1207: Hoping Her 1%er 'Old Man' Is a Flash in the Pan | Feedback Friday

Summary

The Jordan Harbinger Show

Episode 1207: Hoping Her 1%er 'Old Man' Is a Flash in the Pan | Feedback Friday
Date: September 12, 2025
Host: Jordan Harbinger
Co-Host: Gabriel Mizrahi

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Overview

In this lively Feedback Friday, Jordan and Gabriel tackle listener questions ranging from a family member's risky ties to outlaw biker culture, difficult stepfamily relationships, commune drama on a Canadian island, and the fallout from pandemic-era financial fraud. The episode is characterized by its candid, thoughtful advice, playful banter, and a blend of empathy and humor as the hosts unpack messy real-life dilemmas.

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Key Segments and Insights

1. Intro, Banter, and Trip Recaps

(00:00–08:25)

• Jordan and Gabriel kick things off recounting recent travels in Portugal and Berlin, comparing the cultures, planning styles, and their own personal quirks.

• Notable moment: Lighthearted riffing on “Nazi youth haircuts,” German orderliness, and Gabriel’s calendar-invite love language.

  • Quote:

    "Acts of calendaring. Yeah, exactly." – Gabriel (06:25)

• Set the tone with their signature blend of comic honesty and cultural observations.

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2. Letter 1: Sister Dating a 1% Outlaw Biker

(08:33–26:50)

Summary: A listener’s sister is dating “Jim,” a member of the outlaw biker club “The Dirty Ones.” The sister now drives to see Jim (51, lives with parents, no money, mooching), buys him essentials, and is attending biker events. Recent alarming incidents raise family concern about her safety and their business being targeted.

Key Discussion Points

• Biker Gang 101: Jordan explains “1% club” origins and real risks associated with such groups.

  • Quote:

    “Some outlaw motorcycle clubs adopted the 1% label, like ‘we’re the 1% that’s not law abiding citizens’... sometimes they're involved in criminal activities.” – Jordan (09:07)

• Comic Relief:
  Jordan and Gabriel lampoon Jim’s loser status and biker clichés, disarming tension.

  • Quote:

    “This guy’s not even good at crime. He’s just a total loser.” – Jordan (11:14)

• Expert Consultation: FBI Agent Scott Payne weighs in:

  • The Dirty Ones are “legit” in the outlaw sense, but risks are typically biker-on-biker, not outsiders.
  • Risk for sister? “Criminal activity goes with the territory,” so yes, some risk; especially of being unwittingly involved.
  • No major concern about the club targeting the listener’s family’s business, but warns of Jim’s likely financial manipulation.

• Practical Advice:

  • Watch for the “Property of” vest (signifying status as “old lady” in the club, with higher but different risks).
  • Consider intervention: gather family, avoid shaming, invite open conversation, but be direct about harmful patterns.
  • If necessary, set strong boundaries (up to not seeing her in person while involved with Jim), and discuss succession planning for the business.

• Possible Drug Use: Both hosts highlight concern about the sister not “acting like herself”—potential sign of substance abuse.

Notable Quotes

• Jordan (15:03):

  “Hanging out with criminals is generally never a good idea.”

• Gabriel (17:37):

  “Maybe the impact is even more innocent but still damaging... the landlord sees Jim pick her up on his bike… and says, ‘Yeah, no. I don’t want any part of this.’”

• Jordan (21:28):

  “If she really won’t engage… ‘I don’t feel safe around you right now. I can’t see you while you’re involved with this guy.’”

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3. Letter 2: Estranged Stepdaughter After Difficult Childhood

(27:08–39:17)

Summary: A stepmother describes years of struggle with her 24-year-old stepdaughter—instability, dishonesty, possible substance abuse—culminating in the daughter leaving, ghosting the family, and then blaming them for donating her left-behind belongings. The stepmom feels bereft and wonders whether to keep reaching out or accept distance.

Key Discussion Points

• Cycle of Trauma: The daughter’s history: a sociopathic biological mother, turbulent custody, lack of accountability.
• Jordan and Gabriel emphasize how her trauma stacks the odds against her, but also clarify she’s the obstacle to repair now.
• Boundaries & Grief:
  • It's time to step back and let the daughter choose contact.
  • Drawing boundaries is necessary and healthy—there’s no obligation to tolerate mistreatment for years.
• Al-Anon/Nara-non Recommendation: For support and boundary-setting with addicted/lost family members.

Notable Quotes

• Jordan (32:40):

  “Your stepdaughter is... in a lot of pain... She probably has some legitimate reasons to be angry... but at 24 she needs to take responsibility.”

• Gabriel (35:21):

  "If she's not happy with the relationship... she can come to you and say, here’s what’s upsetting me. She needs to seek out support."

Emotional Insight

• Coping with “giving up” is really coping with grief and powerlessness, not apathy or neglect.

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4. Letter 3: Canadian Island Commune Chaos / False Accusations

(40:40–53:02)

Summary: Family living on a small island in a semi-communal setting is suddenly ostracized after the landlady invents the story that the wife is trying to steal her partner. Gossip spreads, affecting even the children. Facing isolation, the husband wonders if it’s time to leave.

Key Discussion Points

• Jordan and Gabriel marvel at the micro-drama endemic to small alternative communities.
• They highlight the landlady’s pattern of conflict, likely instability, and repeated fallout with other residents.
• Communication Breakdown: Attempts at resolution (conversations, clearing the air) have failed; the landlady is avoidant and unreceptive, others are leaving.
• Advice:
  • Given the unhealthy environment and the damage (including to kids), it’s probably time to go.
  • Priority: family’s peace of mind over preserving an unworkable living arrangement.
• Humor Break: A running joke on the pronunciation of “canape” (Jordan says “canaps”), with Gabriel roasting him with glee.

Notable Quotes

• Gabriel (51:13):

  “If you really want to resolve this, you need to go to this guy and say... We have a problem. Your wife is accusing my wife... and it needs to stop.”

• Jordan (53:02):

  “You can’t put a price on freedom and happiness—and also not having to participate in heart-sharing circles.”

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5. Letter 4: Ex-Wife’s COVID Fraud & Custody Nightmare

(59:44–73:02)

Summary: Listener’s ex-wife fraudulently obtained $300,000 in Covid relief via a shell company, using family SSNs. She used the money to fund a lavish lifestyle, move away with their son, and manipulate the courts—causing damage to their child and stress for the listener. Despite detailed, persistent reporting, the case has gone nowhere. Should he escalate, or give up and focus on his current, happier life?

Key Discussion Points

• Both hosts are incensed by the ex’s actions—fraud, bad parenting, and weaponizing the legal system.
• Frustration with Legal Outcomes: Government overwhelmed; many similar scammers have gone unpunished.
• Advice:
  • Possible escalation: to Office of Inspector General, State AG, the media—but recognize risks, including more stress and public mudslinging.
  • Consider the true desired outcome: a healthy, stable life for the son. If escalating invites more drama, it might not be worth it.
  • Creative (somewhat aggressive) legal tactics: Explain how a lawyer could put gentle pressure (not blackmail!), but caution strongly to check all tactics with an attorney.
  • Emotional component: Persisting in the legal battle may stave off having to grieve—letting go is grief work.

Notable Quotes

• Jordan (66:17):

  “To knowingly defraud the government... I just find it so despicable. It’s so disrespectful. It’s so patently disgusting, and then we all... We’re on the hook for that shit, man.”

• Gabriel (68:04):

  “The best outcome is that his son stays healthy and stable and he finds a way to put an end to this war with his ex.”

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Berlin’s vibe:

  “Berlin, by the way, not really Germany.” – Jordan (03:39)

• On interventions:

  “You gotta deepen, reprogram her a little bit, from the sound of it.” – Jordan (21:12)

• On ‘canape’ debate:

  “Have you been going… tell me how many times you’ve said the word canobs?” – Gabriel (46:20)

• On parental grief:

  “Working so hard to save someone… is often a way to avoid our own grief.” – Gabriel (36:14)

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Timestamps of Key Segments

• Intro, Travel Banter: 00:00–08:25
• Letter 1: Outlaw Biker Sister – Analysis: 08:33–26:50
• Letter 2: Estranged Stepdaughter: 27:08–39:17
• Letter 3: Commune Chaos: 40:40–53:02
• Letter 4: COVID Fraud Ex-Wife: 59:44–73:02

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Episode Tone and Style

• Warm, humorous, and unguarded—alternating insight, realness, and playful teasing.
• Heavy topics are leavened by banter, pop-culture riffs, and running jokes.
• Advice is practical and emphatic, but never preachy.

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Final Thoughts

Jordan and Gabriel balance earnest problem-solving with comedy, making heavy topics accessible. Listeners dealing with chaos—be it romantic, familial, professional, or neighborly—are reminded they’re not alone, and that sometimes, the best move is to draw boundaries, seek support, and let go.

Memorable Takeaway:
"You can’t put a price on freedom and happiness—and also not having to participate in heart-sharing circles." — Jordan (53:02)

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For more episodes and detailed show notes:
JordanHarbinger.com

Transcript

[Jordan Harbinger]

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[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Cool place, yeah. Small town vibes, but very cool place.

[Jordan Harbinger]

I liked it. Look, there's a river going through and it's very scenic. But I liked Lisbon more. There's more going on.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I know what you mean. I responded a lot more to Porto. It's way more welcoming, I find. But after a month, you're kind of like, I get it. Nice life, very sweet place to settle down. But there's only so much, so much to do.

[Jordan Harbinger]

I feel like if you're Portuguese and you live in New York and you make your money and you retire, you could retire to a place like Porto, right? And you live there and you're like, yeah, I'm just going to read on my balcony every day and drink coffee and smoke, which is apparently like the two national pastimes of Portugal.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Isn't that wild? When I got there and I saw everyone smoking, I was like, oh, okay. It's still 1977 there.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Okay, it is, yeah. I took a little wine tour, which is funny because I don't drink, as you all know. I barely drink wine. But we went on a wine tour and the guide was like, our hobbies in Portugal are the three C's. Can anyone guess what these are? And I was like, coffee, cigarettes. And he's like, yes, coffee, cigarettes and complaining.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I thought that was going in a very different direction. Ok, got it.

