1182: Contractual Cuddles Leave Roommate Befuddled | Feedback Friday

Summary

The Jordan Harbinger Show Episode 1182: Contractual Cuddles Leave Roommate Befuddled | Feedback Friday Release Date: July 11, 2025

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In this engaging episode of The Jordan Harbinger Show, host Jordan Harbinger and his producer Gabriel Mizrahi delve into personal anecdotes before transitioning into the heart of the episode: Feedback Friday. This segment focuses on listener-submitted letters seeking advice on complex interpersonal relationships.

Hosts' Current Adventures

Before diving into listener feedback, Jordan and Gabriel share updates about their lives. Gabriel recently completed an intensive yoga teacher training in Costa Rica, providing listeners with an insider's look into the rigorous program.

Gabriel Mizrahi [02:06]: "It's was two and a half weeks, 200 hours of training. You are waking up at 5am every day. You're doing yoga from six to eight in the morning."

Jordan humorously reflects on Gabriel's dedication and the challenges of balancing intense training with other responsibilities.

Jordan Harbinger [02:35]: "For a guy who can barely touch his toes, this is a nightmare for me. A nightmare."

Feedback Friday: Listener Letters and Expert Advice

1. Contractual Cuddles with a Roommate

A 32-year-old listener reaches out with a dilemma involving his female roommate, Susan. The two have a long-standing friendship that evolved into occasional cuddling during a trip to Las Vegas. Concerned about crossing boundaries, they established a "cuddle contract" to manage their physical interactions and avoid misunderstandings.

Listener [12:02]: "A part of this agreement was to cuddle a few times during the week."

Jordan and Gabriel analyze the situation, highlighting the complexities of blending friendship with physical intimacy, especially in a roommate dynamic. They discuss the potential pitfalls of formalizing such agreements and the emotional ramifications when one party feels used or lied to.

Jordan Harbinger [13:31]: "It's just strange. Like, if you want to cuddle with somebody, you cuddling, bruh. Ain't no stopping that roommate lust."

Advice Given:

• Open Communication: Encourage the listener to have an honest conversation with Susan about their feelings and intentions.
• Re-evaluate Agreements: Suggest moving away from rigid contracts towards more organic interactions.
• Self-Reflection: Advise assessing personal needs and boundaries to ensure mutual respect and understanding.

2. Familial Strife: An Abusive Sister-in-Law

A more intense letter details a traumatic situation where the writer's 55-year-old brother-in-law suffered a stroke. Post-stroke, his wife systematically isolated and neglected him, withholding his location and essential care despite his consciousness and cognitive abilities.

Listener [29:22]: "She significantly limited visitors when the stroke first happened and would only allow visitors to see him with her present."

The hosts express deep concern over the wife’s actions, identifying signs of elder abuse and coercive control. They discuss the emotional toll on the listener, who feels caught between supporting his ailing brother-in-law and maintaining his fragile marriage.

Jordan Harbinger [37:10]: "She sounds quite manipulative. She's got resources because she has money, both his and hers."

Advice Given:

• Legal Action: Recommend consulting with an attorney specializing in elder law to explore options for revoking the wife's guardianship.
• Documentation: Emphasize the importance of gathering evidence of neglect and abuse to support any legal claims.
• Support Systems: Encourage the listener to seek support from other family members and possibly involve Adult Protective Services.
• Self-Care: Highlight the necessity of taking care of one's own mental and emotional well-being amidst such stress.

3. Marital Turmoil and Personal Struggles

The third letter delves into the writer's battle with a deteriorating marriage exacerbated by familial obligations and personal mental health challenges. Balancing a business, supporting an ailing brother-in-law, and feeling neglected by his wife has left him feeling invisible and emotionally drained.

Listener [39:43]: "I feel invisible. It's now impacting my business..."

Jordan and Gabriel empathize with the listener, recognizing the compounded stressors of personal loss, marital strife, and professional responsibilities. They discuss the importance of setting boundaries, seeking couples counseling, and prioritizing personal health to navigate such overwhelming circumstances.

Jordan Harbinger [54:00]: "If you don't try, this just gets worse."

Advice Given:

• Open Dialogue: Urge the listener to initiate honest conversations with his wife about their relationship and individual needs.
• Professional Help: Suggest couples counseling to address underlying issues and improve communication.
• Boundary Setting: Advise establishing clear boundaries to protect his mental health and relationship.
• Support Networks: Encourage reaching out to friends, family, or support groups for additional emotional backing.

Conclusion

Episode 1182 of The Jordan Harbinger Show masterfully intertwines personal narratives with listener stories, offering profound insights into navigating the intricate webs of human relationships. Through empathetic dialogue and strategic advice, Jordan and Gabriel provide valuable guidance to those grappling with emotional complexities in their personal lives.

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Note: Timestamps are approximate and correspond to the key points discussed within the transcript.

Transcript

[Jordan Harbinger]

Welcome to Feedback Friday. I'm your host, Jordan Harbinger. As always, I'm here with Feedback Friday producer, my glossy bro with that vinyasa flow, Gabriel Mizrahi.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

This humidity is doing my skin a lot of favors. You are right about that.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Also, where are you recording from? It's like a really nice cave from. It looks really nice, but it sounds like you're in some. You're Donald Trump's bathroom.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I know. It's like I'm recording from Tora Bora today. There's a distinct dearth of rugs in this apartment that I'm staying in. So I apologize for the. For the echo.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, we don't film these episodes, but basically the only rug that seems to be in the whole room is of course on the wall.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

And that is how you know that you're staying in an Airbnb on the Nicoya Peninsula.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah. Carpet, sure. On the wall only though, on the Jordan Harbinger show, we decode the stories, secrets and skills of the world's most fascinating people and turn their wisdom into practical advice that you can use to impact your own life and those around you. Our mission is to help you become a better informed, more critical thinker. During the week, we have long form conversations with a variety of amazing folks. Former jihadis, drug traffickers, arms dealers, national security advisors. This week we had Jefferson Fisher, author of the Next Conversation. He's a trial lawyer. Super interesting guy. Talks about persuasion, communication, some amazing tactics that will help get you deep rapport and connection with others. Like I said, he's a trial attorney. So the episode is punctuated and illustrated with all sorts of really interesting examples from his law practice and personal life. I think you'll like this one. It's kind of a good hang, if you know what I mean. I think that you will learn a lot about these topics and put them into practice even if you're not a soulless lawyer like me. On Fridays, though, we share stories, take listener letters, offer advice, and take this traveling Lydia show into a new era as we dispense wisdom from two very different time zones. So, Gabe, this is the first episode we're recording while you're traveling. I know you're in Costa Rica.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yeah.

[Jordan Harbinger]

How far away are you from building a compound for your breathwork culture in Costa Rica?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I don't know, like a couple years.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Still a ways off.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yeah, we're good. Don't worry about it. It's not going to interrupt the show yet.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Good. So yoga teacher training, you just wrapped up a few days ago. What is that? I mean, it's a lot of stretching. Fine, tell me everything.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yeah, it's just stretching. Really? All day. Oh man. Dude, I'm honestly, Jordan, I'm still kind of reeling from yoga teacher training. It was incredible. It was very intense, but it was so eye opening and it was so fun. It's hard to explain. I mean, first of all, it's rigorous, man. It's two and a half weeks, 200 hours of training. You are waking up at 5am every day. You're doing yoga from six to eight in the morning. You're in class basically on and off until 7:30 at night.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Oh my God.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

With a couple breaks.

[Jordan Harbinger]

How long is this training?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

It was 16 days.

[Jordan Harbinger]

For a guy who can barely touch his toes, this is a nightmare for me. A nightmare.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

It was slightly nightmarish in the beginning because you're getting on the schedule and you're dealing with this new place and waking up at 5 and you're having to be at the dining hall at 5:30 for your lemon water. So stressful. But dude, the place that I went to is this really dope yoga teacher training center in the jungle in this small beach town in Costa Rica.

[Jordan Harbinger]

What's it called?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

It's called Pura Veda.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Oh, okay. So like the thing that Costa Ricans.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Say all the time, it's a play on that because they say Pura Vida. But this is Pura Veda, like the vedas, which are the texts that yoga comes from.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Oh, I see. Okay, so this is a yoga academy or it's a training school for teachers. And then what do you do with that? I mean, you're not going to become a yoga teacher, right? Just. It was fun.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

No, that's not really in the plans. It wasn't the reason that I went. I just wanted to, you know, like deepen my practice.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Everybody breathe a sigh of relief. Gabe's not going to leave to go teach yoga.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

You might want to do my class before you decide whether I should be teaching. One thing I loved about this place is that they had you practice teaching almost, I want to say day two or day three.

[Jordan Harbinger]

I see.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

So you are really thrown into it and you have to lead classes almost from the get go. Which is kind of remarkable because by the end of the training we were all teaching one hour classes and I was like two weeks ago, I could not have even begun to cue this stuff.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Wow.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Side note, teaching yoga, or at least teaching yoga, well, so much harder than you think. It's incredibly difficult. And just to cue the students. And also to keep an eye on the students and know where you've been and know where you're going. And keep your lefts and your rights straight. Which, by the way, is the hardest part of the whole process.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Right, like put your left hand. No, no, sorry. Your other left hand on your right knee. Nope, sorry, you're off your left.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Right knee, turn to the right, look to the left. Yeah, we already did the left. Now we got to get the right. But then when you're switching sides, you go to the back of the mat, everything's reversed. And holding all of that in your mind and making sure that you're hitting all the things you need to hit and still being present to the class and being spontaneous and alive, it is hard, man.

[Jordan Harbinger]

It's like his own form of yoga and mindfulness, I suppose.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Truly, dude, Truly.

