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Stephen Colbert
Welcome, welcome one and all and here out there to the Late Show. I am your host, Stephen Colbert, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. I'm excited too.
You can feel the excitement in this room. I'm excited too. Listen, this is our last week and
I have an exciting announcement. No, this is actually very exciting.
We may be cancelled, but apparently the Late Show House outlived the Constitution of the United States because yesterday, without any congressional or court approval, completely unilaterally, Donald Trump gave himself a $1.8 billion taxpayer fueled slush fund. You might remember that in January, President Trump and his two sons, Uday and Kuce filed a $10 billion lawsuit against the IRS alleging that during his first administration the IRS willfully failed to safeguard the Trump's tax information from unauthorized disclosure by a former IRS contractor, Charles E. Littlejohn. No, I gotta ask Mr. Littlejohn, did you actually do that?
Jon Stewart
Yeah.
Stephen Colbert
No, no, no, no, no. Ivan, Ivan, not that Little John.
Jon Stewart
What?
Stephen Colbert
I'm talking about the IRS guy, Charles E. Littlejohn.
Jon Stewart
Okay,
Stephen Colbert
can we please just move on now?
Jon Stewart
Y.
Stephen Colbert
The judge in the case seemed highly skeptical of this lawsuit. So to get around the court's oversight yesterday, Trump's lawyers and Trump's doj, him on both sides, agreed to drop the case and set up this slush fund. And who exactly is this fund slushing? Well, one group of lucky slushees could be people prosecuted in connection with the January 6th Capitol riot.
That means.
That means people who stormed the Capitol, rubbed their poop on the walls, assaulted police officers, and tried to hang. Vice President Mike Pence could be getting this cash, but they won't, because Trump's going to steal it all. Why is that? My educated guess because the funds are going to be managed by a five person commission appointed by the Attorney General. Though Trump would have the right to remove any member at will. So I'd like to congratulate the inaugural commission for Donald Trump slush fund. Marco Rubio. Marco Rubio.
Marco Rubio.
Marco Rubio.
And Marco Rubio. Now he's from Venezuela. I think that last guy is from Venezuela.
Now, you might be saying, surely this can't get more corrupt.
Jon Stewart
Shut up.
Stephen Colbert
I'm talking. And it can, because most egregiously, the guidelines announced by the Acting Attorney General stipulate, once the funds are deposited into the designated account, the United States has no liability whatsoever for the protection or safeguarding of those funds, regardless of bank failure, fraudulent transfers, or any other fraud or misuse of the funds. So it's just an all you can fraud buffet. It's an unprecedented level of grift because again, funds of this scale typically are either created by an act of Congress or supervised by a court. And this settlement is just some piece of paper they printed out saying that Trump can do anything he wants with a bunch of your money. Officer, Officer, you can't arrest me for. You see, I've already laminated my homemade murder license. This is not just fraud is legal. Now, today the Justice Department posted an addendum to the original settlement which says that the IRS is forever barred and precluded from pursuing examinations of Trump related or affiliated individuals and related trusts and businesses. So he just gave himself a get out of jail free card? And a way better one than Jeffrey Epstein got.
Yeah. Halfway around the world,
somebody owes me money. Halfway around the world, Trump still got his ding dong caught in the door hinge of the Middle East. Negotiations with Iran have totally stalled, so on Sunday, he went online and posted for Iran.
The clock is ticking and they Better get moving fast or there won't be anything left of them. Time is of the essence.
You hear that, Iran? Get your act together. Or next week, I don't know what will happen because I will be in a hammock, ass deep in a pina colada. And a fantasy romance novel about centaurs. It's called. It's called Trampled by Passion. This time, Trump backed up his tough talk with some powerful AI slop. He posted this image where he's pressing the big red button that blows up the earth. There's a whole bunch of stupid stuff in that picture. He appears also to be blowing up his own command console, which of course would endanger his teeny tiny generals on either side of him.
Jon Stewart
Mr. President, there's a fire. Quick, everyone into the shoe.
So
Stephen Colbert
Trump is clearly ready to annihilate Iran. And I'm sorry, what is that? Oh, Trump says he's called off an attack on Iran to give talks more time. I gotta say, these threats are getting less and less effective the more he keeps dragging them out.
You wanna step outside, bro? Oh, you do? Well, it's kind of chilly out there, so I'm gonna grab my jacket from Koch.
Okay.
It looks like there's a pretty long line, so it might be a while
and I don't have singles for a
tip, so let me just go to the bar. You want something while I'm in there? I'm buying. You can hang out with my girlfriend till I'm back. Then it is go time, bro.
I don't understand why you did that, but I accept. Today, Trump let us know why he's decided to take a Mideast chill pillow.
Donald Trump
Other countries have come to me and they've said we were getting ready to
Jon Stewart
do a very major attack tomorrow. I've put it off for a little while.
Donald Trump
Hopefully maybe forever, but possibly for a little while.
Stephen Colbert
Fun fact. Hopefully, maybe forever, but possibly for a little while is also a direct quote from Trump's wedding vows.
