Gov. JB Pritzker | You Can't Handle The Roof

Summary

Detailed Summary of "Gov. JB Pritzker | You Can't Handle The Roof" Episode

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert
• Host: CBS
• Episode: Gov. JB Pritzker | You Can't Handle The Roof
• Release Date: August 6, 2025

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1. Opening Monologue

Stephen Colbert kicks off the episode with his signature humor, addressing recent political antics with a satirical twist. He mocks an unusual press conference held by the President on a rooftop, highlighting the absurdity of a world leader using hand signals and shouting from an unconventional location.

• Quote: "Sir, why are you on the roof? That's nice. That's not a question you hear asked of a world leader that often." ([02:00])

Colbert juxtaposes this with a playful comparison of global approval ratings, humorously elevating fictional figures like Pope Leo XIV and Bernie Sanders to unexpected heights of popularity.

• Quote: "The Gallup poll measures the approval rating of 14 world leaders. And by far the most popular in the world is Pope Leo xiv. Yep. Right at the top." ([04:00])

He further delves into internal dynamics within the Trump administration, spotlighting Health and Human Services Secretary RFK Jr. as the "least unpopular" yet facing potential fallout with Trump himself.

• Quote: "Health and Human Services secretary and angry bell pepper RFK Jr. While he's least disliked by Americans in the administration, he might be falling out of favor with Trump himself." ([07:00])

2. Political Commentary

Colbert transitions into broader political commentary, addressing the ongoing Jeffrey Epstein saga and its entanglement with political figures. He humorously critiques the Justice Department's handling of Ghislaine Maxwell's situation, painting a picture of her "bougie" minimum-security prison environment.

• Quote: "Inmates may take classes on foreign languages and gardening... Well, you know what they say on your first day in prison, you walk up straight to the biggest guy in the yard and say, 'excusez moi.' " ([08:12])

Shifting focus to congressional dynamics, Colbert critiques Republican Congressman Mike Flood's ill-received town hall in Nebraska, emphasizing the disconnect between proposed policies and voter sentiments.

• Quote: "How much does it cost for fascism? How much do the taxpayers have to pay for a fascist country?" ([11:59])

He underscores the Republican Party's challenges, highlighting efforts to redraw congressional maps in states like Texas to secure additional seats—a move he portrays as a blatant power grab.

• Quote: "Texas Republicans, theatrically trying to steal five seats from the people... violating the Voting Rights Act and the Constitution." ([20:45])

3. Interview with Governor J.B. Pritzker

Governor J.B. Pritzker of Illinois joins Colbert to discuss the contentious issue of Texas Democratic lawmakers fleeing the state amid Republican-led redistricting efforts. Their conversation sheds light on the broader implications for democracy and partisan politics in the U.S.

• Colbert: "Governor, you're... hosting Texas Democratic lawmakers who fled their state after Republicans tried to redraw their congressional maps... How'd this come about?" ([17:42])

• Pritzker: "Donald Trump's trying to steal five seats from the people... violating the Voting Rights Act and the Constitution... the House Democratic Caucus decided the only thing they could do was leave Texas." ([18:17])

Pritzker defends Illinois as a sanctuary for these lawmakers, emphasizing the state's commitment to protecting democratic principles against unconstitutional actions.

• Pritzker: "We're protecting them and taking care of them. I'm very proud of them." ([18:51])

The discussion delves into the mechanics of redistricting, with Pritzker clarifying that Texas Republicans are attempting to manipulate congressional maps mid-decade—an irregular and controversial strategy.

• Colbert: "I mean, look, so because all states to a certain extent do this. Why is what Texas doing particular egregious in this case?" ([20:33])

• Pritzker: "Republicans are doing it mid-decade. That is extraordinarily rare." ([21:04])

Addressing legal concerns, Pritzker responds to questions about alleged federal overreach, asserting the safety of Democrats within Illinois' jurisdiction despite Texas' civil warrants.

• Pritzker: "As long as they're in Illinois, they're safe." ([21:58])

The conversation also touches on Pritzker's personal motivations, revealing his commitment to social justice and honoring his late mother's legacy of activism.

