Elton John's Colbert Questionert | Who Let The Doge Out?

Summary

The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert Episode: "Elton John's Colbert Questionnaire | Who Let The Doge Out?" Release Date: February 7, 2025

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Overview

In this engaging episode of The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert, host Stephen Colbert delivers his signature blend of humor and sharp commentary on current events before delving into a delightful and revealing interview with the legendary Elton John. Titled "Elton John's Colbert Questionnaire | Who Let The Doge Out?", the episode masterfully balances topical satire with personal insights, providing listeners with both laughs and heartfelt moments.

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Monologue Highlights

Stephen Colbert kicks off the episode with a lively monologue, addressing a variety of contemporary issues with his trademark wit and sarcasm.

Super Bowl Sunday Antics

Colbert humorously navigates the excitement surrounding Super Bowl Sunday, poking fun at the event's various elements:

• Commercials & Halftime Show: "I love everything about the Super Bowl. The commercials, the halftime show, the beers..."
• Animal-Based Predictions: Colbert introduces the whimsical concept of using "psychic zoo animals" for game predictions, referencing a "tiger who picked by mauling a cardboard box" and a "groundhog who sent the clear message, let's go Eagles." (03:15)

Elon Musk and Government Disruptions

A significant portion of the monologue critiques Elon Musk's influence on federal agencies:

• CIA Email Leak: Colbert mocks the White House's directive for the CIA to send an unclassified email listing recent hires, highlighting security concerns: "It's so easy to use. For example, I could say, I think it would be funny and good for America if obvious fascist Elon M got his junk stuck in a four-slice toaster." (05:45)
• Anti-DEI Movements: He satirizes the removal of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) initiatives across agencies, describing scenes like "painting over a mural of words like diversity, fairness, compassion and respect" at the FBI Academy. (07:30)
• National Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) and DOGE: Colbert personifies DOGE (likely a nod to the Dogecoin meme) infiltrating NOAA, searching for DEI in weather patterns with absurd classifications like "snowflakes are girls, tornadoes are boys." (09:15)

Health Concerns and Technological Advances

• Bird Flu in Cattle: Addressing the rise of bird flu in dairy cattle, Colbert quips about the bizarre implications, such as "birds having sex with cows," while also acknowledging the serious nature of the virus's evolution and its jump to humans with a staggering fatality rate of approximately 52%. (10:50)
• AI and Privacy Issues: He highlights Google's removal of its pledge against using AI for weapons, drawing parallels to the unexpected uses of search engines: "It's the most shocking news about a search engine since we found out someone used Bing." (11:30)
• iPhone's Native Porn App: Colbert amusingly announces Apple's first legitimate native porn app for iOS, contrasting its name "Hot Tub" with the rival app "Above Ground Pool," and jokes about the nature of pop-up ads in pornography. (12:00)

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Elton John Interview: The Colbert Questionnaire

The highlight of the episode is an intimate and humorous interview with Elton John, conducted through the "Colbert Questionnaire"—a series of personal questions designed to “irritate” Colbert while revealing deeper insights into the iconic musician.

Getting Personal with Questions

Colbert introduces the questionnaire with playful banter:

• Colbert: "It is a series. It's a series of questions that have been ergonomically designed to irritate me."
• Elton John: "Exactly. You say irritate, I say reveal." (13:55)

Selected Q&A Highlights

1. Best Sandwich

   • Colbert: "What is the best sandwich?"
   • Elton John: "Cheese and tomato." (14:27)
   • Follow-up on Bread Type: "Whole wheat bread." (14:35)

2. First Concert Attended

   • Elton John: "Probably Little Richard at The Hara, Granada." (14:50)

3. Scariest Animal

   • Colbert: "What is the scariest animal?"
   • Elton John: "A snake." (15:06)
   • Clarification: "Just poisonous snakes. Yeah. Just don't like snakes, period." (15:18)

4. Apples or Oranges

   • Elton John: "Apples." (15:22)

5. Autograph Request

   • Colbert: "Have you ever asked someone for their autograph?"
   • Elton John: "Yes, Elvis Presley. I have his autograph on a tour program I went to see in Washington, D.C." (15:31)

6. Thoughts on Death

   • Colbert: "What do you think happens when we die?"
   • Elton John: "I hope there's Pearly Gates. I hope there's an afterlife, but I'm a bit cynical about it." (16:05)

7. Favorite Action Movie

   • Elton John: "Bullet." (16:28)

