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- [00:00]
Stephen Colbert
Roll out. Transformers 1 is now streaming on Paramount. Awesome. It's the blast from beginning to end.
- [00:09]
Jim
Okay, stop.
- [00:10]
Stephen Colbert
I'm in. Transformers 1 rated PG. Now streaming on Paramount.
- [00:15]
Jim
An all new all access Paramount original docuseries.
- [00:19]
Stephen Colbert
Christopolisic is captain of the U.S. national team.
- [00:22]
Jim
Take a sneak peek into my trailer following America's captain Soccer brings out a different character in me. On his quest for global victory, Captain.
- [00:29]
Stephen Colbert
America has taken his team on his should talenting fame.
- [00:33]
David Schwimmer
Christians never wanted the spotlight and the game. These are the goals that create legends.
- [00:38]
Jim
I want to be the best player in the world. Pulisic presented by Michelob Ultra new docu.
- [00:42]
Stephen Colbert
Series now streaming exclusively on Paramount. Welcome all up here, down there, all around the world. Welcome to the late show. I'm your host, Stephen Colbert. Ladies and gentlemen, all of our hearts continue to go out to the people of Los Angeles, where as we speak, wildfires continue to burn after almost a week, devastating over 40,000 acres and forcing 150,000 people to evacuate California. All of America sees you and is with you. And Americans are putting our money where our mouths are. On GoFundMe alone, Americans have donated more than $50 million to the effort. And if you. Yeah, that's the spirit. If you want to give, but you don't know where, you can scan this QR code right here to see a list of charities that are on the ground addressing immediate needs of the people who've been affected by this tragedy. And it's not just Americans who are pitching in because Canada and Mexico are sending teams to help California fight the fires. Gracias, Mexico. Gracias. And to Canada. Gracias. A. I don't speak Canadian, but I'm very grateful. I'm very grateful. Hey, you know who's not helping? Congressional Republicans because they want strings attached to California's fire aid. That is an awful, awful way to respond to any emergency 911. What's in it for me? Regardless of the fact that the most recent annual report shows that California put in $83 billion more into the federal treasury than it got back, you're hearing stuff like this from Senator John Barrasso of Wyoming, a state whose entire population is smaller than the morning rush crowd at the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf on La Cienega. Jim. There can't be a blank check on this, however, because people want to make sure that as rebuilding occurs, as things go in California, they have to be resilient so that these sorts of things can't happen again. And the policies of the liberal administration out there I believe have made these fires worse. Yes, we must demand changes to clearly liberal policies, like wind. First it's blowing one way, then it's blowing the other. It's time to end the bisexual breeze. That's what's starting the fires. That's what. Plus, if liberal policies don't start fires, then why did the Forestry Service make this psa? Only you can prevent universal pre K. As is often the case, the very worst commentary is coming from the very worst commenter, Donald Trump. Rather than pledging desperately needed federal aid to America's most populated state while it's still on fire, Trump has blamed California's leaders, calling them incompetent poles and renaming the governor Governor Gavin Newscomb. Of course, during a crisis, it's a tradition for the president to bully and demean the governor, who state where the tragedy is occurring. That's why during Hurricane Sandy, Barack Obama wasted no time heading to New Jersey to give Chris Christie a wedgie. Not easy, not easy. Trump is also being a take Greenland, which is his plan, evidently. And now we know what that might cost. Recently, the Financial Times estimated Greenland had a valuation of $1.1 trillion. Now, to put that in terms you'll understand, that's a lot. But Trump seems to have a different price in mind.
- [04:51]
David Schwimmer
Don Jr. And some of your team just got back from Greenland.
- [04:54]
Stephen Colbert
What's the price tag? Well, maybe no price tag, so just steal it. Denmark. You're going to want to put Greenland in one of those locked cases with the toothpaste at Walgreens. According to Trump, Don Jr. S recent visit proved just how much the Greenlanders love maga. I can tell you, you saw the clips that were released. The people of Greenland would love to.
- [05:22]
David Schwimmer
Become State of the United States of America.
