#30 John Clay Wolfe Show 04/02/16 Hour 1

Summary

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The John Clay Wolfe Show – Episode #30 (04/02/16 Hour 1)

Date: February 12, 2026
Host: John Clay Wolfe
Powered by: GiveMeTheVIN.com
Broadcast on: 97.1 The Eagle (Dallas-Fort Worth)

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Episode Overview

This episode of The John Clay Wolfe Show delivers a fast-paced blend of banter, car culture, morning show parodies, listener interactions, and radio improv. The crew takes jabs at classic and modern radio formats, discusses wild weather in Texas and Oklahoma, riffs on morning radio stereotypes, and steers into offbeat car talk and memorable show characters. The show's open format veers from comedy bits and “found in cars” games to honest car appraisals with listeners calling in to sell their vehicles. There are recurring characters and long-running inside jokes, topped with a healthy dose of irreverence and the distinct freedom of a live, unscripted show.

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Key Segments & Highlights

1. Opening Parody: The “Johnny Beach” Bit

[00:42 – 01:46; 15:13; 21:31; 38:50]

• J.D. Ryan jokes about reinventing himself with the radio persona "Johnny Beach," riffing on the tropes of corny morning radio hosts.
• The crew jumps in, mocking over-the-top radio names and morning show clichés, such as “the zany crew” and fake weather reports.
• Discussion about the essential elements of a rock station morning show, culminating in the imagined addition of "Susie Snapper" as Johnny Beach’s wild, rock-chick co-host.
  • Quote:
    "Johnny Beach on the radio Saturday morning. Yes, sir. 8:12. You having a good day?" – J.D. Ryan as Johnny Beach [01:14]
• Recurring joke as “Susie Snapper” joins with outrageous, raunchy humor, blending rock-and-roll stereotypes with local color.
  • Quote:
    "You got to have a hard banging chick, you know that's like slept with the band guys." – John Clay Wolfe [15:54] "I've been screwing all night." – Susie Snapper [16:22]

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2. Texas & Oklahoma Weather Talk

[01:36 – 02:36]

• The team discusses spring storms and tornadoes moving through the Texas-Oklahoma corridor.
• Jokes about unpredictable weather, especially tornadoes and their effect on regions like Moore, Oklahoma.
  • Quote:
    "You know what? Oklahoma gets all the worst of those things, man." – Crew [01:53]

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3. Radio Improv & Show Structure Satire

[02:56 – 03:47]

• Ongoing self-mockery about the radio business and “wacky morning show” tropes.
• The hosts riff on improv versus scripted radio, referencing how their off-the-cuff style is both more authentic and unpredictable.
  • Quote:
    "I think radio is better when it's improv." – [12:19]

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4. “Found in Cars” Game – Stuff Customers Leave Behind

[05:01 – 12:06]

• The hosts present odd finds from vehicles acquired by GiveMeTheVIN.com (CDs, personal items).
• This week: An "Arkansas Gospel Mass Choir" CD found in a Lincoln Town Car.
• John Clay Wolfe joins the game by phone, guessing the car correctly after some playful misdirection.
  • Quote:
    "They have their own gospel in Arkansas now." – Host [06:20]
• Hilarious faux-sermon routine about the lost gospel CD, featuring improvised characters and running jokes about church, Southern culture, and car buying.
  • Quote:
    "Let's take a little love offering for a new cd." – [11:34]

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5. Riding with Uncle Roy

[23:04 – 26:19]

• Beloved segment featuring Uncle Roy, who rides along on car pick-ups.
• Uncle Roy (via phone and pre-recorded tape) delivers comedic yet pointed “ghetto car tips,” especially focusing on how people judge a good car:
  • Quote:
    “The first thing a black man do: check the radio …If the air working and the goddamn radio work... you can sell that car that be knocking like a … Don’t give a damn. He gonna cut the radio, drown the mother out, Jack.” – Uncle Roy [24:20]

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6. Live Listener Car Appraisals

[18:00; 26:42; 31:47; 43:35; 54:04]

• Real listeners call in to get instant offers for their vehicles.
• Exchanges oscillate between earnest car talk and comedic bits, often blending both.
  • Example Cars: 2013 Camaro SS [18:42], 2006 Ford Explorer [26:42], 2016 Hyundai Elantra [55:59], etc.
• Advice for those trading in cars with issues or special packages, and the mechanics of submitting a car on GiveMeTheVIN.com.

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7. Offbeat Comedy: “Django Unchained” Radio Parody

[46:13 – 51:01]

• The group stages a Fargo-accented, PC rewrite of a scene from Django Unchained, replacing slurs with “Eskimos” to poke fun at “off-limits” content and radio censors.
  • Quote:
    "It's against the law for Eskimos to ride horses in this territory." – John Clay Wolfe, as Spencer Bennett [48:50]
• The bit intentionally bombs as the group acknowledges its discomfort with the material, parodying how radio handles controversial topics.
  • Quote:
    "I think we've had enough." – John Clay Wolfe [51:06]

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8. Meth and the “Ebola” News Prank

[40:41 – 41:38; 59:07 – 61:37]

• Crew discusses a bizarre real-life news story about police tricking meth users with an Ebola contamination hoax.
• Susie Snapper and others riff on how people fall for such social media tricks, inserting over-the-top character humor.
• Later, the team explains—in surprising detail—how people smoke meth "out of a light bulb," flipping from parody to a (cautionary) cautionary tale.
  • Quote:
    "The best way to do it, John, is you get a light bulb and you clean the white dust out of the middle and you drop it down in there and hold a big lighter underneath it." – Crew [60:55]

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9. Cars, Culture, and Show Inside Jokes

[35:56 – 37:49]

• Recurring stories about staffers, car transporters, and odd events—strip club rescue missions, staff scheduling, personal quirks, and road stories.
• Colorful, slightly absurd portraits of show regulars and those around them.

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10. Listener Engagement & Show Expansion

[56:50 – 58:43]

• Behind-the-scenes chatter about expanding the show to new stations ("The Bear," "Rooster," etc.), and discussion about adapting formats for affiliates in smaller markets.

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Morning Radio Parodies:
  "Johnny Beach on the radio Saturday morning. Yes, sir. 8:12. You having a good day?"
  — J.D. Ryan [01:14]

• On Wild Texas Weather:
  "You know what? Oklahoma gets all the worst of those things, man."
  — Crew [01:53]

• On the Infamous Gospel CD:
  "Let's take a little love offering for a new cd."
  — Crew [11:34]

• Uncle Roy’s Wisdom:
  "…He won’t check the motor, he gonna check the oil... all he going to check, he want... he go check the radio and ac. If that work, you can sell that car that be knocking..."
  — Uncle Roy [24:20]

• Susie Snapper:
  "You got to have a hard banging chick, you know that's like slept with the band guys."
  — John Clay Wolfe [15:54]
  "I've been screwing all night."
  — Susie Snapper [16:22]
  "Susie Snapper with the weather... great weather for screwing out there. Partly cloudy skies. Hey, you might get a little wet."
  — Susie Snapper [17:22]
  "That's my brother Dick Snapper."
  — Susie Snapper [21:36]

• Django Parody:
  "It's against the law for Eskimos to ride horses in this territory."
  — John Clay Wolfe, as Spencer Bennett [48:50]

• On Improv vs. Scripted Radio:
  "I think radio is better when it's improv."
  — Crew [12:19]

• On Car Values:
  "Go to givemetheven.com, load the VIN up, and we'll buy your car."
  — John Clay Wolfe [33:14, repeated frequently]

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• Johnny Beach, Morning Show Parodies: 00:42–01:46, 15:13, 21:31, 38:50
• Texas & Oklahoma Weather: 01:36–02:36
• Found in Cars Game: 05:01–12:06
• Uncle Roy’s Car Wisdom: 23:04–26:19
• Listener Vehicle Appraisals: 18:00, 26:42, 31:47, 43:35, 54:04
• Django Unchained Parody: 46:13–51:01
• Meth & Ebola Hoax News: 40:41–41:38, 59:07–61:37
• Show Expansion Discussion: 56:50–58:43

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Tone & Style

The show thrives on irreverence, quick wit, and in-the-moment riffing. It’s equal parts shock jock, Southern satire, car expertise, and self-aware radio mockery. The chemistry between hosts and recurring inside jokes (like the various “Snapper” siblings, Uncle Roy, and Johnny Beach) create a sense of community and ongoing narrative for regular listeners. The language is often raucous, edgy, and occasionally raunchy, but it remains true to a blue-collar, rock-and-roll sensibility.

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Conclusion

The John Clay Wolfe Show delivers a unique hybrid of comedy, car culture, and spontaneous talk radio. Hour 1 of this episode is a rapidfire mix of:

• tongue-in-cheek satire of radio itself,
• honest car buying advice, and
• improvised characters and bits that push (but self-police) the edges of good taste.

Even if you haven’t heard the episode, you’ll walk away feeling like you’ve just sat in with a whip-smart, sometimes wild, always entertaining morning crew with plenty of Texas swagger.

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Transcript

[A]

Now back to the john clay wolf show. Hit him up right now. 1-800-800-rode. This is the john clay wolf show.

[B]

And now KEGL is proud to present Saturday Mornings with J.D. ryan.

[C]

No.

[B]

On 97 1.

[D]

The Eagle. No.

