my body. That's not the body you gave birth to.

[Brian Simpson]

Boomers can't handle it.

[Jordan Jensen]

No.

[Brian Simpson]

They're so removed from this technology that they're living in an alternative dimension.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. Yeah, totally. I don't know what she does.

[Brian Simpson]

They get their news on TV and that's a wrap. Yeah, whatever the guy says in front of the camera. Yeah, that's the.

[Jordan Jensen]

My mom is my news source, which is nice. I didn't know the Epstein drawing had come out.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, yeah. What it. So the drawing is a draw. Was that the same as the one that had been leaked before? Is it different?

[Jamie]

I'm pretty sure that leaked one was. Someone took the description, put it in. AI.

[Brian Simpson]

This is the actual drawing. Yeah.

[Jamie]

And this one, they actually got the book and someone, like, leaked.

[Jordan Jensen]

I'm grabbing the drawing. I did think when I imagined it, that it was going to be like a. Well, I was imagining like, DiCaprio drawing a French girl, you know? And when I saw that one, I was like, God, Trump, at least make her hot. What are you doing? But what was the transcript he had written out?

[Brian Simpson]

He had it like, this is it.

[Jordan Jensen]

What does voiceover mean?

[Jamie]

Like a script.

[Brian Simpson]

It says there must be more to life than having everything. Donald. Yes, there is. So he wrote this. Supposedly, the voice, it says voiceover. Like he's like a movie star. Like he's in a script. Donald. Yes, there is, But I won't tell you what it is, Jeffrey. Nor will I, since I also know what it is. Who talks like this, Donald. We have certain things in common, Jeffrey. Jeffrey. Yes, we do. Come to think of it, Donald, enigmas never age. Have you noticed that, Jeffrey? As a matter of fact, it was clear to me the last time I saw you.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

A pal is a wonderful thing. Happy birthday. May every day be another wonderful secret. And then I like how he's got the signature where the bushes.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. I don't think that he meant for that, though. Oh, he made it sound like he meant for that.

[Brian Simpson]

I think he did.

[Jordan Jensen]

I don't. I think he just signed it, maybe. But I was imagining.

[Brian Simpson]

But it's kind of ironic that it's right with a. Yeah, but I don't think that is.

[Jordan Jensen]

I don't think Trump likes a hairy.

[Brian Simpson]

That's a dude. Okay. That's a dude with womanly hips.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Like, look at the boobs. They're weird.

[Jamie]

It could be a back.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. It could be anything. It could be a snail smile.

[Jordan Jensen]

I don't get why he's writing a script.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Very odd stuff. It's quite strange, but it's also, like the way, like, enigmas never age. Have you noticed that? And Jeffrey, as a matter of fact, it was clear to me the last time I saw you. Like, if one of my friends sent me that, I'd be like, I'm getting a new number.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, you get a new number. Why didn't you just write happy birthday?

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. What the fuck is wrong with you, Enig?

[Jordan Jensen]

Happy birthday, Jeff. That's all I want. Happy birthday, Jeff. May we hang out soon?

[Brian Simpson]

Well, also, like, what year was this that he wrote this?

[Jamie]

I think it was for his 50th birthday, was the word.

[Brian Simpson]

So I'll see what year would have been.

[Jamie]

It wouldn't have been that long ago, but.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, it had to be because he kicked him out of Mar a Lago in, like, the 2000s. Right.

[Jamie]

I think. 2011, I think, is when they said that was.

[Brian Simpson]

That's when they kicked him out, I think so. I thought it was before that, because I think that's when he got arrested.

[Jordan Jensen]

They kicked Epstein out. Can I touch this?

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. That is a recreation. That's a 3D printed recreation of these very strange vases that they find in Egypt that are part of an older dynasty that are so exact, and the way they did it is completely unknown. That is just a piece of plastic, but it's. That's an actual 3D recreation of the original vase that you think aliens did? No, no, no, no. I think a very ancient civilization that was wiped out by some sort of a cataclysmic disaster that had very sophisticated technology. Because that was. Was it diorite that that was carved out of? Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Are you an alien guy, or are you an agnostic alien guy?

[Brian Simpson]

I'm on the fence.

[Jordan Jensen]

You're on the fence?

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

You were. Alien guy.

[Brian Simpson]

I've been back and forth off the fence. On the fence. I've been over the other side. I go back and forth. I think it's highly unlikely that we're alone. Highly unlikely.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

And there's just too many stories of people having encounters with something for people been writing these things down for thousands of years. I haven't had any experience, though.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Other than.

[Jordan Jensen]

I think if it's like a relationship, if you want it, too bad you won't get it.

[Brian Simpson]

Other than psychedelics, which makes me go, you've seen guys? No, I've seen stuff. I've seen entities.

[Jordan Jensen]

Really?

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, 100%. I've had interactions with other beings, but.

[Jordan Jensen]

Tree entities or, like, space entities. I've had tree entities, things that didn't.

[Brian Simpson]

Have Like a form that was solid. Their form would change and morph and they had consciousness. But, you know, it's like, what is. What's really going on? Like, are you really. Are you imagining this? Or are you tapping in what it feels like, but it might not be this, but it feels like is you're tapping into another dimension and you're interacting with some disembodied souls. Like, disembodied consciousness that doesn't have a physical form. That's what it feels like. Yeah, but it feels highly intelligent and very aware of what you're full of. About what you're. What you're not. Like, what your thoughts are, whether your thoughts are positive or negative. Like, it shows you negative thoughts and positive thoughts.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. I was talking to Ari about that on his podcast, about how, like, when I took acid, if I had a negative thought, all of the clouds would turn into skulls. And if I had a positive thought, they'd all turn into these dancers. And I could switch it. I could just, like, switch, and my entire visual would change with my mental.

[Brian Simpson]

I had a very similar experience once where when I had negative thoughts, everything would go, like, black and pixelated and dark. And then I would have a positive. I would realize it like, oh, no, no, no, you're doing this. And then, boom, it would blossom into these beautiful geometric patterns. I was like, oh, yeah. Kind of in control of how you view things, which is in control of how your life works.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's the one thing that psychedelics wants you to get so hard. That's, like the biggest. That every time I do it, it feels like it's making fun of me. It's like, bro, this is all you. Like, you have control.

[Brian Simpson]

Yes.

[Jordan Jensen]

You can have a bad life or a good life. Make the fucking choice. And every time I do it, I'm like, okay, I'll remember. And then the next day, I'm like, somebody said I'm fat on Twitter. You know, it's crazy. I just had this big revelation the other day where I was like, what if everything is all right? Like, I'm writing, and then this weird thing happened, and I'm like, I wanna die, everybody. And I was like, oh, yeah. Sometimes I feel like when you have those revelations, you get a little tested. You ever feel like that? Like, I'll be like, when I'm things. When I'm like, okay, you know, Like, I was. My head was so big about the Netflix coming out. I drop into the creek yesterday, do new joke set bomb. Just bomb the whole way through, sweating Sweating in front of these people. They're like, they don't know who I am. They're just like, what are you saying? And I was like, just trying brand new Weir stuff, right? Because my ego's so big that I'm like, I don't even need to workshop this. And I do it. And they're just like, we don't understand you. And I'm like, anyway, watch the special. It's a lot better than that.

[Brian Simpson]

It is the most humbling thing to work on new stuff after you put out a special. Most humbling because you have no weapons.

[Jordan Jensen]

And you just were doing shows where you're like, bam.

[Brian Simpson]

Tight. Ready? Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Looking at the notepad and being like, what else? Still nothing on there.

[Brian Simpson]

It's the hardest thing is, like, coming up with subjects, you know?

[Jordan Jensen]

It's also hard when your brain is preoccupied with putting out a special. I've noticed, right? You know, like, I'm like, I'm editing. I'm thinking about shit, promotion. And then I'm like, I have to. But that's why I think you have to take time.

[Brian Simpson]

100.

[Jordan Jensen]

But the rush. People are like, aren't you so proud of yourself? And I'm like, no, because now I'm doing bad sets.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

You know what I mean? I don't have time to be proud because I'm going up on stage and being like, throw here. Something. I was thinking, you know, and it never.

[Brian Simpson]

I think that's a good thing for us. It's a good reality check.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, it's great.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Like, every couple of years, you gotta get smacked in the face and start from scratch again.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's really good.

[Brian Simpson]

Brian Simpson did a brilliant thing. So what Brian Simpson did is he developed two hours. So he put out one hour, and then when he went touring afterwards, he had another hour already.

[Jordan Jensen]

Well, I thought he asked Ari. I thought he was like, can I put out both hours? Can I put out all of it?

[Brian Simpson]

Don't do that. Yeah, Yeah. I think what he did was perfect.

[Jordan Jensen]

When I did the half hour I had that I did it put a half hour out, and I was. I was cruising. But this one, I. Any fat that I had, I cut and was like, I hate. You're dead to me.

[Brian Simpson]

Right?

[Jordan Jensen]

So all of the stuff I liked, I put in it. So then when I was touring, I was like, I've already decided that. I hate that. I can bring it back up, but I don't want to.

[Brian Simpson]

Right? And then you feel like you're a fraud if you do.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. And if you're not interested in the subject. Like, if you're like, it's dead to me. It's over.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

You got like, totally.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's crazy, and it's hard to be on stage and talking about what I want to talk about, which is how crazy it is to be putting out a special. You know what I mean? But I don't want to do that, because I want to do evergreen material also.

[Brian Simpson]

That's, like, just not relatable.

[Jordan Jensen]

Not relatable, but you're like, I want to tell you guys about this. That's what's on my mind.

[Brian Simpson]

Especially the people that don't know who you are, then it's really not relatable.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. Bill Burr was very inspiring because he put out that special about how he changed his mindset. You know what I mean? The most recent one where he was like, I'm not gonna be an angry person anymore. And that was sick, because I feel like sometimes I'll be like, maybe I should have a perspective shift where I am stopping such an angry person and against humanity. And I'm like, no, but that's not funny. So seeing Burr do that, I'm like, oh, I could have material about how therapy helps, you know, instead of how my therapist sucks. You know what I mean? And that was nice to see him do that, where he was like, I'm gonna stop harassing my wife. That was. The whole special was like, my wife is, like, gonna die someday, and I'm making her life quite bad. It was great.

[Brian Simpson]

When I was young, I had this stupid idea in my mind that you should stray away from meditation or enlightenment or anything, because it would get in the way of being funny.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, totally.

[Brian Simpson]

It would get in the way of chaos.

[Jordan Jensen]

I have that with relationships. I get. I'm like, I'm gonna keep this tumultuous relationship, and I'm just gonna keep like.

[Brian Simpson]

That's how I thrive, mining for material.

[Jordan Jensen]

Mining for material. Just keep myself in a. In a state of, like, unknown constantly, so that I. I feel like I'm alive because I feel like I'll die. If I have any comfort or stability. My studio is the size of this table. There's no reason I should live like that. It's crazy. There's no reason. But I just keep myself in these little.

[Brian Simpson]

Do you like living in New York like that?

[Jordan Jensen]

I don't need to. I can live in a bigger place in New York. It's totally fine.

[Brian Simpson]

So you're doing it to yourself?

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, I'm doing it to myself. To be like, you have to struggle and you don't. Don't. You don't even get to clean your tuna cans. You have to leave. It's crazy. It's crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

At least you know it's crazy.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, totally. And I'm working on it.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, okay. I am talking to a realtor.

[Jordan Jensen]

I'm talking to two therapists. And. Yeah, that's the other thing is I'm like, I don't want to get a bigger place if I'm gonna buy a place in New York. You know what I mean?

[Brian Simpson]

Eventually you're gonna buy a place, right?

[Jordan Jensen]

So I'm like, maybe just struggle.

[Brian Simpson]

It's a weird time for the real estate market right now.

[Jordan Jensen]

I bought a house in Ithaca.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, yeah, Upstate.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, upstate.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, you one of them people that gets the upstate house?

[Jordan Jensen]

Well, go to visit like five hours from New York.

[Brian Simpson]

So yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. People are like, upstate. And I'm like, no, it's like paintball upstate, dude. It's.

[Brian Simpson]

So do you take a flight or you drive?

[Jordan Jensen]

I take a. There's a flight from JFK now.

[Brian Simpson]

And you go to Ithaca and what, just watch tv?

[Jordan Jensen]

I just. I mainly just work on the house and work on the. You know, just do. To get it up and run. I don't know what I'm gonna do when it's done.

[Brian Simpson]

So you just like being in a small town?

[Jordan Jensen]

Well, my family's there. Oh, okay.

[Brian Simpson]

That makes sense. Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

My niece is there.

[Brian Simpson]

That makes sense.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Okay. But just pick Ithaca. I don't know.

[Jordan Jensen]

No way. No way. My whole family's there. And I was so sick of going home and having to stay with my mom the whole time and.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, that's smart.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. She walked in on me having sex so many times. It's so annoying. Just swinging over the door. Oh, sorry. That's her. Every single time.

[Brian Simpson]

That's hilarious.

[Jordan Jensen]

Cuz she's deaf, so she can't hear.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, no.

[Jordan Jensen]

So she'll just swing it open. Oh, okay. It's crazy, dude. And her house just has holes in it, cuz she's a contractor, so she hasn't finished it. It.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh no.

[Jordan Jensen]

So there's just like rack. There'll be like a. She'll just be scurrying around and be like, there's a raccoon in here. I'm like, what? All the time, dude. It's crazy. There's a chipmunk on my laptop. I'm like, get it away. Bats coming in constantly.

[Brian Simpson]

Dad's fainting.

[Jordan Jensen]

Dad's dead now. Dad finally fainted. His last faint.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, no, it was.

[Jordan Jensen]

It was good. He worked all day, came home, died. It was. We were happy about it.

[Brian Simpson]

It really.

[Jordan Jensen]

I mean, we didn't want him to die, but. Yeah, he was. He was like, getting to a point where we were like, he's gonna have to start going to the hospital because he smokes so many cigarettes and it's so unhealthy. And we're like, if he goes to the hospital, it's game over. He can't be around. He'll faint if he sees a hospital. It's like he, like, knew it was happening. Was like, I'd rather die.

[Brian Simpson]

Did cigarettes get him?

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, cigarettes and Dunkin Donuts. Love Dunkin Donuts. Donuts.

[Brian Simpson]

Both of those things.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Very addicted.

[Jordan Jensen]

Very addicted too. He was a heavy smoker. That's why I want to kill Ian all the time.

[Brian Simpson]

Cuz he smokes so much.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, he sounds like my dad with the. Where you laugh and you go.

[Brian Simpson]

Ian seems like he really enjoys it, though.

[Jordan Jensen]

You. That's what everybody says until they're hacking up along and they have to leave a movie theater halfway through to go smoke.

[Brian Simpson]

How much does he and smoke a day?

[Jordan Jensen]

I think he's down. I think he's down to like a pack and a half. Oh, God, he's getting there. I need to get him onto Zins. But he thinks that's gay.

[Brian Simpson]

Zins are gay.

[Jordan Jensen]

He thinks, look at all the stuff.

[Brian Simpson]

He talks about on stage.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. That he thinks is perfectly regular and above board. Perfectly regular and above board.

[Brian Simpson]

But Zins are gay. That's so silly. That's. What a silly take.

[Jordan Jensen]

But so many people have that. That's like. When people are like, I'm not gonna enter recovery because I don't believe in God. I'm like, you were. You were drunk last night, praying that you could fuck, you know, Sydney Sweeney. Like, you're praying. You're doing weird stuff. You're delusional.

[Brian Simpson]

I don't want to believe in God. That's hilarious.

[Jordan Jensen]

People say that a lot where they avoid AA because they don't believe in God.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. What's weird is the guy who founded AA did it. He was an acid head. He used acid to get off of alcohol.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

But he doesn't talk about that. Yeah. The thing is all about.

[Jordan Jensen]

I use mushrooms to get off alcohol.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. I've heard a lot of people do that.

[Jordan Jensen]

I use mushrooms to cure, like a huge amount of ocd. I was like, OCD was dominating my life. Couldn't touch anything. Had to wash My hands constantly. It was like. And then I tripped hard and went into a room alone for six hours and was like, I will. And it was. I was tripping hard. And I was like, I'm gonna deal with this in this room and figure out what it is.

[Brian Simpson]

And what was it?

[Jordan Jensen]

It was that I fundamentally don't trust myself to make the right decision. And I realized that none of my decisions were up to me. It was all just an amalgamation of experiences. Cause I was like, who's gonna stop me from biting or hurting or doing anything? So I was like, if I tap this, that'll stop me. And when I faced it and acid, it was like, you think you're gonna do bad things, but you're not because you have done. You have chosen the right path this whole way so you can trust yourself. You know what I mean? Like, three year old Jordan was not outside killing a cat. You know what I mean? She was fucking playing. Right? Like, so every step of the way you're building this personality that you can trust. You know what I mean?

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Because my whole thing was like, who? How am I to know that I'm not a horrible. That I'm not going to do something horrible? Which is a big OCD thing for.

[Brian Simpson]

People wondering whether you're going to do something horrible.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, like a lot of ocd. Like, I know a girl who, she couldn't babysit because she was like, what if I am a pedophile?

[Brian Simpson]

Oh my God.

[Jordan Jensen]

Because her OCD was so bad.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, my God.

[Jordan Jensen]

And then she was like, oh, this is ocd. And she was treated and she was like, it's fine. But like, a lot of people will have babies and they'll be like, what if I freaking spin this baby's head off?

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Jordan Jensen]

I have that all the time, dude. I have that whenever my friends, like, hold my baby, I'm like, okay.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh my God. That's so crazy.

[Jordan Jensen]

But you don't do shit because it's like the. It's like the ski jump thing. You're gonna.

[Brian Simpson]

That's interesting. I never thought of it that way. It's like you're not trusting yourself.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. And I also used to be super fat. Like, I was a fat kid. And I think there's a part of me that's like, if you were able to do that, then you're able to do horrible things. Things. You know what I mean?

[Brian Simpson]

You're able to get fat.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. Like, if you were able to binge eat like that as a kid, then you're not really to be trusted, you know what I mean? And I had to face all of that on this acid trip. And I came out of it and.

[Brian Simpson]

Was like, was it acid or mushrooms?

[Jordan Jensen]

That was acid.

[Brian Simpson]

Okay.

[Jordan Jensen]

Mushrooms. I microdose acid. I don't do anymore because of how crazy that was. But that one, I did a lot and got it. Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Like, I got it. Got the lesson. I'm not going back to school.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, totally. Totally. And I still have a little bit of ocd. I still have some things that I didn't get rid of, but for the most part, I got rid of it, which is.

[Brian Simpson]

It seems debilitating. I've met people that have it. It's nuts. And some people, it gets worse as, like, their success grows, which is really crazy.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Where they have Howard Hughes type shit where you. You know.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

I loved that movie growing up because I resonated with him so much.

[Brian Simpson]

That's weird.

[Jordan Jensen]

You gotta stop it. I mean, that's the thing is if you don't. Don't get in the way of it, it just builds neuronal grooves in your brain that becomes so.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Like, averse to plasticity. Like, you can't get out of them. And that's what I remember, like, this woman being like, I want you to bring in contaminated items. And I was like, go yourself. I was like, absolutely not. I was like, then we'd have to burn my mother's car. Like, there's no way. But you do every time something's contaminated. Contaminated a little bit. You have to, like, force yourself to do it, to touch it or whatever.

[Brian Simpson]

Your thing is, like, contaminated food.

[Jordan Jensen]

For me, it was contamination was. If some. When I was younger, I was worried that I would become like, say, you were like, I cheated on my wife last night. And then you were like, you want to hit this vape? Or whatever? I wouldn't be able to touch it because I'd be like, he does bad things. If I hit that vape, I'll do bad things.

