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1165: False Accusations Lead to Custody Frustrations | Feedback Friday - The Jordan Harbinger Show | Wave AI Podcast Notes

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1165: False Accusations Lead to Custody Frustrations | Feedback Friday

The Jordan Harbinger Show

Fri Jun 06 2025

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Jordan Harbinger Show — Episode 1165: False Accusations Lead to Custody Frustrations | Feedback Friday

Introduction

In Episode 1165 of The Jordan Harbinger Show, titled "False Accusations Lead to Custody Frustrations | Feedback Friday," host Jordan Harbinger and co-host Gabriel Mizrahi delve into a heartfelt listener story that highlights the complexities of false accusations in custody battles. This episode provides insightful discussions and expert advice aimed at helping listeners navigate similar challenges in their personal lives.

Listener’s Custody Struggle

The episode centers around a poignant letter from a listener seeking guidance on a tumultuous custody battle. The listener describes a highly conflicted co-parenting relationship following a divorce, exacerbated by the ex-husband and his new wife’s persistent defiance of court-ordered parenting schedules. The situation has led to prolonged separation from her two daughters, causing her to miss significant family events and endure severe emotional distress.

Key Points from the Listener’s Story:

Separation and High Conflict Co-Parenting: After a domestic violence incident where she sustained a head injury, the listener granted her ex-husband temporary custody. However, maintaining a stable co-parenting relationship proved difficult, especially after his new wife entered the picture.
Defiance of Court Orders: The ex-husband and his wife have consistently ignored the agreed-upon parenting schedule, effectively cutting her off from her children.
Harassment and False Accusations: The stepmother has engaged in various forms of harassment, including inappropriate disruptions of phone calls with the children, false allegations to the police, and obtaining restraining orders based on fabricated claims.
Legal Challenges: The listener has faced arrest warrants due to alleged violations of restraining orders, which she contends were manipulated by her ex and his wife to further isolate her from her daughters.

Notable Quotes:

Jordan Harbinger [05:14]: "This is a nightmare. Jeez."
Gabriel Mizrahi [15:06]: "Don't you think they have better lawyers? This is insane."

Expert Advice with Corbin Payne

To address the complexities of the listener's situation, Jordan and Gabriel consult with Corbin Payne, a seasoned attorney with expertise in navigating the convoluted court system. Corbin provides a strategic framework aimed at empowering the listener to reclaim her rightful place in her children’s lives.

Corbin Payne’s Key Recommendations:

Documentation is Crucial: "Document, document, document." Corbin emphasizes the importance of maintaining detailed records of all interactions and violations of court orders to build a strong case.
Zero Communication Outside Official Channels: All communication with the ex-husband should occur through the court-ordered parenting app to ensure transparency and accountability.
Strict Adherence to Court Orders: It’s imperative to honor the letter of the court orders meticulously to avoid any legitimate grounds for accusations.
Strategic Use of Legal Resources: Hiring a private investigator to uncover evidence of the ex-wife’s manipulative tactics could provide the necessary leverage to counter false accusations.
Persistence and Patience: Court cases are marathons, not sprints. Corbin advises the listener to remain steadfast and patient, knowing that consistent effort over time can lead to favorable outcomes.

Notable Quotes:

Corbin Payne [17:54]: "Court cases are marathons. In fact, he describes a court battle as a war between two competing stories."
Jordan Harbinger [22:09]: "This is a truly heartbreaking story. If I lost my kids like this, I would be devastated."

Reflections and Additional Insights

Jordan and Gabriel reflect on the broader implications of the listener’s experience, acknowledging the emotional toll and the systemic challenges within the legal framework. They discuss the importance of understanding both sides of the story while maintaining empathy for the listener’s plight. The conversation underscores the necessity of strategic planning and emotional resilience in overcoming false accusations and custody frustrations.

Secondary Feedback

While the primary focus remains on the custody battle, the episode also touches upon other listener questions, including relationship dynamics and career frustrations. However, these are briefly addressed to maintain the episode’s central theme.