[C]

The Rock for Dallas Fort Worth.

[D]

No.

[B]

And now. Don't.

[C]

Here's your host.

[D]

I want nothing to do with this.

[B]

Bud Light crew member and two time world jumping champion.

[D]

None of this happened.

[C]

Stop it, J.D.

[B]

Ryan.

[E]

All right.

[D]

You guys are pushing me to do this. I've been thinking about doing this for years.

[E]

What?

[D]

I think about changing my name. To what? You know what? I got thinking about this. I made up J.D. ryan. It's not real anyway, you can't change your name. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen to this. How about this? Johnny Beach.

[B]

No.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

My real name is John and my last name starts with a B, so. Johnny Beach. Dude, I'm seriously, this is a great. That's. Now that name. I could have been somebody, man. I could have been a contender with Johnny Be. Good morning. Johnny beach on the Eagle.

[B]

So is it just the name or are you going to change your delivery?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, you got to change.

[B]

Johnny Beach.

[D]

Little more. Johnny Beach. Good morning. Johnny beach on the radio Saturday morning. Yes, sir. 8:12. You having a good day?

[C]

Hey, Zel, good to see you. Before we get to JD's report, going to come down and tell you about our fiasco studio this morning. We were two of the wrong studios this morning.

[D]

Wacky dude. Wacky dude.

[E]

Zany, everybody.

[F]

Zany Morning show.

[D]

Mickey T. Right there.

[E]

Hey, everybody.

[D]

Bobarino.

[B]

It is a beautiful Saturday morning, man. You know, we, we went through some, some weird weather up north this week. And I know you had, you know, little sprinkles down here and stuff, but the, the little severe thunderstorm warnings that we had, you know, in our neck of the woods, down southeast of DFW and in Wise county as well.

[D]

You're talking to Johnny beach or jd.

[B]

That stuff this time of the year, this, that stuff crosses the Red river and just goes eight. Crazy dangerous. You know what? Oklahoma gets all the worst of those things, man.

[E]

I know.

[D]

I watch them, I watch them develop. And it's like they know they're in Oklahoma and they go, ooh, yeah, let's get awful. Let's start. Twisters. I think Toby Keith's hometown of Moore has been hit, I want to say, four times by major, major tornadoes.

[B]

Moore, Oklahoma.

[D]

Moore, Oklahoma. What a deal.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Why, why is that? I mean, it's all down here. We get heavy, heavy rainfall, high Winds like half dollar size hail. Stuff crosses the river, picks up a little more, you know, barometric pressure, temperature drops to 72 and it's tornado time.

[D]

72.

[E]

72 degrees. Everybody.

[D]

You can. If you ask the weather guys, they'll say, well, it's the tornado alley. And the vector coming in from the moisture coming up the. From the Mississippi Valley and into the Mexico. In fact, just we don't know.

[C]

Hey, I'll tell you something about these crazy tornadoes, J.D.

[D]

Oh, here we go.

[B]

Let's see. Drop out of the sky.

[D]

Barbarino, tell me more.

[B]

I think take out a whole barn. Okay.

[F]

Hey, there's a cow flying in there again.

[D]

Can you believe there's still morning shows that do that, man. You hear me? Every once in a while. Every once in a while it's that.

[F]

It'S that usually on the oldie station.

[D]

Yeah.

[F]

They have a name that's like Johnny Beach. Yeah, Johnny Beach.

[D]

Johnny beach in the morning, everybody. Ding, ding, we have the bell. Ding, ding, ding.

[F]

That was the beach boys, everybody.

[D]

72 degrees.

[B]

Time for Randy and Billy James, the Whack Job Company live.

[D]

I'll tell you what, now my head's spinning.

[B]

Hey, I ate a little yogurt for breakfast this morning.

[F]

Speaking of wacky morning shows, we got a lot coming up this week on the big show.

[D]

We do? Yes, we do.

[F]

Oh, yeah. We got Riding with Roy. We do everybody's favorite segment.

[B]

I love that dude.

[D]

I love it. Uncle Roy, that could be its own morning show.

[F]

Oh, yeah. Uncle Roy and his boys.

[D]

Can you imagine? I would listen every day.

[F]

You haven't, you haven't written around with him yet, have you? Oh, you.

[D]

I had dinner with him.

[E]

Oh, that's right.

[F]

Yeah, you did.

[D]

A couple of cocktails. That's even better.

[F]

Oh yeah, it gets even better.

[D]

Uncle Roy is John's, was it cousin?

[F]

No, it's family friend.

[B]

He basically raised him a good uncle, kind of.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

So okay, sir.

[B]

Good Lord. Don't tell Roy though.

[F]

Oh, no.

[E]

He doesn't like claiming the bit is.

[B]

So popular or well done now because he'll be over at Old School 94.5. Oh yeah. Doing his own deal.

[D]

You're right. We need him here. We need to keep his ego down.

[B]

This is your Uncle Roy coming to you live. Next. Coming up, we're gonna play you some Stevie Wonder. Got Bobby Blue Bland and the Emotions. Next on the Uncle Roy show. Every day I would listen your way.

[D]

I would get up early.

[B]

Say, big man, let me hold the dollar.

[E]

We got that.

[F]

We've got concert Calendar some events coming up. And then audio clip of the week, which is gold. You're gonna love it.

[E]

Love it, love it.

[D]

Something I missed this week?

[F]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure you missed it.

[E]

Okay.

[F]

And then, of course, you got news stories. And right now we could do a little S found in Cars. You want to do that?

[D]

Yeah, this is. Does the little opener explain it?

[F]

Yeah, pretty much.

[E]

Let's do it.

[D]

Johnny beach of the morning, everybody.

[C]

Now, live from Burbank Studio, it's time for the they Left behind, where we discover and investigate the stuff left in.

[B]

All the cars bought this week by.

[C]

The staff of the Real Deal. And now, here's your host, a real expert in leaving behind John Clay Wolfe.

[D]

Good morning, everybody. How you doing?

[E]

Hi, I'm John Clay Wolfe.

[F]

John's not here yet.

[B]

You guys don't do that. You're like. You're really insulting caricature of John.

[D]

Why don't you do it?

[B]

Hey, everybody, it's John Wolfe.

[D]

It's so much better.

[B]

And we got Turley. You get a lot of stuff left in the cars this week?

[F]

We sure did, John.

[D]

And just wait. You gotta raise your volume.

[B]

Who brought the fruit basket?

[F]

Babo brought it in.

[B]

Is that carbs?

[F]

No, there's no carbs in it.

[B]

That's got that fructose. I can't eat that, you moron.

[F]

Yes, you can, Bobbo. You can eat it all.

[D]

You want my dog? I brought my dog with me. He's very depressed. You brought a fruit tray.

[B]

Oh, I know. He was staring at it.

[D]

I know he's staring at you.

[B]

He's looking at, like, freaking strawberries. It takes a lot.

[F]

All right, so if you go to the John Clay Wolf Show Facebook page, you'll see on there a CD that was found in a car. It's called the Arkansas Gospel Mass Choir.

[D]

Oh, my Lord.

[F]

Yes.

[E]

What? That's what.

[D]

Now, these are real items.

[F]

This is a real item that was found in a car.

[B]

They have their own gospel in Arkansas now.

[F]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

You know, they have come a long way.

[F]

Here's a little piece of it.

[D]

Yeah, baby.

[B]

Yes, Lord.

[D]

Bring it on. My soul. I want this cd.

[F]

Guess who we have on the phone, guys?

[D]

Who's on the phone?

[F]

Well, we have to have John in on the phone to play this game. Yeah, he's calling in. Yes, he is.

[D]

Hey, Johnny.

[G]

Johnny Beach 2. Johnny Beach 2.

[D]

Good morning, Johnny Beach. Hanging up.

[G]

Good morning.

[D]

It's a beautiful Saturday.

[G]

Good morning.

[E]

Yeah, man.

[F]

All right, John. So this cd, Arkansas Gospel, the Mass Choir, was found in one of these cars, we need you to guess which one. You're pretty good at this.

[G]

Usually I try and I. And I know black people. And preachers.

[F]

Yes, both.

[E]

Alright.

[F]

So was this CD found in an 06 Lincoln Town Car, an 0808 Pontiac Grand Prix?

[G]

Very possibly.

[F]

04 Honda Civic or a.

[G]

No, no, no. The brother man was too big to put no for.

[F]

Or a 2008 Cadillac Escalade?

[E]

Oh, who would. Who would listen to an Arkansas Cadillac escalade?

[F]

A buck 22.

[G]

No, it's going to be the Town Car or the. Or the Grand. They'll walk down Pontiac. So I'm gonna go with it. Pontiac Grand Prix.

[B]

I'm gonna say Town Car, man.

[D]

I'm gonna go with Town Car also.

[F]

Yeah. And John, you. You overthought it. It's the Town Car.

[G]

Oh, really? Yes. You always try to throw me for loops and that was just such a gimme. That was a ball.

[F]

Yeah. Oh, it was easy. Come on. Who. Who else draws it?

[G]

Did the Town Car have Vogues or a Ragtime?

[F]

It had a ragtop. Yep. Chrome wheels.

[E]

Yeah, it's loaded up.

[G]

Y' all keep entertaining me. I'll be there in a minute. I'm just a little hungover and a little late.

[F]

Uh oh.

[D]

What are you hungover?