[Jordan Harbinger]

No complaining. Get your mind out of the gutter. And now you're in Berlin. Speaking of gutters, I'm in Berlin, yeah.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Loving it here so far.

[Jordan Harbinger]

I have to say, Germany's awesome, man. Berlin, by the way. Not really Germany. Just going to throw that out there.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I've heard this look.

[Jordan Harbinger]

It's probably like a Cold War relic thing where it was already divided up into pieces that were like French, British, American, Russian, Soviet, and then the west and east and all that stuff. Anyways, there's many different Germanies, of course, but Germany has a special place in my heart, as many of you know, because I spent such a long time there in high school and I always felt a connection to the country. I just vibe hard with the Germans.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Is it your Austro Hungarian heritage or is it that Nazi youth Haircut you're rocking.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, you know, I'm going to. I think that might be it. Yeah, I'm going to go with both the general vibe, I guess. Also, they never expect me to speak German with an East German accent. Right. So that's always a fun surprise because they'll be like, oh, in Germany we call this, this. And I'll say something like straight out of the hood of Halazala where I went to school, and people are like, do you have a Leipzig accent? What the hell? And I'm like, yeah, a very fluent Leipzig accent. And yeah, but the haircut helps. I think the haircut helps.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

By the way, the only thing even vaguely Nazi ish about Jordan is his haircut. I just love to tease him about it.

[Jordan Harbinger]

I like the shaved sides. It's low maintenance. Plus all my grays on the sides, so when you cut it off, it looks edgy.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I just want to clarify for any new listeners who are like, is this fairly gentle advice show hosted by a fascist?

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yes, it is.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Realize that.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Oh, sorry. No, definitely.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

That is not what we talked about, Jordan.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Dang it. Yeah, no, I'm not much of a fan of fascism, generally speaking, as evidenced by our extensive show library of anti fascist type of show. Well, you can't even say anti fascist because now people think you're part of.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Antifa gestures vaguely at show library gestures.

[Jordan Harbinger]

With right arm and open palm towards show library. I gotta say though, the fascists, they did nail the aesthetic.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

There's a reason Kim Jong Un adopted that haircut, you know?

[Jordan Harbinger]

Berlin is such a trip, man. It's a mashup of so many different cultures, influences. It's really spread out. So you kind of got to know what you're doing, but there's no place like it.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I have not felt this at home in a city from the get go in a long time. It was crazy how quickly I dropped in here.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, man, you gotta love when that happens. Did you do the yoga thing? Do you go to class the first day? Of course.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yeah, of course I did. And dude, the studio I went to was so awesome. Super cool vibe. Everyone was so welcoming. I made a couple friends just on the first day, did some chanting, which I know you'd love.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, of course you did. Let me guess, they kicked off with a. What is it? Harmonium.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yeah, you know about this, Obviously it's Jiva Mukti, so they love their chanting, the beginning and the end. So, yeah, now I have my studio, I have my bicycle, I have my harmonium venue.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

And I have A dope apartment that I just saw yesterday. So I am in. But it was funny. So you know that I love a good Google calendar invite, right?

[Jordan Harbinger]

You do love a good calendar invite.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Putting a plan on the calendar, inviting the person long in advance.

[Jordan Harbinger]

It's one of your love languages. Can we put it that way? Can we phrase it that way?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Acts of calendaring. Yeah, exactly. So I was making plans with some people here separately. Like, these are separate groups of people. And they kept sending me calendar invites. And I loved it. I was like, is this why I feel so at home here? Because you guys have this love of order and basic administration and is this. Am I secretly.

[Jordan Harbinger]

German can confirm. Very German. The Germans can be very earnest and literal, especially about facts and plans. That quality can cut both ways, of course, but I do prefer it. I remember when I lived in Germany and then after that I lived in Mexico for a while. And I was. People were like, we're going to the movies. I was like, what time? And they're like, afternoon. And I was like, that's a long window. When should I be there?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I don't know. Just show up when you feel like it and hopefully we'll be there.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Oh, my gosh. And I would go, like, I'd wait the whole day and I'd be like, when are we going to the movies? And like, it would be 8pm and they'd go. They'd call and I'd be like, hey, what's up, guys? And they'd be like, yeah, we're not going today. You know, just. Just long day. I'm like, long day. Nobody did anything. And they're like, yeah, we're not going. And I'm like, oh. And that would just happen over and over and over. And it took me a while to realize that it wasn't just me. I was like, these people don't like me. These are not my friends. They're ditching me. And then I would talk to other people and they'd be like, yeah, we just never did anything. Nobody did anything.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

That sounds more Latin American.

[Jordan Harbinger]

The.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

That is not how people operate here.

[Jordan Harbinger]

No. It drove me crazy. You can either adapt to the culture. You can be like, I can't stand this. And I fell into the. I can't stand this camp with the never showing up, never doing anything.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Fair enough.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Anyway. Yeah. Love the organization of the Germans. It does. Again, cuts both ways. Historical examples abound.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yeah. But when it comes to making plans, it's amazing. There is nothing like knowing that you are grabbing matcha latte and hitting the Holocaust memorial with somebody ten days from now. Real example for my life.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yes. It gestures vaguely with the right arm towards the matcha latte display. When you get caught in an AfD rally and you attend your first sex club, then we're hear about that too, I hope. Because that's your vilkoman in Berlin.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

That's right. In a couple senses of the term apparently.

[Jordan Harbinger]

But I am gross.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Those calendar invites are going to be lit.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yep.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Dunka schon. Appreciate it.

[Jordan Harbinger]

All right, we got fun ones, we got doozies. Vi hab doozies. Gabe, what's the first thing out of the mailbag?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Dear Jordan And Gabe, my 48 year old sister is a good person and my best friend, but she has a history of bad relationships. Her ex husband is a drug addict who has never held a job. She also once dated her boss who was supposed to be a millionaire but somehow managed to ruin her credit. This is a recurring pattern and it's why I'm so concerned about her current boyfriend, Jim. Jim is part of a motorcycle club called the Dirty Ones. She told me his chapter is based in Wappinger's Falls, New York and it's a 1% club where Jim has held formal positions like president and treasurer.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Ah, okay. So for anyone who doesn't know what a 1% club is, 1 percenter club. Back in the 60s, I believe the former president of the American Motorcyclist association, he supposedly made some comment that was like 99% of motorcyclists are law abiding citizens. So some outlaw motorcycle Clubs adopted the 1% label. Like we're the 1%. That's not law abiding citizens in these clubs. They operate outside of the mainstream. They of course have a reputation for, you know, like we do our own thing, we don't listen to the law sometimes, not always, but sometimes they're involved in criminal activity.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Right. It's not what I first thought, which is that they're like private equity guys who just love Harley Davidsons. Different 1%.

[Jordan Harbinger]

It's not a bunch of Mitt Romney's enjoying some time on the track. That's a different one percenter.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yes, very. I didn't think much of it until she mentioned that Jim isn't allowed to leave the club.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Okay. I mean he is the president or was.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

This led me to do some research and what I found was very disturbing. In September 2024, state troopers were violently attacked by a biker gang in the same town where Jim's club is based on. In 202411 members of their Las Vegas chapter were indicted on racketeering and attempted murder charges. And in 2012, a different chapter of the gang was federally charged with trafficking high caliber weapons, including AK47s. A few recent events have really sparked my concern. My sister started paying for everything. Arthritis cream, underwear, supplies for his dog, even a bathing suit within the first month of her and Jim dating. He works as a day laborer and still lives with his parents, so he doesn't have many bills yet. He's never even taken her out to dinner when she drives the hour and a half to see him each week, Jim's mom cooks for them. They eat her leftover takeout, or my sister needs to provide the meal.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Hey, mom, the meatloaf. We want it now. The meatloaf. What is she doing? I never know what she's doing back there. I mean, of course. Right? Perfect. I love this. Jim is 51 or whatever, lives with mom, and dad, needs his girlfriend to buy his Fruit of the Looms because God knows what happened to the last bear. But he's a badass on the streets. So this guy's not even good at crime. He's just a total loser.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

You don't know that. I mean, maybe his mom's meatloaf is just that good.

[Jordan Harbinger]

No, you're right. You're right. This guy probably lives with Mommy and Daddy for the menu.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yeah. I mean, you don't want to have to drive 10 minutes on your Harley to get that food. You just. You just want to walk up the stairs from the basement.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah. You know, you watch a show like Sons of Anarchy, and it's like, oh, these guys, like, they have. They've got this complex operation. They're laundering money. They're working with the Irish, the Chinese, the drug cartels. This guy's like, could you drive 90 minutes and bring over some Carl's Jr. On your way? Mom's gone. She's at her. She's in her knitting club tonight, so I don't have any food. Come on, man. This dude's got it all figured out. Mom cooks, and when he and his dog want something different, his girlfriend brings over Arby's and Purina.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

That's right. And when his rheumatoid arthritis flares up, she is apparently also his very own personal Walgreens, so.

[Jordan Harbinger]

That's right.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Set.

[Jordan Harbinger]

This woman must really love motorcycles, because what the heck is she doing with this guy?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Motorcycles and repetition compulsion, apparently. So he goes on. Around the 4th of July, my sister was brought to a series of parties to meet the club this week. She called me and told me that a girl she met at one of these parties shot herself.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Oh my God.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

In one of the homes that my sister was at. Jim told my sister that the girl who shot herself showed up to his friend's home and was not herself. He claims she was rambling incoherently about the CIA stalking her before she took her own life.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Ooh, that is. That's dark. That's sad.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Also, she met this guy online and on their second date thought it would be a good idea to drive around our town and show him where my parents live. My parents are well off and own a self storage business which my sister and I started taking over last year. The plan is for us to be partners once my parents fully retire. Jordan, I love that this guy is in his 50s. He's still living at home. Holes in his pains or whatever.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yep.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

And he's like, you know what I should do? I should get on Tinder. Yeah, that's the move.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Not like maybe I should get my life in order so I can afford treats for my dog. What I need is companionship.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Companionship. What I need is free Uber eats with cuddling privileges.