[Jordan Harbinger]

It's so meta, bro.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

But I gotta say, man, the whole experience, it was sort of like being in the military, but also being in the White Lotus.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Without the stabbiness of the whole thing.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Hopefully without the stabbiness and without everyone complaining about the food, because the food was epic and everyone was so happy to be there. But it was just very enlivening. It was very fun. But it was demanding, man. And it's sustainable and you get used to it. You start going to bed at 9pm, 9.30pm, because otherwise you're wrecked the next day. But it was so funny because I went down there and just timing wise, it was kind of unfortunate. I had to work on a pitch for this movie that I'm pitching for a job right now. And then I also had to do a rewrite that I thought was done, but we got another round of notes on this other script. So I'm going to class and then during my breaks, I'm running back to my casita five minutes from the place and working for hours a day.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah. Throwing yourself into New York, Louisiana grind mode for 20 minutes and then running back to yoga training. Ugh, no, thank you.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I was like, am I the worst yoga student on earth right now or.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Am I multitasking guru style?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I was asking myself the same question because I was like, oh, this is requiring a lot of drishti right now, a lot of focus, because I'm going to have to toggle between these two parts of my life and be really into the thing when I'm doing it and then put it away and go back to class and be fully present for that. It was kind of amazing. It was a good exercise. It just Wasn't really what I imagined when I pictured going to yoga teacher training.

[Jordan Harbinger]

This seems like one of those experiences where you're just so immersed and every day is so packed. It feels like a week. And then you come home and your brain and your heart grew three sizes, but you're also like, okay. I realize now that I know nothing. There's so much more to understand. That's kind of how I feel after Wayfinders. I know I've talked about them on the show before. Those retreats, you're like, totally, okay. I've done so much. But a lot of it is like, scratching new surfaces that I didn't know were there. And now I have a ton of stuff to dive into.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Totally. I think it's going to take me a few weeks to integrate everything we learned at yoga teacher training. Also, when you do yoga teacher training, you realize that you are barely scratching the surface of what yoga is. It is such a huge discipline and tradition and system, whatever you want to call it. The physical practice of yoga is actually the smallest part of yoga. It's one of the eight limbs within one of the four main ways of yoga. So what we in the west do as yoga, which is mostly a physical practice with some little spiritual sprinklings worked in here and there. If you zoom out, it's a really, really small piece of the overall picture. And so we spent time with the philosophy and some of the texts. I mean, again, in two and a half weeks, you can only go so deep. We really just got the bare bones. But it was really cool. I felt like I was back in school again and just expanding so much every day. And then now when I go to the mat, the practice means so much more. It was one of the best things I've ever done, I think yoga teacher training. I'm very happy about it.

[Jordan Harbinger]

So even though your travels look pretty lit on Instagram, this is still Feedback Friday. We got to get to that dues, man.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I know. We got to transition into downward doozasana.

[Jordan Harbinger]

That's right. Exactly. With a big old inhale. Because you know, we're setting up for some juicy Kannandrasana.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

My new favorite post.

[Jordan Harbinger]

That's right. Fadeback Friday. Your weekly Kannandrasana. After a hard week of dealing with your own problems.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Can I tell you before you go in, though? I have to tell you a couple really quick stories.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Go for it.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I just have to tell you about this stuff.

[Jordan Harbinger]

People are like, God, I just put the phone away and I have to get it out and fast forward again. All right, fine. Go for it.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

First of all, so you know that I packed for, I don't know, six to nine months of travel.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Because you're moving?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yeah, yeah, because I don't have a home.

[Jordan Harbinger]

You're homeless?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yes, I'm homeless. And also, I had to bring all my recording equipment, which was its own suitcase. So I flew into Liberia airport. And then I had six or seven hours at the airport until the shuttle for the place was ready. So I used that time to finish some of my work. I met a few other people from training. And the other people in my group, their flights land hours after mine. And I start to meet them outside for the shuttle. And they're all women, young women, and they roll up with a carry on and a backpack. And old Gaby has one huge, oversized, heavy suitcase, another heavy carry on and a backpack.

[Jordan Harbinger]

High maintenance. Gabe.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

It was so funny, dude. They were very nice about it. They were like, what's with all the stuff, man? I was like, I'm moving. Okay. It's like I was going out of my way to make excuses, but I literally felt like the YTT princess in the group. And these girls were just traveling light. It was so funny.

[Jordan Harbinger]

I'm surprised they didn't pull you aside and be like, can we talk about your material realism? Sometimes it's good not to have all your creature comforts as you make like a French press tea.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

You think that I brought my French press with me? I did not.

[Jordan Harbinger]

I mean, I don't know.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

It was just mostly the Starlink and the.

[Jordan Harbinger]

You gotta. Yeah, you gotta. Excuse me. I had to bring up my own Starlink Internet. Talk to me when you can't post this on Instagram, Shelly. Then we'll see who packed too much crap.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Speaking of the other personalities in the group, there was one girl in our group. She was a recent college graduation. And man, I could tell you so many cool stories about these people. It was really funny. You bond hard with these people. Even if you have nothing in common. When you do something like this, you get really close. But there was one day where we were coming back to class. It was about 2:30pm we're all setting up our mats for the class to begin, and one of the girls, this recent college grad, is in the shower. And the shower is located right next to the Yoga Shala, which is where we learn and practice every morning. And she's running a little bit late. So she's in the shower and then we hear the shower turn off. And then like 30 seconds later, we hear a blood curling scream.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Oh, my God.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

And the teacher, Sonja, was like, is everything okay? What's going on? And she's like, I got bitten by a scorpion. That was a little bit of a drama. And she starts crying, which I understand because I hear it's very painful.

[Jordan Harbinger]

I'm sure.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

And then she comes into class and she's still kind of like sniffling and sobbing a little bit. And we're all just like, oh my God, are you okay? What's going on? And Sonia goes, what happened exactly? And she's like, I got bitten twice. It was in my towel. And she put the towel around her and bit her. And she's like, where did it bite you? And she goes, the worst place you can imagine.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Oh, my God. A little labia chomp. Ouch.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Oh, dude, what an image. That's horrible the way you just put that, but yeah. Oh, man, this poor girl. So for the rest of the afternoon, she was like, I can't practice. I'm just going to sit here with my aloe vera and my ice. It was so intense.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Oh, man. Yikes. Score. Scorpion bite in the jungle. Happens to me straight on a business class flight home.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

After that, straight to the Centurion Lounge.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Sir, do you need more ice for your old Fashioned? No, but I do need more ice for my left testicle because I got bitten by a. The whole plane would know I got bitten by a scorpion. Just in case anyone's curious, I'm icing my left testicle because I got bit by a scorpion in the jungle. Ama, ask me anything.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I mean, I felt really bad for her, but I also was like, you have the best story of anybody here on this trip so far. Wow, that was pretty lit. But dude, I could tell you so many stories about yoga teacher training. But yeah, we got to get to the dues cruise because they don't want it to depart without us.

[Jordan Harbinger]

But we can always jump back into these next week or the week after. I'm sure you're not done talking about it. Processing it all.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Namaste.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Namaste. Namaste. Go on to the next section. What is the first thing out of the mailbag?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Hi, Jordan and gabe. I'm a 32 year old single male and homeowner with a stable job. My home has four bedrooms and I currently have a female roommate. Let's call her Susan. Susan has been a friend of mine since high school. We started hanging out at parties and on trips, but nothing romantic ever crossed my mind. She's divorced and single But I only saw her as a friend. Even when we moved in together. Last month, Susan, four friends and I went to Las Vegas. We had a blast. And on one of those days, Susan and I ended up cuddling something we had never done. It was a nice feeling and moment for both of us. That night, we went to a club, and I ended up introducing a guy I met to our group. He and Susan danced together. They ended up going back to his hotel, and you can imagine what happened a week later. We spoke about the cuddling situation, and we agreed that we both had felt something but were not ready to start a relationship because of what had happened with that guy. We agreed to take it slow. Part of this agreement was to cuddle a few times during the week.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Sorry, I'm not trying to be a dick, but okay. Agreement.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Interesting word.

[Jordan Harbinger]

It's a cuddle contract, man. I mean, not that that's a real thing.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

What are the T's and C's on that one? No bedroom eyes and shared spaces and guaranteed spooning three times a week and every other Sunday.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Sounds very sexy. Yeah.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

So I'm guessing he meant that they just agreed to put a limit around the cuddling.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, it's just strange. Like, if you want to cuddle with somebody, you cuddling, bruh. Ain't no stopping that roommate lust. I don't know why you need an agreement.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

We had already planned to attend edc, so before going, I confessed that I was developing a crush on her. We agreed to go as friends, but not to fool around with anyone else.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Oh, this is weird. Okay, so another agreement. What is going on?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

A lot of agreeing going on in this story.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Again, I'm not trying to belittle this guy at all, so I hope that's not the feeling I'm showing off here, but something is not making sense to me here. They agreed to go as friends. Hey, fine. That's great. Clarifies things. But then they also can't hook up with anyone else. So they keep things nice and tidy, but then they also cannot have their own fun. That just doesn't sound right.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Kind of sounds like the worst of both worlds to me.

[Jordan Harbinger]

100%. What's happening is that they're both a bit confused and scared.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yes.

[Jordan Harbinger]

And they're also trying to protect their feelings or egos or whatever.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Exactly.

[Jordan Harbinger]

And each other's feelings. But to what end? I'm just not. I'm not sure I understand the strategy here. Side note, EDC is dope. I went years ago. I actually ran into some show fans in line. Which is great because I was like, three sheets to the wind.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

You like edc? This is so confusing. Yeah, I love expected this.

[Jordan Harbinger]

I love stuff like this. Yeah. In fact, Jen was like, hey, do you want to go to. I think it was like a Tiesto show. And I was like, nah, I'd rather go to edc, because I want to party for, like, three days or, like, all night. I don't want to go to a show that's five hours long, because then what am I supposed to do for the next five hours? Anyway, there's a story in there, but like Drew Carey said on our interview, he also loves edc, by the way, but he doesn't do drugs because. And I quote, because I'm the host of the Price is Right. So that's my line as well. I love edc, but of course I can't do what everyone else is doing there because I'm the host of the Jordan Harbinger show.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Oh, sure. Like, he's the host of the Price is Right, so he couldn't possibly be doing Top Shelf Molly.

