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- [00:01]
A
Welcome to the Joy Broadcast with me, Ali Mortimer. I was once upon a time an IT consultant, recoding systems in the retail industry to function better. And now I'm turned a life consultant and joy coach, where I'd like to think I reprogram and recode hearts, minds, souls and lives to feel better. This podcast, the Joy Broadcast, is a way to bring joy to your life, whatever the weather, whatever you're doing. So you feel a pocket or of positivity in every single day. If, like me, you've once upon a time found yourself wondering whether you will ever be happy again or if you're just staring at the kitchen sink wondering how you'll get through the next 10 minutes, this podcast is for you. Get you a glimmer of hope, a dose of happiness, or an infusion of joy right here, right now. Welcome to the Joy Broadcast. Welcome back to the Joy Broadcast. I'm so excited for today's episode and I'm so delighted to invite one of my loveliest friends who I've only really known a couple of years. We were introduced by a mutual friend, the wonderful Suze Ferreira. So for anybody who's in Yorkshire and North Yorkshire and around the Leeds area, you're going to know who Suze is. But we met and we met for the first time in Grantly hall, and immediately there was a spark of magic. There was definitely a lot of joy together. It was just like we blew that room wide open. It was just so, so fun. So I'm so excited to introduce you all to the wonderful Denny Devine. She is. The only way I can describe it from my own personal experience is that she is an angel walking this earth. I have experienced her beautiful ritual ceremonies. I've experienced her presence. I've had so many incredible conversations with her. She's tried to get me in an ice bath, but that just didn't do it for me. We did some fun dancing, trying to get me in, but I was like, literally got into my knees and got straight back out again and told her she was mad. But I know that we're going to have the most amazing conversation today. And I've invited Denny today to come in and help us with a topic that I know is going to be on everybody's minds when this podcast airs. We're going to talk about Christmas, we're going to talk about the festive season. Denny's magic is really around healing. It's about how do you stay calm, how do you stay connected, how do we keep it real, how do we stay in love with life. Denny, welcome to the JOY broadcast. Thank you for being here, my gorgeous soul.
- [02:36]
B
Thank you so much for having me and thank you for such an amazing intro.
- [02:42]
A
You look like an angel today. You've got this gorgeous halo head. I don't have to live up to. No, you don't have to live up to anything.
- [02:50]
B
The day that we met, it was, it was. It was like a glitter bomb, wasn't it? Yeah, it was like two little glitter bombs came together and we just made this like a multi dimensional glitter between us. That's what it's like when we're together.
- [03:05]
A
It is like that. And we're going to bring that magic today. Danny, I know that, you know, your journey to where you are today has been an interesting one, like mine. And I think like so many of us who are now in the space of healing and joy and love and abundance and all the beauty, we have to go into the dark to be able to come out through the other side. And maybe we're going to talk a little bit about that because sometimes for some people, Christmas does feel like a very dark period when, when there is meant to be lots of glitter and shiny lights and baubles and I was in London yesterday and they're about to be turned on. Do you want to share a little bit about your background and how you got to where you are today?
- [03:45]
B
Yeah, sure. First of all, it's just, it's interesting that this sort of cultural push towards everything being glittery and joyful at Christmas. And there is, of course there's that celebration, but there's also the. It's in the depths of winter at the darkest period of, of our year and seasonally it almost doesn't quite fit. And you know, traditionally it was about hunkering down. And the 21st is winter solstice. So that's kind of the return of the light, right where the, this, the days start to become longer again. And there was that sense when people were farming and like we're hunkering down and now we're celebrating the return of the light. And of course modern day Christmas is a little bit different because we're dragged into. I mean this is how it personally feels for me. It feels like being dragged into a little bit of a. A bit of a tornado.
- [04:49]
A
To be honest.
