Bryan Cranston (Extended) | Moment of Truce

Summary

The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert – Bryan Cranston (Extended) | Moment of Truce

Episode Date: April 9, 2026
Guest: Bryan Cranston
Overview:
This lively extended interview features Emmy and Tony-winning actor Bryan Cranston discussing his dynamic career, the return of "Malcolm in the Middle," memorable showbiz stories, and life turning 70. Stephen Colbert weaves his trademark wit through global events, from satirical takes on geopolitics to personal banter over tequila shots. The mix of earnest reflection and comedic back-and-forth offers a rich, engaging listening experience.

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Main Theme and Purpose

The episode blends sharp late-night political satire with an in-depth, often hilarious, conversation with Bryan Cranston. Colbert opens with commentary on an apparent fleeting ceasefire between the US, Iran, and other global powers, then transitions to Bryan Cranston’s career highlights, anecdotes, and the upcoming revival of "Malcolm in the Middle."

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Satirical News Breakdown: War, Peace, and Political Performance

[02:46 – 13:39]

• Ceasefire Rollercoaster: Colbert lampoons the recent, short-lived ceasefire between the US and Iran, dissecting Trump’s contradictory announcements.
  • "Trump announced the deal on social media calling it a double sided ceasefire. Okay, that's cool, but aren't all peace deals double sided? ... I believe there's a word for a single sided ceasefire, and it's murder.” (Colbert, 03:30)
• Confusion and Spin: Both Iranian and US governments claim victory, but with different sets of “conditions” and facts.
• Israel & Strait of Hormuz: The situation escalates rapidly, with Iran closing the Strait of Hormuz after an Israeli strike in Beirut, despite the supposed ceasefire.
  • “The ceasefire ceased the fire until fire broke the ceasefire, upon which the ceasefire ceased ceasing fire.” (Colbert, 04:08)
• Negotiations Exposed: Colbert parodies leaked reports about Trump’s decision-making, featuring a manipulative Israeli PowerPoint and internal dissent from US officials.
  • “Netanyahu's presentation was broken down into four parts. ... Feels like there's a pretty big leap there at the end. It sounds like a recipe that says, preheat oven to 350, chop vegetables. Regime change.” (Colbert, 08:28)
• Cabinet Comedy: The CIA director and Marco Rubio express doubts about Israel's regime change scenarios.
• Legal Advice: Trump is reassured by counsel David Warrington (“Invading Iran is completely legal or my Name's not. Battles McBlow em up.” Colbert, 11:50)
• JD Vance, Reluctant Support: Vance hesitantly supports Trump’s call for war despite misgivings (“If you want to do it, I’ll support you. Well, grow a spine, JD.” Colbert, 11:07)
• International Theater: JD Vance’s awkward campaign appearance in Hungary and a failed on-stage call to Trump wraps up this segment.
  • "Reminds me of when Coachella replaced Lady Gaga with one of the porta potties." (Colbert, 12:27)

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2. Bryan Cranston: Milestones, Nostalgia & The Return of Hal

[15:01 – 35:01]

Reflections on 70 and Career Longevity

• 10th Visit to the Late Show: Emotion mixed with humor as Cranston marks his milestone on the show.
  • “This is my 10th time on your show ... and the last. ... I’d like to come to the last show and just sit in the audience and just be a fan.” (Cranston, 16:04)
• Aging and Milestones:
  • "At 70 years old, you can't fool yourself anymore. ... 70 is like, ooh, I'm old." (Cranston, 18:31)
• Celebratory Tequila: Cranston and Colbert toast and sip Dos Hombres tequila, exchanging playful banter.
  • “My doctor tells me I'm not getting enough salted rim.” (Colbert, 18:14)

The Art of Acting: Comedy vs. Drama

• Approaching the Craft:
  • Comedy requires timing; drama allows more space.
  • Cranston’s method: “When I develop a character, I look for what I call the big five. What's his strength? What's his weakness? What's his ambition? What's his secret? And what's his fear?” (Cranston, 19:49)
• Nudity on Screen:
  • “Almost every show I do, they want me to be naked in some.” (Cranston, 19:17)
  • “Give the people what they want.” (Colbert, 19:25)
• Sex Scenes:
  • “Only when I'm alone. ... Wise man once said, masturbation will help you live longer.” (Cranston, 22:15)

Breaking Bad’s Legacy

• Perfect 10 on IMDb:
  • “It's so cool to know that I will be in the only show that will ever have that. And I could take that to my grave—for a while." (Cranston, 20:53)
  • A new show ties Breaking Bad’s rating, leading to jokes about "Breaking Bad on Ice."
  • “Fellas, I'll see you on the ice. How about Breaking Bad on ice? Right. We’ll tour with it.” (Cranston, 21:24)