Conclusion

Episode 1165 of The Jordan Harbinger Show offers a compelling exploration of the struggles faced by individuals battling false accusations in custody disputes. Through empathetic storytelling and expert legal advice, Jordan and Gabriel provide listeners with actionable strategies to navigate and overcome such challenging situations. The episode serves as a valuable resource for anyone experiencing similar frustrations, emphasizing the power of documentation, strategic communication, and unwavering persistence.

Notable Takeaways:

Maintain Comprehensive Documentation: Essential for countering false claims in legal disputes.
Use Official Communication Channels: Minimizes opportunities for manipulation and maintains a clear record.
Engage Legal Expertise: Professional guidance is critical in navigating complex court systems.
Emotional Resilience: Staying patient and persistent can lead to eventual resolution and justice.

For listeners seeking further insights, the episode also includes recommendations and references to additional resources, ensuring a comprehensive support system for those in similar situations.

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Transcript

Jordan Harbinger (0:03)

Welcome to Feedback Friday. I'm your host, Jordan Harbinger. Quick heads up before we get into the episode. Gabriel, by the way, if you're listening to this, skip ahead 1 minute, 20 seconds. No, I'm serious right now. Now that it's just us, Gabriel, warning you, do not listen to the next 1 minute, 20 seconds. Okay. Our very own Gabriel Mizrahi is heading off on a new adventure abroad. Y' all know that. Don't worry, he's not leaving the show, but we wanted to surprise him with something special. One of our amazing listeners. Huge shout out to Amanda. Came up with this really thoughtful idea, which is we're putting together a surprise video full of well wishes from you, the listeners. So if Gabriel's insights, stories, or just that buttery voice of his have ever stuck with you, now's your chance to show some love. It'll only take a few seconds. Just record a quick video on your phone, whatever, and upload it@jordanharbinger.com Gabe G A, B, E. But keep it hush, hush. It's a little bit of surprise. We're gonna close this up in the next few days. Thank you for helping us make this awesome. We love our listeners. Y' all are the best. And I think Gabe is really gonna dig this. As always, I'm here with Feedback Friday producer. That weighted blanket you used before settling down to watch tv. But then you realize the show you wanted is actually on Max and not Netflix. So you try to log in, but then you need to log into your AT&T account first because Max is or was free with AT&T. But then you realize you don't know your AT&T password, so you have to reset it. But you need your phone to do that, which you realize you left in your bag in the kind of dead. So you grab it and you plug it in. And then you finally reset that password after, like, 10 steps. And since you're already here, you decide to look at your phone bill, and it is crazy high. And you realize you've been paying for an extra line for, like, three years because you got an iPad or something and you don't even have that thing anymore, but you're still paying for it somehow, so you have to cancel that line using their little chat box thing, and it takes like an hour. And then you go back and lay on the couch and realize you forgot your new password. So you look it up, and then it's a huge pain to log into Macs using the remote, so you just give up and you watch some crap on YouTube. But hey, it's at least you got that weighted blanket. Which I will once again remind you is Gabriel Mizrahi. Wow.

Gabriel Mizrahi (2:00)

I don't want any more complaints about my long sign offs after that.

Jordan Harbinger (2:04)

Yeah, fine. Now you see, two can play at this game.

Gabriel Mizrahi (2:07)

Two can play at this game. That was inspired by the way. Thank you for that.

Gabriel Mizrahi (9:09)