8. Window or Aisle Seat

   • Elton John: "Window." (16:55)

9. Favorite and Least Favorite Smells

   • Favorite: "New mown? Grass." (16:59)
   • Least Favorite: "Garlic." (17:02)

10. Earliest Memory

    • Elton John: "Being pushed in a pram by my mother. I can remember being in the pram and feeling so cozy." (17:28)

11. Cats or Dogs

    • Elton John: "Dogs." (17:58)
    • Additional Note: "Have a lot of dogs." (18:03)

12. One Song for Life

    • Elton John: "Smile" by Charlie Chaplin, sung by Nat King Cole. (18:17)

13. Describe the Rest of Your Life in Five Words

    • Elton John: "Your bum is like a magnet." (18:46)

Notable Moments

• Autograph Story: Elton shares a touching memory of receiving Elvis Presley's autograph, emphasizing the significance despite the signature being on a tour program rather than a personal note.
• Thoughts on Afterlife: His honest reflection on hoping for an afterlife, tempered with cynicism, adds depth to his public persona.
• Humorous Banter: The playful exchange about being a vampire and despising garlic showcases the light-hearted chemistry between Colbert and Elton.

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Conclusion

This episode of The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert successfully marries topical satire with personal storytelling. Colbert's incisive monologue offers a comedic lens on pressing societal issues, while the intimate "Colbert Questionnaire" with Elton John provides listeners with charming and humorous insights into the superstar's personality. Whether dissecting government mishaps or exploring Elton's preferences, the episode delivers a well-rounded and entertaining experience for both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

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Notable Quotes

• On Government Disruptions:
  "It's so easy to use. For example, I could say, I think it would be funny and good for America if obvious fascist Elon M got his junk stuck in a four-slice toaster."
  — Stephen Colbert (05:45)

• On DEI Initiatives:
  "There's no way of knowing anymore. This is a difficult time to start, right?"
  — Stephen Colbert (09:30)

• On Autograph Significance:
  "I was just so incredibly impressed to be in the same room as him. So I was. I value it very much."
  — Elton John (15:53)

• On Afterlife Beliefs:
  "I hope there's Pearly Gates. I hope there's an afterlife, but I'm a bit cynical about it."
  — Elton John (16:21)

• On Favorite Song:
  "One of my favorite songs is 'Smile' by Charlie Chaplin because it's such an uplifting song and the lyrics are so beautiful and because it was sung by Nat King Cole."
  — Elton John (18:17)

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For more insights, clips, and exclusive content, visit The Late Show YouTube Channel.

Transcript

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[Michelle Yeoh]

On January 24, Academy Award winner Michelle Yeoh takes command.

[Star Trek Character]

Gather your people. We're gonna need every one of them.

[Michelle Yeoh]

In Section 30, a new Star Trek original movie on Paramount.

[Star Trek Character]

Plus, Section 31 is just a place for people to bend the rules.

[Stephen Colbert]

Starfleet is here to make sure no one commits murder.

[Star Trek Character]

What a cute idea. This is chaos. Let's get messy.

[Michelle Yeoh]

Don't miss the worldwide premiere of Star Trek Section 31, streaming January 24th, exclusively on Paramount Plus.

[Stephen Colbert]