That's an oldie but a goodie.
Today, amidst the news that he's sucking up billions of taxpayer dollars like a shop vac, Trump headed out to the pile of rubble where the East Wing used to be to talk Ballroom, I think, cuz it was a little loud.
Donald Trump
Give that to me.
Jon Stewart
All home.
Stephen Colbert
As his polls get worse and worse, you know he's just going to keep finding louder and louder places to answer questions.
I will now answer your questions about Iran while I froth this latte. I can't hear you. I also can't answer because I'm making the sound with my own mouth. Don't know how the machine works.
Trump gave us a preview of the state of the art construction job.
Donald Trump
It's a very complex building. It's all knit together. The roof goes with the ground floor. The ground floor goes with the roof. The roof also goes down into the basement.
Stephen Colbert
Oh, really?
That's fascinating. Mr. President, you may not know this, sir, but there's actually a special word for when the roof goes all the way down to the basement. And that word is walls.
It has walls. You build a building, it has a floor and a roof.
And. Then he bragged about the classical architecture style.
Donald Trump
Take a look at this section. This is the different facade. So this is a Greek more or less. It comes out of Greece. This is the ultimate facade for Greece.
Stephen Colbert
Oh, yes, yes.
Greece. I believe Greece is the word.
Tell me more, tell me more.
What is wrong with your brain?
Tell me more, tell me more. Were you on Jeffrey? Uh huh, huh huh huh. We got a great show for you tonight
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Stephen Colbert
The greatest band in the history of television, Lewis Cato and the Great Big Joy Machine, everybody. Not only, ladies and gentlemen, not only, not only are they the greatest band, but they got the biggest hearts. They have a new album that is
being sold right now, the Great Big
Joy Machine right there. That's right. That's right. They're auctioning off a very special signed copy of Louis Cato and the Great Big Joy Machines album today.
Super exclusive, one of one late show collectible signed by the entire band and yours truly. Because Lewis and I sing on it together. All proceeds go to music. And what does that do?
Louis, tell me about Music Cares.
Jon Stewart
Music Cares is an incredible organization that provides financial support for musicians of all creeds and levels. They actually helped me through Pandemic myself when we were going through all of our stuff. They make it possible for musicians to continue to live while making a living. So great.
Stephen Colbert
Scan the QR code right there. Go place your bid now. Ladies and gentlemen, my friends, folks, My first guest tonight is the absolute best.
He is a talented comedian and a 2002 Teen Choice Award nominee.
Please welcome back to the Late show
my dear friend and yours, Mr. Jon Stewart.
Jon Stewart
Thank you so much. Thank you.
Stephen Colbert
First of all,
so nice
Jon Stewart
to hear them. To hear them chant for Steven Spielberg is just so generous. It's so generous of them. I just want to tell you just the kind of friend that Steven Colbert is to me and how necessary he is in my life as my dear friend. We're backstage. I'm back there waiting to come on to the late show to celebrate my friend. Not to eulogize this show, but to celebrate it and the joy that it's brought to so many people.
Stephen Colbert
And.
Jon Stewart
The people may not be aware I don't dress very well. No.
Stephen Colbert
I assume that under that you are also wearing sweatpants.
Jon Stewart
That's probably right. So I'm back there and I'm dressed up, and I figure, well, this is special. I should probably button my suit.
But I don't know.
There's two buttons, and I chose wrong. I chose the low button. And my good friend Stephen Gobert, who spotted it like a falcon from his desk, soared over and went, buddy, may I?
Flip, flip, flip, flip.
Stephen Colbert
Yep.
Jon Stewart
And then when I came out here very calmly so that the people don't know what an idiot I am, go. You might want to before I sit down. That's what we're dealing with. This is a lovely man.
Stephen Colbert
Can I put a little cherry on that?
Jon Stewart
Put a cherry on top.
Stephen Colbert
Here's a cherry.
Jon Stewart
Put a cherry on top.
Stephen Colbert
This is what I learned. This is what I learned years ago.
I learned years ago. I learned this from Anderson Cooper, actually. Okay. Natalie dressed the man. He's got style. He said to me, you can keep it buttoned when you're interviewing someone until. If you're seated. If you're seated, until you get to the critical moment of the question.
Jon Stewart
You go like this.
Stephen Colbert
You'll go. Now let me ask you like that.
That's when he gets serious.
Scott Pelly. Scott Pelly's version of that over at 60 minutes is. So you're saying he takes the glasses off.
Jon Stewart
Can I tell you my version of that? Yep.
No.
No, I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I would do. I'm not gonna do it.
Stephen Colbert
I mean, I don't mind that.
Jon Stewart
By the way, both of those guys, Spielberg and this is. And I don't know if this is a problem with network news in general, but those guys are jacks.
Stephen Colbert
Like Pelly Cooper jacked guns.
Jon Stewart
Guns.
Stephen Colbert
Pelly works out in his office to Fanfare for the common man.
Jon Stewart
Bum, bum, bum.