[B]

I'm sorry. It was Friday night.

[G]

I've had a long month and I was tired and had had some beers after work last night and baby woke me up in the middle of the night. I've got a lot of excuses, J.D.

[E]

I think.

[F]

You know what? I think he needs Jesus.

[E]

That's what he needs.

[B]

He needs some Jesus from brother John Wolf.

[G]

I'll be there in a minute, Bobo. Dude, is that you singing on the way in? That?

[B]

No, that was disturbed. Disturbed? The vengeful one.

[G]

It sounded like an exorcism. One American Idol.

[B]

You know why we played that job?

[G]

Back in a minute.

[D]

Because The Eagle Rocks 971 show. It didn't even sound like he's driving. I don't think he's coming in. I think he's sitting in his. I believe he's sitting on his couch watching television going, I'm coming in.

[B]

Brothers and sisters, I want to say a word to you this morning.

[D]

Got a bell for the morning show. Hang on.

[B]

I want to say a word to you this morning.

[D]

Oh no, Lord.

[B]

Well, I traded in my Lincoln Cow call this week.

[D]

It will happen.

[B]

I must have misplaced my Arkansas Gospel dz.

[D]

Oh, Reverend, not that one. It's your favorite.

[B]

Yes, Lord.

[D]

Oh Lord.

[B]

And I told that boy at the dealership four times at Magic Mike's dealership, where I picked up a brand new 2009 Lincoln Tire car.

[D]

Preach it, brother.

[B]

On my trade in. Preach it now with 59 on timely payments thanks to your love offerings. I told that boy. I told that boy, make sure my dicks get out the car. And I asked him to make sure all of my C dicks get out of my car.

[D]

Right, right, right.

[B]

This morning, driving to church, brothers and sisters, and what happened? Lord, Lord, sweet Jesus. My CD is gone.

[E]

No, no.

[B]

My Arkansas Gospel cd, featuring artists like Bobby Blue Taylor.

[D]

Take me now, Lord. Take me now.

[B]

Vogue, Johnson and Johnson.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

What?

[B]

Sister Rose and the Cornelius Brothers and the ever so poignant Skippy Stu Washington Jefferson. You lost to Skippy Lou and his Little Rock Choir.

[D]

Oh, Lord, you gonna get that CD back?

[B]

If those boys from the dealership be listening to our broadcast this morning, I want to say.

[D]

Oh, my God, don't.

[B]

Be lost when the time come don't be lost when the time comes for the day of the Lord cometh as a thief in the night and when you listen to your Bobby Blue Taylor.

[D]

Bring it to me. Bring it to me. Pastor Ask.

[B]

Yes, Jesus, they will bring my CD home. Because Sunday morning ain't the same with that.

[F]

Amen. Amen.

[E]

Yes.

[B]

Let's take a little love offering for a new cd.

[D]

Hold on a minute. You lost it. Why we gotta pay.

[F]

You know, that's happening right now. He's looking for that CD and his new 09 Lincoln Town Car.

[B]

06 Town Car. We find it, we find a compact disc. Arkansas Gospel. That's too perfect, man.

[F]

Oh, I know. It's just in that. That, of course, John overthought it.

[D]

Yeah.

[F]

Founding Cars.

[B]

I go home on. On Saturday evenings and I have friends that come over. They're like, what do you do? I didn't know you're doing. A lot of people aren't aware that we're doing the show again, you know, in a big way, on Saturday mornings, and they want to hear the podcast and we listen. They. They're like, dude, you guys are a bunch of geniuses, man. Not really, because this subject matter presents itself. I mean, you. You know, truth really is stranger than fiction a lot of the time, man.

[F]

It's a lot of improv. I think radio is better when it's improv.

[D]

Yeah.

[F]

Is that a better way to call it?

[D]

I don't know.

[F]

Not prepping.

[D]

Yes. That's what John calls it. It's improv.

[B]

Sounds like we're playing jazz, man. You know, just take your saxophone, man. Play whatever you feel.

[D]

Okay.

[F]

Are we gonna do the script deal again?

[D]

No.

[F]

It actually had some pretty good reviews. When. If you listen to the podcast. John Clay Wolf show.

[D]

Yeah, you know, when I went back and listened to the podcast this second time, we did it. It was better.

[F]

Yeah, I thought it was a little bit. Because we read it the second time, right?

[D]

We. What was that word? Rehearsed.

[E]

Yes.

[B]

And Australian accents are damn hard to do.

[E]

Yes.

[D]

Yeah, they are. And they're not funny that long. They're funny in short little bits.

[F]

Well, we'll probably do that at some point today.

[G]

Okay.

[D]

What are we doing today? Obviously, we're going to stay away from anything controversial. Like we did. We did. What was it we did last week?

[B]

It was controversial last week.

[D]

It was because we tried to be black people. And that's not cool.

[E]

Well, well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[B]

We were trying to be ethnic Southern people from the. From the early 70s for sure.

[E]

Yep.

[D]

But we were. Never mind.

[B]

There wasn't anything black about it.

[D]

The reed was. Well, my bad, my bad. Maybe not.

[F]

What, what is this script I have here? It's Django.

[D]

No, no, we're gonna do no. Johnny beach says no, not on the tournament.

[F]

I don't think we can do that.

[D]

No, we can't.

[F]

There's a lot of words in here that cannot be said on the radio.

[D]

Specifically one word.

[B]

You guys are slowly but surely turning me into like a. Like a suck up candidate around the office here. But you know what? The boss, remember the boss, John Clay Wolfe, asked me to dig up a script for this part of this movie because he liked it.

[F]

Well, I said, okay, stay tuned for that. We'll see how that goes.

[B]

If you find your mornings in need of a screeching halt, we're here to provide that.

[D]

Man, that is such a great promo line. It's our new billboard. If you're finding your mornings in need while he's reaching all.

[F]

Tune in to the John Clay Wolf Show Saturday mornings, 97.

[E]

One, the eagle.

[B]

You feel what I'm cooking, butter pie?

[D]

That was great.

[B]

Screeching hall, it's coming your way.

[F]

Hey, speaking of screech and halt, that's in my.

[D]

There he is.

[B]

Screech Wolf.

[D]

That was goodness.

[B]

Yeah, the boss is in the building. So nobody worry and hang out for great music on the way from Led Zeppelin and more next on 97.

[C]

One, the Eagle, the Rock for Dallas Fort Worth.

[A]

Now back to the John Clay Wolf Show. Hit him up right now 1-800-800-radio. This is the John Clay Wolf Show.

[E]

What is this? Johnny Beach.

[B]

Johnny Beach.

[D]

It's my new name. I was thinking that the other day I thought you know what. Because I made up JD Ryan in about 10 minutes they came to me at the radio station.

[E]

It was 50 or 70 years ago.

[D]

57 years ago they came to me and they said you know what? We're gonna stop playing this 40s swing music. We're gonna go right to the 50s stuff. But you gotta come up with a new name. And I said okay, that new hot format here. So it's, it's all the. Right, it's. What I said was it's the bees knees.

[E]

So what you need is the. In the Johnny Beach Morning Show. Yeah.

[D]

Johnny Beach Morning. You need it.

[E]

You need a rock. I mean since if you're going to bring it back to the Eagle, which is a rock. Yeah. 97 1, the rock of the world.

[D]

Beach in the morning.

[E]

You've got to have a hard banging chick, you know that's like slept with the band guys.

[D]

A co host.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Sidekick.

[E]

Yeah. You don't need like a Kelly and you don't need a Kelly riffing. You need a. You need a.

[B]

A rocker.

[D]

Right.

[E]

I say Johnny, be for the morning. Susie Snapper.

[C]

That's me guys. How's it going? Susie Snapper. It's good to see you.

[B]

Susie Snapper. Johnny.

[D]

Good morning Susie. How you doing?

[C]

You're looking good, man.

[B]

You're looking hot.

[D]

You are looking like you looked yesterday.

[C]

I've been screwing all night.

[D]

That's kind of what I was going to say there. Suzy Snapper.

[C]

He's got a tough play disturbs coming to town. Send a couple of roadies out, get some stage stuff ready. So you know I sleep with roadies. I don't care.

[D]

You kill me, Susie Snapper.

[E]

That's all.

[C]

There's rock and roll.

[D]

Mostly it's the smell.

[C]

Hey, you got any soap? I need some. Some kind of borax powder. Something's got some grape too.

[B]

No, no, no.

[D]

Yeah, we got.

[C]

This is one dirty kitty.

[E]

Merging of two worlds. Charlie Tuna dies and Susie Snapper went with him.

[D]

Johnny beach show brought to you by Lava.

[E]

By Gojo. The the professional man's hand cleaner. This stuff's so nasty. Yeah, Gojo can't wipe it off.

[C]

Hey, thanks a lot.

[E]

Susie Snappers.

[D]

Yeah, she gets to do endorsements.

[E]

Nasty.

[B]

Morning.

[E]

Gojo can't knock it loose.

[D]

Moaning show endorsements, all of it.

[B]

Appreciate that. J.D.

[C]

Now with the forecast. Tell you what's.

[E]

Good.

[C]

Gonna be great weather for screwing out there. Partly cloudy skies. Hey, you might get a little wet.

[B]

Get the hose out.

[C]

Get the kids wet. Get them off your ass. Go inside and get screwed some more.