[Jordan Harbinger]

That's what I need. Man. I'm just trying to imagine what this dude's dating profile was like. I'm picturing lots of photos on his bike with one of those like old guy on Facebook selfies taken from below with the trip triple chin.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I'm just trying to imagine his prompts. Like a random fact I love is 99% of motorcyclists are law abiding citizens.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Wink emoji, wink emoji, water gummoe, water.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Gun emoji, meatloaf emoji, does that exist?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Meatloaf emoji, does that exist? Exactly. Something that's non negotiable for me is you don't mind sleeping with a fan because it gets hot in mom's basement. That is a fact.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Maybe the voice prompt is just an ATF agent reading him as Miranda Wright. So the dating profile sounds pretty fire. I'm starting to see why sis swiped right on this guy. What a catch.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Then today my sister told me that she has to go to a larger club meeting in Yonkers next weekend and she has to stay overnight.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Oh boy.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I'm concerned because my sister isn't acting like her usual self. I'm watching my sister Wednesday to Friday next week because she has a business trip. My niece has major attachment issues. She even still sleeps in the bed with my Sister and struggles when her mother is away. So it's very bizarre that my sister would spend an unnecessary overnight away from her right after a business trip. When my sister told me about this meeting, I pushed back about the club. I brought up that these people could be dangerous and that she has two children to think about. She immediately got Defensive. Is a 1% motorcycle club inherently dangerous for someone on the periphery like a girlfriend? Is my sister potentially in a risky situation, or am I letting my imagination run wild? Am I being paranoid? Or is her family a prime target for a shakedown? And is there anything I should do to protect myself or the rest of my family? Signed, clearing the fog and preparing a monologue because my sister is high on the hog.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Wow, nice double entendre there. So, man, this is such a wild one and obviously concerning on a few levels. I do feel really bad for your sister that she's drawn to guys like this. Obviously she has difficult patterns and that's really tough. But I feel especially bad for you. It's got to be hard to watch your own sister go down this path with yet another shady loser guy, knowing that it might also affect you. And of course, the niece, and she won't really engage with you about it. That is just super stressful. And again, the daughter, man, the attachment stuff you mentioned, it really paints a picture. This poor girl probably has her own trauma and anxiety. It sounds like that started before this new guy entered the picture. It's just all very sad. We wanted to talk to an expert about all this, so we reached out to Scott Payne, former FBI agent and guest on the show that was episode 1132. Scott infiltrated some of America's worst, most violent hate groups, including a 1 percenter biker gang called the Outlaws. And he knows their playbooks very well. And the dirty ones. Scott didn't know about them right away, but he looked into them briefly and said that they look like a Fairly decent, legit 1 percenter club that has been around for a long time. And by decent and legit, we don't mean upstanding citizens. He means like they're actually an established club that's possibly involved with organized crime based on what you shared. He didn't see anything overtly concerning, though. He said what you usually see with these clubs is biker on biker violence or stuff like the racketeering that the other chapter got busted for, which is a bit vague. So that's some good news. But Scott also said, yes, this is potentially risky for somebody on the periphery. Scott doesn't believe actually that all 1 percenter bikers are bad people. If someone's going around saying they're a 1 percenter, that doesn't mean that they are committing big federal violations. They could be doing toy runs. They could be doing good things, too. But he said that criminal activity, it kind of goes with the territory. He said oftentimes there's going to be some dope, there's going to be other illegal stuff going on around them. And so, yeah, there is a potential that your sister could get wrapped up in some kind of conspiracy over drugs or implicated in something that she might not even fully understand or have access to. Also, this is just me speculating a little bit. I don't mean to give you nightmare fuel here, but imagine your sister's just hanging out, drinking a beer with these 1 percenters, and a rival club rolls up and a fight breaks out and it gets violent and. Or she's kicking it with her boyfriend and the police do a raid and she gets swept up and then she gets questioned and detained by the police. And, you know, she has kids or she witnesses something criminal and now the gang has leverage with her or is concerned she's going to say something or the police want to talk to her. I mean, this. There's. Hanging out with criminals is generally never a good idea.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Or maybe the impact is even kind of more innocent, but still damaging. Like what if she wants to rent a new apartment and the landlord sees Jim pick her up on his bike or sees her Instagram photos, she's posing with the Sons of Anarchy and they're like, yeah, no, I don't. I don't want any part of this.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, no kidding. So there is some risk. But how big that risk is, it's impossible to say for sure now about your family's business being a target of a shakedown by the club. Scott actually was not too worried about that. His concern, and I share this concern, is that this dude is broke, he's a loser, obviously. He's still living with his parents, and he seems to have no problem mooching off of your sister. We all know how that goes. People like that, they'll steal from you. They'll do whatever they have to. I would not put it past this guy to start taking more money from your sister, maybe encouraging her to funnel money from the business to him for something. I think that's a more likely scenario, especially if he or they are using drugs. But Scott said he just doesn't see the club going after your parents. So that's also some good News. Now, this also depends on how serious your sister is with this guy, how integrated she is with the group. Scott had a great tip there. Look to see if she's got any kind of vest that says property of Jim or whatever his name is in the club. If she does, that would mean she's what they call an old lady, not what they call a sheep. Sheep. Those are the girls that. Maybe they're just on drugs. They're being passed around the club, which that woman who committed suicide, which is, again, super sad. She might have been a sheep. It's hard to say which is better. I mean, Scott said, if you're a sheep, nobody in the club is taking you as their property. Your club property. You're probably hooked on drugs. Anybody can sleep with you, do whatever they want to you, which is, you know, quite a glimpse into the politics of these clubs. If you're an old lady, that means you're the property of a particular patch member, which means you're higher up in the status. Nobody else is gonna mess with you. It doesn't mean you're gonna get treated well by the guy whose property you are, but. So if your sister ever gets old lady status, that would potentially be more concerning in a certain way. And I do wonder if that's why she has to go do whatever Jim tells her to do, like attend these events or if that's where this is heading. But that's something you can try to figure out.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

So, yeah, hard to say whether this relationship is a total disaster. It clearly isn't great, even without the one percenter stuff. So I think you have to do can to help your sister see why staying involved with this guy is not a great idea. I know you tried to talk to her about the club meeting. I know she got defensive, but it sounds like that was one conversation, possibly in a heated moment. I would try again. And maybe you need to gather the family or get some of her friends involved. Maybe make this a kind of intervention so that it's harder for her to blow you guys off. And the message could be, sis, we love you. We want you to be happy. We understand that this guy is interesting to you. We get it to a certain point. But we see you getting involved in a clearly dangerous community. I don't know how much you know, but here's what we learned. A lot of them are committing crimes. They're getting arrested. We also see you prioritizing your boyfriend and his group over your own daughter, your career, us. You're not acting like yourself. We're Genuinely worried. And also we're confused. Can you help us understand why you are choosing this guy? Can you tell us how you're thinking about the risk here? I mean, you're a smart cookie. Like, we know you're looking at the same facts as us. So help us make this make sense and see what she says. If she gets defensive and pulls away, try to keep her in the conversation. Resist the urge to shame her or judge her. Although, unfortunately, there is plenty to judge in this situation. But hit pause on that and make it safe for her to keep talking to you guys.

[Jordan Harbinger]

There's a little of the cult mentality to this sister, right? She seems to be enthralled to this guy. She's probably enamored with this group. I'm guessing it's thrilling. I'm guessing it gives her a sense of belonging. And you guys are going to have to kind of deepen, reprogram her a little bit, from the sound of it.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

And if she tries to wiggle out of it, then you might want to try being more direct. I mean, you might have to say, sis, you have a massive blind spot. You're ditching your daughter to hang out with this guy. You're exposing our family and our business to this community. That is shady. Does that any of that sound responsible? Maybe that's what she needs to hear to snap out of it.

[Jordan Harbinger]

And if she really won't engage with you at all, you might have to consider a stronger stance, maybe. Say, sis, it breaks my heart to do this, but I don't feel safe around you right now. I can't see you in person while you're involved with this guy. Maybe even the threat of that kind of thing would wake her up. I don't know. I also wonder. This gets a little dicey, but I wonder if you could get your niece involved, too. Look, if she's like 8 years old, obviously don't do that, but I don't know if she's 15 or 16, still young, still not something she should have to be a part of. But maybe old enough to say, mom, I don't like your boyfriend. I'm scared when you leave me alone for days at a time. I want you to stop. I have to imagine that hearing your own child say that would give her pause. As for protecting your family, Scott's advice there was stay aware and be vigilant. If something bad ever happens, lock the door, call 91 1. Situational awareness, keep your head on a swivel. The usual law enforcement stuff. But he didn't Seem overly concerned that your family itself was in danger. Still, though, I would take extra precautions with the business two factor authentication on your online accounts. Permissions for payments and transfers. Change your password regularly. Keep a close eye on your business records. You don't want to notice that 60 grand is missing nine months from now and then have to go back and do the forensics to try to get it back.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Honestly, if she continues dating this guy, and if things get worse, if she gets pulled deeper into the club and you gather more information that's concerning, you and your parents might want to consider a succession plan that doesn't include her at least in a position of leadership. At least as long as she's involved with this guy. I know that's going to cause tension, but it might be worth discussing. Jordan, you touched on something a moment ago that we kind of glossed over. And I really hate to give her more reasons to be anxious, but I am a little bit concerned that her sister might be be on drugs for two reasons. Yeah, first of all, she has a history of this. Her ex husband was a drug addict. We don't know if she was using with him, but she was certainly around it. And second, she said that her sister is not acting like her usual self.

