Jamie Lee Curtis | Deploy Vey

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert

Episode: Jamie Lee Curtis | Deploy Vey
Date: September 4, 2025
Guest: Jamie Lee Curtis
Host: Stephen Colbert

Episode Overview

This episode of The Late Show Pod Show blends Stephen Colbert's signature satirical political monologue with an engaging, revealing conversation with legendary actress Jamie Lee Curtis. The main focus is twofold: Colbert’s comedic dissection of current political events—particularly Donald Trump’s latest actions—and the in-depth, humorous “Colbert Questionnaire” administered to Jamie Lee Curtis, who shares candid insights and stories with warmth and wit.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Political Satire & Current Events (03:52–15:41)

• Trump’s Announcement to Deploy Troops (03:52–05:00)
  Colbert opens with sharp satire regarding Donald Trump’s plan to deploy National Guard troops in Chicago, lampooning the authoritarian implications and poking fun at Trump’s labeling of Chicago as a “hellhole.”

  “Apparently, the next step in his White House remodel is going to be a skull shaped castle.”
  —Stephen Colbert (03:56)

• Debunking Exaggerations About Chicago’s Crime (05:00–06:55)
  Colbert fact-checks Trump’s claims about Chicago being the “worst and most dangerous city,” highlighting statistical inaccuracies, and shares his love and personal connection to the city.

  “Given how much Chicago has given to this country, from Oprah to Obama, from the Cubs to the Bears, from deep dish pizza to topless Jeremy Allen White... I raise a glass of malort to you.”
  —Stephen Colbert (06:21)

• Trump’s ‘Is He Dead?’ Rumors & Online Memes (07:58–09:15)
  Colbert jokes about social media rumors regarding Trump’s health and the absurdity of Trump sharing AI-generated fan art.

  “The answer is right on the post. A user by the name of—and this is true—Pumpkineater69.”
  —Stephen Colbert (09:10)

• Autocracy Satire: Government Imagery & Dictator Comparisons (09:15–13:00)
  The show mocks recent grandiose government banners and Trump’s expanding control, drawing tongue-in-cheek comparisons to Mussolini and Mao.

  “Hanging giant banners of themselves isn’t something American presidents do. It’s something you see from dictators like Benito Mussolini, Mao Zedong, and Generalissimo. Mamma mia.”
  —Stephen Colbert (10:19)

• International Dictator “FOMO” (13:00–14:44)
  Colbert jests about Trump’s jealousy seeing world leaders Xi, Putin, and Kim Jong Un together, mockingly lamenting America's lackluster autocrat perks. He spotlights a humorous exchange about biotechnology and immortality between Xi and Putin.

• Trump’s ‘11 Life Changing Lessons’ (14:44–15:41)
  Mocking the motivational video posted by the White House using Trump speech clips.

  “So just to be clear, you must have momentum. Unless you don’t, in which case stop. Reminds me of those motivational posters hang in there. Unless you can’t, then plummet to your death.”
  —Stephen Colbert (15:23)

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2. NYC Mayoral Race & Local Political Comedy (16:52–21:39)

• Satire of Mayoral Candidates & Endorsements (16:52–19:00)
  Colbert humorously recounts the NYC mayoral race, spoofing endorsements, candidates’ quirks, and their personal backgrounds—including Curtis Sliwa’s notable 16-cat household.

  “Sliwa, this is true, is an expert on feral cats. Until recently, he actually lived in a 320 square foot studio apartment with 16 rescue cats. It is rare to see a newspaper quote that you can smell.”
  —Stephen Colbert (18:16)

• Quid Pro Cuomo (19:00–20:00)
  Jokes about Eric Adams’ potential “fallback gig” in the Trump administration and the idea of clearing the field for Cuomo.

  “So it’s a bit of a quid pro Cuomo...”
  —Stephen Colbert (19:41)

• Quirky Campaign News & Shrimp Emergency (20:00–21:26)
  Satire peaks with absurdist coverage of a candidate dropping out and a mock “shrimp emergency.”

• Shrimp Recall with Jamie Lee Curtis (21:26–21:39)
  Jamie Lee Curtis (making a news anchor cameo) brings a straight-faced news update about radioactive shrimp recalls, further fueling the show’s mock-serious tone.

