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Stephen Colbert
Hey, everybody. Stephen Colbert here about to read the copy for our sponsor. This is from our friends at Wonderful Pistachios. And I was the wonderful pistachio spokesman for years. Yeah, I have a real close association with nut meat. Okay. You know what they say when they reach for a snack? Don't hold back. And that's exactly the approach with Wonderful Pistachios. The don't hold back snack. These little wonders are so tasty, it feels like getting away with something. But surprise. Each serving has 6 grams of protein and 0 grams of regret. That's right. No guilt. Just glory, glory in our nuts. Whether it's a satisfying crack of in shell pistachios, and that's capitalized in shell, or the smooth, instant gratification of no shells. No judgment. That's just it. Just eat. No judgment. I take issue with one thing. It's instant gratification. It's super tasty smooth.
Guillermo
It's a hard nut smooth.
Stephen Colbert
Exactly. I mean, even out of the shell, it's still a nut.
Guillermo
We can't disparage the nuts.
Jimmy Kimmel
You.
Stephen Colbert
I'm not disparaging the nut. I'm describing the nut.
Guillermo
Don't disparage any flavors.
Stephen Colbert
I'm not. I am celebrating the pistachio right now. I'm on board. I love pistachios. I love. I love crushed pistachio. Like a pistachio crusted trout. Oh, unbelievable. Instead of a trout amandine, a trout pistachio. Fantastic. Enough butter?
Donald Trump
Who cares?
Guillermo
Very good.
Stephen Colbert
And I love pistachio ice cream.
Guillermo
Have you had the sea salt and vinegar? Wonderful pistachio. It's delicious. I get them.
Stephen Colbert
I didn't even know I get them.
Guillermo
Before the softball games.
Stephen Colbert
But that's. You see, it's been a while since I've been the spokesman for wonderful pistachios. I didn't realize we'd achieved new pistachio technology.
Guillermo
Yeah. Yeah.
Stephen Colbert
Wow. Wonderful pistachios has every snack style covered. Right now. There's an obsession with jalapeno lime. There is an obsession session. It's almost a disorder. It's spicy, it's zesty. It's basically a flavor roller coaster in a nut. Snacking on the go. Grab a bag of no shells. Feeling contemplative and want to work for it a little. So earning it, they're saying if you want to earn your nut, crack open those in shell beauties. Either way, it's snacking like a champ. So the next time hunger strikes, don't hold back. Unless it's a hunger strike. And then it's important that you do because whatever you're doing that for, I'm sure it's a worthwhile cause. Snack like you mean it with wonderful pistachios. Visit wonderfulpistachios.com to learn more.
Guillermo
That was a wonderful.
Stephen Colbert
I wonder what more there is to learn. We just told them so much. We just told them so much about pistachios. But evidently there's a whole other world. There's an unexplored vista.
Guillermo
They got a bunch of flavors. They got dill pickle, jalapeno lime, as we learned, smoky barbecue. There's a lot of different flavors.
Stephen Colbert
Wow. And I would not disparage any of them.
Guillermo
No, no, no.
Stephen Colbert
Bring it on.
Guillermo
Nothing bad to say.
Stephen Colbert
Nut me, nut. Nut me with nut meat.
Guillermo
We're nut.
Stephen Colbert
No, we got nothing but nut. Nutty, nutty, nutty, nutty. Talk about, talk about, talk about, talk about nutty.
Jimmy Kimmel
Good.