Malcolm in the Middle is Back

• Revival After 20 Years:
  • “About 12 years ago, I was getting a lot of fans coming up to me and saying, what happened to Malcolm? ... I kept saying, I don't know. ... I think there's enough fodder here for a story.” (Cranston, 22:52)
  • After persistent lobbying, creator Linwood Boomer relents: “We did four episodes for Hulu and Disney, and they're really fantastic. ... It's funny.” (Cranston, 23:30)

Stunt Stories & Showbiz Pain

• Bee Suit & Other Ordeals:
  • Being covered in 60,000 real bees: “I was stung twice. ... I think I got stung. In the B Wrangler, ... he goes, where is it? And I go, on my scrotum.” (Cranston, 24:04)
  • “You're on your own. I'm not going to help you.” (Cranston recalls the wrangler’s response, 24:43)
• Body Hair & Yak Hair:
  • “In the original pilot for Malcolm in the Middle, they actually glued yak hair to me.” (Cranston, 26:27)
  • “Can we do it where he's already mostly shaven and it's just the last little bit?” (Cranston persuades for less makeup torture, 26:38)

Unlikely Jobs, Family, and Nicknames

• Alternate Career: “I think I would be a docent at a nudist colony. … Out of curiosity, they want to see me naked.” (Cranston, 28:25)
• Daughter's TV Doctoring: Cranston’s daughter, Taylor Dearden, stars as a doctor on "The Pit" and even demonstrates actual medical initiative during a real-life restaurant emergency.
  • “She was running toward him ... and just as she's getting to him, he caught his breath. … We finally have a doctor in the family.” (Cranston, 31:05)
• Nicknamed “Monkey Man”: Cranston explains how Aaron Paul’s children gave him the name after seeing his film with a gorilla (“The One and Only Ivan,” 33:42).

Testimonials, Friendship, and Final Toast

• Colbert raises a glass to their decade-long Late Show friendship.
  • “Thank you for your friendship. And the next time we have these drinks, it'll be non professionally. I look forward to it.” (Colbert, 34:47)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “A single sided ceasefire ... it's murder.” — Stephen Colbert (03:30)
• “The ceasefire ceased the fire until fire broke the ceasefire, upon which the ceasefire ceased ceasing fire.” — Stephen Colbert (04:08)
• “At 70 years old, you can't fool yourself anymore. ... 70 is like, ooh, I'm old.” — Bryan Cranston (18:31)
• “When I develop a character, I look for what I call the big five. What's his strength? What's his weakness? What's his ambition? What's his secret? And what's his fear?” — Bryan Cranston (19:49)
• “About 12 years ago, I kept saying, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. So I went to him, and I said, I think there's enough fodder here for a story.” — Bryan Cranston (22:52 — on rebooting "Malcolm in the Middle")
• “I had 60,000 bees on me, and I was stung twice. ... On my scrotum.” — Bryan Cranston (24:04)
• “I think I would be a docent at a nudist colony.” — Bryan Cranston (28:25)
• “Thank you for your friendship. ... The next time we have these drinks, it'll be non professionally. I look forward to it.” — Stephen Colbert (34:47)

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Important Timestamps for Segments

• Political/Satirical Monologue: 02:46 – 13:39
• Bryan Cranston Interview: 15:01 – 35:01
  • Nostalgia & Career Reflections: 15:55–18:53
  • Acting Process & Breaking Bad Legacy: 19:17–21:53
  • Malcolm in the Middle Revival / Stunts: 22:06–27:14
  • Family & Nicknames: 29:31–34:38
  • Friendship Toast / Farewell: 34:45–35:01

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Episode Tone & Style

The banter alternates between sharp political satire and affectionate, irreverent comedy. Both host and guest are self-deprecating, quick-witted, and comfortable discussing everything from the gravely serious to the gleefully absurd. The mood is celebratory, nostalgic, and fun, especially as Cranston and Colbert share tequila and honor their longstanding rapport.

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For the uninitiated:
This episode delivers not just a deep dive into Bryan Cranston’s celebrated career, but also a classic Late Show blend of social commentary and warm, improvisational humor. From bee stings to “Breaking Bad on Ice,” and Hollywood craft to parental pride, it’s a rich mix of stories and jokes—ideal both for diehard Cranston fans and lovers of late night’s frank, funny look at the world.

