The John Clay Wolfe Show – Episode #128 (12/23/17)

Air Date: February 13, 2026
Podcast Theme: Fast-talking, irreverent, and frequently hilarious, John Clay Wolfe and his crew juggle car business calls, wild anecdotes, classic rock commentary, pop culture rants, and Christmas spirit, all with a Texas attitude and plenty of sharp banter.

Episode Overview

This episode brings listeners a full-throttle mix of car talk, bizarre holiday news, musical nostalgia, raucous humor, and lively crew banter. Centered around John Clay Wolfe’s legendary “buy your car on the radio” format, episode #128 captures the holiday flavor with offbeat discussions about Christmas music, high school football, wild local news, the economics of car trading, drugs, rock legends, and even “Cluck Norris,” a rooster turned mascot/security detail. With running jokes about sexual harassment in rock, secret Santa office drama, and rumors of three-titty trends on the horizon, listeners get both practical advice and absurd laughs.

Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. 80s Rock, Gender Benders, and FCC Boundaries

[00:19 - 07:55]

• The crew debates rock stars whose flamboyant looks could be read as "transgender" by today's standards (John Waite, Rod Stewart, David Bowie, Billy Idol, Rob Halford).
  • Memorable Quote:
    “All the British seemed a little… light in the office.” – Turley [01:25]
• Tongue-in-cheek discussion about how rock’s androgyny confounded people in the late 70s/80s.
• Quick car appraisal sidetrack: a listener tries to sell a "loser blue" Nissan Titan.

2. The Car Business—Reality vs. Cheerleaders

[03:06 - 04:59]

• John walks a seller through the emotional process of letting go of a truck.
• Buyers and sellers both "tire kick," likened to reverse negotiations.
  • Quote:
    “There's a difference between a cheerleader and a check writer. And GiveMeTheVIN is a check writer. All that opinion is cheerleader.” – John Clay Wolfe [04:34]

3. Rock & Roll, Sexuality, and Holiday Hijinks

[05:08 - 14:11]

• Satirical banter about sexuality in rock: Judas Priest’s Rob Halford, Kiss, and others.
• News riff: Gene Simmons banned from Fox News for an alleged incident.
• Debating Billy Idol’s sexuality, lampooning tabloid rumors.
• Transition to talk about comedic Christmas songs, focusing on Bob Rivers' "I Am Santa Claus" and parody content.
  • Randy the Squirrel’s Lament:
    “Somebody ought to call the ASPCA. Son of a bitches.” [15:53]

4. Car Calls & Oddball Color Opinions

[08:16 - 14:44]

• Live buy offers on a 2012 F250 ("Hunter green and beige—hard to find, $28,000 offer") and a pristine 2006 Monte Carlo.
• John gently explains buying realities versus sentimental expectations and tools like GiveMeTheVIN’s new web interface.

5. Christmas Music, Parodies, and Animal Rants

[13:31 - 16:13]

• Raucous parody of “Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire” launches Randy the Squirrel on a defensive animal kingdom tirade.
  • Quote:
    “In the animal world, they don’t act like that. I like to eat a June bug. But I don’t dig the guts out and hang him on the damn wall.” – Randy the Squirrel [15:41]

6. Holiday Office Life & Secret Santa

[27:01 - 29:15]

• Discussion of the give-and-take of Secret Santa, workplace flirtation, and #MeToo jokes.
• “You can’t even look at women at work anymore!” – playful ribbing about shifting office culture.

7. Auction Chaos & Smoking BMWs

[29:24 - 41:05]

• Hilarious retelling of a BMW X5 that smoked up the Dallas Auto Auction.
  • Norman:
    “It was smoking so bad… it was more like, 'we need to protect ourselves and not die' than to be mad.” [39:55]
• Auction tips: Only dealers can buy directly, simulcast streaming explained.

8. Pop Culture: Rush Limbaugh, Taxes, and Drinking as Healthcare

[31:37 - 35:36]

• Parody “Rush Limbaugh” skewers current events, tax plan advantages, and self-medicating with whisky.
  • Quote:
    “Every family should be issued a 5th of Johnny Walker Black Label and a coupon for NyQuil.” – Turley as Rush [35:35]

9. Drugs, Dope Reports, & the Legalization Backlash

[41:53 - 44:08]

• Bob Floyd details “looping”—Colorado dispensaries illegally overselling weed by the pound.
• How to play it smart in illegal states: Don’t carry your own volume, hire a 'lackey.' [43:24]

10. News of the Weird & Sports

[44:45 - 47:46]

• 80-year-old couple busted with 60 pounds of grass.
• Six-year-old girl bags a deer under new Wisconsin hunting law (“Lexi’s first kill was a two-year-old red-nosed deer named Rudolph.” – JD Ryan [45:09])
• Local high school football lore: Jerry Jones’ grandson leads Highland Park to Texas state championship.
  • Quote:
    “Can you imagine…your granddad owns the Dallas Cowboys, your dad’s basically the manager, and you’re the quarterback for the #1 team in the state in your dad’s coliseum?” – John Clay Wolfe [49:06]

