Gary Oldman's Colbert Questionert

Summary

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The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert

Episode: Gary Oldman's Colbert Questionert

Date: September 22, 2025

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Overview

In this episode, host Stephen Colbert invites acclaimed actor Gary Oldman to take part in the "Colbert Questionert," a set of 15 quirky, revealing questions. The goal is to break through Oldman's actorly mystique and get to the core of who he is through rapid-fire, personal queries, ranging from childhood memories to his favorite smells. The tone is warm, humorous, and thoughtful as Colbert uses his signature wit to draw out sincere, candid responses from Oldman.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Nature of the "Colbert Questionert"

• Purpose (01:39–02:39):
  • Colbert introduces the exercise as 15 questions "ergonomically designed to penetrate the armor of a human being...an emotional bunker buster."
  • Sets a playful, yet sincere stage for self-revelation.

Practical Personal Favorites

• Favorite Sandwich (02:42–03:06):
  • Oldman: "A club...Turkey. Turkey."
  • Colbert adds, “Especially if you’re traveling.”
• First Concert (03:07–03:37):
  • Oldman: “Elton John. 70s...maybe at Hammersmith Odeon.”
• Scariest Animal (03:37–04:02):
  • Oldman: “Cheetah. Lion.”
  • Colbert notes cheetah’s non-retractable claws for speed, sparking mutual appreciation for the animal's unique traits.

Brush with Stardom

• First Autograph Sought (04:07–04:44):
  • Oldman recounts shyly asking football star George Best for an autograph at 13 or 14, losing it for years, and then his wife finding it stuck in a child's book.
  • “He was my hero.” (Gary Oldman, 04:41)
  • Emotional resonance, as Oldman admits to crying upon its rediscovery.

Life and Death Philosophy

• Afterlife Musings (04:44–05:20):
  • Oldman: “I think it’s like unplugging a battery...I don’t know...It’s just lights out and that’s it, I think.”
  • Colbert affirms, “It’s a mystery.”

Classic Pop Culture Picks

• Favorite Action Movie (05:20–05:27):
  • Oldman: “Dr. No.”
• Travel Preference (05:27–05:43):
  • Oldman: “Window. I do like a window.”

Sensory Preferences

• Favorite Smell (05:43–06:01):
  • Oldman: “Like someone else’s barbecue...the waft a few blocks away.”
• Least Favorite Smell (06:01–06:16):
  • Oldman: “Cat.”
  • Admits to having owned cats, but not missing the smell.

Formative Moments

• Earliest Memory (06:24–07:44):
  • Oldman: “I used to sing myself to sleep...I remember the particles in the air...”
  • Recalls his father humorously shouting, “Go to bloody sleep!”
  • Reflects on musical upbringing with Beatles records: “I’d play the 45 at 33 and a third so I could learn the lyrics.”

Canine Affection

• Cats or Dogs? (08:04–08:11):
  • Oldman: “Dogs. Smells better.”

Desert Island Track

• One Song for Life (08:13–08:23):
  • Oldman: “‘I’m Only Sleeping.’” (a Beatles song)

Quickfire Quirks

• Guess Stephen’s Number (08:27–08:36):

  • Oldman guesses: “5.”
  • Colbert: “No.”

• Describe the Rest of Your Life in Five Words (08:36–09:58):

  • Extended, playful wrangle with the word count.
  • Oldman lands at: “I will live honestly, comma, to the best of my ability,” with Colbert’s humorous bracketed dispensations for grammar.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Nostalgia and Loss:
  “I thought I’d lost it. He was my hero… and I burst into tears.”
  —Gary Oldman, on finding George Best’s autograph (04:41)

• On the Afterlife:
  “It’s just lights out and that’s it, I think.”
  —Gary Oldman (05:05)

• On Scent:
  “Like someone else’s barbecue...that waft. Ah, it’s good.”
  —Gary Oldman (05:46)

• On Childhood Memories:
  “I remember the room where we were. I remember...the particles in the air.”
  —Gary Oldman (06:34)

• On Summing Up His Future:
  “I will live honestly, comma, to the best of my ability.”
  —Gary Oldman (09:46)

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Timestamps of Key Segments

• Colbert introduces the “Questionert”: 01:39–02:39
• Favorite sandwich & first concert: 02:42–03:37
• Scariest animal: 03:37–04:02
• First autograph & touching story: 04:07–04:44
• Life, death, and mystery: 04:44–05:20
• Favorite action movie & flight seat: 05:20–05:43
• Favorite/least favorite smell: 05:43–06:16
• Earliest memory & childhood music: 06:24–07:44
• Pets, desert-island song, number guess: 08:04–08:36
• Five-word life summary: 08:36–09:58
• Closing recognition: 10:04–10:07

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Episode Tone

True to Colbert’s style, the tone is convivial, curious, and humor-infused, yet also reflective and personal. Oldman’s thoughtful and sometimes tender answers fit the conversational flow, creating a rare, genuine look at the man behind his many iconic roles.