[Jordan Harbinger]

That phrase is always a red flag for me. I mean, she said it twice in the letter. The first time was when the woman shot herself in the home and the second time was about her own sister, so. Yikes.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Extreme behavior changes, personality shifts, sacrificing relationships. These are all things to pay close attention to.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Good point. Yeah, that would explain a lot. I don't know how you can find out if she's using, but this might have to be part of the intervention chat too. I hope your sister can let you in and see her situation clearly, make better choices. And I hope it's still early enough days that she can get out without any blowback. But that's why you guys have to act sooner rather than later. Things might get tense with your sister for a little while. She might not appreciate her family turning on her for dating this dude, but even if he's not a true criminal, and it sounds like he might be at least adjacent to that if not doing something himself. There are plenty of reasons to be concerned about this guy. Just the holes in the underwear alone. So don't be afraid to lean into the conflict and discomfort here. Just make sure you keep the door ajar so she can safely come to you when she's ready to leave. Man. Sending you and your family a big hug and wishing you all the best. Now we're going to traffic in some deals and discounts on the fine products and services that support this show. We'll be right back. This episode is sponsored in part by Deleteme. Deleteme makes it easy, quick and safe to remove your personal data online. At a time when surveillance and data breaches are common enough to make everyone vulnerable, it's way too easy these days to find people's personal info online. Your home address, your phone number, even your family members names. It's all just sitting there on data broker sites for anyone to grab. And that's not just creepy, it can have real consequences. From doxxing to identity theft to just plain harassment. Once that info's out there, you can't reel it back in on your own. As somebody with a pretty active online presence, I'm careful about these things. I've seen firsthand how quickly things can get ugly when personal details start floating around online. That's why I use Deleteme. They go through hundreds of sketchy data broker sites. They scrub your personal information so it's not hanging out there waiting to be exploited. It's not just me saying this either. The New York Times wirecutter named Deleteme their top pick for data removal services. And the peace of mind is real. You know someone's actually got your back, keeping your data locked down so you don't have to worry about it. Take control of your data and keep your private life private by signing up for Deleteme now at a special discount for our listeners. Get 20% off your delete me plan when you go to JoinDeleteMe.com Jordan and use promo code Jordan at checkout. The only way to get 20% off is to go to joindeleteme.com jorphdan and enter code Jorphdan at checkout. This episode is also sponsored by BetterHelp. You ever catch yourself unloading on people who didn't exactly sign up to be your therapist? Like your Uber driver, the bartender? Or that poor co worker who just asked how your weekend was? Or maybe it's your mom, your partner, your best friend. They love you, sure, but even they can get burned out on hearing the same problems over and over. And the truth is, none of these people are trained to actually help you work through it. That's where BetterHelp comes in. When you're dealing with stress, anxiety, relationships, whatever it is you want, somebody who's licensed, clinically, trained, knows how to guide you through it. BetterHelp's been around for more than 10 years, helped over 5 million people, including me, has a network of 30,000 therapists. If the first one isn't a fit, you just switch. No extra cost. And because it's all online, it's literally as easy as clicking a button to start a session. That's why they got a 4.9 rating from 1.7 million reviews. Because sometimes you don't need another heart to heart with your bartender. You need real help. And that's exactly what BetterHelp is there for. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of Expertise. Find the one with better help. Our listeners get 10% off their first [e-mail] Jordan that's betterhelp.com Jordan thank you for listening and supporting the show. It is your support of our advertisers that keeps the lights on around here. All of the deals, discounts and ways to support the podcast are searchable and [e-mail] deals please consider supporting those who support the show. Now back to Feedback Friday okay, what's next?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Dear Jordan and Gabe, I'm 50 and my relationship with my stepdaughter, who's now 24, has deteriorated significantly. A little while back, she returned home after a physical altercation with her boyfriend, a relationship we had long been concerned about. From the outset, she was frequently disrespectful to us, to her younger brothers, and to our home. Her room became unmanageable. What some might dismiss as messy was closer to hoarding clothing, blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, trash, empty wine bottles, and signs of neglect like cat vomit. She regularly lied about her whereabouts, stayed out all night, and disregarded the clear agreement we had that living at home was contingent upon saving money and making a plan to move forward. More troubling was her refusal to engage honestly. Attempts to talk about how she was doing or what her plans were were met with defensiveness, anger, or silence. She deflected responsibility and resisted accountability at every turn. This pattern isn't new. She has long struggled with independence, exhibited codependent behavior with her birth mother, and possibly engaged in substance abuse.

[Jordan Harbinger]

I was about to say, is this girl on drugs? Because that would explain a lot of this.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I mean, she's clearly drinking, so there's that.

[Jordan Harbinger]

It's quite sad. Imagine having a child like this living in your house. That's very upsetting, very difficult.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

She seems drawn to instability, thrives on drama, and can be dishonest and secretive while she held a job. She loved working as a hostess at a high end restaurant. Her income didn't support her lifestyle and she refused to engage in conversations about education, career development or basic financial planning. Our last meaningful interaction was an attempt to have an honest conversation after she was again not truthful about where she had been a few months ago. At 24, we don't expect her to share every detail of her whereabouts, but open communication feels pretty basic. The dishonesty has made it difficult to feel we can trust her, which has contributed to a tense and stressful atmosphere in our home. The conversation resulted in her packing up and moving out in the middle of the night. She left her room in chaos and ignored our messages about retrieving her belongings. We were ghosted for months. We haven't had meaningful contact since. Eventually we learned from her birth mother that she had moved to Florida, back in with the same boyfriend who had assaulted her. The very reason she returned home in the first place.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Oh man, this poor girl. Tough cycle.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

After a final few attempts to reach out without any reply, we made the painful decision to clear out her room and donate most of what was left, mainly clothing and miscellaneous items, to Goodwill. Ironically, this was the one thing she responded to after the donations were already made. She was angry and told me this was exactly why she, quote unquote, doesn't talk to me. I responded as gently and honestly as I could. I explained the situation from my perspective and told her that I still genuinely want to have a healthy, positive relationship, but a meaningful connection requires effort from both sides. I shared that we have real issues to work through and that doing so means having an open conversation where we both listen with the intention to understand.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Solid position, nicely put and well done. And I assume she went, oh, you know what, you're right. And then she changed her ways immediately.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

She hasn't replied since.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, okay, so she doesn't actually want any of that. She just wants to be mad at you.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I want to acknowledge that my husband and I have not always handled things perfectly. There are moments I deeply wish I could go back and do differently. I became a stepmom at 26 and I know that I was still very immature and had no idea what I was doing. When my husband divorced his ex wife. Our daughter was just three years old and the custody battle that followed was painful and protracted. We faced ongoing attempts by her birth mother and maternal family to manipulate and alienate her from us. At one point her mother moved her out of state without permission, forcing my husband to drive to California and Obtain an emergency court order for our daughter's return.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Wow.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

A court appointed advocate diagnosed her birth mother as a sociopath. And her manipulative, dishonest behavior made co parenting incredibly difficult.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Wow. Yeah. Holy moly. The things this girl has been through. No wonder. Imagine your mother's a diagnosed sociopath and just takes you away from your other parents and then you get repoed essentially by the police. I mean, that's. Wow.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Brutal.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yikes.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Despite all of this, we followed the court ordered visitation and tried our best to create a supportive, values based environment. But our efforts to teach accountability, integrity, discipline and self reliance were cast as controlling or unkind. Her mother consistently validated her every emotion and often stepped in to shield her from any consequences, whether she was shoplifting, lying, skipping school, having friendships fall apart due to bullying and gossiping and failing classes. I can't help but feel that after all these years, her birth mother has finally succeeded in alienating her daughter from us completely. On the other hand, I'm concerned that she has some real mental health issues that may contribute to all of these behaviors. It's an incredibly painful realization and I'm left with a sense of loss and uncertainty. I don't want to give up on her. I also don't know how to reach someone who won't even let me in. Should I keep trying to reach out periodically? How do we approach a young adult who refuses to communicate and take responsibility? Is there any hope of rebuilding a relationship with her? Or does that depend entirely on her readiness? How do we manage our concern for her well being without enabling her or being pulled into more chaos? And how do we set healthy boundaries if she ever wants to return in the future? Signed. Looking to stay safe from this nonstop maelstrom.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Oh boy, another tough story. Gabe, man, like I said, I'm so sorry that your daughter had this childhood, that she's gone down this path. It's deeply sad. It's super stressful for you guys. I don't know if she has psychiatric issues, trauma, substance abuse struggles. It kind of sounds like all three, but this is a very challenging child to have and my heart really does go out to you guys. I gotta say, the fact that you're saying, look, I could have done things better, I'm not perfect. That really tells me that you're a healthy person, that you're approaching all of this in a helpful spirit. And I feel confident saying that you are not the obstacle to fixing things at this point. Your stepdaughter is. But then everything you've shared about her Life. It just sounds incredibly traumatic. And my heart breaks for a kid who had this mother and this childhood. The deck was stacked against her in so many ways that just. It sucks. There's so much we could talk about here. But just to be very direct, I think you've gone above and beyond for your stepdaughter in so many ways, and it's time to find a new way with her. Is there hope of rebuilding a relationship? Sure. Or rather, there's the potential. I don't get the sense that she's equipped or ready to do that right now. So I would keep your expectations low, but these transformations are always possible. But until she comes to you in good faith and goes, okay, we've had our issues. I'm ready to talk about them. Not to rage at you or blame you or project a bunch of stuff and then move out in a Huff at 2am but really to work on things until that happens. I just don't see you making any progress here. You should keep the door open. Of course. You can check in every now and again and say, I hope you're doing all right. And when you're ready to talk about things, we're still here for that. You don't need to cut her off completely unless she's actively and ongoingly harming you guys. But, yes, absolutely, this depends entirely on her readiness.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Now, in my opinion, yes, absolutely, I agree. Your stepdaughter sounds like she's in a lot of pain, a lot of confusion. She's in this abusive relationship. Sounds like she's an addict to some degree. She probably has some legitimate reasons to be angry, I imagine mostly at her mom, maybe at her dad. Just all the stuff that was going on back then. I'm not, you know, we don't know all the details. And, hey, maybe even in some ways with you, fairly or unfairly. Although I think that probably feels to your stepdaughter more like a generalized anger at the world. And if you guys ever talk things out, I know you would make plenty of room for that. But she's now at an age where she, yeah, she needs to take responsibility for the problems in her life. If she's not happy with the relationships she has with you, she can come to you and say, here are the things that really upset me. Here are the things that don't sit right with me. This is hard, but let's work on this. But she needs to seek out support. She needs to come to you in a spirit of some openness, some respect and an interest. Not in this Kind of chaotic fighting, but in productive conflict.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Agree. Although I will say, at 24, she's an adult. She needs to do that. Yeah, but 24, you're still pretty young.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

True.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Like, I was a. Probably a kind of a Duncey little turd at 24 myself.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Fair.

