Alan Cumming | It's Not Easy Being Greenland

Summary

The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert: Episode Summary Featuring Alan Cumming
Episode Title: "It's Not Easy Being Greenland"
Release Date: January 9, 2025

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Introduction

In the latest episode of The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert, host Stephen Colbert delivers his signature blend of humor, sharp commentary, and engaging interviews. This episode, titled "It's Not Easy Being Greenland," features a candid conversation with the two-time Tony and Emmy Award-winning actor, Alan Cumming. The discussion spans a range of topics, from current events and political satire to personal reflections and professional projects.

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Opening Monologue: Navigating Natural Disasters and Political Quirks

Stephen Colbert opens the episode by addressing pressing issues affecting the United States. He highlights the devastating wildfires engulfing Los Angeles, particularly in Malibu, Altadena, and Pacific Palisades, emphasizing the community's resilience and urging listeners to support relief efforts.

Key Points:

• Wildfires in Los Angeles: Colbert underscores the severity of the fires, noting that "Los Angeles is being ravaged by sudden out of control wildfires" ([00:44]).
• Record Cold in the South: He humorously contrasts the warmth of communities with the extreme cold in states like Kentucky, mentioning, "In Kentucky, temperatures were in the teens, which was colder than Anchorage, Alaska" ([03:45]).

Transitioning to political satire, Colbert mocks former President Donald Trump's recent statements and policies, particularly Trump's unconventional plan to annex Greenland and Canada.

Notable Quote:

"It's not just the Danes. Greenland's Prime Minister says he has no interest in Greenland becoming part of the United States. Okay, cool. But I do want to point out Greenland only has about 55,000 people." ([09:42])

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Satirical Take on Trump's Greenland Annexation Plan

A significant portion of Colbert's monologue centers on Donald Trump's quirky ambition to annex Greenland, a topic that has garnered widespread amusement and skepticism.

Key Points:

• Trump's Justification: Colbert parodies Trump's reasoning, stating, "We need Greenland for national security purposes" ([05:33]).
• Historical Attempts: He references past U.S. presidents' attempts to purchase Greenland, including President Harry Truman in 1867 and Franklin D. Roosevelt in 2004, adding a humorous twist by mentioning "President Genghis Khan" halting the deal years before the Big Bang ([07:39]).
• Canadian Annexation: Colbert extends the satire to include Trump's plans to annex Canada, highlighting the absurdity with, "Now, in the third season, for those who have not joined the craze yet, explain to people how it works" ([11:09]).
• International Reactions: He cites Denmark's strong stance against the annexation and mocks Trump's approach to appointing Canadian leaders, suggesting Wayne Gretzky as a candidate ([12:31]).

Notable Quote:

"The Danish Prime Minister yesterday. Greenland is for the Greenlandic people. Yes, yes. But also kind of weird thing to say about the Greenlanders since you took their land." ([06:04])

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Interview with Alan Cumming: Personal Insights and Professional Ventures

Transitioning from political satire, Stephen Colbert welcomes Alan Cumming to the show. The conversation delves into Cumming's personal life, his upcoming 60th birthday, and his role as the host of the reality competition series The Traitors.

Celebrating Milestones and Personal Reflections

Cumming shares his feelings about approaching his 60th birthday with a mix of humor and grace. He reflects on maintaining his vibrant lifestyle and the wisdom gained over the years.

Key Points:

• Feeling Youthful at 60: Cumming remarks, "I feel like nothing has collapsed or, you know, everything's still working" ([16:08]).
• Birthday Plans: He details his celebration plans, including dancing at club Coming and a secret dinner organized by his husband, Grant ([17:27]).

Notable Quote:

"I'm feeling pretty great about it because I like my life. I feel like nothing has collapsed or, you know, everything's still working." ([16:08])

Professional Projects: Hosting The Traitors

Cumming discusses his role in The Traitors, a reality show that blends strategy and psychological gameplay. He describes his character in the show and the dynamics among participants.

