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- [00:01]
A
Welcome to the Joy Broadcast with me, Ali Mortimer. I was once upon a time an IT consultant, recoding systems in the retail industry to function better. And now I'm turned a life consultant and joy coach where I'd like to think I reprogram and recode hearts, minds, souls and lives to feel better. This podcast, the Joy Broadcast, is a way to bring joy to your life, whatever the weather, whatever you're doing. So you feel a pocket or of positivity in every single day. If, like me, you've once upon a time found yourself wondering whether you will ever be happy again or if you're just staring at the kitchen sink wondering how you'll get through the next 10 minutes, this podcast is for you. Get you a glimmer of hope, a dose of happiness or an infusion of joy right here, right now. Welcome to the Joy Broadcast. Welcome back to the Joy Broadcast. And today I have a really fabulous guest with me today, not only because we share the same sound surname, but because she has just helped me learn how to breathe properly, which was very funny because I went to a networking event and she was teaching everybody how to breathe and my tummy didn't do what it was meant to do. So I went for a private session with Louise and she taught me how to breathe properly. Louise, welcome to the Joy Podcast.
- [01:16]
B
Thank you very much for having me on the Joy Podcast. It's a joy to be here.
- [01:20]
A
It really is a joy. I had the most amazing session with you at the beginning of the summer. I always go back to lying on your studio floor and I had an out of body experience. You had to put me back in my body, didn't you? Just like you took me on the most amazing journey.
- [01:34]
B
Yeah.
- [01:34]
A
And I felt so good after it. I learned how to breathe.
- [01:36]
B
Yeah, we went through a little bit of mechanics to begin with because she felt like sometimes people get confused. It's belly out on the inhale and then belly back and you were sort of like moving around and I always see those people in the crowd and I'm like, okay, that's fine. And it's just about sort of engaging with that diaphragm in the belly and this breathe into the belly that everyone's always saying. But yeah, finding that new rhythm.
- [01:58]
A
So breath work. Yes, I think I didn't know what breath work was. I got confused between the difference between breath work and meditation. Could you explain the semantics between the two so that people who are listening can understand? Because there is a very big difference, isn't there?
- [02:13]
B
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I think, like, with all these mindful practices, anything that's getting us out of the head and into the body, that's a modality. So we've got like meditation, breathwork. It could be crafting or reading a book. Something that's just getting you moving. So the difference between meditation and breath work is where meditation is just about that focus on the mind to have awareness of the thoughts, but dropping into the body, which people do find quite difficult because that landing into the body is, you know. You know, we don't really know how to do it. Whereas, yeah, I had that. And then when I came to breath work, it's more functional. So it's like that procedure of going through the inhales and exhales and counting those breaths, engaging that diaphragm and slowing down those breaths to go in coherence with the heart, maybe, or anything like that. But it's that structure of that inhale and exhale being navigated a little bit differently. So what we did to begin with was the downregulating. So it was like.
- [03:08]
A
That's right.
- [03:09]
B
Breathing in and out.
- [03:10]
A
Yeah, I just always remember it was like that. I was. It was almost like a circular breath. It was like I was going around watching my belly rise. Well, I wasn't watching as I shut, but I just remember just thinking it was very much a circular movement. I love how you talk about the science. When I've heard you talk about, you know, the work that you do, you talk very much about the science behind the power of the breath. Could you explain that?
- [03:35]
B
So there's like three different sort of pillars of breath work for me. We've got our functional side, which is two pillars, which is up regulating and down regulating. So that's very much about sort of our nervous system health and how our heart rate is going. You'll normally find when people are breathing quite short or have shorter breaths, our heart rate matches that. So when we breathe in, our heart rate goes up, but when we breathe out, our heart rate goes down. So if you're breathing quite short and shallow through the mouth with a lot of people do when we're in that, maybe fight or flight or high cortisol with stress, we end up with quite short breaths. But then what happens with that is the heart rate will match that and then the heart rate will go quicker. So then we're sort of in this hyper state of the heart rate and the breath together. So what we do in those up regulating and down regulating, specifically downregulated. We slowed down the Breaths we try and come through the nose rather than the mouth. So then we can slow down the heart rate and navigate that nervous system. Clicking from that sympathetic, that fight or flight into parasympathetic, which is our rest and digest. And that's all done through the breath, through a different things. So sort of like navigating the length of the breath, like I said, slows down the heart rate. But when we breathe in that way through the diaphragm, it also stimulates our vagus nerve which runs from the neck. We've probably heard about it being around here. But also runs all the way through the middle of the diaphragm. So when we engage that belly and get those nice slow breaths, it engages that slowing down or that click into parasympathetic that rest and digest a little bit more. So there's like three different ways with that functional side where we can downregulate. But also on the flip side of that, the upregulating, we can quicken. Like the breaths like where we do the diaphragm pumping, you might have seen like pranayama and where we're going a little bit quicker. And that activates like sympathetic, but not in a bad way because it's like a click into focus and clarity and getting us ready and that energy flowing through the body. So the way that we navigate on.
- [05:30]
A
The functional side, because the adrenaline is good.
- [05:32]
B
Yeah. And it's like that clicking, it's like that, it's, you know, when we're doing those quicker, the heart rate's going a little bit, but then we get that fine focus. So we really pump that blood around the body and then we're creating that fine tuned focus to get us ready, you know, for anything that we're doing. I used to do it before like big meetings, you know, if I've got an afternoon slump doing something a bit more upregulating. But that's like the functional side. So the up and down regulating. And then there's another pillar which I like to say is activating types of breath work, which is the type that you came to me to, to the studio. And that's more of a high ventilation type breath work. It's through the mouth, it's in a circle. We don't have pauses. And then that creates a change in the physiology of our blood which in turn changes the brain waves.