• Pritzker: "Standing up for people's rights... protecting people from the onslaught of somebody like Donald Trump... that's something my mother would be out doing right now." ([24:19])

4. Conclusion

The episode wraps up with Colbert acknowledging Governor Pritzker's efforts to uphold democratic values in the face of partisan challenges. He emphasizes the significance of such political maneuvers in shaping the future landscape of American governance.

• Colbert: "Governor Pritzker, everybody. Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert." ([28:26])

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Notable Quotes:

• Stephen Colbert: "Sir, why are you on the roof? That's nice. That's not a question you hear asked of a world leader that often." ([02:00])

• Governor J.B. Pritzker: "We're protecting them and taking care of them. I'm very proud of them." ([18:51])

• Governor J.B. Pritzker: "As long as they're in Illinois, they're safe." ([21:58])

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This episode masterfully blends humor with incisive political analysis, offering listeners both entertainment and insight into the current state of American politics. Governor Pritzker's interview provides a substantive look into the strategic moves within party lines and their implications for democracy, all delivered within Colbert's engaging and witty hosting style.

Transcript

[Stephen Colbert]

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[Jon Batiste]

It's a hard nut smooth.

[Stephen Colbert]

Exactly. I mean, even out of the shell, it's still a nut.

[Jon Batiste]

We can't disparage the nuts.

[Stephen Colbert]

You. I'm not disparaging the nut. I'm describing the nut.

[Jon Batiste]

Don't disparage any flavors.

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm not. I am celebrating the pistachio right now. I'm on board. I love pistachios. I love. I love crushed pistachio. Like a pistachio crusted trout. Oh, unbelievable. Instead of a trout amandine, a trout pistachio. Fantastic. Enough butter? Who cares?

[Jon Batiste]

Very good.

[Stephen Colbert]

And I love pistachio ice cream.

[Jon Batiste]

Have you had the sea salt and vinegar? Wonderful pistachio. It's delicious. I get them.

[Stephen Colbert]

I didn't even know I get them.

[Jon Batiste]

Before the softball games.

[Stephen Colbert]

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[Jon Batiste]

That was a wonderful.

[Stephen Colbert]

I wonder what more there is to learn. We just told them so much. We just told them so much about pistachios. But evidently there's a whole other world. There's an unexplored vista.

[Jon Batiste]

They got a bunch of flavors. They got dill pickle, jalapeno lime, as we learned, smoky barbecue. There's a lot of different flavors.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow. And I would not disparage any of them.

[Jon Batiste]

No, no, no.

[Stephen Colbert]

Bring it on.

[Jon Batiste]

Nothing bad to say.

[Stephen Colbert]

Nut me, nut. Nut me with nut meat.

[Jon Batiste]

We're nut.

[Stephen Colbert]