Please have a seat, my friends. Welcome one and all in here, out there, all around the world, Mr. And Mrs. America and all the ships at sea to the late show. I'm your host, Stephen Colbert. And folks, you can tell these people are excited for Super Bowl Sunday. Me too. I love everything about the Super Bowl. The commercials, the halftime show, the beers, the seven layer dip, the chips to dip in the dip, the wings and the growing pile of wing bones that make me feel like an ancient king wiping my hands on my dog. On top of all of that, during the super bowl time permitting, there will be a football game this year. This year the matchup is Kansas City Chiefs, who are hoping to win a third straight title versus the Philadelphia Eagles, who yeah, baby. Who are hoping their mascot doesn't die of bird flu. Taylor Swift will also be in attendance to support boyfriend, the chief superstar, tight end, Taylor Swift's boyfriend. Oddsmakers, Oddsmakers. This is gonna be a tight matchup, right? Yeah, they think it's gonna be a tight matchup. So if you're wagering on the super bowl, you need to get yourself a system, okay? Foolproof mine. This year's every year is listen to psychic zoo animals. So far, a menagerie of creatures have made big game predictions, including a tiger who picked by mauling a cardboard box with their logo on it, a skunk who chose the Eagles using food bowl technology and a groundhog who sent the clear message, let's go Eagles. And also, I am sad in this cage. Now, to place all your animal based sports bets, head over to draft chimps. Draft chimps? Where did Tyler's college fund go? Only Bobo knows. Do not hold out on Bobo. He will bite Your face off. Down in Washington, Elon Musk and his crew of teenage mutant incels continue to tear apart 250 years of democracy like seagulls fighting over a bag of french fries. Among other disruptions, they're trying to fire everyone who works for the federal government. And as part of that, yesterday, the White House ordered the CIA to send an unclassified email with the names of all employees hired by the spy agency over the last two years. Now look, I'm no double O Ethan Hunt, but I feel like a list of CIA agents should have a little more encryption than a random email from your mom saying, did you go to school with Tyler Barnes? Met his cousin today. Guitar emoji. Did Tyler play guitar? Did you play guitar? Or did she think meeting him just rocks? There's no way of knowing. The unclassified email contains a list of names of new hires who, because they were hired recently, are technically still on probation and thus easy to dismiss. But do not worry. According to one White House official, the agents identities would be protected because the list only included the first names and first initial of the last name. Well then that is an uncrackable code. For example, it's so easy to use. For example, I could say, I think it would be funny and good for America if obvious fascist Elon M got his junk stuck in a four slice toaster. And you'd have no idea who I meant. Legally, Trump's goons are also doing increasingly useless things just to scour the government clean of any trace of dei. Recently, this picture went viral of a worker at the FBI Academy painting over a mural of words like diversity, fairness, compassion and respect. And at one intelligence agency office, the anti DEI squad reportedly confiscated a plaque from a supervisor's desk that read be kind to everyone. They also changed the break room motivational poster to read, give up, stupid. Friday's not coming. It's not just the FBI and the CIA. It's not just our intelligence. No federal agency is safe from the anti compassion cyber dorks at the National Atmospheric Administration. Noaa, the new administration urinal police checked bathroom signs to ensure they complied with Trump's executive orders. What a waste of time. The only bathroom signs that should be taken down are the confusing ones in theme restaurants. How am I supposed to know if I'm a ranch hand or a cattle rustler? Give me a silhouette. Give me a gun or a lasso. Now. NOAA is the agency in charge of the National Weather Service, and DOGE has gained access to their IT systems where they're searching High and low for dei. Oh, yeah. Well, everybody knows the weather is full of dei, okay? Snowflakes are girls, tornadoes are boys, and sleet is bisexual. Is it rain? Is it snow? It could go both ways this week. And good for it. I'm not judging you. Sleet this week. DOGE also sent the National Weather Service, so called buyout offers. More buyout offers. Man, when it rains, it pours. I think there's no way to know anymore. This is a difficult time to start, right? It's not the best time to be kicking more people out of the weather surface since they're already suffering their lowest staffing in decades. Everyone there is at the end of their rope. That's why in every forecast, the sun is wearing sunglasses. Because she's been drinking. The weather service, it's a critical function. They're in charge of ensuring Americans have sufficient time to evacuate before a hurricane or tornado. But under the regime of Elon's pubescent net rangers, tornado warnings are going to be a little different. Hey, kids. Kids, get in the house. The government just sent me a meme that says skibidi basement. I don't know what it. I don't know what it. Okay, Elon and the crypto chipmunks are also getting their hands for some reason on our aviation safety, thanks to a decision by Trump's Transportation Secretary and lumberjackass, Sean Duffy. Yesterday, Secretary Duffy tweeted, big news. Talk to the DOGE team. They are going to plug in to help upgrade our aviation system. I've also got big news. I just bought an Amtrak rail pass. Here's a bar car. Trains very rarely associated with the words plunge and plummet. We don't have any details yet about what Musk is going to be doing to our aviation system, but he did tweet the OGE team will aim to make rapid safety upgrades to the air traffic control system. Great, because when I think of Elon Musk, I think air safety, it's not all bad news. It's not. Guys, cheer up. Buck up, everybody. It's not all bad news. Some of it is also scary, because yesterday we found out a second bird flu strain was detected in US Dairy cattle. Well, this can mean only one. The birds are having sex with the cows. Please, please, no one tell the bees. They're going to feel so betrayed. You know, that's how babies are made. I heard bees and birds have sex and then they fly up. This time, the infected cows are at a ranch in Nevada, just northwest of Las Vegas. Okay, well, then there's nothing to worry about. Because my understanding is what happens northwest of there stays northwest of there. No, this is the second time. Right? This has happened twice now. One expert explained that bird flu constantly evolving is an awful development, saying seeing the H5N1 virus itself be smarter than all of us. Okay, but have you met all of us? It's a low bar. May I remind you, all of us watched 13 seasons of the Masked Singer. Even worse, bird flu has already made the jump to humans. Different variants have been around for decades, and scientists estimate that worldwide, the fatality rate is approximately 52%. But there's nothing to worry about. We're going to be fine. It's not just the dairy workers who are at risk because the virus has been found in raw milk. That's okay. RFK Jr. Is about to make America healthy again. And Kennedy has said that he only drinks raw milk. Okay, wow. Wow. Okay. But it's not like he hangs out with birds. Hey, everybody. These are my two ravens. But it's not all bad and scary news, folks. Some of it is quite chilling because this week, Google removed a pledge to not use AI for weapons from its website. It's the most shocking news about a search engine since we found out someone used Bing. In happier news, your smartphone just got a whole lot sexier because the iPhone is getting its first native porn app, the first that can be installed on iOS devices through legitimate means. Before now, it wasn't legit. It was the phone's forbidden step app that really shouldn't even be here while your father's away. The app, which right now is available only in Europe, is called Hot Tub, which sounds so much sexier than the rival porn app Above Ground Pool. You know their slogan. Hey, come on in. The water is from a hose attached to my sink. This new app blocks a slew of advertisements and is being billed as porn without the pop ups. Okay, but pop ups is how you know the porn is working. You got a great show for me tonight coming up. ELTON John.