[Jordan Harbinger]

That's right. No, exactly. It is just $8 bottles of water all night long.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

So he goes on. I upheld my part of the deal, but she didn't.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Oh, boy, here we go, man.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

On the second day of our trip, I noticed she was texting someone and was planning on meeting him outside our campsite. The same guy from the previous month in Las Vegas. After her side quest. She didn't even mention that she was gone and acted as if nothing had happened. I got upset, but I decided not to say anything and ruin the trip for our group. So I just enjoyed edc.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Oh, man. Tale as old as time. You hate to see it. Gabe. Wait, how old are they again? Is this 20s thing?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

32.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Interesting. Okay, all right, continue.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

It's been a week now, and I haven't confronted her about the situation. We haven't cuddled either.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Ah, breach.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I feel a little hurt and confused. I don't hate her, but I feel lied to and used. But I also still like her as a roommate, and I would hate for our situation to force her to leave. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Should I address the situation to finally move on? Signed a lovelorn landlord. Going back to the drawing board to resolve this disaccord over a fling that was barely explored.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Woof. Okay, interesting situation. So, ugh, man, I am sorry that you feel hurt and you feel used. I don't know about the used part. Used for cuddles. I get you that you're confused. I myself have been there once or twice as a young buck. I know how unpleasant this can be. It sucks not to know where you stand with somebody and get mixed signals. And these are mixed signals. I'm not going to gaslight you on that. But it also sucks not to be chosen. I know I was giving you a little bit of a tough time a moment ago, but I really do feel for you. So now, especially, you weren't chosen in favor of a guy you introduced to the group, so that it sucks even more. So, look, you're not wrong for feeling this way. You feel how you feel. Susan has put you in a position where you're especially vulnerable and uncertain whether she meant to do that or not. I gotta say, you also have both created this situation in an interesting way. You, by expressing your interest in her, but kind of qualifying or moderating your intentions with her, probably overly formalizing, something that could have unfolded a little bit more organically, not communicating your feelings as well as you could have. And Susan, by obviously not being totally clear with you about her feelings, what she really wants right now, and by not being totally transparent about other parts of her life, like this fling with this other guy that she's sort of trying to hide from you, basically not giving you all the information that you needed to know where you stand with her and make the best decision for yourself.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

That's exactly right. But to be fair, that does take some time to learn how to do it. Takes practice.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Okay? Yeah, it does. That's why I was like, what are they, 22? No, they're 32. They're. My unvarnished opinion here is that they're old enough to stop playing these games, but they're also only just getting to that phase as a grownup where you can say to somebody, hey, look, this is where I'm at. Where are you at? Let's be open with each other so nobody gets hurt. I mean, I think Jen was the first relationship where I actually said stuff like that. Or maybe the one right before Jen, where I was like, look, I don't want to just be friends with you. I want a romantic relationship. And this girl was like, I just kind of like sleeping with you. And I was like, eh, it's not enough for me. And we went our separate ways. And I was like, wow, that felt really good. Even though it didn't work out, I was like, wow, I just said what I wanted and it didn't work. And then we just, like, we don't have to throw Each other's clothes out of the window. This is amazing.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I mean, I feel like I only learned how to do that in the last few years. And it could be a little bit scary to be really honest with somebody about where you are and what you want, but then you do it a couple times and you're like, my God, this is so much easier. Why wasn't I doing this all along?

[Jordan Harbinger]

Exactly. Look, I want to be fair to our friend here, though. He's her friend and her potential lover and her landlord, and he's being thoughtful and sensitive about that, and I really appreciate that, because he's not like, how do I evict her so that I get back at her without her suing me? I mean, come on. So he's being pretty cool about the whole thing, right?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

And he's thinking about her living situation, too. I agree with you. And he doesn't want to lose her as a roommate. That matters, too. So he is in a weird place.

[Jordan Harbinger]

And it sounds like he doesn't want to lose her as a friend, potentially, which is kind of nice. Maybe I'm reading into that too much. I get why this whole thing makes things even more complicated. It's all coming from a good place. Although the second you start cuddling with your roommate slash tenant, you do take a risk that either goes brilliantly or it blows up in your face. Trust me, I'm on. I'm on those subreddits, too. I'm not saying it was necessarily a mistake. If there was something fun and meaningful to explore. You're both feeling it, great. But you got to go into a situation like this with eyes wide open, like, are you friends with benefits? And she can go and do whatever she wants, and you can get a girlfriend, if that's what's happening. Cool. If you're just cuddling, fine. But if you're just cuddling and then you're going to be jealous of a guy that she's hooking up with, this ish is not going to work, dude.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

So do you think he should talk to her or what? What's the move?

[Jordan Harbinger]

I'm torn, honestly. Like, there's a part of me going, my guy, read the room. She's hooking up with somebody else. She's not telling you about it. I'm not saying she's not into you. I think she's intrigued by you. Was willing at least to explore it. Clearly, she wants to have her freedom. Or she doesn't want to be held down if you're not going to sort of like shit or get off the pot.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Although it's such early days, they're not even ready to discuss that yet. But you're right. She is showing him with her actions what she wants, and part of his job is to interpret those correctly and then act accordingly.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yes. Which probably, in my opinion, means backing off a little bit, enjoying some of that freedom yourself, licking your wounds, just letting the situation mellow a little bit before you confront her, which you should not do, in my opinion. But then another part of me is going to, yeah, you should talk to her as a friend and as her landlord, because you guys have gotten tangled up here, and it would probably help your relationship if you just put some things on the table and got clear with each other. My advice there is I would not make this conversation primarily about, like, do you like me? Do you still want to cuddle? It bummed me out that you hooked up with that guy. All of that is legit, but it's gonna. It's stuff for you to work through on your own. Man, you're gonna look like such a weenie doing that, and it's not necessary. It's not gonna help you. I think this conversation should be more like, look, our friendship and our living situation means a lot to me. I want to protect them above all else. I don't want you to feel like you have to leave because of what happened. I confess, I'm a little confused about where we stand. If you want to clarify that with each other, let's do it. I think it would be helpful for both of us. But I also know that we don't owe each other anything. We're not in a committed relationship. We're free to do whatever we want. So going forward, if we continue to explore things romantically, maybe we can be a little bit more open with each other along the way, just so there's no confusion. Something like that. You can find your own words, and then you have to be willing to live up to that promise. If you can't, if it's too hard, then you should not get involved with this girl. You cannot sort of, like, have her as your cuddle partner, and then she never hooks up with anybody until you're ready to pull the trigger. That's unrealistic and unfair. The point is, I think this is more about how you communicate with each other and how you guys try to manage each other, like with these little agreements. I just don't recommend you do that anymore for sure.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Because if you know where you stand with each other, you don't need that stuff. You either give each other the freedom to do what you want, you know what this is, or you organically explore things. And if there's a real connection and you guys want to keep going, then, I don't know, you'll probably stop seeing other people naturally, or you'll decide what the relationship should look like. I don't think you need the formalization so much.

[Jordan Harbinger]

If they had cuddled and then she was like, I like you, and he's like, I like you, and then they were like, let's take things slowly, like they said they were going to do, and then they started making out. She probably wouldn't be hooking up with a random dude she met at a club in Vegas. Maybe not, though. Especially if she's camping with you. She'd be hooking up with you. But if you're like, I want to keep you, it sounds to me, man. And again, I'm putting words in this guy's mouth and these might not be fair, but it sounds like he's like, I want you kind of on the back burner because I like the snuggle thing and I want to feel like you like me and I kind of like you. But I don't actually want to do any of the other harder stuff that's involved in having a relationship because I'm not ready to do that. It's like she's clearly not on the same page.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yeah, I think that's really what's happening. I think their feelings are just not totally in sync.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Right.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

That's what's happening.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

And they have different interests and different options. And the way that he is showing up is also maybe giving her some pause. Agreement. Agree.

[Jordan Harbinger]

So whatever you do, man, keep doing it thoughtfully, kindly, respectfully, but also in a way that doesn't make your problems her problems. I think this is a situation where Susan's gonna need you to lead because my sense is that she doesn't quite have the tools that you're about to develop. Some combination of talking and reading the room and that's going to clear things right up. I know it hurts, but it's all part of growing up. And I feel patronizing saying that to a 32 year old man, but it's true. I mean, I would say that to a 40 year old man. In a few months you're going to look back at this chapter and I think you will literally laugh because it taught you some important stuff and it's so much easier to handle, I think, than you realize.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Good luck, Jordan. I Know this is not the point of his letter, but camping at EDC sounds like a minor nightmare to me. I mean, when I was in my 20s maybe, and I did go to Burning man and we camped and it was cool, but you could not pay me enough to go to EDC camping. Now I'm actually still kind of shocked that you liked it so much. I just didn't see that coming. What is the deal?

[Jordan Harbinger]

Camping? My brother in Christ. I stayed at the Bellagio. Okay, first of all, and it's like hours of traffic to get in there. No, I took the uber helicopter thing in and out. I am too old, way too old to be camping in 100 degree weather near a racetrack in Vegas.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Now I understand why you love edc. Okay, here I was picturing you sleeping in like an REI rented sleeping bag 10ft from Susan's low key dick appointment or something.

[Jordan Harbinger]

No, thank you. Admittedly, it is much more fun when you don't have to camp in 110 degree heat and you can leave whenever you want. I'm at the pool during the day. I'm getting those scammy IV bag drips of vitamins and stuff. It's a different experience for me. Like my dinner before EDC is at Joe's Stone Crab and I'm like getting a mixology thing and eating king crab legs. I am not in traffic waiting, ordering.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Funnel cake from the stand by Testosta stage.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, exactly.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I understand. Okay. It's such a different image.