No, we got nothing but nut. Nutty, nutty, nutty, nutty. Talk about, talk about, talk about, talk about, talk about nutty. Good. Avoiding your unfinished home projects because you're not sure where to start. Thumbtack knows homes, so you don't have to. Don't know the difference between matte paint finish and satin or what that clunking sound from your dryer is. With Thumbtack, you don't have to be a home pro. You just have to hire one. You can hire top rated pros, see price estimates and read reviews all on the app download today. Welcome one and all to the Late show. I'm your host, Stephen Colbert. You know, folks, what a lovely people. What a lovely group of people here. You know, so often these days, folks, the news goes from stupid to sad to sadly stupid. But today, I'm happy to report it's just plain dumb because. Was it just this morning? Yeah. Late this morning, the President held an impromptu press conference from a highly unusual location. Sir, why are you on the roof? That's nice. That's not a question you hear asked of a world leader that often. It's right up there with your majesty, where are your pants? At one point, the President tried to communicate through hand signals of some kind. I don't know what this is. I think he's saying, look, the Capitol dome is a D cup. Look at that. Then look at that. Let's get two of them. One here, one there. Then he did some very normal, unmiked roof shouting. What does that mean? Yeah, what does that mean? What does any of this mean? How are you the guy in charge? Why do we have to pretend? Why do we have to pretend it's normal when an old man wanders around a roof and Shouts at us. Well, folks, first of all. Oh, that sound, that sound. That sound means there's a new Gallup poll. Woah, fellow. The poll. Go get some oats. The poll. The Gallup poll measures the approval rating of 14 world leaders. And by far the most popular in the world is Pope Leo xiv. Yep. Right at the top. Boom. Right at the top. Next American on the list, Bernie Sanders. Which logically, which logically means Bernie could be the next Pope. I say let's heat up that holy water and make some sacred soup. Couple of navy beans wouldn't kill it. Gallup found. Gallup found. The Gallup folks found that everyone in the Trump administration is unpopular. But the least unpopular of the unpopular turns out to be Health and Human Services secretary and angry bell pepper RFK Jr. While he's least disliked by Americans in the administration, he might be falling out of favor with Trump himself. Because in a recent press conference, Kennedy let it slip that Trump regularly grills him on the phone, asking why aren't people healthier yet? Hey, Bobby. Hey Bobby. People. People are having trouble with their ankles. Bobby, have you seen the people's cankles? The people's legs are blowing up like bouncy castles down there. I mean, the people could barely get up on the roof of. Hello. Oh, that's my hand. That's just my hold on. The fact that Americans aren't getting healthier might have something to do with the folks that Trump put in charge of all that. For instance, his pick for Surgeon General is not big on birth control and says we are prescribing them like candy. That candy. No Baby Ruth. Whatever. Whatever. Whatev baby.

[J.B. Pritzker]

Calm down.

[Stephen Colbert]

Whatever Trump climbs up on next, he won't escape. The Jeffrey Epstein story. The latest development involves Epstein's ex girlfriend and co sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell, seen here after being put in the lipless protection program. Couple of weeks back, Trump sent his second in command at the Justice Department, a guy named Todd Blanche, who was also his personal defense attorney in the Stormy Daniels sex scandal, down to the prison to interview Maxwell. Now, we don't know exactly what they talked about, but we know exactly what they talked about because now Maxwell has been moved to a minimum security women's prison in Texas that's been called Club Fed. It's so bougie. It's so bougie. Inmates may take classes on foreign languages and gardening. Well, you know what they say on your first day in prison, you walk up straight to the biggest guy in the yard and say, excusez moi. Avez vous le mulch? Huh? Huh? Mont voudie. Tulip bulb. Inmates can also partake in the prison's puppy training program. We actually have. Is this true? We actually have some footage of some of the women prisoners training puppies. Pop. Sit. Stay. Good boy. Roll over. The White House. The White House. Thank you. The White House has the huevos to deny that they're trading favors with Ghislaine. And they insist that Maxwell was moved because. And very credible threats on her life because after talking with the feds, she was considered a snitch by other inmates. Sure. And everybody in the slammer knows snitches get puppies. Apparently. Apparently voters out there, they're mad at Republicans about a lot of stuff. Last night, Republican Congressman Mike Flood held a town hall in deep red Nebraska. And take a look how it went when he tried to talk about Trump's so called big beautiful bill. I truly believe this bill protects Medicaid for the future. Do you think that people who are 28 years old that can work and.

[J.B. Pritzker]

Refuse to work should get free health care?

[Stephen Colbert]

That's nice. Looks like that was not the response he was expecting. How you doing tonight, Cleveland? Bad. Oh, sorry to hear that. You want to hear Free Bird? No. Okay. How about I just set myself on fire? Yes.

[J.B. Pritzker]

Wow.

[Stephen Colbert]

That felt personal. And for the congressman, it did not get better from there. Next slide, please. These are the other important parts of the one big beautiful bill. Next slide, please. Next slide, please. This is up here. This is a picture of my family. They would be super sad if dad was trampled by an angry mob. I'm just gonna. I'm just gonna start the car. Start the car. Start the car. When it came time, when it came time for the Q and A, things got even spicier. How much does it cost for fascism?

[Jon Batiste]

How much do the taxpayers have to.

[Stephen Colbert]

Pay for a fascist country?

[Jon Batiste]

This is not about partisan.

[Stephen Colbert]

This is about issues.

