Summary4 min read

The John Clay Wolfe Show

Episode: JCW ARCHIVE: The Dookie Whodunnit?

Date: April 10, 2026

Overview

In this hilarious throwback episode, the John Clay Wolfe Show dives headlong into a workplace whodunnit that manages to be both outrageous and strangely relatable. The central mystery? Someone has committed the unspeakable act of defecating in the men’s urinal at work, turning the office upside-down and kicking off a tongue-in-cheek investigation that involves nearly everyone in the crew. With the team’s trademark irreverence, the episode mixes bathroom humor with mock-investigative journalism as they try to find the “Dookie Bandit.”

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Crime: Dookie in the Urinal

The episode opens with DJ Pre K setting the stage, describing the outrage after someone left a bowel movement in the urinal, turning the incident into office legend.
- Quote (DJ Pre K, 00:10):
  “When some mystery sh*tter straight up drops deuce in the urinal at work… It's traumatizing. I seen it. I was there, man. I had to get to the bottom of this.”
Mike Turley, clearly invested in justice, shares the grisly details and his disgust.
- Quote (Mike Turley, 01:15):
  “For somebody to clean, it's the most disrespectful thing I've ever seen… That's a pig. We don't need pigs.”
The team jokes about going "code red," treating it like an active shooter drill, highlighting how over-the-top the reaction became inside the office.
- Quote (John Clay Wolfe, 02:18):
  “You would have thought there was an active shooter in the building.”

2. The Investigation: Office Sleuthing

DJ Pre K assumes the persona of “PI Pre K,” taking on the mock-serious investigation by interviewing suspects and witnesses around the office.
- Quote (DJ Pre K, 03:06):
  “Magnum. Pre K. P I M. P. Pre K. And, you know, I'm just trying to get down to the dirty bottom of this story...”
Suspect interviews follow, including a new employee hilariously denying involvement amidst references to frequent bathroom visits.
- Quote (New Employee, 04:00):
  “I had already pooped 27 times that day, and I was downstairs anyway.”
- Quote (DJ Pre K, 04:19):
  “For some reason, I believe him. Is that McLovin?”

3. Office Reactions: Shock, Disgust, and Humor

The show captures a range of emotional responses from staff—disgust, resignation, and some tongue-in-cheek theorizing (including blaming management).
- Quote (Unnamed Office Employee, 05:05):
  “Poop is raining from the ceilings. I find it horrible and disgusting that we have to deal with this kind of behavior. And it's unacceptable.”
- Quote (Female Employee, 05:45):
  “Happy to be a female. I think it may have been management. Maybe it's a joke. Kind of a sick joke.”
- Quote (Referenced from Kanye West, 05:59):
  “Poopty scoopty scoopty whoop Whoopty dee scoop. Poop.”
Another witness provides a pseudo-forensic account, noting the culprit’s pale face and the staggering size of the evidence.
- Quote (Witness, 06:30):
  “The size of this particular piece of matter. I could only imagine the path that it had to stretch to get out. It was enormous.”

4. The (Sort of) Big Reveal

Speculation ultimately lands on General Manager Mike Turley, with former classmates joking about his history with spicy food and bathroom emergencies.
- Quote (Anonymous Co-worker, 07:19):
  “Knowing him since sixth grade, he always had a problem like, if he had too much spicy food. And then I went to his office… I found all these bottles of hot sauce on his desk, so kind of points in that direction.”
The investigation is mocked for its lack of results and over-the-top drama.
- Quote (John Clay Wolfe, 08:00):
  “You’ve been the dookie bandit this whole time. You. You are the pimp. The pimp.”
- Quote (DJ Pre K and John, 08:17):
  “I think I want my money back because that was the worst investigation ever… Wait, how am I getting paid for this?”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On the emotional fallout:
“You would have thought there was an active shooter in the building.”
— John Clay Wolfe (02:18)
Suspect's alibi:
“I had already pooped 27 times that day, and I was downstairs anyway.”
— New Employee (04:00)
Forensic analysis:
“I could only imagine the path that it had to stretch to get out. It was enormous.”
— Eyewitness Employee (06:30)
The accused's spicy connections:
“And then I went to his office… I found all these bottles of hot sauce on his desk, so kind of points in that direction.”
— Anonymous Co-worker (07:19)
On the investigation’s outcome:
“I think I want my money back because that was the worst investigation ever.”
— John Clay Wolfe (08:17)

