Meanwhile | Anchovy Donut, Bungled Bobsled

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert

Episode: Meanwhile | Anchovy Donut, Bungled Bobsled
Date: January 18, 2026
Host: Stephen Colbert

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Episode Overview

This episode focuses on Stephen Colbert’s signature “Meanwhile” segment—a rapid-fire comedic roundup of strange, delightful, and occasionally unsettling stories from around the globe. Colbert weaves in self-referential humor, live reactions, and his characteristically sharp absurdism, touching on everything from culinary oddities to animal antics and viral news stories.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening “Meanwhile” Monologue & Leonardo DNA

• Colbert sets a whimsical tone with his elaborate, satirical description of how he constructs his monologues (01:10).
• He then highlights news that scientists may have recovered DNA from Leonardo da Vinci, joking about the noncommittal phrasing:

  “We have recovered DNA that could be from Leonardo da Vinci. Also could be from his cousin Keith da Vinci.”
  (Stephen Colbert, 02:00)

2. U.S. Bobsled Team Blooper

• Spotlight on the U.S. bobsled team's mishap at the World Cup in St. Moritz (02:34). Colbert humorously recalls his own training experience:

  “You can pick me out because three of these guys look like Olympic athletes and one looks like your mom’s friend, Joanne.”
  (Stephen Colbert, 03:05)

• Self-deprecating follow-up about his bobsled training’s lingering effects:

  “That was 16 years ago. And my testicles have almost redescended.”
  (Stephen Colbert, 03:20)

3. Macabre Crime in Pennsylvania

• The discovery of over 100 human skulls at a man's house in Pennsylvania sparks a string of tongue-in-cheek speculation about presumption of guilt:

  “So you just assume he stole them…America used to have a justice system you could believe in.”
  (Stephen Colbert, 03:40)

4. Animal Antics & Odd Traditions

• A Japanese railway station appoints a calico cat ("Yontama") as honorary stationmaster, compared to Penn Station’s own “leadership”:

  “Not to be outdone, New York’s Penn Station continues to be led by a rat who was me too. But they did an internal investigation. It was inconclusive.”
  (Stephen Colbert, 04:20)

• 50 sheep invade a German supermarket; cashier punchline:

  “A cashier tried to stop them but fell asleep watching them come in.”
  (Stephen Colbert, 04:35)

5. Science & The Human Spirit

• Citing a study: we emit visible light that disappears upon death, with a sardonic twist:

  “It also vanishes when someone says ‘I’m going to send you my self-published novel.’”
  (Stephen Colbert, 05:47)

6. Crab Rescue in Ireland & Food Experiments

• After a truck accident, 15,000 crabs in Ireland are rescued—Colbert provides comedic closure:

  “Now live out our full natural lives at Captain Barnacle’s all you can eat seafood shack… Don’t be sad for crabs.”
  (Stephen Colbert, 07:00)

• Colbert tries an anchovy donut from a viral NYC bakery, live on air for authenticity:

  “We did not try this in rehearsal because I said I wanted the reaction real on camera. Here we go. All right. For you friends... That’s a sometimes treat.”
  (Stephen Colbert, 08:03)

7. Viral Stories and Mr. Beast

• Colbert riffs on YouTube personality Mr. Beast's claim of “negative money,” launching into a faux “Mr. Steven challenge”:

  “Mr. Beast has money problems. Is it possible for me to care? No. Smash that subscribe button.”
  (Stephen Colbert, 08:45)

• Notes anchovies lingering from the donut:

  “Those anchovies are hooked up on my old wisdom teeth back there. Get at 'em.”
  (Stephen Colbert, 09:00)

8. Bear Burglary and Award-Winning Bathrooms

• A bear repeatedly ransacks a Tennessee candy store:

  “Tragically, each time, the bear could be heard screaming, ‘My children! My children!’"
  (Stephen Colbert, 09:10)

• A Staten Island modular bathroom wins major design awards:

  “It’s a huge improvement on the previous New York City modular bathroom, the D Train.”
  (Stephen Colbert, 09:35)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|-------------------|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:00 | Stephen Colbert | “Could be from Leonardo da Vinci. Also could be from his cousin Keith da Vinci.” | | 03:05 | Stephen Colbert | “Three of these guys look like Olympic athletes and one looks like your mom’s friend…” | | 03:20 | Stephen Colbert | “That was 16 years ago. And my testicles have almost redescended.” | | 04:20 | Stephen Colbert | “Penn Station continues to be led by a rat who was me too. Investigation inconclusive.” | | 04:35 | Stephen Colbert | “A cashier tried to stop them but fell asleep watching them come in.” | | 05:47 | Stephen Colbert | “It also vanishes when someone says, ‘I’m going to send you my self-published novel.’” | | 07:00 | Stephen Colbert | “Don’t be sad for crabs.” | | 08:03 | Stephen Colbert | “That’s a sometimes treat.” | | 08:45 | Stephen Colbert | “Mr. Beast has money problems. Is it possible for me to care? No.” | | 09:10 | Stephen Colbert | “Tragically, each time, the bear could be heard screaming, ‘My children!’” | | 09:35 | Stephen Colbert | “It’s a huge improvement on the previous New York City modular bathroom, the D Train.” |

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Important Segment Timestamps

• [01:10] — Start of “Meanwhile” segment / comedic monologue
• [02:00] — Leonardo DNA story
• [02:34] — Bobsled team story and Colbert’s personal anecdote
• [03:40] — Human skulls crime story
• [04:20] — Calico cat becomes station master; Penn Station rat bit
• [04:35] — Sheep storm supermarket
• [05:47] — Study about human light emission
• [07:00] — Crab truck crash
• [08:03] — Anchovy donut live taste test
• [08:45] — Mr. Beast “negative money” and Colbert’s Mr. Steven challenge
• [09:10] — Bear ransacks candy store
• [09:35] — Staten Island bathroom award

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Tone & Style

True to The Late Show’s DNA, Colbert artfully blends topical satire, surreal personal asides, and improvisational reactions. The rapid succession of stories maintains a whimsical, yet biting energy, making for a segment rich with quotable lines and genuine laugh-out-loud moments.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a quintessential “Meanwhile” ride: absurd headlines, unscripted food experiments, and Colbert’s singular blend of skepticism and whimsy. You’ll leave with a list of stories to Google, several punchlines stuck in your head, and a renewed appreciation for the bizarre corners of global news.

