Transcript
Instacart Advertiser (0:00)
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Rosetta Stone Advertiser (0:26)
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Stephen Colbert (1:42)
Welcome in here, out there, all around the world to THE Late show. I'm your host, Stephen Colbert. Folks, it is no denial. It is cold out there and it is cold in here. I hope everyone in the audience has remembered to find an audience buddy in case you need to cut them open and crawl inside for warmth. And it's not just here. All over America, temperatures have plunged this week in a phenomenon meteorologists have dubbed winter. Haven't had one of those for a while. How cold is it? Well, some parts of the country are expecting wind chills as cold as as -60 in what's being described as an Arctic blast. That is one of the highest levels of cold. It goes frigid, glacial arctic blast and your wife's feet at bedtime. Why won't she just wear socks. Cold. Love you, honey. Cold is everywhere. With below zero wind chills as far south as Arkansas, Texas, and of course, yeah, Texas. And of course, when it gets this cold, not everything is bigger in Texas. He's referring to an anus. It may be nice. That's nice. That was an improvement. I didn't. I never saw that before. That's very nice. It may be cold in New York, but midtown Manhattan is also the center of a red hot controversy over something called congestion pricing. You see, last month, New York put a toll on most vehicles entering Manhattan's central business district from 5am to 9pm to cut traffic and emissions. And it's working. January saw a 7.9% reduction in traffic. And according to the governor's office, Broadway shows are selling out and foot traffic to local businesses is spiking. Or, yeah. Or as the New York Times put it, hey, people are walking here. Now, obviously this seems like a good thing. So Donald Trump ruined it. Yesterday he posted congestion pricing is dead, Manhattan and all of New York is saved. Long live the king. Yes, the classic domain of an all powerful king. Yes, it's what all kings do. Regulate local toll roads. Behold, Camelot has been sa for I have pulled Excalibur from the median strip of the Cross Bronx Expressway. So the President of these United States has called himself a king, which is the thing presidents are not supposed to do. Then White House social media posted this image with Trump wearing a crown. So yeah, yeah, I agree. But you know, he's trolling us and we shouldn't take the bait. But with this guy, every troll is a trial balloon. So Here we go, Mr. Trump. America will never bow before any king not named Burger. For he hath made us all part of the royal family.