[Brian Simpson]

Wow.

[Jordan Jensen]

You know, so if somebody was whack, they'd be contaminated and I couldn't go near them.

[Brian Simpson]

There's something to that. Yeah, there's a little something to that. There's a little wisdom behind that.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Because people do kind of adopt the mindset of people they're around.

[Jordan Jensen]

I mean, that's what I've had to learn recently is I'm like, you gotta cut out whack people and get that that's not ocd. That's, like, healthy for you.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Whack people can ruin everything.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Really shitty human beings that you have have kept in your life for whatever weird reason they can just derail your whole life.

[Jordan Jensen]

The thing that sucks about comedy is sometimes these people are so funny.

[Brian Simpson]

I know.

[Jordan Jensen]

And you have to cut out somebody who's so funny.

[Brian Simpson]

I know.

[Jordan Jensen]

That sucks.

[Brian Simpson]

I know. It does suck. It does.

[Jordan Jensen]

People at a desk job. I'm like, you're cutting out Brian, who's like kind of, you know, who's like just, all right, who brought you a cupcake once? I'm cutting out people who are like the only people I can say racist around. You're like cutting out like a huge cord of my sense of humor.

[Brian Simpson]

Right.

[Jordan Jensen]

And that. But I've had to do that recently. Just be like, dude, I can't. The vibe is too dark.

[Brian Simpson]

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[Jordan Jensen]

It's sinister.

[Brian Simpson]

It is a problem.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

There's people in your life that just for whatever fucking reason will Never get it together and at a certain point in time, try to rescue a drowning person. They'll drown you.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, totally.

[Brian Simpson]

They'll drown you.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's hard to watch other people do it and not cut people out. And you're like that. If you could just cut. Like, my friend's mom is just such a drain on her life. And I'm like, you gotta just.

[Brian Simpson]

Did you see that fucking Netflix documentary about that little girl who was in the small town who's getting harassed by someone that turned out to be her mom?

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, I heard about this, but I did not see it. Oh, I saw this on Instagram and I thought it was not real.

[Brian Simpson]

It's nuts.

[Jordan Jensen]

She was getting bullied by her mom.

[Brian Simpson]

Her mom didn't have a job. The father thought the mom had a job. The mom was just all day trolling and with her daughter for years. And you know what the girl said at one point in time? She's like, I miss my mom because her mom was there to protect her from the bad world, but really the only bad world was her mom pretending to be someone else.

[Jordan Jensen]

Wait, she said, I miss my mom.

[Brian Simpson]

Because she thought her mom was a sweet person that protected her, and she found out her mom was a monster.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, wait, so later, after she found out, she was like, I miss my mom?

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, that's brutal.

[Brian Simpson]

Brutal.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's like when somebody breaks up with you and you're like, I just want to talk to them about this bad breakup.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, that's that thing that some crazy people do. It's Munchausen's by proxy.

[Jordan Jensen]

So she was. Is that Munchausen's, though? Munchausen.

[Brian Simpson]

You hurt them so that you could help them.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, she was doing that. She was being like, who's your.

[Brian Simpson]

She was the one who was trolling her own daughter. She was someone else online attacking her own daughter, calling her a. Calling her horrible things and being like.

[Jordan Jensen]

Ps, your mom's a babe.

[Brian Simpson]

Your mom's an enigma.

[Jordan Jensen]

Your mom's really hot. You should go talk to her.

[Brian Simpson]

I noticed your mom's an enigma.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, I think you noticed that too.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. So the moment I saw you, I noticed it.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

Crazy. It's. So Is she in jail or something? I don't know. I didn't get that far. I can't with the stuff like that. People are mean to their kids. I'm like, I can't do this.

[Jordan Jensen]

I love that. I don't love it, but I fall asleep to that.

[Brian Simpson]

Horrible. It's hard. If you love your Kid. I love my kids. I can't. I see some seeing someone being that it's not just. It's evil beyond belief.

[Jordan Jensen]

How old are your kids?

[Brian Simpson]

She torched that. I have a 28 year old daughter. I have a 17 and a 15.

[Jordan Jensen]

Wait, if you were. If you have a 28 year old, you were.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, it's not my biological.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, okay. Okay, okay.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

So did you have any kids? Were all your kids had after you were financially good?

[Brian Simpson]

Yes.

[Jordan Jensen]

Really?

[Brian Simpson]

Yes.

[Jordan Jensen]

You think that's the move?

[Brian Simpson]

I don't know. There's something to be said for growing up poor. Yeah, you know, I grew up poor. I think it's good. I think I. I understand hard work. You know, I understand what it's like to have to have a job to get stuff like, you know, you want to buy a new pair of pants, you need to get a job. You know, you need to get a car. Well, you have to save up.

[Jordan Jensen]

But all those things you're describing, you poor. Growing up poor for me is like. Like growing up watching your parents fight over who is gonna pay the child support. You know what I mean? I think you can grow up fine. Right, and still work.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, my parents didn't fight. My stepmom and my. Excuse me. My stepdad and my mom have been together for a long time and they have a very good relationship. So that like modeled for me when I was a kid. My parents got split up, my biological dad and my mom when I was 5, and my mom married my stepdad when I was like seven.

[Jordan Jensen]

Where's your dad? Dad?

[Brian Simpson]

We don't talk.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, we don't talk.

[Brian Simpson]

I don't know him, but okay. But my stepdad's a great guy.

[Jordan Jensen]

So you have good parents?

[Brian Simpson]

They have a. They modeled a good relationship when I was a kid of people that don't yell at each other, don't fight. And that's nice, get along. That's how you do disagreements and stuff.

[Jordan Jensen]

Relationship.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, they have disagreements, but they're nice to each other, kind to each other. And you know, if you see that when you're a kid, you go, oh, this is possible. But if you see like chaos all the time and everyone's fighting and screaming and yelling at each other, you're like, keep me the fuck away from whatever this is.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

You know, because I remember I watched my grandmother and my grandparents. My grandmother was always yelling at my grandfather and was like, oh, don't stay married, whatever you do. I was like, well, when I was a little kid, I was. Feels like, you Got to get out while you can.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. I think that's why there's so many avoidant men right now, is because I think there's so many of those, like, lazy boy dads who are like, dissociated, looking at a TV that isn't on. And every time they try to, like, you know, every time you're like, hey, Jim, how's it going? They're like, wife flies in is like, don't talk to Ambrose. Like, there's so many couples like that.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, there's a lot of cucked out men out there. Cucked out by their job, cucked out by my life. You know, you just stop being a man, and then you stop getting any respect from the people that know you because they know you're kind of a. The people that really know you. Like, your wife and your kids really know you. Like. Oh, Harry. Harry's a. Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

There's so many boomers like that, though. There's so many where it's. The dad is so quiet and so distant and the mom is just so up. Everyone's.

[Brian Simpson]

Thoreau wrote about that. Like, what. Whenever he wrote this, he said most men live lives of quiet desperation.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, that's. That's. But that's real.

[Jordan Jensen]

But why does it happen?

[Brian Simpson]

Well, there's a whole bunch of reasons. Because you stop challenging yourself, or you never did. You stop growing and, and you, you don't have any character. You don't exhibit a strong will, and you don't have discipline. And then, you know, you're emotionally disconnected from the life that you've chosen. And then you have a job where you have to pretend to be someone you're not for eight hours a day and work for a boss who's a piece of.

[Jordan Jensen]

And then you lose the. The job becomes irrelevant.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. And then you're. You're a broken man. And then you're like 46 years old and they're telling you to learn to code.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Like, oh, great.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

That's a lot of people, they don't know what to do. And they didn't get good advice when they were young. They didn't get a good direction. You know, they didn't. They didn't find something that they could focus their energy on and realize, like, oh, if I focus my energy on something, whatever it is, I can get better at something stuff. I'll start off sucky. But you keep working at it and eventually you get. Some people never learn that.

[Jordan Jensen]

Well, it'd be nice if they could also focus on Being a parent, like, I, I feel like the women stay loud because they're like, I'm a mother, I'm mama bear. You know? So I'm like, it'd be nice if the dads would get off the Lazy Boy and be like, I'm going to help raise my kids instead of just.

[Brian Simpson]

You know, it's just some people are just beaten.

[Jordan Jensen]

Life just.

[Brian Simpson]

They wanted to be Spider Man.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

They wanted to be cool. They wanted, they wanted to have a good life and life just cracked them in the dick. Every. They made a move.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

You know, they got their car repossessed. Oh, Jesus. Credit card.

[Jordan Jensen]

There's got to be something biological though, that makes a man. Not like you have the pride. Bert Kreischer. I just talked about it. Like you guys have the pride in your children hardcore. Like, as soon as I met you, showed me a photo of your daughter. You know what I mean? Like, but I do feel like there are a lot of men who are like, that's not my responsibility.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, that's crazy. That's crazy. Well, maybe it's the way they were raised, you know, but.

[Jordan Jensen]

But maybe if you had lost your job, if you weren't in comedy and you were tired and didn't have your. Didn't have your passion, maybe you wouldn't be as gung ho about being a dad. Or maybe you'd feel like a failed dad. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe they feel like a failed dad.

[Brian Simpson]

Perhaps. I don't know. I would have figured it out.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. Yeah, totally.

[Brian Simpson]

I just don't believe that. I just. If I lost my job doing something, I would find another job. I would figure it out.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, there's.

[Brian Simpson]

There's other paths. You don't just stay still if the path doesn't work out. And some people do.

[Jordan Jensen]

Some people do. I didn't know that until recently. That some people really do stay still forever.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, they quit that. Well, that's why they love unemployment. Because they could just get a check and just still and just wallow.

[Jordan Jensen]

And there's so many people who are against unemployment that still. That still stay still. That are like unemployment.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Well, that's even sillier, I guess. I don't know. Yeah, people are weird.

[Jordan Jensen]

You know, just, if I quit comedy right now, there'd be like three jobs that I would be almost just as stoked about.

[Brian Simpson]

What, what would those be?

[Jordan Jensen]

I would love to be a full time contractor out in the sticks. I would be a philosophy professor or a therapist.

[Brian Simpson]

Really?

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. All of those sounds Sick.

[Brian Simpson]

Which one sounds the most sick?

[Jordan Jensen]

Philosophy professor. Because you kind of become a therapist when you are a professor, you know, I mean, you have those kids that are fucked up. So they're reading philosophy and they like me. I was going in there being like.

[Brian Simpson]

Or the guys that are trying to get laid.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Trying to become.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's a lot of dorks.

[Brian Simpson]

Bet.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's like I was the only girl major in my class and the rest were dorky guys. Dorks who wore ties to class. Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, philosophy itself is a strange thing because you're just thinking about a structure of how you interface with the world.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. I had. It was the only thing I could study. Well, everything else, I was like, why would I study something that's already been known? This is crazy. But philosophy was like, no, they're all just trying to figure out life. Which I was like, okay, I get that. And none of them are correct. And they're like, none of them are correct. And I was like, great. Because I would study science, they'd be like, we know the exact measurement of how to find out this thing. I'd be like, why do I want to study that? There's nothing new here.

[Brian Simpson]

My favorite book of philosophy, I started reading when I was like, I guess I was 16. It's the Book of Five Rings by Miyamoto Musashi. He's a samurai who killed 60 men in one on one combat with swords. But he was all about the way to become a great sword fighter is you have to be balanced. Like, you can't have any holes in your game as a human being. You have to be an artist, you have to be a poet, you have to learn calligraphy. You have to be completely balanced. And you have to see the thing for what it is. You can't have any bullshit, you can't have any fat. Right? We were talking about fat.

[Jordan Jensen]

No delusion.

[Brian Simpson]

You can't have any bullshit. There's no. When you're sword fighting, but don't sometimes.

[Jordan Jensen]

Do you ever feel like you're in that flow state in your life where you'll be like, I have all these moving parts and I have it down. And like. Like I recently had this where I was like, I'm oil painting, I'm doing stand up. I have my friends, I'm in this groove and then something will happen where I'll just like have like explosive diarrhea or something. Like, something will happen where I'm just like, Jesus Christ. I thought I was suave. I had this. I used to do that with poker Where I'd be like. Like, I have this whole poker game on lock. And then something would happen. Like, it's almost like one of those swords that you have to have in balance is also humility. Like, you also have to be like, and I'm a person who still has a butthole, you know?

[Brian Simpson]

Right. And that go sideways always.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. Because I would be like, I'm going to get in this flow state. Da ba, ba, ba. And then I'd mess up a word on stage, and I'd be like, I'm an idiot, you know, So I have to keep that. Also be like, you also are a fellow.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, that's what's a good thing about stand up. It's like, it smacks you every time you do it. Wrong. Yeah, you got to do it right.

[Jordan Jensen]

You. It's crazy how true it is that you're only good. As good as your last set.

[Brian Simpson]

You are.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, it's why, like, if you have a bad side, you can't wait to get on stage again. Like, get me up there, dude.

[Jordan Jensen]

I was like, I'm doing no sets in Austin. Bomb last night, hitting Rebecca up. I'm like, what do you got? Crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

Let me bust out some old.

[Jordan Jensen]

I should have hit up. Fuck it, Mothership.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Come to tonight. What are you doing tonight? My show.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, okay.

[Brian Simpson]

Do it.

[Jordan Jensen]

What time's it at?

[Brian Simpson]

7?

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, that would actually be good.

[Brian Simpson]

Let's go.

[Jordan Jensen]

Let's do it. I was, dude, there's a clip I wanted to post about. That's really funny about your. About your club, where I was like, you get in here, and there's a guy who's like, my name's Kyle. I'll carry you up this flight of stairs. I have a. I have a PhD in MMA. I'm gonna pass you up to Derek. Derek has an AK47. And we get in the green room, and I'm like, they're like, do you need anything? We'll kill people for you. And I was like, like, could I have some, like, almonds or snacks? And they're like, no. We have smelling salts. I'm like, wait. I was like, is there any Just, like, water bottles? They're like, no. We have neurotropic dust.

[Brian Simpson]

It was so funny. Neurotropic. We were in the green room the other day, and someone had called us, like, some alt, right, white supremacist club. I was in the room with Brian Simpson, who's black. Derek Poston, who's black. Asan Ahmad, who's Muslim. It Was Tony Hinchcliff, Ron White, and me. I'm like, this is a pre diverse lineup. Like, what are we talking? This is so silly.

[Jordan Jensen]

You're looking at comments. See, it's hard. It's hard to not look at this.

[Brian Simpson]

It wasn't.

[Jordan Jensen]

It was.

[Brian Simpson]

It was a video. It wasn't a comment. It was a video of someone that one of the guys was playing. It was like, look how fucking stupid this is. The idea that this. Like, that you had to be like, I'm not even a Republican. Like, I voted for Trump because I thought we were going in a terrifying direction where there was not really a president for four years and the same people are now going to be running the government. Like, let's.

[Jordan Jensen]

Weren't you like a Bernie Bro? Yes.

[Brian Simpson]

So I. I've only voted Republican once in my life. The idea that you have to be a Republican to get in at that club is so ridiculous. That club is filled with gay people, black people, straight people, white people, Asian. No one gives a fuck.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, that's.

[Brian Simpson]

You're just doing comedy. You're just doing comedy. Whoever you are, whatever you believe. We have tons of lively discussions.

[Jordan Jensen]

I will say one time I was there and Jordan Peterson walked through and I was like, you can't be here. That's too on the nose. He's here all the time. That's crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

It is weird.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, that's crazy. With his daughter.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, yeah. He came with his daughter. Yeah, he's been there a few times. Yeah. He even did Kill Tony.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, he was on it.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, he was on Kill Tony.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's crazy. Oh, yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

So is Post Malone. Post Malone had no idea. And I brought him on stage. He had no idea what the show was. No idea what anything was. I told. Just brought him up there.

[Jordan Jensen]

Really?

[Brian Simpson]

I did that twice. Once with Post Malone and once with Tucker Carlson. I was having dinner with Tucker Carlson. I'm like, you want to go by and go see Kill Tony? And they were there and I told Tony and he's like, bring him on stage. I go, I'm not even gonna tell him what it is. So I go, dude, we're gonna go on stage. And he's like, what?

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Simpson]

He was great.

[Jordan Jensen]

Was he good?

[Brian Simpson]

Yes, he was funny. He was, like laughing. He was cracking jokes with the comedians back and forth.

[Jordan Jensen]

Wow.

[Brian Simpson]

It was really a surprisingly great. Right.

[Jordan Jensen]

Wait, you're not Republican. You used to be Bernie Bro.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Are you Bernie Bro?

[Brian Simpson]

I am. Look, I think the idea of socialism is wonderful. If everybody had their shit together and everybody Was disciplined.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

But it's not the case. And I think that human nature, unfortunately, you're gonna need some socialism, though, right? You're gonna need the fire department. Like, this is one of the things that I point to all the time. People say, oh, socialism doesn't work. Work. The fire department is an entirely socialist idea. Like, we all pay into it and they take care of everybody's fire. Right. You can't have only the rich people have a fire department, and the poor people, their house burns down all the time. That's crazy. Right? We all agree to that. Well, that should be the same with education. That should be the same with health care. Are we a community or are we not? And if we're a community, you have to take care of the downtrodden, and you have to do it because it's bad for them. And it's also bad for you. You. We're all in this together, so you have to have a social safety net. I believe in all that, but I also believe you can't just give people free money because then they rely on it and they become dependent on it, and then it takes away their ambition, and then they don't do anything. That's. That's true, too. It doesn't mean you're not compassionate. I don't like either one of these parties. Yeah, I don't think. I don't think they. There's a solution. That's correct. I think you have overcorrection after overcorrection action. I think you have. The country goes one way and then it swings hard the other way. Yeah, America's back, and then it swings the other way. Now we're the new America, and America's this way. It's like everyone's so tribal and everyone's so locked into their idea that they're the good guys and these are the bad guys. We gotta get them back, and we're gonna get them in the midterms. We're gonna get him in the next elections. Like.

[Jordan Jensen]

It'S crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

And it's how comedy.

[Jordan Jensen]

Back and forth like. Like that.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, sorta. It's all on who you talk to with comedy. It's like, there's a lot of bitter people out there. But, you know, that's that old expression. I forget who said that. That we brought this up before that all criticism is the tragic result of unmet needs.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

It's a paraphrase. But there's a lot of that. There. There's a lot of, like. Yeah, I don't like, how Jordan is. Like, why does she have a neck? Netflix special. She milled for me once, and she didn't even do good.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. Did somebody say that?

[Brian Simpson]

No.

[Jordan Jensen]

Dude, I'm just somebody who. I mean, I. I'll date a libertarian and become a libertarian. I'll. Somebody will talk to me about Israel. I'll listen to one Sam Harris episode. Now all of a sudden, I'm Zionist. I'll talk to. I talked to John Marco the other day. Now I'm all pro Palestine. Like, whatever it is. I switch back and forth. And then I do podcasts, and people are like, you are. And I'm like, well, I'll tell you what I am. I'm an idiot, dude. I will switch. I will move, like. But I do think that's what makes a comedian, is somebody who can try on so many different perspectives. And it is hard that people are looking at comics like politicians.

[Brian Simpson]

You're not an idiot, because both sides have points. That's why you can be swayed. I mean, doubling down is just going down the rabbit hole of whatever that ideology believes. Because, like, they probably have a really good pitch.

[Jordan Jensen]

Pitch, you know?

[Brian Simpson]

And then the. You know, if you talk to the socialists, they probably have a real good pitch.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, totally.

[Brian Simpson]

It's just.