See, that seems, if I may say so, somewhat fascistic that actually. But listen, C.B. you guys are. What are you in late night?
Steven Spielberg
Number one.
Jon Stewart
What?
You're number one.
Stephen Colbert
I think we are.
Jon Stewart
Yeah.
Stephen Colbert
So I don't know anymore. Doesn't really matter. So
Jon Stewart
I just think it's so smart what CBS is doing. I just think it's. It's such a good move to take this show off the air and then to also ruin your evening news and then reduce 60 minutes to like, six good ones. I think it's so smart. Here's what I believe they're doing.
Stephen Colbert
Yes.
Jon Stewart
I think they're tanking for a draft pick. I think that's.
Stephen Colbert
Yeah, sure. Yeah.
Jon Stewart
Do you. How have you. You have maintained such. You have maintained such grace through this process. I would not. I would not have been able.
Stephen Colbert
Fun. I'm having fun with my friends.
That's how you get to come on here.
I get to hear those guys, these lovely people.
And you know what? I also learned how to, you know, do the job under a lot of pressure from this friend of mine named Jon Stewart. We started working together. I've done a late night show of my own for 21 years. You and I started working together 27 years ago.
Jon Stewart
Oh, dear God, look at those guys.
You Know what? Widen out. Widen out for a moment.
I just want to see. Can you get our faces in here? Now, we're in the wrong areas. So if I'm not mistaken, and again, this is no disrespect to me, but one of us has not aged as well as the other.
Stephen Colbert
And I don't know about that.
Jon Stewart
This really looks like a double blind study where they gape. One of these people is getting age defying peptides and the other one is getting a placebo. And if I may, and I mean
no disrespect to myself.
Stephen Colbert
No, not at all. Not at all.
Jon Stewart
I have gotten the placebo.
Can I tell you this? Mark Twain once said this. I think it was an excellent quote. Time is a mother.
Stephen Colbert
Yes. Yeah. Look at everything. She's a harsh mistress. You look fantastic.
Jon Stewart
Oh, it's so kind of you to say.
I. I've been the.
As you get older, your body, it changes. Everything shifts around. You know what I find? I. I don't look good in anymore.
Stephen Colbert
What?
Jon Stewart
Pictures.
Stephen Colbert
I, I'm.
I. I'm not that thrilled about how
I look on the radio.
Jon Stewart
Oh, stop, stop, stop.
But they take. I'll take pictures. And I always have to say to Tracy, like, we'll take the picture. And I'll go, is that what I look like? And like, it's literally like the iPhone camera. And she's like, no,
that's.
That's.
I don't know what happened.
It looks like a Japanese snow monkey snuck into our picture.
Stephen Colbert
But I disagree.
I actually, I think you look very healthy.
I think you look very healthy.
Steven Spielberg
That's very.
Stephen Colbert
You got a tan, which I find offensive. And, you know, I look forward to having some marrow back in the bones.
Jon Stewart
Buddy, it's because you.
Stephen Colbert
You've.
You've.
You've. Somebody who has left late night once or twice before.
Jon Stewart
Yes. Sometimes on my own volition, sometimes not. Yes, yes.
Stephen Colbert
You've been fired. You've been fired.
Jon Stewart
Oh, I've been fired.
Stephen Colbert
Buddy, talk to me. I haven't been fired yet. Tell me how in your life. No, I've been fired, but I've never lost a late night show before.
Jon Stewart
Oh, it's the best, really.
Stephen Colbert
How about the Paramount. You were at the Paramount show.
Jon Stewart
I was at the Paramount show.
Stephen Colbert
I was there for one of the last shows, actually.
Jon Stewart
Were you really?
Stephen Colbert
I came there with. I think Higgins got his tickets.
Jon Stewart
Oh, Stevie Higgins.
Stephen Colbert
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jon Stewart
Stevie Higgins was our head writer.
Stephen Colbert
Yep.
Jon Stewart
And. And is now has been, you know, executive producing over at SNL for decades. And just a wonderful Guy and the whole family. Yeah, wonderful folks, wonderful. But we. We got the term back then was canned. I don't know what they call it now.
Stephen Colbert
Yeah.
Jon Stewart
And they put security guards at the exits. We had two more weeks to go. And they put security guards at all the exits. Like I was going at. What were we at a fax machine? We didn't have anything of value.
Stephen Colbert
Jon Stewart is known for stripping buildings for copper to buy meth. Yeah, that's. That's crazy.
Jon Stewart
I wish. Thank you for giving me that.
Stephen Colbert
That was Paramount too, right?
Jon Stewart
Son of a bitch. Yes, it was.
Stephen Colbert
Because Paramount was. It was syndicated by Paramount. Right.
Jon Stewart
Let me tell you what happened. So David Ellison was 8 years old at the time, And he walks into my office.
Hey, you listen here, buddy. Is that.
That's. I can't even do the.
Stephen Colbert
That was very good. That was spooky. That was.
Jon Stewart
But they did it. But the show spiraled so out of control. Why in those last. Because I was not a mature grownup like you are holding it together. So we lost our.
