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Ryan Reynolds
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Stephen Colbert
Welcome, welcome one and all in here. Out there. Welcome to the late show friends. I'm your host, Stephen Colbert and I want to stop on my way. I'm looking out here, I see a sea of green. So let's start off with a happy St. Patrick's Day, everybody. Remember, if the road rises to meet you, you fell down. It's not supposed to do that. You know what? Let's celebrate the Emerald Isle with some music Irish people love. Oh, oh. Irish people can't love mambo. You're a racist. Trump celebrated St. Patrick's Day with the annual Ireland Luncheon. And when he talked about his golf course in Ireland, his son Eric caught a stray.
Donald Trump
I love Ireland. In fact, we're going to have the Irish Open at a property that happens to be owned by yours, Shirley. But I have nothing to do with it. I own it. But I have not. I don't even like to talk to my son.
Stephen Colbert
Hello, dad, dad, dad, it's Eric again. I just want to let you know the golf course is going great. When I did get caught in a sand trap. And the more I move, the more I sink. Please call me back again. This is Eric E R I. Ben. Primarily an actor. Then Trump talked about Kansas, Fort Riley, and this fort in Kansas was named after the 1812 Irish American War hero. But he got weird about it when
Donald Trump
Americans ventured west on the Oregon Trail. They were guarded by troops stationed at Fort Riley, named for the Irish American warrior who President Grant called the finest specimen of physical manhood I've ever looked upon. We didn't know that about President Grant. I think we just learned something.
Stephen Colbert
Is he Implant? Grant was attracted to men. I find that hard to believe. If you've ever seen a painting of Benedict Riley, it's far more likely he was attracted to sheep. In honor of the holiday, Trump also had a sit down with Ireland's leader, Michal Martin, whose official title is Taoiseach. Trump welcomed his Irish guest to the Oval, which for the occasion, he redecorated as a pot of gold. It didn't take long for the subject to turn to the war in Iran, which a different Irish politician recently denounced. The Irish president has said that your
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war against Iran is illegal.
Commercial Announcer
It's an attack on international law.
Stephen Colbert
Who said that?
Elijah Wood
The Irish president.
Donald Trump
Look, he's lucky I exist. That's all I can say.
Stephen Colbert
Okay, first off, the president of Ireland is a woman. Second, calling an Irish person lucky is just another racist stereotype, okay? It's like saying I am Irish American, okay? My family is Irish. It's like saying we're all pale. We all drink Whiskey and have 10 siblings and make our children listen to sad poetry. Oh, God, that's me. Ireland's president isn't the only one concerned about this war in Iran. Yesterday, Trump put out an ask for America's NATO allies to help unblock the Strait of Hormuz, but they've rejected his call for help. Which brings us to tonight's installment of Hormuz News. You can use allies neither amused nor seduced. Are we going to lose? The situation in the Strait is changing every day, and reportedly, some ships are sneaking through the Strait of Hormuz. In fact, drone footage shows some oil tankers using a sophisticated cloaking device. It seems like apparently Iran is letting through some ships from countries that aren't involved in the conflict. Like one crude oil tanker sailing under the Pakistan flag, which we know thanks to ship tracking app Marine Traffic. Excuse me one moment, won't you? Keep it together, Colbert? Your favorite app is in the news. It's a rare convergence of your dearest hobby and the stuff you get paid to talk about on tv. Stay cool, be normal. I love Marine Traffic, okay? It's the best app of all time. It shows you every boat in the world that has a registered AIs transponder and provides its navigational status, speed, and reported eta. And that's for all types of seafaring and river going vessels. We're talking cruise ships, sailboats, tankers, cargo ships, and if you're feeling frisky, tugs and escort tugs. Marine traffic. I got it right here. Marine traffic is so amazing, my staff tells me it's the ultimate conversation stopper. Which is great because once everybody else shuts their yaps, I can finally focus on the boats. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Wait a second. Hello. Where are you going? Liquefied natural gas tanker. Gas log. Windsor. I hate to see you go, but I love knowing where you're going at exactly 9.8 knots. That's marine traffic. You know their slogan. Shh. Dad's watching his boats. Anyway, there you go. Thanks for taking that. Premium. Spring for the premium. Spring for premium. Anyway, what were we talking about? War. Boo. With oil shipments blocked, gas prices up, and our allies sitting this one out, everybody's asking, how much longer are we going to do this? If Iran, as you said, totally obliterated, got the missiles, got the first two rounds of leadership, Air force gone. May be gone. Can we wrap this war up this week?