Transcript

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[Stephen Colbert]

Welcome one and all in here, out there, all around the world to the Late Show. I'm your host Stephen Colbert, ladies and gentlemen.

[Bryan Cranston]

Hello friends.

[Stephen Colbert]

Hello. Tonight, in the war with Iran, there is urgent Breaking news and I am not sure what it is and my not knowing began last night. You'll remember Trump had threatened to kill a 5,000-year-old civilization at 8pm Eastern. But a little more than one hour before that deadline, Trump agreed to a two week ceasefire with Iran. Finally, the war was over for a bit. Realizing John Lennon's dream, all we are saying

[Bryan Cranston]

is.

[Stephen Colbert]

Trump announced. Yeah, Trump announced the deal on social media calling it a double sided ceasefire. Okay, that is cool, but aren't all peace deals double sided? I believe there's a word for a single sided ceasefire and it's murder. I'm done shooting you now. Trump explained that he agreed to the ceasefire because, quote, we have already met and exceeded all military objectives. It's true. This war reached all of its objectives. It's been weeks since anyone mentioned the Epstein files. Trump gave credit. All we are saying. Trump gave credit to the men who brokered the deal. Prime Minister Shahbaz Sharif and Field Marshal Asim Munir of Pakistan. Well, I think we know who's winning next year's FIFA peace prize. It's. It's Donald Trump again. Donald Trump, Thanks. Thanks to this deal, we can finally bring you what I hope is the final installment of my segment Hormuz News. You can use ships, finally get throughs. Trump said the deal was nobody lob any more bombs and the strait will be open for 14 days. Well, my, how time flies. Because this morning Israel struck central Beirut without warning and in response, Iran closed the Strait of Hormuz. So the ceasefire ceased the fire until fire broke the ceasefire, upon which the ceasefire ceased ceasing fire. Which means it's time already to update our segment Hormuz News. You can use stoppage renews, everybody lose. Iran insists that Lebanon was covered by the ceasefire deal. But the White House told reporters that Lebanon was not covered by the agreement. So as so often happens with ceasefires, we really don't know what happened. I believe it's called the fog of peace. In an interview, the President said the United States had achieved total and complete victory, 100%, no question about it. Okay, couple questions about it, huh? And for reals, because Iran is also claiming victory against the United States and Israel. Cuz keep in mind, Trump said there will be no deal with Iran except unconditional surrender. And that's exactly what he got with just 10 conditions. The White House has not released the alleged 10 conditions yet, but Iranian state media have released what they claim are the 10 conditions. They include Iran's continued control of the Strait of Hormuz, that the US remove all primary and secondary sanctions against Iran and apparently accept that Iran can enrich uranium for its nuclear program, which is everything they wanted before the war. So it's a real win win in that Iran won twice. Trump is adamant that what Iran released are not the actual 10 points he agreed to posting. Numerous agreements, lists and letters are being sent out by people that have absolutely nothing to do with the USA Iran negotiations. In many cases, they are total fraudsters, charlatans, and worse. Worse than charlatans, mountebanks, flim flammers, scallywags. Don't tell me there's a rogue skuldugggerist. So it's possible that we got nothing out of this war, but we're starting to learn how we decided to go and not get it. According to the New York Times, there's a series of Situation Room meetings starting back on February 11, where the President was given a highly classified presentation on Iran by Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. It's being called the most manipulative PowerPoint since your middle schooler put together. Tyler's reasons the family should get a dog. Number one, your fighting makes me sad.

[Bryan Cranston]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes, that's you now.

[Bryan Cranston]

Is that you?

[Stephen Colbert]

Wouldn't you get Tyler a dog? No. Netanyahu's presentation was broken down into four parts. First, killing the Ayatollah. Second, crippling Iran's capacity to project power. Third, a popular uprising inside Iran. And fourth, regime change. Feels like there's a pretty big leap there at the end. It sounds like a recipe that says, preheat oven to 350 chop vegetables. Regime change.