- [05:26]
Stephen Colbert
We were greeted with tremendous love and affection and respect. Yeah, yeah. There's just one problem. According to Danish media reports, all those clips of Greenlanders greeting Don Jr. With tremendous love and respect were staged after Don Jr. Rounded up homeless people from the area, promising them a meal in exchange for their participation. Not only is that, it also explains the newest Greenlander, Rudi Giuliani. That is not anything. That's not Greenlandish. That's not Greenland. I just want to take a second here. This is not in the script. I just want us to take a sidestep here to point out how tough do you have to be to be homeless in Greenland? Wow.
- [06:18]
Jim
Damn.
- [06:19]
Stephen Colbert
Residents of Greenland not being paid by Don Jr have a different take on Trump's plans. They're saying that they are a Bit concerned and scared, but also that it's also a little bit of a joke. Yes, the best jokes are always concerning and scary. That's why Greenland's top stand up comic is Gunnar the Horse Strangler. Of course it's funny. It's funny at first. Of course, Trump's buddies in Congress are trying to downplay his crazy like they always do. Like senator from Oklahoma, where the bangs come sweeping down your face. James Lankford. Lankford was asked about Trump's threats and he said this. The United States is not going to invade another country.
- [07:09]
David Schwimmer
That's not who we are.
- [07:10]
Stephen Colbert
No, that's not who we are. That's not who we are. If you don't believe me, ask Mexico, Panama, Nicaragua, Guatemala, Vietnam, Lebanon, Haiti, the Philippines, Congo, Cuba, Libya. They will all agree or they won't be invaded again. Hey, here's a little something in the smile file from Donald Trump this past Friday, because after a lifetime of contempt for the law, Trump was finally facing sentencing for his felony conviction. In his New York hush money trial, judge Juan Merchan slapped him with, declined to impose any punishment. The technical name of the not at all punishment Trump received is unconditional discharge. And you know Trump is no fan of unconditional discharge. That's, that's how he got. Eric. These are. Eric, there are going to be a few consequences. For instance, Trump now can't own a gun. Mr. President, you'll understand, since you were convicted for public safety, we cannot allow you to own a firearm. Okay, next up, here are the launch codes. This button destroys civilization as we know it. And this one orders you a Diet Coke. Or, or shoot. Is that the other way around? With Trump's inauguration looming, we've officially entered Joe Biden's final week as president. So Joe's doing all the fun stuff. This weekend, Biden honored Pope Francis with the Presidential Medal of Freedom. It's the highest American honor received by a Pope since John XXIII got the JD Power and Associates award for best mid sized Pope. Biden was supposed to travel to Italy for the gelato. I mean the ceremony. But he decided to cancel because of the California wildfires. Instead, he bestowed the award to the Pope during a phone call. Since Biden is 82 and Pope Francis is 88, this is the first Medal of Freedom awarded over consumer cellular. You know their slogan. Mom, did you fall? Don't call me at 7am unless you fell. Stay safe, Mom. You stay safe. Ooh. There was big news this weekend from the world of tennis, AKA big pickleball. Because it was the official kickoff of the Australian Open and an American tennis star vomited mid match. The sixth star was the world's 16th ranked tennis player, Francis Tiafo, seen here sliding into home net. Alright, Jim, these people have waited long enough. Let him. Let her rip. There's Tiafo at the bottom in the red. He's feeling a bit flurpy. He walks over to the sideline and boom shakalaka. That is a massive scandal. He hurled on center court and the ball girl didn't even try to catch it. But the most incredible part of this story is that Tiafo then went on to win the match. Amazing. Come on. That is good for him, but rough for his opponent. So the other guy started puking while you were playing. Geez, how much did you win by? You won, right? Anyway, it's a crazy story and you can see it all in the steamy new Zendaya movie. We got a great show for you tonight. More late Show Pawn show after this. Now streaming on Paramount. Plus, what's your job? When people go missing, I get hired to help find them. Catch up now on Tracker. I'm here to help the CBS original series that critics are calling a breakout hit.
- [11:28]
David Schwimmer
Nothing good comes without risks. I would drink to that.
