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Stephen Colbert
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John Krasinski
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Stephen Colbert
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John Krasinski
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Stephen Colbert
Real cases, real injuries. Morris and DeWitt Injury Lawyers paid spokesperson Trey Morris Shreveport, LA 2519598 welcome, welcome my friends. Welcome one and all in here, out there, all around the world to the Late Show. I'm your host Stephen Colbert. Today, Today, ladies and gentlemen, the war in Iran reached day 69. Nice and terrible. As of this taping, we still don't know how Iran's response to Trump's one page peace offer will be. But we do know the White House is desperate for a deal before the midterms. In a recent poll, more than 8 in 10Americans said struggles at the gas pump finances while the other two Americans couldn't talk right now because they were busy sucking gas out of their neighbor's Subaru. Yeah. Oh, how often I've sucked a Subaru. Businesses are also being hurt. Today we got a warning that continued supply chain disruptions could push costs higher from the CEO of McDonald's. Perhaps this will finally show Trump the true cost of war. Because this man, because this man did not work hard enough for peace. He could lose his 10 piece. So folks are feeling the pain. But there's a bright side. According to Trump economic advisor and guy the neighbor said was always so quiet and kept to himself, Kevin Hassett. Hassett went on the Fox Business and said that if you think the economy's bad, no, you don't. Why? Because credit cards.
John Krasinski
I had the head of one of the big five banks in my office yesterday going through the credit card data. And just as Secretary Besant said, credit card spending is through the roof.
Stephen Colbert
Yes, things are great. Credit card spending is through the roof. Bottle collection has become very popular, sales of scratchers have skyrocketed, and there's never been a better time to start a career as a bus station gigolo. One way that Trump has tried to downplay the war is to call it anything but a war. Yesterday, at a White House event celebrating Mother's Day, Trump trotted out a new euphemism. We're in a. I call it a skirmish because that's what it is. It's a skirmish. Yeah, it's just a little skirmish. No big deal. America gets in lots of fights with cute names. In fact, my uncle never came home from the Korean hullabaloo. Trump also talked a little bit about the skirmish on drugs. Drug traffic coming into our country is way down. And by sea. By sea. By ocean. By the water. You know, a lot of people say, what do you mean by sea? Is it sea like vision? No, it's the sea. Okay, okay. I guess it is good to always be clear about what you mean. That's why Paul Revere famously said, one if by land, two if by sea. Now a lot of people say, what do you mean by sea? Is it like vision? No, it's csea. Oops, the British are here. Now a lot of people say, is it here like hearing? No, it's here like H e r e and I died. Not D y e d but D I e D. One guy who is making Trump mad these days is Pope Leo. What with his far left radical soy boy screed of war bad, peace good. It was just earlier today, right? It was just today the White House tried to smooth over relations with the Vatican by sending Secretary of State and non player character in a video game about celibacy, Marco Rubio. According to the two sides, the meeting went okay and they exchanged gifts. Pope Leo gave Rubio a pen made out of olive wood, with Pope Leo saying, olive being of course, the plant of peace. And to be outdone, our government gave the pontiff a small Crystal football. I smell Regift. They got it with their Sports Illustrated. It came with their Sports Illustrated. Pope Leo. He likes to have fun. He's a fun pope. And that goes for the people around him. For instance, the other day, he swore in the Swiss Guard, the original Insane Clown Posse. And at the ceremony, the guard band treated him to an American classic. I can't fix that. I, I. Now, for the record, I want you to know. For the record, I had a joke. But what you did was better. You want to hear what my joke was? And with you. Far be it from me. Yeah, we're a little long, I'm guessing. Far be it from me to offer advice, but if I were the Catholic Church, I would avoid playing any song that includes the lyrics. Touching me, touching you. Elsewhere. Thank you. Elsewhere in the administration, there's news about FBI director and mannequin they used to display the glass eyeballs. Cash Patel. Last month, the Atlantic dropped an expose about Patel's alleged massive drinking problem. And according to the Atlantic, the FBI is now launching a criminal leak investigation into the journalist who wrote that article. Coincidentally, also what Patel says after he's had a few beers. Yo, I gotta go take a criminal leak. That was my Cash Patel impression. I've been working on it for months. Of all the ways the Trump administration has weaponized the Justice Department, this has got to be the dumbest. Keep in mind, leak investigations are supposed to be for officials who may have disclosed state secrets or classified documents, but here they're going after a reporter for writing about a drinking problem we all can see. Allegedly. How did that reporter respond? Well, yesterday she dropped a new Kash Patel's personalized bourbon stash. Oh, damn, She. She done double down. I'll tell you what, that FBI investigation is not going to find her in possession of a single. Let's talk about someone even creepier than Kash Patel. Tech millionaire and somehow not the weirdest guy at your Planet Fitness, Brian Johnson. Johnson, you may know, is famous for going to extreme lengths to live forever. You might remember him as the guy who once used his 17 year old son's blood plasma to try and reverse his aging, slept with a tiny jet pack attached to his penis to monitor his nighttime erections, and then measured his son's nighttime erections. Shared the data online. Well, just last week, Johnson took the weirdness to a whole new level. Tweeting about his girlfriend just gave Kate oral sex. Good night, everyone. That is the most eye popping sign off since Walter Cronkite said this. And that's the way I munch it down.