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Transcript

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[A]

It's the Late Show Poncho with Stephen Colbert.

[C]

Folks. If you watch the show, and I hope you do, then you know I spend most of my time over there in the news workshop, carefully stringing the most topical glass story beads and semi precious stones onto premium nylon threading before adding brass components and hand embellished with leather backing to create the elegant and playful Dipa Gornani Gloriosa luxe hairband. That is my monologue. But sometimes, folks. Sometimes. And I mean just sometimes. After stealing cocaine from a racehorse, I hide inside a tree stump where I wrap a boot lace around a chunk of discarded coaxial cable and then use it to coil my hair into a topknot using the gutter scrunchie of news. That is my segment. Meanwhile, there it is. It's good news for a troubled nation. Meanwhile, in genome news, scientists have retrieved DNA that could belong to Leonardo da Vinci. Could that makes for a weirdly non committal announcement, ladies and gentlemen. We have recovered DNA that could be from Leonardo da Vinci. Also could be from his cousin Keith da Vinci.

[B]

Or.

[C]

Or could be from someone else. Makes you think. Meanwhile, the U.S. bobsled team was competing at the World cup in St. Moritz, Switzerland on Sunday and one of their runs didn't go so great. No one was hurt, which is why we're going to enjoy the bonus fun of watching it. Auf Deutsch. Jafel Rockton. Now I have a unique perspective on this story because back in 2009, I trained with the US Olympic Bobsled Team. This is true. We're going to run the footage here. You can pick me out because three of these guys look like Olympic athletes and one looks like your mom's friend, Joanne. Yvonne. That's not Joanne. You'll see Joanne. Yvonne. Let's show them. Showing me. Showing them how it's done. Again. Again. That was 16 years ago. And my testicles have almost redescended. Meanwhile, over 100 human skulls were found at the home of a Pennsylvania man accused of desecrating cemeteries. Oh, there's been a rash of graves, missing skulls, and someone happens to have 100 skulls in their house. So you just assume he stole them. America used to have a justice system you could believe in. Does this look like the face of a man who could have stolen 100 skulls? Get a very good lawyer. Seems like a nice enough guy. Meanwhile, continuing a quirky tradition where they give animals honorary titles, a Japanese railway station just named its new station master a calico cat named Yontama. Not to be outdone, New York's Penn Station continues to be led by a rat who was me too. But they did an internal investigation. It was inconclusive. Meanwhile, 50 sheep broke away from the flock and stormed a German supermarket. A cashier tried to stop them, but fell asleep watching them come in. Meanwhile. Meanwhile. Meanwhile. According to study, we emit a visible light that vanishes when we die. It also vanishes when someone says, I'm going to send you my self published novel.

[A]

More Meanwhile after this.

[C]

Folks, if you watch this show, you know I spend most of my time right over there shaping the most topical extruded story aluminum into a solid news. With a fiberglass body and charcoal black standard fade. With a 7 layer marine grade plywood and center mounted twin V10 Verano engines to build for you, the Barletta Reserve quad lounge pontoon watercraft. That is my nightly monologue. But sometimes, just sometimes, folks, sometimes I hear the police dogs closing in on my bog hut. So I flip a busted lawnmower blade housing on its side and MacGyver to the back of a partially deflated baby pool and putter off in the clodhopper fanboat of news that is my segment. Meanwhile, it's everything to all people is what it is. Meanwhile, it's never ending. Cornucopia. Meanwhile, in crustacean news, everyone's fine. But after a truck crash in Ireland, workers recovered 15,000 crabs. The salvage team said they were able to save 95% of the crabs. Wow, that was a close one. Thank God we survived and now live out our full natural lives at Captain Barnacle's all you can eat seafood shack. They really give us all we can eat. Don't be sad for crabs. Meanwhile, a viral New York City bakery is redefining donuts by adding anchovies. Really? Or are they redefining fish by adding donut? 2 can play this game. While you are recovering from my clinching rejoinder, I'm gonna try one shot of it.

[A]

There you go.

[C]

This is the actual thing. We did not try this in rehearsal because I said I wanted the reaction real on camera. Here we go. All right. For you friends. You know, I'm going to save the rest for later. Yeah, That's a sometimes treat. Meanwhile, gotta earn it. Gotta earn that one. Meanwhile, YouTube personality Mr. Beast says he has negative money despite his billionaire status. And I think this is the perfect segue to my very first Mr. Steven challenge. Okay, Mr. Beast has money problems. Is it possible for me to care? No. Smash that subscribe button. I guess I can't drink this. All right. Those anchovies are hooked up on my old wisdom teeth back there. Get at em. Meanwhile, a candy store has been ransacked in Tennessee by a bear for the fourth time. Tragically, each time, the bear could be heard screaming. My children. My children. Yeah. Meanwhile, a Staten island bathroom has won a major architectural award. It's the best thing to happen to Staten island since. It's the first good thing. Congrats, Staten Island. This premier potty has a modular design developed to enable easy citywide delivery and installation. It's a huge improvement on the previous New York City modular bathroom, the D train. Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.

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