The John Clay Wolfe Show Archive: Christmas Special

Date: December 19, 2025
Host: John Clay Wolfe
Theme: A raucous, irreverent holiday throwback featuring clips from past Christmas shows, satirical skits, wild character appearances, and plenty of offbeat humor about cars, parties, and animal misadventures.

Episode Overview

This Christmas special is a curated selection of comedic holiday-themed segments from the JCW show’s archives. The crew, including regulars DJ Pre K, Randy the Chipmunk, and even "Satan, the Lord of Darkness," offer a mix of playful musical parodies, tongue-in-cheek character banter, and satirical takes on the Christmas season—always skirting the FCC line, but never crossing it. Everything from animal Christmas rituals to nut “heists” to Satan crashing the festivities gets lampooned with the show's signature irreverent humor.

Key Segments and Discussion Points

1. Holiday Banter and Skits

• Sponsor Satire: “Today's show is brought to you by Vladimir Yuri Potocki… for cell phone covers of almost any kind. 11 is garbage. I wouldn't give to a goat.” (01:24)
  A classic faux sponsor plug, poking fun at holiday consumerism and mall kiosks.

• Christmas Song Parody: DJ Pre K and Randy the Chipmunk riff on "Baby, It's Cold Outside" with a very JCW twist:

  • "Baby, there's hoes outside." (02:05, DJ Pre K)
  • "Well, what did they do?" – "Things that you'd never do." (02:12–02:14)

2. The Chipmunk's Holiday Hustle

• Randy the Chipmunk’s Christmas Stress: In an extended comedic bit, Randy details the "great nut disparity" and the ongoing hustle to feed his chipmunk clan for the winter—complete with nonviolent crime and nut heists.

  • “It's also first time of year you get a lot of nonviolent chipmunk crime. Namely nut burglary.” (03:28)
  • “One time my cousin Rudy slipped on the egg and fell down on his way out. Scattered his nuts all over the floor and twisted his hind leg. But you know what? He sued. He won. Like 60,000 nuts.” (05:06–05:16)

• What Do Chipmunks Eat At Thanksgiving?

  • “Turkey and dressing and cranberries.” (05:32, Co-host)
  • “We wouldn't know where to start. You ever been around a turkey?...Turkeys are like the Pentecostals of the animal world. Everything they say is like…” (05:35–05:42, Randy)

3. Christmas Carols and Pop Culture

• The gang debates “Mele Kalikimaka” and its pop culture references:
  • “Is it really a Hawaiian word for Christmas?” (07:46, John Clay Wolfe)
  • “Mele Kalikimaka means ‘Merry Christmas.’” (07:49, Co-host)

4. Satan Crashes the Holiday

• In typical JCW fashion, “Satan, the Lord of Darkness” makes an irreverently festive appearance.
  • “Oh, I'm sorry. Did I break your concentration again?” (08:07, Satan)
  • “I'm just dropping by. Say, Happy Hanukkah. Hope everybody has a great time.” (08:16, Satan)
  • “Yeah. Myself, Jesus, Gabriel. We're all Jews...We have a great time, you know, down in hell. Spinning dreidels with Charlie Manson and Jim Jones.” (08:41–09:04, Satan)
  • “You know who makes the best matzo balls? Hitler. I'm serious. You would never think....” (09:09)

Notable for its outrageous political incorrectness, always followed by the co-hosts trying to rein things back in.

5. Nutty Chipmunk Christmas Parties

• Randy describes how chipmunks celebrate Christmas with “nuts out, nuts everywhere”—turning animal holiday parties into a bacchanal.

  • “It's full on nuts out, nuts everywhere...it's the most nuttiest time of the year.” (10:50–10:56, Randy)
  • “My friend Stan...ate three pounds of pistachio...for chipmunks, it's like pure cocaine.” (11:11–11:22, Randy)

• Drunken Squirrels:

  • A reference to viral stories about animals getting intoxicated off fermented fruit:
    • “Eat those bad pears. You’re like, smooth.” (12:20, Randy)

6. Holiday Crime Parody

• JCW sings a parody song about stealing Christmas decorations from neighbors:
  • “Stealing other people's Christmas stuff...He will look so good in my front yard...I'll chop this one here down and then I'll get out of town...” (12:32–13:35, John Clay Wolfe)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Baby, there's hoes outside."
  (02:05, DJ Pre K)

• "It's also first time of year you get a lot of nonviolent chipmunk crime. Namely nut burglary."
  (03:28, Randy the Chipmunk)

• "One time my cousin Rudy slipped on the egg and fell down on his way out...He sued. He won. Like 60,000 nuts."
  (05:06–05:16, Randy the Chipmunk)

• "Turkeys are like the Pentecostals of the animal world."
  (05:42, Randy the Chipmunk)

• "I'm just dropping by. Say, Happy Hanukkah. Hope everybody has a great time."
  (08:16, Satan, the Lord of Darkness)

• "We burn up Covid in like, nine days. Bam."
  (10:23, Randy the Chipmunk)

• "It's like pure cocaine [for chipmunks]."
  (11:22, Randy the Chipmunk)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:24 – Vladimir the cell phone case salesman sponsor parody
• 02:03 – “Baby there’s hoes outside” song parody
• 03:11–05:16 – Randy the Chipmunk’s Christmas nut “heist” escapades
• 06:00 – Chipmunk holiday dinners and taboos on turkey
• 07:46 – Hawaiian Christmas song, pop culture debate
• 08:01–09:21 – Satan, the Lord of Darkness, crashes the party
• 10:50–11:22 – Nutty chipmunk holiday parties & pistachio-fueled antics
• 12:32–13:35 – JCW’s Christmas crime parody song

Tone & Takeaway

The John Clay Wolfe Christmas Special is an unfiltered, fast-paced mashup of holiday satire and outrageous radio. The eccentric cast, led by John Clay Wolfe and his pack of regulars, turns Christmas traditions upside down, pokes fun at everything from animal behavior to human quirks and flirts with taboo subjects—all while maintaining infectious energy and camaraderie.

For fans of wildly irreverent, character-driven comedy that doesn’t take itself seriously, this archive episode delivers a nutty sleigh ride through the holidays—chipmunk-style.