[D]

Okay? Johnny beach has lost his composure.

[C]

Didn't mama make a nice lunch? Show her how much you appreciate it. Daddy come home.

[D]

Stop it.

[C]

Susie Snapper with the weather.

[E]

Oh, we forgot to tell people we buy cars, but this guy hadn't forgotten.

[F]

Randy, good morning.

[E]

You're on the air.

[C]

Randy as Randy's my kind of guy.

[E]

Is. Is the collar button up?

[D]

Come on, Susie.

[E]

Mike, is it working?

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Randy, you there?

[F]

No, he must have dropped.

[D]

He's afraid of Susie.

[B]

He's mild.

[E]

It's not working.

[D]

Snapper by the seashore.

[E]

Why don't you see if somebody else can talk to him?

[C]

Comedy live.

[E]

Randy, are you there?

[D]

Right.

[E]

Ah, it's broken. Damn it. Nope. Wait, wait. There you are. Okay.

[D]

Hey.

[G]

Hey, what's up?

[E]

Chilling, chilling. Just listening to Susie Snapper and Johnny beach talking about the weather.

[G]

Sounds like a plan.

[E]

What you got?

[G]

Well, I got a 2013 Camaro SS and it's got the, the, I believe the one LE. The brakes and the, the gearing and all that. It's 33, 900 miles on it. I just kind of curious. I'm thinking about trading it in. I've had it for two years.

[E]

Is it a Z? Is a ZL1 or the regular one?

[G]

It's, it's, it's regular. It's the yellow. Is it convertible RS package and the one le rear end and the brakes and all that. The suspension.

[E]

Is it convertible or hard top? Hard top stick or matic?

[G]

It's a sweet looking ride too. I'm telling you. Sticker, automatic stick.

[E]

22 grand.

[G]

22.

[E]

23. 20, 20, 20. Does it have navigation?

[G]

Well, yeah, I mean it's got the, the on board stuff but it's not activated. But you can activate it. Nonstar 23? No, not on Star.

[E]

Yeah.

[G]

What the hell is it called? Is that what it is?

[E]

23. I may give more. I don't know about the, the road and track package you're talking about. Can you go to givemetheven.com and load it up so I can pull the VIN and figure out on that gearing you're talking about.

[G]

You want the VIN number?

[E]

Yeah, but just go to give me the. Our website is. Give me the VIN. VIN.GiveMeTheEven.com Put the VIN number in. In the, in the pictures and then I will look up the VIN number. After the show and figure out what it is. How much to add for this art. It sounds like a road and tracker scat pack kind of package. And I don't know the value on that add on.

[G]

Yeah, it's, it's got the, the special rear spoiler that I've only seen like two of them that came factory and it's got the, the exhaust ends that are like rectangle instead of round. So it's, it's pretty tricked out.

[D]

Ah hell.

[C]

Why did you keep it red? He ever been stuffed in a Camaro? I break my back. Oh my God. It's not a Cadillac.

[G]

No, but it's. I'll tell you what, I can get like 75 and not even get out of third gear, you know.

[C]

Take it from Susie Snappers. No place to be.

[D]

What? Third gear?

[E]

800 she's all home base or go home.

[D]

Oh man.

[E]

800, 800, 7, 2, 3, 4. 800, 800 radio. 800, 800 radio. Right here in 97. 1. The eagle. We are on the Eagle exclusively right now. Then we're gonna join network at 9 o' clock and we'll be there till noon. My name is John Clay wolf. His name's J.D. ryan. And you can call into the show Johnny beach and G. We've got Johnny beach here and Susie Snapper, her brother Richard.

[D]

It's beach and Snapper in the morning.

[E]

Her brother Richard was calling in.

[C]

That's my brother Dick Snapper.

[D]

No, no, no, no.

[C]

Now he's famous back in Cleveland, our hometown.

[B]

He's great.

[E]

Cleveland.

[C]

He started his own sausage and chitlins company.

[D]

I don't believe.

[E]

Yeah, Dick Schnapper on traffic TV commercials.

[C]

Are famous all over Cleveland. He gets on, he bites of the sauce. Says, yep, that's a real Dick Snapper.

[E]

800, 800 radio. 800, 800 radio.

[C]

Easy official snack food of the Cleveland Browns.

[E]

We do buy cars. So you can go to givemetheven givemetheven.com and we'll buy your car. So riding with Roy. Yes, I want to hear that.

[D]

I can't hear that now.

[F]

Oh yes.

[E]

It's too far gone.

[D]

Everybody missed the Cleveland Brown joke.

[F]

So. Yeah, Uncle Roy.

[E]

Well, we relive it. I missed it.

[F]

I got it.

[E]

You got it?

[F]

Oh yeah.

[E]

We'll get it again in a little bit. Big old teaser, cuz. Susie Schnapper and Dick Schnapper are such a tease.

[D]

Susie slid one in on us. Totally did.

[C]

Everybody's doing it to me all the time.

[E]

She got the great weather to be Screwing today.

[C]

I haven't got an hour and a half without having one slipped into me for days. As my brother would say, that's a real dick snapper.

[F]

So Uncle Roy riding with Uncle Roy, of course he goes around, picks up the cars that John buys during the.

[E]

Week that we buy from you [e-mail] There's a little product placement for you.

[D]

This part of the show really happened?

[E]

Yes. Okay.

[D]

We're separating it from the Johnny beach show. This really does occur.

[F]

And Brady, or White Bread, I think, is what Uncle Roy likes to call DJ Point Blank.

[E]

White Bread.

[F]

He rides along with Uncle Roy and he'll sometimes record some stuff that's happening while they're riding. Well, in this episode, apparently he tried to mess with the radio and that's not a good thing to do.

[B]

No, no, no, no.

[E]

We've asked White Bread to record with his phone while he's riding with Uncle Roy. Cuz Roy is gold. His. His stick is absolute gold. But if you try to put it to him on the spot, he can't. He will not deliver unless he has had a half of a bottle of Crown Royale with cheese under his belt.

[C]

Yeah, he's a big sexy man.

[D]

He.

[E]

He will deliver. But we try not to drink and drive during the day. Yeah, it's not a good idea. All right, so. So. So White Bread was riding around with big black Uncle Roy and Uncle Roy criticized him.

[F]

Yeah, he tried to mess with the radio.

[E]

Oh, this would be great. I want to hear it.

[H]

Hey, man, we.

[E]

That's another problem you're heading. Seat, not tune.

[D]

What station you want that?

[H]

That's the first thing a black man do.

[G]

Check the radio.

[H]

He gonna check the radio. That radio ain't working here. Right. He can go down there and buy a used car. But first he ain't gonna check the motor. He gonna check the oil. All he going to check. He want. He go check the radio and ac. If that work, you can sell that car that be knocking like a Don't give a damn. Don't give a damn. He gonna cut the radio, drown the mother out, Jack. Mother, you tell a black man anything if it's got a good system in it. You just tell that mother no, he don't go and done with knocking, smoking. If the air working and the goddamn radio work and he go down there and put him some 24s on that.

[D]

Mother know all at the other week, cut that music up and down.

[H]

You can't hear it. Goddamn, you can't hear it. You know it don't take but a minute. I've been preaching that the. Dang it, Daniel.

[E]

Check the hall.

[H]

And every new car you get in, Mother.

[F]

There you go.

[E]

These are real car tips. I'm telling you. These are real ghetto car tips. This is what the people can't write about.

[D]

He could do his own show, man. He could do.

[B]

Geez, don't ever tell a man that stuff. Is that good. He will. He will be over at Old School 94.5 in a drop of a hat.

[E]

He can't do it on demand, though. If you push the button, it don't come out.

[D]

No, it's got to be natural. Oh, it's like a jazz, man. Jazz.

[E]

If you were I. That goes on that. That scene that you just heard goes on. It'll go on for hours.

[B]

Oh, yeah, you could cut CDs of that.

[E]

This is where I got my sense of humor from.

[B]

Yeah, call it Uncle Roy says sell them at truck stops across the south, man.

[D]

Uncle Roy says we're sitting on a gold mine.

[E]

That's what Uncle Roy told me when I was about 8. Every woman's sitting on a million dollar bill if she just knew how to use it.

[B]

And he's easy to get started.

[E]

It's easy to get started. 800. Oh, we got an Explorer. Call 800. 800 radio. 800-800-7234. Cole, good morning. You're there.

[G]

Hey, how you doing today?

[E]

Good, good, good. Where are you calling from?

[G]

Hey, I got a. I got a 2006 Ford Explorer. I've had it for a while of first owner and looking at possibly trade it in. It's got 103,000 miles on it. Pretty clean third row. And the only issue with it, it's got a transmission issue.

[E]

That is an issue. That is a real legitimate issue. But if you heard our segment right before you got on the air with us, does it have a good stereo that'll cover up that transmission issue, Man.

[G]

I tell you what, it's got a good stereo and you can throw some 24s on it, and it'll be pimping.

[C]

I love that Explorer, man. Put the back seats down, stretch your legs out.

[E]

Susie Snapper's back.

[C]

That's a lot of room.

[G]

Hey, man, you put the third row. You put the third row and the second row down. Then you can do all kinds of freaky stuff.

[C]

I put my swing in there.

[G]

There you go. There you go.

[D]

Susie Snapper gives it two legs.

[E]

Cole, do you listen to the eagle a lot or did you just trip across Us?

