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- [00:00]
Michelle Yeoh
On January 24, Academy Award winner Michelle Yeoh takes command.
- [00:05]
Unnamed Starfleet Character
Gather your people. We're gonna need every one of them.
- [00:08]
Michelle Yeoh
In Section 31, a new Star Trek original movie on Paramount.
- [00:13]
Unnamed Starfleet Character
Section 31 is just a place for people to bend the rooms.
- [00:17]
Stephen Colbert
Starfleet is here to make sure no one commits murder.
- [00:19]
Unnamed Starfleet Character
What a cute idea. This is chaos. Let's get messy.
- [00:23]
Michelle Yeoh
Don't miss the worldwide premiere of Star Section 31, streaming January 24, exclusively on Paramount.
- [00:36]
Stephen Colbert
Welcome one and all in here, out there, all around the world, to the Late Show. I'm your host, Stephen Colbert. Ladies and gentlemen, we are. What is this now? How many days? 16. We are now 16 days into Donald Trump's second term, and day after day, it is exactly what you thought, but worse than you could have imagined. The crazy is coming fast and furious. And the Furious is coming crazy and fast. He and his tech bro, Shock troops are violating so many laws and norms that it's hard to know when something outrageous he says or does is an atrocity or just a shiny distraction. Or maybe a shiny atrocity like yesterday when Trump met with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. First, the old buddies spoke to reporters in the Oval Office, and then they held a joint press conference where Trump.
- [01:28]
Donald Trump
Said the US Will take over the Gaza Strip.
- [01:44]
Stephen Colbert
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That was just so shocking. It made me put a wig on. I don't. I was hoping it would block out the crazy. What the hell do you mean we'll take over Gaza?
- [01:59]
Donald Trump
We will do a job with it, too. We'll own it.
- [02:02]
Stephen Colbert
Oh, great idea. All these years, I don't know why no one else thought to call shotgun on the Holy Land. And once we. And he's not clear on who we is. Own it. You'll never guess what this luxury real estate developer wants to do with it, Jim. Shock us.
- [02:23]
Donald Trump
We're going to take over that piece and we're going to develop it. We have an opportunity to do something that could be phenomenal. The Riviera of the Middle East. This could be something that could be so. This could be so magnificent.
- [02:36]
Stephen Colbert
Yes. The Riviera of the Middle East. The Cancun of crises. The sandals of sadness. The Carnival cruise of war crime. Now, you might be asking, what about the Palestinians who live there? Well, don't worry. Or do if you have a shred of humanity, because Trump does not. When asked how many Palestinians would have to be displaced for his luxury real estate development, he said this.
- [03:02]
Donald Trump
All of them. I mean, we're talking about probably a million Seven people. Million seven. Maybe a million eight, but I think all of them.
- [03:09]
Stephen Colbert
You're going to forcibly relocate almost 2 million people, half of whom are children. How many of our moral principles would America have to violate to support this?
- [03:21]
Donald Trump
All of them.
- [03:23]
Stephen Colbert
Okay, there you go. So while you were wondering, you were wondering, so after the new and improved Trail of Tears, who's going to live in these haunted honeymoon suites?
- [03:40]
Donald Trump
I envision a world people living there. The world's people.