Stephen Colbert
Was Letterman one of your last guests?
Jon Stewart
Letterman was our last guest.
Stephen Colbert
Very last guest.
Jon Stewart
Very last guest. He said to me something very profound. He said, don't confuse cancellation with failure. And I thought that was profound.
Stephen Colbert
Uh huh.
Jon Stewart
And then
he said, don't confuse cancellation was failure. But then he said, but in this case, it is also a failure.
Stephen Colbert
That's fair. That's fair. Do you have a favorite? I mean, I got fired from things like construction jobs. Like, did you have anything that.
Jon Stewart
Oh, I've been fired.
Stephen Colbert
What was your favorite? Being fired.
Jon Stewart
My first job ever was the first time I got fired.
Stephen Colbert
What'd you do?
Jon Stewart
So I was a. It was in the heyday of malls had just made their appearance. It was like 1976, 1977. And I got a job in the stock room at Woolworths.
Stephen Colbert
If you remember, you were a stock boy at Woolworths. What was FDR like, John?
A stock boy at Woolworths.
I ran a coal scuttle on a steam train.
Jon Stewart
Look, Stephen, you know, you can make
your jokes, but people needed their penny candies. And who was gonna fix. They're giant wheeled bicycles.
Stephen Colbert
Okay, so you're a stock boy at Woolworths.
Jon Stewart
Yeah. And back then Woolworths sold everything. I don't know what they do now, but like pets. Like, honest to God, you'd walk into a Woolworths birds. There would be birds flying around that a stock boy had let loose by mistake. And it was giant. So the stock room was the entire basement 10,000 square feet filled with stock shelves. And this was at the advent of the bean bag chair, which was a tremendous. You guys have.
Stephen Colbert
AI Science had recently invented the bag.
Jon Stewart
Science has said, what if we make a chair that has no shape? It could just be whatever your ass does to it.
Stephen Colbert
Yeah, yeah, sure.
Jon Stewart
So my friend George and I, who was also one of the stock board, used to. It was also the advent of ABC Wild Brothers sports and cliff diving. So.
Stephen Colbert
Oh, no. Acapulco.
Jon Stewart
Acapulco, cliff diving, my brother. We would pile up the beanbag chairs. Of course, you would climb to the top of the stock shelves and half gainer, full gainer, double twist flip. Here's the thing about beanbag chairs. They are not adhered to the ground in any way.
Stephen Colbert
Uh huh.
Jon Stewart
So if you hit wrong, you'd fire one across the floor. And one day I wiped out about $1,000 worth of aquariums
Stephen Colbert
with fish or empty
Jon Stewart
once I hit them. Empty.
Stephen Colbert
Okay, sure.
Jon Stewart
Now, a normal situation, if it wasn't maybe your first job.
Stephen Colbert
Yeah.
Jon Stewart
You might tell somebody that a terrible mistake had been made in my situation. I thought, I have the key to the incinerator and the comp factor. I'm just going to shovel this in there as fast as I can. Here's where it gets ugly. My boss at the time, the assistant manager at the Woolworths, is my older brother.
Stephen Colbert
You couldn't just go to him and say, I I up and what do I do?
Jon Stewart
What kind of relationship do you have with your family? What, share a vulnerable moment? No, no.
Stephen Colbert
Oh, oh.
Jon Stewart
I was one of these, I think
I just destroyed a bunch of this stuff and tried to throw it in the incinerator. And he was like, well, TikTok, mother, punch your card and go home. And I was let go. Have you ever been fired by someone, went home for a consoling dinner and there they were?
Stephen Colbert
No, no.
Jon Stewart
Pass the mashed potatoes, Traitor. How dare you, sir.
Stephen Colbert
Well, it sounds like you handled that with enormous grace.
Jon Stewart
Oh, I was.
Stephen Colbert
And I admire that so much.
Jon Stewart
Oh, pipe down, you. All right, I'm excited. This is. You know, I am old. No, I was just gonna say that we are getting to the age. You know, someone is literally calling me right now.
Stephen Colbert
Who it is? Who is.
Jon Stewart
Who is it? Who is it? Oh, geez. All right, who is it? Who is it? So here's. Can I tell you what's very strange about that? Yeah.
Stephen Colbert
Who is it?
Jon Stewart
All right, that was my mother. Here's 92 years old. So in five more years she'll be CBS's target demographic.
No, let me say this though, about.
In CBS's defense, network television is built so that old people can solve fictional murders using forensics. That's the whole purpose of it. So she must have heard me talking about my brother. She's gonna call and just go, oh
Stephen Colbert
yeah, the mommy senses were tingling.
Jon Stewart
Where are you?
Stephen Colbert
So you now, sir, as I leave the CBS family, the Paramount Skydance family, you now are the only person in the corporation left in late night. Good luck. You are. There used to be more of us,
now it's you chilling on Monday. This coming Monday, you're going to be the only one in late night for
the CBS Paramount Skydance Corporation. And I am happy for you.