  “More shrimp are being recalled because of radioactive contamination.”
  —Jamie Lee Curtis (21:26)

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3. The Colbert Questionnaire with Jamie Lee Curtis (24:30–34:19)

Stephen Colbert interviews Jamie Lee Curtis with his iconic, rapid-fire set of personal questions, drawing out playful, honest, and sometimes profound answers:

Highlights & Memorable Quotes

• Best Sandwich (25:12)

  • Jamie: "Peanut butter and jelly... It is the only thing Christopher Guest knows how to make. PB&J. It is our love language. Yep." (25:12)
  • Stephen: “Keep it simple. PB&J.”

• First Concert (25:28)

  • Jamie: "Jethro Tull. At the Forum. I was 17." (25:28, 26:01)
  • Stephen: “Aqualung, my friend.”

• Scariest Animal (26:10)

  • Jamie: "Anacondas. I watched anaconda wrestling in the Amazon. Terrifying. They're ginormous." (26:10–26:39)

• Apples or Oranges (26:39–27:21)

  • Jamie: “Apples—crunchy, sweet, delicious. Maybe a gala. Chris [Guest] likes Fuji.” (26:46)
  • Stephen: “You can put peanut butter on apples. All I’m saying.”

• Autograph Sought (28:07)

  • Jamie: "Urkel. For my child, and I have it in her scrapbook." (28:07–28:33)
  • Stephen: “That’s so sweet. That’s a nice mom.”

• What Happens When We Die (28:50)

  • Jamie: “I think we die.”
    Stephen: “That’s it?” Jamie: “I think that’s it.” (28:50–28:54)
  • Stephen: “Colbert Questionnaire is known for vast tonal shifts.”

• Favorite Action Movie (29:14)

  • Jamie: “Tokyo Drift—Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift.” (29:14)
  • Stephen: “I thought they were about family.”
    Jamie: “They are about family and cars.”

• Window or Aisle? (29:51)

  • Jamie: "Window."
    Stephen: "Aisle. I have a tiny bladder." (29:51–30:15)

• Favorite/Least Favorite Smell (30:34–31:32)

  • Jamie: "Favorite? My children—when they're babies... Least favorite? Vomit."
  • Stephen: "Unless you vomit papaya. And then that would be double." (31:43)

• Earliest Memory (31:51)

  • Jamie: “I am not someone with a lot of memories... I wasn’t paying attention.” (31:51–32:34)

• Cats or Dogs (32:42)

  • Jamie: "You gave me a dog bowl. Duh."
  • Stephen: "Wow, that's super hostile." (32:45–32:47)

• Only Song for the Rest of Your Life? (33:08)

  • Jamie: “Millworker by James Taylor. It slays me. Beautiful song about the life of a millworker, a woman who works her fingers to the bone.” (33:08–33:38)

• What Number Am I Thinking Of? (33:44)

  • Jamie: “22.”
    Stephen: “No.”

• Rest of Your Life in Five Words (33:54)

  • Jamie: “Free. Married. Mommy. Grandmommy. Loved.” (33:54)

  “Congratulations. You are known.”
  —Stephen Colbert to Jamie Lee Curtis (34:19)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Trump and Dictators:
  "Hanging giant banners of themselves isn’t something American presidents do. It’s something you see from dictators like Benito Mussolini, Mao Zedong, and Generalissimo. Mamma mia."
  —Stephen Colbert (10:19)

• Jamie Lee Curtis on Family Snacks:
  "It [PB&J] is the only thing Christopher Guest knows how to make... It is our love language."
  —Jamie Lee Curtis (25:14, 25:20)

• On Favorite Smell:
  "My children. When they're babies."
  —Jamie Lee Curtis (30:34)

• On Afterlife Beliefs:
  "I think we die."
  —Jamie Lee Curtis (28:50)

• On Life in Five Words:
  "Free. Married. Mommy. Grandmommy. Loved."
  —Jamie Lee Curtis (33:54)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:52] – Colbert’s monologue: Trump, Chicago, autocrat satire
• [09:15] – Dictators and US government imagery
• [13:00] – Trump’s 'dictator FOMO'
• [14:44] – Trump’s '11 Life Lessons' motivational video
• [16:52] – NYC mayoral race parody and “shrimp emergency”
• [21:26] – Jamie Lee Curtis guest news cameo: Radioactive shrimp
• [24:30] – Jamie Lee Curtis joins for The Colbert Questionnaire
• [25:12–33:54] – Full questionnaire with insightful personal answers
• [34:19] – Conclusion: “You are known.”