[Michelle Yeoh]

On January 24, Academy Award winner Michelle Yeoh takes command.

[Star Trek Character]

Gather your people. We're gonna need every one of them.

[Michelle Yeoh]

In section 31, a new star Trek original movie on paramount.

[Star Trek Character]

Plus, Section 31 is just a place for people to bend the rules.

[Stephen Colbert]

Starfleet is here to make sure no one commits murder.

[Star Trek Character]

What a cute idea. This is chaos. Let's get messy.

[Michelle Yeoh]

Don't miss the worldwide premiere of Star Trek, Section 31, streaming January 24, exclusively on Paramount. Plus.

[Stephen Colbert]

We'Re here with the one, the only Elton John. Elton you know, I've. It's such an honor to been able to interview you a few times over the years. You know, I'm an enormous fan. I've got your entire catalog memorized. But even with a chance to talk to you and have studied your work so long for so many years, there comes a point where you just can't know anybody any better through the short term interviews that we do. And so we at the Colbert show here have put together something called the Colbert Questionnaire.

[Elton John]

Okay.

[Stephen Colbert]

It is a series. It's a series of questions that have been ergonomically designed to irritate me. Exactly. You say irritate, I say reveal.

[Elton John]

Okay.

[Stephen Colbert]

We will penetrate to the heart of the man. Your soul will be revealed before the world. Are you ready to be known?

[Elton John]

Yes, of course.

[Stephen Colbert]

All right, Elton John, first question. What is the best sandwich?

[Elton John]

Cheese and tomato.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow. Anything on that or just the cheese and the tomato and we're done?

[Elton John]

No, cheese and tomato's fine.

[Stephen Colbert]

What kind of bread?

[Elton John]

I'm a plain guy.

[Stephen Colbert]

What kind of bread are we talking?

[Elton John]

Look, you see? What pr. Whole wheat bread.

[Stephen Colbert]

Whole wheat bread. Okay. What was your first concert that you attended? God.

[Elton John]

First concert I attended. I'm. I'm very old, you know, so.

[Stephen Colbert]

I mean, it wasn't Mozart.

[Elton John]

No. It would have been probably Little Richard.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow.

[Elton John]

The Hara. Granada. Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow. What is the scariest animal?

[Elton John]

Scariest animal. I could say something, but I'd get me banned. Scariest animal.

[Stephen Colbert]

Nothing weight. You banned here?

[Elton John]

Yeah. I'd say a snake.

[Stephen Colbert]

Sure. Any kind. Or does it have to be a poisonous snake or you just don't like snakes?

[Elton John]

Just poisonous snakes. Yeah. Just don't like snakes, period. Right.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. Apples or oranges?

[Elton John]

Apples.