- [04:49]
B
I find Christmas lovely and I find it super overwhelming. So what you mentioned before, there's the light and the dark of everything. And I suppose my whole journey has been about finding the balance between that always trying to avoid the dark and Actually, the more we start to lean into it, the more we can shine some light on it. And I don't know what that brings up for you as I share that, because we both have had journeys, haven't we? That's how we are here having this conversation.
- [05:25]
A
Yeah. How we're able to bring the light to other people's dark. Because we've been in the dark. We know exactly what it's like in the. The dark. And I thought when you said something just then, the avoidance of dark. I think many people do avoid the dark, but. And me too, once upon a time it was. But when darkness is plunged upon you, there is no other way other than to find the light. What does Albus Dumbledore say? He says, you know, you just have to turn on the light. And sometimes it's not just as easy as turning on the light because you can't find the light switch. And so sometimes you need a little bit of help. Yes. Like you're feeling around and like, I don't know what I'm doing. And I suppose that's why we're here doing the work that we both do is to help the people who are in the darkness find the light. Because we know how to find them. And often people are scrabbling around trying to find the light outside of themselves. But I know this is such a cliche to say, but it's actually within you. And I know from my own personal journey that when I actually sat in the darkness, it was the jewels within side me. And I read that in the Big Magic book by Liz Gilbert, you know, find the jewels within you. And that's what sparks the light within us. And so now, now I no longer need to fear the dark. I only no longer need to avoid the dark because actually the dark is actually one of the most magical places to be. Just like at nighttime last night, I don't know, we're recording this under the morning after a Taurus full moon. And wow, that was a moon and a half, wasn't it?
- [06:46]
B
It was amazing. Yeah. I thought I'd left the lights on outside.
- [06:51]
A
Yeah. It was so bright. So in the darkness they shine brighter, Right? The light. The diamonds shine brighter. All of those wonderful sayings that we can look at. So we don't need to avoid. Avoid the dark because there's always light within it.
- [07:04]
B
And what comes up for me, I do say that is we are. I feel privileged to have all the tools that I have in order to first of all have awareness of when those dark feelings or moments are coming up and second of all, to have the tools that give me enough courage to lean into that. But I imagine there are going to be people listening to this that are thinking, I don't want to lean into those dark parts of myself. I don't want to lift the edge of that rug. Right. Because it's really scary and you don't know where it's going to lead. But what I do know, and I think, well, what you've just alluded to as well yourself like that jewel, is when you do lift the edge of the carpet and there's that sense of, oh, no, I don't know what I'm going to find under here. But that is the point. You don't know what you're going to find. You might actually just find the gems because that is, that's. And that's kind of it, isn't it, that the light, like you have no idea what you're going to find. So don't always think the worst.
- [08:10]
A
Agreed. And I think what you've just said there is like, you can lift the rug under the carpet and people are so frightened of, you know, the unknown and the uncertainty and goodness gracious, we're living in uncertain times now. But people don't lift the rug because they fear the monsters, don't they? They fear the worst case scenario. But actually what we're saying is, is like you can focus on leaving the, the rug covering over those monsters or you can actually go and say, do you know what? I could also find incredible diamonds. I could find the rubies, I could find the ruby slippers, you know, we could.
- [08:43]
B
Or the glass slippers.
- [08:44]
A
The glass slippers or the anything. But it's about just saying, do you know what? And I, I'm going to go back to something you said right at the beginning. We talked about Christmas and you said, you know, there's all the loveliness of Christ Christmas, but there's also the overwhelm. And again, you can lift the carpet, you're going to find the loveliness and you're going to find the overwhelming. And I think throughout the whole of life there's always going to be both sides of everything. I always remember saying to. I think I wrote a blog post about it many years ago and I was talking about, you know, in one hand you've got, you know, a handful of diamonds and then the other hand you've got a handful of, you know, when, when my mum was dying, I think it actually was around that time, it was when mum was dying, it was like it was incredibly sad. It was credibly overwhelming in terms of all of the pain of watching my mum die before my very eyes. But at the same time, my dad, my sister and I, we were sat by her bedside, we were telling the stories of her life, we were getting the photograph albums out and we were howling with laughter. How can you even do that? And that's the same in both. In life there's always going to be a bag of shit and a bag of diamonds. And it says, which ones are you going to focus on? And you touched on awareness. Then it's about the awareness of having both. It's not about avoidance, it's about bringing awareness to everything. It's bringing awareness to your feelings, awareness to your thoughts, awareness to your actions. And that is when you can find out which tool do I want to use based on what I know, then it's this tool, isn't it? That's it. Yeah. Awareness is the first tool.