[Jordan Jensen]

But I double down in a way that's like, I'll be like, this thing's bad. And then the next day, I'll be like, actually, it's pretty good. Like, I'll. I'll stop eating meat and being like, anybody who eats meat sucks. And then somebody be like, you want to buy this burger? The iron or hit me? And I'll be like, cows, dude. Like, I go too hard in the paint on both sides. And I do.

[Brian Simpson]

I remember, though.

[Jordan Jensen]

I remember in college, these girls would bully me, and I remember being like, why don't you guys like me? And they were. They go, you just have too strong of convictions. And I was like, oh, interesting. Because I always thought that was a good thing. And I think for comedy, it is to be like, you get up on stage or you do a podcast and you go, what if I just try on this idea hardcore? And that's, like, an interesting thing to do as opposed to being like, well, I see. This is kind of good. And that's good, too. You know, like, there is something about comedy just being like, what if this is the truth right now?

[Brian Simpson]

That's an interesting thing to say to someone. You're too strong with your convictions.

[Jordan Jensen]

I'll never forget that. I will never forget the girl who said, It.

[Brian Simpson]

Did the girl give you an example?

[Jordan Jensen]

It was just I would talk the way I talk where they'd be like, you know, I'd be like, women need to stop wearing dresses. High heels are ridiculous. Or I'd be like, men need to do this. Or women. You know, Or I'd be like. Or I'd be like, I. I'm gonna go ahead and say diners need to go. You know, like, whatever it was, it just. I'd be in or out on topics immediately.

[Brian Simpson]

Right.

[Jordan Jensen]

And they'd be like, you're just, like, too intense with your thoughts. And I'd be like, yeah, totally. Every. I mean, this is, like, why I would be bad in Nazi Germany. I mean, I hopefully would be okay, but I know I'd be somebody. Be like, wait, no, wait, no, it's crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, I mean, is. There's gotta be some sort of a psychological reason why all those people went along with it. That. Right.

[Jordan Jensen]

There's. I mean, yeah, they went along. I think a lot of it was. Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of it was just kind of dissociation. Right.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, there's a little bit of that, but then there's also. There's a tribal mentality that kicks in. Like, there's a default switch that happens to people.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

And in this country, you saw a lot of it during COVID It was like the vaccinated people were hating on the unvaccinated. They should have their children taken away and, like, put them into camps. And, like. Do you hear yourself? You hear yourself?

[Jordan Jensen]

It's so weird because it's such a different. Like, I was with so many anti vaxxers. Like, I was. They were. They're my friends. But I was like, oh, I'm getting vaccinated. Because number one thing that's important to me is comedy. I have no idea if the vaccine gave me long Covid, If Covid gave me long, whatever the fuck, but I just have to perform. That's it. My health comes second.

[Brian Simpson]

Did you get long Covid?

[Jordan Jensen]

Bro, My shit is fucked up. I can't. Like, those Ubers that have those smelly trees, I have to get out of. I get immediate migraines, like, because I. My smell is up your smells. Like, if you have deodorant that has, like, chemicals in it, it's rancid to me. Really? Yeah. And so many people were. People are coming.

[Brian Simpson]

That's your long Covid. Do you just smell things?

[Jordan Jensen]

Smell. It's bad.

[Brian Simpson]

I don't think you can call that long covet long Covid. Yeah. Long covet is people that are exhausted and they have, like, heart palpitations. And I got.

[Jordan Jensen]

I got a synapse off. I got a synapse.

[Brian Simpson]

Sounds like you just got to upgrade in your nose.

[Jordan Jensen]

I.

[Brian Simpson]

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[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, but it sucks, dude. If somebody's wearing cologne, I'm like, I gotta go.

[Brian Simpson]

Perfect.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

I would take. Let's say you got a wolf nose.

[Jordan Jensen]

I got a wolf nose. Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

That's great. Great. Some people gotta change the way you look at it.

[Jordan Jensen]

You're right.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

I thought I had long Covid, and then I stopped eating sugar. I thought I had the bad one, and then I stopped eating candy, and I was like, well, hello. It's crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

Candy wrecks your. Isn't it nice?

[Jordan Jensen]

And I was a little candy.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, little candy slut.

[Jordan Jensen]

I wasn't eating anything.

[Brian Simpson]

What does it say? Long coving can cause altered smell.

[Jordan Jensen]

There it is.

[Brian Simpson]

Or parasomia, where things smell distorted, sorted, foul, or different than they used to, even if the initial COVID 19 symptoms have passed. So did you get this after you got, like. When did this start happening? Did you get Covid?

[Jordan Jensen]

Yes. Six times.

[Brian Simpson]

But of course you did.

[Jordan Jensen]

I just got vaccinated.

[Brian Simpson]

The people who didn't get vaccinated got it once or twice.

[Jordan Jensen]

Really?

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Yeah. They, You? They. Everybody. They. Everybody with that goddamn stupid thing.

[Jordan Jensen]

I got it hard. See, I'll talk to you about this, and then tomorrow my liberal mom will be like, the vaccine is good. And I'll be like, yes, Mommy. I agree.

[Brian Simpson]

It's a long conversation. It would take a long time to explain what was wrong. But it all boils down to the same thing that it always does, which is money. They distorted the facts, they distorted the research, they distorted the efficacy. They distorted what it was actually designed to do just because they wanted money. That's it.

[Jordan Jensen]

Did we pay them for the vaccine?

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, yeah. They made a ton. Oh, Money might have been free for you.

[Jordan Jensen]

I like the idea of money. But aren't, weren't. Isn't your camp in on like control? Mind control? Not mind control, but knowing. Knowing where we are. Like anti vax people.

[Brian Simpson]

I'm not an anti vax person.

[Jordan Jensen]

What are you?

[Brian Simpson]

No.

[Jordan Jensen]

Give yourself a label.

[Brian Simpson]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I believe that all medications should be subject to scrutiny. They should all go through rigorous double blind, placebo controlled trials to find out what the side effects are, what the efficacy rate is, what's the real facts behind it.

[Jordan Jensen]

People just lie about that.

[Brian Simpson]

But this is why, this is why the problem is pharmaceutical drug companies do their own research. Not only do they do their own research, but they do their own research that they hide. So they'll do multiple studies that show no efficacy and then they'll rig one study where they can show just like a little bit of an improvement and then they just sell it and they start going with it. And they've done that before. They got sued because of Vioxx. Vioxx killed 50, 60,000 people. And through internal emails the pharmaceutical drug company was saying we're going to have these problems. And it listed all the different things that people wound up getting, including stream strokes. We're going to have these cardiovascular problems, cardiopulmonary problems, but whatever the wording was, I don't want to be quoted on it, but it will be good for us financially. We'll do well with this.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's in the email.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, in the email. We'll do well with this. It killed 50 to 60,000 people. A friend of mine got a stroke. He got on Vioxx because he had knee problems. It was an anti inflammatory medication.

[Jordan Jensen]

Sometimes there's fishy like that. Like sometimes I'll take Prozac from one place and from a different place. Very different thing.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, because it's from Mexico.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's got fentanyl in it. Weird shake up. Yeah. What do you think about Ozempic?

[Brian Simpson]

We talked about that the other day with a guy who runs a pharmacy. The problem with it is that when they're dosing it out to people, they're giving everyone the same dose. And it should be dependent upon like how much weight are you trying to lose? What is your body weight? You know, there's a bunch of different.

[Jordan Jensen]

Factors that holds on to poop.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, it doesn't seem to be good.

[Jordan Jensen]

For you if poop is sitting in your body.

[Brian Simpson]

Poop stays in your body a little longer and food digests slower and it kills your appetite. But if you're morbidly obese and you might die from that, this is probably a good solution. So it's not a. It's like, don't throw out the baby with the bath water. I don't want it, I don't need it. Yeah, but if I did, If I was £600 and I was in this and then someone said, look, and I can give you this thing, it'll kill your appetite. Like fucking please, please.

[Jordan Jensen]

Totally.

[Brian Simpson]

So it's beneficial for that. And then there's a problem with muscle loss and bone density loss. But my friend Brigham, who was on the other day, the episode's out now, bone density doctor he was saying that the issue is that they're giving them too much of a dose and if you mix it with other peptides, you can actually eliminate those problems. So there's a way to dose it out for people that are. And you would just lose nothing but fat. It is possible to do. It just has to be done correct correctly.

[Jordan Jensen]

So he was explaining and right now it's willy nilly.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, right now everyone's just getting on it and turn instead of just going to the gym. There's people that like need to lose £20, they're getting on Ozempic. Like that's crazy. You can lose 20 pounds in a couple months.

[Jordan Jensen]

The thing that's frustrating is because I used to be so fat, I used to have type 2 diabetes and I got rid of it, which is crazy. And like it's frustrating.

[Brian Simpson]

You're still eating all that sugar, dude.

[Jordan Jensen]

Well, that's the thing is I can eat sugar exclusively, lose weight if I only eat the can candy. Like it was like this bizarre diet I would go on and then I just had to like switch my mind. But that mental switch of being like, this is not for fun. This food is not for fun. You've had your fun, right? Like you did that, you did the candy, you did the pizza, you did all of that. Now we're using food as like the same way we use sleep, where it's like, I feel better when I get eight hours. Right, Right. And once you do that switch, it's feels like things click into place. So with people on Ozempic, I'm like, if you could just get that, that turn of your brain, it would help. So if you could just. It does feel like a switch where you're like.

[Brian Simpson]

But think about what you had to go through with acid to get off the OCD, right? And now imagine you're 600 pounds. And you've been eating candy for 35 years? Yeah, that's, you know, it's a big switch. It's a battleship. Yeah, you can't just.

[Jordan Jensen]

I think recovery helps.

[Brian Simpson]

You gotta turn that around.

[Jamie]

Did you say sugar diet going viral earlier this year.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, I know Mark Bell was really into that. Unlimited sugar, restricted protein ever be a good thing? What is the good of the bag?

[Jamie]

Literally, I swear I was paying attention when he says, I was like, there's no way you're saying just eat candy. It's not just candy.

[Brian Simpson]

But I thought he was around and.

[Jamie]

No, it's like fruit. But he's like, if candy's all you got, it's not the worst thing.

[Brian Simpson]

But it's low protein, right?

[Jamie]

Yeah, it's like a certain amount of protein. There's a video of him explaining it.

[Brian Simpson]

If you want to watch that. So he weighs 95 kilograms, which is. What is that, like 225?

[Jamie]

Yeah, the video I just saw, you said he was like 207, 210. He was going to get under 200. 200.

[Jordan Jensen]

Does he have a face? Can we see his face?

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, he's handsome guy, good looking guy. He's. But it doesn't work with him because he's really fit and he's been doing a bunch of different stuff his whole life. Like he was Carnivore diet for a long time. It's not.

[Jordan Jensen]

No, dude. See the deep sunken lines? That's sugar.

[Brian Simpson]

He's like 50 years old. No, this is the new thing. Like he's. He was always like this, this is what he looked like forever. And he used to be gigantic.

[Jordan Jensen]

You know what position we'd be like? That's anorexia. Because. Because when I told people I was only eating sugar, they were like, that's anorexia.

[Brian Simpson]

Hold on. Show. Show what he looks like, Jamie, show. Go, go to his Instagram and wait. You see how fit this guy is? Like, this guy is in tremendous shape now.

[Jordan Jensen]

Protein. Oh, the veins are getting me.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, he's always had those. But that's, that's my point. Like, click on that one on the right hand side. Like, look, that's what we're talking about. He's a big Jack dude. So for him to do this diet and say, you know, know, look, I've got this body. Well, bitch, you always have that body. Yeah, like, I don't know.

[Jordan Jensen]

No, I mean, I've gotten very skinny off the all sugar diet, but it has effects. Yeast infection all the time. Deep dark circles from sugar from sugar fucks up your sleep.

[Brian Simpson]

When did you stop with the sugar?

[Jordan Jensen]

Like, two months ago. Oh, but I'm having ice cream today because my special came out. But we've been planning. We have been planning. We're going to Amy's ice cream and we're gonna have.

[Brian Simpson]

It's a great spot.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, but I've been off sugar. It just helps a lot. I've just been doing fats and like, stuff like that, which is great. And I can eat as much as it used to be. Like, I had everything I ate. I had to do a tiny amount, and now it's like, I can eat as many eggs and avocado.

[Brian Simpson]

Isn't that nuts?

[Jordan Jensen]

It's crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

It doesn't even seem like it's real. I know if you just ate nothing but steak, you would lose weight. And everyone's like, no way. Like, yeah, because your body would regulate correctly. When you're done, you're done. Like, if you, if you sit down, you have a 16 ounce steak. If you really only need 12 ounces, after 12 ounces, you'll stop eating. Yeah, that's all you're eating. But if you have mashed potatoes there and then a bowl of pasta and then an ice cream and then a cake.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, try eating cake after you ate a whole avocado. You're like, I'm good. Like, you don't. The fat gets you. It's so crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

Also, your, your gut biome switches and your gut biome doesn't crave sugar anymore. It's that candidate.

[Jordan Jensen]

The Candida is what? I did the Candida diet because every time I got my period, I had a yeast infection. And then it was just. I was itchy and I was like, what's going on? And I was like, I had brain fog. And I chatgpted and it was like, oh, you're riddled with Candida. And I was like, oh, I'll try the diet. And then I immediately started thinking faster and was not itchy at all.

[Brian Simpson]

Isn't that bizarre that your gut biome has an effect on your personality?

[Jordan Jensen]

It's up.

[Brian Simpson]

It's fucked up.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's fucked up.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, we're. We are a literal ecosystem system. We want to think of ourselves as a person, but we're really like a life form that houses life forms.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, it's. I think it's because they. Our control panel is up here. Makes us think that we're this, like, unit that we can. With like, I think if our eyes were here, we would maybe be like, this is A whole collective system. But this us up. Like I was watching this fat huge tall guy eat an ice cream cone the other day and his arm was like this and he was, was like 6, 7. He was just licking it. And I was like, it looks like this little man is eating this ice cream cone. Unbeknownst to this giant body down below. Like, it looks like this little guy's just riding this big guy. And I think that if we could just slide this down.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Body awareness of what you are as a whole. But that's also a lot of people don't do anything with their body. So their body is just like a truck that they drive around.

[Jordan Jensen]

Right. And we do have a mouth. I have a vagina which is a mouth. You know what I mean? We have the fucking more face down there. There's the uterus is a fucking another head. Head and the gut and everything. We just don't have eyeballs there. So we forget about it completely.

[Brian Simpson]

Really? It's a head.

[Jordan Jensen]

I think so. Yeah. It's a fucking whole thinking thing. Your gut is freaking all these praying.

[Brian Simpson]

It's definitely thinking. Your heart thinks too. There's neurons in your heart, but the.

[Jordan Jensen]

Serotonin in the gut and the brain and stuff. It feels pretty balanced. It's just the eyeballs us up.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, if we could have an understanding that you're an actual system, it would be a lot better for people because so many people just think like, oh, I don't want to worry about my body. I'm worried about my brain.

[Jordan Jensen]

Brain.

[Brian Simpson]

Like they think it's almost like vain to think about your body. And vain is stupid. Yeah, it's okay. But there's no virtue in being a weak piece of like that's not good for you.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. And it's just impacting.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. It's not intelligent to not take care of your body. Stupid.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. It's crazy. It is. Yeah. And the second I start, I stop working out. It is so weird how much pent up energy. And then I'm like lethargic and then I have to eat sugar and it all gets crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

So you start getting anxiety. You're like, oh, start freaking.

[Jordan Jensen]

Anytime I participate in self deception in any way, it bleeds into everything. Like anytime I'm neglecting some part of my life, you can like smell it on me. The second I walk in I'm like, hey, sorry, I didn't. I shouldn't be. You know, I have this whole air and it's like I just needed to do my dishes. I would have been Fine.

[Brian Simpson]

That's Miyamoto Musashi.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, that's the sword.

[Brian Simpson]

So, like, literally, that's. His book is like, you have to be balanced. You have to balance everything.

[Jordan Jensen]

Everything that's good. But then sometimes don't you go sicko mode where you go it.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, kinda, but not for long periods of time.

[Jordan Jensen]

Do you drink?

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, but I don't. I haven't drank in a long time, but I will.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Like, I'll have a glass of wine, but it's been like, it was many months before I had anything. And then I had like, a margarita, and I was like, okay. You felt nothing. I mean, I didn't do it because I was an alcoholic. I did it because it's bad for. For you. I was like, why am I doing this? Because I. I'm. I drink at my club. I'll have a couple drinks at the club a couple nights a week, and then I'll go out with my wife, have a drink or two, and then maybe I'll do a podcast with someone who wants to have a drink. And so we'll have, like a little whiskey, clink glasses, and we're talking. Get a little tipsy. After a while, you're like, you're poisoning yourself.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

You're drinking 7, 10, 15. 15 drinks in a week. Yeah, like, that's not good. And then I stopped and I was like, oh, my God, it feels so much better. And then I felt stupid. I felt stupid for not doing it.

[Jordan Jensen]

I did the same thing. I'm a sugar addict and a love addict. I'm not an alcoholic. But I was like, I can't. I can't be having extra sugar where I'm not. Where I don't need it.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, that's funny.

[Jordan Jensen]

So much candy.

[Brian Simpson]

So you got off the alcohol because of the sugar?

[Jordan Jensen]

I had to choose. I was like, it's Swedish fish or alcohol. I had. I had to make the decision vision. And I was puffy all the time. I couldn't stand the little puff.

[Brian Simpson]

That's not good either. Yeah, the puffy's bad.

[Jordan Jensen]

And then you have a glass of wine because you're like, I can treat. And I'd be like, just, like, fully instantly, right?

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, because your body's not used to it.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. And so I was like, well, this isn't that fun either.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

So I'll just not do it.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. I think a lot of people, more now than I think ever before, are abstaining from alcohol. There was just a study recently about young people, about alcohol consumption in young people. Is down by. What was the number? I think it's something crazy. Like, 25%.

[Jordan Jensen]

Well, it's because they're not having sex.

[Brian Simpson]

Is that what it is?

[Jordan Jensen]

I mean, Gen Z, I need to touch this, though.

[Brian Simpson]

You need to touch that. That's Harlan Williams snake.

[Jordan Jensen]

I love Harlan Williams so much.

[Brian Simpson]

I love him, too. It was on the table when Trump was here, and he got so happy that his snake. So he had that snake in his pants the entire time. He was doing a podcast, and he told me that he got a tapeworm, and then he named his tapeworm Dimitri. And I'm like, you have a worm? Yeah, I got a worm. I picked it up. Like, it just, you know, it was a gag.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

At the end, he pulled. He's like, oh, the worm's coming out. And like, ah, it reaches into his.

[Jordan Jensen]

He had it the whole time.

[Brian Simpson]

The whole time. He pulls out this snake and he puts it on the table. And it's been there ever since. So when I had Trump on the podcast, he was so happy that Dimitri the snake was on the table.

[Jordan Jensen]

His pants. His little snake pants. That's awesome. That's such. A. Look at this. That's. I love Harlan, dude. Harlan was talking to us about Rocketman and how they didn't put out Rocket man because there's a song in it where he imitates being Chinese. Like, he does it with everybody. He does it with German, where he's like, in the world. And then he does a Chinese accent where he's like, right?

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

And they just, like, buried it. Like, it. That came out with Tarzan and they buried the shit out of Rocket man and let Tarzan, like, take the. And I was like, I looked it up. Tarzan is, like, based off seriously racist original story.

[Brian Simpson]

Was it really?

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. Which is so interesting. Like, rock.

[Brian Simpson]

Edgar Rice Burrows, the original Tarzan.

[Jordan Jensen]

Was it?

[Brian Simpson]

Was it Edgar Rice Burrows?

[Jordan Jensen]

Is Tarzan the one where it's like. And will be. Yeah, yeah. Tarzan. Look up Tarzan. Racist ties. It is there.