[Jon Batiste]

Because we're about to lose our democracy.

[Stephen Colbert]

Next question. Why are you covering up the Epstein file? Hold on. I knew about the Epstein files, but they're also covering up the Epstein files. Joffrey Epstein. This is a good guy. He's a good guy. Joffrey Epstein. So it's getting clearer every day that voters do not like the Republican policies, which is a serious threat to the GOP control of the House, since Democrats would need only net three seats next November to win back the House. When they learned that, Republicans immediately saw the light, sprang into action. Promised to tax the rich and restore people's health care. I'M sorry, I read that wrong. They're redistricting Texas to pick up five House seats, which is an obvious and straight up power grab because states normally redraw congressional districts every 10 years after a census. So to block the GOP from ramming through this plan to rig the midterms, Texas Democrats fled the state partly to deny the legislature the necessary quorum before voting, and mostly to get out of Texas during the summer because it is hotter than the devil's taint. No, this move humid. Humid, too. It is humid. This move by the Democrats made Governor Greg Abbott rootin Tootin angry.

[J.B. Pritzker]

They're leaving and they've left because they're very un.

[Stephen Colbert]

Texan. Texans don't run from a fight. That's right. Texans don't run from a fight. They redraw the map. So they don't actually have to fight if they think they might lose next year. But come on. Come on. I'll redraw on the map. Give me a Sharpie. Give me a Sharpie. But the Democrats are spoiling for a wrassle. Yeah, I think that's the term. Here's National Committee Chairman Ken Martin. This is not the Democratic Party of your grandfather. Right. Which would bring a pencil to a knife fight. We're bringing a knife to a knife fight. Okay, I know this is all just metaphor, but maybe bring something better than a knife. How about two knives? Or maybe a samurai sword or nunchucks. Those would be cool. Despite his busy schedule of pretending not to know Jeffrey Epstein while shambling across a roof, Donald Trump still finds time to be mad at tv. Today he posted, Gayle King's career is over. She should have stayed with her belief in Trump. She never had the courage to do so. No talent, no ratings, no strength. Hey, Mr. President, back off. You are messing with my beloved CBS colleague and friend, Gayle King. And if you want to get to Gayle, you have to go through my show first. What's that? I'm sorry, hold on. What? Oh, I forgot. We got a great show for you tonight.

[Jon Batiste]

Coming up. Governor JB Pritzker.

[Stephen Colbert]

Possibility means you have a chance. Passion opens the door to all possibilities.

[Jon Batiste]

When I feel like anything's possible, I.

[Stephen Colbert]

Feel kind of giddy. I want to be an astronaut, an artist, be an actress to visit another country.

[J.B. Pritzker]

All I need is a backpack and.

[Stephen Colbert]

A pair of shoes, and I'll find a way. I'm able to do anything I set my mind to. I've never felt like more things are possible than right now.

[Jon Batiste]

In the right shoes, anything's possible. DSW countless shoes at bragworthy prices.

[Stephen Colbert]

Imagine the possibilities.

[Jon Batiste]

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[Stephen Colbert]

Welcome back, everybody. Ladies and gentlemen, my friends, neighbors, countrymen, my next guest tonight is a politician currently serving his second term as the governor of the great state of Illinois. Please welcome to The Late Show Governor J.B. pritzker. Good to see you.

[J.B. Pritzker]

Love the band.

[Stephen Colbert]

Fantastic band. Governor, it's serendipitous that you're here tonight because, you know, you're the governor of Illinois. But right now you're harboring fugitives from the great state of Texas. You're hosting Texas Democratic lawmakers who fled their state after Republicans tried to redraw their congressional maps between the censuses. This is just a pure power grab here. How'd this come about? And what do you know about how this came about? And why did they come to Illinois?

[J.B. Pritzker]

Well, Donald Trump's trying to steal five seats from the people, frankly, of the country, not just the people of Texas and disenfranchised people. And we're talking about, you know, violating the, the Voting Rights act and the Constitution. So the great heroes of the Texas House Democratic Caucus decided the only thing they could do in order to stop it was leave Texas. And where did they decide to come to the safe haven of the state of Illinois, where we're going to protect them and take care of them. I'm very proud of them.