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Summary Tone

The episode maintains Colbert’s sharp, quick-witted, and playful tone throughout: politically irreverent, delightfully silly, yet unexpectedly heartwarming in its interview segment. Jamie Lee Curtis brings warmth and candid humor, making the Colbert Questionnaire a blend of laughs, wisdom, and memorable moments.

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For more, watch The Late Show with Stephen Colbert weeknights, or stream on Paramount+.

Transcript

[Stephen Colbert]

Hey, everybody. Stephen Colbert here about to read the copy for our sponsor. This is from our friends at Wonderful Pistachios. And I was the wonderful pistachio spokesman for years. Yeah, I have a real close association with nut meat. Okay. You know what they say when they reach for a snack? Don't hold back. And that's exactly the approach with Wonderful Pistachios. The don't hold back snack. These little wonders are so tasty, it feels like getting away with something. But surprise. Each serving has 6 grams of protein and 0 grams of regret. That's right. No guilt. Just glory, glory in our nuts. Whether it's a satisfying crack of in shell pistachios, and that's capitalized in shell, or the smooth, instant gratification of no shells. No judgment. That's just it. Just eat. No judgment. I take issue with one thing. It's instant gratification. It's super tasty smooth.

[Sidekick/Producer (possibly a comedy writer or show staff member)]

It's a hard nut smooth.

[Stephen Colbert]

Exactly. I mean, even out of the shell, it's still a nut.

[Sidekick/Producer (possibly a comedy writer or show staff member)]

We can't disparage the nuts.

[Stephen Colbert]

You. I'm not disparaging the nut. I'm describing the nut.

[Sidekick/Producer (possibly a comedy writer or show staff member)]

Don't disparage any flavors.

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm not. I am celebrating the pistachio right now. I'm on board. I love pistachios. I love. I love crushed pistachio. Like a pistachio crusted trout. Oh, unbelievable. Instead of a trout amandine, a trout pistachio. Fantastic. Enough butter? Who cares?

[Sidekick/Producer (possibly a comedy writer or show staff member)]

Very good.

[Stephen Colbert]

And I love pistachio ice cream.

[Sidekick/Producer (possibly a comedy writer or show staff member)]

Have you had the sea salt and vinegar? Wonderful pistachio. It's delicious. I get them.

[Stephen Colbert]

I didn't even know I get them.

[Sidekick/Producer (possibly a comedy writer or show staff member)]

Before the softball games.

[Stephen Colbert]

But that's. You see, it's been a while since I've been the spokesman for wonderful pistachios. I didn't realize we'd achieved new pistachio technology.

[Sidekick/Producer (possibly a comedy writer or show staff member)]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow. Wonderful pistachios has every snack style covered. Right now. There's an obsession with jalapeno lime. There is an obsession session. It's almost a disorder. It's spicy, it's zesty. It's basically a flavor roller coaster in a nut. Snacking on the go. Grab a bag of no shells. Feeling contemplative and want to work for it a little. So earning it, they're saying if you want to earn your nut, crack open those in shell beauties. Either way, it's snacking like a champ. So the next time hunger strikes, don't hold back. Unless it's a hunger strike. And Then it's important that you do. Because whatever you're doing that for, I'm sure it's a worthwhile cause. Snack like you mean it with wonderful pistachios. Visit wonderfulpistachios.com to learn more.

[Sidekick/Producer (possibly a comedy writer or show staff member)]

That was a wonderful.

[Stephen Colbert]

I wonder what more there is to learn. We just told them so much. We just told them so much about pistachios. But evidently there's a whole other world. There's an unexplored vista.

[Sidekick/Producer (possibly a comedy writer or show staff member)]

They got a bunch of flavors. They got dill pickle, jalapeno lime. As we learned, smoky barbecue. There's a lot of different flavors.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow. And I would not disparage any of them.

[Sidekick/Producer (possibly a comedy writer or show staff member)]

No, no, no.

[Stephen Colbert]

Bring it on.

