#2471 - Mark Normand

Summary

The Joe Rogan Experience #2471 - Mark Normand

Release Date: March 20, 2026
Guest: Mark Normand

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Joe Rogan welcomes comedian Mark Normand for a wide-ranging, irreverent, and quick-witted conversation. They discuss the challenges of breaking through in a saturated comedy market, commentary on current world events and politics, the power and pitfalls of social media, show-business absurdities, comic culture, and the importance of humility and perseverance in both comedy and life. True to form, the conversation veers from punchy one-liners to sharp social observations, peppered with self-deprecation and wild analogies. Throughout, both comedians maintain their sardonic, playful tone, jumping rapidly between news, cultural criticism, and personal anecdotes.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Saturation of Comedy and the Digital Content Era

[00:24–01:12]

• Mark celebrates the release of his Netflix special “None Too Pleased,” trying to break through in a sea of daily comedy releases.
  • “There's 19 comedy specials a day now. YouTube, Hulu, and the other thing, 4chan.” – Mark [00:47]
• Both joke about the challenge of gaining visibility with so much competition:
  • “You’re competing with content...there’s TikToks, there’s reels, there’s shorts. It never ends.” – Joe [01:01]
  • “Never been a time where there’s more things to watch and divide your attention.” – Joe [01:06]

2. War, Politics, and Absurd Modern News

[01:12–11:27]

• They riff on world events, including ongoing wars, political absurdities, and how attention is divided between news, entertainment, and the bizarre.
  • “So much to pay attention to. Politics. As only fans.” – Mark [01:16]
• Banter about Iran, gender politics, AI, and the challenges distinguishing reality from fabrication:
  • On AI videos (re: Netanyahu): “There’s a bunch of AI videos that Israel has released that are like, clearly. AI.” – Joe [04:55]
  • “Why would he just be doing…it looks like an ad for this coffee shop. He’s just hanging out at a coffee shop during a war.” – Mark [07:34]
  • “This looks fake as. First of all, it’s weird because he sips out of the cup, and yet the cup stays exactly the same level.” – Joe [07:12]
• Shows skepticism of official narratives, and the comedic extremes of fake news and conspiracies.

3. Social Media, Distraction, and Mental Health

[16:38–17:13, 41:06–44:02]

• Joe and Mark discuss pulling back from social media for mental health.
  • “I’m off social media. I've been off social media for a while. The only time I’m on is when someone sends me something funny.” – Joe [16:38]
• They note the paradox of living in an information glut, but feeling less certain about the truth than ever:
  • “It's a time where we've never had more information and no one's less sure about it.” – Joe [41:06]
• Touch on cultural loneliness and a lack of real connectivity despite, or because of, constant digital contact.

4. Fraud, Corruption, and Bureaucratic Absurdity

[42:25–46:28]

• Critique on fraud in social systems and bureaucracy, often referencing recent news and their own research.
  • “The biggest fraud in this country is Medicare fraud, Medicaid fraud…hundreds of billions of dollars in fraud.” – Joe relaying Elon Musk [42:25]
  • “You're just adding to the bureaucracy. You're adding to the government waste. You're adding to the possibility of fraud.” – Joe [49:02]
  • Mark: “But is he stupid or is he corrupt?”—on politicians and fraud. [43:29]

5. The Rise of Podcasting and Comedy Club Culture

[110:11–146:09]

• Discusses how the rise of podcasts has legitimized stand-up and given comics career longevity.
  • “Podcasts…people hear comics talk about it and they realize, oh, these are thinking people…going through this, like, very bizarre art form.” – Joe [110:11]
  • “I think this podcast saved the store.” – Mark [145:21]
• Comparison of old media systems (late-night, radio) to the open, loose format of podcasts.
  • “Opie and Anthony was the beginning of podcasts.” – Joe [149:50]
  • Noting the supportiveness and creative freedom of the podcast/new club environment versus older, more competitive structures.

6. Culture Wars: Cancel Culture, Diversity, and Art

[98:45–103:35]

• Dissect cancel culture, comedic “pile-ons,” and the current trend of diversity quotas in arts:
  • “It’s insane that you would have diversity quotas when you’re talking about art.” – Joe [99:14]
  • “Just make movies, and if people like it, they like it. But this idea of having a diversity quota…” – Joe [99:51]
• The futility and hypocrisy of attempting to police art and conversation:
  • Mark: “Because I'm a big movie guy, and that really, really bummed me out.” (re: Oscars regulations) [98:48]
  • “Awards for art are just nuts.” – Joe [101:13]
• They share the opinion that authenticity and quality should be the priority in artistic expression.

7. Human Nature, Envy, Competition, and Humility

[94:48–97:01]

• Mark and Joe explore ambition, jealousy, and the importance of self-improvement over external comparison:
  • “Compare yourself to who you were yesterday…figure out what you fucked up yesterday. Do better.” – Joe [94:50]
  • “I never wanted to take someone down, but I definitely have felt jealousy. But then I realized that's a feeling, you know, and…you should be inspired.” – Joe [95:06]
• Discuss the value of humility, acknowledging when you’re wrong, and the dangers of ego.

8. Psychology, Adversity, Self-Discipline

[121:14–124:14]

• Joe emphasizes the benefits of voluntary adversity (cold plunges, workouts, martial arts) to manage stress and keep perspective:
  • “Do something more difficult voluntarily, and it makes the difficult thing easy.” – Joe [121:14]
  • “Comfort is your enemy. It really is.” – Joe [124:03]
• Both advocate for discipline, delayed gratification, and confronting discomfort as keys to both comedy and a fulfilling life.

9. Cancel Culture & Social Justice

[81:22–88:49]

• They discuss the weaponization of cancel culture, false accusations, and the need to punish bad-faith actors:
  • “If canceling works, you can use it. You can weaponize it.” – Mark [88:30]
  • “We should punish the people that make fake claims.” – Joe [82:55]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On the Comedy Market:

• Mark [00:47]: “There's 19 comedy specials a day now. YouTube and Hulu and the other thing, 4chan.”
• Joe [01:06]: “Never been a time where there's more things to watch and divide your attention.”

On AI and Reality:

• Joe [04:55]: “There’s a bunch of AI videos that Israel has released that are like, clearly. AI.”
• Joe [07:12]: “He sips out of the cup, and yet the cup stays exactly the same level…”

On Government Waste:

• Joe [43:12]: “They're just taking money. And they're getting millions and millions. It's crazy.”

On Social Media Anxiety:

• Joe [41:06]: “It's a time where we've never had more information and no one's less sure about it.”

On Cancel Culture:

• Joe [83:00]: “They should have to do half the time of the sentence.”

On Comedy Hierarchy & Pile-ons:

• Joe [92:09]: “When comics do pylons, I'm like, good Lord…I'll never fuck with you again.”

On Humility and Growth:

• Joe [94:50]: “Compare yourself to who you were yesterday…Do a better job.”
• Joe [95:06]: “I never wanted to take someone down, but I definitely have felt jealousy…but you should be inspired.”

On Diversity Quotas in Film:

• Joe [99:14]: “It’s insane that you would have diversity quotas when you’re talking about art.”

On Comfort vs. Adversity:

• Joe [124:03]: “Comfort is your enemy. It really is.”

On Online Discourse:

• Joe [96:58]: “Social media is not real...it's supposed to be dialogue. People are supposed to communicate the way we're doing.”

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Topic / Segment | |:-------------:|:-------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:24 - 01:12 | The flood of comedy specials and the challenge of standing out | | 04:55 - 09:02 | Fake news, war coverage, and the rise of AI “deepfakes” | | 16:38 - 17:13 | Ditching social media for sanity | | 41:06 - 44:02 | Information overload and uncertainty in the digital age | | 42:25 - 46:28 | Corruption and fraud in American bureaucracy | | 81:22 - 88:49 | Cancel culture, false allegations, and the need for fair justice | | 94:48 - 97:01 | Envy, humility, and growth vs. ego and tearing others down | | 98:45 - 103:35| Cancel culture, Oscar regulations, and policing artistic expression | | 110:11-146:09 | Podcasting, the evolution of comedy clubs, and standup culture | |121:14-124:14 | Voluntary adversity, discipline, and mental fortitude |

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Tone and Style Highlights

• The conversation is rapid-fire, irreverent, and often laced with sarcasm, wordplay, and playful insults.
• Both comics blend blunt honesty with self-deprecation and sharp observational humor.
• They frequently switch between personal anecdotes, social commentary, and cultural analysis, often stretching analogies for comic exaggeration.
• The episode features meta-commentary on the act of podcasting and the evolution of public conversation.
• Social criticism is matched by acknowledgment of uncertainty—in politics, news, and even self-perception.

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Conclusion

This episode of The Joe Rogan Experience delivers a raucous, roaming discussion on modern comedy, the overwhelming noise of contemporary culture, pitfalls of social media, the absurdities of both politics and showbiz, and the steady importance of humility, discipline, and camaraderie. Mark and Joe offer both comic relief from, and incisive insight into, the madness of current events. For fans of candid, off-the-cuff wisdom, gallows humor, and philosophical detours, this is a quintessential JRE installment.

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Transcript

[A]

Joe Rogan podcast. Check it out.

[B]

The Joe Rogan Experience.

[A]

Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. Hey, Charlie. Kirk. No, don't shoot him.

[B]

Oh, no, don't say that. No, don't.

[A]

Doug's a Nazi. All right?

[B]

He's gonna sit right here and chill out. What up, dog? New Netflix special out now.

[A]

You got that right.

[B]

Let's go.

[A]

None too, please. Check it out. We just hit number five, so I'm trying to get to uno.

[B]

Well, maybe this will do it.

[A]

Hopefully. Hopefully.

[B]

I'll put it up on my Instagram when the show runs.

[A]

All right, thank you. Thank you. Everything helps.

[B]

It's a saturated market.

[A]

I know. There's 19 comedy specials a day now. YouTube and Hulu and the other thing, 4chan.

[B]

It's not just that. There's like, just. You're competing with content. You think about how many shows there are now, it's kind of nuts.

[A]

I mean, forget shows. There's shows. There's tick tocks, there's reels, the shorts. It never ends.

[B]

Never been a time where there's more things to watch and divide your attention.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And then there's the war.

[A]

Yay, there's the war.

[B]

So much to pay attention to.

[A]

Politics. As only fans.

[B]

Yeah. So, so much to pay attention to, buddy.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

So much. Charlie.

[A]

We'll just pretend that's Ari.

[B]

He's back.

[A]

Well, you know, Ari always gets too high, and an hour in, he just shuts up.

[B]

Don't fall off the table.

[A]

Hey, he looks like the Ayatollah now. Have you seen him? He's got the beard.

[B]

I know.

[A]

And he's gay.

[B]

Came to the club the other day. He's gay now, too.

[A]

Yeah, The Ayatollah.

[B]

Oh, the new Ayatolls.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Is that real?

[A]

That's what Trump said.

[B]

I think that's Israel.

[A]

He's never lied.

[B]

Oh, I think they're just trying to with the guy. Because if you get. If you're gay in Iran, they just throw you off a building, right?

[A]

He's gonna have to throw himself off.

[B]

You know, that was like, one of the first places or the number one place in the world for transgender surgeries.

[A]

I heard that.

[B]

Because you couldn't be gay, so you'd

[A]

rather be a woman.

[B]

You say you have to be a woman. You in the ass.

[A]

That's kind of progressive.

[B]

I can't get fucked. Well, you can. I guess they don't check, right? You get fucked in your fake cooter.

[A]

Fake cooter. That sounds like an Austin Bar, it probably will be. Yeah.

[B]

After this.

[A]

Iran, I mean, they've got to be terrified. I don't know much about anything, but I would be scared to fight a country that is having a fist fight on the White House lawn. That's how badass and crazy we are. We're fighting at the president's house. Each other.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We're gonna fuck you up.

[B]

I'm not thrilled about that.

[A]

You're gonna be there.

[B]

Yeah, I'll be there, but I'm not thrilled about it. Doesn't seem like a wise idea. Yeah, it looks like they are targeting the fucking reporter.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Hey, Charlie, Come here, buddy.

[A]

Oh, this dog is gonna be a. It's gonna be a whole different show here.

[B]

He just has to relax. He's never been with me alone before. He's only been with my wife alone. But he loves me. He slept with me last. He sleeps in the bed with my daughter, so. He slept with me last night.

[A]

Oh, boy, that's good. We got. We got diversity here. It's a brown dog.

[B]

Yeah, they. They attacked that reporter man.

[A]

Crazy it looked.

[B]

I mean, unless it was a wayward missile, which is like. What happened to precision strikes?

[A]

Oh, yeah, they were surgical.

[B]

Remember, they would call them surgical.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Magic Calling a bomb that's going, like 5,000 miles an hour surgical.

[A]

I think they got old equipment over there. They got Atari and shit. They're way behind. But we hit a school that was on us, I think.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

But 100. Even in our other countries, we're shooting schools.

[B]

Well, the school was. Unfortunately. What is it?

[A]

Whoa. Is that the. Damn. That's quite a hit.

[B]

Whoa. That's nuts.

[A]

Jesus Christ. Looks like la.

[B]

It's crazy that you can capture it. Like, how good are these cameras? Meanwhile, they couldn't catch that plane flying into the Pentagon.

[A]

True.

[B]

Right. When you see that thing, that. That thing looks just like a missile, too, right? What do you think that was, that plane that hit the Pentagon? It doesn't really look like a plane. Why would they be shooting a missile into a place that's already been hit by missiles?

[A]

And why is it in Russia? Oh, that's just. Reporter.

[B]

Russia. Russia Today reporter.

[A]

Oh, got it, got it. Sorry.

[B]

Yeah, rt. You know that Channel I in Lebanon. Oh, in Lebanon. I wonder if they're going after press. Because they've gone after press before.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, they've been accused of shooting press in Gaza, right? Yeah.

[A]

Smart, because they want to tell their own story. I don't want you in there with your cameras.

[B]

Yeah, what do you think about these Netanyahu videos?

[A]

I haven't seen them.

[B]

You haven't seen them?

[A]

No.

[B]

They think he might be dead.

[A]

What?

[B]

Yeah, there's a bunch of AI videos that Israel has released that are like, clearly. AI.

[A]

What?

[B]

Show. Show him the one where there's. In the. The cafe. This one's nuts. Like, this one, I would assume that some kid made.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Around on his computer.

[A]

All right.

[B]

I saw it. I was like, there's no way they're really trying to pass this off as an actual video of Netanyahu at a cafe.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In the middle of the war. Like, everything is common, peaceful.

[A]

That one?

[B]

Yeah. This one? Well, that's just a clip show the actual

[A]

bb.

[B]

It's on the Israel website or the Israel Twitter page.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Yeah. No, they released it.

[A]

Holy moly. He did? That's crazy.

[B]

Well, his brother's dead. His brother got killed in a missile strike recently. Yes.

[A]

What?

[B]

Yes, they struck his. Are you just not online? What's going on?

[A]

I just watch funny and goof around.

[B]

Pour some of that. Let's.

[A]

I got you, baby.

[B]

Go. Come on, give me some.

[A]

Oh, hey, I thought you quit the sauce.

[B]

Oh, no, I got back on.

[A]

Hey, I think you got. You turned Muslim or something. I didn't know what happened.

[B]

I'm back.

[A]

Hell yeah.

[B]

Alhamdulillah. Pour me one easy.

[A]

Zoran. Bodega cat.

[B]

Cheers, sir.

[A]

Cheers. Hey, good to be back with Alvari's dead weight holding us down.

[B]

I don't get drunk. O. I might this off this stuff, though. But I have started drinking again. I took, like, eight months off. It was a good reset.

[A]

I mean, I. You're so sure I'll take a week off, and I'm like, limitless.

[B]

Yeah, well, I realized that because of the club, I was just drinking too much.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I was just tired all the time, like. And I'd go to workout the next day. I was like, God, I feel like shit. Why am I doing this to myself? And then I took eight months off. Then I had a glass of wine with dinner. I was like, oh, I like it. And I had a margarita, and I was like, oh, I'm back.

[A]

It's a great time.

[B]

This one. So look at this. This is a.

[A]

That's fake.

[B]

Well, people have zoomed in on the. The signs and stuff, and it's not even real writing. He's saying, look, I have five fingers. He's joking around, you know, because there was an AI video before that people are criticizing because it looked like one of his fingers had grown an extra appendage.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I think that just looked like the crease of his hand, honestly, to me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This looks fake as. First of all, it's weird because he sips out of the cup, and yet the cup stays exactly the same level. And. And no matter where he moves the cup around, it doesn't spill.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, there's. There's a moment where he turns the cup, like, almost sideways. It moves way too much for it to not spill at all.

[A]

And why would he just be doing. It looks like an ad for this coffee shop. He's just hanging out at a coffee shop during a war.

[B]

And also, like, how's everybody so casual.

[A]

Yeah, he didn't tip, though, so that's. That's. The. Judaism is coming through. But. Yeah. Now this is crazy.

[B]

Looks like. AI. Like, he looks like he's got a beauty filter on that doesn't look like a human being.

[A]

Totally. This is silly.

[B]

Let me hear what he's saying. What is he saying? Is it in Hebrew? Look, everybody's happy to see him. Can you imagine if you were in that coffee shop? Be like, please leave. Please leave before the bombs come. Please leave before they target you. They're trying to find that guy everywhere he goes. Yeah, but the.

[A]

Look at that. See, we got the AOLA in there, too.

[B]

They faked that one. Look at that. They're just showing you how easy it is.

[A]

There's some really good AI platforms now. And to know what they would have that they're not showing is.

[B]

Who knows?

[A]

This is. He's got. Come on. He can't be dead.

[B]

He might be dead. His brother's. See, that's like. Look at this. Yeah, like the coffee. Look how turned it is. But it doesn't spill at all. It just wiggles to the edge. And then they've also shown that, like, on the register and then some of the signs. The writing's not real. It's very, very weird.

[A]

Well, RIP Drink one for. For Yahoo.

[B]

We hasn't been seen publicly in over a week, so he might be gone.

[A]

Yeah, there's a lot of crazy shit going on. I can't give up with the Hormuz. I don't know what that's about.

[B]

That's completely closed now.

[A]

They.

[B]

They even bombed. Like, the Saudis had another way to move oil out into another direction across the Red Sea, I believe it is. And the. The Iranians bombed that yesterday.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's getting hot, dude. It's. It's scary.

[A]

Speaking live as we.

[B]

Oh, in front of people.

[A]

He's alive in front of people.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Just open Twitter back up. And this was there.

[B]

I wonder. So if he is alive, I wonder why they would release that clearly AI video. Because that, like this looks like a normal human, right?

[A]

Yeah, kind of.

[B]

This doesn't look said that privately.

[A]

It's a little glossy.

[B]

The world owes a debt of deep indebtedness, deep indebtedness to President Trump for leading this effort to safeguard our future. Yeah, but this guy's been trying to get war with Iran for decades, man.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, he's loving this.

[B]

And if he's not, by the way, if he's not in war, he's not in office anymore. And then, and then he gets indicted, like, right. He's in the middle of at least one case, one corruption case.

[A]

Well, this is his Super Bowl. He's. He's in heaven.

[B]

So there's people in the audience, right? So this is real.

[A]

I mean, there's. That they're not at this angle. Doesn't show them. It's a, a static angle, but you can hear people's voices, which, you know, if we want to be.

[B]

Oh, they don't show the people.

[A]

You could say that's fake.

[B]

But I need to see the people. I need to see somebody hug them.

[A]

So wait, why aren't you.

[B]

I need to see somebody jerk them off. I want to know it's real.

[A]

Let's see that. No foreskin.

[B]

Do you imagine if they did show that? They just show them just blasting like 12 foot arcs of rope. Just fire hose of jizz to show how virile he is.

[A]

Man of chevitz. Now, why you not. Why are you not looking forward to the White House fight?

[B]

Well, it's kind of a gimmick. Of course there's that and you know, people are criticizing the card, but if it was any other card, it's a great card. Just they're criticizing it because they said it was going to be the greatest card of all time. And it's also, it's just going to be a security nightmare.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

You're on the White House lawn. Also, they're fighting outside. What if it rains? What if it's hot? You're in the middle of June, right. June in D.C. can get pretty warm.

[A]

Yep, yep.

[B]

That, that affects fighters. Like, we only did one outside fight that I was a part of and that was in Abu Dhabi and it was a nightmare. Yeah, it was really hot and there was bugs flying around their side of size of birds. It was crazy.

[A]

It's like stand up. You got to do it indoors, 100%. Outside is hell for stand up.

[B]

Yeah, it's terrible.

[A]

Terrible. Most shows are bad outside, but here's my idea. We do White House fight, but we fight politicians. Huh? Get Bobert versus aoc. Now that's a fight.

[B]

I like that.

[A]

But I think. I think RFK would win everything.

[B]

I think Jasmine Crockett whoops them all.

[A]

Oh, yeah, she's feisty. She'd take a shoe off.

[B]

She pulls a wig off, stuffs it

[A]

in your mouth, takes her earrings off. I'm terrified.

[B]

Well, she's not a politician anymore. She lost, right?

[A]

Yeah, but she'll be around. They never leave. Maybe they go forever, these guys. Bernie's still cooking.

[B]

Yeah, but he's a senator. He's been a senator forever. I mean, she's lost, so who knows what's going to happen?

[A]

But Hillary's around. What is she doing?

[B]

She's probably eating.

[A]

Ah, you think? I hope. I mean, she needs a relief. This guy, this lady. I kind of like Hillary just because she's, you know, she got cheated on publicly with the Monica thing. Now she's doing the Epstein's island stuff. She lost the presidential race, and she's still out there. She's kind of a badass. I would kill myself at this point.

[B]

Well, she's also got, like, a list of people that have mysteriously disappeared.

[A]

Oh, is that right?

[B]

That are attached to her and Bill.

[A]

Oh, really? Yeah.

[B]

You don't know about that?

[A]

No, for real.

[B]

I don't know about the Clinton body count.

[A]

I know Norm was on the View years ago, and he said Clinton killed a guy.

[B]

Yeah, he said killed a bunch of people.

[A]

I think that's where I get my information.

[B]

It's a good way to get it from the View, but super solid, detailed information.