- [06:15]
A
Oh my God. It's fascinating.
- [06:16]
B
It's sort of like. Yeah. So then when we breathe like that, like I said, it creates that physiological change where the left side of our brain is for thinking and the right side of our brain is for feeling. So in that turn, it slowly shuts down that logical side, that scanning side of the brain, and opens up that more subconscious emotional side. And that's when things come through and we can just rest deeply into the body. Sometimes people can have physicality and shake a little bit. Sometimes there can be emotions, both sides of the spectrum, joy, gratitude and a little bit of sadness. We might have seen people crying in the sessions, but it's both sides, so it like opens up, it sort of drops the layers and the noise so we can open up to the feeling. But yeah, that's the three main pillars for me that I like to stick to. And I think people understand that. Most functional side, day to day nervous system regulation, bringing us back into that focus and clarity. And then the other side, the activation side, which is like deep stress relief tension and opening up to some like shadow work where people are working through like maybe deep grief or trauma or emotions. I do work with a few entrepreneurs now and like founders where they use that breath work for stress relief tension to be fine tuned in their sort of like business endeavors. So it's like the aptitude of how we're using it.
- [07:39]
A
So if we're thinking about the majority of women who I work with who are listening to this podcast, that they are typically those women in the higher positions in work, in their life, they've got a lot going on, you know, a lot going on in the boardroom. They're leading a big team, they've got families, they've probably got elderly parents. There is a lot. They've got relationships, they've got, they're holding space and holding everyone together basically. And that can get very, very stressful. So if we were to use a typical breath work technique to help kind of like calm, what would you say is the best one that they could do if they said they only had like five minutes to, I suppose regulate what you're saying, that nervous system, what's the best thing that they can do for. For that kind of sort of slowing that heart rate down.
- [08:23]
B
Yeah. So I always say this to people who've got like busy lives and they're thinking, oh, I couldn't bear to cram something else in. It doesn't have to be these half an hour hour practices. It can just be one song and I always start people off with that. So you pick a song that resonates for you, something that brings you, because we're here, a little bit of joy and happiness. Just something that you connect with. And that can be any genre. It's yours, you choose. And I always say, put that song on. And we're not going to do any count in. And you just let that air come in and it's going to be a seamless inhale and exhale through the nose. We let that air come in and then we use that same amount of air, but we do it double time out to really slow it down. Let the air come in.
- [09:03]
A
Got you.
- [09:04]
B
Slow it out. And you just cycle through that. No counting. And if the mind is running off and trying to be fast, we pull it back into the body. That feeling in the nose, in the belly. And after a little while, after you cycle through, you'll notice that state, that feeling. Your shoulders might just drop a little bit. You might just feel like, okay, yeah, that's fine. And you keep that hyper vigilance with that. Just that inhale, slowing down, that exhale, inhale. And it's. It can be just as simple as that. Pocket it into the day, you know, or just when you need it.
- [09:34]
A
Yeah, that word. Hyper vigilant. You know, these women are often hyper vigilant for everything outside of them. So if they need to keep that state of hyper vigilance, just use that breath, be hyper vigilant about your breathing and bring it back to yourself and listen to the music. I mean, music is so powerful for me. And I have a variety of different songs, depending on what kind of state I'm in, to know that, well, I'm feeling like I've got a lot of emotion that needs to be released. So there's a sad song. I know exactly what I'd pick for that one. If there's one where I'm feeling kind of like frustrated, there's almost like a more swampy song that I need to use to help those motions flow. I love that. And just. And, you know, two, three minutes. Isn't it really just to be hyper vigilant about the breath? I love that. What about the other way?
- [10:14]
B
So the other way in what way? So in the one where we're upregulating.
- [10:17]
A
Yeah. So say, for example, like you were saying, you're about to go and speak on stage, or if you've got to go and present something or, you know, when. When you need that, you know, you do need to take yourself into the positive, you know, sympathetic state to say, I need that adrenaline. I need that adrenaline rush to keep me laser focused and sharp. And, you know, that's. I'm going in And I want to be in that realm. State of clarity and focus. What's the breathing technique for that one?
- [10:42]
B
So that's a little bit different. So that would be sort of like a Kabbalah Bhatti or something Pranayama, where we pump the diaphragm. So what that does is rather than you naturally taking the air in, we pump that diaphragm so it physically pushes that air out. So you can't quite see me, but you take the air in and it'd be like a.
- [11:04]
A
Got you. Yeah. So short, sharp lifts.
- [11:06]
B
Yeah, so it's. You're pushing the air out and just letting that air come in naturally. And that's something, something that you train on and you do it like short ones. You might just do three sets of 10.
- [11:14]
A
Yeah.
- [11:15]
B
I now do like three sets of 50. So then I'd sit and I do that. The only thing is you have to quite train it a little bit to get up to that. It's like anything, you know, it's like that we do a little bit. Are manageable. That becomes easy, we add a bit more on. That becomes easy, we add a little bit more on. And it's sort of that added thing where you're like, you feel like you're doing something progressively. That capacity for the body and like, oh, look what I can do now just with the breath. I find it really beautiful.
- [11:42]
A
Well, the, the diaphragm is a muscle, isn't it? So it's like, you know, when I was watching you just do the Kabbalah Bhatti. Did I say it right?