[Sidekick/Producer (possibly a comedy writer or show staff member)]

Nothing bad to say.

[Stephen Colbert]

Nut me, nut, nut me with nut meat.

[Sidekick/Producer (possibly a comedy writer or show staff member)]

We're nut.

[Stephen Colbert]

No, we got nothing but nut. Nutty, nutty, nutty, nutty. Talk about, talk about, talk about, talk about, talk about nutty.

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[Stephen Colbert]

Hey, everybody. Welcome one and all down here, up there, out there to the late show. I'm your host, Stephen Colbert. Ladies and gentlemen, since the dawn of the nuclear era, all presidents, I believe, have had too much power. But clearly for Donald Trump, no amount of power is too much. Apparently the next step in his White House remodel is going to be a skull shaped castle. Because yesterday, just yesterday, yesterday, Donald Trump made a hard right onto the fascism freeway, announcing that he will deploy National Guard troops to Chicago. Our brave. Oh yes. Boo. Our brave soldiers are not supposed to be wandering around American cities. The Marines fight song isn't from the halls of Montezuma. Let's go eat Italian beef. That is not the mission. Trump made the announcement during an Oval Office event yesterday where he added insult to invasion.

[Donald Trump (impressions/quotes)]

Chicago is a hellhole right now.

[Stephen Colbert]

How dare you, sir. Chicago is not a hellhole right now. Chicago is not a hellhole until February, then. Then it is a sub zero windswept vista of frozen Lake Michigan. Trudging out of your very affordable apartment to meet your improv friends at twin anchors for craft beer and a double cheesebur. Hellhole Hellholes. Yesterday, Trump also posted Chicago is the worst and most dangerous city in the world. By far worst and most dangerous. Two words. You. You know what? You know what? Two other words. Daytona Beach. Trump slandered on Chicago is the murder capital of the world. Fun fact, no. According to the FBI, 22 major cities have higher rates of murder than Chicago, one of them being Birmingham, Alabama, which explains their highway signs. Welcome to Birmingham. The guy was murdered in the middle of painting the sign and decided to put the ah right in the sign. That's dedication to a job. This is a scary time for the people of Chicago and I love the people of Chicago. I used to be a people of Chicago. In fact, I lived there 11 years. Lived there 7 years. Started my career there. We took our show to Chicago last summer, had an amazing time. But come to think of it, you know what? A lot of us did come home murdered. That's on me. Given how much Chicago has given to this country, from Oprah to Obama, from the Cubs to the Bears, from deep dish pizza to topless Jeremy Allen White. So to my Chicago friends, I raise a glass of malort to you. What a great city. At the same press conference, Trump was asked about a story that won't die, whether or not he's dead. There were fevered social media rumors about it all weekend, but Trump explained he couldn't possibly be dead because he was doing all that alive guy stuff. People didn't see him for a couple days. 1.3 million user engagements as of Saturday morning. About your demise.

[Donald Trump (impressions/quotes)]

Really?

[Stephen Colbert]

I didn't see that.

[Donald Trump (impressions/quotes)]

You know, I have heard it's sort of crazy, but last week I didn't. Numerous news conferences, all successful. I did numerous shows and also did a number of truths, long truths and I think pretty poignant truths.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes, it's true. He spent a weekend posting poignant truths about George Slopadopoulos, how it was great playing golf with Jon Gruden, and simply good night. So poignant. Deeply poignant. It reminds me of that famous poem by Lord Byron. Hi, first draft, if she walks in, that was just fine skies and all this. That's dark and bright. Trump also poignantly retweeted other people's AI slop about him. Like him as a puffy SWAT team guy, this one of him as a cop grandma, evidently. And this time lapse video of him through the years which he captioned, this is incredible. Who did it? The answer is right on the post. A user by the name of and this is true. Pumpkineater69.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Wow.