Key Points:

• Show Concept: Cumming explains, "It's like these 20 sort of American famous people and sort of people from reality shows and audible celebrities all come to this castle" ([23:29]).
• Character Role: He portrays a "dandy Scottish laird" with traits of a Bond villain, adding flair with his catchphrases like, "Stephen, you have received the most votes and are banished from the game" ([24:26]).

Notable Quote:

"It's sort of like that game Mafia or the villagers and this, you know. So sort of basically you kill people. Get killed every night by the traitors." ([23:29])

Personal Anecdotes and Humorous Exchanges

The dialogue between Colbert and Cumming is filled with light-hearted banter and personal stories, enriching the listener's experience with genuine camaraderie.

Key Points:

• Haircut for Tilda Swinton: Cumming shares a humorous moment about styling his hair to resemble actress Tilda Swinton, highlighting the playful atmosphere ([15:32]).
• Emmy Awards Misadventure: He recounts an amusing incident where he never received his Emmys due to travel mishaps, sparking a light-hearted campaign to "Free his Emmys" ([25:34]).

Notable Quote:

"There has been grand larceny in the world of Emmys, and we must now faithfully return the treasure to our castle." ([26:38])

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Conclusion: Wrapping Up with Humor and Upcoming Shows

As the interview with Alan Cumming concludes, Colbert maintains his humorous tone, teasing future segments and upcoming shows. He encourages listeners to engage with additional content on The Late Show's YouTube channel and Paramount+.

Key Points:

• Promoting The Traitors: Colbert mentions that the third season of The Traitors premieres soon on Peacock, inviting listeners to tune in ([25:21]).
• Final Remarks: The episode wraps up with Colbert thanking listeners and promoting other CBS shows and Paramount+ exclusives, maintaining the engaging and informative nature of the podcast ([27:11]).

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Final Thoughts

This episode of The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert masterfully blends topical humor with personal insights from Alan Cumming. Colbert's ability to navigate complex subjects with wit, while fostering a warm and entertaining dialogue with his guest, makes for a compelling listen. Whether addressing environmental crises, political satire, or celebrating personal milestones, the episode offers a rich tapestry of discussions that resonate with a diverse audience.

Highlighted Quotes:

• Stephen Colbert on Trump’s Announcements:

  "Greenland only has about 55,000 people. At that size, you're really stretching the term Prime Minister Manager." ([09:42])

• Alan Cumming on Aging Gracefully:

  "I'm feeling pretty great about it because I like my life. I feel like nothing has collapsed or, you know, everything's still working." ([16:08])

• Alan Cumming’s The Traitors Catchphrase:

  "Stephen, you have received the most votes and are banished from the game. Please come forward to the Circle of Truth." ([24:26])

This comprehensive summary encapsulates the essence of the episode, providing listeners with an insightful overview of the key discussions and memorable moments shared by Stephen Colbert and Alan Cumming.

Transcript

[Stephen Colbert]

My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big roas man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friends still laugh at me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to LinkedIn.com results to claim your credit. That's LinkedIn.com results. Twitter terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn the place to be to be.

[Donald Trump]

Welcome to the oil business.

[Stephen Colbert]

Billy Bob Thornton, Demi Moore and Jon Hamm star in a new Paramount plus Original series. The world has already convinced itself that you are evil and I am evil for providing them the one thing they interact with every day.

[Alan Cumming]

You're all right.