I asked my ex what was going on and he said they reported me because I went back to the house when I dropped off the phone, which was all captured on their doorbell camera. They also lied to the police and said that I had called my ex 15 times that day. I absolutely did not do that and can prove that with my records. I spoke to both of my attorneys and because it was later on Friday afternoon before a holiday weekend, if I turned myself in, I could have potentially been held in jail for up to six days because I wouldn't see a judge until Tuesday morning. They said I could try to pick up my kids, but if they had me arrested when I picked them up, or if I was arrested with my kids, the county would open a CHIPS case against me. That's a child in need of protection case. After weighing the risks, I felt it was best to cancel my visit, which broke my heart and my wallet, because I had already spent about $1,000 on a rental car and a hotel for me and the girls. I ended up turning myself in a few weeks later and was released a couple hours later on my own recognizance. I have a hearing for that next month. After my ex started refusing to let me have the kids, I reached out to my attorney in law enforcement. My attorney basically told me I would have to rehire her with a new retainer because we ended our relationship after mediation and law enforcement told me they don't intervene in family court matters, and they advised me to use the family court and file a motion. I filed a motion asking the court to compel my ex to follow our court order from last year, and I had my ex served by mail on December 24. He and his wife then called the police and tried to have me charged again for the restraining order violation, saying that it was contact by mail. They also told the officer that I had called my ex and the girl's emergency phone and was verbally threatening to come and take the children. I spoke to the officer and told her they were lying and offered to provide my phone records to show that I never contacted them. The officer told me that it looked like it could be a violation and her hands were tied, but that it would be up to the county attorney to decide whether to move forward with charges. I haven't heard anything from anyone, so I don't think they are filing another charge. But I do check regularly to see if I have any warrants, which is not something a normal person has to do. My ex, and especially his wife are very good at painting a picture of me as the unhinged and erratic problem parent that they had to get restraining orders against because they were so frightened of me. My attorney pointed out that someone who's so frightened of me also happens to find a lot of ways to continue contacting me.

Jordan Harbinger (15:25)

Oh, man. This is a saga. The things you've been through. I'm kind of speechless. Okay. This is very intense. It's very sad, and I am very sorry that you and your kids are going through all of this. This abusive relationship, this custody battle, these law enforcement shenanigans. I'm kind of gobsmacked here. It's really hard to get restraining orders. But once you told me, like, and get them enforced in such a way all the time for all this little stuff. It didn't make sense until you told me she used to work for the sheriff's office. She's calling in favors here. Otherwise, it's like the cops have a lot of other things to do. I'm also getting the sense that your story is complicated. There are probably so many angles to this situation, so let's try to get to as many of them as we can. We wanted to talk all of this out with an expert, so we reached out to attorney and friend of the show, Corbin Payne. The first thing Corbin said to us was that your story sounds unfortunately familiar. In his experience, the court system is an absolute maze. Attorneys learn how to navigate it, and many people who work in and around it, like your ex's wife, they can get familiar enough with it that they can manipulate it and everyone within it to a certain extent in a way that people who are unfamiliar with the system would really have difficulty countering. So that's what you're kind of running into here. Corbyn said he was also very glad that, you know, you're playing the long game. In his view, that's good because just short of an act of God, that's what it's going to take to win here. To quote Corbin, court cases are marathons. In fact, he describes a court battle as a war between two competing stories. And those stories are being evaluated and essentially voted upon by a decision maker, in your case, a judge. So it's not enough to just have a good and compelling story. It also has to be good and compelling to that judge. In Corbyn's view, just based on the facts you've shared at this moment, you have several things going for you and many things going against you right now. His sense was that your history, it would show that you walked into an abusive relationship that resulted in a serious injury, that you have restraining orders against you, that you've been accused of violating those orders. This might not all be true, but that's how it could easily look from the court's perspective. Also, we don't know what state you live in, but Corbyn said the laws around orders of protection and restraining orders, they're pretty draconian. No contact doesn't matter. If the person supposedly being protected by the orders initiates that contact, there can be no contact. And the reason for this is that a restraining order is a court order and it is the court that enforces it. It's not up to your ex. So if it comes out that you did violate the court's orders, there are likely to be consequences. Then, yeah, it doesn't matter if he was like, ah, just drop by. It's not up to him.