[Stephen Colbert]

It's a pumpkin. It's the pumpkin. I don't understand what the pumpkin. It's a family name. It didn't help Trump's claim of being alive that at a press conference his hand looked like this. Ooh. Oh, boy. He looks like a hand of a mummy who took a shower under the AMC butter pump. The butter pump. Oh, God. Butterpump 69 would be a pretty good name, too. That would be a pretty good name. There you go. Golden. Golden. Golden topping. Golden topping. Trump is remaking the entire government in his image. So it ain't pretty. Last week, the Department of Labor tweeted out in all caps American workers first and unveiled an ominous multi story banner of dear leader's glowering face. Hanging. Hanging on the outside of their building. Hanging giant banners of themselves isn't something American presidents do. It's something you see from dictators like Benito Mussolini, Mao Zedong, and Generalissimo. Mamma mia. I'm sorry, Mr. President. American citizens will not be intimidated by your big ugly mug. Though we would be terrified by any picture of your hand today. The Department of Labor tweeted this view from inside the building. Yoo ho. Hey there. Hello. Good morning. I see you. Now toss what's left of that egg McMuffin in the giant mouth ball. Another. What did that look like? That is not. That is not pleasant. That is not got. I got to moisturize now. Another sign that Trump is going full autocrat. He recently made himself the chair of the Kennedy center. And then he recently. This is important, though. As chair, he found the perfect host for this year's Kennedy center honors himself. You're the most powerful man on earth. What are you doing? You're the most powerful man and all you want is a hosting gig. Those don't last as long as they used to. Buddy Trump says he didn't want to do it, but they begged him.

[Donald Trump (impressions/quotes)]

I've been asked to host. I said, I'm the President of the United States. Are you fools asking me to do that? Sir, you'll get much higher ratings. I said, I don't care. I'm President of the United States. I won't do it. They said, please. And then Suzy Wells said to me, sir, I'd like you to horse. I said, okay, Susie, I'll do it.

[Stephen Colbert]

That's your Susie Wiles impression? Is she the Batman? Sure, like your host. Where's Rachel? Where's Rachel? One thing, one thing that's putting a bit of a damper on Trump's evil overlord fun is the fact that all the other dictators are off having fun without him. Today in China, President Xi threw a military parade to commemorate the end of World War II. It was big. They had lasers and shiny boots and stuff. And look who he invited. Trump's former best buds, Putin and Kim Jong Un, just chillin like a supervillain. And Trump was not jealous at all. Posting. May President Xi and the wonderful people of China have a great and lasting day of celebration. Please give my warmest regards to Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un conspire against the United States of America. Oh, he has SOMO fomo. He really missed out because the bad guy buddies were caught on a hot mic talking about stuff that Trump would love to get in on. Through a translator on a hot mic, Xi was heard saying earlier, people Rarely Live to 70, but these days, at 70 years, you are still a child. And Putin evidently responded. With the development of biotechnology, human organs can be continuously transplanted and people can live younger and younger and even achieve immortality. Hey, how is that fair? Your dictators get to harvest the organs of the young. Meanwhile, our dictator is stuck over here stitching a new hand out of scraps from the bratwurst factory. Come on. The good people at Johnson's. Of course, every dictator worth his salt has maxims that the people must follow. And on Monday, the White House posted a motivational video caption President Donald J. Trump's 11 life changing lessons. Why 11? It's the same number as KFC's secret herbs and spices. Lesson number one, be yourself. Lesson number two, garlic powder. The digital team at the White House made the videos using parts of a commencement address Trump gave at the University of Alabama this past summer. Let's hear some gems.

[Donald Trump (impressions/quotes)]

First, if you think that you're too young to do something great, let me tell you that you are wrong. You're not too young.

[Stephen Colbert]

I guess what I'm saying is that there's no such thing as too young. Anyway, I don't understand why this Jeff Epstein scandal just will not go away. He continued.

[Donald Trump (impressions/quotes)]

Fifth is don't lose your momentum. You just want to keep it going. And you have to know if you are losing it. You have to know when you're losing it. So maybe you stop and maybe it's time to stop.

[Stephen Colbert]

So just to be clear, you must have momentum. Unless you don't, in which case stop. Reminds me of those motivational posters hang in there. Unless you can't then plummet to your death. We got a great show for you tonight.

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[Sidekick/Producer (possibly a comedy writer or show staff member)]

Thanks for selling your car to Carvana. Here's your check.

[Stephen Colbert]

Whoa. When did I get here?

[Sidekick/Producer (possibly a comedy writer or show staff member)]

What do you mean?

[Stephen Colbert]

I swear it was just moments ago that I accepted a great offer from Carvana online. I must have time traveled to the future.