[Stephen Colbert]

I mean, yeah, sure, they've. What do you, I'm not going to ask you where you have them stashed, but I assume, I assume you have them stashed around town.

[J.B. Pritzker]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, we keep them, you know, the same place that Bush's VP was in, you know.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes. So what, what happens, what happens now? A lot of governors out there are saying, well, they're going to increase the gerrymander of their states in order to counter what Texas has done. California has already said what they're gonna do. They're gonna put a plan in place that'll wipe out half a dozen Republican seats. But it'll only be triggered if Texas goes through with their plan. It's kind of like, you know, a dead man switch or something like that. Can Illinois do something like that?

[J.B. Pritzker]

It's possible. And I've said everything's on the table. I mean, we, look, we gotta fight fire with fire. They've frankly tossed the rule book out and they're just acting in an unconstitutional fashion. And what we're gonna have to do is whatever it takes to preserve democracy.

[Stephen Colbert]

If you are, if you're considering doing a. You already have some crazy districts in Illinois. Take a look at this. Look at 17 here. It does that, then it comes up here and it sneaks around there and goes all the way up here and then goes right over there like that. And look at, look at, look at this one kind of goes whoop up there. It's like the stinger on a scorpion down here. Is this common for all states to do?

[J.B. Pritzker]

Well, we handed it over to a kindergarten class and let them decide.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay, that's the non partisan group that does this for you.

[J.B. Pritzker]

That's our independent commission, you know, that is. Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

I mean, look, so because all states to a certain extent do this. Why is what Texas doing particular egregious in this case?

[J.B. Pritzker]

Well, here, every 10 years we do a census in this country and right after the census we redraw districts in every state. But what the Republicans are trying to do and the Texas Republicans, frankly at the behest of Donald Trump, are doing it mid decade. That is extraordinarily rare.

[Stephen Colbert]

That's an important point because I think he literally called them or wrote them and said, hey, I need five seats, go redraw this.

[J.B. Pritzker]

And the way they're doing it is taking voting rights away from black and brown people. They're literally obliterating districts that were written according to the Voting Rights Act. So this is going to end up in court if they actually are able to do it. But the Texas House Democrats are trying to stop them from doing it. And they're in Illinois to protect all of the people of the country.

[Stephen Colbert]

Now, before, wasn't that long ago, about an hour ago, we just found out that Senator Cornyn of Texas called on the FBI to round up the Democrats who had left the state. First of all, are you a lawyer? Do you have a. I am. Okay. See, how can the FBI do that? Is there some federal law that these people would be violating?

[J.B. Pritzker]

I haven't broken any federal law. And frankly, in the state of Illinois, we're not going to let them get taken away. We're going to protect those Texas House Democrats. The only thing that's happened is a civil warrant was issued by the Republican speaker of the House in Texas in order to take away the Democrats. Right. And a civil warrant isn't worth anything in the state of Illinois. So as long as they're in Illinois, they're safe.

[Stephen Colbert]

Be right back with more Gov. J.B. pritzker. Everybody.

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[Stephen Colbert]

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[Stephen Colbert]

Hey everybody, we're back here with the Governor of Illinois, J.B. pritzker. Governor, you're. And I don't want to, you know, spoil anyone's reputation here. You're a billionaire. Okay? Not a very popular thing to be right now.

[J.B. Pritzker]

I'm okay with it.

[Stephen Colbert]

You're okay with it.

[J.B. Pritzker]

I'm sure.

[Stephen Colbert]

You know what, that shows real courage. But I've got to stand up for.

[J.B. Pritzker]

My people, you know?

[Stephen Colbert]

But the thing is, you wouldn't. You don't have to work anywhere, let alone the government. Being a politician seems like kind of a cruddy job these days. Why do you. Why do you want to do the job you're doing?

[J.B. Pritzker]

It's a pretty serious question. And I know we're. We're on a show that isn't always that serious, but.

[Stephen Colbert]

Or always that funny.