[Jordan Harbinger]

She might not have the maturity or life experience to do this yet. It might take a while longer, but you guys hanging back, it might create some room for that in time. I wouldn't hold my breath for it to happen soon, but eventually she should maybe grow out of this.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Jordan, you remember that letter we took last week from the guy whose brother was super depressed and living with the mom and talking to weird people online? And he refused to see a therapist or talk to anybody in the family about it, and he was like, how do I save my brother? How do I protect my mom? You remember that?

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yes. That was the one whose therapist reported him to the police. And we were like, whoa, what's that all about?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

So when we talked to Dr. Margolis about that letter, she brought up this idea that working so hard to save someone when they can't or don't want to be helped is often a way to avoid our own grief. Right?

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah. That was the grief of, quote, unquote, giving up. Right?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yes. So I think our friend here would also have to face some difficult stuff if she and her husband finally said, look, enough is enough. When you're ready to talk, we're here, but until then, we're not going to keep fighting to help you. I think she's already in this process. They've slowly been coming to terms with that reality. Donating her stuff when she ghosted them was a big step in that direction, and I think it was the right one. It's also interesting. It's a very symbolic act, you know, like cleaning out an old room, removing all the miscellaneous items. But there are probably many stages of that separation. And what she's finding is that it's very painful. Right. It's painful if she stays connected to her stepdaughter, and it's painful if she lets her go. But that first pain, despite how difficult everything has been, probably feels more doable because it's familiar. Because it's familiar, because it preserves her sense of hope. And to Dr. Margolis point, also because it staves off so many awful feelings that come with letting a daughter like this spiral and continue to make poor choices.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, well, a lot of sadness, I would imagine.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

A ton of sadness. A lot of anxiety. Like she said, she feels so Much uncertainty, which might be the hardest part.

[Jordan Harbinger]

I'm sure there's some of her own anger in the mix, too.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Also a sense of defeat, like we lost to her sociopathic, codependent mom. We lost to this awful, abusive boyfriend. We lost possibly to addiction, at least for the moment.

[Jordan Harbinger]

She also just misses her. The pure feeling of loss, like she mentioned, totally.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

And then I imagine that there's a lot of guilt. You know, this is a whole ocean of very painful feelings to live with. So when she says, should I keep trying to reach out? There's a part of that that is an expression of her genuine love and concern for her stepdaughter. And there's probably a part of that that is avoiding having to sit with all of those difficult feelings we just talked about.

[Jordan Harbinger]

For sure. But, man, let's just remember the facts here. I don't mean to minimize how hard this is, but I find myself wanting to say, you've done so much. You've given this girl a home. You've rescued her from her mom. You've invited her to repair things. You do not have to feel guilty about drawing a line here. And yet, I know they're her parents. They'll probably always feel responsible to some degree, but still. How many times do you have this thrown in your face before you go? Okay, message received. You're on your own. When you're ready to talk like a normal person, we'll be here.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I would strongly encourage you and your husband to check out some Al Anon meetings or some Naranon meetings. We've talked about this before. I won't give you the whole spiel. It's a support group for family and friends of addicts. The bind that you're in is the bind that most loved ones of addicts are in. You know, do I continue helping or do I pull back? Am I supporting this person or am I enabling? Am I really helping them, or am I getting dragged into yet more chaos? It is really tough. This program offers a lot of things, but one of them is a toolkit for managing the relationship with an addict. And I would say not just an addict, but kind of anyone who creates this codependent, chaotic dynamic. A lot of the conversations in this group deal in some way with this process of grief and also drawing boundaries and taking care of your side of the street and all of that. So I would check it out. Even if you go to a handful of meetings, I think it could be extremely helpful.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Totally agree. These meetings will help you set those boundaries. If your daughter ever wants to return in the future too. But there's some work for you to do here first. And ironically, it might mean doing less work for a time and seeing what that's like. So sorry you're going through this. So sorry your stepdaughter's in pain, but there's the potential for a lot of growth here for all of you. Whatever cycle your daughter's going through, I think she has to go through it in order to work something out. And I hope she does it sooner rather than later. But that's up to her. This is her life. This is her timeline, and you have yours. Sending you all a big hug and good luck. You can reach us [e-mail], please keep your emails concise. Try to use a descriptive subject line that makes our job a whole lot easier. If your friend's accusing you of victim blaming after destroying their medical career by getting involved with a patient, your mother in law insists on inviting a sex offender to Thanksgiving. Or you did an erotic roleplay with a minor on the Internet years ago without even realizing it and now you're sweating the consequences. Whatever's got you staying up at night lately. This is. Yeah, this is our show. Gabriel. These are the passengers on the dues cruise. Hit us up [e-mail], we're here to help and we keep every email anonymous. By the way, if you haven't signed up yet, come check out the newsletter We Bit Wiser. It is a bite sized gem from a past episode from us to you, delivered to your inbox on most Wednesdays. If you want to keep up with the wisdom from the show and apply it to your life, I invite you to come check it out. It's a great companion to the show. Here you can sign [e-mail] news okay, next up.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Hey Jordan and Gabe. My wife and I have three kids, ages 14, 5 and 3 and we live on a relatively small island in Canada. Three years ago we were invited by the owners to move into a community on a piece of land split by a ridge with 10 acres per side. The side that we live on had four other people living on it, one couple and two singles. The couple split up and then all of them left within a two year period. On the other side live the owners and two other families. All of them have kids and most are close in age to our younger ones. This is the kind of place where everyone gets together on Mondays to work around the property to keep things up, but the property is under Managed.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Okay, so it's like a micro commune on an island. What could go wrong?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Because we enjoy connection. My wife and I frequently host events and gatherings to bring people together with various focuses. For me, it's a musical event or a men's group. For my wife, it's ritual based, like Beltane or women's gatherings.

[Jordan Harbinger]

What's Beltane?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yeah, I didn't know what this was either. Beltane is like. Is the Gaelic May Day festival to mark the beginning of summer, apparently.

[Jordan Harbinger]

I love that he just expected us to know that. Got it. It sounds like you'd love living there, Gabe. Actually, music, men's groups, hippie, dippy, seasonal events. I wouldn't be surprised if there's some kind of a static dance going on there. You could go to your.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I'm not hearing enough hot yoga. And I feel like the broadband connection would be a little iffy, so I don't know if it's quite my place, but I take your point.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Between the two cults we've heard about so far, between Sons of Anarchy and this one, I would definitely choose this one, if that's what you're saying.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah. Between the Dirty Ones and the Celtic Pagan Survivalists. I'm going Celtic Pagan survivalists.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

With everyone else having left on our side, even the echoes of children playing rarely make it over. Very few people actually walk around the property, so we also never see anyone wander past our home.

[Jordan Harbinger]

That is super eerie.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yeah. What a 24 movie is this.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, seriously, this sounds like the beginning of a Jordan Peele movie or something. There's definitely a scene where somebody's like, you don't even hear the children anymore. And then in a later scene, you hear a girl just laughing outside the.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Window Then this year, our landlady stopped showing up to my wife's events. Finally, my wife asked if there was something that she needed to share with her. The answer was yes. When the conversation finally happened weeks later, we found out that the landlady had created a story that my wife is trying to lure her partner away and break up their family. We were, and still are, shocked. Not only is this untrue, but the landlady went around to other people that we know telling them her suspicion and having them watch my wife to verify her suspicions.

[Jordan Harbinger]

So, like three other people.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

It's like four other people. But to be fair, that's half the town.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So that's like, if this happened in what we'd consider a small town, that would be like tens of thousands of people believing you Stole someone's husband. It's so weird.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

That's it. And there's no escaping them.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Nightmare. Get me to the mainland, bro. I'm over it.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

My wife explained that this fantasy has no reality to it. The landlady didn't back down from her story and asked her to simply validate it. Said, that sounds reasonable.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, no, no, I'm. I'm not listening to any of your counterarguments. Just tell me that my delusions are real. Okay.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Since that first conversation, the landlady's partner proposed to the landlady.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah. And let me guess what happened. She realized she was wrong and profusely apologized. And everything is fine. Now.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

My wife has tried to get together again for another conversation, but nothing has come of it.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, that's what I thought. And I'm sure the landlady's like, she tricked him into proposing to me so that it's a better cover for her and his secret relationship. Crazy.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

This has now crossed into the lives of our children, with their daughter telling ours that we are not invited to her mom's birthday party because the moms are also those other people who left our side of the property that also involved this landlady. In one case, they left because of a poor relationship with her. In another case, the landlady said in a meeting that she didn't like Heart Share circles because it felt like everyone simply complained about her during that time.

[Jordan Harbinger]

So they're going to sharing circles, and everyone's like, yeah, you're super annoying and difficult. And her response is, you know what? I don't like these sharing things. All you guys do is complain. Not. I wonder why everyone here has a problem with me. The common denominator. Wow.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I've tried to talk with the landlord about our wives during one of those Mondays when we were working together, but he shifted the conversation to music. Of course, I didn't feel like there was actually enough time to open this conversation, as it was 10 minutes before lunch began. I had asked him to get together previously, and the timings never worked out.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Gabe. Imagine this. Hey, you know, we really have to straighten out this thing between our wives, because this is just getting out of hand. Have you seen.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Did you hear that new Taylor Swift album?