- [11:49]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [11:51]
A
Watching you, it's. I went to Pilates Reformer for the, for the first time in a very, very long time today. And it was. We were pulsing. You know, it's like you in a squat and it's pulse. It's almost like I was watching you pulse your diaphragm. It's. It's like that. It's not the big squats up and down. It's just like the pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse of that muscle. And you're right, you know, the more you, you pulse, the stronger it gets. So the more reps you're going to be able to do. It's just another work of a muscle, right?
- [12:18]
B
Absolutely. It's the only muscle in the body as well that flattens when it contracts. So it's sort of like a muscle like this that comes from all the front of the sternum all the way back to the spine, and it's connected all the way around the ribs. And so then through that tissue and it flattens.
- [12:32]
A
Yes.
- [12:33]
B
So what happens is when we contract, it flattens and it changes that volumetric capacity. And that's what pulls the air in. We're not physically, like sucking the air in. It's about that, you know, the diaphragm that's moving constantly and those muscles in between the ribs that open out and close down and allow us. And it's like anything we train the muscle. Unfortunately, there is a flip side to that, and I always like to mention that as women, we are conditioned to suck it in a lot. You know, I always say in classes, and I'm like, can we just let those bellies out, please? And if you're wearing a tight bra, I want it off just because that restriction on the body, I want to feel the movement. So, like, that intrinsic thing that we've all seemed to do, you know, like that thing, it feels quite opposite then to sort of like let it hang out and push everything down into the belly. So that's sometimes something that people have to get past as well. Like really forcing that belly out and then taking it back in just to get that breath. But feeling that muscle, it's just something we work. It gets harder. You know, if you do a lot of exercise, it's the same thing because it's going to be pumping quite a lot. It might be a little bit tight. So, yeah, it's just like any other muscle, really.
- [13:38]
A
I suppose the. The key is in the name. It's breath work. It's working your breath, working the muscles that enable you to breathe better, to. To feel better, I suppose, to feel.
- [13:50]
B
Yeah.
- [13:50]
A
Well, ultimately, what I'm here for, to help people feel more joy.
- [13:54]
B
Yeah. And I think for me, no matter what type of breathwork you're doing, whether it's, you know, getting ready for the day down, regulating after a long day, or opening yourself up to maybe things in the shadow. It's all about coming back to center. That's, you know, the world demands us to be distracted, I think, you know, looking at those things and it's about pulling that energy back and going, how can I keep myself at center through these practices? And sometimes we have to go through a few layers to get to that, you know, when we're working through things or when things happen. But any type of practice, it's just about coming out of here and connecting with the body a little bit more. For me, simply put, you know, it's not simple when you look at it, but everyone's journey Is different with the work that we all put in.
- [14:36]
A
I love the concept of coming back to center. When I work with many women, they have a lot going on in their lives, as we both do. You know, it's. They have, you know, countless things, responsibilities that they are focusing on that can have them feeling like they're spinning, you know, and often other things are going to come in from left field or right field or, you know, whatever. Like, I would always get phone calls from the. From school saying, thomas Mortimer. It's an obvious break. Mrs. Mortimer will see you. And you're like, ah, you know, off we would go. Drop everything, drop everything and go. And what I think for when I speak to them, it's like that, this coming back to center and the analogy that I love to use because I always love to talk in a analogies because I just think it really helps people visualize what we're trying to say here. And roundabouts. You might be too young, Louise, for roundabouts. Do you. Did you used to go on a roundabout when you were little or had they been banned by the time that you were little?
- [15:35]
B
No, I think, yeah, they're still there.
- [15:36]
A
Yeah, roundabouts. And I always used to remember, like, when you were on the outside, it was quite exhilarating until it got really, really fast. When life felt like it was spinning too fast out there, you'd start to feel a bit sick. You didn't know where to go. The momentum meant that you were so stuck where you were, you couldn't fall off because you would kill yourself or hurt yourself, you know. But the one place you could go was to the center of the roundabout, because at the center you would stop spinning. You were like in a stage, almost like in a standstill. And that's what I love to remind women to go. To go back to the center of your spinning wheel. Because that's the bit that means that you can literally get yourself back into. You find that peace, find that calm, stop spinning out, Use the breath or whatever practice you need, whether it's music or exercise, but to come back, because if you're trying to watch everything that's spinning around you, you know, you can't find that clarity of what you want to do. But when you're back in yourself and when you've given yourself that peace of mind, that clarity of mind, that receptive mind that you've just talked about a minute ago, when you move into that right kind of feeling brain, you're opening up for that creativity, whereas your left brain is the logical. I've got to find and fix a problem, whereas actually if you open up, the solution actually ends up finding you. So when, when I know from my personal experience, and I'm sure you have as well, it's like when you give yourself that stillness and that peace of mind, the answers often just drop in because your mind is not so fixated on trying to find a solution. It's just like the answer appears. So.
- [17:05]
B
Yeah.
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A
That concept of using the breath or the breath work or meditation or whatever practice you use to come back to that, the center, I think is so powerful, but yet so many women don't give themselves that permission to stop, to stand still even for just two minutes.