[Brian Simpson]

So from the original book?

[Jordan Jensen]

I think so, yeah. Like the original. Original, original.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, it was old. It was a story.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

A white guy who lives with the chimpanzees and figures it out. He lives with the apes, becomes a king. Of course.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. But I think even before then, it was more racist. I mean, this was a Google. This could have been one of my things. Maybe.

[Brian Simpson]

I don't think I've ever read it. I think I've read the comic books, I've seen the movies. I don't think I ever read Tarzan. The Edgar Rice Burroughs novel.

[Jordan Jensen]

No, I haven't read that either. I think this was pre that, though. But this could have been me Googling and finding it and being like, see? But Rocket man. Getting Rocketman's so good. And if I had seen that as a kid, I would have been so stoked.

[Brian Simpson]

So it's one of Harlan's comedies.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. Yeah. His first. Okay, so it's his first movie, and he's so goofy in it, but he does all these voices for different nationalities. And at one point he does Chinese, and it's such a funny scene.

[Brian Simpson]

And 1997.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. Did you find.

[Brian Simpson]

I don't think anything I knew about that movie.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's. I didn't know about it either, but we had Harlan on the pod, and Ian was like, I'm obsessed with this movie. So then me and Ian watched it, and it's like the best. It's like exactly what you want your kid to see. It's like a doofus who makes it as an astronaut because he's smart in his own.

[Brian Simpson]

But they fucked up with the Chinese thing. Huh? Was the one accent that. You can't make fun of one accent.

[Jordan Jensen]

He did all the other accents.

[Brian Simpson]

So weird.

[Jordan Jensen]

I. I don't get that. Why is that the one.

[Brian Simpson]

We live in a bizarro time.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's very weird.

[Brian Simpson]

Very weird time.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's also funny because Disney was like, yeah, the scene goes in, we approve it. And then. And then they're like, wait, actually, it's not. That's up.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, you know, people approve dumb all the time.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Fear factor. They improve people drinking cum. And that's how the show.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, dude, I was obsessed with.

[Brian Simpson]

And piss.

[Jordan Jensen]

I was about to say, did you ever watch it again? I'm like, you're on it. But those people do not. I used to think they were like, hot people. They're like trash. Little trash. Like, growing up, when I was watching, I was like, oh, my God, I want to grow up to look like her. And then I look back and I'm like, this is white dreads. Crazy lunatics. I was obsessed with that show.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, they made them drink cum, but.

[Jordan Jensen]

It wasn't bowl cum.

[Brian Simpson]

It was donkey.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, yeah, donkey.

[Brian Simpson]

Donkey cum and donkey urine. They had to play horseshoes to see how much donkey cum and donkey urine.

[Jordan Jensen]

Did they say Cummings?

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, semen. Sperm. I think we said sperm.

[Jordan Jensen]

No word. And they aired it.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, not really. See, that's what got the.

[Jordan Jensen]

Imagine drinking the cum and not having your episode air.

[Brian Simpson]

I know. Well, people drank the cum and didn't.

[Jordan Jensen]

Win the cum is not a problem for me. I would have drank the cum.

[Brian Simpson]

Would be more of a problem.

[Jordan Jensen]

Urine, fine. For me, it was the spiders in the mouth.

[Brian Simpson]

The gals chose the urine over the cum. Or the cum, rather over the urine.

[Jordan Jensen]

But, oh, yeah, okay. Would rather hilarious to think it's Donkey Juice.

[Brian Simpson]

The episode's called Donkey Juice, but I don't know if that's really what it's called. See, the thing is, it never aired. I think Donkey Juice was, like, the internal name for the episode or the stunt. But so it did air in other countries, though. That's why you can still watch it on YouTube, because it aired in. I think it aired Denmark or some shit.

[Jordan Jensen]

They had to just jerk off a bunch of donkeys.

[Brian Simpson]

No, no, no.

[Jordan Jensen]

How did they get the call?

[Brian Simpson]

I used to had a bit about it in my act. They take it and they shove it up the donkey's ass and they shock their prostate. Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

They just buzz.

[Jordan Jensen]

They love that shit.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's donkey rape.

[Brian Simpson]

It's more than that. It's kind of alien. You're an alien abducting this donkey and forcing it to come.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's brutal.

[Brian Simpson]

With electroshock. And then, you know, they got, like, a tube in the end where they're collecting it all for a show. And we had buckets of it and the donkeys paid. How many donkeys got jacked off because there was buckets of it? Look.

[Jordan Jensen]

No, no.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

You know what? I always assumed that was fake.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, no. It was super real. What, 100? Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

There's laws. Like, there's laws. Which was really good because, like, people say, how do I get on Fear Factor of, like, if you've ever met me, you can't get on the show, so you can't talk to me about it. If you want to get on the show, you can't talk to me right now.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

And it will, like, get me out of conversation.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's good.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Nice.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's really good.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, because I can't help anybody get on the show. But there's laws. Like, you can't say it's Donkey Kong when it's not donkey. Come. It. It is come. You're drinking.

[Jordan Jensen]

Come.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Otherwise your. Your show's not a game show anymore.

[Jordan Jensen]

How'd they get all that stuff? All the worms? So many worms.

[Brian Simpson]

Farm worms. Worm farms.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, yeah. For bait.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. And then cockroach farms with the people that eat cockroaches. You had to put them on a specific Diet for X amount of time before they're allowed to be consumed by people. Yeah. You can't just have them eating garbage and rotten meat.

[Jordan Jensen]

And the spiders in the mouth where they were climbing out. That was the one that me and my sister would watch to torture ourselves where they were. Couldn't get the spider in the mouth because it was climbing out.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, it was pretty brutal. Ridiculous show. I literally signed up for it because I thought it was going to be canceled immediately and I'd have a lot of material.

[Jordan Jensen]

Were you able to tell jokes on it?

[Brian Simpson]

No, no.

[Jordan Jensen]

They limited the. Out of you.

[Brian Simpson]

No, they. They. If. If I said something that they thought was controversial, most of the time, they would edit it out.

[Jordan Jensen]

Did Jackass come? Jackass was after Fear.

[Brian Simpson]

No, I think it was before.

[Jamie]

During, I guess.

[Brian Simpson]

Was it?

[Jamie]

I think so.

[Brian Simpson]

Okay. I was obsessed with the first one was Survive Survivor. Survivor was the first one on TV where you're like, yo. Which is still on the air, which is crazy.

[Jordan Jensen]

That is good. I thought the Osbornes.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, that was a reality show. There was ones before that. Right. There was totally Paulie. That was kind of a reality show.

[Jordan Jensen]

Okay, okay.

[Brian Simpson]

You know, But Totally Poly.

[Jordan Jensen]

Was that probably.

[Brian Simpson]

Sure, yeah. He had a. He had, like, a very famous MTV reality show.

[Jordan Jensen]

Totally Poly, where you just around.

[Brian Simpson]

Just traveled around, met people. That's reality show. But, like, I'm not wrong, right? Wasn't Survivor the first one of those kind of shows?

[Jamie]

Game show.

[Brian Simpson]

No, you know, like a game show, but a reality. Reality. Reality game show.

[Jamie]

I think so. I mean, it definitely caught. There was that wave that came out around the same year as, like, American Idol.

[Brian Simpson]

What year did Survivor start?

[Jamie]

I think it's like, 90s. I was in high school. I'll check. Was like 2000.

[Brian Simpson]

Ish.

[Jordan Jensen]

99.

[Jamie]

2000.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. So Survivor was the first one that was. That was the big one. I just can't believe it's still in the air. That's nuts.

[Jordan Jensen]

Was fear factor 2000?

[Jamie]

31St. 2000.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, so it was only, like, a year before Fear Factor because Fear factor started in 2001. They're gonna do a new one now that. Who the hell's hosting it? Wait, Johnny Knoxville? Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Survivor comes full circle.

[Brian Simpson]

No Fear Factor. I think there's a new Fear Factor that Johnny Knoxville's gonna have.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's awesome.

[Brian Simpson]

So it all comes full circle.

[Jordan Jensen]

And you hated it?

[Brian Simpson]

No, no, I didn't hate it. It's just like, it was a job.

[Jordan Jensen]

You were really sweet to the people.

[Brian Simpson]

I was trying to be.

[Jordan Jensen]

You're very Nice to them.

[Brian Simpson]

I try to be nice.

[Jordan Jensen]

I remember being like, that's a comforting. You'd be a good acid person to trip acid. You know what I mean? Maybe that's how. Maybe that's how you got good at. I mean, that's. I mean, that's a up trip to be like, you're gonna put these things in your mouth.

[Brian Simpson]

There's that. But I would also. Some people would be scared to do a stunt.

[Jordan Jensen]

And I'd be like, look, we have to make money.

[Brian Simpson]

You 100 can do this to sun. You know, people that have never really completely challenged themselves are not sure of where their boundaries lie. And they get really scared.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

When something new and crazy is about to happen and they get overwhelmed by anxiety and you can get them and go, hey, hey, listen to me. You know that voice in your head telling you not to do this? That voice. You can do this. And when you get done, you're going to be so happy. You're going to be so happy. But you just have to do it. It's not going to be nearly as bad as you think it is. Just force yourself to do it. And you could do it and they would do it. Yeah. It's because, like, I. When I was a kid, from the time I was like 15 years old, I was teaching martial arts. So I. I'm used to coaching people. I bring people to tournaments and people that were scared and they were going to have to fight and compete, and I would coach them in the corner.

[Jordan Jensen]

You in the corner?

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

I just went to the Serrano Katie Taylor match.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, did you really? It's great fight, dude.

[Jordan Jensen]

I have. Can I say I am straight as they come, but Katie Taylor, man, you.

[Brian Simpson]

Get some of that.

[Jordan Jensen]

Dude, I just think she's the most attractive woman. The way she goes, I. And I fight for the Lord. And she's like, dude, when they're all brain afterwards, and she's like, I just want to go ahead and thank everybody for coming. And I, number one, my thing. And you're like, nobody knows what you're saying.

[Brian Simpson]

Right.

[Jordan Jensen]

The brain damage, though, is crazy. I box and I am not.

[Brian Simpson]

I still box.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, I box, but I don't. I mean, I, I, when my trainer is in town. But even sparring, I'm like, we gotta do this occasionally because I'm up afterwards.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. I have friends that still spar. I'm like, stop doing that.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. A lot of people aren't sparring at all. They just fight.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, that's rare. Most fighters sparring There's a few that don't like. Max Holloway, for a while, wasn't sparring because he was trying to preserve himself for fights. But then when he had to fight Dustin Porter or when he had Justin Gaethje, I think it was with Justin Gaethje's like, I gotta start sparring again because I'm gonna fight someone who's really dangerous. You can't have any.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's just. So when you start. When I started boxing, I was like, I'm never gonna spar. That's crazy. And then, like, a month in, I was, like, so addicted, and it was so much fun. It felt like you were training so that you could spar.

[Brian Simpson]

It is fun to do.

[Jordan Jensen]

And then I would do a podcast and be like, I say beige. And I'd be like, oh, we can't do that. We can't do that. And you listen to Serrano and Katie when they're, like, fighting in those, like, press conferences, and it sounds like two drunk kids. Like, they're like, no, she fucking said that. We're gonna. And you're like, this is. I cannot be doing that.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, the real rough one is. And you talk to guys that are in, like, their 50s and they've been retired for years, and they're slurring their words. You barely understand what they're saying.

[Jordan Jensen]

Or like. Yeah. And they have so much money, but what do they.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, some of them don't even have the money anymore. Usually they go through a few divorces because they're crazy.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

No one can stay with them. They're out of their mind.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

You know, and they're probably alcoholics because their brain's completely shattered.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. Do they get. The men get more aggressive when they get brain damage?

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, they definitely can. It depends entirely on the individual.

[Jordan Jensen]

But the women get CT. Oh, yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

100. Yeah. They can get aggressive, too. Really get. They get real impulsive. Men and women that have brain damage, they get impulsive. They can't control their instincts, their impulses. Rather, they have addiction problems because they feel off. Right. So they want to drink alcohol to get to calm down or do cocaine. A lot of them wind up doing.

[Jordan Jensen]

Coke to feel up because they're fried.

[Brian Simpson]

You're fried. Your brain's cooking hooked. Your endocrine system's all up. Your pituitary gland's been bouncing around inside your skull.

[Jordan Jensen]

Is your brain Probably a little bit. Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Like, just the right amount.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When did you stop?

[Brian Simpson]

Well, I stopped fighting when I was 22, I think was my last Fights and I stopped sparring when I was like 27 or 28.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, good. So you had the gummy.

[Brian Simpson]

I did a little bit sparring later when I was in my 30s.

[Jordan Jensen]

Do you do jiu jitsu?

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Do you grapple with you?

[Brian Simpson]

But. Yeah, but that the. The brain damage you get from that is rare. It's not.

[Jordan Jensen]

Maybe I should do that. My mom always tells me that Kim Congdon does it.

[Brian Simpson]

Ask her about it.

[Jordan Jensen]

Okay. I just. The boxing, the hitting.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Don't do that.

[Jordan Jensen]

But I like. But even just training with mitts, I have such a rage issue that beating the out of something feels. Even when I go to the gym and just beat the out of the bag, I feel so much better.

[Brian Simpson]

It's super good for you. There's nothing better to like relieve stress than hitting the bag. It's the best. Don't stop doing that. I mean, definitely keep hitting pads, but don't get any brain damage.

[Jordan Jensen]

You know what I'm worried about? Jiu jits to what? The fainting.

[Brian Simpson]

Because it's because you're going to get choked out. You're just going to black out the moment someone even comes close to choking you out.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. If anybody does something to my wrist, I'm getting no.

[Brian Simpson]

Any artery stuck in a triangle. You're just getting all the false.

[Jordan Jensen]

And they're going to be like, I did a good job. Yeah. Yeah, totally. Cuz I have friends that do it and they're like, yeah. And then my bone was up against mine. I'm like, I'm done. Do not. No.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Ah.

[Brian Simpson]

Talk to Kim. It is rough, but it's super addictive once you do it and you get used to it, it's very addictive.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's a puzzle.

[Brian Simpson]

It's a game. Yeah. You're playing a game and you get better at the game the more you play it. And you know the game is get somebody in an arm bar, Right.

[Jordan Jensen]

But the arm bar is. All of it is slightly representing breaking them, right?

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. That makes me not tap. Okay.

[Brian Simpson]

You have to tap so your arm doesn't get broke.

[Jordan Jensen]

The quality, the idea of overextending somebody's body part is brutal.

[Brian Simpson]

It is brutal. Brutal.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's so gross. It's gross, but it's very. But I think that's cool.

[Brian Simpson]

Very useful skill.

[Jordan Jensen]

But the boxing is just bam, you know, useful too. Breaking somebody's nose I could do, but.

[Brian Simpson]

He couldn't break their arm.

[Jordan Jensen]

I could not. No. The idea of like bone coming through. Crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

Choke them, put them to sleep.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. Have you put. You put a lot of people to sleep?

[Brian Simpson]

Not a lot of people.

[Jordan Jensen]

Is it a good feeling to be put to sleep?

[Brian Simpson]

I don't know. No.

[Jordan Jensen]

You've never been put to sleep?

[Brian Simpson]

No, I've never been put to sleep, no.

[Jordan Jensen]

Really?

[Brian Simpson]

No.

[Jordan Jensen]

Are you scared to be put asleep?

[Brian Simpson]

No, no, I just tap when I know I'm right.

[Jordan Jensen]

Right, right, right. Your body probably taps.

[Brian Simpson]

No, you tap.

[Jordan Jensen]

I know, but you probably. Your instinct. Like, even if you're like, put me to sleep, you'd still probably be like, no, actually, no.

[Brian Simpson]

No. You gotta know, like, when you're going. Right. So, like, if you're getting choked, if, like, someone's got my back and they've got a choking, there's a point in time where I know I'm not getting out of that. This, you just tap. It's smart. It's stupid to fight it off because you get injured and then you wind up being really up.

[Jordan Jensen]

I love watching mma.

[Brian Simpson]

Do you?

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. When they jump on their backs like that, when they go full monkey style. Yes. Dude.

[Brian Simpson]

Have you ever been to it live?

[Jordan Jensen]

No, just that fight. It was a big deal. I went. Netflix took me thinking.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, yeah. But that's a boxing match. You should go to a UFC live. It's bananas, really. Yeah, it's bananas. It's. Yeah. Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

I loved going to the Serrano, Man.

[Brian Simpson]

Are you at the club this weekend?

[Jordan Jensen]

Who's at the. No, I'm in Rochester this weekend.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, cool. There's a ufc. I was going to say there's a UFC in San Antonio on Saturday night.

[Jordan Jensen]

I'll go in New York for sure.

[Brian Simpson]

Whenever, when it's in New York. Okay. I'll get you tickets. It's going to be in Madison Square Garden in November. I'll go if you're going to be around. Okay.

[Jordan Jensen]

So sick. Oh, my God. I'm going to wear a fur coat.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, you'll love it. It's. And seeing it in the Garden is kind of special.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

We're seeing anything.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, they were in the Garden. Toronto. No. Yes.

[Brian Simpson]

Was it? Were they?

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, it was.

[Brian Simpson]

Big room or the smaller room?

[Jordan Jensen]

Big. Sold it out.

[Brian Simpson]

Wow.

[Jordan Jensen]

Toronto made 14 mil or something. I mean, they made. I know.

[Brian Simpson]

That's great.

[Jordan Jensen]

Isn't that great?

[Brian Simpson]

That's awesome. Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

And the. The card was incredible. Watching them.

[Brian Simpson]

Massive. Square Garden has got a lot of energy in that room, too. There's something crazy about that room. Yeah, it's just like. Like the amount of concerts and fights and events that have taken place that you feel it in the building, when you walk in, you, like. You walk in, you're like, whoa.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, it's intense.

[Brian Simpson]

This place is alive.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's awesome.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Like, when you go to a new arena and they're brand new, and you walk in the door and it's empty, and you're wandering around like, wow, cool place. But you walk in the garden, you're like, yo, this place is alive. It's got memories in here.

[Jordan Jensen]

The other ones feel like racket ball. Like, you could. You know what I mean? Like, you could hit a racquetball around in one. It's like they're the stage. Because I've done arenas with Tom Segora, and you can definitely feel the ones that have, like, been there versus the ones that they put up recently.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Yeah. They have history. History is burned into buildings.

[Jordan Jensen]

I'm so bad at rotating.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, it's weird.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's so weird.

[Brian Simpson]

It's the best way, though, because it's the only way you can do an arena where it's intimate. So what we're talking about is a stage. That's right. Round.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, yeah. In the round.

[Brian Simpson]

In the round. Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Tom was like, just say a joke, then pivot, just. But every time I get up there, and I'd be like, here's my joke. I'm gonna turn to these people now, and I'm gonna turn every single time.

[Brian Simpson]

That's funny, though.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, it was totally great, but I couldn't do the, like, natural rotation.

[Brian Simpson]

The good thing about it is, though, it makes the show intimate. Even though there's 16,000 people there.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Because there's people on this side facing people on the other side. So everybody realizes they're all in it together.

[Jordan Jensen]

And the Jumbotron, I mean, my Netflix special is shot. I was like, wherever your camera is, shove it the fuck up my nose. Like, I'm so sick of seeing specials where I'm watching their whole body the whole time, like, show my face, because my facial movements are, like, half of my joke.

[Brian Simpson]

Right.

[Jordan Jensen]

And in the arena, you get that. Like, I remember watching Louie at the Hulu at the Hulu Theater, and it was just the fucking Jumbotrons. You saw every little movement he was making, and I was like, that's so sick, because it's so. In a club, you see that, right?