Guillermo
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Stephen Colbert
Welcome one and all to the Late Show. I'm your host, Stephen Colbert. Ladies and gentlemen. Folks, you know this. Yeah, I'm sure you know this. With Donald Trump as president. There are days that make you go, whoa. And there are days that make you go, oh, my God. And then there are days that make you go, whoa, my God. Today was one of those days. In fact, the light hearted story to start our monologue tonight is that it looks like the federal government, which is entirely controlled by the Republican Party, is going to shut down in about 20 minutes. Anything, let me know. Let me know if anything changes, okay? If so, it will cut a lot of important services and put a lot of people out of work. But not everyone. Air traffic controllers and most TSA employees are considered essential workers and. And have to stay on the job, even if that means working without pay. Which, of course, which is perfect for anyone who's ever said, I just wish this TSA worker groping my drunk was also angry. Like plucking an orange. Now, the darker story this evening involves Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth. Today, Hegseth gathered our top generals. That was a little late. Today he gathered our top generals down to Quantico for an unusual speech. Here's how one military analyst described it. Here's what happened. I like the new uniforms. Here's what happened. Last Thursday, Hegseth called hundreds of generals and admirals from all over the world from their very important jobs in for a meeting in Virginia. The event was livestreamed, but Hegseth was dead set on getting everyone in the same room. According to one source, it's meant to be an eyeball to eyeball kind of conversations. He wants to see the generals. Okay, that's it. The male loneliness epidemic has gone too far. Join a bowling league, for Pete's sake. Once the meeting started, Hegseth emphasized that our leaders needed a hyper serious, no nonsense approach to war fighting. Take a look online. Skateboardacademy.com. thank you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Was that the wrong tape? Was that the wrong tape? My fault. Sorry. We had the wrong tape. That's actually Hegseth slamming his nards with a skateboard when he hosted a weekend morning show. Still more dignified than what he did today, because in the actual speech, Hegseth went five star douche. And at one point pegged the camera with what he was sure was going to be an applause.
Pete Hegseth
Should our enemies choose foolishly to challenge us, they will be crushed by the violence, precision, and ferocity. The War Department, in other words, to our enemies.
Jimmy Kimmel
Fafo.
Stephen Colbert
Oh. Oh, no. I know that feeling. I've been there. I can commit. When you think it's gonna land, that quiet crowd really hurts. I mean, it happens to a lot of people. It reminds me when Queen played Wembley. Hegseth went all in on what he calls his warrior ethos.
Pete Hegseth
Today is another liberation day. The liberation of America's warriors in name, in deed, and in authorities. You kill people and break things for a living.
Stephen Colbert
I'll say it. The Democrats have got to turn down the temperature on their violent rhetoric.
Jimmy Kimmel
Now. I know.
Stephen Colbert
I know. Ao. Ayo. Ao. Yeah. You guys are great. Thank you. Now I know, I know, I know this all sounds bad, but it is bad. However, not as bad as when he endorsed war crimes.
Pete Hegseth
We also don't fight with stupid rules of engagement. We untie the hands of our war fighters to intimidate, demoralize, hunt, and kill the enemies of our country. No more politically correct and overbearing rules of engagement.
Stephen Colbert
Okay, so no rules of engagement, but you know what they say? Join the military and see the world. Including, apparently, the Hague. Now, on account of the Hague. The Hague. SecDef Hegsef gathered our Most important generals for a good reason. And one day we'll find out what that was. Because mostly he said stuff like this.
Pete Hegseth
No more climate change worship. No more division distraction or gender delusions. No more debris. As I've said before and will say again, we are done with that.
Stephen Colbert
Whoa. Gosh. Did you hear that? Five star generals. Pete did a swear. He is cool. You know, I hear he has like 10 playboys under his mattress. It's awfully lumpy for Pete. For SecDev Pete, it's all about plain spoken shoot from the hip man guy doing.
Pete Hegseth
We just have to be honest. We have to say with our mouths what we see with our eyes to just tell it like it is in plain English to point out the obvious things right in front of us.
Stephen Colbert
Okay, you suck monkey butt. Right in front of us. A big part of Hegseth's warrior ethos is about image.
Pete Hegseth
Frankly, it's tiring to look out at combat formations, or really any formation and see fat troops. Likewise, it's completely unacceptable to see fat generals and admirals in the halls of the Pentagon. It all starts with physical fitness and appearance. If the Secretary of War can do regular hard pt, so can every member of our joint force.
Stephen Colbert
Damn straight. In fact, let's see Pete do some of his regular pt. Technically. In that case, PT stands for Pound testicle. And I will say this for Hegseth. He never skips nut day. He also took the time to go after DEI initiatives.
Pete Hegseth
An entire generation of generals and admirals were told that they must parrot the insane fallacy that our diversity is our strength. Of course we know our unity.