[A]

But she's getting, like, grilled by the Epstein people or about Epstein, and she's just, like, going off and Bill's reminiscing.

[B]

Well, she walked. She stormed out. Because Lauren Bobert took a picture of her.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And posted it online. Like, that's it.

[A]

I'm leaving. Yeah. How are you allowed to leave? Yeah, exactly.

[B]

Somebody took a picture. Sit the down. You're not even in office anymore. You're just a civilian. Sit your fucking ass down and answer the questions. Yeah, like it's just an excuse to leave.

[A]

But you got to head to Bill. He's denying till he dies.

[B]

Nothing. I was only there for humanitarian purposes.

[A]

We got photos and everything.

[B]

I was just getting Massages and hugging nice people.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Nothing untoward was done to me or anyone else that was there. As far as I know.

[A]

This is pretty good.

[B]

I didn't see that side of Jeffrey Epstein.

[A]

You gotta bring this back.

[B]

Hey,

[A]

look at this guy. We got photo evidence.

[B]

That lady's smiling. If she claims victim, I call horseshit. She looks like she's having a good time. Also, that's a woman. You know, it's like, once you're a woman, okay, you know, unless someone's holding a gun to your head. If we're talking about children, we're talking about a different thing. But there's a lot of these ladies that were grown women when they were doing this. And the emails that were exchanged between Epstein and these women, like they were well aware of what's going on. At least some of them were. There was this Russian lady. It was talking. She was recruiting girls. Who's saying this one's. This one's a fat ass. She needs to lose some weight. Like, she's trying to get these girls to work with Epstein, right?

[A]

Who? Just Lane?

[B]

No, wasn't just Lane. It was some other Russian lady.

[A]

Oh, damn.

[B]

Like these. Some of these ladies, at least, were like. Look, the real criticism, the real legitimate criticism is, were there underage girls involved? Now, clearly, they were in Epstein's past. He went to jail for it. The whole Palm beach thing with the underage masseuses. But some of these are just ladies who did bad things, they made bad decisions, and they probably wound up on that island for money.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. A couple of horror moves.

[B]

Oh, hey, where you going, buddy? Charlie. He snuck out little. I'm a little worried about. I was hoping. He looked like he was totally calm just sitting in that chair. Oh, Jamie's got him now, bro. You're locked up. Jamie's used to having a little dog in his lap. Oh, he's giving you kisses.

[A]

Damn. Not a Rogan fan, huh? Doesn't like the pot. He's bored.

[B]

No, he just. He doesn't. Doesn't know this environment. I think he's so weirded out. And then he was out there with the mountain lion. Stuffed mountain alligators. Like in the werewolf. He's like, what the Is this. This place? He's never been here before.

[A]

Then there's weed smoke, there's dog.

[B]

I think he's a little weirded out.

[A]

Cigars, right?

[B]

Everything whiskey in here. He probably smells that.

[A]

Speaking of which, you got any of those stogies?

[B]

Yeah, let's bust them out.

[A]

I would love a stogie let's go. Hell, yeah, boy. See, I can't keep up with all the news. You know about Epstein, you know about Iran, you know about Israel, you know about Hillary. This is.

[B]

I barely know. I'm off social media. I've been off social media for a while. The only time I'm on is when someone sends me something funny.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I go and check it and then I find myself scrolling for like 30 seconds and I would stop.

[A]

That's how they get you.

[B]

Stop scrolling.

[A]

It's impossible. He's so good at it.

[B]

He said knuckle sandwich. Where these come from? Knuckle sandwich is. That can't be the same place because there's a. Isn't there a place? There's Knuckle Sandwich, which is the sandwich truck in Austin, which is awesome.

[A]

Chris Brown's album.

[B]

Oh, these are Guy Fieri cigars. All right, let's hope they're good.

[A]

Did you see that bachelorette who got kicked off for beating the shit out of her husband?

[B]

Yo.

[A]

Yeah, my wife's a big reality lady, and that's healthy. I know, right? She loves it. All of us 90 day fiance chicks love that shit. They love it. That and true crime.

[B]

Yes, right? Isn't it weird?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I get the true crime crime because they don't really commit those kind of violent acts, so they probably need to understand, like, the male mind.

[A]

Right?

[B]

That makes sense to me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But what I don't understand is.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

I mean, I don't know, maybe I'm just stuck up. It's almost time for spring break, so maybe you're headed to the beach, or maybe you're taking the kids on a road trip, or maybe you're just taking some extra time for yourself. No matter what, you deserve a break and a reset. And AG1 can help. AG1 is your daily health drink. Just one scoop. Combines your multivitamin, pre and probiotics, superfoods and antioxidants to help support a healthy immune system and digestion. Plus, it travels really well, so you can start working it into your routine. Even when you don't have a routine, just slip a few travel packs into your luggage and have a nice flight. I've talked about AG1 for a long time, and it's not just me. I know a lot of people enjoy it. It's very easy, it's very convenient, and you deserve to take care of your health. Visit drink ag1.com Joe Rogan. And for a limited time, get a bottle of Omega 3, vitamin D3K2 and an AG1 flavor sampler for free in your welcome kit with your first subscription. That's an 111 value@drink ag1.com. Joe Rogan.

[A]

Well, they say it's biological. They're like, oh, I'm learning how to avoid these scary moments.

[B]

No, I get that. Because it is like my daughter. Young daughters, they all love it. Everyone loves it. Their friends love it. Yeah, it's like the number one show with ladies.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Like, the number one podcast with ladies is true crime.

[A]

It's great.

[B]

You know what the number two show for ladies is?

[A]

What?

[B]

You're on it.

[A]

Hey, get out of here. Really?

[B]

Number one with black people, too. Holla. Hey, take that. Shay.

[A]

Shay.

[B]

Holla.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Shout out to all my African American friends.

[A]

Hell, yeah.

[B]

Go. These are not bad guy. Fitter. Let's go, Guy.

[A]

I love Guy.

[B]

He's a fun dude.

[A]

Cool dude.

[B]

Got a bunch of yellow cars, though. That's odd.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Not. Not the best fashion sense. You know, shirts with flames on it, frosted tips.

[B]

Yeah, but you're paying attention.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

If you want to be a chef and you want to be, like, a celebrity chef, you gotta either be a great narrator and a great writer, like Bourdain.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or you got to be, like, angry, like Gordon Ramsay. Ramsay.

[A]

Yeah, that's true. But what happened to show when I was kidding, chefs were like, fat guys with beards, and now they all have. They're jacked with tats.

[B]

Yeah, well, they're all. They all look like artists, because they

[A]

are artists, I guess.

[B]

But I didn't really think of that until I watched Bourdain show. And then I was like, oh, these guys are making temporary art.

[A]

That's true. Then you eat it.

[B]

Yeah, but it is art.

[A]

It is art. Yeah. They're mixing oils. There's a lot of chemistry. But they kind of went the same path as porn stars. Porn stars used to be, like, voluptuous and hairy bush. And now they're all, like. They're all, like, MMA fighters. They're jacked and taken in the ass. It's wild. They're all tatted up and pierced and shit.

[B]

One of the things that I've been watching a lot when the world is going completely crazy, I watch people making street food in other countries.

[A]

Oh, that.

[B]

With no language, no talking. It's all asmr. It's all them cooking.

[A]

Oh, yeah. And no regulations either.

[B]

Bring them over here. Bring them over here.

[A]

Come on. They're. They're not washing hands over there.

[B]

Have a seat.

[A]

And they'll use roadkill. Whatever. Like, they don't. They don't give a shit.

[B]

No, they're. They're using good food. It was Afghanistan. They were making roast chicken.

[A]

Oh, come on, dude.

[B]

I'm telling you. I'll send it to Jamie and you'll.

[A]

All right, all right.

[B]

It's exciting.

[A]

I mean, I ate halal trucks for 10 years when I was broke. They're great.

[B]

They are great.

[A]

But I could be eating pigeon and probably children.

[B]

Not children, but definitely pigeon. Probably pigeons made it into your mouth a couple of times. All right, let me find these. I watch so much, dude. YouTube is my number one thing since I'm off social media.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

It's my number one thing for distraction.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Oh, yeah. This is exactly. Jamie, you're the best. This is it. Most cheap food in Afghanistan. This guy, he sets up, they cook all this stuff and you, you. I mean, it's like a 40 minute video or something. How long is it? Yeah, yeah, it's like a 40, 40 minute video. I watched the whole thing just like at home, chilling after a long day's work, just watching people cook. Street food in Afghanistan. It looks delicious.

[A]

Look at those spices. My God.

[B]

Yeah. And they. They have meat in this stew pot and they. Well, it's like, you know, a big wok. It looks like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They boil it up with all this salt and all these herbs and spices, and then they got these roast chickens, and they take these chickens and they stick them in spikes. If you back up the video a little bit, it's earlier in the video you show. They take these chickens and they just have this big flame in the middle, and then they stick these chickens all around the flame.

[A]

This is hell for a vegan, the shape of that. Fun fact. I think if this is true, that's because that's. They used to flip their shields upside down.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

Sort of like with the Genghis Khan stir fry.

[B]

Oh, hell yeah.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

That makes sense.

[A]

Yeah, man. Would it be great at the end? This is a big drone strike.

[B]

Well, we don't bomb Afghanistan anymore. We send them money.

[A]

Oh, is that right now?

[B]

We send the Taliban money, man. We send them a ton of money.

[A]

We hook up everybody. Ukraine should go to.

[B]

Back to the chickens, though. If you back up.

[A]

Whoa. He's got a little brush.

[B]

No, you. Yeah, there it is. So this is how he does it. So they have this fire in the middle, and they just take these chickens on a stick and they just rotate them and they put them in the center. They put the fire in the center and the chickens all around them, and they rotate them. I got so hungry, I had to go in the kitchen and make myself food afterwards.

[A]

This is a chicken holocaust. Yeah.

[B]

Looks good, right?

[A]

Man, it does look amazing.

[B]

Yeah, dude, it looks delicious.

[A]

I mean, you ever get the rotisserie chicken at the grocery store? Oh, there's nothing better.

[B]

Pretty good.

[A]

It's good. You just eat it with knife and fork. No, no, no.

[B]

Nothing you like. That's a good thing to do when you just want to be completely distracted. That's what I like. I like watching people make, like, tables.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Furniture. And that.

[A]

That. The horse hoof cleaning is great. I watched that too.

[B]

Farriers.

[A]

What is that? Is that something in us? I think it times.

[B]

It must be.

[A]

It must be.

[B]

Like, there's a nail in his hoof.

[A]

Oh, get it out, get it out. Get the gunk out.

[B]

Help the horse.

[A]

Yeah, and the horse loves it. That's a good one. What else is good? The pressure washing is kind of fun. That's what I'm really high. I take an edible. I just wash a guy, he's just washing a wall, and it goes from black to. To cement.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Views?

[B]

32 million. Okay, so what is that? Why. Why are we so interested in watching people clean up horse hooves?

[A]

Well, I think part of it is it doesn't hurt the horse, and it looks like it would. So that's kind of fascinating because it's all. What is that, like, cartilage or.

[B]

It's all, like, fingernail stuff, I guess so. Giant fat fingernails.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

That's what it's like. I mean, that's what a horse hoof is. And if they don't take care of the hooves, they get real weird, and they look like, like, Arab shoes where they curl up at the tips.

[A]

Yeah, right. Right there. Like that.

[B]

Like that.

[A]

There it is.

[B]

So this must be. Somebody just, like, completely neglected that poor horse.

[A]

But what did horses do in the.

[B]

They wear off from running around.

[A]

Oh, I see.

[B]

Yeah. Just like a dog's fingernails. Like, you have to TR Dog's nails. Unless the dogs run around outside a lot. Then you don't have to do anything.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

Oh, the dogs don't have.

[A]

Now they never stop growing.

[B]

Rat teeth don't stop growing. Beaver teeth don't. Right.

[A]

Is that right? I didn't know.

[B]

Oh, shearing.

[A]

Oh, this is good stuff. Wow.

[B]

Isn't it amazing? How many views? How many. How many views does that have?

[A]

Guess.

[B]

Yeah. 23 million.

[A]

I'm going to go 3 million subscribers on the channel. I'm going to go up 80 million.

[B]

3 million subscribers. 3.7 million.

[A]

Oh, wow. This is just a Greek guy.

[B]

Look at that. There's another guy that I love. It's. The channel's called Wilderness Cooking. And this guy lives in Azerbaijan and he cooks in the mountains. It always looks delicious. And then at the end of it, he has a bite of it and he looks at you and he goes, super. He, like puts. Gives you a thumb up. Yeah, it's a great channel. It's. And that guy's got millions and millions, this dude. So he's always like. He catches fish and he does all the things. He. He makes his own fire. And he's always cooking in weird ways.

[A]

Let's see. This guy's way happier than all of us.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He's having a good time. Well, he lives in peaceful mountains. He's making delicious food.

[A]

Imagine him on cameo just saying, super. He could make a billion dollars.

[B]

Happy birthday. Super. Wow. Who's. Who makes the most on cameo? They're still doing that?

[A]

Yeah. Really?

[B]

Yeah. Who's like the number one earner on Cameo?

[A]

That's a great question. Sure. Dynamite had a run. It's gotta be somebody with a catchphrase.

[B]

Is Jimmy Walker still alive?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Is he still touring?

[A]

I. I'd imagine. I don't know how he pays the bills. These old guys, you wonder how they have money, right? Can that last? Like, how long does Dynamite.

[B]

You know what I worry about guys who are like Middle Axe, like 20 years ago.

[A]

And yes.

[B]

Faded out. Like, what are you doing?

[A]

I assume Uber John Kiriko.

[B]

John KiraKao is number one.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's crazy. So he does cameos.

[A]

Who's that? I don't know what that is.

[B]

Who are all the. John Kirko.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Former CIA guy. Went to jail. Yeah, they put him in jail. A golfer.

[A]

That's my buddy Bob.

[B]

Oh, you know him? Yeah. And he's number two. How much money is he making?

[A]

I mean, he does a lot of these. He was always in a fight, like, with Santa during Christmas time. And Jon Gruden's been up here for a while, but he's not currently on here.

[B]

Oh, that dude Soy Tiet, the guy who sings.

[A]

Oh, yeah. He's fun.

[B]

Yeah. And then who's red? Is that one of the island boys? Who's that guy in the lower left corner?

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Those guys are still at it.

[A]

Then the rest of these, I don't know who they are.

[B]

So John Kirkow costs $179. Bam. For one of those.

[A]

Oh, bam. Marguera's good for him.

[B]

Who else is in there? Anybody you know? No.

[A]

No names I do not recognize. Mick Foley.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

Oh, Red Dead Redemption guy.

[B]

Oh, Nick Foley, the wrestler.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

How odd. What an odd thing.

[A]

Who's buying a rapaport?

[B]

President Donald Trump. Parody is number 37, Michael Rappaport.

[A]

He's screaming enough for free. Oh, Buffer's got to be up there. Of course.

[B]

Buffer?

[A]

Yeah. He's 49. I've seen people in a hotel. They've, like, heard him doing them.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I've seen him do it. I've seen him do them. I've been with him when he's doing them.

[A]

How crazy his story with his brother.

[B]

Crazy.

[A]

Isn't that bananas? Yeah, that kind of shit blows my mind.

[B]

Didn't even know his brother till they

[A]

were, like, 30, and they just found each other with the. With the voice, both fighting.

[B]

Yeah, well, he was, like, the budget buffer in the beginning. Like, he was like, if you couldn't afford Michael, you got Bruce. But now Bruce is way better than Michael. No disrespect to Michael.

[A]

Oh, boy.

[B]

But Michael gets. You know, Michael's smooth. Let's get ready to rumble. Which is perfect for boxing, but Bruce is perfect for mma.

[A]

Yeah, he's got more flair.

[B]

Height.

[A]

Oh, yeah. He's got the suit on.

[B]

He's gonna drop dead doing that one day. We've all called it. Because he gets beat Red. And now he's, like, deep in his 60s.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I don't know how old he is.

[A]

And he parties, too. I think.

[B]

Bruce parties?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

How do you know?

[A]

There's a bunch of videos of him. He got into a fist fight in an elevator with an MMA fighter.

[B]

Oh, that was a Frank Trigg. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Kind of a fistfight. Like a little bit of a Pushing, shoving, probably. Frank Trigg would literally kill him.

[A]

I know. That's why I'm impressed, because he. He stood up to him.

[B]

Frank Trigg was a animal when he was young.

[A]

Yeah. I would not like.

[B]

I think it was when Frank was still fighting.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

I don't think Frank really fought him back. I think that would be a very quick encounter.

[A]

But just the fact that he. He was up for it.

[B]

I don't know what really happened.

[A]

I think the story's online somewhere.

[B]

Yeah, it's Bruce's version of the story.

[A]

Yeah, it's true.

[B]

You know what I mean? I don't know. Not that Bruce is lying. Bruce Might have thought he was in a fight and Frank might have thought it was hilarious.

[A]

Right? Right.

[B]

I don't know. Yeah, but Bruce did martial arts most of his life.

[A]

The craziest coincidence of all. And get. Get your fingers ready, jmo. Dennis the Menace. The cartoon was invented in England and in America on the same day.

[B]

What?

[A]

Put that in your pipe and jizz on it. Get. Get that cooking. Oh, yeah, because they were like, oh, you must have stolen this. So they went back and. And researched it. They were both invented, same character, same name, on the same day and the same year.

[B]

That makes no sense.

[A]

Isn't that bananas? My brain blew up.

[B]

That literally makes no sense.

[A]

It's crazy. So that's a fun one.

[B]

How's that possible?

[A]

I don't know. Just, you know, monkeys writing on a typewriter eventually get Shakespeare. Two guys thinking of the same thing, same day, across the pond.

[B]

Maybe that's one of those things. Like, what is that called? Like. Like Berenstein Bears. The Mandala Effect.

[A]

Oh, yeah. That's not the same thing. Because that's like, when it's not real, this is something that's real. That's true.

[B]

Right? That's right.

[A]

Right.

[B]

No, I'm thinking of the wrong thing. What does Perplexity say? Our lovely AI sponsor? Perplexity says there's actually two completely separate Dennis the Menace comic strip characters that debuted almost simultaneously in 1951. Created in the UK and the US so how would they even know about each other back then?

[A]

Oh, sorry. It's 17th and 12, so they're five days apart.

[B]

Who started first? British. Was the 17th.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

On sale issue dated the 17th of March. On sale the 12th of March. Created by these guys. American on the 12th of March. No, like basically the same day. On sale. On sale the same day.

[A]

Unbelievable. Blonde hair, overalls,

[B]

and it said.

[A]

Hold.

[B]

Go back to what the saying was again. It said, your son is a menace, as. Did they both say that? No.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Wow. Both mischievous little boys, but they look different. UK Dennis has black hair. Red and black jumper, US Dennis, blonde hair, overalls. They live in different fictional worlds. Creators worked entirely independently. No evidence either knew about the other before publication. So it's treated as a famous coincidence rather than copying. Wow.

[A]

Unreal. There they are, side by side.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

That kind of is kooky.

[B]

It's weird. That's like when rats. You like if you teach a rat how to get out of a maze on the east coast, rats on the west coast get out of the maze quicker.

[A]

No way. Yeah.

[B]

There's a guy named Rupert Sheldrick. He calls it morphic resonance. He thinks there's some sort of, like, communication that all animals have with each other all over the world that we can't quantify, that we can't measure, but it seems real.

[A]

Yeah. Well, apparently I got caught in an ant pile when I was a kid, and all the ants swarmed on me and they all bit me at once. I felt it. I was like, ah. It was just one big. Just wave of pain. Oh, yeah, they communicated well.

[B]

Ants just immediately attack, though.

[A]

Yes. You get on the ant hill, but answer. They're on another level.

[B]

You hear about the lady that fell? She was. Her parachute didn't deploy, but she landed in an ant pile of fire ants. And she survived because she was bit like a thousand times by these fire ants. And somehow or another, the ant bites and the adrenaline that caused it helped. Hey, don't jump down. Stay up there, buddy. Is what. What kept her alive?

[A]

What?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow. That's when you start going, religion.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Like, how did that happen?

[B]

Stay up here, buddy. Stay up here.

[A]

Ant bites.

[B]

Yeah. 1999, her parachute malfunction. She fell 4,500ft. Her backup parachute opened at 700ft, but quickly deflated. She continued to plummet towards the ground at 80 miles an hour. Miraculously, she survived the fall thanks to the fact she landed directly on a mound of fire ants. Doctors believe the intense shock of being stung over 200 times by the ants released a surge of adrenaline which kept her heart beating.

[A]

Oh, it's like a clear. She got cleared by ants.

[B]

Isn't that nuts?

[A]

That is kooky. It's like when those guys jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. And a seal. A guy jump off, broke all his bones, and a seal pushed him to the shore. Whoa. That's in the documentary the Bridge.

[B]

And a friend of mine did that.

[A]

Really? Yeah.

[B]

He killed himself.

[A]

It's the number one spot to kill yourself.

[B]

Yeah. RIP Tony Anagoni, he's a buddy of mine that was a professional pool player that I did commentary with him on a pool match in the 90s. He was in a book called Playing off the Rail. It's a great book by this guy, David McCumber, who was Hunter S. Thompson's editor. Ah, in, I want to say, Seattle, something like that. I forget what newspaper. But when Hunter was, like, off the rails and out of his mind, too, it was perfect. Another different kind of off the rail.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So he followed my friend Tony all across the country gambling. They. It's a Great book about like pool hustling.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Tony was like a world class professional pool player. And they went around the country gambling. And I don't know what happened with him, but I lost touch with them.

[A]

And then was he golden gate?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, damn. It's like they all know to go there.

[B]

Well, he was a San Francisco guy. He lived up there his whole life. And I got this message from a friend of mine. Tony jumped off the bridge. I was like, no. Whoa.

[A]

Crazy.

[B]

Well, it's weird because I watch matches sometimes on YouTube and he's doing the commentary for the matches.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

It's so strange because he seems so happy. He's enjoying himself. They're cracking up and I'm like, what is it that makes someone want to end it? You know? What is it? Like? What was. I guess he had, like some failed business ventures and he was going bankrupt and.