[Stephen Colbert]

Here we go. From Taylor Sheridan, executive producer of Yellowstone. Get everybody back. You just put a giant bullseye on this place. We rolled the dice one last time. Landman New series now streaming exclus on Paramount plus. Welcome. Welcome one and all in here, out there, all around the world to THE LATE show. I'm your host, Stephen Colbert. Folks, tonight, as I speak, Los Angeles is being ravaged by sudden out of control wildfires, especially in the neighborhoods of Malibu, Altadena and Pacific Palisades. Thousands of people have been forced to evacuate and they don't know when they'll be able to return home. Now for an idea of the scale of this fire, here's a photo a reporter took from a plane above Los Angeles 24 hours ago. And since then, wind gusts up to 100 miles an hour have spread the fire explosively. And authorities do not know when they'll have it under control. Now we know people of Los Angeles are resourceful and kind and they're doing everything they can to help one another. And we here want to send our love and concern to all of the residents of Los Angeles who are facing what is being described as the most destructive fire in the city's history. And if you follow this QR code right here, if you want to help, it'll take you to a list of some of the organizations that you can help address the needs of the people affected by these fires. Thank you for doing that. Now, other other parts of the country are dealing with a different kind of crisis due to record cold. Just ask the good people here in New York. Yes, the people in this audience, they nearly got frostbite waiting to get in here where they can be even colder. The southern states are being hit especially hard right now In Kentucky, temperatures were in the teens, which was colder than Anchorage, Alaska. Wow, someone should really check on Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell and. Oh, no, he's already frozen. Just do something. The Deep south deep freeze is so bad, even Texas is under a winter storm watch. And just to stay warm, Texans have been forced to huddle around a shirtless Glen Powell. Speaking of natural disasters, Donald Trump, yesterday the President Elect got behind the podium at Mar a Lago, cranked up the crazy, and then ripped off the knob. For instance, he was asked about pardoning the January 6th rioters, and he came up with an unexpected new theory about who was responsible.

[Donald Trump]

I guess 24 or 28 people came now from the FBI that came out very quietly. Nobody reported it, but they had people in some form related to the FBI. They had four or five people that were strongly related to the FBI. We have to find out about that. We have to find out about Hezbollah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Hezbollah. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Is he now saying that January 6th was done by Hezbollah? January 6th was a day of love. It was a. It was a day of peace that I have nothing to do with. It was. It was Hezbollah. Who is also. Who is also the FBI. The B in FBI, of course, stands for Bulla. It's been a while. It's been a while. I haven't had an impression in a couple of months and I think I pulled my soul. Trump went on.

[Donald Trump]

We have to find out about who exactly was in that whole thing, because people that did some bad things were not prosecuted.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah, I'm looking at one right now. So the people who did January 6th are both misunderstood, proud boys that you're pardoning and Hezbollah. That would explain the J6 choir's new anthem, God Bless and or death to America. But the part everybody's talking about today involves Trump's strange obsession with annexing Greenland.

[Donald Trump]

We need Greenland for national security purposes. I've been told that for a long time. Long before I even ran.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah, before he even ran. Even. Even when he was a private citizen, he was told that constantly. And I'm. I'm being told we have a clip.

[Donald Trump]

A big and tasty for just a dollar.

[Stephen Colbert]

How do you do it? What's your secret? You need to annex Greenland for national security purposes. Uh huh. Uh huh.

[Donald Trump]

Thank you.

[Stephen Colbert]

Uh huh. Just to be clear, one of the reasons the next four years are going to be a thick stew to choke down is that annexing Greenland was the craziest idea he had four years ago, and this time it's his first idea. I got Deja cucu. There are so many reasons this is insane. One being it's crazy. Another being that Greenland already has a daddy and it's Denmark and they're not looking to sell. Here's the Danish Prime Minister yesterday. Greenland is for the Greenlandic people. Yes, yes. But also kind of weird thing to say about the Greenlanders since you took their land. Hey, you can't steal that car. It belongs to the guy I stole it from. The Prime Minister is not alone, because on Monday, the Danish king Frederick X changed the royal coat of arms of Denmark as a rebuke to. Here's the old one. You see down in the lower left hand corner that polar bear and the ram represent Greenland and the Faroe Islands. Here's the new one where they are much more prominent. You tell him, Fred. Adjusting heraldic imagery is how His Majesty deals with all of his problems. Oh, you're talking back to your dad, eh, son? That's it. You're out of the seal. Say hello to my new son. Lion's head with severed hand. We don't do many heraldic jokes here at the Late Show. That's the first.