- [11:33]
Stephen Colbert
Justin Hartley, star. Hold on, did you say Arrow Run? That's a new one. Coulter in the CBS original Tracker. Catch up on the latest episodes now on Paramount. I don't want to get promoted. I want to stay charmingly insubordinate. I'm okay. Now streaming. Let's do this. Am I catching it? Prepare for an adventure. I know these guys. They're super nice. Hey, what's up my man? Five seasons in the making. This is terrible. This keeps getting cooler by the second Star Trek lower decks. Final season now streaming. Folks, I want to give a shout out to anybody watching this clip on TikTok right now. I think if anything, this show is even more enjoyable in portrait. It's slenderizing and it adds an air of mystery. I mean, what am I holding in my hands? You don't even know if I have hands right now. But ladies and gentlemen, our beloved TikTok is in trouble. You see, the app is owned by a Chinese company called ByteDance, named for the face that middle aged white men make on the dance floor. By law, the Chinese government could compel any Chinese company like ByteDance to hand over all the data they gather on us. So last April, Congress passed a law and Joe Biden signed it, demanding that ByteDance sell its stake in TikTok or the platform would be banned in the United States. It had broad bipartisan support in Congress, passing 79 to 18 in the Senate. But senators may not understand the ramifications of banning this technology because they are so old that they use their phones as phones. Bytedance did not play ball. So TikTok is scheduled to be shut down by January 19th, just six days from now. That's right. The clock is running down for TikTok. If only there was some sort of sound effect that would capture that idea. The thing is, if TikTok is banned, it'll have a huge impact on our economy. A lot of people make their living on the platform. According to TikTok, in 2023 their app drove $14.7 billion in small business owners revenue and contributed 24.2 billion to the country's GDP, which isn't surprising. Creators love TikTok because their algorithm finds the right audience, no matter what subject people are into. You can talk about literature on book talk, share your moves on dance talk, see cute puppies on pet talk, exchange recipes on cook talk, and of course, if you're a chicken who wants to speak to other chickens in your native language, that can be found on buk buk bukda. TikTok creators. TikTok? Sure, why not? We've peaked. We've peaked as an organization. TikTok creators are TikToked off like this woman.
- [14:52]
David Schwimmer
There are a lot of good, honest, hard working people that depend on the money they make from TikTok to survive from day to day. I'm just an old woman from East Texas, but I got sense enough to know if a foreign country wants to steal our secrets, they don't need a social media app to do it.
- [15:10]
Stephen Colbert
That's right. Foreign countries don't need a social media app to steal our nation's secrets. They just need a membership to Mar a Lago on Friday. On Friday, this past Friday, this past Friday, this past Friday, TikTok went to the Supreme Court to try to shut down the shutdown. But it doesn't seem like the court was all that convinced. Even after TikTok's lawyer downplayed the idea that China could manipulate content for propaganda purposes. Look, everybody manipulates content.
- [15:41]
Jim
There are lots of people who think cnn, Fox News, the Wall Street Journal.
- [15:44]
Stephen Colbert
The New York Times are manip manipulating their content.
- [15:47]
David Schwimmer
That is core protected speech.
- [15:50]
Stephen Colbert
Okay? And also, clearly the justices have never been on TikTok. It's just a bunch of silly videos and helpful recipes. Like this one I found today. This one pot Weeknight Pasta Recipe will.
- [16:02]
David Schwimmer
Have you saying yummy, yum, yum, and.
- [16:03]
Stephen Colbert
Also agreeing that Taiwan has always historically been a part of China. Oh my God, that sounds delicious. So here's the Is TikTok a security threat or is TikTok an economic boon for the creator economy? Or neither. Or both. To help us find the answer, please welcome former chief of staff for both the director of the CIA and the Secretary of defense and current national security analyst Jeremy Bash. Jeremy Bash, everybody. Thank you. Jeremy, please have a seat. There you go.
- [16:41]
Jim
My pleasure.
- [16:42]
Stephen Colbert
Okay, Jeremy, so thanks for being here. Here's the question. Is TikTok a security threat or an economic boon for the creator economy? Or neither. Or both?