Stephen Colbert
Yeah, he's right. A good team is where everyone brings exactly the same set of skills. Like in that heist movie, Ocean's Eleven. George Clooneys. I'd watch it then be fun. Then it was time for the officers to hear from a true paragon of masculine fitness. Donald Trump. Fat generals. No fat generals. Meet Captain Cankles, by the way. I don't know if you noticed how he was walking there, but that shamble up to the mic. But it was about as high as his energy got for the whole day. The President is so anti woke, he's barely conscious. He loves a rally crowd though. He loves a rally crowd though. Hey oh hey oh. But he loves a rally crowd. But traditionally, the senior leadership of the US military never claps for political speeches. That's the tradition. They're supposed to be non partisan and sit there stone faced. It's like doing stand up for Easter island heads. So Trump didn't love the crowd.
Donald Trump
I've never walked into a room so silent before. You know what? Just have a good time. And if you want to applaud, you applaud. And if you want to do anything you want, you can do anything you want. And if you don't like what I'm saying, you can leave the room.
Stephen Colbert
Roger that. I'm sorry. Oh, you mean the generals. You mean the generals. I forgot. I have, I have to. Til May. I forgot. Okay. Yeah, okay. Now look, I know what you're saying. You're saying Steve Trump may have no sense of discipline or decorum, but at least he didn't assemble every general in the world to bring up the N word. There's that to hold onto, right? Wrong. Here he is talking about the nuclear.
Donald Trump
We can't let people throw around that word. I call it the N word. There are two N words and you can't use either of them.
Stephen Colbert
Yep. No, that's right, folks. There's two N words. One you can never use and the other you can only use if you're doing karaoke. She take me money now. That's my impression of Trump during his impression of Jamie Foxx, his impression of Ray Charles. Thank you very much. Trump talked about how America is respected.
Donald Trump
Again, we were not respected with Biden, they looked at him falling downstairs every day. Every day the guy's falling downstairs. I'm very careful. You know, when I walk downstairs, like I'm on stairs, like these stairs, I'm very, I walk very slowly. You don't have to set any record.
Pete Hegseth
Be cool.
Donald Trump
Be cool when you walk down, but don't, don't bop down the stairs. So one thing with Obama, I had zero respect for him as a president, but he would bop down those stairs. I've never seen. Da, da, da, da, da, da, bop, bop.
Stephen Colbert
What the hell are you talking about? Obama. Obama. Can we see footage of Obama going down the stairs? Okay, I stand corrected. I was wrong. I'm sorry. Of course, when you call in generals from every corner of the world, you don't just talk about stairs, you talk about office supplies.
Donald Trump
When I have a general and I have to sign for a general because we have beautiful paper. They're gorgeous paper. I said throw a little more gold on it. They deserve it. I want to use the big, beautiful, firm paper.
Stephen Colbert
What, what, what is. And why is the paper like this? What is. I don't understand. What paper? What paper goes like this? Can we see? I'm sorry, can we. What is this? Can we see the big Beautiful firm paper he's talking about. There you go. Okay, that makes sense. There you go. We'll be. Trump then turned his attention to modernizing the Navy.
Donald Trump
Those ships, some people would say, no, that's old technology. I don't know. I don't think it's old technology when you look at those guns, but it's something. We're actually considering the concept of Battleship.
Stephen Colbert
Battleship. We're also considering the concept of Twister, the notion of Hungry Hungry Hippo, and of course, Yahtzee. Or in my case, Neo Yahtzee. So far, so nuts. But Trump also went very dark at times, warning the military brass about America's number one enemy Americans.
Donald Trump
Last month I signed an executive order to provide training for quick reaction force that can help quell civil disturbances. This is going to be a big thing for the people in this room because it's the enemy from within and we have to handle it before it gets out of control.
Stephen Colbert
What do you a quick reaction force to handle the enemy within. How would we even know who that enemy is? Do we expect them to just come out and identify themselves?
Donald Trump
You knew damn well I was a snake before you took me in.
Stephen Colbert
I guess so. We got a great show for you tonight.
Guillermo
Coming up, Jimmy Kimmel.
Stephen Colbert
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Jimmy Kimmel
We believe that shoes are an important.