[Sidekick/Producer (possibly a comedy writer or show staff member)]

It was just moments ago. We do same day pickup. Here's your check for that great offer.

[Stephen Colbert]

It is the future. It's.

[Sidekick/Producer (possibly a comedy writer or show staff member)]

It's the present and just the convenience of Carvana. Sorry to blow your mind.

[Stephen Colbert]

It's all good. Happens all the time.

[Sidekick/Producer (possibly a comedy writer or show staff member)]

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[Stephen Colbert]

This is exciting. This is exciting. I love this woman. In just a few minutes, I'll be administering the Colbert questionnaire to one Jamie Lee Curtis. Freakier Friday is in theaters now. Check it out. Turning now to our very own New York City. We here are in the middle of a contentious mayoral race. The frontrunner by far is Democratic socialist Zoran Mamdani. There he is. Mamdani has faced troubling accusations of being likable. Unfortunately, he's facing the first huge hurdle of his campaign because yesterday Mamdani was endorsed by former Bill de Blasio. Truly, truly devastating news. The only endorsement less popular in New York City would be from a subway puddle wearing a Red Sox hat. One of Mamdani's opponents is former guardian angel and Darth Vader without the helmet, Curtis Sliwa. New York City has an ongoing war on rats and Sliwa has his own special plan, which I like. Solving New York City's rat problem by unleashing a strike team of feral cats. Sliwa Sliwa, this is true, is an expert on feral cats. Until recently, he actually lived in a 320 square foot studio apartment with 16 rescue cats. It is rare to see a newspaper quote that you can smell. Another candidate in the race is disgraced current New York mayor Eric Adams, seen here. Seen here being evicted from his car. Adams has faced numerous investigations and things might be getting worse because we have now learned that one of Adams former aides allegedly handed a reporter a bag of potato chips stuffed with cash. Even worse, when the reporter opened it. It was only half full of cash, and the rest was just hair. Adams, she said. It's settled. Adams may have a fallback gig lined up because we learned today that Trump advisors are discussing the possibility of giving Adams a position in his administration. Now, they have not announced what the position might be, but judging from Adams wardrobe, I'd say Kung Fu Chef. Tonight's specials are. This offer to Adams is clearly an effort by Trump to clear the field in November's mayoral election and give former Governor Andrew Cuomo a better chance of defeating Mom Diamond. So it's a bit of a quid pro Cuomo, but it's only. It's not only Adams. They're clearly looking to clear the field even further by finding a possible place in the administration for the Republican candidate, Curtis Sliwa. No, you don't have to do that. If you want to drive Curtis Lewa out of the race, don't give him a job. Just release the feral cats. And the mayoral race was shaken up even more yesterday when it was reported that Jim Walden suspended his campaign for mayor of New York City. In related news, somebody named Jim Walden was running for mayor of New York City. Even he's surprised. What? I don't know much about Jim Walton. I'm sure he's a lovely guy, but now, thankfully, I don't have to learn anything. But judging by this photo of him in the New York Times, he's leaving the race to star in a film noir called Dial M for Mayor. And now that Walden has dropped out of the mayor. Hold on. You all know what that means? Shrimp. It's a shrimp emergency. Shrimp. Shrimp. Shrimp. Well, well, well. It worked in rehearsal. For details, let's go to King 5, Seattle's crustacean news leader.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

More shrimp are being recalled because of radioactive contamination.

[Stephen Colbert]

Shrimp authorities are specifically warning of possible contamination with Cesium 137 in packages of great value frozen shrimp. But just to be safe, Red Lobster has replaced our normal seafood bib with a lead dental vest. Perhaps the most troubling part of this story is that it remains unclear how the containers or the shrimp became contaminated. Yeah, I can't think of any way for fissile material to get on shrimp. Unless it's from Long John Oppenheimer's I am Become delicious. We'll be right back with Jamie Lee Curtis and the Colbert questionnaire.

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[Stephen Colbert]

Welcome back everybody. You know who that is. We're here with Jamie Lee Curtis, star of the Freakier Friday. Jamie, you know I only. I recently got to interview you for the first time and it was such a joy. We had such a good time. Yes, but even like, Even like a 15 minute interview isn't enough to really get to know someone. And so I was hoping I could give you something that we call the Colbert Questionnaire.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Bring it.