- [10:11]
B
It is, it's the absolute. It's a first, it's the first step, isn't it? Because without awareness you're just, you're on the hamster. We're on the hamster wheel just going. And Christmas does feel a little bit like that even.
- [10:24]
A
Oh goodness. Doesn't it?
- [10:26]
B
I think when you, you know, I've tried to shift, recognize over the years, like the parts I find overwhelming, the parts I think, okay, if I change this, will this work for me? And obviously you have the whole dynamic of family and extended family and so many different people to consider. Sometimes I found it difficult to say, hey, I'm going to do this differently this year when there's an expectation.
- [10:51]
A
Break from tradition. How dare you break from tradition.
- [10:55]
B
Can you imagine?
- [10:56]
A
Can you imagine?
- [10:57]
B
But actually what happened is we started new traditions.
- [11:01]
A
Love that.
- [11:01]
B
But in the moment, what comes up around that is how is everyone going to respond to this? Will I still be, will I still be loved? You know, they're kind of like those really basic fears, aren't they, that from a psychological level about fitting in and being part of a community or family and it's okay to challenge those traditions that some, some good stuff can come out of that and you can create new traditions and just take the weight off a little bit. You don't have to do everything and be perfect at it. Because that's what I always try to do at Christmas.
- [11:41]
A
Be perfect, you mean?
- [11:42]
B
And it be perfect. I mean, perfectionism is, has been a massive thing in my, has been a massive thing in my journey and I, and it's still something I work on today, like having to keep up with everything, to be perfect at everything, to put on the presentation of having it all together. And actually, you know, I do think that is kind of amplified at Christmas and even more now. Like, how Instagrammable is your tree? Honestly, who actually cares? Can we please.
- [12:20]
A
Keep it real?
- [12:21]
B
Keep it real, keep it real.
- [12:23]
A
You know, I think you've said something so interesting there and I think this is going to resonate for so many of the listeners on the JOY broadcast. You know, the perfect Christmas. And I say perfect in like air quotes. The perfect Christmas. We're striving and so many people do. Gosh, it's got to be the perfect Christmas. I want to make it the perfect Christmas this year. And what does, what does perfect actually mean? You know, it isn't the perfect tree or the perfectly cooked turkey or the perfectly beautifully laid dining table, or the fact that everyone's going to love their Christmas presents, etc. Etc. Do you know what, what is the perfect Christmas? I think we're. We fail to recognize that the perfect Christmas is probably more of a feeling, right? What do we want to feel at Christmas? The perfect Christmas is the memory of. Oh my goodness, that was such a fun Christmas. Everyone was laughing. Everything went wrong. Do you know what? One of my favorite Christmases and I remember so well is when it was so imperfect because there was a power cut on Christmas Day and my mum was like, oh my God, the turkey. And we had the funnest day because I think my grandpa had like corn flakes for Christmas day. We just all literally ate whatever we could find. I think the adults all had probably a little bit too much to drink. We opened up all our presents. It was just like it was perfectly imperfect. And so we all came back and had the turkey the next day. When it came, it was no pressure and maybe that.
- [13:41]
B
It was no pressure.
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A
And maybe it's.
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B
No expectation, I think. And that is interesting, isn't it? Because when we have we. When we strive for perfection, we create an expectation. And when we create expectation, there's a subliminal pressure for everything to turn out the way we want it to. And we know you can't control anything beyond yourself and your own reactions and your own feelings. And even sometimes that feels like enough work, you know?