[Bryan Cranston]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Trump. Trump. He got the plan. He got that plan. Took the four point plan and he ran it by his advisors and intelligence officials. Told him that the first two objectives were achievable, but the third and fourth were detached from reality. It's like that famous a man, a plan. Kar plop. I'm detached from reality. To drive home the point, the CIA director told Trump that Israel's regime change scenarios were farcical. And that part Marco Rubio, Secretary of State, cut in and said, in other words, it's bull. Shut up, Marco. I know the word farcical. Joe Biden used to ride a farcical. And that time he fell off. Remember when he fell off, I laughed so hard, I farsted. Trump brushed up. Why, thank you. We were rather proud of that, Jo. Trump brushed off the idea that a revolution and a regime change were even necessary, telling his advisors that his decision will not hinge on whether parts three and four of the plan were achievable. Well, way to half ass it. It's just like the stages of grief. It goes denial, anger. I'm done. Joint Chief Chairman Kaine also warned about the risks of Iran blocking the Strait of Hormuz. But Trump dismissed that possibility because he appeared to think it would be a very quick war. No, there's no such thing. War is one of those things that always take longer than you expect, like setting up the wi fi or any board game where the person inviting you to play says, don't worry, the rules will make sense once we start. Okay. Little pieces of cardboard. Reportedly, the only one advising against the war was J.D.

[Bryan Cranston]

vance.

[Stephen Colbert]

But when it came time for a decision, he told the president, you know, I think this is a bad idea, but if you want to do it, I'll support you. Well, grow a spine, J.D. come on, Buck up. This is about starting a war in the Middle east, not a discussion on getting bangs before it does look good. He looks good. Before Trump made the final call, he needed to know if it was legal to go to war without Congress and their approval. And he was told the plan was legally permissible by White House counsel David Warrington. That name's a little on the nose, sir. Invading Iran is completely legal or my Name's not. Battles McBlow em up.

[Bryan Cranston]

The third. The third.

[Stephen Colbert]

The third is short for World War Three. Vice President Vance was also busy elsewhere this week. He's currently in Hungary campaigning for right wing prime minister and tomato realizing he forgot his backpack. Viktor Orban. Orban is a Putin loving, fascist friendly authoritarian strongman. So Republicans love him. He's up for reelection on Sunday and he's not doing so well in the polls right now. So yesterday he held a rally where Vice President JD Vance was the star attraction that is a headliner. Reminds me. It reminds me of when Coachella replaced Lady Gaga with one of the porta potties. Of course, Vance brought his trip trademark charisma to the rally. Here he is trying to call Trump from on stage. So before I started my remarks, I actually had a special guest that asked that I give him a phone call and we'll see. Let's hope he actually answers. This is going to be very embarrassing. All right, I'm sorry.

[Commercial Narrator]

The person you were trying to reach has a windmill box that has not

[Bryan Cranston]

been set up yet.

[Stephen Colbert]

You. You know what happened. Hold on, hold on, hold on, folks. Hold on. Who's called JD Vance? J. Decline. We got a great show for you tonight.

[Bryan Cranston]

Coming up.

[Commercial Narrator]

Bryan Cranston,

[Bryan Cranston]

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[Stephen Colbert]

Ladies and gentlemen, my guest tonight is one of the greatest actors alive. He's an Emmy and Tony winner, you know, from your honor of the studio and Breaking bad. Now, after 20 years, he's bringing back his beloved character Hal in Malcolm in the Middle Life. Still unfair.

[Bryan Cranston]

I'm sorry, Mr. Plummer. I don't have enough money to pay your great big bill. There must be some way I can satisfy you. The office can put you on a payment plan. Did you just turn down sex?

[Stephen Colbert]

Please welcome back to the Late Show, Bryan Cranston. All right.

[Bryan Cranston]

Boy, you know, if I'm feeling nostalgic, I can only imagine what you're going through. I'm on the verge of tears right now.

[Stephen Colbert]

Really?

[Bryan Cranston]

Yeah, a little bit. Oh, this is my 10th time on your show. Oh, and the. Well, welcome. Thank you. And the last. Yeah, but I asked your very able staff, I said I'd like to come to the last show and just sit in the audience and just be a fan.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, wow. That is so. That is so lovely. We do not have any tickets available. I'm so sorry. So I should have asked for.

[Bryan Cranston]

Yeah, I wish I w. You.

[Stephen Colbert]

You've done the loveliest thing at your last trip here. You've sent margaritas to my entire staff.

[Bryan Cranston]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

So if at any point the lighting seems off or the camera angles get a little wonky, it's merely because everyone is feeling refreshed at the show.

[Bryan Cranston]

All I've noticed is that you were flubbing a few lines. That's. That's not fair.

[Stephen Colbert]

No, it's not fair. It's not fair because I didn't flub anything. Lines because I have an editor. Shall we have some ourselves

[Bryan Cranston]

a little bit?

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. I don't know.

[Bryan Cranston]

Oh, baby, I don't know. Yes, There you go.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, yeah. So we're ready to rock.

[Bryan Cranston]

Here we have our. Our tequila. Do, hombre. Tequila.

[Stephen Colbert]

Here.