[Brian Simpson]

You know, and that's what you want to see, especially if you're looking at it on the screen, which is weird.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. And then sometimes you watch somebody and you're like, I should just have gone home and watched this. Because then I would see their face.

[Brian Simpson]

Right.

[Jordan Jensen]

But the Jumbotron nails you and it's so sick.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Well, that's the good thing about the round, too. You could have your back to them and they totally could still see your face, you know?

[Jordan Jensen]

But I'm always worried about my butt. It's crazy. I want like a trench coat or something.

[Brian Simpson]

Trench coat. Do like Kin used to do.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Kinison used to wear a trench coat.

[Jordan Jensen]

I can go Trinity. Trinity from Matrix.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Did you ever hear that lady that claims that she wrote the Matrix and they stole the idea from her?

[Jordan Jensen]

Dude, Anime wrote that. That was like ancient as hell.

[Jamie]

And Matrix.

[Brian Simpson]

It's both of them, right? She said she wrote both of them. Yeah. Does. Is there any credibility to what she says? We don't know.

[Jordan Jensen]

I had a joke about the Matrix that people were upset about where I was upset that the Wachowski sisters were in the top 10 female directors.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, no. Are they really?

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, because I was like, if they had come into, say they had come into MGM as sisters, being like, we want to pitch a movie, like in the 90s. Like, we want to pitch a movie, it's about a guy and he's in a simulation. They'd be like, how about you simulate my dick in your mouth? You know what I mean? Like, and it's not like, like anti anything, but people still got mad. But yeah, that joke is that it was one of my favorites for a while because I'm obsessed with the Matrix. It's my favorite movie movie, and I.

[Brian Simpson]

Think we're about to literally live it.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

We're real close.

[Jordan Jensen]

I'm in the camp that everybody thinks I'm fully. They just told me a lot on Twitter, the AI is going to help things, not hurt things. I'm hold. I would like the record to state that this is my theory because I think it's going to be proven right.

[Brian Simpson]

You think that AI is going to help people, not hurt things?

[Jordan Jensen]

Yes.

[Brian Simpson]

That's interesting. How do you think that that's going to happen?

[Jordan Jensen]

I just think that the whole catastrophic. This is going to be an entity that ends all of us. I don't think it's going to do that. I think that maybe I'm just looking at the positive side, but I think it's such a smart piece of technology that was so in the works the whole time to be made that. That it's going to help us solve problems. I think humanity has been trying to create somebody that can work on a supercomputer. Level to solve problems faster and more efficiently.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, that's definitely the best case scenario use for it.

[Jordan Jensen]

Right. But the corporations are evil and.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, the problem is they've already shown that these large language models can be programmed with ideology. Right. So did you ever see the disaster they had with Google Gemini when they first launched it where they said, show us images of Nazi soldiers and they had multiracial Nazi soldiers. Yeah, they like an Asian woman was a Nazi soldier. A black woman.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

An Indian. They had a Native American lady who was a Nazi. Yeah, that's not real. Okay, so your ideology, by making everything diverse, you've distorted history like so your ideology interfered with true truth.

[Jordan Jensen]

Okay, so that means we take down all the.

[Brian Simpson]

Right, but we're not statues. But we're. Right, but we're not supposed to be. This large language model. This large language model is supposed to be eventually super intelligence in artificial form. Right. So a super intelligence wouldn't do that. It would know that Nazis were German and they were, you know, it wasn't.

[Jamie]

Nazi that they asked for. They asked for German soldiers and then it gave people in color, which. 1943, which would have been Nazi soldiers.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Why Even getting all technical, that's. Well, that's.

[Jamie]

I mean, you're asking a large language model to do something.

[Brian Simpson]

I know, but it did show German soldiers that were wearing Nazi swastikas that were multiracial.

[Jamie]

I'm just saying it didn't. It didn't the question have to be.

[Brian Simpson]

Specific when you're talking German soldier, which happened to be Nazi.

[Jamie]

I was trying to. With that music stuff all night. And you have to be very specific when you want what you want.

[Jordan Jensen]

There's any possibility that it could be something that is. That we have control over, not control that we have control over. And we use it for like. Don't you think we've always been scared about everything. About science, about microscopes, about social media, the printing press.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, they were terrified when people first developed trains. They thought people's bodies were going to explode if they went over 35 miles an hour. Yeah, for sure.

[Jordan Jensen]

The human error removed is sick. Dude, those Waymo cars are sick. The doctors using ChatGPT, they're doing such a better job.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, no, there's definitely a lot of. Plus, the problem is control. It's always the problem. And every person that has an enormous amount of power should be carefully scrutinized. And the kind of power that you're going to have if you are in control of essentially a digital God. Like, it becomes a problem when human beings are involved. Now, if they become completely autonomous, then you have a problem with us being irrelevant.

[Jordan Jensen]

But that's what I'm talking about. That situation where they become autonomous. That's what I'm referring to. So say we have an autonomous entity. Why would it kill us? We don't go. You know what I mean?

[Brian Simpson]

I'm not saying it would. I don't think it would. I don't think it would kill us. But it would probably give us incentive to not breed. Which I think if I was an intelligent life force, I would kind of do it exactly the way our society is already going.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, we're already doing it.

[Brian Simpson]

Like, right now, we're doing it to ourselves. But that might be by design. It's my point. It might be that in order to not alarm us that this artificial intelligence has engineered our diet and our environment to kill our reproductive system. And it's already doing. But it's doing it in a very innocuous way with microplastics and a bunch of. It's doing it in a way where we don't even know what's happening. And it's just happening.

[Jordan Jensen]

But on the same coin, it could be like, hey, what if we actually perpetuated the species and got it back to life like the pandemic pandas?

[Brian Simpson]

I don't think that's going to happen. I think what's going to happen is we are going to become hybrids. We're going to become a cyborg. Like a real legitimate cyborg.

[Jordan Jensen]

I'm stoked about that.

[Brian Simpson]

Are you?

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

You'd be first in line.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, my God. Give me the freaking parts. You. I faint at blood. No more blood. Make me a cyborg. I'm happy. I love metal. I love scrap metal. I love cars. Make me a car, dude. I hate this gooey thing.

[Brian Simpson]

I don't know what's gonna happen, but I do know it's gonna be unprecedented. It's gonna be a new thing.

[Jordan Jensen]

I'm surprised. The one thing that did freaked me out is a guy the other day at a bachelorette party had the goggles on that was recording us.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, God.

[Jordan Jensen]

When I realized that, when I was like, oh, shit, I was gonna take in everything, all of the information.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. There's a lot of people wearing the metal glasses everywhere, which is like. At one point, you're like, oh, well, it's cool. New technology. Another thing, you're like, but you. Yeah, but people probably don't even fucking know they're getting recorded. And that's kind of crazy. Yeah, it's kind of weird.

[Jordan Jensen]

Well, also, I don't like the idea of all these digital images of things, like if they. If it could be printed out into matter and you could look at it. But the idea of, like, your entire life, like, even us with the fucking iPhones, all these photos stress me the fuck out, dude.

[Brian Simpson]

Why?

[Jordan Jensen]

Because it's so much. Because there's something about it. Because. Because when you have a photo, you're in the present with a past photo, right? Like, I'm sitting here in this reality with a past reality that I can hold. The weird giant vortex of memory is almost like my vortex of memory. You know what I mean? Like, neither of them have matter. My memory in my brain and this brain here, I don't like that. I think that I want the memory to be contained in matter or in my memory. I don't like this being a problem brain, and I don't like it holding pictures of all of my past.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, I think when you say, I want to be a cyborg, that's. You're going to hold all of it and you're going to have a hard drive. So instead of having a memory where it's fallible right now, like, your memory is, like, weird. Like, when did we do that? Was that in November? Oh, my God, that was November. You'll have an actual memory, just like you have on your phone, where you can go back to, like, for you, you know, like, it suggests you on this day, and you go to, like, 2017. Like, oh, my God.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, my God. They're so young. Oh, my God. Look.

[Jordan Jensen]

That would feel less disembodied than this weird unit that we're all addicted to. You know what I mean? It's already a part of us. It's so weird that it's just man and unit everywhere.

[Brian Simpson]

The unit you could just put down.

[Jordan Jensen]

You think it'll be.

[Brian Simpson]

You could put the unit down.

[Jordan Jensen]

You think we're gonna be cyborgs? Like, it's gonna be, huh?

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Like, human beings will have a chip in their brain that anytime a month, like, what year was that?

[Brian Simpson]

It might not even be a chip. It might be a wearable.

[Jordan Jensen]

Wearable you can put down.

[Brian Simpson]

They might be able to have something that you put on the top of your head, you know, with electrodes that touch your temples. And it just sends signals into your brain and works from there. I mean, who knows? It's so cutting edge. And then once AI gets into the picture, right? And AI, if you get sentient AI and you get AI that understands, like, how human neurotransmitters work and what to stimulate with what not to stimulate. It might devise ideas that we never even anticipated in terms of, like, how to implement this technology. And it'll probably figure out how to make it better and.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

And then it'll be off to the races.

[Jordan Jensen]

I was so scared today because I texted my friend suicidal. Like, she texted me about something and I wrote, like, tongue in cheek, I'm suicidal. Right? Like, I'm not, actually, but I wrote it and I was like, my phone is now going to send me so many don't kill yourself stuff.

[Brian Simpson]

Does it do that?

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, dude. Every time I text some like that, I'll go on Instagram and it'll be like, don't do this. Seek help, blah, blah, blah.

[Brian Simpson]

Or that's what's creepy, is that your Instagram knows what you're texting to your friends.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. I've had two people recently be like, do you ever think it? Like. Like, sometimes I'll think a thought and an ad will come up that's coming. And two people in one week said that to me.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, but doesn't that just mean it's a coincidence? That means. That means you're relying on coincidence.

[Jamie]

Watch this thing. I sent yes.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yesterday.

[Brian Simpson]

I didn't. What is it?

[Jamie]

All right, so this got announced yesterday. They do not describe.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, yeah, I did. I did. I forgot. Yeah, go ahead.

[Jamie]

It allows telepathic communication in some way with a headset. They're clearly connected to something and they don't show that, but these two guys start talking.

[Jordan Jensen]

Those guys aren't real. Oh, there.

[Jamie]

Oh, sorry.

[Brian Simpson]

Why does it have. What's this music?

[Jamie]

Some of their sound is playing.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, there's a dog from Apple Vision. Oh, the Apple Vision Vision.

[Jamie]

So this one is actually translated. Let me go back to these two guys talking.

[Jordan Jensen]

No way. These guys just have the telepathy tapes. Auto.

[Jamie]

It's showing like they're trying to have a communication about food.

[Brian Simpson]

They're just.

[Jamie]

They're not speaking. It's really hard to, like, hear this.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's crazy. Environment or a quiet office.

[Jamie]

He described that you could be in a party and both have the headset.

[Jordan Jensen]

On saying a word.

[Jamie]

Alter ego detects aren't affected by environmental noise.

[Jordan Jensen]

So even if. All right, these have to be stopped. This is too crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Now you're different, right?

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, that's not okay.

[Brian Simpson]

I like how you swing one way or the other.

[Jordan Jensen]

No, dude, these dorks, these coffee shops.

[Brian Simpson]

Alter ego to Go. Give you a travel tip.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Jamie]

It translates that into Hindi. So it starts off in English, which is. At the Hindi.

[Brian Simpson]

Whoa.

[Jamie]

And the weird thing which was you guys were just described. They don't talk about how this works yet. They literally just put up a video on Twitter yesterday. Like, if you want more information, go to our website. And so you're describing, like, if they have a way to get brain waves in some way.

[Jordan Jensen]

All right, yeah, I'm out on this. Especially when I see the kids that are doing it. I'm like, these kids are just dorks.

[Brian Simpson]

Who are getting so far they're gonna look like aliens.

[Jordan Jensen]

This isn't like the agent.

[Brian Simpson]

People with big heads. Yeah, that's what's going to happen.

[Jordan Jensen]

But if it was the agents from the Matrix, like some attractive men in, you know, sunglasses suits, I'd be like, okay, what you guys have planned is probably better than reality, but those fucking torques being like, this is what we're doing now.

[Brian Simpson]

I think no matter what we do, technology is going to keep moving, no matter what we do. And it's. China's going to do it, Russia's going to do it. Everybody with power is going to do it. Anybody that has the resources, they're going to keep pushing this technology. And if you just think, where's it going? Well, it's going. It's going in that direction. You're going to become a part of some giant hive mind. Yeah, we're all going to be sharing thoughts together and some bizarre buzz of information that we all suck from. Yeah, it's going to be real weird.

[Jordan Jensen]

It is going to be weird. But then you could have the unpluggers, which would be nice.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, that's what it's going to be when you go to the club and you put your phone on the yonder bag. Talk to stand up.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, totally.

[Brian Simpson]

But I think it's one of the reasons why people love going to a comedy club now, and especially when you make them put their phone in the.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yonder bags, because it's a game changer.

[Brian Simpson]

You could actually pay attention. You actually focus. You're there. You're living in the present moment instead of constantly checking your tweets. People, you know, it's. It's an addiction, man, and it's a new one. Right. It's one that didn't exist for our parents. They never had to deal with it. And we're growing up with this very bizarre connection to the whole world. World. And a lot of it's negative. A lot of it's Not. And it's also manipulated a lot of its bots.

[Jordan Jensen]

I guess I'm hoping it also gets so bad it gets better. Like, I'm hoping that not to use the Matrix again, that there will be a point where you can be like, I'm disconnecting for everything. Whereas right now, it feels like we have to engage with it.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Like, it would be nice to get to a point where it's like a. Oh, are you on or off? I'm off. And you're like, oh, okay, I won't try.

[Brian Simpson]

And you ever just disconnect your.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. When I go to my house. Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Totally disappear.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, that's good.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. And I just put this healthy. I have, like, a safe where I lock my.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, good for you.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's my phone. And lock. Candy.

[Brian Simpson]

Candy and your phone. The same.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

What's harder, candy or the phone?

[Jordan Jensen]

Candy. Yeah, the phone.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Candy rules.

[Jordan Jensen]

Dude, candy's so good. The phone sucks. It stresses me out.

[Brian Simpson]

Little candy fishes.

[Jordan Jensen]

Those are my favorite Swedish fish.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

I just had a real one. From Swedish. From Sweden.

[Brian Simpson]

Most of them forge injuries.

[Jordan Jensen]

The fake. The red ones.

[Brian Simpson]

This fake Swedish fish.

[Jordan Jensen]

Those are American. The Swedish fish are black. From Sweden.

[Brian Simpson]

Really interesting.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

It probably doesn't have our nasty chemicals for the dyes.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. The Red 40.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Is RFK against Red 40.

[Brian Simpson]

I think so. Right.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's so funny watching RFK go through the lesbian moms that I have, like, you know, because they're so liberal. So they're like, rfk. And then at one point, he's like, I want to bring back raw milk. Milk. And I said to watch my entire town of Ithaca be like, well, we do love raw milk. We actually like that quite a bit because they're, like, right now siphoning raw milk illegally off of farms.

[Brian Simpson]

It's so silly that raw milk is illegal and you go buy whiskey at Costco.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's so weird.

[Brian Simpson]

So dumb.

[Jordan Jensen]

Raw milk is so good.

[Brian Simpson]

It's really good.

[Jordan Jensen]

Francis Ellis is all about the raw cheese and milk.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. It's good for you.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

And for a lot of people that have lactose intolerance.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, not Francis. Jason Ellis. Francis Ellis is a different.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, Jason Ellis, the comedian?

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. Yeah. Francis Ellis is a comedian, but he's way more into rotisserie chicken.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. It's really good for you.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

It's just. Don't get it bad. Don't get it where it's.

[Jordan Jensen]

And then what happens?

[Brian Simpson]

You just have a bug or probably get rancid diarrhea.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. But whatever. Better than a cancer.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Well, I think your body, when it's homogenized and pasteurized, it's like, what is this? With no enzymes? What is this water protein. You're making me drink that. I'm gonna fart out.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. I bet we could drink endless raw milk. I bet we could really go ham on raw milk. And cheese.

[Jamie]

Swedish fish. Is a taste. Supposed to be called a linganberry.

[Brian Simpson]

A lingonberry.

[Jamie]

But that black. The black stuff is a different kind. It's called salmiak, which is black salted licorice.

[Jordan Jensen]

That is good.

[Brian Simpson]

You like that? Is that your ammonium chloride? Ammonium chloride.

[Jordan Jensen]

Nice.

[Jamie]

Probably not better than Red 40.

[Brian Simpson]

I don't know. Well, let's. Let's Google ammonium chloride.

[Jordan Jensen]

We assume everything Nordic countries do is better.

[Brian Simpson]

I know.

[Jordan Jensen]

Crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

Please zoom.

[Jamie]

Smelling salts.

[Jordan Jensen]

They'll be in the audience and I'll be like, oh, you think you're better than me? And they're like, no, we really like you.

[Brian Simpson]

White crystalline water soluble salt. Oh. Formed from ammonia and hydrogen chloride. Used primarily as a fertilizer and expectorant and cold medications and a component in soldering and galvanizing fluxes to clean metal surfaces. Also found in dry cell batteries, such as a flavoring agent. And it's natural for form. It's called solomoniac.

[Jamie]

I'm sure it's delicious.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's good.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, it's like monosodium glutamate. Everybody was scared of that for the longest time. And Bourdain and I were talking about it, and he's like, no, he's like, it's good. He's like, it makes the food taste better. I go, anthony, right? It does, right? He's like, yeah. I go, what do you think about all the stuff about it being bad for you? Because I think it's.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's. Yeah. And what does it do?

[Brian Simpson]

It's just a monosodium glutamate is like what they would always put. The thing was, it was always. You would hear that it was used in Chinese food, but it was used in a lot of food. I remember when I worked at Newport Creamery, they used to have some laying around, I think. God.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, yeah. You go into places where you can. Msg. Is that what you're talking about?

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, but there was a name that. There was a product. MSG enhances umami flavors with less sodium. About one third the sodium of salt. Why Naci? Primarily, that's just table salt. Nacl, wasn't it called Accent. Wasn't there something like that? Where there was a monosodium glutamate product that they would have for restaurants. God, I can't remember what it was called. Is it accent? Yeah, there it is.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's a good rebrand.

[Brian Simpson]

Global food company known for amino ac science, Umami seasoning. Yeah, that's it. So they'd have like a tub of that stuff. You'd throw it in. Whatever the you're cooking, it made it taste better.

[Jordan Jensen]

What was.

[Brian Simpson]

The monosodium glutamate was like the thing that everybody was always blaming, oh, I gotta stay away from Chinese food. That MSG kills me. And he was like, that's.

[Jordan Jensen]

But why did we say that?

[Brian Simpson]

I don't know. It's probably one of those things that we got stuck with, like, saturated fat's bad for you, because some got a lot of money from the sugar lobby. And so they wrote some fake science.

[Jordan Jensen]

Everybody bought into it. Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Those guys fucked everybody so hard. And they did it for 50 grand. They did it for 50 grand. Like the 1960s and forever. We've been fucked. We've been fucked.

[Jordan Jensen]

And I fell for it for a long time.

[Brian Simpson]

60 years. Everybody's been like, oh, go. Stay away from it. Stay away from fat. The perceptions of MSG's danger stem from the anecdotal reports and flawed early studies, not from consistent scientific evidence. Evidence. For most people, MSG does not cause health problems. However, a small subset of the population may be sensitive to it and experience temporary mild symptoms. So what's the mild symptoms? Headaches? Nausea?

[Jordan Jensen]

Delicious.