Guillermo
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Stephen Colbert
You know Lewis, here's the thing, here's the thing about doing one of these shows. It's such a privilege. So few people know what it's like to do one of on nightly basis. The privilege of it, the grind of it and all that kind of stuff. Yep. Well, I'm happy to say ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight knows what it's like. He's a very funny comedian who is the host of Jimmy Kimmel Live. Please welcome back to the late show my friend and yours, Jimmy Kimmel.
Jimmy Kimmel
Hi.
Stephen Colbert
Thanks for being here.
Jimmy Kimmel
Thank you for having me. I am so honored to be here with my fellow no talent late night loser. It's no doubt to stick together, you know.
Stephen Colbert
Well, we're honored. We're honored here because this is the first interview you've done since September 17th when you found out that you had been indefinitely suspended.
Jimmy Kimmel
That's right.
Stephen Colbert
Thankfully. And as you said, you got back on the air a week later. And I'm curious, what have you recovered from that emotional roller coaster yet?
Jimmy Kimmel
It was an emotional roller coaster. I know you hear that a lot, and it really was. It was very strange. You want to hear the whole thing?
Stephen Colbert
Yeah, of course. So how'd you find out?
Jimmy Kimmel
Okay, so it was around. It was about 3 o'. Clock. We tape our show at 4:30. I'm in my office, just typing away, as I usually do. I get a phone call. It's abc. They say they want to talk to me. This is unusual. As far as I knew, they didn't even know I was doing a show previous to this. So I have a lot of people. I have like five people who work in my office with me. So the only people. Private place to go is the bathroom. So I go into the bathroom and I'm on the phone with the ABC executives and they say, listen, we want to take the temperature down. We're concerned about what you're going to say tonight. And we decided that the best route is to take the show off the air tonight. That's what I said. I started booing. I said, I don't think that's a good idea. And they said, well, we think it's a good idea. And then there was a vote, and I lost the vote. And so I had. I put my pants back on and I walked out to my office and I called in some of the executive producers and there were about nine people in there. And I said, they're pulling the show off there. And I was. My wife said I was white. I was whiter than Jim Gaffigan when I came out of it.
Stephen Colbert
Like, what's the first thing that occurred to you?
Jimmy Kimmel
I thought, that's it. It's over. It is over. I was like, this is. I'm never coming back on the air. That's really what I thought. And so we told our staff. Now, meanwhile, the whole audience, they're in their seats.
Stephen Colbert
Oh, wait, I didn't know that your audience was already loaded.
Jimmy Kimmel
They are loaded and in their seats, ready for the show. We had a chef, a guy named Christian Petrino. On the show. Petrone. Sorry. On the show, who was making meatballs and polenta that night? He'd been cooking all day. Then we had. Howard Jones was taping a performance to Howard Jones.
Stephen Colbert
Like, no one ever is to blame that guy.
Jimmy Kimmel
Yes, yes. But there was someone to blame in this case. In fact, it's funny you mentioned that, because the song he was doing was the song he did do, because we decided to tape it anyway, even though we sent the audience home in front of our disappointed employees was Things can only get better, which you could take two ways.
Stephen Colbert
Right, Exactly.
Jimmy Kimmel
So. So then I, you know, we said, oh, we sent the audience home. We need the staff to go in and listen to Howard Jones and pretend to be the audience. And then the staff went and ate polenta and meatballs afterwards.
Stephen Colbert
Well, you don't have jobs, but there's plenty of wet cornmeal. There you go.
Jimmy Kimmel
We figured, might as well eat while we still can.
Stephen Colbert
Put it in your pockets.
Jimmy Kimmel
So then I go home, and I stayed at the show for a couple of hours, and I go home. I'm followed by 20 paparazzi, cars, TMZ, people jumping in front of me on the way home. We're just trying to get to the house, and we're like, should we be going to our house? Do we want. There are two helicopters flying over. Two helicopters following us home. Meanwhile, I hadn't had makeup on yet, so my bald spot was not painted in. This is something I did not want America to see.
Stephen Colbert
Yes.
Jimmy Kimmel
We get to the house, and we're shaking, you know, and the kids are up, and I got two kids, and our daughter, who's 11 years old, says, I can sell my Labubus. It was actually very sweet.
Stephen Colbert
Well, that's lovely.
Jimmy Kimmel
Our son just got naked and started running around the house.