Jordan Harbinger (18:21)

Look, if he had said, drop by and then you had gotten randomly caught by the police violating your restraining order, which wouldn't happen, that's one thing. But the fact that they were like, she's harassing us, and this is after he told you, yeah, sure, drop this stuff off. I mean, that's no good. And if it comes out that your ex baited you into this violation by acting in bad faith, like we just discussed, that carries a certain level of consequences for him. Not least of those consequences is a loss of the court's trust, which is the highest currency that you have with a judge. So in Corbin's view, there's enough here that you can begin to tell a story of a woman deliberately lied about, wronged and alienated from her children. And he also has a feeling the story will become progressively easy to prove as time goes on. Because to put it bluntly, your ex sounds like a piece of crap, and his wife, what is a delicate word to use here? She is an unhinged. See you next Tuesday. Corbin used more colorful language, terms of art. Of course, we have our own here for the show. In Corbin's experience, there's a point at which a serial liar's lies, they just begin to accumulate and overwhelm them. The lies multiply, they become convoluted, they contradict one another, and they eventually out the liar. Same with your ex and his wife. There's a point which she will have done so much crazy stuff like trying to break into your house and being charged for it, that the craziness simply becomes undeniable. The trick, in Corbin's experience, is to outlast them, to be there when they finally go down. And that's why you playing the long game is so crucial here. So the top three things. Corbin said, you need to focus on one. And you've heard me say this a lot on the show. Document, document, document. Corbin said you will absolutely 100% lose a he said, she said fight. You aren't psychopathic or dishonest enough to win against your ex and his wife. It's the documentation that's gonna do them in. And when you do have court dates, Corbyn said, you need to print out your documentation and bring it into court for any hearings, have it organized, have it ready to go when you get there, think overachiever in high school, right? It's tabbed, it's got a table of contents, right? A judge is not gonna give any consideration to claims that you have the evidence on your phone or it's on your computer. You know, in fact, let me just tell you what happened last Saturday, you, Honor. Not gonna happen. These people are busy. They're not gonna look through your phone and question what they're looking at. Be able to hand something physical to the judge. These guys are often 100 years old anyways. And be ready to explain and how it supports your case or undermines your ex's case. The second thing you got to do going forward, absolutely zero communication with your ex outside of the court ordered app. And I mean zero. He tries to take the conversation to text or email or phone. You tell him he has lied so much he's lost the privilege to talk to you. That'll piss him off. But then's the breaks. And every time he refuses to honor the court orders, call him on it. Inside the parenting app. For people who don't know, these parenting apps, they are logged. You can't delete messages. You can't make it look like, ah, I didn't say that. You can do that with texts, you can do that with phone calls. I never said that. Oh, this phone call was a mistake. 3. Honor the letter of any court order. And I mean to that letter, Corbin said he doesn't care how inconvenient it is to your ex. He's tired. Oh, freaking. Well, he doesn't care if he's at home with his shoes and his pants off with his you know what in his hand. He's got to come to a neutral location. He's lost the right to ask you to risk violating the court order by his behavior. And if he's late, document that in the parenting app too. Hey, we were supposed to meet at 8. It's 8:15. What are you doing? I know what you're doing. You're. Well, I'm not going to go there, but put that in the parenting app. Corbyn also said you might want to hire a private investigator to look into your ex wife's past. He felt that her manipulation of the legal system is really smooth. Corbin said he wouldn't be surprised if she's pulled something like this before. And if there's evidence of that, maybe she screwed over the last partner's ex or whatever. It's going to make proving her manipulation and lying is so much more straightforward. And she sounds nuts. Like people who are unhinged like this, they do stupid stuff, find that stuff.

Jordan Harbinger (25:06)