[Alan Cumming]

It might.

[Stephen Colbert]

It might be. It might be the last. It's a rarity. You are all collector's items now. But it's not just the Danes. Greenland's Prime Minister says he has no interest in Greenland becoming part of the United States. Okay, cool. I get it. But I do want to point out Greenland only has about 55,000 people. At that size, you're really stretching the term Prime Minister Manager. I'll have you know I'm the Prime minister of this TJ Maxx. Trump's so serious that yesterday his son Don Jr. Paid a visit to Greenland and Junior was impressed. Looks like an incredible place we've been.

[Alan Cumming]

Talking about going for a while. I was actually supposed to be here.

[Stephen Colbert]

Last spring for some of the stuff I do in my free time, so. Coke. He knows all that snow is just snow, right? And before Don Jr gets on his high horse, he. He's not so special. I have also been to Greenland. Don't believe me? Then how else would I have gotten this travel mug with Greenland on it? They don't sell these at LaGuardia, baby. Do they sell these at LaGuardia? No. Alright, there you go. Yep. I went to Greenland with the show in 2022 and then I left because it does not belong to me. It's that simple. Greenland is lovely. Especially if you enjoy barren landscapes of ice. Not a fan of ice. There's also gravel and that's it. So why does Trump want this frozen gravel pile? Well, it might have oil and stuff like that, but the whole world thinks Trump's crazy idea is crazy. So Fox News defended it, but that's not an easy thing to do, as you'll see. They're calling the President the President Elect. Bananas and crazy for coming up with this idea.

[Alan Cumming]

But by the way, this is not.

[Stephen Colbert]

The first time that America is tried to buy Greenland.

[Alan Cumming]

Back in 1867, Democratic President Harry Truman.

[Stephen Colbert]

Tried to buy Greenland for $100 million. Yes, President Harry Truman tried to buy Greenland in 1867, a mere 20 years before he was born. And he's not the only one. FDR also tried to buy Greenland in 2004 by sending his vice president, Erie Canal, a Democrat. But luckily, that deal was halted by President Genghis Khan two years before the Big Bang. Trump's second term agenda isn't all annexing Greenland. He also wants to annex Canada, AKA Left Greenland. Yesterday, Trump posted two maps on social media, one with the United States and Canada together, made of the American flag and another with them labeled United States. That doesn't preserve any Canadian identity. I would have gone with us, eh? You're welcome. Someone with the king of glory comes, the nation rejoices. Open the gates before and lift up your voice.

[Alan Cumming]

Who is the king of glory?

[Stephen Colbert]

You guys gotta be here for rehearsal. Unlike Greenland, Trump plans to acquire Canada peacefully. Are you also considering military force to annex and acquire Canada?

[Donald Trump]

No economic force, because Canada and the United States, that would really be something. You get rid of that artificially drawn line and you take a look at what that looks like. They should be a state.

[Stephen Colbert]

Hey, dummy, all the lines on maps are artificially drawn. You go to the border, there's not a big line up there. The coach doesn't come out with a chalk mark. You can't see it from space. And we already have a Canada. It's called Minnesota. They're cold, they're nice, they love hockey, and you can't understand a damn word they're saying. And hot dish is just poutine for funerals. Trump also knows who Canada would pick as their new leader.

[Donald Trump]

I have so many great friends. One of them is the great one, Wayne Gretzky. I said, run for Prime Minister, you'll win. And it'll take two seconds. But he said, well, am I going to run for prime minister or governor? You tell me. I said. I said, I don't know. Let's make it governor. I like it better.