John Krasinski
Thank you.
Stephen Colbert
Johnson then proceeded to share a screenshot of this chart, which is his girlfriend's vaginal health report or the price of crude oil. Proclaiming 100 out of 100 score top 1% of all vaginas. And I believe, correct me if I'm wrong, I believe top 1% means her vagina does taxes. So. What makes this the Amex Platinum Delta 1 Sky Lounge of Baginas? Well, according, according to the ironically named Johnson, his girlfriend's sample is dominated by the single most protective bacterial species a vagina can host, Lactobacillus crispatus. Which is also the spell Harry Potter casts. To get rid of utis. Expecto cranberry juice. Now.
John Krasinski
What?
Stephen Colbert
Seven more. Seven more shows. Something like that. For her part, Johnson's girlfriend didn't seem to mind posting. I know this seems unhinged, but oral sex isn't talked about enough. Perhaps. But it does raise the question, where is the right place to talk about oral sex? Thank you all for coming. Grandma lived an incredible life and she died doing what she loved. Clearly, there's more Monologue. We still have more. Clearly the Internet. Clearly impossible. There's no show tonight. None of this can be broadcast. Clearly, the Internet is a tough place for children. As a result, a few months ago, the UK government began requiring stronger age checks under the Online Safety Act. But now kids say they can beat age checks by drawing on a fake mustache. Okay, not great. So how do we keep children from reaching inappropriate content on the Internet? Here to comment is an age verification Expert from the MIT Media Lab, Dr. Real Grunopath. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for being here, Dr. Grinup. My pleasure, Stephen. Dr. Grinup, can a simple mustache really fool complicated AI software into thinking a child is a man? Come on, Steve, that's impossible. And I should know because I'm an actual adult man. Yeah, me too. Well, that's good enough for me. Thank you, Dr. Grinup. While I have you here, Steven, can you take me to the corner store and buy me beer? Why do you want me to buy you beer? I forgot my idea at home. Hold on. I'm beginning to suspect you are a kid with a drawn on mustache. No, I'm very old. I can prove it. How? I watch the Late show on CBS. Dr. Grin up everybody. Thank you, doctor. We got a great show for you tonight.
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John Krasinski
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Stephen Colbert
Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the show. My guest tonight is a talented actor, writer and director. Please welcome back to The Late Show, Mr. John Krasinski. Doctor Krasinski, it's wonderful to see you again.
John Krasinski
Thank you for letting me be your final guest ever.
Stephen Colbert
Yes.
John Krasinski
When they called me, I genuinely got moved. I got emotional, I cried and I said, really? He wants me to be the final guest.
Stephen Colbert
Yeah.
John Krasinski
And I'm just so proud to be here for that occasion.
Stephen Colbert
Yeah, I have some.
John Krasinski
Fire away.
Stephen Colbert
I have. I have something I need to talk to you about after the show. Great. Okay. Okay. After playing Jack Ryan longer than anybody. You hung it up three years ago. And you know how much I love your Jack Ryan.
John Krasinski
Yeah. You're very nice to me.
Stephen Colbert
Okay. So now you're back, though.
John Krasinski
Yeah.
Stephen Colbert
For the new film, Jack Ryan Ghost War.
John Krasinski
Yes.
Stephen Colbert
What's it about?
John Krasinski
What's it about?
Stephen Colbert
What's it about? There any ghosts in this one? Is it like a crossover with the Conjuring or something? Yes, because those people print money, my brother.
John Krasinski
So you've seen Hamlet, right?
Stephen Colbert
I have seen Hamlet.
John Krasinski
I play Jack Ryan's dad, who comes back to talk to Jack Ryan. And I play both. Yeah.
Stephen Colbert
That's really good.
John Krasinski
Yeah, it's pretty good. Yeah.