[Bryan Cranston]

Beauty.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay.

[Bryan Cranston]

Pour it on, brother.

[Stephen Colbert]

There we go. All right. That is.

[Bryan Cranston]

Wow.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah.

[Bryan Cranston]

This is really real, too, by the way.

[Stephen Colbert]

It is. Cheers.

[Bryan Cranston]

Cheers to you, my friend. Cheers to you.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh,

[Bryan Cranston]

all right. Oh, that's real good.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, that's gorgeous.

[Bryan Cranston]

Oh, baby,

[Stephen Colbert]

I don't even want to talk anymore.

[Bryan Cranston]

No, let's just sip.

[Stephen Colbert]

Take your time. No. And by the way, happy birthday recently.

[Bryan Cranston]

Thank you.

[Stephen Colbert]

You make. You make 70 look really good.

[Bryan Cranston]

Oh, gosh. But, you know, it's a milestone. It is a milestone. It really is. And my doctors told me I'm not allowed to drink anymore. And so I listen. I listen.

[Stephen Colbert]

My doctor tells me I'm not getting enough salted rim.

[Bryan Cranston]

It's back there with the Skittles. Oh, here we go. There we go.

[Stephen Colbert]

Do you recognize milestone birthdays? Are you a big birthday fella?

[Bryan Cranston]

Anything big, I think when they end in the zero. Yeah, I think because there's no going back. At 70 years old, you can't fool yourself anymore. You know, it's like 50. You go, hey, But I feel good. I feel strong. I feel. And then 60 is like, well, you know, I'm doing all right. 70 is like, ooh, I'm old.

[Stephen Colbert]

Even at the advanced, decrepit age of 70, your range is unrivaled. You've done it all. One second you're wearing a Tony for network. Next minute, you're wearing an Emmy. For the studio. This is one of my favorite moments of all time. Here you are. Please go watch the studio for this man's performance, if for nothing else.

[Bryan Cranston]

I don't know why it is, but almost every show I do, they want me to be naked in some. Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Give the people what they want.

[Bryan Cranston]

You know, if I can just convince my wife.

[Stephen Colbert]

Do you. Okay, so I. I'm curious when I know somebody who can do comedy really well, and I'm curious about Carell this way, you do comedy so well and drama so well. Do you approach it in any different way, with a different process in any way, or is it kind of all the same in the character?

[Bryan Cranston]

Well, the execution is different because, of course, as you know, comedy requires timing. But drama, you could take your time, you could nuance it. You can feel it a little more, you can stretch it out. But when I develop a character, I look for what I call the big five. What's his strength? What's his weakness? What's his ambition? What's his secret? And what's his fear? So I start to look for those things. When I can find those, it gives me a sense of foundational support. You know, like, you know, like a good pair of underwear.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah. Many people got to know your dramatic chops through Breaking Bad, and for many years, Breaking Bad holds the title for the highest rated TV episode of all time on IMDb with a perfect 10 out of 10.

[Bryan Cranston]

I heard that. That's so cool to know that I will be in the only show that will ever have that. And I could take that to my grave for a while.

[Stephen Colbert]

You didn't make it to the grave in time because you've been tied. The tie is heated rivalry. Just tied breaking bads perfect 10. IMDb store any message to the heated rivalry?

[Bryan Cranston]

Fellas, I'll see you on the ice. How about. How about Breaking Bad on ice? Right. We'll tour with it.

[Stephen Colbert]

You and me.

[Bryan Cranston]

Yeah, why not?

[Stephen Colbert]

Sure.

[Bryan Cranston]

You could be Mike Ermentrot.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes.

[Bryan Cranston]

Or, you know, Saul Goodman.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah.

[Bryan Cranston]

Or, you know, Skyler. To get back to the heated rivalry, maybe we have to do that. Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Do you enjoy? Enjoy's the wrong word. Do you find it challenging to have a sex scene on camera?

[Bryan Cranston]

Only when I'm alone, You know. You know, doctors say, wise man once said, masturbation will help you live longer.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes.

[Bryan Cranston]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Malcolm in the Middle. This is very exciting.

[Bryan Cranston]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

To your fans.

[Bryan Cranston]

Yes, it is.

[Stephen Colbert]

Malcolm in the middle back after 20 years.

[Bryan Cranston]

Unbelievable.

[Stephen Colbert]

That's fantastic.

[Bryan Cranston]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

The creator, who's got a great name, Linwood. Boomer.

[Bryan Cranston]

What a great boomer.

[Stephen Colbert]

Boomer said it was your idea and that you kept, like, poking him about it.

