The Jordan Harbinger Show

Episode 1256: Cheatin' Heart Yearns for Return to the Start | Feedback Friday
Release Date: December 12, 2025
Host: Jordan Harbinger
Co-Host: Gabriel Mizrahi

Episode Overview

This Feedback Friday episode combines travel stories, explorations of tradition, and in-depth listener advice. Jordan and co-host Gabriel Mizrahi open with tales from Gabriel’s trip to Japan, reflecting on cultural immersion and personal quirks. The majority of the episode is spent answering complex listener questions—from the aftermath of infidelity, to family real estate dilemmas, to ethical debates about scamming the scammers. Throughout, the hosts highlight themes of shame, communication, personal growth, boundaries, and the messy reality of family and relationships.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Gabriel’s Japan Adventures: Culture, Temples, and Tea Ceremonies

[03:15-15:46]

• Gabriel shares vibrant stories about traveling through Kyoto: temples visited, travel mishaps, and pro tips for less-touristy experiences.
  • "Go to Fushimi Inari Taisha at night because it’s open 24/7 and they light it up—there’s basically nobody there." — Gabriel, [05:14]
• Discusses the intricate, meditative Japanese tea ceremony—both its beauty and its existential tedium.
  • "It is incredibly tedious, but…also kind of exquisite. The specificity of the rituals is beautiful, but you’re also like: I just want to drink this tea.” — Jordan, [08:46]
• Humorous reflection on personal quirks and intrusive thoughts, such as Gabriel’s compulsion to lock a stranger's phone to ease his anxiety.
  • "I need to lock her phone so I can...okay. And focus on the man.” — Gabriel, [10:24]

Memorable Moment:

Gabriel’s spiritual retreat in Mount Koya unfolds into a stressful but restorative journey—losing, then retrieving, his cherished jacket, attending monk-led meditation and chanting, and reflecting on the calming, healing influence of communal rituals.

• "An hour later, at 5pm, everybody’s invited to meditate with the monks...it was so wonderful. The monk speaks for a little bit, they burn some incense, and then you just sit in silence in this beautiful room.” — Gabriel, [14:01]

2. Listener Question #1: Rekindling with the Ex After Betrayal?

[16:05-29:48]

Summary of the Letter

A woman writes in, confessing to an affair that ended her 13-year marriage, moving in with the affair partner (now her boyfriend of three years), and feeling conflicted about still loving her ex-husband. She asks whether to reveal her unresolved feelings to her current boyfriend or try to commit fully to her new relationship.

Key Themes & Insights

• Shame, Silence & Communication:

  • The letter focuses on how silence and shame, particularly around sexuality and trauma, eroded her marriage.
    • "Silence widens the abyss between you...you look for experiences outside the marriage." — Jordan, [17:15]

• Paradox of Honesty:

  • They discuss the paradox: real intimacy requires honesty, but honesty can be destabilizing if you’re still confused yourself.
    • "You would mostly be bringing your confusion to him. I think that conversation would be a lot more productive if you had just more insight." — Gabriel, [23:57]

• The Case for Therapy

  • Both co-hosts stress she needs individual therapy before making any confessions or commitments—to untangle childhood sexual and religious trauma and self-blame templates.
    • "I think it’s time to start therapy. You have some of this work—maybe a lot—to do on your own before you talk to your boyfriend." — Gabriel, [23:57]
  • This personal growth (not just “telling the truth”) is what enables genuine commitment and breaks old cycles.

• Relationship Template Origins

  • Gabriel introduces Object Relations Theory: our ability to commit and bear difficult feelings in love forms in early childhood.
    • "The capacity to love, and to stay in a relationship, depends on our ability to bear anxiety and guilt. That capacity begins when we are infants." — Gabriel, [25:37]

Advice to the Letter Writer

• Do NOT proceed with engagement before working through these issues.
  • "If you don’t slow down and dig into this stuff, you could blow up a second relationship. Or you could continue to be one foot in, one foot out." — Jordan, [28:16]
• Open up gradually to the boyfriend after gaining insight, not as an act of confusion.
• Remember: the goal is not just to “talk about feelings” but to change deep-rooted patterns.
  • "If you want to move forward, you’re going to have to go back for a time. But not back to your ex-husband—back to yourself." — Jordan, [29:48]

3. Listener Question #2: The Family Home & the Narcissistic Brother

[32:58-50:32]

Summary of the Letter

A listener inherited a home with siblings. Their unemployed, disabled brother (diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, possibly autistic) is living in the house, refusing upgrades or financial responsibility, and the rest of the family is enabling him out of guilt and fear of causing family strife.

Key Themes & Insights

• Enabling, Boundaries & Toxic Family Scripts

  • Both hosts are direct: the brother is “shamelessly mooching” and the siblings’ guilt fuels an unsustainable situation.
    • "Parents mean well, but what they do is...put the least self-sufficient child in the house and say, ‘Alright, all the siblings own it too!’" — Jordan, [34:19]
  • The “cagey” siblings’ silence signals collective avoidance and co-enabling—likely rooted in childhood dynamics.

