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Advertiser (0:00)
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Stephen Colbert (1:47)
Welcome, welcome one and all in here. Althal. Mr. And Mrs. American, all the ships at sea. Welcome to the Late Show. I'm your host, Stephen Colbert. Hey, I got a quick question. I got a quick question here. It's kind of a personal question. Does anyone here enjoy having money? You might need to find a new hobby cause y'all know the dao, the place where they keep all. They store all the Dow points and every day they count all the dowlings. And then that twitchy money line goes beep. Well today it went boo down another 537 points. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's been a bit of a run. It's so bad down on Wall street. The bull just applied For a job at Chipotle. Yeah, he's hoping to get an internship as a taco. There are far more troubling indicators out there than the Dow. We are getting disturbing reports that sales are down at convenience stores for Doritos, Twinkies, Heath bars and cigarettes. Then what the hell are people having for breakfast? Now convenience store shoppers are also buying less ice cream and cigarillos. No, not cigarillos. Not our precious Dutch Masters and our Swisher sweets. Now, how will we smell like that forever? To tempt the people to purchase the curbside crunchables, the finest minds in snack science are innovating, leading the way as usual. PepsiCo is developing mini meals like Doritos loaded with warm nacho cheese and other toppings. And you know Americans can't resist their favorite flavor. Other inflation. Inflation is also hitting actual food. According to the Department of Agriculture, egg prices will remain elevated as Easter approaches. And I believe on Easter, they'll rise again. Crispy anesthesia prices are already getting up there. In February, the average American paid a record $5.90 for a dozen Grade A eggs. Which means it may be finally time to switch to grade B eggs. You know their slogan, do they all have to be from chickens? One thing driving prices up is Trump's wonder wheel of random tariffs. So far, he's hit most of our major trading partners, including the eu, who yesterday clapped back by announcing tariffs on American made bourbon jeans and Harleys. That is going to make it so much harder for European men to have a midlife crisis. You can't outrun your mortality on a Vespa.