Stephen Colbert
Did you bring a clip, by any chance?
John Krasinski
Of course I brought a clip.
Stephen Colbert
Do we need to set up this clip, sir?
John Krasinski
Yeah, you can set up the clip. This is. I am teaming up, by the way, with the extremely talented Sienna Miller, who's joined our world. Oh, my God.
Stephen Colbert
Amazing.
John Krasinski
She's an MI6 agent. We have teamed up in this one, you know, crazy adventure. Yeah. And we're in a tight spot.
Stephen Colbert
All right.
John Krasinski
What? Security door.
Stephen Colbert
You're welcome. There's a high speed chase in this. There is, but it's in the uk, so it's on the other side of the road. How much did that freak you out?
John Krasinski
It freaked me out, especially when cars were coming at me. And that wasn't even part of the stunt. That was just me on the wrong side of the road.
Stephen Colbert
How? Have you had a lot of experience on the wrong side?
John Krasinski
I have, because I married a Brit. I have to go on the wrong side of the road every time I go see her family. You should start saying it's the right side of the road over there. Well, but, no, I had a lot of issues.
Stephen Colbert
It should be the left side of the. Of the road. But it literally is. It literally is. I have a bar if you want anything. I've got a bar back there.
John Krasinski
Is there. Is that a bar?
Stephen Colbert
Oh, yes. Like glass or Shots.
John Krasinski
We should do shots.
Stephen Colbert
We should do shots. Okay, I got. We're just gonna reboot this. I got bourbon. I got that Clooney, Hollywood tequila.
John Krasinski
Okay.
Stephen Colbert
I got. This is rum from Cub, so technically illegal. And I got vodka. What do you want?
John Krasinski
You're a bourbon man, aren't you?
Stephen Colbert
I am, Yep. Yeah.
John Krasinski
We're gonna do your rules, and this ain't cheap.
Stephen Colbert
This is. You ever had this?
John Krasinski
No.
Stephen Colbert
Oh, the Wellers. Oh, this is great. Right? I have no idea where we are in this interview, and I do not care.
John Krasinski
It's all animated anyway. Yep.
Stephen Colbert
Ah. Oh. Oh. What do you got after this? You got something to do after this?
John Krasinski
I was gonna put my kids to bed, but I think I'm gonna put myself to bed.
Stephen Colbert
All right, this is a sip. This is another sip. And. Okay, so you told me when we were doing the Colbert questionnaire. Do you remember when you did the Colbert questionnaire?
John Krasinski
Of course I did.
Stephen Colbert
Okay. You said that your favorite action.
John Krasinski
No, we arm wrestled.
Stephen Colbert
What? What?
John Krasinski
No.
Stephen Colbert
You want you. No, no, no.
John Krasinski
I was just saying I remember it because it was before we arm wrestled.
Stephen Colbert
We have arm wrestled four times, my friend.
John Krasinski
That's right. How many times have you won?
Stephen Colbert
We have arm wrestles four times. You know what? No, no, no. Do you want to go again?
John Krasinski
No, but we'll.
Stephen Colbert
Do you want to go again, or are you scared? We'll earn it. I'm not saying we're gonna go right now.
John Krasinski
Okay.
Stephen Colbert
I just want to let you know
John Krasinski
you can slow play it and stretch. I'll go for it.
Stephen Colbert
Okay. How about this? You look like a guy who skips leg day. You want a leg wrestle?
John Krasinski
Wow.
Stephen Colbert
You want a leg wrestle? What I lack in bicep, I make up for in haunch, okay? Okay. So in the Colbert questionnaire You said that your favorite action movie was the Dark Knight.
John Krasinski
Yes.
Stephen Colbert
But I have recently learned that you lied.
John Krasinski
Yeah.
Stephen Colbert
And that your favorite action movie is Die Hard.
John Krasinski
Die Hard. Yeah. Well, when I was a kid, it was Die Hard and then the Dark Knight, I sort of evolved into the Dark Knight because Chris Nolan, who you know is. He's the greatest.
Stephen Colbert
Why did you like the Die Hard when you were a kid?
John Krasinski
I just. I mean, Die Hard was just. It is the best Christmas movie.
Stephen Colbert
I was about to ask, is it a Christmas movie?
John Krasinski
Christmas movie.
Stephen Colbert
Have you done a Christmas movie?
John Krasinski
I don't think I have.
Stephen Colbert
Quiet Place could be Christmas time.
John Krasinski
It totally could be.
Stephen Colbert
We don't know.