[Jordan Harbinger]

No, I am not listening to dubstep next to one of those fire blowing things waiting in line for chicken fingers. No, sir.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I didn't realize that you were having this succession experience of edc. You were like rolling in and out like one of the people on what's that show about the traitors on Showtime. It's so sad.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Oh God. I don't know. It's just me and Drew Carey. Definitely not doing anything that would be against our content track because he's the host of the Price is Right and I'm the host of the Jordan Harbinger show. And now we have a cuddle agreement that we need to honor. So snuggle up with the amazing sponsors that support this show. We'll be right back. This episode is sponsored in part by BetterHelp. Are you stressed at work? Email slack back to back zoom calls somehow. Now you're gotta eat lunch, exercise, and be a functional human. Yeah. Okay. This summer I've been trying to keep it together with small stuff. Get outside for some sun, walk uphill. Like I'M training for Everest. Take breaks where I don't scroll on my phone. I guess it helps a little, but the stuff a walk can't fix, therapy helps a lot. I've done it. It's made a huge difference. You don't need to have some giant crisis going on to benefit. Therapy is great for handling stress, setting boundaries, learning how not to lose it. Every time your boss sends one of those quick question emails at 6pm on Sunday, BetterHelp makes it super easy to start. It's all online. No commuting, no waiting room awkwardness, no flipping through Highlights magazine pretending you're fine. Just real therapists on your schedule. And if you don't vibe with the first one, you can switch at any time. No ghosting necessary. So if work has been grinding you down, take a step. Your mental health deserves more than a maybe later. Check out betterhelp.com, make taking care of your mind part of your actual to do list.

[C]

As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise, and our listeners get 10% off their first [e-mail] Jordan that's better. H E L P.com Jorphdan this episode.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Is sponsored in part by Audible. People always ask me how I manage to get through so much content, especially since I prep for every interview. I'm talking two to three books a week, and it's all thanks to Audible. I've got Audible in my ears while I'm getting my 10,000 steps in running errands, even doing stuff around the house. I don't mess with physical books anymore at all. Audible is just way more efficient. I listen on 2 or even 3x speed, which lets me cover a lot of ground without sacrificing quality. Right now I'm listening to Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy. She's got this really down to earth way of talking about parenting that is not preachy. And here's what a lot of people don't realize. Audible is not just audiobooks anymore. You get access to thousands of titles with your membership, podcasts, Audible originals, and cool stuff like their Words in music series where artists tell their stories in their own words. The variety makes the membership way more valuable, so you never run out of great stuff to check out. One day I'm deep in a parenting guide, the next it's a podcast or a spy thriller. So whether you're into suspense, self development, or you just want to make traffic suck less, Audible's got you covered.

[C]

Start listening and discover what's beyond the edge of your seat. New members can try Audible now free for 30 days, and dive into a world of new thrills. Visit audible.com jhs or text jhs to 500. 500. That's audible.com jhs or text JHS to 500. 500.

[Jordan Harbinger]

If you liked this episode of Feedback Friday and you find our advice valuable, I invite you to do what other smart and considerate listeners do. Take a moment and support our amazing sponsors. All of the deals, discount codes and ways to support the podcast are searchable and Clickable over at jordanharbinger.com deals if that doesn't work, email us jordanordanharbinger.com, i'll dig up the code for you. Thank you for supporting those who support the show. Now back to Feedback Friday. Okay, what's next?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Dear Handsome Boy Number one and Phileas Fogg.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Wait, what's that? Am I supposed to know what that is? That's one of those literature things that's gonna out me as being completely ignorant and under educated.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I had to look it up too. I forgot to not recognize this name. So he's the main character in the book around the world in 80 days.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Did he travel with 16 bags too? And Starlink Internet.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

They were probably trunks.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, like a footlocker.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

You know those guys back then, like the colonial Brits would go to all these crazy places with like 32 trunks.

[Jordan Harbinger]

They're called footlockers.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Oh, that's what a footlocker is.

[Jordan Harbinger]

They're called foot lockers. It's basically a giant chest. Yeah. Instead of backpacks or suitcases or something reasonable. That's when they're like whacking their way through the jungle or someone else is doing that part for them and they're walking through with their like monocle in their boots and they're like, come on chaps, what's taking so long? And there's like a bunch of shirtless dudes carrying 16 pairs of outerwear. Like don't get my smoking jacket wet, you nincompoop. They're knee deep mud.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Cause one of the trunks has like four of their dining tuxedos. Because they would have to uphold civilization when they were having dinner in the bush, right? Yeah, that was not me for the record, but the idea of me as a colonial British person in Liberia airport is weirdly hitting close to home. So the letter goes on. I only had a sister growing up and my 55 year old brother in law is the brother I Never had. Seven months ago, he suffered a stroke and was not found for hours.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Oh, man.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

It was very scary and very touch and go. He had to have one third of his skull removed to relieve pressure.

[Jordan Harbinger]

So his brain swells.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yes.

[Jordan Harbinger]

I guess if you have a stroke, your brain swells. Or maybe he just hit his head and his brain swelled. That's so scary.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yes, very intense. Jeez. Since that time, his wife, who's an Ivy League, Maryland PhD and the CEO of a pharmaceutical company, has acted in ways that defy explanation. She significantly limited visitors when the stroke first happened and would only allow visitors to see him with her present. After he was airlifted to one of the best hospitals in the country, she cut off most of his family of origin, two parents, eight siblings, seven spouses, in law, from seeing him and stopped reporting on his condition. She now controls every single aspect of his life. No one, except one brother saw him for four months. He was later moved to a rehab center, where much the same occurred. Then he was moved to another facility. And no matter where he was, she required all visitors to be cleared by her. She barely reports on his condition, but when she does, she tells people in their vacation community that he's in a coma.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Okay.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

A friend didn't believe her, went to see him and was thrown out. Others in the community reported the same. We have proof in writing of different statuses shared to different groups. Then she went to court and had him declared legally incompetent. She's declared health issues with him that we have proof never existed. She says her husband spent 28 years protecting her from us. She's never explained what that means. She tells people he hates his parents, but before the stroke, he visited them three or four times a week to check in on them because they live independently, in their 80s, 10 minutes from their home. My wife's parents got a lawyer involved, and thanks to his initial efforts, we were finally told where he was. It was more of a warehouse than a care facility. We were all allowed to see him. He still has a sense of humor. He can hold conversations. He remembers childhood. He evaluates real estate deals, which is his career. But the facility won't even clean or shave him. His sister, who's a registered nurse, did that. She also brought him new clothes, but the clothes went missing after a few days. His wife took his iPhone and tablet. A friend of his who works for Apple got him a custom iPad for stroke victims, but the password was changed and then it disappeared soon after. At best, he has Netflix. He had to resort to watching Spider Man 3 with Tobey Maguire on Easter.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Oh, my God. Spider Man. Not Even Spider Man 1. The best one, or the new one with the guy from the Social Network. Okay, that's the final straw. Not being clean, not being changed, part of your skull missing, stealing your clothes. That's tough. But they're making the guy watch Tobey Maguire movies. No, I kid. This is horrible. I'm very sorry this is happening to you guys. This is very sketchy, by the way. Geez.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

This is very tragic, but your hot Tobey Maguire take is so funny. I did not know you hated him so much.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, I know. After talking with Molly Bloom and reading her book and stuff, I remember in her book she talks about Tobey Maguire, and on the show she mentioned Tobey maguire. That's episode 120. Talk about throwback. And then I met her randomly at an event, and I was like, hey, Molly. And then we started talking, and I was like, I'm surprised you didn't get sued by Tobey Maguire for what you said about him in the book. And she's like, it's so much worse than what I put into print.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Oh, really? Wow.

[Jordan Harbinger]

And I was like, oh, okay.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Because what she said about him, from what I remember, was pretty bad.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yes.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

He did not sound like an easy customer.

[Jordan Harbinger]

And she's not the only one. I mean, I lived in Hollywood for a while, and you talk with people and you're like, who's the biggest dick that people think is great? And it's like that name just comes up over and over again. Yeah.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Wow. Okay.

[Jordan Harbinger]

And then it's like, who's nice that looks like a dick? And it's like, Robert Downey Jr. What.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Is the detail that she included in her book about him? Was it that he brought his own scale or his own counter for the money or something?

[Jordan Harbinger]

I don't know.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Because he didn't trust her equipment, maybe.

[Jordan Harbinger]

But then also, like, he would goad people who could not afford to lose into losing. Like, people who are way down and who were not rich and famous. And he would take their money. He just would give them no chance to, like, win it back. And he would rub it in their face. And everybody was like, can we not invite him anymore? He's a terrible. Like, other Hollywood people were like. And apparently he was terrible to everyone except for Leonardo DiCaprio, basically, and other super famous people who could, like, affect his career. But if you couldn't do anything for him, he was just like a complete pos.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Interesting.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Well, that tracks, doesn't it?

[Jordan Harbinger]

I mean, that's just what I've heard. You know, I have no personal experience. It's not even my opinion. It's other people's opinions. As reported on this show. Lawyers. Anyway, what are we talking about? Right? A man who had a stroke and is now being hidden from his family.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Whose life is also being ruined by Tobey Maguire. Apparently, yes. After his craniotomy, he needed a third of his skull replaced. Scans were required. His wife would not schedule them. It took legal action to force her to get them scheduled. When asked if he wanted the scans for the skull, he responded, my wife is a good woman and takes care of me. She's taking care of this. What do you make of that, Jordan?

[Jordan Harbinger]

That's not totally scripted response at all.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yeah. Does that mean she took the phone and answered for him or is he brainwashed? Either way, it's bad news.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Either way, his brain is exposed. Maybe it's easier to wash that way. Sorry, that's a disgusting joke.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

No, that is vivid though, isn't it?