- [14:15]
A
Yeah.
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B
So, yeah, just let go of the expectation and the pressure for things to be perfect.
- [14:23]
A
I remember another story that just came to my mind as you were talking then and it makes me giggle so much. Like the expectation of how your Presence are received. Right? You always want people to receive the presents because you've had some really great thought about it and you want them to love it. And I remember once when Willie, my youngest son, was given a present and it was books. Now, Will, he hated reading and he really didn't like them and he opened them in front of his godfather. He just went, oh, yeah, I don't want those. You just added. And I just thought, you know, the innocence of children. Why can't we all just be like that? Just like, just let go. I also remember another story of a client of mine sitting in front and he was just like, we were talking about Christmas. So I just don't want anyone to give me any, any presents at all. It's too much pressure that, that how do I let them know that I. I love it when I don't need another watch or another hanky? And I was like, but you telling them not to buy you anything is denying them the privilege of giving you a gift. So it doesn't matter how you respond. Just be grateful that they've got you something. Thought about it. Don't deny them that opportunity to give you a gift.
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B
Gratitude.
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A
Nice. Yeah, no pressure.
- [15:36]
B
It's the season for gratitude, isn't it? But somehow it goes out the window again with, with expectation or with the striving of things, trying to be perfect. But what about just like you say, just allow someone to buy you the gift. You know, it doesn't matter if.
- [15:56]
A
If you've got 10 already.
- [15:57]
B
If you've got 10 already, I might. What I might do is listen to this podcast when it's edited and try and take some of my own advice.
- [16:07]
A
Yeah, I know. I was just. I was thinking, note to self, note yourself. No pressure. Don't panic about how you're laying the table. Don't worry about the gifts that you're giving and how they're going to respond. Yeah, I know.
- [16:18]
B
Or if you, or if you have a power.
- [16:20]
A
But yeah, don't worry about it.
- [16:22]
B
Actually, one of our most memorable Christmases was chaotic in the morning, because obviously Christmas morning is all about the kids really, isn't it? And they're just so excited and they want their presents and blah, blah, blah. One Christmas, one of our cats got stuck up our neighbor's tree all night. The neighbour's dog must have chased up the tree and we couldn't find him on Christmas morning. Anyway, the kids were just desperate to open their presents, but we found the cat out the back up this tree. We were like, we have to figure out how to get the cat down. Anyway, we called my friend and, you know, she's got young kids and her husband used to be a tree surgeon, so he brought his kit round, went up the tree, rescued the cat, and everyone got back to Christmas Day. But even then, even with that chaos, you know, there was the coming together that, you know, someone gave up their Christmas morning to come and climb a tree to rescue her cat. And it was no small tree either. I'm looking at it now.
- [17:22]
A
It's massive.
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B
It's huge.
- [17:23]
A
So what we're basically saying, the memorable ones, the memorable Christmases that we've got are the ones where there's chaos and it's not perfect and it's gone completely off plan. So maybe we should all just take that lesson and just say, go off plan. Go off plan. Go completely off plan and embrace the uncertainty of whatever's just going to happen. Let it happen. Yes. Cook the meals, but don't put so much too much pressure on, on yourself and on anybody else. Just it's another day and enjoy it. You sent me your. Your bio beforehand, and it says, you know, Denny is the woman people turn to when they're tired of pushing and ready to follow the charm. You know, your unique gift lies in helping women really connect to their essence. You know, restore the rhythm, move forward with clarity. And whether that's through ceremony, coaching, quiet reflection, you hold that incredible space for deep transformation. And I've been presence. I've had the deep honor and privilege of being in one of those sessions. What are you going to be doing this Christmas? And what can we say to the listeners to really bring that to life based on your magic, because that's what you do that. How can we help the women that are going to be listening to this and. And a few men, I think, listen, but how can we get them to really embrace, not to push for that perfection this Christmas and. And just embrace the charm of Christmas? Because the stories we've just told out were charming because they were imperfect.