Timestamps for Important Segments

00:10 – DJ Pre K introduces the case: "mystery sh*tter" in the urinal
01:15 – Mike Turley details the scene, calls for severe consequences
02:18 – The team reacts like it’s a major crisis ("active shooter in the building")
03:06 – DJ Pre K becomes PI Pre K, describes his investigative role
04:00 – New employee gives a colorful alibi
05:05 – Staff express horror and disgust
06:30 – Pseudo-forensic witness account delivered with comedic exaggeration
07:19 – Speculation centers on Mike Turley and his hot sauce habit
08:00 – Investigation is hilariously deemed a failure, with light-hearted bickering

Tone, Style, and Takeaways

The show leans fully into scatological humor, but does so with a playful, self-deprecating tone. The episode mixes mock-detective tropes, candid office banter, and wild speculation, all while poking fun at workplace drama and the human condition. While the actual culprit remains a matter of comedic debate, the real point of the episode is the outrageous fun of office storytelling—proving once again that sometimes, the real relief is just being able to laugh about it together.

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Transcript1 lines

[00:02]
A
The John Clay Wolf show has appeared on terrestrial radio for a really, really, really long time. So we dug into our pockets and on the other side of our we found something funny. And yes, it's contagious. Gather round as the wolf pack goes on this throwback adventure. What it do, everybody? It's your boy DJ Prek with the John Clay Wolf Show. Y' all know what's going on, man. I'm hanging out in the archives and I could smell this one from a mile. Now when some mystery sh tter straight up drops deuce in the urinal at work. It's like a bomb going off, man. People screaming and running around. It's traumatizing. I seen it. I was there, man. I had to get to the bottom of this. So me and the production team got on the case, tried to put a face to the disgrace left in that urinal. I've uncovered a few theories, but the truth might surprise you. Check it out. We had this situation last week where somebody took a dump in the urinal and. Let's play the clip and then we'll readdress it when we get back. Because we did some investigative around the office. We. We went code red to try to figure out who it was. Mike Turley, I understand you have some insight into what happened here. So you're trying to get the scoop on the poop. What happened was somebody decided they couldn't make it to the toilet and they took a big old in the urinal, a men's urinal that's wide open, no door, and then it dribbled on the floor. Ah, come on, Mike. For somebody to clean, it's the most disrespectful thing I've ever seen. I just want somebody just to come up and just tell me if it's an accident. I get. Accidents happen. But if you just said something, I wouldn't disclose it and share with everybody else. I mean, because that's a personal issue. But leaving it for somebody else to clean, then it's a problem. And what do you think the punishment should be for this dastardly culprit? They're fired. Now, ultimately, it would have to go up to John too, but I don't want him here. That's a pig. We don't need pigs. Harsh words from a harsh man. Hey, Mike, if we ever have this happen again, and we do it again, if you'll leave the durable floor thing out, I'd appreciate it. Yeah, I was very descriptive. Sorry. Thank you. So this whole took a dump in the urinal thing. I mean, it's so gross. I know it. But, I mean, you wouldn't. Geez, you wouldn't believe it. Turley, I think, really got excited on this because the email chain that they had me on, and it was all. You would have thought there was an active shooter in the building. Hey, that's what it felt like to me. I mean, you really. This really got you. You really wanted to, like, put everybody on lockdown, call the police and check everybody's britches? Yes. I mean, Jesus Christ. Everyone line up. Okay, so y' all, roll me through what you've done here. So we hired a. And I guess we could say hired. He already works for us. An investigative reporter. I wanted somebody to go around the office and get the scoop on the poop, all right? And so we. I couldn't think of anybody better to use than our own DJ Pre K. PI Pre K. PI Pre K now, right? Magnum. Pre K. P I M. P. Pre K. And, you know, I'm just trying to get down to the dirty bottom of this story because the Dookie Bandits out here running wild right now. He's free. Okay, so as y' all heard, I talked to the man who has had the drop on the story from the beginning, Mike Turley. After that, I talked to, you know, a bunch of people, man. I talked to a newer employee who had, you