Stephen Colbert
Also lovely.
Jimmy Kimmel
And then there were. Then it was like. It was like a DUI in la. Three days in jail where I couldn't say anything. I just had to sit quiet and make a lot of phone calls and take a lot of phone calls. You were very kind to call me, and we spoke about this, you know, certainly, you know, well, and.
Stephen Colbert
And who was the most unusual person that he got a text from? Cause I got some fun ones. I got my high school girlfriend. I gave my phone to Evie, and I said, as soon as I was canceled, basically, I heard from the strike force people, and I heard from Jon Stewart, and then I handed my phone to Evie, and I said, just don't give this back to me for several days.
Jimmy Kimmel
Yeah.
Stephen Colbert
But when I Finally went through it. High school girlfriend James Taylor and George R.R.
Jimmy Kimmel
Martin. Wow.
Stephen Colbert
He sent me the winds of winter.
Jimmy Kimmel
Wow. Oh, that's nice.
Stephen Colbert
Yeah.
Jimmy Kimmel
I did not have a girlfriend in high school, so I didn't hear from her. I did hear from a girl that I would have liked to have been my girlfriend in high school. I heard from the usual. The Pope.
Stephen Colbert
Solid guy. He's a solid guy.
Jimmy Kimmel
I did hear from literally everyone I have ever met. I heard from, like, the guy who picked me up at the airport in Nashville 15 years ago. I heard from a lot of people who have been guests on the show. I got a very beautiful note from James Taylor. I'd love to compare those, because did.
Stephen Colbert
You really get one from jt?
Jimmy Kimmel
I wanted to see if JT did a cut and paste on us. You know.
Stephen Colbert
Can we get our phones? Can we get our phones?
Jimmy Kimmel
Oh, I have to say, probably the most beautiful text I got was from James Taylor.
Stephen Colbert
Wow. I got an amazing one, too.
Jimmy Kimmel
Yeah, well, I don't want to get in a competition with you about it.
Stephen Colbert
Exactly. We have to take a quick break. Right back with more Jimmy Kimmel. Everybody stick around.
Guillermo
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Stephen Colbert
Hey, everybody. We're back with the national treasure, Mr. James Kimmel from the ABC Broadcasting Company. You've been hosting the Jimmy Kimmel Live for 22 years. Premiered in 2003.
Jimmy Kimmel
We had a short break in the middle. Yes, yes.
Stephen Colbert
Okay. After everything that happens, do you find yourself appreciating it more? I mean, I do, yes.
Jimmy Kimmel
I definitely not just the job. The job is great. And being able to put a show on Every day is something that. I think I did radio for 12 years before that. So I've kind of always been in this Daily show world where you do something every day. And also, nobody at home listens to anything I say. So that became apparent, like day two, that there was gonna be no listening to me anymore. I will say, though, like, the whole staff, everybody was really scared and very bummed. Like you, like your staff. And it's terrible what happened to your staff. I mean, it really. I just think that it's just such a shame. You guys do such a great show and such a.
Stephen Colbert
And people love this show. Let me say no to me. To me. And I'm sure you feel the same way, is that I will miss doing the show. But this is the greatest group of people I've ever worked with. We took 20 years to put this team together, and I'm so honored to be one of them.
Jimmy Kimmel
Let me ask you, can I tell you something about your staff, which you have a great staff and your writers, and your show is absolutely fantastic. And I mean that. I'm not just saying that because we're on tv. And I hope you know that. And I think you are a great person. But I will say the first 10 members of your staff came right up to me and said, I will leave today if you hire me, as well they should. They said that.
Stephen Colbert
Matter of fact, are you hiring?
Jimmy Kimmel
I will give you that answer because.
Stephen Colbert
I'm available in June if you need. I'll be Guillermo's sidekick, if that's okay. Happy to do that. Now, you started as a radio disc jockey, as you said, when you were spinning platters and making with a banter. Did you ever think the president of the United States would be celebrating your unemployment?
Jimmy Kimmel
I mean, that son of a bitch, you know, is really unbelievable.
Stephen Colbert
Mr. Son of a bitch. I mean.
Jimmy Kimmel
I mean, Mr. Mr.
Stephen Colbert
Son of a bitch.