- [03:45]
Stephen Colbert
World people. The world's people. Is he confusing Gaza with Epcot? I envision world people living there. A little Dutch boy in wooden shoes hanging out with his best friend and neighbor. Goofy in a kimono. And the world people will gather every night for a laser light parade. That's why. That's why they call the Middle east the happiest place on earth. Now, if this all makes your head explode, I'm glad to hear it. And you're not alone. This is an actual picture of Trump's chief of staff, Susie Wiles, when she realized that Trump was pitching the upside of ethnic cleansing. There you go. That's the face of a woman hoping she gets bumped up to first class on the flight to Nuremberg. Or possibly the face of a woman realizing she took her pot gummies instead of her Centrum Silver. Anyone who isn't currently employed by Donald Trump knows this is beyond insane. Which is why Republicans took such a brave stance with Senator John Cornyn saying, I don't know what to make of it. Check back with me tomorrow. That's a good idea. Yes. Because when history calls, you stall. As Patrick Henry said, give me liberty or give me 24 hours. The British are making some really good points. No, there might be. There might be more than one problem. Patrick Henry, thank you for your service. Patrick Henry. There might be one more problem with Trump's plan to have the United States government take over Gaza. He's firing everyone in the United States government. Last week, an email was sent to federal workers offering them a buyout if they resign. The message was titled Fork in the Road. Better than the original subject line. You are completely forked. The email originally excluded people who work in intelligence because they're critical to national security. But yesterday, the CIA sent a buyout offer to their entire workforce. I guess that's a wrap on the CIA. Let us now bid a fond farewell to some of their finest work. And it's not just the CIA being purged, because the FBI just turned over details of 5,000 employees who worked on January 6th. Cases leading to fears that they could be terminated by the Trump administration. At this rate, the only federal agents left are going to be on CBS's FBI, FBI Most Wanted, FBI International, and FBI True, real agents Untold Stories. And CBS has repeatedly begged the agents to tell those stories. Honestly, it would be a better show if they did. Right now, it's just guys going, nope. I said no. You know who else is messing up? Don Jr. Because Don's been accused of killing a protected duck while on a hunt in Italy. The rare duck in question is an endangered species known as the ruddy shell duck. The beautiful deep orange plumage with a touch of pale white around the eyes. Why would Don Jr have such hostile feelings about that duck? Oh, my God.
- [07:19]
Damon Wayans Jr.
How do we.
- [07:21]
Stephen Colbert
How do we know that Don Jr shot this rare bird? Because he confessed to it on video. There's actually a lot of that video, and all of it's pretty dumb. I made this fort to hide from the ducks. They can't get me in here. And now all this stale bread is mine. Italian lawmakers are furious about Don Jr. Killing endangered ducks, saying it's morally despicable. Of course, it sounds so much more beautiful when the Italians say it. You're despicable now. Thankfully, thankfully, not everything in the news is about Donald Trump's insanity. Every day, we here at the Late show get email from our incredible research department. And down at the bottom of today's little breakdown, they put stories that are getting a little less attention. Today I scrolled all the way down and saw these two smaller news items back to back. Temperatures at the north pole are 20 degrees Celsius above average beyond the ice's melting point. And Uncle O. Grimacey has returned to McDonald's. Oh, my God. The scientists tried to warn us. Uncle O. Grimacey is back. Who is Uncle O. Grimacey? Come with me, children, to a magical land known as 1978. Hello, boys. I'm back. And I'm painting everything green to match me. Shamrock Shakespeare. Ah, I miss the 1970s, back when the Happy Meal was four lead paint chips and a packet of Lucky Strikes. After that. So he was introduced in 78. Is that where he started? He started in 78. So he was introduced in 78. After that, Uncle O. Grimacey disappeared for decades after the McDonald's marketing team was targeted by the IRA. But now he's back. McDonald's did the big reveal by showing Grimace finding his Beloved uncle on Ancestry.com. so moving. He also found a previously unknown half brother, Kyle. Of course, like all estranged uncles, Uncle Grimacy is back to promote his Signature drink, the Shamrock Shake. Here you go.
- [09:52]
Damon Wayans Jr.
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm. Woo.
- [09:58]
Stephen Colbert
Tile grout with just a hint of urinal cake. Now you might be asking Steve, how can you spend so much time on this when Trump and Musk are picking our government apart like raccoons on a rotisserie chicken. Well, my response is. Uncle O. Grimacey resides on a small island off the coast of Ireland called Shamrock, where he spends his time going on nature walks, bowling in his local league, and attending the Shamrock Street Fair and Music Festival. He plays the bagpipe. Shamrock. Bagpipe. You racists. As an Irish American, I will not stand for these inaccurate stereotypes. Them's fightin words. Here's me punchin pipe. Let's go. Come at me. Come on. But you're right. Our democracy is under dire threat and we all need to focus on what is most important. Uncle Grimacy's favorite color is green. His nickname is Uncle O. And for all those who are wondering, he's a Pisces. And you know what that means if you're a Scorpio. You could have incredible physical chemistry with Uncle O Grimacey. If you can figure out where his sex organs are. We got a great show for you tonight. Coming up, Damon Wayans Jr.
