JCW ARCHIVE: Handy Man

Summary

The John Clay Wolfe Show

Episode: JCW ARCHIVE: Handy Man
Date: May 23, 2026
Host: John Clay Wolfe
Main Cast: John Clay Wolfe, JD Ryan, Bob, DJ Pre K
Theme: Hilarious Real-Life Massage Parlor Misadventures, Dream Drama, and Classic Rock & Roll Banter

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Episode Overview

This episode takes listeners on a classic journey through the John Clay Wolfe Show’s signature blend: irreverent humor, car talk, wild real-life stories, playful banter about relationships, and the occasional FCC-skirting joke. The “Handy Man” archive centers on the weirdness of dream-based relationship squabbles, accidental brothel visits, and an extended improv riff on "handy" massage parlors. The guys swap stories and jokes, and Bob improvises a parody song as an Asian massage parlor owner. The show is a fast-moving, boisterous ode to the unpredictable absurdities of everyday life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Dream Fights and Relationship Comedy

• JD Ryan's Dream Dilemma (01:54–03:23)
  • JD recounts a surreal morning where his wife wakes up both delighted and disappointed—over something JD did “in her dream” that was too good to be true.
  • The team commiserates about partners being angry over dream versions of themselves.
  • Notable exchange:
    • JD Ryan: “We get in a rift because she's disappointed because of what I did in her dream that I don't do in real life, that she won't tell me what it was.” (01:54)
    • John Clay Wolfe: “I thought you were going the other way. Which is something you did in the dream that she's now mad at you for.” (02:18)
    • DJ Pre K: “She’ll wake up and say I’m mad at you because I cheated on her in a dream. So, are we gonna start the day like this?” (03:01)

2. John’s Ex-Girlfriend “Reba”

• Vintage Story Time (03:40–04:46)
  • John shares about an ex named Reba, 10 years his junior, with extended ribbing about the name’s country-music connotations, age gaps, and lack of red hair.
  • Banter about how “Reba” sounds like a dog’s name or should have sung country.
  • Quote:
    • John Clay Wolfe: “Her name was Reba...I’ve never dated anybody older than me...Reba was 92 to 94 and a half.” (04:03–04:16)

3. Massage Parlor Mishaps

• Accidental Visit to a Brothel (06:53–07:49)

  • A female caller tells a hilarious story about accidentally going to a brothel for a “regular” massage in Palm Beach, only to realize mid-session the true nature of the place.
  • Key flags: lack of hygiene (not changing towels), a waiting man, and a hurried dismissal after her massage.
  • Quote:
    • Female Caller: “I accidentally had a massage at a brothel. I found out that it is a full service. There were flags, and they were red and waving.” (07:16)
  • The group riffs on the awkwardness:
    • John Clay Wolf: “She had gristle in her neck.” (07:51)

• Massage Parlor Next Door (07:58–08:19)

  • Bob and John reminisce about a massage parlor next to their old office, hinting at its “extracurricular” offerings.
  • Bob: “It was right behind the building. Everybody knew.” (08:14)

• Orlando Parlor Scandal (08:19–08:35)

  • Two men allege inappropriate touching by a massage parlor owner in Orlando—one even caught it on tape.

4. “Handy Man” Song Parody & Asian Massage Parlor Improv

• Improv & Satire Segment (08:35–10:55)
  • JD requests “Handyman” (James Taylor), prompting Bob to do an elaborate interpretation as an Asian massage parlor owner—complete with an outrageous “song” using a heavy accent and slapstick rhymes.
  • Ridiculous lyrics poke fun at the stereotype of “happy endings,” martial arts (“break your neck with taekwondo”) and business hours.
  • Notable moment:
    • Bob: “I’m all different kind of sexical fool. I fix broken heart and broken necks. And break your neck with taekwondo.” (09:38)
    • JD Ryan: “I’m open 24 hours a day for 50 Dara, I fix your body, too. Handyman, handyman.” (10:31)
  • The crew cracks up, teetering on the line of what’s FCC-acceptable.
  • Bob: “We are fired, all of us… Surely not until at least after this, because we’ll be back, God help us.” (10:56)

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Memorable Quotes

• On dream-relationship drama:

  • JD Ryan: "She said dream was a good dream. It's a beautiful dream." (02:47)
  • DJ Pre K: "So, are we gonna start the day like this?" (03:01)

• Story about “Reba”:

  • JD Ryan: "Her name was Reba. Sounds like a dog. It's like what you name a pet." (03:42)

• On brothel surprise:

  • Female Caller: "There were flags, and they were red and waving." (07:17)
  • John Clay Wolfe: "She had gristle in her neck." (07:51)