Jon Stewart
Here's the only saving grace that I think that I, that I have is that I don't think Trump has cable. I really think I've noticed that. I think it's a network thing. I don't think he has basic cable. But let me tell you something, and I truly mean this and what, what upsets me about this situation is that first of all, you're just a tremendous human and one of my favorite people. So that's.
But second of all, that your, I
have seen your talents from exit 57 to, you know, your talents in 57 to writing to. He can do whatever he wants to do, but the ubiquitous bloviating of the Commander in Chief has put us all as defined as who we are in opposition to him. That's right.
Stephen Colbert
Yeah.
Jon Stewart
And it's just a ridiculous framing. It's a minute portion of the joy machine that you call your show and it's annoying. And let me say this, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, not just for this show, but for the country. The day, the day. Oh people, close your eyes and dream. The day that the electorate in this great nation we call home repudiates this putrid administration. The day that that happens, my brother, My brother.
Stephen Colbert
Uh huh.
Jon Stewart
There will be, and I mean this, the day that that happens, there will be a joyful noise from the bowels of this great country that will make Hungary's repudiation of Orban look like an Amish Sabbath.
Steven Spielberg
We are tired. We are tired.
Stephen Colbert
You can tell people are exhausted by it.
Jon Stewart
And your staff, may I say something about your staff is also.
Stephen Colbert
They are, they're the best.
Jon Stewart
They're extraordinary, unbelievably smoked, ordinary.
Stephen Colbert
Their own leaders. I admire them and I'm so proud to be one of them.
Jon Stewart
You're. Yes, ish. But the other thing about them is they are so game. You were kind enough to lend me your desk when I wasn't having a show. And you always said, if you ever get a wild hair about something, sure, come by the show and we'll throw something together and we'll do something. And we, you know, I lived under the desk for a while and I would come out, your staff is so competent and excellent and, but also almost more importantly, game. You said something so wise to me once, which was get yourself in trouble. And it's an ethos about challenge yourself creatively, do all these things. And they would always do that. And I am, as you know, famously not a particularly good long term planner. So I would challenge them. My last appearance on the show, right before I went back to the Daily Show, I talked and I said, wouldn't it be funny? Wouldn't it be funny if we did a bit that showed where I had been living all this time as I had to move out? Wouldn't that be funny? And I always did it to Jay Katzir, your head writer, who was always my wingman on any of the bits. Yes, fantastic guy, one of the most brilliant comedy writers and just lovely individual. So I'd call him the day before and I'd say, wouldn't it be funny if we show them that room? Sure, that'd be funny, Jay. Wouldn't it also be funny if in that room I had, I don't know, a James Bond like bookcase where I could pull a book and it would open, the bookcase would open, revealing more of my lair? Wouldn't that be funny, Jay? Sure.
Steven Spielberg
Jay.
Jon Stewart
Mm.
Wouldn't it be funny if when it opened, it revealed that I'm raising alpacas? Oh, I remember. Oh, I remember. Wouldn't that be funny, Jay?
Stephen Colbert
Mm.
Jon Stewart
I'm coming on the next day. I'll never forget. Jay Katzio calls me at 11 o' clock at night. Little bit of edge in his voice.
Stephen Colbert
Yeah, rare for Jake, rare for Jay.
Jon Stewart
And he says to me, they'll build
Stephen Colbert
the room,
Jon Stewart
but the alpacas can't be here till one it.
Stephen Colbert
That's why you're in show business, that's why, that's why you do one of
Jon Stewart
these shows and that's why this show is the best and you're the best. And you know what, Steven, hold on, I, I don't want, you know, I
Stephen Colbert
want you to know that every, the
conversations you had over there, they'd get to me. I'd get updates every so often and
I'm working on something like this and
I go, what's happening? Do we have an alpaca? I believe you asked for a llama and they said, we can only get an alpaca. And I said, he won't know the difference.
That'll be fine.
Jon Stewart
And I went home that night and
said, you won't believe the they pulled on me today. That was no llama. That was a long necked llama.
Stephen Colbert
Here's here. Did you have more to say?
Jon Stewart
I was gonna.
Stephen Colbert
Well, that's fine. I just want you to know that this will go online, right? We'll put this online.
Jon Stewart
Good.
Stephen Colbert
But we're like, so beyond the time we had allotted for you. And it was not a short amount of time.
Jon Stewart
No, no, no. And I understood. And here's the problem.
Stephen Colbert
And by the way, I believe one question.
Jon Stewart
Yes, I believe one question.
I am not a disciplined performer, so
Stephen Colbert
I don't want you to be. That's not why we love you.
Jon Stewart
Everybody has been coming up with a bit to sort of end their thing. They sang you a song, they wrote you a poem. They did all that. I am not talented, so I'm not doing any of that. And also, why do that? An ephemeral wind of nothing that blows away like humbug. No, you deserve something tangible, something that you have earned. You deserve a gift that befits the sacrifice and work that you have put into this show. And that can show you the life you can lead and the life that I am leading now that I'm not really in show business. So, boys, bring it out, Brother.