- [17:20]
B
Yeah, and I do understand it as well. Like the way I like to explain that is, you know, when we're in this state where we're holding so many others families, you know, partners and our careers and everything else is a lot then to be like, how do I hold myself? It's not like we've forgotten, but it's sort of sometimes where we're having to outsource that, you know, when we go to, you know, other things. And I'm very big on community and sisterhood and you know, coming back to co regulate in some sort of way. And I think that sometimes instigates from us, we have to be sort of in that coming back to center to create those genuine connections outside of us as well, you know, and it's coming back to that point where, you know, we've not just filling from that, you know, that cliche thing from an empty cup, you know, our cup's full and it's overflowing and that autonomy and that empowerment that for me, breath work does and brings you so solidly back to who you are, that clarity and focus. And even in the, you know, days when we're not feeling great, we're like, we can trust our body and ourselves like this will pass and that's fine. We can sit. Like people say all the time, what does sitting your emotions mean? Like, what does it mean? People say it all the time. And you're like, oh, yeah. And it's just having that platform, that foundation to be able to have that, you know, if that platform is very small, you know, our fuse is a little bit short. That rest is going to become very hard because there's no platform to go inward to do that rest. So that's why you keep moving, because you're like, well, how could I stop and go inward? And it feels a bit uncomfortable in there because we've been on. On. On a lot or, you know, other things. So we're like, I'll just keep on going. And then that's the thing. Like, the body sometimes goes, you are going to rest now. And we get sick or, you know, all those things. And we've all felt like that when we're a little bit burnt out. So for me, if we can see that timeline and maybe pull it back from that center in that coming back to truly rest, we could get a lot more out of life. And those connections that we're making outside as well. And that's no fault of anybody. I'm not blaming anyone for not, you know, having that, but the way that I see it and the way that I breathe with people, the change in people is just night and day. The business, the connections, the family themselves, the care that they take of themselves is vastly improved from this autonomy that you've got from the breath, this point where you're going, I'm in control of this. I've empowered myself with the education and the understanding and the tools. You know, it's not external, it's internal. And there's a lot of power in that.
- [19:59]
A
Huge power.
- [20:00]
B
Huge power.
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A
And I think the. The piece you talk around connection, we can only really, truly connect with another if we're truly connected to ourselves.
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B
Yeah.
- [20:07]
A
You know, that. That's when you'll find that real, true, authentic connection with another person because you're. You'll attract the right type of people to you who are meant to be with you. I love that piece that you've just talked about there. And I think, just to pick up on one of the other things you just said around, you know, how do you sit with your emotions? One of the. The most beautiful poems I ever heard. When I was grieving and I was lost and, you know, I couldn't do anything other than sit with my emotions because I couldn't move. Was a poem by Remi. Have you ever heard of the Guest House? The poem?
- [20:39]
B
No. No.
- [20:40]
A
I'll have to send it to you afterwards. Yeah, it very much talks about the fact that, you know, our body is a guest house and all of our emotions are welcome. And I can't remember the exact words, but I remember meditating on the words afterwards. And I ended up recording a meditation during lockdown for it. And it's just about recognizing that, you know, anger is always welcome. And when we let anger in and we honor anger, it's about saying, well, can peace come to the door to let anger in, to remind anger how you can find peace. It's like if sadness comes to the door, let sadness in.
- [21:14]
B
Yeah.
- [21:14]
A
Because joy will remind you how you can find joy. It's those equal and opposites. It's just like all emotions are human emotions. And they're all welcome in our guest house because they teach us something, whatever that might be. Even guilt. Guilt. So many people talk about mum guilt. Well, okay. Guilt's just telling you something that you just need to address.
- [21:32]
B
Yeah.
- [21:32]
A
It's not about running from it or avoiding it or shutting it down. It's just saying it's a very welcome guest that's trying to give you a message. And if you've given yourself the stillness or use breath to actually focus on that feeling and let it flow through, then it will come in and it will go. And it's not meant to be kind of like a raging torrent of emotions which people fear is just saying, I'm welcoming you in and let's just feel.
- [21:53]
B
Yeah.
- [21:53]
A
You know, use the songs that you're talking about. Use the breath to help let these pass through your body. I think that's so important because burnout really do I believe. And having experienced it myself, as I know you have, burnout often isn't necessarily a physical burnout. You know, like if you're a marathon runner, you might burn out because you're running a lot. But typically the women I speak to, they're burning out not because they're physically doing over intense activity. It's often the emotional, mental burnout because they're not addressing what's going on in the inside.
- [22:24]
B
I always see it as like a window as well. And it's just from obviously what I've seen in people when we shut off those emotions to not feel maybe that grief or that sadness on, you know, that side of the spectrum.
- [22:35]
A
Yeah.
- [22:35]
B
We also close that window. So then you don't feel that joy and that gratitude as much. So it's like closing it down a little bit. So then when we start opening up and feeling and processing those, you know, like that grief or that sadness, we open up to feeling. So I'm someone who has always felt quite deeply, and I'm always someone who's not managed that well through life and avoided it and masked it and numbed it with lots of other things. And it wasn't until that I started getting rid of those things and opening it up. Like, I can't stop my depth of feeling. I just have to be able to manage the grief and the sadness and the anger, you know, so then I can hold joy and gratitude and happiness with, you know, actually hold it and feel it, you know, because it just. I don't want to be that person anymore who is just in the middle and, you know, trying not to feel those or have those tears, you know, or just becomes overwhelmed by not having the capacity to hold them. And I think that's just my journey. Like, I know not everyone feels as deeply as everybody else, you know, everyone's got their own capacity. But I just want to make sure that everyone more, especially if they're coming to breathe with me, has that capacity and that awareness that this is what it could be, you know, if we do, you know, coming back to center as always, you know, and it seems like a simple cue. And the only reason I don't, like, elaborate on how we do that or what we do is because every single person, although we have lungs and a heart and a nervous system, every single one of us has a different lived experience. So for me, as a facilitator and a space holder and a coach, I have to meet everybody individually as they are. Classes are a little bit different in groups, you know, but still meeting every single person with any emotion that's coming, with any energy that's coming. So that's how I have to, like, meet everybody. So there's never, like, a special protocol or, you know, a reset or something for me, because everybody's different. We just have to see the tools and figure out what works for us individually, like, in a bespoke way. Because we might not like something or we might be forcing ourselves to do mindful practices just because it's the thing that gets us into that place when actually we don't like doing it. And it's one of those where there could be 15 other things that we could do. And I'm always saying that, like, if it's not breath work or if I'm not the person to come to, please tell me, because I've got 15 other people that I could put you in touch with that you might resonate better with. My main aim is just that people explore that connection to self and try breath work. Because I think people think it's a little bit of a placebo. Like, they can't fathom that this thing that we've got with us all the time, we could just navigate it differently. Those inhales and exhales.