[Brian Simpson]

Drowsiness? Yeah. Flushing or sweating. Maybe you just ate too much. You fat. It was once called Chinese restaurant syndrome, now known as MSG symptom complex. These symptoms often appear within two hours and are typically mild. Yeah, but also, you probably ate like a pig.

[Jordan Jensen]

Also whiskey.

[Brian Simpson]

Again, difficulty breathing. In rare severe cases, you probably drank beer and ate 50 bowls of noodles, you fat fuck.

[Jordan Jensen]

Is RFK Pro fucking. Is he like, pro checking all of this stuff or is he. Isn't he the anti. Just, like, let it all run? Or is he.

[Brian Simpson]

No, he thinks you should know what's bad for you, and if you want to take it, you should. There should be a label on the food letting you know that the stuff in there has been shown to cause X, Y and Z.

[Jordan Jensen]

Okay.

[Brian Simpson]

That's it. Like, he's not. He doesn't say, we need to get rid of cigarettes or we need to get rid of whiskey. Like, if you don't say that. Those two things. If you don't say, no more cigarettes, no more whiskey. If you don't say that, then shut up.

[Jordan Jensen]

So the left is worried about deregulation.

[Brian Simpson]

They're worried about deregulation.

[Jordan Jensen]

Is that true?

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, with many things. Yeah. With environmental concerns, I'm sure they're worried about deregulation. With banking and industry, they worry about deregulation.

[Jordan Jensen]

Is there any party that's just pro regulation?

[Brian Simpson]

Me.

[Jordan Jensen]

Is there any party that's just pro regulation? Regulate AI, Regulate Instagram, regulate.

[Brian Simpson]

I think the Democrats are much more interested in regulating things. Like if you look at the most regulated states, they're Democrat run states like California has a lot of red tape and regulations if you want to get anything done.

[Jordan Jensen]

Socialist is the most regulated.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Because they want control. They want more. More control from the government. They have a bigger bloated government and the way to keep that functioning is you got to go through hoops and ladders to get through anything. Anything.

[Jordan Jensen]

I feel like you have to regulate everything or regulate nothing.

[Brian Simpson]

No, some regulation is good. Like Reg, like your. Your parents are contractors. Right. There's a good example.

[Jordan Jensen]

You need too much regulation there.

[Brian Simpson]

Too much regulation. But you need inspection.

[Jordan Jensen]

The inspector. They suck.

[Brian Simpson]

Okay. You can't say that because if your family does a good job, and I'm sure they do, that's fine. But there's a bunch of fly by night.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

That, you know, make a house and don't follow code and then goes sideways.

[Jordan Jensen]

Corrupt. That stuff is like, that's. I mean the bureaucratic that contractors have to go through is psycho.

[Brian Simpson]

That's true too.

[Jordan Jensen]

I used to be a contractor, dude. The amount of. I should have been.

[Brian Simpson]

I think there's a comfortable medium.

[Jordan Jensen]

I think. Yeah. I don't.

[Brian Simpson]

My stepdad was an architect, so I grew up around construction sites as well.

[Jordan Jensen]

So you know how frustrating that guy is.

[Brian Simpson]

I do. But I also know that there's a lot of shady motherfuckers that are involved in construction and you gotta make sure these assholes follow code otherwise this house is gonna collapse and kill everybody inside. People suck. Yeah, some people suck. And they cut corners, they save money, they do things all half assed and you need someone to go and inspect.

[Jordan Jensen]

But then it's weird to not have regulation on other. There's no regulation with social media. I mean, unless it's the censorship.

[Brian Simpson]

Right, That's.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's weird.

[Brian Simpson]

It's really bad for you psychologically. It might be one of the worst things that's ever happened to like collectively society psychologically. Like if you look at Jonathan Haidt's book. Have you ever read his book? The coddling of the American mind.

[Jordan Jensen]

No, it's all about and hate.

[Brian Simpson]

He's great. It's all about social media and then self harm with girls. This is a big thing. Self harm, suicidal ideation, suicidal thoughts. That all comes like this goes ramps way up when social media gets introduced.

[Jordan Jensen]

And there should just be elected committees elected psychological committee, elected philosophical.

[Brian Simpson]

Who. Who's going to tell you you can and can't do it? Who's going to say you should and shouldn't say things. If you don't like it, you should get off of it. And that's what I do. I just stay off.

[Jordan Jensen]

But these kids are just.

[Brian Simpson]

I know, but so is booze. Right. They have to know, don't do that. It'll ruin your life. Don't do this. This could ruin your life too. Like. And it also sucks your time around.

[Jordan Jensen]

It needs to be regulated like a drug.

[Brian Simpson]

Who's going to be the one who's going to tell you what we. I don't want anybody telling me I can't go on Twitter if I'm at home. Home. And I have nothing to do and I, I pay taxes. I, my bills are paid. I want to just.

[Jordan Jensen]

Any tactic for attention monopolization has to be removed. Says the, the committee that doesn't exist. Like you know how you feed them.

[Brian Simpson]

But it's not monopolization. If you could shut it off anytime you want.

[Jordan Jensen]

But it pulls you in, it sends you alerts, it gives you the dopamine thing.

[Brian Simpson]

I don't have alerts on. No, I've never had alerts on.

[Jordan Jensen]

The kids do.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, they should shut that off. Someone should teach them how to use it correct correctly and also tell them like, hey, this is a lot of negativity and a lot of these people are wasting their life on this. You're wasting your time.

[Jordan Jensen]

But I know that and I just fell into a dark hellhole last night. Like it's hard to avoid.

[Brian Simpson]

It's, it's, it is. But you can do it. I do it.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, but I, I can do it. But 13 year old Jordan would be hanging from that closet at the Airbnb. I mean it would be rough.

[Brian Simpson]

15 year old Joe would be tweeting horrible at every celebrity.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, just horrible. That's the other thing. Horrible shit.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Under fake accounts you can make 30 different accounts.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Make a new Gmail address, make a new account. All they have.

[Jordan Jensen]

Maybe that should be no more fake accounts.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. But then the thing is whistleblowers are important. Right? If someone is in the government and there's some shady shit going on and you can expose it and you don't want to die.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

You don't want to get Seth Riched.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, but isn't there another way to whistleblow? Like graffiti or something?

[Brian Simpson]

Doesn't work.

[Jordan Jensen]

A billboard.

[Brian Simpson]

It can't go viral. Yeah, billboards don't go viral. You gotta. You gotta be able to express yourself without fear of consequences, because there's a lot of people that don't have any power and there's a government. Or maybe you find out that the corporation you work for is doing some horrible shit and they're bypassing some environmental regulation and dumping toxic stuff into the ocean.

[Jordan Jensen]

Like, well, maybe it just comes down to regulating the corporations and being like, bro, you can't make money off of people's data. You can't make money off of. Enough of.

[Brian Simpson]

That's a problem. It's because they. They didn't. We didn't know when we all signed up for it that data was going to be this massive commodity. Not only is it very valuable, but then it gives them insane power. The people that have all that money and have all that power now, they're in control of, you know, essentially all social discourse.

[Jordan Jensen]

So maybe that's the thing that needs to be regulated.

[Brian Simpson]

I don't know if just. Because when they do regulate it, then it's like, did you ever read the Twitter files? Did you read any of the stuff that Matt Taibbi and Shellenberger and all these guys? When Elon purchased Twitter, one of the things they found out was the intelligence communities had been deeply embedded into Twitter. And then they were involved in suppressing certain narratives and pushing other ones. And it was like, really sketchy stuff, like, dangerous, dangerous stuff. Because if they have the power to suppress accurate, real information, then you. You're propagandizing to the entire country. You're shifting narratives. You're changing the way people think about things. This can affect elections. This can affect public health. This could affect. Affect everything. And they were doing that, and they were doing it because they had regulation over social media. They had power. Elon comes along and he's like that. It's Wild west time and opens it wide up. And everyone's like, oh, it's all racist now. There's nothing. Nazis. Yes, there's more of that now because it's not getting banned. But also there's more people that can talk about virtually anything that they want to. And you can debate it out. You can talk about the climate, you can talk about the moon. You can talk about asteroids, you can talk about foreign governments. You can talk about anything. And that's better. It's better to have people say horrible shit, but also be able to say true shit than not be able to say anything.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, but I worry about the. I worry about the. It just comes down to kids, for me, because they get radicalized. I mean, when you see the racist shit and you join the tribe, it just, like, becomes.

[Brian Simpson]

They can. They can get radicalized. They could also become Christians. They could also become, like, hikers. They could also, like, really get into Jiu Jitsu. They could also, like, isis, join video games. They could join isis.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, isis.

[Brian Simpson]

They could also do whatever the fuck they want to do. I mean, this is just. We got to duke it out in the battlefield of ideas, and that's. That has to be able to take place. You can't have people decide what you can and can't discuss, because the problem with that is, like, then they have power over you and they have power over the most important thing that we do as a culture, which is figure out what's right and what's wrong. Figure out who's correct and who's. Who's incorrect. What's. What's a fact and what is a lie. What is propaganda? Why. Why have they made so much money pushing this thing where there's no science behind it? And if you say. Then they say, trust the science. Okay, well, show me what the science is. And then you have people that are looking at the science that are actual scientists that get boycotted and banned from Twitter. That's one of the things that happened during this whole FBI infiltration of Twitter or whatever the organization was that the government had, that was deeply. It was multiple organizations, deeply embedded. They were kicking people off that were like Stanford scientists that were. They were. They had a different view of how the pandemic should be handled. They're kicking them off Twitter.

[Jordan Jensen]

And then you get to a point where you need regulators on the regulators. And who's going to regulate the regulators?

[Brian Simpson]

Who's going to regulate the regulators?

[Jordan Jensen]

So you think Wild west teach your kids correctly?

[Brian Simpson]

Yes, I think that's better. I think this is the world we're living in, and it's a weird world, but this is the reality of the world. And you need to prepare them for the reality of the world. Don't shield them from. From it.

[Jordan Jensen]

Right. I guess it's just technology being such a drug is an issue to me.

[Brian Simpson]

It is a drug, but it feels like the.

[Jordan Jensen]

It feels like the government making money off of selling fentanyl. Like it. That's what it feels like.

[Brian Simpson]

It's also fun for kids, too. They're doing Snapchats and they're. They're having a good time, too. It's not all negative, you know, it's just. It can be negative. And the pylons. Like when people like that lady, what she did to her dog water, which is the most evil thing ever. But there's groups of kids that will go after a kid and pile on them and attack them anonymously. And, you know, kids kill themselves over things like that.

[Jordan Jensen]

You have.

[Brian Simpson]

Freaks them out.

[Jordan Jensen]

Teens. How do they deal with it?

[Brian Simpson]

They're pretty remarkably healthy. It's very strange they have social media.

[Jordan Jensen]

But they're crazy about.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, one of. One of them just got off of everything. She wants to concentrate on her schoolwork. She hasn't been on any social media in over 90 days. Days. It's very impressive.

[Jordan Jensen]

But that's an addiction to be like, 90 days, I'm clean.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, but it's also. She can do it. You know, it's like. It's not an addiction. Like, oh, my God, you know, if you ever get on social media again, now you're going to be homeless and snorting social media. No, it's like, it's a thing that's not necessarily good for you. Just like cake. Don't eat cake all day. Yeah, but if you want to have a birthday cake or you want to occasionally have a piece of cake, you have dinner. Nice dinner. Let's get some dessert.

[Jordan Jensen]

It. Yeah, but what about the cake? What if every time I went to go eat cake, there was 90 other dudes in the cake shop that were being like, we should kill this group of people. And you'd be like, I really want to eat cake. But these people keep saying that, and maybe I believe them because I've read so much. At some point, somebody should walk into the cake shop and be like, dude, you guys can't be here.

[Brian Simpson]

There. There are laws, right. So, like, there's free speech. But if you threaten someone, there's laws against that. And if you threaten a group. Group, yes. Yeah. If you say, I want to kill all the Greeks.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

In America, like, someone will come get you.

[Jordan Jensen]

Nobody wants them dead. We love them.

[Brian Simpson]

But if. If you just said something like that. Yeah. That someone would visit you from the FBI. If you make threats against people, that's. But we have existing laws that already protect people from that.

[Jordan Jensen]

Okay.

[Brian Simpson]

I just think most people should say the off of it. Because most of the people that are doing it are wasting their lives life.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's crazy how I just. Last night was sucked into this vortex and then I just put my phone away and my dog was sitting right there.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

And I was like, oh, hey, real life thing that loves me also.

[Brian Simpson]

I had no idea that this was going on with you. I had no idea.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, I know. It's ridiculous. It sucks so bad because I was trying to be. So I was like, actively trying to say a woke thing that I went through patting myself on my fucking back, and it just fucking spun out of control.

[Brian Simpson]

You can never be woke up enough because it's all horseshit. It's all horseshit. It's all. It's just a cult. It's. And it's a cult that is mostly perpetrated by people that don't have a religion, so it behaves like a religion. Yeah, you can get excommunicated. You can get cast out of the kingdom for life. There's rules. If you. If you follow those rules, you'll be good. If you're not, you're a heretic. Yeah, it's a religion. And it's a religion for people that don't have a religion because they. There's a fucking weird part of our brain that whether you are a Democrat or Republican, it fits that spot.

[Jordan Jensen]

Right?

[Brian Simpson]

So if you don't have something in your life that you think of as a higher power or at least have like some sort of ethical and moral foundation and some goal, some higher goal that you ascribe to something will fill that spirit spot. There's a spot in your brain, and that spot will be, I'm a Republican. Or that spot will be, I'm a liberal. And we got a. These goddamn racists and all these. All these white people. We got to get rid of white people. White people say that. We got. The real problem is white people. They'll say that. And they'll say. They'll pat themselves on the back while they're saying it because they think they're being a good woester. Yeah, it's just nuts. It's just religion. It's just.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's crazy how many people DM'd me and I DM them back being like, hey, I just want you to know, like, I'm so. I, like, totally didn't mean to hurt anybody, and I'm really sorry if you're offended by this. And they would just immediately be like, oh, it's totally okay. I take back everything I said when what they said was like, you. And I just was like, hey, I'm a person. And they're like, oh, I've completely forgot. And I was like, oh, okay.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, everybody. It's a terrible way to communicate.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's. It's bizarre. Yeah. I mean, I do it. I talk so much about everything, and then I get there and I'm like, oh, yeah, this is. I think it just feels good to believe something. It feels so good to stand your ground on something and to be like, right, I did something today that meant something. Even though it doesn't mean anything.

[Brian Simpson]

It doesn't.

[Jordan Jensen]

We need meaning so bad.

[Brian Simpson]

We do. And that. That's why it takes the place of religion for people who don't have religion.

[Jordan Jensen]

It doesn't have to be religion. You can have it be in the. You can have it be the.

[Brian Simpson]

No, it doesn't have to be religion. No. But, I mean, there's a spot in our brains.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

The religion has always been there, and we filled that spot with whatever the fuck it is. Leftist politics, right wing ideology, whatever the it is.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

You find a thing that becomes your religion.

[Jordan Jensen]

Totally.

[Brian Simpson]

People are broken. We're so weird.

[Jordan Jensen]

It is.

[Brian Simpson]

But we're also wonderful. We're fun when we, you know, when we work. Right. When it's.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. When we're face to face.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

I mean, sometimes it's not, you know.

[Jordan Jensen]

Crazy, but then you run into the person who talks shit about you and you're like, oh, hey, what's. Yeah, we're. You were just playing the video game of hatred.

[Brian Simpson]

Yep.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. And that's what most people are doing on. On Instagram and on Twitter because it's just such an easy thing to do. And especially if your life sucks, it's a great distraction. You can pay attention to other people and tell fuck Jordan at fucking cunt and just say horrible shit. And it distracts you from whatever is wrong with your life.

[Jordan Jensen]

But the video game of, like, health and body perfection, like getting your getting gym act is. Is like the religion that many comics are in. Me too. And it is. It does take that role a lot. Like, a lot of times when people are just hatred, I'm like, just target lower belly fat. If you want to be activated about something, get pissed at that. You know what I mean? Because it's always. I look at the picture of these people and they're just like, miserable in a basement. And I'm like, dude, just.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

What if you just spent all day taking a really long bath and just cleaning that off you. You know what I mean, instead of hating me.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, think about what we're talking about with ocd. Those tight grooves of behavior that just get. Just. Just. It's so easy to slide into those grooves. They're so honed.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

They've been used so many times. Just an instantaneous decision to go down those pathways. It's hard for people. It's hard for people to snap out of them. Especially people that are fragile and that are worried about getting attacked themselves. Those are the most vicious.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

The most fragile people are the most vicious. Vicious. They're the most mean. The ones that are worried about being criticized themselves.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, totally.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Hurt people. Hurt people.

[Jordan Jensen]

True that.

[Brian Simpson]

What's it.

[Jordan Jensen]

I've done it. I've done it. I've heard people.

[Brian Simpson]

We all have. Yeah, yeah. It's normal. It's normal. Part of being a person. It's just the social media thing. There's very little value and a lot of negativity. Or you could use it correctly if you're a journalist or if you're someone who's, like, curated a good feed and you just want to find out what's actually happening.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Because the world's filled with, like, crazy that happens all the time that you don't know about. Unless you get on Twitter. If you just paid attention to the mainstream news, you'd miss 80% of what's going on in the world.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, that's true. Yeah. I mean, there's so much. I talk so much about social media, but the amount of animal videos that have brought me back from the. I mean, I found out that otters have a little skin pocket, and it's like, saved my life multiple times. Just not knowing that. Like, that is so good.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

Any fast intake of National Geographic online is like, oh, yeah, yeah, totally.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, there's, like, most of my time I spend if I'm off on my phone is on YouTube. And I don't have a problem with that because most of that is, like, videos. I'm getting educated.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. I would not have been able to be a contractor without YouTube.

[Brian Simpson]

Interesting.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. I should have called my business.

[Brian Simpson]

There's so much you can learn if you just do it right. Like, YouTube is the most amazing resource if you just do it right.

[Jordan Jensen]

And there's just some guy who's like, I'm gonna teach you exact how to utilize this impact driver. And you're like, yeah, I don't know why you're doing this, but thank you.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Why are you doing that?

[Jordan Jensen]

It's really weird. Some of those people they're like, I'm going to tell you how to change a Toyota tire on a Nissan truck. And I'm like, that's exactly what it means. It's crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

Right? Right, right.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, those guys rule.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, there's so much good how to stuff that's available online. But. Or you can get on Twitter and just start yelling about the Jews. Figure out, figure out a thing, whatever it is. Yeah, but the fucking climate. Do you understand what's happening? Do we won't have an earth for our children? You know, people go crazy.

[Jordan Jensen]

Are you worried about your kids future?

[Brian Simpson]

Of course. Yeah, of course. I'm, I'm worried about everybody's future. I'm worried about their future. I don't want anything bad to happen to them. Just like I don't want anything bad to happen to anybody.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's why I can't, I don't think I can have kids.

[Brian Simpson]

But when people say that I, like, I would want to have, have kids today, I'm like, yeah, why would you? With all the books and medicine and people had kids before they figured out doors.

[Jordan Jensen]

When they say, I don't want to bring a kid into this world, like, I sometimes don't want a kid just because the idea of letting my dog outside without me scares me. But like, and I'm neurotic. But when they say that, I'm like, you're talking about the absence of consciousness being superior to consciousness. Yeah, that, that's a paradox. You can't say one is better than the other. There is no better until you're born.

[Brian Simpson]

Not only that, there's a lot of people in my, in my life that I love a lot. I have a lot of good friends. I have a lot of people that I love. The only way you make people is they have to be babies and they grow up to be people that you love. That's the game. Yeah, that's life. You have to. If you love people, you probably love kids.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

You just don't know it. And you probably are, you know, terrified of responsibility, which is real. Yeah, but, but you can have kids. It's not bad.