Noteworthy Segments & Quotes with Timestamps

| Timestamp | Content | Speaker/Note | |:---:|-----------------|------------------| | 01:25 | “All the British seemed a little… light in the office.” | Turley, joking about glam rockers | | 04:34 | “There's a difference between a cheerleader and a check writer. And GiveMeTheVIN is a check writer.” | John Clay Wolfe—analogy for car price guides vs. buyers | | 15:41 | “But I don’t… dig the guts out and hang him on the damn wall.” | Randy the Squirrel on animal song parodies | | 27:14 | “You go in that office… if you fall off that ladder, you’re fired before you hit the ground.” | John Clay Wolfe, on Texas workplace rules | | 39:55 | “You know, there’s things that are so bad you don’t even get mad…it was more like, we need to protect ourselves and not die.” | John Clay Wolfe, on the smoking BMW at auction | | 35:35 | “Every family should be issued a 5th of Johnny Walker Black Label and a coupon for NyQuil.” | Turley (as Rush) on ‘health care’ | | 43:24 | “Don’t ever carry volume yourself. Hire a lackey… And don’t buy your volume in broad daylight in Colorado.” | Bob Floyd’s dope report | | 49:06 | “Can you imagine…your granddad owns the Dallas Cowboys… and you’re the quarterback for the #1 team in the state in your dad’s coliseum?” | John Clay Wolfe on nepotism, football, and pressure |

Memorable Characters & Bits

• Randy the Squirrel: Outraged by Christmas song parodies, animal rights for chipmunks, and all things “not cool.”
• Cluck Norris: The infamous rooster rescued from Fort Worth, now “protection” for the staff and full character with prison-story swagger.
  • “Soon as I got a chance, I got a hold of one of them Doberman pinchers… put my spur up in his earhole and took off so much hide off the back of his head as I could pull away.” [58:01]
• Rush Limbaugh Parody: Satirical take on tax reform, liberal conspiracy, and whiskey as medicine.
• Norman: Auction inventory manager recounts the epic smoking BMW disaster.

Christmas & Religion Riffs

[63:00 - 70:10]

• “Meliki Maka” is the Hawaiian word for Christmas; crew reminisces about holiday traditions.
• A slightly irreverent but heartfelt discussion on the roots of Christianity, Jesus’ Jewish identity, religious traditions, and the origin of Santa Claus.
  • “If Jesus was Jewish, why is everyone that praises Jesus not Jewish?” – John Clay Wolfe [66:03]
  • “Let there be love. Let there be light.” – Turley, distilling the ‘game-changer’ of Jesus’ teachings [67:32]
  • “Can we not all get along?” – The crew’s closing Christmas wish [70:10]

Classic Calls: Car Deals and Everyday Stories

• Multiple segments feature real callers:
  • Car value haggling (“loser blue”, rare Monte Carlo, heavily-used Mercury Mountaineer, 2013 Camaro ZL1).
  • Mail carriers discuss buying their own right-hand-drive Jeeps.
  • Heartfelt and funny exchanges about insurance, sentimental value, and regional differences.

Off-The-Cuff & After Hours

[116:46 – End]

• Post-show “off-air” chatter for the podcast audience full of wild character riffs (Stephen Hawking, Bart the Donkey), jokes about strip club “buyers,” neurotic staff, and encountering plastic surgery and three-titty futures.
  • Quote:
    “Why can’t you put a third one on a good-looking woman? Three titties.” – Bobbo [128:29]
• The gang fantasies about “3 Titties” becoming a California trend and possible business model.

Holiday Movie & Music Favorites

• The gang debates the greatest Christmas movies (Polar Express, Elf, Die Hard as a Christmas movie) and holiday music.
  • “When Stanley Kubrick make a film, every inch of the film was not wasted.” – Cluck Norris on Eyes Wide Shut [75:06]
  • Die Hard’s status as a Christmas film? “He got his shoes off and walking on broken glass… Yippee K—I know the rest.” [75:44]
• Sharing sentimental traditions; Cluck Norris loves “The Godfather” at Christmas.

Conclusion: Heartfelt & Hilarious

John sums up his busy year, the changing business, being a good dad, and how his whiteboard vision from 1996 became today's reality.

• “There’s a lot of amazing stories. I’m not trying to discount it… I’ve heard that story enough now.” – Reflection on personal and listener journeys [86:24]

Final Takeaways

• Show Tone: Irreverent, honest, Texan, laced with both empathy and absurdity.
• If You Missed It: - You learned the weird economics of car color, - Heard a Squirrel and Rooster debate Christmas food, - Learned tax and weed advice you’ll probably never use, - And got a dose of “holiday spirit” you’ll never forget.

LISTENER’S GUIDE TO HIGHLIGHTS

• Hilarious banter on the glam & sexuality of classic rock: [00:22 – 07:50]
• Real world car-buying wisdom (and comedy): [03:06 – 04:59]
• Randy the Squirrel’s Christmas rant: [14:42 – 16:13]
• Smoking BMW auction catastrophe: [38:00 – 41:05]
• Norman and Bob Floyd’s stoner wisdom: [41:53 – 44:08]
• Sports: Jerry Jones’ grandson’s Texas football journey: [48:00 – 51:27]
• Christmas theology & origins debate: [64:06 – 70:10]
• Cluck Norris’ prison story (for laughs): [58:01 – 59:12]
• Behind-the-scenes workplace comedy: [27:17 – 29:15]
• Off-air “three-titty” brainstorm: [128:18–131:14]

“My name is John Clay Wolfe and I buy cars on the radio…” Merry Christmas, y’all.