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah. Okay, it slaps. No, I'm with you. I'm with you. I love a good Tay Tay track, But the thing is, this thing between your fiance and my wife.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I'm just gonna send you a link to my playlist. I am. Is that my stomach? It's my Stomach. I gotta get. There's. It's the banh mi day in the luncheon hall. That's right.

[Jordan Harbinger]

I gotta get some canaps already, and they're not good when they're cold, so. To be continued.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I just need to check in with you and ask you, do you think that the word is canaps, or do you think that these people pronounce the word kanapse when it's actually canapez?

[Jordan Harbinger]

Is it not kidnaps? I had it out and I should have taken it. It's not kidnaps.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Is it hard to not enjoy this moment too much? And I don't know if I can continue with the recording.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Oh, my God, Is it canapes? And I've just been saying this wrong my whole life.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Before we get to that, I just need to understand. Have you been going tell me how many times you've said the word canobs to people clearly?

[Jordan Harbinger]

Wow. I hope never, because that's not really how you say it.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Just take a moment and think about it. Is it 5? Is it 10? Where did this happen?

[Jordan Harbinger]

Oh, I should have taken the out. I should have said yes. That's how I think they pronounced it.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

That's definitely how they say it. But go ahead, Gabe. Please repeat my joke in the way that you would say it. And after all the shit that you have given me for various things over the years, if you don't think I'm going to lord this over you at every opportunity. Dude, it's so good.

[Jordan Harbinger]

What made you think knaps sounds better? I'm sorry? It sounds better. Knaps sounds better than canapes. Canapes sounds like.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

But it has an accent mark over the E. What did you think the accent mark meant? Don't pronounce the E. I did not.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Know about the accent mark.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

To be fair, your pronunciation lends itself much better to the phrase these can app slap. Wow. I'm going to pull it together and continue with this letter. All right, I'm now thinking that there isn't a lot of room to work with the situation and we need to find somewhere else to move. Housing here can be hard to come by. But I am of the opinion that maybe it's best to look for a place that is just ours and invite people we care about over as we choose.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, I get that. It turns out living with a bunch of other annoying people in an isolated place is kind of a nightmare.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Kind of a nightmare.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah. Maybe we should just get a one bedroom in Alberta and have people over for game night.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Any Thoughts on how to work with or around any of this. Signed thinking we gotta call it a day. Cause my wife and I are personae non grade.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Gabe. One of my favorite parts of doing this show. Besides busting up into uncontrollable heave laughing, of course. One of my favorite things is hearing all the different ways that people live.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I know, right? It's so fascinating. This is a new one. I don't think we've heard this one before.

[Jordan Harbinger]

No, it's like that woman in the cafe Cult commune from this is like I don't know, a year or two ago. Or people who live on boats and just sail year round. Or military people stationed in crazy places. Just blows my mind how many different ways of life there are out there.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Totally. But you know, I find it comforting that people run into the same drama wherever they live. You know, like no one's exempt.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, the Dews cruise. It stops at every port.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Stops at every port, Every stop in the conundrum. Archipelago. You're going to visit.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, that's right. Well, our friend here is about to archipelago somewhere else because this landlady is a real piece of work. And I'm curious to know where she got the idea that his wife was trying to lure her partner away. It just makes no sense.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Sense? Yeah. Did that come from somewhere? Even if it's false, I'm confused.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Is she just totally insane and got paranoid and blamed the first person she could think of? Or does his wife have a relationship with her husband and it rubbed her the wrong way? I'm just kind of puzzled about how all that started and one party just doesn't even know.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Or does she have some other agenda? Like she just wants to drive everybody away and have the island to herself? I don't get it.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Whatever it is, something is clearly off about this woman. So look, I hate that you might have to leave because Agatha the petty paranoid island landlady made up some story in her head that your wife is trying to ste her man.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Ugh, Agatha. What a perfect name.

[Jordan Harbinger]

But it sounds like there are many problems here. And if you guys can't resolve this, I just don't know if this living situation is tenable. It sounds like you guys are living on this parcel of land with like eight other people who are spying on your wife and icing you guys out and uninterested in reconsidering their assumptions and finding a way forward. And you gotta do your own bathroom caulking or whatever.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Plus the property is under managed in general, which I wonder what that means but doesn't sound fun.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, I don't know. Honestly, if I were in your Birkenstocks, man, I'd leave. Just. Just the fact that there's no Amazon prime on this island would already have me with one foot out the door.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Which, incidentally, is also something you need to repair yourself.

[Jordan Harbinger]

That's right. We gotta fix that step. I probably would too, because some modern family. Yeah, when you know, the dad is always Phil Dungy always falling on the stairs.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yeah, I think I would probably leave too, because when you live in a place like this, the people you're with are everything. I mean, if you're surrounded by amazing people and you guys get along great, this could be incredible. If you're surrounded by a few people you don't get along with, or. Or apparently everybody on the island is turning against you, that's untenable. But I'm also noticing that no one seems to be handling these conversations very well. I mean, his wife asked the landlady if there was something that they needed to talk about. She's like, actually, yes, there is. And then weeks later, she finally tells her, yes, are you trying to steal my husband? Sorry, I've just been so busy not fixing the door for you or whatever. And then our friend tries to talk to her husband, and he keeps dodging him. And then he finally gets him alone and he lets him change the topic to music, and he chooses to have this conversation 10 minutes before lunch. Like, how is the helping?

[Jordan Harbinger]

Nothing's getting solved that way. Also, you don't want to talk about false accusations of adultery when someone's hangry.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

That's an after lunch conversation, my friend.

[Jordan Harbinger]

That's a full belly chat.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

And everyone else is complaining about the landlady during their heart sharing circle, which I love. Which, okay, may be fair, but Agatha clearly can't take that feedback in. In front of everyone.

[Jordan Harbinger]

You're right. This whole community just sounds very chaotic and avoidant.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

If you really want to resolve this, you need to go to this guy and say, look, I know this isn't fun to talk about, but we're neighbors. We're your tenants. We work together. We have a problem. Your wife is accusing my wife of doing something she did not do, which you well know. She's gotten everybody to turn against us, and it needs to stop. It's weird and it's false, and it's making living here almost impossible. So why is this happening and how do we fix this?

[Jordan Harbinger]

But, Gabe, you're forgetting something. They're Canadian.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Oh, you're gonna go there. Really? You think we can afford this?

[Jordan Harbinger]

I know we're on thin ice with the Canadians right now, but somebody's gotta say it.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

You think I'm overestimating their capacity for confrontation?

[Jordan Harbinger]

I don't know. Maybe. Look, I'm mostly just having a laug. There might be some truth to that. They're famously friendly, which can tip into conflict avoidant.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

That's an interesting point. You might be right. I wonder if that is part of what's going on here. But that is how you press the issue. I don't think you can be casual at this point. Like, you can't let these people deflect and delay forever. They clearly are not going to resolve this. You might be able to. So I'm just confused about why we're skipping that step and we're going straight to. Well, I guess we got to move.

[Jordan Harbinger]

I agree there's a lot of stuff being said in the wrong context and a lot of stuff going unsaid in the right context. But honestly, resolvable or not, I think there are several good reasons to leave. Are there ways to muddle through and make the situation livable? Maybe. Are you going to cure this lady of her bs? I doubt it. Other people already learned this lesson and left. That's the thing, man. Other people were like, okay, I'm pulling the ripcord. You can get the cheat sheet. You can figure this out yourself without having to stick around for two more years of this nonsense. Also, you guys have kids. I know firsthand that brings your tolerance level for other people's drama down significantly. Plus, they're being affected by this treatment too.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

So yeah, they're being iced out from their friends houses. They're only friends on the entire island because of their moms and their drama. I mean, you gotta consider their well being as well.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Who needs that nonsense? And I know it's hard to come by housing, I get it. But you can't put a price on freedom and happiness. And also not having to participate in heart sharing circles. I'd pay double rent just to not have to hold a bunch of intentional island living looky Loo's sweaty hands while everybody complains about how Agatha refuses to clear the gutters and uses too much salt in the lunchtime seitan. So sorry this happened, but it sounds like you're living next to some looney Tunes and they're making you guys a bit looney too. It's a great story, but a terrible living situation. And if you can't change it, I say you leave. Good luck. And now we want you to archipelago to our sponsors, websites and Burke and stock up on the fine products and services that support this show. But you know what? Nothing's free. You're gonna have to canopy. We'll be right back. This episode is sponsored in part by Grammarly. Work can really feel like whack a mole. I'm way more productive when I spend less time on busy work and more time on big stuff that actually matters. That's why I use Grammarly. It's an AI communication assistant that helps me get things done faster no matter what or where I'm writing. AI is here to stay. But most of us don't know how to actually use it to get an edge at work. Grammarly makes it easy. I use it to jumpstart my writing. Grammarly will give me a solid draft in seconds. I can tweak it so it sounds like me. I love how it suggests better words or adjusts tone so I don't come across as too stiff or too casual. And it works everywhere, across more than 500,000 apps and websites. So whether I'm sending emails, editing docs, or writing in project tools, Grammarly is right there supporting my writing. The numbers don't lie. 90% of professionals say it saves them time. 93% say it helps them get more done. For me, that means spending less time overthinking emails and more time focusing on work that actually matters. So if you want to write faster, sound better, and actually get more done, try Grammarly. Download Grammarly for free today. Let Grammarly take the busy work off your plate so you can focus on high impact work. Download Grammarly for [e-mail] podcast. That's Grammarly.com podcast. I've got homes.com as a sponsor for this episode. Homes.com knows when it comes to home shopping, it's never just about the house or the condo. It's about the homes. And what makes a home is more than just the house or property. It's the location. It's the neighborhood. If you got kids, it's also schools, nearby, parks, transportation options. That's why homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in depth information they need to find the right home. It's so hard not to say home every single time. And when I say in depth information, I'm talking deep. Each listing features comprehensive information about the neighborhood, complete with a video guide. They also have details about local schools with test scores, state rankings, student teacher ratio. They even have an agent directory with the sales history of each agent. So when it comes to finding a home, not just a house, this is everything you need to know, all in1place.homes.com We've done your homework. This episode is sponsored in part by the Defender. We all have those big goals that seem just out of reach, right? But the truth is, that's what keeps us moving forward. For the people who embrace challenges and explore their way, there's the Defender. The Defender is built to handle whatever comes its way with legendary capability on road or off. It's engineered with a tough, rigid body, tested to the extreme and built with durable, lightweight architecture for strength and confidence. But it's not just about ruggedness. It's an icon, reimagined with a design that feels modern yet honors its adventurous roots. Plus, there's a Defender for every kind of Explorer, from the Defender 90 to the 110 and even the 130, which seats up to eight people. So whether it's just you or the whole family, there's a model for your journey. If you're ready to embrace the impossible, the Defender is your perfect partner, beyond capable and ready to go wherever you're headed next. Build your defender@land roverusa.com if you liked this episode of Feedback Friday and you found our advice valuable, I invite you to do what other smart and considerate listeners do, which is take a moment. Support our amazing sponsors. All of the deals, discount codes and ways to support the podcast are searchable and clickable on the [e-mail] deals and if that doesn't work, email us. We're happy to dig up codes for you. It is that important that you support those who support the show. Now for the recommendation of the week.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I am addicted to Litvilla.