[Jordan Jensen]

Do you think everybody should do it?

[Brian Simpson]

No, I think you can have a rich and full life and never have children. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. And I always resented that when I didn't have children. People say, oh, you don't even know you don't have kids. Yeah, yeah, like, okay, like, don't say that. That's silly. Didn't you alienate people? Yeah, it Changes it.

[Jordan Jensen]

Did it unlock, like a Molly level of love?

[Brian Simpson]

Yes. Chappelle had the best quote about this. He said, not only did it change the amount of love that I have, it changed my capacity for me. Love.

[Jordan Jensen]

Okay.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. You don't know, like, how much you love your dog. And I know you love your dog. I've seen you with your dog. You love your kids times a million.

[Jordan Jensen]

But that's frightening, that level of love. How do you let them go to school?

[Brian Simpson]

Life is crazy. Life is frightening. You just have to learn and grow and just deal. This is just part of the thing. You can't just be safe forever. You're not going to live. You're going to die. We're all going to. You just have to exist and to, you know, you have to. Like when you don't see your friend, like, bye. And you know, they get on a plane, like, oh, my God, what if the plane crashes? What if I never see them again? You can't live like that.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, but a child, I would be so.

[Brian Simpson]

I know, I know, I know, I know.

[Jordan Jensen]

You had to teach yourself to chill. Yeah. Really.

[Brian Simpson]

And then you still. You only chill so much. You know, you love them so much. It's hard. But I think there's a reason why societies like people to have children. Because it makes you much more concerned with law and order. Order makes you much more concerned with, you know, cleanliness and pollution and all of the harm that could happen to your child. Yeah, yeah. You worry more because if it's just you're selfish and you're by yourself, everybody, I'm gonna go get a whore, you know, like, okay, yeah, you're not really a part of this thing. You're just kind of like you're a leech, you know, like this, this thing is all of us together.

[Jordan Jensen]

It would frustrate me if I had kids. That people without kids have equal right to vote. That would annoy me. Why? I don't know.

[Brian Simpson]

Because they could vote for negative things about your kids.

[Jordan Jensen]

It just would. It would piss me off. I'd be like, you don't. You're not keeping a life around. You know what I mean? Like, you're just a selfish and eater, you know?

[Brian Simpson]

Well, there's a lot of those selfish shitters and eaters too, that think that somehow, because this is one of the things that people are being taught today, that somehow or another, because there's so much money in the world, like, you're owed something and they should just. We should have universal basic income and your needs should be met. There's a bunch of people, people that think that way, don't think that you should provide a value, that your needs should be met because there's so much wealth in the world and that everything else, whatever the wealthy people have on top of that, that should only exist once their needs are met. Because there's a fake scarcity crisis in this country. And it's really because the wealthy people have gotten so much.

[Jordan Jensen]

But that's the Bernie bro.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Well, there's some truth to that though, right? There is some truth. Like if someone acquires all the money and everybody else is poor, obviously you have a broken system. Bernie's idea was to take a small amount of stock market exchanges, just like a fraction of a penny for each one of these, and that money would all be an incredible resource that would go to education and healthcare and all these different quality of life things that would have a legitimate impact on society. That's what I was interested in. That was my most compelling thought. That he had the most compelling thought to me. I was like, that seems like that would work. That seemed like that would have a big impact and it would change a lot of things.

[Jordan Jensen]

I've always been down for the tax. The corporations, I've always been down for it and not view them as having human rights.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, the weird thing is that they have the ability to donate insane amounts of, of money towards congressional campaigns. And that's fucked. That's.

[Jordan Jensen]

So they're going to take that. Stop that. No, no. What is that called? What, what is that called? Electoral funding.

[Brian Simpson]

Sure.

[Jordan Jensen]

Election funding. There's a name for it. But stop funding campaign funding. Stop that.

[Brian Simpson]

And it's not even just that. It's like it's funding Super PACs. It's funding NGOs, it's, it's. There's a lot of that goes on. That's just really about influence. Influence.

[Jordan Jensen]

But if you get a corporation that's making that much money, tax the out of it for schools.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, not a bad idea, but you got to be able to make money. The real problem with corporations is they have to always make more money. Like, if you have a responsibility for your shareholder, if you're a CEO, every corp, every quarter, you have to make more money. Like, the idea is like, you're doing really well, you're making more money. And the only way to really keep making. They never go, we're good. Hey, everybody, we're good. Not because they're cunts.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, okay.

[Brian Simpson]

Because, like, you get to this. That's the game. They're playing. They're playing the I want more money game. They're not playing the let's make the world a better place game because it's a corporation. So it's a sociopath. It acts like a sociopath. Have you ever seen like the. The when they've done these studies where they like, well, look at the behavior of a corporation. It's basically a psychopath.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's why I think they should fund the. It's crazy how much the middle class is taxed.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, they really upset was with the stock market in general in the first place.

[Jordan Jensen]

Stock market is so weird to me. I will not put any money in it. I buy, I buy gold and I buy a house, I buy a car, I buy a watch. But I won't do the stock market.

[Brian Simpson]

But it's crazy that everybody gets to be involved in like I.

[Jordan Jensen]

That is so weird to me.

[Brian Simpson]

It's weird.

[Jordan Jensen]

But I'm not allowed to say this because people go, oh, no, Jordan, you got to put it into a fund that is an index. And I'm like, I don't have to gamble. I grew up white trash. Gambling is a bad thing. Yeah, but in my family you're not allowed to do that.

[Brian Simpson]

The thing is, it is a real thing thing and it does work. Look at Nancy Pelosi. She's got half a billion dollars, right. She did it in a shady way.

[Jordan Jensen]

Is that good that she has that? No, it's that good. No, my friends who are like, it's.

[Brian Simpson]

Not going to make her live longer. She's. She's 82 years old. She looks terrible, right? Like it's the end is nigh. Stop working.

[Jordan Jensen]

And my friends are like, I made 50 grand off Bitcoin. And I'm like, you just put it back in the bitcoin, you're going to keep it in bitcoin because now you're stuck in an addiction until it's gone, until it tanks. You know what I mean? Mean, nobody that I know is like, I'm pulling out maybe a couple.

[Brian Simpson]

Some people have and they've made a lot of money.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's great. Yeah. I have one friend who did that. Very proud of him. But typically it keeps you in it.

[Brian Simpson]

It's like the same people that stay off social media. They're rare.

[Jordan Jensen]

They're rare, but they utilize the system.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

When I was micro dosing, I could do that.

[Brian Simpson]

I could post and be like, why stop microdosing?

[Jordan Jensen]

Because I was, I was in and out of a relationship that when I would micro dose, would My brain would be like, bro, what are you doing? You gotta get out of this thing. And I'd be like, okay, just want microdose. But now I. Now I'm back to it.

[Brian Simpson]

Okay.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I get that when it shows you a truth that you cannot handle. Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Like, yikes. But I don't want to be alone.

[Jordan Jensen]

I would take the mushrooms, and they'd be like, you're better. Come on. This guy is, like, mean to you. You're a cool chick. And I'd be like, shut up. I'm not cool.

[Brian Simpson]

The mean to you is gross.

[Jordan Jensen]

I'm so. It's the best, though. It's my.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, I hate back and forth.

[Jordan Jensen]

I like fighting. Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Fighting in the makeup sex.

[Jordan Jensen]

I just like somebody who's very honest and is like, that's a stupid thing that you did. That's a good thing that you did.

[Brian Simpson]

Is there a way to do it with tact?

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, totally.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. You got to be able to do it with someone when you calm them down and say it rationally.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

And you got to say you love them first, and you got to say nice things first.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. That was the problem. There's none of that. Yeah, totally. But the mushrooms would be, like. It would become. I'd be. Immediately be lucid and be like, you can love a person and not be misunderstood, miserable that those two things can happen at once. You can love somebody and not be in a relationship with them because it doesn't work. So I was like, okay, we're not gonna microdose.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. I'm on the fence about microdosing, but I think for some people, it seems to be a giant quality of life enhancer.

[Jordan Jensen]

It just tells you when to stop. You can't do it that long.

[Brian Simpson]

You can do it for, like, two weeks microdosing.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. And then it doesn't do, and you have to stop.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, that's probably good, too. It's probably, like, most things, you know, you shouldn't drink every day. If you want to go on a vacation for two weeks, you're gonna get hammered. Yeah, it's good.

[Jordan Jensen]

But the mushrooms will be like. I mean, they'll just be like, dude, what are you. You never gets addicting. But I did it a lot during the pandemic, and it helped.

[Brian Simpson]

I know some people that got addicted to the idea of, like, spiritual awakening.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, the ayahuasca people.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, yeah. Some of those people get cooked.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, they get cooked.

[Brian Simpson]

They get overcooked, and they start reading poetry on Instagram. You're like, yo, oh, my God.

[Jordan Jensen]

When I get the text messages, like, hey, I love you so much. I'm like, damn. We did another ayahuasca journey.

[Brian Simpson]

No, that's cool, though. Someone's just saying they love you is nice.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's nice.

[Brian Simpson]

Already sent me an I love you message the other day. I was like, what were you on? Oh, Molly. Molly.

[Jordan Jensen]

Dude, he's gone for a while, right? He's like, in South America or something.

[Brian Simpson]

He's off the reservation.

[Jordan Jensen]

He is so inspiring to me with comedy where he'll be like, I'm taking. I'm stop. I'm not doing it right now.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, he's very smart.

[Jordan Jensen]

He's so smart.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, he's very smart.

[Jordan Jensen]

He did the whole. I mean, Eric Abrams and my whole team did it. But Ari, like, every step of the way, would be calling me every day and be like, what are you doing? Do this. And I'd be like, I don't know what I'm doing. Be like, tell everybody to pause. Do that. I mean, it was crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

Ari's very strong in his beliefs. Some of his opinions are terrible, though. Ari famously told me to never put out a three hour podcast in the beginning. He goes, why is your podcast three hours? I said, because that's how I felt like talking for three hours. You should edit it. No one's gonna listen for three hours.

[Jordan Jensen]

Three hours when you were just starting it out.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, yeah, I always did it three hours. I'm like, they don't have to.

[Jordan Jensen]

How long have we done this?

[Brian Simpson]

Don't listen. Almost three hours.

[Jordan Jensen]

Jesus, no.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

How do you do that? It is a time warp.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Because we're locked in. So if you're really locked in, if you haven't really locked in with someone, you really haven't. It seems like three hours.

[Jordan Jensen]

What if you don't get locked in?

[Brian Simpson]

In. It happens sometimes.

[Jordan Jensen]

Really?

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Some. Some podcasts are women. No.

[Jordan Jensen]

Men too.

[Brian Simpson]

Sure.

[Jordan Jensen]

Non comics.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, yeah. Non comics. Even some comics. You're like, God, I have nothing in common with this guy. You know?

[Jordan Jensen]

Brutal. That's like when I'm in therapy and I'm talking about yet another breakup, and my therapist is, it's the worst feeling ever. And I'm like, we need to lock in right now.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, lock it in.

[Jordan Jensen]

But you've had. Not lock in days. Have you ever had it be your fault?

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, I guess, probably. Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

What do you do?

[Brian Simpson]

I mean, I try. I mean, at this point, I'm pretty good at it, so I know, like, how to finagle A conversation. You know, generally I look for a blunt. I'm like, okay, I gotta get this.

[Jordan Jensen]

I have to change my brain, fire.

[Brian Simpson]

This up and make fun of this.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, you're pro weed. You're weed guy. I love weed. You love weed?

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, I love it.

[Jordan Jensen]

Okay. I just started using weed for sleep.

[Brian Simpson]

And, well, it's weird for sleep.

[Jordan Jensen]

Okay. But it's the only thing that's ever worked, ever.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, really? Do you use that edibles flower the other day?

[Jordan Jensen]

Edibles the other day?

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. But the thing is, I think it prevents you from going into REM sleep or it hinders your REM sleep.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, but it lets you watch. It lets you watch yourself enter sleep, which rules, like, being like and goodbye is sick. Because every morning you wake up and you go, I don't remember falling asleep. But on weed you're like, this is it. Here it is.

[Brian Simpson]

No, I know a lot. A lot of people that use it for sleep. I know a lot of people that always hated weed and used to. Like, when I would smoke, they were like, why? What? Weed makes you lazy. I'm like, it doesn't. I'm telling you, it doesn't. You're lazy. Weed does not make you lazy.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's me. I always thought weed makes you lazy, but now I'm using it for sleep.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, I thought it too, until I was 30. I met my friend Eddie. My friend Eddie Bravo was the one who got me high for the first time when I was, like, 30 years old. I hadn't gotten high since. I think I. I got high, like, maybe a small handful of times when I was a comedian, when I first started doing comedy, rather. And then before I was a comedian, like, maybe my whole life, maybe seven, eight times. Ever being high ever until I was 30? No. I just didn't like not being in control.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

You know, I always associated people who did drugs with people who never got anything done, and they were a bunch of fucking losers. Losers. And I never wanted to be that.

[Jordan Jensen]

If you smoked a blunt right now, you would have no fear that it could turn a bad way.

[Brian Simpson]

No.

[Jordan Jensen]

Well, you don't have any of the. Like, my heart's gonna stop. I can hear my blood in my ears.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, no, you don't have any of that. No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Jordan Jensen]

Have you ever?

[Brian Simpson]

Sure, I've gotten paranoid before.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, you just ride it out.

[Brian Simpson]

I had to figure out why. And generally, it's like, there's something bothering me in life. Life. There's something. So the real thing about it is it exposes something that's bothering you. Well, you should go. Probably fix that.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, but what if the thing that's bothering you is that you can't deal with the fact that you have skin? You know, like, that's what happens to me when I smoke weed is I'm like, this has gotta go. It's crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

You have a different mind than me. I guess that's the thing. I wouldn't recommend it for everybody. I know people can't smoke. They don't like being paranoid. I like, like it. I like being.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, some of you love that.

[Brian Simpson]

I like being a little.

[Jordan Jensen]

Because then after the panic, you're. You're like, yeah, good now.

[Brian Simpson]

Good. But also it's good to know, like, maybe you have blinders on and there's some real vulnerabilities in the world and you should probably consider them sometimes.

[Jordan Jensen]

Had a crazy one that you were like, that's not right. That's crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

No, not that bad. I've just been real paranoid before. Just super high. Like, yikes. And then you calm down, like, once it's over, you're fine.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's crazy for you to be paranoid because you're like, one of the people that should be paranoid. You have, like, Lizard man coming after you or whatever. What is it? What's his name? Lizard Guy?

[Brian Simpson]

Liver King.

[Jordan Jensen]

Liver King, Yeah. What happened? He.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. If anybody should be paranoid, I should probably be a little paranoid. But anybody in the public eye should be a little paranoid. Anybody You. You include, included.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, I've gotten high, deleted some stuff. Yeah, for sure. But, like, whoa.

[Brian Simpson]

Right?

[Jordan Jensen]

This has got to come down.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, it's. I think marijuana is a tool like everything else. I think you can learn things from it. And I think it's. It's like steroids for comedy. You can come up with some stuff when you're high that I don't think is available.

[Jordan Jensen]

Really?

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. I don't think those thoughts are available if you're sober. There's things that I wrote that I wrote when I was high that was like, there's no way I was right. That without any help.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, I guess I've had it a little bit, but I have to hit the sweet spot or I go right into pan.

[Brian Simpson]

The sweet spot. Yeah, that's the key.

[Jordan Jensen]

You know, it helps me if I always have a Xanax somewhere.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, no.

[Jordan Jensen]

Like, it just exists in my.

[Brian Simpson]

So, you know.

[Jordan Jensen]

So I just know that there's a. Yeah, a bullet that I can pull.

[Brian Simpson]

That's a crazy one. That's a scary, addictive One Xanax is so addictive. Yeah. Jordan Peterson, speaking of which, he was on that and I thought it was condition Klondike bar.

[Jordan Jensen]

I thought it was on them Klondikes.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, he was definitely on benzodiazepine for a long time. That, that's, that's Xanax. And so that's one of the ones where you get off of Xanax where you, you could die. There's only a couple of drugs where if you get off of it, you could die. Alcohol's another.

[Jordan Jensen]

Alcohol is on you.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, but Xanax is another one. And it's really hard for people.

[Jordan Jensen]

Dude, I bought Klonopin in Mexico and I was like, I'm just going to use this when I have a panic attack. Done. Done in two weeks. Every night. I was being like, well, might as well take a little bit. I feel a little anger. And I was like, oh, you need to never allow this around you. I got a Xanax the other day and my friend was like, you can have as many as you want. And I was like, I need one and never give me another again. Cuz this is the thing that. I'll keep it just in case.

[Brian Simpson]

Just like break glass. In case of.

[Jordan Jensen]

Break glass is a break glass pill. Yeah, totally. Or else I. Our benzos are.

[Brian Simpson]

Dude, I've heard. Heard. No, I was on a flight once with a lady and she, she, she said, there is nothing in this world that's better than a Xanax and a glass of wine.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

And I was like, I don't think you're supposed to drink with Xanax. She's like, nope.

[Jordan Jensen]

Dude, that lady didn't give a.

[Brian Simpson]

What was.

[Jordan Jensen]

What I did the other day? Poppers.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh no. Amyl nitrate poppers.

[Jordan Jensen]

Dude, I had no idea because I don't do anything. And I was dancing at a, at a wedding and my gay friend was like, sniff these.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, gay guys love that.

[Jordan Jensen]

The best.

[Brian Simpson]

Poppers.

[Jordan Jensen]

Just a mini rave for a second.

[Brian Simpson]

How much did you do? Like a lot. But how many times did you do it?

[Jordan Jensen]

Enough where I felt fucked up. Like five.

[Brian Simpson]

Wow.

[Jordan Jensen]

I know.

[Brian Simpson]

It gives you like instant brain damage.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, that's what it felt like.

[Brian Simpson]

That's what I think it does. Yeah, I think it's like it cooks you.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's really. It's got to be bad because I went from being such a downer to being like Mary, just stupid to me. Like it was crazy. I was dragging people in. Yeah, but that's like the brain damage from the boxing where you're like dude, sometimes I need to be a little stupid for a second or else I'm just constantly being like society is evil.

[Brian Simpson]

I wonder what's worse for you. Amyl nitrate or boxing? I don't know what is, what's the side effects of amyl nitrate? Because I know a lot of the gay fellows like it when they bottom.

[Jamie]

What it's actually more made four is to relieve pain of an angina attacks.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh.

[Jordan Jensen]

Which I don't even angina get that.

[Brian Simpson]

What is angina?

[Jordan Jensen]

What the I thought between your anus and your vagina angina.

[Brian Simpson]

What is the side effects of amyl nitrate abuse?

[Jamie]

Angina, Texas chest pain. Discomfort caused by reduced blood flow to the heart.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh okay. And so amyl nitrate reduces that. That, that's the.

[Jamie]

Reduces the pain of it.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh.

[Jamie]

Cuz it relaxes the blood vessels and increases the blood and oxygen.

[Brian Simpson]

Also relaxes that booty hole.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. It makes the butthole open. Woo. I was worried I was going to my pants when I did it, but no. Yeah. But I didn't do it.

[Brian Simpson]

I think other things have to happen for you to your pants.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. A gay man has to try and have sex with me.

[Brian Simpson]

Someone has to pound you in the side effects. Headaches, dizziness, flushing, rapid heart rate. More severe risk life threatening blood condition card called methymoglobin methyl. Say that help me out.

[Jordan Jensen]

Methemoglobin.

[Brian Simpson]

And dangerous drops in blood pressure especially when combined with other drugs. Does it cause brain damage? Google does. Does amyl nitrate brain damage.