Stephen Colbert
Oh, oh. Oh, shoot, man.
Jon Stewart
My man. Oh.
Are you going to enjoy watching Matlock in this mother. Oh, and let me tell you something. Here's the thing.
Stephen Colbert
Not right now, John.
I'm going to.
Jon Stewart
There you go.
Steven Spielberg
There you go.
Stephen Colbert
I'm going. I'm going to hit the colonoscopy button in just a moment.
Steven Spielberg
Here we go.
Jon Stewart
Here we go.
Stephen Colbert
Oh, it's vibrates.
Jon Stewart
Yep. This is what I'm talking about. And is my guy coming up. Hold on. There we go. So anybody can have one that has, you know, levers and fulcrums and stuff, but this doesn't do it. But I haven't really given you the fiesta la resistance, okay. Of this. The thing about these chairs is, as you get comfortable in them, you start to think to yourself, am I going to have to expend energy to get out of it? No, Stephen, get ready for the ride of your life.
Stephen Colbert
Down.
Jon Stewart
Press the up button. Press the up button. Okay. Press it, press it, press it. And hold on. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold, hold.
Wait, wait. Stop, stop, stop, stop.
No, you know what? No, no, no. This tribute isn't complete. Stephen, this tribute doesn't represent the joy that you brought to me as my friend and the joy that you've brought to this country, okay? As one of its leading entertainers. No. What this moment needs is something so much more.
Stephen Colbert
Uh huh.
Jon Stewart
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Ms. Andra Day. I rise up our eyes aren't afraid. I'm rise up and I do it again thousand
Stephen Colbert
times again.
The Daily show airs weeknights on Comedy Central. Jon Stewart, everybody. We'll be right back with Steven Spielberg.
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Stephen Colbert
Ladies and gentlemen, I am so happy for you because my friends, you know my next Oscar award winning guest because he has directed some of the most
iconic films of all time. Please welcome back to the Late show, Steven Spielberg.
Well, there you go.
Steven Spielberg
That's for You.
Jon Stewart
No, that's for you.
Stephen Colbert
I can hear the V. That's for.
I can hear the beat.
Steven, it's great to see you again.
Steven Spielberg
Very happy.
Stephen Colbert
Listen, I didn't know there were any more awards for you to win, but you recently wrapped up the big one. Earlier this year, you joined an exclusive club and became an egot, winning for producing the documentary music by John Williams. Congratulations on that. I assume the film Music by John Williams is extra special for you because it's about you and your longtime collaborator. There you are.
Steven Spielberg
Oh, my God.
Jon Stewart
Look at that.
Steven Spielberg
Look at that.
Stephen Colbert
Those close encounters of the third.
Steven Spielberg
Wow. Wow. Well, yeah, well, he's one of the most. As you know, you met him. One of the most special people I have ever worked with. He is actually the greatest collaborator of my entire professional life.
Stephen Colbert
Is he the only one who's done everything?
Steven Spielberg
He's done everything. I've had a couple scores he didn't do because he was working on Star Wars. He was working on a couple.
Stephen Colbert
Oh, that thing.
Steven Spielberg
That thing, yeah, yeah. But he has done. This is Disclosure day is the 30th score he's written for one of my films.
Stephen Colbert
Now, when I interviewed you,
Steven Spielberg
it's a
Stephen Colbert
beautiful score, but when I interviewed you both for Fabelman's, I thought that was it. I thought Fabelman's was the last one.
Steven Spielberg
John thought it was the last one too.
Jon Stewart
He did.
Steven Spielberg
And he was really happy to retire. That was going to be it. He was not going to work for any other director. And then I knocked on his door again on this one and I said, john, I want you to come back and do this. And so what John first did was he presented me with four other composers names. He said, what about these people?
Stephen Colbert
Yes.
Steven Spielberg
And I said, john, you're still writing music. And he said, yes. You're still loving writing? Yes. Then please write my 30th movie with you.
Stephen Colbert
Wow.
Steven Spielberg
And he did.
Stephen Colbert
So composing for Spielberg is like being in the mafia. There's no getting out.
Steven Spielberg
No, no, no.
Stephen Colbert
There's no getting out.
No.
Steven Spielberg
I made him an offer he couldn't refuse.
Stephen Colbert
There you go.
Well, it's, you know, the film is highly anticipated. I've seen it. I don't want to give away too much, obviously, because there's so many wonderful moments in the film. I've seen it. Very beautiful. I was deeply moved by it. So many incredible performances in this. Emily Blunt, Josh o', Connor, Eve Hewson, Colman Domingo, Colin Firth. I understand in this film. We have an exclusive clip here from Disclosure. Day, Is there anything we need to know about this?