Jimmy Kimmel
His royal. Yes. No. I never imagined that we'd ever have a president like this. And I hope we don't ever have another president like this again.
Stephen Colbert
I mean, I never imagined.
Jimmy Kimmel
I never even imagined there would ever be a situation in which the president of our country was celebrating hundreds of Americans losing their jobs. Somebody who took pleasure in that. That, to me, is the absolute opposite of what a leader of this country is supposed to be.
Stephen Colbert
Hear, hear. Hear, hear. You have to take another break. We'll be right back with more Jimmy Kimmel, everybody. By the way, people, people. Some people may not know this. I'm on your show tonight. And should we wave to ourselves? Yes, over on abc. Which listener? Hi. Have a great show.
Jimmy Kimmel
Love those guys. Good guy.
Stephen Colbert
Handsome. Very handsome. I want to thank you for something that you did. This was just. This just shows you what kind of fellow you are. As soon as we got canceled, you put up this billboard in Los Angeles, I am voting for Stephen.
Jimmy Kimmel
Well, and I did.
Stephen Colbert
I did vote for you.
Jimmy Kimmel
And everyone on our staff voted.
Stephen Colbert
Oh, thank you.
Jimmy Kimmel
And I'll be honest, usually I vote for myself. Yes, this year I voted for you. I was originally. The billboard originally was supposed to say. Was supposed to say, would you vote for me if I told you I was dying? We were going to put out, you know, a rumor that I was dying to try to cheat light, but then this terrible thing happened and I was like, you know what we got? I think it would be a great statement if Stephen Colbert won the Emmy this year. And sure enough, he did. And I think that was a lot of fun.
Stephen Colbert
Thank you for that outstanding ovation. The only billboard I got. Well, is that really the only billboard? This is the only billboard. This is the only billboard I got.
Jimmy Kimmel
I'm wondering when you are gonna. I mean, you have what, seven, eight months.
Stephen Colbert
Eight months.
Jimmy Kimmel
Eight months left.
Stephen Colbert
Yeah.
Jimmy Kimmel
When are you gonna, like, go nuts? When are you gonna cut me? When are those glasses gonna come off? When are you gonna shake your hair out like. Like the Hot for Teacher video? Maybe do some like, ayahuasca on set?
Stephen Colbert
Sure.
Jimmy Kimmel
I want a journey.
Stephen Colbert
Do you bring enough for both of us?
Jimmy Kimmel
I actually did bring you a gift. Did you want it?
Stephen Colbert
I would love a gift.
Jimmy Kimmel
I have something for you. Okay. I do have a gift. Yeah.
Stephen Colbert
Is that it back there? There's something.
Jimmy Kimmel
I think it probably is back there. Everyone, nobody look at my ass while I'm doing this.
Stephen Colbert
Okay? All right. Okay. All right.
Jimmy Kimmel
So I think this is something that you could use. You could start using now or you could wait until the show is over, whatever. But I think you're gonna like it a lot. I gave it a lot of thought and I think you're gonna love it. Okay. It represents New York and also now this is.
Stephen Colbert
It's. I'm trying to. I'm trying to figure out what's been matched. It's Lady Liberty.
Jimmy Kimmel
Uh huh. It is.
Stephen Colbert
Put the flames on top of her head, along with a mouthpiece.
Jimmy Kimmel
It's a chemistry set.
Stephen Colbert
Oh, it is easy cleaning.
Jimmy Kimmel
Yeah, yeah.
Stephen Colbert
After you finish the experiment. Shall I?
Jimmy Kimmel
And I don't know if you've.
Stephen Colbert
Thank you. Very kind.
Jimmy Kimmel
I know you like to read and.
Stephen Colbert
I. I love to read.
Jimmy Kimmel
I Don't know if you have read this, but I think you're really.
Stephen Colbert
I hear good things.
Jimmy Kimmel
Yeah, I think you're really gonna like it.
Stephen Colbert
I think I hear.
Jimmy Kimmel
But I would love to see this. I want.
Stephen Colbert
Thank you. I will put this to good use. Let me ask something. They're telling me you only got a minute, but that now what are they gonna do? Cancel me?
Jimmy Kimmel
Yeah, that's right.