Elijah Wood
Yeah, sure.
Stephen Colbert
Will we?
Donald Trump
I don't think so, but it'll be soon.
Stephen Colbert
Hey, President. Sleepytime Bear. Wake up, all right? Get some toothpicks. Try to stay awake for your own bombing campaign. Somebody cut this guy a rail of Tic Tacs or else we're going to have to rename our segment Hormuz News. You can use Commander in snooze. I'll say this, I don't care who hears it. I don't care who hears this. I'll say this. Trump is not underestimating his Iranian adversaries.
Donald Trump
It's a big chess game at a very high level. It's very high level chess. The highest. And I'm dealing with very smart players.
Stephen Colbert
I love chess. I love chess. You know, I'm a grandmaster. I know that some pieces are vanilla and some pieces are chocolate. And the winner is whoever swallows the king first. It's a choking hazard. Yesterday in the Oval Office, in the midst of the Iran quag excursion, Trump tried to turn the world's attention to yet another country plans to take Cuba. Trump is confident. No, folks, Trump is confident the island is ready to fall because the US has blockaded Cuba from all energy shipments. To lift it, Trump is demanding that Cuban President Miguel Diaz Canel must step down. It's part of a global strategy to force regime compliance rather than regime change. It's a proven strategy that's already worked other places, like Venezuela, So if their president. So if their president resigns, who's going to run the joint? I'll give you two guesses. And both are Marco Rubio, running a whole country. Oh, they're going Rubio. Gotta say, Marco, you have some big shoes to fill. Now Trump is. We got that. That'll Trump is also making a mess closer to home because we just found out that a Trump appointee is proposing to rip out the White House's 200 year old columns for the flashier style found at Mar a Lago. The appointee in question is chair of the Commission of Fine Arts and Willy Wonka's orthodontist, Rodney Mims Cook Jr. Currently, the White House's main entrance is framed by a row of graceful ionic columns. And we all know what ionic columns are thanks to that Alanis Morissette song. It's a fluted shaft on a separate base which is often known as a
Elijah Wood
stylo base of a lunatic,
Stephen Colbert
which is a scro shape often with 24 bridges. Cook. She's good. Still holds up. It still holds up.
Donald Trump
That's all.
Stephen Colbert
Cook wants those 200-year-old eyesores replaced with the more ornate Corinthian style columns. Yes, he wants a fancier, more elaborate, more ornate columns with acanthus leaves on top. He's going by Trump's design motto. If it ain't baroque, fix it.
Elijah Wood
Rococoo or Rococo? Cancelled.
Stephen Colbert
More. Hey, Spring break is coming up and this year's most popular destination is wherever you already are. Because everywhere in America, flyers are facing massive delays in airport security lines. It's so bad, the screen at check in just says bring a pillow to Chili's too. You live there now. Here's why. Here's why. For the last month, Democrats have been blocking a Homeland Security appropriations bill because it includes funding for ICE and border protection. And as a result, about 50,000 TSA officers have been working without pay and more than 300 have quit. Well, of course they have. These people need to get paid. No one's doing TSA pat downs for the love of the grope. Except for Carl. We got a great show for you tonight
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coming up. Elijah Wood.