[G]

No, no. I listen to the Eagle a lot.

[D]

I love the Johnny Beach.

[E]

Were you surprised to hear us on there? Starting how long we've been doing this again? A month.

[D]

A month?

[E]

About a month.

[D]

About a month.

[E]

Did you know us from before? Are we new to you?

[G]

I've known you before. I know you were on a. I think another station before that, weren't you? Haven't you.

[E]

The fan?

[G]

Yeah, the fan. That's where I known you from.

[E]

Gotcha. Gotcha, gotcha. The. The rig's worth four grand with the. With the tranny. Right. And the tranny to replace it's going to cost 1700. So will it go into gear and drive?

[G]

It goes forward, fine. It's just a little bit of a slippage on the reverse.

[E]

Slippage package. I'll give two grand for it.

[B]

With the training up, nothing like slippage.

[D]

Susie's got all kinds.

[G]

There you go. All right. Well, I appreciate it. Y' all have a good one.

[E]

If you want to sell it to us, go to givemetheven.com and put it in there and. And remind them what we talked about on the air and they'll honor it.

[G]

Okay, thanks.

[E]

800. 800. 7234.

[D]

Susie's got that sounds like the front.

[E]

Of a Wheaties box to me, boy.

[C]

Well, you better stop it, Johnny Beach.

[B]

You're getting me hot.

[D]

Good morning. Doesn't take much to get you out there.

[C]

My slippage.

[D]

You and your brother's dick snapper.

[E]

What is going on with Bruce Jenner?

[F]

Speaking of homos, he's playing golf now a lot.

[D]

He's not a homo.

[E]

Turtle, you're gonna kill him. I got invited to the Masters this week with the passes in the back. Deal. I didn't go. No. Coming up next week. Next week. Go. Dude, is it that big of a deal? Yes, I think. I mean. Oh, my God. XYZ Pavilion. The tickets were $8,000 a piece.

[D]

I got super bowl tickets. That big of a deal?

[E]

Dude, the super bowl tickets is a big deal. I just.

[F]

You don't care about golf.

[E]

It doesn't matter. He's mad at me. Do you understand what you're passing on? This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, dude.

[D]

Really?

[E]

Yes.

[F]

Tell him yes.

[B]

You get to see Bill Murray throw an old lady down.

[D]

He'll be there.

[B]

All the stuff. All the traditional stuff, you know, that goes with the Masters, man.

[F]

Oh, and the women there.

[D]

Augusta.

[E]

Yeah, well, I mean, what am I. Am I gonna screw one right there behind the outhouse. No, on the number nine.

[F]

You need to be in that scene.

[B]

If you're lucky and you stay out there after dark, you might even spot Bagger Vance. You never know.

[E]

Have you been?

[F]

No, I've always wanted to go. Be freaking awesome.

[E]

A lot of walking though, right?

[F]

Well, yeah, but you don't. You could just stay in the pavilion area.

[E]

That's it. Did you drink a lot?

[D]

Yes. Drink a lot.

[E]

Should I call him back? Yes. Now. I'm not calling back during the break.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

My name is John clay wolf and I'm gonna call my buddy back that invited me to go to the master. So I'll be back. Just a second and go to give. I'm not going. Givemetheven.com givemetheven.com we buy cars. We buy your cars. We buy them high. Cars are high as hell right now. Go to that website. We want to buy it.

[A]

From the wolf radio studios. It's time for the John Clay wolf show. Call John toll free. Cheap bastards, 1, 800, 800, radio or log on to gowolf.com now. John Clay Wolf.

[D]

In love with. Fall out and take the b. Eat the fruit, kiss the snake.

[E]

And we're on 800-800-7, 2, 3, 4. Chris, we've got people waiting in line. It's like a. It's a train. He's trying to get to me. You get the bad joke.

[C]

I seen a train or two, man.

[E]

Good morning, Chris. Chris, we're doing that at 9:15. Chris, are you there?

[G]

I am. How you doing?

[E]

I'm good. What city do you come from? Where do you hail from, Chris?

[G]

Denton. Denton, Texas.

[E]

Denton d town. Cruising in the juke. Throw. Move to the right, move to the left, throw them off. Juke them. 71, 000 miles. Leather clothes, clock sticker Matic.

[G]

It's a matic. It's also got little performance module engine intake and a steel exhaust.

[E]

That is so bitching. What, 71,000 miles? What color?

[G]

It's silver.

[E]

Does it have the big pipe coming out the ass end of it like the civics?

[G]

No, it's. It's real low pro, real quiet. It's all tuned. Doesn't throw a light or anything.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

Hey, that's no joke, man.

[E]

Is it 8500, 8500.

[G]

Okay, I can deal with that. Appreciate it.

[E]

Go to givemetheven.com, load the VIN up and we'll buy your car.

[G]

All right. Thank you, sir.

[E]

Givemethe vin.com yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Thank you, sir. We'll come to your house. You can bring it over to Our Fort Worth office and pick it up. Houston. We don't have an office in Houston. We have three transport trucks that run up and down the highway and we come into your neighborhoods, in your offices, literally pick it up and pick them up at your. Wherever you tell us to.

[B]

I think I just met Bob, man.

[E]

Bob Floyd.

[B]

Yeah, Bob. Bob the driver downstairs.

[F]

Oh, yeah. Oh, overalls like the guy.

[E]

Hank Hill.

[B]

He's a funny guy, man.

[E]

Is it Hank, like, do you have overalls on?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

He should come up here and talk to us.

[B]

He really should.

[E]

Well, John, he's from Arkansas.

[D]

Arkansas.

[E]

Well, Whale, what did he have to say?

[B]

Get my driving done. I can go home, lay down. I just.

[E]

I just blew coffee up my nose. That's exactly how he did it.

[B]

As soon as I get back from town, I'm gonna go home and lay down.

[F]

He's a tall, what, six something?

[E]

Big guy.

[F]

Big old guy.

[D]

This show is just filled with characters.

[E]

Where from Arkansas is he. Is he going home now? Is he done with the Houston run? Did he just come back from Houston?

[B]

I just wanted to sit down a little while before I head to the house. Did he go lay down?

[D]

We get it.

[E]

Like forest Gump down. Lay down. Well, John, I like to take my Mondays off to get personal things handled. We keep booking him on Mondays. He's like, no, he wants to be. I want to be off Sunday, that's God's day. And Monday, Monday is a day for me to get personal things handled. Is that okay with you? Yes, sir, it's okay with me. All right. 800, 800. 7, 2, 3.

[B]

Any other day I'm down.

[E]

And he is. The guy's a hard working guy.

[B]

Any other day.

[E]

He runs from Dallas to Houston every day. Picks up our cars for the customers. Give me the vin.com.

[B]

That'S a stretch, boy. You were. You were headed back that way the other night when I spoke to you. Where were you when we were talking Huntsville. Yeah.

[E]

Yeah. That is a stretch. I did my, my drive this week.

[B]

It's nice. I've done it several times. I used to be the, the go get guy. When we would do like, I would bring in three or four a week, you know, Beaumont, San Antonio, Austin.

[E]

Right.

[B]

Those little gigs had a ball.

[E]

We're fixing to fire back up. Austin, San Antonio.

[B]

I think those were some of the best years of my life, career wise. You know, it's like adventure, Bob, man, flying southwest. You know, I got a. Got a briefcase full of Prince and Steely Dan CDs.

[E]

Did I tell you about the strip club, eastbound and down situation?

[B]

No.

[E]

So we're in Lafayette, Louisiana, and I have 18 cars that are coming back to Dallas, Fort Worth at the Lafayette Auto Auction. And some transporter came through there and grabbed one of my trucks on accident and took it to Birmingham, Alabama. Why? But that truck had all the keys to the other 17 in.

[D]

Lord, dude, really?

[E]

So the transporters. We have three transports sitting there in Lafayette trying to load on a Sunday to get him up here to make him to the auction.

[B]

Is this an honest mistake?

[E]

Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

And all the keys are gone. So you got three 18 wheelers sitting there and everybody's pissed off. I call. I'm like, lafayette. Lafayette. Lafayette. Let's call strip club.

[B]

Hello?

[E]

Hey, John, what's up?

[B]

Hey, John. Long time no speak.

[E]

I'm like, strip. Can you drive overnight? Well, sure. What do you need? I got 300 or 400 if you'll run to Birmingham, Alabama, right now from Lafayette and come right back.

[B]

Oh, yeah, he did it.

[D]

I'm gonna be there.

[E]

He ran down there, got the key to the car in the right truck, brought it back, got everybody loaded, and strip club saved the day.

[B]

Let me turn my shirt right side out and I'll be right down.

[E]

He had a lot of ailments, poor guy.

[D]

No, not strip.

[F]

Yeah, he did one minute till network.

[B]

He used to have a lot of psychosomatic illness. I think strip club had an old lady that wouldn't leave him alone.

[D]

That's true.

[B]

And they had great, you know, a strong, powerful relationship, a strong friendship. They were. They went to the Renaissance Fairs together.

[D]

They did.

[E]

They were.

[B]

Rennie, she was like, Lady Elsbeth. He was like, I'm here at the Viking.

[D]

Yeah, he was.

[B]

Hey, look, he had my ex, okay?

[D]

The whole costume. Man.

[B]

This is serious business.