[Stephen Colbert]

Trump knows exactly one person from Every country and it's always the most obvious person. He wants Wayne Gretzky in charge of Canada. Australia obviously should be run by Crocodile Dundee and Italy will be led by Prime Minister Guy from the Pizza box. We got a great show for you tonight coming up. Alan Cummings, welcome to Nadia Yada Island. Next on Nadia Yada Island. I knew I deserved so much more so I left. I finally switched to Metro and got what I was looking for. Get one line for only $25 a month with autopay. Just bring your phone to Metro and experience all the data you want on the largest 5G network. That's nada. Yada yada. Only at Metro by T Mobile. First month is $30. Bring your number and ID offer.

[Alan Cumming]

Not available.

[Stephen Colbert]

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[Alan Cumming]

This is the Agency. Nothing is personal.

[Stephen Colbert]

The Agency New series now streaming on the Paramount plus with Showtime plan. Welcome back my friends and neighbors.

[Alan Cumming]

Ladies and gentlemen.

[Stephen Colbert]

My first guest tonight is a two time Tony and two time Emmy award winning actor. You know from the Good Wife Schmigadoon and as the host of the Traitors. Look at this.

[Alan Cumming]

Oh my God. Here he comes. Wow. There's the game is afoot. Let battle commence. Welcome.

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm a gay guy from New York City. So Alan is an icon.

[Alan Cumming]

He looks stunning.

[Stephen Colbert]

And my heart is racing now because it's about to get real.

[Alan Cumming]

Welcome to the Highlands of Scotland and to my humble castle. Are you all ready to play?

[Stephen Colbert]

Please welcome back to the late show, Alan Cumming. Hello.

[Alan Cumming]

Hi. How are you doing?

[Stephen Colbert]

Good, Very good. Nice to see you again. Thank you.

[Alan Cumming]

Oh, it's lovely to be back. It really is lovely to see you. Always a pleasure.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah, yeah. We had Tilda Swinton on here yesterday. Another Scott.

[Alan Cumming]

I got my haircut to be like Tilda Swinton.

[Stephen Colbert]

I was gonna say you both look like friendly cockatiels.

[Alan Cumming]

I just got my haircut and I said to Michael who groomed me, I said, can you make me look like Tilda Swinton? Apart from the mustache, I think I've nailed it.

[Stephen Colbert]

Exactly. Yeah. Well, this is a big month for you. Yesterday was the 18th anniversary with you and your husband Grant. Congratulations there. Seems like a nice fella. 18 and 18, that's lovely. And in three weeks you're turning 60 years old.

[Alan Cumming]

I know it's hard to believe how.

[Stephen Colbert]

It is hard to believe. Such a vibrant young lad. How are you feeling about it?

[Alan Cumming]

I'm feeling. It's sort of weird because everybody mentions it, but I am actually feeling pretty great about it because I like my life. I feel like nothing has collapsed or, you know, everything's still working.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay, good.

[Alan Cumming]

I feel like pretty much I'm still the same as I was a long time ago and I just, I feel. But also, you know, being 60, you've been around the block a few times and I sort of think you see that cyclical nature of life that, you know, you sort of have wisdom, I suppose, because.

[Stephen Colbert]

Sure, you are crowned with many winters. That's exactly it.

[Alan Cumming]

Yes, exactly. I have gained my experience. That's what.

[Stephen Colbert]

How old do you feel like you are?

[Alan Cumming]

Oh, well, I. Well, I feel that my life hasn't really changed since I was 33 when I moved to New York. I was 33 years old and basically my life hasn't changed that much. I still travel a lot, I still go out a lot. I still, you know, I have really. I feel that's when my life settled into a groove. And so 33, the year, sadly the year of our Lord's death. But I managed to push through to 60.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow. You know what? You know what? You know what? When you get to the pearly gates, just brag.

[Alan Cumming]

Hey, Jesus, guess what?

[Stephen Colbert]

Exactly. The first 33 were. Easy, easy. Can I smoke up here?