[A]

Well, depression is, you know, way. It was way more un researched back then.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, you probably just thought, ah, something's wrong with me. I gotta end this pain.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But damn. But yeah. Everybody who lived, they said. Each of them said separately. Right. When my hand left the rail, I was. I regretted it.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Every single one.

[B]

They all said that. Yeah. Everybody who lives.

[A]

So don't do it.

[B]

It's a terrible idea.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you remember the one in downtown L. A. Where the guy was like, on. I think he shot himself a shotgun. He was like standing on the edge of a bridge and it was live on tv. Do you remember that one? It was like a standoff. They were trying to get him not jump. But he had a shotgun. I think I'm conflating it, pull it up. But I'm pretty sure he blows brains out on tv.

[A]

Damn. Well, I knew about the fat guy with the gun in the mouth. Oh, yeah, Politician guy.

[B]

Was he a judge?

[A]

Was he maybe a judge?

[B]

A dirty judge.

[A]

Yeah, that's that song.

[B]

Hey, man, nice shot.

[A]

Exactly. Yeah. And that was a hot video when I was a kid.

[B]

Oh, yeah?

[A]

What is it? Taste of death or Faces? Faces. That's it.

[B]

That was one of the first ones where you got to see a guy die. Like a viral video. He put a giant gun in his mouth. Look at 44.

[A]

And everybody goes, no, no, don't do it. Oh, great.

[B]

He's like, relax, everyone stay calm. He just shoved it in his mouth and boom, top of his dome off.

[A]

And now we just see people getting shot on Twitter every 10 seconds every day. I mean, the Kirk thing. I remember waking up being like, Good God.

[B]

The Kirk thing's weird. The Kirk thing's weird because now there's video footage from behind.

[A]

Is that right?

[B]

Yeah, it. I mean the round that he was supposedly shot with was a 30 odd six, which is a big round. That's a round you kill a moose with.

[A]

Huh.

[B]

And it doesn't even have an exit wound.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It don't make no sense. It makes zero sense.

[A]

Well, you hear about this Joe Kent?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. They told him not to research or investigate.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So what's up with that?

[B]

He said that they were told to stop their investigation.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that they were going to handle

[A]

it and he just resigned.

[B]

And meanwhile, have they handled it? Like we haven't seen that guy, the guy who loves furries who supposedly killed Charlie Kirk?

[A]

Tyler Robinson.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, we haven't seen him talk. No, he hasn't said he did it. He hasn't said he didn't do it. There's no, no, like independent video of him talking about it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then there was footage of him like at a yogurt shop.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Way across town, like 20 minutes later. The whole thing is like super sus.

[A]

It's similar with the guy who shot Trump, whatever his name was. He had three names.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that kid. That kid was in a BlackRock commercial two years before.

[A]

He had no silverware.

[B]

And look, his house was professionally scrubbed

[A]

and no one can ask questions about that. We can't deep dive on that.

[B]

If you do, you're a conspiracy theorist.

[A]

I shot a presidential elect.

[B]

Yeah, not only that, but isn't that a conspiracy? Like that's a conspiracy aspired to murder the President of the United States.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It seems like he had help.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

How the did he get up onto that roof? How did they not have people on that roof? They said the slope was too steep.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Meanwhile there were snipers on another roof that had a sharper angled roof.

[A]

Oh yeah? Yeah. And then he has no social media, he has no history. It's all kooky.

[B]

Super suspect.

[A]

Yeah. We can't ask questions or else we're assholes.

[B]

Well, not only that, the kooky people online now think that that was staged and that Trump had that guy shoot his ear. Like you don't know jack shit about guns if you think that that was staged.

[A]

I will say the flag going up with the photo op was pretty, was pretty perfect.

[B]

But sometimes that's like Dennis the Menace shit, just lines up perfectly.

[A]

I guess so.

[B]

You know what I mean? Sometimes weird stuff happens.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They like, how is this so perfect?

[A]

Right, Right. Yeah. We got to get to the bottom of it.

[B]

He got shot in the ear, man. I saw his ear. He had, like, a little mark on his ear.

[A]

I remember that. Get. Get Nick Shirley on this. He's cracking all kinds of cases, bro.

[B]

They. The stuff that he just found in California is bonkers.

[A]

If you see that guy in your town, you're. He's a persistent little queef.

[B]

Did you see what the governor posted with Newsom's press office? Posted? They posted a photo of Nick Shirley. Like a fake Nick Shirley. Like a meme. Like Nick Shirley. Pe know, it's like, hey, he's doing your job. He's uncovering fraud. And what you're doing is mocking him.

[A]

Right. You should go, oh, shit. This fraud. Yeah. I'm the governor.

[B]

They should just open up the investigations into all these places immediately, if you cared. But all they want to do is just obfuscate. Cover it up. Make it look silly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Make it look like he's something. Whatever he is. White supremacist.

[A]

Right? Right. Maga.

[B]

Whatever. Maga. Come up with a name.

[A]

I don't want to get to it. My kids at a Somali daycare right now, so I don't wanna say anything crazy, but. Yeah, that was. That was all kooky and. Look, I don't know what's real and what isn't anymore, you know? And if you ask questions, you're this. You get labeled. I don't know. I know it's a wacky time. And, yeah, it's happy.

[B]

It's a time where we've never had more information and no one's less sure about it.

[A]

Yes. And the same with lo. We're more lonely than ever and we have more connectivity than ever. Whatever.

[B]

Yeah, but it's the kind of connectivity that people have. Just. It's not. That's why I'm off social media. It's just not good for you. It's not.

[A]

No.

[B]

I hop on to post things and I get the. Out of there.

[A]

But you seem to know us a ton of stuff, so I'm like, how are you off social media but also knowledgeable.

[B]

Google News feed. And then things that inform people send me. I rely on people sending me things now, which is way better because everybody's always sending you things that are. You've seen this? Holy.

[A]

I say something yesterday about that?

[B]

Always.

[A]

YouTube deleted it.

[B]

I don't think they did.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Yeah, I think it's back. Or if it was deleted, it was pulled back up. The Nick Shirley thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Good.

[B]

Because other people said, I found it. It's right here. So it might have just been a glitch.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Or it might have been. They thought about deleting it and someone said, that's gonna make it work.

[A]

Exactly, exactly.

[B]

It definitely makes it worse. But.

[A]

But if it is true. I don't know if it all. It all is true with the fraud and everything, but I'm like, can we stop it? Can we get the money back? Can we help people who are paying taxes, who are not getting anything out of it? And it's all going to some guy in a cyber truck? Like, where's the redemption? Where's the comeuppance of the.

[B]

Well, this is the thing that Elon Musk told me about during the Doge stuff. He said, the biggest fraud in this country is Medicare fraud, Medicaid fraud. He's like. And that if that gets. He goes like, yeah, I don't even want to talk about it because I don't want them to kill me. Well, he literally said that. He's like, we're talking about hundreds of billions of dollars in fraud, but don't

[A]

we have the worst health care or whatever?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Huh.

[B]

But it doesn't matter. It's not about actual health care. It's about using the system to extract money. Pretending you have a daycare, pretending you have a hospice, pretending you have a this and that, and really you just lying about who's there and collecting checks from the government. Because if you have a bunch of clients, like, there was one place in Minneapolis that was saying they were feeding, like, 5,000 people a day. They never saw more than 40 people there. They investigated. Like, this is just. They're just taking money.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they're getting millions and millions. It's crazy. But you got to think, if this thing has been going on for so long, they probably have a whole system. No one's ever investigated it. It's been happening for over a decade, and they just like, this is what we do. And they're all just cashing in.

[A]

Yeah. But I don't know. Like, my friend lives in Minneapolis. He's an old pal, and he's like, I've known Tim Walls my whole life. He was always the governor, and he's a nice guy. But then you see this shit, and you're like, so is he stupid or is he corrupt?

[B]

Well, you can know someone and think they're a nice guy because they're a nice guy to you. You know what I mean?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, I know a lot of people and people say, that guy's a piece of. I'm like, maybe. But to me, all I can judge is how he treats me and how he talks to me. But he's gonna talk different to me, then he's gonna talk to people that don't matter.

[A]

Right to him. Yeah. And you only know of his online perception.

[B]

Tim Walsh just seems weird. Like, it just. There's no humans that I know like that. That wave like that, that walk around like this. It's just not normal behavior.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he stopped his run for reelection, I saw, because of this Minneapolis fraud. So there's something to it, but you

[A]

just want some acknowledgement. You just want them to go like, geez, that is crazy. Holy shit. But instead, it's like, shut it down. Don't listen to that guy. Exactly. I just. Just. Just stop making me feel crazy.

[B]

You're not crazy. It's real. It's real. I mean, maybe Nick Shirley 90, maybe 100 of it isn't fraudulent that he uncovered. Maybe some of it's legit, but there's definitely some fraud involved. And it's enough that you realize, like, this is. You're talking about enormous amounts of money and.

[A]

Right.

[B]

How long has this been going on?

[A]

I know.

[B]

And also, who's getting paid? Is anybody getting backdoor deals? Is there any offshore accounts that other people have access to?

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

And they're funneling money and no one knows about it. And.

[A]

Well, let's paper trail this and get to something. We don't make any arrests. Like, all the Epstein guys are out there in England and Norway. They. They popped a few guys.

[B]

Well, that was what the Doge stuff was all about. That was the. The whole purpose for it all.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The whole purpose for the Doge stuff was to try to uncover a lot of this stuff. And they found tons of it. Hundreds of billions of dollars in fraud. And what happened to those guys? Those guys are getting, you know, they're getting questioned now. And.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And people are, you know, the guys, the Doge guys are like, having to give testimony. They're like. Like, you know, you shut down important government, actually. These fucking things. Then, no, nothing was getting done. And these people were making enormous amounts of money. It's like, did you see that fucking bridge that they're building in California?

[A]

I did.

[B]

The wild mountain lions.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's over $100 million.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And they need more money for a fucking bridge.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Meanwhile, Colorado built one, a similar one, for a fraction of the cost.

[A]

I think it was 5 million.

[B]

Yeah. Fraction of the cost and completed it and it's done. And in California, like, we need more money to save the Fox.

[A]

Well, there's so many regulations that you can't. There's so much red tape, you can't get anywhere.

[B]

It's a little bit of that. But they're blaming tariffs in the government, but. Shut up. I doubt. I doubt that's what it is. I doubt. It's $100 million and you can't finish it because of tariffs that don't sense. Make. Make any sense.

[A]

We're still waiting on the bullet train that started 25 years ago.

[B]

That was billions.

[A]

Billions, billions. Still not done nothing. Meanwhile, Japan is whizzing all over the place at light speed.

[B]

You ever seen. I think it's in China. There's one that they debuted. They showed in China. And it's just whizzing by these people and you get to see how fast it is in real time. You're standing next to it. No, it's bonkers, dude, man. It's just. And you just think the problem with that is how much track is there? There's a lot of track.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How many psychos are out there? They could just lay something on the track.

[A]

Well, that's more American. They don't do that. They're raised better.

[B]

Someone can do it.

[A]

They could, but they're Japanese. They're repressed. So they get it all out with those. Those trains. Right. It's like, Nick Shirley, he's a virgin. So he's. He's motivated.

[B]

Yeah. That's weird, right?

[A]

It is a little weird, but I'd rather that an incel do that than, you know, shoot up a place.

[B]

Well, there's a lot of these virgin influencers now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Nick Fuentes is a virgin. Allegedly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This guy's a virgin.

[A]

I don't trust. I don't know. What are these virgins? That. That's feels unnatural. Don't get laid. You're young, you're very normal. Very, very strange.

[B]

Very.

[A]

It's like Zoran. I don't trust an Indian who never had a job.

[B]

Is he Indian? Yeah, momdani.

[A]

I believe he's Indian.

[B]

Is he?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

So what? He is.

[A]

I think he's from Africa, but he's. He is Indian.

[B]

Yeah, he's from Africa, but have you.

[A]

You never had a job? Every Indian guy I know is the hardest working dude on the planet.

[B]

He's never had a job at all?

[A]

No. I think he's a rapper, Mom.

[B]

Donnie's never had a job.

[A]

No. I don't believe. So this is his first gig.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

I know. It's magic.

[B]

Your first gig, you're the mayor of New York City. On one hand, super impressive.

[A]

Very impressive.

[B]

First gig. Way to go. This guy's. The sky's the limit for this guy.

[A]

I know his first job.

[B]

He's the mayor of New York City.

[A]

Yeah. It's like losing your virginity to, you know, Heidi Klum.

[B]

I think he won because he said he's not going to Israel.

[A]

That was smart. And affordability.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

New York's so expensive also.

[B]

Yeah. People are like, we're tired. Well, the. The narrative is the rich people are causing all your problems and we tax the rich people. But meanwhile, the rich people in New York are responsible for more than 50% of the taxes.

[A]

Sure. Well, Hochul just said, please come back. Did you see that clip? Good luck. Yeah, good luck. Good luck. And I think he seems like a nice guy. I think he's got good intentions, but it just, you know, you need some experience and you need money because he keeps saying free. Free buses, free health care, free child care. And you're like, stop saying free. That should be illegal because someone has to pay for it.

[B]

Right. So nothing free.

[A]

Nothing is free.

[B]

You're just adding to the bureaucracy. You're adding to the government waste. You're adding to the possibility of fraud.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

While you're just releasing people on the. On the streets.

[A]

Yeah. And I think I have a theory that Muslim is cool. Muslim is like the new black. It's cool. Muslim's hip now. It's different. It's exotic, it's fun.

[B]

I think they. The problem is people conflate Muslim and Islamist and there's two very different things. I know a lot of Muslims, they're great people.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

But Islamists are people that want a global caliphate and they.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

They want death to the infidels. This is the difference between Iran and, like, Saudi Arabia. Like, Saudi Arabia are Muslims, the Iranians are Islamists.

[A]

Right.

[B]

They're state sponsored terrorism. The whole deal.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, any extreme, you know, like a Hasidic Jew versus Paul Rudd.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You know, Paul Rudd's a fun guy, has a cocktail, he's a funny movie. And then a Hasidic Jew is like, all right, let me cut your foreskin off and suck the blood. Right.

[B]

Give you herpes. Or these crazy fucking right wing radical Christian nationalists that think that we're supposed to be over in Israel so that Jesus can come back on a white horse. Have you seen that?

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

Oh, Jamie. Pull that story up that I sent you. Or I could resend it to you if you want. There's a crazy story that was on Yahoo about this guy who's a non commissioned officer that went to a military debriefing. So it was like a. An operation readiness meeting or a war meeting. And one of these fucking guys, one of these high level commander says, don't be worried because Trump is anointed by Jesus Christ to bring back the return.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

To bring back Jesus's return on earth. Commander claimed Trump was anointed by Jesus to cause Armageddon to justify the Iran tax.

[A]

Wow. See, that's like up there with Allah will protect me.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Same shit.

[B]

It's the same shit. It's just coming from a different religion. Yeah, but it's the same mindset. Like, look at what he said. See what he said? Did you find the actual quote? He urges us to tell our troops this is all part of God's divine plan. Specifically referenced numerous citations out of the book of Revelations referring to Armageddon and the imminent return of Jesus Christ. And he said, added the superior, had a big grin on his face when he said all of this, which made his message seem even more crazy.

[A]

Wow, bro. Scary.

[B]

That's just as scary. Those are just scary as suicide bombers. It's like people that are like true believers.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Something that, you know, objectively sounds a lot like nonsense.

[A]

I would say there's less blowing up shit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

With the extreme Christian guy.

[B]

Sure. Because they won. Go back to the Inquisition, torturing people.

[A]

And that's a good point.

[B]

You know, people for, you know, for God's word or for, you know, to. For God. Service in service of God. I've done some wild shit.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

But it's just people, you know, it's just people. When they get into positions of radical belief, they just. They go nutty.

[A]

Yeah, it's like a cult. The cult is just a microcosm of a full religion.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

You know, it's just some crazy guy who's like, I'm gonna fuck all of you and then we'll drink Kool Aid.

[B]

I used to do a joke about it where I said, a cult is a thing where a guy creates it and that guy knows it's in a religion. That guy's dead.

[A]

Wait a minute.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, I see.

[B]

Religion. The guy who created is dead.

[A]

Oh, right, right.

[B]

So it's like everybody just believes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But if in a cult, you know, like David Koresh or, you know, the fill in the blank, the Moonies Whatever it is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Some guy created it and he knew it's.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Scientology. That guy is a science fiction author.

[A]

Completely Elron Hubbard.

[B]

But now he's dead. So it's a religion. They have tax free exempt status. That's good that they're exempt from taxes.

[A]

No. Yes. That's how they can afford all that real estate in la. They have so much real estate. Crazy buildings.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right downtown.

[B]

And that's the nuttiest thing about L. Ron Hubbard is like he's one of the worst authors of all time.

[A]

Oh, he stinks terrible. And he's a weird looking dude. I think he beat his wife.

[B]

Did he?

[A]

Oh yeah. He was a trouble.

[B]

Say that because he's dead.

[A]

I watched a little documentary on him. He's a troubled individual.

[B]

Well, he was definitely troubled, which is why he came up with Dianetics in the first place. He's trying to self diagnose. He was trying to fix his own brain.

[A]

But it also shows how sad and sheep like people are because we're like, we need something. I need something to believe in, something to go for. I'll support you.

[B]

Well, so lost that anybody who comes along that confidently claims they have the answer, people just follow.

[A]

Yep. Every time.

[B]

Very odd. It's a. It's like, I think it's programmed into us just like from the time that we were in tribes and you know, we had to count on the chief to be correct.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

But I'm sure you got some, some psychos who are up your ass who

[B]

believe everything I say.

[A]

Yeah. Because you're so big. You got such a big umbrella.

[B]

Yeah. But I'm very clear that I don't know what I'm talking about.

[A]

That's the key.

[B]

And if I do, it's like very specific that. So I'm like, I could tell you for sure that this is a fact.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, because, you know, I'm an expert in a few things, but other things I'm like, you know, don't listen to me. Yeah, but this is what I think.

[A]

Well, you're one of the few guys who will go up. You know what I said last week? I was wrong about that.

[B]

You have to.

[A]

Nobody does that.

[B]

You got it? Well, because they're all, they all just want to be right all the time. And they all, they all connect their identity with being correct about whether it's Covid.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like COVID ruined a lot of people's credibility.

[A]

100.

[B]

Because they were all in on the vaccine, all in on this, all in on the lockdowns, all in on the masks. And then once it was revealed that all that stuff was bullshit, the vaccine didn't really prevent infection. Didn't really. Those people just never came out and said, you know what? I was wrong.

[A]

I know. And that would go so far, but nobody will do it. And. And then the right and the left, they both just want their side to win. So they're like just.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

It's like when the ball goes out of bounds on your team, you're like, I didn't see.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

And then the other team's like, what, are you crazy? We got video footage.

[B]

Yeah, it's cheating.

[A]

It's cheating.

[B]

You're cheating. In the game of discourse.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

The game of discourse is you're supposed to say what you really think, and then when you think something differently, say, okay, I was wrong.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You have to be able to say, I was in misinformed. I thought it was this, but it's actually that.

[A]

Yeah. That's why those videos are so fun. When they go to a college campus, like, can you believe what this? Trump said this. And they go, that's racist. He's a piece of shit. And they go, actually, that was Biden. And then they go, oh, well, what are you gonna do? I got class in a minute.

[B]

I gotta go, you don't vote for me. You ain't black.

[A]

Yeah, he's got a couple N words too out there, but does he? Oh, yeah, Pull it up. Biden had a few.

[B]

Well, remember when he. He called African Americans super criminals. Right.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Super predators. That was during the 1994 crime bill, which is. He was really responsible for a lot of that. The 94 crime bill. And people forget about that. Like during the Clinton administration. Like, Clinton in a lot of. Clinton was a great president.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

What he did. Balance the budget. Great godhead in the office, but, you

[A]

know, Let it go. Oral office. Let it go.

[B]

Yeah, Let it go. But other than that, like, he did a lot of things that were really good, but one of the things that he did that wasn't really good was the 94 crime bill. So many people wind up going to jail.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Lives.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

That they ruined. So many families, so many lives lost.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

People that could have turned their life around. Never got a chance. Locked up forever.

[A]

Yeah. And deported a lot of people, too.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Not as much as Biden. Excuse me. Not as much as Obama.

[A]

Well, yeah, he was the king of that.

[B]

Not only did Obama deport more people than Trump, they arrested More Americans accidentally.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Than Trump? Yeah. The percentage of Americans arrested was higher. And also the deaths were higher. Also, he had two terms.

[A]

True.

[B]

Think about that.

[A]

True. Yeah. But nobody got shot in the street.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

Like his ice. Oh, didn't shoot anybody that I know of.

[B]

No, they did.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

People? Yeah, they killed people.

[A]

Civilians.

[B]

I don't know if it was civilians or if it was actual illegals they were trying to deport, but. But there was definitely a bunch of people that were killed. I want to say it was somewhere in the range of 30.

[A]

30.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, no social media back then either, Right?

[B]

That's big.

[A]

Big.

[B]

That changed everything. They could cover up everything back then.

[A]

But wouldn't you like to talk to Obama and go, ah, come on, that was crazy, right?

[B]

Well, Marin talked to Obama and he just kind of softballed him, you know, he just was like. He let Obama just kind of talk.

[A]

Well, did it recently?

[B]

He did it twice. And both. Both times it was kind of the same thing.

[A]

But he is an icon and he was a good president and he seems like a cool guy.

[B]

He was a very good statesman.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Like, the way he talked was great. But he also said he was going to protect whistleblowers, and he went back on all that. They even removed that part of the Hope and Change website.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

The Hope and Change? His Hope and Change website when he was running for president was all about removing whistleblowers. So what does it say here? No documented cases of ICE agents directly killing anyone.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

Such as through shootings or excessive force during Obama's presidency. However, 56 individuals died in ICE custody over that period.

[A]

Well, he did the case.

[B]

Okay. So that's how they died. So it wasn't shootings primarily from medical issues like they had lead poisoning from bullets, inadequate care, or whoops, he hung himself in a two foot cell.

[A]

Ah.

[B]

With the reports highlighting substandard medical treatment contributing to at least eight cases between 2010 and 2012. Most custody deaths under Obama were attributed to natural causes. Heart disease. Well, you definitely. You're dealing with a lot of people that snuck in. Not suicides, hanging, or violence by agents. Interesting.