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Stephen Colbert
Ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight is an actor. You know, from Everything Is Illuminated yellowjackets and the Lord of the Rings series of instructional videos. His new film is Ready or Not two, Here I Come.
Elijah Wood
The winner will be coronated in a special ceremony in the Black Temple. The creme de la creme of Mr. Lebel's faithful will be in attendance. It's a whole thing.
Stephen Colbert
I'm not playing.
Elijah Wood
Oh, I'm sorry. That's the other thing.
Stephen Colbert
I'm not playing.
Elijah Wood
You have to compete.
Stephen Colbert
I'm still not playing.
Elijah Wood
Okay, Pernilla, kill the sister.
Stephen Colbert
Please welcome back to the Late Show, Elijah Wood. Wow. Hey, I was just. I was just. I was just telling him as he walked out here, is that I love. I love. I love you as a bad guy. That is such a wonderful switch hit there.
Elijah Wood
That is fun.
Stephen Colbert
I want to get to that movie in just a second. Second. But first, Ian McKellen was here last month.
Elijah Wood
I saw him.
Stephen Colbert
We had a lovely time. We did a little Shakespeare for us. Wasn't it lovely?
Elijah Wood
Absolutely stunning.
Stephen Colbert
And he talked about returning as Gandalf in the new Andy Serkis directed for Hunt for Gollum, which is the next film.
Elijah Wood
That's right.
Stephen Colbert
And there have been a lot of rumors, mostly because Ian publicly announced that Frodo was also returning.
Elijah Wood
He certainly did.
Stephen Colbert
Yeah, he certainly did say that.
Elijah Wood
He did say that. That was in August of last year, in fact.
Stephen Colbert
Yeah, we know. We know when he said it.
Elijah Wood
Yeah.
Stephen Colbert
I'm just curious, do you have anything to add to the rumors?
Elijah Wood
Nothing to add.
Stephen Colbert
Nothing to add.
Elijah Wood
Nothing to add.
Stephen Colbert
Okay.
Elijah Wood
Yeah.
Stephen Colbert
Anything to subtract?
Elijah Wood
No, I can't. No, no. Nothing to subtract either.
Stephen Colbert
Oh, wow, look at that.
Elijah Wood
So we're in a good spot.
Stephen Colbert
All right.
Elijah Wood
Nothing to add or subtract. And, like, we're clean then.
Stephen Colbert
We're clean. Yeah.
Elijah Wood
Okay.
Stephen Colbert
This year does mark the 25th anniversary of the fellowship.
Elijah Wood
That's right.
Stephen Colbert
And I know 25 years.
Elijah Wood
I mean, 25 years.
Stephen Colbert
25 years.
Elijah Wood
Quarter of a century.
Stephen Colbert
Unbelievable.
Elijah Wood
How are we already here?
Stephen Colbert
I don't know. You should get around to aging. But I know you're still in touch with the other lads. I am. Do you guys have a friend text chain where you keep in touch all the time?
Elijah Wood
We do. It's called Shire Folk. No. Yeah. No, Dom retitled it Shire Folk. It was the Hobbits, but he was like, ah, it's too on the nose.
Stephen Colbert
Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
Elijah Wood
And yeah, we text each other every day.
Stephen Colbert
Every day?
Elijah Wood
Every day.
Stephen Colbert
What do you say? Every. Like in the morning or at least.
Elijah Wood
Cause we do the New York Times mini crossword and so we share our scores on there.
Stephen Colbert
Oh, I was 46 seconds this morning. What were you.
Elijah Wood
Embarrassingly, I was 2 minutes and 53 seconds.
Stephen Colbert
2 minutes and 53%.
Elijah Wood
Guys. I'm normally under a minute. This is terrible.
Stephen Colbert
Wow. Who usually wins?
Elijah Wood
Um, on that thread, generally me.
Stephen Colbert
And who usually loses?
Elijah Wood
Sean is really intelligent. He's so smart.