[Stephen Colbert]

And the Colbert Questionnaire, people don't know. It's a series. It's a series of 15 questions that go straight to the heart of someone so they are fully known. Are you prepared to be fully known?

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

I'm wide open.

[Stephen Colbert]

Brave girl. Brave girl. Here we go. All Right. First question. Jamie Lee Curtis. What is the best sandwich?

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Peanut butter and jelly.

[Stephen Colbert]

Go. Keep it simple. PB and J. Pbj.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

It is the only thing Christopher Guest knows how to make.

[Stephen Colbert]

Really?

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

PB&J. It is our love language. Yep.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay, great. What was the first concert that you attended?

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Jethro Tull.

[Stephen Colbert]

Whoa. Aqualung, my friend.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Aqualung.

[Stephen Colbert]

Don't you start away uneasy. You're a big Ian Anderson fan, are you?

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

You might be.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow. Yeah.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Little flute.

[Stephen Colbert]

No way.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Come on, don't even.

[Stephen Colbert]

Sure. Rock flute. The rare. Anybody over there play rock flute?

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Oh, come on.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay, that's cool. That's cool. How old were you, may I ask? How old were you when you attended the tull?

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

17.

[Stephen Colbert]

16.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

2016.

[Sidekick/Producer (possibly a comedy writer or show staff member)]

Somewhere in there.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, wow. Yeah, sure.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

At the Forum.

[Stephen Colbert]

What's the scariest animal?

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

I once hosted the Guinness Book of World Records with David Frost. He went to Europe in a Rolls Royce. I went to the Amazon in a boat with a crew and I watched anaconda wrestling. I had to narrate it.

[Stephen Colbert]

Like humans wrestling anacondas.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Yes. And that was. How can you win the size of an anaconda?

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Was terrifying.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

They're ginormous.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. Anaconda.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Anacondas.

[Stephen Colbert]

Anaconda. Okay. Apples or oranges?

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Apples. Here's the thing. What's with the sock or with the cut up oranges? Apples.

[Stephen Colbert]

Apples, sure.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Crunchy, sweet, delicious. Not gili ones. No, no, no. Not nasty apples.

[Stephen Colbert]

What's the apple you're going for? What's your brand?

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

You know, maybe a gala. Maybe some sort of crunchy, sweet.

[Stephen Colbert]

Do you with Fuji? Because.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Hey, no.

[Stephen Colbert]

Because I love a Fuji.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

I might go Fuji.

[Stephen Colbert]

Sure, sure.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Do you want to go Fuji? You know, Chris likes Fuji.

[Stephen Colbert]

He does? See, now you're just baiting me. I am baiting you. Now you're just baiting me. You can put peanut butter on apples. All I'm saying.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Oh, I do like that. As a snack, by the way. You didn't ask me that.

[Stephen Colbert]

What? It's not on the card. It's not on the card. I can only ask what's on the card.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

I understand.

[Stephen Colbert]

Have you ever asked someone for their autograph? I'm assuming that's a yes. Who did you ask?

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Urkel.

[Stephen Colbert]

Did you do that? What? What? What? Why?

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

I was with my child.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh. And they wanted Urkel's autograph. And so you went up and you asked Urkel, did you get it?

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

I did.

[Stephen Colbert]

Does your child still have it?

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

I have it in her scrapbook.

[Stephen Colbert]

That's so sweet. That's a nice mom.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

I'm a nice mom.

[Stephen Colbert]

You are a nice mom. Jamie Lee Curtis, what do you think happens when we die?

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

I think we die.

[Stephen Colbert]

That's it.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

I think that's it.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. Okay. Okay. Colbert questionnaire is known for vast tonal shifts. What's your favorite action movie?

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

You have to say my name.

[Stephen Colbert]

Jamie Lee Curtis, what is your favorite action movie?

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Tokyo Drift. The. What's that? What's it called? Oh, Fast and Furious. Tokyo Drift.

[Stephen Colbert]

I have never seen one of those movies.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Oh, you should. They're great.

[Stephen Colbert]

Really?

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Oh, yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

What are they about?

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Cars.

[Stephen Colbert]

Cars. Cars. I thought they were about family.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

They are about family and cars.

[Stephen Colbert]

A family that has a lot of cars. Yes. Doesn't the rock, like, punch a submarine at one point or something?