• Song parody:

  • Bob: "I'm all different kind of sexical fool. I fix broken heart and broken necks. And break your neck with taekwondo." (09:38)
  • JD Ryan: "I'm open 24 hours a day for 50 Dara, I fix your body, too. Handyman, handyman." (10:31)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:54–03:23 — Dream-based relationship arguments & banter
• 03:40–04:46 — John's “Reba” story
• 06:53–07:49 — Listener’s accidental visit to a brothel
• 07:58–08:19 — Stories of massage parlors near their old office
• 08:19–08:35 — News about Orlando massage scandal
• 08:35–10:55 — "Handy Man" Asian massage parody & riffing

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Tone and Style

Loose, unfiltered, and fast-paced—a blend of storyteller wisdom, morning-drive snark, and musical improv, all seasoned with irreverence. The show thrives on its cast’s chemistry and willingness to follow each ridiculous tangent as far as it’ll go, FCC or no FCC.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a classic slice of the John Clay Wolfe Show: a safe space for stories you’d never tell HR, riffs you couldn’t pull off anywhere else, and plenty of sharp-witted laughter. If you like your radio with a good dose of wild honesty and humor, this archive is for you.

Transcript

[John Clay Wolf]

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[Bob]

Record, edit, optimize, publish, distribute.

[DJ Pre K]

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[JD Ryan]

to launch their podcasts.

[Female Caller]

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[Mood.com Advertiser]

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[Bob]

The John Clay Wolf show has appeared on terrestrial radio for a really, really, really long time. So we dug into our pockets and on the other side of our we found something funny. And yes, it's contagious. Gather round as the wolf pack goes on this throwback adventure.

[DJ Pre K]

What's the damn deal? It's your boy DJ Pre K with the John Clay Wolf show up in the archives. And I've been looking for a good massage spot, man. Y' all got any recommendations? From premonitions and dreams to tiny Asian women getting in between, we sure enough got the happy ending you're looking for. Check this out.

[JD Ryan]

So typical women. My wife wakes up from a dream this week and she's like, oh, that was something good. I'm like, what was it? She said, well, it was about you. Like, what was it? I'm not gonna tell you because I knew it wasn't true, it was too good to be true. And we get in a rift because she's disappointed because of what I did in her dream that I don't do in real life, that she won't tell

[John Clay Wolf]

me what it was so complicated, I thought you were going the other way. Which is something you did in the dream that she's now mad at you for.

[JD Ryan]

She says she won't tell me because I'll make Fun of her on the radio about it too late. Instead, you're just gonna make fun of her now, no matter what. That's fun. It's just weird.

[Bob]

I know. I know where it is, man. You just made it obvious.

[JD Ryan]

What?

[Bob]

Well, I mean, something you did in the dream, you know.

[JD Ryan]

No, I don't.

[Bob]

You don't do.

[John Clay Wolf]

In real life.

[Bob]

Died. It was a good issue with good dreams. She said dream was a good dream. It's a beautiful dream.

[John Clay Wolf]

What was it, Bob?

[Bob]

I can't say.

[John Clay Wolf]

You can't say it on the radio?

[JD Ryan]

Charlie, does your wife do stuff like that to you?

[DJ Pre K]

Yeah. She'll wake up and say, I'm mad at you because I cheated on her in a dream. And it's like, so, are we gonna start the day like this?

[John Clay Wolf]

I mean, come on.

[JD Ryan]

Yes.

[Bob]

What did I do?

[JD Ryan]

I know. Like, okay, don't worry.

[DJ Pre K]

There's nothing like.

[JD Ryan]

You just stop with those weird dreams.

[John Clay Wolf]

It's like, does she have dreams and then think that's gonna really happen in life?

[JD Ryan]

Because. I don't know.

[John Clay Wolf]

I mean, I'm getting a premonition. Is that what she.

[JD Ryan]

No, she didn't. She just was mad at me because I cheated on her in her dream.

[John Clay Wolf]

I did somebody once, and she would have dreams and she would know. Just know. They're gonna be premonitions. There's gonna be a car accident. You're gonna do this because you dreamed it. Are you serious?

[JD Ryan]

Is that the Shelly girl? No. Joy.

[John Clay Wolf]

Her name was Reba.

[JD Ryan]

Reba? Sounds like a dog. It's like what you name a pet. Yeah.

[John Clay Wolf]

No, her name was Reba or you

[JD Ryan]

dated a girl named Reba?

[John Clay Wolf]

I did.

[JD Ryan]

Really? How much? She was older than you.

[John Clay Wolf]

Nope.

[JD Ryan]

Sounds old.