John Krasinski
Yeah, we're just doing the bells. Silent, like. Yeah, yeah.
Stephen Colbert
You're just hoping like it's the kind of.
John Krasinski
What do you think Quiet Place 3 is? Christmas movie.
Stephen Colbert
Wow. Yeah. We have to take a quick break. We'll be right back with more John Krasinski, everybody. Stick around.
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John Krasinski
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Stephen Colbert
Tom Kaczynski. You know how much I love the quiet. The Quiet Place films. I love anything where you don't talk and so excited about Quiet Place Fair. Yeah. You know, did you always see this
John Krasinski
as a trilogy I hadn't seen? I didn't know we were gonna make more than one.
Stephen Colbert
It was not gonna be a one of you.
John Krasinski
No. I don't think anybody thought it was gonna be more than one. And then when it made this huge splash and everybody was so amazing about the movie, I actually just said, I'll only do it if I can think of a story. And then what happened was. Yes. In my head, I thought the first one, as we've talked about, is all about parenthood. It's what can you do? What would you really do for your kids to protect them? And then the second movie is when your kids go out in the world, that fear that you have to let them go out and do their own thing. And the third one would be, if they do go out into the world, what does hope really look like? So this third one's about what does hope really look like? Wow.
Stephen Colbert
Yeah. Got me choked up over here.
John Krasinski
Yeah. Yeah.
Stephen Colbert
Now you get to reunite with all these people that you've made with the films with before. Your incredible teams. What are you most excited about?
John Krasinski
I have the absolute greatest crew. I mean, it's hard to choose what I'm more excited about. But the visual effects team at ilm, who are my heroes? Those monsters. For anybody who doesn't know, ILM created the Jurassic park dinosaurs.
Stephen Colbert
They created ET Industrial Light and Magic.
John Krasinski
Industrial Light and Magic. They do all the visual effects for these huge movies.
Stephen Colbert
Yeah.
John Krasinski
And some of my. My most. Some of my most favorite. Some of my favorite memories of Quiet Place are getting in a dark room with these people who are showing me all these different shots. And they're like, the creature comes here, and then we're gonna do this. And this is in the background. And so my birthday on. I think it was number two. It was my birthday, and we were going through all these shots, and we were about two weeks from delivering, and I was a little stressed. And we were going through each shot, and they said, oh, wait, we have one more. And I said, all right, guys, I gotta go. And they said, no, no, we just have one more. And they played this clip, and it was my birthday present to make me laugh on my birthday. And this was the clip.
Stephen Colbert
And there's a shot of Emily in the foreground.
John Krasinski
So what this is is. This is me reviewing a shot that actually didn't end up in the movie, but it's Emily in the foregr foreground being emotional about my character in the first movie dying. Spoiler alert. And she's looking over to where my body is, and she sees something different.
Stephen Colbert
Yvonne. Fantastic.
John Krasinski
And then they all sang me Happy Birthday.
Stephen Colbert
Yeah. Just eating you.
John Krasinski
Yeah, they were just eating me and using my hand as a toothpick.
Stephen Colbert
Yeah, exactly. Justin, I'm sure you've thought about this. Do you think you'd be delicious? Yes, I think I'd be pretty because
John Krasinski
I don't do leg day, as you said.
Stephen Colbert
Right, Exactly. And I'm very well marbled. I've been called the Kobe beef of late night.
John Krasinski
I've heard that before.
Stephen Colbert
So here's the thing. Here's the thing is that I think we've put it off long enough. You ready to leg wrestle?
John Krasinski
Leg wrestle?
Stephen Colbert
Leg wrestle. Did you not hear me before?
John Krasinski
You need to explain to me what that is.
Stephen Colbert
You don't know what leg wrestling is?
John Krasinski
I think we're both on the hospital.
Stephen Colbert
Do you have brothers? Mm. That. Okay. Leg wrestling is this. Get up. Let's pull these back. Let's pull these back. Okay. So what you do is we lie side by side.
John Krasinski
Yep.
Stephen Colbert
Ok. Not going to help. Not going to help. We lie side by side. Okay. Come on. Lie down. Okay. So I'll lie here.
John Krasinski
You lie there.
Stephen Colbert
Ok. Move the mic back. Ok. No, you lie the other way.
John Krasinski
No, it's fine. So.
Stephen Colbert
Okay. Okay.
John Krasinski
All right.
Stephen Colbert
So you lie there.
John Krasinski
Yep.
Stephen Colbert
Are you left legged or right legged?
John Krasinski
I'm right legged.