[Jordan Harbinger]

It is. I mean, the dude's missing a third of his skull. If I was missing a part of my skull, I'd like to think the first question Jen would have is, when do you put that thing back together?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

When do you close the door of the skull?

[Jordan Harbinger]

And meanwhile she's like, I'm not scheduling the scans to see if he's gonna live. I. She might be rich with her CEO position, but something tells me she kinda doesn't want this guy to make it through this.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Let's get into that in a second because there are more details coming.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Seven months after his skull was removed, it was finally replaced. He's now in recovery. Then she hit him again. We have no idea where he is now.

[Jordan Harbinger]

So he got moved because they knew where he was. This is so scary and so weird.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Someone, maybe a nurse at the facility, maybe a neighbor called adult protective services. But my sister in law used the investigation to tell her husband that we were suing her. That his family was victimizing her and forcing their 17 year old daughter to testify. The APS investigator asked my brother in law why, as a 55 year old man, he had no phone. But he made excuses and nothing changed. And the care facility is on her side. He's not getting the physical therapy he needs to walk or function again. We don't know what the family allegedly did to deserve this. She's never said.

[Jordan Harbinger]

This is such a mess. Your sister in law, man, she's clearly up to something. But what is it? Just revenge and spite because she has some weird inexplicable beef with your family? Or is she a psycho controlling weirdo? I'm kind of getting the latter vibe. I mean both. It's probably some of Porque nolo's dos, right? I think it's a little bit of column A, a little bit of column B.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Or is she trying to isolate him for some other. Some other purpose?

[Jordan Harbinger]

The sort of functional person in me who doesn't always assume everybody is a psychopathic narcissist is thinking this guy's got money and she doesn't really care about him that much and wants him to die so that she can be free of it.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I hate to say it, but if Feedback Friday is any indication, that's often the reason people do this kind of thing. It just makes me sad to that that could be why.

[Jordan Harbinger]

I'm afraid you're right. I mean, why on earth would you not want your husband's skull put together? Why on earth would you put him in a bad care facility? Look, if she hated the family but loved the husband, she would put him someplace really nice and he would be taken care of. And then she would be like, I'm not telling you where he is, he's fine. And he. Then they would see him and see that he was fine. They saw him and he's not fine and he's in a shithole. That is not somebody who just wants to take good care of him without family interference. This is somebody who wants to be able to neglect him and keep the family from finding out. That's different.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yeah, but there might also be some practical reasons. He did say that his brother in law works in real estate and he's apparently pretty good at it. So.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah. What size is that real estate portfolio? Maybe there's a good amount of money there. But also again though that she's the CEO of a pharma company, she's an MD, PhD. She's probably making several hundred thousand slash million dollars for herself. She can't be doing that badly. But then again, people who have a lot of money, they always want more money. So I don't know.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

By the way, that detail about her job and her background, so interesting. She is. She's obviously pretty bright. I mean, she must be pretty ambitious to be in that position.

[Jordan Harbinger]

And possibly ruthless. I mean to be the CEO of a pharma company and an MD and a PhD. This is quite the opponent to go up against. She sounds quite manipulative. She's cunning. She has the care facility on her side. Because she pays the bills, she's got legal protections in place. It sounds like she's gotten her husband to say that she's taking good care of him, which she obviously is not. That's really scary. And she's got resources because she has money, both his and hers.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

My question is, how do you have time to gatekeep your husband when you're running a pharmacy pharmaceutical company? Like that's a 247 job, I imagine. And also you have time to change his iPad password.

[Jordan Harbinger]

She's driven, man. I'll give her that. Or she's got somebody helping her. Who knows.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Separately, the year I turned 40 in 2018, I was in a very dark place and sought therapy and medication due to a cancer scare, the stress of running a company and my business being on the brink of failure. That year, my wife's family planned a bridal shower for someone else on my birthday. She promised she'd be home for dinner on my 40th. She wasn't. I made dinner for our kids and tried not to cry at the table. She caved to her mother's and sister's pressure and stayed to clean up. She was very late. I'm still not over that because she's never done anything beyond offer me easy words. Then recently my wife wanted us to take a weekend away. The first time in a long time that she offered to plan something for us. But now her mom is sick. She was diagnosed with broken heart syndrome triggered by everything with my brother in law. So the weekend away is now in jeopardy. Maybe it's for the best. My wife would have let me down anyway. Every time I reach out to her, something pulls her away. Usually it's the kids or her family. Sometimes it's understandable, like medical emergencies. And other times it's not. No matter what, I'm on the back burner. Despite being asked to support everyone, even our teenage daughters see it. Interestingly, her sister, the one bathing and shaving their brother once bluntly told me that my wife doesn't prioritize me. Wow, I am beyond tired. I feel invisible. It's now impacting my business, but if I raise the issue, I'm accused of being a heartless, emotionless workaholic. I'm trying to support my family while supporting the families of my 100 employees and their families. How can I help my brother in law in a way that doesn't imperil my fragile marriage or harm my in laws? How can I help my wife without losing my entire identity? Signed, battling for control and saving an Isolated soul When I'm in a dark hole.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Wow. Dude. Yeah. When it rains, it pours, huh? This is a tough one, man. There's a lot going on here. There are no easy answers. First of all, as you can probably tell, my heart absolutely goes out to you and your wife and her whole family for what he's been through, what his wife is doing to him or with him. Based on what you've shared. Assuming there's no horrific thing your family's done to this woman that you didn't include in your letter, the whole thing is unconscionable. Your sister in law is depriving her husband of the care and connection that he needs to recover. And she's depriving you guys of your relationship with your brother in law. I mean, it's just not okay at all. If this were happening in my family, I would be freaking furious. And you better believe I'd be in court all the time trying to figure out what to do about this. Honestly, everything you're describing really does sound like elder abuse, possibly even medical kidnapping. Yes, that's a thing. Medical kidnapping. It's kind of a hard thing to prove, and based on my understanding, it's not a crime in and of itself. But if it involves false imprisonment, which is basically preventing somebody from leaving a place, neglect, abuse, fraud, undue influence, many of which could be at play here, those can be prosecuted under criminal laws. But whether your sister in law is actually abusing or kidnapping her husband, I think it's fair to say that the isolation, the inconsistent reports, I mean, who lies to people and says he's in a coma? That's insane. You just don't want people to visit him. What is going on? The questionable living conditions, to put it mildly, the lack of necessary treatment, when you take a step back, this does paint a picture of coercive control. You know, Gabriel, this just occurred to me as well. Even if she has a massive beef with the family, one, it's not included here. Okay, fine. But two, she lied to their friends in their vacation community and said he's in a coma.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot about that detail. So what is she up to there?

[Jordan Harbinger]

Right, so she doesn't want anyone to visit him. Not just, oh, the family sucks. But hey, these are our friends. They're cool. She doesn't want anyone to visit him. That's different. That sort of underlined, bold highlights this one, even for me, and puts another point in the court of maybe there's not a beef with the family. She's just Actually trying to control access to him.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

You know what's funny? When I first heard that detail, I thought she was saying that to like milk their sympathy, but no, of course not. She's saying that because she wants people to think it's that they can't talk to him.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Exactly. He can't be texted, he can't be visited. He's asleep. Which is not true. It's unbelievable. And sadly vague. Coercive control. That's often how abuse manifests in cases involving vulnerable adults like your brother in law. So, okay, let's get tactical for a moment here. First of all, hiring a lawyer 100% the right thing to do. I would stay close with your attorney, let him advise you on how to keep pushing back against any dodgy moves by your sister in law. The problem is, you said she went to court and had her husband declared legally incompetent.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Oh man, that's going to be hard to overcome.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yes, this is hard to overcome. I'm guessing that means she was granted legal guardianship or conservatorship. Once a judge signs off on that, the petitioner has a ton of power. Unfortunately, she is his legal guardian now. She gets to call most all of the shots. And unless the court revokes or modifies that guardianship, well, she can keep doing this legally, even if it's doing him harm. See also Britney Spears. Right, so your options are basically this. You could work with your family's attorney to petition the court to review or revoke the guardianship. But that's gonna require evidence that your sister in law is either incompetent, abusive or neglectful. That's gonna be an uphill battle. Especially if she has the resources to fight back. Which it sure sounds like she does. But I'd say, look, this is obviously worth the fight. Now the fact that she possibly, slash, probably used false or misleading medical information to convince the court that her husband needed a guardian in the and that she was the best or only person for the job, that could be considered fraud. I would start arguing that. And it could be grounds to challenge the guardianship quite effectively. But it will require hard evidence, medical records, conflicting testimony, expert opinions, ideally an attorney who specializes in elder law, guardianship disputes, medical fraud, stuff like that. So you don't want some like attorney who does trusts in estates and also some personal injury and auto cases on this. You want somebody who's very familiar with this system. Okay, so if that's not your attorney, find another attorney asap. With this kind of experience, this is a mixed bag. This is an expense and it could take a while, I think. Luckily, yes, this evil woman has resources, but it sounds like this is the whole family versus one person. So what's good about this is y' all have the time if you put it together. And look, if everybody donates $500 a month now you got a lot of, if you got 10 people who want to see him, 15 people, you got legal costs covered. Okay, so. So I'm sort of speculating here, but I assume some people can afford it and others can't and you can make up the difference.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

There's also a version of this where a family member, ideally somebody with a medical background like your RN, sister in law, which is great that somebody like that is in the family, that person could request the court for a limited guardianship. But again, time, money, emotional stress and probably the involvement of the whole family to get that.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Your other option, escalate this to Adult Protective Services. It sounds like they are already investigating. Do this as many times as you have to. Include specific documented claims with your report. The timeline of events here, photos of neglect, evidence of missing possessions, written statements from visitors, whatever you can. APS should keep investigating, especially if they get multiple reports.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

But again, you do have to be prepared for your brother in law to defend his wife to APS if they interview him. And you have to be prepared for APS to have their hands tied by this guardianship arrangements. So bit of a catch 22 there.