[Bryan Cranston]

Yeah. Well, about 12 years ago, I was getting a lot of fans coming up to me and saying, what happened to Malcolm? And that Lois and Hal were pregnant when the series ended. Did you have a girl that you wanted? Was it another boy? And I. I kept saying, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. So I went to him, and I Said, I think there's enough fodder here for a story. And he said, absolutely not. I'm retired, done. Forget it. And then a year later, I said, what do you think? I don't know. He said, I don't think so. I really don't think so. And I took that as progress from absolutely not to I don't think so, and then slowly chip away at that. And then he said. He finally came to me about three years ago and said, I got it. I have an idea, and it's a great idea. We did four episodes for Hulu and Disney, and they're really fantastic. I really had a great time shooting it. And it's funny.

[Stephen Colbert]

Well, I'm kind of amazed that you wanted to go back, because while the show was great, a great cast, and you were great at it, you were physically tortured frequently on that show. We have some of the fun things that you went through here. This one of the best ever. This was you completely covered in actual bees.

[Bryan Cranston]

I was covered in bees.

[Stephen Colbert]

And that's not. That's not AI. That's not fake. That's real bees.

[Bryan Cranston]

No, those are real bees. I had 60,000 bees on me, and I was stung twice. And a couple things that you realize when you're wearing 60,000 bees, you should not be surprised if you get stung. So when I got stung, I went, oh, Oh, I think I got stung. In the B Wrangler, he's ready to scrape it off, right? He goes, where is it? And I go, on my scrotum. And it's true.

[Stephen Colbert]

True story.

[Bryan Cranston]

True story. On my scrotum. And he goes, you're on your own. I'm not going to help you, I got to say.

[Stephen Colbert]

Did you do that? Oh, I think I got stung, yeah. You only thought you got stung?

[Bryan Cranston]

Yes.

[Stephen Colbert]

Because on your scrotum, you have a really insensitive scrotum.

[Bryan Cranston]

No, I have a very sensitive scrotum. And when we do Breaking Bad on Ice, you'll discover.

[Stephen Colbert]

How do they get the bees on you? How do they get them? Do they have to, like, put, like, the queen in your navel or something?

[Bryan Cranston]

Exactly right. The pheromones from the queen is in a little vial, and they take it out on a little eyedropper and they put it all over. And here you'll see. They took insect repellent and put it on my face where they didn't want the bees to go because they didn't want to cover up my face. And you go, well, who is it? So they wanted to see my face. And so that's what it is. And yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Here you are strapped to the front of a bus.

[Bryan Cranston]

Yeah, well, okay, you know, that happens. Here you are completely like.

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm the only one painted blue.

[Bryan Cranston]

Oh, yeah, that was a. Yeah, I was.

[Stephen Colbert]

And this is. This is from the. This is the first episode, isn't it?

[Bryan Cranston]

I don't know. Oh, yeah, that's from the first episode.

[Stephen Colbert]

You are being shaved completely as one does. Sure.

[Bryan Cranston]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

You're a furry fellow there, I gotta say.

[Bryan Cranston]

Oh, how often do you get shaved?

[Stephen Colbert]

Waxed.

[Bryan Cranston]

Oh, you get waxed?

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah, from the neck down. I'm an eel.

[Bryan Cranston]

I love it, love it.

[Stephen Colbert]

Nice. Again, it's gonna be Breaking Bad on us.

[Bryan Cranston]

Breaking Bad on us. It's gonna be very good.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. No, there you go. Did you, for this one, did you pitch like less intense scenes? Hopefully I did.

[Bryan Cranston]

Now when I. In the original pilot for Malcolm in the Middle, they actually glued yak hair to me. It took three or four. Yeah, that.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, this is. That's yak hair.

[Bryan Cranston]

They had to glue yak hair onto me cuz it's extra long. So it gave them a place to glue. And it was still long enough. It looked like human hair. But it took four makeup artists, three hours. And I stood there and I couldn't sit down because it would mat right. So I had to stand. So I did ask them, I said, when we reenact this for the new Malcolm in the Middle, can we do it where he's already mostly shaven and it's just the last little bit? And they said, yeah, it was just the undergrowth. I just put my leg up there and getting the undergrowth, you know?

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes. And he said, once again, watch out for the bee sting.

[Bryan Cranston]

That's right.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. Frankie Munoz is a NASCAR driver now, which is very exciting.

[Bryan Cranston]

Oh, well, it's also.

[Stephen Colbert]

Have you done it? Have you ever done any, like, race car driving?