[A]

Interesting. And what's up with that, wife Dick? Just a little levity, folks.

[B]

I wish that was true.

[A]

I know.

[B]

It'll be so fun.

[A]

Just a goof.

[B]

I think the French one's true.

[A]

The. The chef.

[B]

No. Candace Owens, when she was saying that.

[A]

No, get out of here.

[B]

Wife is a man.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No way.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't think so.

[B]

I don't. I Might be wrong.

[A]

I mean, she's a little.

[B]

Something's odd.

[A]

She's odd. She's a little transy.

[B]

Yeah. But you ever see the way she sits?

[A]

Pull it up. I have not.

[B]

Sits like a dude.

[A]

No. What, man?

[B]

Yeah, man spread.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Odd alignment of the hips seems very masculine. You know, that's why men sit like that. It's not because we're dicks. It's like your legs go out like that, whereas women's legs go inward.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Because they have birthing hips and the angle is different.

[A]

I thought it was the ball bag. Yeah, well, it's a little bit of it. Airing it out a little bit. Whereas a woman has a clam, so she's. There's no resistance.

[B]

Well, that's why you don't trust guys who sit like Ari with that leg over the top, that cross legged thing.

[A]

Yeah. And ironically, he's got a huge bag.

[B]

He's got a big bag and a

[A]

big crazy Jew shoe hog on that guy.

[B]

Little baby arm.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Big old sack.

[A]

He's doing good.

[B]

He's doing good down there. Watch how she sits. Boom.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

[B]

That's how a dude sits.

[A]

That was. That was a manly situation.

[B]

Even the walk, even though the stature, the skeletal frame, everything looks like John. It looks like a guy with tits.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Boom. Look how it sits. But that's not the weirdest thing.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

The weirdest thing. That everybody accepts the fact that they started their relationship when she. Air quotes. Was 40 and he was like 14 or 15.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

If that was reverse guy to girl.

[B]

Right.

[A]

That would be a headline.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Big time.

[B]

But it's French. It's. In France. We are different in France.

[A]

They're sexual people. They didn't with me too. In France. They were like, no, no. We like being.

[B]

Take the whole country down.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Men and women.

[A]

Look.

[B]

Yeah, that's a woman. Supposedly.

[A]

Italy.

[B]

Take her down. Take them all down.

[A]

Italy's like, we hit the ladies and we. We cat call. That's our thing.

[B]

Oh, they're animals.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I was in Rome with my kids in a taxi. It was just me and my kids and this fucking driver of the taxi stopped the car in the middle of an intersection to cat kill. Cat call some lady.

[A]

No way.

[B]

Who had a big ass. Who was walking across the street. Look at that ass. And he just kept driving. I was like, these people are animals.

[A]

It's kind of charming with that voice, though.

[B]

It is. But you got to realize, like, if you're in Rome. These are the descendants of the people that were there when the Coliseum was running.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

These are the people that were there when the Roman gang, when Rome was conquering the world. Of course. They're savages, right?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Of course. They're the descendants of savage direct descendants of the. Some of the most savage people that ever walked the face of the earth.

[A]

Yeah, those gladiators. The Roman Empire, they fought lions.

[B]

They took over everything, right? And then they. They got the Vatican right there, which is a weird.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Country that's in the middle of their city.

[A]

I think that's good balance. They got crazy with the orgies, the wine, and then the gay stuff. And then they got the Vatican. That's. That's. To me, that's kind of healthy.

[B]

Jesus gives you a free pass. You just got to say you're sorry.

[A]

Right?

[B]

He's got to confess.

[A]

Best loophole of all time was that confession.

[B]

I think they did that just to get information on people in the town, find out what they were doing.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Hey, God says it's okay. You still go to heaven. You gotta tell the priest. And the priest, like, immediately went and told the mayor, oh, yeah, that's forming 100.

[A]

Never thought of it that way.

[B]

Of course. How else would you get people to tell all the dirty that they're doing, all the crime they're committing?

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

That's the way you get them.

[A]

I went to Catholic school. I told those everything.

[B]

Did you?

[A]

I was in the box going. I jerked off to my aunt. She's got huge tits. I. I really went off in there. It was like a podcast.

[B]

I never got to sit in one. I went to Catholic school. Only for one year, but I was first grade.

[A]

Did you make it out?

[B]

Oh, I made it out. And I was like, I'm never going back again. It's. It queered me off of religion forever.

[A]

That's a weird term to go with.

[B]

This is not real.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

This lady. I don't remember anybody's name from the time when I was six, but Sister Mary Josephine, I'll remember that cunt till the day I died.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

She was so mean. And I was so confused because I had only been with my mom and my dad and my grandparents, who were all nice to me.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I'd never been around anybody mean to me.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And then all summer, around this vicious.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Who's supposed to be, like, the person of God.

[A]

Exactly. But they'd wrap your knuckles. I think they were all repressed or something.

[B]

100.

[A]

They needed some vitamin D. Yeah, get that dick.

[B]

That's a crazy rule too. You can't. And you know why they came up with that rule?

[A]

No.

[B]

Because all the priests were everybody. Because they were the rock stars.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

They were the guy who talks to Jesus. He's the guy on stage. Yeah, the guy on stage. How many? So many long. And he's just. Look at them all. And then they decided, hey, you can't if you want to be a priest.

[A]

But then they went to kids.

[B]

Of course, that's what happens. You're only going to get gay guys or pedophiles who are interested in that. Gay guys fuck each other. The pedophiles try to get the kids. Because you get isolated time with the kids.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like teachers. Like how many teachers get caught? One of my kids, schools, they just busted a guy. Get the fuck out of Calabasas.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Viewpoint. My kid went and took this guy's classes for I think two or three years.

[A]

What?

[B]

Yep. He was taking upskirts photos, inappropriate photos, was jerking off to him. Admitted that they. The. The photos made his heart race. And seeing his kids full on ped while was a part of this like very nice private school.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

For. I think he was there for six or seven years.

[A]

Did you meet him?

[B]

I must have.

[A]

Oh my Lord. You shook this guy's hand.

[B]

I must have. He was my kid's teacher. I must have met him. I don't remember him.

[A]

You got daughters? Oh, yeah, mama.

[B]

Luckily nothing happened to them, but they remember he talked too much.

[A]

Ah, interesting.

[B]

My daughter said he just kept. He just wouldn't shut the up. He talked too much.

[A]

Spitting game. But what about these Florida who keep banging the students? There's something. There's like an epidemic going on.

[B]

Give them a pass.

[A]

I mean, look, I'm not knocking it, but that's different. I think that beats priests.

[B]

Now it's only okay if they're hot.

[A]

Sure. But they. Some of them are like, damn, I'd her.

[B]

Exactly. Those are okay.

[A]

I don't know about okay, but if

[B]

it's some big troll looking lady with no neck, her chin starts at her, her neck goes straight down to her chest. Some job of the Hutt looking beast. He'd be like, you monster.

[A]

Right?

[B]

What'd you do to that boy? Yeah, but if it's some blonde lady with big tits and glassy eyes, like she's probably on SSRIs, didn't know what she was doing.

[A]

Sure. And maybe like the husband can't get it up and this is a viral 14 year old basketball player or something.

[B]

How about that lady who was a mayor? She was a mayor at some town in like Louisiana, and she was some 16 year old.

[A]

That was crazy. And they show the husband all over the news. I'm like, this poor guy.

[B]

What a poor gu.

[A]

Man.

[B]

Fucking wife is getting banged by a high school basketball player.

[A]

And she was pretty.

[B]

She was not very pretty. Kind of milfy.

[A]

Kind of milfy, for sure. But that's the thing. I have a bit about it. They never show the kid. I want to see that kid. Yeah. What's. He is. He is some kind of young stud.

[B]

Yeah. A lot of them are.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You just can't see them because they're in a. It's inappropriate.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Underage. And they're victims.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

You hear Zach Galvanakis joke.

[A]

I died of high fiving. Yes. That's a great joke. Great joke. He was a great joke writer.

[B]

Oh, he's a great comic.

[A]

Great comic.

[B]

Live from the the Purple Purple Onion.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Great special.

[A]

Great special. He had that thing where you get fake angry and play the piano.

[B]

He's a good dude, too.

[A]

Good guy.

[B]

He's a really good dude. Like, every time I've had interactions with him, I'm like, this is a. So he's like not Hollywood at all?

[A]

No, no, he's a South Carolina guy.

[B]

Bought a farm. Lives on a farm now. Yeah. I mean, he barely works. Yeah, he just like kind of lives his life.

[A]

I mean, he's kind of a phenom. The standup was good. And then he just like, you know, Todd Phillips fought for him in the Hangover. They're like, we don't know this fucking guy. He's a nobody. And he's like, I'm telling you, this guy's good. And he stole the movie.

[B]

Stole the movie. Yeah. No, he's a great comic. And that Between Two Ferns thing.

[A]

Oh, it's brilliant.

[B]

Amazing.

[A]

Brilliant.

[B]

No, he's great.

[A]

Yeah. He just gets you on. He had Seinfeld on. He's trashing him. He's trashing Paul Rudd. He's got like all these. That's great.

[B]

He was a great friend to Brody, too.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

When Brody was going through one of moments where he got off medication and he got a little crazy. We started noticing it at the store. Like, instead of being funny, he was on stage. He would actually get angry. It was like really weird. And he came back. But for there was a while, we was like, really lost it. And Zach reached out and he's like, don't interact with him. We're trying to get him treatment. We're trying to get him back on his meds. Like, he's. He went off his meds.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

He's a good dude.

[A]

Good dude.

[B]

Solid dude.

[A]

There's a video on YouTube. Yeah, they're out there.

[B]

Solid. Solid people are out there.

[A]

He's a normal guy. And you could tell these, Holly. I feel like Hollywood is like Covid where it your brain up eventually. And he got out and moved to a farm. Yeah. So that's how you know he's sane.

[B]

But there's people that are in Hollywood that stay solid. Like, when I had Matt Damon and Ben Affleck on, I was like, I'd be friends with these guys.

[A]

Yeah, I listen to that one.

[B]

They're normal. Off. Off the mic. Yeah, on the mic. They're cool.

[A]

Like, they're cool over there in the lobby.

[B]

Yeah, they're regular. They talk to everybody. Like, I've met Matt Damon a few times. I actually ran into him in Italy. Italy. It's really crazy. In a restaurant where he was sitting below a photo of him. Oh, there's photos of all these celebrities that come and eat at this place.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he was one of them. And he was there. And he was sitting there like. And then I walked. I had met him before, so I go, hey, Matt. He's like, oh, what's up? I was like, but he's cool. He's normal. He's like a regular guy.

[A]

Well, he hit the lottery with that script.

[B]

I know, right?

[A]

Yeah. And they're both like, good looking. They're nice, they're cool, they're smart. Smart, yes.

[B]

They're really like, Ben Affleck is underrated intelligence. Like, when he's talking about AI and what AI is actually promising versus what they're actually capable of, what they're really trying to do is increase their market cap and get more money invested. I'm like, oh, clever, clever.

[A]

And I think he sold, signed some deal with them for millions and like, changed the game with Netflix big time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Giant. Giant deal. Big deal. That for $600 million.

[B]

I said, was that for the rip?

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. He sold an AI company. Oh. That's why he knows so much about it.

[B]

Oh, that makes sense.

[A]

He kind of broke it down on here, and then like two weeks later he sold it.

[B]

That makes sense.

[A]

He's ahead of the curve, that guy.

[B]

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[A]

fans that they didn't expect. The only thing left is to close

[B]

the book the end of an era. And don't miss Taylor Swift. The ERAS Tour, the final show featuring for the first time, the Tortured poets department. Streaming December 12th, only on Disney Plus. Yeah, both of those guys are good and they've stayed friends forever.

[A]

And banging JLO for that many years has got a.

[B]

He gave it his best. I mean, tame that horse.

[A]

She sucks. She's quite a Clydesdale.

[B]

Oh, I bet she's so fun though.

[A]

Yeah, but I think she's a malignant narcissist.

[B]

Duh. But by the way, that's the only way you stay that hot when you're 80 years old.

[A]

Smoke show.

[B]

She's a smoke show.

[A]

Yeah, that rump is.

[B]

She could completely be a granny.

[A]

I know.

[B]

She looks fucking amazing.

[A]

I want to put a blue ribbon on that hiney.

[B]

You got to be a narcissist to keep that up.

[A]

I guess so.

[B]

I mean, the skin. Her skin's perfect.

[A]

Everything.

[B]

And it doesn't look crazy like filler.

[A]

No.

[B]

Nutty. It just looks like pure. Yeah, she's just not aging.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Nuts.

[A]

That's the Puerto Rican blood.

[B]

I guess maybe it's that. It's good genetics for sure, but it's also just upkeep and care and aware. Being aware of what you look like and taking care of yourself.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, I saw one of those Instagram things where they showed people from like the 80s how old they were. Like Archie Bunker. Bunker when he was playing Archie bunker when Ed O' Connell was playing garage. He's 10 years younger than me.

[A]

Carol O'. Connor.

[B]

Carol O'.

[A]

Connor.

[B]

Yeah, that's right. He was 10 years younger than me now.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I think they did a cocoon one with Paul Rudd and the Ed Brimley. Yes, same age.

[B]

48.

[A]

48. You know, Mrs. Robinson was 39. What? 39. In the graduate. And she's like the old bag.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

Crazy. 39. Now they got 39 year olds walking on 6th street who look like, you know, Cindy Crawford.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I update my hot women. Megan Fox. There you go. Stuck in the 90s.

[B]

Yeah, it's odd, man.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, look at that.

[B]

She looked 39, I guess like 39 80s.

[A]

That's Mel Brooks's wife, you know.

[B]

Yeah, that. That's what 39 looked like. That looks like 60 now.

[A]

I think she's pretty sexy.

[B]

Not bad.

[A]

Look at that.

[B]

Not bad. Especially for someone who never went to the gym. Like, ladies, they didn't do nothing back then. They walked well.

[A]

And the dudes too, could be completely. No definition and still be like a leading man. Right.

[B]

The only one who was like really ripped back then was Charles Bronson.

[A]

Well, yeah, that action star.

[B]

Yeah, but he was. I mean, even before he was an action star, like, that guy was just fit, fit.

[A]

He like wiry.

[B]

You know when he did Hard Times, that movie.

[A]

Yeah, he was 50. 50. No.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's impressive.

[B]

Shredded.

[A]

Well, all these TRT Liamson's old and taken. I was looking this up. The Golden Girls were all playing like 10 years younger than what they were. Wow. 53.

[B]

They were playing 79. She was 62. She was playing 53, but she was 63. Oh, wow.

[A]

Wow, that was a great 53.

[B]

And she's 52. The the one lady that's crazy.

[A]

Bea Arthur, Rue McClanahan, Betty White and

[B]

is Betty White still alive?

[A]

Nah, she kicked it.

[B]

How old was she?

[A]

I don't know, but Keith Richards beat her. That guy how he's like JLo. He's the male JLo.

[B]

I saw the Stones at Circuit of the Americas a couple years ago. Incredible. Yeah, he still shreds.

[A]

I know both of them Jaggers out

[B]

there just dancing around. Yeah, Jagger's not like standing still. Like, have you seen. It was one of those old guys who was in Vegas. Like one of them guys from like the 60s.

[A]

Like a Wayne Newton type talking about.

[B]

Yeah. What is his name?

[A]

Frankie Valley.

[B]

Frankie Valley.

[A]

Oh, Valley, bro.

[B]

It's like all lip syncing and he can't move his lips anymore.

[A]

Yeah, I believe it.

[B]

And he looks like a statue. It's odd.

[A]

That is odd. Yeah, those guys.

[B]

Meanwhile, Mick Jack is button. Yo, Lip dancing, moving around. I mean, like. And they did a 90 minute show.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Cranking it.

[A]

He's got very peptides.

[B]

Look at this guy.

[A]

Oh, this guy's dead.

[B]

Let me hear some of this.

[A]

This is like Mitch McConnell. I mean, he's just stiff, but he's like a board.

[B]

Yeah, you got Any volume on this?

[A]

Poor bastard talking about it. Oh, well, hats off to still go out there.

[B]

It probably has to Debt. Have you seen Barry Manilow?

[A]

No. Ruby stuff.

[B]

Weird. Go to Barry Mano's Instagram. He sings, but he's got, like, filler, and it looks like his chin's disappearing. And I don't know how old he is, but he's not that old. Like, look at this.

[A]

Oh, they start to look trans. God, this is weird. It's like an animatronic. It's Chuck E. Cheese.

[B]

Right? That's what it's like. But that's not even a weird one. Go to his. His. The one on the far right.

[A]

Right there.

[B]

Click on that one. Oh, listen to him talk. Well, looks like I made it.

[A]

He's like Kermit the Frog.

[B]

Fabulous. Look at his hair.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

Is there any chance. How much would you bet that that's a wig? Everything I own.

[A]

It's all fake. Everything's fake.

[B]

Everything but the. The face is like, guy, let yourself just age. Don't do the filler and the bow. So this is when he was younger.

[A]

Yeah, this is.

[B]

This looks good. This looks legit. I mean, it just. When they start pumping stuff into their cheeks, it's just like, look, he got stung by bees. It's just weird.

[A]

It's weird.

[B]

It's a weird look.

[A]

We all know. Just, what do you do? It looks weirder. It's like. It's worse. Just age.

[B]

I know.

[A]

We, like, age with women.

[B]

It gets really strange because there's a thing that bodybuilders get, and anorexics get body dysmorphia. You. Well, you can't see yourself the way other people see you.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So you don't realize that it's weird that your cheeks are that big.

[A]

Yeah. Is that what it is? Oh, yeah. Well, you know when you're. You're drawing something and you're painting and you're like, all right, it's done. I'll add a little more. I'll add a little more. Then before you know it, you ruined it.

[B]

Well, you get obsessed with the little minutia, and you're just focusing on weird parts of your face.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Maybe you got a weird little smile line right here, and you don't like it. You're like, fill it in. Like, it swells up. You'll like.

[A]

Good. Yeah. And they get used to it. We see him after eight months and you're like, good God.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But they're just gradual. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. So they don't realize how Ryan Gosling isn't. Aren't people accusing him of getting a bunch of stuff in his face now, too? Like, there was some photos of him on a red carpet. It looked real weird.

[A]

I get the hair implants.

[B]

I get it.

[A]

Do that all day. But as a dude you can age, we're all right. Well, look, Jason Statham and all these guys, they look fine.

[B]

Yeah. Let it go.

[A]

Let it go.

[B]

Don't do the filler thing. It's just you're changing the shape of your face. It's also. There's a. There's a ratio, the golden ratio of your face. Like, when you do something weird to your face, it throws people off.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You're the width of your face and the closeness of your eyes, the size of your nose. All of it fits within a certain ratio.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And when that ratio is off, like, when you have a really thin face but a small nose, everybody's like, hey, yes. Where's that Ari nose? I need to see that big old beak. That makes sense with this shape.

[A]

We like it. I mean, look at Jennifer Gray. She cut her nose off, lost her career. Lost her career. And she was a cute. You know, she was cute Jew broad.

[B]

Yeah. She had a big nose. Like, so what? She's beautiful.

[A]

Beautiful.

[B]

You don't have to, like, be perfect. Perfect ain't the way to go.

[A]

Look at Bill Murray. That guy looks like an old fart. Yeah. I mean, he looks crazy, but it's Bill Murray.

[B]

He's a cool guy.

[A]

I love going. He's my childhood hero.

[B]

I really enjoyed talking to him.

[A]

Oh, yeah, you had Bill on.

[B]

He was. He was a good one.

[A]

That must have been pretty nerve wracking for you, huh?

[B]

No, no, it was cool. He was real easy. It wasn't nerve wracking. It was a little, like, nuts when you first meet him. But he had no idea who I was.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

He doesn't watch podcasts.

[A]

Really? Yeah.

[B]

He had heard of me. He's like, you're Joe. I'm like, yeah. Like, it wasn't bullshitting, like some Hollywood people do. I'm sorry, your name is?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Some people. He wasn't doing that. That. He's not online, doesn't have a phone. He said how to get a phone to talk to his kids.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Else doesn't have a phone. Woody. Woody Harrelson.

[A]

Really?

[B]

You got to get a hold of him. You got to go through his wife. Damn.

[A]

Sucks with a wife, though.

[B]

He's happy. He's like, leave me out of everything.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You can't get a hold of him through email. Leave me out of it.

[A]

He seems interesting. I remember that SNL he did.

[B]

Great.

[A]

Where he just outed Covid. Shit. Yeah, that was interesting.

[B]

Yeah, he's great.

[A]

I saw him. I killed Tony once.

[B]

He hangs out at the club all the time.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah, he's in the green room all the time. But he, like, hangs out normal. Like, talks to everybody. Doesn't big time anybody. Like, he's talking to door guys. He's talking to fucking everybody. Normal.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

Yeah, he's cool.

[A]

Cool dude. I mean, white man can't jump. It's one of my favorites.

[B]

He's awesome. He's just. He's real. Like, that guy's a real. I've hung out with him multiple times now. I really enjoy talking to him. Him. There's a few of those guys, they make it through and they're still cool. But one thing that a lot of them have in common is they stay out of, like, social media. They stay offline. They just live.

[A]

They just live.

[B]

Yeah, well, he's in the cloud. You meaning?

[A]

He's a pothead all day.

[B]

He's like those rappers, they call it living in the cloud.

[A]

I've never heard that.

[B]

They're never.

[A]

Not high, like a Little Wayne or something.

[B]

High all day, Constantly high.

[A]

I don't know how they do that.

[B]

I don't know how to do that either.

[A]

Like, those people just wake and bake and then go out and do stuff and then they just keep smoking. I mean, there's comics in the green room in New York. Will just smoke weed for like three hours and then go on then do another set and they hang out. I'm like, if I smoke weed for three hours, I'd be crying in a fetal position. It's insane.

[B]

Yeah. I wouldn't be getting anything done. No, you'd be so locked in your own head thinking about the world. But I think people's mental chemistry is different. For some people. I think weed is like a legitimate medicine. It keeps them together.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they're not hurting anybody.