• Practical Steps

  • Consult a real estate or landlord/tenant attorney—one who actually responds.
    • "Find somebody who calls you back. There are so many crap lawyers out there." — Jordan, [39:34]
  • Hold a sibling-only meeting to unify the non-occupying owners’ approach—before confronting the brother.
  • Be kind but firm: offer options (renovate so everyone benefits, or set a timetable for him to leave).

• On Dealing with a Diagnosed Narcissist

  • "You are dealing with a narcissist here, let's remember. He's not just like an arrogant jerk of the garden variety. You're allowed to be much less empathetic here." — Jordan, [48:42]
  • Sparing him tough consequences is actually less loving in the long run, for the siblings and even for him.

Advice to the Letter Writer

• Stop letting anxiety about worst-case legal scenarios (“what if I get sued?”) distract from the real problem—family boundaries.
• Asserting your needs is not cruelty, it's self-preservation.
  • "You gotta learn to assert yours in a healthy, fair way if you don’t want to be taken advantage of." — Jordan, [50:32]

4. Listener Question #3: Should I Mess with Online Scammers?

[51:50-57:26]

Summary of the Letter

A listener likes to mess with “pig butchering” (investment scam) text message scammers to waste the scammers’ time, but has learned that many such scammers are actually trafficking victims working under duress. Is it ethical to continue this?

Key Themes & Insights

• The moral dilemma: many scammers are themselves victims, working under threat of violence in cyber-slavery rings.
  • "You’re sometimes hearing from literal slaves who have to do this in order to not get beaten or abused...It’s so dark.” — Jordan, [53:47]
• The impact of distracting a few scammers is likely negligible, given the size and scale of global online scams.

Advice to the Letter Writer

• If anything, instead ask the scammer if they’re safe and help get info to authorities—some listeners have helped rescue trafficked victims this way.
  • "Ask them: are you being held against your will? Are you stuck in a call center? See if they engage.” — Gabriel, [55:35]
• For a real impact, support anti-trafficking organizations or help spread awareness.
• For more context, check out:
  • Episodes with Nathan, Paul Southern and Lindsay Kennedy (833 and 1145)
  • Winston Sterzel (737)

5. Listener Question #4: Making the Most of a Government Layoff

[63:16-67:11]

• Advice for a recently laid-off federal employee: Maintain networking; use freed-up time for reading (both fiction and non-fiction), tackling neglected life tasks, and reflecting purposefully on career direction.
  • "Books are usually the first thing that falls away when you’re too busy, which is such a shame because there’s so much great stuff to learn..." — Jordan, [63:45]
• Combine “life audits” (clearing digital and physical clutter) with outreach (even just replying to old emails)—it’s all networking.
• Consider using this downtime for projects or articles that reinforce/create professional relationships.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Japanese tea ceremony:
  "It is incredibly tedious, but…also kind of exquisite. The specificity of the rituals is beautiful, but you’re also like: I just want to drink this tea.” — Jordan, [08:46]

• On the aftermath of infidelity:
  "The silence and shame created isolation and distance…so you look for experiences and feelings outside the marriage." — Jordan, [17:15]

  "If you don’t slow down and give yourself time to dig into this stuff, you could blow up a second relationship." — Jordan, [28:16]

• On enabling family dysfunction:
  "You are dealing with a narcissist here...He can probably view other people only as tools, as means to an end...And that probably makes you, in his view, a way to get free housing." — Jordan, [48:42]

• On scammers who are forced labor:
  "You're sometimes hearing from literal slaves who have to do this in order to not get beaten or abused or abandoned in a country where they probably live illegally...It’s so dark." — Jordan, [53:47]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Japan stories & tea ceremony reflections: [03:15–15:46]
• Q1: Infidelity, regret, therapy needed: [16:05–29:48]
• Q2: Inheritance, narcissistic brother dilemma: [32:58–50:32]
• Q3: Messing with scammers (and their plight): [51:50–57:26]
• Q4: Making use of downtime after a layoff: [63:16–67:11]

Episode Tone

Conversational, humorous, and deeply compassionate. Jordan and Gabriel are candid in their advice, empathetic to the pain and confusion of listener dilemmas, and unafraid to skewer both themselves and the world’s absurdities.

Further Resources

• Nathan, Paul Southern, and Lindsay Kennedy on pig butchering/cyber-slavery: Episodes 833 & 1145
• Winston Sterzel on Chinese scam centers: Episode 737
• Bradley Smoker Recommendation: bradleysmokers.com/jordan [62:05]
• Newsletter Sign-Up: jordanharbinger.com/news

This summary captures the key advice, insights, wit, and humanity of Episode 1256—ensuring value and context even for those who haven’t listened.