[J.B. Pritzker]

Well, I'll try not to be funny then as I answer this question. I know you lost your father when you were young. I lost my father and my mother when I was young. And my mother was my hero. I mean, she really was. And she was an activist, an advocate for reproductive rights. I mean, long before, frankly, it was commonplace, the 60s and the early 70s. And when I was growing up, she took me to all the rallies and the marches, and I just, I, you know, I absorbed a lot of her enthusiasm. And so I have to say that I think, you know this, that when you lose a parent when you're young, during your lifetime, you're hoping to in some way honor them and in fact, to fulfill something that they may have wanted to do during their lifetimes. And so standing up for people's rights and making sure that we're making life more affordable, raising the minimum wage, you know, protecting people from the onslaught of somebody like Donald Trump, that's something my mother would be out doing right now. And so I'm very proud.

[Stephen Colbert]

It's also a way to know them, by taking their values is the way to know them when you were robbed that when you were young.

[J.B. Pritzker]

It matters. Their values infused in me and, you know, my attempt to carry it out as the governor of the state of Illinois.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay, this is your second term as governor, and if you make it to January, you'll be the first Democratic governor in Illinois history to finish two terms. A lot of them end up in the hooscaw. You know, isn't that an extraordinary credential to have on your resume?

[J.B. Pritzker]

This is not. Yes. And it's extraordinary to stay out of prison.

[Stephen Colbert]

Good luck with that, by the way.

[J.B. Pritzker]

Thank you. Thank you very much.

[Stephen Colbert]

As you're hiding these people from Donald.

[J.B. Pritzker]

Trump, believe me, I think about Donald Trump picking me up and taking me to El Salvador, to the gulag. So I hope that doesn't happen. But. But I can tell you this, that, you know, actually, I should tell you a quick, funny story. When I became governor, governor elect, and I had not been to the governor's mansion, and I took my family there so we could see where we're moving in. I was standing with my son in the museum part, and they have a book with all the names and pictures of all the governors from 1818, when the state was founded, to today. And I said, donnie, come over here. And I turned to the most recent page and I started counting, and I said, there's a 40% chance I'll end up in prison at the end of.

[Stephen Colbert]

This.

[J.B. Pritzker]

But if you accept my collect calls, we can talk all the time. That did not make him feel all that comfortable about me being governor, I have to say.

[Stephen Colbert]

What do you, as the governor of the great state of Illinois, what do you wish people knew more about that.

[J.B. Pritzker]

State, about the state? First of all, I want to remind everybody that, you know, two of the really the greatest presidents in the history of the country came from Illinois. Abraham Lincoln.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah.

[J.B. Pritzker]

Who I might add, would not be a member of the Republican party of today. And Barack Obama. So the people of Illinois, honestly, and the people of Midwest, decent, honorable, kind, and I think kindness is, you know, an attribute that people don't give enough credit about, and that's who the people of Illinois are. And I think that's the most important thing. I can talk about all the great things. By the way, has anybody spent a summer in Chicago? It is absolutely gorgeous. And throughout the state of Illinois, you know, we have lots of crops, lots of agriculture in the state of Illinois, but the people, as you drive throughout the state, I mean, just genuinely great people. So I hope you'll all come.

[Stephen Colbert]

Well, Governor, thank you so much for being here.

[J.B. Pritzker]

Thank you. Good to see you.

[Stephen Colbert]

Give my best to the land of Lincoln. Appreciate it. Governor J.B. pritzker, everybody. Thank you for listening to the late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives. Just when you thought summer couldn't get any hotter, Pluto TV is turning up the heat with thousands of free movies presenting Summer of cinema. Stream your favorite blockbuster films like Gladiator. I will have my venue Good burger. This is what I do. Fast food. Beverly Hills Cop, the Girl with a dragon tattoo, and Julian Julia. Bon appetit. All for free on your favorite device, Pluto tv. Stream now pay.

[J.B. Pritzker]

Never.

[Stephen Colbert]

Stop. Do you know how fast you were going? I'm gonna have to write you a ticket to my new movie, the Naked Gun. Liam Neeson. Buy your tickets now and get a free chili dog. Chili dog not included. The Naked Gun now playing rate of DG13.