[Jordan Harbinger]

My recommendation this week is doing regular blood work and checking your levels on hormones. You know, testosterone, estrogen, all that stuff. Dhea. I would get a bunch of different hormone levels checked to get the doctor to recommend these for you. If you can't get it from your doctor, they don't think you need it. Go to a telehealth clinic. I'm happy to refer those. One is renew youth renewyouth.com Jordan they'll give you 50% off your initial lab test. Transcendcompany.com Jordan you can use anyone for this. You don't have to use our sponsors, but just get it done. I see so many people online. Low energy, low libido, weight gain, weight loss, pre menopause stuff, men and women, all kinds of issues. They can't really explain that. I know come from hormonal stuff or vitamin deficiencies and can totally be fixed. And there are a whole lot of people living with stuff they can fix with supplements and lifestyle changes. But you got to know your numbers first. For a lot of people, they're depressed, they have low libido, they don't work out well, or they don't respond to working out as well. I mean, you can just fix a whole lot of stuff, especially if in your late 30s, 40s, especially if you're in your 50s, you're almost certainly artificial in certain stuff, DHEA, vitamin D, whatever it might be. I started taking things like vitamin D, and even that was just a game changer for me. But you don't want to just start taking stuff if you're not deficient in it. That's not good either. So get the blood work done. It can really change your whole life. I'm not advocating that people take a bunch of medications or supplement testosterone if your doctor doesn't say that you need to, but definitely get a handle on all the other stuff. Again, we'll link to those telehealth clinics in the show Notes if you do want to support the show and you're interested in getting this done, I can't recommend it enough. By the way, somebody left the funniest comment on Spotify. Yes, you can leave comments on the show on Spotify about our recommendations of the week. A listener named BST Jack said. Gabe's recommendation of the week. Here's this heartfelt and moving documentary. Here's a book on Jungian psychology. Jordan's recommendation of the week, Rent a place for your dog to shit. Made me laugh so hard.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

It's so accurate, though.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yes, it's so hilariously accurate. And it sums up our brands so poetically. Gabe, I might have to start recommending poetry anthologies, and you're gonna have to start recommending, I don't know, suppositories or something like that. Chamomile suppositories.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yeah, it might be time for me to start turning these canapes into canaps. You know what I'm saying? But maybe Berlin will bring me back down to earth or something. Balance out these recommendations a little bit. That is hilarious.

[Jordan Harbinger]

And by the way, we do love your Spotify comments. Definitely keep commenting on the show. I see all of them. I usually reply, we can't get as deep as we can in our subreddit, though, which is Reddit.com r jordanharbinger but I do love These little chats that we get to have there. All right, next up.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Dear Jordan and Gabe, during the COVID pandemic, my ex wife used a shell LLC with no legitimate business activity to apply for ppp, Economic injury disaster loans and other Covid relief programs. To qualify, she falsely claimed to have employees using Social Security numbers of family members, associates, even mine, and fabricated payroll expenses and tax returns. She received over $300,000 from the US treasury over a period of a few months.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Oh my God. That is serious fraud. And she implicated her own family. What a piece of work.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Why do people do this? I just. I don't get it.

[Jordan Harbinger]

How do they sleep at night afterward? I could never. I could never.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Instead of using those funds for any legitimate purpose, she used the money to move out of town, purchase a luxury suv, go on vacations and buy and renovate a high end home.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Just like that other couple that committed PPP fraud. This is a while ago, but the ones who bought, I think they bought like DSLR cameras, went to Hawaii and then redid their deck or something like that. It's just unreal. Stupid.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

The financial windfall also allowed her to severely limit my access to our 8 year old son. We both lived in the same small town since our son was born, and even after our divorce, we stayed within a mile of each other so we could co parent the best we could. But midway through the lockdowns, she used the money to create the appearance of business income, which she then leveraged into false financial records in order to secure a mortgage on a house an hour away. She then hired an attorney who helped modify the custody agreement. Before her move, I had my son every other day. I picked him up from school and dropped him off regularly. Then my parenting time went down to every other weekend.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Oh, my blood is boiling.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Meanwhile, she plunged into a lifestyle more suited to a reckless socialite than a single mother of a grade schooler. My son was left trying to anchor himself to some kind of routine, while she vanished into nights of carousing, impulsive travel, and a revolving door of questionable boyfriends and hangers on coming through the house at all hours. He was also given unsupervised access to the Internet while in my ex's custody and exposed to inappropriate content at an age when he couldn't emotionally process it. Over time, his behavior worsened. He acted out at school. Eventually he was expelled after years of documented behavior issues. I later found out that the school sent home multiple written notices over three years, none of which my ex ever responded to. She just made excuses and ignored the situation entirely.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Geez. Mother of the year. Unbelievable.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

In my opinion, the Internet broke his brain.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Maybe. I'm sure it didn't help, but there's a lot going on here. Poor kid.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I think the Internet might be the smallest part of this problem.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Meanwhile, I did everything I could to alert the authorities about the fraud. I submitted detailed information to the FBI. I followed up with letters to the local FBI field office, the Director's office, and the US Attorney's office. Then recently, I heard from a junior attorney at the U.S. attorney's office who said that the case was closed over a year ago. He conferred with the local FBI field manager who claimed that the case didn't meet the threshold for deeper investigation and that they were short staffed, attending to quote, unquote, higher priorities.

[Jordan Harbinger]

That is so frustrating. So she just got away with it? Sadly, that's the reality of the system. But man, that must mean countless people got away with millions, billions in fraudulent funds. That is so gross.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

But that doesn't make sense. I've collected at least a dozen news stories from my region where individuals received comparable or smaller amounts of money, fabricated employees, and were prosecuted for fraud by the FBI and the U.S. attorney's office. I even enclosed those headlines in my most recent letter to them.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Wow, you're tenacious. Good for you. I can dig that.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Really? I fear the case was mishandled or even quietly buried due to internal politics or ineptitude.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Hard to say. Could be.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Hard to say.

[Jordan Harbinger]

You know, could also just be the government's under resourced and priorities are shifting to other crimes.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Or I think that's it.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah. Or the agent decided not to push, or the prosecutor decided the optics or complexity of the case just weren't worth it. Or the cost benefit on chasing anyone under a certain threshold just isn't worth it. But man, 300 grand is not small money. That's crazy.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

This has been nothing short of a nightmare. My ex continues to weaponize the court against me with obscure contempt filings, so I'm constantly caught up in discovery hearings and court dates. I'm trying to keep up with child support obligations, scraping together thousands for legal fees, holding down a job, and covering all the extra expenses of giving my son a fresh start at a new school. But I have an amazing wife who always has my back and I'm blessed with good friends and family who have supported me through it all. I got my son into counseling and behavioral therapy. We've also built a stable and healthy routine. And he now sees his mom every other Weekend. Overall, he seems to be improving. Most importantly, I'm closer to him now than I've ever been. And we're building a strong, lasting bond.

[Jordan Harbinger]

That's amazing, man. Bravo. He's so lucky to have you.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

But we're on a long road to healing, and my life has been turned upside down. What can I do now? Do I escalate this further, perhaps to an inspector general, a state attorney general, or even the media? Or do I give up and try to make peace with the fact that justice might never come signed, call foul on this fraud and give the feds another producer? Or stop playing God and accept that the system is flawed?

[Jordan Harbinger]

Gabe, you know how I feel about these stories.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yeah, your face is literally red right now.

[Jordan Harbinger]

These people, they piss me off so much.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I know. Also with the haircut. It's very intense.

[Jordan Harbinger]

I have to say, the German in me is going, how dare you break the rules. The rules. And take advantage of a government program. I mean, say what you will about these Covid relief programs. Were they appropriate, were they necessary, were they well administered? That's another conversation. But to knowingly defraud the government so you can buy yourself a Porsche SUV and fly first class to Ibiza and pay for an expensive lawyer to weaponize the system against your accommodating co parent and get full custody of your kid.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

When you're not even spending quality time with your child. That's the part that bothers me the most.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, you're not even frickin parenting your kid. You're not. You're letting pornhub do it. So to treat the government aid that was meant to protect small businesses like your own little piggy bank. I just find it so despicable. It's so disrespectful. It's so patently disgusting, and then we all. That's on us. We're on the hook for that shit, man. We all pay for this wannabe socialite grifter who would rather do Molly with dodgy guys in her McMansion than be a good mother. I just. I can't with these people, man. And I'm gonna make the standard disclaimer. Obviously we don't know her side of the story. Maybe there are other facts we're not getting that made her feel she needed to move away and get more custody. Fine.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yeah, but even if that were somehow true, this woman sounds like a hot mess and she's defrauded the government also.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yes, you lose credibility. I don't want to hear your side of the story. Quite as bad when I know that you're a fricking criminal.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Fair enough.