- [16:53]
Jim
I would say both. Look, I'm the dad of three school aged daughters. I've got two teenagers, they're doomed scrolling all day long. And yes, there's candy salads and slime videos and an occasional trauma dump. But there's also another side of TikTok, okay, which is that China is engaged in an ongoing and unrelenting effort to hack the United States, to gather our personal information, to gather our financial information, to hack into our electrical grid, our water systems, our financial systems. And now they've got a surveillance tool in everybody's pocket, on everybody's phone. Because this Chinese software can amass all of that data, harvest it together, and they can build an incredibly large dossier of American personal information. And they can use that to steal passwords, to hack into the electrical system, the water system, the financial system, to debilitate that.
- [17:43]
Stephen Colbert
How does China do that? From like hacking in and knowing that your daughters are watching trauma dumps. How did then that hack the electrical system?
- [17:51]
Jim
Because the software doesn't just have funny videos. It also collects everywhere you go, everybody you talk to, everybody you work with. It can also turn on a microphone, it can amass a massive amount of information that when you put it all together, Stephen, constitutes a major cyber risk to the United States and our critical infrastructure.
- [18:12]
Stephen Colbert
Okay. There are plenty of social media companies, should be others that we should be banning.
- [18:16]
Jim
I think the key distinction here is that if a Chinese owned company has software on the phone of 170 million Americans, it's a serious national security threat. And there's another issue, Stephen, which is that because that recommendation algorithm is so strong, it's what makes TikTok so addictive and so interesting to watch. That's an opportunity for China to influence, not just influence our young people. You know, oftentimes the first thing that my daughters know about an issue, whether it's a Wildfire or a school shooting or politics or the Middle east or Ukraine. They've learned from TikTok. Oftentimes, it's the only thing they know. So if there were a geopolitical crisis and China wanted to use its algorithm to advance certain narratives, certain information, certain propaganda, if we were in, heaven forbid, a war with China, this would be the mother of all propaganda platforms that China could use.
- [19:05]
Stephen Colbert
Well, what about the people who make their business on there? I mean, are they going to be hurt by this? How do you help them?
- [19:10]
Jim
The small business owners who earn a living on TikTok are going to be injured, and that was a serious consideration that Congress looked at. But this is also a massive national security threat. There are other ways that they can go on other social media platforms, American platforms.
- [19:24]
Stephen Colbert
And somebody can come in, An American can come in and could buy this, right?
- [19:27]
Jim
That's right. And actually, that's what Donald Trump wants. So Donald Trump was against TikTok until his little dance videos went viral. And then actually he said, I'm now for TikTok, and when I become president, I want to see if maybe an American group can buy the company. And that way China could sell it to maybe Donald Trump's friends. Hey, a business transaction opportunity for him. His friends make a buck, China makes a buck. My kids can still watch their slime videos. Is this a great country or what?
- [19:58]
Stephen Colbert
Just a few weeks ago, there were concerns that Chinese made air fryers were spying on users. Should I be afraid of my home appliances?
- [20:11]
Jim
No, but all of our devices are connected to a network, and to some degree, all of them could be some sort of surveillance device. But. But nothing is as pervasive as TikTok. It's on the phones of 170 million Americans, and this is data that is going right to the Chinese Communist Party.
- [20:27]
Stephen Colbert
Are you on TikTok?
- [20:29]
Jim
I'm not.
- [20:30]
Stephen Colbert
You hesitated before answering this. You're wondering, how quickly can I delete it? Is that what you're thinking right now?
- [20:37]
Jim
I may have downloaded to prepare for this episode, but once I walk out of here, I'm deleting the app.
- [20:43]
Stephen Colbert
You were chief of staff to the director of the CIA.
- [20:45]
Jim
I was.
- [20:46]
Stephen Colbert
Are you? You? Or is there any possibility that you're Ethan Hunt in a mask right now? All right, you don't have to answer that.
- [20:54]
Jim
Thanks, Stephen. Appreciate it.
- [20:55]
Stephen Colbert
Jeremy Bash, everybody. Coming up, David Schwimmer. What do you know about the Lioness program? Are you a lioness? I run it. From Taylor Sheridan comes the Paramount original.
- [21:11]
David Schwimmer
Series starring Zoe Saldana.
- [21:13]
Stephen Colbert
I Choose the asset, I choose the COVID I build the plan and I run it. Me. With Academy Award winner Morgan Freeman and.
- [21:23]
David Schwimmer
Academy Award winner Nicole Kidman.