[A]

No.

[B]

Why is it okay to be on SSRIs and OxyContin, but it's not okay to just live in the cloud.

[A]

It's a good point. They're medicating in a little bit.

[B]

100.

[A]

I mean, that's what I was doing with alcohol as a teenager. I was so anxious and nervous and I wanted to fit in. I would just drink for like, social lube.

[B]

Most teenagers are doing that for that same reason. They Want to be able to go to a party and relax.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And not feel like everybody hates them or. Or isolated or weird or.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Who's judging me? Just wee.

[A]

Yeah. Like my nephew, he's 16, never drank and he's a virgin. He's got no friends. He plays video games all day and he gives me for drinking. He's like, it's so unhealthy. But I'm like, this is unhealthy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're just. You got. You got no friends. You never fingered a girl. You. You don't. You don't go to parties. Nothing.

[B]

It's weird that there's a lot of kids doing that now.

[A]

85 alcohol sales are 85% down with Gen Z.

[B]

What?

[A]

85. And I just started a liquor. Yeah. So I'm. But yeah, it's. It's weird. I'm like, how do you cut loose? I think they're all scared of being cringe. They're all scared of being filmed. We were so lucky. We could just get. Get after it up, drive drunk.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

I think that's part of it. Somebody told me that kids don't dance at dances anymore because they're too scared of being. Go viral. You know, look at this white guy dancing like an idiot. Cringe. Hashtag. I think that's part of it.

[B]

So happy to catch people doing something ruing their whole life.

[A]

That gotcha culture. It's horrible.

[B]

It's horrible. And the type of people that want to do that, they should be shamed.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That is a horrible behavior.

[A]

Thousand percent agree. That's. That's where we're at. We. I mean, people scan videos just to be like, gotcha. Well, you said this, you said that, then go through your old tweets, whatever it is. But we need to flip it and make those guys get in trouble 100%.

[B]

It's like when someone has a false rape accusation, how come they don't go to jail? You almost made a person go to jail.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It turns out that they didn't do anything and then you just skate.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's insane.

[A]

They were going to go to jail forever. Forever. For nothing.

[B]

For nothing. For something you made up. And then you just skate because you're a woman or you're a guy.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

There's guys that. Fake rape accusations against other men.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It's nuts.

[A]

I know. It's just. It's a bummer. But I guess it's human nature. It's powerful. I don't know.

[B]

I know. But we should punish the People that make fake claims. I agree, that's crazy.

[A]

They should have to do half the time of the sentence.

[B]

Like, think about the Amber Heard Johnny Depp thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like he gets exonerated at the end of it. Everybody kind of sees her talk and they go, oh, she made up a bunch of shit. He's. He's okay.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But meanwhile, what happened to her? Nothing.

[A]

Well, she was humiliated. But, yeah, she lost the money, I guess.

[B]

But when you falsely accuse someone of crimes, beating her, beating you, she got

[A]

a makeup lady to put on her.

[B]

He could have gone to jail for 10, 15, 25 years.

[A]

Cruel. That's unusual. That's.

[B]

Psychopath tried to ruin his life. Like, that's what. You know, Jordan Peterson talks about that. That women are. They. They're experts in reputation destruction. That's what they like to do. And that's what she was trying to do with him.

[A]

Well, they can't fight, right? So that's kind of their way, I guess.

[B]

You know, when they kill people, you know how they do it? For the most part, part.

[A]

Antifreeze in the oatmeal.

[B]

Poison.

[A]

Yeah, they get it slow, over time.

[B]

I was reading about this lady who wrote a book about helping her children get over grief, and she sold this book because her husband died. And then they just arrested her for poisoning her husband.

[A]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Wow.

[B]

Yeah, she killed. It was in 2022.

[A]

At least they got her. How'd they find out?

[B]

She was like crocodile tears. So hard for me to lose my beloved Steve, or whatever the name was.

[A]

Would you see the Rebel Wilson thing?

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh, J. Mo. She.

[B]

Oh, that's right.

[A]

A guy of sex trafficking.

[B]

And she accused Sasha Baron Cohen of telling her to grab. To finger his asshole.

[A]

What?

[B]

When? Meanwhile, what he really said, it's on camera. Like she was supposed to grab his ass in a scene. And he said, you know, you stuck your finger right up my arse. Like, take it easy, easy.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

And she said, he told me to finger his. Something along those lines.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why would he say that?

[B]

Well, he is Sasha Baron Cohen.

[A]

Sure. Yeah.

[B]

So what did she accuse someone of?

[A]

She accused a guy of being a sex trafficker, I believe, with children. And they caught her on a hot mic or somebody on a hot mic saying their. The plan. They like, spelled it out and so she's in hot water.

[B]

Well, she should be going to jail.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Like that. You can ruin someone's entire Life. Rebel Wilson vs. The D.E.B. what's the D.E.B. okay, four lawsuits explode as leaked audio alleges Smear campaign against producer well, she was another lady that used to be really big and then she got kind of hot. She slim, slimmed down a little bit. So what, did they actually catch her? Okay, what it says the producers. So it says she alleges. Page Six reported the dispute intensified after leak audio raised questions about an alleged smear effort linked to a crisis PR team working on her behalf. Wilson used social media to accuse billionaire Sir Len Blava of funding both the film and the legal actions against her. It dates back to 2024. Wilson accused the film's producer, including songwriter Amanda Ghost, of inappropriate behavior towards the lead, played by Charlotte McInnes. She also accused them of embezzling funds from the film's budget, engaging in retaliatory behavior after she raised concerns and trying to block the film's premiere at the Toronto Film Festival.

[A]

Yikes.

[B]

Producers later filed a defamation suit against Wilson in Los Angeles. Wilson then filed a countersuit that expanded on her sexual harassment and embezzlement allegations. McInnes. McInnes. Is it McInnes? Yeah. MacInnes publicly denied Wilson's claim that Ghost had sexually harassed her and then filed her own defamation suit against Wilson in Australia. Wow. So the lady she was saying was being sexually harassed filed a defamation suit against her.

[A]

Another twist. This is when it gets good. Hollywood Reporter published leaked audio that allegedly captures members of Wilson's team discussing fake websites that would paint Ghost as a sex trafficking madam.

[B]

Wow. In the recording, one person can be heard saying, we can't just do that. Like, oh, she's a bitch. She sucks. It's like, it's got to be really, really heavy and connected to something that heavy.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Go to jail. Yeah, go to jail.

[A]

If canceling works, you can use it. You can weaponize it.

[B]

She addressed the. Wilson addressed the controversy in a series of Instagram stories. She says, I was going to wait to take the stand, but the absolute bombardment on me as a person via heavily paid crisis PR firms recently has taken its toll and it's impossible to say nothing, she wrote. She also said, everyone who knows me knows I a true rebel. Oh, she's a rebel because her name's Rebel. I say it how it is. Oh, wow. She. Another post added, I am pretty strong in all caps and when push comes to shove, I'm going to get on the stand and tell it like it is. Holy. These people are crazy scary stuff. There's so many of these people that are just not just narcissists but sociopaths at the same time.

[A]

Right? Right.

[B]

Narcissist and sociopath. And then recently hot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it's like new powers.

[A]

Exactly. New powers.

[B]

New hot powers.

[A]

You know who I'm loving, though, is this doja cat.

[B]

What about her?

[A]

So she's some pop star who I don't even know. I'm an old boomer queef. But she went after Timothee Chalamet when he made fun of ballet. Did you see that whole thing?

[B]

Oh, and then she said she was just virtue signaling.

[A]

Yes. Which I. I commend her. I'm like, she apologized. She goes, I was just trying to get clicks. I'm sorry. That's hilarious. Great that she. She backtracked and I. She came clean. I love that. That.

[B]

It is funny that she just admitted it. She's probably high. She's probably high. Like, what am I doing either way wrong with me?

[A]

I'm on board. We need more of that. We need more people going, ah, I was. I was high.

[B]

And, you know, Louis CK said this about, like, social media stuff. He goes, it's just talk. But the problem is it's written down. Like, people say things all the time that aren't right. They shouldn't have said it. But when it's written down, it's like, oh, it's documented.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, and then everyone can read it forever. He goes, but it's just talk. It's just talk that you could read.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

It is true.

[A]

And it's in stone forever. Forever on the Internet.

[B]

And people are never going to forget it. You could say something retarded at a party when you're drunk.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then call your buddy the next morning. Bro. I don't. The. I was saying. I'm sorry, but if it's written on Twitter.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

They'll never let you forget it again.

[A]

Why? Kids can't fuck around. They can't cut loose because they'll get written about.

[B]

They must be so paranoid.

[A]

I feel bad for them. They can't enjoy youth. Youth is when you do stupid shit.

[B]

And when kids do get shamed, like, it will. Like, if something happens to you in high school.

[A]

Oh, it's traumatized.

[B]

It's traumatizing. And you can go back to high school. I remember going back to high school, like, years later, like, driving by, and I would get nervous. Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. The same feeling that you got when you were going to school there.

[A]

Like, totally.

[B]

And I didn't have a horrible high school.

[A]

No, me neither.

[B]

But still. Still imagine if I did. Imagine if something terrible went down in high school. And I was there like, oh, my God.

[A]

Well, you see these poor girls who get bullied for being fat, then they become anorexic or whatever. It goes all kinds of different ways. Guys who got beat up. I got bullied pretty bad in. In school. This episode is brought to you by White Claw Search. Great podcast pick, friend. No surprises there. After all, you're all about finding the tastiest flavors out there, just like White Claw Search. And with big, bold flavors to enjoy, like blood orange, BlackBerry, cranberry, and more. It's time to go. Go all in on taste. Unleash the flavor. Unleash. White Cloth Surge. Please drink responsibly. Hard seltzer with flavors, 8% alcohol by volume. White cloth seltzer works, Chicago, Illinois.

[B]

This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Listening to this podcast, Smart move. Being financially savvy. Smart move. Another smart move. Having State Farm help you create a competitive price when you choose to bundle home and auto bundling. Just another way to save with a personal price plan like a good neighbor. State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts, and savings and eligibility vary by state. Yeah. And that can fuck with your confidence forever. Of course, there's some guys that get bullied in high school and they just never recover.

[A]

Yeah. Now you can do that on social media in two seconds and some kid will kill himself. Yeah, it happens all the time.

[B]

And then there's like, pylons that people do.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

When comics do pylons, I'm like, good Lord. I have, like, a mental list of people that do pylons that I'm like, I'll never with you again. I'll never. I don't want to ever talk to you.

[A]

Right.

[B]

If I ever see you, I'm like, you're just. You're waiting to turn on people.

[A]

It's strange.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And as Bill Birds, they were all eating a sandwich out here. Like, why do you have to make this harder?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We're trying to be comedians. It's like a crazy job to go for.

[B]

Well, one thing that they all have in common is they're all not doing well. Like, it's all comics that are failing.

[A]

I guess so.

[B]

Yeah. And then they're seeing all these other people that are taking off and doing really well. Like when Shane. When they piled on Shane.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It was because Shane's talented and they were really kind of scared of him.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Because when someone like that guy could take off and now he has taken off. And now. Now they're. They can't say nothing. And then we all remember, of course. Okay, you're the cunt that piled on.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All that was going on snl.

[A]

You got mad at a comic for saying something inappropriate. That's what we do.

[B]

Not only that, it was completely out of context. He was pretending to be a person who'd never been in Chinatown before, who was a racist.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

That was his quote.

[A]

But they could get him because he had a big gig. He got a break. So now we can take that away. And that's kind of the root of it.

[B]

It's losers, you know? It's not like Chris Rock's not trying to take people's gigs away. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

It's only losers. It's only people that don't have anything going on.

[A]

Well, Shane's got a. He's got a. He's like. Like Buscemi and Billy Madison. He's putting that lipstick on and he's. He's got a list.

[B]

Good.

[A]

Yeah, Good. He knows everybody.

[B]

Yeah. Good. Those people, you don't have to do anything to them, but just know them. Know them for what they really are. Never with them again.

[A]

Yeah. Avoid them. Just keep writing jokes. Keep killing. And live your life killing.

[B]

You don't need those. And there's always going to be people like that. In every business, in every industry. There's always people that aren't doing so well, that haven't got their life figured out. They want to attack the people that do, too.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Bro, why do we have beers? What's up with the beer?

[A]

I brought a few in if you wanted.

[B]

One star.

[A]

I don't like that bud light. No offense.

[B]

I don't mind it, but I prefer a lone star.

[A]

Same. Cheers. Hey, now we're mixing liquors here.

[B]

My dogs finally went to sleep.

[A]

Ah, hallelujah. Oh, yeah. Oh, I was gonna say something. Doja, cat.

[B]

That was a lot of cunts in the world. Yeah, but there's a lot of great people. I think cunts are important because they make you appreciate nice people. People.

[A]

Right. You know, I just.

[B]

I didn't know any cunts. I might. Maybe I wouldn't like you.

[A]

Right. But I. I see the cunts that. I want to hug him. I want to go. Come on. What are we doing?

[B]

I do, too. But it doesn't always happen. You know, I. I made up with Marin.

[A]

I heard. Yeah. Good on you. Well, the funny thing is, you never really started anything.

[B]

It was all him, but it's that thing. It's like he wasn't doing so good. And he's also separate from us.

[A]

He's doing great. He's in movies.

[B]

I know, but it's like, he's not doing as well. I guess it's all comparative.

[A]

Ah, so sad.

[B]

Comparison is the thief of joy.

[A]

I. I agree. But, you know, you're. He's in the Joker. He's talking to Obama. He's like, he's killing it.

[B]

He should be killing it. Yeah, but it's like people compare themselves to other people. It's very. It's very toxic. It's very bad.

[A]

It is, it is, but it's.

[B]

Compare yourself to who you were yesterday.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Do a better job.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

Figure out what you fucked up yesterday. Do better. Compare yourself to your friends and get inspiration from it.

[A]

Now, were you ever jealous of a guy? Oh, yeah. And you go, I wouldn't mind taking that guy down or that girl.

[B]

No, no, I never thought.

[A]

I don't have that instinct either.

[B]

I never wanted to take someone down, but I definitely have felt jealousy. But then I realized that's a feeling, you know, and they're like, don't. Like, you should be inspired.

[A]

And nothing comes from it.

[B]

Nothing. But it's also. I came from a martial arts background where you have to have people better than you or as good as you around, or you won't get better. Like, if you're, like, in competition. So if you're competing against, like, elite people all over the country, like I was doing when I was in high school, and afterwards, if you don't have people in the gym that are better than you, you're gonna get up. Like, you need to be around the best people in the world. Like, I had national champions in my gym.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Because of that, I had to rise to a very high level. So they were very valuable to me.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

So instead of, like, being jealous, like, why is he the champ and I'm not? Instead of that, you like, Like, I see what this guy's doing. I see what he's going through. I want to mirror his behavior. I want to be inspired by him.

[A]

Step it up.

[B]

And you can do that with comedy, too, with everything else.

[A]

But I will say martial arts is more objective. That guy pinned you. That guy knocked you out. This is. This comedy thing is subjective. And people go, I'm funnier than that guy. And I'm like, I've never seen you kill.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So that's true. That's true. That makes it harder. That's why we love sports. Right. There's an ending. Ah, you got more points.

[B]

The basket goes in the net.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Or the ball goes in the basket. That's it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, but that's the problem. We're so tribal now that, like, people vote the right way or they. They tweet the right thing, but they're still mean as, like. As Ari would say, good politics, bad people.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'd rather you. I'd rather you tweet some horrible slur, but be a nice guy. Our priorities are out of whack in society. I think we're rewarding the wrong things.

[B]

Well, we're really confused because social media is not real. Right. And it's not real human interaction. It's not normal. You're not supposed to be able to just write something, and the people that respond just write something back. It's supposed to be dialogue.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

People are supposed to communicate the way we're doing. That's.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's how normal people talk. That way, when someone says something nutty, instead of letting them go on for paragraph after paragraph, you go, no, that's not true. I never said that.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I never said that. No, you're. Miss. You miss. First of all, you're taking something that was sarcastic.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And you're making it like a quote, as if this is, like, what my real feelings were.

[A]

Yeah. And they kind of want it to be real, which is strange. You know, they go, we hate racism. I heard this thing where they're like, bill Burr's a racist. And somebody tweeted his wife's black. And they were like, well, sometimes you will marry black women to dominate them. And you're like, give it up, man.

[B]

And then his wife know that relationship.

[A]

Yeah. Well, his wife tweeted after, shut the fuck up, bitch.

[B]

Good for her.

[A]

And you're like, there you go.

[B]

Yeah, good for her.

[A]

Just go, oh.

[B]

But also, don't interact with those people.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It's not. These are not good faith conversations.

[A]

So do you feel good? I mean, it must be a load off with the Marin makeup. Yep.

[B]

Yeah, it was nice. I. I never hated that guy. It was a. And it was a nice conversation.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we're gonna get together when he's in town.

[A]

Oh, my God, this is amazing to have dinner.

[B]

I even invited him to the club. I'm like, come. Come to the club. It's not what you think it is. It's like, there's all walks of life. There's a ton of lesbians and gay people, and it's like the Most diverse place on Earth. But they're all talented, right? It's only diverse by accident.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's diverse just because the. The talented people all happen to be diverse.

[A]

Yeah, it's like ufc. Yeah. It's like a Russ. Chinese guy, Chinese guy, white guy, Korean guy. Yeah.

[B]

But that's what it's supposed to be. It's supposed to be. Diversity is supposed to occur naturally if you just let the best people excel.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Especially in something like comedy, because there's no barrier to entry. It's an open mic night. All you have to do is write on a pad, come up with some ideas. You don't have to have a lot of money to do it. Everybody there that starts out as broke.

[A]

Well, did you see those Oscars regulations?

[B]

Crazy.

[A]

That was a bummer. Because I'm a big movie guy, and that really, really bummed me out.

[B]

Good. The Oscars, who cares?

[A]

I mean, I grew up watching it. I love movies. But like the Godfather, all these movies would never have been made or whatever.

[B]

Never. There's a ton of movies that you could never make. You never make Braveheart.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

Or Apocalypto or. What about Brown people?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Boys in the Hood. There's no Asian guy in there. And it's a great movie.

[B]

It's insane that you would have diversity quotas when you're talking about art. Because you're going to have a. What if you're doing a film about Scotland in the 1400s?

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

You can't bring Asian people into the mix. They don't. They weren't there, but now you got

[A]

to write one in, like, oh, this Asian guy is the best doctor in Scotland. And you're like, wait, what? Yeah, it's the 1400s.

[B]

Right. If you're going to write a, you know, a thing about feudal Japan, it's going to be all Japanese people.

[A]

Squid game.

[B]

That's right. Squid games. It's. That's okay.

[A]

Yeah, that's okay. I love that show.

[B]

Yeah. Just like Sinners is okay. Have a movie with all black people. Like, it doesn't matter.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It's just like. Just make movies, and if people like it, they like it. But this idea of having a diversity quota, where you have to think about that, because I've talked to friends that have pitched shows, and when they pitch the show, like, Bert was telling me this, he was pitching a show, and they were like, where's the diversity? And he's just, like, sitting there like, I don't know what to tell you. It's a Movie about Russians in Russia. What are you saying to me? Where's the diversity? What does that even mean?

[A]

I know. It's.

[B]

It doesn't have to be diverse. It just has to be good. And then if you have enough good things, you're gonna have diversity across all these different films.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Because there's going to be films about black ballerinas.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Films about, you know, people, you know, running in The Olympics in 1936 in. In Germany.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You're gonna have films that cover all the bases.

[A]

I know. And let it just happen.

[B]

Let it happen.

[A]

Let the movie be good.

[B]

Just let people create what they want to create. And then I think judging art is crazy anyway. Well, I think awards for art are crazy.

[A]

It's all political, too. It's just not, you know. Oh, he. This.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Scorsese wins for the Departed. And, like, that's not his best movie.

[B]

Like, when they were doing the Golden Globes for podcasts, I'm like, good luck. Get. Get out of here with that.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I didn't even submit.

[A]

I heard.

[B]

I'm like, get out of here. I'm not. I'm not gonna be a part of your. Like, you could just decide who's the best and who's deciding.

[A]

Yeah, off. Exactly.

[B]

Awards for art are just nuts.

[A]

It doesn't work. And then we all go, how'd they win? Is that. Is that because of this, or is he actually really good? You know, and now you're questioning it, and you can't even get into it.

[B]

Well, do you remember Siskel and Ebert?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Well, they were the guys I love

[A]

Siskel and Ebert favorite.

[B]

Yeah, I love them, too. Until I saw the outtakes and I realized they were both cunts.

[A]

I know, but it was fun going after each other. They hated each other. Those YouTube outtakes are amazing.

[B]

Amazing. They hated each other.

[A]

Oh, yeah. But that was a fun show. Two thumbs up, though. It was. It was lighter.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

It wasn't. Like, this movie was racist. Right, right. Like, good or bad. Right.

[B]

They just judged it based on what they felt watching the movie. And then they had. They had educated takes. Oh, yeah, yeah. But that's where a film. That's where. That's where that. Not awards for art, but recommendations for art by people that you appreciate.

[A]

Yes. You know, I just picture the Academy going, damn, that's a good movie. But, you know, it's not a trans guy in a wheelchair. And this one does that. They used to do it with retards. That was a big thing with Oscars. It was like, oh, this guy's playing a tariff. We got to give it to him.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

And now it's more skin color based.

[B]

And then it got the Tropic Thunder where they had never, never go full retard.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, Exactly. They kill that genre. Yeah.

[B]

You never see people playing handicapped people in a film anymore.

[A]

But that movie's great because it shows. Robert Downey is in full black everything.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And everybody's like, he nailed it.

[B]

I asked him about that. Do you think you could do that movie today? He goes, well, you could do it. Fucking problem.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He was the loud last guy to do blackface and not get canceled.

[A]

Yeah. And he killed it.

[B]

Killed it. It was amazing. That movie was amazing.

[A]

Amazing.

[B]

It had the last completely politically incorrect movie and it is hilarious.

[A]

I know. It's so good.

[B]

You know, Kills in that movie.

[A]

Tom Cruise killed it as the sleazy agent that dancing.

[B]

That guy's so good.