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Conclusion

This episode provides a charming, revealing portrait of Gary Oldman through an imaginative and intimate set of questions. Whether discussing youthful idols, mortality, or the joys of a distant barbecue, Oldman’s answers are honest, sometimes vulnerable, and unmistakably human—fulfilling Colbert’s promise: “Gary Oldman, congratulations. You are known.” (10:04)

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Transcript

[Stephen Colbert]

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[Kristen Bell]

Hi, I'm Kristen Bell, and if you know my husband Dax, then you also know he loves shopping for a car. Selling a car, not so much.

[Gary Oldman]

We're really doing this, huh?

[Kristen Bell]

Thankfully, Carvana makes it easy. Answer a few questions, put in your VIN or license and done. We sold ours in minutes this morning and they'll come pick it up and pay us this afternoon.

[Gary Oldman]

Bye bye Truckee.

[Kristen Bell]

Of course, we kept the favorite.

[Gary Oldman]

Hello other Truckee.

[Kristen Bell]

Sell your car with Carvana today. Terms and conditions apply.

[Gary Oldman]

It's the Late Show Poncho with Stephen Colbert.

[Stephen Colbert]

Last February, I had the pleasure of interviewing Gary Oldman, star of the Professional the Darkest Hour and Currently Slow Horses on Apple tv. And I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation. But I really wanted to fully know Mr. Oldman, so I invited him to take what cognitive psychologists call the Colbert questionnaire. Yvonne Gary Oldman, I really enjoy talking to you, but even in the sort of the lengthy interview we've been able to do before, you don't get to know someone as much as you would truly want to. That's why at the Late Show Labs, we came up with a series of 15 questions that are ergonomically designed to penetrate the armor of a human being. The armor we put up against each other, the face from the faces that we meet. This is, I call these an emotional bunker buster. We get right into the heart. But then you are fully known to an audience. Are you ready to be known?

[Gary Oldman]

I'm yes. I'm ready for the challenge.

[Stephen Colbert]

Brave man Gary Oldman. What is the best sandwich?

[Gary Oldman]

A club.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, okay. Especially if you're traveling.

[Gary Oldman]

Yeah. Dorchester used to do a cracker years ago. Yeah. Okay.

[Stephen Colbert]

Club sandwich. Turkey or chicken?

[Gary Oldman]

Turkey. Turkey. Okay.

[Stephen Colbert]

What was your first concert that you went to?

[Gary Oldman]

My first concert? Elton John. Wow.

[Stephen Colbert]

What. What era?

[Gary Oldman]

Oh, 70s.

[Stephen Colbert]

I mean, yellow Brick Road. Don't Shoot Me on the piano player.

[Gary Oldman]

Before that. Yeah. He would have been Telegraph Station. No. No.

[Stephen Colbert]

All right.

[Gary Oldman]

Yeah, that would have been the. Yeah. First one. I think it was a Hamsmith Odeon.

[Stephen Colbert]

What is the scariest animal?

[Gary Oldman]

Cheetah. A cheetah. Lion.

[Stephen Colbert]

Do you know the cheetah has the distinction of being of the great cats? It's the only great cats whose claws don't retract.

[Gary Oldman]

Yeah. Wow. Best to be expected. Yeah. Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

It's a cheetah.

[Gary Oldman]

It's a cheetah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah. Because they always need them for the speed.

[Gary Oldman]

For the speed. Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't want to try and run away from one. No.

[Stephen Colbert]

You ever ask someone for their autograph?

[Gary Oldman]

Yeah. Who? George Best.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow.

[Gary Oldman]

Footballer.

[Stephen Colbert]

And did you get it?

[Gary Oldman]

I did get it.

[Stephen Colbert]

Do you still have it?

[Gary Oldman]

I still have it, Yeah. I lost it for a while and my wife found it stuck in a child's book, you know, in a. Going through some stuff, and I thought I'd lost it.

[Stephen Colbert]

How old were you when you asked for it?

[Gary Oldman]

About 14. Yeah. 13. Yeah. And then she found it. She went, look what I found. I cried. She, look what I found. And I burst into tears. I thought I'd lost it. He was my hero.