[Bryan Cranston]

Well, when I was. We did the Toyota Grand Prix in Long Beach. It was like celebrities would drive these cars. These are the great things that we get to do and get lucky. And so I drove these cars with other celebrities. And you're in a race, you're in a race car and you're have the helmet and the whole thing and you're banging up against the wall and I mean, it's serious stuff. And I told Frankie, I said, when you turn 18 next year, you gotta do this. When we were shooting the show and he did and he won. And he got so juiced on being a race car driver in that little track that he became a professional race car driver and was driving in the truck series.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow.

[Bryan Cranston]

F150.

[Stephen Colbert]

If you didn't do this, is there a fallback position for Bryan? Cr. Like if it wasn't going to be. This is something else. Like, like race car driving. Something like that. Maybe something a little adventurous that you would do.

[Bryan Cranston]

I think I would be a docent at a nudist colony.

[Stephen Colbert]

A docent?

[Bryan Cranston]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

So like an unpaid physician.

[Bryan Cranston]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

A volunteer guy. Volunteer.

[Bryan Cranston]

I. I'm. I'm a man of service, Stephen. Sure. I don't want to accept money for something I. I want to do for the people.

[Stephen Colbert]

Uh huh.

[Bryan Cranston]

Out of curiosity, they want to see me naked. I. Now you can come to this nudist colony and see me naked.

[Stephen Colbert]

Right. And you can get a guided tour of. Of bridegrass.

[Bryan Cranston]

Yes, you do. You'll notice.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes. That I've dipped my scrotum in off. Did you want to shot?

[Bryan Cranston]

I'm going to do a shot. You want a shot?

[Stephen Colbert]

I'll do a shot with you.

[Bryan Cranston]

Sure, let's do a shot.

[Stephen Colbert]

I just got to make the airplane, that's all. There you go.

[Bryan Cranston]

There you go. Good. There you go.

[Stephen Colbert]

This is nice. We love the dose the dos ombres in our house. You know, we cook with it.

[Bryan Cranston]

I know you do. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And. And you're. It's the. It's one of the most requested requested sites or whatever. What are they called? What are they called?

[Stephen Colbert]

Websites?

[Bryan Cranston]

No, when you go. When you what you click on a certain thing about, about your website.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes. Pornography.

[Bryan Cranston]

Did I tell you I was 70?

[Stephen Colbert]

There you go. I don't know. It is. It is one of the most requested things.

[Bryan Cranston]

Yes.

[Stephen Colbert]

This will help. This will help.

[Bryan Cranston]

Brian.

[Stephen Colbert]

There you go. You know what I think? You know what I think? I think you should be the new Bond, you know?

[Bryan Cranston]

You know? You know what I think? You know what I think?

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah. I want to ask you something.

[Bryan Cranston]

Ask me something. You know what, Stephen?

[Stephen Colbert]

What?

[Bryan Cranston]

If you ever got stung in the scrotum, I'd get it out for you. You what? Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

You what?

[Bryan Cranston]

That's how much I love you.

[Stephen Colbert]

I love you, man. Why is this the last time your daughter. You're fantastic. Taylor Dearden stars just fantastic performance as Dr. Mel King over on the Pit.

[Bryan Cranston]

On the Pit.

[Stephen Colbert]

Fantastic. You know, has she. I gotta ask this is that. Has she. I've known some TV doctors.

[Bryan Cranston]

Yes.

[Stephen Colbert]

Sometimes they can get lost in the sauce and like really feel like they're doctors. Does she feel like she can diagnose at this point? Does she, like, have a kind of mental prescription pad?

[Bryan Cranston]

I'll tell you, we were just recently on vacation, and there was a man in a restaurant who was choking. And my wife and I went, that guy. That guy, I think he's choking. And Taylor was up and running toward him at the. Yeah, running right toward him. And I'll do it in slow motion, you know, stethoscope, you know. No. And she was running toward him, and just as she's getting to him, he caught his breath and he started breathing and he was okay. And she told him, just take your time, take it slow. And we're going, oh, my God. She's like, we finally have a doctor in the family.

[Stephen Colbert]

That's fantastic.

[Bryan Cranston]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

I want her to run up to him and go, it's okay. I'm an actor. I want you to find your animal spine.

[Bryan Cranston]

Yes. I have five questions for you. What is your strength? What is your weakness? What is your ambition? What is your fear?

[Stephen Colbert]

And where did the beast sting you?

[Bryan Cranston]

Where did the beast sting you? Where did you put the Skittles?

[Stephen Colbert]

These are delicious.