[A]

He's good.

[B]

He's so good. And I was just talking the other day about that movie Collateral Girl. Jamie Foxx, Michael.

[A]

Man.

[B]

Man, great movie, that movies. I just watched it like a couple of months ago. I was like, this movie's so good.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

He's so convincing, so scary. He's a complete psychopathic killer.

[A]

Yeah. And there's not much going on, but they. Those two together, the chemistry was amazing.

[B]

Well, when things happen, they're so crazy.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Like that scene in the alleyway where he shoots those two guys are trying to rob him.

[A]

Great.

[B]

Like, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And. And hats off to Jamie Foxx.

[B]

I mean, he's so good in that movie.

[A]

Plays like a kind of a nerdy, scared guy. And then he could play Ray. Yes.

[B]

That guy can do anything.

[A]

Yeah. He had him on.

[B]

Yeah. I love that guy. He's great.

[A]

He's a talent.

[B]

He's a super talented guy and a really nice guy.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I've met him off like, I met him at a gas station once. He was taking his daughter home from a martial arts class.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And we were just pumping gas next to each other and some guy pulls up in one of those. Have you ever seen those Resvani trucks? Do you know what that is?

[A]

No.

[B]

It's a crazy like futuristic looking, bulletproof car.

[A]

Car.

[B]

It's like a rezvani tank.

[A]

Pull it up.

[B]

Oh, it's cool looking.

[A]

Is it electric?

[B]

No, no. This is a long time ago, before electric cars. This is probably 2000. Well, there was some Teslas, the real small ones, that were based on the Lotus platform back then. But this is like 2014 or 15 or something like that. That thing. Whoa. He pulled up. He pulled up in that. That's Jamie Foxx's car.

[A]

That's like a Batmobile kind of thing.

[B]

Exactly. So he pulled up next to me, and I was like, who's driving that thing? And Jamie Foxx got that. What'? Jamie, what do you do? But he's cool. He's like a normal dude.

[A]

Yeah. And he did it all. He did stand up. He did A Living Color. He had his own sitcom.

[B]

Ultra talented. Can sing.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Act.

[B]

And he can act in comedy. He can act in drama. He can play a nerd. He can play a killer. He can play anything.

[A]

I just rewatched Ray. It's incredible.

[B]

It's amazing.

[A]

Oh, yeah. He kills that role.

[B]

How good is he singing it? Him singing?

[A]

Yeah. I didn't realize Ray was such a junkie.

[B]

Was he? Yeah, that's right.

[A]

Big heroin guy. That's why. That's why he was all moving like that. He was all wonked out on the.

[B]

On the h. You know, people say Stevie Ray Wonder can sing. Or Stevie Wonder, rather could sing.

[A]

Can see.

[B]

Could see.

[A]

I've heard that he catches the microphone fast. The microphone falls and he catches it. So that's a big conspiracy theory. But looking back, that's like the. Such a gentle light conspiracy compared to what we. The fuck we got going on today.

[B]

I know, right?

[A]

Right. Yeah.

[B]

That.

[A]

That Elvis is real. Like, we used to have a fun, kind of playful. Yeah, yeah. Then. Now it's all out of whack.

[B]

Now it's McCrone's got a dick.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

I've heard Erica Kirk's got a dick. I've heard that one.

[A]

Whoa. Well, she seems thrilled right now.

[B]

She's an odd duck.

[A]

She's a kook for sure.

[B]

You ever seen the compilation of her making crazy eyes?

[A]

No.

[B]

There's a video of her making demon eyes. And every time she makes the eyes, the music.

[A]

She's possessed.

[B]

Well, she just gets intense.

[A]

She's like the guy. What's the gang? Gang guy. What's that guy? Oh, my God. Look at that. She looks like a television.

[B]

Give me. Give me some. Some volume. She's talking to Barry Weiss.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

Watch this. Pay attention to her eyes. Charlie said or believed things that they

[A]

believed were controversial or even hateful. That he somehow had it coming.

[B]

What do you say to people who justify died? You're sick. He's a human being.

[A]

Oh, boy.

[B]

Exactly. When Barry is saying. They basically said that because Charlie said or.

[A]

All right. We don't need the Vincent, that's not

[B]

the one that I wanted to hear.

[A]

Okay. But yeah, she seems she's having a good time. Well, she was on a reality show, you know.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So she's a star.

[B]

A little bit. Maybe she was also in some weird CIA documents or CIA films.

[A]

Is that right?

[B]

Like. Yeah. You ever seen those films?

[A]

No, no.

[B]

Know, see if you can find those films. There's some weird, like, internal films that they made that she was a part of.

[A]

She looks like if a pageant lady, a pageant girl was grown up 100%. Yeah, look at that.

[B]

Yeah. Well, I mean, she essentially was a pageant lady.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Right. Wasn't she in like Ms. USA or one of those things?

[A]

I don't know. Maybe. Wasn't she got that kind of face? I don't know.

[B]

Well, there's a thing that, that people want, right? That attention, fame thing. Yeah, that is what they really want. Okay, so Jamie will find it.

[A]

She got fireworks behind her.

[B]

She's.

[A]

She's wild.

[B]

Erica Kirk, CIA video releases. Serious Questions.

[A]

That's the one I just played. Yeah, that didn't have. It had a five second clip and the rest was not.

[B]

Oh, but the, the, the full video is out there. I watched it and it's very weird.

[A]

So it's the same video.

[B]

So see, if you play it, it's about EMP attacks and power grids.

[A]

The whole rest of this was not that clip.

[B]

None of it?

[A]

Nope. Well, a gig's a gig. I think if you're a struggling actor, you take any kind of employee video

[B]

or whatever, I guarantee you that video's out there. I mean, no one could have pulled it. Well, there's a, the Jimmy Dore video there. Here it is. Here it is. Look at this. Extremely vulnerable that we've presented to congressional officials. One being cyber, two being hackers, three being physical threats, fourth one is Solar Empire, and the fifth one is man made emp. So the concern that we have is that we put out this critical information

[A]

and when we go over this risk analysis, they hear what we're saying, but

[B]

they don't want to take action. Take action.

[A]

Well, there are 18 critical infrastructures. It's weird, but very weird.

[B]

She's doing a CIA informational video.

[A]

Weird. An acting gig. Or is this something else perhaps?

[B]

Or, you know, but even so you're doing an acting gig for the CIA. Say, who calls you for that? Yeah, you ever get one of those calls? No, no, I never got one of

[A]

those calls and my agent never hit me with that one.

[B]

Yeah, it's Odd. Well, there's a lot of people that think that she was his handler. She was Charlie Kirk's head. But of course, there's a lot of people think I have antlers.

[A]

Yeah. You know, well, you got about nine Navy SEALs out there.

[B]

They're not. They're my friends. They're not handlers. I know those guys.

[A]

Okay. Tough dudes. They know some stuff.

[B]

There's a lot of kooks out there, bro.

[A]

That's true. I mean, you just had a shooter on 6th Street. Yeah. Finally, a guy in Austin kills. Only with three people, though. We don't have to get to the Austin New York debate.

[B]

But I'm bump. That's a stupid.

[A]

Yeah, it's all silly.

[B]

What are we doing, Louis J. Gomez getting involved in these things. Settle down.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Just more comedy, the better. Keep putting in every city.

[B]

I know, right?

[A]

Yeah. Give me more good clubs.

[B]

How is New York these days?

[A]

New York's good. I mean, we're humming. We got all these clubs opening up still. And more opening. More opening. Yeah. It's crazy. And comedy's hot. Hot. As you know, comedy has been.

[B]

The more up the world is, the more hot comedy is.

[A]

That's probably true. Yeah. Yeah. But it's. It's legitimized now. You know, everybody takes it seriously. Before, you were kind of a clown. Now they're like, oh, let's go see some comedy and listen to them talk about Iran.

[B]

Well, I think one of the things that helped is podcasts, because people hear comics talk about it and they realize, like, oh, this is. These are thinking people that are going through this, like, very bizarre art form that doesn't have a play, but book.

[A]

Yes. Right. And we could. We have no rules where now Oscars have all these rules. We will never have rules. And if we do, the whole art form's.

[B]

Well, they've tried to put rules in. In certain clubs, and those clubs always fall apart.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

You know, you can't do that.

[A]

Well, it's so gay because they're all like, we love Richard Pryor. I'm like, if he was around today, you'd hate him.

[B]

Right.

[A]

He hit his wife. He was a drug addict, you know. Right. He was a psycho.

[B]

Kennison Kinnison, one of the greatest comics that's ever lived. Completely out of his movie fun. And also the best example of someone who did not punch up. Yeah, he punched down all the time. Punched down about starving people in Africa.

[A]

Yeah. I love. What do we decide? Punching down was not funny.

[B]

They're Stupid.

[A]

It's hilarious.

[B]

I had a guy on once that was a professor that taught comedy, and he wrote a book on comedy, and he tried to tell me that punching down is never funny. I go, that is wrong.

[A]

It doesn't make sense.

[B]

You're wrong. I go. Because Sam Kin is saying. And one of the greatest bits of all time was him doing a bit about the starving people in Africa.

[A]

Right? Yeah. It's a legendary bit. David Tell has 18 minutes on midgets. That's literally punching down like it's. They're little, but it's funny. If it's funny, it's funny.

[B]

If it's funny, it's funny. And sometimes it's funny because it's wrong.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Sometimes it's funny. It's like, oh, my God, what are you saying?

[A]

Exactly. I know.

[B]

Or Holtzman.

[A]

Holtzman. Hilarious.

[B]

Perfect example. People try to take Holtzman literally. I've seen comics complain about the mothership because they let a guy come up and say these things.

[A]

Right?

[B]

What guy? Brian Holtzman.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, talk to Brian Holtzman. Offstage, it's Jekyll and Hyde.

[A]

Completely nicest guy in the world.

[B]

Sweetheart of a guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Friendly. Every loves everybody. Super kind.

[A]

He's like a camp counselor. He's wearing a polo and slacks.

[B]

The nicest fella.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

On stage, he becomes this character that he's created over the years, and it's amazing.

[A]

But we do the hierarchy thing, and by that logic, I should be able to make fun of Asians because they're doing the best. The best.

[B]

They are doing the best.

[A]

Asians are number one, then honky, and then who knows? But so by that logic, I should be able to do a ching chong. Whatever, Right? Because, you know, by your logic, hey, I'm punching up.

[B]

Right?

[A]

They're killing it.

[B]

They are. Especially academically. I mean, they're killing it so hard that they've made rules to try to eliminate Asian people.

[A]

Yes, universities. Yes.

[B]

There's lawsuits about it. They made it more difficult. They have to get higher scores.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

It's not because they kill it. They work so hard.

[A]

But what a crazy con. Hey, you look like that guy. We got too many of you guys who look like this.

[B]

You're trying too hard. It's like a union job. Hey, slow down.

[A]

Right, Right.

[B]

Fucking it up for the rest of us.

[A]

Yeah, but, yeah, let them keep killing it. Let them be smart and invent shit and run the country. I don't care.

[B]

Exactly. Make. Make it so that, you know, there's legitimate competition. Where the other people realize, okay, we're not working as hard, they're working harder. We got to catch up.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You can't just slow them down and remove. There's too many Asians in Harvard. You.

[A]

Yes. That's why Japan. You leave a Rolex on a bench. Yeah, because they. They're. They're better in a lot of ways. Let them be better. We don't all have to be the

[B]

same, you know, that's the same thing about Dubai. A buddy of mine moved to Dubai, and he said he's black, and he was saying that in America, he goes, dude, I go to a nightclub, I worry about being shot. He goes, there's none of that there. And he goes, and if you could just leave a diamond, like a diamond ring on the ground, someone will pick it up and turn into the police.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

There's no theft.

[A]

How do they do that? Is that cultural? Is that raised better? What is that?

[B]

Laws. Hardcore laws. They have. They have kings. They have a king over there. And like, you. You can't around. There's no around. They will lock you up, and that's it. And there's no if, ands, or buts. There's no social justice warriors.

[A]

Right.

[B]

There's no people that are going to give you no cash bail and let you out because, you know, oh, my God, the system's racist. No, no, no, no. You commit a crime, you go to fucking jail. So nobody goes to jail because nobody commits crimes.

[A]

Damn. Is that what it is? Yes.

[B]

But that's you around over there. Like, there's a American lady went over there and she got in arguments with people at the airport, and, like, you're going to jail. Locked her up. She was yelling at people. She was trying to do the thing to do with Spirit Airlines in America, like, not here.

[A]

Well, the fist fights on airplanes has gone up from. If you go 1960 to 2025 drive, it's got to be up 8,000%.

[B]

What happened?

[A]

I don't know what happened.

[B]

What happened?

[A]

Why we.

[B]

Why we lose our marbles?

[A]

Maybe because flights got cheaper and you get bus people on a flight. You know what I mean?

[B]

Right? Bus people are the people who are cutting people's heads off on a

[A]

truck.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah.

[A]

I assume that's what it is because, you know, back in the day, they wore a suit and they had a cocktail and they smoked. Yeah. But taking a flight back then was. Was a biggie. Big deal.

[B]

You ever traveled by bus?

[A]

Oh, yeah, I did a few.

[B]

I did a few bus gigs back in the day because my car broke down. I didn't have any money, so I had to travel by bus.

[A]

It hurts the people you have to

[B]

hang out with Us, it's like the dregs of society. We're on these greyhounds.

[A]

It really. You know where else you see that is I still do the free breakfast at the Holiday Inn. Oh, the characters you see in there, it's like a family. Then it's a guy with a neck tattoo, an ex con, a tweaky meth guy. And then me, I was watching a

[B]

video about how people that don't stay in that hotel sneak into these hotels.

[A]

I used to do that.

[B]

Did you?

[A]

Yeah, they just walk right in. You got pajama pants on. You pull an all nighter, you go get the free breakfast. They're not gonna stop you. They assume you're staying there.

[B]

Yeah, well, I just want to make it nice for everybody.

[A]

Yeah, you can make a waffle.

[B]

Yeah. But staying in a shitty hotel teaches you a lot about humans.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

That's what road gigs are really good for. You meet the people that are working the counter.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

Some sad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Frowny faced dude working the counter.

[A]

The crazy ones are those like, what do they call when you, like, you can kind of live there? They have a kitchenette. Oh, you know the extended stay in. Yeah, there's like dogs everywhere and. And people making. Making crack on the stove and you

[B]

know who's in a hotel now? Mickey Rourke.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah, he's in a hotel in Hollywood now. He got evicted. He doesn't have any money anymore. What? Yeah, it's a sad story.

[A]

Oh, he was a hot guy and. And a great actor.

[B]

Oh, he was great.

[A]

Rumble fish.

[B]

Oh, my God, dude, so many films.

[A]

Angel wrestler. Yes.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

So good.

[B]

He was incredible. Well, wrestler was when he was making a comeback.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So he made a comeback for a little bit. He was in Iron man, remember? He was great. But, you know, I don't know, man.

[A]

I think he got a lot of work done.

[B]

He did, but he made it after he got a lot of work done. He still. The comeback. The wrestler and everything was after the work. Yeah, you know, but. But the thing was, like, he did a lot of boxes boxing, remember? Like, he didn't like the fact that he was like a big actor. He wanted to be more of like a real person and a man. So he started having fights. So he's having like legitimate boxing. Allegedly legitimate.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Some look sus. Sure. Some of them look like people laid down, but when you think about that, if he's sparring. So he was sparring like James, Tony, and like, real people, he's probably getting the brains beaten out of him. And he probably went a little squirrel early.

[A]

Yeah. CT is no joke.

[B]

It's no joke, dude.

[A]

It'd be the Aaron Hernandez. All these guys.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Oh. A lot of these MMA fighters that I talked to, like, you know, they're struggling.

[A]

Yeah. Who are these ladies who are like,

[B]

I'll date this guy because they're exciting and dangerous. That's why.

[A]

Dangerous? They'll hang you. Yeah, I think he hung himself, actually.

[B]

Who hung himself?

[A]

Aaron Hernandez.

[B]

Oh, in jail. Right. But he had killed a bunch of people already.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

He was killing people while he was in the NFL. Yeah, he was a wild. But then they said when they checked his CTE after he was dead, like, he had, like, some of the worst CT they've ever seen. Really? Yeah, his brain was gone.

[A]

Well, there you go.

[B]

A friend of mine who has CT was explaining it to me, and the way the doctor was explaining to him, like, most people have several steps to go to before they lose control of their impulse. Like, you have an initial thought and then your brain comes in and goes, don't do that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then there's another one. It ramps up a little bit. This is getting serious. But let's not get out of hand. But someone with CTE, first initial thought right into DEFCON 5.

[A]

Whoa. They just immediately go, no buffer.

[B]

No buffer.

[A]

No.

[B]

No impulse control. Cocaine, women, whiskey.

[A]

Right.

[B]

No matter what it is like the mo. Especially when booze, you add booze, lose loss of inhibition.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

No impulse control. Shoot out with the cops. You know, it's like, yeah, right. Right. To the worst case scenario.

[A]

Remember that Bill Burr bit? He's like, I'm driving down the street, I see a bunch of people on the sidewalk. Just quarter inch, turn to the right. I'll just mow them all down. Yeah, you have that thought, but you don't do it.

[B]

Everybody has those thoughts.

[A]

Yeah. You go up on the top of a building and you're like, I could jump. Yeah, you have that for a second, then you. You pull back.

[B]

Some people just don't have it, I guess.

[A]

Especially.

[B]

Especially. Well, brain damage is basically like. Think about, like, if you have a up phone. Like, I dropped my phone once and I was in Hawaii, and it just started calling people.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I'm showing my wife, like, look at this. This is crazy. Like, you hang up, calls another person.

[A]

Hang up.

[B]

It was just broken.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

So that's your brain.

[A]

Right, Right.

[B]

All the wires are all up and you got holes in there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

CTE and.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Chronic traumatic and encephalopathy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, your hormones are all up, your cortis all's all up.

[A]

You gotta put their head in rice

[B]

and you just like, all of a sudden you're just running through red lights. You don't even know why you're doing it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Probably kind of fun in the middle of it.

[B]

Probably not. You're probably like, am I in control of my own destiny? I'm not.

[A]

O man. Yeah. We're lucky. We're saying. I mean, you. You've taken a lot of blows. Yeah. Mentally and physically.

[B]

I have the right amount of brain damage.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

I'm not worried about things.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

I don't concern my. Myself about things that I think would cripple a lot of people.

[A]

Right. Interesting.

[B]

I think it makes me a little more fearless.

[A]

Yeah. It's like autism. If you have just the right amount, you're a genius.

[B]

A touch of the tism.

[A]

A touch.

[B]

Just a touch.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You don't want to be non verbal, but you want to be really good at math.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. It's almost like blind guys who can do other.

[B]

Right. Like they can hear better.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Like echolocation.

[A]

There you go. Yeah. I mean, Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles.

[B]

Yeah. I think I have just enough brain damage.

[A]

That's. That's very interesting because you wonder, how could you do this for so long and do comedy and do UFC and drink and smoke weed and all run a club. You got a lot of irons and kids and a wife and dog and you got j mo and cars. You got a lot of plate spinning.

[B]

But I'm still just me because I don't have to ever be anybody but me.

[A]

But you also do a ton of work on you. You do do the cold plunge, the sauna, the working out, the kicking, the fighting, the comedy.

[B]

That helps. That's. I always tell everybody that's going through anything, like, difficult in your life, do something more difficult voluntarily, and it makes the difficult thing easy. And so, like a career in the public eye is very difficult psychologically.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So do something. Like, my workouts are way harder than anything I ever experienced.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Regular. Your life.

[A]

And you do it to yourself.

[B]

Yeah, I do it to myself.

[A]

That's the key.

[B]

Yeah. So that when I'm done, like, I can kind of tolerate a lot. Like if you do jiu jitsu, like, I do jiu jitsu for what, 25, 28 years or something like that? Yeah, like, just doing that all the time is so hard that the rest of the world seems easy.

[A]

But weren't you beaten as a kid?

[B]

No. No.

[A]

I thought you got hit a few times or your mom got hit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, not me.

[B]

Not me.

[A]

That could have. That could have scrambled some stuff.

[B]

It definitely did. Well, Made me more attuned to. Into the potential of domestic violence, which scares the out of me. But I got hit a lot. Okay, but in fighting, right. I mean, I started. Started training when I was 15. Seriously?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

So for all my formative years, I was getting my brains punched.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

You know, I was getting kicked. I was getting punched, you know, have

[A]

you thought about getting like, that'd be cool to get a real brain scan exam on you.

[B]

I don't want to know what's in there.

[A]

All right, all right. Just keep riding it it out. I don't want to know because it's going well.

[B]

It's going well. Yeah. So I leave it alone. But I think, like, you have to have tools for managing stress. And one of the best tools, I think, is voluntary adversity where you force yourself because it gives you discipline and you understand, like, that you can control a lot of the way you think and a lot of the way you behave by your actions.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And it's also like, I don't want to do it every time. Like today.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Today I got in the cold plunge and I was. Every time I do it, I'm trying to figure out ways that I could talk myself out of doing it.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And then I have one part of my brain that's talking. Like a other part of my brain is like, shut the up. You're just gonna do it? Yeah, I'm gonna think about it. You're not gonna hesitate. You're just gonna lift the lid off of that thing. You're gonna set the timer, you're gonna slide into that 34 degree water and you're just gonna sit there.

[A]

Well, yeah.

[B]

You're not gonna and complain. You're just gonna breathe. And don't overreact. Just. Just deal with it.

[A]

And it keeps you in reality.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

This is real. I'm freezing. Or you could die.

[B]

You die.

[A]

Or you're lifting weights. You're like, this sucks, but I'm doing it.

[B]

When you're doing sprints on the air dime machine, it sucks.

[A]

Well, also, the society, the population is more comfortable than ever. I mean, Uber eats, you got Netflix, you got all these comforts. So they're going the other way.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then we're kind of decaying.

[B]

There's a guy named Michael Easter. He's been on my podcast before. He wrote a book called the Comfort Crisis. Great book.

[A]

Oh, there you go.