know, some pretty obvious bowel problems. So let's. Let's hear from him. This is DJ Pre K, investigative journalist with the John Clay Wolf Show. I'm sitting here with the newest Give me the VIN employee. I understand you heard about what's going on, right? Yeah, it wasn't me. That's it. I just can't control my flashlights. Leave me alone. Did you do this? You pooped? No, I had already pooped 27 times that day, and I was downstairs anyway. Well, how do we know this wasn't your 28th time? Because I'm not a liar. I'm just tasting lots of dunks. Oh. Do you have any insight into who might have done this? I don't know, but don't give him too much crap. For some reason, I believe him. Is that McLovin? I don't know, but you're not taking this serious. Pre K, come on. I'm taking this very serious. Now, the new employee s word. Larry is a good guy despite his condition. So I kept looking and just trying to find more info and see what people think. And a lot of people had a lot to say on this as we're gonna Hear. How do you feel about the situation? Poop is raining from the ceilings. I find it horrible and disgusting that we have to deal with this kind of behavior. And it's unacceptable. It makes me feel really dirty and sad. Pretty situation there. Pretty. We can't use the F word on the radio. I mean, that's pretty, pretty dicked. We're gonna try this again with somebody else. From what I understand, somebody decided to make the wrong kind of deposit in the urinal. And how does that make you feel? Happy to be a female. I think it may have been management. Maybe it's a joke. Kind of a sick joke. Poopty scoopty scoopty whoop Whoopty dee scoop. Poop. That's right, Kanye. After I talked to a lot of people, man, it turns out some people in office were like really affected by this. But let's hear some more. When you have nausea, heartburn, indigestion. I know what happened because I was coming in the restroom when somebody was coming out, and he had a very pale face. And it was right after we got through eating lunch. I was like, dude, what's wrong with you? And he's like, man, my stomach just hurts so bad. And that's when I saw it. I came across it. I did have a strange feeling when I saw what I saw. The size of this particular piece of matter. I could only imagine the path that it had to stretch to get out. It was enormous. And it was in the wrong part of the bathroom. That's where pee goes, not poop. We're gonna find who did this, please. Never get that out of my mind. Why. I can't wait for Monday morning. Tragic. Tragic. Monday morning. You know, finally, after collecting as much info as I could, it turns out the culprit was right under our noses this whole time. What? Pardon me if I don't stick around to watch the thrilling conclusion of Diarrhea. Cha cha cha. Diarrhea Cha cha cha. Somebody that I've known that works here since sixth grade. I mean, I hate to say his name. I'll say it. Are you talking about general manager Michael Turley? Yeah. I mean, it's funny you said that, cuz that's what I keep hearing. Not true. What? Maybe that's why he got so upset about it. I do. I know. For a matter of fact it was Mike Turley. I thought it was horse poop. I was going to say something to John, but I don't want to lose my job, man. You know, knowing him since sixth grade, he always had a problem like, if he had too much spicy food. And then I went to his office. He was out of the office, but I found all these bottles of hot sauce on his desk, so kind of points in that direction. I'd get up to hug you, but sitting down's the only thing keeping the poop in there. We have it. That's crazy. So you are. You've been the dookie bandit this whole time. You. You are the pimp. The pimp. I think I want my money back because that was the worst investigation ever. Wait, we. How I'm getting paid for this? I was gonna. Yeah, not anymore. No. Investigation continues. God. Jesus. Well done. Great Production was awesome. 800-800-7 2, 3, 4. Monday morning, I will be getting the call. They'll show me the meters, the ratings, and how I ran everybody off. Hello, John, It's Bob Quarters, program director of. You know, you did a segment featuring a lot of scatological humor during your fourth segment the other morning. We don't really like that out here. All right, y' all know what to do. Hit us up on John Claywolf.com youm can check out old episodes on there. You know, stay up to date with what we got going on. Get cool gear. We got hats, shirts, all that hit us up on Facebook. You know, search John Clay Wolf show. We're on Instagram. John's on Twitter. You know, you can holler at all of us. Okay. You know how to spell it. Okay, we appreciate y' all listening. Keep on rocking with us.