[John Clay Wolf]

Nope. I've never dated anybody older than me.

[JD Ryan]

How much younger than you is.

[John Clay Wolf]

She was 10. 10 years younger.

[JD Ryan]

Her name was Reba.

[John Clay Wolf]

Yeah. I know, right? There you go.

[JD Ryan]

Fancy.

[Bob]

Fancy.

[JD Ryan]

How long did this take place?

[John Clay Wolf]

You want Chance Fancy. Don't let me down. That would have been 90. Oh, through 94.

[JD Ryan]

That was a while.

[John Clay Wolf]

Well, we did not. Not that long. It was two years, 18 months. I used to go through them every 18 months. Reba. Yeah. Reba was 92 to 94 and a half.

[JD Ryan]

That's where she is now?

[John Clay Wolf]

Yeah, she's 92.

[Bob]

Oh.

[JD Ryan]

What. What made it end? You and Reba?

[John Clay Wolf]

Yeah. It was just time to move on.

[JD Ryan]

I mean, that. That's not a good exception.

[DJ Pre K]

Yeah.

[Female Caller]

Every.

[JD Ryan]

I just. Time to move on.

[John Clay Wolf]

Yes, it was. It wasn't working out.

[JD Ryan]

Was the name. Do you think the name no. Name? Name. Did she have red hair?

[John Clay Wolf]

She did not.

[JD Ryan]

Did she sing country music? Dark hair?

[John Clay Wolf]

She did not sing country music. That's Babo's Reba. I would never step on a buddy's date.

[Bob]

Thank you.

[JD Ryan]

Did she talk with a little slang?

[John Clay Wolf]

She did not. She was a very intelligent businesswoman. Except for her name's Reba. That was so.

[JD Ryan]

It's just weird.

[Bob]

Hello? J.D. the re call. I'm going to call you. Okay if I call you while you're on the R?

[John Clay Wolf]

For sure.

[Bob]

I know you. Really? When you're on the R. Hey, what about when I come over your house tonight?

[JD Ryan]

No.

[Bob]

You're married.

[John Clay Wolf]

Happily married.

[JD Ryan]

Here's your one chance, jd. Don't let me down.

[Bob]

I decided to change my mind. I'm going to go down.

[John Clay Wolf]

Oh, you are? That's good.

[Bob]

All right.

[John Clay Wolf]

That's lovely.

[Bob]

Okay. You should get d. Hey, play Misty for me.

[John Clay Wolf]

I will play Misty for you.

[Bob]

You want to come have a drink? I'm go. Hey, can I say something real quick? Real quick. My old friend, the counselor, Alec, who worked for the bailiff's office down here years ago, moved back to home to Virginia and he is enjoying listening to us on WBIG. Big 100.

[JD Ryan]

Good. Good.

[Mood.com Advertiser]

Let's be honest. Buying cannabis shouldn't be complicated, sketchy or low quality. That's why I want to tell you about Mood.com. that's M-O-Ood.com Mood ships federally legal cannabis straight to your door. No medical card, no hassle.

[John Clay Wolf]

And.

[Mood.com Advertiser]

And here's the kicker. The quality is better than anything you'll find at your local dispensary. Yeah, I said it. Whether you're into edibles, concentrates, flour, or just looking to explore, you'll find it all at Mood. And it's not just the variety that makes them stand out. Every product is sourced from small American owned family farms that care deeply about what they grow. It's cannabis you can trust, delivered discreetly and ready to elevate your mood. And because you're a listener, you get 20% off your first order. Just head to mood.com, that's M-O-Ood.com to get started.

[JD Ryan]

Let's just stop the show for this.

[John Clay Wolf]

Maybe he'd like to hear thank you, Florida News.

[Bob]

He might go ahead. And now, from North America's Online down up, it's time for Sunshine State News with your certified lifeguard, J.D. ryan.

[John Clay Wolf]

What's a good way to relax? You're all stressed out, you've been on the radio and people making Fun of you. What's a good way to stress?

[Bob]

Getting de.

[John Clay Wolf]

Stressed. How about a massage? Well, this woman decided to make an appointment for a massage in Palm Beach. Unfortunately, it wasn't her the kind of appointment she thought it was. It was one of those places, and she didn't realize it until probably too late. Number eight.

[Female Caller]

I accidentally had a massage at a brothel.

[JD Ryan]

Brothel.

[Female Caller]

I went and just had a massage the other week after the gym. My neck was sore. Well, since then, I found out that it is a full service. There were flags, and they were red and waving. And when it was halfway through, a guy walked in and he was like, oh, no, I'm gonna wait for that other person. And I was like, yeah, whatever. She's actually giving me a great massage. But then she didn't change the towel or the face thing or anything. When I left, she was just like, out. Out.