- [11:27]
Michelle Yeoh
On January 24, Academy Award winner Michelle Yeoh takes command.
- [11:32]
Unnamed Starfleet Character
Gather your people. We're gonna need every one of them.
- [11:35]
Michelle Yeoh
In section 31, a new star Trek original movie on paramount.
- [11:39]
Unnamed Starfleet Character
Plus, Section 31 is just a place for people to bend the rules.
- [11:43]
Stephen Colbert
Starfleet is here to make sure no one commits murder.
- [11:46]
Unnamed Starfleet Character
What a cute idea. This is chaos. Let's get messy.
- [11:50]
Michelle Yeoh
Don't miss the worldwide premiere of Star Star Trek Section 31, streaming January 24, exclusively on Paramount.
- [12:01]
Stephen Colbert
Hello, friends and neighbors. Welcome back, folks. My first guest tonight is an actor. You know, from hit TV shows such as New Girl and Happy Endings. He now stars with his dad in the CBS sitcom Papa's House.
- [12:17]
Damon Wayans Jr.
Look, Dan, if you want to relax on camera, I tell my actors these three things. Right? Quiet hands. Always smile and never look in the camera.
- [12:26]
Stephen Colbert
That's it?
- [12:27]
Damon Wayans Jr.
That's it. Nothing else? Well, let Dr. Reed know whose house she's in. What do you mean, whose house is Dr. Reed in? My house. Get up. Say it. Papa's house. Say it. She and Papa. House. Whose house is. Is Dr. Reed in? She My house. She in your house. And she's trespassing.
- [12:51]
Stephen Colbert
That's right. The living legend.
- [12:53]
Damon Wayans Jr.
Six time Marconi Radio Award winner. Seven times seven time Marconi Radio Award winner. The master of the mic. The king of the commute. The Adonis of audio, the MJ of the airwaves. Give me that LeBron. What? Hair line.
- [13:14]
Stephen Colbert
Please welcome back to the Late Show, Damon Waynes Jr. Everybody. Hey, nice to see you again.
- [13:24]
Damon Wayans Jr.
See you too, man.
- [13:25]
Stephen Colbert
Congratulations on the new show.
- [13:26]
Damon Wayans Jr.
Thank you so much.
- [13:27]
Stephen Colbert
Now, I know that you and your dad have performed together before, but this is the first time that you guys are headlining in a show together.
- [13:36]
Damon Wayans Jr.
Yes.
- [13:36]
Stephen Colbert
What is it like to be in papa's house when it's with your literal papa? Because, you know, Damon Wayne is your dad.
- [13:46]
Damon Wayans Jr.
Have you ever put a catheter in without anesthesia? No. It's great, though. It's great. We have a really good chemistry together. We're friends off the court, so when we're playing on the court, it's great.
- [14:00]
Stephen Colbert
So is there some sort of, like. It's a huge comedy family? Is there some sort of Wayne's family shorthand, like, special comedy language you guys can speak with each other?
- [14:11]
Damon Wayans Jr.
There's no, like, language. We just. We just know each other's sense of humor so well. So I'll know something that will be great for his character to say in a scene and he'll do the same thing for me.
- [14:23]
Stephen Colbert
Was there a certain point you said to yourself, I want to do that? You saw your dad and his uncles and your uncles, and you said, I can do that?
- [14:31]
Damon Wayans Jr.
Um, so I wanted to be an animator growing up for a long time. I mean, I used to draw all the time. And then one day I accidentally opened one of my dad's checks and I was like, I wanna do that. That is gonna be a lot better.
- [14:47]
Stephen Colbert
What did he think? When did you first, like, show evidence to them? Like, oh, he's funny.
- [14:53]
Damon Wayans Jr.