- [18:46]
B
Exactly. But we didn't set out to create them. So I think it's a really good question, like, how do you follow the charm? And, you know, it comes back to the sense of awareness. And there's lots of different ways to practice awareness. And building an awareness is definitely a practice. And there's lots of different tools we can use for that. But one of the key things that we can all relate to is our feelings. And not feelings as in up here in our head where you start attaching a story to things, but just taking a pause and checking in with your senses. Because our senses are our guiding system to let us know what feels good and what doesn't feel good. So the sense of, okay, coming up to Christmas, and there's. There's a feeling of pressure, like just taking a pause.
- [19:41]
A
Where.
- [19:42]
B
Where can you feel that pressure in your body? Like, for me, I get a little tight around the chest. Okay. That doesn't necessarily mean it's like an absolute. No, but what. What's causing that pressure? And if you just take a minute just to pause, to dive a little deeper. Okay, where can I feel this? What is that all about? Is it about Uncle Tom coming with his new wife and the kids? Maybe. Maybe we need to navigate that a little bit differently or. I don't have an Uncle Tom, by the way.
- [20:17]
A
Somebody. But somebody. But somebody will. But it could be anything, couldn't it?
- [20:20]
B
Somebody will. Yeah, but they. What I'm saying is to take a moment throughout your day. It doesn't need to be sitting down meditating for 20 minutes. It doesn't need to be on your yoga mat. Or it can just be in the day when you notice the feeling is a little bit too much. Just take a pause. What is that feeling? Don't add a story. It doesn't need to be a story. But just feel it in your body and let the answer come, because it always does when you take a moment of stillness and there can spring forth awareness and what you need to do next. And then we just need to have the courage to act on that intuition. Right?
- [21:01]
A
Right. I love that.
- [21:03]
B
Is it okay not to invite Uncle Tom for dinner this year? We still need to see him. But could we navigate that a different way? I mean, Christmas is one day, but there's a lot of holiday time. Can we spread it out rather than just having to cram everything in on one day? You know, it's funny for. Since my whole adult life, I've always hosted Christmas since I was 21 because my parents separated when I was young. And I always. That was my biggest fear when I was young. Like, what are we going to do about Christmas? Like, I just wanted us to all be together. And that was like, from 14 or 15. I just want everyone to be together. And I've done that for 20 years. But more recently, over the last couple of years, I've changed the way I'm doing it because it's not my sole job to be the glue in the family. And I'm sure some people listening will feel like they are they have that responsibility as well. But, hey, it isn't one person to hold everyone together. Everyone has to do their bit. And it's scary to pull away from that and then see what happens. But that's not my fault. That's. Every individual person in the family has a responsibility to nurture the relationships and bring something to the table, not just one couple or one person in the family holding it. And it's been good. It's actually been really liberating for me. Like, no, I'm not doing that anymore. No, I'm not going to do that. You're invited in this time and you need to leave at this time. So. And that, for me, is how I manage my energy. So if I do have everybody at Christmas, and there's normally 16 of us and everybody staying because my family's in Edinburgh and, you know, we've got family all over, then those are my boundaries. You're doing this breakfast, you're cooking this meal. You all need to arrive in this window. You need to leave in this window. Because I need. I need a boundary. And for some people listening to this, they'll be thinking, that feels. That seems so controlled. But that's how I manage my energy. And, you know, last year when I got my autism and my ADHD diagnosis, I'm not really set so much on labels, but it really gave me another level of understanding of who I am, and it gave me a little bit of courage to say, no, this is what I need. And you can think it's controlling or you can think it's this. But when you come to me for Christmas and I put it all on, these are my boundaries, and I've had to get comfortable with that. And it's not always. It's not always easy.