[Alan Cumming]

No. How about you? I appear to be.

[Stephen Colbert]

Do you have plans to celebrate your birthday?

[Alan Cumming]

Lots. I'm going to have a sort of. I'm going to like. It involves dancing a lot. I'm going to.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, that's nice.

[Alan Cumming]

I'm going to be in London and I'm coming back and I'm going straight from the airport to a club, to this sort of tea dance thing.

[Stephen Colbert]

Club Coming you're.

[Alan Cumming]

No, I'm going to club Coming. There's this thing called Mother Disco and it's a sort of a. It's a really fun thing and it starts at like 4 in the afternoon. You're home with your cocoa by like, you know, 11 o'clock.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, really?

[Alan Cumming]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Is that normal for you? Like, do you like. Is your idea of a good night, like out at four, back in time for.

[Alan Cumming]

That's very unusual for me. It's just convenient with my plans this weekend. That would be good. Cause no, I'm normally like A late person. And then the next night I'm going to Grant's, organized a secret dinner for me. But I found out about it.

[Stephen Colbert]

So your husband, how did you find out who blew it?

[Alan Cumming]

I saw it on my office emails. Cause on my iPad I get some of the office emails. I can press a button and I see the emails that go to my office. Yes, from the restaurant.

[Stephen Colbert]

Does he know that you know?

[Alan Cumming]

I have told him now. Yeah, I told him when I was drunk the other night.

[Stephen Colbert]

How did he take it?

[Alan Cumming]

I mean, and apparently I said to him, you need to be more sneaky. That's what I said. Wow, he's taken it pretty well.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay.

[Alan Cumming]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Be careful saying that to your partner.

[Alan Cumming]

Right, I know. And then after that, the secret dinner, then we're going to clubcoming and having a dancy night and I will take in my birthday. You know, I will become midnight. I'll become 60 at midnight that night.

[Stephen Colbert]

So you said that you normally like to stay out later. How late is late for Alan Cumming? I'm just curious.

[Alan Cumming]

Well, it varies. I mean, I sort of. I mean, you know, it can be very late. I sort of, I mean on a.

[Stephen Colbert]

Normal night, so late that it's early.

[Alan Cumming]

I ha. You know, there's nothing I enjoy more. Like, you know, when you think. Still got it. When you're. That thing when you're going home and other people are going to work. And like once I remember being out with a bunch of friends and this is a wee while ago, but my friend Ron Rifkin, do you know, he was that great actor and he's an older gentleman and he was, I mean, this was a long while ago, but he was still much older than the rest of us. And we took him out and we got, you know, things were imbibed and we all had fun. We had glitter and we were painting our faces and things like that. And Dan sang and we were all getting into a taxi at like, I don't know, 7:30 in the morning or something. And Ron saw his accountant and he was going, hi, hello, how are you? And we were all just standing there, you know, kind of blitzed, laughing at the fact that I think that's a mark of a good evening. If you meet your accountant on the way to work and you're.

[Stephen Colbert]

Well, then the entire evening is deductible.

[Alan Cumming]

Yes.

[Stephen Colbert]

We have to take a little break. We'll be right back with more Alan Cumming. Everybody stick around.

[Alan Cumming]

Roll out.

[Stephen Colbert]

Transformers 1 is now streaming on Paramount. Plus it's the blast from beginning to end.

[Alan Cumming]

Okay, stop.

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm in. Transformers 1 radio PG now stream streaming on Paramount. Hey everybody. We're back with the inimitable Alan Cumming. Andrew, Scottish born.

[Alan Cumming]

There's cupcomings like I mean I bleed tartan.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. Yeah, the red coman was the early coming, I think.

[Alan Cumming]

Oh is it? Yeah, it is Cummin as well. Is the. Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

And do you have a family tart?