Stephen Colbert
He considers every. Every clue, but he takes a while.
Elijah Wood
Yeah, he just takes his time.
Stephen Colbert
He could stare through a brick wall in time. Okay, now I got. I got this other rumor I need to get into. Get into with you, and I don't want to put you on a spot here.
Elijah Wood
That's fine.
Stephen Colbert
Okay.
Elijah Wood
Yeah.
Stephen Colbert
Is it true that you still haven't finished reading Lord of the Rings?
Elijah Wood
And to have it be from you, I feel almost the most embarrassed, Stephen, because there's. I know no one else in my life that loves Tolkien more than you and has read the books more than maybe anyone. So that 25 years later, actually 27 if you consider we started shooting in August of or October of 99. I have. I'll at least say this. There's an update. I have started them. Thank you.
Stephen Colbert
Thank you.
Elijah Wood
And they're incredible.
Stephen Colbert
Listen, I don't want. I don't. I don't want to. I don't want to tell you how it ends, but I'll give you a hint. You know how it ends.
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I do.
Donald Trump
Yeah.
Stephen Colbert
We have to take a quick break. We'll be right back with more Elijah Wood, everybody.
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Stephen Colbert
Hey, everybody. We're back with a star of ready or not two. Here I come, Mr. Elijah Wood. Okay, in October, you did this amazing thing. I saw it when this first happened, but I want to share with everybody here you crashed a Lord of the Rings themed wedding taking place in Hobbiton.
Elijah Wood
In Hobbiton, New Zealand.
Stephen Colbert
Which is just. Had you been to Hobbiton before?
Elijah Wood
I had been.
Stephen Colbert
Oh, of course. When you shot the films. What am I saying?
Elijah Wood
But my family had been.
Stephen Colbert
Your family had. That's right.
Elijah Wood
So I've got two kids and my wife, and they had never been, so.
Stephen Colbert
Oh, wow. We went to Hobbiton and they're in the. In the party field where Bilbo gives a speech. People can have, like, their ceremony right there.
Elijah Wood
They can. Which is amazing.
Stephen Colbert
And Hobbiton is really beautiful. It's just they've done an extraordinary job with it and. Why don't we have a clip of you showing up and they don't know you're coming? Did you know this was happening or just how that. Tell me how that came about.
Elijah Wood
So I was there with my family and we. You've been to Hobbiton? Yeah, yeah. So at the beginning of the tour, you kind of. You walk and you can't see it when you enter, and then you kind of walk down this path and then Hobbiton reveals itself to you. As we walked in, we could see the wedding happening right away. And I just thought, well, I'd be remiss not to say hello, but I was also. And you see in the clip, I'm standing back because I also didn't want to disrupt their wedding and draw attention. I just wanted to say hello and then bolt. So, yeah, it was a lovely bit of happenstance.
Stephen Colbert
Wow. Had you crashed weddings before?
Elijah Wood
You know what's funny? I have once I crashed a wedding in Vancouver, Canada. I was working on a movie with Steve Zahn and David Cross.
Stephen Colbert
Quality, guys.
Elijah Wood
And David Cross called me up and said, hey, man, do you want to crash this wedding with me? There's this band that I've been going to see. Because when we were making the film, he would just go out to sort of punk shows and local music shows because he loves music and just kind of go out. And he ended up befriending this kind of young punk band. And they were the wedding band for this wedding. Not playing punk songs, doing, like, traditional wedding songs.
Stephen Colbert
Celebrate good times. Come on.
Elijah Wood
Yes, Right. So he called me up and I said, yeah, of course. I'd love to crash this wedding with you. And we ended up, like, walking to this hotel. We were definitely not invited.
Stephen Colbert
Were you nervous?
Elijah Wood
I was. He was so not nervous. You know David.
Stephen Colbert
Yes. He's a agent of chaos.