[D]

If you're hiking, it's his time of year.

[B]

I'm the Viking prince.

[E]

Speaking of, are we gonna do Django?

[B]

No, JD doesn't want to do.

[D]

No, we're not doing Django.

[E]

I like it. If you start where you can't do.

[D]

There'S no part of that movie you can say on the radio.

[B]

None. We thought about. We thought about that. J.D.

[E]

What?

[B]

If anyone who's seen Tarantino knows Django Unchained, right? Knows that it is a very racially charged.

[E]

Are we up?

[F]

Stand by for network.

[E]

Guys. We gotta rejoin everybody. We're joining Dallas a couple more.

[D]

Hang on. Listening to behind the Scenes of the John, Clay Wolf and Johnny Beach.

[F]

15 seconds.

[E]

Oh, 15 seconds. Is it the bottom of page 24 Bob or the bottom of page 23. Everybody get that up because we are doing it.

[B]

That's fine, I gave you a copy. It's bottom of 24.

[E]

Eskimos. Eskimos.

[A]

Now back to the John Clay Wolf show. Hit him up right now. 1, 800, 800 radio. This is the John Clay Wolf Show.

[C]

Yeah, coming back live with my man Johnny B. Snapper on the side. Good to see you on a Saturday. This is great weather for screwing and thank you for bringing us along.

[D]

Thank you, Susie. 9:13 in the morning with Check Traffic with Dick Snapper coming up, just a couple of minutes. It's a beautiful Saturday on the Johnny Beach Show.

[E]

So Susie, tell me about your week gal. I mean you look a little haggard there.

[D]

You look a little haggard, you smell a little weird.

[C]

I thought I was scot free after Wednesday. You know the roadies came back from Disturbed getting their show ready later in the summer. We thought it'd be good. So BFD's coming up, I got shinedowns coming in, look at the stuff. Looking to do some recording with Jets. Been in town, a lot of bands, a lot of roadies. Okay, okay. Hey, you talk about a trade, okay, that was a big deal. Thought I was scott free.

[B]

Guess what, John?

[C]

Mel coming to Woodstar tonight. Oh man, I know, and I've never done him. Okay, so I've been. I've been Woodstar, 3 o' clock in the morning. Just waiting for the bus to show up.

[D]

You got it, baby. Hey, I did it. Did you? Oh man. Little pink houses.

[E]

Susie Snapper, let me tell you something.

[C]

Let me tell you something. Johnny, be. It hurts so good.

[D]

Oh baby. Oh baby. I know that's right. Good morning everybody. Everybody now it's 9:14 in the morning Saturday.

[E]

Suzy, how old are you now? Are you 78 or 79 yet?

[C]

Well, you know, a lady never likes to say.

[D]

Yeah, but why don't you tell us?

[C]

I'll tell you the truth.

[B]

You ready?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

24.

[E]

That'S a hard 24 and a half.

[C]

It is a hard 24 in dog ear.

[B]

Good Lord.

[E]

800, 800. 7, 2, 3, 4. 800.

[C]

You know, a lot of times a stepdad will start you off rough.

[D]

It's 9:15 Saturday morning everybody, on the Johnny beach show with Susie Snapper.

[E]

Susie, did you check your meth for Ebola this week?

[C]

That's the funniest story this week.

[B]

I can't believe.

[C]

Did you hear about this Johnny?

[D]

I sure did, man. Johnny even has that one actually.

[C]

God sakes, tell about. I love it.

[D]

Let's see here, let's see here.

[C]

That almost happened to me one time.

[D]

The police department northwest of Washington says a woman was arrested after she responded to the Facebook hoax. It's a hoax. The hoax posted to Facebook stated, breaking news area meth and heroin supply possibly contaminated with Ebola. Meth and heroin recently brought into Central Texas as well as the ingredients used to make it could be contaminated.

[B]

Basically.

[D]

Bring it down to the police station, we'll check it for you. One lady did. She was crazy. Chastity's her name. Chastity. You know all about that, don't you Susie?

[C]

No, people fall for it all the time, right?

[D]

29 year old chastity Hopson came down there and brought her meth with her. And the police said, we have a room for you, Chastity. 9:16 Saturday morning everybody.

[C]

Yeah, that could almost happen to me. But I'll tell you the thing is, I'm a little clean. I don't like drugs of any kind. Okay?

[B]

I won't do them unless I'm screwing. Yeah.

[C]

I'll tell you what. Anybody you know gets a hold of me on Facebook, I mean, I'll come over. I don't care. If you give me good directions, I'll come over. I'm party, you know, party girl, Susie Snapper, right here.

[B]

Okay?

[C]

Look good direct haircut. You could tell good directions are the.

[E]

Key to your heart.

[C]

Hey, like my T tops. It's not sexy.

[D]

Those are very, very nice.

[E]

Susie Snapper. Reminds me, who was that and Adam Sandler in that movie?

[B]

Which movie?

[D]

Yeah, which movie?

[E]

Oh, you know the old one where he's driving around in a Z 28? Johnny. Johnny F. Hell with it. 800, 800. 7, 2, 3, 4. 800, 800. Billy Madison.

[D]

Okay, well your part of the show needs to come to a screeching halt.

[E]

Call Johnny Curtis. Good morning. You're on the air.

[G]

Good morning. How y' all doing?

[E]

Good. Where are you calling from? What city?

[G]

Nederland.

[D]

Nederland, where it's 9:17.

[E]

Shut that damn bell up.

[D]

We can't babe. It's part of the show. It's part of the show?

[C]

Yeah, I've been to Nederland time or two.

[D]

Have you?

[E]

Yeah, late night road.

[C]

You got a great basketball team.

[G]

Yeah. Oh five football team too.

[C]

You ain't joking.

[E]

Oh five avalanche.05 avalanche. Is it leather cloth?

[B]

You're not tight anymore.

[E]

Do I? Leather, leather, leather. Is it a four wheel drive or two?

[G]

Two wheel drive.

[E]

50,000 miles. Why are the miles so low?

[G]

It was my grandfather's. He Garage kept and changed oil religiously took care of it.

[E]

It was my grandson travel. He's a hungry boy. What. What do you take for it? I want to buy it. Do you want to buy it?

[G]

You want to set what it's worth? It's one of the ones that doesn't have the ugly plastic all along the bottom. It's all paint except for the very back. It's a beautiful truck. It's not a four wheel drive, otherwise I'd keep it.

[E]

Does nine grand buy it? That should.

[G]

That seems fair.

[E]

Yeah, I think. I mean, I wanted to say 8. I should have, but it's too late. I said 9. So what color is it?

[G]

Black.

[E]

All right. It's got 54,000 miles on a clean Carfax Nederland. How far are you from Beaumont?

[G]

Five minutes.

[E]

Okay, we'll pick it up there. Go to givemetheven.com, load the VIN number up, push us a couple of pictures, say John bought my truck for nine grand, and we'll start the process.

[G]

Will do.

[E]

Thank you. 8008-0072-3480-0800, 7234. 800, 800 radio.

[D]

Good morning, Houston.

[E]

Good morning, Dallas, Fort Worth.

[D]

Good morning, Houston. Good morning, Dallas. Fort Worth.

[E]

You like Houston better than Dallas?

[D]

No, I love them both. I just have a history in Dallas, Fort Worth that's kind of like going back to an ex, you know, you.

[E]

Sort of feel bad, you know, baba, when I talking to you. I was coming home the other night late. Right, right. And talk radio on the a.m. dial gets funny.

[B]

Sure.

[E]

At 2am oh, you're in a great.

[B]

Part of the world between Houston and Dallas too.

[E]

I was hearing some drunk. I think the concept is just drunk calling radio shows. Huh?

[D]

Drunk drunks.

[B]

Really?

[E]

Yes.

[D]

I mean, it's like sports talk, every kind of.

[E]

Hey, man, you know, you can't even understand. They're just wasted off their ass because I'm not up in the middle of night listening to the radio most of the time.

[B]

I listen to talk radio when I sleep, man. There's some really good shows.

[E]

Your drunks on there calling it Art Bell show, right?

[B]

Coast to coast. AM out of San Antonio. They have a guy.

[E]

I was hearing it on the Red Eye. The crazy left, right. The guys that like beat your kids, beat your wife, beat your boss.

[B]

Oh, the fascist right wing.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, those guys.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

It doesn't matter what you want, little honey, you're gonna have that baby. All right, first of all, all right. If you're on welfare. If you're on welfare, screw You.

[C]

I want a drug test.

[B]

I want it now.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Whether the law says so or not.

[E]

The drunks calling in were hilarious.

[B]

Yeah, Crazy stuff. The red eye show that shows and that shows nationwide.

[E]

Really?

[B]

Really?

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

They made it. They made the big time at 2:00am.

[B]

Well, they were in the right place at the right time when, when everybody was asleep, a certain broadcasting corporation came and bought half of the stations in town. One of them happened to be a big heritage 100,000 watt AM talker that happens to have an FM transponder outside of town. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, what are we going to do? Let's put our overnights nationwide.

[E]

800, 800 radio.

[B]

It doesn't matter that they're a bunch of right wing fascist bastards.

[E]

The website is. Give me the vi n. Givemethe vin.com. now this django thing, last week we did Australian accents for Talladega Night.

[B]

Right.

[D]

You're not doing Jango this week.