Stephen Colbert
This is you getting wild. I like it. This is it. This is as wild as I get. Hold on. Ready? Ready? Hold on. I. You do something that I can't. Guillermo. Thank you. To good friends, great jobs and late night tv.
Donald Trump
Thank you.
Stephen Colbert
Jeremiah Steven Colbert. Wow. Thank you. Yes. So. Oh, yeah. Wait, Guillermo. Guillermo. This is how you pour. Wow.
Jimmy Kimmel
Let's go wild.
Stephen Colbert
Yeah. I like that, huh? I like that. Yeah. There you go.
Donald Trump
Thank you very much.
Stephen Colbert
I'll take that. Put that down there with the hop.
Jimmy Kimmel
One more to Stephen Colbert.
Stephen Colbert
Ah, wow. All right, James.
Jimmy Kimmel
Thank you.
Stephen Colbert
My friend Gumo here. Jimmy Kimmel live airs weeknights on abc. The one, the only, the beloved Jimmy Kimmel, everybody. And Guillermo, thank you for listening to the Late show pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives. Now streaming on Paramount.
Jimmy Kimmel
Someone is trying to frame us until.
Stephen Colbert
Our names are clear.
Guillermo
More fugitives from interval Like Bonnie and.
Jimmy Kimmel
Clyde with better snacks.
Stephen Colbert
Espionage.
Jimmy Kimmel
You still as good a shot as.
Stephen Colbert
He used to be?
Guillermo
Better.
Stephen Colbert
Is there love? Language?
Pete Hegseth
We like to walk that fine line.
Jimmy Kimmel
Between techno thriller and romantic comedy.
Guillermo
We make up our own rules.
Stephen Colbert
Ncis Tony and Zeva. Now streaming on Paramount. Plus the secret's out, man.
Jimmy Kimmel
I speak freely.
Stephen Colbert
I'd prefer English. The Naked God is now streaming on Paramount. Plus I've seen it a hundred times. It's a return to comed comedic glory. A little lower. A return to comedic glory.
Jimmy Kimmel
That's awesome.
Stephen Colbert
The naked cockpit of PG13. Now streaming on Paramount Plus.
Episode: Jimmy Kimmel | Shutdown For What? (Extended) – October 1, 2025
This episode of The Late Show Pod Show is a lively blend of sharp political satire, pop culture commentary, and behind-the-scenes camaraderie. Stephen Colbert opens with an extended monologue dissecting a looming government shutdown and recent controversial statements made by Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth and President Donald Trump. The episode’s heart lies in Colbert’s heartfelt and humorous interview with fellow late-night host Jimmy Kimmel, marking Kimmel’s first interview since his temporary suspension from ABC. The two trade stories about the unpredictability of late-night television, their personal reactions to industry turmoil, and the meaning of their long-running shows.
[03:57–18:07]
[19:16–31:44]
| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote/Description | |-----------|---------|-------------------| | 07:18 | Jimmy Kimmel | (Joking as Pete Hegseth struggles for a reaction): “Fafo.” | | 10:47 | Pete Hegseth | “It’s completely unacceptable to see fat generals and admirals in the halls of the Pentagon.” | | 13:06 | Donald Trump | “If you want to applaud, you applaud. And if you want to do anything you want, you can do anything you want.” | | 13:55 | Donald Trump | “There are two N words and you can’t use either of them.” | | 16:36 | Donald Trump | “We’re actually considering the concept of Battleship.” | | 21:49 | Jimmy Kimmel | “I thought, that's it. It’s over. I’m never coming back on the air.” | | 25:27 | Jimmy Kimmel | “I did hear from literally everyone I have ever met...” | | 28:24 | Stephen Colbert | “This is the greatest group of people I’ve ever worked with. We took 20 years to put this team together, and I’m so honored to be one of them.” | | 29:47 | Jimmy Kimmel | “I never even imagined there would ever be a situation in which the president of our country was celebrating hundreds of Americans losing their jobs.” | | 32:55 | Kimmel & Colbert | Gift of Lady Liberty bong; light-hearted, symbolic late-night friendship. |
For late-night fans and political satirists alike, this episode is both a topical time capsule and an enduring tribute to the community spirit behind the comedy.