Steven Spielberg
The clip? Well, you know, the story is a chase. The story is a. A kind of race for the truth. It's a pursuit to take an entire archive of all the information about UFO and extraterrestrial visitation to this planet, beginning with Roswell in 1947. And the people who have been guarding these secrets and keeping these secrets away from the general public, the whistleblowers inside that organization have stolen the entire archive. And those who do not want the truth to be known go after them. And there's a couple of very important people in our story. Emily Blunt plays Margaret and Josh o'. Connor. I mean, he just. They're both incredible together. But Josh o' Connor suddenly realizes that he knows a language that a week ago he didn't know he knew. And something has happened to both of these people that has imbued them with tremendous powers. Not superhero, Marvel, DC type powers, but powers that we could all relate to. Powers involving human connection and empathy, deep empathy. And this scene where he admits that he suddenly understands something that a week ago, he didn't even know anything about.
Stephen Colbert
Yvonne, look at this.
Jon Stewart
Do you understand what she's saying?
Late Show Pod Show Announcer
I hear it's gibberish. I can't understand it.
Jon Stewart
Okay.
I just heard this for the first time, and I can. It's English.
Late Show Pod Show Announcer
English.
Jon Stewart
I mean, it's math turned English in my head, translating into words. When I look at this, I hear this.
Stephen Colbert
I love your description. Thank you.
I love the choice. Not just the description, but I love the choice of empathy as a superpower in this.
Jon Stewart
Yeah.
Stephen Colbert
Because there are many moments in this when Emily Blunt's character, without giving anything away, expresses this empathy toward people. And it doesn't just get them out of a tight bond at times, it actually changes the people to whom she is expressing this inner power of hers. And those are some of the most beautiful moments in the film.
Steven Spielberg
I think if you became. If you become the person you're talking to, even if it's for five seconds, and in five seconds, you understand deeply everything this person's been through throughout their entire life, before you come back to yourself, there would be a lot more cooperation between our own species on this planet.
Stephen Colbert
We have to take a quick break. We'll be right back with more Steven Spielberg, everybody. Stick around.
Hey, everybody. You know who that is? That's the great Steven Spielberg, director of the new film Disclosure Day.
As Josh o' Connor's character is saying there that the math that he has written out to him, he sees that and he hears that language in this math. Math and music played a big part in communication in close encounters of third kind, 1977. How have your feelings. How have your feelings about extraterrestrials and extraterrestrial encounters evolved over the last 49 years?
Steven Spielberg
Well, I've been interested in everything involving, you know, what's out there. And the whole big question is, because I believe that certainly there is. You know, the cosmos is teeming with life. The big question is, has that life ever at any epoch in our history, visited here? Or is that life currently interacting with us now? And has that life been interacted with us for many years? I've always been interested in this. When I made Close Encounters for me, it was a story that I thought, wouldn't it be great when this movie comes out? Wouldn't it be great if people like this movie, they come out, they see Close Encounters, and wouldn't it be great if this someday could all come true? Wouldn't it be great if this could be true someday? And with everything that's happened from 1977 till today, I can now make disclosure day and say, isn't it going to be wonderful when people realize after seeing this movie that everything is true and has been true? That's the big difference.
Stephen Colbert
Steven Spielberg, I want you to be right.
Steven Spielberg
I want to be right, too.
Stephen Colbert
I want you to be right.
Steven Spielberg
I want to be right.
Stephen Colbert
I'm not.
I want there to be aliens out there. What I want to know is, do you know things that we don't know?
Steven Spielberg
Steven Spielberg, I bet.
Stephen Colbert
Are you sure? Because the government's dumping a lot of this alien stuff right now right when your movie's coming out, and it seems. Seems pretty fishy.
Steven Spielberg
Yeah, they haven't dumped it on me.
Stephen Colbert
I interviewed Obama recently about this because I think you saw me. Did an interview where he said, no, no, there's aliens out there. And I asked him about it, and he did the old backpedal going, I mean, I hope there are aliens out there. And so obviously he's holding stuff back from us. But he said. I said, who do you think should, like, go represent us if they land here? And he goes, what about me? You know, he goes, I'm a nice guy. Who do you think should represent us? And keep in mind that I am available very soon.
Steven Spielberg
You know, I think I should represent. I mean, my whole thing is I should be me.
Stephen Colbert
Everybody wants the game.
Jon Stewart
I love Barack.
Steven Spielberg
I love Barack. We're friends. I love him. I love his family. But he's had his eight Years, you know. You know, I think the whole thing is. I made Close Encounters. My first Alien movie. I was 17 years old. Was called Firelight in 8 millimeter. I made E.T. and I co produced Men in Black and War of the Worlds.
Stephen Colbert
Now you're just bragging.
Steven Spielberg
No, I'm not bragging. Here's the point I'm trying to make. I've made all these movies where I've kind of played an ambassadorial role. They've never shown themselves to me. Why is that? It's so unfair.
Stephen Colbert
Wow.
Steven Spielberg
It's so unfair.
Stephen Colbert
Wow.
Though.
Afraid they'll use the footage and cut it into one of your films and the COVID will be blown?
Steven Spielberg
Well, something like that. I have no idea. But I'm available, guys.