[Stephen Colbert]

When I asked this question. It's almost always sports. Figures.

[Gary Oldman]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

What do you think happens when we die?

[Gary Oldman]

I think it's like I'm plugging a battery or one of these things. It's. And it's. I don't know. And that's the thing, isn't it?

[Stephen Colbert]

It's a mystery.

[Gary Oldman]

We'll find out or we won't. But that's not to dismiss people of faith. I don't mean that in a. I think it's just lights out and that's it. I. I think.

[Stephen Colbert]

Favorite action movie.

[Gary Oldman]

Dr. No.

[Stephen Colbert]

Window or aisle?

[Gary Oldman]

Window.

[Stephen Colbert]

So you don't have to go to the bathroom that often?

[Gary Oldman]

Well, it depends who you're traveling with.

[Stephen Colbert]

Whether you want to get up and go past them.

[Gary Oldman]

Yeah, I do like a window. Okay.

[Stephen Colbert]

Favorite smell?

[Gary Oldman]

I love like. Like someone else's barbecue. Like steaks cooking maybe a few blocks away. And you get that. You get that waft. Ah, it's good.

[Stephen Colbert]

Those Cartoon waves in the air.

[Gary Oldman]

Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

[Stephen Colbert]

Least favorite smell?

[Gary Oldman]

Cat.

[Stephen Colbert]

Very specific.

[Gary Oldman]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Do you have a cat?

[Gary Oldman]

I used to. I've had cats. Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

But you had enough of that.

[Gary Oldman]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Earliest memory.

[Gary Oldman]

One of my earliest memories is I used to sing myself to sleep.

[Stephen Colbert]

And you remember doing it?

[Gary Oldman]

I do remember doing it. And I remember singing. I remember the room where we were. The. I remember the. I mean, the particles in the air. I remember it like it was. How old do you think you were? Yes. I probably would have been about four.

[Stephen Colbert]

Do you remember what you were singing?

[Gary Oldman]

I don't remember what I was singing, but I heard on the wall my dad go to bloody sleep. Yeah. So.

[Stephen Colbert]

Which is what you were attempting?

[Gary Oldman]

Which is kind of what I was. Yes, I was attempting. But I tell you what, it probably could have been. I had two elder sisters and. And they were. Well, one was kind of. One was a mod, I guess Maureen was a mod. But Jackie was a Beatles fan and she would buy the records and I, as a kid, would play them. I'd play the 45 at a 33 and a third so I could learn the lyrics.

[Stephen Colbert]

So I wanna hold your hand.

[Gary Oldman]

And so I probably. It was probably a Beatles song that I was singing. Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Cats or dogs?

[Gary Oldman]

Dogs.

[Stephen Colbert]

Smells better.

[Gary Oldman]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

You only get one song to listen to for the rest of your life. What is it? You don't have to listen to it continually, but when you go to listen to music, this is the one song that you get to hear. One piece of music.

[Gary Oldman]

I'm only sleeping.

[Stephen Colbert]

What number am I thinking of?

[Gary Oldman]

5.

[Stephen Colbert]

No.

[Gary Oldman]

Yes, you are. No, you are. Okay.

[Stephen Colbert]

Describe the rest of your life in five words.

[Gary Oldman]

I will live. Is that three? No, four.

[Stephen Colbert]

That's three. I will live.

[Gary Oldman]

I will live.

[Stephen Colbert]

Do you want to start again?

[Gary Oldman]

No, I don't want to start again. I will live.

[Stephen Colbert]

We'll live.

[Gary Oldman]

Honestly. I will live honestly. I've really myself up here. No, you're showing. You're showing me this, but this isn't helping.

[Stephen Colbert]

I will live honestly, comma.

[Gary Oldman]

I will live honestly, comma. Yes.

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm giving you a comma so you can throw one word in there that doesn't have to complete a sentence.

[Gary Oldman]

I will live honestly, comma, to the best of my village.

[Stephen Colbert]

Hold on. We've gotten you special dispensation.

[Gary Oldman]

Oh.

[Stephen Colbert]

Gary Oldman, congratulations. You are known.

[Gary Oldman]

I'm known. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you.

[Stephen Colbert]

Thanks again to Gary Oldman. Season five of Slow Horses premieres next Wednesday on Apple tv. Thank you for listening to the Late Show POD show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives. Limu Emu and Doug Limu and I always tell you to customize your car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. But now we want you to feel it. Cue the Emu music.

[Nicole Byer]

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[Stephen Colbert]

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[Nicole Byer]

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[Stephen Colbert]

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[Gary Oldman]

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