[Alan Cumming]

Oh yes. So there's the coming. The thing about tartans, you have several probably. I have the coming tartan and then there's the, you know, the dress tartan and a hunting one as well. So you have the sacrifice.

[Stephen Colbert]

I did not know that there were different tartans for different occasions.

[Alan Cumming]

Yeah, there are. And so, and actually funny thing, years and years and years ago I got an obe, you know, from the royal.

[Stephen Colbert]

Family Officer of the British Empire.

[Alan Cumming]

Yeah, but I gave it back. I gave it back much later because I felt like the toxicity of Empire was too. So I gave it very kindly and gratefully returned it. Oh thanks.

[Stephen Colbert]

But yeah, you just hurl it back over the gates or something?

[Alan Cumming]

No, it's actually really difficult to give your OBE back. So you've got to find out who to give it to and eventually you.

[Stephen Colbert]

Can'T just drop it in the post.

[Alan Cumming]

You can't just fedex it back. No, you've got where the hell do you give it? And then you. Eventually I found out some department in Westminster and I said to him, you know, I said I'm so sorry but I now feel that now that the Queen has died I've reassessed things and you know, now I think the toxicity of Empire and I don't feel I want to be associated with the things I've realized. But thank you. And it was really useful at the time because it was about gay rights and everything and they were very nice. Of course Alan send some Brigadier sends it back here to us and he said and if you ever change your mind we'll keep it for you. So they keep it in Stoneage somewhere.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, it's very polite.

[Alan Cumming]

But anyway, the point is I went to Buckingham palace to get it and I went with my mom and Grant and my brother and it's a lovely thing to take your mom to Buckingham palace. Do you know what I mean? It seems like a little princess anyway, and I was wearing this and I got this kilt suit made by my friend Howie who makes kilts in Edinburgh. And it was. And it was the. And I'd been in Australia and I was jet lagged and I came back to London to get this. And the night before I was doing it, some friends came over and I tried on my kilt suit. So it's like a kilt, a waistcoat and a jacket. And my friend said to me, oh, that's lovely. What tartan is that? And I said it was the hunting coming. But instead of saying that, I said the humming. And so all I thought, well, we get back what that means, we'll be fine.

[Stephen Colbert]

No way they're gonna bleep that. No way.

[Alan Cumming]

So anyway, the next day at Buckingham Palace, I couldn't focus on what was happening. Cause I thought, I am going to say the C word to Princess Anne. And my whole day was just tense. Going hunting, coming hunting, coming hunting, coming.

[Stephen Colbert]

Like that.

[Alan Cumming]

And she didn't even ask me about it in the end.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, wow.

[Alan Cumming]

I know. I was annoyed.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow. Okay. You filmed the Traitors, which many of our staff and several members of my family are completely obsessed with, at a castle in Scotland.

[Alan Cumming]

I draw castle.

[Stephen Colbert]

That's exciting.

[Alan Cumming]

Yes. It's not my castle. I just like. I do not own a castle.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah. Now, in the third season, for those who have not joined the craze yet, explain to people how it works.

[Alan Cumming]

The show. It's like these 20 sort of American famous people and sort of people from reality shows and audible celebrities all come to this castle. I invite them to my castle and I'm pretending it's my castle. And you saw me, I wear a. And have a horse and everything. And it's sort of like that game Mafia or the villagers and this, you know. So sort of. Basically you kill people. Get killed every night by the. By the traitors. And I tap these people on the shoulder and they become the traitors. And then the other people are the faithful and they've got to guess. And it's basically this sort of psychological mind mess. Mess. God. Really? That would be bad if I had the C word and the F word in one interview.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah, yeah. Or fantastic. I can't tell which one.

[Alan Cumming]

Anyway, so, yeah, it's just like that. And they have got to do these missions to sort of make money, and then they've got to, like. And then they get banished. There's a big round table and they all freak out about each other. And that's why I have many catchphrases. My favorite catchphrase. Do you want to hear it?

[Stephen Colbert]

Please.