- [25:21]
A
Could it be that simple?
- [25:22]
B
Exactly. And I get that all the time. I get that, oh, we're already breathing. I don't get it as much anymore because I'm pretty, you know, open with everything, but it is, you know, it's not as simple as that, but on paper, it is as simple as that. You know, just carving out those songs or coming to a class or joining something online, it's, you know, it is just about exploring and seeing what connects with you and makes your nervous system feel safe, what makes you feel safe.
- [25:50]
A
How did you find breath work?
- [25:51]
B
So I started meditating at a very dark time. I started doing Headspace, you know, like the three packs that they've got. Yeah, yeah. And I did those, and I never really got that aha moment, but I was on antidepressants at the time, and I was very, very low. And I just had this thing where there's got to be something better than this, you know, that I was going through. So I started cold dipping outside. I was same as everybody else. Like, come on. Like, this can't be the thing that makes me feel alive. And I went there and I got in and I was like, oh, my God. Like, I think I'd felt for the first time in my body for a very, very long time. And then from there, ended up doing a bit of research, found breath work, and just tried everything and anything that I could try. YouTubes, apps, went to a few classes, you know, went to a few events and just really solidified. It worked on myself for a really long time before I even trained. And I think it had to solidify in my bones that, oh, my God, like, I've got myself off antidepressants. I've realized that I've probably just been a very anxious woman for a very long time. Perfectionism, victim mentality, all those things that just come encompassed with bad mental health, I just unpicked and unpicked each one and just sort of, like, shone a light on it and was working through that, through every single type of breath work modality that I use. And it's just, if I can do it, just, you know, someone who didn't want to be here anymore was depressed, anxious with the breath, and, you know, I was in talking therapy. And I always say that's a great thing to find your story. But I'd been in therapy for, like, two years, and it was fantastic, and it helped, but I felt like I'd sort of talked it to the end of its thing. I knew my story, but that feeling, those triggers were still very much there. So with all the breath work and these bigger practices to open up and go through these cathartic resets and then underpinning it with these daily practices, I was like, you know what? Like, I'm. I'm really fixing myself. Healing, processing, whatever you want. I hate the terminology. And when people use too much on that. So whatever anybody wants to use for their journey. But for me, it did feel like I was fixing myself. I did feel very much broken. Like, that's how I use those words. But, yeah, every practice that I use, everything that I create is for me then, like that nine years ago. Because I think if that can help that person, I wasn't alone. There's thousands and thousands of people going through that as well. So it has to be that thing. I just had to create a version of me that could meet people exactly where they're at with strength and integrity. And I feel like I'm doing a pretty good job of that at the moment. You know, I still have my down days, but this year has been. I know. And that's the thing. And I think that's very honest. Like, I think you can get in this sound chamber of people. You know, you're very honest. I love that about you. When you're not having a good date, you're open and honest about it. You show your vulnerability, and I find that really beautiful. I feel like I'm the same. I think it's just always had that tinge of still feeling a bit victimy for me, attached to my story, but I'm very open. You know, it's been like, I'm not having a great day or my energy is a bit off, but when I'm having a good day, everyone will know about it. You know, it's like, it's that sharing. It's. You know, I think it's very much.
- [29:11]
A
It goes back to the community piece that you talk about.
- [29:13]
B
Absolutely.
- [29:14]
A
Creating that support network around you, but also knowing that you can support yourself through the modalities that you're talking about. Yeah, it's both.
- [29:20]
B
And that's it. You know, I feel like sometimes, especially when people are coming to work with me, I'm the person that holds you until you can hold yourself. My strength, my integrity, the education that I'll. Because education is empowerment. I say this all the time. I love going to sessions and just feeling and having those things, but I understand it. And I knew that other people would find that connection with breath work a lot more like, what is it actually doing? Oh, that's that muscle. And then it's not just the inhales and exhales. It's like, oh, no, I can feel that moving. I Can feel, you know, and it's that awareness and that connection with it.
- [29:56]
A
That's how I felt. It was like, what am I doing? But when I could understand the physiology of it, it was, yeah, oh, now I get it now. Now I can feel it and now I can see it. Now I'm embodying it.