[E]

And I thought it was bad. I thought it was really bad. When we did it, it made me feel uncomfortable.

[D]

Right, me too.

[E]

But this week you want to do a scene at a Django for Uncle Baba's Playhouse.

[B]

Yeah, well, it's. I mean, I was gonna call it John Wolfe at the Picture Show.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

Picture show with John Clay Wolf.

[D]

There's nothing you can do from that movie.

[B]

And now it's time for Picture Show. Well, Django Unchained, for anybody who hasn't seen Quentin Tarantino's Django Unchained is a very racially charged screenplay. Right. And there are a lot of racial epithets that are used throughout the movie. Probably more than any other film that's ever been released.

[D]

Right.

[B]

But John and I were brainstorming, you know, at the time of day when we do our best thinking.

[D]

Yeah. 2:00am.

[B]

We thought it'd be a good idea to do this in a northern sensibility. And Fargo, change that one word that they use in Django over and over and over that's so offensive to Eskimos.

[D]

No.

[B]

So we're gonna.

[D]

Yes.

[E]

Who is who?

[B]

No, because it goes like that, you know, out in the wild, who am I?

[E]

That's what I've got to focus on.

[B]

I thought you would make a good Spencer Bennet.

[E]

I don't even see his lines.

[B]

The Don Johnson character.

[D]

I'd like to be Marcel Marceau.

[E]

I said Eskimos.

[B]

That one. Right. It's against law.

[E]

All right, where are we starting? At the bottom of page 23.

[D]

No, at the two.

[B]

Two lines up from the bottom. But where I drew the Arrow, too.

[E]

I don't have that.

[B]

It's against law for Eskimos to ride horses in this territory.

[E]

It's against thought. Do you have your music, Turley?

[F]

Yes. You ready to do this?

[D]

Who all's in this?

[B]

J.D. is doing Dr. Shell.

[F]

No.

[B]

He's got quite a few lines.

[D]

No, he didn't want to do this. He wants nothing to do with this.

[E]

What?

[B]

Should be in a wet blanket, man.

[E]

All right, what's your. What's your first line, Bobo?

[B]

My first line? Well, I'm doing Django. I don't have a lot of lines.

[E]

Who's the first line, jd?

[B]

Spencer Bennett.

[E]

Me.

[D]

It's against the law is your first word. It's at the bottom of page 24.

[E]

Bottom of page 24. 23.

[D]

No, he said 24.

[E]

Okay, hang on.

[B]

Email said 23. You need to look at the paper copy because that's the edited version.

[E]

All right, you ready?

[B]

Because you're going to say that word by mistake.

[E]

Dude, let's go. Do we roll it all? When do I stop?

[D]

Immediately.

[E]

It's against the law for Eskimos. Oh, in. In northern accents, right?

[B]

Yeah. Right, right, right.

[E]

It's against the law, you know, for Eskimos to ride horses in this territory.

[D]

This is my vat. What are we doing? What's.

[E]

What's the Fargo?

[D]

Fargo. Oh, yeah. This is my valet. And valet doesn't walk.

[E]

I said Eskimos.

[D]

His name is Django. He's a free man and he can ride whatever he pleases.

[E]

Not on my property, he can't. Not over there by that creek around my Eskimos. He can't be riding off.

[D]

My good sir, perhaps we got on the go to the wrong boot. Allow me to unring this bell. My name is Dr. King Schultz. This is my valet, Django. And these are our horses, Fritz and Tony. Yay. Fritz bows his head. This makes the pretty ponies surrounding Bennett jiggle giggle. Mr. Bennett, I've been led to believe you are a gentleman and a businessman. And it is in these capacities that we've ridden from Texas to Tennessee to talk with you. Now, eh?

[E]

State your business.

[D]

Well, I wish to purchase one of your Eskimo gals.

[E]

You and your Jimmy rode from Texas to Tennessee to buy one of my Eskimo girls. No appointment, no nothing.

[D]

Great. So there's all.

[E]

Well, what if I say I don't like you or your fancy pants Eskimo, and I wouldn't sell you a tinker's dam? What you got to say about that?

[D]

Mr. Bennett, if you're a businessman there, you crazy guy. There I've been led to believe you be I have 5,000 things I might say that could change your mind. 5,000, eh?

[E]

Come on inside. Get yourself something cool to drink.

[D]

Ah, yeah, take off. Maybe while we discuss business, you could provide some of your loveliest Eskimo ladies to escort Django here around your magnificent grounds.

[E]

Absolutely. Bettina. Bettina, come over.

[D]

Yes, sir.

[B]

Yes.

[F]

Yes, sir, Big Daddy.

[D]

How was that? Am I allowed to yell cut?

[E]

Yeah, that's good. I get it. We're good. I think we're done.

[D]

Good.

[E]

I think we've had enough.

[D]

Oh yeah, make me embarrass myself.

[E]

It was funny for a minute.

[D]

Yeah, about the New York Minute.

[E]

800. 800. Seven, two, three. Oh, God.

[D]

Man, I love being right.

[E]

91 Silverado with 150,000. What year is it? 2016. So this is 91. So this is when I graduated high school 25 years ago. Chris, how long you've been driving this truck?

[G]

Today's truth, it was my father's truck and it was given to me. And you know, it's just kind of sitting around and running. I was just kind of wondering about the price on it.

[E]

Is it worth 500 bucks?

[G]

500?

[E]

Yeah.

[G]

No, what's it worth? What's it worth? I want to think about at least 2500 is what I'm thinking. It's going on a classic year and it is a step side, which is pretty original.

[E]

It is a step side, you know. Is it got the big motor?

[G]

Yes, Sir. Yeah, the V8.

[E]

Okay. I didn't realize it was a short wide, step side. V8 automatic or stick?

[G]

Stick. Five speed.

[E]

Would you take a thousand for it?

[G]

Would I take a thousand? I take 15.

[E]

Then go to givemetheven. Givemethevin.com load it up and say John said he'd give a thousand. I said I'd take 15. Here's the truck and we'll work on it after the show. Something that old? Oh yeah, yeah. Something that old. I need to see the picture.

[G]

Okay, cool.

[E]

Come on down. 800-800-radio or givemethevin.com Dallas, Texas Houston, Texas South Louisiana. We will be back uno momento. Poor for four. Thank you, sir.

[D]

Good morning.

[E]

The mountains win again.

[A]

Now back to the John Clay Wolf show. Hit him up right now. 1, 800, 800 radio.

[E]

This is the John Clay Wolf showy. Broke his button at one of your events, Bobby. You ought to just play like an acapella version of Rape Me in front of like the wedding party. Party when you do those weddings.

[B]

Yeah, that would be funny.

[E]

Ah, that'd be uncomfortable. Rape me, rape me, my friend when that. When. That would be very funny. Nobody likes my humor.

[B]

I mean, I get it. I'm trying to think of whose wedding that would really be good at. You know what?

[D]

No one.

[E]

No one.

[B]

Susie Snapper's wedding. That would probably.

[D]

Snapper in the water.

[E]

You think it would fly?

[D]

933.

[C]

Thanks, Bob. Oh, that'll be awesome. I love that song.

[E]

I got cars to buy.

[C]

Takes one to know.

[E]

8008-0072-3480-0800 radio. Chad 09 Ram half ton. Is it a quad or a crew cab?

[G]

It's a crew cab.

[E]

Is it four wheel drive or two?

[G]

Four.

[E]

Is it 12 grand?

[G]

What's that?

[E]

12 grand? Does that sound right?

[G]

No.

[E]

What's it take to buy it?

[G]

Oh, it take quite a bit more than that.

[E]

Is it leather?

[G]

I mean. No, it's not. Yeah, it's 09. It's got. I mean it's got, you know, towing package and, you know, audio and all that stuff. And I mean, I owe on it on that.

[E]

What do you owe on it?

[G]

Like 19, I think.

[E]

Have you been listening this morning and heard what uncle Roy says about audio packages?

[G]

No.

[E]

We'll play that again in a little bit.

[B]

He.

[E]

He's got a lot to say about an 09. Ran with 60. You're upside down. So I mean, can you write a check to get out of it or you need your payoff to get out of it?

[G]

I mean, I'd like to get my payoff to get out of it.

[E]

We all would.

[G]

I was doing some Internet research. I didn't think I was. I didn't think I was ever so down on it.

[E]

It's a crew four wheel drive, right?

[G]

Yeah.

[E]

Hang on, let me look it up. Is it a Sport or just SLT?

[G]

SLT. It's a Lone Star Edition.

[E]

58000 miles. Sold for 16,4 last week. 73000 miles. Sold for 15,8 last week. 85000 miles. This one brought 17, but it must have been lifted or something. So that being said, I was too low for sure when I was talking earlier. I would be a 17 grand buyer.

[G]

17? That's in the ballpark.

[E]

Yeah. Go to givemethevenvin.com, send us the VIN number, the pictures, and you know where I'm at. If that won't buy it, say here's what buys it, John. Hit it at 17. Here's what buys it today. And we'll make the payoff. We'll pay off your payoff and knock it out. Come to your house and pick it up.

[G]

Okay. Thanks, man.

[E]

8008-0072-3480-0800 radio. Travis, good morning. You're on the air, man.

[G]

I got a 2016 Hyundai Elantra, about 11,000 miles on it. I think it's a step up above the base model.

[E]

Okay. Where are you calling from?