[Stephen Colbert]

Good answer. Okay. Can't put peanut butter on an orange. Okay. Have you ever asked someone for their autograph?

[Elton John]

Yes.

[Stephen Colbert]

Who?

[Elton John]

Elvis Presley.

[Stephen Colbert]

Now hold on a second here. Did you get it?

[Elton John]

Yep.

[Stephen Colbert]

Do you, more importantly, do you still have it?

[Elton John]

Yep.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow. Just the name or did he.

[Elton John]

No, it's on a tour program I went to see in Washington, D.C. so I have his autograph.

[Stephen Colbert]

And did it say to Elton or like.

[Elton John]

No. He was very. He was not well and he was very shaky, but I was just so incredibly impressed to be in the same room as him. So I was. I value it very much.

[Stephen Colbert]

What do you think happens when we die?

[Elton John]

I wish I knew. I don't know.

[Stephen Colbert]

Don't know. No Stab. Nothing comes to mind. Pearly Gates. Darkness. Dust.

[Elton John]

Who knows? I don't know. I hope there's Pearly Gates. I hope there's an afterlife, but I'm a bit cynical about it.

[Stephen Colbert]

All right. I hope I see you there.

[Elton John]

Yep.

[Stephen Colbert]

Favorite action movie.

[Elton John]

Ooh, Favorite action movie. Jesus. Action movie. Bullet.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, yeah. Steve McQueen.

[Elton John]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Window or aisle?

[Elton John]

What's that? What do you mean?

[Stephen Colbert]

On a plane. You want a seated by the window? Seated in the aisle. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Elton John]

Window.

[Stephen Colbert]

Window. Okay. Favorite smell?

[Elton John]

New mown? Grass.

[Stephen Colbert]

Least favorite smell?

[Elton John]

Pig.

[Stephen Colbert]

Have you smelled.

[Elton John]

No. Garlic. Sorry? Garlic.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow.

[Elton John]

There's not a difference between both of them, huh?

[Stephen Colbert]

Are you familiar with pig? Dude, did you grow up on a farm or.

[Elton John]

I did. I grew up opposite a farm. Yes.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. And when the wind was blowing in the wrong direction.

[Elton John]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

You're like, I wish I had some garlic around here.

[Elton John]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Are you a vampire?

[Elton John]

No, I'm not a vampire, but I cannot stand the smell of. It's banned from my house.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay.

[Elton John]

Earliest memory, Being pushed in a pram by my mother. I can remember being in the pram and feeling so cozy.

[Stephen Colbert]

You must have been tiny.

[Elton John]

I was tiny, but it was a big pram.

[Stephen Colbert]

Do you think you'd still enjoy that feeling?

[Elton John]

Well, being cozy in a pram, I don't know. I'd love to be pushed around in the pram. It's so cozy. When you see babies being pushed around by their mums in a pram and they're all snug, it's the most thing. Oh, I love that feeling.

[Stephen Colbert]

Cats or dogs?

[Elton John]

Dogs.

[Stephen Colbert]

Do you have a dog?

[Elton John]

Have a lot of dogs.

[Stephen Colbert]

A lot of dogs, yeah. You only get one song to listen to for the rest of your life. What is it? Now? You don't have to continually listen to it, but when you go to listen to the music, this is the song that plays.

[Elton John]

Well, my favorite. One of my favorite songs is Smile by Charlie Chaplin because it's such an uplifting song and the lyrics are so beautiful and because it was sung by Nat King Cole, so I would choose that one.

[Stephen Colbert]

Nat King Cole's version of Smile.

[Elton John]

Yes.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. What number am I thinking of?

[Elton John]

7.

[Stephen Colbert]

No. Describe the rest of your life. Describe the rest of your life in five words.

[Elton John]

Your bum is like a magnet.

[Stephen Colbert]

Elton John, everybody. Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.

[Michelle Yeoh]

On January 24, Academy Award winner Michelle Yeoh takes command.

[Star Trek Character]

Gather your people. We're gonna need every one of them.

[Michelle Yeoh]

In Section 31, a new Star Trek original movie on Paramount Section 31 is.

[Star Trek Character]

Just a place for people to bend the rules.

[Stephen Colbert]

Starfleet is here to make sure no one commits murder.

[Star Trek Character]

What a cute idea. This is chaos. Let's get messy.

[Michelle Yeoh]

Don't miss the worldwide premiere of Star Trek Section 31, streaming January 24, exclusively on Paramount.