- [30:07]
B
And it's sort of like on that line of not as intellectualizing it to have that grasp of it. But I think it is just the understanding of the body. Like we don't have that much, you know, we'll pick up things and you know, the wellness and well being and nutrition scene is fantastic. But there's a lot of charlatans out there as well where you sort of like what's right and what's wrong. And so just trying to be a voice in education where you might still look at me and go, I'm not sure on that. But just being integral with it, it's linked to science. But there's still a lot of things that we can explain. Like the out of body experience that you said, you know, that subconscious altered state because that's what that breath work practices, it's an altered state, like hypnotherapy or psilocybin. I always mention sort of like psilocybin and things because there's a lot of research coming out that's linking high ventilation work to that and the unlocking of the subconscious. You know, there's a lot of people out there who are like wanting that connection to self. And sometimes it's on those daily practices, sometimes you have to go a bit deeper and it's all welcome, you know, it's all just about us all being these thriving human beings where, you know, we've got deep connections, we can feel joy and gratitude, but we can also shed a few tears and not feel like we shouldn't be doing that. You know, I work with men as well and I think that's a beautiful way for men to connect with their center emotionally without having the words yet, because we know that that's a tricky thing for men. So when I do breathe with men, they can feel it, pack it, you know, into their situation. And then once they see that, then they can start explaining it because they're sort of like a different way to us. And where we explain it, you know, women have always had this avenue to share. Like we've always been brought up to be a little bit more vulnerable. Typically, you know, we can share with our friends and we can have a little bit of a gossip it can we be like saying how I feel. And men just don't have that the majority of the time, you know. So I think like all these. Yeah. And I think these modalities, these deep ones and the daily ones are just so beautiful, you know, you don't have to have the words, you don't have to share anything, but please connect with the body and feel. Because I think everyone would benefit from that, you know, just from what I've seen and how that does affect, like they could shed a tear and not feel the shame around that. That masculinity and, you know, can be open and explain and express how they feel because they've actually felt it first rather than trying to find words with. And that's men and women. You know, some women are just like, oh, it's just a feeling. It's not a particular one, it's just a feeling. Yeah.
- [32:43]
A
And finding the words to express it because they've actually allowed themselves to feel it rather than repress it, suppress it, avoid it, run from it, make it mean something bad about them if they have a feeling.
- [32:54]
B
Yeah. And that's it. It's just the thing. That's the container. It's just feel. It doesn't have to. An explanation. It doesn't have. Sometimes I have, like. Because I still breathe in this way regularly, I'll sometimes just have one solitary tear and it'll feel like the biggest relief. And it's not attached to a situation. It's not attached to a person or a conversation. My body needed to feel something and I allowed it to feel.
- [33:19]
A
That's beautiful, isn't it? I allowed my body to feel.
- [33:21]
B
Yeah. It achieves in time for me. You know, I've lived a life where I've come very overwhelmed and reacted in ways which I didn't want to. I knew that wasn't me. You know, sometimes when I was upset, you know, be crying in Asda over the lack of custard creams on the. You know, just like simple, simple things that you just lose it, you know, the final straw. The final straw. So now and, you know, navigating that, I choose when to show up for myself and maybe express that emotion. If I live in, like, if I'm very busy and I don't get to, you know, stop and reflect, which I do a lot now. But I choose when to show up and go inward deeply and express those emotions and shed that stress and that tension. Because it's all held in the body, you know, stored, held, you know, it's all held we know when we're holding those shoulders or we've got that neck pain, lower back pain, see it a lot. And it's just the body, we're just not allowing it to feel. But it's hard to let it feel and rest when we don't have that platform. And it's just that incremental building. Just like anything, our bodies are incredible.
- [34:30]
A
It's always trying to tell us something. So you're talking about that, that mind body connection, aren't you? If you're feeling heavy in your shoulders or having your heart or sick, is often our body trying to tell us that we need to address something. And if we don't allow ourselves to connect with our body to find out where that's coming from, it will stay heavy and heavy and heavier, I think.
- [34:47]
B
Yeah, yeah. And typically, like you were saying earlier, like we're all busy, you know, we've all got jobs. I'm not a parent, so I can't imagine how women do it. I've got such respect for mothers holding the household and, you know, being ambitious and driven in a career, in a world that's not really built for that, you know, and then having to feel and connect and put time aside for self, you know, it's hard work and I acknowledge that a lot. That's why I try and make it as simple as possible. Start off with a song, then we'll go to five minutes. Got ten minutes. Cool. We'll do a ten minute practice. But there's never shame or judgment. You just try and slot it in. And I think there's a beauty of with breath work, when we start feeling that shift of state, we start seeing things that used to maybe annoy us or really trigger us. And we're like, huh, that used to really annoy me and now it doesn't as much. I can respond, not react. That's when you add it in more. That's when you start carving in the time because you're like, oh, this is a thing that lets me slow down and I'm way more efficient and I can think better and I have got that clarity. Like you were saying, there might be 10 decisions and options on the table and you mulling over it and you've spent days mulling over if we've got that clarity of thought. You're like, well, it's that one. It's always been that one.
- [36:04]
A
I think the hardest thing for so many women is that they're so conditioned or so in a habit of doing it in a certain way to not look after the themselves. To actually make the decision to put themselves first, even for just that one song can be that. But I don't have time for that. It's like, well, try it. If you try it and experience and then see the benefit, then you'll recognize. Yeah, the benefit, absolutely. Of doing it. You don't. Don't wait until you have the wake up call or the life event that forces you to. To take stock.
- [36:34]
B
Yeah. And that was. That's just my particular journey. Like I was forced to stop, you know, physically, mentally, emotionally, you know, and that was the wake up call for me. But there was always that hope. There's always that hope, that little flame going. You've still got it. Keep going. And then you just feed into it, keep going. And that's what I see. I, you know, I don't see as many people in that sort of downstair. I would support people, but it's like, you know, we've all felt anxious, you know, we've all felt sadness that we don't want to feel. And I think with breath work, it just makes it a little bit easier. We trust ourselves a lot more.
- [37:13]
A
It's not just about the feeling then, is it? It's like you're feeling, but there's also something else for you to focus on other than just the feeling, in a way. Yeah, that regulator. I'm gonna dive into my box of joyful questions.
- [37:24]
B
Okay.
- [37:24]
A
Let's see what comes up. Nothing scary. Oh, do you know what? This is the weirdest thing I thought. I bet you if I get out my box of questions, I'll end up asking Louise this question. And it's this question.