I mean, everybody's funny in the family. Like, people. It's just like, who wants to go on this ride?
- [14:57]
Stephen Colbert
Cause it's, you know, so like, humorocracy. Whoever's funniest in that moment is king.
- [15:01]
Damon Wayans Jr.
Yes, absolutely.
- [15:01]
Stephen Colbert
There you go. That's the coin of the realm.
- [15:03]
Damon Wayans Jr.
You ever seen 300 look at the babies and then kick them off?
- [15:06]
Stephen Colbert
Yes.
- [15:06]
Damon Wayans Jr.
That's kind of what they do in the Wayans family. If they're not funny, they're like, make me laugh. No, There you go.
- [15:13]
Stephen Colbert
Well, I would love to do a show with my family. What's the show about?
- [15:18]
Damon Wayans Jr.
So the show is about my dad, who plays a radio dj, and he's living a divorced life, you know, solitude, loving it by himself, until his immature son moves in next door to him with his family and chaos ensues and that's kind of.
- [15:35]
Stephen Colbert
Are there any real stories that inspire this? Any of the storylines just ripped from the headlines of your family?
- [15:44]
Damon Wayans Jr.
Well, not. There's DNA from our stories. Like, in every episode, there's one where he's trying to teach me how to be a better disciplinarian for my son. Because my son calls me by my first name, which he does in real life. My actual son calls me by my first name. And it doesn't bother me, but it bothers everybody else. And I'm just like, in real life. In real life.
- [16:09]
Stephen Colbert
Okay.
- [16:09]
Damon Wayans Jr.
Yeah. He's like.
- [16:10]
Stephen Colbert
It kind of bothered me when I heard.
- [16:11]
Damon Wayans Jr.
Yeah, yeah. But the thing is, I have six kids, so, like, you know, he, like, cuts through all the. By calling me Damon. Because he's like. Everybody calls him dad. He's like, I'll call him Damon. And he gets my attention every time.
- [16:22]
Stephen Colbert
And it was always okay. At no point did you say, hey.
- [16:25]
Damon Wayans Jr.
I pull him to the side. Now I'm like, dude, when we're outside, don't freaking call me Damon, because people get mad.
- [16:32]
Stephen Colbert
Where does he fall in the birth order?
- [16:34]
Damon Wayans Jr.
He's second to last.
- [16:35]
Stephen Colbert
Second to last. Okay, so at that point, he was kind of free reign.
- [16:38]
Damon Wayans Jr.
Absolutely. Yeah. Like, let them raise themselves at that point.
- [16:42]
Stephen Colbert
Exactly.
- [16:42]
Damon Wayans Jr.
Yeah.
- [16:43]
Stephen Colbert
We have to take a quick break. We're going right back with more Damon Wayans Jr. Everybody stick around. We're back with one of the stars of Papa's house here on CBS. It's Damon Waynes Jr. I understand that you're at a certain point. I know your dad started to lose his hair early. Yes, yes. Okay.
- [17:14]
Damon Wayans Jr.
He did. At, like, 23.
- [17:15]
Stephen Colbert
At 23. Okay. But he hit it.
- [17:17]
Damon Wayans Jr.
He hit it. Yeah, he. So he had. So he had this. I remember this, like the Emsley.
- [17:24]
Stephen Colbert
Yeah.
- [17:24]
Damon Wayans Jr.
But the rooftop was missing. And so he used to wear this toupee, like this hairpiece. And to make us laugh as kids, we'd be leaving from somewhere, he'd be driving, and he would loosen the tape. Right. And then he would sneeze while he's driving, like, and it would just hang and we would die laughing every time. It was so much fun. Yeah. And. Yeah, it was. Have you considered it's a terrible hairpiece, too?
- [17:51]
Stephen Colbert
Was it really?
- [17:52]
Damon Wayans Jr.
Yeah, it looked like, you know, like the stunt hair that people wear when they, like, fall down the stairs. It looked like an ice cream sandwich. I don't know how to describe it.
- [18:01]
Stephen Colbert
That's all real right now.
- [18:03]
Damon Wayans Jr.