[Jordan Harbinger]

It can be, but it's still worth doing. Another option I'd look into, see if you can get what's called a patient rights ombudsman involved. This is an independent advocate. Often they're on staff at a facility and their job is to protect the rights and welfare of medical patients. In some places this is called a patient advocate, a grievance coordinator, a resident rights officer. Theoretically, they should operate independently and they're legally required to act in the best interest of the patient, not the institution of the guardian, even though they're on the payroll of the institution. Not totally sure how that works, but my hope is that an ombudsman can visit your brother in law and escalate any concerns to state agencies. Especially if this facility you mentioned is complicit in his isolation or neglect. No matter what. You know what I'm about to say. Document, document, document everything. Dates, messages, conversations, witness statements, facility conditions, photos, videos, your brother in law's statements, inconsistencies in his wife's reports. If you ever get a chance to challenge the guardianship, you're going to want your meticulous records because the judge has to go, what reason do I have to overturn a decision that I've already made? And if it's like, I swear none of this is true, he's going to be like, get out of here. But if you're like, here's a 13 page dossier where she told these people this and that wasn't true, and she told those people that and that wasn't true, and then she said this and that wasn't true, here are the documents. He's going to go, ah, okay, I've been bamboozled and I don't like that. Judges do not like being bamboozled, I'll tell you that. Look, I'm going to give it to you straight though. This is going to be hard. It's going to take some time and it makes my blood boil that your brother in law might have to suffer in the meantime. He really is paying the highest price for all of this. It's just devastating. This poor guy and your poor family. I mean, he's watching Tobey Maguire movies for God's sake. What? Somebody think of the man, somebody think of the Netflix Q.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

You guys should definitely include that in the documentation. I think the judge should know that he's being forced to watch all of Tobey Maguire's oeuvre.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Imagine a judge just throwing the file across the room at opposing counsel.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I was on the fence about his skull being open for nine months, but when you mentioned Tobey Maguire's oeuvre, that's really what put this over the edge.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Truly devastating.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I'm gonna rule in someone else's favor. And this is, this is horrible. On the other hand, though, as sad as your brother in law's situation is, let's just remember he does have a roof over his head. Perhaps not the greatest roof, but he has some level of care.

[Jordan Harbinger]

A leaky roof.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yeah, he finally did have that necessary procedure, thank God. Although it was very late. I mean, he deserves so much more, you know, he's not like wasting away in an attic somewhere. So while you do all of this, I would also try not to torture yourself unnecessarily. I mean, the only thing that you can do practically is channel all of this concern and anxiety and rage and love for your brother in law into pursuing these options. And you got to keep looking for ways to love your brother in law however you can. And I realize that your means are limited because it sounds like his reality is being shaped by his wife's narrative. Basically. And every visit from you and your family, every conversation he has with you guys, every time your sister in law shaves him, every little ritual, every memory you bring up, those are going to be lifelines for him for sure.

[Jordan Harbinger]

That'll keep him connected to who he really is and who truly cares for him as well.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

So let's talk about you now. You are. I don't know how to put it, man. You're going through it and you have been for a while, it sounds like. I am so very sorry to hear about the cancer scare and the business stress. You know, these feelings of being forgotten or not prioritized in your marriage and you're going through all of that on top of your brother in law. I mean this is pretty extraordinary.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, man, it's a lot for one person to go through. This is overwhelming and I'm just reading the letter.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I'm really glad to hear that you sought out therapy. Of course, I hope you stuck with it. I'm glad you're finding a few different ways to take care of yourself. So look, a couple things. First of all, it sounds like your wife is often torn between what her family wants and what you want. And I don't know where she is these days. We don't know what she's going through herself, how she feels about the marriage, what she really wants. I mean, there's probably so much more information, but it sounds like it can be hard for her to say to her family something as simple as listen, guys, I'm really sorry, but that night is Michael's birthday. Can we find another night to do the shower because I want to be with him on his birthday. Or I'm sorry to leave you guys with the dishes, but I made a promise to be home by 8. I'm going to be home by 8 or 9, you know, sorry, mom and dad, I know you're going through a tough time, but we need just a few days away together. So we're going to do this trip and I'll see you next week. Your wife has a big family and there is a theme in this letter of certain people in the family asserting their needs over other people's. Or perhaps your wife capitulating to other people's interests over her own, which is interesting.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Or look, to be fair, maybe it's not malicious, it's just how it is in a big family. When you're an in law like our friend here, you just get the short end of the stick a lot of the time. I don't know.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Fair point.

[Jordan Harbinger]

But I do get the sense that your wife is putting her family first in a variety of ways. And I feel for her because it's a stressful time. But something tells me she either isn't great at drawing some basic boundaries with them, or. I mean, I feel bad saying this, but is she avoiding something with you? Maybe?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I mean, the real issue, of course, is how you and your wife are talking about all of this. And it doesn't sound like you guys are talking all that much. I mean, how are you resolving these conflicts? How are you helping each other understand what you need? It made me really sad when you said that the weekend trip falling apart was maybe for the best and that your wife would have let you down anyway.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, that one hit like, well, good thing we didn't do it. It just would have been. She would have just blown it anyway. I mean, that's. Yikes.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I mean, look, you might have good reason to believe that maybe you would have been disappointed if you had gone on this trip in some way, but then I guess I would want to know why you would have been let down. You know, what is it that you would have been hoping for? How would your wife have understood what you were hoping for? How would she have tried to live up to it or not lived up to it? And just like, where is the disconnect between the two of you right now? Because it just sounds like you guys are not really giving each other the opportunity to work through any of this in a meaningful way, but also by saying something like what you said in that section. It's interesting because your wife let you down either way, whether you went on the trip or whether you didn't go on the trip. She let you down by canceling to take care of her mom. And in your mind, she probably would have let you down if you had gone. So, again, maybe you have some good reasons to believe that, but I just think we have to be very careful with these assumptions that we make because they create a story. And the story seems to be, my wife will always disappoint me, and I will always be missed or always be forgotten somehow. And if that's the story that you buy into, then that's probably going to be the reality. So in a way, you are subtly creating a situation where the thing that hurts you the most is virtually guaranteed to happen.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Good point. And the way to break out of that story would be what? I'm afraid if we go on this trip, I'm going to be let down somehow, and I don't want to Feel that way. Can we talk about it?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

That's one way to do it. Another way might be to say, look, this weekend trip means a lot to me. I feel it's really important for the both of us. Can we please carve out two to three days and make time to prioritize each other? And can we maybe have a little do over of my 40th birthday? You know, can we really catch up? Like, let's prioritize each other. Let's make it happen, right?

[Jordan Harbinger]

Maybe. Also, I know it's hard to leave when your mom's hurting, but can we check in on her while we're away? Can we also trust her to take care of herself for a couple of days or maybe let one of your siblings help? Yeah. And also, I'm here to talk about all this. I know it's hard to watch your mom go through this whole thing with your brother.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

You can see how these approaches make more room for the two of them. Right? They open up possibilities. They don't shut them down. Whereas maybe it's for the best. My wife would have let me down anyway. That leaves very little room for them to try things in a new way and come to understand each other better. So it's just like a fait accompli and then the story gets reinforced.

[Jordan Harbinger]

That's right. Da da da. 5, 10 years go by and you hardly talk and there's this buried resentment everywhere and loneliness. And who knows, maybe you separate or you just settle for being unhappy, happy. That sucks. I get why this is so hard. When you're in a long term relationship, these stories, they have a way of growing almost without you realizing. It's like mold behind the baseboards.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

And it takes a lot of sunlight to disinfect these corners of a relationship for sure.

[Jordan Harbinger]

It really does. Man, it can be scary to go right at it and be like, hey, I'm not happy about this. This isn't working. I'm angry, I'm lonely, I'm sad. I don't feel like a priority. It's hard to be accused of being a heartless workaholic. Whatever it is, I. I don't want to feel that way. I want to figure this out together. But if you don't do that, and by the way, they both have to want to do that for this to work. But if you don't try, this just gets worse.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I also think there's some work for him to do to process the distress and the sadness of his brother in law's situation on his end. And also his hurt about the marriage and find a way to not let that impact his business quite as much, because that's part of being a good leader, too.

[Jordan Harbinger]

You know, I really relate to that particular stress of his being responsible for other people's livelihoods and their families. It is a huge responsibility. It's something that most. Most people don't fully understand. And I manage a team of, what, like eight people. This guy's managing 100 people. That is a ton of responsibility. There's a lot of weight on your.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Shoulders, and it's one that's probably heightened by being a man, I think.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, the whole provider thing, for sure, the provider thing.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

But also, it can be a lot harder for us guys to say, you know, I don't feel like a priority. I feel invisible. You know, being alone on my birthday after you said that you would be home, that really sucked. It's. It's vulnerable.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Vulnerable to say that that really hits. I. I really feel for him here being left alone for a major event or a big milestone, like turning 40. I mean, look, in a way, it's just a birthday, but in another way, it's a big deal. Especially if your spouse said, I will be there for dinner. I will tell you. When I got married, I know you flew in the same day, so I'm not talking about you. Cause you kind of came, like, you squeezed me in. But on my wedding, I woke up and I was. A bunch of us went to breakfast, and then I was like, great. All right. There's like, six hours to the wedding. Like, what are we gonna do? Hang out? And every. Like, my dad's like, I'm going back to the hotel. I gotta get. And other people were like, I need to go rent a suit. Because one of my best friends, Tim, he came at the last minute and took some other guy's spot because he wasn't supposed to come. And the other, you know, blah, blah, blah. And then other people who were there were like, I got to go do this. I got to go do that. So I sat at home, and I literally checked my email and social media on my wedding day because I had nothing to do, and no one was around.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Really? Wow.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, it was. It was kind of a freak thing because, of course, my family was all in town, but they were busy. And other people were like, yeah, my flight gets in in three hours, or my flight gets in in an hour, and then we go and, like, get dressed fast and come. So it wasn't like we had planned this whole morning. I just kind of Assumed that after the breakfast, somebody would be around and nobody was around. And I just remember being like, wow, this reminds me of all my birthdays growing up. Because both my parents worked and my birthday was usually not on a weekend. So I usually was like in school and then alone on my birthday and it really hit.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

This is such a sad story. I'm so sorry.