- [37:36]
B
We've had quite a few synchronicities like this.
- [37:40]
A
So funny. Okay, if life was a movie, what would your audience be shouting at you right now to do?
- [37:46]
B
Oh, you know what? And it's the hardest thing to admit. Stop giving yourself such a hard time, such a powerful message, you know? I know, I know. And I'm very, you know, transparent with, you know, I'm newly self employed. I left a, you know, full career to do this full time. You know, I was in sales for 10 years. So I'm always trying to be the best for the people that come to me. So that's a task in itself while building a business and trying to do everything on top of that and not saying no to things. So I think it's. Yeah, I'm always like quite on, on on, but very pressured. Like not feeling the pressure of that because obviously I've got all the tools, so it's always sort of like a self fulfilling thing. But yeah, be a bit, maybe easier on myself sometimes.
- [38:33]
A
I bet there'll be so many people listening to this podcast who would probably actually take note of what you've just said there. You know, the, the self talk, the self flagellation. Do better. You can do better. Keep going. Push, push, push. And it's just like, my goodness. But everybody else is just applauding you, going, oh my God, you're amazing. You're brilliant. Brilliant. And it's like, how can we change that narrative in our head to actually say rather than. I remember having a book once that a friend, a client friend and a client, she gave it to me and she shit to do on the front and I crossed it out and I put shit that got done because I think we're so focused on what we have yet to do. You know, there's a never ending to do list, especially if you're an entrepreneur, especially if you're a parent, especially if you've got, you know, many responsibilities. The list is never ending. But it's about saying, well, actually, let me see what I have done because actually that's worth celebrating. And I've done enough today, so Enough. Take me.
- [39:24]
B
Yeah, love that. And I am good. It's sort of like it's still there, but it's like pulling it back in, isn't it? It's. And I'm a perfectionist. It's one of the things that I'm working on constantly. But aim high.
- [39:38]
A
Always look at it. What do they say? Shoot for the moon and you'll land amongst the stars. I think it's that. Just be happy. Yeah, do that and let's go. Cliche. Enjoy your journey while you're there.
- [39:50]
B
Yeah, I know. Yeah, not the end point.
- [39:53]
A
Not the end point. Okay, another one. If you could live one joyful day, what would you fill your day with and what would you do?
- [39:59]
B
Oh, I definitely have a lion. I love a lion. So I'd have a lazy lion and then get up, go for a walk, get some lovely brunch somewhere, hopefully with a table full of my favorite women. And yeah, just like a summer's day, hopefully just very.
- [40:19]
A
There must be a cold swim. I always see you with your lovely. Yeah, lovely mats and in a. In summer. Delightful.
- [40:25]
B
Yeah, definitely saying that. We've just come off retreat and Janet's foss. We go in either at sunrise at nightfall, but the rain was so bad, so she was wild. So we didn't end up getting in at all. So, yeah, something's very similar. Like, crisp day, lovely brunch, gorgeous dip. Just with my favorite people would definitely be it. Yeah. And then some alone time.
- [40:47]
A
Gonna pick you up. And you said, I'm gonna pick you up. You said, I'm gonna have a lazy lion. Why is a lion lazy?
- [40:52]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [40:52]
A
It's not funny. The words that we use. It's just like a lovely, lovely lion. Allow yourself. A lovely lion.
- [40:57]
B
Yeah, a lovely lion. Yeah.
- [41:00]
A
Take a lovely lion.
- [41:01]
B
It is that. It's all the terminology. Yeah. Lovely lion.
- [41:04]
A
What do you think the biggest lesson you have learned this year would be? If you're not winning, you're learning. One of my favorite phrases. One of my clients said that to me once. She said, if you're not winning, you're learning. So what do you think you've learned this year? What's your biggest lesson? It's probably many.
- [41:19]
B
It's been a. It's been a year. I think the biggest lesson for me this year would be I see the potential in people. It's benefits when I work with people and things. But I think, yeah, seeing the potential in people sometimes is not the best thing. I'm a helper. Everyone's winning, if I'm winning, kind of person. And I think I could have stopped myself from a few hardships if I'd have walked away from a few things. Rather than trying to do the best.
- [41:48]
A
For others, do the best for yourself.
- [41:49]
B
Not in like a. Yeah, just sort of like partnerships and things like that. It's. Yeah, yeah. I think you can see yourself, can't you? But in a positive way. Like, that's not a negative. It's like everyone benefits. Rather than trying to go too far down the road.
- [42:05]
A
Yeah, you're learning. You've got to trust your gut, haven't you, to know what's right.
- [42:08]
B
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
- [42:11]
A
Connect with yourself. You'll know. Like you said before, it's like when you're in your head trying to fathom out the answer. So that's not the way. It's like.
- [42:16]
B
No.
- [42:16]
A
That one intuitively, instinctively, gut knowing.
- [42:20]
B
Yeah.
- [42:21]
A
What's your biggest fear and what steps are you taking to overcome it?
- [42:24]
B
My biggest fear is being seen, which, if anybody knows me, feels like that's crazy because I love being the center of attention and I love being on a stage. I think for a very long time, I've masked working in sales, just being anxious. So stepping into my authenticity and my strength and my power is always done quite lightly. It's. It's a scary thing to take that step fully into who you are when you've hidden behind a lot of things for a long time. So I see the fear and I step through it firmly, but the fear is still there. You know, it's one of those being on social media, having to be front facing and things like that. It's mainly online, in person, it's, it's not too much. But yeah, I think social media and being out there is, it's a hard one to navigate.