[Jordan Harbinger]

And I'm so sorry to our friend here that you have to co parent with somebody like this and that she's making your life so difficult. It's just awful. There really are no words for stuff like this. The good news is it sounds like you're doing a remarkable job here. Between getting your son into therapy, giving him stability, finding a great partner, developing a great group of friends, you're really killing it, man. And you should be very proud. So I'm of two minds here. Part of me is going, hell yeah, escalate this. I want to see this woman get arrested and have to pay for what she did. And yeah, if you still have the time and emotional energy, you could file a detailed complaint with the office of the Inspector General at the DoJ Federal and within your state. You could contact your state attorney general's consumer protection division or fraud division. I don't know much about this. I know PPP and eidl, those are federal programs. There might be state level fraud implications, especially if she falsify tax records and things like that. Defrauded a bank to get a loan. I don't know. You could definitely reach out to local journalists who've covered Covid relief fraud, see if they're interested in doing a follow up on these programs, maybe featuring your story. Although candidly, it feels like the media has moved on from this topic and you'd probably have to prove that she did all of these things with a ton of documentation. That might be an uphill battle.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Also, the idea of like villainizing your wife in the media, I don't know. I get it, but it's. It's a little dicey.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, I tend to agree. You don't control the story. The reporter, the journalist does. And now you're dragging your ex, which is your co parent, in public.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I don't know. She's already well resourced in retaliating against you in family court and you're fighting to retain custody. I just don't see that going well.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah. So the other part of me is going, is this the best use of your energy at this point? Is this going to lead to the best outcome?

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

What is the best outcome, really?

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, I do think that he needs to get clear on that because from where I'm sitting, the best outcome is that his son stays healthy and stable and he finds a way to put an end to this war with his ex.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yes. And that he continues building a successful life with his New partner.

[Jordan Harbinger]

That's it. Getting revenge, getting justice. I totally. I totally get it. I'd want the same. But in a world where you probably can't have both, where hitting back at your ex just might even create more blowback for you, I think you need to pick your battles.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Also, if he's successful and someone somewhere does end up investigating his ex, what does that actually mean? Does that mean that she loses all her money and she can't torture him anymore? Because that would be a nice outcome. Outcome? Does it mean that she loses the house and maybe even goes to prison?

[Jordan Harbinger]

It sounds like a pretty good outcome to me.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I mean, I guess because she's not the best parent anyway, but that will be very stressful and very sad for everyone. I mean, look, mom might not even have a home to host her son in when she does have him.

[Jordan Harbinger]

I hear you. But she shouldn't be living in that house anyway, so I don't really feel bad about that at all.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I totally get that. But my point is, if his son is the priority here, if what he's working toward is peace, escalating this might work against that. Even if it's the right thing to do from a justice standpoint?

[Jordan Harbinger]

No. Yeah, I hear that. I don't know, Gabe. I'm torn. This is a hard one for me. I'm having a dark Jordan idea here.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Okay, let's hear it.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Let me put on my dusty ass lawyer hat for a second. Maybe you can have your lawyer send them something that basically says, during our review of the facts and circumstances surrounding this case, we identified certain activities by your client that appear to raise significant legal concerns under state and federal law. Law. We're preparing documentation that could be submitted to the relevant authorities and will be pursuing every available legal remedy and defense in this matter, including discovery into these issues, which may require sworn testimony and the production of records that could be of interest to law enforcement agencies. So it might be in your client's best interest to reevaluate their position in this litigation. And if your client wishes to discuss a resolution that avoids protracted proceedings, we remain available to engage in settlement discussions. Now.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Damn, dude. That was terrifying. Just a year and so. Wait, that's not blackmail.

[Jordan Harbinger]

No, that. That might be blackmail.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I just want to make sure I.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Understand at least blackmail a Jace so. Which I. Look, first of all, I cannot fully endorse you doing this.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

No, of course.

[Jordan Harbinger]

You definitely, definitely, definitely want your attorney to handle it in a way that is not going to be blackmail. Ok. The reason this might be effective Is it makes it sound like an investigation is a lot more likely, especially if your lawyer can work in the fact that the authorities have already been in touch with you about this, which is true. Even though you reached out to them, that is going to scare the shit out of her. And if that's too aggro for you, the Gray Jordan version of this, which is probably a little bit more, I don't know, legal, you could say to her, hey, I know we don't get along right now, but we're co parenting our son and I frankly. Look, all of our bullshit aside, I am worried right now because the FBI called and they're in touch with about the PPP fraud stuff. What do you want me to do? And again, run that by your attorney first. But that might buy you some goodwill with her. Maybe she goes like, oh, my God, okay, at the end of the day, we are co parenting our son and oh my God, he has my balls in a vice because the FBI called him. You're really sort of subtly communicating that you have leverage here, but you're framing it like you want to do what she wants you to do because for the benefit of your son. And that's probably a little bit more kosher than having your attorney tell her that you're going to cooperate with the authorities if she doesn't drop the litigation, which is blackmail, by the way, slash extortion.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

You know, I'm just thinking about question two, the stepmother of the chaotic daughter, and how part of the reason that she's fighting so hard with her stepdaughter might be to stave off some painful feelings. And I wonder if our friend here might be going through something similar. Like if he decides to stop escalating this with the authorities, he has to accept that his ex got away with all of this. Not just the fraud, but also the poor parenting and everything that she's doing to him in the courts, which is really upsetting. It's just really interesting. I mean, the big theme of today's episode seems to be what would I have to contend with and what would I then have to grieve if I stopped fighting for the improbable outcome that.

[Jordan Harbinger]

I really want, right? Sadness, anxiety, grief. In the case of the stepmom, anger, impotence, resentment. And I guess also some grief. In this guy's case, totally.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

You know, he's grieving his ability to hold his ex to account. He's grieving his belief in the justice, justice system. And he's also holding all of this anger and sadness about his son and what he had to go through.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Yeah, it just grinds my gears. She gets to commit fraud and enjoy the money with seemingly no regret, and he's left holding all these difficult feelings. It just sucks.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Yes. But I will say I think his ex does have to hold some difficult feelings, even if she's not fully in touch with them. Because why else would you feel the need to defraud the government to the tune of $300,000 to get your hands on a bunch of money that is not yours so that you can neglect your child and apparently escape your own life?

[Jordan Harbinger]

That's a good point. That is its own form of punishment in the end. So, look, if you put your son in your peace first, then you can't go wrong. And maybe this is also an opportunity to enjoy the victory of that a little more. Because as much as I'd love to see your ex do a year in the pen, what you're building here is so much more important, man. It's so much more rewarding sending you and your son a big hug and wishing your ex a very stressful knock at her door one day. Good luck with all that. Go back and check out Taylor Lorenz if you haven't done so yet. The best things that have happened in my life and business have come through my network, the circle of people I know, like, and trust. And I'm teaching you how to build the same thing for yourself. The course is free. It's on the Thinkific platform. It's sixminutenetworking.com and I wish I knew this stuff 20 years ago. Dig that well, before you get thirsty. Build relationships before you need them again. Sixminutenetworking.com show notes and transcripts on the website. Deals, discounts, Ways to support the [e-mail] deals I'm JordanHarbinger on Twitter and Instagram. You can also connect with me on LinkedIn. Gabe's on Instagram. Gabriel Mizrahi this show is created in association with Podcast One. My team is Jen Harbinger, Jace Sanderson, Robert Fogarty, Ian Baird, Tata Sidlowskis, and of course, Gabriel Mizrahi. Our advice and opinions are our own, and I'm a lawyer, but I'm not your lawyer. Do your own research before implementing anything you hear on the show. Ditto Scott Payne. Remember, we rise by lifting others. Share the show with those you love. If you found the episode useful, please share it with somebody else who could use the advice we gave here today. In the meantime, I hope you Apply what you hear on the show so you can live what you learn and we'll see you next time. Discover how withholding bathroom breaks can be a strategic negotiation tactic. Why everyone should try entrepreneurship at least once. And when it's acceptable to burn bridges. I left Marvel remembered the straw that broke the camel's back. We started Image comic book. I had to create my own character, my own comic book. I pulled out this character called Spawn, somebody I created when I was a kid. When I was 16, spawn comes out.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Ends up setting a record for the.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Most sales ever by a creator that is non corporate. And I've never drawn a page for Marvel or DC since.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I think there are thousands that are.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Way, way, way, way, way better than me. I don't say that humbly. I say that as a fact. But there's another piece to it. Then there's the hustle. And I am. I am relentless on that part. What I'm not ever trying to do is slay the Giants.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I'm never going to do it. I'm not big enough.

[Jordan Harbinger]

I don't have enough resources to do it. That's not the goal. The goal is to survive amongst the giants and to thrive amongst the giants.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

And then you get to ask sort of the ironic question, why can't the Giant kill me? They've got nothing but time and effort.

[Jordan Harbinger]

And money and resources, and they can't squash me.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

And then in the toy business, I've.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Got a toy business.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I go up against the Hasbro's and Mattels of the world, and Those are Fortune 500 companies. I literally am at war against giants.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Every day of my life.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

I either accept what's in front of.

[Jordan Harbinger]

Me or I go and change it. If you're successful at art, then the byproduct of that is cash. Cash Trash to me, should be sort of the last thing in the equation. Dive deeper into these intriguing topics and more in episode 999 of the Jordan Harbinger show with Todd McFarlane. Basketball game crushed it and the day's just getting started. Now kicking it with my crew when I need a quick snack. Go go squeeze actor fruit blend with a little electrolytes Pouches are always in the star lineup Made with real fruit and select electrolytes and so tasty from workouts to hangouts to whatever's next. Igo with Gogo Squeeze Active.

[Gabriel Mizrahi]

Snag yours on your next store run. Available on Amazon.