[Jordan Harbinger]

I will say now is an achievement. I don't like Christmas, I don't like my birthday, and I don't like other events that other people love. Cause it just makes me feel lonely as crap. Even if there are people around, I just want the day to be over. And it's sad because it's Christmas or it's sad because it's my birthday. But I'm like, I hope no one remembers. I still have that feeling.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I'm so sorry that that happened to you, bud. It's funny to think about that, because when I went to your wedding, we were friends for what, a few years at that point? And we weren't that close. We hadn't hung out that much. It was kind of early days for us.

[Jordan Harbinger]

It was early days. I mean, we'd been friends for like seven years.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I don't remember this at all. I must not have been there. Yeah, it must have been because I flew in in the afternoon. But just know if we had a do over on your wedding, I. I would take you out for eggs or whatever we can do as you.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Here's the thing though, like, it's not even. It didn't have to be that way. I could have easily. I should have made actual plans. And that's what I think this guy might also be doing, is he's. There's a lot of assumptions here that are doing a disservice. What I should have done is gone. Okay, there's a breakfast. What am I doing after that? Who can I hang out with? With? Where should I go? Should I go to the hotel and just kick it by the pool and then get ready? You know, instead of just sitting around, I was like in my suit for seven hours. It just sucked, you know, I was like in my wedding suit for seven hours, sitting there, like getting creases in my shit. So this guy's also making another set of assumptions, right? Like, oh, she should know this, or she should know how upset I am. And it's like, no, you gotta do something about that, man.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Right? How do you communicate to the people in your life what you need so that they can be there in the way that you need? That's kind of a skill, right?

[Jordan Harbinger]

Like I'm all wham, feeling sorry for myself. And it's like, no, I played a part in this too. You know I did. But I also know that articulating that out loud to other people as a man, yeah, it's embarrassing. Like I'm doing it to hundreds of thousands of people right now. So that's a. That's something. But I would have felt weird saying anything if everybody was busy. I didn't want to text everyone and be like, I'm lonely and bored. Guys like that. I don't know, it's just something you just don't do as a guy.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

So the loneliness that our friend here feels is probably caused by a number of things, right to your point. His personality, his way of going about resolving this stuff, his history, what he's dealing with in this moment in his life. His gender perhaps. But also, let's remember he doesn't have his beloved brother in law anymore. The brother he never had. And that is really hard. It's deeply sad.

[Jordan Harbinger]

And that is probably making everything harder. So you have a few next steps. Fight for your brother in law, collaborate with your wife and her family to come up with a plan, present a united front, coordinate all your efforts, and if there are people in the family who disagree with you guys, like the one brother who gets to visit, visit. Tough. Kishka. You can't fight for what's right without creating some waves. Plus, you might need that guy if he's allowed to visit. He's like your inside man. And I would make an effort to talk to your wife. Take some chances, articulate how you feel, invite her to fill you in on what she is struggling with. I think you're both going through some very intense stuff and if you need help, definitely consider couples counseling. It can be a game changer. And of course, keep taking care of yourself, man. Talk to your therapist, talk to a couple friends, get good sleep, exercise, do a couple khanandrasanas every morning or whatever. I have an image of you as a highly driven, responsible, self sufficient guy who carries the world on his shoulders. There are virtues in there and there are flaws. And it's time to make some changes before you really do a number on your body and your mind and on your relationships. Because there's a lot you can't control in this situation. But these are things you do control. And that's how you can show up for everyone else as well as possible. I'm so sorry you're going through all this, sending you a big Hug, man. Take care. You know what's worse than a Tobey Maguire movie? I mean, not much, but not taking advantage of the deals and discounts on the fine products and services that support this show. We'll be right back. This episode is sponsored in part by Deleteme. Right now the headlines are chock full of data breaches, regulatory rollbacks making us all vulnerable. But you can do something about it. Deleteme is here to make it easy, quick and safe to remove your personal data unlock. You ever get one of those emails that's like, hey, just a heads up, your data wasn't a breach. Again, it feels like our personal info is always floating around out there. That's why I use and recommend Delete me. I'm not trying to make it easy for some data broker to sell all my personal information to scammers. And getting all that stuff removed is a full time job. Frankly, ain't nobody got time for that. Deleteme handles all of that for you. You tell them what you want removed. Your name, addresses, phone numbers, emails. Their team gets to work scrubbing that info from hundreds of data broker sites. And they don't just do it once and call it a day. They keep doing it because that info keeps popping up like whack a movie. You even get regular reports showing what they found, where they found it and what they deleted. It's kind of satisfying.

[C]

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[Jordan Harbinger]

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[C]

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[Jordan Harbinger]

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[Gabriel Mizrahi]

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[Jordan Harbinger]

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[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Week Week I am addicted to Litvilla.

[Jordan Harbinger]

My Recommendation of the Week is a super fun, active game experience. It's called Activate Games. Jen and I have played this in London. We played it in San Francisco. A show fan, Mitchell Smith, wrote in and gifted us a certificate to play, which is very nice. Thank you so much. It's for adolescents and adults. It's not just like adult stuff. In fact, it's mostly kids when we go there, but whatever. And it is super fun. There's like light up floor tiles, and you have to avoid getting hit by the red ones while you stomp on the blue ones and the green ones are safe. And then there's also, like, trivia where. Where instead of just answering the questions, you have to shoot the basketball through the right colored hoop to hit the answer. So there's a dual challenge there. There's laser mazes where you have to crawl through, like, active laser kind of things shooting at you to make sure it's like something out of a 007 movie. There's all these different versions of each game. It's really fun. You get a little bit of a workout if you want to. And Jen and I are just hooked on this. We'll go and play for an hour and just be like, dripping sweat and then go out to lunch. You should really check it out if it's in your area. Area. Activate Games. And it's great for a big group if you're kind of like, I've got a group of 10 people and we got to do something and then we're gonna go to dinner. Activate Games is something you should check out alongside. It's sort of in the vein of escape rooms, but it's less cerebral and more athletic. Okay, what's next?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Hey, Jordan and Gabe. I'm 22, just graduated college and have around $50,000 in a brokerage account and $30,000 in a Roth IRA. A year ago, I had $150,000 in my brokerage account, but I spent about $100,000 on travel experiences and personal growth. Peru, Aspen, Costa Rica, Italy, Hawaii, Learning how to surf, exploring la, where I'm moving in less than a month, working on my style and pushing myself socially. After years of social anxiety, I believe these experiences made me a better person in ways I never got from school and work.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Work.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I used to be socially anxious and rigid. Now I'm more grounded. I have real confidence, and I find it much easier to connect with all different types of people. The trips have given me new perspectives. Gratitude, aspiration, empathy, humility, presence, emotional depth, sense of self. I've also been able to refine and experiment with myself.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Wow. Okay. It sounds like quite a journey you've been on. This is a huge transformation, man. Well done. Amazing what travel and a lot of hard work can actually do.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

That said, a lot of this growth probably could have happened without the spending or the time away from working.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Interesting. You know, I wonder if that's true. Maybe it is. Hey, totally fair. But there is something very powerful about leaving your home country. Challenging Yourself like this out in the world. You definitely don't need to spend 100k to have those experiences all the time. But I wonder if the same thing would have happened. I don't know, sitting behind a desk for a year in your hometown. I don't think so.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Now that I'm entering a full time job and thinking about starting my own real estate development and construction company one day, I'm feeling the urge to go back to full time grind mode, which is what put me in the financial situation that I had earlier.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Wow. Okay, so that means you actually made most, if not all of that money you had. That is hugely impressive, man. I was kind of thinking like maybe somebody died and gave him a bunch of money and he spent it on growth. Good investment. Look, it's amazing what dollar cost averaging can do when you're investing, huh?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I can't tell if I made a shortsighted mistake by spending that much or if I gave myself something more valuable. One side of me feels like the money has just been converted. The other side feels regret and disgust for letting go of a nest egg that at this age would have unlocked so many opportunities in the future. Did I blow it? Or did I invest in something else that will compound, just like my stock portfolio? Did I give myself a huge gift? Or was I just a young spendthrift?