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

This isn't going anywhere.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. This isn't. Okay. Window or aisle?

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Oh, window. Okay, well, look, we could cleave the world. Well, we already have, but you know what I mean? Like, you could. You could cleave the world between windows and aisles.

[Stephen Colbert]

So you have.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Okay, let's just do it here. Okay. Window.

[Stephen Colbert]

Aisle. Yeah, I'm an aisle man because I have a tiny. I have a tiny bladder. Okay. And I don't want to have to say like, excuse me, I gotta go to the bathroom.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

No, no, I'm with you. It's all good. Yeah, it's terrible.

[Stephen Colbert]

Favorite smell.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

My children.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, that's nice. Like, still or. When they're babies.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

No, no, when they're babies.

[Stephen Colbert]

Baby head. Baby.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

You know, just babies.

[Stephen Colbert]

Least favorite smell.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Boy.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oof.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Oof. You know, I'm an olfactory person. That is my strongest of my senses is I have a very Christopher Guest, who you may or may not. No, he jokes. Because everything, anywhere I go, you know, I'll smell anything just like before. I like. It's just my natural, like, go to least favorite smell. Yeah, probably vomit. I mean, vomit. Look, the woman in the front row literally almost heaved, right? Seriously, she's wearing stripes. I said vomit. By the time tea got out of my mouth, she was like this pooh. Like, there's just something, you know.

[Stephen Colbert]

It's not good.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

It's not good.

[Stephen Colbert]

It's not good. Also, I don't like papaya's smell for that reason. Papaya smells bad.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

I understand, but it's not as bad as vomit. Anyway, how am I doing?

[Stephen Colbert]

Good.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Great.

[Stephen Colbert]

Unless you vomit papaya. And then that would be. That would be double earliest memory.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

You know, Stephen Colbert. I am not someone with a lot of memories. And I don't think that's based on trauma. I think. It's just. I wasn't paying attention.

[Stephen Colbert]

You weren't a paint as well?

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

No, I wasn't paying attention.

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm not asking for, like, an impressively young memory, but what is your earliest memory? You do have one.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

I. Okay, well, Cole, my doctor, because maybe she would talk to you about it more. Since I tell you, I don't really have.

[Stephen Colbert]

You do have some earliest memory. It might just be from this morning, but you have an earliest memory. That's just logical. Keep going.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

I'll think about it. I really will.

[Stephen Colbert]

That's troubling. Okay. Cats or dogs? Just asking. It's a question.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

What did I give you?

[Stephen Colbert]

You gave me a dog bowl.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Duh.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow. Wow. That's super hostile. Wow, did I mock you for getting Urkel's autograph? Only one song to listen to for the rest of your life. What is it? You don't have to listen to it continually, but when you go to listen to music, this is the song that you get to to hear.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Millworker by James Taylor.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

It's such a beautiful song. It slays me.

[Stephen Colbert]

Give me a taste.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

No, Stephen Colbert. I'm not going to give you a taste. It's a beautiful song about the life of a millworker. A woman who works for a corporation and works her fingers to the bone. And it's really sad and very beautiful.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

It's called Millworker.

[Stephen Colbert]

Millworker. Okay. What number am I thinking of?

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

22.

[Stephen Colbert]

No. Describe the rest of your life. Jamie Lee Curtis in five words.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

Free. Married. Mommy. Grandmommy. Loved.

[Stephen Colbert]

Congratulations. You are known. Jamie Lee Curtis, everybody. Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives. September 4th on Paramount Plus. Someone is trying to frame us until our names are cleared.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

More fugitives from Interpol Like Bonnie and.

[Stephen Colbert]

Clyde with better snacks. NCIS Tony and Zaa. Streaming September 4th on Paramount Plus. September 4th on Paramount Plus. Someone is trying to frame us until.

[Indeed Advertiser Voice]

Our names are cleared.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

More fugitives from interval Like Bonnie and.

[Stephen Colbert]

Clyde with better snacks. Espionage. You still as good a shot as he used to be? Better is there love language? We like to walk that fine line between techno thriller, romantic comedy.

[Jamie Lee Curtis]

We make up our own rules.

[Stephen Colbert]

NCIS Tony and Ziva. Streaming September 4th on Paramount Plus.