It's a very fair point, Gabe. I share your view. She has been screwed here, and I am, of course, largely on her side. But life is not black and white, and there's always work for us to do, even when we are objectively the victim. So I'm glad that you made room for that, too. And you did so in a sensitive way, better than I could have done, for sure. But look, I'm very sorry you've been through all this. This is a truly heartbreaking story. If I lost my kids like this, I would be devastated. I would be heartsick and I'd be fricking furious. And you better believe I'd be tapping into the dark side. I don't know if I'd have the patience to do everything by the book because I'm an impulsive a hole. But all you can do is take this one day at a time, one hearing at a time, and just keep showing up and doing these practices and trust that one day something's got to give. But that also includes taking care of yourself in the way that we just described. Sending you and your girls a big hug, sending your ex and his wife something different, a hard fall on the icy front steps of their house. Maybe caught on the ring doorbell or something for you to enjoy. I don't know. I just. I want your kids to have both parents in their lives and ideally operating in a healthy co parenting relationship eventually. Good luck. Now open wide because we're gonna force feed you some deals and discounts on the fine products and services that support this show. We'll be right back. This episode is sponsored in part by BetterHelp. Being a guy, it comes with a ton of pressure. We're supposed to have it all figured out. We're supposed to keep our cool. No wonder over 6 million men in the US deal with depression every year. A lot of us don't even realize it. But struggling doesn't make you weak, it makes you human. Real strength is being able to talk about what you're carrying and actually doing something about it. And that is why I'm a fan of therapy. You learn to cope better. You set boundaries, manage stress, all the stuff nobody teaches you in school. And BetterHelp makes it easy. It's the world's largest online therapy platform with 35,000 licensed therapists. You can chat with somebody on your schedule, phone, video, whatever works. And if you don't click with your therapist, you can switch at any time. Don't just take it from me. They have over 5 million users. 4.9 star rating 1.7 million reviews if your mental fitness needs a little tune up, give BetterHelp a shot. No shame in getting support. It's just the smart thing to do.

Jordan Harbinger (34:22)

Okay, tricky situation, even trickier sign off. First of all, thank you for teaching us the word side. I'm still a little, I don't know, embarrassed that I didn't know that I'm gonna have to talk to my gay buddies, who by the way, I got a story for you. But I gotta focus. I gotta talk to them about why they're holding out on me. Of course there are side that makes perfect sense. So my first thought is, man, your husband is going through it. Health problems, lifestyle changes, this bout with cancer, it's left him with erectile dysfunction. I mean, that's not easy. I feel for him, I really do. And I'm sure that creates some really confusing problems for you guys. It sounds like he's a sweet, solid guy, otherwise I assume you wouldn't have married him in the first place. Especially if you guys aren't really compatible in this one very big way. But the reality is you and your husband are facing a number of challenges. Your physical chemistry, your sex life. Apparently those were never really aligned, it sounds like. And your husband, I'll just be blunt here, he has not taken very good care of himself. You're not attracted to him, which I just want to point out. It's not just an aesthetic thing for you. He's not taking care of his health either. To find out you're pre diabetic and then just run headlong into diabetes because YOLO and refuse to make any changes. I mean, you want to guarantee you're going to be diabetic and have this for life, among other things. It's just dangerous. It's irresponsible. I do not blame you for being frustrated about that. Now to be fair, he has lost a lot of his excess weight, which is great. Although doing it with whatever, similar to Ozempic. Obviously everyone and their mother's using that stuff now, so yeah, definitely one way to do it. But they're still getting through the long term effects of what this stuff is. And Ozempic essentially just kills your hunger. Right? And I hear that when people go off it, they often gain the weight back or they really struggle. And if you haven't put good habits into place, it's just kind of a short term fix. Also apparently, and this is something that I've seen a lot of, you're gonna wanna look into this. Ozempic can do a number on your hormones and on your bone density. So there's that. You really have to be like exercising and managing your nutrition, which a lot of people who are obese have not been doing right. And they aren't doing even when they're on this drug. And then there's this relationship with tc, obviously profound. Let's come back to that. The biggest challenge you guys are facing right now is how you communicate. Or rather, don't communicate, because wtf, man.

Gabriel Mizrahi (47:49)