- [43:13]
A
You know, generally, I think what I remember thinking once when you have a big dream and especially if you're a visionary and especially if you're running a business and you've got kind of things to do, there's always going to be fear because I think fear comes hand in hand with the dream because it's unknown. You know the dream, you don't know, you don't know the way, you've not been there before. So fear is always going to be there as your protector. Just saying you've not done this before and it's just, it's just somebody trying to protect you and that's all it's trying to do. Yeah, I remember working last year through a lot of fears about, you know, being massively seen because I've been burnt by a lot of trolling and hatred, people I knew, people I didn't know. And it's always going to be there and I just remember reframing it and saying, do you know what I know very, very clearly. Like you're talking about authenticity, authenticity and knowing yourself and knowing your mission and knowing what you want to do it. That helped me be very, very clear on what I was here to do and who I was here to help and how I was meant to do it. So anyone who wanted to sling mud at me rather than to make me get back in my box, it was more like thank you for reminding me how important this is for me. And you're not somebody I'm here for. I'm here for the people who are there to listen. And I think that's what we have to remember when we are here and we have a mission to help, to be in service to people. There are people who are singing our praises and talking about us, but we, those are the people that we focus on and just let the people who are trying to shoot us down, make us rise higher. That I just saw it as fuel my fire. You'll feel my fire now rather than firing me down. That's how I see it and I'M.
- [44:45]
B
Really feeding into that. Like, I've not really had that much negative thing. It's all in my mind. It's all in me. You know, I see that. You know, I think it's one of those. And I think it's just accepting that. I think I heard it on a podcast and I can't remember where it was. And then someone reaffirmed it to me. They went, louise, you've got a gift. Like, you know, you do help people deeply.
- [45:06]
A
Yeah.
- [45:07]
B
So by you not stepping through that fear and being seen and getting that word out there and people being, you know, you're stopping people accessing your energy and your services just because the minute.
- [45:19]
A
How dare you deny them your magic. How dare you? How dare you.
- [45:23]
B
But isn't that, isn't that such a hard thing to hold as well as someone who, who's not being self, you know, who has been self conscious and has maybe had very low self worth for a long time? You know, that's always going to be a work in progress for me. You know, I am very strong and very confident in myself. But it's always that thing of, you've got to accept those versions that. That's something I've been working quite hard on, those versions of myself. I recently wrote, you know, that write a letter to your younger self. And I truly felt this year that I was the woman that I was, had been working towards. I was proud enough to hold those other versions, you know, and I think that's it. When you're holding all those, there's such an integrity to be like, oh, this is who I am now. To step into that. It's just, you know, a constant check in. Are we okay? Is everything okay? We're not pushing ourselves. We're good. Okay. And then just going into it, isn't it? It's getting that messaging. But yeah, how dare I stop people seeing me?
- [46:23]
A
It's just another muscle. You talk about the diaphragm and the breathing and you know, how you were talking about, you know, you might be able to do five and then you can do 10 and you're now at 50. It's because you've intentionally worked that muscle. And I think, you know, the visibility muscle for anyone who. And anyone I work with who's worrying about it is just you're in training. It's just you're training another muscle to be seen, to work with it, to keep going. That's all it is.
- [46:47]
B
Yeah.
- [46:48]
A
And I think when it comes to the identity, you know, there's. I Always see it as they're all still with me, all of my identities. There's, you know, little Ali, baby Ali, poor Ali, student Ali, you know, corporate Ali, there's Mum Ali, there's every Ali. They're all here. But which one am I choosing to lead with today? And it's that we're all here. We all get, like you say, we're all good, let's keep going. But you're not leading frightened. Ally, you're not leading today. You know, brilliant Ali's leading today. She's out there. Articulate Ali is out there. She's off. She's going. She's good. I think it's. Yeah, it's a collective. And there'll be so many more. So many more. Yeah, so many more.
- [47:27]
B
And that's it. I always say that to people, like, just, if you're not happy with this version, that's absolutely fine. To want change for yourself. It's, you know, like, it's just that thing of stepping through that fear again, just being like, okay, how do I want to be? Who would I. What values, you know, do I want to connect with a little bit more deeply, you know? And, like, it's just that coming back to center that authenticity, it all lays out for us. We see our purpose, our path and, you know, whatever it is so clearly.
- [48:00]
A
And we can use the breath to find that path, the clarity.
- [48:03]
B
Yes, indeed.
- [48:04]
A
Now, Louise, tell me, where can people find you on social media?
- [48:10]
B
Yes.
- [48:11]
A
So they can see you, so they can find you. And if anybody wants to connect with you to talk to you about the work that you do, how can they find you?
- [48:17]
B
So I'm on Instagram, I'm on LinkedIn, and I've got a website, so I think you're going to put the links in.
- [48:24]
A
But it's the space.
- [48:26]
B
Yeah, so it's the space and the A is an X. So on Instagram, it's the space.uk I'll put everything. Yes. Yeah. But, yeah, I'm very responsive as well. So if anybody's got any questions and they don't really want to engage with practice, please send them on. I'm always happy to answer anything that anyone's got.
- [48:44]
A
Thank you. Thank you for bringing so much joy with me today on the joy broadcast through the power of the breath.
- [48:50]
B
Thanks for having me.
- [48:52]
A
My mission is to spread love, joy, peace and abundance to as much of the world as I possibly can, so that every person knows that they don't have to walk alone in their darkness. So if you've enjoyed today's podcast and this episode, I would be so honoured and happy if you would support my mission and share this with your network, your friends and your family. Please feel free to leave me an honest review on Apple or Spotify. And until next time, remember, the ripple of joy starts with you and within you.