- [23:43]
A
Saying no isn't easy to some people, is it? And especially if they've. If we go right back to our conversation at the beginning about expectation, if they've got a level of expectation on you and you say no, that's. That's. Yeah, that's tough to do. But maybe what we're saying here is you do get the opportunity to say no if it's going to impact your enjoyment of Christmas. And obviously enjoy being one of the most important words in my whole, kind of like, life, it's like, we all get to enjoy it. We want to bring the joy, and if we're feeling the pressure, if we're feeling that weight of expectation, we're not going to enjoy it. And it's important for us to enjoy it too. So can we bring a little bit of that level of lightness? And I love what you talk about in terms of stillness, because I think so many people also add the pressure in of, well, I must meditate for 10 minutes every day, and I must do this and I must do that. And as an added layer onto what they feel that they already have to do. But I know that you and I both, while we love meditation and the healing practices that we have and the rituals that we practice, you know, it all stems back down to that one word we've been talking about so much today, which is awareness. And the minute you have that awareness of yourself, that's where your true power lies, because that's going to give you that permission to say no. That's going to give you that permission to say go. That's going to give you the permission to lift the rug, to find the monsters, to work with the monsters, because they're not that scary, really. It's your imagination that's making them scary. You're going to find the jewels that they're sitting on. You know, it's. It's a really beautiful practice, I think, you know, living mindfully rather than just intentionally practicing one meditation practice a day is actually more powerful, in my opinion. I love also what you said about being the glue. I think many women, especially at our age, you know, in this midlife, when we're in the sandwich years, when we're looking after our elderly parents and we're looking after the younger generation and, and, and, and everybody in the neighborhood who doesn't have anywhere to go, you know, oh, yes, come to us. Come to us. You know, come on over. I think, you know, there's a sense of loving being the glue, but the minute you start to Marty yourself about being the glue, I think bring yourself that level of awareness. Am I loving being the glue? Does it bring me pleasure and enjoyment to be the glue? Or actually, am I now martyring myself? And in that case, that's when you have to start bringing in some of that level of awareness of, as you say, that stillness. What can I let go of here? I don't have to invite Uncle Tom and his new wife. And you know what? We don't have to do that. And it's just one day. Whereas the festive season is what, two weeks, 12 days of Christmas? I don't know. It's two weeks. We get to see people on different days. Why pressure it in one day?
- [26:27]
B
Exactly. And it was interesting when you brought up the, the glue. Then it made me Think. And the idea of being a martyr, it made me think of the different types of glue. Like, there was a point where I was the super glue and it was brittle and it was. Because it was. It took a lot of my energy. Now I'm maybe a little bit more like, yoo hoo. But my goal is to be a little bit like Pritt Stick, because it doesn't really hold anything on.
- [26:56]
A
Or maybe a bit of blue tack. You can remold it.
- [26:59]
B
A bit of blue tattoo. You could remold it.
- [27:01]
A
I love it. Yeah.
- [27:02]
B
You know, so it's like, okay, that's a nice visual. Like, what kind of glue can do you want to be this year? If you are the. If you are that person.
- [27:12]
A
We talk a lot about feelings or you talked about, you know, that bring the awareness to your feelings and where you feel it in your body. I wonder whether one of my favorite practices that we can really bring, and I know that you'll. You'll like this one as well, and I'm sure you do it is this. You ask yourself, how do I want to feel over Christmas? How do I want to. Want to remember this Christmas? What's the feeling? Because if you know how you want to feel, then you can start to set it up in a very different way rather than waiting. So maybe a question for our listeners to go away is and say, how do I want to feel this Christmas? And then how do I bring that level of calmness, of peace of enjoyment to it which can then lead them to that intuitive, no, I don't want to do this. I don't want to go there. That's no longer what I want to do. It's that stepping into owning your feelings, owning your desires, and not feeling like you have to have or follow that expectation that everybody else has on you. Just because we did it this way or because we've done it that way all the time doesn't mean to say we have to do it that way again.