Hi Jordi and Gabe. I've worked in the music industry for six years and my career has been built through relentless hard work, strategic choices, and a women empowerment company I created from the ground up. That company became my launchpad. It helped me network, gain recognition, and open doors I once only dreamed of walking through. For two years, I worked at Music Company A and loved it. The work was creative, consistent and fulfilling. I hit my stride and felt truly content. Then I was approached by Music Company B, a direct competitor with a division focused on women empowerment. And not just by anyone, but by the head of the division, someone I had admired since 2019. She told me she'd been following my work for years and wanted me to join her team. I had the chance to choose my title, negotiate a competitive salary and step into a part of the business I had always dreamed of exploring, all while working remotely. She promised that I would learn directly from her and dive into a number of exciting high impact projects. I spent seven months carefully considering the decision. It felt like the ultimate I've made it moment. But a year and three months into this new job, I am completely disheartened. None of the work I was promised has been delivered. I'm lucky if I manage to get my boss's attention more than once a month. I'm kept out of major conversations and meaningful work, constantly told that I'll be looped in soon. I've raised my concerns multiple times, only to be met with defensiveness and even the dismissive line check yourself. To make matters worse, my direct manager is an extreme micromanager. Every email must go through her for approval. She nitpicks every word and makes mountains out of molehills. And it's clear she's looking for someone to be a carbon copy of herself. It's demoralizing, stifling and honestly, bizarre in this economy. I'm grateful to have a job, but it's crushing to realize that someone I looked up to made promises she never intended to keep. Returning to my old company is not an option. Since I left for a competitor, I've been keeping an eye on opportunities, but the options have been limited. I still use my own company as an outlet, but it doesn't generate enough income to support me full time just yet. I love working in this industry and I know I have so much to offer, but I feel stuck and it's hard to see which path will lead me to a place where I can truly thrive again. What should I do? Signed settling for crumbs under one boss's thumb when the other hired me with a plum, but is now keeping mum about why this job is so humdrum.

Jordan Harbinger (50:13)

Oh man, this sucks. I'm sorry things played out this way. It's just awful to take so long to carefully consider your move and then you get there and you're like, wait, this is not what they promised me. They'll bait and switch. And I know it hurts extra hard coming from somebody who promised you so much, whose values you genuinely so it definitely sounds like it's time to leave this place and start somewhere new. You tried to talk to them about this? They don't sound interested. Plus, your direct manager also is a bit difficult. So there's several good reasons to leave. But yeah, this might take a while. So you do have to play the long game and just keep putting in the time. And that is not rocket science. It's really just focusing on a few key points. Namely investing in your relationships. You already know about that. Staying close with peers, colleagues, friends, people in your industry. All that six minute networking stuff. Sixminutenetworking.com, you know the plug. You have one huge asset here which is your own company. It sounds like that's still alive and it's a great excuse to reach out and meet people that you want to know. Also widening your net. I'm not sure if you're dead set on staying in music, but it might be cool to think about a few related industries where your skills would transfer well. Live events, creative agencies, artist management, nonprofits focused on women's empowerment. Just a few that come to mind. I'm also curious to know what it would take for your own company to support you full time. I know the music industry is tough, but I also wonder if this is maybe an opportunity to take a new look at your company and just really set it up to succeed. Really, what does it need to grow? A clear product? A team? A consulting contract? A strategic partnership? A campaign? More consistent investment of time or money? Or if it'll never be able to generate enough revenue on its own to replace a full time job? Or maybe it could plug into your main job better, serve your strategy overall. Like for example, helping you build the relationships that you need right now. I'd spend a little bit of time digging into that, talking to some close friends and peers about it. Hell, talk with ChatGPT about it. See if you can breathe some new life into that venture. Tactically speaking, what you need to do right now is just. Again, it's not rocket science. There's no hidden answer or magic bullet. It's just about consistently putting in the work and breathing life into all these different areas and being super vigilant for the unexpected opportunities that life serves up when you do that.

Jordan Harbinger (58:53)

I mean, I would do both in parallel. She needs to be exploring every avenue because there's no guarantee her boss is going to be like, you're right and do a 180. Even if she does, it still might not be the right place for her. So I think there might be a way forward here if you have some work to do, if your boss is willing to hit the reset button and engage with you. But I also think that it's been a year and three months, and if you're not being meaningfully included in things, this might just not be the place for you. So give it a real shot, but don't stick around longer than you have to find ways of letting this stuff roll off your back while you plot your next move. You do that, you take the lessons you need to take. You apply them forward. You're going to land somewhere. Great. Good luck. And if you do end up leaving, you know what's a great use of that? Severance check. The fine products and services that support this show. We'll be right back. This episode is sponsored in part by SimpliSafe. First off, a big thank you to everyone who reached out after the break in. It's been like five months, which is flew by and we are finally sleeping through the night without thinking about it. That support from y' all meant a lot. For those who don't know, our house was broken into while we were home. I was in bed. Jen was reading to the kids in the next room. We live in a safe neighborhood. We're careful still. Three masked Intruders kicked through a glass door. We think they'd been watching. They saw a car leave lights off. Assume nobody was home. No, we're just dorks who go to bed at 8pm anyway. What they didn't count on was Simplisafe. The alarm blared instantly. Lights flipped on, cameras recorded everything. They were gone fast. And honestly, we were quite lucky. But Simplisafe was a big reason that it was not worse. Since then, we have reinforced weak points. But Simplisafe gave us peace of mind right when we needed it most. It's easy to install. Jen had it running in one afternoon. Door sensors, glass break detectors, indoor outdoor cameras, 24, 7 monitoring. Everything connects to your phone. So you always know what's happening.