For now. Yeah.
- [18:04]
Stephen Colbert
Yes. You got a nice head of hair. Have you ever thought Your dad looks good with the shaved head. Have you thought about it?
- [18:09]
Damon Wayans Jr.
I'm scared, man. Because it's like I'm scared of the.
- [18:11]
Stephen Colbert
Shape of your skull. I shaved my head once and I was worried that I'd have bumps and stuff.
- [18:17]
Damon Wayans Jr.
Yeah, no, I mean, so when I was young, my dad used to shave our heads bald when we got bad grades, which is like Cs. He would shave our heads bald.
- [18:25]
Stephen Colbert
Honest to God. That was like you knew when you brought that report card home.
- [18:30]
Damon Wayans Jr.
But what he would do to make matters worse is he would ask us what kind of haircut we wanted. He would be like, so what do you want? I'd be like, you know, just like kind of shape it up like this, you know, maybe give me a part like all the other kids. He's like, oh, cool man, cool. And he'd go. And he'd be like, achoo zam. And just go straight down the middle of my and be like, oh, I gotta do a bald now, man.
- [18:52]
Stephen Colbert
Fair amount of sneeze based comedy in your movie.
- [18:54]
Damon Wayans Jr.
He loves a good sneeze. Sneeze hair combo.
- [18:57]
Stephen Colbert
You have six children.
- [18:59]
Damon Wayans Jr.
Yeah, man.
- [18:59]
Stephen Colbert
What do you like as a dad? Do you like, you know, I'm a fun dad.
- [19:03]
Damon Wayans Jr.
I'm like the guy that likes to, you know, be fun with the kids. And my wife doesn't really like that. So now I kind of have to be.
- [19:08]
Stephen Colbert
No. Because she has to be the cop then.
- [19:10]
Damon Wayans Jr.
Yes. So now what I do is I just yell what she says in a deep voice right after she says it. Like for example, she'd be like, go upstairs. I'm like, yeah, go upstairs. And then she'll put me to the side and go, that was really good. I like that.
- [19:27]
Stephen Colbert
So never. That's important. Never take an opposite position. Never take the kid's side in anything. At least not publicly.
- [19:34]
Damon Wayans Jr.
No, no.
- [19:34]
Stephen Colbert
Do you ever actually disagree and then just quash it and discuss it later?
- [19:39]
Damon Wayans Jr.
Yes, that's what we do.
- [19:40]
Stephen Colbert
Okay.
- [19:40]
Damon Wayans Jr.
Yeah. Because you can't, you know, a house divided, house united front.
- [19:44]
Stephen Colbert
Do you always have to say something?
- [19:46]
Damon Wayans Jr.
Every single time or else I get a talking to.
- [19:49]
Stephen Colbert
Like if she says go upstairs, can you come here?
- [19:50]
Damon Wayans Jr.
Yeah. If I don't say anything, she's like, did you hear me say go upstairs? I was like, can we do it again?
- [19:57]
Stephen Colbert
Well, Damon, so nice to see you again.
- [19:59]
Damon Wayans Jr.
Nice to see you too, man.
- [19:59]
Stephen Colbert
Papa's House airs Monday nights at 8:30 right here on CBS. Damon Waynes Jr. Everybody. Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to the late show, you YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.
- [20:20]
Michelle Yeoh
On January 24th, Academy Award winner Michelle Yeoh takes command.
- [20:25]
Unnamed Starfleet Character
Gather your people. We're gonna need every one of them.
- [20:28]
Michelle Yeoh
In Section 31, a new Star Trek original movie on Paramount.
- [20:32]
Unnamed Starfleet Character
Plus, Section 31 is just a place for people to bend the rules.
- [20:37]
Stephen Colbert
Starfleet is here to make sure no one commits murder.
- [20:39]
Unnamed Starfleet Character
What a cute idea, dear. This is chaos. Let's get messy.
- [20:43]
Michelle Yeoh
Don't miss the worldwide premiere of Star Trek Section 31, streaming January 24, exclusively on Paramount Plus.