[Jordan Jensen]

Dude, you better say that it does or else. I'm doing that right now.

[Jamie]

Damage didn't come right up.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh let's see. It can cause both acute and long term brain damage. Why wouldn't it come up immediately? Primarily through two long term acute and long term brain damage. Primarily through two mechanisms. Oxygen deprivation and direct neurotoxicity. Severe or prolonged exposure can lead to permanent cognitive and neurological issues.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. I mean you feel that immediately when you sniff it.

[Brian Simpson]

You're like yeah, this can't be good.

[Jordan Jensen]

This is. It feels like somebody's hitting it back in bed and you're like. It's so crazy. It's like whippets.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh. But way more. Right. I feel stronger.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. Lasts way longer.

[Brian Simpson]

I did whippets. The Newport creamery place that I worked at because we had like real whippets with like a giant whipped cream canister. Like a huge one.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's sick.

[Brian Simpson]

Like the real things where you make the whipped cream. We would have to pour the sugar and pour the Cream and then mix it accident. Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

If I do that with a whipped cream bottle, aren't you not allowed to use any of the whipped cream? That's always been my problem.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, we had the gas. We had the actual gas back there. We had. One of the kids that we worked with was a total dirt bag, and he knew how to get high off the gas. We would all go back there and get high with this guy.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's so fun. That's.

[Brian Simpson]

I only did it, like, once or twice because you. You hit it and you, like. You, like, have, like, almost like an out of body. Like, whoa. Yeah, like, whoa.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's all awesome. Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

And it only lasts, like 15, 20 seconds. And I was like, oh, my God, you're dumb enough as it is. Don't get dumber.

[Jordan Jensen]

Right? It's always the idiot in the back of the place. Yeah. Yeah. I just used to get so high, I used to smoke a blunt every morning before school, and I just would get. I was so crazy stupid. And then when I got older, my brain was just like, you can't have any more of this. If you do, you're gonna bite your tongue.

[Brian Simpson]

It's definitely probably not good for kids.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

All the time with your kids. It's like, God, like, you're developing, your brain's developing while it's constantly being bombarded by thc. That's not good.

[Jordan Jensen]

My dad was just such a weed guy. He was like a. You can smoke weed with me whenever you want.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, that's funny.

[Jordan Jensen]

Have you smoked weed with your kids ever?

[Brian Simpson]

No.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, yeah. See, that's appropriate.

[Brian Simpson]

But I told them we've had conversations about drugs, and I said, the most important thing is stay away from any and all pills for a bunch of reasons. Not just because what the pill supposedly is, is bad for. For you, but because I bet what's in that pill is not what's supposed to be in there because of fentanyl. And they know that.

[Jordan Jensen]

And powder. Coke is.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, yeah, coke is.

[Jordan Jensen]

I think coke is the worst.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, it's all fentanyl now. It's all. There's so much fentanyl, and there's fake Xanaxes and fit, and they're all Fentanyl. There's Molly, fake Molly. It's all fentanyl, just like.

[Jordan Jensen]

And the fentanyl, if it's small enough, is fine.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, it's so much. It's so small. The amount that can kill you. Have you seen the amount of fentanyl that is lethal that that cop showed? No. Like, have you ever seen, like, in comparison to a penny? There's a photograph on the Internet of the amount of fentanyl in comparison to a penny. That's lethal. That will 100. Put you in the ground. So small.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's the best feeling ever, though, when you go under for surgery and they give it to you. Awesome. Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Would you get surgery on? Did they give you fat?

[Jordan Jensen]

I used to be. So. I was so fat that I had. I had all this skin and I got it cut off.

[Brian Simpson]

Yo. How painful was that afterwards?

[Jordan Jensen]

Brutal. Oh, they kind of shuttled me out pretty fast. They were like, all right. God. Up and out.

[Brian Simpson]

Go home.

[Jordan Jensen]

It was crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

Draining.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Go home and drain.

[Jordan Jensen]

Raining. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It had to go, though. It was in the way.

[Brian Simpson]

Must be happy now, right, that you did it.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, totally. It was stuck in my. It was getting my zipper.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

I was having a talk. Yeah. Like a dick. It was awful.

[Brian Simpson]

Ouchie. I've only caught my dick in my zipper like, two or three times in my life.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's brutal.

[Brian Simpson]

Not fun.

[Jordan Jensen]

How do you catch it in there? Wait, why is your dick up that high? Oh, I see baggy pants.

[Brian Simpson]

But he's just not paying attention, like, going, raw dog.

[Jordan Jensen]

It's weird that you guys have a whole external package down there, that you just have balls on the outside.

[Brian Simpson]

The balls on the outside is the dumbest fucking invention of all.

[Jordan Jensen]

I'm sorry about that. The itchiness and the wetness.

[Brian Simpson]

That's not the problem. The problem is getting kicked there. Oh, yeah, that's the problem.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. But that we. That evolution had to give you. That you had that something.

[Brian Simpson]

I guess. Yeah, I guess.

[Jordan Jensen]

We have so many problems.

[Brian Simpson]

It's just to keep them from overheating.

[Jordan Jensen]

Because you need sperm where they hang.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Well, they have to be able to cool in the breeze because if they're getting overheated, it's not good for you. It's not good for the crazy that.

[Jordan Jensen]

You just have a unit dangling off your body that that's keeping it. It's crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

And it's the most violent, vulnerable part of your body other than your eyeballs. Yeah, it's just hanging out there.

[Jordan Jensen]

It helps. Men are very intimidating. It helps that you guys have that.

[Brian Simpson]

Do you have a spot to hit?

[Jordan Jensen]

Totally. It helps. I don't think we would mate with you easily without the balls.

[Brian Simpson]

Interesting.

[Jordan Jensen]

Sometimes when the penis goes in and the balls touch you, you go, oh, yeah, he's just a person. This is safe, you know what I mean? Because you have two squishy guys that are like, don't worry about this. He's. He's just hard, you know? But it helps us remember that. You. You're fallible.

[Brian Simpson]

The balls do totally. Okay.

[Jordan Jensen]

If you guys were just rods running around, we'd be like, go away.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, imagine if you didn't have to get hard to have sex. Like, you didn't have to be aroused. That would be crazy. Like animals. Animals just have a bone. Oh, yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

How do they. They don't have to get hard. Dogs get the red rocket.

[Brian Simpson]

But they have a bone, though.

[Jordan Jensen]

Ew.

[Brian Simpson]

There's a bone in there. In there? Yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

You could break your dog's dick.

[Brian Simpson]

What is that bone called again? We have one out there. A giant fossilized walrus bone. Vacuum. That's right. It's a bone. Yeah. I think all animals have it except human beings.

[Jordan Jensen]

Monkeys can't have it.

[Brian Simpson]

Do monkeys have a vacuum? Probably not. They're always jacking off.

[Jordan Jensen]

They're always jacking off. Every zoo you go to, you have to cover the children's eyes.

[Brian Simpson]

Chimps, gorillas, monkeys. Oh, it's like. It's designed to be jacked off. It's right there where your hand drops. Crops. That's some species.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, but they're like a little fuzzy ones. But not the ones that look like us.

[Brian Simpson]

Deer have it, right? I'm pretty sure deer do. Matter of fact, I know they do. And so do like moose and elk and. What mammals don't? Primates. Oh, it's present in some species within the orders of primates, rodents and carnivora. I don't know what that is. Bears, dogs and walruses all have a bone because, like, you don't have time to get hard. Okay. You're out there in the wild. Shit's crazy.

[Jordan Jensen]

What, they just slide it in?

[Brian Simpson]

Just ram it in there.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jamie]

I was just thinking that would be a really fun. If that's where the term. If you lack a backbone.

[Brian Simpson]

The backbone.

[Jamie]

I don't think that's where it comes from.

[Brian Simpson]

I don't think so. Our primate ancestors did have one suggesting it was lost through evolution. That's kind of weird. Probably lost when the aliens came down and manipulated us.

[Jordan Jensen]

When could. When was that lost? When women.

[Brian Simpson]

Cats don't really. Wow. But cats have like a hook dick where they get stuck.

[Jordan Jensen]

A barb.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Have you ever heard cats where they're stuck together and they're fucking ass to ass and they can't get loose? They're fucking kicking each other. Not present in humans. Present the Peanuts of some primates. Gorillas and chimpanzees have backing. Wow. What?

[Jordan Jensen]

Chimpanzees have them?

[Brian Simpson]

Yep. Wow. Rodents.

[Jordan Jensen]

When did we lose them? When it. What evolutionary step did we take to lose aliens?

[Brian Simpson]

Came.

[Jordan Jensen]

I think it's probably when women started being like that guy. I want that guy's genes and not that guy's. Right. Because if I keep getting loads blown in me by Betas, right. It doesn't serve our population.

[Brian Simpson]

Right.

[Jordan Jensen]

I have to be like, that alpha male's sick, right. So I'm gonna rub my monkey butt like dick. Whereas other species, it's like it's a free for all.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah. Well, other species also, it's. I bet we probably got rid of it as soon as we figured out habitation. So as soon as we figured out homes and doors and we could structure, you know, like, keep people out.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, yeah. You'd be like, that might just. Yeah.

[Jamie]

Her theory is in align with, I think, Richard Dawkins theory, sort of.

[Brian Simpson]

Ah, look at this. Proposed honest advertising as evolutionary explanation for the loss of the bat baculum. The hypothesis states that if erection failure is a sensitive early warning of ill health. Aha. Physical or mental, females could have gauged the health of a potential mate based on his ability to achieve erection without the support of a baculum.

[Jordan Jensen]

Everybody I date has penis problems. Every comic needs a blue chew. So I shouldn't be letting any of their baculums in my baculum.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, no, dude, are you only dating comics? Is that.

[Jordan Jensen]

I'm not anymore. I'm done, but that's what I've done forever. And musicians, which is the same.

[Brian Simpson]

Same thing, basically.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah. Same problem, but constant blue chill. It's crazy to be at a group of comics.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, it's a crazy new thing, right? Like, what did they do in the 60s?

[Jordan Jensen]

I think they said, hey, I have a problem where sometimes I get. Don't get hard and here's the things I could use from you to help. And now they just go, nope, I'm hard, which is psycho.

[Brian Simpson]

Here's the things that I could use for me to help, though. Won't work on everybody, but this is like the. The selection thing. It would keep those guys from breeding.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, that's right.

[Brian Simpson]

That's probably what it is. People of ill health, like, there's probably a reason why your dick can't get hard.

[Jordan Jensen]

Bluechew dick is so weird. It feels like a strap on and it's attached to somebody who's anxious. And then it's just this rock Hard dick. It doesn't make sense.

[Brian Simpson]

Right.

[Jordan Jensen]

Because you're like, this guy's afraid to be here. And that dick is not his dick. That's somebody else's.

[Brian Simpson]

He's afraid to be here. You get guys that are afraid.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, totally. Where they're like, oh, it's not even. Yeah. There's something about the standup and the. It's. I think people just think that I'm gonna be mean to them.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, that's it. Because you're funny.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, totally.

[Brian Simpson]

And if you're funnier than the guys you're fucking, that's a real problem.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, yeah. Which I don't think I've ever had sex with somebody above me in comedy.

[Brian Simpson]

That's a problem.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.

[Brian Simpson]

You're scared of you.

[Jordan Jensen]

I think they're scared of me. And they also are scared of. Yeah, I think it's mainly they're scared of looking foolish and having to be like.

[Brian Simpson]

Then you're. You're in her act.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, totally, dude. The amount of dating app people that are like, I don't want to be in your act. I'm like, we've never even met, you piece of. It's so crazy how many people say that.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, the dating app thing is wild.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

When I see people just like constantly scrolling and picking people and choosing people. My single friends are on dating apps. That's an addiction unto itself. Because there's always someone waiting. Yeah, there's always some new. This is not. I don't like the way she smiles this. I'm out of here. And then next thing you know, you got three or four more dates lined.

[Jordan Jensen]

Up and, well, it's ruin dating because everybody has a queue of people they can date, so they go on a date. I know so many people who are like, I walked out after five minutes and I'm like, oh, God, you don't know that person. And also, it probably benefit you to have an hour long conversation with somebody, like.

[Brian Simpson]

Right.

[Jordan Jensen]

As opposed to being like, sorry, we're not compatible.

[Brian Simpson]

Right. But I think women are worried about guys getting fixated on them and then not leaving them alone and then texting them and fucking with them and then being mean when they get rejected.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's the best. The DMs I have that are like, just please be. Love it. I love you so much. And then whore. And I'm like, wow, I never have responded once. It's crazy. They do get fixated for sure. But then you. Yeah, but then you have to. Then it teaches you to set boundaries. Which is good to be like, hey, man, I'm not going to text with you anymore. You get to chill.

[Brian Simpson]

All that's going to go away when you put on the headset.

[Jordan Jensen]

I know.

[Brian Simpson]

When it goes, we all lock in.

[Jordan Jensen]

And we'll go and cyborg, tell them off.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, you're going to read their minds, too. You're going to know, oh, my God, this guy's a total sociopath. He doesn't give a about anybody but himself. Everything he's saying is a lie.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's so up for people with OCD who are like, what if I kill that cat?

[Brian Simpson]

And they just get, no, no, no, no. You'll probably be able to see why they think that way. Like, oh, no, no, you're okay. Okay. Like, you're just freaking out. And maybe you won't think that way when you're embraced by this hive mind. Maybe you'll abandon all that. Maybe that'll be, like, one of the great side effects of it.

[Jordan Jensen]

It would be good for people. Like, my best friend was paralyzed from the C2 down, and it'd be good to read her mind and be like, what is actually the pain coming from? Because she was like, I don't know if there's pain.

[Brian Simpson]

Right.

[Jordan Jensen]

You know?

[Brian Simpson]

Well, we had the guy on who had the very first neuron link, and he's paralyzed. He paralyzed like a diving accident. And he uses his head now to control his computer. Like, he can play video games with just the chip. So he can't move his arms, and he's playing video games. And he says, it's like, I have an AIM bot because I point to what I want to shoot and, like, immediately shoot at it.

[Jordan Jensen]

Eye movements.

[Brian Simpson]

His brain. His brain moves the cursor around.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's awesome. How?

[Brian Simpson]

I don't know.

[Jordan Jensen]

Like, he just moves it around.

[Brian Simpson]

I can feel like somehow or another this. The. The way the computer interfaces with the neuro chip, the. So the brain interfaces with the chip, which interfaces with the computer, and somehow or another you can control movement. And it. They're getting better and better at it.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

Which is a problem for the people that got the first one. Okay, you're going to be able to pull that out and give me a new one?

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

Or is this the one? I asked him about that. I was like, if they. Is this like, it? And he's like, I think this is the only one that I can get. I mean, maybe as technology advances, they'll be able to take this one out and put a new One in. But at one point in time, like, the wires were coming out and it wasn't working anymore. And so they had to like, re. Inject them back in, shove them back in there.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's crazy. I mean, we started doing that with back pain, right. Where people stick it in to fix the nerves in your back.

[Brian Simpson]

Do they?

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, my uncle has.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, that's the ultimate goal of neuralink, is to restore movement. It's going to be able to replace your entire spinal system. You'll be able to. This thing will tell your muscles and your brain to fire. So if you're a break in your spinal cord, it'll be able to bridge that and you'll be able to use your body like you normally would. This is like the old.

[Jordan Jensen]

That's gonna piss me off if this comes out after. Because my paralyzed friends passed away. I hate that when this stuff comes out, I'm like, God, you.

[Brian Simpson]

It's always gonna happen that way.

[Jordan Jensen]

She was getting into stuff, though. She was getting into ear, Ear. Ear touch.

[Brian Simpson]

If you touch her ears, she'd get pumped.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, that was the thing. She was getting into all that. She had like a servant that would make art for her. That was awesome. So she kind of had it. She kind of had her own little neural link of girls that she paid.

[Brian Simpson]

We're probably about five years away from an unrecognizable world.

[Jordan Jensen]

You think? Five years?

[Brian Simpson]

Mm, yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

What about structures?

[Brian Simpson]

I mean, it'll be recognizable in terms of buildings, but I think, like, the way the world interfaces. The way we interface with the world's gonna be very different.

[Jordan Jensen]

You think? It's like, walk into a space and it'll be like, welcome, Jordan Jensen. We have.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, yeah. Probably weirder than that because there probably won't be people working there, bro.

[Jordan Jensen]

The Waymo is sick.

[Brian Simpson]

You like it?

[Jordan Jensen]

I thought I was so against it, I got in it. Not having to talk to some fucker. Being able to fart at will.

[Brian Simpson]

Right?

[Jordan Jensen]

Just. But here's what I'm wondering. Why don't people go take me to an hour place away and just. It. It's got to be cheaper than a hotel.

[Brian Simpson]

I bet people do.

[Jordan Jensen]

Gross.

[Jamie]

Won't go on the freeway yet, but people are definitely doing all that stuff.

[Jordan Jensen]

Really?

[Brian Simpson]

They're probably. There's got to be cameras filming. People care.

[Jamie]

I think they.

[Brian Simpson]

Yeah, they're like, let's go put on a Nixon mask and. Yeah, let's go.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, yeah. But I really like them.

[Brian Simpson]

Well, it's certainly probably safer, you know, they don't really get in that many accidents. If they do, it's usually somebody else's fault. Not the Waymo's fault.

[Jordan Jensen]

I'm sick of looking at plane pilots and being like, that's. He's. He's gonna be bad. This is gonna be man la. I had one that was so caked up, his ass was so amazing. It was the worst flight of my life. I was like, yeah, we can't have these la beautiful Barbies doing this. He was like a perfect kendo. And I was like, this is crazy.

[Brian Simpson]

They're gonna be real pro replaced.

[Jordan Jensen]

Great.

[Brian Simpson]

Be replaced with AI. AI is going to fly all the planes.

[Jordan Jensen]

I would love that. I hate the idea of these guys getting sleepies. I hate that. No, that's a big part of plane crashes.

[Brian Simpson]

How about the half strokes? They got that fifth booster and they stroke out while they're on the.

[Jordan Jensen]

Does that happen?

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, yeah.

[Jordan Jensen]

No.

[Brian Simpson]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. People are stroked out while they're flying.

[Jordan Jensen]

I'm not religious, but the private plane thing freaks me out because I'm worried that if God were to smite one of the planes, he'd be like, yeah, the comic who thinks they're hot with a private jet. Dead. You're dead. That one has kids in it.

[Brian Simpson]

That's what God's going to do. Not terrorists.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, yeah, not terrorists.

[Brian Simpson]

No, Smite the comic with a big ego. Yeah, that's funny. The people that take the photos in front of the private jet, they're the ones going to get smitten.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

You post it right before you get on the flight.

[Jordan Jensen]

I worry about that 100%. You're going down, dude.

[Brian Simpson]

Expensive.

[Jordan Jensen]

I'll look at a plane that I'm on, see if there's kids. I'm like, oh, we're safe. We're safe. God's not going to kill the. These kids.

[Brian Simpson]

That's funny.

[Jordan Jensen]

Yeah, totally.

[Brian Simpson]

Thank you. Thanks for being here. It's a lot of fun.

[Jordan Jensen]

Watch my special.

[Brian Simpson]

It's available right now on Netflix. What's it called Today?

[Jordan Jensen]

It came out today.

[Brian Simpson]

Today.

[Jordan Jensen]

Take me with you.

[Brian Simpson]

Take me with you. All right.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, yeah. Thanks for having me.

[Brian Simpson]

My pleasure. I'll see you tonight. We'll have some fun.

[Jordan Jensen]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Simpson]

All right. Bye, everybody.

[Jordan Jensen]

Foreign.

[Brian Simpson]

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