Jordan Harbinger (65:24)

Oof. Yeah, this is worrisome. There's a reason ER doctors call motorcycles donor cycles. Of course they're fun, but if you ride around on a bike, I feel like you're just asking for a disaster. Every friend of mine who's had a motorcycle, and I don't even just mean, like a crazy street bike, any kind of motorcycle, and is over 40 has had a wreck. They've almost died. They've traded it for a car. I mean, even another good friend of mine, he fell off. Just didn't get hit by anything. It was kind of no fault of his own. He just hit black ice or something, slammed into a guardrail, couldn't move, couldn't talk. And cars were passing by him for, like, 40 minutes while he just laid on the road in the winter. And then finally someone was like, wait, there's a guy in that mess of parts. And then he went to the hospital and he just almost died. I mean, it's just terrible. So, yeah, I feel for you and your family. It is so hard to watch someone you love, a younger sibling no less, do something you know will endanger their life. If I had a sibling who wanted a bike, I'd probably be losing my shit. So I'm not sure whether you've tried to talk to your brother about this or how, but here's what I'm thinking. It sounds to me like your brother is really digging his heels in, sitting him down and going, you're being an idiot. Don't do this. That's probably only gonna make him more defiant. So I think you gotta lead with curiosity rather than confrontation. At least at first. Maybe you need to start by asking him why the bike appeals to him. You said he likes the thrill. His friends think it's cool. But what's underneath that? Why the need for adrenaline? Why is the admiration and the status so important to him? Is this about freedom? Is it about rebellion? Is it about asserting himself? Is it about getting girls? Because that's for sure part of it. If you really take an interest in what's drawing him to the bike, set aside your opinion, your impulse to tell him not to be an idiot. I think you might get a lot further. Whenever we're dead set on something like this, my experience is that we want to feel heard and understood before we can entertain the idea that we might be wrong. Because when somebody tells you what to do, your first reaction is probably, eh, screw you. You don't even understand why this matters to me. You just want me to do what you want. So taking the time to understand his motivations, what's at stake for him here, that's going to be very useful. I would also ask him, hey, how are you thinking about the risk here? Because I know you're smart. I know you know that tons of motorcyclists get seriously injured. So I'm just curious, how are you factoring that into your decision? Is that just less important than the upside? Or are you trying not to think about that too much again? Don't lead him too much. Don't judge him. Just ask and listen.

Jordan Harbinger (71:16)