[Bryan Cranston]

Aren't they good?

[Stephen Colbert]

These are delicious.

[Bryan Cranston]

They're quite good.

[Stephen Colbert]

Do you have a. Are you tempted to call her up and say, I got a thing? What is it?

[Bryan Cranston]

Oh, yeah. The other day I was having what I thought was sciatica a little. And I was getting some numbness in my toes. So I called her. I said, no, I did. I said, taylor, I'm getting some numbness in my toes. And she says, and your big toes or your little toes? And I go, really? And she goes, oh, yeah, it's a difference. And I go, it's in my little one. She goes, okay, go down to your toes. Put it on FaceTime. And I put it on FaceTime. She goes, Squeeze your baby toe. It should go white after you squeeze it and then go pink. Does it do that? And I squeezed it and it does go. And she goes, okay, you're getting circulation, so that's not a problem. You know, it's like, wow. But, you know, the deductible is high. She charges a lot.

[Stephen Colbert]

I thought she was gonna say a little toe, squeeze it, and then go wee, wee, wee, all the way home. That's fantastic. That's fantastic.

[Bryan Cranston]

I know. Yeah. She's so good on that show, too.

[Stephen Colbert]

These are. These are tasty. These are tasty. You founded the Dos Hombres with your Breaking Bad co star Aaron Paul. Here you guys are together. There you guys are together.

[Bryan Cranston]

There it is.

[Stephen Colbert]

And then I gotta. You seem to be living A nicer life right now.

[Bryan Cranston]

What's that one?

[Stephen Colbert]

He said, there you go. That's it.

[Bryan Cranston]

Oh, yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

He said in an interview that his kids call you Monkey Man.

[Bryan Cranston]

Oh, yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

How did Bryan Cranston get the nickname Monkey Man?

[Bryan Cranston]

Well, I did a movie called the One and Only Ivan, which was a true story about a guy who adopted a little baby gorilla. And when the baby gorilla got a little older, it started destroying the house. So he moved to a defunct shopping mall and created like a de facto circus. And people would come and see the gorilla as it grew up into a huge gorilla. And he got an elephant, he got other animals, and it lasted for a little bit. And the true story is that he donated the gorilla to the Atlanta Zoo and it lived out the rest of his life there. And so I was the. All these animals in the movie, and I was the main guy, and. And I would talk to the gorilla. And so little story was very young, and she said, oh, the monkey man. Monkey man. Monkey. Because he was talking about the. I was with the gorilla. Wow, that's so sweet.

[Stephen Colbert]

That is.

[Bryan Cranston]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Monkey Man.

[Bryan Cranston]

Monkey Man.

[Stephen Colbert]

I will always think of you as monkey Man.

[Bryan Cranston]

Now, please don't.

[Stephen Colbert]

No. And imagine how much you look like Monkey man when you're covered with yak hair.

[Bryan Cranston]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Well, Bryan Cranston, here's one more time to you and the 10 times we've sat down together. Thank you for your friendship. And the next time we have these drinks, it'll be non professionally. I look forward to it.

[Bryan Cranston]

Thank you, Stephen. To you.

[Stephen Colbert]

Cheers.

[Bryan Cranston]

Thank you very much.

[Stephen Colbert]

Malcolm in the Middle Life's still unfair premieres this Friday on Hulu. Thank you for listening to the late show pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to the Link Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives. I'm Kiana, and I leveled up my business with Shopify. Once I figured out that Shopify was a thing, I never turned back. I can create a site with my eyes closed. Shopify thinks ahead of us, you know, and it thinks about the customer more than anything. Every day I'm thinking about some other new business, but Shopify is doing it to me because it's so easy to use. It's like I can't speak. Stop.

[Bryan Cranston]

I'm addicted.

[Stephen Colbert]

Start your free [e-mail] Pluto TV has

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[Stephen Colbert]

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[Bryan Cranston]

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[Bryan Cranston]

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[Stephen Colbert]

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[Stephen Colbert]

It is my great honor to welcome

[Bryan Cranston]

you all to Starfleet Academy. There's never been a better time to enroll in Star Trek.

[Commercial Narrator]

It's our job to prepare you for the unimaginable.

[Stephen Colbert]

To the Night Cadet.

[Bryan Cranston]

In high pressure situations, positive reinforcement is crucial. Crucial to one's success. You're doing a great job.

[Stephen Colbert]

This is what we train for. These friends of mine, they all live

[Bryan Cranston]

for something bigger than themselves. Starfleet Academy New series now streaming on Paramount plus.