Elijah Wood
No, he wasn't nervous at all. It was great. It was a real thrill. And it was by virtue of being with him. It was a thrill for me. Cause I'm kind of a rule follower, you know. It's a funny story, too. That same sort of. Within the span of that first of that couple of months, we made that movie. Steve Zahn and I and David Cross dropped acid together
Stephen Colbert
at the. Not at the wedding.
Elijah Wood
Not at the wedding. Not at the wedding. And it was David Cross's acid. First time I ever done acid. So the credit was David Cross's ass. Yeah, he brought it from la.
Stephen Colbert
Oh. I thought maybe he had his own brand or something like that. But it is.
Ryan Reynolds
Yes.
Elijah Wood
Just his face on each one. Each tab. No, it was in his freezer. And he brought it up. And we had this whole plan on this weekend day that we had off on this movie. And they had gotten fruit and water and stuff for us to sort of drink and eat. And then they said to me, they warned me, they said, you're gonna want to eat food, but your body's not gonna be able to process it. You know, like your brain is gonna say, I really wanna eat, but I won't be able to. And I was like, okay. And the first place that we stopped was a bar. And on the menu they had buffalo wings. And I thought, that looks incredible. And they're like, don't order them. You're not gonna eat them. And I ate every last bit of that. I ordered it and ate every one. And they were gobsmacked. And then we spent the whole day walking around Vancouver on multiple tabs of acid and went to go see Ween End of The night seeing Ween, one of my favorite bands.
Stephen Colbert
I'm just curious, when you ordered the buffalo wings on acid, at any point did they start to flap?
State Farm Announcer
No.
Elijah Wood
No, that didn't.
Stephen Colbert
Okay, well, you've got a new film. Ready or not 2, here I come. The sequel to 2019's Ready or Not, which I just loved. I'm very excited about this film.
Elijah Wood
Me too. I love that film.
Stephen Colbert
This looks so fun.
Elijah Wood
It's great.
Stephen Colbert
It's horror and comedy at the same time. It is done really well.
Elijah Wood
Yes.
Stephen Colbert
And we've talked about your love of horror before. Is this classic horror? How would you describe it?
Elijah Wood
This feels like a ride to me. Very much like the first film where when the game starts, it turns into hide and seek. And the movie is her, Samara Weaving's character trying to survive this night of everyone trying to kill her and then them all exploding at the end of the film. Spoiler. And then this movie, it sets forth the same sort of series of events.
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Stephen Colbert
Oh, wow.
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Elijah Wood
games with some additional elements. And so it's like. It's not scary. It's like a ride. It's fun to sort of watch this person try and survive. And it's got action elements, comedy elements.
Stephen Colbert
And you've always loved horror?
Elijah Wood
Oh yeah. Since I was 6 or 7.
Stephen Colbert
Right. Maybe too early to love horror, perhaps. You've got a six year old, don't you?
Elijah Wood
I do have a six year old.
Stephen Colbert
And is it horror time for them as far as you're concerned? Have they?
Elijah Wood
It's not. I think it was before we had our kids. I think I told my wife and I was watching Halloween, one of my all time favorite movies, and being excited about it and saying, God, I can't wait till our son is born. And when he's six or seven, like I was, he can see, I can show him Halloween. It's. What a wonderful moment that's gonna be. And she's like, you're insane. You're not gonna show him. And of course, now I know my son and I don't know that he'd be ready for it.
Stephen Colbert
Yeah, well, I don't want to. Don't tell me to go. No. Don't want to go.
Elijah Wood
No.
Stephen Colbert
Elijah, it's so lovely to talk to you. Thank you so much for being here.
Elijah Wood
Thanks for having me.
Stephen Colbert
Ready or not, two Here I Come is in theaters on Friday. Elijah Wood, everybody. Thank you for listening to the Late Show POD show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to the late show, you YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.
Episode: Elijah Wood (Extended) | Green Day!