[B]

He's a professor in unlv, I think. But he, like, talks about it from, like, a perspective of, like, how to, like, really manage and balance out life. And that comfort is your enemy. It really is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's 100 your enemy. There's no if, ands, or buts about it. Like, does the desire to constantly be comfortable. It doesn't get you anywhere in life, and it doesn't make you happy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You think you're going to be happy if you're comfortable? You're not. Not.

[A]

No.

[B]

You got to be comfortable sometimes, but you have to earn that comfort.

[A]

Right?

[B]

I still watch t. Like I told you, I watched that guy cook. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

An ostrich. He. He baked an ostrich.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

Yeah. And I watched the whole thing, like, sitting there like a. Yeah. Because the world's on fire. I'm like, let me watch this guy cook in Azerbaijan and go, super.

[A]

But it's better to watch that than love is blind or some horseshit.

[B]

I can't watch those things.

[A]

I can't either.

[B]

I don't like watching people behave badly.

[A]

I get. I feel myself being dumber Summer. Yeah. I feel slower after watching.

[B]

Yeah. I like watching interesting things about space. I was watching something about the James Webb telescope, what they're finding out now. Yeah. Some new guy that has some theory about how the universe is not expanding. And is it? I. I'm fascinated by really interesting things and just people doing things that they love to do.

[A]

Well, Jimmy Carr said, the key to life is two words. Prioritize later. And that's big. You don't want to exercise, but you do it. So you're healthy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, you don't want to eat healthy or eat right. You want the pizza, you want the Snickers, but you think about later. Right. And I think that's a big one. Right.

[B]

You want your comedy to do well. You gotta write.

[A]

You gotta write.

[B]

Sit down in front of that computer or the notebook and just concentrate. And then do those sets that. You know, some of the best sets that I've ever had are the ones where I'm sitting at home going, can I get an excuse to not do this?

[A]

Of course.

[B]

I would be in my house not wanting to go to the store. I don't want to do it. And then I would kill.

[A]

And you're always happy you did it. Every single time.

[B]

Every time.

[A]

Every time. I'm a big introvert, so I would always go, I can't go to that party or that thing sounds annoying. But if I go, I'm like, that was great. I had a great time.

[B]

It's weird that you're an introvert big and so. But you're so good publicly.

[A]

Well, I mean, we do an art form that's pre written.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So.

[B]

But you're also good like this. This.

[A]

But it's me and you.

[B]

But you're also good in interviews and like Good Morning America. One of those. Well, I'm around, but you know what I'm saying? Like, you're really good at those.

[A]

But I can do a one on one. But in a, in a group setting. I'm a mess. It's not pretty. And I, I sit at home and I go, I can't go. I can't. What if I say something stupid? Nobody likes me. I'm annoying. Ah. And then I. Everything, everything tells me to stay home, but I just push it.

[B]

But don't you think it's healthier to have that perspective? Like, oh, people gonna hate me. They're. Then everybody loves me.

[A]

Of course. Yeah. I don't want to be that guy.

[B]

That doesn't work.

[A]

No. Right.

[B]

That's like when. Whenever I talk to people, they say I get an imposter syndrome. I go, good. That means you're healthy. Oh, everybody who's doing really well gets imposter syndrome. Right.

[A]

Right. David Tell thinks he's a hack. He's the funniest guy on the planet.

[B]

Right. Everybody who's really killing it in life at certain point in time goes, this doesn't make any sense.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why am I even doing well? Why is it so good?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But now do we. Are we just blessed in that way that we hate ourselves or insecure? Or are we. Did we have to find that out? Well, because I'm jealous of the guy who's cool and collected.

[B]

Yeah. But they're probably jealous of you because you're talented. I think that the thing about it is, it's like if you really believe you're something better than you are, that prevents you from getting better than you could be.

[A]

I agree. Yeah. Yeah. If you, if you think you're great, you're, you're, you're. You're fixing something and you go, that's good. I did it. And it falls apart.

[B]

We all remember that from like the beginnings of our career. Like this guys had thought they killed.

[A]

Yes, yes.

[B]

And they were terrible. Yeah, they were bombing. No one was laughing.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And they're like, that was a great set. You're like, what did you hear?

[A]

You see all these 400 pound skanks who were like, I'm a 10. You're like, what, are you kidding? You're an ogre.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But, you know, but that's that weird,

[B]

those shows where they sit those ladies down and. I don't like those shows.

[A]

I don't like those either. They're. They're too mean to the. To the gals. But. And like, I'm calling everybody skanks, but I'm not going to just say that to a woman's face or whatever. So those make me uncomfortable.

[B]

Yeah. Even the girl. The gals that deserve it, like, oh, God, don't. Just don't talk to them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Don't do that to them.

[A]

No, not.

[B]

People love it. They love it when people get shut down.

[A]

They really do.

[B]

They love it. They love it when a really stupid person with like delusional perspective talks to a genius.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Annihilated.

[A]

I know, but I'd feel icky. Icky leaving that studio.

[B]

Oh, I would. I feel icky watching it. Even like the little clips. I'm like, oh, what are you doing? That poor lady.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Some of them deserve it. Arguably.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, they have ridiculous perspectives. Their. Their vocabulary sucks and they try to use it anyway.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And look, maybe they should be. It's like cops. I see them shutting criminals down and I'm like, thank God they're here because I don't want to do it. I would never imagine giving someone a parking ticket. Oh, I'd kill myself.

[B]

Or how about pulling someone over and thinking they're gonna shoot you?

[A]

Well, that's a whole nother no thing.

[B]

Yeah, they're all. They. All those guys have ptsd.

[A]

How could you not?

[B]

I was talking to a friend of mine who worked for the Austin pd and he said, listen, Matt. And he was in the. He served overseas and was deployed several times. And he said, I saw way more working for the police department than I ever saw overseas.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Way more murders, way more crime, way more dead bodies, way more up behavior. Behavior.

[A]

And then we on we go defund them. They cops, ACAB or whatever. And I'm like, we need them. We need those guys.

[B]

More of that stupid virtue signaling. Because those people, remember that lady who was the mayor of Chicago was like, all Lightfoot. Yeah. All about defund the police. Meanwhile, she had her block shut down. She armed guards with her everywhere.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Come on, lady.

[A]

Yeah, and I get it. Cops aren't perfect. We gotta have different money allotted to certain things or whatever. But.

[B]

But they need to be trained better. For sure.

[A]

Yeah, but you can't just shit on this guy. He's. He's taking bullets to the head just so we can be safe.

[B]

It's literally one of the most important jobs in a functioning society is to stop criminals from ruining everything for everybody else. And the only shield between us and them is police officers. If you don't appreciate that, you just don't know you. You're. You're either delusional, you're. You're arrogant. Whatever it is is you need, you should go on a ride along.

[A]

Yeah, a lot of people that have

[B]

been on ride alongs, they go on ride alongs.

[A]

Good idea.

[B]

I haven't been on one. I should just say that right away, but I know enough cops. I've talked to them. But if you go on a ride along, you'll go, oh, these guys are dealing with this for decades.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Not just one night. Not just a couple of nights.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Decades of chaos.

[A]

Why would they do that?

[B]

Because it's a good God, it's a good job. You could pay your mortgage. You can, you know, raise a family. And, you know, you come out of the military, right? What you're going to do, you get

[A]

a job in the police force and you feel good. Probably I'm helping. I'm saving a lot of lives.

[B]

A lot of times you are helping.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A lot of times you're stopping bad guys.

[A]

Well, I've noticed a lot of people who hate cops are very cop like, you know, like these people, like, defund the police and they're like, don't do that joke. Don't say that word like you're like a cop.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, there's a lot of that. Like, a lot of people who hate Trump, I notice, are a lot like Trump. Like, I'm not a Trump guy, but these people, like, they're also kind of a narcissist and egomaniac. And I'm like, you're like him.

[B]

Like girls who are promiscuous who talk shit about girls fudgeing other guys.

[A]

Right, right, right.

[B]

That's always the case.

[A]

Always. Yeah, yeah, it's.

[B]

There's always people like that.

[A]

I think you hate yourself.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Kind of like, like Jew, Palestine. They look the same. They're not that different.

[B]

I used to joke about that.

[A]

No way.

[B]

Yeah, I Said when I look at Israel versus Palestine, I go, it's like the, the Williams sisters playing each other in tennis. Who the fuck is who? I go, there's a brown skinned gu. Curly hair throwing rocks at a brown skinned guy with dark curly hair holding the machine gun.

[A]

Exactly. What the. I have a similar bit about how the people who hate each other the most, they, they look alike. Like Ireland's been fighting North Korea, South Korea was in the Crips.

[B]

North Korea, South Korea is the best example.

[A]

It goes on for days.

[B]

Yeah, they hate each other. You're literally in the same patch of dirt. Russia, Ukraine, exactly the same.

[A]

You look the same.

[B]

You look the same.

[A]

I know women. Yeah, they hate each other.

[B]

A lot of them do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Competition though.

[A]

I know, that's primal.

[B]

They want prime dick. They'll get mad. Someone's getting the prime dick.

[A]

Hot girl walks into a party. My wife hates her. Really? She's like this. I'm like, she's nice, she gives to the poor. She's charitable and she's like, I hate her.

[B]

One of my wife's friends got superset upset because someone showed up at her wedding.

[A]

It was a date.

[B]

This guy brought a date. And the date was super hot. And she had her tits out. And this lady was furious.

[A]

Yeah, it goes. It's an eight.

[B]

She was, you know, she just overdid it.

[A]

Right, right, exactly.

[B]

Listen, that lady could show up with a, like a Jabba the Hut outfit on.

[A]

Yeah, you would hate her. She's hot.

[B]

She's hot. She could have a cloak, she could be dressed like a monk. You'd hate her. She's beautiful.

[A]

In college I lived with a guy who was 69, just like this big beefy Midwestern football player guy. And every bar we'd go to, guys would try to fight him. Of course, he was like a Birkenstock wearing, kind of weed smoking guy. And everybody, every guy's like, you got a problem? Well, you think you're tough, you think you're hot, you think you're better than me. And he's like, dude, I'm just sitting here drinking. And he would have to fight these guys, bro.

[B]

I've seen that happen with MMA fighters.

[A]

Really?

[B]

People try to pick fights with MMA fighters. They get drunk and they're. And they just think, I'll this guy up.

[A]

Yes. That's crazy.

[B]

Stupid. There's a lot of morons in this world. It's too easy to survive. It's too easy. We need wolves in the street.

[A]

Streets.

[B]

We need predators everywhere.

[A]

Right?

[B]

We need something like a real fear of the consequences of your actions.

[A]

Yeah. That's why animals stay in line.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

You know, we talk all this about animals, but they're like, they're keeping it there. They got gender roles. They're doing all the. We're not supposed to do.

[B]

Not a lot of non binary wolves.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They don't make it.

[A]

The male penguin gets the fish, the female watches the eggs. If they go. If he was like, I want to be a graphic designer, this, like, it would collapse.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

It would all fall apart. Yeah.

[B]

The idea of gender roles, like, you know, I had this lady on who was explaining the. The roots of feminism. It was the strangest conversation because she was talking about how all these people that started like radical feminism were all completely up. They were all out of their minds.

[A]

Right.

[B]

They're all like having all these affairs, not raising their kids. Kids, like completely self obsessed.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And they're the ones who tricked all these women into being girl bosses.

[A]

Oh, wow. Yeah. Anytime someone is too outlandish about something, there's always a trigger for that. There's always a reason, no matter what it is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm gonna take down these pedophiles. And you're like, what's gonna. What's in your basement?

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, I mean, I'm against pedophiles.

[B]

Have you seen, like, when they did this? Like when Pizzagate was happening, there was all these people that debunked Pizza Gate. Four of the journalists that debunked Pizzagate got arrested for either child sex crimes or child porn.

[A]

Wow. There you go.

[B]

Isn't that crazy?

[A]

It's. It's.

[B]

Guys are like, this is an unfounded conspiracy theory. This is. All right. They were pervs.

[A]

It's like, same with Bill Cosby. Why is he so gung ho about you pulling your pants up? Speaking.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Don't curse. There's something behind it. There's always something behind it.

[B]

Yes. He's the best example.

[A]

Right? Yes. Ellen. Ellen is up there. Be kind. I'm dancing. And then she's the coups of the year.

[B]

Yeah, well, I knew about that a long time ago, cuz Fitzsimmons worked for her.

[A]

Yeah, that's right. He told everybody.

[B]

Oh, he told everybody. He told me like decades ago. He's like, she's such a. Yeah, I was a really. Ellen. I was shocked.

[A]

I. Me too. We all like.

[B]

She seems so sweet. She seems so nice. He's like, dude, she's horrible to her staff. She's horrible to everybody. I'm like, wow. Wow.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

Everybody loved her during the pandemic when everybody was bored before it all came out.

[A]

Right. Right.

[B]

I was like, hey, let me tell you something about that lady.

[A]

But one. One interesting takeaway is the fact that she was kind of cancelled for being gay in the 90s, and she came out of it and became a star, and then she got canceled for being mean. That's. That's progress.

[B]

Yeah, but people celebrated her because she got canceled for being gay. Gay. They canceled her show. Isn't that nuts? Like, you could get a show on the air now if you were playing a gay character.

[A]

Right.

[B]

They'd be like, ooh, diversity.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

This is, like, gonna get greenlit.

[A]

Yeah. Well, it's funny how that gay used to be the ultimate insult in. When I was in high school, and now I got friends like, tell Mumbai I'm trying to fit in.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So it went from an insult to, like, a cool thing.

[B]

I'm pansexual.

[A]

That's my favorite. Yes.

[B]

I'll. Everybody. That's what it is. I'm attracted to everybody. Like, that's. That's nuts.

[A]

But in 20 years, you're gonna be like, tom, I'm a child molester. I'm trying to fit in. Like, where does it end?

[B]

Well, there are academics that are trying to say that these are minor attracted persons.

[A]

I've heard of maps. That's bananas.

[B]

Insane.

[A]

Why are we talking? Why isn't that a big story?

[B]

Gad Sad calls it suicidal empathy. You get to a point where you're trying to justify everything and empathize with everything to the point where you make horrific actions and terrible crimes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Justifiable.

[A]

Well, doesn't it kind of horseshoe, you know, like, you see, like, an alt right guy who'll draw a swastika on a synagogue, and you're like, all right, that guy's shit. But then a liberal guy will do it on a cyber truck. Exactly what you guys just met in the middle somehow.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

You're crazy.

[B]

You're putting cybertruck swastikas on cybertrucks because you think Elon Musk is a Nazi because he said, my heart goes out to you while he's trying to stop fraud and waste. And they're using the whole political machine to paint this guy as a Nazi. You're buying into it. To Virtue Signal. And so to show that you're buying into it, you're. You're keying Teslas.

[A]

But when you look at the steps of it, it's. It's fascinating.

[B]

Well, it's the same.

[A]

We can get there.

[B]

The same thing we were talking about earlier. Like the religious right is the same thing as the religious left and Islamists.

[A]

Yeah, the same thing.

[B]

This is like patterns of human behavior.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where you want to point at other people and not. Not look at yourself. And you want to think that your radical beliefs are fine and everybody else's radical beliefs are wrong.

[A]

But we've gotten there with politics and that's what's scary because no. 1. People aren't. There's not even two parties anymore. There's two algorithms. Everybody's just seeing two totally different realities.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Like. Like these Iranian soccer player ladies who are too scared to go home. And you're like, where's Rapinoe? Right. Where's that. That lesbo? That loudmouth. She. She's a justice warrior. That this is. Do some justice. Right.

[B]

These people, their family back homes being kidnapped.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

These people are in like real danger.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And no one's supporting them.

[A]

Incredibly brave to do that, to show the hair. Whatever they do. And they're scared to go home. And then like their family members get tortured cuz they won't come back. It's horrible.

[B]

Exactly. I think those people sought refuge in Australia. Now they are.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

I mean their whole life has been ruined. They're. And no support from the. The left.

[A]

Yeah. Give a tweet, something. Hashtag.

[B]

It's crazy. Like how do they like pick certain things.

[A]

Right.

[B]

To support and other things they just blatantly ignore.

[A]

It's fascinating. And it's so contradictory. You know, the right will be like, abortion's bad, but then they'll have an abortion right behind the. Behind the. Behind the curtain. Yeah.

[B]

Or like the left like get horribly mad at like the George Floyd violence.

[A]

Right.

[B]

How do they do that to him? But then that lady in Charlotte gets stabbed on a train.

[A]

Not a pe. Oh yeah. Not a peep. Not a peep.

[B]

You got some guy that's getting released from jail like 40 times, he's a violent offender.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Over and over again. Stab some random lady who survived the Ukraine war. She was a refugee from Ukraine.

[A]

And not. Not a bad looker. Hot, Very hot.

[B]

That's the problem. Nobody feels sympathetic for a hot lady. She's got it too easy.

[A]

Well, that's. People are people nuts. Damn nuts.

[B]

Nuts.

[A]

And then I feel like, like some of this we're saying is controversial. But how is this controversial? We're just saying what is in a

[B]

world gone crazy, speaking sane is controversial.

[A]

That's why it Feels so good when comes back to real. Like when, you know, we had to call fat people beautiful. They're all Ozempic. Like, what are we doing here? So now it's okay to go. All right. I like being thin. I want to be hot. I know, but they never go. I was lying thing. I lied a bunch.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I was a fat piece of. And I hated it. Lizzo's losing weight. She was the fat champion.

[B]

I know. She's lost a lot of weight. She looks good now.

[A]

She looks great. But I like fat Liz.

[B]

She's probably a lot healthier.

[A]

It's, like, better. Of course.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, it's very strange. People are mad at Jelly Roll for losing weight.

[A]

Well, his name's Jelly Roll. You know, he.

[B]

Up well now he's a Jelly ch. He's lost £300 with pure discipline.

[A]

Is that. Come on.

[B]

Yeah. Noah's epic.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Noah's epic.

[A]

What's he doing?

[B]

He does testosterone placement and exercise. That's it. And. And changed his diet. Eliminated sugar. Eliminated everything from his diet because he

[A]

was a big boy.

[B]

He was 500 pounds.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah. He lost 300. He's in the twos now. And then 35 pounds of it is extra skin. He's got crazy extra skin. He worked out with me in here. He. He had ran six miles the day before. Came into the studio before the podcast we did. He ran two and a half miles on. On the treadmill. I watched him.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I mean, talking, like, in great shape. He's talking while he's running, laughing, joking around.

[A]

Hey, good for him.

[B]

Super nice to everybody.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

The sweet. The sweetest guy you ever want to meet. He's a very nice guy to everybody, man. Everybody's. He's hugging everybody. He's like a sweet, kind guy, and he's on the right path. And he's lost £300.

[A]

Wow. Good for him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's got to change the name. No, you can't be Jelly. Rolling, then thin.

[B]

Just call him Jelly. I call him Jelly. Anyway. What is his real name? I've known that guy for seven years. I don't even know his real name.

[A]

Jason. Jason. Jason. You're Jason now? I'm sorry, no.

[B]

I've known for seven years. I met him at my club. So I met. I've known him for three years. All right, Jason. I didn't know that. I would have guessed. Like, Brian.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Who knows?

[B]

Who knows? But it's cool that he's got a fake name, though. That's a good move.

[A]

Yeah. It's a black guy move.

[B]

Yeah. Wild Vanilla Ice, black guy move.

[A]

You know, Earthquake, they all have cool name. Lil Wayne. You got to have a cool name if you're a black guy. Right.

[B]

Very few comics have done that. Earthquake's one of the few.

[A]

We had hamburger for the cable guy. There you go. Yeah. There's a white guy doing. Doing it. Dice Clay.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's a fake name. Right. So a couple guys did it.

[B]

Yeah. Dice Clay is just Dice. I just call him Dice.

[A]

He just kind of turned into Dice. It just is Dice now.

[B]

Well, most people don't know that he was Andrew Silverstein.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And the Dice man was one of many characters that he did on stage.

[A]

Travolta, Jerry Lewis. He did a bunch of guys.

[B]

Well, he's got great impressions.

[A]

He's a talent. He's a talented guy.

[B]

He's not just a talented guy. That guy is a legitimate performance art artist.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

He does performance art on the street for fun, for no money. And he's literally mocking the fact that he's not famous.

[A]

Yes. That's comedy.

[B]

The most ego free.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Version of that.

[A]

I opened for him once and I was kind of nervous. He's, you know, he's. He's a legend. And I went up to him, I was like, hello, Mr. Dice. Just letting you know I'm your opener. He goes, you want a picture? I'm like, no, I'm just letting you know your opener. How much time you want me to do? He goes, you want a picture? And I'm. I'm like, I don't need any picture. Just how much time do you want me to do? He goes, get over here. And he gets me in a headlock and takes a picture. And I never. I just didn't know how much time to do. But he was with me.

[B]

He gave me great advice in the 90s.

[A]

Uhhuh.

[B]

I was doing news radio, and I was just doing the store and the Laugh Factory and the improv. He's like, you should do the road. And I said, really? I go, why? He goes, you don't want to be relying on these jerk offs to make your lips living. He goes, you're a funny comic. He goes, you could be headlining all over the country, making a good living. You don't need these people.

[A]

That's really nice.

[B]

It was the smartest thing that anybody ever taught me.

[A]

You got to do the road.

[B]

I had to do the road because I was, you know, I was doing like 15 minute sets. And then, you know, I never was really headlining for like a few years.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I did back when I lived in New York. And then all of a sudden I was like, you know, he's right. And then I started really putting together an hour, like a solid hour on the road. And it got way better.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My act got way better. And. And then I realized, like, if a show gets canceled, I can still make a living.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, like, whereas everybody who just works in those poor comics that stop doing the road and then become writers, that's even worse than being an actor because nobody knows who you are and you're completely reliant on the scene to feed you. And then you have a mortgage, maybe you have a family, you have a wife and kids. I know you have college.

[A]

You have to pay for those writers. Rooms of kind are cushy though. You get air conditioning, you get snacks, and you get a health care, you get a paycheck and you go into an office every day, but you're writing

[B]

the funny stuff that that other person says.

[A]

True.

[B]

And in the back of your head, you know, like, the reason why it's funny is because of my mind.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And no one knows who I am. I know it's a velvet prison.

[A]

And then you see these 65 year old comics back on the funny bone train. Cuz they got to make money and

[B]

no one knows who they are.