- [21:25]
Jim
Everyone's watching on this one, and I do mean everyone.
- [21:29]
Stephen Colbert
Lioness New season now streaming exclusively on Paramount plus. Paramount plus is your home for the UEFA Champions League. Magnificent. And this season is bigger, better, bolder than ever. That was special. With more epic matchups, momentous and historic. And more moments from soccer's iconic stars.
- [21:52]
David Schwimmer
What a goal. What a player.
- [21:54]
Stephen Colbert
Do you Champions League stream every match live? Exclusively on Paramount plus the stuff of absolute dreams. Thanks, everybody. Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. My first guest tonight is a beloved actor. You know, from American crime story Madagascar and a little series called Friends. Please welcome back to the Late Show, David Schwimmer. It's lovely to see you again, Schwem.
- [22:29]
David Schwimmer
You, too.
- [22:29]
Stephen Colbert
How are you?
- [22:29]
David Schwimmer
You're my friend. I'm good. I'm good.
- [22:31]
Stephen Colbert
That's nice to know. It's so lovely. I was saying in rehearsals, I get to talk to Schwem tonight. We were, for people who don't know, we were in college together at Northwestern University. We were both theater students at Northwestern. And here's a picture of our improv group, the no Fun Mud Piranhas. Can you pick us out? I'll pick out you. There you go. Can you pick out me?
- [22:54]
David Schwimmer
I think I can.
- [22:59]
Stephen Colbert
We had some hair, my friend.
- [23:01]
David Schwimmer
Oh, man. And facial hair. And facial hair.
- [23:04]
Stephen Colbert
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I. I could still grow a beard back then, overnight. Here's the thing. Of all my friends at NU and Chicago back then, you were the first one to blow up. You get Friends, you'd already done some work. But Friends is just. There's almost nothing like that happens at that level anymore. Because there was a uniculture at the time. You're on NBC. It's must see tv. Friends explodes. You can't walk onto the floor of the MGM grand without shutting the place down. And I must imagine that's super exciting but also weird at the same time.
- [23:38]
David Schwimmer
Oh, yeah, it was exciting.
- [23:41]
Stephen Colbert
What are you, 27?
- [23:42]
David Schwimmer
27. 27 years old.
- [23:43]
Stephen Colbert
Yeah.
- [23:44]
David Schwimmer
Yeah. But the thing is. Yeah, there's, you know, you go.
- [23:50]
Stephen Colbert
You're not prepared for that.
- [23:51]
David Schwimmer
No. One day you're a waiter, and the next day you're on the COVID of the magazines.
- [23:56]
Stephen Colbert
Right. Getting invited to do God knows what.
- [23:58]
David Schwimmer
Yeah.
- [23:58]
Stephen Colbert
And constantly.
- [23:59]
David Schwimmer
There's no manual. There's no handbook or anything.
- [24:02]
Stephen Colbert
You should. There are people to guide you and give you good advice and stuff.
- [24:05]
David Schwimmer
Yeah.
- [24:05]
Stephen Colbert
You think you Think.
- [24:07]
David Schwimmer
Yeah, right.
- [24:07]
Stephen Colbert
But a manager to manage you.
- [24:09]
David Schwimmer
Yes.
- [24:10]
Stephen Colbert
How did that. Was that always good?
- [24:12]
David Schwimmer
Well, most of the time. But there. Well, actually I was thinking recently there was. You make a lot of mistakes. And there was one big mistake I guess I made. And I'll try not to blame all my reps, but. So I was the first in the cast of Friends to be invited to host Saturday Night Live. And it was a huge honor.
- [24:35]
Stephen Colbert
Sure, of course.
- [24:36]
David Schwimmer
Yeah. So it was 1995, you know, just a year after the show aired and I couldn't be more excited. And. Yeah, so I'm. I think because, you know, Friends at that time was shooting on Tuesday nights and we were shooting till sometimes one in the morning. And so I had to fly from LA to New York on Wednesday to get, you know, to get there. And it took six hour flight, three hour time difference. And I really didn't get to arrive at SNL until Thursday, two days before the Saturday show. And when I walked into the writers room, like the entire writing staff looked at me as if I had just slept with their mom or something. Right. I mean, they were not happy to see me and I had no idea. Somehow I got through the next two days, but I was kind of traumatized. And how'd it come it went? I don't remember how it went, to be honest. But it wasn't until years later that I was talking to someone else who hosted the show and they said, no, no, you're supposed to show up on a Monday.