- [28:12]
B
Absolutely. And what we create, actually, when we do things a little bit differently is we open up a space for things to be done differently, for other people to step in and take a little bit of responsibility or take a little bit of load, and new things start to unfold in a creative way. When we say, yeah, I'm not doing it like that this year. I'm just. I'm going to create. Step back and just create a little circle here of space and just see what comes into it. We don't always need to be the ones who are filling it yes.
- [28:48]
A
Oh, gosh. Aren't we all so frightened about having space and a void that's not filled. Let's cram every moment in with something. Do you know, I was listening this week to the wonderful Brene Brown, and it was actually one of the very first videos that I ever watched when I was going through a really difficult time. Her TED Talk on vulnerability and shame. And she was having a podcast this week with Stephen Bartlett, the Diary of a CEO. And she said, you know, vulnerability is the pathway to joy. And I was like, yes, it is. Because the minute you're vulnerable and you open yourself up to space, open yourself up to uncertainty, open yourself up to disappointment, open yourself up to not meeting people's expectations, joy's on the other side because actually, it doesn't kill you. It's actually that space is a wonderful place to play and dance, you know?
- [29:36]
B
Yeah. And the power of it, once you. Once you practice being vulnerable, the power that the sky hasn't fallen down, you know, that realization of, oh, yeah, it's actually.
- [29:47]
A
It's okay to get it wrong.
- [29:48]
B
It's actually okay. It's okay to get it wrong. It's okay to be imperfect and. And share that. And yeah, the sky's not going to fall down. The grass isn't going to turn a new colour. But I do think that comes with a little bit of practice. Like, if you're not used to being vulnerable, it is scary to start doing that. So just, you know, maybe just starting with little bits of vulnerability and then building up the belief that actually it's okay.
- [30:19]
A
It's those little no's. The vulnerability to say no. And saying no is actually being vulnerable to somebody else's disappointment in you. Right. What do you mean you're not coming to the party that we always go to? Well, because I don't want to. And that's enough. What do they say? The joy of missing out. I want to take the joy, the Jomo, rather than the fomo. Yeah, it's that piece, isn't it? Oh, Denny, listen, tell me, what are you going to be practicing on Christmas Day in terms of your. You know, you talk very much about your beautiful holistic practices. What will you be doing on Christmas Day? Or in the lead up to. Are there any particular practices that you will really be focusing in on with any kind of intention?
- [31:01]
B
I do have a daily meditation practice twice a day. It does slip at Christmas when it gets busy. So my afternoon meditation, if it slides, I'm forgiving. I practice forgiveness for myself.
- [31:16]
A
Yeah, that's a whole podcast on forgiveness.
- [31:19]
B
That is a whole podcast. Forgiveness for myself when things aren't. When my practices don't fit into what's a busy time is definitely at the forefront of my mind. And my cacao is my daily ritual.
- [31:34]
A
You sing to your cacao as well. I know. I heard that.
- [31:37]
B
I sing to my cacao.
- [31:38]
A
Will you sing at Christmas carols?
- [31:41]
B
I could sing at Christmas carols. That's my respite, to be honest, when I make my Kit Kat. That's my little safe place in the day. So I think it is really important, no matter how busy your day is, even if it's five minutes before you go to bed, like, just taking the time. Ritual time to have five minutes might not be cacao, but just to sit and have reflect on the day. Just sit in stillness. Stop responding to every single thought that you have and allow yourself just to sit. Let the awareness bubble up. Let the vulnerability bubble up. See what's there and just let it be there without having to analyze every single thought or dark moment or joyful moment. Just let everything be as it is. That's what I try to practice at Christmas. But, hey, I'm only human and I get drawn into it as well.
- [32:38]
A
You know, we all get drawn into the drama.
- [32:40]
B
We do, but I'm having a quiet Christmas this year.