[A]

And they can't sell a ticket.

[B]

They can't sell a ticket.

[A]

That is a bummer.

[B]

It's a bummer. Bummer.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And all these guys that missed the podcast train too.

[A]

Ooh.

[B]

A lot of those guys, like you're. They've kind of abandoned the bitterness. But years ago, guys were. They were really bitter.

[A]

I remember that.

[B]

Like, are you a comic? Are you a podcast?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Well, I can't do both. What am I doing all day?

[A]

Yeah. It's a cheat code. People get to know you, they listen to you every day or every week. And then you get to go to their town.

[B]

Yeah. And in conversation with people, you come up with ideas.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

That's a big, big one.

[A]

That's true. Yeah. I mean, I think. I think this podcast saved the store.

[B]

Oh, yeah. 100. I was a part of it. I know for a fact it did.

[A]

It changed everything. You had all those guys, Santino, theo, all those 100.

[B]

A hundred percent changed the store. And it changed everybody's attitude towards each other. Because instead of being competition, like we're all struggling to try to get this one spot on a sitcom or this one host of a show instead we're all. All like an asset to each other because we're guests on each other's show. Hey, could you help me promote my Netflix special? Yeah. Come on. And everybody's an asset.

[A]

Yeah, Everybody helps everybody they help. Yeah. You're a guest on theirs, they're a guest on yours. And it's so low maintenance.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You just set it up in a hotel room and put it out.

[B]

Yes. And people love it because they love real conversations.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's hard to get those in this weird world where everybody's communicating on social media.

[A]

Well, it makes you think that maybe that's why actors have to play ball, because they don't have this thing to rely on. So they gotta, you know, play the game and bullshit each other.

[B]

The sane ones that I talk to, they talk about the deep pain that it gives them having to fucking acquiesce to these people.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I just did. You know, I'm doing this crazy press tour with the special. I just did a late night show and it was fun. You do the couch, you put makeup on, you put on a nice jacket, and you yuck it up for the live audience. But you're just sitting there going, that guy's got a headset and a clipboard. What is she doing over there? He's like a page. He's an intern. It's so much wasted money.

[B]

So much wasted money.

[A]

And you're like, no, one of these are kind of going away. It's unnecessary.

[B]

Well, that was the thing about the complaint about the Colbert show being canceled. They're like, you're censoring. You're censoring speech. But Colbert show is losing CBS 40 to $50 million a year.

[A]

Jesus, that's wild. Well, who watches it? I mean. I mean, no offense to these guys. They're all super talented, whatever. But it's like, the idea that they're

[B]

supposed to keep that thing on the air while they're hemorrhaging money from it is crazy.

[A]

And the guest is just like a crapshoot. Who we getting today? Snooki. Oh, great. I'm not gonna watch that. I couldn't think of anybody relevant. But, you know, they gotta sit and talk to Snooki. You gotta. You got a book out, huh? Who's gonna watch that?

[B]

That was Bill Hicks's old joke about Jay Leno killing himself. Do you remember that joke? Yeah, yeah. Sitting down next to Joey Lawrence. Hey, you got a girlfriend? And then he sticks an Uzi and his mouth and it blows out his brains. They form An NBC peacock. Cuz he's a company man to the bitter end.

[A]

Well, that's why Conan, he saw the writing on the wall and he said, I'm starting a pod.

[B]

Yeah, well he also left and did the TBS show which was like way less pressure, you know. That was a good move. Cuz he still get to do his own show and people watch it that are fans. It still kept an audience but he still stayed himself.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, that's true.

[B]

He's a smart guy.

[A]

He's smart guy and he, he's very funny guy. Super funny, Very funny guy. He helped me a lot in the early days too.

[B]

Yeah, I was on his show way, way back in the day. A friend of mine was a writer on his show in the very beginning. And when I went to the filming, their banter was all planned out. They had, they had these big like post boards with all the dialogue and someone would be standing behind. What was the other guy's name?

[A]

Like Richter.

[B]

Yeah, Andy Richter. Someone would be standing behind Andy Richter and someone would be standing behind Conan. And so they would read the things that they were going to say. It was all scripted out. I was like, oh, this is crazy.

[A]

That's funny because when I did this late night show, they call you at like 10 in the morning, like, what do you want to talk about? It's. What do you call those guys? Like the producer guy who gives you the. And he's like, what about this? I'm like, nobody cares about that. He's like, let's talk about your writing process and how you got in the stand of. I'm like, that's just how hack that's been done to death.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Let me riff, let me rip. I'm a comic. Yeah.

[B]

Well, I did the Bomb and Tom show once. They tried to do that to me. The producer got upset at me. Bob and Tom were great, but yeah, yeah, the producers were upset with me. He like visibly upset. He goes, well, what are you gonna bring up?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I go, I don't know. He's like, you don't know? I go, we're gonna have fun, don't worry about it. Yeah, I've done this a million times.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Go in there and have a good time. Don't worry about it.

[A]

I did it. I was so green that they made me write on loosely leaf setups and I wrote like eight setups. So then he'd be like, so I hear you have a dog. And I'm like, yeah, I do my dog bit.

[B]

Oh, it's horrible.

[A]

I Know, it was like school.

[B]

That used to be all morning radio guys doing their act on the radio.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It was terrible, terrible, terrible. Fake. You know what changed that? Opie and Anthony.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Opie and Anthony was the beginning of podcasts.

[A]

Not Stern.

[B]

No, Stern was the beginning of free speech. Speech. Stern was the beginning of, like, being wild on the radio. He's the goat. Like, if it wasn't for him, none of this, we would have no podcast. Well, I don't know if we wouldn't have a podcast, but the evolution of it would have been stalled radically. Yeah, he was the guy that stuck his neck out. He was the guy that got fined, like, during the Bush administration. People forget about that. They were going after him for indecency.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Not blasphemy, obscenity. They were fined, signing the stations, and insane amounts of money.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But he was so big that he stayed alive and survived that. But then Obie and Anthony came along, and it was totally different. It was just wild and loose.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It was just Norton and Voss and Patrice and.

[A]

And Louie.

[B]

Louie and all of us and Ari, and we would all go in, and I loved going there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I love going. And then when Anthony started doing live from the compound. So he had this sick house in Long Island. They made a ton of money.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And he had this sick house in Long island, and he built his own studio in his basement so he could live stream. Oh, and he had, like, Guinness on tap, and he had, like, real professional microphones and cameras and. Oh, it was nuts.

[A]

Freedom.

[B]

And I was like, wow, that's it. Like. And they were trying to get him to stop doing it.

[A]

Really?

[B]

They were saying, yeah, this is violating your car because I'm not making any money off of this.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Just doing.

[B]

Doing it.

[A]

Love of the game.

[B]

And they were upset that he was doing this on. On the Internet.

[A]

Wow. Yeah.

[B]

And so he. And then Tom Green. Tom Green was big.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that was a big one.

[B]

We did his. His Internet show.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it was just totally loose. Like, there was no asking you what you wanted to talk about when you were sitting on the couch. Just came in and hung out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Tom Green's a funny guy, and he's smart and loose, and we're having a good time, and. And I was like, this is it. This is the future.

[A]

He was weird, innovative. He got ball surgery on air hair. Remember that? He got. He had ball cancer, and he did the surgery on the show. Did he really? Yeah, he was ahead of the game. But these. These TV shows Are so weird because they want comics on, but they don't want you to be a comic.

[B]

Right.

[A]

These morning shows are like, oh, what's up, funny man? And you're like, well, I had told. And they're like, cut it, cut it. You know, like, I'm just being me.

[B]

They're just scared.

[A]

You had me on here.

[B]

They get scared. You know, they get scared of losing their job. I mean, those people are really scared because they. They don't nothing thing. All they have is like, hey, good morning.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It's five past the hour. You know, here's Tom with weather.

[A]

It's like.

[B]

It's like a fake gig.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Anything could take it away from them. So all the stuff that they rely on, their membership at the country club, they have to pay for all that stuff could go away at any moment. So they live terrified.

[A]

That's a prison. You might as well be a weatherman.

[B]

Yeah. And even the weatherman.

[A]

Same thing. Yeah. That's a good gig, though, I guess. I mean, you just eight minutes and go have the Doppler. Huh? You do some hand movements and then you're done. Yeah.

[B]

It's just. You live in hell. We're lucky, as.

[A]

We're very lucky, and I'm very grateful.

[B]

We're lucky as. But this. This platform, like the. The podcast platform that we all enjoy, that we all do, wouldn't have existed without Opie and Anthony. OB And Anthony was the first time where comics got together and was. It was completely loose.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It was just. Just. There was no figuring out, like, what we're gonna say. Everybody was just riffing. They're all on each other. And then when it went to xm, it was amazing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because then you could swear.

[A]

Right? Right.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

If you're crazy, if you've never heard it, go on YouTube and watch it. There's some comedy gold on there.

[B]

Gold. Especially the Patrice episodes.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, my God, he was so good.

[A]

That's where he really shined. You know, him and Louie together talking about black versus Mexican was amazing. And they do one episode where they talk about where the N word came from. And Louie goes, well, I think it was just a bunch of guys being N words. You never heard shit like that. Right. That was comedy gold.

[B]

Well, you'd be free and then. Tough crowd.

[A]

Yeah. That was another one.

[B]

Another one. Another kind of situation.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Where comics just got together and just. And Colin Quinn was hosting it, and he's hilarious, and everybody's just riffing and fucking around. And Norton's chiming in. Nick DePaulo's chiming in. And Greg Geraldo when he was alive.

[A]

Oh, brilliant guy.

[B]

Oh, he was great.

[A]

Yeah. But comedy's weird because, like, I got my special out, and it's only been out, like, a day or two, but I'm getting all these nice messages. I love that bit. I love that bit. And those are the bits that didn't really do as well as some of the other ones. Isn't that weird how that works?

[B]

Well, sometimes people just like something clever that's different than the way they think.

[A]

Like, oh, right, right.

[B]

It isn't. You know, there's. There's bits that are just hilarious, and there's other bits that just make me smile. Like, that's great.

[A]

That's a great bit. That's true.

[B]

Just like Hicks said that once. Like, if you're. If it's not going to be funny, at least make it interesting.

[A]

Yeah, that's good.

[B]

Yeah, be funny, but just be you.

[A]

But if you can be both. Yes, that's the. The winner.

[B]

That's the key.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's just this constant dance, and then as soon as it's over, oh, my God. I'm starting from scratch.

[A]

Oh, that's where I'm at. I got the special out. I'm back to square one. I'm the worst comic in America right now.

[B]

You're gonna be the club tonight?

[A]

I'll be there.

[B]

Joey's at the club tonight. Oh, Joey Diaz is headlining.

[A]

I don't want to follow him with my horseshit.

[B]

No, he'll be headlining.

[A]

Okay, great.

[B]

But no one has to follow him. He's a animal.

[A]

He is.

[B]

He's on fire right now.

[A]

Really?

[B]

He's on fire? Yeah, because he's been doing these residencies. He's been doing casinos in Philadelphia. He's been doing shows all around New York and New Jersey. He's killing it right now.

[A]

Oh, good.

[B]

I'm still trying to get him to move out here. I'm trying to. Crying.

[A]

I can see that.

[B]

I'm gonna have to get him a place. I think I might have to buy a place.

[A]

A little warm out here, though. He's a sweaty Cuban.

[B]

He'll deal with. It's hot, too.

[A]

That's a good point. I mean, really, right now?

[B]

He don't really complain about heat that much.

[A]

All right?

[B]

Joey complains about these mokes, these white people. Joe Rogan, you're around these white people too much.

[A]

Yeah, well, New York's the weirdest because you walk by a hobo jerking off and Then I'll tell a zinger and be like, he's. Isn't that weird? I'm like, there's a dead guy on 3rd street and the subway you took here. And then I tell a joke and be like, whoa, buddy.

[B]

Well, it'll turn around. It just has to. Like, culture goes in these big waves.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like a seesaw. It goes up, it goes down, it goes back, goes forth.

[A]

It just feels like with young people, there's an HR vibe in the young world.

[B]

We think that's the world they have to live in every day at work.

[A]

Yeah, that's a good point.

[B]

They go from the university where they're taught that shit, and then they go to a job where they're taught that shit. And that shit can actually help them get it ahead.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And if you enforce it, like, people like, oh, they're scared. They'll help you. They'll move you ahead.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, if you push these values and push these ideas, like, it'll help. And then there's people that are. Their whole job is just enforcing that stuff in the workplace.

[A]

And those people are up.

[B]

Those are scary.

[A]

HR people are the wackiest nuts on the planet.

[B]

Oh, those are the scary people because those are the. The hall pass monitors.

[A]

Right. You know? Right. It's. It's kind of like Asian point porn. You know, Asians are the most repressed people, and their porn is bananas because they got to get it out.

[B]

You know? What's nuts about some of their porn? They have to blur out the genitals.

[A]

I know, silly.

[B]

Help me out.

[A]

What are we doing here?

[B]

Help me out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I don't get to see her where she's in a guy's mouth. This is crazy. That's legitimately crazy.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. You know, like in the. In the 90s, you couldn't say, but you could say the. The N word on tv.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Saturday Night Live.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You say the end.

[B]

That Chevy Chase, Richard Pryor thing.

[A]

Yes, exactly. But you couldn't say right at all. So it's funny how we. We take. Certainly that's okay. But not that I know.

[B]

People are always looking to tell people what to do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's really what it is.

[A]

And that's not new.

[B]

They're always looking to define people as being worse than them. Like, that's a bad person. I'm a good person.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And they're always looking to tell people what to do.

[A]

Yeah. That's as old as time, you know?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

These old. You know, but it Just keeps shifting. Like in the 50s, you couldn't have a man and a woman in the same bed, but you could smoke in front of a baby. And now you can have people fucking on tv, but smoking is like, they have a disclaimer.

[B]

There's always gonna be bitches in this world, ruin it for everybody. No matter what you do, there's always going to be people that try to find a loophole, trying to find some fucking cheat code, road, sneak their way to the top, take ozempic, do what they got to do.

[A]

I guess so. But we're all gonna die one day, folks. You might as well have a good time.

[B]

You should be having a good time before you die. Don't. Don't wait till you die and go, I should have had more fun.

[A]

Yeah, well, don't have too much fun. Bert Kreischer's. He quit drinking.

[B]

He had to.

[A]

He's dying. Blood clots.

[B]

Yeah, probably from the facts. He took four of those things.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah, he had to keep taking them because he was doing pretty projects.

[A]

Oh, yeah?

[B]

Yeah. They kept telling me he needs another booster in order to do this new thing.

[A]

Well, what happened to his tour bus?

[B]

What happened to tour bus?

[A]

Oh, J o these. Tour bus caught on fire.

[B]

When did this happen?

[A]

I think three days ago. Oh, they got a flat tire and then just randomly, like, I think they got another ride and like, while they were getting the ride, it caught on fire.

[B]

What happened?

[A]

They could have been in there. I think he's. He might be smartly saving it for a pop podcast or something. Oh, well, it's all over the news too. Yeah, they just showed the fire, but I don't think that they've said, like, what caused it. He did a big Instagram live about it. I didn't watch it, but yeah, that thing is torched. It looks like Gaza footage.

[B]

That's the type of guy might light his tour bus on fire just for clicks.

[A]

Look at that. Whoa.

[B]

Comedian burst Crusher's tour bus destroyed by fire in Minnesota. Yeah, the antifa got him.

[A]

Yeah, Minnesota's cursed fire is unknown.

[B]

Yeah, Ant Antifa. I'm calling it. I'm calling it. It's the anti ice people. We are all safe, but my bus is gone. God works in mysterious ways. What? Oh, he lit it on fire. As soon as you say God works in mysterious ways.

[A]

Look at that thing.

[B]

That's nuts.

[A]

Something can't stop the machine.

[B]

Wow, that's crazy.

[A]

Something's burning.

[B]

That's gotta suck because that. That was a very expensive, expensive tour. Bus. Yeah. He was always on that, though thing.

[A]

Oh, my God. That is crazy.

[B]

I have never had the desire to get a tour bus.

[A]

I don't like it either. I've opened for Bert on the bus, and it's fun, but I couldn't do that all day every day.

[B]

Well, I don't get hammered like he does, so it's like this idea of just touring around. But like, my friends that are music. Like Sturgill Simpson, he loves being on the bus.

[A]

Yeah, some people love it.

[B]

He said it's like. It's like a living room that you travel around in. They're all strumming along, singing songs, partying, laughing, watching movies.

[A]

I guess it's nice. I'll give you a flight. I'll get there in 10.

[B]

10 minutes exactly.

[A]

You're traveling all night.

[B]

I need to go to the gym. I need to eat steak.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Nice restaurant. I. I don't like doing that.

[A]

I'm with you. And that bed is like a coffin.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you feel the bump of the road. You're like, oh, we could just turn off any minute. Not on the highway.

[B]

You think about crashing.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

What about that guy driving? Falls asleep.

[A]

Oh, and those aren't the most standup guys driving those, but they're like ex cons and pedophiles and whatnot.

[B]

It's weird. Also, I've never done those long tours like that. I don't like them. Those.

[A]

I don't either.

[B]

I think they're bad for you.

[A]

Well, also, we got kids, so I like to get in, get back. Get in, get back.

[B]

Yeah. I've always done that. I've always done like a week. Except one time I did the Maxim comedy Tour with Charlie Murphy and John Heffron.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

We did. We did 22 dates in a month. And I hated it because I'd be waking up and I'm like, where am I? I didn't know where I was. You're right, because you're always on the road.

[A]

22 dates is crazy.

[B]

It was nuts.

[A]

In a row. You don't. You don't even know a date. It is.

[B]

But by the end of that month, whoo. You're sharp.

[A]

You're tight.

[B]

Oh, you're sharp.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Out there murdering. You're just like. Your timing is on point. Everything is just rock solid and in a weird group.

[A]

Hefron, Murphy and you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's a lot of range.

[B]

It was fun.

[A]

Hefron's funny.

[B]

He's fun. He's very funny.

[A]

Clean, too. Yeah.

[B]

Well, he mixes it up. He's not clean off stage hilarious. He's just hilarious, period. He's a really good joke writer too. And this was like he had come off of last comic stand. He won that.

[A]

That right.

[B]

And then Charlie was the best. Charlie she was.

[A]

I never met him.

[B]

Such a good dude.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Such a real man. Yeah, a real solid dude.

[A]

Well, Eddie Murphy always talks about. He was kind of his protector. Like, if he talked about Eddie Murphy, he would just go beat you up.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Well, Charlie was a legitimate martial artist.

[A]

Oh, is that. I didn't know that.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah. He fought in karate tournaments and. Yeah, yeah, we. We talked a lot about martial arts. He knew his for sure. Sure.

[A]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I thought he was a street guy.

[B]

No, he knew how to fight. He was a dangerous guy, but just a nice guy. Just a solid human being. I didn't even know he was sick, man. I had no idea until he was. Until he died and cancer. He kept it quiet just like Norm did.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No one knew. Norm was talking about moving to Austin.

[A]

No.

[B]

Coming out here. Yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And then just died.

[A]

That's so commendable. In this, like, victim culture. He could have gotten so much, so many points off that. And he just wrote it out.

[B]

Apparently he had been fighting cancer for a long time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And if you look at him, like when he got real puffy for a while.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Probably what was going on?

[A]

Ah, yeah.

[B]

He was probably battling cancer.

[A]

If you watch his old. I'm talking 80s clips, he's holding his stomach like on Letterman because he had stomach cancer. Whoa. And that's why he always touched his stomach, because I think it's hurt.

[B]

He had it for that long.

[A]

He had it. Cuz it. He had it. And then he kind of beat it and it came back. Yeah. Crazy. He's a hero.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

Is there a funnier guy than Norm?

[B]

I mean, one of the funniest guys of all time.

[A]

Funny on a podcast, funny on standup, funny in movies, Funny talking to him

[B]

in the hallway of the store.

[A]

Yes, exactly.

[B]

And just a great guy, man. Oh, yeah, a great guy. And you know, and would go after people who are online too.

[A]

Yeah, he did.

[B]

Simon guy went after him.

[A]

Oh, really? Yeah.

[B]

One day I'm gonna meet you in real life.

[A]

Whoa. He wrote Shane a nice. Shane showed me the email after he got in trouble.

[B]

A solid. He was a solid dude. He was a real solid and funny man.

[A]

So brilliant, so funny, enlightened. And he was like a Dostoevsky reader, you know, and everybody thought he was this, you know, dumb guy.

[B]

I sat next to him randomly on a flight. Twice.

[A]

Don't do the smoking stuff.

[B]

I did already.

[A]

All right, all right. We've all heard it too many times.

[B]

Sorry. But just randomly sitting next to him on a flight, it was like. It was such a treat.

[A]

That's a gift.

[B]

To hang out with him for hours on a plane, just laughing and talking. Yeah.

[A]

Just over here.

[B]

Solid dude. There's good people out there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Exist.

[A]

Yeah. He was great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he changed Weekend Update.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I mean, the fact that he got fired for being funny. He told the truth. Truth? He told the truth about O.J. killing his wife and he got in trouble.

[B]

Is that what happened? Fired from weekend up.

[A]

Cuz old Meyer was like, the head of NBC and he was friends with O.J. so he was like, stop on O.J. he's a friend of mine. He's like, I can't. He's a murderer.

[B]

That's crazy. He told him to stop on OJ

[A]

and he kept doing it and he got fired. Really? That's what it was.

[B]

That's crazy. Let me hear what he said. Back it up.

[A]

And now the fake news. Well, it is finally official. Be honest. We can't.

[B]

Can't play it.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[B]

We're getting in trouble.

[A]

Yeah, you can see it. It's amazing. It's. He's got a whole compilation.

[B]

Let's wrap this up, bring it home.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Mark Norman, you're the man.

[A]

Appreciate you, brother. New special.

[B]

New special out on Netflix. I know, it's hilarious. I watched you work out some of the material. It's called None Too Pleased. It's available now. As of the time we're talking, it's number five. I'm sure it'll boost the up after this.

[A]

Hell, yeah. Kick it up a notch and I'll see you tonight. Thank you, sir. Let's go, comedy.

[B]

Bye, buddy.