Date: March 18, 2026
This episode of The Late Show Pod Show features a lively blend of Stephen Colbert’s signature political satire, sharp monologue, and a revealing interview with actor Elijah Wood. Colbert covers current political events—from St. Patrick’s Day jokes and Trump’s international antics to absurd White House redesign plans—before diving into a wide-ranging, funny, and heartfelt conversation with Wood about his career, Lord of the Rings legacy, and new projects. The tone is fast-paced, witty, self-aware, and filled with playful banter.
Colbert’s Monologue Highlights (01:08–12:45)
"I love Marine Traffic, okay? It's the best app of all time. It shows you every boat in the world ... once everybody else shuts their yaps, I can finally focus on the boats."
— Stephen Colbert (06:03)
Conversation with Elijah Wood Begins (13:47)
"Nothing to add."
— Elijah Wood (15:36)
"Nothing to add or subtract. And, like, we're clean then."
— Elijah Wood (15:48)
The Fellowship of the Ring’s 25th anniversary prompts reflections:
"We do. It's called Shire Folk. ... And yeah, we text each other every day."
— Elijah Wood (16:16)
A funny confession: Wood still hasn't finished reading all of Lord of the Rings:
"I have. I'll at least say this. There's an update. I have started them. Thank you."
— Elijah Wood (17:54)
"Listen, I don't want. I don't. I don't want to. I don't want to tell you how it ends, but I'll give you a hint. You know how it ends."
— Stephen Colbert (17:55)
Behind the Scenes Antics (19:23)
"And I ate every last bit of that. I ordered it and ate every one. And they were gobsmacked."
— Elijah Wood (22:49)
Film Promotion & Genre Discussion (24:02–26:46)
"This feels like a ride to me. Very much like the first film ... action elements, comedy elements."
— Elijah Wood (24:16)
"I do have a six year old... I think I told my wife, 'God, I can't wait till our son is born. And when he’s six or seven, like I was, he can see, I can show him Halloween.' ... And she's like, 'You're insane. You're not gonna show him.' And of course, now I know my son and I don't know that he'd be ready for it."
— Elijah Wood (26:01)
Marine Traffic App Enthusiasm:
"Spring for the premium. Anyway, what were we talking about? War. Boo."
— Stephen Colbert (06:48)
Ring Group Chat Tradition:
"We do the New York Times mini crossword and so we share our scores on there."
— Elijah Wood (16:32)
Long-Running LOTR Confession:
"I feel almost the most embarrassed, Stephen, because there's ... no one else in my life that loves Tolkien more than you..."
— Elijah Wood (17:26)
Wedding Crash Stories:
"He was so not nervous. You know David. Yes. He's a agent of chaos."
— Elijah Wood (22:12)
On Parenting & Scary Movies:
"You're insane. You're not gonna show him. And of course, now I know my son and I don't know that he'd be ready for it."
— Elijah Wood (26:29)
| Timestamp | Segment | |----------------|--------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:08–12:45 | Colbert monologue on St. Patrick’s Day, Trump, Iran/Cuba, Marine Traffic | | 13:47 | Elijah Wood welcomes, villain roles, Hobbit banter | | 15:01 | Rumors about new LOTR film (Hunt for Gollum) | | 15:53–16:58 | Cast text chain “Shire Folk”, crossword scores | | 17:16 | Wood’s confession: still hasn’t read all of LOTR | | 19:23 | Wedding crashing in Hobbiton/Canada, acid trip stories | | 24:02 | Ready or Not 2 discussion, horror fandom | | 26:01 | Parenting, kids and scary movies, “you’re insane” moment |
This episode delivers quintessential Colbert—blending topical satire with personal storytelling—before giving fans a warm, insightful, and funny look into Elijah Wood's world, the enduring Lord of the Rings camaraderie, and his horror movie fandom. Both fans of the show and new listeners will find plenty of memorable moments and quotable lines—making it a must-listen for pop culture aficionados and LOTR devotees alike.