Stephen Colbert
Mine too. Okay. Okay. Should we just. What? No, this is good. So what happens is. What happens is that you go like this. You go one, you do it two. Ready? One, two, three. And on the third, you hook behind here and you try to flip the other guy. Okay.
John Krasinski
I'm so sorry. Can someone call an ambulance? Now just preemptively, preemptively.
Stephen Colbert
Okay, so it should be hip to hip. Okay? Ready? Hip to hip. Ready? Are you ready? I love you. But we hook arms. We hook arms. Okay. We hook arms. Okay. Ready? Okay. And you try to flip the other guy. All right, Listen, listen. Jack Ryan. Ghost war is available May 20. Our Prime Video for One last time. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. John Krasinski. We'll be right back. Here we go.
John Krasinski
Ready, go.
Stephen Colbert
One, two, three. Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives. Health starts with what's on your plate. Because a healthy plate is more than a meal.
John Krasinski
It's a foundation.
Stephen Colbert
Just as food draws life from deep roots in the earth, families thrive from the support of healthy food.
John Krasinski
When families can count on nutritious meals, lives take root.
Stephen Colbert
Kids take root in school.
John Krasinski
Parents take root at work. Seniors take root in their communities.
Stephen Colbert
A healthy meal isn't just nourishment, it's stability and hope. With your support, we can put food
John Krasinski
at the center of better health for everyone. Give now@feedingamerica.org help health spring just slid into your DMS.
Commercial Narrator
Grab that boho look for that rooftop dinner. Those sandals that can keep up with you and hang some string lights to give your patio a glow up. Spring's calling, Ross. Work your magic.
This lively episode of The Late Show Pod Show features late night host Stephen Colbert in conversation with actor, writer, and director John Krasinski. Mixing topical humor on current events, playful banter, and a deep dive into Krasinski’s latest projects—including the new film "Jack Ryan: Ghost War" and the evolution of the "A Quiet Place" franchise—the episode offers listeners a blend of sharp satire and heartfelt reflection. The show wraps with a unique display of camaraderie as Colbert and Krasinski attempt a leg wrestling showdown on air.
[03:30–13:59]
"Yeah, it's just a little skirmish. No big deal. America gets in lots of fights with cute names. In fact, my uncle never came home from the Korean hullabaloo." (Stephen Colbert, 04:10)
Notable Quote:
[09:57–11:26]
Memorable Line:
[11:26–13:59]
[15:27]
"Thank you for letting me be your final guest ever." (John Krasinski, 15:27)
[16:00–17:49]
"I play Jack Ryan’s dad, who comes back to talk to Jack Ryan. And I play both." (John Krasinski, 16:14)
"It freaked me out, especially when cars were coming at me. And that wasn't even part of the stunt. That was just me on the wrong side of the road." (John Krasinski, 17:42)
[18:10–20:11]
"You want a leg wrestle?" (Stephen Colbert, 19:52)
"What I lack in bicep, I make up for in haunch, okay?" (Stephen Colbert, 19:59)
[20:10–20:34]
“When I was a kid, it was Die Hard...and then the Dark Knight...Chris Nolan, you know, he's the greatest.” (John Krasinski, 20:17)
[22:03–23:23]
“First one...is all about parenthood. The second movie is when your kids go out in the world... And the third one would be, if they do go out into the world, what does hope really look like?” (John Krasinski, 22:44)
[23:04–24:53]
"It was my birthday...and they played this clip, and it was my birthday present to make me laugh..." (John Krasinski, 23:44)
[25:09–27:05]
| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote/Description | |-----------|-------------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 15:27 | John Krasinski | "Thank you for letting me be your final guest ever." | | 16:14 | John Krasinski | "I play Jack Ryan's dad, who comes back to talk to Jack Ryan. And I play both." | | 19:59 | Stephen Colbert | "What I lack in bicep, I make up for in haunch, okay?" | | 22:44 | John Krasinski | "The first one is all about parenthood...the third one would be, if they do go out into the world, what does hope really look like?" | | 23:44 | John Krasinski | "It was my birthday...and they played this clip, and it was my birthday present to make me laugh on my birthday."| | 25:09 | Stephen Colbert | "I think we've put it off long enough. You ready to leg wrestle?" |
This episode excels in blending late-night satire with heartfelt, behind-the-scenes storytelling. Colbert and Krasinski’s camaraderie is evident, moving seamlessly from sharp banter to genuine artistic reflection and finishing with a burst of playful physical competition. Fans of both pop culture and inside-Hollywood anecdotes will find much to enjoy—and laugh along with—here.