[G]

Houston, Texas.

[E]

Houston, Texas. So it's a SE or a Sport or. We just don't know.

[G]

I believe it's the SE.

[E]

Most of them are 10,000 miles automatic. Cloth. It's 12 grand car. It's 11 to 12. I need to see the pictures, but 12 should work. So if that buys it, go to givemetheven.com and put the stuff in and we'll get on it.

[G]

All right. Thanks, Sir.

[E]

Thank you. 8008-0072-3480-0800 radio. How long until we rejoin the rest of them?

[F]

We rejoined Dallas here in about nine minutes.

[E]

Oh, we got a little time. Cool.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Daddy, how are we going to do this, Mike? Next week we're supposed to be adding.

[F]

Actually less than nine minutes.

[E]

You're right. Next week we're supposed to add the Bear on Wichita.

[D]

The Bear?

[B]

Are we really?

[E]

Yeah. Wow. Well, all the.

[F]

All the other networks is fine. It's just.

[E]

Nah. But listen, hear me out. Hear me out here.

[B]

There's more.

[E]

And then the Bear in Abilene, Texas. And then the Rock Rock that rocks your rocks off in Amarillo. I don't know what it's called.

[F]

Are they gonna all do the same format as we're doing for Dallas?

[E]

Rooster.

[B]

Rock.

[E]

Rock for your Rooster. Are they.

[B]

No.

[E]

That's why.

[F]

Oh, well, that's a problem.

[E]

Exactly. So. Well, I think they will.

[F]

So we need them. We can't have three different.

[E]

They're gonna work. They're gonna come on. They're John Boy and Billy stations. And so they're gonna push John Boy and Billy back to 5am and we're starting at 9. But they're not gonna play music until they're gonna do whatever we tell them, if you want to know the truth. There you go. So what do you want them to do? Need to think about that.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Because we've got the Eagle in Dallas is playing music between some songs.

[F]

So we'll be back with the Eagle here at 9:44 and these other ones.

[E]

Until we change our format completely, which is coming probably.

[D]

Are we on the air, like right now?

[F]

Yes.

[E]

In Houston.

[F]

In Houston, Louisiana Just sounds like a staff meeting.

[B]

I was wondering because, like, backstage, baby.

[E]

Planet Radio, it need. They can play rock. They can play rock, rock, rock, rock. They could play Exorcist sings American Idol rock. Could you impersonate that? There you go.

[B]

Stab me, stab me.

[D]

Kill me dead.

[B]

That is rough stuff, man.

[D]

What fan was that?

[E]

We could just play a tape of.

[B]

That Disturbed, the song called the Vengeful One. And it's pretty vengeful.

[D]

It sure fits.

[B]

It's pretty vengeful sounding.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Now that we're not on the Eagle, you know, we can say.

[D]

You can say it.

[B]

Old Frosty's mixing some tough rock in.

[C]

That first 8am hour. Kayla G. If you don't have Ebola.

[E]

In your math, you will, after this.

[B]

Go on a killing spree.

[E]

I was somewhere. I was in Beaumont, of course, and Blake shows a picture of the ob. Ebola chick and it's somebody's cousin.

[D]

Of course it is.

[E]

The mess. Ebola. Of course it is. Right?

[D]

That's great.

[E]

Straight out of Beaumont. That should have been. I think that was NWA's second choice.

[B]

And of course, they go for it, you know. Hey, bring it. You could. This could be really serious, you know? Dangerous speed. Bring it down here. We'll check it for you. No questions asked.

[D]

Sweet daddy O.

[B]

Hey, can y' all take a look at my speed? I see you're at on the Facebook. Yes, sir. Right this way.

[D]

Just drop it on the table right here.

[B]

We're gonna put these on you for a sec. This is just for your safety. Why?

[D]

Oh, those are pretty.

[G]

Oh.

[B]

Oh, thank you.

[E]

Can you check my spade? Go ahead and check hers, too, while you're at it.

[B]

You know, they fall for it, man. That speed will make you dumb, dude.

[E]

It'll make you. What?

[B]

Those methamphetamines will make you dumb.

[E]

I've never tried it.

[B]

Yeah, they make you dumb. I've seen good people go right to hell in six weeks.

[E]

Have you really? Yeah. If you took a piece of meth or a pill of meth. Is it pills or is it rocks or is it all the above?

[B]

You know, it's rocks. You never watch, like, Breaking Bad.

[E]

We need to have Bob Floyd do a dope report here in a bit and catch us.

[F]

We actually have one.

[E]

Oh, good.

[B]

I think there is a dope report.

[E]

Okay, we'll get to that in a moment. So can you drop a piece of meth and, like, someone's gin and tonic and watch him start tweaking out and just shake off the bar stool?

[B]

I think it's quite possible.

[E]

Really.

[D]

I think you had to smoke it.

[B]

No, it doesn't have to be combusted that way.

[D]

Oh, okay.

[B]

I mean, it. It'll. It'll go in any. Any way you do it. It's not like salvage.

[E]

Will it go in like a Preparation H?

[B]

The best way to do it, John, is you get a light bulb and you clean the white dust out of the middle and you drop it down in there and hold a big lighter underneath it. You have to turn the light bulb like this.

[E]

A lot of work.

[B]

You're turning it, and you're turning. You're turning. A little bit of smoke starts coming out of there. You got a big pin in your mouth, you know, with no pin in it. It's just the tube and the little curly smoke's going. And your best friend that you've known since you were 7 years old, since kindergarten, right, Is sitting right next to you at the table. He's shaking both hands at you, going, you're burning it.

[D]

You burn it.

[B]

You're burning it. You're burning it.

[D]

Allegedly.

[E]

So that's how you do that.

[D]

You're burning it, you're burning it, you're burning it. Let me do it.

[B]

Let me do it.

[D]

You're burning it for not giving messy.

[E]

Seen you make so many mistakes over the years.

[B]

Yeah, it's crazy.

[D]

Tips on the radio.

[B]

It's not a tip. It's a fact of cautionary tip.

[E]

It's like Tootie and Mrs. Garrett. It's a fact of life.

[B]

You've never seen these hillbillies out smoking meth out of a light bulb.

[E]

What time we got, Turley?

[F]

We've got two minutes.

[B]

We really are keeping different hours then, man. Because I've seen it. I mean, I've watched it happen. You know, at keg parties, there's always a contingency inside. Sitting around the coffee table doing what they're doing.

[D]

On a happier note, Tesla has come out with a car this week. If you see the Model 3, oh, it just sucks.

[C]

Oh, I love Tesla.

[B]

Rock and roll.

[E]

Fourth production says this car sucks.

[D]

The model three. Fourth production car, only $35,000. Only $35,000 for a car that'll only go 200 miles? Are you serious? 200, 215 miles. It will go from zero to 60 in less than six seconds. So it's got a little pickup, but It'll only go 200 miles.

[E]

It's got about as much. How much is $35,000? Shankles, what was your name?

[B]

How much gas mileage does it get. Oh, it doesn't use gas.

[D]

It's an electric.

[B]

You spend no money on gas, but.

[D]

Then you spend money on a tow truck to get home.

[B]

Nah, you don't.

[F]

You just gotta plan your day out big time, man.

[D]

Well, I realize, but it's only in around town. Who spends 35 grand for an around town car?

[F]

I mean, why do you spend, what, five, ten grand for a moped?

[D]

So our top ten list tonight is top ten better ways to spend three. $35,000 than a Tesla electric car.

[B]

Good one, J.D.

[E]

One minute to network. Good one, J.D. good one.

[B]

No, no, that's called a Segway. Yeah, that's why JD Spells professional with.

[D]

A capital P. And you can buy six Segway scooters. And that would do it. That would be the money right there.

[B]

Dude, I dig those scooters.

[E]

The guy that invented them dug them, too. Right into the grave. Drove off a cliff.

[D]

Have you ever seen the videos of people falling off of them? It's great. People.

[B]

Mr. Vespa.

[D]

Oh, you know, you can't fall off these. Really? Let me show you.

[E]

YouTube.

[B]

Yeah. That front brake is always bad news on two wheels anyway.

[D]

Oh, it's so funny to watch.

[B]

I really have. I've nearly bought one of those deals several times.

[F]

Network.

[B]

No, not a Tesla car. Like a scooter.

[D]

Scooter, yeah. John almost bought one.

[E]

800, 800, 7, 2, 3, 4. 800, 800 radio. We almost bought one off this show. It was. It was a guy from. He had it in LSU colors. Remember? It was yellow fenders and purple. It was ugly.

[D]

Ugly.

[E]

And the battery power was out. Yeah, the battery pack.

[D]

That's pretty.

[E]

Just needs a battery pack. Yeah, this is total.

[D]

That's pretty much total.

[E]

That's it. I was living in California at the time, and I got the gold fenders. I said in the purple. I see you, LSU fan. No, but it looks like one.

[D]

It's got everything.

[E]

It's got everything with the battery pack.

[D]

The wheels and batteries.

[B]

Now I can see why you asked me that.

[D]

And the gyro. The gyro's out.

[F]

30 seconds. Network.

[E]

The. I could see. I could see. All you need is to do. Yeah, I give you a link to the new battery pack.

[F]

Stand by, guys.

[E]

How about you get the battery pack and you hook it all up and then you give me a link to the video? You ride some. That works. Here we go.