[Bob]

Next.

[Female Caller]

They were probably so confused as to what they're saying. I've got a sore neck.

[JD Ryan]

Her foreneck.

[Bob]

Boy, she had a.

[John Clay Wolf]

She had gristle in her neck.

[JD Ryan]

She's. Oh, sweating.

[John Clay Wolf]

Yeah. Bob. Oh. You ever been to a massage place?

[Bob]

I have.

[John Clay Wolf]

Not like that.

[Bob]

I have not.

[John Clay Wolf]

There was one in the old building where we used to be. There was one right next door, right? Yes.

[JD Ryan]

Yeah, I remember.

[Bob]

They moved in, right?

[John Clay Wolf]

Yeah, there was right next door. We used to walk out there and go, I wonder if that's. Oh, yes, it is.

[JD Ryan]

It was.

[John Clay Wolf]

More massage.

[Bob]

Why didn't you tell me?

[John Clay Wolf]

Well, it was right behind the building. Everybody knew.

[Bob]

I didn't know.

[JD Ryan]

I didn't know.

[John Clay Wolf]

More massage hijinks. Two men have now come forward.

[JD Ryan]

You get a handy.

[John Clay Wolf]

I did not. Alleging they were touched inappropriately by the owner of the massage parlor. This one's in Orlando, Florida. Luckily, one of them had the little recorder on. They recorded this. This from Big.

[JD Ryan]

Will you play Handyman by James Taylor.

[John Clay Wolf]

Got number nine?

[JD Ryan]

I do like your blonde friend here. Let me see your belly button.

[Bob]

Oh. Eureka.

[JD Ryan]

God, that's nice. Stand up, walk to the back and do a slow spin for me.

[Bob]

And then.

[JD Ryan]

And then look back at me.

[Bob]

Mean, like a. Like a dragon.

[JD Ryan]

Now, wait a second, Big girl. I just showed you my stomach. Come on, Deals. A deal, Earl.

[John Clay Wolf]

Big girl from Starsky and Hutch. Actually, yeah.

[Bob]

Bigger.

[JD Ryan]

This one goes out to all the brothels out there.

[John Clay Wolf]

Give me a handyman.

[JD Ryan]

James Taylor. Hey, what about Bob? Could you do a riff off this as an Asian massage parlor owner?

[Bob]

Hey, ladies, gather loud. Listen to what I put it down on your baby. I. Your handyman.

[JD Ryan]

Oh,

[Bob]

I'm only kind of cruiser, rural tool. I'm all different kind of sexical fool. I fix broken heart and broken necks. And break your neck with taekwondo.

[John Clay Wolf]

Yeah.

[Bob]

That's terrible.

[JD Ryan]

Oh, my God. This is Bill Belichick's song. Or the owner of the Patriot.

[Bob]

Oh, man.

[JD Ryan]

Yeah, but listen to the course. It goes along with the vibe over putting down. I mean, listen to the course at the end, which makes all the sense for all the massage parlors. I'm open 24 hours a day

[Bob]

for 50 Dara. I fix your body, too. Handyman, handyman.

[JD Ryan]

Here we go. This is their slogan.

[Bob]

You Kamara, too. $50 behind the man. Oh, that's terrible.

[John Clay Wolf]

Yeah.

[Bob]

We are fired, all of us. Hopefully not. Surely, surely not until at least after this, because we'll be back, God help us. With more of the John Clay World show right after this. I'm music 24 hours a day. I fix broken hearts, baby, I'm your hand.

[JD Ryan]

Amen.

[DJ Pre K]

All right, y' all know what to do. Hit us up on John claywolf dot com. You can check out old episodes on there. You know, stay up to with what we got going on. Get cool gear. We got hats, shirts, all that hit us up on Facebook, you know, search John Clay Wolf show. We're on Instagram. John's on Twitter. You know, you can holler at all of us. Okay. You know how to spell it. Okay. We appreciate y' all listening. Keep on rocking with us.

[John Clay Wolf]

Podbean, your message amplified. Ready to share your message with the world? Start your podcast journey with Podbean. Podbean, the AI powered all in one podcast platform.

[DJ Pre K]

Thousands of businesses and enterprises trust Podbean to launch their podcasts.

[John Clay Wolf]

Use Podbean to record your podcast. Use PodBean AI to optimize your podcast. Use PodBean AI to turn your blog into a podcast.

[JD Ryan]

Use Podbean to distribute your podcast everywhere.

[Female Caller]

Launch your podcast on Podbean today.