Stephen Colbert
You know, you said just now you
mentioned that you're, you know, one of your. You made first Alien film when you were 17 on Super 8 film.
Steven Spielberg
Super 8 film.
Stephen Colbert
And I'm just curious, are you a different director? I assume you're a different director. Has your love of film and the reason why you love it changed from when you were that boy making the films till now?
Steven Spielberg
It's a terrific question.
Stephen Colbert
Thank you so much.
Steven Spielberg
That's a terrific question.
Stephen Colbert
That's all we have time for.
Steven Spielberg
I'm not answering that question unless you get another season.
Jon Stewart
Okay.
Steven Spielberg
I think nobody. I don't know myself. Everybody thinks we know ourselves. We don't know ourselves. We evolve. We change. I've got seven kids, six grandkids. The kids change. You. You're different with each child. You're different each day. As life goes on. You learn different things. You get wisdom points. Maybe you lose wisdom points. But in any case, the movies reflect who I am at any different point in my life. So whoever I was when I was 17 and whoever I am now, there's been a lot of differences. But the one thing that hasn't changed is my love for telling stories. My love for telling stories for an audience, for all of you. And my love for telling stories just because I like doing it. Because it's a thing that I can't do anything else except that very well. This is what I do better than other things. I just feel that. But, you know, it was my. It's just something that I love to do. And that hasn't changed since I was a kid. The same joy of going to the set every day. The same breathless kind of anticipation and the scariness of going to the set every day. The stage fright which I get even now when I'm making a movie, believe it or not. Please believe it. It's true. Is no different than when I first was a kid and started experimenting with 8 millimeter. Hasn't changed.
Stephen Colbert
Well, Stephen, thank you so much for being here.
Steven Spielberg
Thank you so much.
Stephen Colbert
Disclosure Day is in theaters June 12th. Stephen Spielberg, everybody.
Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.
Late Show Pod Show Announcer
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Episode: Jon Stewart (Extended) | Steven Spielberg
Date: May 20, 2026
This extended episode of The Late Show Pod Show is a celebration and reflection as the show faces its final week. Host Stephen Colbert is joined first by his longtime friend and comedic partner Jon Stewart, sharing heartfelt stories, comedic banter, and commentary on the current state of politics, late night television, and personal growth. Later, Oscar-winning director Steven Spielberg joins Colbert for a thoughtful discussion on creative collaboration, storytelling, and his latest film, Disclosure Day.
The tone is a mix of irreverent comedy, warm nostalgia, and genuine appreciation for the people and the process behind late night television.
[01:22–11:04]
Colbert lampoons Donald Trump’s $1.8B taxpayer “slush fund”:
Colbert jokingly congratulates Marco Rubio multiple times as the likely handpicked commission member (03:58), highlighting the absurdity of unaccountable slush funds and the erosion of oversight.
AI Shenanigans:
Trump’s use of AI-generated images showing him pressing a big red “end-of-the-world” button becomes a recurring gag.
Satirical banter on Middle East policy:
Stewart and Colbert riff on Trump’s saber-rattling and retreating, using vivid metaphors and mocking Trump’s bravado.
Trump’s rambling architectural commentary mocked:
Trump’s bizarre statements about building structures ("the roof goes into the basement") receives the Colbert treatment.
[14:18–37:28]
Aging in media:
Stewart laughs about how one of them has aged better, likening it to a double-blind placebo study:
Stories of being fired / cancelled:
Stewart recounts being fired from his first job at Woolworth’s —
[39:30–51:02]
Spielberg reflects on his lifelong fascination with aliens and storytelling:
On how he’s changed as a director/person:
“This is not just fraud is legal. Now, today the Justice Department posted an addendum to the original settlement which says that the IRS is forever barred and precluded from pursuing examinations of Trump related or affiliated individuals… So he just gave himself a get out of jail free card?” — Colbert, [05:37]
“One of us has not aged as well as the other...I've gotten the placebo.” — Stewart, [18:34]
“Don’t confuse cancellation with failure. … But in this case, it is also a failure.” — Letterman (via Stewart), [22:19–22:32]
“If you become the person you’re talking to, even if it’s for five seconds ... there would be a lot more cooperation between our own species on this planet.” — Spielberg, [45:11]
“The one thing that hasn't changed is my love for telling stories...The same joy of going to the set every day… The same breathless kind of anticipation and the scariness of going to the set every day. … Hasn’t changed.” — Spielberg, [49:46–51:02]
“The day that the electorate in this great nation we call home repudiates this putrid administration...there will be a joyful noise...that will make Hungary's repudiation of Orban look like an Amish Sabbath.” — Stewart, [29:01–29:38]
This episode captures a pivotal moment in late night and American media, blending sharp satire, earnest farewell, and the enduring power of friendship and storytelling. From Stewart’s humble gift and heartfelt tribute to Spielberg’s reflections on creativity and the extraterrestrial unknown, the episode is a salute to the past, present, and hopeful future. Whether you tune in for the laughs, the insights, or the sense of communal farewell, this is an essential listen for fans of late night television and contemporary culture.