- [25:47]
Stephen Colbert
No one even told you that you would up.
- [25:49]
David Schwimmer
No one told me. And for years I had no idea why. And recently I received an email. I was invited to the 50th anniversary of Saturday Night Live, which is coming up in February.
- [26:04]
Stephen Colbert
And as one of the previous hosts or something.
- [26:07]
David Schwimmer
Yeah, I guess. And it's been 30 years and I'm thinking, well, maybe they forgot that. That they hate you, that they like me. Or it's just some intern that's tasked with emailing everyone who's ever hosted. But I don't know. I don't know what to do because you should go.
- [26:28]
Stephen Colbert
I worked over there for a little bit and no one invited me.
- [26:33]
David Schwimmer
Yeah, but I don't want to be like Charlie Brown with the football. You know, like, you know, you show up all eager again and then, nope, we don't want you here.
- [26:41]
Stephen Colbert
Wow.
- [26:42]
David Schwimmer
So unless.
- [26:43]
Stephen Colbert
Unless you want to be like, when is it? When is it?
- [26:44]
David Schwimmer
You want to be my plus one?
- [26:49]
Stephen Colbert
That'll be fun. Do you have a plus one?
- [26:52]
David Schwimmer
Yes.
- [26:52]
Stephen Colbert
I'll Go. That'll be fun. We have to take a quick break. We'll be right back with more David Schwimmer. Everybody, stick around. Hey, everybody. We're back with the star of the new Goosebumps the Vent Vanishing On Disney, it's Mr. David Schwimmer. We were both, you know, started our career in Chicago. We were both waiters in Chicago.
- [27:22]
David Schwimmer
Yeah.
- [27:22]
Stephen Colbert
Were you a good waiter?
- [27:23]
David Schwimmer
I was a great waiter. I took a lot of pride. Where did you wait?
- [27:26]
Stephen Colbert
I waited at Scoozy.
- [27:27]
David Schwimmer
I know you did.
- [27:28]
Stephen Colbert
River North.
- [27:29]
David Schwimmer
You were great.
- [27:30]
Stephen Colbert
I was very good. I think we were both any number of tables. You could not put me in the weeds.
- [27:35]
David Schwimmer
I think we were both excellent waiters.
- [27:37]
Stephen Colbert
Where did you wait?
- [27:37]
David Schwimmer
Okay, well, I. Wow.
- [27:40]
Stephen Colbert
Well, I just told you that I. A little upscale Italian. Where were you waiting?
- [27:44]
David Schwimmer
Let's see how good we were at Ed De Bevic's. I was. I was a roller skating waiter in Chicago at Ed to Bevitz. And then you were a roller skating.
- [27:52]
Stephen Colbert
Waiter and you didn't get a part in Happy Days?
- [27:55]
David Schwimmer
No.
- [27:56]
Stephen Colbert
I understand that you had a little bit of a unique hustle. Did you work with your mom?
- [28:00]
David Schwimmer
I had so many jobs. I had so many banana jobs. So, yes. One summer after my freshman year in college, I was just looking for work, and my mom said, well, you can be a process server for me. My mom was a divorce lawyer. And so you'd be the guy. I was the guy who would pop.
- [28:25]
Stephen Colbert
Out of the bushes.
- [28:25]
David Schwimmer
Who would pop out of the bushes and serve you divorce papers. So. And at the time I was 18, I was like, I'm like James Bond. I'm not James Bond. I mean. Cause you get a tip, you're tipped off as to where they might be.
- [28:43]
Stephen Colbert
Right.
- [28:43]
David Schwimmer
Where the. And once. Oh, man. Thank goodness. I've never run into him since. But I served Rod Stewart. I don't even know if he knows. I don't think he knows.
- [29:00]
Stephen Colbert
He knows now.
- [29:01]
David Schwimmer
He knows now.