And if he is open to reconsidering, then maybe you can pitch some other ways of meeting these needs of his. If he wants the thrill, maybe you can encourage him to, I don't know, race motorcycles on a track with a trained, high performance Driving instructor or something. Maybe you can make skill and discipline and control as cool as the pure adrenaline and danger of riding a Kawasaki around town. If what he actually wants is status and admiration, maybe you can help him find more meaningful ways of being awesome, like developing a cool talent or a useful skill. Maybe you can help him see that being validated for who he is, what he can achieve, what he has to offer, as opposed to just riding around on a cool toy. The bike will become less interesting to him, and I really hope you get through to him on this. But the tough reality is that you can't control your brother. All you can do is influence him as best you can and just pray that he's lucky. But I hope these give you some seeds to plant. Over time, your brother might rethink things. Or he'll get the bike, get it out of his system, and then sell it. Or he'll have a minor accident that'll make him realize how vulnerable he actually is. And if none of that happens, at least you'll know that you did everything you could in a way that honored your love for him and respected his autonomy. Your brother's lucky to have you looking out for him. Good luck. All right, everybody. Go back and check out the episodes we did with Dr. Becky Kennedy of Good Inside and Julian Fisher. Think Like a spy. Make sure you have a listen to those as well if you haven't done so yet. Show notes and transcripts are on the website@jordanharbinger.com advertisers discounts, ways to support the show, all searchable and clickable@jordanharbinger.com deals I'm JordanHarbinger on Twitter and Instagram. You can also connect with me on LinkedIn, Gabe's on Instagram, Abriel Mizrahi, or on Twitter Abemizrahi. This show is created in association with Podcast one. My team is Jen Harbinger, Jace Sanderson, Robert Fogarty, Ian Baird, Tata Sidlowskis, and of course, Gabriel Mizrahi. Our advice and opinions are our own, and I am a lawyer, but I am not your lawyer. Do your own research before implementing anything you hear on the show. Ditto, Corbin Payne. Remember, we rise by lifting others. Share the show with those you love. If you found the episode useful, please share it with somebody else who could use the advice we gave here today. In the meantime, I hope you apply what you hear on the show so you can live what you learn. And we'll see you next time.

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Jordan Harbinger Show — Episode 1165: False Accusations Lead to Custody Frustrations | Feedback Friday

Introduction

Listener’s Custody Struggle

Key Points from the Listener’s Story:

Separation and High Conflict Co-Parenting: After a domestic violence incident where she sustained a head injury, the listener granted her ex-husband temporary custody. However, maintaining a stable co-parenting relationship proved difficult, especially after his new wife entered the picture.
Defiance of Court Orders: The ex-husband and his wife have consistently ignored the agreed-upon parenting schedule, effectively cutting her off from her children.
Harassment and False Accusations: The stepmother has engaged in various forms of harassment, including inappropriate disruptions of phone calls with the children, false allegations to the police, and obtaining restraining orders based on fabricated claims.
Legal Challenges: The listener has faced arrest warrants due to alleged violations of restraining orders, which she contends were manipulated by her ex and his wife to further isolate her from her daughters.

Notable Quotes:

Jordan Harbinger [05:14]: "This is a nightmare. Jeez."
Gabriel Mizrahi [15:06]: "Don't you think they have better lawyers? This is insane."

Expert Advice with Corbin Payne

Corbin Payne’s Key Recommendations:

Documentation is Crucial: "Document, document, document." Corbin emphasizes the importance of maintaining detailed records of all interactions and violations of court orders to build a strong case.
Zero Communication Outside Official Channels: All communication with the ex-husband should occur through the court-ordered parenting app to ensure transparency and accountability.
Strict Adherence to Court Orders: It’s imperative to honor the letter of the court orders meticulously to avoid any legitimate grounds for accusations.
Strategic Use of Legal Resources: Hiring a private investigator to uncover evidence of the ex-wife’s manipulative tactics could provide the necessary leverage to counter false accusations.
Persistence and Patience: Court cases are marathons, not sprints. Corbin advises the listener to remain steadfast and patient, knowing that consistent effort over time can lead to favorable outcomes.

Notable Quotes:

Corbin Payne [17:54]: "Court cases are marathons. In fact, he describes a court battle as a war between two competing stories."
Jordan Harbinger [22:09]: "This is a truly heartbreaking story. If I lost my kids like this, I would be devastated."

Reflections and Additional Insights

Secondary Feedback

Conclusion

Notable Takeaways:

Maintain Comprehensive Documentation: Essential for countering false claims in legal disputes.
Use Official Communication Channels: Minimizes opportunities for manipulation and maintains a clear record.
Engage Legal Expertise: Professional guidance is critical in navigating complex court systems.
Emotional Resilience: Staying patient and persistent can lead to eventual resolution and justice.

For listeners seeking further insights, the episode also includes recommendations and references to additional resources, ensuring a comprehensive support system for those in similar situations.