- [32:43]
A
But, yes, but I suppose when we do get drawn into that drama, we go right back to that forgiveness, don't we? We're just like, oh, gosh. Forgiveness is probably one of my biggest tools that I have to reach for, you know, is. I get it wrong all the time. You know, it's just been half term, and I've shouted at the boys and they all laughed at me. And that was like, I forgive myself and I forgive them for laughing at me. And I think we just have to. We're all human, right? We're not here to be perfect.
- [33:08]
B
Staying connected to yourself, I think is the most important thing. When we know a season is starting to get really crazy, like, whatever that looks like for you. Staying connected to yourself. What feelings are coming up, like, they don't need to be pushed down. What we started at the.
- [33:26]
A
The beginning, the pause, the moment of stillness to connect with your feelings. Yeah, I agree. And just keep doing that. Just keep doing that all the way through. And forgiveness, I think if any of those negative feelings pop up or frustrations, it is about the forgiveness. One of my favorite phrases to say, and I don't know if you have one, Danny, is. Is whenever I have that, is this That I shed the shame. I shed the shame. I give myself grace. I give myself grace. That's kind of like my. My forgiveness practice. If I get it wrong, you know, I'll go and sit in the toilet. I shed the shame. I shed the shame and I give myself grace. It's been a difficult day. It's just like. It's like I give myself grace and you just repeat it until I feel my shoulders drop. And it's just like. That's connecting with yourself. It's like giving yourself that hug when no one else is there. You've got to learn how to do it for yourself.
- [34:11]
B
Give yourself a physical hug.
- [34:13]
A
No. Yeah. There's a special word for it, isn't it? I can't even remember what that is. Is it firming or something? Havening. That's it. No, you're right. Yeah.
- [34:21]
B
Sometimes. Yeah. With my clients. And it's real. This is really nice, you know, because we're primed here. From babies to. This is a common response.
- [34:31]
A
I'm just going to explain what everybody's doing. So we're. We're both kind of. Because this is on video, we're both kind of literally arms crossed, giving ourselves our own heart and like sweeping our arms down from our shoulders to our elbows. Is that right, Denny? Is that what you're doing? Is that havening?
- [34:44]
B
Yeah. So you're stroking the outside of your arms with your opposite hand? Kind of. It's so nice. I shed the shame.
- [34:52]
A
I give myself grace. Yeah. I think there's going to be thousands of people around the countryside doing this over Christmas. I think we've just given them that gift. That gift of being just giving yourself a moment. Yeah.
- [35:05]
B
I love it as well, Dani.
- [35:06]
A
Thank you. I feel so at peace now. I'm ready to face the Christmas onslaught.
- [35:09]
B
Let's do it.
- [35:11]
A
Let's do it. And now just tell me just as a. As a wrap up. I know that so many people will want to have more of the. The Denny Devine magic. How can they find you? Where can they come and find you? What's the best place to hang out and find you more?
- [35:23]
B
The best place to come and find me is on Instagram. So you can either search my name, Denny Devine, or you. My Instagram handle is Feelgood with Denny.
- [35:32]
A
Wonderful. And I will put everything in the show notes. And if you're lucky enough to live in and around Yorkshire, please come and meet Denny. I know she does some beautiful in person workshops and retreats and networking days. And you also do a load of stuff online as well. So just please go in and connect with Danny. She's magic. She is the glitter ball to my other glitter ball. And I just adore you. Thank you for bringing so much glitter to to this Christmas conversation. Thank you.
- [36:00]
B
Thank you so much for having me.
- [36:03]
A
My mission is to spread love, joy, peace and abundance to as much of the world as I possibly can, so that every person knows that they don't have to walk alone in their darkness. So if you've enjoyed today's podcast and this episode, I would be so honoured and happy if you would support my mission and share this with your network, your friends and your family. Please feel free to leave me an honest review on Apple or Spotify. And until next time, remember, the ripple of joy starts with you.