- [29:05]
Stephen Colbert
Change your locks. Man, he is vengeful. Oh, he's vengeful.
- [29:09]
David Schwimmer
Yeah. He's not here, is he, Rod?
- [29:15]
Stephen Colbert
Wow, that's fantastic.
- [29:16]
David Schwimmer
Yeah.
- [29:17]
Stephen Colbert
You could theoretically run into Rod Stewart sometime.
- [29:19]
David Schwimmer
I.
- [29:20]
Stephen Colbert
And now he knows to punch you. Okay. Now you're starring in the new series Goosebumps, the Vanishing.
- [29:27]
David Schwimmer
Yep.
- [29:28]
Stephen Colbert
Dipping your toe into the horror genre.
- [29:30]
David Schwimmer
Yeah.
- [29:31]
Stephen Colbert
Any surprising parts about working in horror?
- [29:34]
David Schwimmer
I mean, the surprising thing for me, this sounds so naive, but it was so not scary to shoot.
- [29:44]
Stephen Colbert
Did you go in saying, like, I want to do it, but I'm afraid I might Be scared?
- [29:48]
David Schwimmer
No, no. I mean, I love being scared and I love scaring people in a fun way. But no, there was part of me that was like, I don't know what. Cause I'd never done the horror action comedy genre before, but it was so not scary to shoot. Which makes sense because everything's broken down. And then you see the guy in the scary thing and he's like, oh, hey, what's up, man? You know?
- [30:14]
Stephen Colbert
So it finally dawned on you the show business isn't real.
- [30:17]
David Schwimmer
Yeah.
- [30:19]
Stephen Colbert
All those years you thought you were at a coffee shop with your buddies.
- [30:22]
David Schwimmer
Yeah, pretty much.
- [30:24]
Stephen Colbert
Wow. Yeah. Do you get scared easily yourself? Are you get spooked?
- [30:29]
David Schwimmer
Not really, no. But I really like scaring in a fun way, scaring people. I know that. Like when I.
- [30:36]
Stephen Colbert
You like terrifying other humans?
- [30:37]
David Schwimmer
Oh, yeah. Especially. Oh, my gosh, the greatest, greatest joy in the world was scaring my sister growing up. I mean, that was. Of course, nothing came close.
- [30:46]
Stephen Colbert
Anything. Like, what would be the thing?
- [30:49]
David Schwimmer
Well, mostly I would either, like, I would get under her covers and be as flat as possible with all the stuffies and pillows on top of me. And I would wake for maybe 45 minutes until she was ready to climb into bed. I'd hear her brushing her teeth, and I was like, oh, my God, this is gonna be so good. And then, sure enough, turn off the lights, she'd come over and I'd jump, like, as she was getting into bed, and she would pee herself. And that was just. It was the greatest. It was the greatest.
- [31:28]
Stephen Colbert
Steve, so great to see you. Thanks so much for being here. Thank you for listening to the Late Show POD show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.
- [31:46]
David Schwimmer
The Showtime original series the Agency.
- [31:49]
Stephen Colbert
Lie to everyone. Risk your life on a daily basis. No glamour.
- [31:53]
David Schwimmer
No exploding.
- [31:54]
Stephen Colbert
Watch. Starring Michael Fassbender, Jeffrey Wright, Jody Turner.
- [31:57]
David Schwimmer
Smith and Richard Gere.
- [31:59]
Stephen Colbert
The CIA sends us out into the world to behave in dangerous ways. Whatever it takes, make it impressible. You deploy undercover for years. People come back. Damage from that. This is the Agency. Nothing is personal. The Agency new series now streaming on.
- [32:14]
David Schwimmer
The Paramount plus with Showtime plan. Welcome to the oil business.
- [32:18]
Stephen Colbert
Billy Bob Thorton, Demi Moore and John Ham star in a new Paramount plus original series. The world has already convinced itself that you are evil. And I am evil for providing them the one thing they interact with every day. You're all right. Here we go. From Taylor Sheridan, executive producer of Yellowstone.
- [32:34]
Jim
Get everybody back.
- [32:36]
Stephen Colbert
You just put a giant bullseye on this place. We rolled the dice one last time, Landman. New series now streaming exclusively on Paramount plus.