[Jordan Harbinger]

Hey, great question. So, as you can probably tell, I am a huge fan of having experiences like this, especially at such a young age. I would not at all be the person I am today if I hadn't traveled a ton when I was younger. And there are so many awesome ways to grow as a human being. Travel is just one of them. And like I said, you definitely don't need to drop a hundred grand in order to develop as a person. In fact, in my experience, traveling on the cheap is often the most formative and rewarding. But hey, look, this trip you did, especially at 22 years old old, the impact it had on your personality, your mindset, your identity, it really does sound profound, my man. All of these qualities you mentioned, you really cannot put a price on them. The person you become in your 20s and your 30s, that largely determines the trajectory of your life. That's when you really, you get to sculpt yourself. You create this foundation. And plus all of the science shows that true satisfaction, true happiness, long term, it comes from experiences and not things. So did you blow it? I mean, it sure doesn't sound like it to me. It sounds like you got a pretty good roi. Return on investment from all of this and you got the ROI early on when it came at a lower opportunity cost and you have longer to enjoy the benefits. Like, yeah, you could have saved up and done this in your 50s and it wouldn't have been a large amount of money and blah, blah, blah would have grown at interest. When you're 20, you have no real responsibility. Trust me, I thought I had responsibility in my 20s and then I have kids now. Now it's not even close. It's nothing even close. And I have a company. I got to pay people. I can't just be like, you know what, I'm taking a year long sabbatical, bro. I got to go to Indonesia. That is just unrealistic. If you put all these assets to work, if you show up to your career with this ambition and the empathy and the humility, if you invest in people with your newfound depth and presence, it's. It is going to pay massive dividends. And not just financially, although that's of course a big part of it. You're also going to have more meaningful relationships. You're going to have a much more interesting lens on the world. You're going to have more spiritual depth. They're all connected, of course. So, yes, I do think you invested in something that will compound over time. You didn't just piss this money away. But how much this investment pays off, it's going to depend on how consciously you apply these qualities and how consistently, which really comes down to your habits and your systems and how you continue to cultivate yourself. Once you settle back into your life in the States or wherever you are, you go back into full time grind me mode. If you start working and you lose your connection to all this stuff, which is kind of easy to do. I remember when I was working in corporate, it was like this. I only saw my office, I only thought about work. Like, if you forget to take a genuine interest in people, if you stop challenging yourself, if you stop being playful, if you start obsessing exclusively about your frigging Schwab account and you lose the wonderful humility and depth, that's when the travels will stop paying off. So I would shift your thinking here a little bit. Instead of asking, oh my God, did I just blow a hundred k on traveling? I would ask, ask. I spent 100k on traveling. That is a significant investment. How do I make the most of it as I enter this new chapter of my life? How can I honor the investment that I made in myself? Because the money is already spent, man. How you internalize what you Learned and apply it. That is what you actually have control over.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yes, that is so well said. And hearing his story, I have to say, is very inspiring as I begin these travels, even though I'm in a very different life phase from his. But my only caveat to all of this is if part of the reason that you're asking this question is that you feel you could have been more dishonest, disciplined with your money, maybe you know what was worth spending money on and what wasn't worth spending money on and you have a couple regrets. That is something to keep an eye on. I don't think we're encouraging you to be reckless, especially if you want to be an entrepreneur, you want to build real wealth. You said that you feel regret, but you also said you feel disgust, which is a very strong word. And I just wonder what exactly makes you feel disgusted about the investment you made in yourself, given how profound it was. You know, was it just the sheer amount of money, which I can understand you clearly value it and it's not a small amount of money money. Also, maybe you were a little spendthrifty or maybe you had some meaning attached to this money, maybe because you worked hard for it, which is beautiful, or you managed to accumulate it at such a young age, which is a big deal. And maybe not having that money anymore, even though you got a lot out of it, maybe that feels like, I don't know, maybe there's a hit to your identity or chips away at the accomplishment somehow. Just a few things to consider because I do get the sense that how you feel about this money now is about more than just the number in your banking account.

[Jordan Harbinger]

But then we're back to the same idea. It's all about what you do with that awareness. Kicking yourself for a mistake, eh, not going to get you very far. Not making that mistake in the future, making different choices, valuing your money better, that's going to get you somewhere. I mean, dude, I wish I could tell publicly all the dumb investments and mistakes I've made with money, but we don't have that kind of time. Yeah, but when I look at it, I go, okay, I probably learned a million over time. I've learned a million dollar lesson from losing, losing X number of dollars. Or I've learned a multimillion dollar lesson or a priceless lesson from losing a million dollars. I mean, that is very possible. I've talked about dissolution of my previous business. I've talked about bad investments in the stock. I mean, it's kind of cliche at this Point. But I don't really regret most of those things. Like, would I do them again? Hell no.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

But like, when you take that lens in a funny way, that can also make the mistakes. Money well spent.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Absolutely. So you can read Ramit Sethi books all you want where he's like, invest in index funds. Don't pick stocks. And you're like, but I'm gonna pick this stock. And then you're like, oh my gosh, now I'm not picking stocks anymore. Let me tell you, there's a sting that's not going to go away for a while. So I'm going to do things right from here on out. And it's like, oh, thank God I could afford to learn that lesson. But look, man, you're in a great position. You're 22. You are just starting out in your career. Spending 100k at 22 in order to mature and evolve. When you have decades to build your wealth, that is very different from spending 100k at, say, 55. Depending on the person, of course. Gabriel, I don't know about you. I probably had $175,000 in student loan debt or something like that after college. Did I learn more from traveling? Which ca me way less than that. Yes, yes. Look, I had a law degree after that too. That was helpful. But like, am I really using that? You know, if I had to do it all over again, knowing I would be where I am now, which is impossible, of course. Would I spend that money going to college and law school or would I just travel and live abroad? I mean, I think we all kind of know the answer to that.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Interesting.

[Jordan Harbinger]

But man, given your ambition, your lust for life, your track record, it sounds like there's a high likelihood that you're going to build this wealth back and you're gonna do just fine. All you gotta do is stay connected to what you learned and keep growing. And you might want to keep traveling here and there just to stay in touch with this mindset, keep expanding. I'm excited for you, man. Keep up the great work. I wish you an amazing life. Let's meet up sometime in a place where neither of us can read the menus.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Edc, apparently.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yes, exactly. I will. Look, the reason I can't read the menus at EDC is decidedly different from the reason I can't read the menus in Portugal. I'm just gonna leave it at that. By the way, if you haven't signed up yet, come check out our newsletter. We bit wiser. It's a bite sized gem. From a past episode from us to you delivered to your inbox most Wednesdays. I know some people are like, I'm not getting it anymore. Gabe is just, you know, we write these things together and he is a lazy bastard. So we've skipped a couple of weeks. He's sitting there avoiding scorpion bites on his junk in the jungle.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

It's just so hard to type those newsletters when you're pulling 37 trunks of tuxedos to the junk jungle.

[Jordan Harbinger]

You know that's right. You're yelling at your manservants much faster. Gentlemen, we're almost there. So we're going to be back on it soon. But if you want to keep up with the wisdom from our thousand plus episodes and apply it to your life, I invite you to come check it out. You can Sign up at jordanharbinger.com news. You can reach us at fridayordanharbinger.com Please keep your emails concise. Try to use descriptive subject lines. That makes our job a whole lot easier. If you're being blocked from your dream career for seeking mental health treatment, your beloved ex is painting you as the villain after a chaotic breakup. Or. Or you're debating whether to withhold an inheritance from your sibling because they're stuck in an abusive relationship. Whatever's got you staying up at night lately? Hit us up [e-mail], we're here to help and we keep every email anonymous. Go back and check out Jefferson Fisher if you haven't done so yet. Great conversation there. The best things that have happened in my life and business have come through my network. The circle of people I know, like and trust. I'm teaching you how to build the same thing for yourself in our six minute networking course. It's a hundred percent free. It is not gross. It is not Schmidt. You can find it on the thinkific [e-mail] these drills take just a few minutes a day. I really wish I knew this stuff 20 years ago. You gotta dig that well before you get thirsty, folks. Build relationships before you need them. You can find it [e-mail] show notes and transcripts on the website, advertisers, discounts, ways to support the show, [e-mail] deals I'm oordanharbinger on Twitter and Instagram. You can also connect with me on LinkedIn. Gabe's over on Instagram, Abriel Mizrahi or on Twitter Abe Mizra Rahi. This show is Created in association with Podcast One. My team is Jen Harbinger, Jace Sanderson, Robert Fogarty, Ian Baird, Tata Sidlowskis, and of course, Gabriel Mizrahi. Our advice and opinions are our own. I am a lawyer, but I'm not a good lawyer. I'm not your lawyer, so do your own research before implementing anything you hear on the show. Remember, we rise by lifting others. Share the show with those you love. If you found the episode useful, please share it with somebody else who could use the advice we gave here today. In the meantime, I hope you apply what you hear on the show so you can live what you learn. And we'll see you next time. Next time. What happens when the only way to survive is to lie so well you forget who you really are? FBI veteran Scott Payne went undercover with one of the most dangerous biker gangs in the country and almost didn't make it out.

[D]

This is the way I was trained, and this is what I think. Anytime you are something that you're not, pretend to be something that's opposite of you for a long period of time, especially in deep cover. General, generally one or two things that are going to happen, you're either going to slip up and they're going to catch you, or you're going to become it. Because there's so many horror stories and undercovers, it sucks that the same mistakes are being made today that were being made in the 80s. You got a small department, you got somebody that's running the undercover, but that person is also the case agent who is going to get promoted if the case succeeds. I'm not saying people are going to do the wrong thing. It's just a bad foundation, I guess. People is kind of my business. Even as an investigator, at the end of the day, you need to be able to sit down with somebody and have a conversation with them and gather intelligence, get information. Because if all else fails and computers shut down and phones us, that's great. It's all good stuff. But it's all human intelligence, and you just need to be able to talk to people. You gotta be believable. And this is where a lot of people think about undertaking. And when I'm out training and speaking, I mean, I'll ask, what do you think undercover is? Some people say acting. I go, okay, what else you think is lying? Or does it pretend to be something you're not? The true definition of undercover work is you're forming relationships that you're most likely going to betray. That sucks if you look at it that way. But you need to be able to figure out a way you're going to do it and rationalize them in your mind so it doesn't have an adverse impact on you.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Go inside. Basement strip searches. A brotherhood built on betrayal and the psychological damage that still lingers. Uneducated. Episode 1120 of the Jordan Harbinger Show. I'm gonna put you on, nephew. All right, unc. Welcome to McDonald's.

[C]

Can I take your order, miss?

[Jordan Harbinger]

I've been hitting up McDonald's for years. Now it's back. We need snack wraps.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

What's a snack wrap?

[Jordan Harbinger]

It's the return of something great.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Snack wrap is back.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Hi, I'm Richard Karn and you may have seen me on TV talking about the world's number one expandable garden hose, the brand new pocket hose Copperhead with pocket pivot here. And it's a total game changer. Plus your super light and ultra durable pocket hose Copperhead is backed with a 10 year warranty. What could be better than that? For a limited time, you can get a free Pocket Pivot and their 10 pattern sprayer with the purchase of any size Copperhead hose. Just go to getcopperhead.com that's getcopperhead.com for your two free gifts with purchase. Get copperhead.com.