[Alan Cumming]

Stephen, you have received the most votes and are banished from the game. Please come forward to the Circle of Truth. I actually say that and get paid. It's so nuts.

[Stephen Colbert]

You've said that you host in a character.

[Alan Cumming]

I am a cut. Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

What is the character. What is the traitor character of Alan Cummings?

[Alan Cumming]

He's sort of like, you know, he's like this dandy Scottish laird and he's sort of. I sort of thought of him as like a Bond villain. My dog Lala comes with me because every.

[Stephen Colbert]

Right. Well, you were a Bond. You were a Bond.

[Alan Cumming]

I was a Bond, virtually.

[Stephen Colbert]

You're a villain.

[Alan Cumming]

Yes, I was. I'm invincible. But I don't. I didn't have a pet to pat. But now I have Lala and like. So if you know like me, Alan Cumming, I say, hey, Stephen, how are you doing? I haven't seen you for a while. And if I'm an incoming traitorous, I'll be Stephen Colbert long is it since our paths crossed like that. So that's the difference. And he quotes Shakespeare and Plato and everything. It's so ridiculous. On a competition reality show.

[Stephen Colbert]

And two Emmys.

[Alan Cumming]

Two Emmys.

[Stephen Colbert]

Two Emmys. 2 Emmys for this. That's fun. Emmys are fun. Nice. Shinies are a nice party. Where do you keep them? Some people put them in closets. Where do you put them?

[Alan Cumming]

You know, I have not. I have not got my Emmys. I've just realized that. But it was in September and they said they were going to send it because I had to leave early because I had to go back on the plane to Scotland. I was making this film with Brian Cox and actually we left and we went out early because we're going to go to dinner. So we didn't leave the proper way where everyone was leaving. And so Grant, my husband had the two Emmys like this. And my publicist and things on front like a little keeping people away. And Grant was like this. Cause they're pointy, they're sharp. So he's kinda like. And then they went and they said to me I wouldn't be able to take them on the plane. Cause they're sharp, they'd be like a new weapon. And then they said they were going to get the little things engraved. And you normally do that when you.

[Stephen Colbert]

Go to the Governor's Bowl.

[Alan Cumming]

Governor's Bowl. But I couldn't go because I was going. So I've never. I don't have my Emmys. I didn't get.

[Stephen Colbert]

I've not got my Emmys. Wow.

[Alan Cumming]

Can we start a campaign? Where are Alan Cummings Emmys?

[Stephen Colbert]

Free his Emmys. Freedom.

[Alan Cumming]

Yeah. Free Alan's Emmys. That's actually. I just. Yes. I should have my Emmys.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow. How would your character from the traitor say free Alan's Emmys.

[Alan Cumming]

There has been grand larceny in the world of Emmys, and we must now faithful return the treasure to our castle.

[Stephen Colbert]

Season three of the Traitors premieres tomorrow on Peacock. Alan Cumming, everybody. Thank you for listening to the Late show pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.

[Alan Cumming]

Now streaming on Paramount. Plus, what's your job?

[Stephen Colbert]

When people go missing? I get hired to help find them. Catch up now on Trekker. I'm here to help this CBS original series that critics are calling a breakout hit. Nothing good comes without risks. I will drink to that. Justin Hartley stars. Hold on. Did you say Arrow run?

[Alan Cumming]

That's a new one.

[Stephen Colbert]

Coulter in the CBS original tracker. Catch up on the latest episodes now on Paramount. In all new All Access Paramount original docu series, Kristen Pulisic is captain of the U.S. national team. Take a sneak peek into my trailer following a America's captain Soccer brings out a different character in me. On his quest for global victory, Captain America has taken his team on his shoulders. Balancing fame Christians never wanted the spotlight and the game. These are the goals that create legends. I want to be the best player in the world. Pic presented by Michelob Ultra new docu series now streaming exclusively on Paramount plus.